TigerBelly - Ep 313: Taylor Tomlinson Goes to Space

Episode Date: September 8, 2021

Bobby goes to church for porn. Taylor feels better but worse. We talk Inspiration 5 with Ms. Pat, calculated condom risks, Christian comedians, and a special message for @elonmusk.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today. I Um, I've never used chapstick. Wow. Really? Yeah, he is I'm the driest. No, you're never have dry lips. So moist. I'm moist. You're always moist. Yeah. Yeah, I refuse Because I always feel like chapstick's gonna cause acne when you're on your lips. You've had that I don't think you're using it right. No, no, no, I believe that That it's gonna seep into my face Like, you know, oh, you know, I'm gonna maybe put my finger on my face put on my face It's a cause of boil or something. That's the least of your concerns. Bungus riddle human

That's a good thing every night when he's asleep all I hear is Just like scraping digging claws into his bongus feet and then rubbing his face and then Sorry, it's so weird to me what like affects men like what they're afraid of with like Oh, I'm gonna get a boil on my face because of chapstick And you're like what like I was tired. There's a male comic who told me like well, you know I was a germaphobe even before COVID and I'm like you fuck strangers Oh, I would never go anywhere without hand sanitizer, but I'll stick it in anybody without yeah It's like so nuts to me. Yeah, especially you see here a lot of comics freeball it

Not free but is that how you call it when you don't wear underwear? No, no, no, no, no, no. Raw dog. I mean, oh, yeah I haven't been in the game. So I don't know what the criminology is anymore, right? So what do you call it bear back bear backing it Yeah, free-balling is no underwear We also do that. Oh, we also do that. Yeah, but when they wait when they raw dog it I know a lot of guys. Yeah, one of them are a raw dog. That's right. It's like is it gambling I mean, is are they like throwing dice when they're doing it? Is that what the risk the risk? I guess that's just like I don't like condoms like I just assume it's like a windy Yeah, yeah, I don't assume it's like a whoo look at this calculated risk. I'm taking

I don't think there's that other thought in all really, but I don't know. I yeah, but is hips is hips still a thing Yeah, for sure HIV. Oh You know the lingon in my I've never heard anybody say that is that a thing? Is that still around though? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Um, let's sorry my bad. Are we gonna start? Yes, sir Oh, hold on. Give me a second. Don't because I need to focus. You know what you're right I'm being a little aggressive. I came I came in hot today. Why I don't know why I woke up and I'm like We got a pod and and I didn't eat I just drink and he used me of not saying good morning when I told him When is Diaz three times? Yeah, but that's not this is a real accusation in a different language doesn't feel as good

I don't even know what that means, right? It's Diaz. Mahalo. I don't give a fuck I just say good morning. Anyway, um, hey guys, welcome to another episode of tiger belly. Um, I God, you know, I've been just watching a lot of stuff listen to a lot of podcasts I've been you know, this the last couple of weeks have been very slow for me You know, and I've been just there's nothing to do I was really busy for a while and then all of a sudden nothing is happening So I get a little antsy. So I um, I just I shopped a bunch online this week So I have a lot of gifts coming some aviar nation pants, and I've got these new future

Futuristic shoes. I'm never gonna wear. What else did I get some Japanese pants? Oh? Yeah, yeah, and oh and three colognes from 69 Yeah, 1969 1969 And what I love getting you're gonna get I'm gonna get to a second but um But what I love when I love getting cologne online Because I don't know what it smells like so it's a gamble. So I when I read the descriptions Saffron woodsy, you know what I mean? And then once I get it, I go, oh, I don't like it And they're like 200. Anyway, let's move on. We got George in the room

Uh bomb born voyage. How do you say it by nustina? What what's the boy? What's a good morning? When it's well, you you don't say it when is this is good morning. Yeah, bonus dude. That's this All right, we've got Right shang chi himself. I don't know. I just I'm not Chinese. Um my bad And then we've got I'll never watch that one movie by the way Um, say that out loud to the whole asian community. Why you have to dress it? No because I auditioned for it There we go guys

And ronnie chang bottom beat me out and he always beats me out and I refuse to watch it That's valid valid reason. Yeah, especially when they said my they they called they called your audition was great. They loved it Right, you said even yeah, yeah, yeah, so but you know, thanks for the opportunity and then um Take that marvel take that marvel. We got my beautiful, um girlfriend here. It's been a long time That's Taylor it's been a long time Yeah, yeah, but I'm it's at worth every minute And every penny. Oh, uh, and then um, I have to I'm bringing up. Uh, we have a guest here that I've been wanting for a year

and um so Years ago a couple years ago. I saw a clip of you online and I thought to myself I go Wow, she's really funny in my head, right? And so and I and I'm going to tell you a story and I probably read it wrong. I Probably read it wrong, right? Okay, because in my twisted head, right? I read things wrong, right? So You and I were at the laugh factory once okay, and you went up before me and number one I thought

I had this fear of like Am I going to be able to follow her? Right because you had a great set and I was just like and I was watching you going And I had this fear And normally it doesn't happen like I Somebody can go up on stage and no matter what they do. I can do it But with you you had one of those sets where I was just like Yeah, I don't write as good

You know what I mean? Like my writing is not good, right? And then when you got off stage and it was in the dark, right? And I locked eyes with you and I don't think I said it loud enough But I go Like right and you just kind of walk past me. Oh, I guarantee you I didn't hear okay. So here's you keep going Let me finish. Sorry, and so that So for a year In my head, I was like she doesn't like me. I mean he comes home every other day

And he has a different comic who doesn't like him There's Lisa. It's just everybody. Yeah. Yeah, but you are one of the bigger ones. You're like she hates me. She hates me Really? Yeah, okay. So defend yourself. Oh First of all, I want to introduce her. So she's had Netflix special She's from orange county. She grew up in temacula, right, which I grew up in powe. Oh, there you go. Right. So we're close. Yeah, right um She's one of the best comics in the country young comics and I know this because and I'm gonna say who but I know two girls They're high up in comedy that are threatened by you, but I'm gonna say who they are. Oh, I know who they are

I know who they are. Yeah. Yeah. So um, but anyway, we're so glad and I think it's insane. They're so much hotter than me Taylor tomlinson give her Thank you so much. Oh, that's so nice. Um, here's what I will say. I'm not gonna defend myself I am gonna validate your experience though So many people think that I don't like them and I'm so afraid of everybody like truly I'm so afraid of everybody. I get that feedback all the time. I have um A good friend who told me that recently where she was like This this comic we both know she's like he thinks you hate him and I was like, what?

I like him so much. I was like, I tried to say hi to him And she's like, oh, he said he's tried to make eye contact through you and you just weren't having it And he doesn't know what he did and I was like, I totally tried and I'm so scared of everyone She goes, I know I told them like I just have like a few friends that are just like my ambassadors almost That everyone else feels comfortable talking to and then they go no taylor's just afraid and then those people Uh, refollow me on instagram Once they hear that but yeah, no a lot of people tell me I remember Uh, I think neil brendan came up to me at the store once and was like you're very standoffish

He's like, you know, you just have to know and I was like And I remember I was like, thank you for telling me and then after that I tried to be a lot more like going out of my way to say hi to people But I mean that happens to me too where I go out of my way to say hi to people or make eye contact And I feel like they don't hear me or they don't see me and my first reaction is they think i'm trash. They hate me But really i'm sure it's just like everyone's in their own head. Everybody's nervous. Everybody's you know, you know what? I just chalk it up to that every time. No. No what you just said Rings so true to me and I want to apologize to you. There's no reason why I'm sorry. I'll tell you why

taylor is I I said I said that to some but two comics that grew up with you kind of in san diego I think it was a song you've been talking about poor taylor. I know I have I have I have and they go um No, dude. She's a really good girl really fun and she's super funny and she that's not her Oh, that's nice and I go. Oh And then secondly, there's so many people that have said that about me Because like for instance, I'll walk at the I walk into the comic store and I'll see

A group of four people talking to each other. Let's let's make them up neil brennan witty comings Mark maren and let's say it's like done now. Rollins. They're all chatting. I will Go the other way. Yeah, because I just don't want to deal with the Hello's and and you know, I'll just avoid it entirely and I do that all the time and people think that Oh, he's just doesn't like us People said that about me as well. So I want to you know, I you know, I brought it up only jokingly Right, but but this is a real thing. This is a real thing. This makes me feel better and worse

Why why because I hear you feeling that way and I go Oh, it's everyone feels and then I go. Oh, it never fucking stops Even when I have like a garage studio and a super hot girlfriend like it'll never It'll never get better. I'll still be afraid at the store. It gets worse. Oh, no Yeah, I tell you it really why does it get worse because what you because all of a sudden you You meet different levels of people, right? So in the beginning, you know, you have these little wars with open micers, right? You're right. It's like there's there's factions You're right early on or early on like when I started there was an other asian guy that started with me

And he had a faction because he was so clean and what hate these asian clique Yeah, yeah, and then I had my faction and that wait who was in your faction. I want to know Just one guy Any quick comedy but his name is Jonathan gotsick. Oh But the other asian guy who was the other faction one time he we were at a Dublin not doublins. We were in irish bar in pacific beach And we who we didn't know who was next and then we kind of got an argument and he goes Hey, you and he did a kung fu kick. He did a kung fu kick to my face. It was dad fan

Right, so he goes. Hey, you and you did a kung fu and And I did a matrix back like this. She was like shock. Hey, what the fuck you want to get physical? Wow You're right. And then he told In another incident he told this guy zoom in chris clobber Right. It was a sand eagle guy about something that I said So chris clobber came up to me once and I was an open micro and he slapped me in the face What? Yeah, yeah, so I So in the beginning of factions, right and then you move up. It's like the military or whatever, right?

You move up and then there's a bigger Bigger world that you move in right so there's More factions in not not just two people. It's like six factions. You have alternative comics Right, you have the urban comics. You have this and that right then you come to la there's more factions You have different groups and then you elevate and then all of a sudden you're in there's so many factions, right? and there's so many rumors and you and you know small talk and also, you know You know people back stabbing each other this and that that like we are in an environment where we can get paranoid Is that good? Yeah. Oh, yeah

I thank you Taylor. No, I totally go exact because I thought I thought like okay once you get to a certain level Then you're just fine and everybody's like you're one of the people You can sit here everything's fine, but it it's actually way scarier because if something happens like that where there's like Someone doesn't make eye contact with you where they don't say hi back You know, they know who you are You know that they're aware of you whereas like when you're an open micro and someone ignores you you're like Well, they don't know I'm a comedian right that could have been anything

Like it's fine. They don't know who I am why but now Once you get to that. I don't know a higher faction. I guess that that other level where you're like everybody knows I'm a comedian. So if you don't say hi to me that is a choice Right, right. Yeah, you're right. I want to know how you would say hi to taylor at the store today You said hi to me at the store and it was so nice like the last time I saw you I saw you in the hallway at the store Did you do this? No, I didn't do that. It was really nice. Yeah, I didn't do a crazy white wave. That's a white wave. Yeah. Hi I didn't do that. No, I went. What's up? Oh, I gave me a thumbs up maybe

but I know I walked up because I per because I have to say this and this is sound gross I'm gonna say something gross. Okay, is that you know, there's An a generation before a couple of generations. I think you're a couple of generations that perform me Uh-huh, but I'm always the kind of guy. I think it's a mistake for older older comics to ignore what's underneath them Right. So like when I started like a lot of older comics would completely ignore me, right? Whereas, you know, I know certain comics Like someone like highway mendell would

Would always go to the younger guys and do stuff with them, right? And so for me, it's like I know that I'll just put you in a category. Okay You and I would put jack night in that category people that are You know that they have a future in the business And that are rising and they have soup. They have a lot of talent, right? So for me, it's like when I see you I want to connect with you. I want to be your friend because I feel like you're a nice person

But I also feel like you're on the rise and it's a networking opportunity. Yeah. Yeah, is that does it? I think that's what it is. Exactly what it is. Right. I think that's what it is. Yeah, I think I'm an opportunistic opportunity I'm gonna make it less gross. Okay for your sake. Okay. I don't think it's strictly I don't I don't think it's opportunistic and networking. I think it's networking but not in a gross way. I think it's just like In the same way, like you don't want to be on bad terms with your cousin. You're like, you're gonna be here forever Yeah, like we should be cool. You know so that on Thanksgiving. It's not weird. Yeah, I mean, but But I have another argument on that. It's like there are certain guys

That I don't think are good that I wouldn't do that with even though I know they're gonna be around forever. Oh, yeah Yeah, so it's like, um, it's a specific thing. It's like they seem nice, right? They seem Relevant and and it's so gross even talking about it. Yeah, it's pretty gross. But I'm just being honest. No, I know You know, I would rather be honest than than fake. Okay. Yeah, these are things I actually feel right, right? And it's like, um, you know, I remember like Being ignored by people above me, you know, even though I was like doing well in my career And I just didn't want to do the same thing. I like to bring Young comics on the road like the long a time ago Whitney opened for me. You think I like Whitney?

No, I love Whitney. I love Whitney, but but you know along with, you know, I mean, this is when Whitney Wasn't the Whitney that we know now, but you could tell right that just things were happening, right? And we you know, we're she's a nice person and I go I wanted to open for me in Chicago, right? And she went she was she killed it But it's like the same thing. It's like I I believe the tailor is a part of that generation of people There are gonna like your boy. You still see him. You know and um There's a lot of New York people too that I Andy Schultz, you know, like they're just certain guys that I just Feel like they have the thing. They have white heat. She has white heat and he has white heat, you know, they're white people

They're on fire I love I love white people on that on fire. They love white people on that on fire Yeah, no That's what I said. No, you guys down. No, I said the same thing and he's like, yes, you fucking would what? Why okay, you got up. That's how mad. Yeah. Yeah. I'm mad right now. Okay. I'll tell you why okay because inspiration for Oh, all right. So inspiration What's so funny Inspirations for right is Elon Musk's, you know, I mean space x program. I thought you made a power point

Holy shit No, no, so the next The next launch is it's called inspiration for right? I guess there was a three before obviously it goes in numbers, right? And the four that are being blasted out in space now, right are civilians Okay, right these four Okay Okay, right. They're not astronauts this girl Hailey the the white girl above in the core, right? She was a cancer patient

Right. I have to trim her own bangs That is gonna be rough Right and she works for st. Jude's hospital, right? And st. Jude's, you know, got one seat and she could they go we want you to be the represent Representative. Okay. So I would when I was seeing this I go I'm gonna propose something to you. Okay I'm being real stop acting like you can send me to space What is it? Let me just let me just pitch you on this thing. I can't make happen

Okay, let me tell you on this hypothetical That's a challenge. That's a challenge. All right challenge. So Elon Musk. I'm doing a proposal Okay, dear Elon Musk. You're right. I love your cars. Is that good? Right. You don't own one, but you'd love to own one My friend Jean has one and it's smooth as a river. Is that a turn? I like that Rocky, but that's okay. What rivers are rocky? It's smooth as a lake as a flat green pasture the area in in in Montana exactly. Is that good? Your topography is not on point sweetie. It's smooth as a baby's bottom. There we go.

Weird Hollywood reference It is true. All right. So what I'm going to say is um Dear Elon, okay I propose Right that you do an inspiration five It be the four people are all comics Yes, the four people when they get blasted in the space are going to do a space podcast So we'll sleep there three days. I think they're spending spending three days up. Okay. That's it. Yeah, just three days

And we'll do a space podcast. Okay me You're lunch. You're putting yourself in the inspiration five. You need an ethnic. Yeah. Yeah, you got to you need an ethnic Asian come on imagine if dr. Ken Ken chosen if dr. Ken gets chosen before me that I'll I'll be we'll do the submersible in the ocean Okay, let's do that. We'll go deep in the ocean with James Cameron. Yeah, James Cameron So um me taylor tomlinson Miss pat miss pats gotta be in there. You know miss pat. I don't know her personally. Yeah So funny and and and and everybody would want to see her reaction in space. Yes

And it would have to be Joe Rogan mark marin I Who do you want mark? I'm not going. Yes. You are I am not are you kidding me? I'm not a good choice for a space podcast. Look at the girl Look at the girl your hope. You're the hope. What look at it. Yeah, she's a cancer survivor I'm not her. Yeah, but you survived. I got bangs. I couldn't pull them off. I'm still growing them out Dude, no, I would not be I would not be fun and spit. I would be like I would be chilling in the corner Like I need my own room and I was like you get this pod and I'm like, that's not

I need a I need a room guys. All right. So you wouldn't want to do Open sleeping. You wouldn't want to like openly contribute to the group. I don't want to be there. Why do I Okay, so then unwilling people Yeah, what is this? I find it to be so rude what you're doing I know I'm no budding And I find it to be um preposterous Is that what I think it's preposterous that you want to go. Okay?

I just think that it's a once in a lifetime opportunity Right. It's something that I can say at parties like I went to space. You know, I mean, it's just one of those things How many times before that gets old though? You're like, yeah, dude Oh, there's bobby coming the space guy. Yeah, why do we invite that guy? Is that what you're saying? All right, you're right. Maybe I would say it five times. Perfect. Thank you, Gilbert. And that's why maybe you'll go too You're lost taylor So taylor see this guy right here I forgot his name generosity generosity. Let's call this chris chris. You know how we gone on wow

His friend won the His friend won the ticket. Yeah, and his friend couldn't go because he had like a wedding to go to that's the same That's insane. So he called them and go. Can I just have my friend go? Oh my god, and he called his friend So I've literally missed weddings to do the schomburg impromptu That's true. I can't go to space. Yeah, I really want to Yeah, yeah, I got this wedding What a great room so good. Don't you love it? Yeah, but probably should have gone to my cousin's wedding So, I mean, so if you you got offered you'd have to what comic would you replace?

You get this you get this you're standing. Oh, I mean, it should be like another big podcast person Like it's got to be a woman. Yeah, like bring whitney up there um No, why why because Because because we need age difference too. Like how old are you taylor 27 right? We need we need a different generation this is This is such a bullshit. This is what I get so mad when male comics are like fucking women

It's easier for women to blow up sooner than guys and it's like I have to blow up while I'm young Otherwise, everyone's gonna be like fuck you. I can't like wait till I'm 40. Yeah Yeah, I have to do it right now. Well, you're like, all right, and then that's the only way I get to stay So the idea that like well, we need someone who's in their 20s and we can't take someone who's in their 30s Like what's true, babe? What is the difference? That's a good point. You know what I feel like you two I feel like you we're friends. Yeah, I know you two are getting up on me I feel like you're out. I don't know the fuck you're doing Gilbert. I'm in you're not backing me up at all

I'm in you're a coward. I'm doing this for right. You're for science. This is for science and Whitney's younger than like Isn't Whitney younger than if she's opening my age, right? Yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah, she's my age Younger than me. I think so you chose Whitney you choose Whitney to replace you of course. Yeah, okay So it's me when it's like a has a huge podcast like you're gonna do a podcast in space With a bunch of podcasters, but you're gonna take one comedian who's like I'll go on a podcast if I have to I've got to promote my tour. I guess teatomcomedy.com and I just You're right, you know, you know what you're right. Number one, you're right again, right?

I just need you know to hear your perspectives on things And you know, I go one way and I can change So you're right If you want someone my generation bring jack night jack nights my age jack would be great. Yeah, okay So but we need a woman. So don't we need a woman? Oh, that's right. That's fine. Jack me Miss pat and mark marin. Something seems off. Yeah, yeah, right. It seems off I don't I don't know that marin would go with you Would would marin want to go to space? Not if bobby was on that ship

What do you guys are bunkmates? No, no mark mark mark one. I think 10 years ago. He wouldn't I feel like you're just someone who would tinker With the wrong things and just like, you know, create some mechanical issue with a vessel What I also I think my intentions aren't pure My intentions are Diablo. You're the space Diablo. No, my intentions is I have a fantasy that We would all Be up there in a spaceship, right and all of a sudden a black hole would appear Right, okay, and then we get sucked into the black hole. Okay, right, and then we end up in a different dimension Sounds like okay, okay, and then we don't know what happens after that

But the mystery of it will uncover and discover together Are you also the person that wants the plane to crash so that it can be like lost and you're like the leader? Yeah, I do have those fantasies Are you just like so tired? I'm just like exhausted miserable Are you really miserable the constant state of misery? No, honestly, am I talking much? What do you mean just in our entire relationship?

Or just today You're right. I should calm down I'm sweating He has these like hypotheticals every day of our lives and I'm just like You know and I play into them. Yeah, I've always been a dreamer I look I admire thank you. Thank you. I admire the energy you are exerting Yeah, unnecessarily, you know, I have to say that you know Every dreamer has had naysayers

And um, you know people that have had grand visions and real dreams and fantasies And there've always been people around them going no no you're acting crazy You're thinking wrong and this and that and I will persevere over this What you guys aren't going to bring me down It's just the end of wicked Yeah, you're right. It is the end of wicked. Right. Let's get back to it. Who doesn't like me in this business I'd like to know. All right, so um

But you're I mean it's not no, they don't it's not that they don't like you It's just that they you can tell that they have And I can't name names. Okay. I'm sure taylor is fully aware But she you know, I mean they've said stuff like oh, she's rising You know, I mean this and that it was just like set in a way where it was a threat Instead of like I'm gonna shoot her out of the sky. I don't know how you guys do it I'm so glad I'm not in that space or like in comedy Yeah, it's it's also it's everyone's perception. So like you might be wrong. Maybe no one's like you're right

That's interesting as well because I think people will say that to me sometimes where they're like I think certain people are threatened by you and I'm like that seems insane to me because I see those people And I'm just like you are so far ahead and above me. I cannot wrap my head around that I'll tell you why You're wrong. Okay. I think And I could be wrong I gotta be wrong good display, but yeah, but and I'm gonna give you The thing that you have that's different

Okay, okay, you have the trifecta Do you know you have it? What's what's the trifecta? I can't sing. No, I know that's not part of it. Okay. That's a triple threat. Yeah Can't dance or sing You and I'm sorry the third thing you can't control. Okay. So the first two things And you know what I feel like you two are ganging up on me And I shouldn't even be giving you this fucking compliment Right, and I feel like this is a wisdom of like of love and truth, right? But you you you guys are dream naysayers Right, so but I'm gonna do it anyway because my heart is bigger than most gracious

Am I not my heart is bigger than most and it's grand It's it's called an enlarged heart from From eating congestive heart failure, baby. Yeah Yeah, meaning boa every night. It was delicious last night. It was the tomahawk steak give taylor the three the trifecta I will so here I don't I've never done this with my hands by the way. Is that one? No, this is not I don't know what this is. Oh my god, sweetie. You have the smallest pinky I've ever seen Okay, here we go. Here we go It barely seems like yeah, and then you're gonna want it. You're gonna you're gonna say

Equated to my penis Your penis is not small. Will you stop telling people that that's all I wanted to hear look bad. Oh That's all I wanted big old dick. What's up? It's like a can of spam, baby So thick so square. So anyways, here's a three the right you have You're a great writer Oh, thank you Just take it. I did a thank you. All right nervous

But but but the thing is you know a lot of writers they can't perform But you're also a good performer Okay, thank you and you're your age Right And the way you look and handle yourself and your point of view and all that stuff is the third thing Right, so that's all I wanted to say That's very nice. And that's not you think that that's that's you know, I think kelsey cook

You know, I mean has the same kind of thing. I think that rosebud baker has the same kind of thing where it's like Um, they have the trifecta thing going, right? So that's all I wanted to say to you. Okay, should I go? No, no, I don't And that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Was it when you first started doing open mic. Did you start in san diego? Yeah, I started in san diego Well, I started in high school and I was doing like churches and shit because I was 16 So when I started doing clubs, it was in san diego You're religious you grew up religious. Yeah

Yeah, super religious devout. Yeah. Yeah. Very christian Are your parents Born again christians as well. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Very very christian Are you I don't I feel like I've seen you do edgier stuff on stage though. Do you have I was really clean until I was like 22 right so and then after that I was like i'm not doing this Yeah, you're like katie perry Thank you. So i'm like katie perry. I believe is from murietta, which is basically tomacula. Oh,

I'm pretty sure don't I I would have to look it up But i'm pretty sure I went to tomacula valley high school and I think she went to great oak But I could be wrong. Also, olivia rodrigo is from tomacula. Mm-hmm philippina queen So, um Are your parents when they see that that side of your material? Are they mad? Oh, they don't see it because they don't watch my stuff anymore. Oh, oh, they don't oh, yeah. No, no, no, no Why because it's very disappointing I mean, I think uh, my mom died when I was a kid and I think I think my stepmom would watch it

But I think she's like very loyal to my dad. So the fact that he doesn't want to she's like You know solidarity, which I respect objectively Do you still do you have a good relationship with your parents? No Oh, no, I mean not currently. Oh, not currently. No, no, no, because you're the trajectory of your life and your career and all that stuff Is that the problem? No, it's I mean, you know, it's a I don't know who knows it's I have a complicated relationship um with my father and uh, you know, it's one of those things where like I don't I get like nervous to talk about it on podcast because it's everyone folding

But also he's like sub tweeting me on facebook where he was posting he was like posting shit about like Don't worry. Like god will you know get your adult children in line? Like it's not your oh Like oh Bad shit, I he posted something the other day And this is why I don't feel bad talking about it publicly because he's just putting it out on facebook He posted something on facebook that was like, I don't know some screenshot from a from a bible book I don't even know some guys that was talking about like we think we could have done better as parents But it everybody is accountable for their own actions even our adult children

And they have to have their own, you know moment with Jesus or whatever and like post that and has like A bunch of other parents who are just like I needed to hear this today and I'm just like Dude, I screenshotted it and I texted it to we haven't talked in like four months. I texted it to him I didn't say anything. He did not respond to it. But just like hey, buddy. This is public. I almost commented I wanted to comment on it and be like, you know, you could call me, right? Like, you know, I can see this shit. This is a public Well, it's like that's what I'm saying. You were talking about perception, right? Yes, and it's like You're basically a dream child for most parents like you're self sufficient

You've had this you have this career you're kind to people But on the other side of that is your father not seeing that. Yeah, that is So wild to me that kind of I know this is an emotional podcast, but that breaks my fucking heart. I mean, you know, it's look pity the men I date Don't pity me pity anybody who falls in love with my ass Uh, it makes me so fucking angry That I can't even say anything because how disastrous were you and your parents loved you anyways, right?

You were a drug addict. You sucked a lot of dick and then they were like, yes. Yes. Okay, All right, baby, baby, baby, baby. I sucked a couple of dicks in high school. Okay. He's doing this Hey, put your fingers down. Put your fingers down. I understand what you're putting for all four. I'm sorry I sucked a couple of He's using his feet I sucked a couple of dicks No, um two, okay, so stop saying that ever again, okay I won't I promise that last time and for me. It's like when I did the tonight show

on Jay Leno Back in the day is when my parents went, oh, you know, we were wrong, you know, right? And it's like that was the thing that made them go like relax and go Oh, okay, we were wrong. This guy was right. We should have supported when we didn't and now we're on board and it kind of like Changed my relationship with my parents, you know, because they were so disappointed not because of the drug addiction and all that kind of stuff It's just I was you know, when you tell your parents at 23, I'm doing stand-up. This is also in 1995 Right, they're just like what what is that? Right? Like they're immigrants. They don't know, right?

So when I hear that from you, it just makes me so angry because I wish I could just sit down with your dad and go sir number one what your daughter did was It's almost impossible It I'm not I'm not kidding you. It's so fucking hard

I went through the open mic system and just being raised In that and the pain and the suffering and that it's just the bullshit you that you have to do and then also As a young comic you kind of go you see bigger comics. You go. How do you do it? Like how do you get there? Right because I'm doing all this stage time. I don't have any repping me I don't know how to get that. You know what I mean? I'm doing these garbage shitty rooms like Along you're on a you're on a beach with a mic. You know what I mean? There's people walking by playing volleyball You're like, how the fuck am I going to make it? So it's like

I want to show what But I want to tell your dad I go, you know, no, no She's doing she did something that was so difficult, right and she has so much talent That you did you you and you're you know You're the woman that your mom, you know, I mean made a baby, right? That is super special and talented and they're doing it Well, and I should clarify. It's not the only reason that we have We don't have a difficult relationship just because I swear on stage like at all like we it's there's other stuff

It's it's not that it's not like they cut me out because I was swearing on stage that is not it That's not it at all. They just like stopped watching what I did But they like that I'm successful. Oh, okay because that's a good I mean the weirdest thing is the way I got into comedy is my dad took me to a stand-up class when I was a junior in high school that we took together And I started doing it. I mean my dad was driving me to church shows for like the first year and a half that I was doing stand-up and we had a very tumultuous relationship before that we fought all the time Was really bad and then I started doing stand-up and it was like this thing we did together

And it was like I mean it was something I've worked on in therapy during the pandemic where I was like, oh my god Why is my entire identity and all of my self-worth Wrapped up in my job and what I do and it's like oh because that's when your dad started liking you is how it felt It's like that's when your dad started like really paying attention And so I had to kind of come to grips with that and I've like I've really tried over the years to be like, hey these these are the things in our relationship that don't Work for me or I don't think are good or healthy and there's just like it's just not going to change and it's not going to happen and

It's it's a weird like mind fuck for sure and it's really hard to explain um but Yeah, there's there's definitely more going on than that, but they were like Like they're very into the fact that people are like, are you Taylor Tomlinson's dad? Like they like that All right, right they came to the tonight show. That's probably the last time they saw me Live was like, I don't know. I guess like three years ago Tonight show because that was like safe and then after I did the tonight show

My 15 minutes came out on netflix and they watched it and like didn't talk to me for a week And then I called them and was like, hey, did you watch it and they were like, yeah, we really disappointed in you In the 50 why why why the in the 50 it was edgy. Is that why yeah? Yeah I think I said fuck once like it wasn't that bad, but I had like a condom joke in there Like it was like impossible to Keep believing I was a virgin That's like the biggest issue like oh, I just couldn't he just couldn't pretend So we had like I remember it was a whole thing where he was like, why do you have to do that joke?

I don't understand and I'm like that joke like got me a development deal. Like I don't think you understand Yeah, I'm like that joke is like the most often quoted thing of mine like but you can't They're just you know, it is what it is. Everybody has issues with their parents. I know that and Whatever we're all unraveling it as we get older But yeah, it's it's weird. It's weird when your parent is Proud of what you've accomplished but not interested in who you are Oh, my god, hold on. I can get us out of this. What's your skincare routine?

I really need to know six layers of airbrush foundation I think somebody should do a documentary about that though not you specifically but like um, you'd be in it You don't think I'm worthy of a doctor? No, no, you are Because fihim and war has the same thing with his dad is that you know when fihim was um an engineer at bowing Um dad was all and then one day he just said, you know, he was making 70 80 grand a year salary You know benefits all the stuff, you know, I mean Insurance, you know, and he just called his dad out of nowhere and said I'm gonna quit. I'm gonna just stand up and his dad just went what yeah, and then um

still today it's like Once fihim got a writing job Um on a show which he's doing now his dad was like well, I can get behind that because it's nine to five Right, and it's like you're getting a weekly paycheck. You know, I mean it's like it seems like an office job But I think somebody should do a documentary about like religious parents and their kids doing stand-up You know, I mean, I think that's an interesting And taylor can't be in it. No, I want her to be on I don't want to go There's not a lot of people that are gonna be able to be in that diet

There's a very small pool of christian comedians. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, of course. It's like yeah It's like me that I'm not anymore, but like when I was Doing it there was nobody like my like the closest person to my age was john christ All right, like, you know, and he's still yeah, I do I do christian Let me I is the kind because I know there's different factions of christianity. I don't know much about back to the factions But all about factions. Sorry. I I just play um Um Video games a lot. Yeah, and then like fallout factions. You know, I mean brotherhood

You have the railroad road faction the brotherhood. There's a fucking faction. So anyway, I'm a big video game guys That's why I use the fucking term. I'm sorry. Sorry, but um, is it the kind of relu? Because I don't know much about it Do they speak in tongues? No, okay good. No, it's not that it's not that kind of relu They're speaking in tongues. I'm just gonna defend my speaking in tongues church Because my sister and I got adopted into a Nigerian Mennonite church when I first came to the country And that shit is fun It is so fun

You get to do wwe moves like my sister was like straight up like she was doing the wave on the podium It was amazing. I mean, I would have gone to church more if that was happening I mean, it's it's it's so entertaining like you get it wrapped up in it And if you just let go and like just join in on the fun, it's not as bad as you think Yeah I mean, it's not a solid. Yeah. No. No, that's a real firm. Yeah. Yeah. Let me do that again. Yeah Yes, I like the best. How about this you and I go to a church? Yeah, right? We go to church Babe, I did it and

I went to so I lived in lohoya and um, there was a church on jenton draper somewhere around there and my I had this roommate who was redheaded. I forgot his name erin. I think and he was and we got in a fight because You know, he he would leave his bible around the living room. Yeah, right and so as a joke I threw out like a penthouse and I put it next to the You know being that guy, you know, I mean and he I came home once This is the same dude that like would draw a marker on the sunny delight Until the market is his no, he would align to see if I drank it. Oh my god, right?

So then I would drink some and then I would just fill it with water Right and then eventually it was just all water You know, it's like so he I came home once and he was crying on the couch Like what are you there bro? What are you crying about? He goes? I masturbated to your um Right Oh, yeah, yeah, that comes on you dude. What that come is on you I know right. So then I go. Well, how do I make it up? And he goes come to church with me. You need to be

Oh, what right? So I went to church with him. Oh my god, right and I'm in this church and all of a sudden I hear You know erin because he jerked off to something you left out. Yeah So yeah, and then he goes he told the the minister or whatever that he's a new guy, you know I mean, you know, and so they they all went And they all came up to me And they put their hands on my little head. Well, I have a big head a big very big head. So there was a lot of hands Yeah

42 hands Big Asian head here We need about four more and so um and they were like And all I wanted to do is run the fuck out of there because I don't when you're not raised with that You don't know what it is and back then there was no youtube. So there was no internet Right. So I don't know anything about it. And when they're speaking this weird language You just you freak out and you want to run the fuck out of there. So I was just like Yeah, you're like, is this a spell? Yeah. Yeah, you think it's like witchcraft. Yeah. Yeah

So you didn't do yeah, they didn't do speaking in tongues at your church. No, okay good classic Protestant Yeah, just classic. All right, whatever, you know, you're you guys are into the classics We we started going to a church. We had I don't know we went to a I think it was a baptist church when I was a kid up until I was like nine Because when my mom died my dad got remarried and then we moved to southern california And we came from like this huge church that like would not let you get married there if you'd been divorced So my stepmom had been divorced so they couldn't even get married there at our original church. Wow. And then It's like once you

Once we moved we went to this church that I guess my stepmom was going to And it was like literally like in a shopping center. It was like really small. It was like three rooms And over the years it just grew and grew and grew until now it's like a pretty big church And I remember for years like the sermon every week was like this week God told me That we need more money for the new building like every single week that was the sermon of just like God's really put it on my heart that you guys need to tithe more so that we can build a bigger A bigger church. Yeah, and I was like this seems weird like

We're gonna talk about a verse Yeah, and then they had christmas and they're like, yeah, baby jesus, but uh, um, but you know what? Baby jesus would really like money for the building like it was yeah wild and now it's pretty it's like a but as a kid You notice that you're like, this is weird. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean once my mom died I was kind of like everyone was like we're gonna see her again Don't worry and I never felt like that and so I was like I don't know if I am a good christian like for years Like am I going to hell because I don't feel this way and then

at a certain point once I started doing stand-up and I met a lot of different types of people and Like dated an atheist who was like also a good person and you know, whatever. I was like, oh So, you know Not everybody has that little voice in your head going Jesus Jesus Jesus And then when you grow up in church, that's what they tell you they tell you there's a voice in everybody's head That most people are just ignoring But a lot of people just don't think about it

Would you ever think to yourself later in life that you'll you might become? Like you think it'll reverse like you're like in your 20s. You're like resurgence. I'm doing my own thing You know, I mean, and then like in their 40s. Maybe they go back. Is there ever a Does that ever happen? I think so. I think that you could people go through different life stages Yeah, like, you know belief systems throughout I'm only going to do that if my career drives up in the secular world Yeah, my buddy Dustin Nickerson who opens for me and is a very funny comic He he is still like very clean and we kind of met in that world and he's like don't you can always

Do the like prodigal daughter tour like always go back That's a big probably a big market though. Probably. Oh, it's a huge market. Yeah, very few people really. Oh, yeah Oh, I would be I had to I had to tell my manager like When I was like 22, I'm like, you cannot bring me offers anymore And it took a few times of her being like, but it's this much money. I'm like, you can't I can't be that thing all the time And they need you to be that thing all the time. Oh, wow, like they need you to like not

You cannot have sex you cannot do like a club set and then come to your church that like you have to be What they want you got to walk the walk the whole time. And I just was like, I don't think I'm this You know, I googled one. I mean you tube once Christian comedians to make fun of them Yeah And a couple of them I liked. Yeah, some of them are funny. I go Yeah, they were clean. I was I was mesmerized because I'm like number one. It's clean It's wholesome, but there was a couple of guys. I forgot his name Tim Hawkins

Maybe him, right? He does clubs sometimes too. You know, I mean, maybe it's Tim Hawkins, but he was very physical He had a lot of energy physical and he made a lot of noises And I just remember him me going laughing at a couple of his things go. Oh, that's He's talented like, you know, and then I was thought that wow, that must be A huge like market in terms of money. I mean you could if there's five guys doing it and half the country is Christian, the Midwest might be a fucking cash cow. I think that's a path for you I think if shit just gets weird, right? Yeah, maybe become a born-again Christian, right? Because they'll accept all you degenerates from the past. You wipe your sins clean, right?

And then just enter that market Yeah, you play you play like a little Sizzle reel of all your most debauchers moments and then you pause it and come out dressed in all white. Yes That was me three years ago, and I'm dressed in all white. Yeah, right? Yeah, and then I think there's smoke There's a smoke machine on stage and I can get my beard because I want to get a beard implants. Do you? Yeah Are you still doing that? I would still want to do it. I'm saving my money $7,500 And so I'm gonna get beard in that's when I do my beard grow my hair like like this

Beard implants. Yeah, low pony low pony. Oh, it's the yeah, it's real pony though Can I go can I go more beige with my robe? Yeah, it's like catholic. Can you do the pope outfit? Yeah, I want to do like a more of a beige kind of a monkey kind of a thing Right still the smoke that looks feel the lighting right. I also want to do um I'm going to do what the actors use a monocle. No No One time I saw Anna Ferris, um, you know, did she had to do a crying scene and she put the little mink. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, I want to look like I had been almost emotional. Right, right. So I'm crying kind of

Right They show the real of me doing mad to be like Give me some stand up where I was like pulling my penis out or whatever. Yeah, you're right Just you know the stuff and then That would maybe a voice over that was once me I Hello, do I say hello regular voice? No, no, I have to do this. Do I say hello like that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Wait, that looks like that's not what I'm doing. Oh, no. What are you thinking? That's somebody who goes home and flogs himself in the back

Oh, no, I will have that No, I'll pull my robe and I'll turn my back and I'll have my gen espanol for the mad tv special effects for person Yeah, I'll have her do like flogging lines on my back. Silas. Yeah, I didn't actually do it. But like just it's a show Yeah, right. So I'll go on the real thing right and do this, right? What is Tony Robbins wear? Oh, you know what Tony Robbins wears unfortunately very old navy jeans. I'm not a fan of his boot cuts Okay, right George. I might oh no. Oh That's what I'm talking about like all white Oh, you're oh, I see. Yeah. So that but all white. Yeah. Can I still have the beard and all that stuff?

Absolutely. How about the flogging too much? That's a little much. Okay. Yeah, the tears Do it. Okay. Good. I'm gonna I'll be that was once. Yeah. Yeah. Was that was that hard for you guys to watch? You can only imagine how hard it was for me to watch Knowing what I know now. Yeah. Was it is everyone uncomfortable? I love it when churches try to be edgy when they're like, does that is everyone that's hard to watch isn't it? That's difficult for you. Yeah And there won't be my opening joke

Yeah, what is up with Protestants? Wait, I don't know. I don't know. What is up with Protestants? Yeah. No or Muslims crazy. Yeah I don't know. Is that a good do you get into other religion shitting? Okay. Is that a passable and it has to be I'm trying to think if I ever saw anybody do that. I'm sure you can I'm sure you probably can. Yeah, I don't know. But do they talk about Jesus in their act? Yeah Wow Yeah, huh? Michael jr. Have you heard of Michael jr? No, it's a huge christian comic. He did clubs, too. I believe is Michael jr. White

No, he's black. Yeah. Yeah He's got a joke about like Jesus like Jesus had a brother like that must have sucked like that kind of All right. I don't know the joke. All right. That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No people have tons of bible jokes and stuff I'm sure there's a lot of black Christian comedians. Yeah, is Terrence K. Williams. Is he he's more of a right-wing guy? I'm not sure. I don't know. There's a there's a guy. There's a huge trump. Maybe I know we know who he is Yeah, but I was wondering if he's a christian because it's funny. I get a call once

This actually happened and it's this guy who I can't say his name, but he produced an independent movie that I did But he's like a closeted like trump guy Oh, hey, he goes. Hey, buddy. I go. Who's this so so I go. Oh, what's up? And he goes Anyway, bud that bad friends. Wow, wonderful stuff I go cool. He goes. Well, anyway, you know, um, you know, I'm a part of trumps You know some some sort of like And he goes and you know, also I'm a producer, right? And I go I'm just sweating like he's gonna offer me something that I have to say

No, do and he goes your buddy Andrew Santino. He's right-wing, right? I go, no He's like, yeah, but he could skew that like people would believe that and I go I get I don't what interesting. He goes him Terrence K. Williams, right a black guy white guy on the road. We just do trump markets Right, Alabama and I go dude. I'm not even gonna propose it to the guy. Yeah, you shouldn't see what he said No, no, no, no because Andrew would have lost his mind. Did I propose it to him? I don't think I did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but it's it was like the nerve of the sky, right? Anyway

Um But How can you date a comedian? Is it hard very like that's like, where did we I missed was that the transition? Yeah That's how good I am. Wow. That was so snuck up on me. Um, I thought you were gonna say hard. Is it to be a church comedian? So I'm adjusting uh Uh, how hard is it? Yeah, because I dated a comedian once. I was like, I can't do it. Yeah, but oh that wasn't That's not on her. That's on you

Because sarah is honestly one of the best people I've ever met and I think that if you were in a better place in your life that I think it was when when You're siding with my girlfriend's ex-girlfriend. I love her. She's great I just talked to her yesterday. She guest hosted. She did. Oh, she did. Yeah, you were gone. She did it. All right. Yeah But what I'm saying is is that um, not just that but it's like in terms of like you've dated several comics because you dated What's her name? Oh? Yes, all right. I did too. Yeah. Yeah, but I couldn't do it because it always came back to

Who are all the comics you've dated? I don't know. Oh, so I dated a girl named sarah. Highland not the one that's on modern family Right. I would hope not. Yeah That's why she's a bit young. Is she young? Oh, yeah, all right. Yeah, and then I there was another comic that I remember I met her at open mic at in the sunday night at the comedy store She was waiting in line And she was cute and I hit a comedian. No, okay. Yeah, but I remember like Then you're okay. Thank you. Yeah Yeah, but when we were dating she was and I remember she did this bit where she took a piece of scotch tape

Uh-huh and tied it to her nose and then pulled it back And she had a pig thing like this. I do like that and she and she did and she did this character Hey, my name is Samantha. I was something right and I remember you don't fucking use tape as a prop Sweet you used to stick stuff up your butt when you were a young comic. What are you talking about? Look, we all don't have dicks to pull out So how to bring a roll of tape You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're absolutely right. Apologize to Samantha Not Samantha. It was uh, I know but her

You have to out her name. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I apologize for that, right? And Sarah, I apologize to everybody, right? So there's no competition between you two Between me and Sarah Sam. Oh, okay. Oh me and Sam. Yeah, I mean honestly I I, Sam and I are in such different places like Sam's older than me. He's been doing this longer than I have and when I started talking to him, I was like, yeah, that's not gonna be A thing because we're just in totally different places. I think like it would be so stupid for me to try to

Compete with him. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure that I I get insecure at times as a result because like, you know, Sam Sam I think is somebody that everybody wants his approval especially like within the comedy community and he is very well respected and like me included like I Wanted his approval and uh, I think there have definitely been times where I was like But do you really think I'm good though? Like I'm sure that I get like insecure about it. Um But yeah, I mean, we're just such different things like I think it's so weird when

People get competitive with comedians who are nothing like them because I'm like, you're not going for the same stuff You're not you're not buying for the same slot. Like I know what comedians can be mad at me For getting something where I'm like, yeah, if I were you I'd be pissed that I got this also But like people who are totally different than me Or people I'm totally different than I'm like, we're not in competition at all. Yeah Yeah, but also you two are doing Well, yeah, right if I was dating like, uh, Whitney Which would be a nightmare. No, I actually think you guys would be

great together Why you're the coolest girlfriend ever you're like you're like what I want to be when I You're like, I love sir. We hung out yesterday. I'm like, what the fuck is this? Like Yeah, I just because like Whitney knows how to Sort of realign your head in the right way like any time you have trouble in your career Whatever you call her and then you walk out of that conversation always feeling better feeling supported And like with a renewed sense of confidence. Yeah, she does have a way of talking to me. Yeah, and she understands you

Like a child. Do you ever just send him to Whitney? I do all the time Yeah, I'm always like you talk to Whitney. I can't figure this out for you Yeah, she has a way of like going you're acting like a child. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, this is nothing, right? This is what you should be focusing on. Yeah, and in a way, right? Okay, fine, right? But um, it would be a mom and son kind of a relationship. What's the difference? That's there. That's a lot of heterosexual relationships It really is that's a lot. Okay. Oh my god. I have that I have been your mommy for Since the third month of dating

Oh, that makes me feel so terrible It's just the one thing we talk about in therapy therapy the most. How can we I'm your mommy It feels so terrible But I'm also getting around And there we go, which is I think it's an edit editable complex editable complex. Yeah. Yeah. I have some sort of complex I love that plus. Yeah, that's great. Am I a good son? Or a bad son so um

Taylor, I want so at the end of our podcast number one, we would love to have you back. Yes, please. Are we done? Yeah No, we're at the end. We do a thing at the end. You're just number two Honestly, we want you back number two. Um I just we really like you a lot and I think you're great. Thank you for having me and um number three We'd I'd like to do something with you one day in terms of business business No, no, like Oh rolling you gotta do the church tour. You should do if I got an acting par and they said oh taylor's in this too

It'd be cool. That's all I'm saying Yeah, all right. Yeah So at the end of You guys always take these You know what I mean? I feel like I'm the bad guy. This am I the bad guy? Oh, you're the you're the son Oh, yeah, I'm the prodigal prodigal prodigal. What the fuck's that noise? Oh, I think it's a garbage Geez so aggressive so scary. Yeah Anyway, at the end of our podcast, we do a thing called unhelpful by chapstick

I have the most chapter. I want to know what kind of chapstick you're using. This is just something It's whipped shea butter ebb and heal. It's something sam got for me a whole foods today I feel like that might work, but the regular old chapstick does not what does Bert's bees work or no? It does not work on me. Okay. Um, I've been using like literally like lotion because I'm like I truly I don't know what to do because I've heard that that's bullshit too that chapstick is bullshit So I was like, all right. I'll just use moisturizer. I guess, you know, it works for me. What it's um I think it's pronounced lanaise, but it's a sleep mask for lips

But I did that too, but it was Bert Bert's bees. So maybe that's wrong. Okay. Yeah use this other one Do use the lip mask, but don't use it as a Mask use it as chapstick every day. Oh, okay. Oh, is it like a clay? It's it's just comes off as like an oil Oh, okay. Yeah, the one I used was literally like a sheet mask in the shape of your lips No, those ones don't work. Okay. Yeah, or maybe or maybe just use your fucking tongue That's how it's the lips. It gets drier. Yeah, that's it works like God God already. That's how I got here God made an already

an ointment system It just do that and it's wet. The life is very drying. Sweet. It is. Yeah, unless you have you have a lot of like Mucus and coming from your lungs because you're smokers. So maybe that's why there we go now my lung. I need to I need to start smoke Yeah Yeah, so um, no, don't don't go yet. I want to talk about um your lips. Okay Oh, so you both have you would think that Technology would get to the point where they would have the perfect thing. You're saying that you guys are saying they don't have it yet Not for California at chaperone weather. It's like, yeah, of course if I'm in, you know, Hawaii my lips are always

Puffed up and moisturized but over here. It's just always like crusty on the edges You know what because I've been spending way more time in New York too I've been spending like three weeks to like every one way like salmon I go back and forth and he cannot live here. So, um, I spend way more time in New York and it's much more humid Yeah, and I bet I bet this is like the first time I've been home in like weeks and I'm going right back to New York And I bet when I go back This next week. I'll it'll get way better. Is it as a comic? I'm sure it's better there, right in New York Yeah

I don't know because I'm on the road so much like I'm on the road every weekend So when I'm like home during the week, I have to do all these like podcasts and like meetings and Development shit. And so I don't really feel the need to do spots every single night anymore because I just don't have the bandwidth for it so I mean I don't know I I am Established in LA where I can do like three spots a night or whatever. So to me, it's not Super different, but I think

Overall, yes, New York is easier to do a bunch of stuff then And the road is easier from New York. It's way easier from. Oh, yeah, I bet it is show I went to the beach the other day and people talked to you on the beach. Yes. Did you see my sunglasses? I just dropped him like it was a real community It was great, you know what pet and dogs I I feel like to this episode right interesting. I'm sweating and I'm being very defensive and everything I'm saying is wrong Right. I just want to say to my fans and to tiger belly fans is is that I apologize I'll man up. I will grow and I will change. Was this an okay episode. I'm like, was amazing. Okay. Okay. Good. All right

What'd you think of it? I I don't know. I've never been here I listen to Whitney's on the way here and I was like I'm in my head now on this podcast going was I as funny as Whitney? No, like I don't know if I did it never feels good walking out of here. Okay. All right. Good. Yeah, but it always feels good Relistening. Okay, great. Yeah. That's how I always feel when I was like, there's a lot of lamps in here This is great. Also, Sam just did it and Sam's like, oh, it'll be great. He's like, it's so great This was I what can I be honest with you? Yeah, the benefit Sam's And I I said that I honestly believe that say to the camera, right? Sam, you were great. It's just less Taylor was way better

And the and also just more I like it. You don't believe that you're just trying to create problems You don't feel that way at all. I do. I do such bullshit No, number one and also it's like I don't tell people, you know, please come back. I really want you back I would love to come back. Yeah. So that's another thing, right? If we barely scratch the surface We haven't I really yeah. Yeah, and that's why I know we should do it again Yeah, and also thirdly, right? I I don't want people to feel that though Feel what I don't want people to walk away like she just you know in her head going

Was that good or bad? No, I want people to know that it was good because it never to be fair I'd always I'd feel that way no matter what I I'm the same way where it's like I have to take a beat and then re-listen and be like, oh, that was a good episode Because in the moment, you're not you're not reflecting on what you just did or what it's it's chaos in here Yeah, and I I'm difficult. Well, you're a big energy. So it's like it's you know, I get enraptured Yeah So, yeah, this was very fun. I just didn't know how I did you killed it

I feel like I feel like I had casual sex where I'm like, I had a good time I don't know. I don't know how they felt about it Let let's let's review real quick. Okay. I'd like to do this. I would like to do this. Okay Is is that I'll tell you why it was good for me. Okay is because um I feel like in every episode because this is what are over three three hundred and twenty Three hundred and ten episodes we've done It's a lot of episodes a lot of talking and I say the same things over and over again, right?

But this episode there were new ideas and things and points of views that I was able to express That in my head I was thinking oh, you never said that before this is in an interesting direction And that's why we're exploring different things, right? So in in in my opinion I enjoyed this way better than sam's More importantly, you were great. Yeah, you were way better than sam So anyway, I couldn't even listen to sam's because I'm like if I listen to sam's he's going to be getting way more laughs than me I can't go in there That with that energy

So at the end of our episode we do think a thing called unhelpful advice people Email us problems and we answer them. Okay unhelpful advice with barbie kalayla And taylor I think this is a question you guys can really help me with because of your family stuff My parents split up a few years ago and after a few drinks along with my dad He told me a secret about my mom that should have never been spoken about with me or my two brothers That when she was around 10 her dad who was recently divorced from my grandma Broke into their house after cutting the phone lines and stabbed my grandma's boyfriend to death in front of my mom

And then subs up subs up subs up. I'm lost. I'm lost like there's a guy making love to his grandma this and that Start from the beginning again and to slow it down. Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead clown Um, my question is who did the stabbing? His dad his dad. Can you start off? I'm so dumb. Can you slow it down and go back from the beginning? I'm so sorry. Yeah My parents split up a few years ago. Very good And after a few drinks alone With my dad. Yeah, so he's having drink. I'm sorry. I have to go

Come on. Yes. No, let me just do this. He was drinking with his dad. I was drinking and they're talking. Yeah, okay And he told me a secret. So his dad leaned over and goes, I have a secret. Yes, perfect. Okay about my mom his wife so Now my mom No, the dad dad, but the dad is telling me a secret about my mom. Yes, or his mom I don't know who's playing who I'm playing the guy. He's the son. I'm the son, right? That's the right the guy who's writing in That's him. That's me. So he my dad goes. I have a secret about my mom about your mom about your mom That she had never spoken with

About with me or my two brothers. Okay, no one's heard about this. Okay That when she was around 10 who she the mom the mom when my mom was 10. Yes, okay Her dad your grandpa my grandfather grandpa Who was recently divorced from my grandma your grandma. I had just extra information that doesn't really well I'm just reading what he was so glad we sold this down because I thought I understood Yeah broke into their house my grandfather broke into My house my my mother's house. Yeah after cutting the phone lines Instab my grandma's boyfriend

To death. So the probably the grandma had a boyfriend. Oh, oh she had a okay in front of my mom So his mom witnessed this and then his grandpa killed himself Uh-huh. Okay. What it's a murder suicide. What's the question? Yeah. Well, I just want to like that was the first I just want to let you guys know. Oh, okay. I just want to let you guys know that Thank you. And then he just ends it. No, no Afterward, I thought it would be best we keep it between us that I knew because it was clear that In one way or another she wasn't ready to talk about it I'm 27 now and relatively happy with my occasional drama

I'm coming to a stage where I feel understanding my parents and their history is a powerful way of understanding myself better My mom is wonderful But in some ways reserved a reserved person and now the secret looms and I'm unsure how to ever bring up something That might be so huge for her. I wanted to ask as people with childhood trauma If there's a right way you want to me that wasn't nice If there's a right way you would want someone to bring up something you to you You don't want to talk about how should I bring that up? So he basically wants to ask the mom more about this murder suicide that she witnessed

I Go ahead. No, you please. How do you approach this go ahead? Go ahead. Taylor. Why do you need to know like what more? Yeah, this guy want to know about it like like maybe he wants to Open up that conversation with his mom To feel like maybe he wants to support her in ways that maybe she isn't she didn't feel like she could talk about I don't know But you're right. Taylor. It's like why reopen something. Maybe she's

Yeah Because am I right? He said I'm getting to an age where I think understanding my parents is important to better understand himself So this is about him. It's about him. This is all about this dude. Yeah, leave your fucking mom alone. That's what I think like sorry That's very aggressive. I'm I'm I've absorbed Bobby's energy I think that a lot of people are so like Dead set on like reopening wounds and sometimes those wounds aren't theirs and I don't think that that's fair Yeah, and if your mom has done a good job at keeping that away and living a relatively like happy life with her children

Like I wouldn't open that box if you think if it's gonna hurt her and then only give you some peace of mind like What could give you a peace of mind and it's feeling a bonding with your mother could possibly destroy her so like just Maybe not. Yeah, I have the same exact similar thing What do you mean and your family? And and this is not a joke and this is not This is real So when my grandfather died I know that my mom my mom had three sisters

None of none of them went And then there was a secret That might grant something that my grandfather did That I'm not privy to right and um, I know this because I I understand Korean And I remember listening to my mom on the phone talk to her sisters You know me like once still lived in Delaware and at the time one lived in Oregon and

In Korean I got snippets of And it was something traumatic or something that my grandfather did Either one event or a series of events. I can't I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's sexual I don't know if it has to do with money. I don't know anything about it, right? But I will never bring it up to my mom Right because my mother grew up with so much trauma aside from that. It's like my mom's like 80 she likes BTS, you know, I mean she um She just watches her Korean dramas on on the internet. Yes. Yes. Yeah. She has her own

My dad just died two years ago. She lives by herself. I don't want to bring it up. You know, I want to know what it is You know, I mean, but I just feel like it's just none of my business Yeah, I have a couple people in my family like that too I won't even say who but I have people in my family that I have found out bits and pieces about their childhood From either them or other people And you go like or like, you know, my I found out stuff about my grandpa after he died

That I was like, oh my gosh like no matt no wonder he was you know an addict or whatever like I I don't think that that's I don't think that's this guy's Pain it could only if he would have said this I have a very Um difficult relationship with my mom. She beat me as a child. She did all of abc and d to me I hate my mother then it would then make sense to do the trauma egg and figure out You know a way to understand your mom's trauma, but if she has raised you well has loved you has shown nothing but that I wouldn't I just

For it That would be a reason of saying if she was a little you could see that your mom was struggling. Yeah, physically Emotionally, I would go mom. I just feel like there was trauma in your life You know, I would love for you to see a trauma therapist go through EMDR Or I mean in all the processes these you know, I mean that you need to release that from your body Maybe that would be an angle. You know, I mean, but if she's like happy go lucky and nothing, you know, everything's fine on the Then I just I don't know I come from a long line of very murderous uncles. Yeah, so um She's witnessed like

Miss her uncle Chopped her other uncle in half with a machete in broad daylight in broad daylight So my mom had to go through that and then The one uncle who the murderous uncle has since been released. I know my god and when Bobby and I went to the Philippines He does. You know, he said to him because Bobby's so fucking afraid of him He was like Bobby. Nice to meet you and you were like, what did you say? You're my yeah, you're my hero Yeah, you're my hero and he starts like just throwing money at him. Yeah, I start throwing money in his pocket I give him cash

I I hogged him a lot. Yeah, I love you bud. You know, I mean, you know, and I would whisper like If you get angry, just don't Put the mystery, you know, I mean like I want to say those things Because I just think that that's in his thing. You know, it's very much like murderers are very much in my DNA And um, I will say To that I will say there are some things that there's so many witnesses I just there are there's things just not worth reopening and um Murders might be one of them

Just saying. Yeah, you know, I want to propose another thing. Do you forget space? Where are we going forget space? No, this is something that's actually so Kalyla and I Right, we're we're pitching a show. Just hear us out The talent show. Oh, that's right in Philippine so years ago Kalyla and I were in the Philippines And one day we're like, what should we do today? And they Kalyla goes, let's do a talent show. I go amongst the family and she goes no for the city It's like a small provincial town

So we put out ads not ads like we're at a mouth, right? We did a little facebook community thing I was like, yeah, can you guys tell like the local people that we're doing this? So we had hundreds of talent submissions We went to a gymnasium. It was sold out. Were you there george? Yes, george. Yeah, george was there, right? And we had singing a dance group and then kind of a drag show a drag show, right? And it was I'm telling you right now the greatest show I've ever seen and people were like lighting their faces on fire Like fucking ghost ride or running in circles people were like doing and so we want to pitch

We want to do this talent show in on this island, right? And I want to bring on, you know Comedian judges, so we said that we were going to fly you out there for a netflix show or whatever And you would be a judge for this talent show. Would you do it? Oh, yeah, I do that. Okay, good It's just to clarify not in space. Nice. Okay. Yeah, not in space. Not in space. Okay. I want to say I fly out there. You're like, here's the rocket Fuck you Yeah I honestly think if elon moss though did say and elon i'm being real

No, I will propose it to you if this ever is a thing and there's a 0.009 Yeah, that it would ever be a thing But if it is I swear to god I will go to you first and I would like to have a 30 minute pitch to you and I want you to listen Okay, here's what I'll say. Okay, mostly because I want to stay on good terms with you. Okay You know what when I think about it I fly every weekend if that goes down. I'm dead too. So really what's the difference of like a little higher up Right that being said, I don't want to go to like

Deep space where all you see is black around you. I want to still be able to see like the earth Yeah, it's okay. It's where the space station is right. So it's like right above where satellites are Right, so you'll be flotations. Okay. I mean you'll be floating around, right? I think would there be a lot of like us floating by each other going. Isn't this crazy? Yeah, right And this food is weird, right and there's going to be a lot of like all right We're going to start the podcast now and I think it will be the funniest podcast ever recorded Especially with the four. I need just four different types of people in it Miss pat has to go right because she'll just complain the whole time

Swear and just say this motherfucker wipe it. You know, maybe just complain But I just think that it would be epic And amazing and the first of its kind and elan, please make this happen Inspiration five five. Yeah, all right. And that's a goal All right, and also people listening right now know that it's my dream to be in space to do a podcast with these three people And I know you guys are really good at like contacting people and reaching out and tweeting and all this stuff So please make this happen for me elan musk make it happen. Should we Should we start to go fund me or

No No, I'm just doing this speaking in tongues like your religion Your religion your religion. So give taylor tomlinson a round of applause everybody. That was amazing. Any shows coming up. Yeah. Yeah plug Yes, uh, I'm on tour T tom comedy.com We're doing a theater tour and I'm starting in minneapolis September 16th and 17th, and then I'm in st. Louis the 18th and then florida and northern california And the rest of the dates are all online. Let me ask you something about those. Yes. They've been asking me maybe to do theaters

How many seats is it the ones I'm doing yeah, like the most is like 1800 the majority of them are like around a thousand right. Yeah Do you worry because I always were like at a weekend at a club? I know I can sell the shows out right, but it's like I Will I worry if I can I do a thousand at a time right? Yeah, do you ever worry about that? Of course Yeah, I mean my so my netflix special came out a week before lockdown and I had never sold out a club weekend obviously before the pandemic and then

Since I've been back on the road We sell out every weekend in clubs Which made me feel better about the theater tour because my reps were like no, we'll do small It'll be great. You'll do a theater tour and I was like are we are we sure we're gonna sell tickets Yeah, and then that's been going well and like, you know, there's certain market like florida. You're like, okay I don't know if this is gonna sell out But like a lot of them we've added shows like we're up to four in boston. Oh wow In december and we're doing three in minneapolis and a couple in st. Louis and all that but yeah

I didn't know and I still am like what exciting for you. Yeah, it's it's exciting I want to graduate from clubs Can you absolutely could do theaters If I can you can okay. Okay. All right. Anyway Oh, thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me Oh Hey prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast

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