TigerBelly - Ep 303: He's Back, Edgelord Millionaire

Episode Date: June 23, 2021

Bobby is a Charlie Brown tree. Khalyla creates cat controversy with Kevin Hart's bodyguards. Gilbert signs the papers. We talk about Bobby's time in Hungary, trading hall passes, JLC, and the Robin Williams of Long Beach.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today What are the sea of unholy creatures? There are creatures that don't exist on the planet like he better not say Filipinos. I will know you're not you're not a sea creature You're a land creature. I want to be a sea creature. I'm so you're not a sea creature. Yeah, but you're no when I say waiting through Waiting through waters of with own unholy creatures. Is that what I said? Yeah Yeah, waiting through a sea of unholy waiting through a sea of unholy creatures. Let's be clear. I'm pretty unholy Let's be clear. Let's be clear. You're a land creature for sure. Let's be clear

I don't know how to walk even you can climb a tree like a motherfucker though. I sure can for some mangoes I sure will yeah, yeah, and um We've got thick legs here man. I love it. Welcome home. Okay. Hold on. Thank you. They'll come in Let me just get back and uh And seen and energy energy positive energy

I'll take the glasses off. It's ridiculous These glasses are ridiculous people go are they prescription? I go no then they go why you're wearing them? I go because of fashion And then they and then they make a face, you know, I mean, but I'm getting old so you have to put like, you know, nice ornaments on the tree Right if you have a really bad tree you put nice ornaments on I think of you as like a Charlie Brown tree What does that mean? What the fuck does that mean? It's like half dying not very leafy, but it speaks to the heart. Oh Thank you

I Let's go three two one We're back we're back in town Yeah, we're back in town. I'm back in town. It's been weird being back guys. It's like, um, I The whole time I was in Hungary, I was like I can't wait to get home and now that I'm here I'm kind of miss hungry a little bit apart. I miss the smells of Edgar Ramirez He has a spicy smell about him, you know, and when he walks by he's soft guy, too You know means yeah, little hair on his forearms soft guy. I just smelt like there's a mist

There's a sexual mist that he exudes his body pheromone affair. Is that a pheromone? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, so I miss It's that was the most pleasurable thing about the trip because we talked about how You know, he was your hall pass. Oh, right. So I didn't know he was in the movie. Oh Oh, so it was a surprise. No, I think it was cast when I got there Right or the deal closed and then so then I hear my friend JLC she goes, um, oh my god, did he just abbreviate Jamie Lee Curtis. No, I didn't abbreviate. I have a friend named JLC. Who's I don't know

She was in the movie Jesus L. Christ. Oh Christ and she goes, um, oh Edgar comes in tomorrow or something and I go Edgar Who she goes Edgar Ramirez and I went Like my you have to understand. I go. He's in our movie and JLC is like, you know Jamie Lee Curtis was like She was like, yeah, and so I saw him in the lobby when he came in and I went And that's my girlfriend's hall pass, but nowhere in my mind did I think like we were gonna be friends Oh, because at that point, you know, when you go, I'll just tell you. So when I got there, I'm like

Okay, this is gonna be a month and a half of sheer boredom Because I'm not gonna no one's gonna want to hang out with me And also on top of it. It's like I'm barely in the movie like the first two weeks. You called me crying. Yeah, I cried it was like I'm barely in the movie. I have like Six lines here Six lines there one line

Periodically, you know, I mean, but maybe 10 to 12 lines to the whole thing and I don't know what I'm doing Anyway, um, so I'm thinking, you know, oh, they're not gonna. I'm like an extra Right, but I'm still in The four seasons with everyone else, right? Mm-hmm. I just what I feel like I'm not bragging, but It's like a castle. Who's who's Hollywood now? Who's the most Hollywood? I'm not how Hollywood at all I'm I'm telling you that I'm not You know me Hollywood be would have been like, oh, I can't wait to go there to befriend all these people and live amongst the Hollywood elite My thing is like I got to combat these people and I got to survive

So that's how what Hollywood is Right, wait, that's the hotel. Yeah, that's insane. It's a castle That's literally that's literally where I stayed for a month or that's a hotel. So when you walk in you're like bro Dude, what see the first floor right there? Yeah, is that you your place? Lights up and then jlc I'll see what you can see was right here. No, she's right here jlc's above you or next to you This right here has a balcony and a whole thing. Oh man. Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing So I'm at this castle, right? So you imagine like I'm checking in right? Yeah, and I'm in this cat

Oh, no, I'll just tell you what happened. So this is how I knew I was in the beginning. I thought I was fucked because So I land right with Janina Mm-hmm. Yeah, she's talented so good now Janina and Cheyenne Jackson. I mean this dude has it all Cheyenne Jackson has it all the looks dances he could skip dance and skip dance tap dancing tap dancing skip I don't know you can dance dance show me what a skip dance with a slide Skip dance Pro-level, you know me and then so we land and

There's a guy in a full-blown suit and he goes to Janine Right when we get off the plane and he goes up to Jeanine and goes come with me young lady and then Cheyenne And I are just going with everyone else Because she has like a concierge limo kind of a situation. Yeah, so that's what they do is when she's VIP She's VIP for sure for sure, but then she goes. Hey, well Cheyenne and Bobby just come with me. What's the big deal? Right and the guy was like, I don't know if that's a part of the you know me and and she's like They're he they're in the movie. Just so we went in through the like we went into like a whole beautiful like

Lounge area first time VIP. Yeah, I've never been VIP. Oh, right this whole lounge area and it's like I'm like, oh, this is how they treat you know, so you think this is gonna be my treatment the whole thing Like I'm gonna be pulled along and tagged along So then we go to the hotel and you know that hotel you go when you're like, oh my god It's gorgeous and Then something magical happened Why are you making that face me? Am I being me? Well, I just have a different account of events From oh from the magic didn't happen fast. The first two weeks was you call. No, no, no, that's not true

The first five days was great and then the two weeks of me calling going I'm gonna kill myself. Mm-hmm. So that's I'm describing the first five days No, because remember I got the letter that's what I'm describing. Yeah, so I get the letter from JLC If you like a letter, she wrote me a letter. It's upstairs. Oh my you want me a letter, you know, I mean Hey, let's you know, she goes welcome to the show. You know, I mean, my name is Shane Lee Curtis You know Bobby, you know, maybe we'll develop a relationship. I don't know what that's a sweet It's very sweet and it has you know, her name on the like printed on also knowing what kind of guy you are and like how like Nervous you get in these types of things the fact that someone would like reach out and be like, hey Yeah, let's go get lunch. Let me buy that by the way. I'm not she's better a

Better person than I've ever met anyone else and the industry in you know in life really in fucking life, bro She's just there's not a bad bone in her body, man She's just like she does back rubs Like you know how you're like hanging out at lunch or something and she'll just do just rub your back And then a fucked-up person like me will count how long her she's rubbing you Because I'm like in 20 more seconds. I'm out You know me if she keeps rubbing I'm gonna have to do something Or like I'm gonna go have a cigarette or whatever or something or something. Yeah, but she's you know, she's a rubber

motherly, you know, but wait motherly way So she wrote the letter and then that night she texts me. I don't know how she's she goes lunch tomorrow At noon. I love this already. Why she's like so like a mother hen Yeah, and also it's like imagine me being scared me thinking I'm not gonna be able to meet anybody so I meet her at noon downstairs at the restaurant and Janina's there Cheyenne's there and Pen Gillette's there. He's in oh, you know, Penn Gillette. Oh my favorite magician. Yeah. Yeah, so Penn Gillette's there and We just had this dinner would and then Kevin Hart walks by with his entourage like 50 people Yeah, but they're like beautiful people. Mm-hmm. Okay, and his his two

Bodyguards are a little suspect. I love those guys. Fuck those guys remember what happened. Yeah. Yeah. They're a little suspect They're bullies. They're not there was so I'll have to say they're bullies So so this is this is during the two weeks at Bobby was very lonely and he was eating in the I don't know if four seasons Would call it a cafeteria because it's a lot higher class than that But they had like a restaurant in the in the yeah, yeah hotel that you would eat at free everyone would eat there And so this is when he was really lonely and he was really needing some type of like reassurance And so he sees Kevin Hart's bodyguards and he's already built some type of rapport with them And so he he was he facetimes me. He's like, hey, babe

