TigerBelly - Ep 305: Kristen Kish Cooks Happy Food

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

Bobby is a super plus tampon. Kristen accepts the Carnation bar challenge. Khalyla has a sumo-sized love for Bobby. We talk, the secret of the Enchirito, shelter island statues with juicy butts, and the real story of Bobby's Mad TV audition. Check out Bobby & Chef Kristen Kish on Fast Foodies Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today You don't like ears on it. I don't like to hear my own voice Why? I feel like in my brain. Yeah, I sound more badass than I actually do when I when other people It's the same way that I view myself like where like Oh, you know like that's sweet, and I'm like, well, no, I'm not sweet like I thought I looked badass like smoking cigarettes and like Yeah, yeah, like doing my hair and everyone's yeah, that's nice I don't want to look cute. Yeah, gotcha the problem. All right. Let's start because I did so many things I want to talk about I've desperately wanted to be called cute my whole life. You're not you're not

Well, what were you? No, you're rugged rugged But never cute I've never been yeah lumberjack comes to mind Shoulder Yeah, she has Michael Phelps shoulders. It's crazy Yeah, ready go What Oh, don't talk until I bring your name It's so aggressive, you know me I forgot to tell her the rule but

But you just did again because we're not starting over Welcome to another episode of tiger belly. This is 300 and what what is it? Five three hundred and fifth episode of this show and it's like I can't even what would I mean? How many hours of talking is that? Thousands what too much way too much way too much, but we're so glad we're so glad you listen I don't know. I just did it that way But um, hey guys guy, we have a great episode planned for you. We have a great guest I'm so excited, but I just want to say happy 4th of July to everybody. Is that independence day?

Right, that's the same thing, right? I love the movie too Remember the movie No independence day. Oh, I thought you meant born on the 4th of july much better. No, no, no You think born of 4th of July is better than independence day It's not what was the saddest thing about independence day in your when you watch the movie. I I can tell you Yeah, I'll tell you what the saddest thing for me was the German shepherd. Was it a German shepherd? Well, I don't know what dog it was, but yeah, there is no tunnel with with um, with um, that's a sad scene Yeah, but he does he lives he doesn't live. Yeah, that's not such a sad scene. Oh, but when the first lady dies

That's not sad. Kind of what you got your priorities. No, when what's his name's wife? Bill Pullman's wife. Yeah, the first lady. I just said. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Get your priorities. anyway, um So, you know, you know, I'm the slept king and I do things like, you know, people call and they go Do you want to do this and I always go? No Usually Like I don't want to do it But then this show during the pandemic I get a call and they're like, well, I got two cooking things

Yeah, right. I got um, Nicole buyer show Naly nailed it and then I got um, what's it called? Nailed it nailed it. Oh nailed it. Naly I thought it was called Naly. Yeah, I don't know. I don't even remember the show. I don't know what was going on But um, but the show that I do remember doing Right, that one was a blur, but the one I do remember doing was a show called fast foodies And it was on true TV true TV. Yeah. Yeah, and um And you know, I'm I love food

Obviously, first of all, can I just say something? I went to the self edge A couple of days ago to get jeans. What's self edge? Lightness. Oh, well, I only wear Wow Because I'm fancy how much is that Let's just put it this way. Okay. I can't buy one pair. What? Oh, I bought two with the money that you had There's no way. That's why I the money that I the money that cash that I had. Yeah, I didn't use it Okay, I I used my credit card. Anyway, I used to be a 32 inch waist

That's fine. I'm 37 inch now They do 37 love them all sizes. Yeah Anyway, I want to introduce the guests. Um, so I just should call fast foodies and there was a bunch of young hip hipster Are you blaming your waistline on the best? Oh, that's where I'm getting that's the intro. That's where I'm going and um It was a bunch of young chefs and um I obviously googled them before and like, oh They're you know at that level dog. What's up, right? And so I showed up and um

You know, it's also when I see Koreans that I don't know There's already just there's I can identify them so quickly The shape of their head. You know what I mean? There's just something about their faces that I got Korean Korean You know what I mean? So this our guest today a one Top chef And that's like elite That's the top that's like getting a gold medal at the Olympics if you're a chef And she's also um, one of the chefs the best one probably in the group 100 percent

Um, and they're cute the two other ones. Look at you guys. Yeah, look at us together Um Yeah, the white dude. What's his name? And can I talk now? Yeah. No, no, we got that's your name Kristen kish. Yeah, give her a round of applause You can talk now. Yeah, thank you. Remind me of their name. Let me guess. Jeremy's the white guy Justin's the black guy. He loved him. Yeah, I loved him. Justin's great. I mean, you did an open mouth kiss and it's it's something What do you mean? What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait, wait, I open mouth kissed him You did no because wait, this was deep into like the beginning of the pandemic

Yeah, right. So I could have got another man came home to you Oh, wow. I'm sorry. It's not the first time. I'm sorry But more more sorry that we I kind of got you covered I don't care if you kiss 20 people. Yeah Um, but I was covered. Yeah. Yeah, so, um We'll explain the show. All right. So fast foodies is the thing that I got a call and they were like, hey Uh from your instagram, we can tell you like fast food. I was like, well, yes Who doesn't I like a lot of junk food

And they're like, well, how do you feel about like going on tv with these two other chefs and you just get to hang out Cook some cook some food for celebrities and it's like competition, but no one really actually wins or loses. Yeah, and I was like This is either going to be really good or like the worst thing for my career. Yeah. So, um, Luckily, it's just fun. Honestly. This is the first time cooking without rules Which is a very rare thing for me. And I think um, I think collectively we all made some of our best food Because of the restrictions that weren't placed on us. Yeah. Well, here's what I liked about it It's like first of all, they called me and they said, um, what's your favorite fast food, right? Because they were going to Duplicate it. Is that what do not duplicate it? But copy. Well, the the official name

Yeah, so the official name is copycat and then remix. Yeah remix. Yeah, so they put their own flair to it, right? So the first thing I said was Taco Bell Yeah, obviously and and they're like, oh, we already did that That's how they the executive sound. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it is We did that Right like all angry. So then I was like Well, the only thing and if they said no to this next one, I wasn't going to do the show Which was the sausage mcfumbles mcmuffin with egg at mcdonald's. Yeah, because I love that breakfast

You woke up really early that day I know. He knew he was gonna what time do you normally wake up 3 p.m. Who are 3 p.m. Really? Yeah, he woke up, uh mcdonald's breakfast time He was he was in it to win it on their new uh breakfast all day now. They do yeah You just sleep all day. They do last night. I was going to get it. But I went to taco bell and stuff Anyway, am I stomach I don't hold on hold on go back to Taco Bell for a second. What's the order at Taco Bell? I'm very like Simple, you know, so I don't like the double-decker Taco Supreme because it's like they put way too much sour cream in it It's a lot it fucks up my stomach, and it's also I don't need the extra layer of tortilla around the shell

I think it's just very Liberace of them to do that It's like hey, I'm here. You know me and they're and they're doing like, you know, I don't like it, right? I like simple old-school Taco Bell, so I enjoyed they're just the regular taco I get a burrito, and I'll get a burrito. I think I'll tell her the special order. Do you know what? Okay? Let me ask you. Do you like Taco Bell? I do, but I don't go very often. Okay, but how old are you? 37 Why no, I'm cuz I I think age has a lot to do with this next question. That's why okay Um, I have a trivia. What's the one thing you can order at Taco Bell? That's not on the menu, but they'll make

And it's always been on the menu Mexican pizza. No, is that one though? I think took it off, but can you still order it? I've never tried I presume no, I think I don't know because the Mexican pizza I think has elements in it. They just don't have any more so they can't make it Tortillas What's the shell? The pizza shell part is different. It's a tortilla. It's not why are you arguing with the chef? This is not chef shit, right? This is this is poor man shit. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah

And I'm telling you that the shell of the Mexican pizza is something that they don't use in the other Ingredients, I mean other items. Yeah, so they wouldn't just have it like just in case Oh, no, it's off the minute, but we're just in case somebody orders it. I don't think that that's the case All right, I don't argue with you, but it's but no, I'm not done with your Mexican pizza bullshit I actually do how to say Mexican pizza. Yeah Seasoned ground beef two flour tortillas. He's right Fucking you idiots Tortillas, okay, let me ask you something right now. Okay a flour tortilla, right can be many things

No, it's always a fucking flour tortilla. It's always a fucking flour tortilla, right? We know that right, but it's you know How like sometimes let me ask you this Let me ask you this right so it's like you know how you go to a Mexican restaurant, right? And you order potato not potato chip but tortilla chips, right? Yeah some of them are like, you know harder, right and then some of them they'll put two or three of them in the salad or whatever That has a completely different structure and crispiness corn and flour tortillas Yeah, yeah corn has corn has more structure when deep-fried when you when you fry if when you fry a flour Tortilla, it's more light and fluffy, right? Okay, so what I'm just saying that

No, but the flour for the flour tortilla in the Mexican pizza is fucking fried Yes, it's crispy and they don't have a fryer that they come pre-packaged that way probably Wait, wait, George is starting to fight you You know what you're a producer You're a producer and you shut the fuck up, right? All right, you're not a panelist. You're not a guest and you shut the fuck right now I know what I'm talking about. I eat a Taco Bell. I eat there twice a week All right anyway

You listen fans you you guys know what I'm talking about Right these people do not they're ignorant and they don't know what they're talking about So fans back me up on this. All right, and I know I'm the leader. You guys know I'm the leader Wait, I have a question go ahead. Okay, so when you came on the show I knew of you because I'm mad TV, right? Oh my god, okay? This is there's gonna be a diss right here. Go ahead. No, there's not it's actually legit. Okay. Yeah, and my mom knows you Yeah, which she absolutely adores you. Yeah, you have a lovely white woman. Thank you. He loves you. Hello, Judy Judy if they hello, Judy, I love you. Yes. Um, she knows you from

What's the other show Wi-Fi vote? See it's like it almost felt good You know it would have felt good if you got the show right, okay But but the whole thing of the cake what where do you keep saying something King? Some King's okay, okay, so everyone on fucking social media kept writing it I was like, I don't understand. Can you give me a little back story of what this is? Oh, it's number one I'll just tell you this right now that means you don't know who the fuck what kind of show this is and what the show is you

Never listen to that's your your fans are gonna All right, no, she's a nice lady. Okay guys, so be easy but my point is this is that it was an old joke where I said a long Time ago when the whole woke thing came up. Yeah, you know, I mean that I was the opposite of woke I'm slept. So then people just started calling me the slept King. Yeah, and I sleep a lot as well Couple with the fact that he does sleep in okay, but a lot. Oh, yeah, okay So that that's a good piece. I go back later. Okay, so you're wrong about it And I just want everyone so that's that so I'm gonna tell you what's on the menu That's not on the menu that you can order, right? And I'll tell you why this makes sense. It's called the inchorito

All it is is and it was I think on the original menu all it is is a bean burrito Which they see they already have it Right and then ranchero sauce on top which they already have Right, so they're not gonna be like oh we could just make that right with a Mexican pizza They don't have the hard crispy tortilla show. What's that? Did you already tell her the inchorito? I just said inchorito beans and burrito enchilada sauce It's a bean burrito and they just put enchilada sauce on it in a black so as the vegetarian from the Midwest Have you ever had the inchorito? Well?

Yeah, see that again again, I want to say this ball that reiterates That it reiterates and reaffirms my opinion about you and fucking Taco Bell You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I had to say this though, and I'll give you a compliment. I met your baby like him You baby yesterday, right? Uh-huh like the baby. Good job. It's normal looking So congratulations. I thought it would be all fucked up, right? Second of all, I'm really liking your shoe game Okay, what we were we were having a huge fight upstairs with my niece and Bobby about what about George's appearance We were like George is a handsome guy, and you're like in what fucking world guy. Yeah, I know I think so He's very coming from the lesbian you

All right, you have no room George coming from the Also, you're because he has these feminine touches of like softness and kind you're just kind Uh-huh. I just find that you're I Have a feeling that no matter who was sitting there you would have some sort of compliment, right? Yeah, 100% I like to compliment that yeah, but that's not real it is no you have to be real It is sometimes you compliment and compliment and compliment because then you're just naturally start to think and believe everything

You're okay. That's good. That's to be positive person. That's true But what I'm saying is is that that's not necessarily a there's when you look at a human being There are a variety of facts and things that are evident Right, you're the type of person that sees the positive stuff. Yes, like oh my god This person's so ugly, but you know I'm gonna say no I would never start with in your head. You're not saying that Wait, wait, but no, I'm gonna tell you why so because Ugly is a word that only should exist if it's a character driven trait I agree

That's an ugly thing right like if you're fucking racist you're ugly if you're an asshole you're ugly if you suck it being kind to people You're ugly. It should never be based off of physical right traits I mean look you're the one who preaches hegemony. Is that the word and about how we're everyone is influenced differently About a beauty and I grew up watching Sumo wrestling therefore. I find you attractive like I grew up watching Takano Hana a Kebono Musa Shimaru And they were in the front of that from you before I grew up in Asia, so I think right Models and so like my and I watched it with my dad It was it was so when it's a very nostalgic thing for me to see a fat man in diapers

Yeah, and so when I met you I was like you are that's a Kebono hot and alright, so Fuck you bitch Fuck you. You're saying that that's me Look all it if there's another guy. They called pretty boy. You look a little bit more like him I think his name is Musa Shimaru It's like if I was dating Gilbert and I said, you know, I like your face because you know when I was a kid I was looking at the National Geographic. There we go, and I saw this the shelter island statues You know the heads that are on that yeah

Easter Island Easter Island Easter Island Okay, it's all really now I'm gonna go back to this. That's funny to you Look look all I'm saying is not my idea of hot or what you think is like aesthetically pleasing is very different in that Very so she's right ugly comes from the inside. You're right, and you know what? I Because I grew up at the comedy store in the night in the 90s Yeah, right and that was the culture the culture was just ripping each other apart. You know, man, right? However, do you still find joy? Does that bring joy to your heart? Yes? We're turning this podcast into a therapy. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So that brings you joy. Why what are you trying to protect?

Or what are you trying to keep arms length by insulting people? Yeah, it's not I'm not I'm not insulting. I'm not insulting people. I'm not insulting anybody. You're gonna call them a fucking tiki-hat I'm not insulting anybody. All right. It's it's a sign of Comorotary and brotherhood when you kind of rip you out if if people go Like when I'm in New York, and I see like Jim Norton or whatever right look at this fat baby walking down the street I'm walking down the street. We all laugh about it, and we connect when it comes to that kind of stuff I enjoy it. So does so but so if I were to give you a laundry list of compliments Yeah, would it make you feel uncomfortable? It depends because some of the compliments that you would say. Yeah, it's probably not true

Or no, how about they are because no, I don't want lies. I don't want lies On the shit that you know about me. Yes, and I will tell you if it's a lie or not Okay. Okay. First of all, I think one of the greatest qualities that you have and I think that it goes for anybody that has overcome Anything that is hard is the sense of resilience and sense of awareness and sense of self now That doesn't mean you everything you do is perfect But it does mean that you're very self-aware and that you can understand where you're coming from and why you choose to make a change Yes, but that's something that you can say to virtually anybody. That's not true. No, it's not getting up And it's shelter island by the way

I'm fucking standing by it. I like it shelter island statues standing by it. So my point is this okay shelter island That's your head and that's Gilbert to be fair You know what I accept that it's camaraderie Yeah, it is camaraderie you and it's fun, right? I imagine this just let me can I talk all right? I imagine this what if I didn't say anything to you at all. He doesn't like me. Yes I also just want to add and this is such like a damn it. This is such a compliment that you have you do have that head And you do have Christina Hendricks hips. Oh I've always been jealous of

But he's got the biggest but oh my oh my god. I go that yeah Gilbert. Yeah, juicy, but come on. Okay. I don't want to talk about Gilbert's butt anymore It is juicy, but nonetheless, I don't want to talk about it I just realized how juicy it was when you did that. It's been yeah, like I would if I was Fucking you from behind. Yeah, I would want you to push into me with those fucking bubbly And the whole time you're like Yeah, so anyway Let me go back to that can be said about anybody for instance, right? I have a friend who?

His dad died right everyone's dad dies my dad died a couple years ago. It was terrible, right? But it's like I can say you know what I like about you your resilience That you you were able to get good get through that Anyone can get through that no no no, but it's specific because everyone with resilience has to like channel in and turn on different like Nobs inside yourself to get through whatever it is that you are getting through and that's right and not everyone is built like That's not every human that way no no because some people actually parlay into something more negative than it is something positive in the long run Yes

Okay, that's one up. You have beautiful feet You actually I don't I don't he has a five rating on wiki feet five out of five. Okay. I just want to say this Okay, he's nervous now. I'm not nervous. Don't why are you moving? I'm putting my shoes on. No, no, no, you know what? I noticed he was on another podcast They point out his feet and then he got he got weird. Well, it's feet are actually really nice When you shape-wise have you seen the nail beds the nail beds need somewhere. Oh, no, I was like comparative to Everything from ankle up, but wait, wait, hold on. No, no, no, no, let's let's unpack this one for a second Well, I have no idea what you're talking about. I think you're crazy person. I actually I actually legitimately think you have really nice

All right, okay. Here's the facts Christian. Yes. What's up as a five point? You have like literally a four point nine eight rating on what's wrong with your feet. Why don't you like your feet? Because this is a fucking scam. Yeah, it's because we went on to somebody's podcast and I said Can you just tell your fans to give me a high rating on wiki-feets? So I did it. Yeah, so I cheated number two the thing. You don't know me you if you look up close, right? Yeah, ask what's going on with my left foot. Oh, yeah um a lot of very Possibly edible and cookable fungus

Oh, let's see. No, I'm gonna fuck you. I'm gonna show you my fucking feet a Lot of truffle So what I'm saying, okay, so the second one I'm gonna pretend you didn't say so the first one with the resilient one I'll accept that one. Okay. Give me another compliment stuff. She's also said self-aware, which is the opposite of delusional Which is true about you. You're very I just feel like that still yeah But there's not a specific thing like I like I'll give you a compliment, right? Okay, you right Are probably one of the best cooks

In LA right now, okay, so okay Jeff's you yeah, or one of them. I'm not believe the greatest most iconic comedians and personalities for I Not to okay, I'll accept it. I'll accept it right. Let's not do this anymore I don't like this part on my I went I liked mad TV more than I liked SNL because when it was on Fridays Yeah, it was a thing that we watch as a family over Saturday. It wasn't as late and I remember you Yeah, I remember you and I don't remember a lot of people. Okay. I don't really care I just want to correct it real quick is mad TV was on Saturday But it's okay

Yeah, yeah, but I think that you if you or if you said that you watched mad TV Then I know that you were watching mad TV instead of SNL because we they were on the same time. So thank you Oh, okay, so That's the third one. Listen, I don't want it to play this game anymore What the compliment? Yes, what I'm saying that let me just say this though That I think that like like for instance back in the day, right? Let's say you had like you go to Alaska, right? And they have they these fishing Expositions expeditions that and there's all people from all over the world, right?

They go to the to make their money during a season to go fishing, right? They got down these really treacherous, you know, I mean boats and they and they're there's there's the fat black guy There's the you know, I mean the little Puerto Rican that's blind in the left eye, right? There's the albino Irishman class. There's yeah all kinds of people on this boat, right? And how they pass time, right is they give each other nicknames. You know I mean, yeah Whale shit is what they call somebody right or whatever, right? And they all laugh they drink beers and it's a way to bond with each other, right? No, no, no a hundred percent I'm not negating that fact whatsoever

What I'm saying is yeah is that you have to have a certain type of rapport with someone in order to enter into a Relay, I disagree with you. I don't Affiliate to screw with you because otherwise what happens in the kitchens, right? Yeah, and culture used to be one thing, right? I've I am very passionate about changing the shit that I dealt with in kitchens, right of the insults and the taking people down or Whatever, I don't like it You don't cook happy food and then your guests aren't happy because your food sucks of one joke cannot translate to every single person In your life, you can't it that does not work. Oh, yeah, okay, you're right

I'm not gonna go up to an albino dwarf who's homeless on the street and rip him apart Right, I'll give him a dollar or whatever it is. You know, I mean, I'll be nice Wait, you're gonna cut that part out How many descriptors Homeless I'm sorry, sure, right, you know a guy the guys around a guy, right? Yeah, I'm not gonna make fun of the way he looks because I don't know him and it's also easy Right, right. So, you know, but yeah

But if I'm like with other people that I feel like they can handle it and vice versa and here's the deal You're just you're proving. No, but here's the deal the girl That I didn't Want to be you know perform in front of right? She's like that with everybody everyone else is fine with it, right? I'm not fine with it So maybe I'm not It's still hers Yeah, because read the fucking room, right like you got to read the room if you go for an insult and someone's like, you know

What mmm did not like that. You don't keep going So that's her bad because she did not stop after clearly you Exited out from her presence. What's the kitchen culture like back in the day back in the day? Yeah, awful It was it was very it was men it was sexual harassment and unfortunately it does still exist which is a horrible thing which is something It gets me riled up. Yeah And it was a culture in which you never really wanted to be there But that's what you thought you had to be in order to be successful, which is fucking bullshit

You can be nice you run a nice kitchen. You can make people want to be there, right? We spend 20 hours a day at work like you better want to be there Yeah, and it actually is more pleasant, which I don't understand like angry harassing fucking environments just because it looks been so powerful doesn't make sense. Yeah So like Gordon Ramsay, is that all just show then or he does promote that kind of I don't I don't think he promotes it But I think if you choose to put yourself on TV, we all have a responsibility to showcase Right, you and I can joke with these off and it'd be fine. However. This is not a private conversation So therefore some things that I would be like, you know what that's okay

Say it or and I'd give it right back to you You can't do that because it's a responsibility if you're gonna put yourself out there in a public manner to showcase Something because someone in Minnesota someone and say like not Minnesota like something small like a town a town that no one knows About who has kitchens that are run like garbage are watching people like Gordon Ramsay call people idiots and morons Things they think that that's okay. Yeah, which it's not okay. No, there's there's a disconnect So, but can I ask you this though? Yeah, I? Don't think that I

Because I struggle with this because our culture has changed right and I've and I've I'm like a tampon of like I Can't wait to hear this. I can absorb a lot heavy flow girl You know, I just be your toilet paper. You know, I want to say Tampa. Is that not right? Yeah, I'm a super fan. I'm a super plus. Yeah, yeah, and I could like I could absorb massive amounts of like of Hatred and and I did that all my career, right? Like like, you know comics coming up to me and going just well You know Asians aren't funny. I don't know what you're doing here or whatever it might be, right? That's can I just say something about that because I'm similar, right?

Yeah, my threshold for bullshit. It's very high. Yeah threshold for people like for for mistreatment is very high But don't you think that you and I coming from very abusive homes? They're exploiting the fact that we come. No, I'm just saying like That's not something that we should be proud about not proud of it that we are I get what you're saying, but my point though is is that That it's a rite of passage just in my in my old school way of Think thinking is is that the bullshit that I endured early on the first 15 years of my career, right? I've just racism and bullying all that stuff, right is a rite of passage that other people also walked, right?

And also as a stand-up I I always attributed to why I'm still Here I'm stronger. You know I mean I went through it. I learned a lot I think maybe I'm a better comedian because of it or whatever or I'm more confident I don't know. I feel like if I didn't go through that I wouldn't I'd be a different person today I think you would be a different person in a much better way. Oh my god in a less pain way my question That was gonna be my because it's like we're all gonna say. Oh look, you know, I got beat as a kid Look how I turned out I turned out okay, and when I really think about it No, I didn't turn out okay like these things are catching up to me

I could have been a far more actualized human being less anxious less pained And you and I are pained. We live a very pained existence emotionally, and yeah, we made it through but barely Bobby Barely we go to we paid a therapist tons of money to get through the shit that we're just talking about So here's the thing like what used to be right? Yes, you've made it out and it's great But what used to be a lot of people have it made it through right and then oftentimes when we speak We are not only speaking upon for ourselves But we're speaking for other people and for the people's voices that can't be heard that potentially did not make it through right? So you made it through your good your careers great like you guys are probably I mean

You're very successful right, but there's a lot of people who went through that Shift and through what you came through that have it made it and so I think as we're talking about it It's like why I made it well no because that would be a very It's true, but it's also a very one-sided self-fulfilling Looking glass that you're going. Yeah, I think so. I do you believe then that you're lucky that you made it I'm fortunate. I am I am fully aware very aware that my life is and was set up To set me on the right path. I was given opportunity that allowed me to have to figure it out

I was set along I was a bowling ball that was like set straight down the alley for sure but so you don't not saying that I didn't go through shit though, but you didn't attribute it to your talent though So there's that's a very that's a loaded question because as women you're not taught to To say that I I actually did it myself I never say I'm lucky because I do understand that my talent and the choices I've made have got me to where I am not luck I do say I'm very fortunate because opportunities were set up for me greater than some other people So it's it's a mix of both that have come together Right, right and it's gonna be solely on me to sustain that right to be a good person

Yeah, people want to keep working with me and the X amount of shit starts because I just let you know I know guys that I started with that still are doing comedy They they're just not good, right? They they never should have done it in the first place And it's it's not up in opinion of mine It's that the only like for instance, you're only your job your specific job is to make delicious food Correct and have people like it, right? I mean, that's the criteria, right? My only job is to get a response a positive response from an audience in terms of laughter has to be that Any other emotion that I evoke doesn't count like anger that that's that music

Yeah, if I was in a punk band or whatever if I evoke anger or rage, that's maybe that's my intention That's fine, right, but in comedy. It's one specific emotion, right? And I know a lot of guys, you know who still go Man, I don't know what you're lucky dude. Like I don't know why I didn't make it, you know And I and I'm always like and they try it, you know and being positive or whatever, but at the end of the day It's like yes, I am lucky and I'm fortunate, right? But then again, it's like where did where is that line, you know of like is it my talent? Is it luck? Is it a combat? It's a combination of talent and opportunity and how you choose to do it

So for example going getting to mad TV, right? How did how did that happen? What were the steps? Did an agent send you on a casting? No, it was just fate. I believe everything was fate And I this is where we believe in she doesn't believe in your fate. I live in the movies But I mean, I'm sorry They're there's some fantasy when it comes to my shit I think that's a lovely way to see life and I'm not trying to take that away from you, but it's just not true I Okay, I wanted to say this, okay

Fine, but if I tell you how mad TV came about it seems like a fantasy It seems like unlikely almost. Yeah, because yeah, you're an Asian man in a very very white world So yeah, number one never really been an Asian guy except for Steve Park did a season of in living color But he was hardly used, right? So never been an Asian guy on any sketch show. That's number one I'm not a sketch guy. I don't know how as you know, I can't do accents. I can't do impressions I can't do anything. I don't know what a character can't do Asian accents either Yeah, I can barely do Asian accent goes in and out. I go in and out of it Like I'm like I don't have that skill

So that's number one should show you like he's Asian It's hard for them to get on sketch shows almost impossible. Also. He doesn't have the skill to do it. No, right? Right, but what I do have the so what I only I have balls of fury You know, I mean like I'll go into a situation go. This is gonna be embarrassing and I'm probably not gonna be able to sleep for a year But I'm gonna fucking make them for remember me Right, so it's like here's how it happened. I I Can't get any auditions. No agent will sign me and my manager's goes. Oh, she's we're just talking. She's like There's oh, I mean, I there's nothing I can do and I go. Oh, all right

She's like, well, there's one thing, but you're not gonna get it And I go, what is it? She's like, well, you know, I represent Lauren Dombrovsky Who it was a producer of mad? And she and I she goes I can get you in just so you can practice auditioning Right, so she calls the casting director and goes you're not gonna ever hire this guy, but He's just gonna come in and just go through the motions Please he's like, oh, we're really busy. Abby, you know, you know, I mean like this is not like college

This is the real deal. Yeah, just can you you know, so I walked in and I just knew and the night before too. I remember being I'd never written a character or anything And I mean the mirror of my bathroom silver like, you know making faces You know me and just doing like weird thing In the mirror right sign this guy You know all that shit, right? So I just kind of frantically in the bathroom right, you know in this thing, right? Bugs life You drink all the bugs life impressions

Yeah All that stuff right so that I I go in and she's like are you ready? And there's like a line of three hundred people. I'm not kidding you be waiting, right? So go I don't have the scars, but and then I just do it. Yeah, I wrote three things Or whatever right and I just remember like the last bit that I did I was in the corner of this room Upside down with my shirt off This is what I was doing and I was and she's sitting there like you Imagine a guy in the corner of the room upside down with a shirt off

Right, right and she's like Okay stop, I thought she was gonna go put your clothes back on leave, right and she goes You know that second things good Which was crazy Joe. No, I don't know what I don't remember or was right crazy Joe or whatever right and I go Oh, oh, I'll see you Okay, bye. I get a call Abby's like, I don't know what but they want to see she wants to see you again But right to keep the second thing, but right, you know, I mean get get rid of the first and third thing you did

So again, I'm in the mirror You know man doing all that stuff and she called me in a bunch of times like six weeks in a row and That but now I'm honing it down like now. I'm keeping like the good stuff good stuff and that you know, I did I Did a Chaoyun fat right I did And because I did impressions of people that no one knew what they sounded like Right, which is a clever right? I did Kim Jong-un Chaoyun fat and I did Connie Chung. Yeah, right. Oh, that's awesome

So then and then I did three other characters that I just kind of made up a guy that my brother worked with that coffee bean Yeah, I named Donnie, right? So I just and then It didn't all of a sudden like nine times I went in and then then the last three were like I walked in it was just not one person was 16 people in the room and They're just like, you know all the producers and the network and people and then I was like, what the fuck and Then they go it's between you and Taren kill him. Yeah, and I got it You know my point is is that you know, if it wasn't that Abby Wrapped Lornda Mprowsky, right? I just feel like all that stuff is just and if I didn't have a casting director

Nicole Garcia who would could see a glimmer of something and go, you know what? Let me see if I can open that thing up a little bit, right? So all these little things have to be in place for someone like that's life, right? That's life So I feel like when you say it's fate you're discrediting The the skill and the talent and the things that you had and the things that you possess Yes, Abby hundred percent. She was like by far like your guru the teacher who got you in but then after that It was all you so in fact I don't find it to be fate because every little thing that's tied to any greatness that we have is

We can we can we can whittle it down to like that one seed of moment, but it's not fate Yeah, it's actual. It's actual happenings that are going on. I also have this idea that While that's a really nice way to have gotten your career started Like you're like she said discounting the fact that you had inherent talent that down the road It was gonna happen for you anyway It's just so hard though to say that it's so hard to say that because literally and I'm I don't know if it's like this As a chef, but let's say you're you're in a crew, right? You're at a restaurant, right? And you just got a job there, right? And your dream is to be a head chef, right? But you're now just the

onion person Cutting the onions, right? I'm sure there was a day that you sat around Cutting the onions going and looking at the head chef going How the fuck am I gonna get there? Oh, no, no, no. Whoa. Okay, so here we go because here's a thing I knew that I had to work my way out. So when I when I I Graduated culinary school. I started going for all the executive chef positions, which I was not ready for so that like spiraled me into like a deep Impression and alcohol and drugs and it was I was an awful human being Wow, and so I

Refused to take any job because my insecurity fueled my ego So I was like I'm not gonna take any job if I can't have the top job So finally when I was ready to like also being made to by my parents to just take any job start working is that When I was working I was picking up and I was I had realized that I needed to be a student in my own life and so I started picking up and listening to all the different things and hearing the kitchen you got what I liked what I didn't like and There are some people that I looked up to

That were my bosses that I was like, you know what I can do a better job at what you're doing because I'm far more Awares, maybe not the right word because I wasn't certainly wasn't self-aware But I was aware of what was happening around me what it looked like to be a good boss What it looked like to be a good leader and what it looked like to do a good job And so I was surrounded sometimes by people that weren't good Do a good job. Oh see but what what What confuses me about you and what you do is

You because if I gave you 10 ingredients Yeah, right, and you name them. Yeah, okay. I gave you cumin. Is that thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah cumin, right jalapenos Right flour. I feel like we're making a Mexican Or inshoreto Right Shishito peppers. Oh Okay, okay, right and then I gave you What they're on a protein. Yeah. Yeah, then I gave you

chorizo But then I gave you chicken teriyaki. No, it's awesome. Just the chicken Rock chicken teriyaki. I gave you like some sort of Indian curry. Nice. That's just that's enough All right, and then I gave you kale lettuce And a cucumber right and I gave you all that in a little plate, right? Could you come up with something with that? Yes, but because if I get those I Would just probably each eat individual one different own like different tapas or something Right, but like so, but did you always know that you could do that?

I started watching cooking at five years old and it was watching great chefs of the world So it's like chefs from all over the world of places that I never dream like I could ever dream of actually going to myself Yeah, or watch and I'm You know what I'm gonna say it with confidence and not Thinking that I sound arrogant when I say it when I watch something being done with their hands You can make something or you can cook or whatever I can watch it a few times and I can pick it up That's how I learned how to use a knife long before I picked up a knife Wow, so when I picked up that knife after watching cooking shows at five years old

I took that knife. I knew how to cut and it was just like I knew I knew where my hands were I knew where the blade was I knew what I had to do and so flavor came much later because I wasn't able to physically taste through the TV But yeah, I knew at five it was it it was a trait in a Something that I could do that is a gift because I've watched MMA and UFC and pride since I was 16 years old, but I never really learned to box And I thought I could I thought that my body downloaded that information from having watched it all these years And I started boxing not that long ago I'm watching her. I'm like, oh she can beat Amanda Nunez

Oh Amanda if you're listening right my girlfriend could beat you Right what I'm saying is yeah, the footwork and everything like I can watch it bullshit You I bet I bet you were able to do it Maybe not in the in the in the top skill level that you think you wanted perhaps. Yes, but you you could do it You know what I didn't say I could cook yeah, because you wanted me to you wanted me to say what I was gonna say Oh, I thought you're you this is what she did. She goes. I'm not good. You know, I'm right and you wanted me I know my brother's gonna. You've never seen me. So what do you know?

Who showed you that video? I didn't Bobby. Yeah, you showed me I showed you and fucking kung fu Nick Yeah, you could be Amanda Nunez right there That's what you could get up. Yeah, Amanda my girlfriend's after you You just fucked yourself up It wasn't because when you when we think about it right of when I learned how to use a knife Was I the best knife cutter out there weren't the greatest chef? No, yeah, but I know how to do it And it's the same thing for you know how to do it. You know how to do it. Yes I know what at the very least even immediately what I'm doing wrong

Right like so like when I'm doing like oh, I catch myself. I'm like that wasn't yeah, because you you've downloaded you have Information of what it looks like in your head. Yeah of what it looks like to do that crazy shit. Yes Yeah, but what I'm asking you though is yeah flavors now when flavors come Right, so you know how to cut you know by watching you know how to chop blend or whatever you guys do, you know I mean, whatever I don't know anything about that but like but when did you like because you you have to like when you made the fucking egg We muffin thing right? Oh, I remember going Holy shit like it reminds me of it of the egg we muffin. Do you remember what I made you? Yeah, I do

What I make the remix or the cop the remix you may be an egg McMuffin thing Yeah, the remix part, but it wasn't the little one that what's his name me? Yeah So I remember Jeremy making the little one little one. That was okay. It was good with a good jammy. Yo, yeah the other one I Do when I picked just was great. Yeah, and then Yours so I remember not liking as much the other two I don't remember specifically what was in yours because it was a while ago crispy so Prasada, but don't put me on the spot Okay, I'll tell you what I tell me what it is. Okay, so I've made homemade pasta and I sheeted it out That's right, and I took I took

For the cheese portion this like seasoned ricotta mix you make a little well take an egg yolk You put it right in the center you lay another shit. Oh my god. Okay, you cut into egg yolk spills And it was like with a cheesy mornay sauce with crispy so Prasada Fried sage all that. I mean, it's it was delicious. I know that in your heart you chose. Yeah, I know you're right Because the elements you said, you know, that's my deal, but I remember all of them going Wow, this is like I'm kind of like it but not and I also remember going can I have more and then they're like no They that's all they made it's pissed me off. I have it's on it. Yeah, I have a question for you. So Bobby since the beginning of This 300 episodes ago. He's been

Crying about the fact that carnation bars from his time in the 80s have been canceled and he can no longer find anything That tastes like it if he were to give you roughly What he thinks it's made of do you think you'd be able to replicate it? Sure? Yeah, no, I taste it Yeah, yeah, but here's the thing. She has to taste it because it's almost impossible to strike We can find the ingredients of the carnation. It's not even that it's it's you show me what the carnation bar is Oh, that's what I made you and then you wow body. Oh amazing Spills everywhere. Oh my god. I'm telling you was the best. That's why I want to do the show again Well choose the carnation bar right. All right, so but it's fast foodies. It's all it's fast food

So back in the day my mom was lazy and she just bought these carnation bars Oh my god with the crispy puffy rice in it. Yeah, it was like puffy. Yeah, but there's a specific and I've eaten Thousands of bars that look like it nothing even comes close of the crumble and the texture of These bar and there was also a chemically look tasting chocolate on it Well, it wasn't even real chocolate. It was like almost like there was a chemical in it Well, there's not it's it's basically because real cacao is very expensive And so these you buy like the whole box for like two dollars or whatever typically it's

It's like cocoa butter that's oftentimes has like cocoa powder in it and you basically make this brown sweet thing happening So it's not actually chocolate. Right. That's what it is. Yeah, powder. Yeah, but for some reason the combination of this thing and maybe it's because This is when my dad was going wild with the beatings. Mm-hmm. You know means that made me so sad by the way because Who look at you? I know what when did you when did we say that I was beat you said that on fast foodie season? Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, so um, yeah, so I remember like maybe the bars and things like that were things that I liked and that made me feel There's a comfort a comfort, right? So that's why I kind of missed that bar, you know Yeah, and I believe I she's very talented. You're very talented, but if you had to taste it

Yeah, I know I can taste that in my mouth. I know it exactly you can't I've had them before. No, it's very it's waxy It's chemically. Yeah, there's something going on in it. That's magical. Yeah. Well, oftentimes when you have something like that you have to add different things to to So the fat doesn't seep, right? So multi-dextrin you need something to like Make yeah, yeah, not liquid anymore. That makes sense and Cocoa butter. Yeah Tastes like chemicals and wax and that's what that's what it is. I just I never I can make it for you

I know exactly what it tastes like. I'm describing it. Okay, you know what? I'll give you the challenge Yeah, I'll give you whatever you want. Okay, right? Make me one Hey So, um, I also want to get into like So, how will you when you were adopted four months four months old? Yeah, and Obviously because you know, I grew up in a Korean household, right? And I always tell eight Koreans that were Adopted I go you had a good You know what I went through was like a nightmare, you know, and not that all Korean homes are like that

But I've talked to like other Koreans like David Cho and other people, you know, I mean, and you know, they've had similar Experiences in a Korean home, right? So your white home that you lived in, you know, love white people by the way Um, he's like, okay, your shoe game is off the fucking charts these days these days Yeah, and your baby's beautiful, but my point is is that you um, so what was that like living in a You know what it didn't feel bad or different only because the struggle that I had was an internal one I had nothing to do with the external factors of my life. My life was amazing. It is amazing Well, let me just go so your pair. Okay. What when your parents adopted you did they have children already? Yes, I have a brother who is biological to my mom and my dad. So he was eight years eight years older

They're eight years older, right? And then is there any younger people? Nope. Just us two. Oh, wow. That's great Yeah, so they adopt you and you're in this. What did your parents do? My mom my mom taught child psychology for a long time. So that helps. Yes. Yeah and my dad it was a Packaging engineer. Wow. Yeah, if you're a child psychologist Does that put you in the front of the line in the adoption agency like when you fill out the paperwork or you like holy shit? We need this person. Well, she wasn't like she's not like a like child psychologist

She she taught like early childhood development and she has the the masters and whatever. Yeah, whatever She saw she saw like a picture of me somewhere and she was like She belongs to me like it was like a thing. No, she went chef prodigy You're right and like having that idea of she knew that she wanted to adopt period She so is a fade or what is it? No, your adoption is a fade or just happen stance. I Think it's life. No, I believe it's this She because look what happened Look when she did that, right? The life that happened. Okay, but I'm gonna tell you why I'm not talking

No, I'm not done talking make the carnation bar in that fucking carnation Right, I'm just saying that she went something in her side inside her right who does that? Who opens up a magazine or whatever and goes? I that's it. That's the one that doesn't ever happen You do you online shop? You're like, that's the shirt like Everyone does something. Yeah, it's between like like raw dinner pants and a human being No one just points at a human being and goes I'm adopting this one now I mean could the commitment do it, right? I believe that it's like something insider the Lord

The Lord went And your your your mom went oh Something inside me said Right, I think there's something else going on Okay, but she she did not think I was going to none of my family thought I was going to become sorry I keep hitting it, but yes No one thought I was gonna Be what I am

Not even me, right? I I messed up so much like a lot that I think my mom was just thrilled when I took away I went to a rebellious spiffing. I went through a really hard stage of my life and it was because I was dealing with my Sexuality it was self-identity. It was being an adoptee trying to figure out who I was what I wanted to be and the Expectations that I felt like I needed to uphold. This is great. I'm gonna talk forever about this now. Let me ask you this So when did it start these feelings of like, you know, who am I I think you know, I mean Mm-hmm sexually rebelling all that stuff. When did that happen as I think it was always in me And then I didn't realize it until I could understand what it what it meant. Yeah, so 14

Earlier well, I knew I was gay. I knew like I knew I could feel inside of me like I don't know When when do you go through puberty? Well, it's early as nine even there were like you I could tell right? I was looking at things differently not in a sexual way as like my sexuality But just like feeling like oh my god, who am I and what I what am I doing? Hmm? So with those with those feelings inside. Did you get straight as? No You feel like you got straight as I did in music arts creative stuff Yeah, math science. I nearly failed math and say we're the same. I think

Thank you, God We're the same Lord we refer to the Lord Lord you and you and I are the same kind of Korean What would it or people? No, we're just people No, Korean. Okay. No, I'm gonna I'm gonna specialize it. Oh Got you guys. It's special. Yeah, let me specialize it. Okay. I just because Growing up my parents always told me that like Koreans, you know, they get straight a they go to Harvard, you know that kind of thing and then as I get older I meet people like Kristen and David show and these types of people that are like-minded like we have the same kind of like

You know struggles and whatnot and it's like we're also creative in different, you know in different ways And it just it feels, you know, like I'm not alone almost but did your parents allow you to Water that creative graph. Mm-hmm. They let me mess up. Yeah, that's a different That's where you so when you so when you like when you were in high school and do you smoke in pot? Mm-hmm? No drugs Not in high school. Okay, cigarettes cigarettes. Did you drink in high school? I pretended to drink. Yeah What is that? I didn't enjoy it, but I like did it to fan. Did you date guys just for the optics of it? High school. No, because I didn't really like yes

I was like, let's get a boyfriend like because that's what you're supposed to do Yeah, but I didn't it not because I wanted to live my life as like a true partner to a man Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, the title of it is what you were going to prom or homecoming or anything Of course. Yeah, yeah with with men right boy. I should call them boy. They're boy. They're boys So then you're now you're did you go to college then I went to my first year college for international business and economics I was nearly failing out of it. I was doing horribly. It was awful. And then my mom was like, you're not going back Why don't you try culinary school? You love cooking? We'll get you out of Michigan. We'll go to Chicago We'll get you set up and oh go do you. Oh

That's a good mom great mom. Yeah, that's a great mom and then you were like, yes So when did the sexuality? When did you come out? I came out at twenty seven eight? Wow Was it 28? Everywhere she came out. I think it's 28. I think it's 28 28, but I was already dating women But here's the thing also my life was never public until after top chef Which I never really understood what it looked like to have like a public person Oh, how old were you when top chef happened? I 2014 to hold are you I don't know

Yeah, yeah, George. Yeah, wait, were you out by the time you were on top chef? No, I came out after top chef Oh, but you you were you already knew who you were 31 you were 31. Thank you. Yeah Well, yeah, we got there Wait, that's interesting. I was 31 when I was on top 30 or 31. No, I know it was before that. Okay. Well, you said I'm done I'm done with this Seven years ago, and you're 38 now 37 Okay, you're 30 you're 30 or 29 you competed in 2012 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter did your mom know though when you before you came out

Did you I let me tell you how I came out to my mom So I started dating someone and that's why I decided to come out because I was like fuck this I don't want to live in like private. I actually love I'm I felt I fell in love with someone And so I remember I was sitting in my apartment And I was laying on my bed with my phone looking at the ceiling and I was like mom She's like, yeah, I gotta tell you something and like what felt like I don't know Eternity nothing was coming out and I was like Fuck fuck fuck fuck and I was like I'm dating someone. She's like, okay, and I said

We're gonna come home She's like, okay, and I was like and it's a girl and that like what felt like she didn't say anything forever She was like, oh, well, I think we already knew Kristen. Are you happy? I said, yes, she was like great Can't wait to meet her. That's it. So sweet. Yeah, that was it I Sweet yeah, yeah, it moved me because um My parents would have done that I certainly wouldn't show me because because the expectation that they wanted for you You wouldn't replay it dad. Yeah, yeah

So if you had told your dad that you had, you know, I'm Lovers Male lovers when you were in high school. How would he have taken it? Oh, he knew. Oh, he did. Oh, well He knew that I sucked dick before. Yeah. Yeah, they're not lovers. Oh, I don't wait. How do you say that to your dad? Yeah, I would rather call him a boy. I suck a dick I go No, I just said hey when in high school and where I was young in middle school I sucked a couple of people's penises and what do you say? Well, this isn't like when I was in rehab, right?

you know he I Mean he he laughed when I said that I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome. Are you serious? Oh in Yeah, he went into a whole my whole family whole family. Oh my god. Yeah, and Then everyone in the group laughed, you know, I mean it became a thing and I was like But Yeah, my parents knew because of the massive Methamphetamine and drugs and all the stuff that I was doing that they just thought I was gonna die

So, you know at that point they Saw me having no future Right, they're like this guy Can die like this guy has no skill set He is something to happen at birth. I don't know what they were thinking But they were like Obviously, I mean I went to three rehabs in high school and they just kept shelling out this money and they're like putting me in these places

I mean these you know these hospital gowns constantly and Then in my when I got did get sober I lived at home for years It's like the way I behave now I sleep until three Late at night jerk off, you know, I mean practically, you know, I mean and just had no future. Yeah, you know and then That became a star Wait, can I can I can I ask you a question? Yeah, and I don't know forgive me if

Um, you've probably talked about this a million times or maybe you don't want to talk about it at all. Go ahead. Um You know when you Started experimenting with drugs and when it became like an issue and it whatever became an addiction Do you have you pinpointed? What it was that made you want to numb yourself in such a way Or what you were trying to achieve I mean I I mean when you because I started drinking it and stuff at like 11 or 12, right? So it's like okay. So let's back it up there at 11 and 12. Why?

Because you know something happened to me when I was eight and nine in terms of molestation It's not really clear to me You know and you know a lot of the things I say on the podcast Is lies Well and a lot of it's truth and a lot of it's embellishments a lot of it's for entertainment a lot of it I'll combine six stories and put it into one story, you know I mean so there's a lot of like, you know, it's ambiguous and and and murky, right? So um, but I do know for a fact

That something sexual happened to me and I do know for a fact that my dad Because my mom is missing a tooth here because and because I saw it get knocked out because my dad punched her in the face Right and so I remember getting beat by him too. So this is all of my as a kid So I'm just being touched and beat and all that stuff. So I just I don't remember The way I was thinking at the time because I'm a kid Right. I just know that when I drank my snuck into my dad's In the garage and I stole a couple of beers and I drank it that it made me feel great It made me feel it soothed something it filled a void

It made me and it made me not want to kill myself almost right? So it's like And you know as a kid that was those were like, I can't even believe I survived it But I did and everyone has bad things that happen and Maybe you don't have to downplay it like that. Yeah, no because I I want to say that because online people go Stop talking about it Like people will go on on comments. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, right boo. Who you had trauma? Let's do some comedy, you know, I mean or whatever and so I always downplay it so that it's like, you know So I don't get those comments, but um

Yeah, but for you for you Kristen, you said it was right after culinary school where it all came No, no, no, it was a little bit before it was when I when I had the access to start experimenting with things that I didn't have the access at home But yes, this the the struggles of like identity and all that stuff started So when your mom said that when your mom's because we knew this, you know, and you did you bring your Was it your wife? No, no, no somebody else two exes ago two exes ago. So you when you brought her home Yeah, did you stay in the house and whatnot? Yeah, and my mom made the one room for us Yes, it was just like my brother would bring home girls, but sometimes my mom wouldn't even let the girl sleep within my brother's room Oh, wow

Yeah, she trusted but you had one top chef or two. I had one top. I was doing okay. I was doing you're killing it I was trying I was trying but the but the struggles and because the The most detrimental part of my life was when I was in culinary school because I hadn't quite figured out who I was I could figure out that I was doing what I liked Um professionally, but I wasn't certain with who I was personally and so that's when You know, like we're supposed to go out in college. You're supposed to go out and you're supposed to drink now I don't drink a lot of alcohol because it doesn't make me feel good. I'm missing the gene that

Process is the alcohol. Yeah, so I feel constantly hung over when I drink But what I realized is that when you do drugs and drink you can stay out all night and feel great Yeah, and so that that got me into drugs A cocaine cocaine lots of cocaine. Yeah, and then I realized oh fuck This makes me feel really good because I have social anxiety and so then it gave this sense of confidence And so then now it was like every day I left the house. It was a shot of vodka out of the freezer And a couple lines of cocaine and I was ready to go and off I went. Yeah. Um, did you get help for those things?

Or are you just kind of quit on your own? No, because I have high expectations for myself and I was concerned about what it looked like to everyone else and so at a certain point it went from Uh, this is fun. This is really helping me And then to oh my god, what are people gonna think of are they gonna think I'm a fuck up? Holy shit, oh, I see and then that combined with mom and dad cutting me off financially That was over. Oh, it was over. Yeah. Yeah. Um, because listen, I want to I just so much to talk about I want to talk about the restaurant that you have now. Yes. Um before I forget, but um

You have a restaurant in austin austin, texas. It's called arlo gray arlo gray So what kind of food is it? So it's it is a story of my life And it took me a long time to figure out what kind of food I wanted to cook because I was cooking for awards I was cooking for accolades. I was cooking for reaction and then not as a like cooking needs to come from like a story And when I realized the only story that hasn't been told in food is my story That's when I was like, oh shit. Here we are So I pull like make these beautiful pastas that remind me of hamburger helper or the egg McDonald's

Because it's a way to connect with people. Yeah, and it's a it's a common ground Food is a connecting source of so many different things. Yeah And so arlo gray basically I named it after what I would have named my first child, but I don't want children Yeah, you know what I do that with my dogs Yes, I named my dogs all things that I would name my kids. Although our last dog is stubs. I don't know if We should name a kid stubs Is this gonna sound weird but like because when I'm in austin, I would love to go to arlo gray but I kind of

I don't find it don't take this the wrong way, but I find it that if I go to arlo gray I kind of would want you to cook it. Mm-hmm. That's what a lot of people think Recently I've gotten I first of all, I hate people on instagram that are mean I hate them with a passion. Yeah, and I block every single person. Yeah, even if you say something like sort of Nice, but like with an asshole tone. Yeah. Bye. Yeah, you're out of my life. Okay. Um, did I just say that then? No, no, no, no, no, no that reminded me because recently this person on my instagram was like I put I was on a four day break for fourth of july because I'm here filming a fucking tv show working. Yeah, and They wrote

Oh kind of like how you were out of office when I came to the restaurant in january and you made mediocre food You're on vacation then I was like hold on hold the phone. I haven't been on vacation in a very long time. Yeah, I'm also Newsflash not there every day. Yeah, and you're right And so my response to them is well, you would have thought it was mediocre regardless if I was there or not And by you saying that you're undervaluing my team And the time that you're right, I don't want to undervalue Right, but I will say food is subjective and you might not like it and that's okay I'm gonna love it. Well, you're gonna love it. Yeah, I already we're gonna go to our local. I already gonna

I'm gonna love it. That's the hamburger helper pasta. Oh, wow. Yeah, we we have this great beautiful pasta extruder We get local grains. We run up the machine. We do this whole whole thing. It's amazing Yeah, okay, so I'm just you're right. All right. That's you have you you and they know these Let me just okay. These recipes are things that you came up with correct, right? They know what like a science Scrolls the next image guilt. Yeah Yeah, I'm so hungry right now. It's like I can't even fucking deal with it Oh my god, wow, that's a dessert. Is that a fig on top? What is that? Oh, baby? That's beef

Wow both Oh, we gotta go there. Oh, what is that? That's a scallop crudo. Oh Well, I do I do have to I do have to say For the first like year and a half. It was or year only only my food, right? but what happens is that The whole point is you hire other people to be able to do really great things You hire people that are better than you in a lot of ways. Wow

And so my chef to cuisine now he creates dishes, but he also understands my point of view through food So he can create something as if it was came right from my brain Yeah, but but he still has to go. He's got I still have to taste it. It goes right. Yeah You're not gonna just say if he said hey trust me boss Yeah, I created this strogan stroganoff. Yeah, right You're in new york, right? I'm just gonna put on the menu. He can't do that. No Right, you have to taste. I have to taste it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I will I will say because I haven't been to the restaurant in a while because I've been here in los angeles

Yeah, um, he had an idea for one dish and he did I I gave him full reign I trust him though. I trust my team and that's the whole point if I if I lived and worked and worked every single day for Two years straight in that restaurant training everyone. I'd better trust him and if I don't then I did not do my job Wow, okay, my dad we will go there without you. You can't but I would like for you to go there with me so I can spoil you Yeah, yeah, yeah It is nice because I have been to restaurants like I went to mum fuko where david was there And if any kind of went back and made up some things it is cool to have the actual chef do it You know what I mean 100%

Yeah, no there there is something to be said because it adds to That when you go to a restaurant, it is not just the food that makes the experience. It is everything So if I can go to a table for two minutes after their meal or during their meal I just gave them an experience that perhaps. Oh, do you do that? I do So, oh, okay, so right so I'm in the restaurant What if they like I'm sure 99.9 percent of the people in the restaurant that eating there knows who you are, right? What if they didn't know who you were do you introduce yourself? No, no, no So I only go and some people I'm gonna say this and I hope everyone can hear this. Okay is that

Some people think I'm like like off Put by like, I don't know. They're like, well, why didn't she come to my table? I don't go to a table unless you asked me to go because I do not presume you want to see me I'm not that person But what asshole goes let me see the chef. No, it's like hey if she's here. Can we meet her? Yeah, very simple or I walk through the dining room people see me and then they're like, oh, she's here Yeah, can I can I say hello? I just have a hard I have a hard time just assuming that someone wants to see me. Yeah

Like that's a bit presumptuous and pompous. I think yeah This this is probably nothing like that, but I was one time. It's I don't remember reminds me of but I was I was at an ATM with Ari Shafir Okay, it's never never a good start to any story and um It's the guy that was behind us, right? To use the ATM we turn around and he goes Oh my god, I'm such a fucking huge fan And I gave him a hug and he goes not you

And so he pushed me aside and I remember just when I was Flew, why did I do that? I don't make the assumption, you know my favorite um my favorite um Um story that we both experienced together as we were at coffee being down here on ventura And some guy we were bobbing at rocking together and some guy was like, hey, can I get a picture? and so bobby's like sure man and the guy Proceeds to get closer to bobby, but then hands him the camera Because he wants a picture with me and he just was a guy from I don't know where somewhere in the united states

It was his first time in LA and he just thought I was pretty and wanted a picture with a random girl and bobby's like He gave me the camera and I Remember that I don't want to we left so hard the ride home. That's funny. So at the end of our part I'm gonna just say this though to um that I don't know what it is, but everybody wants to uh, I'll We'll have a guest on it's like the time goes by So fucking quickly. There's so many other things I want to talk. I honestly and you made me emotional too, right? There's just something about you. Please be a part of our lives

I hope so. This was the whole reason I said yes to this so I could get into your house Please be a part of our lives Because I love food I love food so much I get so hungry. I get so hungry and um, you know, I also tell the Justin and Jeremy I said hi. I love those guys so much. They're very talented as well and if uh, Justin has um, I actually got emotional About food, yeah, yeah and her

Let's come about her and food, but Justin has a restaurant in minnesota in minnesota. Yeah, he's got a couple and then Jeremy is in miami beach Yeah, miami beach and I also want to eat at their places as well, you know, um, very talented and I think that your show fast foodies is such a great idea and um, if it was Anybody else, right if it was one of those things where I showed up and I'm like I really like these three But if like if it was if any of the buddy was an asshole weird or wasn't personable I just don't think that it would have been as fun, right? But just being there with you three

I mean look at the photos. We were just there was like, you know a chemistry and you can I'm happy I came home happy, right? Oh, did he really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, which is very rare. You wouldn't be here if I wasn't there I really enjoyed it, you know, and um, even when you walked up the drive. It was like, oh my sister's here You know me or my cousin or something, you know, you know, they're they're you know There is a I bond with Koreans as well So at the end of our podcast, we do we actually won't be doing that today because she has a heart out What is it? Uh, it's 125. So we should get you a uber. Yeah, but what are we gonna do? Just a

Question. Yeah, you want to do it? You sure? It's trafficking. Can you just grab me an? Yeah. Thank you Uh, I have to go to a preview dinner this evening. Oh, we gotta go then. Yeah, that's what I'm saying We're gonna do this. Yeah. Yeah. What's it for? Because you know, honestly, we don't never go this long, but it's really long. Yeah, we we I just got lost You know what I mean? If you want to go you go we have to wait for the All right. All right. Let's do the go go. So we do this thing where they email us a question

We just give them advice and it could be unhelpful or helpful. It's some random bad guy A fan of ours. Yeah, we don't know who it is. Go ahead unhelpful advice with bobby kalyla and christin Hi guys, I'm a guy in my 30s and I've been with my wife since high school almost 20 years now We've never broken up been together the entire time and I'm still incredibly happy to be with her Um, I want to stay with her forever However Since we got together so young neither of us had sex with anyone else That didn't bother me until recently when I started to get that nagging feeling that I'm missing out experiencing sex with multiple people in my life

I casually brought the idea of a threesome and she has expressed some mild vicariosity But she's rejected the idea and seems content with the status quo. My question is should I want? One ignore these feelings two tell her with more clearly I want to explore a threesome or three hire a sex worker once without her knowledge to see if I can get it out This is the basically should we cheat on her? Not three not three My honest thing right is All right, I mean, you know what I'm gonna just say this

You know a lot of our helpful advice. We're being too helpful and can I be the unhelpful? Okay, they'll be the helpful. You'll be the help. Yeah, you have a opposing point of view. Don't get angry Will you not to get angry? No, I'm gonna get more into details All right I'm saying that you know, wait this guy's really gonna listen to you. So like And I really kind of mean what I'm about to say. Oh dear god, but it's also unhelpful. It's unhelpful. Don't do it I'm telling the guy don't do it

But do it, you know what I mean? Well, just listen to my point of view. Okay I'm listening too. Okay. So whatever you say applies to me. Oh True you because as when you are in a couple you represent one another with you. Thank you. Thank you So whatever you tell him to do I can also Do the same thing. No because I'll tell you why because you don't even know what I'm gonna say. It doesn't applies to you as well Because we're monogamous. Well, yeah, I'm monogamous. We're gonna save a monogamous. No, but no, we're not just gonna say it

We have been unless you I've never I've never cheated We've been monogamous. Give your advice. I'm gonna take that advice. Okay, Justin But I don't know if I will be monogamous if you are my first one Okay, but so what I'm saying is is that the reason why I'm okay to be monogamous Is because I've been there dog. What's up, you know, I mean I've been deep in it dog My point is is that I've had all kinds of experiences dog, right? So what I'm saying is is that I know I'm with the best one because I've sampled. You know, I mean dog, you know Also because you fall you're in love with her that that's that's not because you're not just with me because you've seen it all

And I'm just the last one in line. I know but that thought though isn't in my head that nagging felt like what if This and that right? I don't know what that would be like. But isn't that but okay with him saying that Yes, the the whatever it isn't that more of a reflection on On the current relationship status like I think no matter how many people you've slept with you can always find I'll say the grass is going to always be greener like there's one more to see there's never but isn't it something about the relationship That says Maybe something else is missing. You know what that's not about a sexual relationship

But maybe maybe or it's just like look if I've been if I'm 36 today and I've been with someone since high school that means we've been together two decades I would hope that this is something that I'm able to communicate to someone that I've trusted for the last 20 years And that I can say hey, these are my feelings. We've been together for so long She's likely gonna say I've had similar feelings But we're not going to go ahead and jump in front of every that situation and say oh I'm gonna get a sex worker It's gotta you gotta give your wife a chance to sort of be part of the decisions that you make because I mean they're in a monogamous relationship, but if you say no, I'm gonna get a fucking second. I change. I change

I'm gonna what because what christen said and I changed. Okay And This is kind of worse Why did you make it worse? What I'm about to say is kind of worse. Okay Maybe right I believe and this is a theory that I have that even somebody like let's just let's look at barack and michelle obama Right. Sure. All right. Let's tread lightly. I am

huge fan. Yes, we can. Yes, we can. All right. So what I'm saying is is Um, even barack. Yeah, right When he's not with michelle 24 seven, right? He might go do a lecture or you know, I mean he'll do something Go on tv or whatever you might be right and I'm sure Without michelle being there. They're like women that adore him, right? You can tell right that women, you know, I mean they love I'm already no just let's do it. I'm annoyed with that because that's if michelle doesn't have the same thing that surrounds her Right, and she does too and I both cases because she's hot in both In both cases, right? I'm sure

Barack sees a beautiful attractive woman and goes. What would that be like? Right in their head. We all right. No, look at that photo. Look at that. I mean, I just love them I love them as well. I'm just saying that you know, right some white girl, right? Why are we using barack and michelle obama? Yeah, we should be using like Gilbert, do you have someone way shake your idea? I think that every no, I wanted to use the prime example Okay, right. I want to use like, you know how he's biting his bottom lip. I just right. He's thinking about the white chick That's in the audience just staring at him the teleprompter. My point is that I think that all even you Even you

Kristen. Yes, even though that you're married, right? Every once while you'll see a woman that's very attractive, right? And you'll think just let me finish, right? And think to yourself. What would that be like? All of us do It human nature is yes. That's what I'm telling this guy. So I'm just saying it doesn't matter This is a positive thing. But here's the thing. It's not that I don't necessarily think Oh, what would it be like to sleep with them? Yeah, it's not like that It's it's it's it there's a there's a wall of disconnect because when you are in a relationship that is fueling every Aspect of who you are and what you love

Here we go. It's not saying. Oh my god. You're so hot. I want to sleep with you. Yeah Yeah, it's it's wow. That's the difference between guys and girls. Yeah, it's it's Guys are different admiration of beauty our guys different. Yes, because you're thinking with your penis leading with this I lead with my foreskin. So You're thinking about sex. We're thinking about like a beautiful human, right? And yes, oh my god You think you're it's an ethereal fucking I mean, it's true. You guys don't have a single thought in your brain like anything can make you come if women If we're not in the correct mindset, it's over. I can never get there

Get it Primea river. Wait, so what was the advice? There is no advice. Fuck that guy Good luck. You would all say don't cheat. We would all say don't and I'm saying I'm saying careful. I'm gonna do it All right, what are you gonna tell them? Don't cheat but suffer Suffer Suffer that's life. That's your options. Life is suffering and suffer through it. Let's give her a round of applause Yeah, everybody. Thank you so much. You're so good. So good Hey prime members, you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music

Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey