TigerBelly - Ep 334: You Don’t Know How to Do It

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

Bobby is Kumaru Usman. Khalyla gets jokes for her 3-minute set. We talk muscular cuddling, fresh airline jokes, and review Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City. Recorded: 1/21/22See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad-free on Amazon music download the app today. I Have a question for you. What what kind there from this Filipino baker. Oh, oh, gladly The only one that enjoys my life by not Here's what I'll say about my general health is that Fuck all fad diets. Yeah, I I am going to pick bits and pieces that I find positive about every food movement and Kind of make my own that works for me. And also if I want to fucking cookie today, I'm gonna have a cookie today That's all I'm saying. But can I say this you still have your very athletic body and the other day won't remember

I said, let's cuddle I cuddle with you. Yeah, I came in there. It's too hard No, my body was too hard. No, it wasn't too hard. It just felt like I was and I don't want to say this on the right way But I felt like let's say in a good way. I felt like Hussein Hussein bolts backpack. It's you saying you say Hussein bolts backpack Hussein Barack. Like it was kind of like athletic And I like it. It feels safe. It's since both backpack, dude. You have the back of a Jamaican. Congratulations. Thank you I love that, you know, I it I feel safe for me because I have no muscles So when I even when I'm cuddling you I feel like you're cuddling me through your back That's love because if I'm attacked from behind, right? I just think you still got me

But you're like you're like inconspicuously like cute, but like dangerous You're like a hippo like they look cute, but they'll chase you down a river and kill. Oh, yeah I do. What do I do? What kind of games do I play? Oh, yeah, he does this thing He calls it ribbianos. What's that where he'll pin me down and play the piano on my ribs Yeah, I guess damn for some rivianos, right? She hates it But I'm stronger than her so second. Are you damn, but are you man? 100% yeah, it's like it's like it's like have you guys arm wrestled before for exactly three seconds He's stronger than me anything past three seconds. He's like a cheetah like he has a stamina. Yeah, is um Amanda Nunez tough

She's tough. Yeah, because she fight You don't know the champ's name. No, no, no, no, I'm traffic Kumara Usman. No, no Anyway, well Yeah, man, I'm Kumara Usman, right? It doesn't matter, right? I'm a man I know you're a man, but I'll I'm saying is I crush you if the game lasts longer than 10 seconds. I win Yeah, that's true. If you don't take me out in the first round you're dead But it but the first 10 seconds, right? You can't do anything. It's the first 10 seconds is whole hay moss of all

Oh, hey, oh, hey Oh, hey mosses Ben Ben. All right. That's what it is. Okay. I don't know their last names I know how to pronounce their names, but you get what I'm saying. Okay. That's what it is. Oh Welcome to another episode of Tiger Bell. I'm your captain Bobby Lee No, so it's about bio to you and let's fulfill our destinies and by fulfilling our destinies We're gonna, you know entertain and we're gonna talk and we're gonna check in with our fans today But I do another wonderful episode. Okay. How was everyone today? Fantastic. I saw something last night

That boggled my mind. I had the only way to talk about it is that I have to say that I got a little high Okay, okay, okay So I got really high. I was watching I was seeing Aztecs was I don't know that is What is that? I would just see temples wait a TV show if I was watching if I'm watching the bachelor I see temples behind them. Okay. You were was it in Mexico City? No, I there's I hallucinate imageries. It's just another I see sunlight. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, so I lost this goddamn I lost my what he lost your goddamn. Anyway, I have never seen anyone. Okay. I know we don't want to touch too much on your Okay, I'm getting sober, right, but it's like you just don't know how to do it. I do you just don't know how to do it

You know, here's here's why how it sucks the fun out of like here's how I know I have a problem, right? I'm like sitting in the Irvine improv with you know some comics One being one of the funniest guys. I think in the planet Earth a Mirror K anyone that likes watching live comedy go watch that guy perform. He's so talented. He has everything I believe that okay, but a mirror, you know, he's been known to dabble in things Right party a little bit the dark arts. You could say that that's not the dark arts I call them the light arts the he looks at me from across the room in this green room and not even a humorous way because he's silly You seriously did you don't know how to do it. Thank you. Well, I just said it boom

He looks at me, right? I don't I barely he goes. I he goes. I've been watching for three days. You just don't know how to do it It's crazy. It's like he'll minimum 400 milligrams of THC a day. He has freeze attacks. He'll do this. I'll tell you I'm sleeping right deep sleep at like three o'clock in the morning. All I hear is babe Babe, and he's in the middle of the room like this In the dark you're frozen and then he'll be like Am I moving or am I walking? Yeah, like he does that and your brain just like why am I up?

And I'm like, I if the drugs won't kill him. I will yeah, it's so funny I get into these real freeze attacks, right where I my body is The temperature like like below zero. That's what it feels like like everything is frozen and Even when I'm in the dry sauna at the Korean spa shivering. I'm shivering in there as if I'm in like He doesn't know how to do it. Yeah, I don't do it. Yeah, so anyway last night. Can I go to the movie? I watched her All I'll say is okay. Let's go for people who are Proponents for weed and all that. That's great. Do your thing. There's a right way to do it Great way. He's an addict. He don't know how to do it at all. I don't do it at all. Yeah

Chilada, baby. I love it and the alcohol. My god even worse. I'm the worst at alcohol Yeah, and I don't know what Chilada is. Oh, I think we're saying enchilada. No, Chilada You know what a Chilada is me Chilada. So delicious. Oh the tomato tomatoes, babe. What's what it's two different things a Chilada is I like what do you like you like the michelada or do you like a Chilada? Oh, whatever. That has the Oh, that's a tomato one tomato one I like the michelada is the tomato and Chilada is with like a margarita mix with beer. Oh, is that what it is? Well, it's got a tomato vibe though opposite. It doesn't matter My dad used to my taste when he's saying Korea old Koreans loved my dad used to go into a rage

You know might use my day used to go into a rage My dad used to drink. He's an alcoholic too. He used to drink beer and Klamato Right. Hmm. Why are you looking at him? I just old Korean man. Oh, that's a doctor go to I think it's tomato juice a Klamato, and I remember him as when I was a kid. He goes try and I tried and I liked it V8 Yeah, right, but I think that's maybe why I like the the Chilada's because it reminds me of my dad The only difference between us is that he would go on a fucking rage Physical abuse rampage

I don't do that. I go. Do I do that? I'm not violent. I mean, you're no, but you don't look you're having fun either I'm not having fun. No, I'm in pain. You're alone. That's the thing. It's like Oh, you like to like drink and then wake up in his own vomit alone alone. Yeah. Yeah, anyway It's I'm so emo. Yeah, I cry a lot Anyway, I was watching so last night was but also while you guys were watching this and listening to this Bobby is currently in Rehab right guys in this moment in this moment. So in this very moment right now. I'm somewhere else Correct and getting help. Yes, and I'm so proud of you Are you being I am proud of myself?

I'm sorry why I'm proud of myself because I for the first time I went This soon I went because I haven't been out, you know, two and a half months I haven't been out that much long three months three months. Yeah, but you did wake up in Mexico in your own vomit I did so yeah, so I'm done. My point is I'm the one that said I want to go. We're going. I Want to get help. What was that like for you in Mexico, George being his hand? I was so manipulated up, dude I'm sorry. That was probably the most trust. I've been in a long time. Well, what is the kind of shit that was said to you? You mean I mean the I've pushed it out of my memory just like he did they were chasing chasing you around Oh, no, just trying to get you to your hotel room. All right

It was just like it was like being in college back again like hey, maybe I'll take a nap over here Yeah, I'm like no I have to get him back to his hotel was scary was one night. It's because I know you Told these guys, please follow him. I'm so worried because you love me so much. You're worried, right? But I'm sick too. I'm sick. Yeah, but That made a little game In Mexico, you may get worse for them. Yeah to tight. That's what I was that that's what I was talking about, right? So one night I escaped and so that I escaped them You sound like a crazy person crazy crazy, right?

I did crazy so they couldn't find me for hours, right? And then and then Santino finds me but he finds me far away Screaming having a full blown fight with some Indian dude Why I don't he doesn't he he comes the corner and him and are yelling each other I don't know what it was. Go fuck you. You fucking poon jet. You know, you was going to chink. It was crazy, right? Wow and Andrew He's a I'm sorry, sir. Hey, I'm sorry, sir. I pulled him but it's like those little dangerous little things that like Like I don't you know, when do I do that? You know what he this is when I knew I was like he's got a problem is that

Me his girlfriend. He would not let me See him in his hotel room and spend the night with him in Hawaii. Oh, that's right He I was like, oh, I just landed gonna come see you. He's like don't come He's I'm like what because it was a surprise. No, no, no, it was a surprise and I had a drug You miss a drug then going on, baby. He had a drug then. What's the way you go? Yeah, I Got a call the night before Mexico Bobby said we don't he'd already changed his flight a couple times Yeah, and then like when he was supposed to be in the airport Bobby was like, hey, I

Don't know how to get to my I don't know how to get to my foot. What was it? I don't know how to get to my flight I missed my flight. I don't know how to get a new one. Was he still in Hawaii? Yeah, this was when he was at the airport and then I flew there. Yeah, yeah, collect him I don't know how to get to my air of my my my flight. I'm I don't know how to function like I don't know how to do anything Like I'll end up at a gate and I go yeah He needed to be in Mexico, but he was still in Hawaii and then You you only had your passport card, but you know Mexico because you needed your passport. Oh, that's what it was He had to figure out so I flew to Hawaii

That's what you had to fly to Hawaii to get me a passport and then he wouldn't let me in his room because he had it was a surprise and he had a whole drug then going on and It was like I had to karate kick that the let me go fuck it. It was like it Because he didn't I at this point. He didn't want anyone to know that he had been drink and then I started getting banned from hotel rooms for life You deserve your belligerent. I know my point though is is that that's why I'm gonna quit because it's like in Three months. I have never been banned from a hotel room for life It's embarrassing. That's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. Yeah, so damn

I remember but can I just say this and and people don't know what I'm going through to And I'm not making people think I don't want people to feel sorry for me because I have a great life And I love the life that I built with you and I love everything about my life I'm I but I am going through a lot that are personal that that people aren't even privy to they don't need to know They don't need to know and I'll they'll never know it will never know You've been in pain for a really I mean a lot of pain right and I'm not complaining everyone's going through pain It was a difficult pandemic for everyone and I feel empathy and sorrow for everyone. So I'm not complaining I'm not complaining. I'm not I'm not right. I'm just saying

To you. I'm telling you that I saw a movie last night And if I'm not if I don't transition into this fucking movie, right? I am gonna go crazy I have to say one more thing go ahead when Clalic called me that day. Yeah, yeah Dude, I was so angry at you which day. Oh, you've never been angry at me This is this is a delight. I've Gilbert has never expressed any emotion to me except for let me finish Let me finish. So I was angry at you when we got off the phone. I Did shed a tear when we need when I had to collect them in Hawaii. Hey, wait, wait, listen No, it's not smiling George. Look at me right now

Okay Because I remember she called me yeah, she was crying and she was fucking pissed and then no because we had just talked about you Self-sabotaging your career. We have so many talks about how great you're doing. See, I'm feeling it right again Cuz I was so angry look at the man that you fuck over what you you're so After everything Steven and David Cho were saying and I was like fuck this guy's a legend living legend and George I'm having he's having panic attacks cuz he's like, how do I keep this guy that I love for not killing himself So I'm ever being like fucking punching my wheel like why are you doing this? Not to us to you That's it. I have one word to say make your joke. I'm not making a joke. I'm just saying I never I'm not making a joke

I literally heard you right now and I've never Seen you like this it hurts me Do you know what he said to me? He's I'm gonna beat his ass Gilbert literally said I am going to physically beat him Okay, I don't like him back into reality You don't feel that way right now, right? I mean, especially after we just talked right now like I feel like I through this time I've had a better understanding of where you're at. Yeah, understand it But in that moment, dude, yeah, I was like, I don't want to work for this guy Oh

Really it did that first of all, all right. Here we go. This is gonna be great because then we're just ablers That's fine. That's why I felt for myself. That's fine. You doing okay? This is great. This is great Because there's two things happening right now, okay? I Want to be honest with you, okay? And there's two paths laid for performing what you just did right now, okay? And I'm gonna go this road Okay, go to the real road This is the real world. Okay, this road. Is that like you don't like this road. Is that old Bobby road?

This is new old ever between present future future present, right? There's two instincts that I had just now, right and I believe right that I'm into There's parts of me that are in denial and there's parts of me that want to lash out at people, right? That's the comedy side. That's the hurt side of me Mm-hmm. That's a side that don't get into my heart because I have all these weapons to fucking combat it, right? I think that's what this road is. This one is a road of listening This road is I hear you. Okay? Because the word that I this road the word that first came up

Was guess what word? Interesting. Oh, and here's my response to that I feel like that's where I have a downfall is I don't know how to in the past compete with the interesting arm Because I don't know how to communicate like fuck man. This is serious, but you're so good at the Interesting and what comes after that. Yeah, it's like it's like fuck. He's he's good at it. I don't know how to Yeah, I'm manipulative. I I have such a complex. I have a complex system of survival Right, just so that I can feel good The old my whole objective in life. I believe is so that I could just feel

Normal yeah, he doesn't know how to self-soothe in a regular way So if that self soothing involves lashing out Manipulating full-blown like just addict behavior. He's gonna do it even it doesn't matter what the cost is to friendships or you or to us, so I mean we should talk about the movie now because You're getting angry. No, no, no, I Think that no matter what we say to like intervene You know what would no matter what we say like from our heart skilled He's still in an addict mindset right now

So I think that maybe we'll have a better conversation about it when he's like healthy and like sober He's got interesting face He has interesting face No, I want to say one last thing Can it may I say one last thing matters you're in a rehab? I'm gonna say one last thing and I promise you I'm gonna go into the fucking the movie. Okay. I love you The thing I want to say to you. Okay, and this is it. I genuinely Love you. I know that genuinely think that you have so much fucking talent

I genuinely honestly, I generally and I generally believe that we it was a fucking Gift that you came into our lives. I agree. Okay No, never talked to me. I Well, I probably won't Do I hope that we could I'm gonna say that what I just said that right now was literally what I feel I'm glad you put your foot down. All right, and I I respect you for doing that I

Okay, and I have a word for you No, but I hear you dude, I thank you. I'm not trying to be I know I thank you but you know, um, I Just wish would you know for you to get to the point where you would quit a Great situation that we have here, right? That would take a little bit more for you to quit maybe if you were killing yourself If you were killing yourself, so man, if you were killing yourself The movie though last night, right? Oh Her lips, uh, love it's like the it's like interstellar when he's docking I had a terrible angle cut that part out

That was so twisted cut that part out closer teeth. That's so twisted, but um, yeah, I really got emotional there, man I'm sorry, man. I I'm so sorry to all of you man I you know what the stress that I put you through bro. We're George I think I think it's like he looked like Obama at the end of his presidency. No, it's like all white hair Yeah, but I would say this shot this man We imagine having to hear it from me George to not let him out of your site rock him to bed cradle him like because I was so Frit, I couldn't be in Mexico at that time. Yeah, it was Kalilah. Make sure he's safe and then Bobby But you know what they would do to we would have to be at a restaurant, right? I heard about the story, right?

I'd be like To the waiter give me double margarita and then Andre right and the undress in spaz. I say no alcohol As if I'm not gonna know what he just said then I would look at the guy go put it in there make it a double make it a double Right and they There was a lot of combating but the one time we were at dinner and I remember you were being so So concerned and I remember I don't know that's why I wish you would remember I said something so Manipulative at the dinner table, right? I don't know what I said, but it was at that Mexican place or something and I just I don't know what it was

But I want to apologize to you for that because I remember that anyway last night So last night I watched a movie I don't know I didn't Google if they got good reviews I Didn't Google if anyone liked it. I'd never heard of it before I Hate the franchise hate the franchise Resident Evil Oh Oh, yeah, I yeah, so raccoon city is a raccoon something like that. Welcome to raccoon. Welcome to raccoon city It's got it right and I played the original game, but I don't remember it, but I just but it felt like the original game in terms of even

The pacing of it, right? It wasn't you know Grand like, you know the Conjuring's and this and that it just felt like all I know is I saw the whole thing and And I never finished those movies. I hate them. I was riveted. I liked it. Anyway Um, I don't know why it took me 30 minutes to fucking get see that's a thing We should have set the Resident Evil thing before we went into this fucking diatribe of Addiction it ruined that fucking little tiny thing man Fuck more people are to watch this movie now. Yeah, but anyway, I kind of recommend but maybe I was too hard to even you know to you know

Get it really But um, he does this thing too. He'll try to Jules and I he's like come on guys like just the the bad influence in the house Let's have a let's have a party What is definition I can't party what is definition of party? I just want party party with people He just wants me and Jules to like get high with him and it's like that was the other thing I was out of all expenses paid resort in Mexico. Yeah, I should have been enjoying the whole thing Oh, I can't drink in front of Bobby. I did not drink what I was like. Oh my

He's like double marg and I'm like Yeah Dropping off my face like just wet and like who says that yeah, but I don't here's here's another thing because you know Are you that guy double marg? But I'm also the kind of guy because I told you this is I don't know what beer is Yeah, like because I never drank it He doesn't know like when I my dad my dad drank hard light and hard liquor and hard liquor But my dad in the garage would have a refrigerator filled with bud light. That's the only one I know

Right. So when I go to like a bar because I've been to maybe four or five bars since I've been out, you know And they I go they go, what would you like? I go Give me whatever On tap We have a bunch on tap tappity tap Yeah, whatever you want because I don't know what's good. I don't know what the ingredients are I don't know what mixes with what mix like when I order the margarita for the first time I don't know what it is. You just probably overheard someone say double marg in movies

Like Bloody Mary, I don't know what it is until I had it and when I had I was I like a tomato Yeah, I mean, so I don't know anything. So I'm like as a I'm 50, but I've been sober. I had through over 30 years of sobriety Collectively, right? So in that chunk of time, I'd never drank. He's like ordering like lemon drops and Yeager bombs Yeah, I don't know anything another thing I like is and she said it was ghetto But I thought it was like a high-class thing was those fireballs He's like, what's it's cinnamony? That's so good. So I go man, I got a fireball. Oh, I hate you Wiggler. I'll take two fireballs Double fire

I would get I would double fire it at the ABC. I would get the little bottles. Yeah, and I would just get like ten of them Yeah, but a big spender like yeah, and of these and I would also drink it like this with my finger up. Yeah I don't know what's good, right? It's embarrassing and then you mix it with things that like you don't know You know how they people mix it So you'll go get like I'll get a Yeager and then I'll get like pineapple juice and mix it to see what happens Yeah, so I don't know how to do it, right? So I don't know and then um, can I tell you one thing that happened that was really strange Okay, this is the strangest thing that's ever happened and um, I

Was at a I was in Brooklyn, babe, and I was at that Japanese restaurant when I sent you to yeah, and I was at a bar and this Japanese girl in a blackout drunk Harass me where they had to kick her out of the restaurant. Why she was drunk and she would not let me go She was just hanging on I was just because you yeah drunk and stuff and they had it. It was the weirdest grossest weirdest thing man You kind of like it though. It felt like I was a little hurracked

Hurracked. I got a hurracked. I got a wrecked half But but anyway, um, I'm done and now as you're listening. I'm somewhere In the desert meditating. Maybe no, you know what I'm probably doing. Yeah, tell yourself what you're doing right now at this moment I'm probably like in after a session Sitting on a a rock in the desert. Can I say that a rock in the desert and just sitting there and Being introspective Mm-hmm. I love being introspective Can I tell you what I wish for you go ahead? My biggest wish for you is

Beyond sobriety is for you to be able to really sit in joy and gratitude like I don't think since I've known you that you've ever just sat down and been like I Really like what I have. I'd like my life. I love who I am and I'm really having a good Time right now like I've never heard you say those things or I'm thankful or I'm it's it's always Okay, can I it if life was like this? Okay? All right, I understand right that this podcast is successful and That that the people listen to it and they love us and we love them. I understand that with the bottom of my heart All right, I understand, you know, I mean

Bad friends and the fans and in the love. I'm sorry. I forgot what my point of view was gonna be Joy to live in joy To have moments of real joy It seems like you're suffering a lot That's what I don't know. I know what my point of view was okay And I understand that that the acting jobs are getting or are things that I used to pray about and go Please let me be seen in a in the most elite light that I can be in because I try right and I'm kind of now Getting in right if that was life I

Wouldn't need to use or cope or this and that but things happen like in everyone's life that have nothing to do with Right your career. It's personal, right? And I've I've had some traumatic events That I personally can't shake I Can't shake it. I don't know how to do it and if those things didn't happen. I would be still sober I believe that from the bottom of my fucking heart, man Right, so that's the thing. All right. I understand that my life is great. I understand that I'm So happy that the 30 years of hard work and staying in there. It's kind of feel like things are happening, but

all their shit's happening That I that I'm taking you know, I mean personally and it hurts me I Feel it and I can't I obsess about it And it hurts so I'm gonna deal with those things as well Mm-hmm. I want to go in there and deal with how to cope with all of it mm-hmm, I don't know how and It's a comedy podcast it's not going there, but you know, I think this should be real. Maybe maybe Yeah, they're movie reviews

Have some good hacky airline clips All right before we segway into this in a way in a better way This is something Bobby wanted to talk about but he was self-conscious because he feels no First of all, we got a segue into it without you know, I mean the way I said it the way no We got a segue into it. Well, it's more organic into it. You know, I mean, I think the way I said was perfect That was perfect away. That was great. All right. You're right. Oh Oh God, he's gonna kiss you again. Oh, yeah, get in there, baby Well, that reminds me when I was flying back from Mexico

There was this couple next to me that was making out and it was so annoying on the on the flight back from Mexico You know was it it was you and you were making out with someone. No, that's a terrible segue And I you know yours is way better, you know, I mean, but um I was tricking this candle George. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I feel great. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, um The problem with I have hang-ups about the airline and flying a lot But I don't talk about it in my act or in podcasts because there's certain topics, right in comedy I don't know if the layman would know this But I think people generally people do though that there's certain topics that are hacky sure it just

Right. What's up with TSA these days? Yeah. Yeah, or driving. Yeah. Yeah crazy. You know, I mean, I'm gonna like driving You know, I got why is everything like Jerry Seinfeld, but that's because I'll tell you why Because observational humor, right? He was the first his generation of guys was with the first guys to do that. He invented pretty much Observational humor. That's why when you do observational, it always sounds like Jerry Seinfeld and that's why Sebastian Manoscalco, right? Jerry Seinfeld loves Sebastian. They're like this, right because Jerry knows that Sebastian is a pros and jay of

Observational comedy and I believe that Sebastian has taken that style of comedy to the next level But it's not as if Sebastian does hacky material. He doesn't but what I'm saying is is that there are certain observation jokes that are just Difficult to talk about but I okay, maybe we'll not present it in the way that I'm talking about it I'm talking about it. No, just tell us your hang-ups. What do you hate? I have a million of them. Okay? That's so many. I have a million of them. All right You take I think I've already talked about it though. No, there's one that you're really pissed off about that you haven't stopped talking about in two weeks Damn two weeks on the one if I okay if I have the window, okay? That's I control that

I'm the light control Right. You want to watch your movie too bad? I'm like I right and if you want to get you want to control the fucking get you sit next to the fucking window, right? Yeah, and if you reach over into my fucking space if I had a machete you would not have an arm Okay, because I'm telling you what I've had taken naps on fucking planes. Yeah and seen The window open you wake up it like my eyes open This is me I'm sleeping Oh

You've made that look to oh, yeah, and I've got I'm taking a nap sir I'm taking a nap sir. But what about when like here's another I quote by hip whip I have I Promise you this Have you been to a lake? Yeah You know the law game. Yeah, the one you're running on the right. I guarantee you you put me on a log with any airline What do you call them attendant flight attendant flight attendant, right? I have better balance than all of them

Guaranteed so there's a little turbulence and they have the seatbelt sign on right and my seatbelt sign on they're standing They're going. Oh, excuse me, sir, right bitch. I have better balance in you. Why are you sitting with fucking seatbelt on? Because I can do better than you. So don't tell me what to do You're standing so you're saying you I have a better skill set in terms of balance But what is your brother? So you're saying because he has a lower center of gravity because he By virtue of him being a really short man He wants the right to get up at any time during turbulence because I'm not gonna fucking fall over Right, I'm like they're acting sometimes right. Yeah, I've never met anyone who has tripped and fallen on their belly more than you

Okay, can I have one very thank you? We'll talk about that because it's my last quip I'm going hacky. Okay, right Don't ask right if you're seeing in the emergency exit row as a stewardess as an airline attendant Right flight attendant, right? Don't ask me Excuse me. This is the American emergency airline. I had to by law ask you in in an emergency Are you able to open that door? Right? What does everyone say they nod? Yes, they lie They can't do it. I can do it. You're not gonna be I look at that that pamphlet all day long And I imagine you're taking a nap. Yeah engines go out. It's going straight down to the ocean, right?

chaos I Want a script chaos, right? Look at the door people are going Climbing on top of each other wait wait you think that's not that that's what the door is for so when the plane is going down You kick it open. It's when it lands. It's only for a water land. I know what's it land? Right and then what door opens and I do a fucking a fake fly for fucking three hours Oh, dude it lands first bitch. Oh, we're drowning bitches dust boot. I just skydiving bro We're in the ocean, right? We got it open it before it goes to the bottom of the ocean

It's supposed to plane will float. Oh really so if a lightning we think we think let's say that a lightning strikes It breaks or the hole open a little bit You never know what happens. Yeah, you never know what's gonna happen. It's got all I know is you're not gonna be a little open that door You lied you lied to the fucking airline lady. There's some old people like I'm like there's no way they can do it There's no way We're dead Yeah, there's one or two other people on that aisle who could probably assist it doesn't matter because also I'm in the I'm in the window. Yeah, she asked me right really

You want me to I'm passed out. You're sleeping. No through the trauma Through the trauma of it. You just I'm out. So now I'm just something you have to another obstacle You make it harder. I make it harder. Now. You have to put this fat Korean dude sub guy Yeah, yeah, so it's a it's a chaos, right? But you know, you know, I've always had problems because I'm there all the time. Yeah, so I get annoyed. Here's another thing Don't have fuck. This is stupid

but um Just shut down clear if it's empty the air clear the security. Yeah, that's all that's my last thing I love clear. Yeah, but sometimes you do clear, but the other the line regular line is so much shorter Yeah, right. So it clear People know what clear is global entries better. Yeah, so what low entries the best See if you go to a major airline like, you know airport, they have this thing called clear, which is you pay I'm a yearly a yearly fee and basically you put your fingers on there or they scan your eyes and You don't have to go through the

Give them your passport and all that and you could get a cut in line It's like going if you're TSA pre-check. Yeah, it's a great convenient. It's the same But when there's no one at the airport, they're still open So I still do clear, but then all my friends are already at the gate I'm still doing the red. Why do you do clear because you want to show your money? Yes It's so it's an elitist thing like 500 years, right? So I have to do the elitist thing when I can do the normal line, but I have to let people know I have clear I'll wait an hour to do the retina thing

Okay, so that's my last quam. So when it's dead close it down clear. I'll just go to the regular line And then the that's it. Do you have any qualms? Yeah, except for being there with me Yeah, okay, that can't be a quam. I think this my only I Actually have a very controversial statement. I don't think more leg room is a plus For someone that I think that you should stop passenger shaming people who have to sleep like me on the plane Because I am unable I don't I can't breathe well for some reason like when I sleep just like this

Like I feel like I'm not breathing well. So I have to sort of tilt my body to the side Not facing the person next to me and I scrunch my knees like this and it's actually better When they say like oh premium economy, right? So you have more leg room I hate it because then my leg keeps sliding down So when I'm smashed up and the seat in front of me is like this then I can really just cocoon But all I'm saying is if you see me sleeping like this You shouldn't shame me for it. No one's ever fucking. Yes. They do. They take photos Oh, do you see people walking by you taking photo ever seen that baby because it's like

I'm not sleeping an appropriate way like all people should and I'm so uncomfortable like this Yeah, I have to bring my knees up or I got them. I can't feel like I'm not breathing I think that I when I sleep my my sleeping isn't for my comfort either My sleeping is to make myself look cute when people pass me by really. Yeah, how do you do it? I do I'd rather teach us right now. Dude. I'm more like bro. I'm more like like this You put both legs up. Yeah, and I'm more like But the mask fucks it up. Yeah, so they can't see the the juiciness of the face. I have found another qualm What is it?

I was going to Hawaii You know, I was in first class. So I was in a bed You know the bed I've never done. So when you're in first class sometimes your bet your chair turns into a bed You lie down. Yeah, so you can lay down flat, right? So I laid down flat and I went to the side. So a sleeping side So you're in your own cubicle basically so you notice no one next to you and you're on your side. I had my mask on I'm sleeping Well, I'm sleeping. This is what I see and she almost lost her fingers

Somebody almost lost their fingers. I was a nom bitch. Don't scare me like that. So I close my eyes and this Stewardess went like that. She went flight attendant. She went She touched your mask while you were sleeping to put a little bit over my nose a little bit more But while you were sleeping while I was sleeping and I almost did this Like a nom, I feel that's a bit. No, no, that's my gut instinct on her part on her part That's crazy. Maybe wake you up. She no longer was gonna have the ability to play the piano I feel like you made that up. What do you mean? I don't think any flight. There's no way No, she did do that. She did. Yeah. Now

Here's the thing. How far was it down? Okay, we'll see that if it was a little bit. All right, if it was it was maybe to here So my mouth and my nose was probably sleeping. Okay. Were you sleeping unmasked? Fitting coffee. Yeah, I think yeah, I think I didn't have a mask and she put a mask on my face. Oh, so he like He coughed the whole life. Yeah first class. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's a coffer. He just coughs coughs cough. Yeah Well, I'm you know, I'm on day six with no cigarettes. You replaced it with tall boys tall boys, but Oh my god But can I go back to why?

This is this is a this is a fundamental reason. I'm gonna go back to the addiction part This is the fundamental reason. This is one of the reasons why I'm going to is this insanity. Okay. Mm-hmm. It's trying to smoke enough like trying to find the right amount of Cigarette level and weed level, right that right amount of dosage so that I don't feel like I'm about to die Right, right? So every day you're kind of And they got to the point where it's like I have to quit one or the other Let's just quit smoking cigarettes. If not, I would have my lungs would have collapsed It was terrible

Damn, this is the most cases I've seen on this podcast in one sitting because I'm vulnerable I'm scared They get vulnerable and scared, but um Yeah, we'll do drive driving quips I'll let you do a hacky fucking let's do one hack fucking what is it? It's planes driving I'm supposed to do from um the girls on trash juice Well on trash today, we decided that one life skill even though I don't even think it's a real life skill That I'm supposed to accomplish in 2022 is to do three minutes

On stage. Yeah, so give me You gotta you're my guy. Give me the meat and potatoes. Where do I start George? Can be your partner on the open mic. Oh futon Joe. Well, uh, let's They are great. How about us three? How about this? How about this? Let's do play this game. Okay Gilbert George and I right we're a new company. All right. Okay, and what will you do is we create an act Right, we write jokes for new comedians. Right that are She's not just an oh because collide is a different point where she could literally like

Tomorrow go, you know, I want to play have a 1200 seat venue by myself in Austin. She probably will sell out People would come she would sell out so she could sell out a theater a smaller theater on her own three minutes So she's not like a new comic because she's in a different thing. She already has a fan base, right? So we that's what our company is our company is people that already have a fan base that want to do the road We come up with an act. All right. So welcome. Welcome Kalilah My name is benjam. Oh, so I'm meeting with you. I'm gonna see whether or not I'm gonna hire you as my people I'm benjam pro longo. I used to be a late night talk show writer for Seth Meyers So nice to meet you mr. Longo. I'll just give you my little um, you know me background

Yeah, you know, I wrote for snl for a couple years the The good years with spade and all those guys may never bumped you up to in front of the camera. No, I'm not really honest I'm more of a writer. I like focusing on people's point of view. Anyway, we got interested the other writers go ahead Uh, Philip Humbert. I Feel it. I'm from Chicago. Yeah, mr. Humbert. I Philip tell them how we met We were working on. Oh, yeah, we were working on Cars 5

Hasn't come out yet. It's uh, I love that. It's edgier. Yeah, because he had a edgier He created a car and in cars fight created. You know, I mean it basically, uh, whether it was old timey like world war two, you know War trucks from America. Yeah, right, right? He made them and he gave it a german accent Right, one of those world war two war trucks. It's got we got a concept of like an edgy, you know, I mean Hitler vibe He has a little mustache. You know the anyway, you know, there's big cars and little cars Like how do they get created? So we had like we did that. Anyway next writer go ahead Hey, bro, uh, my name's kumar patel

Oh, of course kumar. I used to work for uh, you know his son menage Yeah, we love us. I'm gonna. Yeah. Yeah. We are brothers. Yeah. We got him from England, man This guy's a great writer for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he did uh eddie ift. I love eddie ift. Who's eddie? Oh, yeah, I love it. Not eddie ift. Um, oh, no, I thought you were making Eddie eddie Eddie who who the real comedian is it? Eddie is it? Yeah, and eddie ift. Yes. Yes. So he's great So anyway, what we do is we bring in talent, right? So we ask you questions. First of all, just to see who you are We think the

He had a great idea, but you know a point of view for you. All right. I'd love to hear it. Right. Um, but yeah hit us with it Um, but What do we think of this hippie? Filipino feminist point of view, right But you only fight for the rights your point of view Female rights for islanders. So I hate all other Asians. Yeah, absolutely. That's your point of view You're repping right, but you're the hip girl. You're the hip. I imagine moana

Right, I see it now punky brooster. I say it now Yeah, moana punky brooster. Moana punky brooster, right and basically your edge Okay, you're on an island. There's a starbucks. There's a mall, right? We're modern here, baby, right? You work out a kiosk. Love it. Yeah. Well, it could be anything. What is it cbd the kiosk? Are we working on my material or is this a movie you're making? I'll be honest. I feel like he's working on No, no, we're just writing what your history Okay, should we just ask him what our history right right? So anyway, so what do malls and cars? So we we believe I don't know but what we believe is the opening you're opening the first minute

Should be self-deprecating because you're a beautiful woman. So we believe that you should dress down I have a point to make about that. We've actually pulled out a chart. I think that self-deprecation jokes are a little bit too Late 90s That's interesting. But late 90s is back. Late 90s is back in everything's cyclical Writing is cyclical number one and also number two. We had Sarah Silverman No one's going to believe a self-deprecate deprecating joke for me. Okay. Anyway, we've also rep right. That's a negative attitude And we might maybe that could be like an edge of your self-deprecating. Yeah negative like a negative self You're pretty negative. Yeah, we like that. I'd like to kind of um lean towards more of like a delusion

She wants to do rather than self-deprecating. All right. Let's hear your first joke about yeah. Yeah. No, that's what I'm hiring You got off for a delusion a delusional right delusion. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I get it Why don't we do this? I'm gonna you're opening. I'm an African princess I love it. Let's I'm an African princess. No, actually let's change the wording to you open up the stage Here's Kalilah and you go the Nubian princess is here. Okay. That'd be great. In fact the set Why do I need to do it? Just like do this a pair of Keats on your arms And I propose this I propose that us two. Why is your accent changed bro? Sometimes I go in and out. Okay, man. I believe that you and I you know, basically, you because you haven't

We shared a flat. We're in london No, no, we London and we are from linden, but also him and I we did also a two-man show about we Pharaohs one of the pharaoh two-man show we did. Oh the good old pharaoh pharaoh two minutes. So basically First place french festival 2019 you you go enough with the credits boys. Give me the meat You go up there as the pharaoh princess, right? We come up as pharaoh your psyche We do a little dance hierarchical see how we put our stuff into this act

Put it open that way, right? Your opening line is like, you know, I mean fuck Nubian princesses. Yeah, right? I'm the real guan guan guan I'm a phoenix. I'm a phoenix. I've been reborn. They rise, right? And then one self do a joke about your nose So we actually pull we actually pulled the chart up and the chart What about that joke, you know, I mean welcome to my one woman my one woman show If you want to see the rest of my nose, I ran it out the next theater And that's what we're all about here. I think I'm that's what we're all about that, you know, I mean I am how about what about this one? It's like you will put out a gigantic close-up

mouth of David Letterman Absolutely, then look at your mouth Yeah, and we'll do a game of like which one is kalayla which one is David Letterman It's interactive the gap between the teeth. What do you think about tick? What about this? Oh, because I have That went over my head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now I get it. David Letterman has a gap between her teeth It's a gap. We'll do a little game like that. And then the third Madonna Data David. Yeah. Yeah. Madonna. What could be one in the third picture is grand canyon. And guess what? The grand canyon and I guess that's funny. This is my vagina

Hello, hello Sweetheart, sweetheart. We're right there. That's five minutes. That's a ohp. That's five minutes right? She also just admitted she has a loose vagina. She just said that. Oh, we could do a jackass thing We could we could dangle we can dangle explosive little devices off of your off of your wings You may call them wings. Are you doing the iud thing again? Oh, it's two. Is that two? Is that two desert storms except for our last two clients every female client? Yeah, that's right. That was two desert storms Mr. Humbert, I feel like you haven't really contributed to this discussion. Let's see if his accent changes Uh, well, I'm more of an internal person. I write down the ideas. Humbert. Humbert. Humbert

Where's your accent? Humbert. Do the accent. Humbert. Well, your accent. Oh, sorry. Sorry. We did we were flatmates as well, uh Uh, there we go. Humbert. Thank you back five years ago. You went to oxford Did you not go to oxford? Oh, yes. I was part of the rowing team He also worked at on the bench for the Libertable, um, fc fc. Yeah, yeah, would you um solos? Um assistant Yes, yes. I always assisted solos. Uh, my cherry had his chairs. Yeah His grooming tape because he's a hairy fella. No. Yeah. Can I say something about, um, human? Are we done with this? I've talked about human real quick. I've got no help. Oh, that's anyway. My bad. My bad.

I broke character. Yeah, I wrestled. So the nose next theater. So we got we the letterman thing We could do that. What are all the body parts about her that we can make fun of? I'm thinking. Um, do you uh, Do you have like excess water anywhere? Like is there like, uh, did you know Excess of water that basically I did read that so we could do a shape of water thing But we don't need special effects because your body does it as an organically. I see Your boss love that word Love that word a lot. So basically what we do is we put a little bit of stress in you, right? Because I know that's when you swat. Absolutely, bro. We take your shoes off

The the crowd we would have to put Because you you have so much excess of water The crowd would have to have raincoats and you know, like it's a Gallagher show. Yeah instead of like Smashing it's gonna smashing a watermelon. Yeah, right. Basically you take your socks off You stick them from the audience and you spray them with your fucking foot juice. Absolutely. Oh, they were saying her pussy juice No, they're her foot juice Because my grand canyon pussy exactly and that's why we like combining the jokes We meet we could get put tattoos of the president's inside one of the vaginal walls

Much more. Yeah, we'll put fucking Lincoln up there. I feel like I feel like your face is not really into this. Yeah, I feel like you want to use a different company I feel like you want to work with real. So let's let's just the jokes that we have now. All right, the act. Let's put our feet Go ahead. Come on. Take what we gave you. I think we should put it on our feet So, um, with what with all the things we've said the newbie and p&p and says the jokes that we wrote Why don't you try it? Let's just see how it comes out. You would think with the letterman. Yeah. Yes. Here we go Ladies no No, no, no. Ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen. Right. Sit down. Sit down

Ding ding ding ding, right? Yeah, do who should be the announcer? They're afraid Just tell me about woman stayed straight from Although you could believe that say it straight from los angeles, california. Yeah Yeah, the newbie and princess. Good night. Like you She's playing with the silence She's doing what george london missed us. Yeah, she's like, you know how george london doesn't say anything for five minutes All right, okay

Maybe start with some crowd work Okay The band got the band up get the band to play the music. They're not here yet. The band's not here. Where the fuck did we stop that show? Okay um You go up. Okay, you must go up. Once again the newbie and queen The band's here the band's here the band's here start over say the new play. I'll tell the band what to play. Yeah Yeah, that's here. Say newbie and queen

Is it my go? Oh my god, baby. I don't think you should do it I don't think I don't think you should do it. I don't think you guys are the ones for me get a different rider. Yeah Yeah, we tried which really tried our best. Yeah, I can't do it. My first time improvising that long with george It was interesting. You know what dude your improv is better. It's not bad Yeah, I think that the accent could have come a little sooner like reddit Yeah, right because you knew that was a thing. So we were kind of anticipating when that thing was gonna happen You didn't do we have to tell you to do it over judging. It's the first

Your instinct was wrong about that but other than that. I think that your improv skills Is much better. I think juliana's getting better as an improv improviser Oh, I'm getting her an improv class. Maybe her and andres and That'd be fun together An improv class together. They're all online at ucb, but I think it'd be hilarious. I think be great I think she would learn probably me right now. What go ahead say something Improv with me right now, but you know what I could do that go you could do this You how about this you're doing a ted talk. This is the topic do it now

Okay, yeah, you start the ted talk But you have to give me the topic, but then you have to do one. All right aquaculture Good evening. My name is dr. Feinstein. I'm droge and I'm here for a ted talk for aquaculture And I'm his partner marlene. No, you're doing your own ted talk. Oh, no, we're doing We're doing you can't rely on my ted talk to fucking launch onto my you have to launch your own ted talk No, we're partners in this Already she's denying All right, all right, I'll do it again, right? I'll do it again, right? You can be my partner

You can be my partner, right? But give me a different topic. Come on. Just think whatever you give it to me right now ted talk We'll give me all right. Uh Why pre-s is better than tesla. All right. Hi. My name is my name is james baldwins the senior Thank you And go ahead and And I'm dr. Marlene wing wong Wow

Wing wong dr. Marlene wing wong Is here. So, um, as you know, right? Electricity is the future And let me tell you something right now when the foundation is etched in stone And we know when the future is in place We have now two models of cars What's better and one some would say that I would be considered a human hybrid. I've been electrocuted for Most of my early life growing up into philippines with poor wiring. She has to do it on her own, I think

What do you mean? The I'll tell you why the relying it did you stop the scenario the comedy is not there You're a pussy. I'm not pussy. You have to do it on your own Why it's funnier because it for you to struggle is where the comedy is Okay, the struggle is where the comedy. Okay. Are you sweating by the way claus? No. Yeah. Wow. So why don't we check Wing wong is a fucking break. We love we love marlene wing wong, right? So marlene wing wong is going to do her own ted talk. Okay. All right. I just want you to commit to it Okay, well, if it doesn't work, we'll cut it out. Okay. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, please take your suits Ladies and gentlemen, welcome doctor

marlene wing wong in the topic of Telekinesis yep, okay Play the band Bad Wait, let me ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen, baby. It's already lost Right into it, baby. You know what that's you. I like to take a moment of silence like a breath. All right. Good. That's good She has to think about what she has to say which is goes against the I'm not thinking Intense improv class I've ever been part of all right. How long do you need? Okay? No, that's it. I'm here. I'm marlene wing wong

You got ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for coming to this head talk. Okay. You know what? I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen. Is that mr. Wingwong? What's going on? I have this little earpiece that I have here and my husband mr. Wingwong I I am I'm quitting you're not letting me you're not letting me shine. You're not letting me shine. Nope. That's it. I quit Marlene out You know what telekinesis everybody this guy. I kind of like how that went. I'm okay. Oh, and I know what it is The crowd has telekinesis. They got the whole fucking thing for their minds. That's what I was gonna say I was literally gonna open like this

Most of you in here think that you've come here on your own accord on your own free will But I'm here to tell you that I have gotten you into those seats And if you would have done that when he told you to do it Interrupted anyway Anyway, I love you. Good job. Oh, but you know what? You guys I think I honestly believe that in 2022 we We want to get kalayla on the road Doing what though three minutes to stand up. It's easy. I just don't do stand up. That's a weird thing

I can do something else storytelling would be great. I could tell stories I just don't want to write jokes and do the setup and then, you know, wait for them to laugh like that That's just not up my alley. Kalayla doing spoken word would also make me laugh. Imagine if I just read my emo poems Do you have any on you? Oh, you know what you funny, too? Is if we go hey guys I don't have an act but but your fans wrote me jokes That's funny. Okay. Yeah, that'd be a funny thing. And then you're not a new uh a new format We have fans write jokes for kalayla to say at the end of the episode. Yeah, and then oh, that's right And then she has to stand and do it though

Uh-huh, and then if you sit right reading jokes that fans write some of them will legitimately get a laugh And then you'll put that on your arsenal. Okay, good. Let's do that. Let's do that. Yeah New segment but guys we're talking we're being serious, right? So don't do like give her good ones give her truly think it through real comedy writing jokes And if we use it in her act, we have to do this Hmm. We have to do this. We'll pay a hundred bucks. Yeah If we use it if you write a joke and it works and she ultimately uses it in the act that she has And we'll do it through um a handshake or wink or you know what I mean, we promise if I get a netflix special

On other people's jokes. Oh before me before you Using other people's jokes did her stage name. I'd be another rehab star You got another rehab and I'm helpful of us. Go ahead and helpful advice with barbie and kalayla All right Dear tiger belly my husband and I are from new zealand and we have been massive tiger belly fans from the very beginning My husband and I have been together for 15 years since I was 19 years old Never since I've known him. He's always showing his butt crack in public when he's over a guy It can be anywhere. We will be at the supermarket shopping in public

He will bend over to pick something up or tie his shoelaces and a big ass crack will be exposed And it's not hard to miss. I'm always embarrassed and I've seen people notice and look embarrassed and not know where to look I'm always telling to pull up his pants, but he just doesn't care. He's not embarrassed. No fuck's given I've noticed bubble from time to time. Uh, we'll expose his butt crack with all due respect to our slept king He has nothing on my husband's big ass ass crack. I love my husband and think he's cute But his butt crack situation needs to be stopped. What should I do to help this situation? Searchery Is that him? That's him. He's also wearing a tiger belly shirt. Shout out to you, sir. Yeah. Yeah

That's a lot of that's a lot of what is yours like yours not that much. Is it Lady, I want to say this to you. Okay, your husband. He's eating cat food He's eating cat food and also he's um got a beautiful ass. It's so no spot It's so big. I'm gonna also to say this right that line right is longer than the fucking Great wall of china That's the longest ass crack I've ever seen in my life. It goes to the his mid-back And I believe that instead of looking at it as an ass crack You look at it as like a titanic plate a titanic plate or something that's like, you know

I mean or something that's like one of the wonders of the world and you appreciate it as if it's you know, I mean Being all I'll say is that You're somewhere. I don't know what I'm saying. I think that like tectonic plate. Why do you say titanic plates, man? I It's like when I see someone in public and I see their ass crack It just doesn't register as anything to me. It's just like that's an ass crack and it's like I don't I'm not looking for a place outside of his ass crack to look I'm looking right into that ass crack and I'm like, that's an ass crack and then I move on with my life

So I think what she's feeling is secondhand embarrassment for what she thinks other people's perception Is of that ass crack also? I've had friends go I've been in public with friends and have friends go Dude, look at that guy's ass crack and me looking to go. Yeah, I don't look at people's assholes I look right into it. I don't it's none of my business. But also it doesn't bother me. It's like I don't What do I'm not noticing dudes ass cracks because I don't look If you have to look if you're bending down I I do this I don't look

If I look I like it Well accidentally I'm just all I'm saying is that it does that was a bad point of view here here It doesn't bother. Here's my here's the point of view. I think I can get my mind around. Yeah No one cares If he's at Vons and he's getting or a grocery store and he's getting like something at the bottom shelf and he's bend over like that No one cares I certainly don't do you George No, I don't care

What I would suggest is either buy him a belt or or stick stuff in there or buy him like a coin Red thong to put over his regular underwear. So he has a big whale tail whale tail So you're you're in on the joke with him rather than sitting on the outside being embarrassed You're in looking for people to look so you can laugh at them when at their reaction or I have a better theory Can you hear me out? Yes, and I want her to hear me out Basically what you do is see how his ass crass goes with his back. Okay If he wanted to make a tail Okay, but he took his anal tube

It made that into a tail. You love the anal dude, right? Imagine this and that is a tail, right? And he when he doesn't want to play the tail game He can stick the tube and latch it under the crack What as a as a holder Oh, oh, oh as a okay, so see the crack the tubes met a tube a tail sticking out, right? When he doesn't want to do the game, he just puts it back into place And he holds it and it holds it like this like a knife rack like a knife rack

What was the okay? That's I just I'm throwing out theories dude. I think here's a hacky joke a hacky tattoo artist joke Oh, here we go. Here we go. They say like Like older tattoo artists will be like, yeah, put one M put an M on one cheek put an M in the other So it says mom and then if you do cartwheels, it says wow mom. Wow That's good But with him it would say mim Mim

Because it's a new meme. Yeah Anyway That's why I'm in the hospital right now. It doesn't even matter. Can you can I ask you a sincere question? Please go out. Please end this Can I ask you a sincere question? I said go ahead My sincere question to you is You do love poo and cum a lot. Yeah Have you ever pooed on someone?

Hmm be serious No Why not That's a great question the way she said it. I'm sorry. What a great question. I've never been asked that question Why haven't I you really like poo number one? I feel like it's a friendship ender Depends on what I feel like it's one of those things where it's like It crosses the line kind of it's a line

I think you're searching for it though because every time I'm in the bathroom He really loves to like time it and like barge in every single time So I think that I should attempt to poo on your chest Give you a good old hot carl. You want to be pooped on bro I would do that For the experience. You'll roll into your armpit. I would love it. Do you think you guys would laugh a lot during that? It would be very I think that I think I think I did vomit on my poo I think she had done if she had done if she does that for real

I'd just be like This relationship we need to go to therapy This has gone beyond any recognition of of healthy I think that's what happened. Anyway, well kink's a kink. I'm in hospital. I guys see you when I get back I love you guys so much. Goodbye Well, would you like to uh from everything today? Would you like to say anything to uh the world the world? Any final thoughts on this podcast episode? What are you feeling? I just feel real sad for him. Um, I also think that um Yeah, this isn't just good for him. It's good for me because I've been um, you've carried a lot

I think that's like that's an addiction right addiction is a very selfish thing. So it's always like Everyone what's bobby doing and I feel um very like Kicked to the back of the room in terms of like my own needs and my own like Struggle with mental health as well But I know that I am also sick that um I understand what the codependent addict relationship looks like and I feel like we're very deep into that Into that and um, so when he's out, I think that I'm probably gonna get help myself because I cannot break out of the

I'm so I can intellectualize codependency really well that I can't seem to um impart that knowledge into my own life in a way that is um That goes up against his addiction like it's like I can't really explain it besides like I've been miserable Mm-hmm, and um, but I really do I'm I feel relief that he's going somewhere. I I think that maybe um I can't be positive if I'm not taking care of myself either, you know, but I should add on a good note. I'm relieved. I really am. I just want to say because we've been talking about bobby this whole time

That my hope for you Is that I just want you to feel Like you were just describing I feel like there's so much away you carry so much you guys You don't know she get this woman carries a lot wait That you feel levity From whatever you're looking for and I really hope that you just feel Like if there's just a giant comforter that you're just covered with peace during this time of your break because

you carry a lot and uh Yeah, you shouldn't have to Always be lifting that so I really am hoping for like honest true peace where you feel some feel free honestly Thanks gill. I think it'll take some time. It will and you know, um, I think bobby and I are So tethered deeply in our hearts to one another intertwined. Yeah that um, you know, it's Yeah, it's just been really hard because when he's in pain like I obviously just can't be like that's your pain I always kind of take it on for myself too. So Um, but but yeah, I'm just relieved and um, we have fights to watch tonight before he leaves

Or he leaves leaves to good ol rehab Um, yeah guys, um, thanks for watching. Thanks for watching guys. We'll see you soon. Love you Hey prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey