TigerBelly - Ep 331: Jim Gaffigan, Fellow Korean

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

Bobby pays tribute to Bob Sagat. Jim travels with 50 lbs of rice. Khalyla is vindicated. Support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. We don't do stuff like that here. Okay. It's just it's lowbrow talk Okay, right. How's your dick doing? Right that type. Yeah, I've talked, you know, and I'm pretty sure it's healthy It's worked in the past A house is a lot of is it there's things always breaking Like we rented a house and there's always shit to deal with with the house. Yeah Yeah, whereas I feel like an apartment if things don't break as much or they don't downsides are having an apartment though There's one tenant has a roach problem. Everyone has yes, that's true. Yeah, that's what guy one of the guy died People die too and then it's oh one person has a fire everyone has a fire

Yeah, that's probably worse than that in the car I worked in I lived in I lived in an apartment building and a guy died in the building and No one wanted to We were like telling the super were like something smells bad and he was like this and he's like look it's fine All right, they're probably a rat died in the wall settle down I used to people be in New York. You can handle this stuff. Then they found out it was like a guy Had died and his body was decaying. Oh, and that's why it smelled. Yeah And not inside the walls and not it was he was sitting in a chair

Like just like I murdered him Sitting in the chair and he had died watching to he had done like coke and had a heart attack Was he come did he look comfortable? I don't know. I didn't see I just it gets sad when when the when they don't get Discovered for months when they don't have family. That's always the sad part. Well, supposedly his parents came To town at because they couldn't reach him. He was a student at NYU. Oh Was he Asian? I Don't know I don't you're Asian. Correct. I am. Yeah. Well, I'm mostly Asian Yeah, I know mostly Asian you're 60% well

I'm like, you know like Mongolian kind of like blurs into like everyone Eastern, you know, like you're like you look at Russians and you're like, right you kind of look a little Asian That's where York like Bjork. Yeah. Yeah, Bjork has that vibe like is she Is she Bjork? Yeah, she's from I Yeah, but she has a Asian Asian It's just Kazakhstan it all sort of it all bleeds together They all bleed together correct. I had my haircut in New York by That's the gym tells the most boring

I had my haircut by a woman who was Of Korean nationality, but her family was from St. Petersburg. We have legs Oh, well, let's start the podcast All right, all right, five four three two Dear Heavenly Father, thank you so much for this blessed day that you have given us We have in this is first of all happy new year everybody. This is our first podcast in 2023 and happy New year to all of you filming

Excuse me. The first one we're filming. This is the first podcast. We're filming in 2023 20 and I want to welcome you guys and we always open up every year with a Special mm. You mean a chosen one. Okay, so I'm gonna give them an intro and I hope you like it Okay This next man on our podcast is one chromosome away from being albino. That's true. Okay. That's true. Yes Him and James Vanderbake are having some sort of baby-making competition. Um, that's I mean, I I haven't slept with him yet, but yeah, I Keep telling him that doing it in the butt. There's not

He's like, no, trust me And I'm like, yeah, all right fine. He's like, I'm Dutch. You're kind of northern European. Let's do it And I'm like, all right. So yeah, he's also and I don't know how you're like with compliments, but and I I Really, I really do mean this. I honestly think you're one of the best comics on planet Earth. Oh my gosh that number one I stick. No, it's real real number one number two, right? I also I've always been memorized mesmerized by you I always memorize you but because you're you you're a great joke writer

But you're also very clean and I've we've just been in awe of you and I want to give him a deep Round of applause Jim Gaffigan, everybody Thank you so much. Welcome. Well, thank you for having me here. We have the same body type. We do. Yeah, which is what? Which is um fat We both Score out of our our depths my wife's very attractive. Yes, you I don't know how you pulled this

It's a fucking miracle, right? I mean it is a miracle But and then I don't know about your relationship, but there's there's moments when my wife is like, she knows you made a mistake Shit, yeah, you know like maybe funny is not that important Right, you know, so we when you get into relationship you put out your best self, right? Yeah, but as years go by you just go fuck it and I'm gonna give them everything Right. That's I guess essentially What love is no, I don't know. I think it's all a con, but it works Well, it is I mean, I guess I

Guess, you know, there's there's like love you get together There's this torturous period which is like 30 40 years and then you die and like in those five minutes You're like, I love you and that's the good Wow, thanks for that's a whole gambit right there. Thanks for changing my diaper. Yeah, right? I don't know It's hard. It's a rough road. We have problems We've been together nine years sexually. Yeah, we're going there. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, let's go wait me you just give it up Well, he let his dick die You let your dick die. I didn't die on its own. I think he killed it

Well, I punched my dick till it died. I think you're talking about strangled it. You know, it's just I've never done Viagra Have you done Viagra? It doesn't know I took three ones. Yeah, and my my penis went in my body. That's what happened. Oh, you fucked yourself So Like it's not even like a hard on that lasts for too long. You can't go to a hospital. You have to go somewhere else. Yeah, but It doesn't work. It doesn't know because um You had a crippling porn addiction. I have a crippling for a very long time. That's a problem Why don't you just take a break for a month?

Because I have internet and it's always there and late at night late at night. That's interesting. I think that whispers to me What does it say? That's not that rare, right? gang bang Gang bang you guys you guys don't have kids, right? We don't know we have seven animals though seven animals It's hard to do porn when you have kids around. It's so you can't but you do it on the road. No Not I mean here not as much as I used to yeah like in my 30s I think I wasted a lot of time doing that

But I you know, I know I look like I'm a young 27-year-old I kind of there is I'm glad my libido has gone down. Yeah No, not in that way. Don't look at me that night. Oh, no, I'm well It's it's hard to separate it from the relationship But the thing is it's like men when they're like when you were when you were 17 like when God, it's like I was a fuck machine. It was I was a rabbit when you're 17. It is It's like you well, it's like every other cliche. It's just like this fever that like I don't know how I mean got anything done I know right here. I mean. Yeah, it's like it's amazing that

Well, of course, I I wasn't successful with the ladies You know, I mean, yeah, yeah, but so like there is a certain like oh, all right, I can read an article Do you remember a time when you were unfuckable and Then something shifted because that's what happened to me like I Couldn't get laid ever I would like even as an open-micro. I couldn't do it Right, they just would see through me, right? Well, I think it's a confidence thing too, right? You think I mean, I don't know I'm I'll just for me. It's like I would say in my early 30s I

Started having confidence in my stand-up and then I started doing well in stand-up and I think that translated to confidence around women like I used to Be very like I just it was it was brutal like being nervous around someone you liked is brutal and so then I

But then I like dated some models. I was like, I'm gonna date a mom And I dated a model and I was like wait a minute. I don't even you know my wife's very attractive But it's like that's not as important. Yeah, I mean so like that that was my experience But like yeah, there was there was also definitely a time where before a show You know how Women would treat me was Different than how they treated me after the show now. I'm kind of like a dad. So it doesn't matter right like

but there was a time where it was You know where it was like almost impressive But there's also some confusion of like do they like my comedy or are they attracted to me? I went through a period with I think they like me. No, they just think I'm funny. Yeah, but he gets Bundled up all the emotions, right? It's hard to like, you know, I mean, but it's like but they look at you different That's what I saw. Yeah, because I used to go to walk into a bar And I couldn't get anyone to look at me, right?

And then as soon as when you do stand-up and you have a good set and You go out in the lobby Yeah, as a young guy when you don't get girls and you're you know me you have low self-esteem and when it first happens and when a girl goes I Think you're so funny and there's something about you It just it just it it changed me. Yes, it changed me. Yeah, and it made me It each it helped each other, right? I I got funnier as a stand-up and I got more girls and they fed it and then eventually I'm who I am now. Yeah, I mean, so, you know

But how are you done with the kids though? Yeah, I mean while our oldest is nine. I mean our youngest is nine Um, so yeah, no, that's a lot of work. That's a lot. How many do you have five? Oh, I know Yeah, that's that's that's a lot. That's worked a lot. But how many how many you guys have siblings? Yeah, I have two sisters two sisters, but my mom comes from a family. She had ten brothers and sisters Yeah, so it's so I mean five you're not even Yeah, my wife is one of nine. Oh, she was. Yeah, I was one of six. So it's like But as if you think that that's what because you grew up in Indiana. Yeah. Yeah, do you believe I fucking I? Fucking remember that. That's pretty amazing. That's fucking good. What a lot of people don't know most people in Indiana Asian

Really because when I went there, I didn't see any Where do they go? Where do they go? It was all Asian? It was kind of like they were like, are you are we is this Indiana or Hawaii? variation Did you get the vid at all? What's that? COVID I You know, they I tested before I came in here and they're like you have COVID and I was like forget it That's what happened today It was like an hour ago. Yeah, but like the guy was like a doctor. He believed in science. No, I I Have I don't know because I no, I I do know that I'm

Negative I did Rogan's podcast on Monday. I They test you before you go in and then and so I tested negative and then they were like and of course before Netflix even flew me out They gave me a test and so and I was negative and so but when I was at Rogan, they're like somebody else in his empire you know, he has like 5,000 employees came in and Joe was like, I want you to do an antibody test and so I was like, yeah, I'll do that And so it revealed that I had had it at some point, but that I Got over it because I have such a large penis Wow

So that's why I don't want that to sound like a brag. Yeah, so what you're saying? I could have I mean at this point, you think I could have had it vaccinated. Yeah, you could have been asymptomatic Especially with the way you move around town. I'm surprised This is the like the face to the ground or how does Over She worries because I go to the Korean spa every day like I'm gonna go tonight. Yeah, and it's like It's just naked old Korean men Breathing on everything on each other. That's we breathe on each other, right? It's a cultural is that all that happened?

No, we breathe on each other, but she thinks that I'm just not being Safe, I probably isn't the best place to go. It's fine. It's maybe just a time. It's a time, but you're fine I don't want to talk about it. Well, it says so I Feel like I'm running a therapy session But by the way It's like So wait a minute. So you're Korean American you are you know, is there is there some kind of

Status thing within the Asian community like Filming at the mouth nationality are you what can you guess from? Well, I don't know the shirt I'd say Same as her but like not as before good-looking So wealthy Filipina. Yeah Yeah, no, but here so like there is I know that the Koreans Like the history, you know, I did a special about Asia Did you really I did shows around Asia. Uh-huh. I was like I was in Seoul for like a day, but

so like there is that There's the hierarchy, right? So like the the Koreans think they're better than the Japanese my dad gave me a list of The best ethnicities from what are the worst number one who's get a pass my dad. My dad goes number one Korean yeah, it's obvious. Yeah number two Chinese was obvious third was snake So yeah, so there were animals and stuff like put in there, right? Black people weren't even on the list. You know me So yeah, my parents were my dad was very like he would stand up and go that's the that's a very Korean thing, right?

They're very protective of their culture. Yeah, and they'd be like if you made it Japanese Yeah, I Like really like even worse is probably Filipino then what further cuz Koreans really look down on Filipino Well, the Japanese tortured the Koreans I mean Stuff they do it's like

Well, what do you what do you think about is it the University of Washington or Washington State that doesn't recognize Asians as POC's anymore. You're right. You're you're you're on the same plane. Oh, there's white people There are so many articles about that where it's like Asians are white adjacent and we're no longer minorities because Well, can I honestly say we don't accept you? No, but the thing is is I You know, I don't know. I'm a white guy. I'm not gonna say anything, but like no, we want you to you know I by the way, I'm all the white people on the show So we want to hear your point of view and so when I when I did that that tour I have a close friend of

Who she was born in Taiwan and when I did a show in Taipei She was there and she was she's friends of the family and everything and I've known her from college but like she Again, I'm older. So like she's beautiful. She's an amazing person and in college It was kind of like guys were like, I don't know. You know, I'd hook up with her. I don't know if I date her So like there was that shit. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's disappearing. Yeah, but there was some of that shit Yeah, I don't know. Is that the point that we're trying to make?

Gemma, I don't know, but it just sure makes you sell like a slave holder No, but she was you know, she moved from Taiwan to like Louisiana And she would tell horror stories like guys just like I want to just touch your eyes. Oh, wow I mean, that's hot Wait, what what? Gilbert said that's hot. That's hot Yeah, so why don't we go to the Philippines? Well, didn't it does an alley? Like I don't even know what is jungle Asian? Southeast Asian, but I isn't Southeast Asian. Isn't that Indian?

South Asia, that's right. Right. Right. Southeast Asia is Indonesia, Philippines, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam So all the attractive people But I but growing up I hated my parents because They were so fucking racist that my brother and I Because we were so progressive. I don't know who taught us that you just kind of Born and it's an American story No, right and my brother and I would be like no, I mean because they would say like if you gay I kill you. No, they're joking. No, I'm not kidding. Really? He would look at me right now. You gay?

But what happened when you told him you had been with men then? Alright, okay Okay, no school. All right. Well, first of all, it's not like I I sucked a guy's dick and went home and guess what dad You know, I mean, I didn't get straight is but I suck the dick I mean, you can't announce that to your dad So when I was in high school and people know this all right I would get drunk and every once in a while. I would suck a man's pee pee Okay, okay, and it was because I was highly sexual women didn't like me. Okay, and I went, you know what?

I'm gonna get what I can get And it sounds so desperate and sad but that does it sound sad. It sounds like a teenager Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. I was a teenager, right and so that's that, you know, yeah, I'm not shaming you I think it's great. I love that about you. You do? Yeah So interesting so Doctor I Unfortunately, we have to end this I have next Tuesday at four. No, no, no, you're fucking finishing. What is the

God, it's so fascinating. Why why why just how human beings like we never figure this shit out Yeah, and you know like we you know like we talk about like what we were the culture that we were raised in and there's progress But like then I have teenagers and they're kind of like you guys are idiots Do you know I mean like it keeps moving do I mean so like we we tear apart some of the Biases that we were told or whatever and then we discover new ones. Yeah So it's like I'd like to think I'm a good dad But I'm probably you know in 20 years my kids are gonna be like, yeah, my dad was like this Jim I want I watch I follow you on Instagram and on socials and

I don't know you at all But I want to say this Based on your socials, I believe that you're a great dad I look like a good you know you do cooking shows with your kids That was because of the pandemic. It doesn't matter. Yeah, right. You think any other comic incorporates their fucking families and like social media They don't do that, right? You're a good dad Hopefully, well, we'll see and I see your kids and they look healthy Jim. Do you know how to cook rice? Oh Good question. That's such an interesting very good question. Um, I

Don't Show was about I know how to grow it Give me one grain of rice Yeah, yeah, and maybe five feet. I can grow 10,000 things of rice. Thanks. That's how it's measured I've got a funny story. So we had so I have all these kids and one time we we have babysitters and We went to Florida To Disney World and I was doing shows and so we brought our babysitter and she's from the Philippines and we were at the airport and we were there weighing our bags

We're checking them in and her bag was like 80 pounds Yes, yeah, and I was like, uh Why is it 80 pounds? I'm like, well, just take whatever you got in there and put it in this bag. Can I guess? Yeah Saxa rice and cans of spam. Yes. Well, not spam sausage, but she had I Think it was a 50 pound bag of rice and I was like I was like, we're gonna We're gonna feed you

Yeah, and she was like, I just you know, it's just like just a case You know, I mean, no, and I totally understand that because when I go on the road with my family We bring like let's say we're going to Joshua tree and my mom goes into a panic because she's like I don't think they have rice there or the kind of white sticky rice that I like So what do we do? We bring the rice cooker and we bring her cow roast. I've never been to a city Where they didn't have fucking rice. I know but the thing is is it was by the way, it's like It was sincere. It wasn't like she was like, you know, I gotta bring some fucking rice like it, but I think it was like It was a sincere thing. Like, you know, I don't know. All right, I'm not gonna have it

Yeah, it's like a water insecurity because rice is eaten breakfast lunch and dinner. Yeah, it's you cannot have a meal without rice Okay, why do you talk to me like I'm not Asian? I do the fucking same thing. Yeah, I know you don't know how to cook rice I know but guess I oh those one cup. Don't you say one cup of rice one cup of fucking water, man Did you learn that? What when did you learn that? yesterday from who from who You look man are done, right? We're done. We're very dumb. Yeah, and there's certain things

Where I'm just like by the way when I was I didn't own a coffee maker until I was 30 because I thought they cost hundreds of dollars People were like, well, why don't you just get a coffee maker? I'm like, I don't want to waste some money on it's 20 bucks Yeah, I'm like really? So I don't know how your ratio was off with the rice by the way What do you mean a little bit more different kinds of rice? Um need different amounts of water. So the one that you were cooking yesterday It's a little bit over one cup of water. You got it wrong. You're a poor student. That's okay, Bobby How how if you don't mind me asking your age?

This is a fun game. Yes. Will you guess? Well, first of all, I will guess I will guess your age and then I will add a year because in Korea Yes, yes Yes, right. So can you tell the people what that is? So what that is is in Korea They when a baby is conceived the first year is when the baby's growing inside, right? Yes Also the first when the baby is born The baby never leaves the house for how long?

For I think an extended 25 years And no and then like the baby is always on the ground like there's no cribs Yeah, putting up. It's like it's I think what you're born nine months old. Is that what yes? Yeah, then you have your hundred-day celebration. Yeah Is it in I don't know if it's Korean, but like they might not in some cultures They don't name the baby until that first year. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Do you have a Mongol? Do you know about our Mongolian marks? No, Koreans Asians have Mongolian marks. What is that? It's so like Genghis Khan Yeah, yeah, it's like a branding when you're born Genghis Khan brands you with no, it's a tail. It's no. It's basically a purple spot

Somewhere on our bodies, right and it's there It fades over time. Yes, you're right there. Really? Yeah But imagine Jim having one of those his whole with his skin his whole it would be so It would be like a tattoo. You'll be pretty. It would be beautiful. I think yeah, but we have that and so Wow, it's her and a bird wait not anymore. It's faded since it's only Is it is it it's like a birthmark. Oh, yeah, it's right here here. It's right here. It's a tattoo Oh, I think it's our star the star of David. Yeah, I don't see anything He's just showing you his ass. You're like we what we do is we bring these dumb white motherfuckers in

And we make up shit. We open up a slide of Asian people with birthmarks dumb white people believe anything They're like, oh, I want to be liberal. I want to be progressive No, that's so fast. Yeah, we have those things man, and it's like I don't know why Do we get bruised in there? I Don't know. It's just the same way Jewish people have to test for Tay-Sachs disease. So, you know, Joe Wong is Hello, Joe Wong is Joe Wong is a Chinese

Comedian from China. I think he might be living here now but he is also he's ethnically Korean because on top of the Korean Peninsula, you know where China is there's people that are ethnically Korean and He's a great comedian. I love him. Yeah, I've been him. Yeah at the comedy store He's super nice very funny super nice super and he I he opened for me when I performed in Beijing Oh, he did. Yeah, because he's he did school in the US then he went over and I don't know what's going on Do you get scared when you're in China? Is it expats that go under the show or are there? It's all well or or people that have done Time internationally like when I performed in Japan. There were definitely people that were had

Japanese people that had You know studied in the UK or America. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Did she go to the Philippines at all? I haven't yet. I want to you would crush it there I can arrange that my friends do the big shows there. They do like this. Yeah. Yeah, Chappelle is just there Before the pandemic so they do because his wife's from the Philippines. Yeah, she's I love her But company wash it there. Well, the Philippines is an English-speaking country, right, so compared to other Asian countries It's just an easy market and it's a missed market because it's like people are so hungry for that there If we do our talent show, you'd be a great judge

What a fish out of water. Yeah, we do a talent show in the Philippines. You do yeah We do a lot of fun. Do you guys go there? We go a lot? So we do a local talent show what we put on the paper. We go Bobby Lee's talent show, right? And the whole city small town. No, it's a small tiny provincial area not the whole not my whole Whole village is that better is it in how close is it to Manila? It's about and 50 minute flight South you have to swim where I live you'd have to swim there The different island is it one of the is it because there's also islands in the Philippines That are Muslim. Is it one of the also most of the south is Muslim? Yeah, aren't I smarter than you think?

Have you been have you been going on the road or no? I did I'm like September to December. I'm kind of taking January off, but yeah some you haven't I just yesterday I canceled all my gigs. I'm mr. Caffigan. I Don't know what the fuck The necessity of invention Creates things. What is that? Yeah. Yeah, so You might Like that panic by the way the panic that you're experiencing right now

is I feel so wise But it's like that panic could also You know force you to come up with some beautiful ideas, right, but you think I could do that in two days Probably not yeah, but exactly you can come up with some yeah, but you can't do some old material or no He's also nursing a massive oral abscess at the moment. I have a um So does that I have a golf ball of an infection in my gums right now

Wow, and I went to the to get a root canal and they said we they can't do it this morning Well, then you can't do that. Yeah. Yeah. I heard all right. So I canceled I don't why did I get on my knees and it was for a long time. It was it was Very theatrical, but I feel like that's kind of you that you kind of move a little bit when you I love to move Yeah, yeah. Oh, can I see so also one last thing to you is um, there's the last thing no I also think and and don't take this the wrong way. I think that you're a great actor. Oh, well, thank you I yeah, and I've always thought to myself because I've seen you in some things Do you prefer one or the other? I mean because I I do some acting too. I love I love it too

I love it so much because it's so hard. It's so hard But like as you know, it's weird because obviously we like being funny, but I love all kinds of acting Yeah, you know, and so there is something of kind of being Pitch and hold as the funny actor So I do appreciate that but it is it's not one that I prefer It's not that I prefer one over the other. I feel like they're so different. They're different mediums and they're different highs Yeah, you know, they're completely different highs and when like when the first time I acted it was a comedy And I didn't get any laughs because I didn't know right obviously you can't no one can laugh, right?

Yeah, and in video village, you know people kind of they laugh there But when I did my first scene I thought oh my god I'm terrible because they're not laughing but I realized that like they're listening and When I can get a difficult scene down Yeah, there's a feeling of it like oh my god. I did something that was so hard and also you can become someone else That's what's really or a different version of yourself I like being a fat Chinese guy or like being a Japanese fat Chinese guy or a gal I got like being I played a lot of women in my life

German I like how you look around like anyone else Do you guys remember the time you first met each other? No, I don't I do. Oh, when was it? So the only time I've ever met you was I took a photo It was two years ago three years ago before the pandemic. Was it at the comedy store? It was at the comedy store. It was the main room. I was with Brad Williams Okay, and yeah, were we in there and we took a photo and I remember being so nervous because I've never talked to you before Jim Now we're best friends now. We're best friends now and also it's like now when I go to the club

I can just be more comfortable around you. You know, it's so interesting is You like to think of yourself. I mean like I did Cheeto Santino's It's an Andrew Santino I did his podcast and he texted me later and he goes I thought you didn't like me But now I know you love me and it's weird like do I give off a vibe where I'm not like Warm and friendly. Is that it? Yes. I do. Yes. Oh, no

I'm gonna make an argument. You think everyone hates you. That's not what it is. I think you come off real Sweet and warm, you know, that's what exactly that's not what I'm saying Jim Gaffigan is a sweet lovely Peaceful man. Okay. What I'm saying is that because I don't see him ever Right and then all of a sudden you walk into a green room and then there's Jim Gaffigan, right? And you kind of go. Oh, cool. You're a comic or a part of it. You know, I mean, but it's like it's that more of that than you Oh, right, right. It's more, you know, you're not around me tearing down those stop Asian hate signs I mean no one don't bring it up

Yeah, but I also know this that like when you were at the comedy cellar back in the day Yeah, and you were having your children and the way you would do your sets and have these kids At the same time and the way you were juggling all of that. Oh, yeah I mean, I heard from comics from New York that would talk about it that you were just like always going up But had this young family. Oh, yeah, and how did you juggle all that? You know, it was it was a great Break from the chaos, but it was I don't know But you hadn't made it had you made it at that point before did you have kids before you made it? I

I Did not I had one kid and one on the way when I was taping Beyond the pale, which was my first comedy special. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So But when my dog my first daughter was born, I Was definitely there was no guarantees, you know, yeah that I mean, I think I knew I wasn't I could support a child But I didn't think that I didn't contemplate having five or yeah, you know Living in this nice house with you. Well, yeah Yeah, but the reason why I'm asking Jim is because I have a fear as a comic. Yeah, that like I'm 50 now

And I look at someone like you and you have an al magical is another one with kids and other comics and I and I think to myself Can I do it? Am I because I go out my job. We were children. Yeah, right? We play and we fuck around and we're free in that way and it's like I'm just afraid that I'm not gonna be able to do It as a dad as a dad. I think you underestimate yourself I think that anyone because think about this there's a lot of funny people but like to pull it together and do a set and also You know what your podcast here is successful. It's like you're playing and you're doing it and I I don't know

I feel like the whole parenting thing. It's It's look it's really hard, but it's also important for Evolving like look, we know comedians that you guys are in a relationship for nine years. We know people that like Can't pull off a month I So it's like Yeah, you definitely can do it. Yeah, you know, I mean and also it's like the universe is kind of

like You know like opportunities show what you're not gonna be broke. You know, I mean yeah, it's like there's people that did it in Much harder circumstances. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that my fears of it. Can I financially do it? I think I I think I worry about because I have weird things where it's like you don't know this about me But I'm very unhygienic. I Smoke Right. Yeah, I wake up at 4 p.m. Yeah, you know, I mean I have I've never I haven't changed since I was a young guy as a Stand-up right, you know, I mean and it's like I know I have to change those things

If I want children, but I really want them. Well, then you then have them. It's not that hard It's and by the way, it's like yeah, this you don't have to grow the baby. You know, I mean, I do You know, I mean, yeah, I'm so glad you're bringing this up Why because now you're telling everybody the truth that the hold-up has never been me that the hold-up has always been you Dr. Gaffigan crushing it. Sorry, Jim. He's walking out He's walking out Bobby get back here Bobby. Right Bobby. You're right. You're a dorsal The Right, the fear has always been me. There is never the right time to do it. There isn't there's never the right time

Yeah, it's like oh, I'm 20. I don't have I don't even have a serious job or oh, I'm you know She's about to do this or that or you're doing it's like it's never the right time But and by the way, the world's on fire. It's like the right time, but It's it's it's like a piece of life that is and I'm not saying everyone has to do it. Yeah, but I do think that like It'll you know, like you'll meet the task. I think so. I think it'll change me. Yeah I don't have kids just so I'm not gonna do it to change me. I wouldn't do it to change me It's kind of like a you know an exercise thing. This kid's gonna make me lose weight I had a kid so I get it. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you know, maybe you know, you know, I think maybe

Maybe I think you name the baby Jim Jim's a great. That's a great name. Great name. You know, I mean, yeah, Jim a short for some other name You know like James James James James Lee. Yeah, James Lee. Are your kids comics or no? I Have a 16-year-old son. That's pretty funny. Yeah, I could tell and that's Oscar that's it's That's good. It's pretty yeah, but like I The weird thing is is like again, this goes along with what we were saying. It's like it's one thing to be really funny

It's another thing to embrace that level of insanity to pursue it. Yeah, because I have brothers that are funny. It's just like like you have to be a little bit off to be like Yeah, I know I'm not making money for six years or you know, the audience only laughs every third time I do it But I'm gonna continue doing it. Yeah, that's weird So I don't know if he's gonna do it. He he's funny. I mean my daughters are very funny, too They're all funny, but like it's about do you want to go through it? Yeah, it's the pain because you're gonna have to as a dad, right and your comics, you know what it is

The first five or six seven years of them struggling Yeah, right and you're gonna have to hear all the pain and suffering that you relate to right? It's it's hard. What if one of your children or your future child is Terminally unfunny and you know what and you're like fuck my kid is so unfunny, but then he says dad I want to be a comic and I love you. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good but of all five children the least funny one Oh, geez. Well, Mitzi said you can't support. It's a sin to support mediocrity Right, and so it's also a sin to crush dreams and we also we all know people that

Are not super funny offstage but can pull it off. Yeah, you know my theory I have a theory and I don't feel Agree with me. I think that anybody who tries it You could take them 23 years, but I think everyone could Develop some set. Do you think people like George? Oh, no him. He tried it Jim. Yeah, he tried it. Yeah, I almost quit Irvine Irvine when I saw him before I go I quit that I don't ever want to see that again That was right burn a microphone But you know what here's what it is dude you tried she did it

Nineteen how many times 19 times my wife do it. You did 19. Yeah, my wife did a little bit She more did more sketch or more sketch. Yeah. Yeah, we glom on to each other, baby. Yeah We do God you're God show doctor She's looking at you like I'm not contracted I'm contracted to pretend to be your girl. There's no physical interaction Ball Yeah, yeah, that's all weird. Yeah That hurt me

No, why are you sweating so much because I put the AC on no because I put the heat on all Summer I'm at winter because I played video games down here, right and that's why I'm sweating Okay We have a guest don't do this. Okay. Just make sure you're not stroking out or anything. No, I want to talk about something important Okay, the last thing that's sorry. Were you friends with Bob? I was I mean everyone was everyone loved him I haven't we haven't talked about it. Obviously the first one and I want to talk about a little bit. Yeah Number one And I mean this from the bottom of my heart one of a

A mensch one of the nicest guys I literally have ever met in this business Because you meet fuck faces in this business When I was a young yellow piece of your dignity your dignity they steal material there They're fucked. They strap you in the back. You know me but Bob is not that when I was a doorman At a comedy club he would talk to you and go what's up, man? Remember your name and He was just a great guy and what happened Sunday was so shocking. I'm still not over it. Yeah, I'm in a daze. I love that guy Yeah, it's really he's one of those guys that you

It reminds me of like when I was in high school and there were like these upper classmen that were like I want to be like that. Yeah, it's like with Bob the way he interacted with everyone and he was Sincere and he must have been texting people for like two hours a day. Yeah, because you always hear these all these stories Yeah, you know, he was always checking it. It's so it's he's you know, what a positive influence Yeah, Steve Harvey just read an email that he didn't read from Bob Saget from like five six days ago And he was crying when he was reading it, but it's like yeah, he texted a lot. He emailed a lot of heat Yeah, he reached out to people he Jamie Kennedy. He really helped that guy's career I mean he just it this it was it was just a real fucking lot

And it wasn't like he was helping or kind because he wanted something He was doing it because that's the decent thing to do. Yeah He wasn't kind of like hey do me a favor so I can do you you know, it was just like hey I think you're funny. I'd like to do something for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and you also gave me AIDS But here's what also the The last thing I want to say about it is Because we don't know what happened With the autopsy we don't take 13 weeks or whatever, right? Really? Oh, yeah, that's what they say, right? So there's no really because he was generally healthy and he was not a

He was not a party or he might have a drink, but right drink or two. That's it. He's not a cocaine guy. I Don't I don't want to you know me. Yeah, well, it's wrong to speculate. Yeah, I don't want to speculate. I don't want to speculate, but It was a huge loss and I'm just really sad about it. That's all man. It sucks man Well, we all we lost some people in the last couple of years And how many it's fucking do you ever know him Brody? Yeah. Yeah, I know him in New York. Oh, you did and he was

because he bloomed into the Brody we knew and like initially He was just kind of finding his way in New York I think he started in Seattle and and I remember I used to call him the murderer He would come in and I'd be like, oh my god the murderers here And he loved it, right? Yeah, and But again, he's like another light, you know, like there's these people that bring light rather than darkness and it's It's amazing. Yeah Wow, what a fucked up couple years, man. It is weird. Also, it's

It's one of those things like when you're a kid and you hear your you remember hearing your parents talk about people dying You're like, oh You know and now we're the same people and then they died, too We've turned into those people God bless their soul. You know, I mean, yeah, yeah weird. Yeah, it's so weird I'm just so glad I'm not gonna die. I don't think you are. What a relief for you. What's that 90? I think at least at least 90 for you, man. No, how long do you think you got? He's real emo about this stuff really every night before we go to bed. Oh, you're so you're kind of like My tooth hurts. I'm gonna die. No. No. Yeah. I mean I

And he wakes up and we this is something I do That you don't know why I'm gonna reveal something every morning. I spit in the in the Um sink. Yeah, just see what my mucus looks like the color when you cough it up I cough it up. And what what do you think the colors mean red is bad? Good guess red indicate, but what if you had a red popsicle right before that? That's true, right? That's right. Sometimes now. I think that like, yeah, no, I've looked at my spit and I'm kind of like Yeah, well, it's it's dark. Yeah, I mean, it's not good, but I have this really unhealthy fear of dying My poor knees. Yeah, she lives with us and she loves him every day. What has she been doing?

She's been counting the amount of times he has coughing fits. Oh, oh Really? What is this mucus color spectrum? The black is good. That's infection. Oh, that's not good I love this chart because they were someone was like, you know what? Let's go different shades for a different color Yeah, and why don't we do a Nickelodeon? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah something neon, you know something fun All right, so at the end of our podcast, you know, we do an unhelpful advice people email us problems and we answer them You don't have to be helpful. You can be negative, but okay, we'll just see how this takes us, right? Go unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalyla at Jim gaffigan. Hey guys, my name is Gemma I'm a 27 year old woman from Ireland since the pandemic hit my mental health has plummeted to the point where I thought about ending my life

I find myself living in the past haunted by the person I used to be as a teenager I went through some tough times which affected my behavior. I disconnected from reality Lied constantly and was the drama queen to say the least I realized now that this was a coping mechanism But I can't stop the negative thoughts circling my brain about my past behavior My question is do you ever find yourself haunted by your past? And if so, how do you manage not letting those thoughts cripple you? Ooh the past the past

well, I try not to Punish myself over and over again for one mistake You know, I've notorious for fucking up in the past and then thinking about it for 30 years You know, I mean, and I I'm not I don't do that anymore. It's an unhealthy, you know, um And I just feel bad for the kid. Maybe he needs medication. She's 27. Yeah 27 medication Why I think ever I think it does it all gets easier like I think that like

27 is still That's still chaos time. So it gets a lot easier like I have teenagers and I'm like look this sucks But like it gets a lot easier. So it's I Would say dr. Gaffigan would say put it in perspective obviously I would You know, I mean, I'm being Korean a very Christian country we

You know the concept of like you're not in charge of everything so You don't necessarily Do you're not don't give yourself this weight? Do you I mean whether you have to discover that through meditation or a faith system? It's like you're not in charge and then I would also say you got to exercise you got to get out of your head Yeah, or you know Um, well like in AA for instance, right? The root of AA is to help another person the whole reason why They say that is so that you can get out of yourself and stop thinking about yourself so that you can just be out of self

You know, I mean, right? It also I want to say this to this person. What's her name? You don't say Gemma Gemma Gemma Gemma Gemma Gemma that in my 30s and 40s is If I were gonna say my highlight my twilight year and my great years were those years My 20s were depressing and I was broke and I almost went fuck this in my 30s and 40s when you start making money and you're you know I think 20s is hard because you have Completed some kind of Education you're kind of like an officially an adult you've had fun like I'm 21

I'm gonna party and all this but then you're like wait a minute. You start realizing you don't know anything You know, I mean, it's like I I think that there's And you know, look I am of Irish descent. There's a lot of mental illness on that island. I would also say that by the way everyone everyone the pandemic Everyone's fucked from it. Like the you're like, I don't think there's a single human that hasn't been like this has been a great two years

Yeah, I mean great for my parenting. It's been great for my relationship. Yeah, it's like we've all lost our shit Yeah, like like it's kind of like cassette when they fast forward and over Like that's we're just dealing with that over and over again So and if you would have freaked out once every four years, you probably freaked out four times in the last year Yeah, right also shutting the mind down and keeping it like the meditation. You just said is probably Also a road also if you're thinking about ending your life coming from somebody who has Attempted to do it multiple times in her younger years And it took me a long time to get out of like my suicidal ideation, especially in my early 20s

Somebody said something to me. They were like What if things don't get better? But what if they do and the what if they do really kept me in the game and I thought to myself You know what? What if it does and guess what it did and then as I grew up and as I sort of like Understood myself better as I started to understand that like a lot of what I was feeling was just really unresolved shit I wasn't willing to look at in the past or wasn't willing to deal with with a professional After just giving myself like honoring myself like the time and the space like you will get there In you know, so what if it does? What if it gets better?

And I think that's worth it enough to just like keep on living Brilliant woman day today Yeah, and by the way Everyone I don't know what Gemma has done like in the mistakes she's made but like People have like made a massive mistakes and then reinvented themselves We're like bullies in high school and then they end up being good people you don't let other people define you

You can reinvent yourself. Do you I mean? It's like I wasn't always the sexy guy You know, I have all I've been super sexy and now I'm just sexy. No, but you know, I mean It's like it is weird, but like I understand the feeling of being crippling being crippled kind of like It's weird because I also feel like stand-up was so liberating for my development I'm trying to figure out if you and I had a sex scene In a movie if I would think that you were sexy I would say no I feel like if you and I had a sex scene you and I would be laughing

You think we would laugh or we think this is horrible If we were sexing together It's like you bring it up kind of like I always ask people Anyway, and the other question I ask people is like if if we were fucking each other Yeah, but I just feel like we'd be giggling a lot and then kind of going like this is weird Yeah, right and just open your mouth. You know, I mean don't do the tongue thing You know, I mean we'd have to discuss what's allowed. What's not allowed. There's like boundaries. There's boundaries, right?

But like I'm at the point where it's like I'd be like, you know what? We don't even have to let's just watch TV I'm kind of like let's order let's order delivery I'm much more at that point of my life So let's plug the netflix thing because um, please Please oh, there you go. Oh wait, but where'd you get this? Oh, they're side by side Oh, you know, I I look good there. I think I look buff

In a weird way. You don't look like that anymore, sweetie. That was like 15 years ago. Oh, I don't he doesn't look like that That's I do. I wish Yeah, stand up. I yeah, I used to by the way. I used in high school. I got voted best male body Are you being milked? Don't laugh that hard It's the only time she laughed all day No, I was athletic. Are you I used to scare Who's like you dude?

This is see look, you know, what's weird. Yeah pause it pause it. So they cut this out Yeah, but I had camel toe It was this it was this thing. Oh my god. It was this thing that I put in pause pause pause It was in the script. It was in the script Oh, it is and um that fucking camel toe right there, dude. Oh, wow. Is that your dick hole? I mean, what's making that that was uh, the thing they made they put it over like, uh, running short Oh, that's really so it looks like that is so fucking funny, dude. Yeah. No, that's not me. That's not you No

Anyway, um, so when does it come out the netflix jim. It's it's out. Thanks for watching it December 27 December 21st right 21st actually. Yeah, can I say something? Why don't you tell me these things? That's all right No, no, no, it's not all right. You know, why don't you know, give me some information All right, so I could put on a good show. What do you think? But there is There is something about you can't expect another comedian To consume every special that comes out. You know what I mean? Yeah, so like there's a time you're like, all right I'll watch specials. I've never seen one You're really you have never seen one. How many did you watch last year zero? I watched chappelle's new one

Yeah, but the last The last 15 minutes I like that. What do you do? You listen to a lot of old paul mooney is what you do I listen to a lot of paul mooney. I don't want a mooney. Yeah another one. Did he ever hit on you? No, but he was to say that um, he left him voicemail on my machine once and he goes I can't talk to anymore because you you talk to the white devils. I see that club Really? Yeah, like so if I'm hanging out with white people at the club and paul mooney was there I would literally back away from people because I didn't want he was like I'm being real. That's how fucking crazy you are. No, he was

I mean talk about a brilliant month brilliant. What are my favorites? But like it was so funny to see him like On stage he was like I The white devil all this stuff And then he would get off stage and he would be hitting on like a white guy and I'd be like I know I know wait a minute you you're trying to fuck the devil But because you know

That's not I mean It was his he was important to what he did for Comedy I think oh, yeah a really important. Yeah. Um, well jim. Thank you. I want to say number one Please come back if you're ever in town. Yes, you ever need to promote anything. Please come to us to consider us Number two, um Uh, I have to be on it. I was a little nervous this last hour, but you saw a little I was sweating this and that I think I got it together. Um, but um, I want to say that um, you're one of the biggest people We've ever had on our podcast and thank you so much for doing it. Well, thanks for give him a round of applause

Jim gaffer everybody Oh, thank you. Thank you. Oh Hey, what's up, uh People of tiger belly the slept kingdom the sleepers the super sleepers The papayas what have our names that we have what does bobby call them? Disciples No, I think the you hit all the big ones was that all of it as all the main ones Uh, we was first housekeeping in a long time first housekeeping a long time first housekeeping of 2022

Uh, great episode with jim gaffigan. Uh, george 2022, uh, you've been a father for a while now How does that feel anything easier anything more difficult any new surprises and what do you look forward to? Nine months now and oh, well, you could have made another one. Is there Nope, I'm waiting for it to get easier to try to convince my wife to have another one Um, but also to convince myself too. It's yeah, it's a lot of work But right now this week. He's started. He's able to crawl to me And raise his hands to what he wants to get picked up Oh, that's like new this morning and there's so much. I don't wait you he does he do it more to your wife or you

The pickup. I I only notice it when it's me. It's you. It's also favorite. You're the favorite parent. Let's put that out there She can't let's go. She can't defend herself. You're the favorite parent I he cries more when she leaves but I'm with you. I'll I'll take it. I'll take it Um, that's exciting. Is then what are the what are the I guess? What are the data points say about this year if your child going into nine months to Whatever to basically a year these big the big one that's gonna happen is walking so he can finally crawl now You better be there, man. And it'll be Within a couple months. He's so big for his size that I see kids that are like tiny compared to him

He's like nine over. He's off the charts for like head size and regular size. There we go guys So I see tiny our kids like just like sitting down like walking into daycare and I'm like How old is that kid? 13 months. That's a dude proud dad already already. Uh, shitting on other kids to say my child is more superior and better than your child He doesn't look and he looks like he's like he looks older So he looks he looks like an old kid that can't uh, they can't walk yet We have a lot of cool guests lined up a really a lot that we're really excited about And we're also planning to push for some more unique guests that maybe you would wouldn't expect to see uh in the tiger belly

I guess podcasts or universe. Like we'll just throw some wishful thinking out there We're trying to get some UFC champions in here israel adesanya. If you're listening, uh, daniel cormier. If you're listening You didn't respond to my dms. Uh, bob and claula have demanded that you be on this podcast Uh to laugh with us. So respond to those dms Uh, who else some directors in here some of bobby's favorites. I know george has been working on this and look We're gonna get him on here. We're gonna get the director of jango on chain on here. It's gonna happen It'll be close Is tarrantino gonna be on tiger belly george? Are we close and let's let the people manifest it for us

We're a lot closer now that we put it out to uh to the fans, but uh, yeah, it'll take some work It's gonna take some work. Uh a lot of merch coming. We uh, you guys really crushed them. Oh, I just accidentally wore this one George's what are we gonna bring these back? Oh funny that you said that george Should we bring it back put it down in the comments below because I this is the glue bottle hoodie Is this the one that everybody got that's the one that we sold out of in uh one hour four years ago So I think it's okay. It's uh, this one because I also have the zip up one that I was wearing this week Oh, I think what you're wearing actually is a that that is a sample. Yeah, this is the uh, that's the before we got the zip so George is wearing exclusive. Let's make these. I like these actually. I want the gray

I mean, it's a classic thing. We have glue bottles on tables We have the giant glue bottle here if you're watching on youtube on the wall We got to bring it back a glue bottle and uh speaking of glue bottles. Uh shout out to all our Uh friends that owned the glue bottle, uh NFT that we released. We actually released a secret 25 amount 25 minted NFTs of that actual art and uh, we actually gave fans and mailed them an actual glue bottle from here The studio that bobby lee the slug king himself signed and that was at legacy shop slash tiger belly Bobby will be going on tour at a point in time That's all I can say he'll be going on tour at a point in time

Uh, kalilah's still running running the gamut with uh those ladies over at trash Tuesday So make sure you go hop on over there. You can see george in this seat. Actually actually, I don't know Is it different? I don't know. Did we poop you'll know about what happened? New set new set guys kind of new set new year new location Uh, the ladies have upgraded make sure you go follow them go watch your show trash Tuesday I haven't checked the comment to see if the people actually noticed. Yeah people must have noticed There's got to be some white shots. Yeah, they're probably like where's the tiger belly sign? It's not there anymore Uh, so this studio is now ours. Uh, me and george are actually going to do some fun things to the studio

Uh, make it a little better and I guess what? Keep sending your fan art to uh, the po box, uh, which is on our instagram I don't know on top of my head I do check that from time to time and if you do some some art Guess what it might end up in these walls because now we have more room to put stuff It might just be somewhere here. So send your stuff in Uh guys, I think that's all we have for housekeeping. Uh, you can follow george add george underscore kimmel And guess what you guys got to get a more than andreis, right?

You got to get more than andreis. Oh, why'd we why'd we throw this at the end? Uh, you can follow this up top Any cdc updates at gilbets? Uh, follow bobby at bobby live claula clamby k follow tiger valley If you haven't followed tiger valley, you're listening to this. That's ridiculous. Uh, follow us on instagram That's where most of our updates come from. We are also posting on twitter So that's at the tiger at the tiger valley also you can email us any Unhelpful advice questions at adviceunhelpful at gmail.com Uh, am I missing anything? Uh, subscribe on youtube if you haven't yet if you haven't subscribed on youtube

What are you doing? And make sure you listen to us on apple on itunes potify any of your favorite podcast ads We love you so much. Here's the outro music that i've inserted. It's getting louder. It's getting louder. We love you adios Hey prime members, you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondry plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com slash survey