TigerBelly - Ep 337: Akaash Singh and the It’s Not Your Fault Hug

Episode Date: March 2, 2022

Bobby is a West Coast 9. Akaash summons his inner Robin Williams. Khaleela becomes Khalyla. We talk gulag glory holes, dog immortality, and have dueling phone calls with Eric Stonestreet a call. Akaash Singh Comedy SpecialSupport us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus But the actual you say Kala'ila Kala'ila, but Khalila is correct, right? I'm gonna I'm gonna do that and the extra H The extra the extra come on here. Here he is He's gonna do some chuggy shit. I know it racial things to follow Oh, okay, I thought it was I thought it was that was volume. No, no, this is this is Why are you dancing like bride and prejudice right now? Oh

You know, he just discovered M&M For before what were you doing back then? That's what I said Whatever it is Akash hang on the a okay It's like when you sorry my bad, I came in I ran out of energy reduce yourself I will know I will in when we don't say anything until I say your name, okay? Okay, thank you so much, so um you don't have to abide by that rule you don't have the yeah, so go ahead

And a five four three two That's um, you know me one of those what are the people to sell fast what's it called auctioneer auctioneer, but in Thailand Right, that's like all right cock the gun in the Philippines with a rooster fight. Oh my bad I got there look look look look anyway guys So I know this next guest He betrayed me by the way There's pure betrayal Because I'll tell you why because I go online and he does first of all he does a podcast with the kung fu kids

What are they called? Fighters the kids finder the kid right first of all can I just say about those two all right those two right there are devil worshippers Because I tell you why when I told them I was molested by a guy with Downsender when I was eight years old They laughed like a fucking like children and they're fucking tell their fucking devils man All right, and that see this right here. It's a witch's war and that from them. No Chappelle. He's a fucking Black witch. He's a black witch from fucking Louisiana dude. He gave me a fucking witch war dude So you did their podcast before tiger, but that's fucking crazy and then oh you also do Tuesday Tuesday trash with her

Before papa. Oh, it's crazy. Yeah, I guess who's doing flagrant to tomorrow before you Oh that burns my Burns my dick so much so anyway on the extension we don't you know honestly I didn't do any research about him because I know that he has a podcast with that guy that looks like a 1950s Belle boy What's it whatever what floor mr. Robinson fucking Andrew fucking Schultz, right? Mm-hmm. I know that we don't get a lot of Mexicans on the show Honestly, we need to represent dog. You know, we're trying to relax. You know me That's we had Johnny Sanchez George Lopez on and now we have this guy. Yeah, it's a fucking amazing

I don't know anything about him. I think it's exciting. So I'm gonna ask him some questions. Yes, right about life I'm gonna talk You disrespect I've never seen him Real before like like I only see him virtually. Yes, you know, um style. Let's see style The style is nice. It's clean. Uh-huh that fucking Um shirt right there is brand new it feels like. Oh, hey, I wore this for you. I know So let's uh, gosh, give him a round of applause

Gosh, come on. Thank you. Thank you sing. Hi. Thank you. That's your last name. Yeah, you're not Mexican No, oh, I fucked up my bad. You're fucking idiot. I'm a fucking idiot What are you? Do you actually think because I haven't gotten that since Texas? Oh, this is a real story. I know what you are doing. There's a real story my my principal in middle school because I used to be fatter And lighter my principal in middle school every time he saw me used to say oh my amigo like he really thought he was bonding Everybody thought I was Mexican. Mexicans be like, what's a bottle and I'd be like, no, yeah They'll say this so he got that light eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I think I grew into my Indianness I don't know if it's good or bad. Yeah, you know, it's like it's funny. You grew up in Texas then

Yeah, Dallas. So you must have had a little bit of a lot of little microaggressions when it comes to race I know macro or nothing. I think really nothing. I'm sure but I didn't notice Oh, really macro. What macro or nothing? I don't know. There's a micro and macro aggressive But he's only gotten the macro. Oh, you've got like what is a macro aggression? You've gotten race wise This was a funny one. I can say it because it's actually funny and I can look back On September 11th Oh, my before anybody knew what was happening. I I remember watching and I had seen a documentary on out guide that like a couple years ago And like geography or something and I was like, oh

Shit, it was probably that guy and I didn't say a word because I was like, this is gonna be bad for me I was one of two brown kids in my school. I think there was a Pakistani kid me and that was it Yeah, and then no white kids have figured it out yet. None of these country motherfuckers I figured it out yet But then as I'm walking down the hall is two Mexican football players put my hands behind my back and walked me down the Hallways going we got them. Don't worry everybody as a joke So funny, that's why it's very funny. It's very funny

There was other stuff that was like not like my life was threatened or anything But it hurt my feelings. So I don't talk about as much but that's when you've pulled the Mexican card At 9 11, I would have turned Mexican that day like when I did when I was shooting pineapple express I had one line And that's when uh, thank you That's when that uh, can't tell you something. You weren't shooting pineapple express if you have one line You can't say when I was shooting you dealt them two hours. I was at No, no, no, no bro. I was an extra. So they had me like in long shots. Yeah, right. So, you know

Come on. Don't fucking hate me man. No, dude. I love you. I love you too I used to see you at the comedy store. You don't know me, but I would always see you I intimidated to talk to you. No, it's so funny. I remember performing and seeing you in the audience Really? Yeah, I go. Is that Akash? Fuck anyone. Let me finish. Like what so when I was up pineapple express That's when that crazy that day you hung out on set that one career Akash that crazy korean dude shot up virginia tech Oh, right. So that's not like r9 11 really, but it's like it felt like oh, I'm chinese

You know what I mean? Like I had to like change, you know, I mean just for a couple of years You should have gone Filipino Chinese after 9 11. That's when I became kalayla. I was highly So we all had to change and adjust right we had to adjust 100% So let me ask you. Do you I don't know anything about you. I just need to ask you some questions I know a little bit about you personally. I know andrew got you in a rehab. I'm glad that happened He's gonna be at your wedding. I think that's really sweet that your friendship is that close that you're gonna do that for him And uh, you know, it's so funny. I'm just happy. He's an asshole like him strong team right there

He's an asshole like andrew they have the same right little thing and it makes me so angry But you know what I'm gonna I'm a different guy. I'm gonna be mindful Yeah, right. I'm gonna be vulnerable, right and I'm gonna be open my heart. So um number one, um Our weddings postponed Oh, really? Yeah, number two that fuck nut did not have anything to do with me going to rehab Right. I told him I was going to rehab before we shot and they I told him not to say anything and he brought it up Hey, how however you reframe the memory in your mind is fine on me. I'm just happy. My friend could help his friend You know what that is? What he's doing is a real Mandela effect

If he's like forcing misremembrance on you, that's what it is. You're gaslighting. You're you're definitely you're gaslighting My wife is right. I'd be gaslighting. Oh, somebody fucks you permanently Permanently that's fucking crazy You're not allowed to be surprised And me get nosy. You look un-fuckable. You look un-fuckable to me, man Are you crazy? Look at you, dude. You look like an IT fucking guy from fucking nowhere I'm the hottest IT guy in the room, bro. All right, but I'm the IT guy that fucks But you're the IT guy with no what you have money now because of the fucking podcast, right?

I'm doing all right. You're doing all right, right? Like a little new fucking clothes you have. Yeah, exactly I think we I think we got off on the wrong foot, right? Yes. Yeah, all right. So to be fair you walked in here yelling at me Yelling at me telling me I couldn't talk and calling me mexican Just like me let's start let's start over. Let's start over. Let's start over. Let's start over. I want to know Hard to reset. Hard to reset. So do you know any kind of martial arts? Wait, do you I took One week of every martial arts because I wanted the white belt for every martial so I have every white belt for with every Martial arts, but that's all I never get the striper in why the white belt that's not intimidating anybody you can't say

I'm a white belt. I know but it's still like when you have when you know a little bit of all the martial arts You have the full Name three martial art, right? So kung fu. I know kung fu taekwondo ninjutsu Ninjutsu is real. Yeah Yes, that's just in the movie. Okay, that's a right. I know the brazilian one with the Jujutsu. No the one that you do the breakdancing capoeira capoeira I think you know, I did a week of that. Uh-huh. So that's You know me. So thank you. Do you know any no, no, no. Have you ever been in a fight? I've no actually yeah

No, I'm I'm good at Knowing when to shut up like I get walk up to the line with the person I know when a person doesn't want to fight and then I'll talk crazy shit Like if you want to fight less than me and I sense that then I'm gonna be like you got a fucking heart I do that to brad williams all the time. Yeah. Yeah, but I just feel like I got it I don't think you got it. Williams dude. You don't think I would not fuck with no little. Yeah, I wouldn't either Bro, you don't think I could fuck up rod well. I don't think I don't think I don't think I could fuck up Brad Williams to be like I'm not insulting you. I know why

Head butts head butts. Yeah, little people their head butts because their heads I'm telling are like melons. Yeah It's a gallagher over there. Yeah, right. It's like one of those Gallagher, right? No, it's like when you go to a fair and you have that Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but you can't say that they have little heads. That would be absurd. They have regular size heads On little body On a small body, so then they're big they're big-headed. That's just what it is. Oh, they're small-bodied or small body They're small body. That's I think it's more insulting. I think

I think if I'm a little person I'd rather be called big head than little body. That's true. That's true Maybe we'll talk to Brad about that one day. I think that's a title of a TLC show Oh, big big head little body. That's really funny big head little body. That's a good one And then make sure they have 600 pounds too My favorite. Do you imagine big head little body 600 pounds? There's one guy on our, my wife shows me them tiktoks all the time those sisters Oh, yeah, the the um, what is it the two ton man? It's the the thousand pound sister Yeah, that's the one. What is it that one? But we have a kink when we first started hooking up

That would always be playing in the background. It's my 600 pound life. Remember that? Yeah, baby Do you think I thought that was sexual? But if you think I'm not sexual you're not sexual bro. Let me say something right now You have no idea the sexuality that exudes from my body when I sweat cum comes out I know I believe you're a sexual person But thank you. But if I'm unfuckable, you are the same Yeah, I mean that's what I'm trying to say I'm saying but you're looking at it from east coast eyes

There we go. There we go. I'm on the west coast nine. Yeah, I'm a west coast. No No, I'm not a I think that I'm uh, just on body alone. I'm a west coast three Right, but with thy with thy personality, right? You can't do personality for rating That's the you can't no ratings You can't do but what you're saying is is I'm not unfuckable because I could fuck you can talk your way into pussy No, I could fame my way into pussy. Ew Is that Hey, hey, hey, don't let them unfame his motherfuckers talk to him. Hey, come on dog

That's true. That was wrong when I came out of like when I came out. That was so gross, right? No, no, no, no, no. Hey, hey to them Into the already into the already attractive woman Yeah, that's you don't got to fame your way in enough Fame is a cherry on top of your life. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah. Yeah, I like you. You're quick. Hey Hey, you're quick. You're a quick Mexican. I think he was even slow when he was no, there's something about I really literally thought That he would be slower. You have the worst first impression of me. I'm unfuckable. I'm dumb. I'm not funny. Super slow You're hilarious. Oh, thank you. You're killing. That one matters the most

That you know at the end of the day, you know, if somebody said I like your eyes, you know, I mean, but didn't say I was funny You know what I mean? It would hurt. Yeah, I think funny should be for me the best compliment. Yes. Is that for you? Yes, that's what I put my self-worth on. Yeah, like if your wife said, you know I like your ankles more than your funniness. My wife if she doesn't laugh at me more than every other comic I'm gonna I might get like we might get divorced. Oh really? That's gonna dry That's gonna eat away at me that you cheated on me would left her but she willingly makes love to you Not always I never meet two

Do you have children Akash? No, I want some. Yeah, me too. Yeah, right? Yeah, we'll have some together not not you and I but let's work on let's text each other and go about trying to get our Wife yeah, yeah, did you not and then you go let's just do it. Is there a nut emoji? Yes, the eggplant may let's just do not eggplant nut emojis and the water drops. Yeah water drops and then you just do it back After the podcast may I have your number? Dude take it now. I can't believe you didn't have no you made George talk to me The whole time. That's dude. This is the first interaction we ever had which I respect That you kept that's not true on the pod one time. I was on stage years ago and I saw you

Oh, what day was this? What day? Hey, what'd you think kid? And you just didn't say nothing. You said fucking nothing. No, um Yeah, but you know congratulations on the success of your oh, thank you One million views on youtube accounting on the special. Yeah on what special I have a comedy special out call bring back up Who I know it is You just said you knew nothing about And you know usually I don't know how you work it on the east coast. Yeah on the west coast podcast. You guys are actors No, no, that's true, but on the west coast, you know, we we plug things at the end

Yeah, but you said congratulations on your on your podcast bro. I didn't come here for no fucking I know but what I'm saying though is can I congratulate you on a lot of things? Okay? All right, I didn't think that I had a one-shot Go to the list of things you want. That's what I'm that's my bad. I apologize. Hey Let's do a new suck a lot. Allow me to be mindful involved. Oh, thank you. And I apologize to you. This new segment's called. Congratulations. Akash Akash, okay. Congratulations on the podcast. Hey, thank you. Congratulations on being married. Thank you. Likewise. Congratulations on your success Congratulations. I'm not the congratulations. Bobby. Oh, okay. You're right. Let me just get a shower you with congratulations. I appreciate that Right. Congratulations of having an angular a face. That's very much like

Um, who's that po from po from star wars? What's his name? Po from oh, um Oscar, Oscar, Isaac, you look like Oscar, Isaac, if you had the thing that Freddie Mercury had AIDS, I don't know, but um, congratulations on that Congratulations on that. Congratulations on finding a woman that would make love to you at any, you know Congratulations on your special as well. Thank you. My turn. Go ahead. Congratulations on Um sobering up. Um, thank you. Hey, that's a beautiful thing. Congratulations on your love. Congratulations on your career

Thank you. How nice was that? I didn't say you had AIDS. I didn't take a shot. Nothing passive again See how that can happen. You're right. You know what I what I'm learned in therapy Last week when I went to you when you started finally I went and went to the institution a couple weeks ago. Um, I found out that I bully And that I I make everything into a joke And I want to be able to um I want to be able to be just more, um, kind of people, you know, it's a good start

So I I opened up aggressive old bobby. You know what I mean? Yeah, I just can't help it because look at him What do you mean? I want to I'm sorry from like a and no disrespect to your wife But you have it all wrong. What? Collectively as girls akash is so attractive. I told you I told you dreamy eyes when we did our podcast earlier and again, no disrespect to your wife Kind of right. We were like his eyes though. Like we were Bobby you're you have it wrong Just because just because racist made fun of your eyes

Does not mean you need to need to take shots at my eyes, right? Okay, okay. Wow. Can I tell you something about compliments? I used to hate giving compliments too. I would always make fun of and then I was like, yo What is that I would have compliments and then just not tell them to people Yeah, and I was like, why would I keep that good inside? That's such a shitty thing to do Not even being shitty, but it's like dude. I love complimenting people. Yeah, you're great. Thank you. You're fucking great And you should have a beautiful girl like this See you're fuckable. You are fuckable. Yeah. Yeah, I'll fuck you

Yeah, I mean, maybe not right now. I would I wouldn't cheat on my wife, but I would cheat on my sexuality with you. Yeah, you know Thank you so much for saying that and may I say something to you my friend? Yeah, if you and I were in Guantanamo Bay Yeah, not that you're you know, I mean you chose a specific You chose a specific. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I would say this This is a learning moment. This is a learning moment because I don't want to say prison because it's hacky No, oh no Guantanamo Bay way more fresh Or is it you and I are in a gulag and somewhere in Ukraine? Okay, there we go. Is that better? You're thinking

So that's what I was thinking about us, you know, I mean from the movies, right? Yeah, which is it's the only of those movies I wasn't in I was in first and third I think you won I think so if you and I were in a gulag in Ukraine, right and we were there for bullshit reasons you Stole a bag of um beans, right? What did I do? You were just too goddamn cute. That's right. So we're both in a prison gulag sexual of a person, right? And we have a we're not in the same cell, but we're next to each other

Right, but the you know the walls are like bricky not brickish, but kind of brickish, right? But you and I have a system where we try to create a whole glory hole Just to talk keep painting it. Yeah, because we want to talk we want to be able to talk Eventually I'd ask you to put other things in that hole What do you mean? I'd have been like, hey, this is a glory hole. Let's get glorious I know but you can't you can't just say it because we don't know each other and I also don't know what sexuality you are Where so I'm just gonna pick an excuse you it doesn't matter what sexuality. I am that's what I'm telling you Why you're so sexual you're such a sexual powerhouse, dude

That's so good. So you if I did the hole and I just stuck my penis without saying my name That's what you do But you know what I okay, so you stick your dick in right, you know what I would do At first I would probably put some water on it I just don't know where it's from. See if maybe it grows a bit, you know, I mean Yeah, yeah, is it a plant? Who knows right with the water? I would probably do like a little couple of twacks Yeah, yeah, I mean just to get the dust off. Yeah, right. Yeah, and that would probably do like I do a sample You don't go all in

With a foreign penis not for an interview, you know, I mean, but right, you know, I mean a stranger's penis We're not in Guantanamo, Ukraine. Okay so You see you're right. So it's like what I would do is I would just do a couple like Just just the tip right feel it and then the fourth one. I'll just go I would do the whole right get in there Like a chocolate banana. Would you like reel your neck back? With his yeah, we're not talking about Chappelle. Lacey. We're talking about We're talking about Akash saying Akash. Okay. Yeah, so that's interesting. So

Let's hope that we'll be we're in a gulag together one day. You know what never say never dude. Yeah, good happen So how old are you? 37 you look young dude. So yeah, thank you. But how old are you 50? How do you for real? I'm 50 You're 50 50 years old. Yeah, I just turned 50 in September. You look great, dude. That's great. Thank you, man um, but the insides are like pat marita back when he was 72. I mean, it's just like No, it's broken. It's broken doing great. Your body's resilient, dude. You came in here dancing, you know, it's so funny It's you know, I I quit smoking

I this Friday will be four weeks of not not smoking anything. I've always smoked something I've always smoked either I quit cigarettes. I'll vape or this and that I have a smoke and I feel More energetic. I feel like I can smell things for the first time. Wow When I go hiking, it's a completely different experience. It's like I can smell The feathers I'm gonna start washing my pussy I know and when you were sick, okay, so our dog, right has been eating bully sticks in the blankets of our sheet Right and she keeps saying right that it's the fucking bully stick. I don't know babe Wash your pussy. Okay

I can taste the bully stick. Oh my god. Um, do you have animals? I do. I have a dog. What's his name? Happy Happy Six pounds multi's poodle rosteal sex appeal. Wow. How old he's four. Wow My wife got him when we were dating and that was our dog. I love him. She did the same thing It's always the girl. Yeah, usually a lot of times it's the woman Yeah, and like because I didn't like animals before and now I love them. Um, But I do you ever think about Their end

Yes Yes, I I I weep I I do there was a guy who kidnapped that scientist Um, because he wanted him to clone his dog his dog that had just passed. Can you pull that up? And guess what state he's from Probably texas fucking hero second one Uh, florida. Yep It's either texas or florida. Streisand is done with three dogs clone the same dog three times

No, but he didn't want to clone. You know, he he captured a scientist. Yeah to give the dog immortality That's fire. You're right. And he like you got to make my little dog live forever and the guy goes We just don't do that. Right. You can't do that. Yeah, I know this state of the art cloning facility is in korea This guy man abducted scientist to make his dog immortal. Yo, this guy's a hero To me. He's a hero because I get it. Yes. He's in his desperation. Yes, right. He was just like Skipey can't die. Yeah, what's your dog's name? I have seven animals. No, we have seven We have four dogs. You have four dogs and three cats julio. I couldn't care less about the cats Oh, let that sit. Let that sit. Let that sit. Let that sit. Oh, because yesterday mark maren was here

And if you said that he would have gone hog wild. Yeah, he would have you would have been destroyed Cats Are the most beautiful. Do you think I'm worried about mark maren's opinion? It was like we're threatening. Oh, no What a mark maren doesn't like me. Whatever am I to do? No, I'm just saying he would you know, the guy is like he's got white man strength No, I'm not saying I'm look if we fought I wouldn't be scared. I'm not saying I'd win But I'm not concerned of him being like, oh this guy

I'm not saying that mark maren doesn't like you. I'm not saying that mark mark doesn't like. I'm just saying that I'm very sorry But we know our cats right or Are equally is that the love the love that we have for our dogs is equal to our cat You know the love that your dog has for you is not equaled by your cat I think you're so insane because right now through that door probably is our Cat gooner waiting to get in here. He's the only animal out of all seven who always yearns for your love No, you get a cat like that is a great cat, but it's just such a crapshoot. You're not always getting a cat like that

The other two probably very different, right? Yeah, like sometimes you'll date a Filipino. They can't box or do nursing Yeah, what the fuck the the loving cat The cat that doesn't love you that much is the filipino nurse. That's what you get. That's the standard Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I'm sorry. Box of fuck out. I'm so sorry. You know, that's them You guys got the mani-paki out cat waiting at the door. Yeah, the rest of them But no, but but you know nurses and fishermen, but still our other cats, right It's still loving in their own way. Mm-hmm, right? That's what you say about a shitty boyfriend

But have you ever owned a cat? Uh, yeah. Oh, you did. That's what you're learning from experience. Yeah, I hated it What was the cat's name George George? No, no Frank Frank. You don't even know the fucking name. No, I don't Maybe it's you didn't put in the investment. I probably didn't if we brought in Julio right now. You would hate dogs forever I know a cat that's loving is great. I've seen cats that are like no cuz Julio our dog is a dickbiter Oh, yeah We already Listen, him and I already our first day meeting admit this. Yeah, we get each other. I get you Right. I all I have to hear is three or four words out of this guy's mouth

I understand what kind of dipshit he is. Right. He's the same kind of dipshit as me. I don't think so What you think he's more evolved is brilliant and I think he is more evolved and I think he's an intellect Thank you. I look I worked a lot on me Bobby Have you have you worked on you Bobby, you know, I went to rehab and I tried to yeah, let me say something to you Okay, already this fucking girl playing the rehab card again How many times you can bring that shit up I was dying. I knew I was a dick when I said it. That's my name. I was dying. I'm proud of you for real I'm really I don't know you but I'm very proud of you. That was at the door

You can make fun of me, buddy And I'm barely making it now bro. So you know you could do whatever you need to do but already, you know Can I tell you something for real? I don't ever need anything. I want you to call me. I know we just met I swear to god if you ever need anything you call me, I'll do whatever I can do to help you Me and Andrew both all jokes aside, whatever you need, bro. I want to say this. We're very loyal people Dude, let me say something about Andy Andrew Schultz. Um

I met him in Montreal years ago, right? Um as soon as we met I didn't know idea who he was As soon as I saw him perform in my head and went ding. He's just brilliant. Yeah, not only is he brilliant Him and I are just too kindred. Yes. We latched latched on to each other. I feel the same about you Yeah, he and I are kindred. You and I are kindred. Yeah. In fact, I believe that you know who I also like that other guy from New York I don't know if you're friends with him Joe DeRosa not Joe DeRosa. Joe He's cute

Santagato him. He's great. Great fucking kid. Yeah. So Joe Santagato, right? I believe And maybe chris to savanna too, but he's great too. I believe that if I lived in New York, right? There's guys like him andrew Joe You know chris. I could probably Find a group there. No question that I could hang out with like there are kindred spirits playing to it add another chair done Really? Yeah. Wow. So my point is is that, you know, we got that out of the way. Yes. Can I start ripping on? May a ripper way

I'm not gonna rip off. This is how you can't do a podcast with your wife. It's too much emotional intellect on there. I know It fucks up the whole thing, bro. But if I didn't have her I would have been canceled years ago And we would just be hating each other for an hour and a half and then afterward we'd love it But everybody would be like, dude, these guys fucking hate each other and also it would bring me such joy if you did rip him to shreds Like do you want to see do you want? I mean, I I know that andrew when he came on here He saw my penis. Would you like to see that at all? I tell you this was a big fear that you would try to get naked in front of me and I don't want that Those are the wrong words to say worse words truly truly

Give it to me and then he wouldn't have grow as a person. This is your chance This is your chance. What I'm reading though is is that what I know But what I'm reading though is this is what my mind says. I'm not gonna do it, right? I don't know is you tell me what your mind is reading. Let's let's talk this out. All right I want to talk about what I heard was I want to talk about how fucking weird this is Yeah, what I heard was I feel like you know me. Yeah, and I feel like you know that if you said, yes Let me see it that I wouldn't show you. No, I don't know. So you went to the reverse. No, I don't know that You are you are giving this podcast a lot of credit that you think I listen to

All right to know about your new but you did you see the clips of me? No whipping my penis toward answer You just say did you see the clips? No? I like you so I've seen clips of you guys and I've seen when you're thoughtful. You're very thoughtful when you brought on Mencia That was you were in fucking rare for yeah, that was that was a difficult rare. No, no, you were fucking great That was great. I remember you thinking you were a great balance of him Yeah, you went in and you weren't you weren't mean, but you also didn't let him slide on bullshit Yeah, because I care. I care about came from a place of like, yo, I know you I care about you

I love that guy, you know, he's so talented. You know, I mean in his way. Yes, you know You know, there are people that are just excited that are great performers and great writers. He's more of a performer You know, let's see that he's more of a performer. He's one of the best performers I've ever seen Unfortunately writers. There's people that do that that we know that is famous that hire writers right everything They say is somebody else isn't good. That's good for you But if you had a really good unknown band that was just really good and they played free bird and claimed that it was theirs That's the issue. That's the issue. You're a cover. You're a cover coming. Yeah. Yeah, but um, let's go back to my penis though real quick, huh

um Because we're still talking it out. I don't feel like we have this part I'm not gonna do it. Akash, you know what you don't deserve it. Thank you. Yeah Yeah, I mean, did you address that at the institution? Yeah Oh, you did I did and these but did they just say you like how do you notice defend their lifestyle? Like, you know, it what they said was it's involved with bullying, you know, I mean, so that's why I'm not doing it If Akash said I'd love to see it. I'd probably do it, right? But he doesn't want to see it, right?

But I I'm gonna promise you this This is a new relationship to earn his I fucking promise you he will see it You will see it one day. I promise you I won't ask you to see it. I know you won't but you're gonna do it with your eyes Did you say if Bobby calls you and Andrew you'd do anything to help him? No, but this won't actually help him. This only feeds into this, uh, disgusting thing I help him as a friend who loves him. You know in a relationship, you don't just say yes to everything You gotta help each other. So I have a question. You would gluck luck with your eyes closed In the gulag. Oh if I was gonna fuck Bobby eyes open

I'm gonna. Oh, so what's the difference if we're gonna fucking a gulag, right? I'm not asking you to suck my dick now, right? I just wanted to show you all of the log hypothetical And if I'm I don't want to see your dick if I'm not sucking it, you know, I mean, all right And that's enough. That's all I need to hear All right, let's move on from it, right if I was a woman Okay, all right, and I look like just hear me out. I'm single in this hypothetical in this single, right, right and I Because the first time I did the first sketch I ever did for mad tv back in 2000 Well, that's when I landed that yeah, you're more than one line on that show

And um, I did a sketch with deborah. Will when I was shooting by the apple express, you know, that's the most l.a. I'm sorry, you know what you're right, you know, we We she says that she said that to me last night. I do a lot of name dropping and a lot of things That's not your fault. That's l.a.'s fault. I know I thank you so much for saying that but I also Don't want to do that anymore Because last night, you know, I talked to mark and we did a lot of like throwing names in the basket and Who we know and this then it just felt gross and it's like that's not who I am But my point is is this if I was a woman, right? Yeah, and I said

Because when I was on mad tv deborah wilson We did a sketch and she she goes look at me and I turned her I sort of fucking god She she was on her back and she showed me her vagina. Whoa. What does deborah? I know she's crazy, but I went To me because it was a live audience Yeah, and this is backstage right before I'm about to shoot my first sketch And I thought it was like, you know, good luck kid You mean break a leg that's her way of saying

Break a leg the second you thought that I would have told you to go to therapy Is deborah wilson attractive? I don't know who she is deborah wilson is so fucking. She's so cool. She's a legend That means unattractive. No, I say she's attractive. She's beautiful. Lila says she's so funny. Show me the photo. Show me the photo of deborah wilson This is now though Oh, I remember her. Yeah, super funny. Yeah, I remember yeah, she did whitney Yeah, the impression. Yeah, she's amazing. Yeah, but my but so if I was a woman, right? And I said may I show you my vagina? Would you say yes or no? I'd say no. Good. I don't know you bitch Good answer. That's a very weirdo. That's that's fucking good. Yeah. So are you religious? I am

I'm hindu This is great because now I'm gonna be honest. I don't know. Here's a weird thing about me I know I can be smart in a conversation and if you say something I can ask questions and be inquisitive If you tell me information, I will forget it within a day. Yeah, but so I'll read about hinduism all the time I'll read whatever and then I'll forget all of it. So I don't know enough about my religion But I believe very strongly in god if that makes sense. Okay, so I'm not asking specifics, right? I just want a general view of what the fuck it is. Mm-hmm, right? So it was hinduism Closely related to and don't please don't it's okay. I don't all right buddhism safe space

Hey, buddhism came from hinduism. So the ideas are similar the idea of hinduism on a macro level as far as I know And I could be wrong. You probably don't have any indians But is uh, the soul is not attached to any of this shit like the clothes i'm wearing the shoes i'm wearing That's all nonsense and the the purpose of life is to get in touch with your soul and reach Nirvana, right? And then that is all this other stuff is called maya's like an illusion like the matrix Yeah, it's like so like detachment from physical like from material material things and getting in touch with the soul and when you're meditating To be in the silence

Right to get to the pure silence of your mind and your soul and that's when you reach nirvana Yeah, it's called the ottoman was a soul and it's like the god within so you get in touch with that and that's elevation And that's when you break the reincarnation cycle and you go to heaven so I see this line of thinking is sort of What I've kind of always lived my life. I actually believed that yeah, because I've always been into like I remember even as a young guy I went to the shopra center Remember I told you I thought I was going to meet deepak shopra or I would you know, you're into ramdas. Yeah, I'm really into ramdas

I'm really into meditation. I'm really into like, you know, not the crystals and and and the hairy leg that the women do but um That's gross Come on, you know how like sometimes they'll give you like a rock Yeah, a girl goes I found this is for you a rock and then you're like, thank you and then you just throw out the window in the car Nothing when I hold Nothing or when a girl gives you a crystal. I have a crystal bomb I don't know who the fuck what hippie gave it to me But if I gave you a little crystal and go just hold on to this. What would you do with it?

I would definitely throw it away. Yeah. Yeah, but right away or right away Yeah, I mean I would thank you and then as soon as I walk away. I would throw it in the trash But I could I say or give it to another white woman as like a gift That's good. Re-gift it to another white woman. Re-gift crystals. Is it really smart? That's really good. Yeah, what are they supposed to do though? Well different ones. They're supposed to Shop for us. Yeah, different purposes Um, I'm not a crystal bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I have been given crystals and this one They'll be like this one is for you know, harmony like internal harmony. This one is for so you feel more grounded and can I ask

You question any of the women who have given you crystals? Have they ever been happy? Honestly, honestly, they're very prickly people in real life masking as Harmonious beings and I think that um, they're not they're very unsettled. Yeah, they're they're they're constantly searching Instead of being but but that's perfect right there But one of your friends who I love Right. She made you the foot salt. That's what I'm saying. That's why I'm I'm bringing up your fungus She saved your fucking fungus. I'm bringing it. I'm bringing up the fungus, babe. Yeah, right So this girl right could you know about my fungus? No, I don't yeah my left foot now

It's I don't know Yeah, I think you thought you were in the power position not knowing about me The feeling is mutual Let me share some information with you. I want you to get to know me better Okay, so I have foot fungus. Okay, I love that. All right. So and my left foot is acting up again Right, so I need you to call her but my point is is that a couple years ago her friend that lives in the desert Right said I made this concoction and it was like it looked like dirt No

It didn't it was just epsom salt with a bunch of other things Right, but there's like leaves and stuff in it. Yeah, right So my point. Yeah, so it looked like something that she just kind of gathered. No, she's legit though And that's what I'm saying. Yeah, I when I opened it I smelled it and there was something like very like Very like eddie brachelle, you know Paul Paul Simon's wife who's a singer-songwriter. Okay every eddie brachelle that's on circle. You don't know the song song Beautiful song. I gotta play it to you. It's a beautiful song. But um, I just just sounded like trump just now

Beautiful Yeah, um But I put it on my foot And it just you could feel it sizzle My feet went it was the fungus dying Imagine fungus would they have machine guns on my foot, right? And they're like, we got the beach my foot, right? We got what the fuck and this hippy hippie dust came down there like

You know, it's like I saw a star trek movie where the romulans put up a device and melted everyone Yeah romulan senate, right? It was like that. They were like, and they they they fucking died. It was a good movie I love star trek You like star trek star trek or star wars. You like star trek. I like both but um, um Do you know do you like star trek? I like the new movies with jj abrams. I like those. Those are great Yeah, I watch undeniable, right? You're not a next generation guy. I tried. I tried as a kid And I was like, I don't know what the fuck is going on. I mean people all ugly I

Had a young age. I was like, I can't look at these ugly motherfuckers and this attractive All right, so you think Jean-Luc Picard is ugly? No, not Jean-Luc Picard But what was the the guy with the fucking war war war fuck the fuck was that a fucking klingon fucktard? Oh, I'm the fucktard For not knowing what the fuck on is Maybe I'm just not a dork, bro. I got aggressive. I got aggressive. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I I thought what did you why'd you go there we go? So can you name disgusting up top? That it is disgusting. Yeah. All right. Can you name any of them?

data There we go Fuck what is uh, fuck reading rainbow's name. I used to I thought he looked cool as fuck Jordy, Jordy. I didn't know that never mind. I just thought he looked cool with them Yeah, uh, captain not captain kirk. No captain. If you get this, you're my best friend the whole world Wait the guy the main guy. I want to help on captain Picard. Yeah, that's my best friend in the whole world. Yeah yeah Yeah, we asked me

That was a really like Yeah, I hope I do a slow-oh, hey, hey, hey, I do a slow-oh, it's not your fault Hey, hey, hey, hey Bobby. It's not your fault. It's not your fault It's not your fault I need both arms I know you want to sit down for a second. Sit down for a second. Oh my god. We were so close It's not your fault. Okay, just check it out. I'm glad you got the reference. What I need that was what that was Did you get the goodwill hunting reference?

It was a good You don't know where it's not your fault is from no It's a robin william scene in goodwill hunting where matt daemon finally cries for the first time And robin willing was it's not your fault. It's not your fault. He's been this hard Guy for a long time and he finally finally melts into his arms. Did I do did I do good? That was a real life that dog is not fault. All right, I thought I did good I thought I did good. I think you were saying you did good And I go I look like a fool, but I don't care

This is the best scene ever This is not your voice that we got volume you put your headset on Look at me son. This is what I cautious It's not your fault It's not your fault I know no, no, no, it's not your fault I know it's not your fault. Bobby was doing you. This is great. This is what I want. That's what he was doing That's what I want. Dude. I've read you. That's what I want. That's what I need. But watch what that's you, bobber

This is you lock in. Yeah lock in It's not your fault Don't fuck with me That's what I did That's what I did. Yeah, that's what I did Wow, Akash. Wow. Can't hug you aggressively, Bobby. Yeah Oh, oh There we go, there we go

I have to rewatch that movie that scene almost fucking got me dude. It gets me every time. Yeah. Yeah, what great acting It's okay to get got Bobby. Yeah, I'm not kidding. Are you a cryer? I am I'm a big cryer dog not in movies as much, but I'd be crying my ass off I cry a lot and my wife told me she's ready to have a baby. I told her this earlier. I swear to God. I teared up Oh, yeah, yeah emotional. She was like, you're so gay and I was like The nothing you gay as fuck Like I was watching glorious gemstones gemstones Righteous

Yeah, whatever Inglorious bastards Right, and I was watching it and there was a scene between uh, Tony Cavallero and uh, Adam divine where Tony's in the bathtub in the club And Adam divine holds them. I cried in that scene. Wow. Yeah, I cry about Keith. Yeah with Keith. Yeah Yeah, do you watch that show? No, I've heard is good though. It's pretty funny. Tony Cavallero is so funny Tony Cavallero is gonna do the tiger belly soon. Oh my god, that guy another name drop star Now that's a plug. That's different. That's plug. That's a plug. He's a talented young man I've known him for 20 years and he's getting his dude. That was a name drop

I've known him for 20 years and nobody cares. He's coming on the podcast No, can I say something? I want to argue that I want to argue that right now I was being aggressive to be funny and then everybody got quiet I think the reason why I say 20 years just just hear me out, right? I'm sound gross, but I'm with you on that By the way, that was a name drop. Thank you. I don't think it was because I'll tell you why right? It's like if I said I just met a guy, you know, I mean at a coffee shop. He's gonna do the podcast That's one thing But when you say the of history with somebody right and you're proud of somebody's work. No, that's fair. You know, how is that?

You know, I mean, that's fair bragging. I knew I've known him for so long You know, I mean, I'm gonna throw another name stone street same thing. You know what I mean? Oh god He has an Emmy he has an Emmy so my oh Oh modern family. Yeah, I love that guy. Oh, right guy. He's a great guy. So good I love that show three times our third podcast. You know I might actually watch this podcast one day. Yeah, you son of a bitch All right another name we're gonna have to cut maybe all that out. It's gross. All right. It's good. All right No, I love stone street, but I'm telling my son. I'm a fan

Tell him I got you Face time him right now. Let's face time him right now. So yeah. Yeah. So let me face my Eric Let's see what happened. All right. Word up. All right. Word up Hey, if he doesn't pick up you guys really do that face time my wife and see if she wants to talk there. Yeah We frame it as like a make a wish wait to see if he picks up first Okay, but first of all if you if I get stone street on here and you pretend you don't know who he is It's gonna be a little bit. No. No. No. That's what Schultz would do though. No. No. No. No. No I'm just kind of I'm more terrified than Schultz. All right

Hold on. Let me see. But I'm gonna say you're a big fan. Yeah. Did I say that? Yeah, I'm gonna see if my wife wants to say hi as well. All right Pick up. She better pick up. Yo, this bitch. You're gonna regret not picking up. This bitch better pick up, dude. Same. Yeah Hello, my love Hey, so you're on bobby lee's podcast. Hold on. Just let me see the mic to the mic. Hi Hi, this is bobby lee No, you're beautiful as always. Bobby. Oh, bobby is going to FaceTime Eric. Eric. Eric. Eric. Cam from modern family

Do you want to say hi to cam from modern family? Be quiet. Be quiet. Be quiet. Eric, just real quick I know you're busy, but I have a guest on who's a big fan and his wife is a big fan. Can you say hello? Yeah, who is it? It's my friend akash and his wife Is he famous? Yes He's one of the he's one of the funniest young guys coming up. He's from new york Okay, well, he's famous. I'll say hi Hey, Eric, great to meet you, buddy. This is my wife just lean

I don't get a lot of free time and we watch y'all y'all show every night basically just as like a way of connecting Thank you. What's your wife's name? Just lean you can close this out because Hi, just lean he said It's so nice to meet you. I'm sorry Yo, can you hear him, baby? No, what did he say? He says nice. Go ahead Put your camera down a little lower. Put your camera lower, baby. Oh, your camera. Oh, wait. Wait. What am I doing? Yeah, you do it

Put that shit on the mic though Yeah, because you didn't fucking you were out of town Oh, Eric. Yeah, my wife wants you to know that you helped us a lot during the pandemic just distract us from everything Did I say that? Okay I appreciate that. All right. You love you, baby. Comedy in Kansas City? No, but next time you- I have, don't I?

Yeah, I'm not asking you. I'm asking your guy Yeah, I was just in Kansas City. What's up? You're about to perform there? No, I live here sometimes. So if you're coming back, I gotta know so I can come in Absolutely. I got tickets for you and whoever you want as many as you want Bobby will pay for mine. Okay, perfect Thank you, sir I love you, Eric. Thank you so much. I love you so much. Bye Fuck off, he said

That was fun. Hey, that was a beautiful moment. That was a beautiful moment we had. Yeah, right, right That was so sweet. I was so happy for just sleeping. Oh, thank you. She's happy. I'm sure. No, because you know, you know, um You know, that show's great. It's so good, right and um for a network show too Dude, I watched that show and I'll watch with her and I'll be like, man That's like one of the few shows that I'm like, I would love to be on a show like that Because there's always a point where it kind of tugs at you and it's funny up until then Yeah, not beating you over the head with whatever and they just get you at the end great show I want to say this. There's something about you

All right, um that because I have some stuff on the fucking You know, so I'm working on this stuff like that man. Big timing here. No, I'm not big timing. I I there's something about you. Hey, there's something about you, buddy. I like it Likewise, so if you know, let's let's co-collaborate Whenever you want stuff like anything you need buddy. Yeah, you made a friend in this last hour I got you. I sort of got but but but but why about our energy? Because I sense goodness in you so much. Oh, you're gonna make me cry so much goodness Oh, you're gonna make me cry and you're genuinely funny, which is you know, there's not a ton of us out here

Oh, you're gonna make me cry. Hey, buddy. You're great. I heard nothing but good things. Everybody about Okay, I'm good. I listen that might happen later. Yeah. No, you know, I'm gonna wait a year Right. I think you and I are gonna exchange numbers. Yeah, that's we do some tech tech techs You know what I mean? Yeah, and then I'm gonna go to you know, I go to New York a lot And whenever I'm in New York, I never call you guys Yeah, because I just feel like I don't want to bother people this and that that's that's your own insecure That's my own insecurities love to hear from you. But from now on when I'm in New York, right? I'm holding you to this. No, I'm being real. Okay, when I'm in New York, I'm going to give you guys a call

because also I don't know Honestly, like I was gonna fly out because she's flying out tonight Out and I don't and I don't even know where to bro. I don't know where to perform Oh, we'll forget. I know but I'm just saying I don't know how when I go to New York I don't know where to go your comedy club is done. Emilio and I are homies. It's a great club I'm not a seller yet, but we'll get that done too. No, but the seller already was passed there like 20 years ago I think she forgot right I'd showcase for esti But you know, I would love to go back to New York hang out with you guys maybe do the pod

Of course. All right. I think that's when I'll reveal, you know, I mean ting ting but um Yeah, it's for content that makes me money I don't want to see your dick and make you money Yeah, help you sell liquid death We got units to move too, but yeah, so um, you've been so you do stand up, right? Yeah, but do you act at all or no? I was doing that the goal was always to act to help stand up sell tickets and I don't I actually don't mind I think I'm a pretty good actor for a stand-up and I would love to be on a good show

But I don't want to just do that all these auditions back. We would do with just awful tv. Oh my god. I have an interest in that Yeah, I'm at a point too. My friend is is that I get a lot of crap. You know what I mean? And I just can't get myself to it because What Andrew and you guys have done too is I just want to say is Your your guys's thought processes About your views on the the new way of doing this. Yeah has taught me You know what I mean? Yeah, that I'm really okay where I'm at. Yeah, it's the best It is the best and Andrew led the way I'm not gonna act like he was the guy that had the vision

And I saw it after him for sure. Yeah, he saw it and I mean we had a tiger belly I think before I met Andrew, but still in terms of like in terms of how I view tiger belly. I view tiger belly as I'll be honest when we first started as something like this is I have to do yeah You know what I mean? I have to do this, but it's like now. It's like this is all I want to do This is my you know stand up and this is my How I do it and then everything else, you know if it happens great, but you guys taught me that No, I'm glad and that's the model at the end of the day We all just want to make content that we love and if this is the purest expression of you

Then you are this is the content you love. That's what we should push. Yeah This is the best position to be in you're not on a show you hate You're not dealing with dumbass call times and sitting in a trailer for an hour doing nothing Then you come here. I believe this is your house. I don't know, but yeah, it's my house. Okay. Yeah Well, I just you know, I don't want to be presumptuous. It's a beautiful home You didn't show it to me at all, but it seems like a beautiful no one's never no one's seen it Okay, you're fair enough, but you got a great life. You live in your office. You do work here. You go upstairs It's all good, but I also want to let's try to do this as a new thing

right And I'm being real and this is what I love about podcasting. I can just say real things I honestly want to like try to figure out how to help other people. You know, um, um I don't do enough of it. Right. Same. I think that I want to do it because I believe that the only way to be happy in life Is to get out of yourself. Yeah, and it's to reach your hand out and go Hi, do you need anything from me? You know, and I haven't been doing that For years really. Yeah, same and or if I do something nice for somebody I brag about it. It's gross

Yeah, it's the dude a bible verse that my friend my christian friend luther changed my life He said something like I think it's Matthew six. He says something like uh when your left hand does a good deed Don't even let the right hand know or something like that. Yeah, and the people who do good deeds and announce it to everybody That's their reward. They told everybody you don't get any reward from other than that Yeah, I did something gross when I went to that place and I In Idaho I just say Idaho Idaho, right? Uh I go I was coming out of a session a therapy session. I go. I'm gonna do a 7-Eleven and there was a old black man who was a homeless man and he had a

You know a shopping cart full of all the stuff and on top of it was this white book Right, so I saw him walk into 7-Eleven and I grabbed some money And I put it in the book and I got back in the car and I was just driving as I was backing out I reparked it. I went Hey, dude, I left you a hundred bucks And then now you're announcing it now I'm announcing it now that I did it right so that's not what I'm talking about But he said it was gross to be fair. Yeah, I already said it was gross I already know what I did right, right? Yeah, and I also told everyone at the rehab that I did that by my point though

Is is that that's not the way wait? That's what I do too. If there's like a tip jar. Yeah. Yeah I wait till they make eye contact. There's a whole Seinfeld episode about that Like if I give the tip and you didn't see fucking come on Yeah, right the fuck. Well, that's the same thing what we're talking about right here. That's different. He's he's in me He's homeless. You wanted to do something good. I think if that person knows I don't think this maybe I'm cutting it too thin Or whatever, but that's not bad. It's when you tell other people what you did for that guy That's when it's like saying it on a public podcast Yeah, why did you tell him just in case he would be unaware and he would fall off out of his book?

He had so much shit in his fucking thing, right? And also it was windy, right? And his I put it on so the book was on top of all this shit Yeah, it was kind of doing this right and I put it deep in there, right? But I just want to tell him that it's in the book so that it doesn't blow your heart in the good place. That's fine Thank you. That's fine. That's I don't know if that's the reason why but I'm trying to figure did you want people at 7 11 to here? I don't well. I said it pretty loud I just said it to him quietly. Yeah, I didn't do that. I made it. I kind of didn't like I left a little something in your book

No, I did that I didn't hit a little clap everyone. You know what I mean? Hey, I left you a hundred dollars I think I did that. Hey, Juggie Yeah, yeah, this is one of those But I think that we should start doing stuff like that, right? But not tell anybody about it Dude, I would love to tutor. I love like Like teaching and helping kids and stuff like that. But every time I've tried they've been like hey pervert get out of here I'm trying to fuck these kids, dude. I don't care about fucking kids. I just want to teach some fucking algebra. Yeah

What a what a like What a terrible place that we're in. Yeah as a society for sure Yeah, but it's like even like I've never held a baby before because I don't want to accidentally do anything That's weird. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's rocket or you're not gonna fucking drop a baby You don't know. Yeah, I think you should trust yourself more Can I tell you, John Bobby? Go ahead, man. It's not your fault It's not your fault. You're a good guy. Well, what do you think? You gotta push you gotta push No, no, this is what you do. No, this is what you do. Yeah, man. I get it

Yeah, it's not your fault Okay, man It's not your fault. What? No, it's not your fault You're still fucking around, man Is that same thing? Yeah, it's pretty good. Pretty good. I'm just I saw this Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah spot on. Fuck you guys. Fuck me. Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying. I'm trying to act here You guys left me. Fuck you guys. All right. That's the thing is you were trying. Yeah

So when you met your wife, right? Yeah, did you were you a smash machine before that or I didn't I was not gonna have sex until I was married That was a decision I made I was waiting for you to find this out Let me ask you something. Yeah, go ahead So you were born on planet earth And then I was an ugly kid in high school. So I made it easier. Oh, you're fat. You said I was fat short Awkward college's girl started looking at me But I was in a like a college with a lot of religious friends and shit like that

So it wasn't like weird It was like, uh, I'm not normal for doing this necessarily like a lot of my friends are fucking But there was a pocket of us that were like and some of them were like good-looking football players So it wasn't like so I had an example like that guy Luther I brought up. He was a fucking football player big black Dude, but he was like, no, I'm not having sex. I get married. So I was like, I'm not a fucking freak out here Yeah, so did you masturbate a lot or not? Not a lot not like a crazy amount. Yeah. Yeah, like a monkey or whatever But I would go I think I went like two years without once like I would go long periods without nutting at all Yeah, wow, I mean nocturnal emissions, you know, I mean

Your boy is out there nothing is sweet. Don't get it twisted. Yeah So yo, so when so when you met what how old were you when you met your wife 31 When I hit 30 I was like, I'm not waiting till I'm married anymore But the girl needs to mean something to me. She's beautiful. She's fucking beautiful. Look at me beautiful I followed her after a show I followed her after a show Right, right. So then you you were doing stand-up and then you met her And then you got married and then you smashed. No, we we did not wait after like I met her and very quickly We were like, no, this is something special. She hadn't had any sexual partners before that either

But we both and she was younger. She was 22. Yeah, but we both felt like this was right That's it. That's complete right. Yeah, that must have been that first experience must have been wonderful for a book Absolutely I dude I why find it. It was It didn't fit. It was like a whole fucking thing But even if the even if you guys were both like sexually so experienced first time sex is always a nightmare Really at least for me. It never is that I never come the first time. It's always sort of awkward. You're bumping teeth It's never great. Yeah, she punched me in the face. I did

On purpose. No on the first I swear to god. Yeah, she was it was more like a shape up I know but still It's still it's like I've never been a thing where someone smacked me. It wasn't a punch It was just like a you know, you I know but then you said don't stick it in all the way. Just do tips I had Look, I had some rules And I needed to him to follow and it was more like, uh, yeah, then that's that's all that happened It was more like hey, like yeah, snap out of it. But the first time I saw her naked though

I honestly it was like all of her twists getting A fresh bowl. He had an English or a porous. He had an English accent. I I literally looked at the god and I went I mean I trembled. Yeah, I trembled. I go. Thank you. That's so sweet. Honestly. Thank you for saying that No, you were like you're One of the prettiest I've ever seen. Thank you. No, take the fucking compliment. I I'm literally taking it genuine It was I remember. Thank you praying to god You know, I mean, thank you and you're still with me. Why?

Good woman. Good woman hard to find, you know, you found one I love you because you're equally as worthy and amazing and wonderful and generous and loving And you're a great human being you're all soft on the inside Interesting. He didn't believe you. He didn't. Yeah, I don't know. I 100 You're a good guy. Stop trying to be a bad guy. Just be the good guy that you are That's why you're showing your dick to everybody, man You're trying to be this bad guy that you're not. No, that's not true That's not true

Why do it is because I have such insecurity about my body and my penis that I I've decided to like expo it's it's like It's shame exposure because I feel so much shame about myself. That's why stand-up was so easy for me Yeah, because when I bombed it was like Oh, that's what I deserve not deserve, but this is what I'm I can handle this Right. And then when I killed right, which was a lot Right, it felt so otherworldly to me because I I had such a poor self image of myself But it's all about shame. It's all about like But it what my therapists have said is it doesn't work

You have to hold things to yourself and process things and that's not what I do I expose I said I was molested and all these crazy things, right? And it's like Also self deprecation is so like 10 years ago. Hmm. And I think that um, you have a very average sized penis So you should stop Telling the whole world it's because you're not doing anything. That wasn't a compliment to say Thank you You have an incredibly

average sized penis. Yeah, yeah Yeah, it's Average as fuck don't need to be there. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, it's just like you have a penis. Yeah No, I mean average is fine. But you when you put very or you know, I mean you have extremely extremely average You don't have a small penis at all Different things. Yeah. Yeah. That's it's different. That's like, uh, that's still not big. Also. It's not big. Yeah, it's not big That's that right there. It hurts still you have a penis that does the job That's not cool because it's like

It's like having a plumber like do I have the best plumber and they're like, no, he does the job though No, I want the best guy Yeah, but she can't lie. All right, you won't even believe that. I won't believe it. So thank you. I'll take that in I'll never see you're hitting the back of me. I will never say that All right, but it just feels like a chinese, you know, just like You know, there's so many chinese people that seem like they're average, you know, they have the same size I have I've been with asian guys. I have I've been with asian guys with bigger dicks. Yeah. Yeah That's okay. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, but I have I've been with asian guys with smaller dicks. Yes, also

I've just been with asian guys Right of all of all sides. What do you call it the rainbow coalition? Rainbow coalition Yeah, is there an ethnicity that hasn't been inside your vagina? We talked about this earlier. No indians. No indians I've tried really hard. They wouldn't pull a trigger for me black woman. Oh, really? Every time I try they don't They don't know they laugh. Hey girl. They laugh. You know, it's weird as black women have always Thought I was cute the most out of other races even more than indian girls black girls are like, he's cute Which I don't get yeah, but you know, can I say something? Indian dudes people in general are very chic

She's like fashionable. No, they're just You know, when you see an indian dude's skateboard They just look cooler than any of their skateboarder when you see an indian woman. We're a beautiful dress They're just more beautiful like that girl from bakeoff. She's very attractive. What's her name? I've heard she's beautiful in the show. Crystal is this season. Yeah, the other one was ruby. Yeah, ruby. They're all attractive They can bake. You know, I mean, it's it's incredible. Yeah, I'm just saying you guys are just It's there because I you know, I've been that's the thing we do baking You know, but dude, I'm have you seen bakeoff? No

One of the champions was that little guy that in indian rahul rahul One of the best bakers has ever been on that show. Oh, I see you're saying about this Yeah, that's ruby. He's gorgeous beautiful, right? Give me crystal the new one crystal Well, more importantly, they're fucking talented They're talented thinker that he won if she took second place. I'm gonna be honest. I'd rather be hot than a talented baker That's less important to me. Okay, you know, I mean All right. Hey, you could be hot or a talented baker. What would you prefer? Honestly hot. Yes. Thank you. Really? Yeah, of course hot only can I can I say why because I can then be hot

And then learn to be a talented maker not the other way around along with a pills very break and bake cookie Fine, I guess the job done a hot bitch serving those is way hotter But then an ugly girl give me stones. Listen to my point of view though, right? So if you had to choose between hot But never be a good baker or vice versa. What would you see? Oh, then I if I never could be a good baker I would choose good baker and the reason why is because you're only hot for A certain finite a finite yeah trunk, but you can bake

50 plus from 50 90 and and Everyone's going to be happy right right around you. Yeah, you can't be a hot grandma. Yeah, that seems sexist Does that seem sexist? What? I don't know. Yeah. Hey, Bobby. Who gives a fuck dude? Who gives a fuck? I know here's what I love about you and Andrew. Yeah Is I get caught up in Being saying the wrong thing. Yeah, bro. And you guys do you guys don't get cut up on that? Sometimes there's a line and I've definitely we've edited stuff and I've said jokes trying to be funny that I'm like

Oh, that was brutal because you're trying to be funny in a podcast. Yeah, red the shit, but like you can't live like that Is this that ah you say the thing and then hopefully you'll edit later back then we'd never edit it So there's definitely shit out there that I'm like, oh, that was a bad joke. Yeah. Yeah, but say the thing Is this sexist? Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. Okay. So what so what? Yeah, you're right It's an interesting thing because it's like I just be baking Bobby. I know I know bitch, but So far, I know I don't know how to say but bitch witch

Hey, bitch, which anyway, we do an unhelpful advice at the end So what we have emails people email those problems akash By the way, I just want to say this beforehand. Let's plug her special. Oh, okay. Thank you. The specialist called bring back apu Uh, you see it on youtube. It's at like 1.3. 1.4 million views. You hit a million in a week, which is so cool Thank you guys so much. Whoever watched it. But if you haven't seen it, please go check it out. I'm gonna watch it Hey, I hope so dog text me after Son the lie got caught in your throat No, I want to say something else. Um, that was god. That was god right there. No, it was this this pick

I want to say um that the honest truth i'm excited because I feel like we have another guy that can do our podcasts again. That's reliable You mean and that's a guaranteed Right, and that's what you are. You know, you you're one of those guys that Like chris like andrew that we can bring you on And it's going to be very exciting for us. So thank you so much. Thank you. We can I can tell That you are super talented. Thank you so much. I mean you you're very chic

Thank you. And um, you're also wild Okay, do the unhelpful advice. Can I ask a really quick question? Um with your special. Did you ever get any uh Like kickback or clap back from the guy that did the problem with the poo the comic harry. No We had a thing a while ago where he thought I was like going at him before I ever came out this special And I was like, dude, I don't have a problem with you. I have a problem with your mentality. It's not I know you work hard I know how hard this it is to make it in comedy. I would never knock that I have a problem with the mentality of victimhood. I think that weakens us as a people And I don't want that for us. So that's what I'm speaking against is this is not a shot at any comic

This is a shot at a mentality that I don't want to see south asians adopt It's funny because that was yeah, I was referring to this thing. All right. Yeah Never heard of him But uh, explain to bobby gilbert I mean this comic a couple years ago His whole big thing during his movement was like apu was a problem for the indian community or the south Asian community which we got made fun of for and I wasn't there were some hacky ass jokes from apu My thing was I think we were trying to like siphon black struggle

We're like, hey black people have been systematically fucked over for a couple hundred years And then so they get certain looks come and we were like, well, what about us because we could probably get looks like that And it's like dog. You got made fun of you didn't get oppressed. That's a different fucking thing. Yeah Yeah, so that's my issue. Yeah, because a lot of my indian friends identify with what your specialists They never really identified and that's who I'm trying to speak to is because I I know the industry wants this kind of shit But it's like I know I think I know my people and I think my people want this It's funny that we have different voices right like for me. It's like there's a lot of asian comics like, you know Korean comics specifically or um that I don't really find

I don't really never laughed I'll sit down and see the audience laughing. I just don't understand. I get the jokes, you know, I mean But it's like they have a different they they they do their comedy for a specific segment Of people right and they have they're all their voices important You know, I they I used to like Start wars back in the day with people. Yeah, not wars, but I just felt like I don't like the way You're asian. I like the way you're doing comedy, right? And I don't want to do that anymore But you know, we all have our rights, but you know, your style of comedy is along those same lines as mine

Yes, and I respond to you and I um, let's go go into the thing I'm hopeful about it with akar sing Put ups love kingdom and the source trust my fire to you guys. My name is amad I'm 28 years old and finally found love my girlfriend. I've been dating for nine months now Yet her parents still don't know about me. She is seventh day eventist christian What I'm gorge and while I was raised muslim I don't really practice and I struggle with faith, but I encourage her to follow hers because if her value is what I admire most about her Here's the caveat. Her parents are strict and there's a big chance. They might not accept me when the time comes when we want to get married

She said she would put up a fight for me, but I can sense her hesitance when she says let's worry about that then Should I just cherish the time I have with the only person I truly have been able to love? Or do I end things to avoid more abandonment issues down the line? They'll fuck me up further Did you have an issue with being like an interfaith marriage? Her Dad had an issue. I didn't and hinduism is sick here So kind of closely aligned that it was like it's not an issue for me for her There's times where she feels like she might lose her faith and she worries about that I don't

Probably because there's more hindus than anything in in terms of like south asian. So I was like whatever But yeah, but but this is something different because I feel like christians, right are so So especially with the word moslem. Well seven day adventist george can probably speak to this. I mean, it's like You know, they can't they're not even a lot to dance. Is that what it is george? But he's even in I didn't realize how white you were until that So white yeah, it got me dog Back then you had a mask on this whole time Bro told me do his whiteness bothers me so much. It's just it puts a chill down my spine. Why is the mask still on?

He he responds to if I say something he'll go okie-dokie Like who the fuck says okie-dokie. Well roger roger He says he says rock and roll rock and roll. You know, that's rock and roll. You know, I mean it puts a chill It puts a chill down my spine. Wow. I cringe. I'm not mad at it. I just didn't realize how white you were Yeah Here's my problem with Christianity in general Right. It's just like, you know, I was

Honestly, right. I'm friends. I'm not saying I'm friends. I just You know in in the I live in the world, right? I have people like amir k You know, um Mozjubarani all these kind of guys, right if you him and more guys that I love they're the most The greatest people of all those guys I've ever met in my life I would trust them with money, right? And they would do anything for me, right? And it's like that's my experience with Anyone that's a Muslim just great people and you know, there's no, you know, they're just great people

But there are views though On just that word in general it gives them a response that is just so like based on like fears And global events, you know, I mean and they need to change So if you were that girl, right, you really love this guy, you're seven day adventists, you know, your parents I'd have to leave the I would leave the religion. No, but you love this guy. How would you then introduce that? It's a debt. It's a dead zone So you'd never do it. You never know. I mean, I mean literally I

For me if I was the that guy that just emailed me, right? I would if I matched with somebody was a seven day and evangelist was the color seven day adventist. I've done. I've done I don't know. I can't pronounce things, right? So sda. Whatever sda, right? I would be like, you know what? This is not gonna work. That's not true. Look at George. He's a perfect example of somebody who didn't yes, but he's a renegade What happened? What's he left? What was he lived there? Yeah, he was the pioneer of those so if she does what he did that's one thing, right? But it's like a lot of them, right aren't gonna do what he did

Well, you give it a chance. Yeah. So if she's one of the Georges, you know what I mean? A cringe-worthy white No, I'm kidding. Don't don't mark that. He's a great guy. I love him. He used to drink bollywood movies Yeah, get the fuck out of here. Do you want any big ones? I love that you said Anoka poor G But you didn't do that for Sanjay Dutt. Why is that? G is like a it's like a real sign of respect So he wasn't G

Bitch Oh, you put G at the end. Yeah G, yeah, like Gandhi G. You'll say you won't say Gandhi if you're in Bobby G. Bobby G. Anyway Leegee, I think there's hope. I think there's hope, but it's it's fragile. What would you what do you want to say? Dude, I don't know. First of all, I'm wondering if he's black muslim or brown muslim Weirdly, I think the parents would be more accepting of black muslim I think because there's less like Stigma with that. Sure. I also am curious how religious she is if you're like

I feel like if you're that kind of religion, you can only be attracted to someone like that Like you can't dance. You can't do all this weird shit. That's true. Yeah, I'm curious. Yeah, she's more George She might be more George. She might be more George than we realize that's gonna be tough to break away from her family She could do that regardless. Yeah, but then when they break away They do what he did just go to columbia get drugged and rob do cocaine do every single drug on the planet Bro, this guy is doing black dudes. That's not that different That's true. That's her version of that. Yeah, that's their version. I'm not saying it's the same, but yeah That parents is the same. Yeah. Yeah. I like this woman. Actually, you're right. You changed my mind

I like this woman. I think you should run away with her. Yeah run away with and fuck her parents Yeah, yeah, you never have to know them Yeah, unless you know if you get if you get really serious and you're in love And you want to start a family and get married and stuff like that, you know, you need child care come up Approach it then. Yeah parents will come around They just do and if they don't then they're shitty people, but I've seen this my Man, my brother-in-law was in black. It wasn't like the easiest thing in the world But the family came around my meaning my wife's brother-in-law

Black dude, and that wasn't the easiest thing but like they came around and they understand he's a good guy And that's what that is. I also think they'll come around when the kids come Yeah, I want the easy thing because I love the kids so much. I mean the the urds to just be the grandma You know, it's strong and you mix babies typically really fucking cute. So it makes it a lot easier I always we also know that you're a good dude because you listen to her podcast Yeah, so, you know that that's not even a question, bro. Yeah, you're legit 100 percent, you know, it's heard That's in question, but um, you know Thank you for listening guys. Thank you for listening

Listen Akash, can I say something? This is probably the most fun. I've ever had on a podcast Tell us all the podcasts you did in LA and say that again. Okay. I did Your future wife's podcast Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, this is funner. This is more fun. Yeah. Yeah. What about fighter in the kid? I oh, I had a lot of fun on fighter in the kid. I had more fun here. There we go We win Wait, why are you so angry because they laughed you got molested by retard. No, I just wasn't retard. What was it? No, no, no. I didn't say retard

He had a down syndrome So you said retard I said he had downs. Okay. Yeah, he has you know, I mean, he's silly in that way He's silly a lot But uh, yeah, and I said that in front of the guy and they started laughing, you know, I'm kidding. Yeah, I know I'm kidding, but it did hurt me a little bit. I'm not so sure about that chapelle guy, but um, I still think that he's a black uh Athletic which what he's very athletic. Yes

Um, those guys are fine. Um, I love them like my heart goes out to them Yeah, but I just it feels it feels good that you like ours. It's fine. Yeah, um, but thank you so much for coming here and um You tell um, you're gonna be when you're going back to new york, uh saturday So when you're doing the podcast the his podcast, I won't be there. You won't be there. She's replacing him. Oh, you're replacing Right, right. What else are you gonna do this week? I got whiskey ginger right after with your boy with your bad friend Right after this Okay, I'm going straight from here. All right, and then tomorrow I got burtcast Oh my if you're doing all the hard hitters

Whatever I can do. I'll do all of it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, everyone listen. Honestly, he's a brother now He's a part of our family. Mm-hmm. If you don't Listen to his podcast. It's on youtube. I mean, I mean especially on youtube. That's what I meant Yeah, if you don't watch a special on youtube Just don't even You know do what don't even listen to ours anymore then No, I want to put a thread out. Yeah Sweet thread. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean listen to ours too, but

Even if you don't listen to it, but I don't want to lose our numbers. Yeah, I don't want to lose my numbers But you know Don't listen to it. Don't listen to his part. Uh, yeah, whatever. But I honestly think you should because I think that you're really uh You have shiny eyes. Thank you so much. Yeah, and I'm finally admitting that Okay Yeah, what are your handles really quick? Uh, it's at akash sing or akash sing comedy. It's ak double ash. Check it out guys I

Hey prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey