TigerBelly - Ep 342: Bobby's Demonic Possessed Stroke

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

Bobby let's out a bloodcurdling scream. Khalyla is a monster hunter. Gilbert gets hard building a computer. We talk teenage unibrows, Jules becoming the new Bobby, first farts, and we call Umma. Support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad-free on Amazon music download the app today Hey guys, this episode is free. Thanks to our sponsors for more information go to better help at comm slash Belly and express vpn.com slash Belly. Enjoy the show 5 4 3 2 1 U R D E R E R. Murderer. I'm right here the fuckers. Is a murderer with biological warfare. I'm from Wuhan No, now listen welcome to me and clutter are on the last days of coves We got really sick It was terrible and you know Um like in the Godfather, you know, you know, you get betrayed from the inside. Oh man

Yeah, yeah, and you get betrayed by somebody that Seems like to be an ally seems like they're your friend, but this guy came in here Yeah, see what you're doing whatever your little cute sound effects, dude. You know what I mean? I like it, but my point is is at the end of the day you got us sick Did I? Yeah, I like this about you. Yeah, so you didn't know when you came in the last when you were he didn't know You didn't know he wasn't even know he that's a lie. I knew I Didn't know God relax. You're gonna get out of this

It's not a boy let's a style COVID game. I didn't know I honestly that Saturday Immediately when I woke up, I was like I would I get tested all the time. So I tested right away And that's when I found out I didn't know Friday. Hmm and And You got her other family members like anyway, um, but who? My mommy. Oh, but did I who went to see them Bobby got her sick? That's not that's that's not yourself

Stop stop. I told you on Saturday. You're supposed to be in quarantine when you come in contact You told me in George. You didn't tell but the Bobby call the Bobby call. Oh, that's right. Bobby did come Yeah, but she was already at our house. No, you knew Saturday and you still Kalyla was protecting her mom and you Quarantine You shared of an in-and-out burger with her and fries. Yeah, I didn't know until Sunday that I had coven No, you knew he had yeah, but I didn't know I didn't have it That is how this is good. This is how this This is right. I I don't like where this is going yet

So what you're saying is is that I purposely got your mom sick We both knew on Saturday. Yeah, that we had been very clearly exposed And then the we knew that there was a risk. So what we did what I did was I completely stayed away from my mom She's on Sunday. She told me that you didn't you were like Maritaz. Do you want and she said that she said you played like no That's not true. That's not true. First of all, that's what can I just defend myself? Absolutely not true. Okay. I was got I was team my distance for your mom, right? And I go I'm gonna go in and out and she goes puppy. Get me in and out, right? What's your order? Don't change the subject. I'm number one. I'm not I'm regular. I think all right. Don't change the subject. But um, anyway

Um, COVID is um, we've been there done that. Um, it's is it like the flu? similar We definitely bonded we did bond A lot. Well, I didn't really know who you were for the I was really sick for like two days Monday and Tuesday, I was like sick. So you have two days stretch where it was bad or three? Um, two days two days Um, he never got a fever. I only had a tiny bit of a fever and then but she had diarrhea farts. I How dare you call her out? That's not true. You said baby. This is

We were on the couch together and you said babe, we've been together for so long Can you can you finally let me hear you fart and I was like, are you sure? Are you sure? I thought you trust you. I thought you've heard this before and then I finally did and you humiliated me Why because let me ask you something when I ask for You know me just a hamburger and I get fries as well, right? That's not what I asked for a fart, but you gave me Diarrhea as well Animal yeah, I mean animal style. Yeah, that's what exactly double animal Can I tell you how it happened? Yeah, it was like I was trying so hard to produce a fart for him that I overshot

And so I pushed too hard thinking. Oh my god. It's finally here now. It's like babe. Come here. I have finally have one And then I did and then it too much came out it went Like it was raining. Okay, but not only did that happen and you admit to the me that Please admit it because if you're are you a liar? No, okay. Good. He's an honest woman. So how many farts did you do? after that first one And are these pops or these like or are these rolls or pops not not in a roll no these are like

Distinct these are distinct events. Well, can I tell you how I got there? Please okay, so what happened was at that time, you know He was you know, we were laughing we were laughing and then Jules. Here's the commotion. She goes what what's happening? I was like, I'm farted. I farted in front of him for the very first time. She goes. Oh my god He did so she comes in the room. I was like, do you want to see it again? And so then I was like I was like, do you want to see me fart in front of him? And so she sat there and we were laughing hysterically because I finally like, you know, yeah She so she did another one wet as well. Okay, wow, and then she did a couple of more

unprovoked Like without any like announcement with that. It wasn't even a joke. She got comfortable. She's just got comfortable Can I tell you what he did? I didn't do anything dude. He almost got killed In the middle of the night. This is what he did. Oh, no, no What are the court? What is this for? Are you my lawyer? You almost lost your life. Are you my lawyer? Okay, got your back. You got my back I got claus back and you're the lawyer. Okay. Oh judge. No, no, you guys got below you guys have to be two judges All right, I can defend myself. We're two gay judges. All right together. All right

We're deep in covet at this point deep in covet. Delirious. All right. So would you like to share your point of view? Yeah, go ahead. Sure. So as I'm As I'm fevering, right Shuddering in bed. I'm very I have very fractured sleep. So I'm in and out of sleep one of the times that I wake up I look over to the right of the bed and I see bobby start to like Fidget out of bed and I'm like sweetie. Sweetie. Are you okay? Are you okay? And then he rolls out to the side of the bed and this is all I see Tell me if this doesn't terrify you

What the fuck Okay, that looks like a baby in a scrub trying to fight sleep. That's uh, so I'm like, thank you, but thank you At this point, I think that oh my god, there's something really wrong with that. I'm screaming bobby Bobby wake up. Does he make any sounds? He's no, he's just doing like a fucking demon in the dark like a fucking scary Like okay exorcist in the dark and so I'm freaking out because I'm like, why can't he hear me? So what I do is I go over and like because I'm like, oh my god, like he's possessed and in my fevered brain I was like, I got to capture this demon

So wait, so now you're all right. You're a monster hunter Yeah, I'm a monster hunter. I was like, I have to do something. So I grab him by the wrist Because I'm about to like throw him in a closet Because I'm like, he's turned into a full demon. Okay. What is your side of things? And then he screams so you were all unforced your butt was jetting out like that, right? So like when I grab him he lets out the most blood curling scream I've ever heard in my life. Can I get a little sample? Chill I I don't I because in my point of view, I didn't scream. Oh my god Okay

Order in the court. Yeah, may I plaintiff? Thank you. May I address the court? Yes. I'm bobby. Thank you So tuesday night I was um Um, I was massive covet, you know, I was very sick and um, as you know By sleeping next to me, right that I what do I have next to the bed? boxes on flower seeds not only that but I have boxes of Your ear plugs. Oh, okay You know why not? Yeah, but you don't wear them all the time. Yeah every night I wear them and that's crazy But every night every night you hear me. No, I don't

How can you talk back? I don't hear I don't hear you ever So I have ear plugs in my ear. That's a fact, right? I jam Yeah, deep in my thing because the reason why I do it is because in the mornings when juliana gets up for school Right the dogs go crazy, right and it always wakes me up So I I plug in my ears to the point where it's just dead silent. Okay, so now I have earphones in my ear I mean ear for earplug waxy ear plugs in my ear, right? And um But before I did that I had air pods in my ear So think, okay

I have air pods in my ear, right on top of that. No, no, no, not in a double way. No, I'm not a freak Oh, that's crazy. Oh, you already have a hole in your glory then. No, that's not. We'll get to that We'll finish it. I'm listening to music. Listen. I'm listening to music with my air pods, right? And what happens is I go, you know what? I'm I see myself drifting I take them out. Okay put on my hand. I take the ear plugs You know what I mean? I put them in right and then I take the air pods to put it into the fucking air plus Air pod plus pod receptacle. Yeah. Okay. I love that way. I open it up And you know how difficult anyone that has an air pod note you you can't put one in the other

It's got to be in a certain angle because of it. Yeah, right? And I drop one of them Okay And I have the ear plugs in my ear, right? So I go And I could feel you know, it rolled underneath the bed And I'm like, fuck I gotta fucking charge them for tomorrow night, right? So I get on all fours, right? And I have the my cell phone now and I have it on the light, right? And I'm looking underneath the bed, right? I'm not doing a ring hop around

Fucking you're not doing four quadrants. No, yeah, I'm not doing that. That's fucking insane I'm literally just looking for one fucking air pod earpiece. Okay. Okay. How do you explain the scream? That she had imagined in her now imagine I'm on all fours on the side of the bed, right? Trying to find my fucking thing, right? Yeah, and then love a sudden with my right hand you hear A grab, right? Okay And I go I did yell

I like I did yell. Okay I like I did yell. Okay. Okay. Okay. Now. Let me say something. Okay She now she now she has to reach Because we have a double king size bed, right? So imagine she crawled across the bed, right? leaned all the way down To grab my who fucking does that? She had a traverse. She had a traverse. Okay, right all that distance right? Right, and it wasn't like a poke You know what I mean? It wasn't like a pat in the head. It was like

You are going to prison All right fear. Yeah. Yeah fear. It was a fear touch at the night a fear touch of the night Great. Okay And I screamed now. Let me say something to you, right? Who's at fault? Is everything he's saying Kalyla does that check out now and make another understanding of your perspective or no? Look, I understood that you know, we were both misunderstanding the situation in that moment But then he got really mad at me afterwards after the grab Yeah, because and all the while he doesn't realize I was frightened because I genuinely thought number one

He's stroking out and somehow this is his way of this is how the stroke manifests itself or number two He's just a full demon No one's ever had a stroke gone on all fours and did a fucking grudge dance I was screaming at I was screaming his name at the top of my lungs I have air in my plugs and she knows that that's insane So the air plugs that seems like that's the evidence that yeah, yeah, that's insane. Um So, um, you just don't grab somebody. No I will put it there until the judges tell me right who won one

I don't know what we're trying to decide winning in this who was in the wrong like in behavior wise because Let me say something right now. I didn't touch anybody Right. I was sick as well. I had you know, I mean like super sick delirious You know, we actually had a previous case where there was a man named will smith who touched another man Chris rock. That's true. So thank you so much. I never heard about that I only that's a yeah, it's a new rumor new case. But um, so what happened in that situation? I think it was split 50 50 But I would say

Will the one that assaulted will smith probably shouldn't have put hands. You don't put hands on anybody Wait, I was not trying Right, you don't put hands. Are you trying to say that grab was an assault? Who's an assault? Not a comfort. No, it was not comforting Okay, it was not comfortable. It was dude. Is this comforting? I don't know Out of nowhere, dude, you don't know it's coming. You think she's dead. It's like, I mean, how would you know, right? right, it's just

Gilbert could just say she was looking out for you to protect you though for what she thought you were That's how that's how you comfort somebody that's having a stroke from the evil forces Okay, say you're having a stroke How would you actually call us having a stroke and she's on all fours, but in the air doing her thing How do you how do you check if she has a stroke or she's looking for airpods? That's my first thing. I don't go to fucking stroke I go She has a stroke. No, I go to airpods first in my mind, right? I go to she's cleaning, right?

She has some other business Other business you're meeting a little her kuchi pad fell out of her bad badge. She's looking for the looking for my kuchi pad Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever they call the wings the kuchi, right? Like she got up to the bathroom who kuchi like the little string thing fell out Yeah, right and she's like, where is it the bloody thing? You know what I mean? And I don't know whatever that's hurt then and whatever you women I feel bad and whatever you go through I'm on your side and I'm and I'm always on the side of the victim. My point is nice My point is is this I would never assault anybody and that's and stroke isn't I would hardly call that assault. It was

Kala, can you grab his wrist the way you did it? Yeah like that I Think that's a long call Gilbert. What'd you do? I have to buff this up to the courts above A supreme court supreme court has to take this one. All right. So you you have literally you literally don't have a side I will say I'm looking at it from the perspective of that. She's protecting her man if

he Did go crazy got a stroke But then I'm also understand the point of view that in your what movie in in any in in where did you see a guy? I have a stroke, right? You think movies are real life. It's so sad And that that was another thing and that's quick. That's quick very quick very quick But in also in you know, I mean medical texts And whatnot, right? Have you ever I've never heard of that also this I don't know what to do What do you actually do when someone has a stroke?

Because maybe you call 911, right? Which is not what you did. Okay that it's not what you did You double jeopardy if somebody's having a stroke you call 911. That's not what she did. Okay. What about you George? Well, I would have to admit I'm doubly biased Why because one I have a nightly ritual where I will tape my mouth So I breathe out of my nose. Uh-huh and that is always When my wife will start asking questions She can be sound asleep and then she'll like start a conversation with me And I have to like try to like talk out of the side of my mouth

Do you tape your mouth every night? Yeah, it actually forces you to nose breathe instead of mouth breathe And it's very healthy. It's better for you to nose breathe. It's better until unless you're trying to have a conversation Yeah, I'll take care of the day care tomorrow. I wish you had the apparatus on now anyone And the second reason Is I too have lost and I An air pod pro I dropped my air pod case right before going on a weekend trip. Yeah right outside of my car. Yeah I found one Two weeks of like I didn't find I'd searched for a half an hour could not find the other one for two weeks

I thought it would show up in my driveway did not show up. I had to buy a new one So I too would feel the pain. Yeah of losing also. It's not like it's it's it's air pods are expensive Yes, we're talking about three hundred dollars, bro. I had to buy one On a on ebay for like the whole yeah, it's like the half the cost of a whole air pod thing Well, you just bought one. Yeah by the whole thing Well, I had one left and the case. Yeah, but the all right good job I don't know. I don't know about that one. So I'm on your side Bobby. I'm uh, you got a loyal defender right here

Yeah, thank you so much George. You might want to reconsider being on his side because like he's not that nice to you Yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter The judge doesn't have to like the fucking you know, I mean the truth the truth the truth. Oh, that is true I don't know what that means. But anyway, um I believe on the right. I guess. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Um, just I believe though It's this probably one of the sickest I've ever been Oh, really? Yeah, I do believe that. I mean, I believe it is similar to a cold. It's not like anything. It's like It's in the same ballpark in terms of I wouldn't say cold cold

Coldest lights. We say flu like a flu. Yeah, flu. Yeah. Yeah, and I've only had the flu maybe once or twice in my life so it's like, um I have um other things like I have covid brain Like I'm doing dumb things like I was in the car And I kept blasting the volume. I meant to turn the volume of this of the music lower But then I kept turning the wrong direction and then getting confused and angry as to why I thought my car was broken Because I was actually turning it the wrong direction, but I was like, oh my god My volume thing is broken

And not realizing that it was the wrong way, but and I was like, why did I do that? Like tiny little things like that where I walked my dog came in through the door Unhooked the leash and he ran upstairs And then the next five five seconds later. I freak out. I go run out the door. I'm like, oh my god I forgot my dog outside and I didn't Like dumb like weird brain lapses like that where I'm like, I'm a fucking idiot right now I cannot be trusted right now. I can't be trusted to speak on this mic Yeah, no

I know for any of you guys extra horny by any chance, you know, my vagina got super swollen. COVID ate my pussy They had I mean that's tighter. What do you mean extra horny, man? I will say on Saturday was fine or sunday I had like fever dreams and I kept waking up like I kept dreaming about building a computer and I kept getting a hard Like in my brain, I'm like, uh, I think I just got a new like laptops I'm like building the parts for like a new pc a PC the colors that I kept waking up really hard I think he had dreams about Brad Pitt Because I remember you woke up and you're like that wasn't a sexual thing like it wasn't were you hard?

I'm always hard. Well, that's so no his heart. No, here's here here. Here. Here's the deal. Okay here. Yeah I did have a dream about Brad Pitt, but it wasn't a sexual one Okay, it was like I was at a club and he goes I like your podcast. I gave him a hug And I just kind of followed around the club a little bit and then I ran into dove david off and that's the whole dream Yeah, but I'm more concerned about Because I saw a documentary once about people having sexual attractions to cars and making love defenders and And also like feel like that way with the new car. No, I'm asking you. Oh, do you have

some sort of Like object Obsession object. I just remember building and feeling like my heart racing and like the anticipation had to finish this computer And that would just like wake up like not calm. Oh, I know. I know what it is. What is it your nerd? You're a fucking nerd with a hard cock and also, can I say this? And I don't want to rip on you right now, but I'm going to okay, right? I've seen photos of you man

Ew, that sounds like your ropes. What I feel very Very comfortable not nude photos, man. What the fuck are you looking at my fapping page? What the fapping page? Yeah, when you were fat. Yeah, and unfuckable. Okay. Hmm. Come on. You could say that No, that's not. I thought I mean, I wasn't having sex when I was fat But it doesn't that's but it was a more of a mental thing Exactly, but can I just listen to my theory and if you don't like it, then I'm wrong. Okay So then you came to LA, right? Yeah, and you had lost weight Right. You're a very talented man. Right. And let's be honest over the last three or four years, you know

People know who Gilbert Galan is Yeah, you know and and this and that but deep down inside, right? Yeah Let me just ask you. Are you still that guy? The fat guy. Yeah Because I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. So now think now. Yes the fat guy back then probably Looked at it went to the fucking Apple store and got a rag and that's how But kind of I'm gonna add to that. That was your connection to me being fat. Was I walked into an Apple store?

No, I'm just saying back eight years later. I'm like, ah, no, no I'm just saying that like you're like a nerd in cell. Yeah, you know, I'm still a nerd. I'm still a nerd I play video games. I like love weird shit online. I'm still a nerd I think it's an attribute and not something that like let's suppose he is that fat kid inside. What's so wrong with that? I'm something wrong with it. Hey, I didn't say it was the wrong thing Oh, I would say this I'm the I'm still the fat kid in terms of the way at how I feel jolly the jolly aspect of it But I don't feel as depressed as before where I felt like I think you're You're incredibly evolved and wonderful and kind and you're a good human being and if that is the fat kid in you

Then I love the fat kid and you out of you. How where the fuck it is. I think we're all the same in that way That's what I want. I want to clump especially him But I think he's been lean and good looking. I know but we're all I know but we're all in the same thing, right? I think when we were younger. Oh, he saw pictures of me when I was younger finally She had one eyebrow Wait, is that due to madness or it was no? It was like a muppet eyebrow. You know what I mean? Can we get the picture they take a picture to me a piece of felt and you see this is what God did this is what God did And just put a fucking fucking eyebrow on her face and the angels bring it back bring it back

Yeah, yeah, I mean and they stretch the gap out over teeth and they did cross her eyes You had a unibrow. I didn't know that. Yeah, so I had I have excessive eyebrow growth And I think that's why I over plucked in high school because I found Finally was allowed to hold a pair of tweezers And I was so insecure about my bushy eyebrows that I just over plucked So this is basically only an eighth of what they used to be what I have now I have extremely bushy brows, but because he's always like, oh, you know, you you've always been cute your whole life And I'm like that's because I've only shown you cute pictures of me

I've never shown you the ugly ones and he was like show me a couple and he was like, I've seen enough I've seen enough Yeah Yeah, here's the thing But can I say something about myself as a kid? Yeah, I believe now that I wasn't Because I could but because in the 80s I grew up in the suburbs of a white suburb area I was a little smaller than other people and I couldn't get women to like me at all in any kind of way So I always thought that I was ugly

I'm not being rude. I'm just looking for the photo. It's fine. I always thought that I was ugly and But I think that that I just lived in the wrong era I think I see if I was that age in high school now, it would be a completely different ballpark. I would get My fair share I'll tell you this much now that he saw those pictures. He was like, oh, yeah, I wouldn't have even looked at you He would have been the hotter one This is and you know, like you would not have paid me any minor attention. It's high school. We're talking about Um, like I this is my tween years and also part high school. He was shocked to his core how actually ugly I was

I That's not true because well, that's what you said yesterday Okay, I know I love to get your because it was my because it was my first initial look at that photo where I went, oh, you know what I mean, but but But I'm gonna admit something that I used to dig holes in the dirt and stick my dick in it I mean, that's how I'll be honest. I don't think you've ever said that on a podcast. I'm really proud of you

Actually, you know what? I think that is I should have said that I've never heard this before. Yeah, but I did No, but I think that I dug a hole in the earth And I stuck my penis in it. You know what I did to masturbate as a child I had two bears one name one was named M. No and the other one was named emny Do you know how many times emny had to eat my pussy bears? Not real bears Teddy bear

You grew up in slavakia. I don't know what's going on here Why are we all out of honey? But do you know that emny if you were to have like even so I Emny was just shoved into my pussy all day long. Yeah, put an actual furry bear in your vagina No, no, no just to touch, you know, emny's face was always on my Um, vagina. So that's soil. Yeah, honestly, I think that's earth giving back to earth But yeah, but I didn't do it out of sexuality. I did out of science You did it out of it yours was weird

No, mine was science. No, I I honestly thought if I came in the earth You grow that it would grow a bobby tree Bro, that is something a kid would believe. Yeah, I believe that because I also believe that when I swallow the watermelon seed That a waterman would grow on my stomach When you stuck your when you stuck your dick in the soil did the other earthworm say dad? That's not fair that my dick is as small as a birth were skinny. That was good spot. Yeah. Yeah. That was pretty good though But that's not fair and that's rude. All right. Yeah, father Yeah, I imagine if that happened an earthworm starts like yeah

No, the earthworm probably would say What are you doing here? Probably, right? What would earth if my dick? It might let you're an earthworm And you've you know about humans, but you know, maybe you've never seen one sure. Yeah And you're just squirming around in your holes and you look up and there's a yellow dick Right just in like right in front of you. What would you say? um, you probably scream

I think so. How do you think earthworms scream? Because they don't have Science alert Science alert science alert. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I don't know where we're talking about. That was wild. It was wild But anyway, wow, you would stick. Okay. So not sexual, but you would stick your dick. What have you stuck your dick in? Uh, I used to do this thing where I used to make a carve a hole with my penis in my soap bar So every time I take a shower, yeah, the hole will get bigger and bigger. My family was like, why is this just a hole? the soap bar and I would just you know, put my

Uncircumcised penis to that At least you were washing it. See, I would do the water. So yeah, that would hurt because you know I can't masturbate with shampoo Because the shampoo and all that stuff goes inside the hole and it burns it. It totally does same with women Yeah, I like I before in the past like used to soap my vagina and it would go into my p-hole So when I would pee oh the pain. Yeah, it's like knives or like glass coming out of there So bad. You can't do that Gil. Yeah. Okay guys, don't do that anymore. But my friend I should have said his name. All right. We'll bleep that out. Yeah. Yeah. What does your friend do?

He's so mad. What did your friend from Connecticut do? My friend connect from Connecticut told me that um He's a comic and he said um You should microwave the the oil that you get from the porn store Scary. Yeah, that sounds dangerous. Yeah, I scalded the sides of my thighs I put it in the plastic vagina and it it it was so hot it would just pour it out and it would sit on the It was fucking the worst so you belong on that show like the crazy stories of the er Yeah, so guys just listen don't microwave it don't microwave oil All right, so when a girl goes down on you, there's just scars

No, it just it wasn't like um, I didn't I don't need a skin graph It's like I didn't look like Harvey Dent down there. Think about you wasn't the hospital. Yeah. Yeah, this guy needs a skin graph We need to know why you just heated up oil or like I'm like Harvey Dent But instead of side to side burn I'm just waste burn from the waist down Too face. Yes, dude. Yeah, did you guys receive um the picture? Oh of you. Just don't put it on the screen, but just see for yourselves. Just zoom in. It still looks like her. It's just I want to see Gilbert's face. Okay. It's okay, right? Uh, you look like an Israeli. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Wait Israeli people are beautiful. They're beautiful warrior that's in prison

That's a beautiful thing. I'll say this. Coinda She's gorgeous. She's always been gorgeous window. She has never gone through an ugly phase you young kid of her mitzvah Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is crazy that you grew out of that or have I eyebrows are so thick there I know you guys. That's why I went full. Let me ask you something if you didn't You know, you get them threaded or whatever. Yeah, and you didn't fuck with them at all Would you just have one solid eyebrow? I'll tell you this If I had please don't tell me just say no That's all that's all just enough it will our kids have a unibrow probably for me. Yes

My lord a Korean with a unibrow. I've never seen that. I've never seen that either, but it will get taken care of Yeah, I am a very, you know, I have Yeah, I have those genetics Interesting big mouth big brows Interesting, you know what? I'm fine. I love you the way you are and Um, can I tell you something also what's going on with me? I think I have a wait obsession Oh, I called it. What does that mean wait obsession?

well Okay, so I weighed before when I was Using and all that before I was um, I weighed 185 And it's interesting if you go to the improv in melrose they put You know in the hallway Which is really sweet and this is a dream come true Is because when I first moved to la and this is gonna sound gross, but I don't give a fuck Hollywood when I first came to la they wouldn't even let me in the improv

You'd have to buy a ticket because they didn't even know it was a comic And eventually they knew I was an open mic or so on some nights I would be able to walk in there and when you would walk in there back in the 90s You would see like Seinfeld like laying sitting against there and I saw chris rock there and bunch of people What hang out there? I just feel I just felt like Like I'm never gonna make it, you know, I mean and um So now if you walk in and the hallway when you get to the showroom There's a photo now of me and andrew sentino side by side, which is amazing, right?

But if you look at the photo, I look so fat Like I'm 185 in that photo, right and now matt At uh 160 I was gonna guess like 150 160, but now If I'm above 160 I get really depressed and I won't eat Oh, it's just you know, he has stopped cigarettes. He has stopped other like Addictions and I think that it's coming out in a very disordered um weight Food thing we mean disordered he the first thing he did was like a couple weeks ago was by a weighing scale and my rule

For myself is I don't own a weighing scale never will bring one into the house because like I've had a history of like Disordered, you know, um eating and all of that. So I just don't weigh myself, right? I'm like if I work out, you know, I eat good. I feel good. That's enough for me Like I know where I'm at though. The scale does not tell me how to feel But this motherfucker he bought a weighing scale a bed, bath and beyond a really fancy one great store And I know that every time he goes to pee and every time he washes his hands any times in the bathroom He will weigh himself and to me like I didn't recognize that because I used to be that I'm like, that's not good Like last night I was at 159

I was freaked out. I haven't had that. No, it was good. You got a rush of probably feel. Yeah I was like, I haven't been like that in 15 years. You know what I mean? And it felt Well, good, but then it's concerning because it's not that I'm like Hungry like I ate I had already eaten that night. You know, I mean, so it's like I wasn't hungry And I'm I'm eating I'm eating whatever I want to I mean I ate five pasta meals in a row Jesus, but I think you're moving more. You know, we're hiking more. Yeah, I'm moving a lot. Yeah, I'm moving a lot Yeah, yeah, and I'm exercising more and stuff like that. Um but um

What do you guys think of my car? Uh, she sent us a picture. I sent you saw it outside. I saw it outside, but I saw it a couple days ago I like it. That's what I would do. I would go even I would Tint my windows again. They're tinted like a darker darker, but it's illegal. Oh, I know, but yeah, I would even tint the lights too All black the lights and then all the decals matte black They are all the decals every single thing. Yeah, I like I like the little red pop. So in it Hmm. What are your brakes? Are those red? You know what? I forgot you're a nerd and you're a rice rocket nerd Hey, what are the brakes? What do you think? What do you think? Does your car have a computer he can fuck?

Yeah, yeah, can I fix it? Can I fix it? What do you think? I really like it? It doesn't feel you though That's so weird to like I haven't seen you drive it. I think seeing you drive that car will feel Odd uncomfortable. Well, here's why? Why? Because you you usually drive a piece of shit car like I said, here's what I think you guys are unaware of It doesn't have any incident having played passenger to this speed demon for the past 10 years He has I think his other job his other success story would have been as a formula one driver

He is I know I always talk shit about him being really like reckless on the road But I actually think he is just An incredible driver like he the way he takes turns the way he's just so skilled I think that I think something fast and sportier and a good handle actually suits him and So I thought that too, George. How's the interior clean? Yes. He's taking such good care of it. Tokyo drift, baby Tokyo drift Let me say something. He fucked up my car. He left all of his shit in there, but his car is clean. Yeah

Here the reason why I got a fancy new car Number one because Andrew has one Wait, this is all about matching him. Yes Because he's such a fucking idiot when it comes to like machismo shit You know, I mean, he's always got to look at this baby, right? Like if I wait, oh, I see if I if I show up to bad friends, you know I mean after him and he's still in the parking lot or the, you know He'll always be leaning against his car or whatever like James Dean

And he'll always go look at this new baby and he'll like press it next to my like windowless Fented up fucking Prius, right? and I Thought you know what I have that number one out doing him and number two I've never had a nice car and because you bought yours and how nice it was I'm like I'm not smoking in the car anymore, you know, and and if you spend more money on it, I believe this to be true um

Because it was like like like, uh, you know, can I even afford this? and I um I I want to treat it like An expensive thing like I you know, I I don't want to replace it You know, I mean, I don't I want it to just keep looking nice because it's expensive You know, I always bought crappy cars before Because I knew I didn't care

Like I would get a ding the first day. I don't give a fuck wait, but doesn't didn't your psychiatrist say that That's one of the signs of ADHD. It's like, um, didn't she ask you like when you drive? Do you not care what happens to your car? Yeah, it's like also against behavior. Yeah, she's like she's the one that encouraged me She's just like, you know what you should because you're you're trying to do your life differently now And I think that you deserve it And you know, it's all about what I feel like I deserve and I want to treat myself nice. I never treat myself nice and um

Let's see what happens, but um So far so good. I'm very excited about it. I can't wait to drive it around tonight It's kind of cute though because he when he backs up he's now really careful Yeah, and like he just overall just drives way more careful and this is like I don't know like it good investment You're gonna run into Jules's car now like because she's parked in half the driveway. I know wait. Was that yeah Why was that parked like that because she's too lazy to park Farther away

Yeah, that's the bottom she's gonna block us in could rather block us in these power moves over here she um Um, the new bobby of the house. I know what she might be I was like bobby's parked up there like who would park this like that You know, he yelled at her the last night because and I've never heard bobby I never thought I would hear the day real yell like yell at her because she Like he's been a lot more considerate around the house like the house is actually not a mess like he's Really helpful and I like it's blowing my fucking mind. Let's go baby. But um, so she I'm really

I'm so horny right now. Yeah. You need help. You need help dude. Go ahead How about we all how did I yell at her off? I don't remember yelling at her gilb. Can we all jerk you off? Maybe Come on. Let's all jerk him off early birthday present. No, it's probably got a lot of loose skin on it Hey, guess what what makes great sounds? Go ahead babe. How did I yell at her? Say she yelled at so So um

I was minding my own business eating my soup and then all I hear is jose Get out of here and he was pointing at the washing machine and apparently she had left Stuff there for the last day and a half to just kind of I Hate it. You hate it now though. You didn't always I know I've always it's always bothered me But I've never said anything. Here's the deal right? I'm in a point in my life now where I'm just gonna if I'm not gonna What I do is I'll like something will irritate me and then I'll absorb it and I'll just never say anything Right, but now it's just like because and it's Something that I am told to do it's not it's not I'm trying to go outside myself and almost force

Myself to stew things like express myself, right? Like to say, you know what that's I don't like the way you talk to me like that like Like David Cho said something I can't tell you what it is, but David Cho said something a month ago And I had to go to him Don't ever talk to me like that again And I've never done that to anybody And especially a guy like him where I feel like in my head He's my friend and I love him like a brother, right?

But he's also an artist and he's kind of famous and he's cool and all this stuff So I don't want to you know, I mean ruffle his feathers or get in a fight, but Now I'm just going don't talk to me like that I did don't deserve to be talked like that. I hurt my feelings And he apologized, right? So when I saw the um The worst is when clothes is wet In the washer for a couple of days and it smells like mildew or something. I hate hate it, right? Because you have to rewash it because then when you do dry that you still have that stench in it and I don't like it

So I just said don't ever do that I don't like it. That's all I said to jules. How does she respond to stuff like that? She probably just like whatever She just said sorry. I Like it registers. I don't know. I don't necessarily know if we're the best Examples for her in life. Do you say that? Your face. I don't know exactly know that she's learning the best skills and At whatnot from us. All right boring school Boy, she's I do you believe that I don't think so. I think that

Here's we there are some pros and cons. I'll you guys have a lot of pros. Let's not you know, the pros are you know So she has this newfound like confidence and like this true like, you know, I can do Whatever I want to do like I do is she there is a growth about her like even when my mom looks at her She's just like she's just she can do it all Magic mountain was a huge example. Right. She had just debilitating fear Like I'll never do that and she did all of it, right? So that I that's cool And I think in that way we are teaching her you guys made her like I remember like watching her on Jeremiah's podcast She did a podcast by herself and then literally years ago

You told me that she cried because she couldn't even perform from the family. Correct. That's you guys. That was all you guys Oh, yeah, remember she did she cried she cried because she sang it from the family That's how nervous she was and she and she was devastated her devastated. So in that way. Yes, we've the cons are this Yeah, the cons are We live a very atypical life of most of our days are spent at home picking our butts And somehow she sees that we make money And so in that way she's thinking oh, I could pick my butt too

and maybe I can make money picking my butt and um That's just yeah, you're right. It's also stuff like Let's go to Coachella and VIP tickets and you're gonna stand next to the stage when Beyoncé is performing. I mean, it's like Let's go. Let's go to hawaii whenever we want and we she's always in hawaii But even though she's had all of those things she has never acted not once like a spoiled No, I know and I'm not saying I'm not saying that she's her behavior. I'm just saying that Well, I'm we made her buy the car off of you. That's true. That's good. That's true

We finally came to agreement and like you just cannot give her free things and she bought the car with her own money And like we were really proud of her because there there is you know and In my 20s, especially right A kind of pain and suffering Just in terms of like not being able to Know where you're gonna eat or sleep. You can't pay any bills. You can't buy anything

You know the future is grim Right the stress All those things that were all motivating factors for me to you know Get the life that I have now, right? I mean I worked really hard. I went through a lot of bullshit And suffering and pain, but it was all needed, you know So I just I don't I don't want her to

Miss out on that. I think those are vital things Can I this is not to defend her, but I'm gonna I'm not giving you a little bit more of a backstory about jewels it jewels grew up without With her biological father, absolutely rejecting her. Yeah, he saw her once or twice before she turned five He she reached out to him when she was 12. He had already had a new family and basically left her on red

Wow, the girl grew up with nothing You know now her mom and dad are obviously like they're self-made people. She runs a business. He didn't have running water He had he's now a judge, but before that when she first had Um, she was with a single mom who didn't have running water who lived in a house with three other families Um, juliana was born needing a blood transfusion. She had yeah, she's there's the girl like so imagine this it went from having nothing and then coming to america and then Yes, essentially. Yes, but I can promise you she does not take a single Moment of her life for granted because

Most of her childhood was a state of trauma. Okay, and she was beat relentlessly as a kid she is you know, that's why she's so like Eat to know jewels and to watch her grow is to absolutely adore her resilience. Yeah That is there is something about her Like I was driving yesterday with her and she's like You're going the wrong way And I go well, I mean what it's astounding to me because it's like she's not from here Yeah, yeah different country, right and she knows all the streets

You know, it's like I don't have to worry about it. She has her own car She knows basically la and how to get to certain places If you tell her to go to Santa Monica or you're Compton or wherever she wants to go, right? I mean Englewood. What's up? You know what I mean? But um, She's just able to she just knows about navigation knows. She knows where she is She's an adult. She's a woman, you know, and it's it's it's cool to see that, you know I just you know, you have to understand I I don't think she views me as a parent But I definitely have parental, um worries

I do, you know, it's just I I would say you are the single single most influential male in her life And she would probably agree It's amazing Shut up. She's like you she doesn't want to give it up. She doesn't want to be like, you know what I mean? She doesn't like You know want you to hear the compliments because she knows you're not going to take it anyways Yeah, so you're you're you're the type of love that you guys share is a very roasting kind of love Where it's like you're always going after each other and that to me is also kind of endearing because you know

Well, I don't because I don't she's not my biological kid and I only knew her as a young adult, right? So it's like You know, how do you? Like the only thing I know to do is like fart on her Or put a booger on her wall or you know what I mean? Like I don't know how what else, you know Well, but in terms of like life lessons and stuff like Like when we were on the rides at match mountain, especially x2 and she was literally In a state of like fear and shock and just looking at her and I go look at me You know, I mean, I promise you you're not going to die, right? I'm here next to you

Right, it's only beginning to be one minute of your life, right and just Enjoy it try to enjoy it, right and she's just like listening but in petrified but listening And then afterwards, you know, we're done the ride. You know how you're still like in Docking mode. Yeah, right and you start you're talking and I got you okay. She's like, yeah Yeah, and I go you're not dead. Are you like no I was it kind of fun? She's like a little you know, I mean, yeah and after each ride you could see her kind of grow and Enjoy it, you know more, you know, I mean and realize it's not that big of a deal. You know, I mean But anyway, she's the perfect definition of silent killer to me. She's somebody that if even me being as much as as

What 17 years older than her if you need advice and I mean sage advice She's that person she is so wise beyond her years and she will never mince her words around you. She's it's like Jules, what do you think of this? I think this it's very she'll plainly give it to you Mm-hmm without I don't know in a way that like I could never do with people in my life when I was her age And I really think that do not let her Quiet nature fool you that girl is fucking strong and she is intelligent and she is so fucking wise beyond her years I'm telling you. No, I believe that But why can't I be concerned about just in general you can dad concern

Yeah, you know, that's it, you know, um, and how's fatherhood for you? Oh wait, George? Your your baby just turned one Oh, yeah, I've got a photo George or is that okay or no? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's fine. I've got a little theory. I think uh, oh my god So cute Handsome we should have Bobby guess what uh item Uh, Georgia's son chose wait, we should explain the current tradition. What's it called again? I've got a claw. You know the most you've done 18,000 so when a Korean baby turns one Uh, when I have Korean baby turns one so you could put objects in front of them And they have to crawl towards it and whatever they do things like like, um,

A stethoscope or you know, uh, uh a paintbrush or Whatever they pick up money money say for instance Money say for instance, whatever they choose is supposed to be what they become as adults. Yeah, right? That's a tradition Yeah, and Bobby, do you remember what you chose when you were younger? I think I chose nothing I I crawled into should I call your mom and ask her you should I'm gonna ask your mommy I'll call her. Yeah, caller. What if it was a skateboard? You're actually not following your true path So yeah, well you're calling uh, Tommy so he went for the money

He was close to it And then he veered right and got a stethoscope. So what were all the objects for yours? Um, we had like all the basics except for no, uh, no microphone Oh, no entertainment. No entertainment object. Interesting. Um, they But I think All right one more time I think it was on purpose. They made the uh, oh here we go. They had about 10 very shiny medical instruments and nothing else was as colorful. Hmm doesn't seem forced You didn't even give him the option to be an entertainer. No, he gets older. I'm gonna force it on him

Maybe she's on a walk. I like her message though Oh, baby, mom Are you getting better? Oh, yeah Good god. Uh, kalala. Kalala wants to ask you something. Okay Hi, mom Hi, how you doing? I'm we're better. We're better Good. I was worried about you guys. I know. I know we're okay now. But you know when bobby, um, turned one Did he did you make him choose an object? You know that tradition where like the babies crawl towards an object

And then what's the name called? What's it called a doll? Not a doll. A doll doll doll. Yeah You know like a one first year of a baby. Yeah Yeah I think we have a picture for him, right? Yeah, but what did I what did he choose? What object? Oh money makes sense I grab money. Yeah. Oh, well, you know, awesome mom Yeah, that's the guy you you got rich, you know All right, mom. We're on the podcast. I'll talk to you later. Okay. I love you. Good night. Bye

Money money Yeah, money That's weird. I never knew that that makes sense. That's fascinating Yeah, why would I do that? And do you can you imagine her disappointment when she looked outside the window and she saw you sticking your dick in the soil? But he chose money What is this money? Yeah, I can't imagine that So what did your your son chose? What? Uh, stethoscope. Oh, so that could mean a couple of things, right?

I think what could it mean medical profession Or a cuddle to me, you know, he'll be sick for his whole life. No Jesus I mean, I don't know what you know, who knows what that means. You're supposed to be fine. George. He'll be fine. He'll be fine Don't worry about it. He'll be fine. Jesus He'll see a lot of hospitals somehow. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I mean um Now you know that he did not put a mic

On there. He didn't even give his son the option to be an entertainer one day Well, the n-laws made it and I was surprised at it when I didn't see a mic And I was a little angry because like kids always choose the balls because there's something fun to play with And they had three three balls I was about to throw a few out just so there was one less chance like Because it's real hard. Wait, wait, wait. So, you know, Koreans are demanding. Do they treat you good or do they treat like shit? Uh, they treat me good They treat me good. Um, there's a lot of expectations. I think yeah

So it's difficult to fulfill all the expectations. Yeah How do you um, what kind of relationship do you have with um, the in-laws? It's like do you guys like talk or is it more like a you know, a mutual respect quiet time? Uh, it's more the mutual respect. Uh, uh, it's not a quiet time. It's a I listen time. Mm-hmm Yeah, that's the way to do it. George. Yeah, you're playing it right, but you know what congratulations he looks extremely cute Like handsome in a real way like, you know, he does remind me of a male version of

Jessica's daughter. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Like a show baby. Yeah. Um, you guys definitely have made show babies You made a show baby and congratulations, man. You should be very happy Nice man. I am. Okay, good. Although, I do think uh, you guys got covid so you wouldn't have to come to the birthday party That's what I'm going to theory this whole time. Was there about really? There was there a birthday party? Yeah, his family flew in Uh, we missed it. We'll do one here It's a fucking fault. There's nothing worse than my fault. It's my fault. Uh, unhopeful Unhopeful advice with Bobby and Kulayla

Hey tiger valley Pamilia. I'm stuck in a physically emotionally and verbally abusive relationship Both of us are women, but my partner constantly calls me a whore and a prostitute because I've slept with men in the past things started great because uh Things started great, but became so sour so fast We've lived together for two years and I can't leave for many reasons But the real catch here is that after being with her for so long. I miss being with men I miss playing video games and having trash humor I also think I'm hung up on previous male best friend of mine who actually introduced me to tiger valley

At this point, I feel like my partner deserves to be cheated on but I can't bear the guilt. What do I do? Break up You break up. Yeah leave. See it's Horror and prostitute look um on all of the Being a Coming from an ex whore I think it is an asset to me just as it is an asset that bobby has been with Countless of women. I think that is not something that anyone should shame you over. We are just such experienced lovers at this point

Um, so yeah, um if she ever Decides to call you a whore again Say thank you and what? Oh, just leave sounds terrible like we've been together for 10 years almost We don't have we don't call each other. We're not like that way He calls me tucci and sometimes I'll call him like certain things but oh you say all kinds of shit baby boy You hate that boy Wait, there's a little baby little boy little boy. All you're like demeaning me in that way

Oh, that's an insult. Wait, that's you take that as an insult when I'm like good morning my little boy Yeah, it just it's tucci an insult. Yeah, tucci's not it. She's a great actor My god, he's a great actor. I when I wake up in the morning, he's like sup tuch No, I don't say Never said say that never said that he has cooking books. He has cooking books. He has cooking books, man I just saw him on the yellow. That's true. The other day. Yeah, I was gonna Stanley tucci is um Let me tell you something about him, man, uh He's a great actor, right? I find him to be very handsome

Okay, and um, I also I don't know him But he seems like a guy That like, um, if I was on set with him and stuff that he'd be just cool. You know what I mean? That's one of my favorite things someone made a long ago. I love more if we get to Stanley tucci And an animor's book. Yeah. Yeah. So I you know, he just has a vibe about him that like it's cool, man You know, listen, I would have to agree with you. Yeah I just think that there are so many other people I look like outside of Stanley tucci I know I know, but it's a funny. It's just a funny

Call to call you also. I didn't know that our baby boy rich will hurt your feelings Usually you do the dances when I say it. I know I do the dances my little baby boy and you go I know I do the dances. I do the dances, right? But it's like deep down inside. I think it like kind of um Hurts Thank you Thank you so much for that because Cindy will sometimes put me go there there. I'm like Like

She goes I was like make a mistake and she's like, oh, they're there That's worse dude. I can't have to bite my tongue because I'm the guy Fucking Cindy is the very best I've ever met. I love her so much or just mean Because there really isn't anything to rile someone up more than a there there That is how hilarious. I love there. I respect her so much I'll send a text with the wrong grammar and she goes like, oh, I don't know what that means obvious what it means Oh, really? She's that too. Yeah, I hate when people like correct you on on like when you text I fuck up on texting so much

Yeah like um That's plural dude. It's like, but you you should by now know that could have It's not could have it's not could have it doesn't matter. You know what I'm saying. I do. Yeah, everyone knows what I'm saying And I don't um Yeah, I just you know Anyway, hey typo typo They're there. Anyway, so um

That concludes another episode of a solo version of tiger belly. Um Thank you for listening. We love you guys so much. We really do and um you know, we have the best fans in the world and uh those others papaya You're slept king signing off. You're gonna cheat on anybody to answer them with us Oh, that is true

Oh Hey prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey