TigerBelly - Ep 346: Bobby's Ex Returns! Sarah Hyland, Hello, Hello, Hello

Episode Date: May 4, 2022

Bobby escapes a hanging. Khalyla plants a face. Sarah dances with birds. We talk Rogan vs YMH, Beatles sperm, how to be free, and showing your bird feathers. Support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Hey guys, we'd like to thank our sponsors for supporting this show If you'd like more info or just want to use our Tiger Belly codes You can go to betterhelp.com slash Belly and HealySleep.com slash Belly. Enjoy the show What's better? Seguros place or our Rogan's place or our place you gotta watch you gotta watch here wait Sarah. I wanted to bring the mic I want to I went at this. Okay. I don't want to get in trouble. I mean actually, I mean I didn't do anything No, no, no, I you it's just your opinion about what studios better. So Sarah Highland went to Austin. Are we on now?

Yeah, yeah, and um Every time she experienced doing it. She experienced You know I mean a couple of new studios. She went to Tom Seguros studio with Christine and and then she went to Rogan's Which one's nicer? They're different. What would you rather have you so nervous though about answering? Yeah, because they're massive They're like do it. I'm not nervous. I'm just careful. I guess I'm careful No, not in a nervous. They're both they're all they were all amazing Tom wasn't even there Would you prefer though for yourself? I would say Tom and Christina. Yeah, okay. Yeah, you hear that Rogan?

The food options were different though. Like you're right like Joe Rogan There's a as soon as you walk in your meat meat chips meat chips. No, well, it's not just meat I ate meat chips. They're literally chicken chips. They were like chicken skin chips Everything in there is just a meat locker. Like it's crazy. So you walk in and then there's a vending machine with vitamins and buffalo meat and elk meat sticks. I'm telling you.

Here's a real fact, when Rogan as a kid saw Bambi, he got excited when the mom died. She's super heart. She's super heart. Yeah, just a true fact. A true fact, Rogan's joy. Yeah. So what's it like doing the road?

What's it like? Well, first off, we should introduce her. Oh, yeah, go do the countdown. Let's do a song. Yeah, yeah. 5, 4, 3, 2, sa-da, sa-da, sa-da, tall white, tall white, north woman, she's the north woman. We saw the Northman last night and thought about you

when I was watching it. Yeah, you'd be a shaman for sure. You'd have the head piece. Her eyes would be gouged out. She'd have a thing over her eyes. And she'd be doing, yeah, you whites are weird, right? She whispers to me during the Northman. Why you got to expose me with this?

White people are weird. That's half you, Kalyla, half of yous. I am, half white. I'm not denying my whiteness. Rotten applause, so Sarah Highland is a very funny sketch artist, very funny standup, very funny podcasters, she was my ex-girlfriend. Ow, ow.

Ow, ow. And I love her to bits and pieces. So give her a round of applause, Sarah. So the North woman, do you have roots from the Viking age? Well, it's funny because I actually caught the last part of Jessica's, the podcast you did with Jessica Carson. And you mentioned, you're like, yeah, she's really,

she has a long torso. I've never been described as a long torso. You have a very long torso. You have a long everything, you're a tall girl. What do you expect her to have a short torso? No, but when I was watching the movie last night, I could feel like you could do this, right? And walk through a village like that.

Do this real quick for me. Yeah. That'd be so scary. I don't win. You win. I don't win. Yeah, well, in Linky, that's another word you've described for a long time now.

I like to say model-esque. Yeah, you have a model-esque. No, you always soften the edge. You do. You actually said it. No, I soften your edge. Yeah, you softened it up. Softened it up.

I also only date beautiful women. You do. Ehh. Ehh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what's it like going on the road, Jess? OK, well, to answer your question, the first one, I do have a little bit of Viking.

Oh, go ahead. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, because you used to. There's Sarah. Yeah, that's Sarah. I just feel like you could be their kid or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what side of the family is Viking? My dad's. Yeah. But it's hard to tell. Tim Highland. Tim. I love him. Big Tim.

What a great guy. Because he's a tall guy. Yeah. He's like 6'4", 6'5". Yeah. He's very lanky. He's thin. But he also has one of those faces

that is instantaneously trustworthy. Yeah. He was like, uh, let go. What's his name? John Lettko. That's what he looks like. Winston Churchill? Yeah, he's got a Churchill vibe.

Yeah? Yeah, he's like a salesman. Yeah, I mean, like, so if like, you know, Germany was invading Normandy, right? I would want Tim to be on our side. That makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Leadership.

Yeah, he also, he played, remember when he did the Elvis thing? He played his guitar. Yeah, guitar, yeah. And I just, you know, tell your family I said hi. I missed them a bit. Hey! Weecha!

I'm, you know, I... What are you laughing at? Why did you do it that way? Because... He had to learn the Weecha. Yeah, so, you know, I did two weeks in Oklahoma. Yeah. I'm on Reservation Dogs.

And I hung out with Craig, um, deer and water. I met the Red Corn family. Yeah, I mean, and I was really immersed into the native culture. I think I have native spirit, you know, and I found out about some of my behaviors in the past. Could have been. Is wrong.

Is wrong, uh-huh. I'll give you an example. Yeah, let's go back. Let's go back. So, um... I like that you're going straight to the source and asking these people, hey, was this thing that I did wrong?

Even though I've been telling you for a long time. Did you do the picture? He's never believed me. He showed the photo. I'm like, hey, you can't go to a mall. So I went to a mall in Canada years ago, all right? And I'm asking you as a white person, right? And also a friend to see if this is wrong, okay?

So I'm in Edmonton, right? Only half of me can help you. Okay. Yeah. All of me can help you. And Rick Bronson owns a room in Edmonton. It's one of my favorite clubs. But it's in a mall and in the mall,

there's like a little, you know, a molly photo studio. And you walk in, there's three things you can choose from. Yeah. The colonial, like, downtown Abbey look, which I don't, I'm not into that vibe. Really? Yeah, yeah. Because it's like, Asians back then, in that vibe,

we watched it at the laundry. Yeah, railroad. They didn't have the clothes. And then you could either be a cowboy or an Indian. Oh. Oh, hello. Oh. Oh, that's bad.

Why do you still have this? I thought I took it down from his Instagram. Yeah, where'd you get this from? This one is from Pinterest. People like to pin it for inspiration. People have been pinning this for inspiration for parties. It is a funny photo, though. It's great.

The gun, the gun is great. But what did you learn? I learned that was wrong. That's not good. You can't do that. 2022. So I was at, so I was obviously, you know, I'm there. What I love about reservation dogs is, you know,

all the riders are native. Half the staff, like in terms of makeup and sound and everyone are native. And the stars are all native. And you're immersed in it, you're right. And you learn about the culture. We went to the, an expo, an art exhibition. We bought stuff.

The Muscogee Art Market. Art Market on a Saturday. And we bought a bunch of stuff there. And so I was just sitting around at lunch with a bunch of people. And I go, hey, FYI. I went to a mall. My girlfriend thought this was bad. I go, you know, I went to.

I went to a mall. This is crazy. This is my girlfriend crazy. Yeah. I went to a mall and I just dressed up as a native person and I took some photos, right? And they're like, that's the worst thing you could do. And I go, why?

And they go, would you do that with blackface? And I go, yeah. So what's the problem? But no, I go, no, I wouldn't. And then I, and I try to make arguments. Whatever you're. OK, I don't want to actually want to hear. I want to hear it.

I want to, I'll talk it through with you. My arguments were, and I was wrong. All right. My arguments were, well, you know, if they had a samurai thing at the mall and white people did that, and then they go, and what if they did the eyeliner thing with the eyes? Oh, the wing tips.

Yeah. That's what you call them? Wing tips? Wing tips. Yeah. I think our eyes are this so we don't see peripheral. I mean, you did tell us the history why agents had small eyes. Oh, yeah.

That's right. The sun. The sun. Is that true? I have good periphery. I have pretty good periphery, too. But periphery. Periphery.

What's the word? Periphery, really? Periphery? Yeah, peripheral. What is it? Peripheral? Is it peripheral? Peripheral.

Peripheral. Peripheral. Anyway. Peripheral. And they go, I go, yeah, that's, that would be wrong. Then I go, what about Halloween? Like, I've seen people wear ninja. You put them in a position to have to defend why it's wrong.

It's so uncomfortable. Right. But then Sterling came by. Good. The showrunner. And he goes, basically, you know, it's you're supporting, you know, rape, pillaging. You know what I mean?

Oppression. And I also asked about, you know, the mascots and stuff. And Washington. You know, and it completely just put me in a thing of just, just I get it. You know, and it's all fucked up and wrong. And it's based on a tragic history. And anyway, so I regret doing that.

I apologize that I did that. And you were right. One point, Kalilah. Yeah. Are you and Jen are going to, are you guys thinking about ever adopting a kid, having a child? I mean, not now or in the near future. Yeah, yeah.

But life is long. I don't know, but like not right now. But it's not like completely off the table. I always thought that you would be a good mother. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no. You're a Tulsa too. Yeah.

I know every, every sound I make turns into a hyalm. Like this. And like. That's a very personal question. That's OK. That's OK. I thought it was going to be a pitch to why you should adopt an Asian baby.

And I thought you were going to give her like. OK, that's a good idea. We did try to have a kid, though, once. It was a Pacific Islander, and we only tried once. What is a Pacific Islander? What kind? You looked at me and got a little sad. Was it a little Filipino boy?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, how? Well, we only tried. It's very expensive. It is. So we only tried one time.

Like it's literally like 35th grant for one time. For one time. Wait, so you have to spend $35,000 for a Filipino kid? It wasn't. What? No, I'm just asking. I'm just throwing it out there. I felt that.

I'm asking. I'm just asking what the price value is. For any kid, for any kid. I'm just saying the dude we picked was a Filipino kid. Because I liked his interview. Yeah. And how old were you? I liked what he said.

Because he mentioned like his mom sang the Beatles to him when he was a kid. So I was like, oh, that's dope. No, I'm sick because you can't like the photos they give you are like, you know, a year old. So you can't, you have no idea what the guy looks like. You just go off of like, you know, their blood type, the things that the people in the office gave them, you know.

Yeah. So you can paint any photo you want. But then they give an audio where you can hear the voice and like they answer questions. And that's how we made the decision of who, like a what. But he was cool. He was dope. He was like a cool, I liked him.

And truly like the last thing. How old was he? Probably using his early 20s, like when he did that. And I mean, they're all, you can't be that old. And that kid was Bruno Mars. You missed out. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You were going to adopt a kid from in his early 20s?

No, the guy who did the interview was what he was. Oh my God. Yeah. No, the guy who did the interview was like in his early 20s. Yeah. But how old was the kid? A baby? Sweet.

We're talking about a donor. Like there's a sperm donor. Oh, I thought you were talking. Oh, I think he thought you were talking about adopting a kid. Oh, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? How are you 35 grand? How does a baby know who the Beatles are? We're going to adopt a 25.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the white album. Abby Rogers are like, Google Gaga, Google Gaga, yeah, yeah. You know, I've been sort of thinking, well, no, that's not the right thing to say, because you're a very viable donor. But sometimes I look at people and I'm like, oh, like, that would be a good, like, should our stuff stop working?

I do look at people like, oh, like, I would like that genetics to make the baby. I think I have good genetics. I think you have, you and I do not have good genetics. What do you mean? That's offensive, what you just said. Not to myself. Your genetics are fine.

My genetics are horrible. I've talked about wanting to kill my bloodline many times. I come from very, very bad, bad people. Sane. Bad people in my family. No, no, that's it. Tell, you fucking pump her up. It's not that you can't.

I'll always pump you. I always do. But you have to also respect, like, that's, it's her. Yeah, Jim. No, Bob, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, why are you? Because she's looking at it from the prism of trauma.

She looks, when she looks at it. But it's still her perspective. But it's skewed. And it's not, I don't think. All of our perspective is skewed. I know, but that's not what the reality is. Reality is skewed. That means to back up.

Let's go, Dave. Generations of trauma pass down from, like, parents to child. Yeah. So it's, like, for me, right? Like, who's crunching? Hm? Will you stop crunching your ass, dude? Fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just have a lot. You know, I don't have to explain it for the 10th time. But, you know, you've met my family. There are murderers. There are, you know, lots of people incarcerated. There's a lot of people with very, like, what I think is a potent evil inside of them.

Your uncle Lulo, what's his name? Lulo. Your uncle that murdered. Yeah, Lululemon. Carlo. Yeah, that's like Lululemon. Lululemon. Lululemon.

Yeah, so your uncle Carlo, right? I met him, OK? You kept him, Sarah. That's what he did. Tell the story. I have an uncle that has killed his own brother, killed my other uncle in broad daylight with a machete. Deserved.

Yeah. Deserved. Don't say that. Well, I'm just saying, it's like he's not like the Riddler, you know what I mean? Well, the Riddler also had reasons why he did what he did. That's a bad example. Terrible example.

Zorro. Zorro. Zorro. Jeffrey Dahmer. Let's go, Jeffrey Dahmer. Zorro, because he had a sword. Right. Yes.

Your uncle Carlo isn't a narcissist psychopath. I think there were reasons. He was desperate and there's a reason why he did what he did. And it was actual betrayal. Right. So, when we got to, when we, our plane landed in the Philippines, my family, a bunch of them like to greet us at the airport. But my uncle Carlo decided that he too wanted to be at the airport to receive us.

He's out of prison. He's out of prison. He was locked up for like 20 years. And Bobby was very obviously nervous because he knows the back story. Was this recently? Like two, three years ago. Okay. So, what Bobby did to kind of, you know, cope with a situation is that he just started

throwing money at him, putting money in his pockets, any place that he could. He was like, I love you. You're my hero. If you meet, if you meet Pol Pot, you meet Putin, any of these guys, right? Yeah. You just throw money. I have a way of doing it. You know what I mean?

If I, I do. Yeah. What do you mean? What do you mean? Yeah. Do you have to say you're my hero? All right. That's a little too far.

You verbally said you're my hero. Yeah. Sticking money in his pocket. Yeah. I whispered it while putting a hundred dollars in the pocket. You know what I mean? And he, he gave me a hug. It worked.

You know, but what I want to say though is, is that, you know, obviously you and I have, can I say we have alcoholism or no? Sure. Yes. A bit. Yeah. You, you and I have, you know, alcoholism, we have character defects, we have things that we don't like of ourselves, but there's so much more positive things that you and

I have, right? Us three have. All of us. All of us in here, right? And I think we should focus on no kid is going to be perfect, right? And but the genetic traits that are positive that we have, right, is a good thing that we're going to pass on because I'm going to say this. And I know you two specifically, you know, you have, you guys are both similar in the

way that you have great empathy and your, your hearts are so open. You guys are, you guys have that. And that is something that we need more of on this planet. Okay. So those are things that you would pass on, you know what I mean? Genetically. Yes. Yeah.

So that's what I'm, that's my only argument. I think I win. Okay. But genetically or, but if you adopted a kid, you could still give those characteristics to someone. Now we're talking about nature versus nurture and I have to say that, can I say this? Yeah. Some people are born.

Yes. I believe we have a disposition. Yes. They have the crazy, the crazy genes. Thank you. You just proved my point. Yeah, but you're not. Yeah, but you could adopt a kid, right?

That's a psychopath. I could also produce a kid. That's a psychopath. No, you can't. Because you're not a psychopath. Yes, I am. You're not a psychopath. Sweetie.

You can. So I could absolutely create a kid that is very, you know, that suffers from schizophrenia, that suffers from a lot of mental illnesses. Those things run in my family. Those are kinetics. Not specifically schizophrenia, but other things, extreme OCD, ADHD. Those are great things. Look at Rain Man.

I know. Really? Yeah, yeah. Those are great things. Yeah. Right? A lot, a lot of deep, deep stuff, including myself. I've struggled my whole life with certain things.

But my argument, though, is this too, right, is that I think that you, I think that if you and I had a kid, right, that I just really seriously doubt that we would raise a kid, then I could be wrong. I'll call your bluff. Let's make a kid. Okay. Yeah. Let's do it.

And I'm going to prove, and then when our kid becomes president of the United States, right? Oh, it's a long, yeah, it's a long, it's a long, it's a long gamble, right? Super for 40 years. And we're at the inauguration, right? And we have white hair. You know what I mean? I have a cane because I'm going to be sold.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And I'm going to, when I stand up for the Pledge of Allegiance, do you have to stand? For the, guys, and now introducing Mr. President Lee. Right. I would do this, right? Oh, I have an accent by that. I would have to have an Asian accent by that.

It would be weird if you did it. It would be weird if I did it. Oh, I would probably say that, right? What's wrong? Nothing. I think she's upset that you'll have an accent when you're old. And you would have an accent. Yeah, I would.

Yeah, yeah. Filipino accent. Anyway, who knows? And maybe I'm wrong, but I just think that you guys are better people than you think you are. I don't think I'm, look, it's not about that. It's not about what I think I'm able to do as a mother. Of course, I have a very strong belief in my ability to be a kind person to a child.

Obviously, because I want to adopt. I just am leaning more towards adoption versus creating my own. That's all it is. I want children. And maybe I'm not like, we could still have biological children, but I always, my whole life since I was 12 years old, I have an adopted sister, you know? I've always leaned towards, I've always told my mom, like, it doesn't make sense to me why more people aren't adopting.

Yeah. I think you're right. That wasn't easy, I know, because I look at my own behavior, you know, just the year that just hours of sky, not Skyrim, but Stardew Valley and Skyrim, Stardew Valley. I've been playing Stardew Valley like a crazy person. I just feel like my kid would could be a shut-in with your genetics and mine. If they took some of our traits, they would just, you know, just have a quarter room. So there's locks on it, and then we have, there's a little opening and we have to put

food through the thing. You know what I mean? A little feeding bag. Little feeding bag, and I just, yeah, that's my fear. I guess you're right. Well, I mean, but also, if you looked at, like, okay, Jeffrey Dahmer. I love him. Was his mom crazy?

Was it, or is his parents crazy? What do we know about his parents? I know that the dad, like, stopped by him, but I don't know about anything about his mother. No, she was. I'm gonna have to look at the parents and be like, okay, because there's a lot of serial killers whose parents are like, I don't know what happened. You know, totally.

Yeah. It's always a Midwestern parent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have no idea what happened. He was fain. Yeah. He's like, he's like, he's like. Killing people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. His dad and I are so upset. I'm sick. That's what, it doesn't matter. You can be the most, I know people who are angels. Angels are the planet, and they're kids. But there was a point where- Not angels.

Carving Satan symbols to their skin. But let me ask you something. At four. I don't, I'm just saying, I get to where I was pointing. But he also killed a dog when he was a kid. Yes. And his parents were like, oh, that's just a phase. Well, here.

The dog, the dog killing phase. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alternately, that theory doesn't always apply. One of my best friends was thrown into bad kid camp because he was horrible to animals. He would light rats on fire, and then he would watch them drown themselves in the pool because they were on fire. He's told me this in confidence, and he's, but today. Yeah.

Today. He's a pediatrician now. He is. He's a veterinarian. He's a veterinarian. Specifically rats. He's a rat. He's a veterinarian.

But imagine him telling like an animal lover like me those stories, right? But now he's like a really well-adapted, balanced, successful, kind father. Like I look at him now, I'm like, how the fuck did this become that? So there's no guarantees in life. Yeah. Like you could, like Sarah said, you could just be two angels and produce the most demonic person on earth. You just never know.

Well, I mean, as a kid, I used to shoot, I had a BB gun. They used to whip your grandma? Yeah. Yeah. And then with, uh, willow sticks. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah.

And, um. For no reason? Oh, culture. I mean, not that the genie reason. But I see that. Well, she was paralyzed from the neck down. And she didn't feel it, so. She laughed.

That was funny. Why is that? She thought it was funny. Why is that not good? Yeah. It's funny. It's funny. Yeah.

The fact that she was paralyzed. She's been paralyzed from the neck down. So we thought it was okay. Oh, God. So my dad found welts on her body. And then she's like, what happened? I go, we don't know. And then one day he walked into the room and he saw us whipping her with.

Willow sticks. You and Steve? Yeah. My brother. But you didn't have, um, she wasn't, she wasn't in pain, right? No, she was just smiling. She liked the attention. But as a kid, I used to shoot squirrels in the face with a BB gun.

Oh yeah. But you know, I once fed my, she did. I did. I used to just go, I got his eye. You know what I mean? A lot of kids. Yeah. I used to go to school.

I'm going hunting kind of way. But also concerning. I mean, I once fed my grandma Play-Doh. She's blind. That's weird. And so there used to be this, there used to be this thing where you could make, you know, you could push the Play-Doh thing and then the spaghetti would come out. Yeah.

So she wasn't, she was about 95% blind. So she could see somewhat of a silhouette of pasta. And I was like, Lola, I made you spaghetti and she was like so touched by it. And then she ate a big mouthful of it and I thought it was hysterical. And did we see Mal? Hell yeah. She ate a fucking Play-Doh. Yeah, that's weird.

Did she chew it? And did she eat it? Digest it? No, she eventually spat it out and stuff. And I was laughing. But then I think kids do cruel things like that. I do. When I was a kid, his mom, he goes, he goes, let's pee and tell my mom it's lemonade.

So we peed in a cup and we gave it to her and she drank it and then Neville was invited over again. Well, naturally. Sarah, what have you, what are some childhood regrets that you have? I don't know. I'm thinking of I ever just evil shit like that. Yeah, Play-Doh, whipping your mom. You never did.

What you did, you partied early though, no? I did, but partying doesn't mean just whipping grandma. Yeah, I don't think it. That pranks. George, help me. Did you ever do anything evil like that to your family? I'm trying to think if I ever, I mean, we did things to our friends, but not to our, not to like my family.

I think in fourth grade, everybody was like pulling chairs out of school so that I like went home and my mom would be like, you want to sit down, you want to sit down and she's like, really? I'm really tired. I guess so. I've never felt that way. White people jokes. Yeah, yeah.

Did she hurt herself? No, she was fine, but it was like, that was, first of all, that's the most fucked up thing I've ever heard. You just whip your paralyzed grand. It doesn't matter because when you paralyze, when you, she's paralyzed, right? She didn't feel anything, but when you do that, she could get concussed. She can get, she can get the thing that junior sale had. Yeah.

I mean, there's just different things that she's going to, you know what I mean? I once put seeds in my, I, there were these black seeds from a flower and I used to collect them and when everyone was asleep, I used to just drop them in their ears or through their nose or any orifice I could find while they were sleeping while they were sleeping. I got into a lot of trouble for that, but my sister, apparently she remembered this very vividly. I used to tell her, like, hey, like it's going to grow inside your nose as a plant and you're going to be a plant phase and she would start crying and crying and I'm like, it's stuck

there. I'm sorry. You're going to be a plant head. Wow. Yeah. So they, she had to actually get it extracted, go to the doctor's because they got lodged in there. Bro, you go psychological.

Yeah. I know that. So you really want my baby still? No. Yeah. Because I don't want my kid to put fucking watermelon seeds in there. I was sleeping. No, I'm sleeping.

You know what I mean? But you did something last night that pissed me off and would you stop doing it? What did you do? Cla, you tell us before Bobby tells us. It's not even that big of a deal. It makes me so mad. When he yawns, I just stick a finger in there. Yeah.

Yeah. I do that all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I hate it. I don't like it because I have breathing. I have like asthma. I don't like it because I can never, I yawn so much like when I was a kid, I had ticks

of yawning because I had so much anxiety that I could, and I would like when I was in preschool, I yawn so much that I couldn't close my mouth. Like I couldn't to swallow spit and so spit would just come out of my mouth. It was crazy. Wait. So even now, because I still, I still like anxiety, I like I'll yawn, I can't ever get a breath. Like I take a lot of deep breath.

Right. So if somebody like if Jen or anybody sticks a finger in my mouth, I get so upset. Cause it's like my one, and it takes so many times to get like a good breath. Wait. That's, that's actually interesting because. Crazy. Yawning for me is a, is well, yawning in general, like over yawning is a big like anxiety tick obviously.

But the thing you mentioned, I get into these weird anxiety cycles where I think I can't swallow my saliva at night and it drives me tricks with myself. Yeah. And then all of a sudden what I forced myself to do if I can, I have to force myself a sip of water or food because I literally believe I can't swallow anymore. But then Sarah, I learned that you cannot swallow more than one or two times at a time. So that feeling that we get, we can't swallow is actually because we literally can't swallow at the time.

We've outdone, we've overdone the swallowing. What? I don't. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. What?

Swallow your saliva right now. How many times? I got it. Just once. Swallow it again. I'm running out. No. Swallow it again.

Again. No, no, you're not swallowing. I am. I did three times. I swear to God I did. Your eyes, bro. It hurt, but I did it. Okay.

It hurt, but I did it. Get, accumulate saliva. Yeah. Okay. Swallow. Okay. One more time. It's getting harder.

It is getting harder. I know that. That's the feeling. But I did five. I did five. You know what I mean? That was a lot. I can try.

Yeah, do it. Okay. But can I address what we're talking about? Yeah. All right, go ahead. Okay. But for me, I'm so, because I've never heard anybody else kind of talk about it. Let me get a little bit, because I know it's a mind game that I play with myself, because

it's all anxiety. And especially it's at night, where I'll lay in bed, and all of a sudden out of nowhere, I have a voice that's like, you can't swallow anymore. Me, too. I'm like, what am I going to do if I can't swallow my own spit anymore? I'm going to choke and drown in my sleep on my own saliva. Like, it's crazy that I think. I know Bobby.

No, I just, now I have a new fear. I can see your face. Now I have a new thing, because I can't swallow at two at night sometime. No, but you can. I can, too. Yeah. It's this weird thing that happens, like that it's just anxiety. Like it's a weird, anxious thing.

Pull it up, Gil. Yeah. How many times can someone consecutively swallow? Because when I read that, I was like, yeah, in a row, like back to back to back. Well, that's what gets me there. That's what throws me into a panic is I can constantly try to swallow on on my fifth go. I can't do it anymore. Yeah.

And then I'm even in a deeper panic now. Yeah. It's about a panic mode. Yeah. I feel like if you're waterboarded, I could get information from you really quickly. Yeah. For me, my biggest fear is drowning. A lot of people are saying two to three.

Some say four gets hard five. It's almost impossible. Almost impossible. Yeah. I did five. So I'm the champ. Am I a swallow tramp? You're bleeding.

Yeah. But it's also, but it's a whole breathing thing. The biggest fear is drowning. I've not been able to breathe. Like I can't. Yeah. Or if somebody's hand is over my mouth, I can't. You know what scene I can't watch is in Kill Bill where she's buried.

A lot. I don't like that. That's what I'm saying. That would be the most nightmarish death you could ever do. That just happened, by the way. Okay. It's not being buried alive, but that's just all I'm seeing in today. Yeah.

I think it was in China, actually. Don't look at me when you- I don't know why I did that. I don't know why I did that. Number one, I'm not Chinese. Number two, I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I know you didn't do it.

Stop looking at me. You're Korean. But it just happened that with COVID, they put somebody in a body bag that was still alive. They were just sick. They were just sick. They were loading them on the gurney. And I don't know what he was- Oh, my God.

I don't know if that's what happened. But somehow, he started breathing or whatever. And they opened. They unzipped the bag. Don't take me word for word on this. I just saw the phone on the caption. But they unzipped it, unlocked it, and he was still alive. What would you say?

Hello. Hello. Hello? It's not the- Hello. Hi. Hello. What are you looking for?

I don't know. I think the first thing a normal human being would say is what the fuck? Yeah. What the fuck? No, because I think if he was truly as sick as he was, he would have been not in a truly lucid state. Okay. But hello is not, I don't think in the-

Hello. You're going to both hear most basic words that you know. Yeah, yeah. Hi. Why? Why? Yeah, yeah. Because he's alive?

He's alive. Oh, good. Thank God. Yeah. Now the new question is there's probably a couple of dudes. You know what I mean? Because if there's one they caught- Oh, they killed him.

There's got to be a two or three or maybe a hundred. That's right. They didn't make it. They didn't make it. Yeah, yeah. He's in the back going- That is still- That is still zipped up in their bag.

Yeah. I mean imagine that like being like about to be embalmed. Oh. What do you mean? Like you're, you know, when they embalm they don't, they have to drain the blood from your veins and stuff to like preserve you. You think that's ever happened where they put the tubes in? Look it up Gilb.

And then you look over and go- Oh. I mean yeah. Hello. Hello. There is a- Yeah. Is that-

Yeah, that's what I saw. And Shanghai. Oh, why? He woke up. That- Oh. Shanghai. Oh my God.

That's that. That is- That's my biggest fear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what's worse than that though is waking up and you're in a casket six feet underground. Because you can say hello a million times. Hello. Yeah, yeah.

No one's- You know what I mean? So in that circumstance what is the first thing you do? I hate- You know this is making me- I know. You're right, you're right. But it is crazy.

It's crazy. Like I'd rather, but it's more freeing to talk about it because I do lay there at night and sit and think about these fucked up, like these cra- Yeah. Like if I were stuck in a casket. Yeah, yeah. Below the sea level and somebody left me there. Yeah.

What the fuck would I do? Like I do think about it. Wait, isn't there- Don't they tell you what to do? I think there are strategies. I know, I already know it. This is- I saw Bill, you punch?

No. You punch through it. Yeah, yeah. Oh, punching. Yeah. What's this? What the fuck is this? This girl was-

Woke up in a funeral home. In a body bath. They put it in a body bath. They thought she was dead. Wow. She looks dead there. That's a pain. Hello.

Hello. I don't know why we're talking about this. This is really getting dark. But let's- It's supposed to be going down this path. But there's a lot of movies that have this particular scenario. Yeah. That is-

Because it's- I can't- I can't even imagine how many people that this- That's their worst fear. Well, we were watching the Northman last night and there was one scene where I looked at Kalailanga. This is traumatic, which is, you know, they're raiding a village. Yes.

They take the kids and women, they put them in a house, like a hut, and they just light it on fire. A hut. Yeah. And they just light it on fire. I mean, that's just like- And they used to do shit like that back in the day. Mm-hmm.

Oh, my- And there was no EMDR. There's no- They didn't have better help. The EMDR. They didn't have better help, right? So you couldn't zoom a therapist. It's-

Like, what did they do back then for Trump? Sad. They hunted. They didn't have time back then, though. What do you mean? They didn't have time. Back in those days, it was about like hunting, gathering, surviving. Nobody sat around and being like, how do you feel today?

Like nobody cares. It doesn't matter. Like- But they had feelings, you know? They had feelings. I'm not saying they didn't have feelings. In your hierarchy of needs. Yeah.

Like in your Maslow's hierarchy of needs, if your food clothing shelter is not met, you're not able to even consider or even talk about or even entertain feelings. You're just- Okay. You're in a castle, right? Yeah. You're in a castle. Still, traumatic things happen.

Yeah. When you're in a castle, you have maids and people are feeding you grapes. I've seen the fucking good paintings, right? You're sitting there and they have the- We're talking about different era now. Oh, we are? Yeah. This is the era of feelings.

I'm talking about- Even in the Northlands, they had kings and queens. You're right, though. It's pretty- The grounds dirty and- Yeah. They're sure figuring it out. Yeah.

But that's the- But isn't that the- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Isn't that the era, though? We're talking about- Oh boy, what was the major show? Vikings? No.

Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones. Okay. Thank you. But no, where they did- They cut off people's dicks and served it to them. Like for sausage. Yeah.

For like breakfast. Like they still did archaic. Yeah. Beheading. So if your dick was chopped off and somebody was eating it for breakfast. Yeah, in front of you. There was no trauma therapy or anything like that or anything that you could do. Delt with it.

You just dealt with it. No, because then they did more horrible shit to you. Right. Yeah. They pulled your arms out of the sockets with the- He liked that. He'd want to elongate it. He liked that she limbed.

I think in a guillotine. Yeah. Or the thing that- You know, no, no, not even a guillotine. That thing where your hands are in there and they're just sticking you a thing. That's a guillotine. No, but the guillotine is when they chop your head off. There's another thing where they-

A stock. A stock. Oh, where you just sit there? Where you just sit there like this. I feel like I could win that competition. Like if there was a stock competition, I'm going to win this one. What is your advantage? Why do you think that?

I think I'm short, right? I think white dudes have to like- There's just more body weight that they have. No, I've always wondered this. When they hang people, if you hang someone so petite, like let's say a Shakira or like an Esther Pavitsky, don't you think that they would die a lot later because there's a lot less weight and gravity pulling at their neck?

Yeah. Oh. I think you would actually survive for at least a couple minutes. I don't know. Minutes? What? I don't know. Let's see.

Or is it the impact that kills them, George? I think it's the impact. It breaks them. It's not far enough that they survive and they get the 68. Okay. Well, there are also circumstances where they break their neck and the way they break their neck, they can still breathe and they just stay there and they live.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I would do in that situation is like, let me just go through the motion. Hello. Hello. No, when you're hanging, right before they do the lever, so they have the noose around your neck,

I would probably say hello because there's always a crowd. There's always a crowd. What would you say, though, when everyone realizes they just simply haven't died and you just have a bent neck? No. That's why, that's what I would do is, because in my head, I would just be like, okay, there's probably one in a million chance that I'm going to live through this,

but make sure your acting skills, you know, because maybe at that time I would take acting classes just because I would prepare. I would prepare, right? I would, because they had theater back then. Yeah, yeah. I would take a couple of classes, like a miser technique or whatever.

Repetitions. I would do repetitions. Yeah, and then I would go, okay, just be, just right. I'm alive. My neck's broken. Oh, that hurt, right? But I would roll my eyes back and just pretend I'm dead, right?

And I would do what, you know what I mean? I would do the whole thing where they're like, you know what I mean? They stick me on the gurney. I still pretend I'm dead, right? I guess, right? And I would put saliva out of my mouth. Like foam?

Foam. Foam. I have to do it. I have to do it. Yeah. Kala, are you getting turned off by this? I would do a saliva, right? And then, right, and then they would dig a hole, right?

And hopefully, you know, I know what, I know, I know, I know. So they have to turn around the shovel, right? Right? Yeah. When they put the dirt back in the hole, you're there, right? Okay, yeah. Right? And as they turned around the shovel, I would throw a rock.

Okay. Just because they did that. You used to do that in that video game. Oh, my God. Assassin's Creed. Yeah, you could do that Assassin's Creed. Assassin's Creed. But there's another one called Far Cry.

Far Cry. Far Cry. In Far Cry, you could throw a rock. I used to do that. I used to do that, too. And sometimes you don't have no rock. Bro, we spent hours. We spent hours playing a video game just throwing rocks.

Yeah. So in Far Cry, right? Yeah. It's a lot of sneaking, right? Yeah. So there's like, you know, mercenaries walking around with guns. Yeah. And you would throw a rock and then it would hit a tree and they would all turn around.

So that would do it. So as they turned around the shovel, I would throw a rock, right? They go, what's going on? And I would crawl out of the thing. Yeah. And with my... With your bent neck. With my bent neck.

I would run through the forest. Like fear it. Why is it... That was still folk. I don't know. I would just do it. Why is his hands cooking? Why are your hands like that?

I assume when you break your neck. You're correct. It would affect your whole body. Oh my God. We got ninja. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? And it would just be...

Your neck... And you probably cannot... You're frisk broken. What? I have carpal tunnel for something. Nobody... You actually are scientifically correct. Yeah.

Because when people have... There's spinal injuries or head injury. Yeah. There's this thing called the corticate and the cerebrate. Yeah. And it actually... That... Can you look it up?

Yeah, I would probably have that. D-E-C-O-R-T-I... I can't. The corticate. Yeah. I broke a blood vessel. Yeah. Eyeball from this.

And if Sarah, if you were in the same situation, your neck broke. Right? Yes. And we were both running through the forest. You know what I would go? Don't follow me. You know what I mean? Right?

Because I would want you to go... That's not... Hold on. Now look at this. The cerebrate. What? Your legs have to do that. Yeah.

What? Oh, we're already doing it if you saw it. Right? Why does it... You're the opposite of this. You're the cerebrate. You guys are the same size. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hold on. We'll... I can't handle this. Oh, I see what you're saying. Look. I can't. What's the other one? Arms are abducted in...

Fiexid? Fiexid? Rotated. Against the chest. Closed and... You have, like, spinal injuries, traumatic head injuries. Kill me. That's the other one.

That's the cerebrate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The bottom one. Yeah, the bottom one. Yeah. That's it. That's it. That's what I was doing.

And look at his face. Yeah, look at his face. Yeah. Look at his face. Yeah. And I honestly would believe that they would, like, stop chasing me and laugh. Because look at him. Look at him.

He's going for it, right? Yeah. He's going for it. He's going for it. I think he would be like, just... Just let him. Are you just letting him go? Will you be zigzagging or something?

Yeah, because of the arrows. Because of the arrows. Right? Yeah, I'll be zigzagging because of the arrows, right? Your toes. What? Your toes have to be in. Yeah, yeah.

He's a serpent. Yeah, yeah. And then what I would do is if he threw an axe, yeah, this would be dope. This would be dope. I took this out. I'm running through zigzagging, right? They throw an axe. And I caught it.

Yeah. Like in the Northman, right? And I would throw it back, but hit the ground, right? But it would be a long throw. Yeah, you're right. I wouldn't catch it. I would not. It would go right into the ground.

You're right. But I would want to catch it. You know what I mean? I think you'd be zigzagging not intentionally. It's just your body's taking you there. But it would still work with the arrows. Yeah. Right.

It would. But then at the end of the day, you find yourself at the end of the forest. You're running. And you're next broken. You're drooling, right? But it's not broken. It's not... Just crooked.

It's crooked. And then what do you do then? You're running for the rest of your life. Aren't they chasing after you? No, you go to the next castle. Oh, you go to the next castle. Yeah. And you become the court jester.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You ask to be lending. What? That's a very sweet ending. Like how it ended. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Much nicer than the Northman. I'd be dead. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, I'd be dead. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back to that. I don't think you...

I think you'd live. I really do think you'd live. I'd see Senator Hawley, but they filled the bucket, right? With rats? Yeah. They burned one into the bucket. So the rats... Oh, that's right.

Burrow through the body. Yeah, but I feel like I would live through that too. Hmm. Yeah, I mean... But why? Because he has rhino-hyde for skin. They would not get... Thick skin.

Yeah, they're like, fuck the skin. Let's go through the wood. Pick this one out. Or the bucket? ? This one you would not survive with... Which one? I

Not to saw you upside down. I already know what Bobby's first move would be what we do He would put he would kind of yank his penis to the side so his penis doesn't get cut in half But the rest of them what how you look at your hand you can't yank you can't right try to flip it with the air But I think your natural response in that situation. Yeah, take your hips and yeah For some reason you would try to open up your butthole for some reason. Yeah. Yeah. Wait. Why I don't know I think that you would that be your natural response natural wouldn't be the clinch. It would be to go lunch, right? We try to grab this on fight back. Yeah This guy's but

Yeah, this is a situation. Yeah, yeah, I think you're speaking here What I think you have OCD in symmetry, so you're gonna line your body so that they get a very centered cut. Yeah Yeah, I think it would be like You know how sometimes ASMR videos where they have like these slice cucumbers and I think I would want that Like anyone watching even though I'm gonna die That was you know, that was very relaxing The cake videos we think it's actually Bobby, but it's a cake And it turns into cake

Reality show. All right. Yeah, real or cake. Yeah, real or cake. Yeah, that's what I would do. Yeah, you become a friend with a baker And I go bake me right as realistic as you can yeah, and then exchange your body with that cake So and then when they slice it right up right they go, oh, it's a cake red velvet red velvet, right? But then they would go oh, it's delicious And then maybe they would forget that I'm on the and then they'd laugh and you'd be running to the next castle Let me ask you this if you see you Saving Private Ryan, okay There's one scene in the beginning in the enormity scene which really just kind of where somebody loses his arm

And he picks up his arm. Yeah, he's going he's just walking around with it. Would you do that? Mm-hmm But was it okay was he picked up somebody he picked up his arm. Yeah, he his arm got severed I think it was a leg or an arm. I was I think it was an arm There's no way it was a leg and this and he picked up the arm Yeah, and he's just kind of wandering around the beach with his arm. He's obviously he's Concussed out of his mind out of his mind. Yeah, but it's like I don't know. Would you do that your own arm? Hmm, was it his own arm or somebody else's arm? That'd be weird if it was somebody else's That scene that scene that's his arm. Yeah, this is own arm

What is it gonna make it into a necklace later? And you can reattach it yeah back then they had Yeah, yeah, yeah, well they did they sewed it on and became gangrene. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I think the only part what part of your body would you pick up if you're a Normandy? I mean, it's my penis. That's it. You got to try for that. You got to try for that fingers fingers No, I would try for all of them. No, just my dick. I would pick it up like it would be like this Are you holding a thumb Fuck you it's a purple it's a purple I think it's purple

I think maybe I might have asked this last time, but what do you remember Aesthetically of Bobby's penis. I want to see if it's if you're if your memory matches. There we go Well, yeah, it was it was darker Shane, but it's okay Yeah, it was like a purple ish. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Prince would what don't warn it like the color Yeah, yeah, yeah made it do a hat or a jacket. Yeah jacket. So on netflix these past two nights I've been watching this documentary called dancing dancing with birds. Yeah, and it's basically these Birds that have very specific mating calls and go through like lengths to attract the mate some of them like build like palaces made like of sticks and some of them do these really cool dance and some of them mimic humans, right?

Yeah, there's this one bird that he Bowery is that what he makes that I think I worry, you know, and he spends eight years building this twig You know, I mean monument almost. Yeah, right like the birds don't mate in it or whatever to impress women And he adorns it like he'll hang little like Um, like moss moss on the tips like you would like Christmas balls and the Christmas spends every day To attract a female one female one. Yeah. Yeah, and then what but then that's not it The bird a female bird hangs that comes and goes hmm. Let me see your little little thing, right?

That's and then he has to do other things like he does a thing where he Sings but he sings like First like a bird, but then he sings he mimics things that he's heard So he's he wood chopping. Yeah humans chopping wood. He does that Right, then he does humans talking Yeah, then he he does a mimic Children playing It's insane

My question to you guys is love Bobby If you were a bird he does that like that if you had to attract the mate right this second I want to see what dance you would put out. Okay. Well doing children playing sounds hmm Just the dance are like Oh, no that's not working what would you do next? Oh, that's a good one I'm not a kid, I'm not a kid. And I would have.

I would shoot you off like my, right in front of her. Is it working, Sarah? Yeah. I know. And then the bird would be flying away, I'd still do it. Even though you didn't get her, you would do the same thing? Yeah. I would try to be on time.

Because they always, because if you watch this documentary, they always come back sometimes. comes back yeah sometimes they'll do their thing and they're like and they'll fly away and they go wait a second that was actually pretty good it'll fly but it but it maybe realize that humans do the same thing man that's why we were cologne that's why we get the shoes that's where you were that awful shirt you know I mean because the bird that you want to attract would like that piece of shit I'm kidding it's a nice shirt I want to buy one and also there

were shoes that you know I like your shoes you bought me shoes before yeah I like your style okay so that was an attack and I apologize all right wow but you know why do we you know why did I do stand up same reason I did it initially to impress women to get women because I couldn't get any right so that was me showing my wings you know me and my and my thing you know I do men do things you know me to attract women what do you think as women we do we do the same thing we do the same thing right oh my god if not more maybe what you're bird what's your bird dance yeah so much a bird dance and it's just this bird

motion that works every time it doesn't take as much work for girls to get oh I'm a throat goat so the circumference of how wide my mouth can get yeah and how they can see into the back into my uvula and it's never not worked yeah I feel like yeah if I was you know how that bird built that brawlery yeah for eight years yeah I feel like day one that bird would take a stick and start building it and then you would just show up and go what's your bird move oh boy yeah my but mine's more physical I'm more like oh I want to see how I want to see the dance please Sarah yeah Sarah yeah you do it with me no I already did mine man yeah yeah yeah this is just a rave 1994 yeah yeah yeah were your glowsticks

they're a molly okay that's a good one yeah yeah okay this bird is never gonna get laid yeah that's how white people dance huh that's really what they do my favorite is there's a meme I don't know I'm sure you can find it but it's like a bunch of like goth white kids under a bridge I've seen that yeah if you can find it's the funniest thing cuz everybody puts different captions to it but they're like literally their heads don't move but they just have yeah yeah yeah sticks it there's this funniest thing to me this one yeah yeah because people put different me I'll be so disappointed this is the one without

music that guy that guy oh my god that's what you and George were just doing that's what you guys were doing oh my god that's like they have parents are like crying right but they're so upset they're supposed to be a doctor do that guy special where I like that guy sometimes people put to like Christmas music during the holidays it's the funniest thing on the planet it's so crazy to me that they just he has blood on his shirt self-induced blood what's happening if that was your child right do you say something would you say something or do you just kind of they're living in your

house yeah you're listening to this horrendous music you know I mean all your fish net stocking clothing yeah and what would you say to them but they're 23 they're 23 they don't have a job they work at someone was balding already he looked a lot older yeah they're 30 they're still looking at home what do you say follow your dreams babe no no no no no if they were if they were 37 oh and living in my house and listen to nothing but death metal yeah and they're going under the bridge definitely be like you you have to go hold I said 37 but I would I would cut no I would cut it be real I would say 18 get the fuck

get out 18 get out yeah yeah doing that but they didn't do anything they had no job no Starbucks now when I was 18 I lived at home until I was 20 or 19 20 right but I number one had a job number two I was sober so I was going to a lot of meetings back then and I was trying to do self-improvement and I was showing my parents that I was trying to change and this and that that's one thing yeah but I wasn't going underneath the bridge and doing yeah that's what yeah yeah it's maybe it's their way of like their equivalent of stand-up it's what gives them this artist that's just like stand-up that's basically that's basically

you you know how scary stand-up is that's not scary these are kids that you fucking went to school right with right you guys have the same shitty interests and that's you know I mean there's no fear or anything walking through right yes it's not the same thing but you just got me so angry I apologize I apologize okay I get so when I get excited and happy I sweat yeah yeah you and I are very I find the more that I get to know you I find comfort in everything that you are because I feel like there is like oh she

feels the same exact horrors that I feel yeah okay yeah I feel like now seeing this though I feel like I attract a specific kind of woman no because I think the girl that you dated after Sarah was very different there were similarities yeah she's a sweet girl like a normie like her and I are not normal but then she has the same kind of insecurities what I want to know what do you think I don't want to talk about her because what do you think our insecurities are I don't mind the bird dance you're not gonna you can't go wrong yeah it's gonna be we can either just say yes or no it's it's it's you

have the same kind of number one here's just what I think what it is and why I am attracted I was attracted okay is is that number one there is a damage right that word there's a damage right that I can relate to and I understand yes all right number two there has to be some form of I had to say this but talent you I mean I have to see some sort of like because you know ultimately you you you meet a woman and you know when you say I want to be monogamous I want to be in a relationship you think about I think subconsciously to breed with them right so you kind of that's why when I was talking to you on the yesterday after we

watched the Northman is why I like angular faces with like like you have you guys have a different kind of face than I do right yeah he was saying in the car yesterday he likes girls that are tall and that have good bone structure because he does not have that he has a sort of a more 2d face is what you said right yeah and so 2d yeah and so yeah so I understand that part right but right but there's also there's some let's go back to the damage right I mean there's like with you there was the damage of alcoholism lots of damage and I could relate to you on that level right because I don't think that I could date

somebody that is just completely healthy and normal in that way it's boring to me and and I also want to be able to relate to somebody on that level but secondly there needs to be also a good heart like empathy you know I mean like things that are going on in the world you know I mean and we were in Texas once and there was like this homeless guy right and he was like spouting off to me about something and I was gonna say something she's like no you know he had a rough life and you know I mean and you know I mean so I need that as well you know I mean so it's like I don't know yeah great that's a great criteria damaged

right mm-hmm good bone structure mm-hmm and empathy empathy yeah yeah yeah yeah and also talent talent talent there needs to be a talent there needs to be something that I can go that's my that's your bird feathers for me yeah what do you guys look for well for okay so first off it okay so all right well no because I think there was a I actually asked Bobby about this I was like Bobby that's not true because I've been with men and women like it doesn't bother me like I was I've been with more guys than I have great actually and like and in long-term really I've been in like five years you know so to me it's definitely like talent for sure I mean

it's a little bit like when you were talking I was like yeah I mean it's a little like I can't I've been on dates with normal people and it's like you're like okay like there's nothing like I'm like you haven't even tried to kill yourself once you know like you don't even like yeah they're like have you been arrested like anything like just give me something because I feel so kind of crazy that like that is definitely like an instant connection of somebody's like it's just it's like yeah I don't know I've always connected to like the the people like the underdogs not that yeah anybody's an underdog but like I've

always like I remember once like I would we went to a do you remember this and we went to a Fox party what's up I fought like at the when he was doing my TV yeah there was like a party yeah and I was so uncomfortable with like people that were dressed up and like people with like clout you know yeah I ended up talking to all the caterers you know I like I would go over and talk to the people serving food and I was like how are you you know and that's what I like I like seeing that I written like I remember you came over you're like what are you doing yeah like I was just talking to yeah James he's trying to be an actor he

made lasagna I was like what's your story you know I was always interested in that shit like I don't want I like the other stuff and I still like that till this very day I'm like can you give me something else to talk about other than yourself like that kind of stuff but but yeah I mean like I that kind of stuff and yeah you just have to be passionate about something and vibrant about something you know like it doesn't even have to mean that your talent but be passionate about I think that's what it is for me my number one thing that I find most attractive is ambition yeah I need you to kind of want this very

specific thing in your life and to really see you go after it yeah yeah and talent talent's a big thing for me the first time I saw him on stage and I think he it was it was before we started dating yeah I went to the comedy store and it was an Oscar weekend and he he followed Chris Rock who I thought was very okay yeah but he annihilated and I had never laughed so hard and I liked the way his voice boomed throughout the room and I thought oh my god like I am oddly fucking gushing out of my panties right now yeah Bobby that doesn't hello because you were so fucking talented yeah and so yes I

guess that but do it but that's my bird feathers that's my you know I mean you know that's how that's the what God I think gave me right yeah I think he didn't give me Brad Pitt looks you know what you don't have to have Brad Pitt like that's the thing like how many unattractive fucking rock stars are there that like if they were just on the street you'd be like yeah but then you see him you're like yeah I'd like you know like that's the worst is when they had the combination yeah when they're very good-looking and then have the talent yeah but Paul Banks oh but Paul Banks is mysteriously hot I know that's one

thing I think he's visually hot too though yeah he's the anomaly like he's just got it all he's had been on a podcast he's a friend of mine yeah of Interpol the band Interpol and he's there's just something about him that like yeah he's hot yeah yeah I would never come on Paul we're both what are some what are absolute red flags no nosery where you're just like nope cannot a narcissist oh hey that shit all they do is talk about themselves how do you know they're a narcissist the love bombing up front the love bombing yeah like it's sometimes because I dated a narcissist

that I didn't realize he was a narcissist until a year and a half where I was finally able to put the pieces together and be like oh my god this guy is sociopathic he's a narcissist and nothing's gonna change yeah I mean I think well I mean that well right when you said that I was like also if they're not kind like if they're not a kind person if they're dick like yeah it's like where if they like treat people poorly like like a waiter or a waitress where if they treat them poorly I'm like like that is an instant turn like no like I when you when people can't defend themselves yeah in that like if

you're in a service position you know whatever and like and you're a dick in that way like I can't I think for me if I were to have dinner with someone and someone let's say the person I was on a date with didn't get the correct order and not even I don't even need them to make a stink out of it but just without even thought just be like you got my order wrong I just need a whole new thing I don't know why that would turn me off because it's gross because there's like space I eat whatever the fuck I also don't like when when if I was on a date with a girl for the first time and that yeah I want to see the south but

this is the south and the rest on the side right no croutons right and she just bring me the green right and no you know and if she they were specific in that way no it already in your head years down the road it'll manifest so many different areas yeah well automatically in my head and like this person cannot be around my family yeah like I'm like my family they're big eaters but they're very relaxed people and very casual and they would not like this yeah so automatically that would be yeah a no-no for me but maybe for someone else they're into that you know yeah there's a comic named Pete Gray and

he had a joke and it was like the anti of what I would want to date and this is the joke he met a girl right and she and she came to his car and this is when they had tape decks right and she and she put in a tape she goes do you like it you like it do you like it it's me you're me like that right there it was like yeah that's not what I would want yeah yeah one girl who gave out like her calling cards no okay so I met a girl I love I don't know any of your exes isn't that crazy whenever you smidge I'm like who's that so I met a girl in a yes and she I liked her right a minute it's

just after before way before you away before yeah yeah I mean a couple years before you okay and I was on that TV right right and she I flew her to New York for the up fronts yeah and we're sitting at you know at the up front you know your mad TV was sitting at a table but there's other tables like other shows I think American Idol had a table yeah and the center of the table was all the executives and the president of Fox at the time and I think Ike or somebody goes hey where's your girl and I go and I look and she's giving her business card to the president of NBC I'm a comedian right I got off from the table I grabbed

her wrist and she never liked me in a physical way or anything like that it was she just used me you know I mean and yeah that hurt thanks for bringing it up never dated her she wasn't a girlfriend and she later had her husband and kids and stuff she disappeared from comedy but thank God but yeah that really hurt me that would hurt me there was a lot of that and thanks but you didn't actually date you weren't that she was no she was never yet yeah there was a lot of girls that I tried you know I mean that completely outright friends owned me yeah what about that girl who worked at that you said worked at

volcano you're attracted to that I liked her yeah you liked her a lot but then what happened you just well I met her oh yes Sarah that was before me I was seeing a girl again I want to say her name but I really really liked her a lot yeah and but then I met Sarah and I remember I was at I remember the stinking it broke my heart so I remember so I remember when I first started dating you yeah it took a bit because you know it just took a bit because you had Sharon it was your spot I don't want to get into all that but you had a sponsor and you know you wanted to ask around this and that so there was a

little bit of courtship right but when I realized that we were going to be a thing yeah I was still kind of seeing this girl I had no idea yeah yeah and I remember walking I was at Matt TV and I was walking from the studio portion to the writers room and I was with Jordan Peele and we were walking and I remember going I have to make a really uncomfortable phone call right now and I did it over the phone I did over the phone and never saw her again and I called her and I remember her being very distraught what did you say I go hey I was so cold about it because I just want I was I had only a second to talk

because I had to walk from one area to another I just met somebody else so um it's well you know I yeah it's over but I really liked you and that but anyway um good luck or something like that and I hung up and I never talked to her again do you know that can scar a person for life thank you so much unhelpful advice we're going to area yeah yeah anyway we're the lengths you went for you Sarah boy I'm sorry sorry to walking no girl anyway go ahead he didn't say you didn't talk to me go ahead I'm helpful advice with Sarah hey guys oh yeah sorry yeah I'm actually listening next week I'll be in be with

Jessica Kersen actually in Colorado comedy works downtown Denver yes best club in the world yeah that's what I've heard you know that no you're I've heard that I've heard it's a female owned place and she's amazing that's what I've heard yeah but the why I love the club though yeah is and you're gonna love it because you could literally the people are on the same level as you and they're not that far from you great and they're they're stacked and it's really one of the best rooms imaginable so you're gonna be at Denver comedy works next week yes and then after that I'll be back in LA for a hot second and then I

leave again and I'll be kind of all over the east coast so I'll be in Florida New Jersey and New York but I'll post all of them on my Instagram okay I just don't know the exact places but I'll be all over your podcast and then I'll be in San Diego actually we're gonna be down San Diego at America comedy company no it's new it's new drop the mic I'll drop the mic is that in Escanido so San Diego but yeah that's I mean same I mean yeah yeah well check her out there yeah that's a new club that's a new club so that's fun that just opened mm-hmm I think that's what the same thing they're probably gonna have you or they probably

want I love to do it because you're a San Diego yeah so there but that'll be I think the third week of May so that'll be fun that's like a whole new thing but anyway but I post it in your podcast well I do a podcast with Jessica yeah just we just actually put one out with Jesus Trejo today one of the funniest young man I love person just person he's just the best person like he's a bomb but it's so like so funny like it's insane you just put a clip out of you guys doing and Mark Maron I love him so much we love where he's good unhelpful he took care of his parents stardew bellies rat waiting on a full

vice I hope of us hey tiger belly gang my name is Jack I'm 21 from England and my question is what would you do if you only had eight months left to live I've had cancer for a while now and I know I haven't got long left just wondering what you guys think and if you have any suggestions on bucket list items for me to tick off have a great day Jack heart emoji hmm oh boy so any personal bucket lists for you guys be at eight months to live and also I hear that's a difficult thing to answer because I don't know him and I know what his desires are I don't know what his heart is I don't know anything what are yours

what are yours yeah eight months you find out the first thing I would do is I would make amends and I would clean up all of my wreckage even people that I hate there's a couple people I hate like to my bone you know and I would want those things to be resolved and I would I would do it via a letter and I would say you know though it's funny there is a guide that you can hire that can speak on your behalf in your memorial service and he can call out people you know I mean like hey Jack he didn't he Jack Frank never liked you love that you know I mean and he's gonna tell you that he doesn't the same guy has had to do

this hey his wife like if it's a wife hey Gloria he's been seeing somebody else for the last like he's that that's his job yeah yeah yeah yeah but I wouldn't do that what I would do oh there was another guy that says I'm gay all right that that's like yeah he was speaking for the dead yeah speaking for and he also when he's being hired he says because the guys alive were women's alive and he'll say like are you sure something that you want to say to your family like when you're alive it no I wanted to do it when I'm dead well that's not what I would do as he take on their cadence no accents we have

to Gilbert yeah he's not Frank Callie and that's I feel like yeah yeah well that's like a legitimate job hazard right because you're telling these people now these people are angry they could come after you yeah I mean I would probably hire Kyle Dunn again yeah maybe great but what I wouldn't do that I would try to write it on my like write letters on my own right there's like two or three people specifically that I would do it I'm on name I'm gonna name them that I hate you know I mean but I would just be like listen you know at the end of the day you know I love you you have a lot of talent and I'm sorry you know I

mean that I reacted the way you know I mean I would clean up my wreckage you know and then um I would also spend time with it's not because I've been all over the world and so that's not my thing you know I mean my thing would be to spend quality time with the people that I truly love and express myself in that way I want to say I would definitely but you wouldn't you wouldn't say those but you wouldn't do that well why you're alive to the people that you hate to your bone that's a good point we start wreckage now like why would you do why wouldn't you just do it now if you can feel it in your heart to write a letter

because I don't think that they would respond regardless of what my situation but that's okay if they don't respond you got cleared so I so what you're saying to me is call them and go let's I'm gonna make up a name Jack right I call Jack hey dude I'm dying I want to talk to you listen no dude what if it doesn't have to be with you but you're done yeah exactly what if you're just doing it no I like holding on to it there we go there's three I refuse and I haven't done when I work the steps and we're gonna have a sponsor and I if I work the steps and I get to step eight and I and I he talks me into it like you

want to be truly free yeah and I go yeah I want to be truly free then you have to do this but you know the three people that I hate and I and I've done soul searching I honestly don't know where my side of the street is that I need to clean okay really so I just feel like it's all on them almost in a weird way yeah go oh so these are people who have blatantly done you wrong yes done you wrong out of nowhere there's no confusion there's no confusion to me in my heart you I mean now through exploration and maybe through my therapist or whatever yeah I have not explored it maybe maybe I there is my side and maybe

there is something that I did you know I mean I don't know what that might be but you know I haven't explored those but you know these are things that I can live with because so far you're right you're right so far no it's not even no it's just like it's a question like if you believe that you don't feel like you have any part in it then it's gonna be very difficult for you to yeah I'm in yeah but but but when I what I mean you know I mean by the letters isn't making amends yeah it's literally I would because if I at the end of my life I would just be like if I knew I was gonna die I would honestly in my heart be like

what's more important you know I mean yes and say like it regardless of what went on this and that I just want to you know because these three people I had a relationship and I did like them yes at one point right yeah so I would say um no hard feelings which there wouldn't be you know I mean because I'm dying and I just say good luck with your life you know I mean you're a very talented man and I just wish you I mean all the best yeah I mean that's what I would do okay and would that make you feel peace to release that anger yeah what then what's stopping you from releasing that anger today because it gives me motivation to

write jokes okay yeah yeah it would give me maybe even to but definitely yeah yeah it would give it gives me here's the thing sure I don't want to go there I don't want to go there but I want to say though is is that obviously they're people in the business yeah obviously they're people that motivate me to stand up and go I gotta win yeah I mean because what yes yes because a lot of my motivation is about and this is probably unhealthy it sounds unhealthy yeah but a lot of my motivation is I'll show you you I mean and so it helps me walk through fear like if I'm on a set I'm scared it makes me think of these people

and go you know I'm doing it I'm gonna be brave make sense and I have to show them that I'm better or I have but then you're still at the mercy of their perception of you because if you don't show them then the cycle just keeps continues like wouldn't you want to just perform well because you know that you're worthy and that you're enough and that you're capable rather than I'll show you because that cycle just never really ends we should have all three of them as guests the next month yeah yeah I think but you're getting something out of it like you're key that the motivation it sounds to me like like let's

just say I have the one person in my head which I'm pretty sure do you have anybody yes there you go I know I'm not there's no judgment do you have anybody baby perspective oh yeah it's right now because okay let's just say I have the one person in my head who I think I know okay good go ahead and we'll believe it I'm just saying I know who that person probably is knowing the history right now it's serving you to have that competition with that fucking person that hate because it's working for you it pushes you yeah right now and it doesn't make me angry more I think it that is more rewarding than you're

drawing you say that but I've always had that even as a kid you know when I was doing stand-up in the early 20s it was more about finances and women I just picture you under a bridge and got up stand up when you were a kid doing with a magic eight ball in a glow stick my motivation has always been like how am I gonna serve win yeah and make a living and how am I gonna get women right yeah and then when you start getting those things you find other things to motivate you is what I did you know I mean so I know it sounds completely unhealthy and you know I mean there's probably I'm sure Bill Burr or other comics have other

ways of motivating themselves right but that's just the way I do it and I go ahead it's I I can relate to guys dying and yet I can I can relate to you you know having the wrong people fuel my ambition but I also know that if I continue to live that way in the I'll show you way it makes me more tethered to my hate and more tethered to boundly tight to that person that I hate and dislike so much they are taking up so much space in my mind that I'm not able to focus on the other people that are actually doing right by me I'm just so like you know obsessed with this proving this one person wrong okay but

can't but I feel like you're right you compartmentalize it a little bit there's a space here yeah I feel like I only cuz I think a little bit like I'm very I can compartmentalize things yeah and I can shove things to this to the side that I just don't want to think about yeah I truly I mean it doesn't mean it goes away cuz what you're talking about like long-run stuff like yeah long-run it's probably best you come to peace with it but yeah but you know what I'm saying so you have a longer late don't get cancer stuff like that yeah but I mean but at the same time like I definitely can like compartmentalize it

and put like the stuff that I need to do to like get right with this relationship and use the like not so great stuff to have a better to for it to propel me yeah for it to serve me for right now right that again that's like that's what I do with those particular things but I'm saying but how I do it is like the person that I think of them like yeah like I can't follow them on his like nothing I can't right but he does the opposite he will follow them oh really yeah that's masochistic that's torture it's not torture oh I don't like that it's not torture it's it's it it it makes me

giggle it does I believe you yeah it makes me giggle it I find joy in it because it gives me that extra like cuz you know and you're right I think ultimately what you said is right it's probably not I'm not even able to apply that myself because today someone checked me on the phone someone was like Kalayla like what are you gonna get out of doing ABC and D except to solve your ego person's like but you know the truth yeah you know the truth and that should be enough like everything else after that is just your ego trying to get somewhere and I'm like oh yeah that's correct it's my ego I mean what

you're saying actually is true is the person that you have I don't know who is but is it business oriented yes okay it always is business oriented it's never as someone in AA or in your private life you know I mean because yeah that doesn't because the people that because even in AA or 12-stop groups or we even a lot of say that yeah even in 12-stop groups you find your tribe not everyone's your tribe you relate to everyone on the common grounds of use of alcoholism yeah and I can talk to somebody I don't like in AA or somebody I don't get along with or whatever and still find that commonality and they're

still God and spirituality that's infused in that right yes but definitely there are people that check in on me and I check on and then them that I people that are my friends in AA right but in show business you don't have that commonality of of it's competitive you know I mean that's the nature of it right and so it breeds especially people like you and I that thing you know yeah yeah worth noting though I might have said that but I'm not living by that like I have deep deep burning rage for a lot of people and that I'll show you is still very much a part of who I am that I'm trying desperately to kind of shed

because I realize I'm like continuously unhappy you know and I'm realizing I'm like you know it's just this thing I'm carrying around for no good reason but yeah I think you all right let's let's jump off no no I want it no I need to add yeah what is it to be truly free is the real question what I think that's what I want to end with or we leave that for the audience we leave it to for the audience do you have an answer I could do that I already I already know what it is oh is this thing that we're talking about yeah is to completely let them go and to heal yeah that and I in my mind if I didn't have these things right how

would I feel physically right right emotionally spiritually all those things do you find that if you don't hang on to it that you will lose your edge and your funny but here's the thing that doesn't necessarily make me who I am right right and what I have like in terms of my business and the success failures all that stuff doesn't make me who I am right and isn't what life is about it's just the way I make a living right and so it's like I've been trying to do a thing where and it's not I don't know if it's working but to look at my life you know I mean in the grand scheme of things right but I but generally in the last 30

years my whole life has been this one thing which is show business and how I'm gonna make it and how I'm gonna survive and it's not and it's like I'm trying to broaden it you know I mean well it's like what in therapy they repeated over and over again the a part of you is not the total of you except that is a huge part of you that you really like focused on for so long but when I look at you as a person and I spent the last decade of my life with you that is only a spec like you are so much more complex and layered and like interesting in ways that have nothing to do with the industry or comedy yeah you know yeah so so yeah I

don't know being free I don't know Sarah what do you think okay I think I mean it's a little bit definitely of what for me I can only speak from my personal good because I don't even know if I want to be Zen you know I mean I don't know if I want to be that unaffected by like oh somebody were to stab my dad in the heart I'd be like it's cool man like I don't necessarily that's not real freedom but no one's like that yeah except for Ramdas some people but people aspire to be yeah yeah but that's it aspirations is one thing but I doubt why are you judging I'm not okay go ahead go ahead I was just saying like but

it's a little bit of like ego like cuz anytime I get tripped up it's all my ego if I start competing with somebody that is not competing with me or I'm comparing myself or like they're doing more than I am I should be doing like whatever but I know that I haven't thought about this question in a long time because I feel pretty free like I really day-to-day like I don't feel like I'm like you know trapped in my own head like I feel like I have I feel pretty happy for the most part but I want to be happy regardless of my circumstances because a lot of times it's based on oh if this is going well I'm pumped but if

somebody's not going well then I'm not pumped or I'm anxious or I'm depressed or like whatever but to me like if I ever got success where it would it shouldn't even my happiness and freedom would be based on just inward stuff like truly that's freedom to me like whether I have something or don't have something whether something goes well it doesn't go well I agree because that's like that is like the kind of the epitome of living if I just have this then I'll feel okay if I just do this then I'll feel okay but it's just to be like I'm good like I don't even if I got that it's all bonus right does that make sense yeah

I think what you're saying is that the whole idea in my mind yeah of living a life is to grow yeah and and learn new things and open your horizons and to to blossom right and let's I'm going to now do a complete circle to end this podcast right in the beginning we were talking about Tom Segura's podcast you know I mean facilities and Joe Rogan's pot normally maybe a couple years ago that would have made me go jealous that would have made me go how come mine and it's not like that but I'm 100% okay with it yeah and I think that's a growth for me that is yeah thank you for listening we never gave this poor guy an

answer and it's fine do whatever you want have fun one thing I will say is if you can just if you've never been in a clear clear ocean and stick your head down which ocean give them an observed a warm warm tropical coral reef if that's within your reach and within your means I would say to do that because it gave me a whole lot of extra joy and clarity and feeling of safety in my life wow if you want to do that hit us up yeah I do so good Sarah your handles oh Instagram is Sarah Highland Rosenstein check it out she's a great artist everyone oh yes yeah your artworks the best you're my

favorite artist Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Barely ad-free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen ad-free with Wondri Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondri.com.