TigerBelly - Ep 299: Joshua Tree Special - The Closing Statement

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

Part 1 of TigerBelly road trip! The gang heads to the Desert. We talk weird orgies, the Synder cut, Bobby's mantra, Khalyla's mantra, soda scams, and Lionel Richie's life-altering words. *Recorded 3/19/21Watch the Joshua Tree VlogsPlease support our sponsors. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery plus You know what I honestly if I started a cult you would be my second in command Who? you No, if I if I had a cult you're trying to get me choked out at night No, no if you guys are into that kink I mean you guys are in this shit. They're showing the same old teller and baby You can't cause a fight or a rift between them. I'm not I'm just saying that

Um just on the pamphlets alone. Oh, like the fake. Yeah, the pamphlets with the bandana I think it's just more convincing If I had George on the fucking pamphlet if we had a cult like that been there done that. Yeah. Yeah That's Filipino you just have that look, but I like it. Thanks, man, but George would be at the at the meetings Setting up chairs. No, you have at the recruitment meetings as security charcuterie Setting up the chairs cookie

Cookie detail. We would have cookies and coffee probably like an a meeting. That's it Yeah, oh, he would also bring out the graphs. I imagine the space the space graphs I imagine if you started a cult that like you wouldn't feed anyone You like keep him starves a little more. They're so thankful They're tiny little morsels and they get so like they get so like the pleat of nutrients that they really just start to Like worship you in ways you shouldn't be worshiped Yeah, I think that, um I know enough people to start a good cult though

Do you think the way to go is to to have people follow you? Do you think that deprivation is the key or over indulgence is the key the pitch The promise, what's the promise? There's no promise. It's it's my energy and my pitch and my charisma And my speeches and my philosophical ideas about and I would say I'd use we'd need proof We proof Bobby and I were thinking about but I would have I'm not just let me finish this idea It's I already know like what comics I would have in my cult that would like, you know Convince people who are dedicated and I think that um What's that photo?

Number one you would have that's great Number one you would have to have every race in your cult Like, you know, you ever see um the people at Waco. Mm-hmm. Yep when um Um, David Koresh is his name, right? Yeah, you see him speaking in his church. This is before the fire And you would see like an older black lady a chinese kid, you know in the audience and it makes you feel like, oh It's not that bad. We are the world. Yeah, it's inclusive Waco, yeah, right inclusive it feels like inclusive if it was a bunch of white dudes

You know what I mean? It would be it would be like I wouldn't care about it. I think when when the atf burned down Waco And they burned it down. Let's be honest. Yeah, they they went they went hog wild too wild too hog wild too lit They were too lit. Um And janet reno remember her. Yeah. Yeah unfuckable janet janet reno is Fuckable, I don't think so. I like I like have you seen her? Yeah, of course. We're him or whatever they they you've seen they

It have you seen it the movie is great, but they are people. Yeah. Yeah, I want to know if she finds you fuckable I want to contact janet reno. Yeah. Oh, I would fuck her For the laugh I know I think she would fuck you for the laugh Both laughing And I want you guys to stand in front of each other. Yeah, and rate the other Yeah, okay. Let's let's know I want to talk about weird weird orgies Well, it was it's more about just laughs than than than sexuality. I mean throw him in a mix

Oh, you'd have to be there. You're you're you're you're second in command of that Orgy area funny orgies. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, but then janet, you know, let's let's let's let's get 10 people in there There's no coming then No, but Oh, they'll be coming. No, I'll fuck a pillow No laughing and eroticism does not go hand in hand. Oh, no, I'm sure of it I don't know. I've told you this one. Hold on. That's not true because we did watch that documentary tickle And that guy had like a perverse

Like he had a hard on for tickling, right? Yeah, so maybe I've had I've had orgies with comics before like three sims four sims and Comics are very funny in a in a sexual situation I don't you want to picture right like, you know, like if you're you know, if you're I've been in a room Naked with a male comic. Yeah, who's a wrecked and he'll like point to his penis And look at your in the eyes and do it give you a thumbs up and it's funny of all like It's funny. Oh, okay here of all of all the professions that I would want to get Like jump into an orgy with like let's say silicon valley like nerd like tech tech guys

or and then comedians and then let's say like Engineers, what are other professions teachers baristas is a lot of personalities are funny comedians would be the last Whoa, the last orgy You think that a nasty They're all jerking off each other. That's what happens in the comics orgy a nasa working off each other Notting in each other's eyes. What else um, wait, why the prime court orgy NASA because no friction in terms of like space fucking Wait, no one is allowed in space, but them

No, people at nasa they don't three dudes get to go in space the rest of them are in like engineering booth Are you saying the astronauts get to fuck because then that's is that funny because you're just so slow I don't let let's let's do a 10 man. Let's figure out the funniest 10 people orgy, right and five women Let's all right. Okay. So I'm all right. So five women five women celebrity celebrity zero I'm Janet Reno. She has to be there number two. I think would be funny would be Taylor marjorie green Is that the wild lady I need to see photos dang don't do obscure ones, babe

What do you mean? She's in the new she's the number one in the news right now, but she's very she's you know marjorie green You know marjorie green. What's her name marjorie green the tailor whatever that lady's name is the congress Oh, I study all of her books. She's my hero Yeah, that's why you throw him in the origin. Oh, let's take her out. Let's take her out throw George. All right. How about this funny Janet Reno Yeah Sarah Sarah Palin or no just throw like a like a rose and bar in there because she hates men No, no, no, no, no, I'm not not rose and bar. Um rosey o'Donnell. It's funnier

Oh, yeah, that's what I meant rosey. Yeah. So rosey o'Donnell thinking the same thing Janet Reno give me another girl girl. Um I cannot come up with 10 names right now. I can I can I'm with I'm with three more women. That's gonna be fun to do um What about Betty white she's still still alive. Yes. Okay, Betty white. That'd be fun It's a Betty white Janet Reno. It was rosey o'Donnell. No, okay. No more in show business. Let's go. Let's go with like, uh number four would be

Who's funny Your mom No, I I'm in it. I'm in it. You're one of the Wait, you're one of the ones in the funny order. I'm one of the five guys. Oh, yeah Your orgy master ceremonies. There's no way my mom's Um, you turn your phone off. Yeah, sorry. Is it bothering you? Yeah, it's loud, right? I didn't hear it. Thank you. Thank you guys If you heard it though, probably like I already heard it 10 times I kept silent mode

So let's go with um Janet Reno. Wow Come on, throw him with a guy a girl. We need a woman. That's funny in it That's she has to be like a funny personality No, it's just a weird that like well my comedy crush is always Betsy Sadaro throw her in any mix. It's always hilarious Okay, Betsy Sadaro. That's actually really good. Yeah, but no more in the last one. Okay. How about this the queen? The queen. Okay. That's sort of a geriatric orgy. Yeah. No, there's some I like the queen from Bridgeton Okay, we'll do that. It's just kind of um, yeah

Okay, five guys industry people. All right. Uh, we need a dwarf You're you're the dwarf. Oh, that's right. That's right. Look in the mirror, sir. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, Oh, I'm trying to think in tech. What about uh, Elon he's weird, right? That would kind of create Elon Musk would be kind of like his face Yeah, but I imagine he already does like a whole lot of like swinger parties with his like rich We have friends and stuff. So like I I it does not interest me to see him in any sexual act I'd like to stay away from comics, but um, can we get a couple r&b singers? I feel like they Yeah, why not? Stevie Wonder

Stevie Wonder is a good one. Yeah, because he wouldn't know what the fuck was good. You know what I mean? That's my dig. Oh, I thought that was Betty White's pussy. I thought it was a fan out Did you guys hear that like Stevie Wonder is a womanizer and I always wonder how he knows Who's good looking when they come into the room? Well, that's that's the great thing. Yeah Ed Sheeran or Lewis Capaldi Lewis Capaldi got to have a little bit. I want to take out Betty White because I like her too much She's out of the dress. I want to put in rose numb in you and us That's just not just I just I just need an aggressive female in there put um, um

Zang Wayling wayling Zang. No, but there's not too many Asians then We I want to be somebody white. I want to be in the video. I want to be the one Asian Oh, you know what the spotlight? Yeah, you got it. Yeah, wayling. We're sorry. You're a champion If you have three or four, it's like is that wayling or bobby? I want people to be confused in the in the video when they're watching it Yeah, whatever just throw in notch of a doll there so he can kill everyone with toad venom It's not your vinyl. Oh my god. You're not your vidal. Is that he's like one of the biggest like he's done like

thousands and thousands of Movies of adult movies. He's a porn star. Yeah, but he he accidentally killed a guy with with toad venom Oh, really? Yeah with like frog venom because apparently like he was doing this like mystical like ceremony where he was Having everyone like inhale the fumes of the venom which is supposed to be like five times stronger than the regular DMT Oh, and the fucking dude died Well, you know, I don't know anything about him, but let's bring him in. Yeah, just based on that story

I don't know. I don't know. He looks like great application. Great application. That's a blind audition. Let's bring him in four chair turn Yeah, it's a four chair turn right there. Okay. So how many that's three guys Okay, fourth guy. Well, now how many guys is there you me? Louis Capaldi Nacho Libra, whatever his name is Nacho Vidal. Nacho Vidal, right? Yeah blind audition. Okay. Now two more guys We have we need someone real old in there. I think I want someone a little bit chubby. You're the new Louis Capaldi. No chubby. You're like little thick thick. I think that You think that he's smaller? I mean, what I'm trying to say is I need someone obese

Oh, just say obese Uh Oh, you know who I want in there. That's not obese Derek Lewis. Yes Oh, my how did you know kill bird because you mentioned Jamar neighbor is a while ago and I don't think yeah, you're on Right now. Yeah, so I would you know what Derek Lewis 100 percent. It's the black fees. Come on guys Also, we don't have any black people in it yet. Yes. Derek Lewis is a fun fun fun And the fifth one has to be a minority And preferably not asian not asian not asian preferably more his span. No nachos

No, he's Spanish, but he's a white guy. He's like a light skin. All right. Can we take him out because I don't know Let's get a real mexico in there. Yeah, I'm not this fake mexico. You're sorry. I don't want to spend I want to throw My buddy in there. Okay. Who is he? Give us a good description. Okay. So a long time ago He used to be a bar back of this place called He came he actually crossed the border and almost died in a river on his those are two ups for me That's good. And then he worked his way up And then he became like a server at like a really popular yogurt shop in the west side And then every time I go there

He gives me tubs and tubs and tubs of yogurt But we lost touch and then he went back to mexico because he had saved up all of this money to Live a life there, but he's I think he's back. So um, let's get him a job Let's bring him in the orgy. No, who's those the best? I want who's still in there. All right And we need a fifth guy now. So we got the mexican. We got the black guy. We got an asian guy We have white luis is white. Yes, uh-huh british. Do you right british too? We got that fucking contingency in there and let's get a fifth guy. Maybe um athlete. We got a musician comedian Uh a friend and friend random friend. Um, you know what? It'd be fun just somebody that's more um mythological

Who is a myth like slender man? You know something that you know something that's like Hmm, you know, you know, who's it's gonna come in it? Hey, wait, these people can't get out of it, right? They can't opt out. No, no, no, they can't opt out Okay, then I would throw jill rogan in there Wow See how you said no comedians. She's like there's gonna be another comedian. Yeah, no, but that's a good one That's intense because you need a ringleader. Well, no, I just need I I would just want to see him

Um Mitigate that but he would tell people what to do and then you the history him and rose would just sort of heaven Uh, yeah, we just run the thing. Yeah, bobby rose get in the corner. You know me. I don't want okay. Yeah, you're right He's too. Yeah, he might be um Too dominated. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna go podcast. Let's go It'd be funny with mark maren No, because mark maren seems like We're fucking

Bobby, we're fucking Mark baron. He's so chill. I know that's why I like him. He's a human volume Anyway, so that's the origin. I have to say something. I saw something last night that I like to share And I know I brought it up to coli lunch. She's like don't mention it, but It's not I don't mention that I haven't seen it yet because it's like And I have to say I saw Zach Snyder's justice league on the HBO max last night Wow

And I expected nothing from it. I actually thought that it was the a new movie You know what I mean? It was like something like drink the pandemic That they shot it or something. You know what I mean? And then I thought, huh, they made it made me Put it on hold and they were gonna release it last year I don't know what the situation was but I literally thought it was a new movie So I looked at it as if it was a new movie and I after it was four hours long And after I was done with it. I literally laid in bed and I said That was probably better than one of the best

superhero movies I've ever seen Oh, he would love that. It was really good and um But then I realized because there were moments in the movie where I was like, oh, that seems familiar to me But I don't know. Maybe it's a feeling of this nostalgia or whatever But it was actually a re-edited version of the piece of shit that I saw Joss Whedon for four years like three years ago. Yeah, the Josh Whedon one He just added and made it his own. He added cut certain jokes He added hours of you know me unseen footage

And he edited in a way where it was just like It was just really good. I can't explain it. It was like I thought it went into the depth with every character I knew cyborg a lot more. I um, I enjoyed some of the jokes. I think the flash is very funny in it Yeah, who plays the flash. He's a cute that guy Ezra Miller. Yeah, he's really good. He's a funny guy He would like him glala. He's a very funny guy in the movie and um, I just really enjoyed you guys haven't seen it yet Right, no, but I'm glad that Zach Snyder was allowed to do that because you know like the reason why he stopped was his daughter committed suicide And so what happened was Deborah this producer his wife They stepped away from the project and I think part of his Warner Brothers was not happy with the Snyder cut

They were like, this is too long in like dark and boring We want it more like Marvel so they brought in Joss Whedon when they were finding a replacement So they Joss Whedon basically Put the Joss Whedon spin and made it more like an Avengers film basically And then the fans were pissed after the movie came out and for like a year They fought to give Snyder his own cut and then the whole Warner media thing happened HBO need more content So Zach Snyder was a lot of I think got a 70 million dollar budget to finish his version of the movie and they released it Oh, wow

Yeah, because it would it's completely different like I remember now Steppenwolf looks better Steppenwolf looks great great, right? But I also remember Steppenwolf was a band Yes And also and he's in it and he's a god. Yeah, he's in it. Yeah Steppenwolf was in it. Oh, yeah The the band it was weird in your head. You're like How is you know me a musician Steppenwolf? Yeah, the main bad guy in it Yeah, I mean the first movie you're like it doesn't make any sense, but Zach was able to really make sense of it

You're so can I make an admission? Why? I have not seen a single Marvel or Avengers Justice League movie Hey, yeah, that's okay. You never have you seen Iron Man at least just the first oh, yeah, that's right. I did see I have Everyone's seen Iron Man. Okay. I honestly I watch all the X-Men. Does that make me better? No Those are great and also you've never seen all of them. What all the X-Men. Yeah, I haven't seen the last two Yeah, the last two and you know what the worst one was which I couldn't even finish Phoenix

No, that was terrible though the fucking The young mutants one. What was it? Oh the horror film one. No. Oh my god. It's terrible. Yeah And they have a great cast that get that chick from um Maisie Williams Game of Thrones. Yeah. Oh, so good Can I finish my thought? I'm just obsessed with her I'm obsessed with her. Do you see Queen's Gambit? No, not yet. You never saw Queen's Gambit? Maisie Williams is not in Queen's Gambit. No, but the girl that's in Queen's Gambit Is in the new mutants So you have Maisie Williams

Queen's Gambit lady who's extremely talented. You got to watch that show. It's great And um, and you're watching the first 10 minutes and you can you already know Oh, this is a pile of fucking shit Oh, man, does it it's cut weird the acting is terrible. They're both terrible in it. It's a terrible movie You know, they're talented people. Don't get me wrong. Okay, and they're far more talented than I would love to have you on Yeah, but my point is is that you know when you you know tonight Because we're in the desert by the way people don't know. Yeah, if we did tell anyone Yeah, we haven't told anybody. I think the viewers know what the audio listeners the audio is the fucking desert. Welcome. Welcome to the desert

You'll come in But I think that um tonight I would I'm gonna force you in jewels to watch. It's always a forcing It's always his choice. It's that god. I'm not gonna. I honestly sweetie. Um, it's not my number one choice as a desert Um, Friday night watch. It's more grounded. It's not like silly Before hours, it's just that I don't you don't want to see the musician steppenwolf do his thing All the hits Oh All right, we'll choose what you want to do. Um, I think you would like to master or something

Right. What do you what kind of movies do you think I like? What did you say? No, but at nights, this is what okay at nights when we were sleeping Yeah, she likes to sleep with the iPad on Whatever watch she she drifts away. She's one of those that drifts away by watching a show Yeah, right and so and if I turn it off she'll wake up And she'll do this she'll be she could be snoring eyes back of her head, right? And I'll sneak literally it'll take me sometimes five minutes to slowly sneak up without making any noise And I'll slow enough and just you know the tab on top of the iPad

Which is completely turns the screen off, right? As soon as I get like an inch toward it. She goes I'm watching Dude, you have like legit. Yeah, I'm watching it And she her head was turned she was asleep for an hour. She wasn't right. So it's like I have to Listen to the show that she's watching for hours, right? It's a great show. It's not she's done that with the queen That's the crown whatever the queen crown, right? She's done it with What's the English island? Love island love island. That's all that and then you know what happens

I've moved on to an Australian show called offspring offspring But what happens is she falls asleep to it, but then the next night She has to watch it again because she slept through it. So I have to hear it sometimes three or four or five times You know me in a row falling asleep in the same spot. Yeah. Yeah. It's like I started and sometimes when she plays something I keep to recite the dialogue. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, this is when this is he says this Because I've heard it so many fucking times, but I have this thing where it's like, I don't know what it is but I have

Shame about falling asleep And I don't know what happened in my childhood, but let's say for instance, like I'm falling asleep on a couch, right? And like you and let's say you and Georgia in the kitchen just fussing about and you're having a conversation I feel the need to prove to you that I'm still awake. So I will chime in on that conversation I'm asleep. I'm asleep, but I will say things like, uh-huh All right. Yeah, me too. I thought that as well. Like I have these built-in mechanisms To make it believe and I'll have conversations with him I well he while he was watching who was it the other day

When I was like falling asleep. Oh, I was watching something and she'll add on a conversation She'll be asleep. Oh, it was in the car yesterday. I was falling asleep I didn't want you to know I was falling asleep on the drive. Oh, yeah And so he was listening to a crime podcast and I'm able to be asleep But still give input and feedback about what he's listening to is that he won't know that I'm actually like in a different planet And I heard a snoring. It's stupid. I don't snore. I don't snore at all. I've never snored in my life You open your mouth like this. No, I I'm a mouth sleep when I'm tired It's not snoring, but you do

All right with your gap teeth. Are you like this right? There you go Like that. I don't I don't make any noise. Yeah, you do. Hey, you can jump in a conversation. Yeah. Yeah Whatever you see I seen that's good lately What have you watched lately, George? I've been watching Homeland and I hate watch it so much because it's just so much of the same And the writing can sometimes just be so obvious. It's so like Expositional, but then I get into it. Let me ask you something. I saw the first two seasons of that thing Let me ask so it gets to the point where the red-headed guy he comes back, right? Yep, and then um,

He's obviously now Muslim Yeah, it's fine And everyone has the right to change Right, and then um, he leaves his wife, right? And then yeah, all of a sudden in the third season, I don't know what happens, but it just completely lost me What happens in the third season? Uh, let's see

Which was the third season? Are you that far along? Um, I think I'm on season five, so it's all spoilers. I'm gonna give away Oh, well, I hate about it is like he drinks alcohol and everything that which is completely against Islamic law Yeah So like I have no idea how it's written like it's just people like guessing what let's make him drink alcohol And I have sex a lot. How about both against Islamic law? Yeah, and then what's her name? Carrie Claire Danes is just always fucking everybody. Here's here's about the thing about her character in it though

You know, and she you can obviously tell she's an excellent actor actress But you know, there were times when I was watching the shows. I was like, that's just too much Do you ever notice that with her? Yeah, that's I hate Her acting choices are too much almost Too much almost like somebody should have just said, hey, man, just 50% of that Yes scale it Donna, I did I had a bagel just came out. What'd you guys eat today?

Um last night. I made a mistake. Oh, you guys. Well, you guys were part of that mistake Yeah, we enabled and you know what I was too because I texted you to make that mistake for him. Yeah, Taco Bell And I had two bean burritos Two British Supremes and three hard tacos plus two rolls Yeah, and the two apple balls fried apple, baby. You give me two fried apple balls. I ate it all and last night, man It wasn't good for my Tommy, but um What else is there to do in the desert? So just wait you ate all of that He ate all of it. Oh and jules had it. Jules had it, right? That was her first time ever having taco

So she had one of the five tacos ordered. She had one. Um, yes one of the tacos ordered I was very impressed. I've never been to Taco Bell and ordered 31 dollars and 52 cents of food For one person two people Yeah, okay, but jules barely had any. Hey, that's some a technically two people All right, what are you talking about $19 worth of food? Is that your your way of like coming after bay? No, I thought I was impressed. I will say he's not I grew up on Taco Bell. He's very not into it He's a very del taco. I grew up on Taco Bell, but I switched over to del taco as soon as I moved to LA Good, I'm on your side, George. Also, I'd be very wary of desert bob

So don't attack him. Okay, because he attacks back tenfold desert bob is a different guy Don't you know, it's so funny that you say that Because I've do I've been doing everything I can To change my behavior on this trip than the last time that we were out here when I woke up today, I'm like What I've been telling myself is when I wake up I go be present Be kind

Be helpful right be a nice guy and don't be a nuisance Right because I don't want to ruin the trip for anybody in the house Okay, and that's the mantra that I said to myself in the head, right? So imagine right waking up like that Right and so every moment. Yeah, so right. Thank you In fact, you know, when next time you do yoga You'll do that mantra. Can we get it for the audience one more time? I forgot it Oh, was it killed Be present be present be kind be helpful be helpful be mindful

And don't be a nuisance to the people in the house. Okay. Good. You know what my mantra is every day when I wake up Can I finish my testimony? Yeah, and then we can do your mantra. You had your chance. My mantra is this I look at myself And I say you are enough with or without diet coke. You are enough. Okay. Hmm. Good mantra All right, excuse me. Is it my time to testify? Yes. Thank you for the mantra and we're ready for the test. Okay. Thank you so much So I wake up I go into the living room. She's sitting there and she's being sweet She did she I love it when she does the kid voice when I wake up Oh, my little she goes go. Oh my little fat daddy, you know

With the pudgy legs is up now. Oh, he's so cute. Let me take a photo or whatever And I do this groggy little walk to the dog or whatever I might do She goes, can I make you some coffee or whatever? I know I got it Uh, right. I said, I got it. Did I not have to say that? Yeah, you did. So I made it myself, right? Then she goes You want me to cook you up something and I go, you know what don't worry about it Don't worry about it. I said and she goes, no, let me cook you something So I go, all right, because I said, are you hungry? He goes, I'm starving. So I said, yeah, but then I said, don't worry about it Yeah, so then she goes, um

I can either make you, um Some rice eggs and bacon or I can make you um A bagel Bacon and eggs. So I go Um, I'll take the bagel, bacon and eggs. Now, listen, now here's where the bagel thing came across. Okay. Here's the diversion. Here's the diversion. Okay is For three or four months

We've had one the same. We always order the same bagel. This is a deep. This is yeah So we ordered we always order the same bagel, right? It's a Thomas bagel I think it's the best, you know, I mean store-bought bagel you can get all right So there we go. There's a plug and so in our house, right? I have this thing was I already I remember I told you where when I was six years old um My aunt if you didn't finish the cereal right

With the milk in it and everything she'd put the soggy milk And the cereal back into the box and then you would have the next day you would have to eat that Right. So I have this weird, you know, I mean thing and sometimes, you know, their family reminds me of that Wait a non-wasteful people It's disgusting. You know, we don't do that. I know but it reminds me of it Let me just finish my fucking testimony. I don't throw meat. I know. Let me just throw my I'm gonna finish my testimony. Good to hear you. All right. Don't argue back. Okay. You're right. All right I'll say my piece after thank you. Okay. Did she get a rebuttal even she said her testimony. She gets rebuttal

I didn't even know I was testifying. Yeah, that was a testimony. Yeah, would you like a rebuttal after her rebuttal? Yes, okay. Fine. All right, even rebuttals. All right. So every okay. Let's do it. I do my testimony. She gets a rebuttal I get a rebuttal. That's it. That's it. All right. And then you be the judge You get closing statements. Yeah. Yeah. That's our closing statement. Okay So in my head, I'm like those bagels have been in the fucking that refrigerator for like five months. Okay, right? So all I I know and they look like the same amount because I was counting it Right. It was like six, right? Right. So I looked at the fridge. I got this the same bagel And so I'm like, I don't want to eat that bagel, you know, it's old

And it's because of that. I have this weird thing, you know, so I just basically go. Um, what bagels are those? Right. And she guys she goes brand new. I just bought them yesterday or whatever, right with her snappy snaps So I go, all right. Fine. I'll eat it. That's all I needed to hear I was being kind. Oh, that was it. I was just asking, you know, I mean So I just needed some information Okay, could you address her the joclynch you did? Was there a joclynch? There was no joclynch. Okay. You mean there was actually a smirk But it wasn't like, you know, I mean, uh How kind it wasn't a facetious smirk. Okay. You mean it was a smirk of joy. There we go. Okay. So it was just like

I love you You know with this up here, I love I love you so much Oh, right. And then so she can't get it to work Can't get what to work stove to work Uh-huh, right. Am I not right? Correct. I gotta call Gilbert. That's what you said. No, I said, um, I'm gonna wait for Gilbert I'm gonna wait for Gilbert. Okay. Good. Let's just get the facts out there. And what did I say? I'm fine I didn't go. Oh Make it stink of it. Yeah, right

so then Juliana it was her fucking sloth the attitude Moses sloths into the fucking room Right and you go and you ask julia if she can help juliana goes to stove and she lights it It comes on and you proceed to cook. You know what I mean? My bacon and eggs, which was very appreciative I see you put toast and then I'm watching antique roadshow on my youtube In my videos and that when it was done, it was beautifully set on a fucking plate with the two bagels Perfectly toasted by the way, right? Great a

Egg eggs exactly the way I stacked the eggs on top of the bagel. Nice. I put the bacon on top of the bagel I want to make a sandwich. I'm a breakfast sandwich guy, right? And so all we have is water There's no orange juice, right, which is fine. Which is fine, right? I'm not just saying I'm just and I have that the night before I had coconut Just coconut water water. I had it last night in my head. I'm like, you know, I just don't have I want something kind of like I want to die coke Right and all I asked was did you happen to do we get die coke?

Now Why can't I ask that was there a jaw-clutch then no, do you know what there was? What was there? What was there? I love you The eyes everything with the smirk the smirk. I love you so much I said like that a lot more smirks and job. Yeah. Yeah. I said with my spark as I go Is there any time? Oh Immediately attacks me there. I say flirtatious. That's why I had die coke at the house

But you didn't bring it in that car to bring it over here like some sort of like you're me hostile, you know, I mean You're me thing and I'm like, whoa, but still Wow, I love you almost flirting right right almost like very flirty Wow, I love you almost flirting right right almost like very flirty, right? So then um, there's more Oh Go get your buddy. So then I'm like, I'll get you know what I'll get some water I got some water, right?

And I have now have the sandwich built and I go And I just you know in my mind. I'm like don't even ask this question Because if you ask it, it's going to be a big to-do Right and it's going to sound like you're complaining, right? But also, you know, I like my breakfast sandwiches with a little bit of spice excuse, hey Fucking excuse me All right, I apologize that I like spices You know what I mean in my foods

So I go there and I said I quote Would there happen to be Where there with the smirk where there happened to be the flirtatious right some some form of hot sauce around here Maybe via salsa Tabasco or whatever right art bark and she precedes to open the drawers To look for it and all I said was Usually if the house has it my dear

Right, it's usually in the cabinet You know me and then she made some sort of remark like no sometimes in these houses Sometimes these houses they have it in the drawers or whatever right, so I go you got a rebuttal. Don't worry. You got your rebuttal. Don't worry I'm just taking no Please take notes. Yes, so that I go so that I go I said Don't worry about it. Sweetie. Wow. Don't work right? Eat the sandwich delicious, right? Did I not say it was delicious, right? I drank the water

You quenched my thirst. I'll tell you that right now and water always does a job Okay, it always does a job and then after I was done. I um Was very sad. Oh, in fact, you know There was one thing I have to apologize about And the one thing maybe I I did I fucked up a little bit I I still had a little bit of bagel You know, I mean like maybe a bite size on the plate, which I was savoring Sometimes when the he's a slow eater. Yeah, I'm a slow eater and sometimes a celeb king, right?

likes to savor moments And that you know, that's anyone listening to right now Me right now, right? It's always great to save her moments. I hadn't had breakfast yet. She had a breakfast. Yeah. Oh, wow So she without asking it's just fine. It's not rude, right? But she grabs that last I did Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god You're a fucking liar. Well, we'll get to you queen

First of all, can that be reprimanded? Oh, her interruption can that be a reprimand? I'll say this because I didn't I will say this. You have to take that her testimony Okay, I will say this I will say this Claude you I apologize due to the rules you will have to take that back But you can say it as you can say that right away as soon as you are on the mic Well, I can't not help having a reaction to I'm gonna keep oh my god, okay? Oh my god It's fine. Okay. She retracts the first word. She tracks the cursor. Thank you

She can say it later. So she Without asking grabs the last piece, right? It sticks it right, right? Which is you know, you know when you're saving a moment, right? She's allowed to do that. She's not saying that's fine. Oh my god She's allowed to say when you're saving a moment, right? And somebody tries to take away from that moment You know what the great thing the best thing or what I should have done Was say you go ahead take my moment

But I didn't because for me, right I have Um Mental to stomach ratio. I know exactly um what part of my stomach is filled And there was In my stomach There was that exact amount, right? Yeah in my stomach. It needed the nutrients the last puzzle. Yes, exactly It's a puzzle. Thank you. Yeah, right. So I go get that fucking thing. I know I didn't say that I go no my dear I said

You may not have that last piece and then what else did you do? That's it And I you didn't immediately swallow that but then you also and then I just work. Thank you so I knew it. I knew you worked at you club and I know that you're my lawyer I know you're my lawyer and I know that's why your second command, right? Yeah, you're my first in command, george. Yeah Yeah, if you don't work me out I appreciate it. Are you done? Are you done with you? I'm not done. I'm not done. It's called filipino and filipino crime What you're doing? I'm not I'm really you know what it is You're the kind of filipino that looks down from the filipinos from the filipino

Whoa, you're filipino american. I get it. I get it. It's okay. You think you're like some Some like a richer version of I bit to the barrio Mm-hmm. It's not done. So um tag a log is how you say it, right? Tag a log. So what I want to say to you my friend is um my closing state No, not my closing statement But my last the last bit of testimony I want to say is and then I said thank you so much Looked her in the eyes. I said thanks for making me breakfast Appreciate you

Interesting, right? And then I think I moseyed onto the couch to just do live out my the rest of the day Okay, and um, that's the end of my testimony Great. So you're closing statements, please. There's a couple things that I think cloud needs to address We have to find out the factual nature of clench or smirk. I don't want you to talk because you're not on my side George go ahead Well after that connect of the dots of lies. Thank you, george. You've created a picture But it's a picture of lies Oh my god, I'll let by a client take it from here. So stupid

So what he described is actually transpired In a span of 30 seconds all All of the criminal activity happened in a span of 30 seconds First he demands hot sauce. That's so crazy. Second. He demands coke rolls his eyes. Oh my god Proceeds to fucking fart while he's eating Right My client did not tell me the fart part. I apologize after it airs out I sit next to him and I said oh because he's watching he's no longer his paws are no longer near his plate

And so I asked him like because I haven't had breakfast because my king comes first And I was like, oh, maybe I can just have a bite instead of cooking myself a whole new meal So I was like, oh like are you gonna eat that? And then he grabs it even before answering and he shoves it in his mouth and he's like Additionally, I think you were also reminded of his stories from his childhood where if he left something on his plate He was forced to eat it afterwards So you were being so kind that you didn't want to make him eat a rock hard bagel the next day You were saying let me offer to help you out with that

Because on top of that as I was looking at every single cupboard for hot sauce I was like, well, you know be careful because like a toasted piece of bread like that could break your mouth and like You know jam your palate. I was like, why don't I lather it with some cream cheese? And he was like, no, that's not good enough So I was like, okay, then there I proceeded to you are so stupid. I did not say that Okay, you said you don't with your clothing statements, but hold on. Let me just let me just get to the bottom of this all Oh my god, I do have one question for you. What was it delicious? Yeah, was the bread fresh as fresh like from the mother's bakery itself

Okay, and you're a hundred you don't you you feel as though the bread was fresh and delicious, right? I just said mother's bakery because that was the that was the bread from back home that's been there for three or four months That was a test for you You think that bread that's two weeks old is no longer good. By the way, it's not three to four months It's only been in the fridge for two weeks And it is delicious and it's fresh and I would never serve it to you I'm trying I'm I'm I'm trying to do this to prove to you that Bread doesn't need to be bought the day before for it to be fresh. You can refrigerate it and it can stay

Tasty, okay. Is it my turn? I was mistreated Is it my emotional transaction of breakfast and I feel as though He's representing me in in a very typical like man way of saying bitch make me breakfast. No, bitch make me breakfast Where's my diet coke? Oh, it's not here your shit get out of my face. I'm gonna take this last bite That's how I was treated. I'm so glad that you brought up that point about the fucking bread because um, no, you cannot you cannot retract retract your statement I'm not retracting me. I'm not retracting it because these are I'm gonna use statements that you already said before

Added statements that I didn't even bring in my deposition I'm my testimony, right? I'll be honest. I'm not familiar with this legal. All right You'll get what I'm saying, right notice my friend that when she said that I did the fart Why did you tell me that when we were talking about information, but notice when she was talking about the fart? Why did I fart? I only fart right when there's something not fresh Oh my we're looking up the science on that right now No, no, I'm just talking about my body and my anatomy

Okay, and I'm going to tell you this right now and I didn't want to mention this because I didn't want to be rude Right, but when I eat something that's not fresh, right? My body rejects it, right? Immediately And it No, I have a rebuttal. No, there's no rebuttal. There's no rebuttal. This is my testimony. This is my closing testimony The connect the dots of lies is getting bigger. Yes. Keep going sir. No, you were choking on some seeds He was choking on like the the bagel seeds earlier and you know what he said He was I was like, baby, are you okay? He wants some water because you seem like you're always choking He was like, yeah, that's what happens with like with these bagels when they're a day old and they're very fresh

Is that the seeds tend to fall off? No, no, that's not why the reason why I'm choking now The reason why I was choking right is because it was stale No, that's why because in my I know in my head because in my head because I didn't know I have the fax He said sesame seeds. Sesame seed. I didn't have the fax. I didn't have the fax No, no, no, no, listen, listen, I didn't have the fax and I like you and everything Can I finish my tether? You're really gonna make me mad He gets really mad when he's losing. No, I'm not losing order the corn order the corn. I'm winning. I'm winning, right? So um, number one, there's two scientific, um, physical things

Um evidence that I wanted to show you the fart, which is my body going stale It's a bit rotten exhibit a number two, right? It's funny that she said that because since I didn't know the fax that it was stale, right? I assumed it was sesame seed seeds, but what I was What I was what what I want to say it's it's steel bread Yeah, it's wet. It's stale bread. See that's what god did to you toward red bull on your dick Are you lying bobby? It's steel bread. Is your dick not wet from lying? No, there's no red bull on your balls, right? So, um Um, for me, um, what I want I want to close with is Let's go back to the mantra. Okay. Okay

And what I realized is that you know when when I go into the world and I try to do good deeds and be um Filled with empathy and um kindness, right? Sometimes in the world around me no matter how hard you try, right? You're up against negativity Gilbert, okay, and what I want to say is is that um I know for a fact through my actions since we've been in the desert that my actions have been um very um noble hard working and um a man living in the moment

Okay, and um Her perception of it right is skewed And that's my final statement. Great. I think she should be allowed to talk about her mantra really quick I just like to reiterate that No matter what He does you're a liar too. I can't you're a liar. I'm doing her mantra No matter what he does to try to alter my reality of being uh mistreated and broken down every day The truth is I am enough

Whether without the diet coke whether without the hot sauce Whether without taking that last bite of breakfast that he didn't want to share I'm always going to be enough And I'm going to be enough as well You can't steal my mantra. You use her mantra in this case. Don't use her mantra. That's not a good look for You're a liar and a thief You're a liar because you lied about the fucking bagels and that's a fact That's in it. So everyone on the comments my case in the comments below guys. Let us know who has won this case

Okay, thank you That was insane the whole thing was 30 seconds like inception. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, it was a 30 second event that happened, you know, wow, but I really am you know I am trying but I guess um, I'm not trying hard enough if according to her Don't speak on my behalf. Okay. I love you so much you fucking idiot You guys are You're fucking idiot. I love you so fucking much if you were to leave me and if we were to break up I would die a very miserable death in the desert and I would too at the same way

And you know what it turns out without you without you. I am not enough. Oh Doing she's doing it. You are one half of my heart She's trying to win it right and same to you ditto We'll leave it at that everyone Yeah, wait, hang on. I want I wanted to ask you guys if you guys know about this story Do you remember like in the 90s, babe? Like when you would drink a soda Would you ever like pop the the the what do you call it the top of the bottle And then peel something to look under the bottle cap and see if you win anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

We had that in america like for you think you guys came up with that. No, no Next case Have you ever heard of the the pepsi 349 fever? What's that? I don't know what that is. No So in the philippines, I'm not sure if this happened in like the late 80s or the 90s Um, but I remember being young enough that there was a frenzy about opening bottle caps And in the philippines, there were two winning numbers and each of those two winning numbers were supposed to be a million pesos And so like it drove pepsi sales up from like five percent to like some You know ridiculous ridiculous number and it was such a success

It was such like a commercial success for them to do these bottle caps Uh-huh. And so but the printing company made a mistake and they accidentally printed 800,000 winning numbers. Yep Wow And so what happened was that imagine being like in the third world country being like from from a fucking, you know Small barangay, right and you're drinking a pepsi and then you open it up and you see the winning number Which is 349. Yeah Right and then you go over to the pepsi offices and then all of a sudden you see that there's thousands and thousands of people They're trying to claim their price. Yeah

and people died they like rioted and pepsi Pepsi to try to like um say oh like we're really sorry They gave them each winner 500 pesos, which is an equivalent of like ten dollars Yeah Yeah, budget people took legal action about 20 it reminds me of the mcdonald scandal. Oh really? Oh, yeah, that's right very similar Yeah, very kind of similar. Yeah, how many people died gill? I don't know about the I don't have the death total, but they did have a lot of civil suits and criminal complaints And they had to you're right. They had to give out money to people equivalent to like 38 or 300

Yeah, but the thing with me is is that doesn't pepsi have enough money to fulfill that obligation So it would they might they might have took a big hit Right, but I think for pr reasons. I think as a company I'd be like I guess theoretically the the pepsi Um bottle caps for community commutatively were 32 billion dollars. Oh 32 billion dollars if they had given it away Because they had 800,000 bottle caps Yeah, because even the winning prize was a million pesos, but a million pesos divided by 50 That's how much it is and dollars is not that much Yeah, you know, so there's no way it's that much. Oh, wait. No, they change. Oh, sorry

It's an offer to be accepted by people that cost the pepsi with 8.9 million. Sorry. Yeah, that would yeah Why didn't they just pay out people 9 million would have been easy. Oh my god minus the writing and the bad pr Yeah, I bet you money if it was happened in america, they would have gave it out. You think so Yeah, I think it's because of the philippines are like, uh, we're not gonna give those animals Yeah, I mean, do you remember the like the pepsi thing in america where if you got enough bottle caps You'd like they did like the joke on the on the advertisement You'd get like a fighter pilot jet like an f-14 or something and then somebody Actually got enough bottle caps to win a fighter pilot jet. Yeah, and then they said no, that was obviously a joke

We aren't giving it to you. Oh, come on. So how did they resolve that? Um, I think legally like the I think it's all legal things like uh, where if you a reasonable person would not think this was real I mean just okay, just put yourself in those shoes, sweetie Like, you know, like a million pesos would change your life, right? Yeah, and then you're there. You're celebrating the whole day You're probably crying. You've contacted your wife. You're in kids. You bought stuff on ebay already. You already bought stuff, you know Like what would you do? Would you riot? I want to know what bobby lee would do in these circumstances. I don't know what desert bobby would do

Oh desert body or la bobby the desert body desert bobby desert bobby would be um I probably go there realize happy's mistake and said, you know what you guys made a mistake. I apologize and go back home You apologize to them. Yeah, I'm so sorry and I'll drink Pepsi forever And then he smirks at the sea I appreciate you. That's that's real colonial mentality right there. Oh totally Oh my god, but la bobby would have got a lawyer easy Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hate stories like that, especially when corporations can do it and they don't

Mm-hmm. Just just just uh, yeah, I imagine like eight point nine million dollars is probably what they cost on that campaign alone That's not to them. You know printing that stuff. Well, like I just did you know, I just did a job for king games and um King games they did they do candy crush Right and they're launching a new game. It was called crash bandicoot on the run Which is gonna be on it's a mobile runner that's gonna be airing and I'm plugging it right now, right? Mm-hmm, and it's a it looks great. It's a great game and um, I grew up playing crash bandicoot and um But when they asked me to host this thing, um

He offered me something that was like not suitable Because I'm thinking to myself Candy crush king games They've got a lot of money there. So we asked for the stars Right and they said okay Okay, right my point is is that these companies can do it You know

Can we reopen the the pepsi case? Yeah, oh you want to like for the people in the philippines? Yeah, like I want to find those people or at least like 10 of them That's a good documentary and then let's actually get them the eight point nine million dollars now Or get a documentary do I think it'll be a great documentary of finding these people interviewing that it's a quirky little documentary Yeah about you and me. How did you feel this and that right? And make it like this weird like it doesn't have to be a two-hour documentary But like a short I I think that we should do a series of short documentaries a tiger rally should produce a series of short Documentaries those people and find little stories like that to do. I think that'd be very interesting

Yeah, but I don't want to profit off of it. No, we're not gonna. No, I want these people to get what they deserve But it'd be a fun like a mini series and we can do a bunch of them Maybe a weekly thing right every show is about some sort of you know mean Specific thing that they all they don't all have to be the same, right? Um, we could talk follow, you know, certain people's lives or whatever and but I think that Um, that's an interesting thing. Do you know that mark paul gosseler is half asian? Yep From Saved by the bell, babe. Who's that? Zach Morris. Zach Morris. Wait, what he's half indonesian And but I guess he had to sort of hide that part of himself and dye his hair blonde is what I'm told

That's a there's another documentary right there short, but his mom is a beautiful indonesian woman But he because George Conway is how about this? Let's do a short of eight people that you didn't think were asian George Conway as in like, um, kelly and conway's husband. Yeah, any part filipino he's half filipino Damn it right and he was the one that um You know what not only did he start the lincoln project I mean with steve schmitt and those guys. He also, um, was on american idols. You know that?

Yes, his daughter audition his daughter audition and she got through Wow recently. Yeah two weeks ago. Do you think that that she got through because out of talent was in merit and he was there Wow, he showed up at america now with his daughter, right? And kelly conway was on zoom wait, don't they all hate each other including the kids? No, they all live together They don't hate each other. I think it's just a kind of a vault I grew up next to families that are like that. I like families that are like that I want that. Yeah, I want the reality show about that family I would because kelly kelly and conway, right is a trump

right, what does she uh She's a part of the cabinet or I actually don't think that about kelly an I actually think kelly an um, she she's a she's a truffle pig Wherever the truffle is is where her nose exactly. No, she's wherever she thinks the money is is where she's the whole family Like they know how to profit off right, but her husband is hate trump Exactly what they know, but they're the only they know how to documentary though. They know how to press Yeah, you're right. George. What do they talk about at night? Oh my god. I mean no politics at all Maybe that's a rule. They just fuck have you seen the snapchats where like, uh, the daughter is like snapchatting and kelly an like walk said

Have you seen that poppy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they'd like she's like and don't do that. Wait a second. Are you are you snapchatting me now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't talk down to me that either What happened? Have you seen the bobby? Well, I know I'm a part of the world callilas face reactive part of the earth I'm a part of the world. I know what that is. It didn't look like part of the world Your face was stoned like first. No, because I'm like, I don't even want to hear what you're saying Unhelpful advice Unhelpful advice desert bob 2.0. Where's desert? No, not to you, man. Fuck you

Yeah Unhelpful advice here. Unhelpful advice with body. Oh, sure. Kolyla in the desert That's a good belly. I'm a 24 year old graphic designer from grace I'm suffering from a form of self-destructive OCD for the last 15 years of my life Meaning that I overthink everything about my profession too many times to the point that I'm never satisfied with my work Oh my god And I often I'm really harsh on myself and my results even though I've been working in the industry since I was

2021 for the likes of Nike Hugo Boss and other companies My design pieces get a lot of attention both in the public and professional circles But that doesn't seem to help me relax or settle down to find my personal serenity I heard so many times on your podcast about bob you always being tough on himself Even though he's one of the best comedians out there I always wondered how did he cope with this self doubt and how did he learn to stand on his feet? Do you have any advice on how to find some self love for myself? Listen? Listen to me. Yeah, the other day I drive to Burbank to do ADR for Magnum PI

I'm in this so when you do ADR is basically when you're shooting something and You know a plane flies by and they they can't get a clean audio on something You have to go back later and do it in a studio So what they do is you go into a sound studio They have this gigantic screen out there and you have a sound engineer in another room And they have either what they call a There's a streak where the streak will come in

And as soon as it matches you have to start talking right and then they do three beats before you talk so beep beep beep boom, right And I was watching myself And I literally stopped everything and I turned away because I also have the producers on zoom And I'm screaming. Oh, that's what you chose Right. I'm so critical of myself, right on how I look Who's the makeup? It's like, you know, you see fucking liver spots on my face on the screen, right?

And you know, and I'm not I do it in a funny way where everyone's laughing I don't do it in a hostile negative way. They love it, right? Because it's who I am, but there is, you know, a big It really is a very difficult thing To look at because it's like I'm so judgmental of myself and I'm so harsh on myself and um And there are times where I think how the fuck am I working? You know, I really think that, you know and what my therapist says is, you know Let's let's look you have your inner dialogue, right? But then you have reality And let's just look at the facts

And the facts are they keep asking you to do that show Right. It was my seventh one, right? I just got a big movie. I don't talk about it. But in that I'm going I'm going to in to Hungary and may I can say that I'm going to Hungary made to be I'm doing a kind of a blockbuster movie I have small scenes in it. But it's a huge thing and I sent in an audition Right, they called me back and they said you're you got the job, right? These are factual things that are actually happening, right? And then you have this this this other thing in my head that's happening

You know what I mean? And it's like I struggle between the two things But sometimes I just have to take a step back and go What's real? Yeah, and the reality is is that I'm working I'm getting work And you know my perception of myself Should not be in play. In fact, I do my therapist said I can't do this anymore Which is what I do is

After a scene I do this every time After a scene they go, okay, we're moving on, you know in show business. They never go the director never goes After they do a scene they never walk up to you and they go great job They don't do anything they go like this. All right, we're moving on. Let's go and then you're like left there Right. And so what I do is what I used to do is I used to after every scene just kind of hang out at video village video village is where the director and Sometimes an editor and a producer is there and they're looking at all when you're doing it. You know what I mean? Sometimes I hang out there

With my hands in my pocket just so that I can find Some little inkling of how I did Right, or sometimes I'll go to an actor and I'll go that was pretty good. It was okay Right and to try to fish For some sort of you know acknowledgement or and I'm not allowed to do that anymore You know my therapist says as soon as you're done with your scene You don't ask you just go home Right because it has nothing to do with you

Because if they're moving on they have it Right, so it's like there's these little things that I because I'm so sensitive And I and I and I want that fucking acknowledgement or some sort of verbal, you know cue That I'm doing fine And at the end of the day it just feeds into You mean that part of myself that I don't want to give any energy or food to you know, yeah I was watching and this is so cheesy, but I was watching American Idol It's so so cold here. I know me too. It's cold there. It's sweating. Yeah. Yeah

I am and I and there was a contestant. She did a very good job and and and uh Kate Katie Perry asked her, what do you gig? I don't gig because I get nervous. I like I freak out Even when I'm singing for my parents and my family because I get so nervous, you know, and I don't want to fail and then Lionel Richie says and this is something that I'd heard years ago and I don't know why it just You know rehearing it struck a chord with me and Lionel Richie goes

life begins At the end of your comfort zone Edge edge, I mean at the edge of sorry at the edge of your comfort zone and um All those moments were I'm the only reason I corrected him by the way is because he used this on me last week When I was feeling really down I use Lionel Richie because I actually watched that episode with him when Lionel said that and when I was having a meltdown last week He was like sweetie. I want I want to say one thing to you

He goes, this is why I'm so proud of you. He's like, you know, so and so edge of your comfort zone and in my head I was like He just took that from Lionel. Yeah. Yeah, but I did appreciate it and for reminding But but but let me talk about that though. It's like There's a lot of like there's a lot of things were like the other day. I put in a audition for a movie that didn't get right But I remember putting it in Sending it and then I remember I was pacing around the bedroom and Kalala goes You did it. You know what I mean? And you did the best you could and it looks good. You know what I mean?

I don't even need to say that I didn't you because that's that's our new thing. I'm not allowed to give you right right? Um, is it bad or is it good comments anymore? Yeah feedback. No feedback. It's kind of like you did it That was the best you could do but you know, I send it in and but the but the But the notes on it was good. Like people liked it. They just I just wasn't right for the part Also, I wouldn't have let him send it in if it wasn't good. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, and I knew that she already seen it. So um, my point is is that um

Um those feeling like I'm nervous about May I really am. I think about it a lot. I go You know, the last big movie I was in was The Dictator, which you know in terms of When you show up on a set and you go, oh my god, there's like real like when I the first day I shot on The Dictator I was in a makeup trailer with Ben Kingsley and a Ferris at Norton and Sasha Baron Cohen. Yeah, that's crazy And I was at the end and they were in a row In the same trailer and I remember going

What are you doing here in my mind? You don't belong here. That's my voice. That's my inner voice is what it sounds like. Yeah, you son of a bigger piece of shit And so, you know, I'm nervous about it. But um, you know what? I'm gonna Go in Do the best I can And even if I'm nervous, I'm gonna Write through it and overcome it and I'm going to rise to the occasion Right and and if I don't and I fail, that's okay, too

That's okay, too So, um, but here's the one thing that's the most important. I'm gonna do it You know, a lot of people go I'm too scared or I'm not gonna try or all that kind of stuff The one thing about me that I have to say that I love about myself Is is that Even though I hate myself and even though this is even through stand-up, right? When I was 23 when I started doing stand-up and I think I was a piece of shit and all that negative shit

That's in my head, right? The one thing that I know about myself is that I'll do it anyway You're I'm in and I'll try my best. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. That's the most important guy. It's like No matter if you have like the most desired outcome or if you feel like you fail You're gonna keep doing it anyways, right? Because you've been doing it since you're 20 you've been 20 since you were 21 years old Yeah, yeah, so it doesn't look like you're quitting anytime soon And it sounds like you have a passion for doing this because you work so hard at it So it's like no matter the outcome. You've already chosen that path. So just Let go of all the other noise. Let go of all the other bullshit

Like they say in a a let go and let God because like self-flagellation I thought was like the most interesting part about me Like where I was like, is that how you say it George? No, I was just like interesting that that was the most interesting part about you I thought that I was like, I'm so hard on myself like the whole perfectionism thing Like I thought that was the most interesting part about myself because it's what kept me in line and being this like Do-gooder and succeeding. You know what I mean? Like being an athlete. It's it's just I realized soon after that it was The number one reason why I was suffering for so long

It was the number one thing that was holding me back from actually living out my dreams and Putting pen to paper and just having some sense of like, you know, some sort of And just having some sense of like, you know self-worth and and all of that. So it's like stop flogging yourself It's just it's not cute anymore. It's not it's also not worth it. And it's also exhausting and it just doesn't do anyone any good Can I share an aphorism my favorite professor club? Thanks for listening. Yes. I want to make for Ferris He always said like perfect is the enemy of good And it's one of those things where if you like think about it like yeah If you're looking seeking perfection, then you never do anything

That's good because you're too busy trying to be perfect. All right Anyway, that's a good one Hey man, hey, this is a great producer. Yeah, thanks for listening We really appreciate to this desert edition of tiger belly. Good night. Sweetie. Are we friends again? Yeah, that was fun. Shall we shake on it? I don't like that shake That's that's a hand. That's like a courtship handshake Oh zoom up on that zoom up on that guys All right, we love you guys. Can we just describe our location right now?

Okay, so we are at the edge of I think it's like federally owned land in it's BLM land right there, right? Yeah And we are at the edge of it We have we're in this wonderful lookout where we can see all of we can see the valley and we can see the rest of Pioneer town And the house is two stories. I would say what's the style of this home like ranch style called beautiful Um There's we have the Vista's the Vista's the sun is it's about 5 p.m. The sun will

It's still pretty high up actually we get pizzas at night. We're gonna get pizza right after this at the um Giant rock meeting room shout out to them Gilbert Gilbert saw the giant rock today. Oh good. Hey, george. That's not a That's a fake petroglyph, right? Uh for sure for sure because it's too big, right? Yeah, can we end now? Yeah, you're done. Okay. Thank you. We're just having fun This is like Bye I want to keep going

No, no, no. Oh, I want to keep going. This is like energy. Well george. Here it is. Here's your chance, man Your camera's right there. Uh guys. Thank you for listening. Uh, I just want to thank all our sponsors and uh Thank all our sponsors all you guys for uh, so everyone support our sponsors as you'd probably know by now We shot this way ahead of time so that bobby could do the movie In may because this is may so uh, I believe we're in may right now, but we'll say this is we could This could change uh at any moment when we upload this I was looking I was still looking at bobby in claus chair uh

But yeah guys, I hope you enjoy this little series that we're doing. Uh, this is the first uh Question mark number. Oh shoots. I got everybody's scratchers to commemorate speaking of things that are way out of time I got everybody's scratchers to commemorate our uh playing cards, uh selling so well. Yes, so thank you guys For supporting us. Uh, we hope you guys are enjoying those playing cards. Um, thank you guys so much. Really appreciate you guys supporting tiger belly Uh, I have a question. Yes. Um, I I just noticed that you're wearing glasses these days. Is that prescription? No, these are fake. They're supposed to be one outfit that did not come in the mail Uh, I think you would have loved the outfit. I'm confused about desert guild You think that desert guild thinks that it, um, fake prescription glasses

Uh desert guild, uh, is trying to follow george's steps, which is wear some kind of what do you call it like a peacocking glasses Yeah, uh bandana. I will surprise you with the next shoot. You'll see some headwear Okay, I'm also really happy by the way because this is your first time in the desert, right? To really experience what I did yesterday with george, which I feel like we should talk about that at some point But um, yeah, I really love this He's lived two hours away from this and hasn't gone. I mean come on palm springs a bunch Palm springs ain't this I know, but I worked at the place I told you about Yeah, so that that's all I've seen of this area was while I was working for bud light for a country music festival

I got it. Got it. But yeah, but all of that happens in indio. That's a completely different landscape. That's this I like this. This is nice. Yeah, george was taking me through the The off-roading where I was giving a blowjob to a ghost as I like to say I was like, hey, george off-road. It's fun We took you all the way to the side of joshetry. Yeah guys, we drove on rocks for three hours I thought it was a quick scenic thing. He said, you know what the man did the right thing Like I think that people need to experience that drive and I appreciate that because when we got out to the the softer end I was like, oh, this is where the tourists come in and kind of just take a quick loop, right? Uh, yeah, it was a lot of fun. I can see why scratchers

Are we doing this now for the next episode? Just do it for yourself like to see, you know what? I have a really good feeling about these scratchers. So I'm gonna wait and I'm gonna scratch them while we do the next episode That's awesome. I'm excited to see more of this. I can see why kalayla many times in our friendship has said Yo, I love the desert. I love it. I'm like, it's just a fucking desert because I'm more of a trope I'm like, give me hawaii. Yeah, but I mean, I'm also a tropical fish, but this is this is different It's its own kind of magic. That's, you know, you cannot compare different You cannot compare different. What do you call it? Microclimes? What do you call them? tundra, taiga, savanna

um Tropical rainforest, what do you call those? Climax, I don't know. Something terrian? Sumterian, subterian. This is fifth grade question. You know when you had to like separate separate I know what you're talking about learning fifth science and fourth grade. I think I'm gonna look up the word I think okay, subterranean No You stopped learning science before it started

Different climate. It's climate. I don't think it's climate because you're talking about the whole like region Microclimates, microclimates is where uh, is where Joshua trees live. There are actually two different types of Joshua trees one further east and one further west because of microclimates Maui, Maui for instance has a different microclime because depending on your elevation like there's certain parts of Maui that where it snows So that's considered a microclime, right? Yeah, climate of very small restricted areas Especially when this differs from the climate of the surrounding area. Yes, right. So what I'm saying is what do we call like? So there's a tundra the taiga the tropical rainforest. There's savanna um, there's there's another one

I like I feel like I've answered this on a fifth grade. I know we guys were smarter than this ecosystem Oh, no, it's not it's not it, but it's close What's the uh, you know it We have google guys. Yeah, but i'm not good at it. You know what I mean? Yeah, he got subterranean At the first day, I was like, I swear to god, you cannot leave. Where are we right now gilbert? We're subterranean Maybe we're in a middust Actually, this is not one of them. Chaparral is california, right? I don't know that tundra taiga rainforest here That's all you have to say biome biomes biome or they like to say in my area subterraneans

Is that are they biomes? It could be I don't know gilb. Can you just my god before I end because it's gonna drive me crazy Types of biomes are aquatic grassland forest desert tundra grassland times called savanna's and temperate grasslands They're called types of biomes biomes. There you go. Thank you so much. My god. That's tomorrow. We doing the uh doing one out of the property Um off the property on the uh, well at the uh at the uh off grid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah off grid property tomorrow I'm excited for that. Do we I'm gonna take Gilbert here as soon as uh, as soon as we're gonna check it out Wait, I want to know what my outfit's supposed to be. Am I gonna go mad max or am I gonna go like traditional? You got mad max Well, I'm adding just I'm adding one or two more things because don't say mad max because I have nothing

So I have to start like gluing rocks to my tits Could be all group I need a rock bigger. Can I get one of those? What are those? And for the views pirate go mad max? What are those called petroglyphs petroglyphs? Can I I think my areola is one? I'm looking at I'm looking at the petroglyph and I'm like, uh, are those just called Gilbert areolas Because the big circles the picture of a goat guild. Uh, well, I got two pictures of goats on my chest All right guys, that's our episode Oh, I can't wait to share more of this trip with you guys

Uh, make sure you follow kalilah calamity k and make sure you watch uh, our new podcast and listen to our new podcast Her already well established podcast by the time this comes out. What's it called George? Bubba bloodbath. Thank you as soon as you sign off. I go into like, um, wwe mode It's uh, whenever I hype things up. I'm uh, so guys make sure you check that out Remember to follow us on instagram at tiger belly on twitter as well follow george and george underscore kimball Follow bobby bobby live and myself at gilbets. We love you. Goodbye Hey prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast

Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey