TigerBelly - Ep 330: The Ballgown Guest We Refused to Name, Megan Gailey

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

Megan finally gets her Ball Gown Apology. We talk Jo Koy connections, little brown machines, and the pussy that changed the 2016 election. Support us by supporting our sponsors! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Who's making it the girl who hates you? Oh, that's right. I want to apologize to Megan Gailey Yeah, can I do that? All right. I'm just gonna tell you my point of view though real quick before you even start Megan Gailey consummate professional. I cannot imagine a world in which she was in the wrong here, but go ahead Let's back up for a second. I'm in the wrong And what I shouldn't have done is what I did and I feel bad about it Here's what I want and see if you can pull this off George. Okay. Can you invite her to do our podcast? Okay, good fucking luck

So it's exciting I feel like you two have a good thing Yeah I have an apology to make Can I get to my apology because I've been waiting fucking ten years for it? I mean, this has been weighing on my chest for ten years every time I fucking have somebody on to like Jesal neck, right? I'm like, come on. You're on my side, right? It's like no, absolutely not like I can't get anyone you know me because I'm in the wrong He can't even get me. No, no one is on her side from the beginning. I will suffer the beauty

But I just want to start this show normally, okay, right? And then we'll get into that we have some ritualistic things we're doing Right, and then let's get into it. All right, but um into our past into our deep half Like what are we talking about? And it's like this is very real housewives right now. I think this is a full um season arc Actually, yeah, this is the reunion. Oh, so I've never I'm Nicki Minaj Oh, can I say something? I say something. This is also I've never done this before Okay, like I've acted a fool and I've been an asshole. Yeah, I never felt enough like bad feelings to go

I need to apologize to that person This one sociopathic Very sociopathic like you've never taken accountability I have taken accountability, right? I mean you're living you're sitting in a beautiful home that it's like maybe we should all stop taking accountability Okay, Megan, let's start go ahead Five four three two, let's get together as a family I want to be positive this podcast. I want to be a man of love. I want to be a spiritual person and

I have somebody here On our podcast as a guest that I've been asking for for a very long time. I feel like I feel like I have I feel like in I've gotten one email I know but I've been okay, and I was like sure I've been thinking about oh, okay. It's not down on paper, right? All right. I haven't read an email, right? But I've been thinking about it. So let's introduce everyone in the room Jim George. Oh, we've got Gilbert. Hi Megan. Yeah, my beautiful girl Kalilah and me Let's get into it. So, um

Many years ago Megan. All right Um, my career Was not going well. I was just doing the road to make a living. So I was a bitter person. All right. I'm not making excuses for myself All right, but when we were in Chicago at the time I was with Jade Caterpillar And we were technically in Schaumburg We're in Schaumburg, right? And I'm only saying that in defense of you because that's how bad it was You know? We weren't even in Chicago. We were in one of the worst suburbs of Chicago at a club that I believe used to be a paintball

It was. You know, so I'm only helping you along side. Right. Okay. So, um, it was a terrible the circumstances were terrible in the environment Where I did this so The first night was fine. I thought Gosh, it was truly so long ago. Yeah, I feel like the first night was fine The first night I think was my birthday That my birthday was that weekend It was your birthday fucking weekend you asked Because it was Jade's birthday. Jade and I have a birthday like one day apart maybe

Yeah Um, yeah, so I think the first night was fine Yeah Shows were fun. Did you have fun? Um I'm fed up for gravity Well, that's I mean if it was 10 years ago. I was Two and a half years into stand-up like I was so new and I was hosting

And so I doing that Schaumburg improv was like a huge deal And so I probably did have fun but was like really nervous and I think I had only hosted for one other person there so far Oh my God Oh my God For those of you guys who didn't watch episodes ago of Bobby talking about this Megan you open for Bobby Yeah, I was okay. Let's just get to it. All right, so Saturday night

She comes in, right? I don't know her. I mean also a bitter time in my life. I have nothing going on It's really dead in the winter too Dead in the winter You probably only wore flip-flops I think you had a pilot. You had a pilot that something picked up You had a great career going I remember like this pilot and I was like

I remember the pilot now. Yeah, it was problem child It was about oh, I thought it was about animal Oh, it was animal practice. It was that far back Yeah, because you did not know me yet Well that changes everything in my my behavior Pre-Kolaila, he was an asshole Animal practice isn't that crazy that I know the pilot you were working on Yeah, it sure got picked up

Great, I mean that's so you that's big You won a There is And the monkey was the star Looks like there's a dog in it Yeah, and there I am Oh my god, the front guy is on He's amazing

He's on succession He's on succession and I did a podcast with him and he was like a real hunk in person Oh my god, he's the best Yeah Justin Kirk is his name Yeah, and the monkey does look like a star Oh and then that girl, that girl was on the weed show Yeah, she was on the weed show, yeah

This is fun Yeah, it's a fun show, got canceled over seven ABC NBC NBC It was a meta-bomb It ate it And so you came in and you were wearing a

Ballroom gown? No, that's the best What's the real story? That's such a... I was definitely wearing I'm a liar I was definitely wearing a dress that didn't go past my knees It wasn't a ball gown

That's a lie A liar Let me get to it, that's why I'm in the bad And that's why I'm apologizing Do you notice Meg is not apologizing for anything? Because she didn't do anything wrong I'm the one that's on the fucking Operating the table here, baby

I mean, you're seeing all the insides Proceed, proceed, proceed I will, alright, so anyway I told her, like a fucking asshole I don't like what she's wearing Oh fuck, it just sounds... Yeah, feel it It just sounds...

Feel the shame It sounds so gross Yeah, it does And so like, what the fuck? Alright, anyway I'm just, I'm just worried, because if you think this is the worst part Then I don't think you'll remember I don't think you'll remember a lot of that

I don't remember a lot of that Well, this is good Like, fuck you And fuck you, that's why we're here Right? Shut up, George, alright? Because I'm like, this part Oh, this was like, pretty innocuous

Oh my god, I did something that I don't really remember Oh shit, so here we go So I go, I don't like the dress Something like that, right? It's just not... It feels weird You said it, my fans are... This isn't good for my fans

Wait, you said it out loud? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah Okay, Megan, I did say it out loud Yeah I said it out loud And then what else did I say? You had a point with the shoes Because you also did not like the shoes

It was, it was truly... Oh my god, what an asshole I am It was a head to toe read Don't look at me like that Um, and so... I judge you from head to toe? A hundred percent And so...

You took a shoe with the shoes Which I actually, you were correct on the shoes Because I probably had Not a kitten heel, because I'm not a hundred You know, so I had like an actual I had an actual heel Which is very difficult To perform a stand-up comedy

That has stayed with me That's what I was seeing I thought we were off balance on stage Right, that's why I was talking about the shoes You felt off balance Yeah, so the shoes And then that was kind of... That was sort of it until later

Okay, I think I know where you're getting at Are you getting at this point Where we're leaving the club And the sound guy You texted the sound guy And I read his text Yeah, so while he was in the bathroom While he was in the...

Oh, so he didn't show it to me He did not show it to you Oh, that's another round You should call the sound guy Can we stand up again? He did You should call the sound guy Yeah, yeah

He's a really nice guy, Dave Dave! Good old Dave! What's up, Dave? Don't look at me like that I'm apologizing, fuck you, alright? This is great This is great

This didn't happen during my tenure So I don't... But in the text, though, what did you say, though? I said, hey, I drove back to the city Because it was like a 40-minute drive I decided to drive back Because you guys were going to hang out At some terrible bar

And so I was like... I know which one it was I drove back to the city I didn't want to hang out He's very taxing That's what you wrote Yeah, that's what I wrote I can attest

Alright Which I honestly... Because I was like, oh my god, what the... Because immediately I got a phone call From you and from Jade And I was like, what the fuck did I say? And I'm like, taxing was very diplomatic

Of me Oh my god I'm a cunt I'll fully own up That I was like, oh my god That's the sweetest way I could have described I was worse than taxing Yeah

You had to toad her What does that mean? That's what I do with all human beings And he said, ne I didn't do that Swiped right That's so funny that you guys do this Human beings, because I looked at her

From head to toe, I am But I also look at the inside At the inside, I saw the pure soul Okay, so the phone call you and Jade called her Yes, called me And then And we're like, why don't you like us? Why are you mad at us?

Like, what did we do? You know, sort of And I was like And Dave had texted me And been like, hey Bobby saw my phone while I was in the bathroom They want to call you And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

Insane people It's insane So anyway, so it was So you ambushed her That's not the end, either That's not the end That's not the end That was not the end

That's not the end Give me the end So then we had a Sunday show Of course And so Sunday show I have a friend who's now since passed Oh, he's getting worse A guy died

Who was like, hey, do you think And this was his MO God, arrest his beloved little crazy soul He would always like try and come out On the Sunday shows Whichever friend was opening And try and get a guest spot or whatever So he was like, can I come out with you?

And I was like, well, he does not like me I do not think you're going to get a guest spot But you're more than welcome to come And so he came with me And I just sat at the back of the club And Dave comes over to me And is like, hey, Bobby wants to see you In the green room

What? And so I was like, okay Oh, shit You know, I was Shut up, man And suddenly I was terrified And so Dave walks me back to the green room And walks in with me

And then you said to Dave Like, you can leave now And so it was maybe Wait, wait, wait, I just straight up said To your friend Dave, you can leave The sound guy The sound guy Oh, Dave, okay

Not your friend, that's a comic Not my dead friend Is your dead friend alive at this point? My dead friend is alive at this point And desperately trying to get a guest spot Did I give him one? I truly I think I did

I think you did I must have I think you did I always do Really funny kid Dan Ronan Look at stuff up Okay

So you had Dave leave I don't think Jade was in there And so it was just me and you And then you kind of took me to task again In the green room Jesus, I can hear you from here I gotta take this off And really we're like

So you think I'm taxing? And I I brought it up I fucking brought it up This is terrible And I was a 25 year old girl And I remember being like Bobby, I think you know you're taxing

And really sort of was Even at that moment I was like I know that I'm not wrong here And maybe I shouldn't have I truly had been like What could I have done differently And I guess I could have not called you taxing But it

Okay, let me stop Okay, let me stop for your second Okay Number one I am taxing All right And I've never admitted that before There couldn't be a more

I don't know what the fuck you're doing Right, I need allies here Perfect word I am your ally I don't think you are I need an ally But you know what this happened before my tenure So I can't really like defend you

You know what I mean I'm your ally too I'm just trying to like really I don't know I'm trying to like colonic it Like we got to get it all out You're right, you're right Okay, you're right

And so yeah So we had a conversation in the green room That was like Not great, I remember And then This is the worst The worst podcast There's maybe

There's maybe only like one more detail left Give me the ones Let's get it all out there So we did the Sunday shows They ended Because you told me what to wear on Sunday too And so I did Oh my god

And so I wore what you had You requested her to wear something And his butt cracks showing It's a big deal Well the pieces You know the pieces are coming back to me So you You need some of the pieces out

I think there's really only like One piece left Give me the last piece So you told me to like Wear a certain thing And I did And then you were like see That was your best set of the weekend

And I'm like I made a point I guess you're right Did you have a Let me ask you this Was it a better set that you had That was a good set Yeah, yeah, yeah

For sure I could have been right Yeah, no, no, no I think there was like Yes, there we go I think You were right And then I remember you told me

How much you made that weekend Oh, that's gross Gross, dude So gross Bro, that's disgusting Why am I so gross? Oh my god, I'm so fucking gross But, but, but

But that was only because then you were like Hey, listen I know, I know I feel like we had a fun weekend though And so you gave me I remember you gave me a bonus Oh, two points Yeah

There we go That was good Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Okay, Bill? And then Is that okay? Extra hundred? Yeah, it was a hundred

Maybe, okay Yeah So now let's Megan, I'm going to interrupt this by saying Before you give an apology There's no apology I've felt a lot of secondhand embarrassment Listening to this story over the years

So I want a secondhand apologize And to do this We have purchased three ballgowns And you get to choose which ballgown, Bob You get to wear for the rest of the show But before we do that though Before we go into that I want to do that, all right

It's been weighing on me It really has For a long time And I owe you Okay, and I bought you some presents No, wait, hang on Nope, you're going to apologize in the ballgown Bring out the ballgowns

Where are they? I just want to add This isn't even top 20 terrible things That have happened to me in stand-up comedy There you go There you go There's way Thank you

This doesn't even This is Who's wearing what? I'm the only one wearing it That purple's pretty Purple is pretty I don't like that Because I really

And I hate bling But I feel like bling is appropriate for This is crazy And that's sort of That's tealink Yellow? No, I think I think purple

I like the purple All right, let's do the purple then The purple's very Cinderella Yeah, I only knew that you thought it was a ballgown Because listeners of this podcast Would come and comment on Just random Instagram posts of mine Really?

Like me meeting my nephew And they'd be like Did you wear a fucking ballgown? And I'm like What is this coming from? It wasn't even a ballgown What was this? And then I

And then I was able to Put two and two together I've never even named you before All right Yeah It's so scary Oh, oh, oh It's tiger belly

Let's see what's happening Sit down, have a seat Your belly is so cute Thank you It's nice Okay, so I want to look in your eyes, okay? Yeah

Number one, I want to say I've never had an opener, right? An MC Rise the way you have in the comedy business Usually when you do open mics and stuff Or when you see a host at a club You never see them again But over the years

I've watched you from afar grow Become a part of the community Comedy community And you did something that is next to impossible I mean, it's a very difficult world to get into And you persevered not only through my bullshit But other bullshit to get to where you're at And I want to say I truly am deep down

Super sorry about it It's not who I am anymore I think about it And I would like to have a friendship with you In the beginning Maybe I could earn my stripes And then maybe one day you'll like me For real, you know what I mean?

Yeah So that's the introduction So I bought you some presents And in Korean culture you can't refute any of the presents You have to take it Okay All right, so would you like to begin this process? Absolutely

Of nurturing and also of what? I just want to say that I rose to spite you You know? You were the villain I wanted to see you again I know I know But doesn't that give you motivation?

That does give you motivation Because I've had so much slight And people fuck me over in this business Or be complete assholes And it motivates me Yeah And I'm being genuinely honest Of the things that men have done to me

During my now almost 13 years of doing stand-up Truly not top 20 Oh, thank you Worst And they are all true losers And not have a nice house Definitely don't have a George They've got no one

And people are like You should cancel them And it's like they're going to kill themselves So you just kind of You just look at the Facebook posts And know that that's coming Yeah So I do appreciate your apology

Okay, good And yeah, I'm so happy that you have At me at five months pregnant You have a bigger belly in that I'm going to let you have that slap And so that's actually apology enough Okay, good There we go

Okay Great So the first item we got you Also a baby shower gift as well Oh, wow This is a Nest Audio for your Google Amazing Yeah, I don't know what it does

But it's yours Okay Thank you so much Thank you Let's leave it there For a second Beautiful All right, here's the second thing

What he meant gifts He meant gifts Wow I got another Nest Hub thing Okay, all right They go together Do they go together? They go together

And these and there And I'm not going to return these I just want to know if there's receipts Or if these were If these were promotional gifts That were given to you That now you're giving to me Oh, we have receipts

I'm going to say this today And I'm offended by your question I'm offended by your question But I have to say that we went out Wow To a store and we spent our own money Guys On this stuff

Oh, my God This is too much I mean, when Anthony Jesalneck was on Yeah, so he promised He was like, I don't know I don't know what I have to do But if I have to give her gifts I'm going to give her gifts

So he's putting his He's being true to his word I mean, that should just show you The shit I've been through That I opened for Anthony For almost two and a half years You think you're bad He'll never

He'll never apologize to me For the things I saw in Nashville It's not over You want some more? You want some more? It's your early baby shower This is so exciting More gifted to your husband

Without Is that a book? This is We also got you an LG sound system And it's also Dolby Which means that It's surround sound and Bluetooth I can't wait to bring this

Stuff home to my Asian husband And he's going to go We have all of it No, this is so great No, this is amazing So you have all of these, right? I don't know I don't know what we have

How many TVs do you have? We have two You want three? And you thought Ellen was great Welcome to Tiger Valley Are you an LG? 4K It's 4K

It's 4K, Megan And CJ didn't want me to come He's going to be really excited Now let me ask you something Does CJ hate me? Be honest No, I don't think so He just, you know, I'm pregnant

Someone I love is in the hospital I just got back from traveling For 18 days He was like, do you know what you're going in? And I was like, I don't think it's going to be bad I think it's going to be nice Oh, you think that it was going to be me? He thought maybe I was walking into a trap

Oh, there's no way No, there's no trap here He's just looking out for you There's no trap here It could have been You know what I mean? Well, I had heard lovely things about you And so

That's what's saying Fucking stupid, man It's fucking stupid, man You know Bobby, this is so above and beyond Megan, listen to this Okay, though, too And I'm not trying to

I'm not trying to fight for my behavior All right, but I want to say That, you know, I grew up In comedy in the 90s Where it was just as hard for me as well For minorities I mean, it was really hard And I was bullied

Treated like shit I've been beat up a bunch of times Like physically beat up in comedy You know what I mean? Like where I was bleeding from Every orifice in my face Like people, you know, I've done I've been beat up by audience members

I've just been through a lot of things in comedy And so You know, 30 years I've been In this business, right? So I think what you witnessed 15 years ago, whatever, was It's not an excuse

But I'm just telling you that You know, I experienced a lot of trauma In show business And I crawled my way up like you did And I just feel bad that I wasn't able To be more supportive If you were not funny

That'd be one thing Is that weird to say? You could be honest I think that because you're super talented too And you have all the necessary Talent and You know, traits to be a big star In this business

I just feel like I I fucked up I will say this You might have been The reason why Or at least by the time I started Going on the road with him He really does treat everyone

So different So nicely now And maybe it took you Yeah, I mean it honestly was a good Lesson for me too Because it's like I was a host And then I was a feature And now I'm a headliner

Which is I think sometimes now kind of rare To have gone through Because it's like a lot of people Just go straight to headliner And don't And so it taught me too Of like you don't know

Who you're going to see again And I That's sort of how I was raised anyways But it was like oh yeah I mean and I think about this all the time The people that are Managers assistants They're going to run networks

In five years 100% And so you do go Oh my god Like everybody comes back around That yeah It really was I remember the first time seeing you

In LA You said something to me And you I mean you got It was definitely You saw a ghost You know I think I remember

I remember that night I remember the night I remember the night I saw a ghost that night You did You came home and you were like Oh fuck Yeah I felt

I was freaked out You had an oh fuck moment Yeah because you came up to me You go I live here And let's just be friends Or let's be cool Or something like that And I go

Okay Alright she's here You know what I mean And I remember coming home Being frazzled by it You were I remember that night Yeah

I learned a very big lesson And now you're a beautiful Kinsenian And thank the Lord Jesus Christ Are you Christian? Yeah I was Catholic

I loved too And What'd you say? I loved too I loved too I love all that Catholicism Right

I have a feeling that That this is going to turn out To be like Eleanor and I Yeah you and Eleanor are like Me and Eleanor You know Eleanor and Keregorn Keregorn Yeah you had a

25 years of her wanting me dead Wow And then one day we just Hashtag out I'm a fighter Yeah And I'm opinionated And it's not good

And I want to change You know So Your husband Your husband Yeah CJ Yeah

Cute Filipino Thank you She's Filipino I love Filipino You're going to have a baby me I'm half That's so exciting Yeah

Look how good it's going to look No it's really We're having a boy And I was like I don't know if I could handle Having like an exotic daughter Like Other handful

And you're Filipino too? Yeah Okay see I was I've heard about your husband Because I'm from Chicago Oh okay Everyone kept trying to get me To meet him

Yeah And he was And he's big in the He has his own sports Creative agency And has merch And is I think a celebrated Filipino

In the circle I was going to guess you were Filipino But he's asked me to stop doing that Why? Because sometimes Sometimes they're Vietnamese You know Yeah either or

Yeah And he's like It's not No one thinks it's cool That you can guess who's Filipino I When white people can do it I give them a

I give them a thumbs up When they can do it Like a fist bump Yeah Like when a white dude's like That guy's Chinese right I go yeah Yeah

And Chinese is what Most white guys guess You know like Oh he's Chinese And you're like That's a Colombian man But I feel like I am I think my Asian radar

Very very good I mean I have an Asian inside Right You do Can I ask you a question And I don't want you to Um This is something I would ask

Any question We start a new feud Maybe I'll start a new feud No Would you say Did you have always dated Asians? No No

Okay you don't have to say it like that Yeah that was really Like it's the most disgusting thing you've ever He was going to accuse you of fetishizing Like George Cause George No I'm not accusing I wasn't accusing

When it's No no no When it's reversed like that That's fetishizing No and I have a joke about It's obviously very rare Yeah To see

Wait woman Asian man Um This is first Asian man And I had dated Honestly Every race

But Asian Um And then Yeah we were friends for eight years Before we Maybe that's Maybe that's what I sensed in the green room I saw him

The night The night that That you called Like I was actually At a party At his ex-girlfriend's house So I went with him The night that they saw

How does it turn over If you've been friends And had this platonic thing For eight years Eight years What is the point Of both agree That it's no longer that

Um I think we both had Pretty dramatic weight losses And then You know that sort And then the 2016 election Happened And it really shook me too And I was like

Oh yeah I just Flippantly was like I'm not gonna fuck a white dude Until I'm not gonna fuck a white dude Until You know

This writes the ship Which was like A path I was already sort of On anyways Yeah And definitely giving my pussy Like a lot of credit Like

I'm gonna somehow Turn the 2020 election And I Oof Speaking of bad road I like went To Scottsdale The weekend after

Trump got elected And it was like I knew going in Like this is gonna be brutal And so I promised myself I was like You can have like one meltdown You know like

And you can yell at one That And like Arizona I'm from Indiana So it's like I Grew up around All types of

People and beliefs And In Indiana In Indiana Yeah There were mixed people there Oh yeah yeah I'm from Indianapolis

Oh yeah yeah I like that club Crackers Helium Is there There's a helium now I don't know what's going on With crackers

But do you know the lady That owns Ruth Ann Do you like her? She's always been very Kind to me Yeah That was the first place I ever

Did stand up And so like Arizona's Like I mean Indiana's confusing To me too Because it always Behave

You see confederate flags Everywhere And you're like This was the north You know like this was This was the first Like stop on the Underground world

But they were like Safe And now you've gone back Yeah But in Arizona Arizona is people That like Want to live in L.A.

But don't have any skills And so You're just And they have the Worst plastic surgery Because like The science For some reason

Hasn't gotten there yet So you just have The ugliest, craziest Racist Faces staring at you Yeah And it was a brutal place To be

That's a good place For real housewives Don't you think Scottsdale Absolutely I always think of Scottsdale as where Every NFL player gets a

DUI Because it's like The off season They have like Nightclubs Like I went to a Scottsdale nightclub That was rivaled

Vegas It was insane And you're like Why the fuck is this here Why do people come here There's one great thing About Scottsdale They're chopped salad

Have you had it there Remember that thing That was like lined up With like We went to that one restaurant It's called public Or citizen Or something like that

And remember that They had that really good salad That's all they remember About Scottsdale Yeah Yes Arizona for me is Reminds me of San Diego

It also reminds me of Spits of Florida Right Where there is There is a conservatism there That's the kind that You see on Fox Almost

Right And I can never Crush I've crushed in places But Arizona is hard to Like just get a huge crush Yeah You know what I mean

I don't know what it is But it's a weird town I've done The club I was doing In Scottsdale Had been on Bar Rescue Twice

Oh really I love that show So it was Definitely like And the owner Usually does Like 45 minutes Which

Rick Bronson It's not Rick Bronson I do like Rick Bronson Love Rick Bronson He's very kind to me Love Rick Bronson No it's some other guy Who I don't know if

But he was going to be out of town That weekend So I actually ended up Having like a fine weekend Yeah But I've had fun at Stand Up Live That's a good club

Yeah Campy is a great club Yeah I've never been to Tempe Yeah I think you would do Well in Tempe Thank you

Do you like headlining I do I do I mean no You heard me hesitate To stand up in LA Me too Yeah

If I would prefer If my career Was just In town Mm-hmm 15-20 I mean I did

Skyler Stones Jam in the van I did that supernova Some store spots I did pretty good this week In terms of Financially Oh yeah

And you don't have to Go anywhere Anywhere yeah And it's I think Yeah I actually really Like I lived in New York

Doing Stand Up There too But I like being At home And so I do like You're a home person I'm not a home person But I do You know I'm

Like right now And so it's like I do kind of like that Traditional structure Of a job Oh In a lot of ways Why are you staffing at

Something now I'm going back In a few weeks Oh good What show is it No it's Pause With Sam Jay Oh yeah yeah

Yeah That's a great show I love her too I love Sam I love her She's so funny And we wrote the whole First season over zoom

Oh wow Yeah and then We all got Or I was Vaccinated like right as They started shooting And so I got to go to New York twice

I wore a massive Dildo And fucked a watermelon And that was My HBO debut Oh great congratulations Yeah You wore dildo

And you fucked a watermelon Right That's amazing Wait Jack's on that too right Jack's on it Jack Knight Jack Knight Love that guy

Zach Fox Love him Langston Kerman Never heard You would No Langston's Love Langston Langston's really handsome

He's so handsome He's un-insecure He was un-insecure First season So you're doing A-list shit I would think that Can I just throw

This other idea I would think that Because the experience With me In that green room That weekend That I would have turned You off from Asians

Well I mean We didn't get together For eight more years Oh I see You know So it was a long Eight years of just Kind of getting that

Weird Asian vibe Yes Yes Right you shook it Probably in your head You're like Not all Asian guys are the same There's evil ones

And then there's good ones Like CJ The white girls That you've dated Except for Sarah Do they always Have a history Of dating Asians

They've always There's always like A thing where It's like You know the white girl And they go You know in the 70s My dad used to take me

To this kung fu festival Oh And I go What kind of Like a film festival And I just remember As a little white girl Sitting in the theater

Just being exposed to Asians And that way It's like always If you go to their house There's bamboo And there's like A little casing Where there's num chucks

And there's a Bruce Lee Fuck Yeah There's a vibe about it That was not That was not The vibe That's not the vibe

That would have preferred Like he just loves Basketball and football So he was Like people would be like Megan seems like She's gonna marry a black guy And he'd be like

I love it I can't wait Her brothers are terrible At sports Oh so you have real liberal parents Yeah That's so lucky It's weird

I feel No I feel so Lucky But then there's also times Where I'm like Would I have been able to Overcome because I agree with them

On a lot of things I've definitely pulled Especially my dad Further You know I Haven't had an abortion And so there's stuff That made him be like

Oh yeah It's like I hate when guys are like I have daughters I have sisters It's like you don't You shouldn't have to have That to be able to like

Understand a human being But I do think My experiences have helped Pull him in Towards my direction You know what's Interesting I did that with my parents

Yeah My parents were The most racist People you've ever met In your life Filipino people should always die So it's about other Asian people Yeah he would stand up

And make announcements like that Well I will say this It's crazy Asian Inter-Asian racism Is real strong So real Very strong

They come to my country To the Philippines And they treat us Filipinos like shit Yeah But we treat your land So pure You don't

You fucking write With a sharpie on your coral I don't I don't like them either Like who The Koreans in Cebu Oh yeah I was yelling at them as well

You were Don't talk to me like that Is it a class thing Is it a classist thing Yeah okay It's like in South Africa When I performed there The lineups were me, Trevor Noah

I had to throw that in there Quink quink Quink quink Pablo Francisco A bunch of people And I would open the show And I would kill 2,000 people

And after the show We would do a meet and greet And all the South Africans Would wait in line And the promoter looked at me And he said No one is going to say to you You're funny

Whoa And I go Why I just killed it Because the It's Asians are third class citizens here Wow What the And I go

We'll see I killed it We waited in that line People would just walk by me And go to like You know what I mean Either Trevor Or some white guy

And go You were hilarious And just walk past me I did 30 shows What 30 shows I did Not a single You're funny

So they felt comfortable laughing at you Yeah But they didn't want to then be like Owning up to it Individually Affirmation Yeah I mean

Yeah It's fucked up Did I tell you something I did That was so fucked up What This is a part of my So they asked me Can you judge a local comic

Competition in South Africa Because I had one night off So I went to a coffee shop It was slammed Some guy was so funny I gave him 10 stars After the show I walked up to him

And I poked him on the shoulder And he turns around And I go I just want to let you know I'm a comic from LA I think you were hilarious He turns back around And starts talking to

Whoever he was talking to So I went back And I changed his score I think that's good Good for you I changed the score to a nine That was so good Yeah, you showed him

I still won But it felt good to give him a nine Yeah That's And this is recent This is probably 10 years The dynamic in foreign countries Performing there is very hard to

I mean It's confusing I did shows in Ireland In Northern Ireland And my mom is Irish Catholic And my dad is Irish Protestant And it's like When they're there

They're like Do not fucking tell anybody Even though they're American They're like If you are talking to a Catholic person Your last name is My mom's maiden name, McMahon If you're talking to a Protestant person

Say your last name is Your last name, Gailey And I look very Catholic I look very If you weren't that They would treat you like shit or what? They hate each other They're at war

They've been at Civil War since Says Martin Luther That's great Yeah And they find American racism They're like Your racism's been like 250 years

Get the fuck off You guys gotta get over it I know I know I know But I was doing shows there And my mom like Begged me

And it was in You know they have Wald It's like the most Wald city in the world Because they separate The Catholic neighborhood And the Protestant neighborhoods

And so I was performing In a Protestant neighborhood And my mom was like Megan Do not fucking be cute This is not a time to try And push the envelope I do not want them

I do not want you to tell them That you are from a mixed Wow Family So they would be outwardly Postal Postal People would see

Once they found out We were American less so Yeah Because they're like Oh whatever Whatever you guys are doing Whatever they're doing Whatever the fuck you want

But if people would Like see my mom and dad And I out to dinner And my dad looks Very Protestant And my mom looks very Catholic I remember on multiple instances Wait wait they look it

Yes Wait how does a Protestant Guy look So Protestants tend to have The darker hair Black Irish Is like traditionally What a Protestant looks like

And then a Catholic is Fair Freckled Red hair Oh okay So that's I mean and then there's like Sometimes it's not that

But that's like kind of And so people would see The three of us together And shake their heads at us Wow Or like and it was usually Older people Wow

Yeah That's still there It's still there You know what None of that is ever going To go away The Israel-Palestine conflict That conflict

It's just Is that human beings Were just Born as tribes And we conflict And that's it And this one they sort of like You know they call it

The Troubles That's what they call their Civil War They're like Oh we had a spot of Troubles Like crazy It's so like It just like shows you What it's like

To just like clamp down All of your emotions And feelings That is who they are Yeah And they It's gotten a lot better They're like

They're like This is a very nice treaty But the walls are still up You know They're still They're still up from Molotov cocktails Like that

And they will I don't think they will say The Troubles are over It's just They have periods That it's It's better If I was a

Buddhist guy I was an Asian guy I was married to a protestant Would they speak bad Because I'm Buddhist No Their most popular Mayer they ever had

Was Jewish Oh wow So they They only hate each other I was ten years old For a swimming competition My mom We had like

The whole Philippine delegation There And we were in Perth At this time This was in the mid nineties And everywhere we went Like we would always hear Some type of like

You know They would call us You know what they would call us They were like Look at those little brown Machines So I was like Is that a slight

That's a slight for sure They're like Little brown machines And I remember Like my mom Saying like Feeling Like English is not her first life

You know She was Complimented by that She was like Oh they call us Like brown machines Like that must be a good thing And my sister and I were like

Pretty sure that's not good Ma I don't think that's good And were you raised in the Philippines Yeah I was Wow See like my husband Doesn't even speak Tagalog

You know I think he was Part of that Did his parents Grew up there Yes Yeah they moved here When they were in their 20s

So when you go to like Family It's still very Filipino is still Like the Filipino food And all of that Is still a big part of it Oh yeah when we

Like when we go to Thanksgiving It's lumpia It's like fried rice It's there I mean Obviously fried rice Isn't Filipino But they were like

Yeah we just like Cook all the Yeah But I do feel bad For I mean My husband wishes He spoke Tagalog

But like They immigrated And moved to Iowa And then moved to Erie, Pennsylvania And I think His parents Simulate

Yeah Simulate And so They spoke Tagalog At home So he can kind of Understand it But he was not

Actively taught it I think that's really Similar to you Very similar Yeah Georgia Georgia Megan seems like somebody

That like Like you That if you went Out with a guy Right Who was From far away land A country you never

Heard of And whatever Their family was cooking Regardless of White girls They're like I'm not eating that Like I've had

I've gone to Korean restaurants With white girls And they've seen Like it's just Bibimbap Which is You're that

White girl to me I've taken you To multiple places Where the food has been A little bit You know Edgy And you're like

I'm not eating that And I'm like What kind of Fucking Asian are you Man this is a tough Episode for you This has been The worst for me

Wow This is the first time I've ever been like this I feel Like Honestly dude Megan Honestly

I'm gonna make it You know what I'm gonna Fucking do I'm gonna force myself In your life That sounds terrible Not in a Not in a

In a Not in an illegal way No He's gonna force himself To be the godfather No I'm gonna tell Once a year I'm gonna tell my son

Bobby's your real dad And then You know CJ That's your daddy And I'm gonna have CJ Eating out of him I'm gonna be best friends With your husband

CJ Right You're gonna be a part of this family Can you get his mom To meet Joe Coy That's all she can make That's all she can make That's what Joe Coy

If I make You're like best friends How big is he How big is he to the Filipino It's crazy If I made that happen No I'm kidding No but I could make it happen

Yeah If I made it happen Right Would that Give me a couple of points In your That's okay I wanna know where I'm at

I wanna know where I'm at I wanna know where I'm at Okay What's the scale We've done this now Right We've opened Right

I apologize Right These things are from the goodness of my heart I want you to take it home Right And I want you to be complete And fucking honest with me Megan

All right Do you believe My apology Oh 100% Okay But I came in Good You know

Like I came in Being like We're good Not that we weren't Like it's not like But we're not I know but to me it was Truly water under the bridge

We're Okay But because you didn't do anything wrong Okay Right That's why You're an innocent bystander Right

What I'm saying though Is that If Okay Let's A little bit away You moved the truck All right

So Let's suppose Let's bring it down to 10 points Okay Okay I love my mom One through 10 Mm-hmm

A 10 Mm-hmm I love my brother Steven Wow I love Kalyla A 10 Here's the number This is the true number

One through 10 Let's see what 5 is 5 to me is Who would be a 5 to me? Andres Andres No Andres is a 6

Oh wow Right I'm going to give you An 8 Oh shit I'll take that Thank you You George

I'm going to give you a 9 Wow 5 to me In front of me He does more for me That's true He does more for me That's how you measure

So that's how I measure And the people that I hate Who do I hate? There's a guy in that poster Yeah Right I give him a 2 Okay

So With that scale Right Trying to figure out which one it is I can just tell you And you beep it out Yeah Oh okay

That was the one guy Whose name I didn't know Perfect Perfect That's the guy That's so exciting So with that being in play Right

What would you give me? 1 through 10 Right now Of like love? Not just love In terms of just As a human being You mean where I'm at with you

I think it's Like a 7 Dude That's all I give a shit about 7 is the highest number I ever thought I could ever get That's really good Wow

That's pretty good I was like I hope that's not too low No That's my honest You're a 4 Wow Never give you a 3

And you know Where's the dress when I tell you the dress No What Even if I double down I'm doubling down What Seeing you in this gown

With Adidas sandals You're every like drunk bridesmaid That's a funny visual It's a pretty dress Thank you Yeah So a 7 is all I give a fuck about

That's really good But you know what my goal in life is? And I promise you I'll get there A 9 Wow Damn No an 8 I'll never get a 9 with you

An 8 Right now you're an 8 with me Pretty high Right Because you came over Right You were very funny Confident

You stuck to your guns And you accepted my apology And I just really appreciate it And I'm going to be honest with you A weight has lifted from me I'm glad Oh my god This is a Christmas miracle

You know A weight has lifted from me And I feel so much freer So thank you for allowing me To go through that experience You know Because This is really like not even joking

Been heavy In his mind for a long time I feel bad about that though No please don't I need to learn But it's genuinely like Megan I'm killing it Because

Don't worry about it I didn't need it Yeah But the thing is it's like Because there was part of me Like once Jussle Nick was on And he did Tell me

He would buy my baby a box of diapers For every time his name was said During this episode And I think we're at like 4 Wow I'm leaving with more presents than this Yeah I was like

I wonder if he's going to want to I wonder if he's going to want to talk to me At some point I know that's like Wait when did you feel that After Anthony told me about the episode Right As soon as that happened

That was the moment where I went We got to get her Eventually this has got to be I cannot think about this anymore You know what I mean It's like it's just It's too much I want to be free of it

You know Also it's like If I see you at the improv I want to be able to say hi Yeah I want to be able to avoid you That's weird No

You know But so This is from the bottom of my heart I owe you more I feel like But I think a TV is suffice The whole sound system I may ship that TV to my parents

They really they Please do it I was at their house the last two weeks And they had the tiniest TV Oh they would love this thing Little tiny TV Yeah ship this whole thing The whole system

That's This is No this is big I have another question to ask Would you ever Do Do stuff with us again Yeah

Yeah Those are pleasant for you Oh yeah Absolutely You're very good And I came I was feeling really sick You know I still have

Like nighttime sickness instead Oh And I was like Honestly if this was anything else I'd probably cancel just because I wasn't feeling good And then I was like I don't want them to think I canceled

Because I'm not in a good place Oh I see So I was like You know I like ate a banana Ate a protein bar Like truly was like Okay we gotta put on real pants Like you gotta get yourself

Over there And there's a sandwich place Right by here That I have promised my So good So good Is that the pressed ones we get Yes

So fucking good They're so fucking good I hope I didn't out your location No you didn't But I have a feeling that We'll be seeing more of you Wow 2022

Yeah How do you feel about being a mommy I'm definitely nervous I'm very very nervous about giving birth And I'm nervous about You know I've been in therapy since I was 14 And I know the like damage And I love my parents they're amazing

But it's like Oh your parents can really fuck you up And I'm kind of fucked up And I'm overly open And it's like I do it to CJ And he like kind of knew what he signed up for But I'm like

Fuck I do imagine that Like I'm gonna tell a joke about my kids some day That is they're gonna be like Why did you fucking say that about me So I like I already worry about screwing them up I honestly have realized recently That mine comes from

I come from a family of alcoholism That we had secrets And so to counteract that I became an oversharer Because I was like I'm having to keep secrets That I don't want to be keeping So now I'll just tell everybody

Everything about me We have that in common Yeah I think a lot of comedians do Where people will always be like Why do you do stand up You know like you could sell real estate Like you could be like a normal person

And it's like Oh well You know there's drunks in my family And then they're like Okay yeah yeah yeah That makes That makes more sense Yeah but I like

I like I have to be honest I like Midwesterny White chicks That are super funny Like Rose is like that A little bit to me right

You like Rose Rosebud Yeah I think of her as being from like Virginia Yeah I'm just Okay yes Yeah yeah yeah

From very like No that's literal Not literally from the Midwest But just like You know what I mean Just I think Chicago Like when people are like

Oh I can tell you're a comic from Chicago It means a lot And it's like We're so annoying All we ever want to do Is talk about Chicago Like I just want to talk to you About restaurants right now

And it's like Gibson's Yeah He loves Luminati's Luminati's I love Luminati's I had it like two weeks ago They have one in Indianapolis

I do it There's a pancake place I like it too Oh Pancake house Anyway we do at the end We do a thing called Unhelpful Advice at the end

So what people do is They email us as problems And we try to answer it Okay great Unhelpful advice with Megan Gayley Hey guys My name is Modar

And I'm a 28 year old man from Syria But I've been living in Germany For almost seven years now I'm feeling disconnected From my country and culture I don't feel like I belong Neither in Syria nor in Germany The good thing is that

I like my life in Germany So my question is to you Have you ever felt that you don't belong And even disconnected with your own culture Would you also feel obligated To your own culture and country Oh my god Maybe being Irish

That's a tough one That's a really I don't think I can Give advice about the country When he said Syria I was like oh my god I can maybe speak to that A little bit

Because I'm still a 1.5er And I still had You know some level of privilege Both in the Philippines And over here But I can speak to the feeling Of being in limbo Or the sort of like

Cultural dissonance Where sometimes you feel like You belong Everywhere But nowhere At the same time And you sort of become this person That

I've always I pride myself in Being able to fit in You know But it's almost like That's by circumstance That I've had to do that Be very like adaptable

Because of like that big change That happened to me When I was 15 I mean I was Like all my I have 28 first cousins They all went to Ivy League schools

Except for my brother and I I never went to college I flunked out of high school And went to four rehabs As a kid You know what I mean So many problems I go to Korean church

And no one would say anything Or talk to me I was a I was a fucking Black black sheep You know what I mean And I felt alone And confused

I didn't know what it meant To be Korean or American And lost I don't know anything about that I know that I have found myself The who I am Germany

I mean Europe is White Europe is very racist You know like Parts of Paris are They throw bananas On the fucking soccer field They're crazy

We've got a lot of problems But they've got A lot of problems too Yeah And invented colonization So I They really did And I know Germany feels

Really bad about what they did Do they They definitely did Try and take over the world And genetically cleanse And so I have to imagine Being a brown person Or just a person

That looks different Living there Like exacerbates that And even if he wasn't a refugee If he came on a work visa Then you're trying to prove No I'm good Let me

You shouldn't be against me Let me stay But it's like I can't You know My bad advice is Like is there A group of

Like Syrian expats But then I wonder Oh Do authorities there See Syrian Gathering And go To something

Like is there a way For them to even Get together And hang out That isn't going to Raise red flags Just because People want to raise red flags

Yeah I've heard lots of Black people And Latina People say that Filipino people Are their favorite Asians

Yeah But Gilbert calls us The Mexicans of the sea Yeah Like black people Oh no It's Yeah, Filipino people

And you said CJ was in comedy That doesn't That's not a surprise to me Because I find Filipinos to be Extremely funny It's in their culture

Right This guy Joe Coyt The list goes on CJ You know Number two I think that

They're the most talented People Aside from black people On planet Earth Oh my god The dancing The dancing The karaoke

He'll show me clips Of guys Playing basketball Shoeless Shoes over there And they're fucking euro stepping On just like dirt Ground

Yeah And then Truly singing Beautiful karaoke Right after Yeah They're so You guys are great people

I got a break dancer Inside of me I feel it Oh in your belly Yeah Oh my god I can't wait I think he's gonna be handsome

Are you excited Look at this couple I mean of course Oh my Look at how beautiful that is That's the best Picture of us Is that wedding day?

Yeah That's a great fucking photo Yeah He's a handsome Filipino And he's tall Like I'm always like When we Cause we used to live in Eagle Rock

And we would go to the Eagle Rock Target And I'm like Do you think they're mad at me And he's like They're not mad at you None of them want me They're like

It's like I'm like Yeah but you're six You know You're six foot plot And he's like They know They can tell I'm not rich

Like they don't They're like They're proud of me They're like Good So Megan Do you want Anything to plug

That you want to plug? I host a podcast For the Lifetime Network Called I Love a Lifetime Movie With Naomi Ekparagin Another very funny Comedian And we watch

And break down Lifetime movies every week Oh that's cool It's really really fun And then Oh wow Kylfer you are good See

Filipinos are the most Talented And then I have so many podcasts It's kind of Someone was like Why do you have so many podcasts I don't know

Whatever So then I have a Podcast called Megan Fun of Sports That I host with this Other really funny Girl Megan Connolly

Used to be the Patriots Reporter Oh wow And now Works for WWE And so those are Sort of like The two main

And Gosh I'm trying to think What Pause will be coming Back in the spring And so that's Really exciting And then

I might have Another failed pilot This year That's really great And a network Yeah Congratulations Thank you

Those are brutal To go through It's really brutal And they're They're filming For a show that got Picked up Like instead of mine

On my street Oh god You know So they have like No really Parking signs And then like a guy Came and knocked on the door

And was like Hey so we're gonna be shooting And I'm like Fucking A really good pilot Yeah like he's like So nice And he says no idea

That he's Pouring salt In the wound Yeah so that's So you have a baby on the way A baby on the way Maybe a pilot Right

Two great podcasts You're doing the road At a little At a little Yeah Road a little Road a little You know what

One day And I'm gonna Make this happen You can say no I'm gonna One day Just one time Do one more

Road date with you Really good Okay Right We should go back to Maybe next Schaumburg Have you be the feature

Yeah Right I'll pay you so good You know because You know what I did I feel so bad And I feel like in Schaumburg

Filipinos come and see They do You know I got a lot of I would love that Right I would love that If You know we'll see

How this takes us But I think this is a good Beginning And I don't wear Stuff like this I wouldn't wear one That's true

So it wasn't this What you were wearing It was not I'm so fucking I'm an asshole No it's totally fine Give Megan Gailey

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