TigerBelly - Ep 341: We Need An Alien Invasion w/ Jessica Kirson

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

Bobby has Tundra Attacks. Jessica has 12-seconds of misery. Khalyla has to eat a cockroach. We talk insect ghosts, Bobby's escape from a wheatgrass farm, having Zach Braff as a brother, and doing equine therapy with an erect horse. Support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus wait, we have thoughts about all the Oscars. Oh Yeah That was pretty boring Just a bunch of people getting awards or something, you know Coda best picture. Yeah, that's all that happened, right? Denzel was nominated for the Macbeth who ever three people saw that movie Like who would watch that movie? I genuinely didn't even know that it's black and white. It's Macbeth. No, thank you Really? Yeah, I thought Amy Schumer was good on the Ross God. What else happened? That's it, right? Nothing weird happened George. When I told you about it. Did you see it after that? Oh, of course

I watched everything. Were you stunned? It was pretty shocking and I've tried to like I've tried to hit it from every angle Yeah, here's the deal. Um, I Mean obviously in the beginning when it for when I first saw it. I was like, yeah Yeah, because he bumped me twice. Oh Chris Rock Rock Friday and Saturday. I wasn't able to go Nothing, you know, he's a nice guy. I'm just saying there was a little problem. It's like, yeah, you know, don't bump You know, I mean and then Eric made a little meme of the slab is it don't be bumping people know are you I mean? So, um, which is funny, but when you really think about it because it was a moment

After we'll sit don't ever fucking talk about my a couple times. He said that Um, where Chris, I know that look because I've been there. It's a moment of shock and Trauma it was traumatic He was assaulted In front of millions and trillions of people. I mean not millions of people watch the but Virally, I mean you're talking about the world saw it the whole world Russian the stuff Putin saw it I bet your mutton Putin saw it son ski. Maybe not because he's fearing for his life, but um, it was assault and It was a he knee he has issues

That's a man with issues There's an issue there. We all have issues, but that is was just front and center stage think think right You're sitting in the front row, right? You have Mel get when Mel Gibson looks at you and like you're crazy dog. You have a fucking problem You see Mel Gibson like you know, I mean, that's crazy But you think it's just like method acting gone too far with you know, King Richard because he was that type of like tiger dad Maybe he never got out of that

Tiger dad mode No, because you know, you're the Oscars, you know, you have all your peers in front of you He you know Will Smith has been famous for a very long time, right? He knows what it all means Okay, he knows what it's like in his personal life going to a mall. He doesn't go to a mall He's never he's never been to well. He's that famous, right? He understands that he's been to the Oscars many many times before he's been nominated before right? He understands how many people are watching in me. He understands all of it the environment, you know, it's like Like even if I saw

I Mean I have dudes that I hate if I saw it like the Pope was making a speech and that dude was next to him the guy that hate Even if I had a shot, you know, I mean, I had a gun. I wouldn't do it because it's like this next to the Pope You know, I mean, that's a terrible. No, baby. I'm not gonna analogies. I'm sorry. Give me another. Let me give me the shot Yeah I'm not gonna knowledge. I'm not gonna do another analogy, right? I have a question. Do you think that they should have escorted him out after that? Well, what I would have liked is had Denzel win it and then you see he sees it in the scribble with

Like a kid's letter Denzel, you know, whatever somebody wrote it real quick. Yeah, but Denzel is sort of like He's got like a James Baldwin vibe up to him. He's very articulate. He's very wise sage. He's like a sage. Yeah I don't know. What was that thing that he said to it? Will Smith something like the devil will get you the devil will get you When you're at your highest or something like who says that doesn't make any yeah What did you think of his whole speech after everything? Who? Will's well like when he was like his whole like rambling speech about like how he's a protector and that's why he hits people Um, here's my thing about like people saying oh, like wasn't it so great that he protected his woman? Like for me, let me fight my own battles. Like I don't need you to

Come to my defense if my choice if my action in that moment is to ooh Cringe not like the joke sit down. I don't need you to like, you know, what I mean get all macho and then say I don't need you to like, you know, what I mean get all macho and then slap a dude for me Like it makes me feel worse imagine me and collider on the audience. We'll never go there, but we'll never yeah And Chris go look collider with her heart defect or something, right? Yeah, and people are laughing, right? There's something worse about my my the way I look not so much Stanley Bobby Lee is dating Stanley Tucci Stanley Tucci's here, right? And I kind of laugh, right? And I look over and you're upset, right?

I would look what if you said this yeah worse. Okay, go ahead. I'm in the audience. Yeah She looks so much like Stanley Tucci he hasn't fucked there in two years Now you have to look upset Then I look back up here and I look at you and I go Oh We're on TV smile bitch We're on TV bitch There's billions of people bitch. We're millionaires bitch. You mean you can take that. That's true. He's here's a guy who

You you literally get out of touch, you know, it's like I want I have a theory, okay? Chris Rock is not out of touch and the reason why he's not out of touch is because Chris Rock out of the 30 years. I've been doing stand-up has always done the comedy store Right. There are comics that won't do it. They don't come back and then when they do show up They have weird people around them and they don't go up. You know, I mean and one example is and he deserves the kind of mystique that he has Eddie Murphy now, okay Netflix gave him a bunch of money to do a special right now, I don't it might be the most amazing thing you've ever seen but

You know, I honestly believe that he might be a little too out of touch to do it You know and the material that he has it's just like you have to live a normal life To have life experiences for people to relate to it, right? Like Chris is always at the clubs I've never seen build and not that billboards at that level or even Chris is at Eddie Murphy's level because they've never had his kind of movie career Right, but it's like, um, even when we met Jim, Jim Carrey Don't even say that. We don't know that for sure. I know we saw Jim. We met Jim. So hung up Jim Carrey Friday So I well, I go, hey Jim, I should get set and then he introduces himself to her

Bobby has wishes and he wishes he's a cock. You could suck his dick. I just can you just stop? I want him on tiger belly Jim if you're listening, I'll I'm offering up my body. I'm offering all suckers dick to get him on That's not it. That's not it. That's it. That's a yeah negative. None of plus But um, what a weird party that I was a cool party. I'm glad we went though. It was Keegan's birthday party. Oh, yeah Yeah, Ron Howard's are sick. Oh, say hi. Like what am I gonna say? Oh, what was I gonna say? Apollo 13? It's great I don't know what to say to him. Hey, what would you say to Ron Howard? So? Happy days, huh? Like the you know, be the one thing that like you completely like doesn't want to talk about

So what was like a little paparito work with? Something like that. Yeah, cranny kid I like our tactic though. What our tactic of just um Getting as much food as possible on a plate and finding a dark corner to eat and we ran into a kindred spirit Oh, we did somebody who likes to do has the same tactic because when I ran out to be goes. Thank god, you're here You know what was Tony Hale From the oh, yeah, I love him so much. I have his number. He wants it to tiger belly Love him. Yeah. Yeah, right. Yes. What a sweet sweet delightful. He went to a table and he goes kind of he adds you Can I sit with you guys? Yeah, like a fuck. Yeah

Oh I want to go. Yes. Well, you're not Filipino. You're not why can he come go non-philippines can't go He's met marie. He did the family style. So that's right. You have met marie tomorrow. You should be the only korean there That'd be great. Wait. Wait. Let me ask you something and this sound. This is really pissing me off Yeah, you guys have a group Right because I'm sorry. Koreans have a group. You just no no no all Oh, real fun real fun the attack That's good stuff. All right. I'm going to tell you guys something, right? Yeah, I used to be a part of cape

Yeah, right. I think you still are they send you invites all the time. Oh, yeah, yeah No, Gilbert. Hey Bobby got that invite. I'm like, I don't know if he goes to gallows. Anywho, right? I I used to also I hosted the Asian excellence award. There's another Um chink festival. I don't know what you call them chink chink. Yeah. Yeah chink group. That's not going to get you in this year Oh, really? I'm not. Oh, so my point is is that but when I was when I participated in these groups, right? We invited every Asian in it But you now you guys have a private Filipino one bro. Most of cape is korean. Yeah, let's be like one Filipino in cape

Well, we're the best I mean We had to show Stephen Yoon. Hello Daniel Day Kim. Bye. Bye. All right, cloud. Lay ours now Cliala cute. Oh the brothers you got the brothers. Oh shut up. What are they called the boss goes? Oh, those You guys at the boss go. That's good. I love the boss goes. Yeah splash brothers. You have the splash brothers amazing great divers You have that lady that lifted the fucking weights. I got the gold See, this is why this is why cinemasala is important because this because you oppress us

I'm not oppressing you. I'm I really want to get to the fucking. What is the group then show up on sunday Yeah, show up on sunday support the Filipino people and then do a talk But I honestly I will go if you call them and say I'm coming because I don't want to go there and have them Look at me like what's the fucking knock? I'm the big hit of korean. I'm going to tell marina You're going to give like a 10 minute talk. No, I don't want to do a talk. You have to disappoint us. I'm not going then You have to improvise it. No, here's what I'm going to do. All right I'm going to put some stuff on my face to look Filipino Like what bronzer poo poo

All right, I didn't buy it. That's crazy. That's I'm kidding. I went up. I'm going to put a toner on right? What toner like the Filipino toner. How do you know about toner? Yeah, I'll put a toner on right and then I'm going to be more. I'm going to walk a little more free You know what I mean? Okay, like, you know, Paris is burning kind of a walk. Okay, right like hi, right? And then I think they'll buy it Okay, I won't go I think it's just the idea. Yeah, I feel like am I did I insult you guys? I apologize. No, I think you should come though Do you think you insult now? It's a brunch, dude. You should come. You really should come. Can you call and let know I'm coming?

Oh, yeah, I will go. Well, claw you okay with your if your korean partner comes Of course. I just don't want him to be like shit rivers of the philippine No, no, no, no, no. That's just a movie that I'm pitching I want to pitch them shit rivers of the philippine and I think it's a good idea Yeah You know, it's more of a you know natural dream. Why I have a question. Why do Koreans really look down on philippines? We honestly we don't but you do I honestly believe I don't I don't

I love you guys so much And I I I want to say this Literally, I would feel more comfortable in sebu than soul korea In fact, if you said you could only live in these two places because sebu is soul korea. There's so many koreans there I know it sucks. I know. Okay. I'd rather live in manila than soul korea Wow, I think you'd be more accepted for sure philippinos are like, you know, you loud you funny you're wild We love you. Yeah, also when I I know like if I go to like when I'm in the philippines Every once in a while someone will go. Hey

Hey, oh, you'd like being recognized. No, just hear me out. Okay. You're in papa. You know what? No, so but in korea Literally, they think that I'm like a rice carrier Which is a very honorable. It's an honorable job. If you write carry rice, that's a really very important your back hurts, but uh, you know But they they don't they look down on me You know, but in uh, the philippines They love you. They love me and I would I am a philippino at heart I love you people. My friend peter has been begging for years for you to do a show in manila and you keep saying no

No, no, I gotta get you either. No you on your own bobby. Why do you think you have you are gonna kill it there? I promise you I would not set you up for for failure in 2023. I'll do it. Okay. Got it. You hear that peter 2024 One of the two thousand adding yeah, yeah, um, but I will definitely do it and I you know I have this fear of performing overseas Because when I even when I play like alabama, they look at me like I'll what the fuck is this? I can promise you though. Yeah that your type of humor how Absolutely out of this world. Wild you are. Yeah, it's exactly what philippinos love exactly. It is exactly what we love Interesting think about how many people in your show are philippinos throughout your career. I love them a lot. Yeah

Yeah, and I find it. I mean andrew said something very Interesting magic mountain, please My friend andrew I'm not not sentino somebody else Some guy named and yeah it goes. You know what? I just don't find fat korean women attractive. Wow. Okay, none of them Just korean or all ages. It's just korean's general. He goes japanese. I love China I love. I'm surprised he knows the difference. He does. He does apparently right and um, I disagreed. You know what I mean? yeah, but

We talked about philippino women And that's my preference. That's your preference. Yeah, I and his preference. Goo Goo Gaga Yeah, korean philippino women are beautiful Thousand percent. Yeah, really are. So are philippino men. philippino men are so good-looking They really are and um It's especially the um uppity ones. What are uppity? What is the uppity philippino man? You Oh, he's saying you're cute girl Okay, you're so uppity dude. All right. You do fine dining. I do. Yeah, you live downtown in a loft

He sent me a text earlier. He was like at kato just as good So that just as good. No, I said bra bra bra. Cause you guys told me you went by the way the gm Love you guys. I we love them. We love them too, right? Please have a spare. But dude, you were like a whimsical Wanderlusting Homo when I first met you. I got the only wonderluster now. Right. I'll take that and now look at you now Uppity This is what I see. I feel like I'm not like these guys. I put hot philippino men. Yeah, because in philippino media They've always revered

a mix of whiteness For a very very long time, but I think the tide is slowly changing and we're starting to see I mean, is that even a philippino? I didn't say you were hot. Fuck face. No. Yeah, you did. No, I said you were uppity Uppity doesn't mean hot. He's very hot. No, you're like the woody allen of philippine Like uppity like hi. Yeah, not good-looking, but like have talent You know what? I'll take that. I'll take that. Yeah, you're not that at all. You're unfuckable Oh, you have women from the waist down. You're a woman. I do have female hips You know, your legs are very chunky philippino like

Look at my legs. I wish they were chunkier. Your legs are very American and that's very western Yeah, but you're mixed with french western legs. You're mixed with french I'm so confused. I didn't know that legs came in Different Yeah, like what are your legs? Terrible. He has the best legs. Oh my god. Are you crazy? They're smooth, bro. Bobby you have honestly Like what men go to the gym for you have naturally

Muscular nice thick legs. Do I have Nathan chen's legs? I've never seen his legs. That's a good one Yeah, he's the figure skater. I love your legs. You're so strong. Oh, thank you I have great toes Now you do. Yeah. Well, not these when they're dry Oh, there is one thing people have been commenting asking man. I wonder what car bobby got from the last episode Is there an announcement? All right. So I have me can I make an awesome. I make an awesome. I make an awesome huge announcement So I get a car delivered to my house. Don't give the model. Okay. Don't give the model. I'm not gonna get I got a nice car delivered to my house, right and the

car salesman Brings it to my house And while she's pulling up to my driveway There's a little smoke Coming from the engine Initial thoughts at first. I thought it was like Oh, it's so fast. The wheels are like burning. Yeah, I mean fast in the furious. Yeah. Yeah, like this is cool. But then It was definitely coming from the engine

So we lift it up and then it kind of dissipated And I didn't want to go like go back and get me another one. Why not? It's your car You just spent a whole lot of money. I know but I so I go, you know what I go she goes Well, here's my cell if anything goes wrong, just call me, right? So I go, all right I'll just do that. So she goes back and I'm driving around town last night and it seems fine And I think the reason why is because I switch it to dynamic To um comfort. There's like three different modes. Okay, and she headed on dynamic mode But I'm just saying even in dynamic your car shouldn't be on fire. It's not on fire. There's smoke

There's a difference between smoke and fire But where there's smoke there's fire. That is true. Dude, that's literally a lie. That is true. That is true You're right. And you know what you guys are bright eyed and but she tells and I really I really appreciate that So when there's smoke there's fire, right? So so you're right. So I could You know for right now You know, um, I'm just gonna drive it around. Yeah, you know, because if there's a problem, I'll just go to the audio Audi dealership and go What's wrong with it? That's true. That's right. That's how adults do it. That's how I do it. I'll do it

I'm not gonna just let it explode and do nothing and buy another one. No, this time. I'll historically that's what I understand That but this time I'm being grown. That's why I got a nice car like So guys, you know before I used to shit in my car pee in it Smoke in it throw burritos all around it. Ask any doorman At the comic store. I had the most the worst car You could imagine can I show you um a meme of um, I laughed so hard at because I was like, oh, this is I think this is based on Bobby But so what I decided to do because I got sober again

And I'm not doing the porn and the cigarettes or none of that stuff and I'm trying to Really do it this time. I decided I'm gonna get a nice car And I'm gonna treat it the way I want. I want to treat myself. So last night was A real good test. You know what I mean? I didn't spit any sunflower seeds in there. Nice. You know the toothpicks You know I have toothpicks. You know what I mean? I put them in the thing and I and I throw them out the window when I'm Was done with that. Is that littering? It is wood. It's wood It's wood. Seeds are okay. I think that anything like banana peels or fruit Those are okay. Yeah, but I mean don't throw in the freeway. So it hits another car

But a toothpick. No like a banana peel. You don't whip black. Right. Right. Right. But is I can throw a toothpick out, right? I think so. Yeah, but you know, um Even if like a cop were to see you throwing anything out your window, you'll get pulled over and get a ticket I've I've thrown fucking radiators out of my car. I mean, no one's ever given me a ticket, right? I've thrown all kinds of stuff out of the car Gil, can you pull up that picture that I just sent you? Okay. This was this is you Back in the day before your new car, sweetie. This is what you look like with your Prius. I get a picture. It's on tiger belly Oh

Mine didn't go through yet Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I said I didn't get what when you said it to me. Yeah, you don't understand memes very well I don't understand memes at all Also, I just want to announce may 5th. Can I just announce it? Yeah. So may 5th. There's a netflix comedy festival in LA and um Andrew Santino and I are gonna do bad friends and friends in the main room may 5th You hear heard it here first

We have a great lineup It's a live shot of your All right, just put stuff in the back. Yeah. Yeah. This is exactly what your prius looks like. I know But now it's just jewels Wow, it's jewels. Oh, can you can I tell you guys a really scary story? What happened? So, um, Bobby usually jewels comes home from school at a certain time and bobby was waiting for her because he needed the car And so we're like jewels. Where are you and she's like, I'm on the side of the freeway And I'm like, why are you the side of the freeway and it turns out

The brakes stopped working. Oh my god And I had been telling them so the brake light had been on for about a whole year and I had been telling the both of them I'm like, that's really dangerous. That's really it. Take it to Toyota. Take it to Toyota and they're like, nah, nah, nah those lights stay on forever Sure, not jewels was coming down the 170 and thank god There weren't a lot of cars around because she stepped on the brake and it just would not stop And so she had to she I don't know how she made it safely She um, so she released the the gas and then she put it on she didn't hit the e-brake right away But she I forgot what she did, but she didn't spin out or anything. So she must have done something, right? My plan backfired

But you know, I'm the one that unhooked the brake. I'm the one that did all that and I looked on the internet and I forgot to do one little step, but um My plan didn't work, but you know what she said, right? She was like, I genuinely thought I was gonna die Imagine stepping on a brake and she was like, I was going like 70 miles an hour. Oh my god. Oh my god. She called crying She was rattled. Yeah. Yeah, she was rattled. We were really worried, but um, she's alive She didn't die. She didn't die. She's fine. I yelled at the both of them so hard that night I know, but it's like, you know, here's the thing, all right

Not only the brake light wasn't working all the lights So if you looked at the little thing, right, it was like there was six different lights going on, right? Brake, engine, you know what I mean? The swervy one. You're like, right? So I just thought That the the whole car was breaking down. Yeah, right? So who knows The brakes were the ones that went first Exactly, right? But if the swervy thing would have went first, then you know, it would have been lesser. I don't know It's her car. She's been listen It's her responsibility

There you go, Peter Parker Your response is your response, right? But she takes after you so much because she thinks I know you don't think she loves you But she's you know, you're the cool guy in her life. You're uncle Ben I'm not uncle. She hates me. She Are you crazy? She acts just like you She doesn't clean the car. She doesn't I'm I'm influencing her in the wrong way then Because there are other aspects of me, right that she should have taken on but she hasn't

Such as such as like I like to talk I communicate with people like last night she when you came home when you were laying on the bed She laid next to the couch and you guys just started talking and I looked at her go We were in the house a week alone together. We walk out. We never do this And she's like, I don't know Because you she doesn't want to talk to me Yeah About anything, you know, I mean, yeah, unless I'm like, you know, we took her to magic mountain

She talked to me then. Yeah, but it's only am I gonna die like like simple things, you know, man Dude magic mountain. We got to go as a group. You have fun. What's the last thing you went? Never here in california Oh, really? I've been to six flags and other places never go Chicago. Yes the last time I went I was in high school That's the last time I went to six. So all the new rides. I haven't been on it was There's one ride I refuse to go. I mean andrew just goes back to me. I go. Was it called the superman's revenge or something Wait, but superman's been there for a while or I will not go on it It looks so terrifying

What kind of is it look like just a straight down? Yeah, it's one of those ones that you go Straight up and then straight down. Yeah. Oh, I see. You know, I mean, I don't like the uh, you're like, you know, I mean Oh, that one that one. Yeah, right here. Yeah, you go up and down Oh, like I don't want to be falling and then grabbing my lungs and my inner above me. You know what I mean? I don't want that. Whoops. Yeah, yeah Yeah, that looks just look at how Did you do that? No, I hate it. See, I told you like you sweat just by looking at it I'll just do it but the noise it makes

Is because we walked underneath it because we didn't know we were underneath it We heard That was a sound You know, it was so terrifying. Yeah, but we went on an x2 Tatsu Okay, viper we went on the Riddler's Revenge But I was so proud of Jules. You know me for going on the road. Jules is terrified of ruler coasters Before they went she I had to give her like a two hour pep talk like you're not gonna die. You're not gonna die

Yeah, she begged not to go. Yeah, but x2 that was the that was the scariest one apparently So that was the first one we put her on And you go up backwards Yeah, right and she she had her head tilt back like this and she was doing a prayer Like I've never she's not religious I mean and literally like her mouth was foaming At the end her eyes were like, you know, I mean like what are you fluttering and she was foaming And I thought she was having a fucking stroke. Oh, no. Yeah, and I looked at are you okay?

She goes, I'm fine. I'm fine. But then when we went on Tatsu Which is the second scariest one apparently chill. No, but still lesser And then after viper She because I told her that she could only do three. I have to do three. She goes I'll do all of them No, impressive. I literally wanted to cry because it's she conquered her fear. And that's why you need to eat a cockroach Whoa, I love you. Honestly. I'm like set up for her to do those rides. You have to eat a cockroach. I like you eat it I'll eat it with you. I have made leaps and bounds and I really am proud of the improvements

I've made in the cockroach department because um last week I picked up a water bottle And I drank it and a cockroach apparently did was on the mouthpiece that I didn't know and it ran up my face And what I did was I didn't scream. I just threw the water bottle on the bed And the all of the water poured into the bed Like quietly did this and I was in shock. Yeah. Yeah, but another time um about a month ago, I was sleeping on a futon and a cockroach took a Walkdown memory lane by memory lane. I meant my whole body

From head to toe while I was asleep. Yeah, and I did want to yeah. Yeah, and then I was able to go back to sleep That's not what I'm talking about eat a cockroach You're trying to get out of something right defense. Yeah, yeah, not good enough because those are accidental You know what I want you to do is know it's gonna happen Yeah, because that's what jewels did and we you know, it's all about walking through fear Um, you know on the show, right? Nosotros papaya the slut king is here and what I want to say is I'm not woke And and but we still need to grow wait live cockroach Yeah, live cockroach, you know what you do it first smaller big German or Filipino. I'll do it next week

Which one's bigger are the German ones racist Germans are small Yeah, hi Yeah They come in numbers, but they're small Those are the German cockroaches. We'll just do one German one right and we'll do all Yes, everyone in this room. We'll do it. Excuse me. We're not bringing cockroaches to this house because they eat them for They're gonna for have sex and then they're gonna be nowhere here We have four in a fucking bottle or whatever right just listen. Okay. Yeah if we're gonna eat four

Their ghosts aren't gonna fucking haunt the house Do insects have ghosts? What do you think? I've always thought about this. It's like Like Imagine like all the humans have lived on earth, right? So you're talking about there's billions of billions and billions and trillions of souls up there human But then imagine like all the dogs and cats and animals out there that have lived in bugs. Did they go up there as well? Because no, thank you then

I mean Imagine like 10 billion fucking there we go oriental is bigger than german. I like that. Yeah, but the american is king Look at it. Look at that american. Yeah Yeah, let's do the brown band a german one. Oh, you can eat the german. You can eat the german one. Look at it. She's itchy, dude Look at the little german one oriental I don't like an oriental oriental

Orient We are oriental Look at her. She's here. Yeah, we'll take a break guys after that Let's um properly introduce you sure This next young lady, um is one of the funniest females on planet earth with humans. I mean, yeah, because i'm not fully female let's be honest And um, she's one of the funniest humans on planet earth Um, but it's you know, there's something else about her that I I feel safe around her

I love that bobby. I do. I just feel so safe around you. I feel like you understand um Who I am and where i'm coming from because you and I have the same kind of issues and whatnot, right and um I don't know. I just really do love you. I don't know you that well But I I I feel like I am through time That's true. I I feel like that with you too. I do. Yeah, and I am safe. I mean it. Yeah, I'm a pretty Jessica curson give her a round of applause. Yeah Um, let me you don't live you live here now, right? No

No, I live in new york. You're still there. Yeah, you've been out here a lot though I mean, I've been out here. Yeah, I was here like four months ago or something I can't live here unless I if I had if I had a job I would live here, but I could never live here unless I had a job Like a job, but when you do your podcast with sarah firms that you do it here. No, I do it in new york I have I have a Podcast in new york and she flies there to do it or yeah Yeah, people I I interview comics in new york But I'm like I'm new york based because I have a wife and a kid kids in new york

Okay, I'm not accusing you over anything. I know that's how I talk. It's jewish And it's oh, it's like I'm screaming at someone all the time. Yeah, because I just seen you a lot here That's all that's why I'm saying it. You know, I don't like the way you're talking to me the way I do it, you know, I mean um, so So you live in new york, but um, I have to say You know when I was using drugs again, right? I I remember Being really drunk and high

And I didn't figure I was in hawai or something Yeah, and I curled up and do a little ball and I thought about The conversation you and I had Before I went out at the comedy store behind that wall And we're leaning against that wall and we were talking about weed and whatnot You know me and then how scary and this and that right, but um, I don't know why but like when I was Doing it doing drugs and alcohol again. I just thought about you and that conversation I don't know why that popped in my head, but I remember like getting sober again going. I wish I could see her again

You know me and tell her but because I've seen you a couple of times this week Yeah, I also love seeing you with sarah my ex-girlfriend. Yeah, do you know that we used to bang? Yes Ailey Yeah, does that seem weird to you visually? No I mean, I I get it. I get why the two of you were together. You're so both so brilliantly funny I mean, I understand the connection. Yeah, but just Visually, it looks yeah. Yeah. I I mean, I understand visually why it's fucking crazy

Yeah, I mean even like you know, I had to like be easy on that. Don't be too discreet. Yeah. Yeah, yeah So what is what I'm doing right now? What is this? Yeah, what is this right now that's gonna? It's freaking you guys out doing a pull-up Yeah, yeah. No, I'm just saying if she was on top, can I say that? I am right? Yeah, her shoulders were up here like this Yeah, she's a tall. She's a tall girl. That's all super model. Yeah, a very long torso and this that's all And also may I mention that when you went out the amount of times that I called sarah Balling my eyes out and her talking me off a ledge. Yeah, I mean she really really helped me out Yeah, talking you off a ledge. Yes. She's very supportive and so yeah giving that way and

She's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, she really is. She really is heart. She's just a great heart. Yeah Uh, you have a great heart too, even though it's like, you know protected by it with a lot of thorns No, it's not I actually I'm I'm too good a lot of the time. Yeah, I can really be too open and too too Loving and giving and get hurt a lot. I have to I I need I've actually been Talking about that and thinking about that a lot. I need to be more protective of my heart You know my therapist is like you need to have a shield and we need to create a shield. I'm like, what kind of fucking shield? Yeah, yeah, do I have to carry around a shield like Roman?

Yeah, that sounds nuts But I think I do have to create some kind of shield because I do let people in a little too much sometimes and and I get you know, I get I I get uh coerced sometimes and it's not good Yeah, you seem like you have a lot of empathy. I do when you get angry. Do you get angry? I do But it takes a lot. I mean, yeah, I get angry on the street and people annoy me, but I It takes a lot to really get me Enraged if I'm close to someone but once you cross that line, it's you're out. It takes a long time, but

How do you deal with rejection? Do you get really sad like I do? I I do but I I can get back up and keep going I mean, I think you that's the only way if you're in this business you have to you wouldn't be in this business that long If you weren't able to get back up and keep going, right? Yeah, but why do we do it? Because we're miserable people I mean because when you get back up, you're like, why am I getting back up? I should just lay down Well, no because we're sick. You have to be really fucking crazy to be in this business and keep going We would not be in it this long unless we were out of our minds But isn't the point though to get healthier and so we're not sick and then so what does that mean?

I mean, I think we keep getting healthy, but you you can't you have to be pretty not okay to be in the stay in this business Don't you agree? I think so. Yeah I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Like once you're really like you're you can't get too healthy Who in this business is really healthy? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, you're great. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, there's something in like I remember like last night. I went at the improv and I just I for somebody the audience wasn't great and I was just walking down the stairs and I turned to a girl and I go Am I out of my mind? What am I doing this for? You know, I mean

But that's like every time like sometimes I'll be doing something You know, I'll be dancing on stage or in a movie. I'm doing something. I'm like, am I out of my mind? This is stupid. You know what am I doing this for? You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's like Why do you think we do it because we need we need it? Well, I always say on stage like I I think I need the attention and I need all that But then after everyone's clapping and screaming even if they stand up I'm like no matter what you do it'll never fill the hole like no matter like it'll never fill that hole That comes from mom that didn't happen. Like she never held me enough. She wasn't around enough

Yeah, no matter what they do that hole is deep and it'll never get filled Yeah, it'll never get filled by pills or pot or coke or Yeah, or women or anything. So I don't know what will ever fill it, but I'm always looking for something to fill it I have holes to fill. Yeah. Yeah, don't say that around me She's got juicy holes You know, I mean, yeah, you know, it's funny We went through this when I did her So what you're saying to me, I'm sorry, Jess. No, no, no, listen Jess what I'm saying and I'm totally cool with it

If I if your wife was okay with it, right? And I was okay with it, right? Just hear me out, right? Yeah, and I go go ahead. Yeah, would you what are you kidding? You would that's like asking me if I want a bagel with cream Yeah, but now lovely of course she's gorgeous. Let me up the ante Can I up the ante this question? I'm gonna up it, right? Okay. So what if I that's the deal, right? But what if I said but I get to masturbate. Oh, I don't care about that and I think you would because I'm gonna be saying commentating That's it Jess. Well, if you were that's the one you're being you can't talk in German How would that go Bobby? I don't know

I don't get on the train. Get on the train. Get on the train. Get on the train. Get on the train. We're going to Auschwitz I put you on the deck Um, no, I don't I don't I don't care if you were meant because I trust you and feel safe with you But if it was a stranger like some gross guy, I don't think I could do it Up the ante a little bit more. Oh, no, let me up one more level, right? Oh, no No, why all right. All right. So what do we say you can do this, right? But at the same time I make love to your wife. No There he is. There's the one Number one. I I promise you this and she's gorgeous. Yeah, so that's your lucky. She's not on a track. They called me to pump Trump

In high school. Oh, it's only two in. Yeah. Yeah two pumps. I'm probably out I'll be sleeping. All right. Honestly, Jess. 11 and a half seconds Yeah It's 11 and I get 12 seconds, you know, you don't have to cut that 12 seconds of misery. That's it. Yeah You are 12 seconds of misery. It's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's gonna be uh, uh done. All right. Okay Yeah, so that's cool. She's in a fantasy. Yeah, yeah, you know what our our swingers club is very We cannot um do anything outside of our circle with randos Yeah, because it's just unsafe. It's unsafe. Yeah. Can you wear a julie julie a robert robert's like faceman?

But from what movie like conspiracy theory from that movie or yeah, that's fine. Okay. Yeah, all right um Back to something that I wanted to say is when I was in high school Not high school when I was 20 years old, right? I met this guy named Mike Harano and he was the manager of the improv in pacific beach. This is probably 1992 a long time ago And I was working at a coffee shop and I and I worked with this girl that was dating Mike Harano Anyway, one night he goes come down to the improv because I managed it. He matched it with Dave Becchi. You know Dave Becchi from three yards

Yeah, yeah So, um, I went there and I and bob cat go with was performing. Yeah, and I was on I just Mesmerized by him. Yeah, right and I remember him after the show You know, they said goodbye to him and he signed autographs took photos or whatever And he got in a cab and he drove away and in my head. I'm like, he's going to some fucking amazing party You know what I mean? He's gonna be knee-deep in cocaine and pussy, right? But the reality is he went to a hotel And just sat on his bed sad

But the but the mystique of it, right? Like a lot of people like they'll probably look at us go, right? They probably have these exciting lives and this and that but really at the end of the day We're just like the guy that works at wingstop. You know what I mean? Yeah Maybe even we're way more miserable. Yeah, maybe he's going to magic mountain with his friends. Yeah, he's going to play video games Yeah, yeah, yeah and like, yeah. Yeah. Have you just sat on a couch and just looked down on the ground and just have I ever not? Yeah, yeah, yeah, how much can I talk about how much sobriety you have? Yeah, sure

How much do you have? Well, I had years and I went out during uh during covid What I have a year and I have a year and seven months back. Wow completely off of everything. Yeah My you know, I wasn't working a program. I started smoking pot. My dad Passed away. Unfortunately a month into covid and I wasn't doing anything. I wasn't going to meetings. I wasn't reaching out Yeah, and he had a very aggressive pancreatic cancer. Oh my god Thank you. And it was horrible because it was during covid. So no, you know, we're jewish. So no Shiva just a wedding. I'm a wedding. Oh god, that's We had a wedding when he passed

Weird. We had a huge jewish wedding and everyone came with Matt. No Um, and so five of us just standing there with masks on just buried him. It was horrible and um, So I I didn't have support anything and I just started, you know, smoking pot and And that's all you did. No, I and I started taking pills and ambien, which is dangerous for me You know a lot of see a lot of people do this is the thing in california. Oh, I I'm sober. I smoke pot You know for me, I counted days. I that's not sober for me. Yeah, it's not sober for me. Definitely. No, I know For you too. This is what you and I talked about. So I had a start over it killed me But I had a start over and day one day two and

um, and so now I have a year and seven months and um, awesome I work a very strong program Awesome I have a sponsor and I go to meetings and I sponsor someone and I you know, whatever but, um, I I'm a bad addict, you know I'm I'm a garbage can and I'll do whatever I can do to to get high whatever it is. No matter It doesn't matter. I haven't had a drink in 22 years. Yeah, um, alcohol is just not my thing But yeah pot like we you and I have talked about well that I mean that was the thing

I would say that drove me back in surprise and I think When people hear that they go well, I know you eat too many cheetos. I mean whatever that might be, but it's like It's all mental with me. Me too. Right. I started going crazy in my mind Me too. Right and people are like, well, you haven't had a drink in 22 years. What's the big deal? I'm like, you don't understand if I smoke pot. Yeah, I smoke pot 24 I will get up to pee and smoke 17 bongas. Yeah Okay It doesn't matter. Yeah, it's it's I'll I'll eat 46 gummies and take, you know, five ambient like I'm not

Okay, yeah, it doesn't matter what it is. Yeah, I'm a drug addict one time Which is a you know, I mean a store by my house and I walked in and the guy that worked there he goes again Oh And I'm it was like embarrassing that over there. I was there the day before and the day before that I think you told me that you stopped going to two different dispensaries because they were legitimately like worried about you Yeah, because they would look at him and be like, dude, that's yeah, didn't you say somebody called you from a dispensary? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah and said

We're worried about bobby like they would wait. Dispensaries are calling Granddad. We're worried. There's a problem. I would get dms. Yeah. Like hey, just so you know, like bobby's relapse Yeah, like before you even told me. Yeah. Can I also say something about like on the Edible just give me a dosage amount You need instructions. I need instructions because I just I take the whole thing It's you know, I mean like if there's you know 16 gummies that come in a thing They're gone in an hour. Holy shit, right? Yeah I want to know like one or two

Every other day. I know it wasn't but I wouldn't take 16. I don't think you would have. Yeah, I think so. Yeah Yeah, I think so and and you know with pot it's so hard because it's very frustrating because people go. What's the big deal? It's the only pot. It's like no, it is a fucking big deal. Like it's it's Heavy shit. Yeah. Yeah, it's and and don't I hate when people say to me like Why can't you just have a little pop because I can't yeah, don't ask me that. I'm a I'm an addict Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can't have it. Yeah, I can't You and I are so similar. It's really. Yeah, it's really weird. It's like don't ask me that why I can't I just can't Yeah, you know, and they want you to I think a lot of people want me to to smoke pot or to eat a bowl

They really want me to to make themselves feel better. Yeah Like they they want me to so that they can do it and feel okay about it because they're addicts. Yeah, there's also a group at the store Yeah, that when I went out, I was doing weed with them. Yeah, but now that I'm sober. I can see them. Yeah Forcibly distancing some stuff. Of course, they're gonna do that but but they're not doing it I don't think because they just don't want to I guess like, you know entice me or they're just trying to be cool or whatever But it's like you can say hi. Yeah, you know, they don't want to entice you and also You know a lot of people who know they shouldn't be using

Yeah, you know, we've been through. Yeah, we've been through that. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, they they don't they know They shouldn't be using. Yeah, they don't they don't really want to hang around Yeah, yeah, but I crossed lines. I never thought I would like You're never gonna smoke pot and act in a show Yeah, and here I am high on a set You know what I mean? Not knowing my lines and being scared and then what the fuck is going on like things like that. It's just it's so Scary, but you know what's good about us though We have high bottoms nonetheless though

Right, like I don't lose everything. You know what I mean? No once I see I can foresee into the future Right, so I'm like, okay Every day for the last two months. I've been acting like this. I can pretty much guarantee I'm going to be doing this and I can see slowly things fall apart Me too. You can right so we nip it in the butt before we lose it all Is that what you do 100%? Yeah, thank god. I'm lucky because I've actually saved myself Where I'm like, here we go. This is not gonna go well Um, I mean the last time I did have my therapist and my wife and my mother like say you have to like this is it

You gotta go get some help because this is not going very well. You're falling asleep with like chips on Yeah, you have like tostitos hanging out of your fucking face This is not going very well. We gotta for him. He was getting these like what he called his tundra attacks Where he would just freeze like his body would be shivering and I think it was like one night that like three in the morning He was like this Like just in the dark in the dark like this just froze and he was like Am I moving? And I had to

Am I moving I thought I was running but I wasn't and he's like I was just frozen Yeah, can you help me? So I had to touch him to unfreeze. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was like it was like freeze tag He was like freeze tag. It was like a weird game, but I literally could not move like I was so frozen And you know, it's like and also my psychiatrist said, you know, there have been studies when people have The kind of life I've had trauma, right? Yeah, that when you smoke weed It does the adverse effect Right, so it doesn't make you sleepy or you know me or hungry for me. I couldn't sleep and I couldn't eat That's what happened with me. I stopped smoking weed years ago because in the beginning it was fine

It was fine and then I just started becoming more and more paranoid Yeah, and then I would get severe panic attacks and then it dawned on me I was like, okay, like I'm a child of extreme trauma and unresolved trauma I shouldn't be kicking the the dirt up in here, you know with anything like psychoactive like that Because I just don't know what I'm kicking up and I would have really extreme panic attacks Have either one of you ever done trauma work? Yeah, okay, because I did when I relapsed I went away And I did major trauma work. I went to a trauma center I don't want to know where it was. But what state was it in? Florida. I went to Arizona. Okay. I went to a place specifically for trauma

Me too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I did. Yeah Because of my dad or whatever and I did some heavy-duty work. Yeah. Yeah. EMDR Yes, well, I did ART, which is the same thing but in one session at a time. Wow. This is hilarious I did equine therapy. Have you ever done that with a horse? He hates equine therapy. Oh my god I love equine therapy. I was so traumatized because the horse had a heart on And it was the most traumatizing thing and besides that it was 150 I was in the Florida in August So the horse's cock was this big because its leg was bleeding. Yeah, the horse's leg was bleeding and a fly flew in my ear So in my ear was

In my ear and I was like get me the fuck at it. You know, I'm like this Jewish girl from New Jersey Like I had just gotten there. It was so traumatizing. But if the horse had like a beefy like vagina, would that have traumatized you? Oh, no, I would have like gone down I could do math Yeah, no, it was like but I I did a lot of like breath work Which is heavy and pounding pillows and fucking I did it was good work. Wow. I felt really good So so I think that's also our similarity. So what is your dad? How was how were you traumatized as a kid? Oh bad. No, I remember my dad

Wow, my dad was the funniest person I I've known. I mean, that's a huge statement We've met I've met the most famous comics in the world But I got my sense of humor. He was brilliantly funny. But boy, did he have a temper. Yeah And he was I'm talking like if he was pissed, he wouldn't even say anything But he would just slam his head into a cabinet Wow, yeah, like just hit his head or just when he would scream he would actually start singing like that's how insane Like I don't like the way What the fuck yeah, wow screaming and yet like, you know, his veins would so it wasn't I didn't get hit but just scream a

Fucking rage. Yeah. Yeah. And there was, you know Cursing and and name calling and you know, it was a lot. It was a lot But he was also the one who was there for me who took me to doctor's appointments Like he was the one who showed up. So it was very confusing and hard, you know, he really well He probably had his own trauma. He never dealt with it. It's generational. My grandmother was not great. It was So, um, it was it was tough and it was scary. Uh, no, is Zach your older or younger brother So Zach's breath is my stepbrother your stepbrother. Yeah, so I had once uh an older sister growing up and I had Um, my both parents, you know, they got divorced my mom

Um, uh got remarried to Zach's father and there were four kids and my dad got remarried to a younger woman And they had two kids. So did you grew up in your dad's house or your mom's both? So I went from house to house and my mom was a therapist. My mom still is a therapist. Oh, wow And she you know, wasn't around a lot. She was helping other people So my dad really showed up and and took care of me a lot But it was confusing because my mom was out helping the world and meanwhile we were home kind of like You know the kids that took care of ourselves and she's like taken care of other people It was it was you know, it was a lot

That was what was most confusing about my childhood too is that my mom was our primary caretaker But she was my primary abuser. So it was the most confusing part of it is like she's putting food on the table I can see that it's really she really is doing her best Right. He did his best. She just is you know, she doesn't know how much you know pain. She's actually like inflicting She just has she's unaware Yeah, he did the best he could from what he knew and he did he was he was great a lot of the time but When he was when he was off he was really off and it was it was bad There was a lot of you know name-calling and I myself image really suffered from it bad

Because it was a lot about looks a lot Ah You know, there was a lot of name-calling and weight stuff and you know fat this and bad words and uh boy It really and it caused me I I got very very heavy as a kid to piss them off both of my parents I blew the fuck up. Yeah, because I'm like you want to call me fat and whatever I'm gonna blow I'm gonna be the blueberry girl like I'm gonna fucking blow up I'm serious. I joke about it in my act. Yeah. Call me fat bitch and this whatever. I'm gonna fucking become 300 I'm I really

I was like Yeah, and they couldn't even look at me. Yeah, you know, they got pissed because that was my way of being like You and kids do that. Yeah, you know, we get negative attention. It's some kind of attention Yeah, well like what I got like As a kid like maybe a b and a c and my dad took a fucking Golf club and just beat me because I didn't get a's right. So I got straight f's from then on right same kind of thing I was always like Yeah, well, fuck you. Yeah, me right all the other kids

My cousins and stuff right they all got straight a's And they all went to ivy league schools But every once in a while a kid will go. Nah Nah, I'm gonna do the other way. I was the opposite So I was I walked a very very straight line because she beat me into having straight a's I never I was too afraid to get the a's because I was just so I was plucking wire From my mouth because she you know punched my braces into mine. Oh my god. So I was so horny How much blood how much blood

I just made your I knew would make her laugh wait, what about the Does that it would You what does that in a I got I got him. I got rubbing their nipples like that. Does that feel good this? Yeah Hey, of course. Yeah, that would throw me off. It really should be like this. Oh, right, right I got one better for you. I got one better for you when I first came to America. I got fisted by my family doctor Oh my oh my god. I thought you were gonna do the That was a little too dark Oh, you guys I was gonna turn everyone on in the room. I got weird. That's sad. I got weird

I I talked about and I was molested in fat camp. Does that make you feel? Was the it was in a camp counselor. Yeah, was he fat as well? No, I think he was turned on by fat kids I did too. Yeah. Yeah, you did I've always been with like I love I love plush plush is my thing. I don't mind I I'm not a I'm not a you know a slender. I don't I'm not attracted to slender people. Yeah I've seen you get hot guys though But never in long-term relationships. Think about it. All right all long terms have been with plush plush types

So, um, when you're in LA, do you see Zach at all or no? Yeah? Yeah Yeah, I I normally stay with Zach his guest house, but he's his whole thing his whole guest house and everything He's editing his movie that he made with Morgan Freeman and And Molly Shannon and his girlfriend with Lawrence blue. Yeah, wow Yeah, when he back in the day when he got um scrubs and all that were you proud of him? Oh, yeah He was a child actor. So he was auditioning every day. Oh I didn't know the people think he just like got famous He was like really going on auditions daily as a little kid. He's really, you know

Because you're such a nice person. He really is a nice guy. Yeah, I really like him. He's such a nice guy He is he's a really good person. Yeah, and he's funny as shit. Yeah, and he's so talented I mean the kid he when he did garden state. He was like in his 20. It's crazy He wrote it directed it starred in it best soundtrack. It does best. Yeah, is that not the best soundtrack with the shins Yeah, I know not only that but the lonely boy in New York that Simon and Garth local song I know when I was a kid that was my favorite song and when I heard that in that movie I was like, oh, I love that guy Because we have we love the same kind of music. Yeah the shins as well. Yeah

And josh raiden was in it and all these, you know, he just what a talented family though I know you and I know and my and my other two stepbrothers are writers and and it's it's really They're all I mean, we've been through a lot our family, you know, my step sister passed away Oh my god, she had a brain aneurysm and it was a nightmare We've ended my stepfather passed away and then Zach's best friend was, you know, Nick Amanda Cruz husband Had cove it. Yeah, it's been like one thing after the other. It's our family, but Yeah, it's like, you know when the you know that You know, I get what people why people feel about, you know, I people have strong opinions about vaccinations and they have

MS and all that stuff like but, you know, that's a prime example of somebody that I lost that, you know I mean was that somebody that would have never died if he never had it, right? And we know we we did all these mindful things for people like that, right? I mean, we want to save as many people as we can. I mean, I get people's Belief in their rights and you know, I mean and freedom and all that stuff, right? And I'm all for that, right? But the reason why we did what we did is we didn't want to get our parents sick and my mom's sick And also we don't we want to save as many people as we can and I love the pandemic too. So I know I mean, I have I have a daughter with heart disease. I don't even know if you guys know that I'm my six year old

So I I've been always been like god. I mean, she can't she cannot get it. She couldn't get it So she still has to wear a mask or wherever we go. I mean, she's stable, but she needs more open heart surgeries She's had three. It's only six. Oh my god. Yeah, she said three open heart surgeries in a stent So I'm I'm I've always been like with these people who are like, I'm not you know Fuck that and it's very hard for me Even though I agree with you and people have the right to do whatever they want to do with their own body and with their But it's hard for me because I got a kid who cannot get it She's got fucked up lungs and yeah, so yeah, it's a very hard situation. Yeah

Yeah, it's not it's so weird that it's not really over But it's not because I was supposed to tape something at the comedy store For mint comedy, you know live stream thing and the whole crew got covid and couldn't film it. Oh, people are still getting it Yeah, I'm so sorry about your daughter, man. That's yeah Is she she's not going to school that I mean she goes to school. Yeah zoom or no She went well during covid. She was doing zoom, but yeah, she goes to school and she's okay She had open heart surgeries six days old. We knew when she was in utero Can you believe that that she needed open heart surgery? She's a rare heart disease and uh

Yeah, it's it's it's crazy. I mean and this is gonna sound interesting I'm very grateful that she's okay. Like she still needs A bunch more surgery. She's never even had the major one where she needs her valve replaced But listen, I've been in children's hospitals for years And I've been around a lot of parents where they've come to the parents and said, I'm sorry But your child is I know this is very upsetting for you. It's upsetting. I know it's perfect for a comedy By the way, we're gonna end this with me just killing my Yeah, but you know the I'm grateful that she's okay and she looks normal. She's gorgeous, you know, thank god. She's pretty

I have four daughters. I have no little girls. Yeah, and wow, you know, she's healthy and okay But she needs more, you know, this is also the kind of thing where people like your daughter's fine, right? She just has a hole in her heart, right? I'm like, no, she's not No, this is it It's not perfect. It's not okay. Like she needs more open heart surgeries and this but it's like you can smoke pot, right? Yeah, but you but I imagine I'm so sorry that but it does ground you in the moment, right? Yes, because you're like, you know, like for me, I don't want it. It has nothing to do with your kid But like even when I see my animals, right? Yeah, I know they have a certain, you know, I mean, yeah, and I just I'm really trying to be like

Looking at the hairs on there, you know, I mean and their paws. No, it's a similar thing. It's your trial Yeah, and all the things and I just really Take in the moment. Yes, you know, I mean that's what I do and the experience. Yeah It is it's the same kind of you feel the way you do about your animal I get it. I've had animals and I feel I'm in love with them. Yeah, and I am very present with my kids And I'm very grateful that she's okay. She looks normal. She could have been very like tiny You know, I was very worried that she'd be like a tiny little child. She's totally normal looking. Yeah um, which I'm so grateful for

And she's goes to school. She's healthy fine. She takes medicine every day She always will and she we have the best doctor in the world. I'm not kidding. We're at columbia in new york city I'm we're right near the doctor in the hospital. We're blessed. I mean, it could be so much worse I see these situations in the hospital that these parents deal with and I'm like God, are we lucky? I mean these situations that these parents are in are so horrific What they have to deal with. Oh, yeah, so I'm grateful But it also does ground me in this business and like I'm like, oh, I didn't get this weekend who fucking cares like It does ground me a lot. Yeah, because things could be a lot worse. Yeah, I also think that in general

Especially when because you had a recent relapse and so did I it really puts things into perspective and I don't want to lose it Yeah, right. It's like here's my fear My fear is right now. I'm kind of in a pink cloud and learning all these things about myself and you know I'm trying to be way more like attentive toward her and being mindful about all of the things But I've kind of been here before in the sense that like you don't think I have I think you've never been here before I am so thoroughly impressed by the effort this time around Like I honestly

Like you I've never even Sarah and I were just talking about it yesterday We were like, have you ever seen him more clear or calm and she's like I've never seen him like this before Just you know and consider it. That's the biggest thing like you're actually Like my mom she texted me the other day. She was like Bobby just asked if he could help with a trash And I'm like that is weird. I never said that There's that's impossible. I would never say she was taking the trash out and she was like and you apparently you said Hey, can I help you with that? And she she called me to tell me that she was like, is that weird? I'm like, that's that is weird, but also amazing

Because I don't want to help her I can't handle it. That is hilarious. Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to help her but I want to do Things against I that's very important Bobby. I'm not kidding. That's you you you should do Yeah, what doesn't feel normal what doesn't feel right? Yeah, go against it and start practicing doing things that like even this morning She woke up and normally like it just takes me a while To even function, right? But my thing was kiss her on the forehead You did? Yeah, I did. Was I asleep? You were asleep. Okay, but I gave you a big kiss on the forehead

And then went back to sleep, but it's like I don't want to do that Gross I can I can I can see him really trying like Usually when he he does not like being touched at all when he's hate wedges There's this big Pillow My language comes out, right? Listen

That fucking pillow isn't a wedge between us. All right It's I like to I'm like a koala when I sleep, right koala me That was hysterical Right, yeah, whenever I walk in the room that sound fucking happens So anyway, um That so for me it's like now I'm trying to put the pillow on the other side So you don't get the impression that you think it's a barrier, but it was never a barrier It's just though. I like to just do this. You know, what about when I accidentally

Um graze up on you and you hiss. It's not that I'm like, I'm gonna say It's not a hiss. I go. Yeah. Yeah. That's worse Yeah, so I have oh I have that thing where obsessive compulsive. Yeah, right? So, you know, you you and I have seen stuff on the ipad, right? And then when you hit me with this arm, I have to go Do this and do this. Yeah three times, right? So before

Whenever you would you would graze upon me my instinct would be to go and do it with this leg too. It's crazy I have the thing with threes. I don't yeah, it's crazy But then now I have a thing with threes because I'm so fucking I'm so fucking codependent So now if I touch him, yeah, knowing that it'll set him off. I now touch him in threes. No, I by the way So does my wife So if she if she at my our entire relationship when she would kiss me on the cheek goodbye She'll kiss me two more times because she knows it has to be three. That's not codependent. That's just being considerate Yeah, but that's not codependent. But let's talk about that. Why do we have that?

Uh I don't I just think it's a oh, I think a lot of people have that I don't think it's like a major Thing I don't really overanalyze that right, but it is they I really don't when I do it. It's because if I don't do it. I feel like something bad me too So that's weird. Well, it is it's superstitious. Yeah, superstitious. I'm gonna have a bad day. Yeah Or yeah, I think something bad's gonna happen, but I have to like take three pieces of toilet paper I do or I do. Oh really? Yeah, I have to or I have to cut it into three pieces like I have to do Do like certain things have to be in threes. Yeah, if I that's why I don't wave to people

Why because I have to wave with both arms so I so I have to do this you have to go like no, no, no what I do is this Yeah, yeah, it's better than this. All right. Yeah. Yeah, so I have to I have to go hey That looks like something's wrong and the movie theater So I don't turn around a movie theater because I have to turn around two times So this is what this is what you see if I turn around, right? It's the fucking hair dude Right, so it's like All of these things look like you have a problem. They're not good. I know they're not good

Right. So but what I'm doing now is not doing it. Well, that's good But I it uh, but it well, how do you just stop doing it? I just go wait a moment. So what he'll what here's what I'll do big meds Well, I I'm on little meds. Well, I am too, but I'm surprised you were just able to stop doing it Right. I still think bad things are happening So I literally because yesterday I got a new car, right? Yeah, and I remember like I was upstairs and I touched the doorknob So I touched it one time and I got just do it one time and then when my new car came up There was smoke coming out of the engine

Oh, right. So I'm like that's because I didn't do the fucking thing. I do the same thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard I know, but I also I this is what I'm stopping doing. Is that right? I'm gonna stop doing this Is that better? Yeah. Thank you, man. I like you. Thanks. You're not an uppity, Filipino Normal one. There we go. So um, you're not you're uppity. But anyway, um What I've been doing is if something bad happens early in the morning immediately I go This whole day is fucked. Yeah, right. And then I just somehow manifest Bad things happening or I perceive things as bad

So what I've been trying to do now is if something bad happens in the morning just resetting up That's not gonna dictate the rest of the day. Good. It seems to have been working kind of you can also just like get on your knees and pray Yeah You don't have to get on your knees, but just say god, please help me turn or higher power or yeah ever A piece of bread. It doesn't have to be anything. Whatever. Just help me. Please help me turn this day around Energy out there. Whatever it is. I find though going through the motions Of getting on your hands and knees is different than Doing it in my car. It is. Yeah. I feel like it's not more real, but it is it for me

Yeah, I feel I feel feels more real and more of a commitment almost it is I just didn't know if you wanted to do that. No, I do. I do do that. Okay. Good. Yeah I in fact I like I'll do it like a normal Rockwell painting where I'll do it by the side of the bed You mean like that with those little white kids doing it Please give me a red bite Or whatever you like make the apple pie moist and delicious But for me, it's like, you know, I mean, let me get that Netflix show Okay, let me not bond tonight or whatever it might be. Yeah, let me not bond. Yeah

But it's it's weird. Now. What is your belief system when it comes to God? Oh, I've always believed in an higher power. I'm very connected. Thank God I don't know what the fuck's going on, but I do believe in God. Yeah, I don't know what it is. I But it it I've been like protected my whole life. I should be dead I've I mean seriously, I've like driven drunk, you know, the whole time I've been using my whole life like There's been so many times like I shouldn't just shouldn't be here and uh, I see signs constantly there's just been too many coincidences too many times that that Things have come together that people have shown up that I've thought of something and then there's someone standing there or people have been connected

It's insane. It's totally insane But you have to be able to See be able to be open to see it. I have been open. Yeah, the more I'm aware of it And I open myself up to it the more things I see of course. Yeah more. I'm closed off to it. I don't see anything Um, can I tell you my biggest god shot? Yeah. Yeah. I love these stories. Are you being sarcastic? No, I no I'm being totally serious. Yeah. I love them. Now. I tell normal people this story. Yeah, and people go that was just a coincidence No, I love this right, but I tell people in 12-step groups the store and they go Oh, yeah, I mean

So I got sober originally when I was 17 and when I was 17 I I was really into 12-step because I my parents are you know, I mean pan-faced beautiful people You know Pan-faced beautiful people you've changed right there. Yeah, I'll usually say gook, but I won't you know, I mean But you did they're pan-faced beautiful people, right? And they're just like Oh, whatever, you know what I mean? And I never never learned anything from them. I don't you don't learn so when I first got sober I learned how to live in the moment. I learned how to like set boundaries or whatever. You know, you know, you know

and I learned life through but then when I was 30 I relapsed and um It but the last seven years before that I never went to a single meeting So I lost all my numbers and whatnot, right? And I also moved to LA. I got sober in San Diego. So and um, I relapsed and I was heavy into opiates and I was going through really bad withdrawals and my my um manager goes There's a wheatgrass farm in San Diego

I want to go through it. So maybe you can get sober there. I go, but it's not a 12-step a wheatgrass farm, right? Yeah, so I showed up and they do wheatgrass colonics and I literally woke up In a bathroom at this place with a tube in my asshole green wheatgrass all over the fucking floor It was weird And I'm like, there's no 12-step nothing, right? And all they see feed you is like seeds like it's one of the there's no meat. It's so fucked up Seeds and wheatgrass and carrot juice. It was so terrible, right? So one night I go So

To my manager and she's like sitting by the pool Drinking a wheatgrass thing, right? And I'm like shaking. I'm like, I feel sick even just listening to this. Yeah, my stomach and I'm going, um I can't eat this food anymore, man You know what I mean? It's like, well, you know, it's healthy and you're losing weight losing weight Yeah, yeah, I'm dying. You know what I mean? So I go I go give me fucking $20, right? Because I know you have some cash And I'm gonna I'm gonna escape Right, so I climbed over this wall and I ran through this forest

Wait, there were a wall risk in this wheatgrass farm. No, it was like there was this I didn't want you to walk out the front door No, but the best way to get to where I feel like you've camouflaged on and like covered in the grass But the vans and the there was a vans grocery store and in and out, right? Oh over this wall down this forest. So I just climbed this little wall It's not like fucking mission impossible where I'm like have a fucking thing. All right. I'm just hopping over a wall All right, so calm down guys. Like yeah, there's like one in the morning It was a 24 o'clock. I go, you know what? I want an apple. I don't know why So I went into the apple I went to the apple section at this vans

And I get a tap on my shoulder And I turn around and it's this guy named will Now when I was 17 years old, yeah, this is crazy. I know. Yeah, when I was 17 years old, this guy was my sponsor That's crazy my first sponsor before Dan And I go What the fuck and he goes what the fuck and he goes I go, what are you doing here? And he goes, I don't know. I was speaking at a meeting in Arizona I was driving down the A

And something told me to come here And I go did he want an apple too? No, he was just walking about he's he wanted to get a bottle of water I don't know what it was, but he goes he could have gone somewhere else But he said I needed to go to this vans, right? And I go well I told him my story He goes I have everyone's numbers From my old AA from when I was 17 We're at years old

Yeah, so I just frantically wrote down all these numbers And everyone from AA in the San Diego scene would come and pick me up from the slides to take me to a meeting Right, so I just ran into this guy randomly, right and to me That was a god show. Of course it was. I mean that was like weird and now other people be like that's just a coincidence and you know what I mean, but I choose not to look at it that way. No, it's not. Well, that's not a quick I know there's going to be people who are listening. I know. I mean, that's why I'm saying it I mean our fans are gonna walk at it. You have to keep saying that because of course there's going to be people who and it's

Understandable who are going to go well. Yeah But I believe that too, especially when it comes to program stuff that you are put in situations with certain people where You know god or my higher power will put people in my life, especially when it comes to sobriety Yeah, right times. It's happened to me a ton of times where when I need help someone will show up In my life at the right time. It's happened to me so many times. I can't even count. Yeah. Yeah I have a question about apples

uh-huh Why do you insist that red delicious apples are good because they're the sweetest ones and they're the most delicious They're not they have that squeaky skin Squeaky squeaky. I love honey crisp. Yes. Yes. I love you uppity fucker. What is a honey crisp? They're amazing What are they? What color are they? Very yellowish red Pink are they're every color um a gala is okay. Yeah, they're good. Yeah, but red delicious pink. Yes red delicious is out I love laxed and superb What are those? What are lax laxed and superb? Oh lax? You're in that's uppity. What?

Yeah, is there a lax and superb apple? I'll look it up lax dens Is that a really type of like a type of apple? I think so. I think so I've never had one. I never had one, but look it up. What is that? I don't want to say that uh, that is a real apple Really? Oh, that looks crispy though. So wait, so it's like has a granny fist Green it's like broccoli. It's mixed Popular all in english style variety from the late victorian period. English. It's a beautiful apple. Thank you

I want to know uh Interesting twist and flavor inherited from its other parent the wike and pippin. No, that was an apple That's fancy And the reason why I know this is because I had I wasn't a band and that's what we're called What did you play keyboard? Oh, I love it. Yeah. Yeah. It was a terrible band, but um I'm getting back together with the guys. You know that what? Yeah, you guys are gonna go on. We're talking No, they want to go to vegas, but you know, I haven't seen these guys since I was 20. I'm so excited. Yeah, um Grow out your hair like you did back then. That's the thing. I'm doing right now. Jessica is your hair is beautiful. Thank you

It is. Thank you. I was just thinking that when you were talking before. I'm serious. Really? Yeah Should I grow out longer or what? Why not? Yeah, I'm gonna do it gives a shit who gives a fucking flying. We're all gonna die Yeah, I'm serious I let me ask you this. Are you scared of that? I don't think anything's gonna happen in the near future, but this world is not it's things are not going very well I know I mean I have kids so I'm trying to be positive, but I mean what is going on. Yeah, I mean with The wars with the environment everything everything everything the government the government. Oh my yeah, it's yeah, it's chaos We've never been here before never it's not even close. Well, it's relatable to the 60s

I think the 60s was similar. Yeah, but I just don't know who is going to even help But like I feel like I I'm both like who is going to run this good No one can get along or even have a conversation So yeah, it's been more polarized. It's ever been right. That's my that's where I'm the most like nervous about everything But can I say something to you? And I think we cannot so when I went to the place The trauma place I ran to I ran, you know because our group I don't know how yours work But we you go through this whole program with eight other people going through the program. Yeah, it's a small group

Yeah, so you're just around them constantly and at first you're like I fucking hate these people Yeah, and by the end of the thing you're like these are my best friends in the whole world Yeah, but there was one guy who was not waxed doesn't believe in vaccinations or he thinks that It's probably Wu Han that did it blaming Wu Han. You know what I mean? Yeah, um, he is Trump supporter Yeah, you know he wears the make America great hat, you know And he was the closest guy I went through with that in that program at the end of the week him and I were hugging tears in our eyes because

We were late on other things, right? He has trauma so you know what I mean? We have similar traumatic experience similar diseases almost right and we were able to really just bond and I just had to in a moment We're all the same. Yeah, we are we are We're fighting against each other. We're all the same. Yeah, and what we you know What's gonna help everything an alien evasion from a different planet? I agree What I'm being real You don't think so look at fucking independence day the Palestinians and the Jews were the fighter pilots together I'm not you I'm not even laughing because nothing nothing would surprise me at this point. Yeah

I wouldn't be surprised if aliens showed up right now outside the door. Yeah, we're like, hello Yeah, I I'm being I think I think that we that would if we had to fight another planet We would have to no one's gonna go well. Yeah. I'm a trap guy. No one gives a fuck We have to get together and fight this thing and then we will find our commonality which is humanity That's such a great point I'd be sarcastic. No. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not I know we don't I if that happened that would be perfect That would be perfect have to come together. I I think the I don't think so at all

Well, you think that it'll be split you think aliens will be trump supporters, too And they'll have liberals as well and then Probably. Yeah. Yeah. I genuinely think that make america great again Proud boys stand back stand by Storm the capital We have lasers but you guys do it I think Even something as absurdly obvious or like something like aliens. I think somehow we'd find a way to politicize it

I I just that's like, yeah, it's like a rival or that movie Where the the don't look up I think that's what's gonna happen. Even if a comet were to be Hurdling through earth somehow we'd find a way to no, I think you're close to the point I think because we're so not united Right that half the country Wouldn't even believe it was happening. Oh, they would deny it. Yeah, they're just they're just mexicans You know, they would say they were mexicans or they were like, you know, me or you know, I mean, oh, whatever

You know, I mean, they figure it out. Those are just black people trying to It's BLM. I don't see I don't see aliens. I see black people trying to take over our time Yeah It would be that those are just gay Dressed up and alien outfits trying to take over and fuck our children. Yeah I think that's what that would happen. Yeah, and we would be so not united and just in chaos. I'm fighting amongst ourselves They're just gonna wipe us out completely. Yeah. Yeah, we're fucked. We're fucked. We're fucked. Yeah, yeah But let's pray

You do a prayer lord. Yeah Please help us Please when we die just make it quick Yeah, would you rather die Like in your sleep No, see this is what I've been saying and I've been doing this on stage, but I really mean it I want to I want a two week notice of when I'm gonna die because I want to try every drug I never tried because I never tried crack Or I never tried crystal meth or heroin. There's a lot I haven't tried. Yeah, I wanted two week notice

Yeah, and I want to fucking go for it Seriously, I would I would want I would want to have the same death date with you Yeah, we if when I went oh my god, we would have fun. I think you'd die the first day They would find us in the desert naked holding each other just our skeleton Two weeks too. We just wait too long if you both and there's only one heroin or others. It's a joint You know We died from just a joint, you know, I mean, I have like a needle up my ass And there's like a cling on knife just stuck into my ribs

I know two weeks But I can imagine you and I because I would like to go to mexico and do one of those like that peyote, but yeah Like ayahuasca or something like that. I want to do that I know I would like I would have this horrible traumatized face It's like I have a ton. Yeah. Yeah, I would do it with you I think it would be like laughing for a minute and then just oh, oh my god It was so sad. We would never fuck though. No. No. No at all. Yeah, if anything, I'd fuck you

Yeah, but I'm also like I'm I can versatile Yeah, like I could I like to be taken also, but someone has to really own it. Remember I said that like they they can't be like Do you mind if I fuck I get someone has to be real, you know, like own it and be aggressive. Have you ever hooked up with a dude or no? Oh, yeah. Oh back in the day. Yeah, but I was annihilated Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I never minded sex like I gave blowjobs I like giving blowjobs. I I it's I say it on stage, but I mean it because I I like that feeling in the back of my throat Come and eat her. Yeah, and I don't

Just go to a hot dog. I don't And I don't chew like I really love eating food like You know, like I love to eat. So I I liked giving blowjobs. I I'm not a chewer either I inhale food. My parents have always been like slow Down I'm done in two minutes. Right. We eat fast in my family too. So I like, you know, maybe there's a correlation between that and liking You know being fell fuck. But do you think there's an afterlife? Of what after we die you think

Oh, I thought you meant of being skull The ghost Well, the skull fucking may be uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah, I mean like I don't know what skull fucking is. You know, I mean, so What do you think it is? What do you think it is in an aggressive blowjob? Because skull is like like Mouth fuck is one thing skull is the whole thing Right. So just it just seems like there's a lot of like it's just aggressive. Here's the urban dictionary Oh, that's a reliable source the act of grabbing a part in skull partner skull. See that's like a head fuck

Yeah, I don't want to grab your skull. Maybe your temples are the side of your face. That's a temple. Fuck a temple fuck Yeah, I I do understand you sweetie. He's very tender. I'm so tender sweet sweet man. Oh, yeah, yeah Yeah, um, do I believe in an afterlife? I Yes Yeah, you do. I don't know what it is, but I do believe in it Like I feel like my father is somewhere, but I don't know what's going on. Yeah, but I do believe he's out there somewhere Yeah, isn't that weird? Yeah, and it's in the sky. Like I don't know why yeah

Yeah, I wish my dad was up there and just getting beat by Jesus with a fucking golf club. You know what I mean? Yeah But just for like a year and then have I want to go up to heaven And have my dad be there. Do you think he's in heaven? I think so. He's never killed anybody. Yeah. Yeah, I think he I think then he um, take a butter knife to your aunt's neck. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I imagine him just being there like a green pasture Like I wake up And I'm not naked, but I'm wearing like white stuff. You know, I mean robe. I get up. What the fuck right?

And I see my dad there and him have tears in his eyes Yeah, and say I'm so sorry You know, he has a golf club. He's not gonna be with that. He's just playing there on the pasture. You know what I mean? I think yeah, I think my dad's definitely in heaven. He was a very good person Yeah, he really is a very very good person a big heart and sensitive person just a bad temper. Yeah Moody, you know moody. Are you like that with your kids? No, right? No, I am so Overly conscious about I've I don't think I've ever yelled at my kids. Wow I'm really like if anything too

Like I need to that's better. Yeah Yeah, I think that's what happens either you repeat the exact same things or you're and I'm just like he is where I'm very Very silly with them, which is amazing because they're silly Yeah, I think that you and I Even if our parents weren't the way they were we would still be comedians. Yeah, but I would just be like nicky glazier You know, or you know, or David Spade just nice, you know, yeah, yeah You and I have an edge or oh, yeah, I love having an edge Me too. Me too. Me too. I laugh. I mean, I laugh at comics who have an edge. I was dying laughing at you last night

That edge is what makes me laugh. Like that was you laughing. I was laughing. That's what I heard over there on the side I was laughing hysterically in the side. Thank you. Thank you. I mean, I always laugh at you. Who's who's not gonna laugh at you? I laugh at you too No, I don't you know, I I I don't laugh at safe comics. I mean, I get it. They're good writers, but I don't laugh at that Yeah, I laugh at people's angst and pain. Like that's what I laugh at Yeah, because I was watching David Spade last night because he's right before me and I had dinner with him before and I I just like I was watching him going I wish There was a part of me that wishes I could be like him in a sense

You know, I mean because it's like when he went up before because I said we were hanging out before It's just a spot. You know, I mean for me, it's like looking at the room You're mean see what kind of crowd they are. Yeah, there's just more of a worry. Me too. Yeah Just so you know, if it makes you feel better every time I go up. I'm like This, you know, they may not but but I still always stay true to who I am and if they don't get it They don't and I will never just do what I think they want me to do because I might as well not do it Like I'm not gonna do that. Yeah, that's a harder room though The improv on Melrose is a harder room. We talked about it. Yeah, we talked about it. It's uptight sometimes

Yeah, we strive in the store. Yes, because it's dark Yeah, yeah, it's like an asshole It looks like a mitsy's asshole We're performing inside mitsy's asshole. It is. It's like the comedy cellar. It's like a dark comedy, you know Yeah, also the kind of comics too around are like, oh that guy was in prison You know what I mean? Oh, whatever. You're totally. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, he's out. Oh, whatever. Yeah, didn't he just kill? Yeah, so at the end. Oh, by the way, okay Whenever you want to come back here, you know what I mean?

Just ask. Oh, thank you. Love you. That means a lot I mean, this is such an honor to sit here with you guys. I love you Um, at the end we do a thing called unhelpful device and basically people ask us questions and we answer them Sure. Yeah, I got an emotional a little bit. Oh Unhelpful device with Jessica Kirsten Hi guys, my name is Stephanie. I'm from New York City I had a horrible experience with a man when I was 18 who was much older than me He was in his 50s

He became obsessed with me which turned into stalking threatening eventually with weapons and sexual assault He had a family and I felt trapped and embarrassed is which why it went on for years Eventually someone in my family found out which forced it to the police in the courts which ended up him in jail Fast forward 10 years. I find myself mostly moved on from it The problem I have is that he was a Filipino man and I find myself very paranoid and jumpy when I'm around Filipino men now Obviously, I understand it was a bad case. It has nothing to do with this fact. However, I find myself extremely uncomfortable and nervous I don't know how to get uh How to get out of this

I have many Filipino friends and I find it hard to manage especially when I'm with their families fathers and uncles All I can see in here is him I have had wonderful experiences with this estimate city. Uh, they are so kind welcoming and loving But I can't seem to shake it off the back of my mind. What do I do Stephanie? This is my forte. This is my lane right here. I I had pervy uncles molester uncles abusive uncles uncles that swung their dicks in my faces So, um, you know, I understand I've never it's a funny visual

It is a funny visual like I remember always being Yeah, yeah, it's like I had uncles that made my back sticky my whole childhood, but uh, well that dark, you know, but Funny still funny, but dark I have the same problem. I have never Dated Filipino men. I am so scarred by what I saw growing up. They were shitty to me shitty to their There were shitty husbands. I was I come from a very matriarchal Filipino family All the women ran all the women were the bosses in the family and I For some reason that stuck but I think for so long I felt what she felt jumpy kind of just like nope

I can't date them because I had such bad examples growing up But that's just my family. I have to come to terms with the fact that that's not all Filipino men That was just my shitty family I've been trying like what we talked about before It's just go against You know my how I feel. Yeah, like when I go to the Korean spa I go to this dingy Korean spa that it's only old Korean men And some of them remind me of my dad. I'm being real. They have that temperament

You mean like when they're walking down the hallway, you have to get out of their way but And usually I I flinch or I'll But I'll walk past them. I'll smile even though I don't want to really I'm just going against because it's not They're not my dad. They're not they're not my dad. I know that intellectually it's just but how do you because with trauma We can intellectualize trauma all we want But ultimately our body responds in the way our body responds and that's something that we cannot stop in its tracks So, you know, I think for her you really have to do the trauma work

I was that was the thing I was going to say there is work you can do to to literally make that go away And that is there's a thing called ART Which is accelerated resolution therapy and she can do eye movement work and and really believe it or not make that stuff go away It sounds nuts But there's there's life experiences that you can do with EMDR or ART and stuff like that where you can You can make you can Get get get those body You know those feelings the stuff you've got guys have done too

And and not have those feelings anymore in your body or in your mind And it could shift everything Yeah, I mean there are specific instances I had with my dad are very That used to be very visceral and vivid for me, right? They don't have the same weight me too because I I did EMDR on that specific Yep memory, right? And I really do believe there's a connection between body and history Me too. I do, you know, I think that you carry that shit in your body It turns into something terrible later on, you know, I mean like diseases and whatnot and so I Want that shit released. I don't want that

I don't want to carry that shit around with me and I I agree with Jessica. I think we should add on a good note. That's it. That's good. My back is sticky Yeah I like it. There we go. New sort film. Yeah, that's the name of my new dvd My back is sticky by Jessica Jessica here's a bobby by the way and uh that banny was in Blacks and superb. Oh my god Young man. Young man. I was 21 years older. Wow 30 years ago. That's a hottie, babe. Back then. Yeah, still now

Yeah, I had the long hair. Amazing. Yeah Don't watch that. Anyway Jess, you want anything to promote? Yeah, people can go on my instagram jesse curse in my tiktok jessica curse. I post crowd work videos every day I do a shitload of crowd work. I'm gonna put out a crowd work special Oh, wow, no woman has done. So I'm gonna put that out soon exciting Yeah, and uh and my dates. I'm on tour. So my dates are at jessica curse and calm all over the country Has it been fun or no going on tour? No, I know I love you know, I love when I get on stage

That's when I'm but the traveling is a lot, but I I love performing I love being on stage and I you know, that's the best part. Oh wait, aren't you doing moon tower too? Yes Oh, we're gonna be all I love. We'll be a moon tower. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah Um, so check us out at moon tower in austin. Yeah, I don't know when that is It's the end of april end of april. Yeah, it'll be fun. Yeah, and uh give her a round of applause Whoo, I love you guys No, you don't I don't want to yeah, I'm leaving. Come on. What were you gonna say? What's dumb? The dumb-dumbs who think that it's on that was rehearsed or a fake really? So what's

What what's the point of that? Why would they like when Sasha baron Cohen did a prank remember where it was like? Um charlie chaplin's Co-star or something who's like 90 years old now and he pushes her off stage. Oh, yeah. Yeah tumbles, right? That's obviously a bit right. It's gotta laugh. It's controversial. It's edgy, but funny It really is funny the way they did that right with this one It's like really you think first of all for them to These award shows you think that they just that was the first time they went up on stage. Yeah, they have rehearsals during the day

Right, they have all the presenters come out. This is your mark. You need to come after that. It's not just improvised So the whole thing is rehearsed, right? There's a director producers They're all sitting around right and it's like chris is doing his thing Will isn't even probably even there during the rehearsals because he's just getting he's just nominated Right, so he's just sitting there, right? So he wouldn't even be there for rehearsals So what you're saying to me is that chris calls will smith one night and goes come over to my house Let's do you you know, I want to make fun of your wife. She's got to look offended, right? And then you slap me and wilson is like, why?

Just do it. It's gonna be great. I'm a comedian, you know, right? And then you're gonna sit down and go don't fucking talk shit about my wife Don't ever talk shit about fucking whatever, right? Yeah That's what they came up with. Well, what about what people saying? Oh, like, you know, they did it for ratings And made the Oscars relevant again. No, no, they didn't for ratings because number one, um, There's nothing there's not a place more woke Right, then the Oscars They're a bunch of woke little pansies, right? So it's like that's the

Opposite of woke what they did. Also, it's like, why would he? Like voluntarily jeopardize his career. He's he's his career Is not done. I mean, he he mel Gibson keeps working. Yeah, but there's a stink. I haven't seen a mel Gibson movie since that tirade Some of my water to watch and I bought them. I just can't watch them But my point is is that you're supported by the Santa Claus when the Santa Claus won't look really big, but I never saw I gave him the money, right? But my point is is that, um Yeah, it's it doesn't make any sense. That's not how it works, right? I've never been the Oscars, but I've been to the billboard award. I've been to a bunch of award shows the MMA awards

With randy couture. My point is is that you know as a presenter and stuff you're rehearsing You have to show up there that you have to know what to do. It's there's no way that they did that I think my best theory on it is If it was faked chris rock would have had a lot better joke for that moment Right because he he there was even a part where he was like, all right Like I won't say it anymore. Like he was a flustered for a bit a bit, you know But he's also not know like, okay. I could see andy kaufman doing it, right? But but there would be no unless it was bob zamuda in the audience. You know what I mean?

Coming up there would no one else would do that, right? So, you know chris rock isn't an andy kaufman asca performer. He's just not because the only Andy kaufman humor is only the two people that are doing it are in on it, right? That's what makes it cool. You know what I mean? But that's not what chris rock is about chris rock is a joke oriented punchline oriented comic, right that that pause of like Let if it was sasha barron cohen It could you know, I could see theories, you know, I mean I might be able to get behind some theories But chris isn't that guy, you know, right? So it's just like it's absurd. It's ridiculous. It's not

I just yeah, I hate people with conspiracy theories. It's like None of it's fucking real, man. I have a question. Would you know if it's real? It's like shut the fuck up, man Would you have been able to to? Would stand that open hand slap? No, I would have my eyes would have fluttered You'd only see white, right? Right, I'd probably make another You know what I mean? And I would Directly fall right and the fall would wake me back up

But I would stand back up and there would be blood dripping, right? And I was from my ears and my back of my neck, right because of the right and it had blood in my hand. I go We're cutting to a commercial break Geico or something right right and then walk off stage. I want I really want to know what you would say. Okay. Here we go. Yeah. Yeah Okay, I was I'm walking into what words you yeah, yeah, what are the five fingers say to the face? What? Oh, oh man um

Will Smith just slapped me I would say what he said and I go Anyway, the next presenters Like I would go right to the prompter There's a prompter. Uh-huh. I mean my instinct would go right to what because I wouldn't be thinking at that point So you would just go autopilot. Yeah. Yeah. So the the nominees for best documentary would be Yeah Taylor Goldwyn for you know, I mean the amazon princess or whatever right and people would be like

Dude address that he just slapped you. Yeah, and then and I would get off stage and I would go right to twitter No, first I would be like abby would be there my man and I would scream at her. Yeah, I told you this wasn't a good idea You know what I mean? Oh, everyone wants to hit me. You know what I mean or whatever, right? Or I know you know what I would say, you know, I honestly unless not even no jokes Hmm I would probably go what happened To people if I was there. Yeah, I would go after will smith if he slapped you I could I would grab jayna's bald

And then like and the you know, so you you're on the side of the stage Oh, I would run across and fucking I would absolutely smack. I would try to fight him. You know, he'd be scared The guy standing next to sitting next to stanley tucci Because they'd be like stanley tucci. What stanley tucci? Like it would be like it would be like what the fuck you're so fucked up I I just I just declared that I would I would defend you I mean it would be a confusing moment of like a double take like while this show's The special effects in this show is amazing

Did that the makeup your be nominees do that makeup or whatever they said it's funny though, babe. Come on Anyway, that person would be scared but my point is you'd run across and what I would honestly cause a commotion. You don't fucking hit I if if you got hit by anybody, I don't care if it's will smith god himself Who were the fuck were to hit you? I here's but here's the truth of it And this is because you're a sensible person, right? You're you would feel that inside, right? Your instincts would be like what the fuck, right?

But you still would be very aware of where you are But if your eyes were white and I just saw the fucking oh you mean you want to escape your body? Oh, yeah, yeah, I yeah, I would come to my body first, right? And you know it would be like, you know that one you're right. I would just be like, are you okay, sweetie? Yeah, and I'd be I'd point at him and like, no, fuck you. I probably wouldn't try to fight him. You're right I mean because you're looking in the eyes. You see Meryl Streep. You see everybody, right? Yeah, you probably wave. I'm on tv Oh, whatever Yeah, but it would be like I think it would the photo would be infamous

It's like remember the 60s when that that school called it shooting And one student got shot and there was a bystander holding him. You'd be one of those shots. You know what I mean? You'd be like an iconic photo I feel like licks would come out and make you fucking pussy. I'd just go off on him and a mic I'd be by the mic too What because your your body is still by the mic right pull the mic and I would just like call will smith all sorts of names Yeah, oh Or somebody would yell out do your lines from the core

And then the whole audience is too cheap too cheap, you know, and they're like he's like Sean Penny like, you know, he's everywhere You're Yeah, yeah, don't do that because it would it would freak people out It would freak people out Especially if he wasn't there What do you mean? If Tutu wasn't in the audience just literally like there is Yeah, I didn't know this turned it was this would turn into a me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry

You're beautiful, babe. It's just for the podcast. I say it. You know what I mean? I do look like Stanley. No, you don't you look beautiful, babe. I do look like I accepted no, it's just a joke, babe You don't I know it irritates you. That's why I say it doesn't irritate me. I think it's actually You don't look nothing like him very very hurtful. Yeah, you know nothing. Nothing like him. It doesn't irritate me. It just hurts me deeply Yeah Um That what is you know, but you know, I have to say My last final thing

Is what? Why? This is the final thing. This is and it's not a joke. Okay is Chris Rock is You know, he is like the Mount Rushmore of comics Like if you like of today like if there was a month Mount Rushmore It'd be Chappelle Chris Rock would be up there of today, you know, Bill Burr would maybe or

Whatever, you know, I mean, Louisa Cable with his dick out or whatever, you know, I mean, but um He would they would be up there, right? And if you could assault One of the Mount Rushmore's of comics we were all fucked. We're all fucked, you know, I mean because it's like um Our job as a comedian is to say things that you're not always going to agree with Is to open the envelope, you know, I mean, especially for someone like me. I'm a shock comic Yeah, I just say fucked up things on stage, right? And I sometimes improvise and say things that are just like

I'll sometimes even say something or I'm like, wow, why would you say that's crazy? You know, I mean, but that's just the whole point of it, right? And it's it there's always comedy clubs and stages of any kind, right? If you're doing a play, right? It's it should be the safest place One can be in especially, you know, when you're performing, it's like, you know Imagine if like you're at a circus ovation like love or something, right? And, you know, you've done the routine a thousand times in the one day Somebody just shoots you, you know, when you're up on one of those rafters, right? It's just like it's just like not

Cool, especially Will Smith should know better. He's a performer He knows that that's a sacred line you don't cross That's a really fucked up thing he did man It's fucked up. I would love him on the podcast and I would I suck his dick, but um Then I'm uh, you know, I'm a whore I really am a whore. Let's end on that now. All right But it's it's what he did was

Focked out man Hey, prime members, you can listen to Tiger barely ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with Wondry plus in apple podcast before you go. Tell us about yourself Before you go. Tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wanderie.com slash survey