I'm eating over here and he and he goes over to Kevin Hart's bodyguards. He was like, hey guys I want you to meet my girlfriend, but as he turns the phone. I turn my phone to my cat's face And so they're only looking at a cat. Yeah, and they were like damn dude you went to bestiality And let me just say this there. That was a running joke for a month Oh, I'm saying it everybody. Oh, yo, yo, yo that guy's fucking he loves cats He was like he doesn't have a girlfriend dude. He has a cat. Yeah. Yeah, wait, so I think that's where it started Were they the bullies or I think you were the You were the ignited it, but it was such a perfect shot of gooner like he was kind of like this. Yeah

So anyway, um, no, I love those guys and and so that and so then that lunch happened and then um, I I went I went to shoot and It was like um, I don't why I let tell people what I'm in All right, so there's a movie called Borderlands and it's about it's based on the video game and Eli Roth is directing it And it's got a lot of big people Jamie Lee Curtis, Edgar Ramirez, Kate Blanchett Kevin Hart Jack Platt, Jack Black plays Claptrap the robot and And then there's a Janina's in it and she's she's saved my life by the way that girl. I love that girl and then um

My little friend from England Charles Yeah, I'm not in there Florian's in this. Oh wow guys, you know Florian. Yeah, he was in a Kreatu's jacked. He's huge Yeah, yeah, I like Florian. So that's it. So that's what was that's in the movie and that's who was in the hotel and And um, but then so I so I went to shoot right so I go you go to this desert and it's like Thousands of people. Oh like extras like and I play a soldier, right? Much like see right below where Edgar Ramirez's photo. Yeah, that's basically what we're wearing. Okay, this red like Stormtrooper suit

Metal the whole thing. It's in it's hot as fuck and there's hundreds of us in the desert And I'm wearing the so They're like put the helmet on they put my head in a ponytail. It was a beautiful ponytail. Yeah, thank you The helmet wouldn't fit And they were shooting Korean heads. Yeah, it's yeah, my head's too big for my body and so they're like about to shoot So the fucking wardrobe they fucking start yanking out all the padding Like last minute last minute just ripping all the right. They finally get on my head what they don't realize is Without the padding if they're just metal spikes, right?

Scraping like this two metals for metal spikes right here my eye Pushing my eye in it's a heavy fucking metal thing and all as soon as it's on my head I started getting a headache Right, and I'm going oh Oh Right, and I'm sweating too I'm sweating this right and the take takes for 20 minutes It's like the people are just running with fucking machine guns and there's you to be you know me

Machine space crafts. Yeah, I mean all kinds of shit going on meanwhile I'm with a gun in the desert with with a hundred and then and then the and then the fucking sound guy goes You know You're gonna be wearing that helmet the whole time My god, he thought you were an extra. Yeah, and I go what do you mean? Because even when you say you're lying you're gonna wear the helmet I Guess so no one's gonna know I'm in the movie And he goes nope so imagine for the first six hours

I'm in the desert with that information on my head my head in pain. Yeah, right with the thing going oh This is hell This is hell on earth, but also I I want to so I want everyone to like me so desperately I don't complain Right. I don't go. Hey, you know, I think I'm gonna go blind bleeding. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah so then um Then at six hours later, they they have a scene where me and Janina I I hand her a gun and I go there's a creature

We should shoot it, you know, I mean and I said it I said it with the helmet on in rehearsal Yeah, and then Eli comes to me goes. Hey, man. Why are you wearing the helmet? Oh, you wore the helmet? Yeah, because the guy that sound guys Fuck me over for six hours. My question was wouldn't why wouldn't you question that because they did your hair so beautifully If you had to wear the helmet the whole time, why did they put so much effort into your hair? Oh, yeah, I but that doesn't come to my head because it's like why do they why are they like Adjusting like one little tiny fucking nail on your shoe. Yeah, you mean they're so like precise about everything So I don't know

Right, but then, you know, you like goes you're not wearing the helmet where fuck come on, man Sound guy Sergei, you know me You know me at this point what were your eyes like? I had like definitely like spots on my face on my head, but I didn't wear the helmet again through the whole movie Poor babe. And then I and then there you go. And then you're there for like 16 hours Just standing there in the desert and then the next day I think okay. I'm gonna stand in the desert still more. That's fine, but then all of a sudden they go. Oh We switch things around you we're doing your scene. I

Don't know. Oh, you don't know. I don't know it. Oh, man. I don't know the scene. I thought it was next week So they're switching it around. Let's go. Let's go to the the church because and with Kevin Kevin's waiting for you to rehearse So it's just like oh my god, and you go there and it's like hundreds of people cameras everyone's there stress Eli's there and I rehearsed it and I fucking nailed it Good job, babe. I nailed the first take then I shot one scene like one take and Eli just basically goes Just just do another one that we got it. It's excellent How papa has grown and then he texted me that night really cool

Is that my good? This is gross. We have to edit this out. No, this is great I like I like this stuff as a someone you know, I don't think you're gonna make fun of me No, I'm not he literally texted me and he emailed me and he goes I'm so glad I hired you you killed it and ever since then after that I Could talk to people I see why you smiling like that. No, I you're acting gross. You're thinking that I'm saying something I'm just telling you the way it is, baby. So wait after that you got sad then after that they're like all right You have two and a half weeks off She's here me and I'm like that why I saw you on Skyrim all the time. Yeah, he's back on

I was like I'm done with the war zone by the way for the rest of my life Why what happened wait because I was I brought my PlayStation out to fucking hungry and I was like, oh, you know One of those days are the first day off. I had I go. Can I can I explain the phone call about how you were done with war zone? Babe, I just I'm calling to let you know. I'm done. I'm done. I'm like, what are you done with? I'm done with war zone. I swear to God. I'm like what happened. I don't know. I was just hanging out I got shot in the head 15 times. No, that's not what I That's not what it is rage quit. That's not what it is. It wasn't that no

It was I'm playing multiplayer and I'm on in the world all of a sudden. There's a sniper. He shoots me down Okay, I read you know what I mean respond 10 seconds later sniper. Mmm. I Died like 20 times 15 to 20 times in a row from a sniper and I just literally went Yeah, this is not fun I'm not good and then you you know, I go, you know, you know what I did was I go, you know, what maybe I'll get smoke bombs I just keep throwing them on the ground. Yeah, so I throw a smoke bomb down, right? And I you know me and I'm crouched Right and this smoke dissipates

Yeah, oh you run in circles do sometimes you run in a circle. They're so good your dad Oh, yeah, so I'm done forever. I haven't played it in like a month. Wow. So I played skyrim again and then then Janina Gabon Carl, how do you say it last I think that's correct Gabon car. Yeah She was in a movie with Ben Affleck the movie before we know Al magical the basketball movie Oh, and I'm telling you this girl literally saved my life because she plays my commander in the movie and She had basically the same days off that I had and we just hung out for two and a half weeks

It seems like she also played a commander in your real life in Hungary. Yeah, she's like, let's go to a fucking escape escape room We wanted like six escape rooms a day How many escape rooms is Hungary? It's like a Starbucks. It's like they have it really market is this that's what apparently That's where it started. Oh Yeah, yeah, and they're like intricate and I suck at it and I mean They never do it. I'll probably never do it again. I did it with Edgar a couple times. Yeah. Yeah, he's very good Oh, did so did you ever tell Edgar about no? So what happened was Edgar? To had like a week off and all of a sudden he's just like there he is my man

my boy my boy and then he Goes give me your number and I gave him a number and then like this every time I look at him. I'm like God, this is gives me so much joy that Calila will Calila will never meet this guy Like I have a better chance of I've already done them. Where? We were at a party and you were talking to a bunch of other people and he was at the bar Yeah, and I was at the bar and we locked eyes and I I Immediately was like, oh my god. That's Edgar Ramirez. I turned around walk the other way Yeah, and I brought that up to him. He doesn't remember

FYI, I mean, I could do you remember my girlfriend the CA party because it's remember my point is okay You'll get angry. My point is this is that there were times where him and I Would just be in his hotel room watching movies. I mean, that's what we got Like laying around what a sad world that my fat boy friend Has a better shot at getting with my whole past in a hotel in a hotel room in a fancy four seasons Hungry I have I have it on tape. That's what I know. I saw what I saw. I know, but did you you telling him that? Do you see it? Do you guys see it? No. He goes no way. Did you send it to Gilbert?

This is getting I don't want to talk about this movie the whole time fucking time people are kind of been waiting though All right, so here's the here's one stressful moment. I just want to just before you go move for before you move forward I just want to say while I Your proximity to Edgar Ramirez Makes him no longer my hall pass good Yeah, that was my goal because as soon as there is a because he's my hall pass now Yeah, I mean He's pretty hot

He's got a big head. I like it. Well, also the likelihood of me having sex with Natalie Portman Yeah, far greater than the likelihood of you Having sex with my and then me it same with Edgar Ramirez. Wow works. Oh, that's I believe that. Thank you a thousand percent accept it In fact, I think that mine could happen You don't know no Natalie. Can I just say this? Yeah. Yeah, can I just say this? Yeah soon as you're done Yeah, right? Doing your stuff with him. You can suck the calm. I'll suck the shit Suck you can suck my come out of his asshole

Yeah, I'm going to suck my warm come out of his fucking tongue don't no no no. Yeah. Yeah, I Could no I was saying that I'm open to you having that experience and that I Reconciled with the fact that I it's it might my fantasy has been popped Would you like to put on a new male a hall pass? Yeah, I think I'm gonna please do because I will meet him That's before you so any throat out there. I will meet him Fucking conduit Okay

So I want I want Mahershala Ali done That's gonna be my best friend. Go ahead. He's gonna be a blade Mahershala. And then second is Killian Murphy as Tom. I bet you money. I'll meet him before you. I Just have a feeling I'd get along with both of them I have a feeling that I'll meet them before and I have a feeling that you mean you'll be sucking my come out of their asses You're come always in their ass, you know what I'll take second hand come. All right So then you're fucking so Getting weird it's getting weird. Yeah, it's getting weird guys

So here's a cool thing was one but see here's the Cape Blanchard thing was like I just let this is the last time I'm ever gonna talk about it. Yeah, okay, is is that they're just something about I'm because I'm such a big fan of hers There's just something about her being there and talking to you that is just like it's just not it's kind of like You just want to get out of the situation She's so sweet and nice. I just don't want to say the wrong thing You know, I mean and but it got to the point where one time we were at lunch and she was sitting next to me and Josh Heartnet. Yeah, we're sitting next to me and

For three hours, we just laughed. It was so it was cool, man I had some really cool moments on that movie man. And when I got back, I was just like I'll never see these people again He Jules and Kalilah. Yeah, we're losers I mean the wedding list is growing longer. What do you mean? You invite all these people? Oh my god, all the borderlands Yeah, I think that yeah, I'll I'll honestly be real. Yeah, if you put out a wedding invite now How heartbroken would you be if like all of them turned it down? It probably would I don't expect it. I expect it already Because everyone's busy and all that stuff and it's like I'm more of a visitor You know, I mean, I'm a listen. Do I have a great podcast and a good vibe going on in my life? Yeah, I

Love this vibe. I love all four three of you Right and this is my family and this is what I do Right. I see the red What's the red Andrew Santino? Oh, oh speaking of what? No, but let me just finish my point. Yeah, go ahead. This is I see the red and I enjoy what I have with him and I enjoy What my life is, you know, this is my life and every once in a while, you know, you get invited to do other things and You just take it in it's life. I'm 50 years old

What's that? I'm just showing for the audience. Yeah. Yeah You know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna superimpose my face on Janina's face I think you could I think you could. Oh also one last thing I want to say is that there's there's a young girl on there There I am That guy Ben Davis good dude That's hard The one last thing I want to say and I want to I don't want to talk about the movie over again is Is there's this young girl though on it named aria on a gleam greenblatt, bro

This girl is so fucking talented. It bothers me. How old is she? She's like 14 or whatever, but she's so Confident and so good like she just did a movie with Adam driver, you know, I mean where she was the co-star She's doing adult films as a young girl and it's like just it's just she's got a bright future ahead of her That's us doing escape rooms good for her being with all these adults. Yeah, her parents are cool That's my friend Charles. Hey, there's Emmy Ari. So that guy Ari and Emmy they do So that guy right there right that guy right there and the Asian lady. Yeah, Amy. They did they did Morbius oh

Sony's right. Yeah, so they did ghost on the show. They do they do all these gigantic Looks like you'll be having some reunions pretty soon. What do you mean? I mean if you're in this and I know I just you know, but those are two people good It's good to know them because they do these gigantic, you know, I mean blockbuster block buster 150 million dollar movies So that's it. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Hey, thank you. Thank you Out in theaters whenever I don't know my life has not been as exciting. In fact, it has been a dreadful I know. Well, what you're going through is the polar opposite I believe what your can we talk about? No, no, no

So why we shouldn't talk about it? Can we just vaguely go around it? Let me just can we just vaguely I'm gonna vaguely make a statement right now And my statement is that say it to the camera Holy shit. I I Didn't know it could be this bad, but let's leave it at that. Okay. I want to let you know. Yeah Is I view your situation as you're in the big leagues now There's nothing big. I got big league. I there's nothing big league about us. No, just listen to what I'm saying

Okay, forget the big league analogy because I don't know where to go with it Medium league. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I'm just saying that like you're in a game. Yeah, right and You're up to bat, right and sometimes the pitchers are weird, right? Sometimes you'll hit it sometimes, you know You'll strike out, right? But the key is to keep batting because you're gonna hit one Are you gonna hit a home run? And I think that that's the most important thing like I'll be honest with you my pride That's such great pride when it comes to you

because and I've been talking to other people like my agents and other people about you and I I just never in my life Did I ever date a woman that I would see that I felt was my My equal That's not a good thing to say. No, no, no, no, no, not in the sense of no Don't no, no, not in the sense that like, you know, I mean, they're they're all great, right? But it's somebody that I can spar with

Right. Someone that I could spar with and I'll probably lose right but somebody that like takes, you know, I mean the little bits of opportunity, right and you work hard and you make those little things into you know little seeds and they grow and What you did while I was gone We want to get into details about it But was very brave and impressive and everyone said it like everyone that I talked to was like god Your girlfriend is amazing and I go I know She's she's a beast and it's like, you know

You and I I want to produce things with you I want to create things with you and I know we're gonna make some magic Some of it might not work, you know, but I trust you on every level. So I'm just Super I look up to you and I'm enamored by you and I um, I'm just very lucky to have you in my life Not being real. I'm so lucky. I Won the lottery I don't want to touch you I don't want to touch you, but I literally I honestly I feel that I won the lotter with you as I hate having these like gross cheesies

We're not real I don't want to hear yours because yours is gonna be like I need to say it. Here we go. It's her sir I need to say it. They're really good. Yes. I I I Take small tiny Seeds, I think you're gonna give me a compliment and I water your I thought you're gonna give me a compliment But I can't do that without soil. You're my soil. She's good She's good fucking dirt guys

You're the dirt I'm the dirt that I need it Good fertilizer good fertilizer. So what what have you guys been? How's your house being dad? Oh? Real good kids getting cuter every day. He's got a large. Uh, did you speak yet? He says a goo a goo. What does that mean? It's just the first words they can say Is a recognition there? Uh, he's it's it's fun because he's like makes eye contact now. Oh, all right. So he knows who you are. Yep Do you feel that or no? I'm the one one of the two people who takes care of them and uh, sometimes gets him to stop crying by giving him a big

He will cry. Oh, come on. Yes. Oh, come on, bud. Yes. That's a dad. Yeah. Yeah. So he does cry But is is let me ask you something because this is what I hear Is the love real deep? beyond Like like in terms of things that you've loved in your life of all the things of all the things like food I like because I love pizza Right. I like it more than pizza. You love it more than pizza. Okay? How about your car?

Have you had a good car that you loved? Yeah, I like my car at the moment. Yeah. Yeah, you love your baby more than your car I would trade my car for my baby. Oh, you would yeah, how about this? Let me ask you this and this is a good because okay Would you trade your own life for your baby? I think Probably I think uh, yeah, I think just there's just the natural like if there was a split second decision No, no, no, not split second. Oh just a trip. I'll give you the tip. You have a doctor. You have a year long Right. Oh, no, I know this is just all right Well, let's just try it if it doesn't work. It doesn't work. Yeah, I'm a doctor and I got good news and bad news

I'll be your wife. Yeah. The good news of bad news. The good news is That your son, you mean has this illness, but we have a complete way to treat it. Oh, thank god. Okay. No I hate these scenarios. I know let's just try it. Can I just finish it? Let's see what kind of dad he is, right? The bad news is that defensive and the bad news is that you know, we have to use your life essence To save your baby and you're gonna have to die. Can I have other kids? Yeah, you're gonna be dead. What are you talking about? You can't have a ghost dad. No, no if I live Does it take uh, does it take by uh, no, you're dead It's we had to you're gonna die to save your baby's life. It's like I'm alive. Can I have like five more kids?

Oh, yeah I'd still I'd still sacrifice myself for this one. He's damn cute. Oh, that's that answer alone. That's it Here's how I know. Well, you wouldn't. Huh? You wouldn't? Of course I fucking would I do it for my dogs. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm crazy like when I love I love In a way that is just probably very unhealthy. I would have a second question though to the doctor Like doctor, it would be like all right. So hey you um, your baby has a disease Uh, we're in need I can't get into specifics, but we need your life essence. Okay, and you will die to save your child And my follow-up question is this and this is probably gonna sound

Weird, it's okay Is it gonna hurt? It's an important question, uh When we remove your life essence, it will get you you will be in excruciating pain something you've never felt before how long So there's two methods. The only method we have available is the three-day one Oh There is a quicker pill, but we ran out. You don't have a 48 hour one. I'm sorry. We have a three-day one They ran out of our barbecue. You don't have a two. Does Pfizer have a like a one?

I'm sorry. We're relocated to other countries. Oh, really? It's a three-day. It's a three-day one So you're saying that you tell me what's the most agonizing thing in your mind? You would think a metallic helmet on my head without any padding Well, it's like that but worse. Oh, it is So it's basically it's gonna be now. Where will I be? Can I do it at home? Uh, no, actually we do it in front of uh people. Oh, it's a showcase. We bring your closest friends and family. All right Yeah, can I ask you this? Can I be on drugs for it?

You know what? I'll give you that. Oh, I kind of opiates. It will you can have opiates, but it will add two more days Five days five days of excruciating five days. I got a big five days with opiates. Why wouldn't that be an option before? I'd have to I I wanted to test you. All right. Okay. Also, just like OD on the opiates be gone. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah first day one and done So like yeah, I would do it. Wow. Okay. Let's do it. I mean because it's like you have to you have to Because the alternative is no and then you're that guy Everyone knows you didn't save your kid. That's fucking weird. I'm like, I know but I hear I am guys. Let's go bowling Yeah, no one wants to

That guy with you. Yeah, um, but if I had to choose between you and a two month old baby I had I'd choose you. I'd be like, no, you're not doing that Why? Because I love you more than that baby. Um, baby, baby, you can't say that I do. I'm sorry. I've known that baby for two months So that so basically what you're saying you're a put you're you're an entity with a whole set of 50 years of experience That I've loved for a decade I don't want to lose you That is sweet, but you might fall in love with your child because you'd be the mother. Yeah, but look

I would have to tell you I would be like listen, sweetie No, I don't want to live without you We lost the child to a grave disease and I'm sorry that that's just the cards that were dealt, but I'm not gonna lose you Are sorry that this happened to our child. We're gonna grieve. It's gonna hurt, but I'm not gonna lose you Yeah, but I would make you do it Oh, god damn it. Yeah, I'd be like you're gonna do it. I don't care. We're saving the kid So you want me to die? No me. You're saying that you would you don't hold on. What if the life has to come for me? I'll I'll ask you. What do you want to do?

And then I I'm gonna say I want to save my child Think let's do it and then you'd be you wouldn't stop me No, because that's you fucked yourself up. No, shut up. No, shut up. Let's shut up. Shut the fuck up No, let me ask. No, no, no. Koala's the best at that. Let me ask you something. Okay, you just said you just said I was a seed plant I just asked you the seed plant. I just asked you. What do you want to do? I said you were my soil Yeah, I asked you what do you want to do because if you said I want to live Then I'd be like that's your choice. So bye, baby But you said that you would want to risk your life

So then I'm like, let's do it because I would feel pressure And then you'd have to be the person of sound mind to be like Koala. No, like we need you. Okay Hey guys, I read the report wrong. Actually, your baby's gonna be fine. So we're good here. You guys I'm not gonna say anymore. This is a weird scenario. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Do you want me dead? No, I don't I just asked you the seed plant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Talk about this therapy. So your son any problems with them? Oh my god, Bobby, will you get off this topic? No, I don't want to. And last we can edit it. Any problems with him? No, he's great. He's got a 99th percentile head because he's half Korean. So uh Okay, how about you Gilbert? So how you're getting married? I uh, oh, congrats. I got engaged. I uh, was inspired by

Inspired by George Kimmel and I did it just pulled the trigger. And so when is that gonna happen? Or her parents wishes are don't do it anytime soon. Oh god because of COVID Oh, they would want like family from countries. Oh, right. Right. Yeah, wait a couple years But I'm thinking uh, we would do it in Hawaii. So everyone's gonna have a fun trip. Yeah Well destination weddings are a little bit tricky, but I think that is there anything Is there any scenario? He brings the dude guys to prepare yourself. Is there any other scenario in the future that it wouldn't happen? Like what?

No, that the wedding's off. No, that was no scenario. No, there's a scenario would It would have happened in that four years. That was the tumultuous part Was getting to know each other all the therapy Can I give you another scenario? Let me just give you a scenario, but be a doctor in this situation. No, I'm not a doctor. I'm a producer No, I'm gonna stay with my wife All right, you didn't even hear my fucking thing. You're gonna say like boardlands, too. No, no, no, no, just listen to my fucking deal Okay, take the meeting. Okay. You gotta take the meeting with the producer. Give me like I need a name. What company? My name is um

John Lebowitz Very familiar. John Lebowitz standard. Yeah, and I work for Kaboom Kaboom productions. Oh John Lebowitz Kaboom productions a cleaning product. All right Kabazanza, there we go. Kabazanza production. There's money there. So come in the meeting. Hey Gilbert, sit down. Oh, thanks, man Huge fan of your work. In fact, you know, I just think that there would be no tiger belly without you

Oh, don't tell Bobby that I know he's terrible, but the foundation is definitely you and uh, thank you You know, I listen every week and my family listens every week because of you great Thank you, and I just big fan. Yeah, and you know, I looked at your um all your work Mm-hmm. You know your youtube work and I saw I saw I saw Some of your chicago work too. Great. Thank you. Yeah when you were singing that song. Ah, damn. We were getting we gained a little weight Yeah, I'm getting that out. Amazing. Thank you. And um, what does that tell you something and also, um

Give it to him straight, babe. I'm gonna tell you. I'm sorry. Do you have another producer here? Oh Are you the seed planter? I am it's the seed. Yeah. Yeah, so Anyway, I want to just cut to the chase Um, we want to what we want to do is we we have all these, um franchises, you know We we've got the uh the rights and the ip of ip. Is that the right word? Yeah, of uh some of these franchises and we want to make huge movies And we just don't like your wife or your fiance my fiance. Yeah, and we just think that because we want you to make you a leading man

What's her name? We don't know. That's how oh, so you don't that's how much I dislike you like her or not. You don't know. Yeah, yeah Okay, interesting. I don't like your tone. I'm a producer. John Liebel. It's here. Oh, you're a fan of you're a fan of my work I'm the heart and soul. Thank you for the meeting. I'll okay. I'll see you later I'll see you later. Okay. I'm sorry. Let me hear your proposal. I apologize. Go ahead. You don't talk to a producer like that I'm sorry. You can talk to many which way you want guild. Thank you seed planter. Okay. We want you to be the lead We don't want you to be married. We we want you to be single and um You know in order for this deal to go through we give you a six-picture deal

Oh, that does sound yeah, and these are 200 million dollar movies and you know, okay And we have chris pratt on a couple of them signed on my favorite. Yeah. Yeah, we've got um, but you're billed first You're billed first above chris. Yeah Rock the rock. Yeah in a couple of them. He's gonna play the nemesis. You'll put your bill first So in order for you to sign the six-picture deal also plus you're gonna make points on the movie the back end Love it, and we're also going to give you 20 million dollars a movie That's almost as much as yeah. Yeah. Yeah 27. That's uh 20 times six. You did the math Can you do it? I don't know how to do it. I don't need

Yeah, because because I know your fiance. You're gonna be like take the fucking deal I'll meet you 10 years from now in taiwan That's kind of how it would play out swimming as a fucking billionaire We can't catch you with her in anything over the deals through We can't catch you with her in any public setting You run a tough bargain John this is really so we'll give you Six hours to the side. Sure. All right. So what are you gonna do? So on the six hours, please play cindy

Oh, okay. Wait. Are you telling me? Yeah, okay Hey fiance, yeah, what did they say? So literally I'll just put out there. They won't offer me all this money. It's 60 times Oh, it's 20 times six. I don't know how much that is, but it's a lot of money. I'm gonna be billed above chris pratt your favorite Uh, I love him. We cannot be together anymore. I mean, what is I would I would be willing To be with you still and turn this down my life's dream. Are you okay with that? I mean, what does that even mean? Are we gonna be able to like have sex hold hands?

We cannot have I didn't ask about one second. John. Yeah, can I have sex with can I have no I can't have sex with you I can't have sex You will never see this foreskin again. And for how many years? 10 years Take the deal Will I will you be will you wait for me? um Yeah, I'll take that as a yeah

Hey, John, I'll sign the papers. Yeah, okay. Good. If I'm being yeah Yeah, we would I would talk to her. Yeah, but she's in but there is there is a yeah, there is a way Hey, I'm gonna kill your baby leave your wife. Who are you? Say there is a way. Sorry. I'm sorry guys I like devil's advocate though. It's good. Yeah, we're having to I'm trying. I'm I'm testing, you know That's true your morality and your value system. I already that if it was turned on you and that same question was posed Yeah, I don't even it'd be the quickest decision of your life. No, that's not true. Yes. I'll tell you why it's not true Can tell you why it's not true because At the level that I'm at now

Is exactly where I want to be There's nothing that's above it that I'm interested in or I desire. I don't want it I don't want to be like Like kevin couldn't hang out In any of our lunches or anything like that just because of security reasons and what oh wow He's he just wasn't around. He's so busy too. Yeah that he's doing like I know at six o'clock I have to do my radio show from six to eleven and then I have to do rewrites I mean just he's just constantly busy. He's he's like the rock. I heard the rock is like that as well, right?

And it's like work comes for I I'm not like that. I'm made. I'm not made up like that I don't want that. This is the level that I want. I love the fans listening right now I love you guys. I really do. I fucking love you guys And I Oh, I love where I'm at. So it's like no, I wouldn't take it Why would I need I feel like a millionaire as it is? Yeah, because I am one Borderlands coming out

I'm kidding. But you know what I mean I want to set the record I got no money. I got no money. I want to set the record straight about something Yeah, on bad friends. You said that there's this new guy Who came into our lives? right and you painted him out to be somebody that Like it's just new and random and then Andrew suggested it was someone that I dated

And I just want to set the record straight. I love your little fucking fabrications that you do for bad friends But I've known One of my best friends says name Cory since there we go Since high school love him. He also was our roommate for a decade. Okay, and also, I don't want to get in a fight He's also no juliana. He's also he's been to the Philippines multiple times and he's known juliana since she was four years Okay, when juliana says that she likes him right

As much as she likes me That's where I draw the fucking line Okay, go ahead Also, she said she likes him because he's funny. Oh See which he is Literally like organically just one of the funniest people I've ever been okay to you. What is the context to you? Okay, but back up the context Let me just thank you. George. Can we roll the clip on bad friends?

Yeah, okay, right. So I want to say all right. He's hilarious To you right Okay, it's like you know how many times As a comic I've been at clubs and I've met people go up. Oh man. I have a friend named William William Cho He's hilarious. Just like you he cracks everyone up at work Yeah, he's not funny though, but see that's not that Cory doesn't try ever to be funny. He just is himself. He's the nicest guy in the world Here's where um a non-negotiable for me. Cory is not a friend. He's my brother

I've I've been through life with him since I was a teenager and so you can't go ahead and have these competitive feelings with about him because He's a non-negotiable. I'm keeping him in my life forever. And I and he's not a new person I also I am welcoming it welcoming him into my life as well Okay, that's what I'm saying. I'm just bringing it up for comedy purposes But the fabrications are there's no there's no fabrications Is there one fabrication? Yeah, give me a fabrication Exactly you said

You said yeah that I've only known him for two months Okay, it's again a comedy fabrication. Okay, but that is fabrication. Just just just all comedies of fabrication Everything about you is a fabrication. All stories are fabrications. Yeah, everything that I say on this mic, right? Ah goes through a channel of fabrication. Okay. Yeah channel five. Yeah, right? It goes through a thing in my head your fabric softener Exactly, right? But my point is is I have nothing against your best friend and your brother Cory who's the robin williams of long beach or whatever you want to say, right?

Is that what they say? Long Beach? Where he's from, right? I would have had more Pasadena. I love the guy. Yeah, right? I just find it offensive That Jules likes him as much as me. That's all You want to be the number one in her life? It's just not that it's just that it's um Are there other comedians that you would be okay with that she liked ahead of you? Oh, yeah, what's the list for them? Well, Jules Jules loves John Mulaney and he will not have it Oh

Okay, that's only because Of the tweet thing got it. I yeah, okay What tweet thing when I said when John Mulaney went to rehab, right? And everyone made a big deal out of it. Yeah, and I said I tweeted I tweeted it's good. I've been to four rehabs and no one gives us gives a fuck I was right, so I that was the last real comedy tweet that I did Right and then I remember I got off a fucking twitter for six months That was what did it that closed the door because the the visceral comments afterwards like, um, that's because you're not funny dude

To me, right? John Mulaney is like an a-list comic. You're seal it, you know, I mean It just went on and on and on and I was just like I was just making a joke But anyway, I'm gonna get off a twitter because this is very hurt I mean, so, you know, I like John Mulaney. I know John Mulaney. He's a nice guy And if he was if I was at the fucking third street promenade and Mulaney walked by we would talk and stuff I mean, I like the guy. Yeah, right and he likes me. That's fine. It's just that the fucking, um It's a toxic twitter. It just got like a like really volatile and and then people are like after that were like

questioning my acting ability and all this stuff Like what yeah, you're a terrible actor and all this stuff and I was like, I don't need this in my life And then to top it off you come home and Jules is like Tito. I love John. Yeah, and then so then when she did that I was just like, okay. I just don't need this in my life right now. That makes yeah, that makes thank you That makes sense. I have yeah. Yeah. I I think John Mulaney He's one of those guys when I see him at the clubs and stuff I sit down and I mean, aw even fucking Joey Diaz said this In front of me. Joey Diaz goes I wish I could write like that guy

That guy's writing is at a neck that's the next level and I'm giving him all the props props But he is I don't like elitist comedy and you know that I don't like elitist anything What does elitist comedy mean? There's just a It's it's like this. It's like, you know, you see All these comics people below me and above me or at the same level have done cone in as a guest like You know what I mean has done Fallen all these things

I never get asked to do those things because I'm not a part of I don't think and it's probably in my head that elitist You know what I mean comedy? vibe it's like You know, I'll just say it fucking Polar Meyer and they're all in this thing bubble above and I'm just like this, you know edgelord Millionaire edgelord millionaire Okay, that's what I am. I'm for the people, baby

My fears have come true. No my point though I didn't even know what edgelord means. It sounds good But I'll tell you I hate the way he does this too. He calls me from Hungary He's like, babe. I'm really not having a good day, but what does edgelord mean? And I was like, why someone called me an edgelord. I like the way it sounds not just one person eight people Thank you. Would you also call the butterfly? Yeah, they didn't Gina call you a butterfly all all yeah, she called me a butterfly and what happened That's a compliment. Wow, but it was more in in the script

Oh, oh, it was part of the script. Oh, I thought she was just random It was just a bit that I did I kind of took what was in the script and I said it out loud You know, it worked. It worked. But my point is is that sometimes I lie and I lie to when everyone knows that So let's go back to this thing. Okay. So I well, what have we learned today? I'm an edgelord millionaire Okay, that I look I think Corey is um hilarious All right, and I want to say this um I know how important he is to you

And I'm gonna do everything I can to accommodate him In terms of my heart in terms of like, you know what I have a lot of defense mechanisms because of just, you know Being an edgelord No, I You know, you just as a comic you have defenses and you can't let everyone in you can't that's a fact You can't let ever everyone in but with him. It's like there's a special lane that he all he has to do Imagine this the yellow brick road. All right. There's a little yellow brick road that I paid for him, right?

Into my heart. He just has to follow the fucking road If he diverts, he's not gonna get in. You're just a natural hazer. I'm the best And I love you Are you also Rosanna Mayunas? Yeah Say it again What I'm the best. I'm the best. You know what though? I learned a lot when she said that totally you got it

You kind of walk into an octagon and believe otherwise and the fact that you you say it out loud and you become You become what you say you are and and this is gonna sound gross, but um, maybe I don't know but um You know that when I was talking about the first scene I did when they said oh, we're shooting your scene right now And I didn't know The only thing I said is repeatedly in my head is you belong here. You belong here. You belong here You belong here. You belong here and I said that to myself a hundred times while I was walking to the set. Nice, right? because There's a part of me that doesn't belong feel like he belongs

You know, there's a part of me that feels like this is all sham and they're gonna see through it, but that's not true Those things aren't true. These are things that I built These old tapes that I fucking recorded in my mind that keep playing over and over again that aren't even fucking true Well for you someone for people like you and I like we think self-deprecation is funny So we shit on ourselves a lot. The problem is that our body. Yeah, doesn't understand When it's when when we're joking or when we're being real So it's like those all of those negative even joking negative self-talk. Yeah It becomes we become that because

We're not able to decipher what's real and what's a joke So we have to be careful about our self-talk We have to be careful about the things that we tell other people about ourselves even if it's you know funny I did a movie called hard breakers And I've never said this before And I had like a little chunk of dialogue that was a kind of a mini monologue And I remember I was in my and I had spent all night memorizing this. I was so nervous

And I took like six beta blockers. Oh my god. That was so nervous. I was so dangerous And I remember in my head going You're gonna eat it. You're gonna eat it. This is gonna be terrible. You're gonna eat it And when they said action Nothing came out of my mouth. You ate it and they cut the scene out of yeah, I was in that not that one Oh, not that hard breakers. Oh I love I want to watch that one. Jean Hackman. Yeah, yeah, yeah that Sophie monk Cameron Richardson. Oh, yeah, I was in it. Yeah. Yeah. What Chris Kattan's in it. Yeah

Yeah, Chris. Tia Carrera has the same face as me. So I was in that movie and I remember having a Monologue and I froze so bad that the director was like, do you need a second and I literally said I can't do this right now And they cut it out. I'm barely in the movie. My point is is that And I'm never I'm no longer doing that anymore But you know what I wouldn't have any of this stuff without Tiger Billy and without bad friends And believe it or not Gilbert Is

There's a lot of allies out there, man that Secretly listened to the shit It's crazy. I've met them. I'm just kind of shocked. Yeah, and it's cool, man And we don't know how long this ride's gonna last How are our numbers? Uh Right now great. Thank you fans. This year. We've been crushing it. Thank you even more than usual. Slap kingdom

We got tomorrow, right Special guests for 300 special guests for 300. Yeah, that's right. Um, unhelpful advice Sure show unhelpful advice with Bobby at Kalyla Hey tiger belly family, I was recently offered a role in the musical south pacific great But I think I'll have to turn down the part good south pacific first round Broadway in 1949 the musical itself does have Historical importance for bringing up topics of attacking racism towards Asians by bad whites So obviously there's a lot of roles for Asian actors But where I live I don't have a large Asian population and I'm afraid there may be a largely white cast because the theater has uh

That's just how it is. I'd like to talk about this with the director But I don't want to just stand in the lobby yelling at yelling at him. Whoa, wait Hang on. So let's say he's in the middle of fucking bumfuck Somewhere where it's mostly white a white. All right So what what he's basically saying is is that the director's gonna first of all the director can't cast White people in Asian parts. Well, that's what's happening. They that's not gonna happen Well, here, how about we're in the middle of like this very like white town where the closest Asian is 150 miles away. Yeah, I'm just saying why to south pacific sound of music sound of music

The most do the whitest thing. Yeah Zana do What if you're in korea and they do brady bunch? It's like two something else. That's a great show though I would love to see a career You know what bobby and I want to Babe, honestly, you and I have to sell our korean jetsons idea. Yeah. Yeah. We have one We have this. We've been sitting on it for so long Yeah

We can't I don't want to talk about it because okay. Yeah, but hey dude You can't you can't do it. You can't do it and if they're gonna cast white people white people for Asian parts First of all, I can't see Any world that that's gonna happen But if you live in such a small town that they're gonna do that you gotta get the fuck away from waiting I have another and move move. No, don't move No, don't move Record the whole set and send it to us so we can have

Ah material to laugh at for a very long time. Yeah, because that is the most absurd thing I have ever heard What would be a cool show would be if you reverse the parts Like I don't know why people play the Asians and the Asians play the white people See that's avant-garde. They don't even have Asians to play the white people I know just don't pick a different play tell the director that's how specific you can't play something I never but I don't know the play so I don't know how many Asian parts there are I don't know either. Is it like a Pearl Harbor where Josh Hartnett and Harrison Ford? Was he in that? Was Harrison Ford?

Also, you know what I hate about that would be Pearl Harbor. It was devastating. They were sleeping. I get it. Okay, but it's like They should extend the part two into Hiroshima and Nagasaki Oh, that would be intense because it's like, you know, you're seeing One slice of it. It's like, yeah, but look at the second half The second half is devastating. Yeah, right and it's like they leave that out You know, it's like Do you ever see the fucking movie was a black black rain? Um, which one there was a documentary about on HBO It's like white something black rain or something like that

But it's an HBO documentary about Hiroshima and Nagasaki and is I saw that one brutal brutal man Fucking fucking brutal so crushing Yeah, it's like, you know, people have mutations on their body. It's insane. That's what happened, too Like so many people don't know that the like the Marshallese over the Marshall Islands because so many of the bombs were tested in that area and it's because it didn't compare to like Nagasaki or people that were or They were like a forgotten people but I watched this documentary about the Marshall Islands when I was in nursing school and

And it fucking scarred me to think that this entire island nation was basically debilitated and we didn't even bat an eyelash Yeah, and they always they always say well, it was the one, you know, there was two bombs ended the war, right? But there's a reason why we never use those bombs in vietnam Right because it's like it was devastating. Yeah, it's like you can't Right this anyway Anyway Thanks for anyway

Thanks for thanks for listening to tiger belly. How do we end? Talk about edge lord millionaire millionaire George no, no, I was I was waiting for you to bring up the parts for in the play And I was trying to think of like what I would do if I was like, hey We uh, we have a part for you. I know you came in for uh, you know private johnson, but uh, we've got a part for you Yeah emperor yaka moto

Like am I I'm in the small town like am I like getting excited like ooh Would you do it george? You fucking would what is called out? I think his name is not yaka moto by the way Yeah, that's why I was hoping gilbert would bring this up, but uh, is it here? He don't he don't hit yama moto right yama moto. I just want to say um if he does decide that this Here's here's why you're giving me that glare. It was a good segue your bit right there Um Kind of ate it

Babe, what about this? You wait wait what you just said kind of ate it in in so different different ways Jules thinks i'm funny. I know I'm just saying You were laughing you're describing this thing and you were eating it real bad and it felt flat. I love you um, is that me being um Gaslighting No, that's not gaslight. What is that? That's just that's just being an asshole. Oh, I'm an asshole

You're bullying I'm just gonna go and okay. What if this guy this director in the small like a very very white town says Bobby we're gonna fly you out And we want you to do this community theater thing. We'll pay you ten thousand dollars A day. No, we just want no And I get to doc. Can I make it a documentary? It was first of all if ten thousand dollars, I'll probably have to be out there for two months I probably say no

I'm gonna be in what Missouri for two months and there's no way did ester ever tell you the story about how hbo Um, basically offered her Um, it was it was a special it was sort of this weird comedy special because ester has a very um long She has a big background in theater and dance, right? Yeah So they followed her to go back to her um Alma mater her high school. Yeah to try out for a play. Yeah And she didn't get in Did and then hbo had to end production They're like, well, you didn't get any part so

And she was basically everyone was so sure that she would get this part in this play because she's from that school She's now a celebrity. She's just coming in. It's a big old prank. I would call the school beforehand and call. Listen I will lose this hbo. Okay. No way. I'll burn everyone down. I'll kill everybody. I would just donate money to the school. Yeah Anyway, thanks for listening. Come on. Okay. Well, it's lord millionaire sign out. Hey, lord millionaire Test test. Oh really we aren't on that's Quite convenient Gilbert that we weren't rolling for that quite convenient. You already know my truths and my weird quirks I'm like zoe deschanel, but filipino

In what way in what fucking world are you zoe deschanel? You know that she can sing right? She's part of a band No, she's got beautiful blue eyes. She's got a petite little face She is married to an interior designer Uh, he's our manic pixie dream boy. I think a little gilly boy like new girl She has all these weird quirks and I have like foreskin and I have Foreskin is not a quirk. It's a quirk It's a quirk So there's the sitcom with you and um

You and three girls and you're just going out on the first night and they're taking you in and they're like Wow, you're crazy for that. I really regret all those years I gave you shit about foreskin because my mind has really changed about that I don't even know really what your position is my position in terms of four or against Oh, it's It's if you look for some of you guys, it's too late, right? Your your skin is no longer there All right, give us the some of you guys that whose skin is still there. I also am in support of you and I like all all varieties of cut or uncuts. I just know that

the feelings and the sentiments around Um, genital mutilation has changed unless you're a Hasidic Jew or Filipino or Filipino So, um, so yeah, I'm being more open-minded about that stuff now and truly that would have to be like A thing I would really deeply consider if I had a son. I think like what I want George What are your thoughts? You don't have to tell us that's the very price. I forgot. I was with like A group of friends and like all the wives. I was like making a joke like oh, I have foreskin And then like all the wives look at their husband. It was like a group of four of us. Yeah, all the guys are like raise their hand I'm like, holy shit. That's a lot of Asian guys with foreskin. I love that. So now we're the foreskin bros

It's crazy. Is that You are corking. One Japanese guy, one Chinese guy. What's that writing team with Jessica Gao and Jimmy Oyang? Uh Three crabs club. Yeah, three crabs club no more. It's The three foreskins club. Foreskin bros club. Oh, foreskin Shout out to foreskin. Shout out to calamari. Shout out to all. Will you let me pinch it? You can do whatever you want. How much sensation do you have?

Um, wait, you took my mind. Is it like the back of your elbow where you can pinch it so hard? Oh, no, it's very sensitive They're still nerves. You guys just see the uh, what do you what do you like the purple the blue veins you have on legs? The varicose veins, the varicose veins. I have I have micro varicose veins. Well, that's what I'm saying All the more reason it's like there's so much blood flow to that skin and nerves and sensitivity that I'm just like Why would I take that away from My son tell me this three months ago No Three months ago, I was like chop that shit off george. Don't be one of those

Oh, I'm so sorry. I really haven't changed my I've learned so much since the Beginning of this podcast and I've just about changed my mind and stance on everything So if I've said anything like really just like that really Bothered you a couple years ago more than likely. I feel the opposite now I've softened up a bit. I'm circumcising my son. I used to what did I used to? Yeah, of course now You're supposed to do whatever you have. Oh, I do You match daddy That's uh, they whatever they're used to seeing I got it out. It's like god doesn't get bullied so much in high school

What do you think they just swings his dick around naked and I saw my dick around changing in the locker room I had to like justify. I was just like, uh, I'm just I told people I'm just tired No one told you you had to take all your clothes off when you took a shit But that's your bad. That's different because that's I just don't like my the tail of my shirts to get dirty Every time you say you have to take a shit by the way here in my bathroom, like you just picture me naked Yeah, I'm like, oh, he's fucking naked Just squatting on a toilet naked. I still squat on the toilet to this day. So he's like, I'm gonna buy you a Squatty pot. I'm like, I'm not doing that. I've been doing it this way forever

Dude, honestly, if you squat on a regular toilet. Yeah, you have to use Filipino I'm not saying Joe. No, I'm just saying He does but get the one that has a little foot things. Now here here here in India. They had like the Look, look, look, it's you go three point prong Lift and oh shit. And also my pants are No, if you go like this because if you you Asian squat on it, I know in India They had like the the toilet That had both so you could sit down on it, but then they had a little extension for your eye

Yeah, that's smart. Also, you know, I know now who broke that fucking toilet seat. Which one? The broken toilet seat and the fucking podcast. Not I there's only one squatter. Not I You ripped it right off. Not I dirty little feet. You know, well, be honest. I have broke in the past two places I have unhinged the back. I know you don't actually break it. It just loosens the screws because that's exactly what I had to fix Yeah, you know what? I was trying to help you with the my tushy to install it easier Well, shout out shout out to my tissue. Um, look Gil what I will say is um I've never Well, while you're not a zoe dashanel, I do think

That you are a very unique entity. Thank you. And that For some strange reason, even though you weren't born in the Philippines like me You do a lot of things to compensate for your lack of Filipino identity Like, uh, I still don't walk over my dad's legs. Oh, I don't either Wait, what's that? That's so stupid. You would stop growing. That's so stupid the way you said let's stop growing so if It's my dad used to physically grab me like what like the face of like what the fuck are you doing? Like that kind of energy when he goes, hey, hey

I'm like as a kid. I just be like that and there was like Walk back over the other way. So I have to jump back over my dad's legs And I know a lot of you guys are wondering why would people just be sleeping on the floor It's because the Philippines sleep on the floor, but we just sleep on the floor. It's what we do We put a weave a tiny little weave. Um, what do you call it mat? Yeah, it's a mat basically bamboo and we call it banig So like a Korean spa. Yes, but I'm telling you it's the most after your third day when your bones have, um settled and you realize that

Um, you know, it's like when you try to kick down a banana tree the first time It really hurts, but Yeah, you know when you kicked out a banana tree for the first time George, right in michigan me and Georgia kicking down banana trees So you kicked out a banana tree for the first time and you give it a go It really hurts, but eventually the nerves on your shins they deaden, right? Yeah, same thing when you sleep on a banig your body Eventually your hip bones the nerves there they deaden and really it's really a comfortable place to sleep the floor So what we're not allowed to do is we're not allowed to skip over or walk over a sleeping person

Is it anybody's an elder and for us it was anybody. Oh, so it's okay. Yeah You're not supposed to walk over them because you would well We were told that we would stop that that person would stop growing, but I'm like my grandma's 89 Like I hope she stopped growing Um, yeah, it's a weird superstition. I don't know. Is that only specific to Like where you're you and my dad are from and then that was like a more national like don't step over your elders They'll shrink. I mean, I think it's it's a yeah, I think it's all the islands like the same Like don't sleep with your hair with you'll wake up blind blind. Yeah, you know like

Fun fun little fears. They try to instill in you or would they say like when you get lice I don't know they say that the lice will like lift you to a different dimension What is this interstellar like they grab you by your hair and you get lifted So like they like don't get lice or else like, you know, you'll be taken to a different dimension I'm like, oh, okay Oh, um, speaking of Filipino shout out to uh, my dad was telling me about this, uh Netflix has this like yeah, I didn't know so many people love it. It's really good. Is it? Yeah It's like I think it's like it was like a Filipino comic book that Netflix bought and like has this amazing show and people like

obsessed with yeah, and the people who have voiced over is Um lisa soberano who is like an actress in the philippines nicole sure zinger. She's um, what's her name? Um, I wish you were famous or shea mitchell. That would be great if you were on it. I'm crazy Yeah, but watch did I say I heard I hear it's really good. I haven't watched it yet Um, but I meant to fucking talk about it and with steve and sarah during the filipino episode um, do any shout outs Top of your head. I have some reverse shout outs Do you guys talk about reverse shout outs for certain folks? George is giving me the he's shooting lasers

George, do you have any normal shout outs that are positive and uplifting? uh Shout out to your the fifth Did I shout out the guy that recognized me playing frisbee golf at the chavez ridge? George or did I just say that in private you guys shout out? I didn't get your name because you didn't say your name, but uh to you. You know who you are Shout out to a group of filipinos that said they love bobbing kalala and then said oh, yeah, you too. You're at quarters Great. Love that family. Is open again. They're open. Yeah

Yeah Everything is everything is outside still Oh, no, I eat inside at parks And I eat outside chill song. Look at you I'm being a fucking social butterfly again. Does it feel good? No, okay. I was gonna say like is your anxiety still very hot inside? I come home and I scald my skin But while i'm out there in the world, at least the food is well, i'm not there in the world I sure put on a brave face

Nothing affects me Just tears today this morning Um bob Bob I was in bed and he comes over me and he's like, oh you look so relaxed Because I was just tucked in like this, but I was just like staring off, right? He's like, oh, you look so relaxed and then he touches my hands. Yeah, and he was like, oh my god He's like you're physically dying And my hands were cold and clammy my feet were cold and clammy my body was stiff

And he was like, I don't think that people realize how much you physically Suffer in silence and and he was like, what are you thinking about and I was just in bed and I had thoughts but The realization that like I'm in I'm so tense and so bottled up and so sweaty for most of the day is something that most People would never assume of me, but you guys like my anxiety is so bad Uh, it's so bad like when I'm supposed to be relaxing. I'm not

Like I I feel like I'm dying Well, that's a sad shout out Your pain you're living with her shout out to myself. Well, I just learned some new breathing techniques from this book breathe Which is all about how like modern society. We don't uh, we don't breathe correctly. We don't breathe through our nose anymore Yeah, I mean in yoga you take any yoga class or with a good yoga instructor unless you're doing cleansing breaths From beginning to end you should be breathing only from your nose, but I have a collapsed nasal passages All right shout out to that too So you see this

You talking about george, you see it. Yep Oh, wait, wait, I'm only seeing there's only one side doing it Isn't that normal? Oh, no mine doesn't do that. No, no, no. Um, so I have collapsed passages. So when I breathe in, um, No air is coming through one side Mm-hmm. Um, it pinches clothes So I am Technically a mouth breather, but I try even even with limited stuff coming through my nose I still try to breathe in yoga. I turn blue

Another reverse shout out to that No, I see it now. I use I can't do that. You can't either probably Oh, wow That's collapsed. I'm sorry about your life And I just learned how important it is to breathe through your nose. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna share that to anybody now Let's uh, yeah, because some people like are gonna collapse whatever That's okay. I also am gonna be deaf in 10 years. Jesus. I'm a seer guys You know, you know how it's so sad is when I was watching you on christina's podcast

My eyelash was falling out. Not the eyelash. That was wonderful. It was a hilarious bit that you purposely did Uh, I watched it. I was like I should know my initial thought was like looking at it And then you had headphones on I was like, oh, she's suffering right now. Her t.m. J I'm like call it. Take the fucking headset off Yeah, but I I bring your own headset. I cannot not follow rules when I'm in other people's homes I get it. You know, I want to be always polite. By the way, that's who my shout out goes out to is Mama Pajitsky I

Fucking love her. She's great. Shout out to your baby Hungarian bones. I hope they heal soon and you're still strong like bull And um, I can't wait to see your battle scars and I can't I honestly like she's like my idol She does she podcasts with so much ease She's so nice. She's so much love in her heart. She's so funny. I want to be her She's the best my favorite guest only time anyone's ever called me the uh Filipino James Dean And I still hold on to that. Yeah, also a great liar. No, if she's not a liar. She tells the truth. Also I'm quirky. I always he says manning manning like paid manning

It's like every time he like he asked that mono because doesn't siri go like call gilmanong or something No, the only reason I pronounce it incorrectly is so I get so that I talk to siri I kill I pronounce Andres's name incorrectly because of a siri andress. Yeah Yeah, uh andres rosend rosend And then uh, what is there rossende? Yeah, and then call. Hey siri call gilbert manning I guess you can still say your name call. I can you start calling me. Um, um, manang from now on I'll say manang, please. I feel very I earned I earned it over the years. Maybe you want to be called manang Ate is um, sweet. You're just cool though. That's why I say it. I associate it with cool

Ate. Yeah, Ate's cute. I call your mom auntie But I want to be manang from now. Manang. Yeah, is there like a cool thing to follow up or just manang? Manang, okay You can say man. Just hang on the a a little longer manang Yeah, I feel more comfortable saying manong Just your shoulders. I see I see your I see your shoulders. I go man Dare I say lolo See you call my sister kuya. Kuya. I'm like, uh, kuya shoulders. What's up, dude on the fucking And trash Tuesday episode. Oh my god

Did you guys see my show if anyone doubted that I had Swimmer or like linebaggers shoulders. Phelps. Yeah, I thought you were the nfo player that came out That's how someone said he was like it's a swimsuit episode. Why are you wearing a scuba suit? I was like, oh That's all I wear. You should wear a scuba suit on one episode one day. I'm gladly I have plenty exactly Um, yeah, shout out to koala's male body and kawinda's body. Uh, here's a clip of them hitting mitts This is koala hitting mitts. Oh, George. Sorry. You hate what I do this and I point to fake imagery Do not pose that I have to it's okay the cross. She has a strong cross. I'll put that out there

Let me just say no one is allowed to put any of that footage up until I Perfect my form. Oh god perfection to see that's what happens. Yeah, what did George say? The perfection is your worst enemy. What is the enemy of progression of good? Perfect as the enemy of Monong Yeah, all right. Yeah, that's our podcast follow your favorite Monong at calamity K follow George at George underscore Kimball We're gonna follow Bobby. Oh bobbyleelive.com should be up and working soon I think it's been down. Hey my responsibility. Yeah Yeah, bobby take care of your website. Uh, you can follow my ad bobbylee live for all his updates

Are we doing that show too? Is that really it was that a joke? Are we doing you're hosting on Tuesday? Look guys, I'll do it. I'll do it when you do it But we can also make it like in three weeks or something I make some impulsive decisions and the truth is The amount of sweat that would escape my body performing in a 600 person room Would dehydrate me to the point of death. Can you I kind of want to do it if we all do it Oh, yeah, because I've got some killer futon jokes that need to make a cut. Look, you're fine, dude You know, you know, we should all share calendars, right? Yeah, everything that comes up improv. George's calendar. Oh my god

Improv at seven improv class. I had to skip. I always tell him I'm like, George, you're putting your personal stuff on the tiger belly calendar something about argentina last week. Yeah Do you saw that? I was like, are we filming in argentina? Las pelotas, che. Dude. I thought you'd check this anyways It goes to whatever I were like I put on last it automatically goes to the last If you guys want to know what George is up to this upcoming week. I wanted to get back into soccer I will gladly share his calendar. Yeah, it's like there is a day sex with wife Hey, man, take that. Ah

Be more impulsive with her. She'll find it romantic. Uh follow George George I'm talking on the tiger. We already did that. We already did that much up. Oh, yeah merch Guys merch is coming out soon. Uh follow the social medias for Some days, but here's a sneak peek of what some of it may look like. Uh, this will be a limited run So once again guys, do not miss this This merch will exist only in this moment Uh, so make sure you get it. Uh, or you'll have to buy it off someone on ebay. And that's very difficult to do Uh, follow me at Gilbits if you like MMA sometimes do a little fun podcast called we out here at MMA with some of my MMA friends

And uh, we love you so much and also send your questions to adviceunhelpful at gmail.com We'll see you at our special 300th episode next week. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You're telling them about that just telling them we talked about it I don't know who the guest is. All I know is the special 300th episode. There we go. We love you guys. Bye Hey Prime members, you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast

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