TigerBelly - Ep 350: Chelcie Lynn is a Heaven Guy

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

Bobby is sister. Chelcie is brother. Khalyla takes the elevator to heaven. We talk vagina dentata, the origins of Trailer Trash Tammy, spa butt popcorn, and how 23andMe is ruining lives. Please support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Hey, everybody go to SlupKingdom.com and get your new sticker pack that I chose look at these Awesome sticker. Oh cute. Yeah, and this t-shirt You guys I honestly think like we just keep upping the Annie on these stickers because these are freaking awesome They're my favorite batch yet. Once again guys go to SlupKingdom.com Hey guys, I'm doing a live show with the gang in Los Angeles. I'm so excited about it We're about to sell out and it's gonna be at the Ace Theater Saturday June 25th, Los Angeles, California 8 p.m Once again guys go to TigerBellyLive.com to grab your tickets. These are going fast and make sure you grab them

From Colfax his favorite place Guglio grabs the whole thing eggs cheese everywhere in the liver in the kitchen. Oh One burrito she got me you give me two next time one for the dog one for him No, we've been chilling we've been talking we've been Yes, your water your two drinks whatever you'd like. What do you think it is? That's great. Tequila. Try that Tammy Oh milk Chelsea Chelsea Lynn not Tammy, man. That's our character name Wait you have a calendar Sexy calendar and my saggy titties dude people fucking love it. Oh my god

You know what autograph the next one can it be a duo with just you and Bobby we should do a special edition I'll get naked a Tammy and Bobby. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it No, I'm being real you and I we should do a Asian Korean a special one, let's go a whole calendar or a or a I just how about can I get September? Yes? Yeah, yeah, I'll get September because it's my birthday month Holy fuck. We'll do no. I want to do it. Okay, you should you know what you should do one with comics that have the birthday But we're good ones. Yeah. Yeah, the good or a Chrysler. You know, I mean, well, should we have Tony Hinchka left? Maybe not? Oh

Said that just to say no, I like no, I love Tony. That's like the biggest like lucrative thing that I do all like it fucking Sells and it's like the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen in your life. I'm kidding with her tits. I'm gonna order one They're fucking down here. Can I order a couple for us for this? No, I'm gonna send you some could I be honest with you? I honestly think that you're attractive. I think you're sexy. Thank you No, I really do when I first saw you cuz I've only seen you via the internet. I'm sorry, babe. Yeah. Oh, no, that's okay I'm I'm very much Would like to also think about you sexually. Yeah. Yeah, but I love y'all. Yeah, yeah Like before like, you know, I probably wouldn't even jerk off to you

But yeah, but then when I saw you here, you're taller than I thought I'm a huge Yeah, yeah, I thought you that you were honestly from the internet. I think you were a little person. Oh, no I'm huge. Yeah. Yeah, but no, but you're also tall. Yeah, and you're very pretty. Thank you Yeah, yeah, wait till you see this Tammy calendar. You're gonna left and right You start saggy. They're they're they're bulbous Is that it right? That's right bulbous is bulbous would describe something like a no, just wait till you see it Okay, what do you call it then juggly? Um, they're juggly. They're they're not completely flat yet, but I give it two or three years and they're

They're gone. What kind of nips do you have? I've got oh, hey huge tits. So you think I have huge nipples. Yeah, they're pretty Wow, people are always shocked like, oh, you don't have huge nipples. I'm like, no, you're like Well, that's a holy grail then you've got the perfect calm. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you want you don't want silver dollar pancakes Well, you can have them. You don't want what I have. Yeah, he has Chum chum your nipples. Yeah nipples. No his nipples are whoa Yo, I could play for disaster ultimate frisbee every day of my life. It's a disaster. Those are probably the biggest nips I've seen on a dude. Oh, thank you. Yes. Thank you, but my dad doesn't have them. It's hereditary for my mom's side Throwing your mom

Yeah, ma you gave me those big area It's like a creature from Spongebob Your kids Patrick. No, just something that would be floating by them. Oh a sandal. Yeah. Yeah, like a sandal. Yeah I don't like it at all. Yeah, I would eat it though Like I feel like you could sizzle them on a frying pan. Oh, and they're pretty good olive oil. What would you use? Or will you will canola oil deep fry them? Yeah, I get one you get the other canola oil used to be like the healthy oil Back, I know like the early 2000s, right? I know it's vegetable Okay, what are you?

So everyone was like fuck your vegetable oil go to canola and we all bought into it and then only to realize that it was actually worse It's the worst shit for you. You know the original worse than vegetable oil. Do you know the original name of canola oil? No, it's called it was called. They had a rebrand. It was called rapeseed oil. Oh, okay Rape seed rape seed oil. Whoa. Whoa heavy We just got deep. Yeah. Yeah. Well, when did they change it? I don't know the two movement Just like when they rename fish because I don't want like certain fish like for instance like sea bass Yeah, actually like Antarctic tooth fish, but they changed it. Yeah, because it's not nice on a menu to fish Yeah, order that yeah tooth fish with rapeseed oil

Oh, one of my girlfriends vagina was like an Antarctic tooth fish. Is it mine? What? No, not yours. I got you to call it Um, I think they call it yours is not vaginal Dentata when people have a fascination for teeth and their vagina. Whoa, what do you call it? Everybody's got something man. Yeah, yeah, would you be into that Tammy if your teeth had if you're No, you're teeth. If you're too good for Jenna, would you be dude if my pussy had teeth? I would show everybody I came in contact Yeah, yeah, just spread them. Yeah, but I'd be afraid to enter it though. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, oh my god, but it's a kink you can wear a contraption that would give you the illusion of having teeth in your vagina Yeah, you wear this. He's a spike. Can we start the podcast? This is not how we start. Whoa. Yeah

We're gonna keep this about it. We don't start like this. Okay. Let's start Christian. Yeah, let's start off wholesome Yeah, let's go hold someone. Let's start off Christian. Go ahead. Five, four, three, two But I'm not done Tiger Bellys Welcome to another episode of tiger belly. I'm your host the king the one the only little dick like a clit Little dick like a clit Yellow it's like a fucking minion baby You're the minion movie. Yeah, those are my little dicks, man

Imagine if you watch the minion where you bring your kids there, man, just imagine my dicks Yeah, yeah, anyway, welcome to another episode. I'm Bob. You just wrecked a whole lot of childhoods. I think yeah, anyway, we got Fuck I hate when white dudes wear socks like that. I was gonna say yeah, yeah, and it's like insurrection socks Yeah, yeah, would you get that January 6th at the fucking Capitol? You fucking piece of I love you, man. Are those bowling shoes? Oh, what are you driving shoes like golf shoes? Yeah Why do they have they look like cleats Would you say that you're a centric

That's so gross I try to be no dude you are or you're not you can't try right right am I a centric? Yes Bingo, I was born that way. It was through my last station a whole lot Yeah, through my last station and through beatings. I became a centric. This is a fucking poser right here, bro You got a good upbringing. Yeah, you can't be a we got Gilbert in the room normal childhood What's up you work on your farm or what bro? Are you done Bobby got me into stardew and it's terrible. Yeah, it's like you Spend much time. I'm not done. I'm not like you. I don't have 12 hours, but you're still playing I do I when I have a chance. Okay, like, you know, Kalilah my girlfriend is here and

We have a guest here today. Wow. I've been following on the social medias Internets for a while, you know, she's been around In terms of like doing shows with my friend Theo and all these things I just never got to meet her and I swore to fucking God I thought that she was a dwarf That's wild a smaller type of a smaller type of her. Sorry my bad. Yeah, it's that bad. That's bad. Sorry All right, well we man, I'm not sorry and also Brad Williams. I'm not sorry. Are they dwarves Yeah, little people. Yeah, little people are the little people are the little persons There's a more like mythological we had one of those Dominic Monahan did our podcast. He's

We had one of those. He's a hobbit. Oh, he's a hobbit. Oh my god So we have he's taller than you Anyway, let that sink in yeah, um Chelsea Lynn give her a round of applause Hello Thank you. Yeah, thanks for having me. Chelsea. Did you have a normal upbringing? Jesus Christ. No, my parents were meth heads Were they really yes from where where did you grow up, Oklahoma? Oh I love all good. Do you look? Oh, he was just there. Yeah, I was just in Tulsa. Okay. Hey, what party were you from there? I'm from southern Oklahoma Thackerville right on the Oklahoma, Texas border right there. Was there racism there?

Oh, you know, what is weird you say that because we were to I was me and my friend Paige were talking about that this morning I didn't feel like there was yeah, but there wasn't anything other than white people When there are us around it seems racist, that's when did you see your first Asian? Oh, I can't I can feel said his was 17 years Oh, yeah, I don't remember stuff like that. Oh, you know no So you weren't shocked like no when I first saw a white person. I was shocked really. Yeah. I'm like, oh my god. Look at them They're glowing. Yeah What about blacks who were their black people in your area very few black very few Mexican But there were and but it was mostly was like 99% white. Yeah. Were you friends with any of them or no? No?

I don't think anybody Besides white went to my high school until like my senior year. Oh, and then it's the one black. I got a black guy Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was cool. You want to kill? Yeah About time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, you become do you become friends with them? He was a lot younger than me. So we know Oh, yeah, yeah, so right were your parents really method. Oh, yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah my oh lord Jesus Where do I start? I mean I really grew up in a trailer park. Mm-hmm. That's real Extreme poverty like I'm talking like we would have like holes in our floor

That you could just see the the grass earth and my grandma would put plywood on top of it So the snakes wouldn't come up Why are you laughing girl? That's how I mean that's so sad. Yeah, it is very but it's very funny as well It was so normal looking back. I'm like, holy fuck Yeah, if you you were in bed, you saw a snake in your bed. Would you not I would have had a heart attack. Oh, you would have Oh, yeah, that's like my yeah, that's your thing. Yeah. Yeah, but we lived with my grandma for the most part My parents were you know fucking meth heads in and out of jail constantly Alcoholics. Oh, yeah, the whole nine yards. Are they still methed out or what my mom died and then my dad. No, it's I

meant, uh, she was in jail for meth for the few years before she died, but she died of cervical cancer Oh, wow. Yeah, but we weren't close. Yeah, you know, she really didn't raise us. So My dad's still alive, but we don't you know, we don't really talk he'll he'll I'll see him every couple years and he'll ask me for an autograph for a co-worker No swear to God. Oh, that's so sad. I would you know what fuck him. I would not give the autograph Yeah, it's I'm chill. I don't care though. You know, I'm such a like glass half full person I'm like, I don't give a fuck. How do you become like that? Because it seems like you came up from all this trauma and all this

Negativity and all that stuff and you're such a positive go-getter. I think because I Honestly, I think because like I know how bad it can be. So I'm like, dude Like look at what we're do look at what we're doing And we get to like do this for a living. Why would I complain about anything? Oh my god, I because I grew up in country clubs and with I think that's what my problem is Yeah, I grew up in country clubs and golf and you know, you should have grown up in the trailer part. Yeah I missed it. Yeah, that's why my outlook's all fucked up Right. So this is good. No, like I've never done drugs. I've never been drunk. No, never

You've never been drunk. Never respect. Have you drinking alcohol? Yeah, I've tasted stuff. It's disgusting, but Yeah, growing. I remember being like five six years old going like I will this I will never be this I Will never be drunk. You know what I mean? Wow No weed every once in a while I'll call 911 it'll give me panic attack. Oh, yeah, that's the last the last time I ever took a massive amount of edibles I called 911 on myself and it was so embarrassing And that was like I cannot do this. They're probably so used to that. Oh, they probably won. Yeah

Oh because of like the the potency of these new because it's legal. I mean the fucking, you know, there's no also Dosage on it. I just take a bunch, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, damn. Yeah, it's heavy. Very so you're very interesting It's a very interesting thing. You would think that if your parents were meth addicts Mm-hmm, and that you would you know me follow suit, but some people don't yeah, you know I had a roommate Shea Matash Who she showed me and she's like she looks like a Kardashian like Everything's to the tee Shea is gorgeous gorgeous to the tee like knit not a dirt on her body

Also, she's just she's a rig like she looks like she works out. She just looks like she comes from money and one day I was roommates with her and she took showed me a photo of how she was raised and there was mushrooms and grass growing inside Her house, you know me and you know, she just looked at that just like you yeah and said I'm not doing this Yeah, yeah, but then there's some people most people don't do that though I know and I don't I don't understand it because I just remember being so young and being like hell No, this will never be my life and then some people just fucking just grow right into that like, you know I'm gonna do meth too. I guess. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, like I even did math in the country club real Yeah, I was 12 when I started for real. Yeah, holy at the country with the white people. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, that's wild

Come on Bob. Oh all right. What? No my age Whoa, and then we'll play some tennis Right and oh my god. I played like a maniac so good. So that just goes to show there's not much difference between social classes Everybody's doing math. Everybody. Everyone. Yeah, that's true. That's true. It's all a myth Everyone's doing math So but then how did you become? Because I'm so fascinated now. So you grew up in that environment. You got probably got straight A's in oh hell No, I barely passed. Oh, yeah

I was a I was a I was a softball player softball and basketball So as long as I like wasn't on the ineligible list just enough to right be able to play If it weren't for sports, I probably would have dropped out did a lot of school person. No, you're a good then Yeah, oh, yeah, I played softball in college and then graduated got married at 21. I'm still married to the motherfucker No 21 Yep, he's here in LA. He's in San Diego. Yeah, he's an engineer. That's where you live. Yeah. Yeah, you live in San Diego Yep, you know, I'm from there. Are you really what area? Poway. Okay. We live in Escondido. No

Oh My you live in Escondido. Yep. I feel like I'm I feel like I'm family with you already dude I was just there because Tony Hawk has a his skateboarding ramp in vista. Yeah, you know me So I was just there, but wow so in Escondido. Yeah, do you ever go to? That that mall north. Oh Yeah, what's that North North Valley North Park? Oh, I know what you're talking about. Is it North Park? I don't know. What is that mall? It's an Escondido though. Yeah, that big mall Mm-hmm. I used to do acid and go to that mall really. There's we go to the cheesecake factory

That's where the cheesecake factory. Oh, well, I didn't have a cheese cake Holy shit. We go once a week. Yeah. Oh, wow, really So do you go up a lot in San Diego? I heard there's a club in Escondido now a comedy club It is very little, but I've been you've been to it. I saw Ari Manez there. Yeah, who's he opens for Theo No, no, no, no, no, no, honestly, what's his name Ari Manez Ari Manez, you know, yeah, yeah, so mean Is he Jewish? I don't know that maybe. I don't know. He must not be funny. Oh, he's hilarious. Oh There is a club in Escondido. Yeah, Ari Manez. What do you emcee there? No He had a show there as an emcee though. There's no way he's closing. I don't know

Yeah, what did you do? What did you do? What did Ari Manez do? I don't know. Stand up. I don't know He did stand up. He wasn't a doorman. No Oh, okay. I don't know Ari Manez Yeah, I saw him last night I didn't show him last night. He's gonna get did you really? Yeah, I did In the bedroom and he was like it was a new joke night. Yeah, and he kept going on You better do new jokes because it's like I have to follow you and I go Shut up you bitch

You little bitch shut the fuck up. I love him though. Yeah, he's a sweetheart. So he headlined there. Wow, probably What a show. Yeah, free People didn't pay people didn't pay to get in They all did okay. Yeah, it was a comp show. Yeah, but good for him. Good for Ari Manez Um, so Theo brought him on the road. That's crazy. Oh, I know why because he probably wants weaker dudes You know what I mean? Dude, I've heard of that. So I just started stand up a year ago. I can't believe that a year ago I can't believe that First show a year ago. Wow

For I've never done an open mic nothing So we I sold out a tour and the first show I had was the first time I've ever been on stage What? How did you test that? How did you do it? I didn't I just rehearsed it in my bedroom and then just got up there and was just praying to god that it worked Yeah, how much time did you do? I do I do when I started I had like 30 minutes now. I have 45 Oh, wow And so you went up for 30 minutes the first time you ever went up. I've been doing comedy 30 years I can barely do 30 minutes

Wow, and were you nervous? Oh hell. Yes. Hell. Yes. You're pacing and it's finally calmed down after a year Now I feel like normal like I can you know walk on stage normally, but oh god. I was about to die the first six months Yeah Wow, yeah, and how did you write you just just through your gut instinct? I just so I perform as trailer trashed hammy But everything I you know all my bits like are true stories that have happened to me. I just tell them, you know as hammy Yeah, so I just fucking spent like a year just writing and just literally just hoping like man I hope this works. Wow. I'm getting goosebumps too. That's amazing

And it and it did so I'm just gonna keep on because it's the scariest thing Anyone can do how old were you when you did it? I'm 33 I'm 34. So that's 34 years old Doing it for the first and you're not doing an open mic. You're headlining, right? I mean It's your audience. Yeah, right. What club was it? First show I think we did Dallas. I think we did hyenas and Dallas. Oh hyenas. Yeah, I love that one And then um, are you doing all the other clubs now? Now we we're doing theaters now Yeah, I've been 30 years kind I can't even do a theater

insane Yeah, I swear. I don't do theaters. I like theaters better than um better than uh clubs big time Why because you can do one show? Be well, yeah, but my audience are fucking crazy. Like when I say crazy like they're they will rush the stage They will interrupt me all fucking night. Yeah It's hard for me to get through a set because they're talking to me They won't they don't sit there and listen. They they want to speak to me the big time And I'm trying to do my set so I get very annoyed. So I will tell them to shut the fuck up

But you're doing a funny way. Shut the fuck up. Yep. Shit. You know what I'm trying to do. You know what I mean? Yep. Yeah. I mean, I'm I'm trying. No, and they love that too. Yeah. Yeah, but in a theater setting Great impression. Y'all y'all y'all shut the fuck up great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Um, in a theater setting they're they act better Uh They act better in a theater. Yeah, because you're right because it's like I was at the ontarian probably three years ago and who opened for me was sandy danto And you know sandy danto. Oh, yeah

He's weird looking. I love him. We love sandy. Yeah, imagine if you put john, um, belushi john belushi in a microwave Oh, okay. Wow. I gotta google this guy. That's what he looks like. Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, I have. Okay. Yes. I do know who he is Yeah, anyway, um I think it was danto and three minutes in It's just fists flying Sandy kicking people off the stage Yeah, cholos. Hey puto, you know, you know what I mean? It was just chaos, right?

And I'm like, you know, I'm used to that environment. Yeah, but it's like I just can't do it anymore But my point is is that that's essentially what happens at clubs sometimes Oh, yeah, second show people get drunk It gets wild and it's like as a young man because I used to I'm much like you I think you and I are very similar in in, um How do you spirit? Yeah, you like you're a nudist. I'm a nudist. Yeah, you know what I mean? Me too. Yeah. Yeah That's why I think we should do the calendar. Let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm dead serious. I'm dead serious too Um, and I think it'll sell a hot like hotcakes. Um, but my point is is that um, so when you're like us

In those environments we can survive, but it's like when you and now I'm 50 It's like I don't want to survive that no more man. Yeah, you know what I mean? Are you 50? Yeah Whoa, you don't look 50 my man. You know what they say Asian Don't know feet finish it Asian. I was gonna say Asian don't crack, but that's black That's exactly what it is. It was it really don't raisin. Oh, that's it. I was close. I was on the right track You weren't close at all. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, yeah, um, yeah, I'm 50 and um

I mean, you should see when I was 30. I look like a fetus. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but um, you're just you're 34 34 So when you got married, um Was that the first dude you fucked? um, no But I was I god we were together. I had just turned 18 Wow, and we've been together for For Jesus, I don't know 16 years. Oh my god. Yeah, and you guys still smash hard. I mean not hard It's smashing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is it soft or smash?

Smash every once in a while. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're sick of each other. Yeah. Yeah. Did you feel that? Oh, yeah, I tell him all the time. I tell him all the time. I'd love some new dick All the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah all the time. That's what he tells me does he want a new snatch? He's not very sexual. Oh, he's eight like more. I'm the sexual one. Uh, he's not he doesn't care Oh, he doesn't care. So he could go a year without having sex. He doesn't care easily Wow, I'm the one that's like, no, I'm similar. Really? Yeah, so odd. Why? You don't want to fuck. I fucked so much though. Yeah, he you know what to be fair. He's had He crammed it in his his body count is like quadruple. I'm a fuck machine. He's done. He's okay. Look that makes sense

That was me, baby. Yeah, that's four people. I mean and that's me like I can't even do the tatata anymore Right because I'm so old. Yeah, I imagine like what when you did that your hips didn't move Oh, his dick only fucks. They didn't oh, no, it was my dick doesn't make any noise. Okay. Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, it's like uh Like a jackhammer. Yeah, like a jackhammer. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I it does. This is what it does now Yeah Tick, you know, and it's kind of like not even you know, it's like that but um No, I've been in that I wasn't my dick has a purple heart. Nice. It's been a no

It's been a no didn't that make sense. Yeah, yeah, didn't that make sense. Yeah, it's been on fire everything You know, I mean, yeah, it doesn't even look right. But my point is is that um, You've never seen a penis like mine, right? It's it's it's abnormal. Well, I'll see it in our calendar Oh, that's true. That's true during the photo shoot. Yep. So he doesn't but what do you just masturbate then? Oh, I masturbate constantly With your fingers or with an apparatus? Oh, no, I use one of those clit suckers that all the girls are talking about I haven't tried. I'm scared. Tell me all about it. Tell me what's a clit. I mean, chelsea Listen, I have used everything. I'm a big masturbator and I've talked about this publicly for years It is I've used every toy you will never use anything else again. Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm scared of that

I'm I'm afraid that if I go there, I'll never want dick again You still will. Yeah. Yeah promise you but will it be dick with that? No, I like to have it separate Yes, what clit sucky? Yeah, what is it? It looks like a face wash thing. It's like it does not look like a sex toy and look up satisfire pro. That's what that's what That's what it's that's very pro look it up It looks like a face wash thing and you just put that thing on your clip and it just starts sucking And I will nut in I give it 10 seconds. There it is All right, we're gonna order one. Okay. So that does that vibrate it vibrates and it sucks

Right, can I put it on the head of my dick? I bet you could I bet you'd love it. Yeah, I would love it because he's a vibrate I love vibrations. Yeah. Yeah, so it vibrates and it also does a sucking thing He has more vibrators than me really he has contraptions like massagers all these weird things and he just likes the vibrations on the tip of your wiener Or on the stem sometimes too as well, you know, I mean not on the sack, you know, I mean, they're very sensitive I don't think that's weird at all. Yeah, so that's what it's that is and so how big is that opening because I believe my penis could fit all the way through that thing It's fingertip. Oh, yeah, I could fit it. Oh for sure. It could fit for sure Yeah, oh that'd be why yeah, so there it is there it is and is that the high end

There are that's like what 50 bucks. There are some that go up that I've bought two 300 dollars Don't even waste your money on that. That's the one That is fire pro. Wow. And do you have to charge it or do you plug it in and keep it in the No, you charge it. I only charge mine like once every couple months that month. Wow. I don't use it every day You use it every day pretty much. Wow. And then let me ask you something Is it waterproof? Yeah. Oh, so you could do it in this bath. Yeah. All right, we'll get you one No, you're doing it for yourself. No, I'll get you one. You try first. I'll borrow Order two. Yeah, I'm not gonna get I'm gonna share mine with yours

So why not? Because by the time I use it, it's gonna be looking not right. No, come on. I have faith in you No, let's get two. We can afford it. We can Yeah, get two fucking two and get me if um, I'm black or uh, you know what I mean? They only come in pink They only come in pink rose gold rose gold. Yeah, that's the only color. Yeah, I'll put stickers on it Like a phone. Yeah, like my phone. Yeah. Yeah. And what do you think about when you do it? Um, I'm not a weird. I'm I don't even watch porn half the time because porn kind of grosses me out Really? Yeah. Yeah. I don't like to see penetration. Well, you know what? I don't like I don't like to see dudes faces Oh, yeah, I don't like if I watch porn as soon as a dude's face comes on the screen. I'm out

I don't want to I don't know him. Yeah. I just want to I see penis and the coitus itself But it's like I now he has a name probably Yeah, I don't want him to have a name my turn off if if is if a chick's going like, huh, huh? I'm like, I'm I can't get off fast enough pisses me off. Yeah ruins my nut really I don't like it when they talk at all Yeah, do you like it? Yeah I'm I try to switch it. Yeah. Yeah But also there's actually I've always felt the pressure like during sex previous to you to make sounds because that's what I thought

I saw in porn. So that's what you see, right? But really if I'm jerking myself off. I'm quiet quiet as a mouse Yeah, there are no sounds because I'm hyper focused. Okay. If you and I were fucking And I liked people talking. I'm a talker. All right. No, no like making sounds and stuff What are the some of the things you would say to bobby? I would just probably be like, oh, yeah, daddy. Fuck me You know, oh My god, because you sounded asian. Yeah, you said it kind of. Yeah. Yeah. That's what You know what I would say mom Mom get off of me. Get off of me mom dead. Some dudes are into that. Yeah. Yeah

Can you do it in the southern thing or I could I don't like that because it's when you do it like that It's like too asian for okay. I don't know. I would feel like you're being racist You know what I mean? I'm like this fucking racist bitch. You know what I mean? I don't like it If I could do it southern god, I don't even know I've never people ask me all the time They're like, do you fuck is trailer trash tanning? I'm like, hell no I couldn't be able to nut. Okay. Let's do a role play. I'm doing it. I'll start. I'll start for me. You're yeah Yeah, you like that, baby. Yeah. Yeah, I like that little dick It's different. I'm already hard. Yeah. Yeah, I like that little dick. Yeah. Is it in get up in

You know what just take it out and rub my clit Yeah, oh wow, I like that a lot deeper voice. Yeah, you like a deeper voice. Yeah, I like a deeper voice He has sometimes I'm brandon. You have to remember. Yeah. Yeah. She's brandon when we fuck Uh, what she's what was that? Hello? We do it. We've done it all Role play dude role play. I've been a male pilot. You know, that's hot dude. Yeah, I love that. I've been a male pilot Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and at the end of the routine it crashes the car That's amazing. Um, yeah, big nutter over here. You are big. Well, you come good. Yeah That thing's gonna be so intense that sometimes I can't get through an orgasm. He's not a big, um pussy eater

Really? I've eaten my share. Yeah, but you don't seem like you were like I'm amazing. I love raw fish. Some dudes like love love it. That's how they get off is right, right? He's like he does. He like phones it in he'll be like, all right, you're dude. I don't phone it in man Okay, I just have my own technique Huh, what is it two minutes tops? You know what I mean? I have a time limit. You know what I mean? But yeah, if if if I saw hair hair of I meet a hot chick And um, I probably use my manscaped

Yeah Yeah, and just maybe or You know what? I'll grab it. I would grab it right here and pull it. Oh, I've done that I've eaten a guy's asshole before and I've ripped off some of his ass hairs. George. Don't look like don't shame me now Oh my god eight years and you had the first time you've ever made that face Can you look at um hair on a clit and see if that exists? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did he like it? Um, you know, thank god. They're the nerve. Yeah, I don't know. I I'm sure he noticed that a couple hairs were ripped Yeah, you were really chomping. I was chomping you have to yeah. Have you ever with a woman?

No, never. Oh, wow. Never. I don't know if I mean put the vaginas gross me out. My own does Oh, it does, you know, will you look at it? Yeah in the mirror. Yeah. Yeah, I know what that thing looks like. Yeah It's just the slime and it's slime. What kind of You guys don't what are you talking about? It's a cavernous thing. There are a ton of things that come out of there Slime when a chick gets wet. That's pure slime. Oh Slime I don't want to touch that pussy slime. Oh, yeah, pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

You know if I was a girl I had a virgin I would do all kinds of stuff with it Oh, would you really I would probably put everything in it. Yeah, just to see what it'd feel like I've put perfume bottles in there Wait, what kind of shape that's the first time that's the first thing I ever put in there when I started masturbating I was probably like, do you remember what kind of yeah, it was um, oh my god. What was it called? Don't say DKNY the apple one because that's a round How about Hollister is from Hollister? No, god, I'm so pissed. I can't remember It was an old like an old ladies perfume

My aunt got me and it kind of was like in the shape of the dick and it had like a ball head Yeah, and I was probably like 12. I was like, just let me see. Wow I just stuck that thing out there. I've stuck a toothbrush in bristle end. Wow Was yeah, you know what I would do pop popcorn kernels and go into dry sauna I would see if that would work bring your snacks. It's free. Yeah. Do you think that would work? I mean, it's worth a shot One sauna and wait spa the really hot one. Yeah. Oh my god Yeah, you used to be in that one. Yeah, I mean you that one's called brucema or

It's the worst one. It's the worst gamma So we go to the we you go to we spa. I've heard of it. Yeah. Oh, we should all go I want to take you there. Okay. I promise you. Okay. Can we go? Yeah, it will be the funniest event And you can bring your phones in too. Yeah, you can bring your phones Okay, because upstairs of we start there is a communal. It's a co-ed co-ed you can walk around naked No, not with men. No, you walk around naked in just the women's section. Yeah, but All right. All right. Yeah. Anyway, there's old asian people there. They're not gonna fucking, you know what I mean? What did that?

You know what I mean? And you're fucking, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'll go dude. Yeah. Yeah, but um, there's one Spa like dry sauna in the third floor called bulgama. So hot and it's 215 degrees Yeah, it's the best and I sit there for 30 minutes Whoa, right, but I'm gonna I want to see if I had a vagina. Yeah, I wouldn't even get the surgery just to see if that happens. Well You would transition I would transition just for that experiment just for that one bit. I'll just put it in my butthole Yeah, I'll put it in my but that's a yeah, that's too far to get the transition. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I'll stick my butthole see with that. But yeah, yeah, but if it did it you you probably feel good

I don't know. Let's try if no if popcorn kernels popped in your vagina. Yeah, would it feel good? I'd say there'd be a little tangle I think that used to be a thing that really wasn't a thing because it would cause like utis, but the pop rocks Yes, right. Yeah, would a guy would like go down on you and put like pop rocks. What is that? What they're called? I think yeah, that's Genius. Well, that was like a teenager thing that we used to talk about. The sugar was like causing yeasty. Yeah, beasty Oh yeast, what if we get sugar-free pop rocks? I'll let one of y'all do it

Yeah, yeah Yeah, just for fun. Yeah, just for fun. That would feel good. In fact, you know what? Somebody send me listen anyone listening right now. Send me sugar-free rock with pop rocks I'll wet my dick and I will coat my dick with pop rocks Why do you want explosions near your dick? They're not it's not like an m80 I know the tingly sensation. Yeah, the tingly. I think it would feel good. Yeah, right? Like I'm in zanadu or something You know what I mean? Yeah, could you nut? Could you think you could nut through that?

Uh-uh, no, so it would be just for fun. It was just for for the last. We can't nut from blowjobs alone even. Really? I've tried. I've worked my best. You can blow to complete? I think so Yeah, I think I can. The way she looks. Whoa, whoa. Wow. The way she looks. You're so confident. Yeah. Yeah, wait. Well, I love sucking dick That's my favorite thing to do. Really? Sexually. You and whitney. I know whitney loves it too And I just cannot get there. I could do it. I could do it all fucking night. I'll do it for an hour. What? An hour? Hour? I love it. Oh my I'm about to cry right now. Oh, wow. I love the balls. Yeah, yeah I love licking on. I love I love it all. Wow. For some reason whitney coming sucking my dick is the most repulsive thing

You know who you know who I'd rather have suck my dick? Ari Manis That's how repulsive I bet he could get you off. Wait Ari Manis. I bet he could. There's no fucking way Ari's got a you know what I would do. I would kick both my fists just it would just be an impulse and smash his head like Like Hulk. Yeah. Oh, wow. So you could do so your husband must be very happy. Yeah. Yeah I think so now when he eats you out, can he make you come? Oh my I just I don't even want to go down anymore I'm like just get up Really and I've talked about oh, yeah It's horrible

But you do you don't want children? I don't think so I've never so he's four years older than me. So he's 38 or he's about to be 39 I've never been anti kids. I've never been you know those people that like I don't want kid I've never been like that, but I've also never been like I want them And now that like things are happening I'm like, I think I'm good. Now if I got pregnant, I wouldn't be mad or anything. I'd have the baby and I'd deal with it What if your husband quits his job? But you're doing so well, I want him to oh you do because his job is stressful as fuck on I've been telling him

You're gonna have a heart attack. He's an engineer. Yeah. Wow. I'm like you need to quit. I've been telling that for years So because you can do a point where he could probably right? He could right now. Yeah Yeah, but he's also the type he has to stay busy. His brain is like all the time And so the if I even bring up him not working. He's like Freaking out and I'm like Like he loves to fish and he loves working on cars all that stupid shit So I'm like, why don't you just get a boat and just fish all day? Like yeah, that's amazing. That's the why would you not? He's like, uh, we're not gonna have health insurance if I quit my job. I'm like shut up

Yeah No, I you're honestly bro. Can I call you bro? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You can call me. I feel like I can call you dude. Yeah. Yeah I'm a cool guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I really I think a friendship has started but um, 100 bro, bro I honestly think that this is just the beginning for you. Thank you. Yeah, I could see a tv show A sitcom. Yeah, can't you see that? Yeah, yeah Yeah, let's put it out there into the universe gonna happen. In fact, I already in my mind because theo and I stole the show Oh, you know on I can say I've talked about it before. Yeah. Well, it's still very new. So keep it vague. Keep it Yeah, I'm not gonna get into the fucking details of it. Give us the premise

Anyway, the premise is I'm excited. Congratulations. Wait, so the deal still hasn't closed yet. That's what I'm saying. It will. No, no, no I've talked about it already before I've talked about it and it's been out there already You know, I mean, there's already ideas that I have with you to be even on our show Yep, I'll do you just have you you have a distinct Character that's easy to write for thank you. Don't you see it? Don't you see it? Yeah We already know who you are what you are and all that anyone in it also But it's like you're

I want to say I say this the in the right way um I just want I wish all americans were like you Thank you. Yeah, you're the epitome of what I want americans to be like hell. Yeah, hell. Yeah, brother Yeah, hey Yeah, a little hope came out. Yeah if I call you brother, I love it call me sister, okay From now on call me sister and I'll call you brother. Okay. Yeah. I think our role should be reversed a little bit

Yeah, my sister my brother. No, I love calling myself a guy. I'll be like, I'm a big corn on the cob guy I'm a big, you know, I love it But do you eat like let me assist them because trailer trash tammy seems like she only eats corn beef Right. Um, what does she call her greens? But what is what do you to eat? I eat a little bit of that stuff, but I'm also like I mean I I'm a big foodie like I will go to a steakhouse and drop $500 and Like it's nothing. Right. I'm into the truffle. I'm into the oh

Oh, wow, I grew up like like we I mean sometimes we didn't have food I would have to go knock on neighbors doors to eat dinner So I think that now that I have money. I'm like, oh man, we're going to applebee tonight Wow, yeah, we're doing it up big like I like when we're traveling my number one thing I'm like, man, if we're going to be in chicago, where am I eating? What bomb-ass place am I that's when I spend my money on I'm the same way right babe. We're both the same way. We're the same way and also nothing brings us bigger joy Like we we're both feeders. So our love language is feeding other people as well. That's mine

I it's the most nothing is more gratifying than if I love a meal somewhere and then someone is trying it for the first time Yes, I love to cook. I'm a big. I'm a big cook Um, I love to cook from scratch. I mean, I'll be in the kitchen for three or four hours. What do you make? Oh anything and everything homemade pasta I'll cook. I like to do everything homemade homemade pasta just growing up. We ate out of cans, you know So like now I love like I'll go to the farmers market. I'll get like I'll plan everybody come over I'll cook for 10 people and I love Cooking that's my shit. It's interesting because the reason why I play honestly the reason why I play video games is because

When video game consoles first came out I asked my dad Can I get you know, I mean the new sega or whatever? No You get no sega Like that, you know what I mean? Like it's he sounded like the actual ad Why was he so mad? He's just an angry dude, right? Go to your room, right? And I would just sit there and go, you know, I mean and now as a 15 year old man I play nine hours a day Yeah, because I honestly think that has I was like lacking that you know what I mean and I was like one day

Yeah, yeah, but it's not healthy Yeah, yeah, it's not healthy. You play a lot. I play a lot. Yeah. Yeah, and then um Even like the food thing it's like my parents never really took us out to dinner. Oh really? No, everything was homemade. Well, that's for me better Because I was the same we never really went out to eat because my dad cooked really well, but my parents didn't Oh, you know shit. Oh my god. My dad would you want what do you want dinner? And I go Chicken pot pie because there's always korean

Chicken pot boy Yeah, and then he my mom would shred chicken up on in some rice and put a piece of toast on top That's not no. No, no, that's rice with toast. Yeah Yeah, and that's the kind of shit that she would do. You know what I mean? Like noodle like spaghetti she would use like, you know, asian noodles the ramen during the pandemic our entire fridge was just chicken pot pie He went hog wild. He ordered it from like every single state. There was a chicken pot pie from gold bellies So that's the same reason why is because I was lacking and that's why I understand your You know, I mean going to restaurants and stuff like that because you didn't have the money to do it

Are you that with the clothes? Oh, no, I this is what I wear It attracts like the clothes I target shorts t-shirts flip-flops targets got the hits though lately. Yeah. Love target. What's reba? You don't know who reba is Well, let me see She's a rape victim Maybe we don't know reba. Reba. What's reba? Let me guess. Let me guess. Let me guess. Let me guess. Don't look at the screen Let me let me guess. She's no, no. Let me guess. Let me guess It's fucking with us

Not 100% you have you love country music from american idol Oh, she was on american what season? No, the voice think about the voice your favorite person on the voice. There is a relation there Red hair, okay, stop So reba was she a contestant? Oh, okay, who's your favorite person on the voice of heli clarkson Uh-huh, and she's friends with her because reba mackentire is uh, is her was her was her was her Well, her was a manager Her husband was her manager

It's close. Yeah. Yeah, reba mackentire. I know who she is. I was just kidding. We We could smell it them all the way. Everybody knows who reba is. I love reba. Everybody knows her Oh, first of all, you know, I want to ask What's reba? You could have just said right reba mackentire, but then we went into this whole other thing It's all but we can believe I was shocked. Yeah, I know. You know what guys? I know more than you guys think I know All right. So let's go. All right. Johnny cash. Oh, I know who he is Right. How about you ask me something if from your area and I'll ask you something from my area and you see if we know What are the areas? I know music. No from oklahoma anything. Oh

Oh, hold on. There's okay. We gotta narrow it down here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it could be food It could be a music. It could be anything cultural maybe cultural from from oklahoma or just and I'm going to give you some Asian shit see if you fucking know Interesting. Okay. So just celebrities from oklahoma. Let's start there It could be celebrities or it could be food or some place or something that happened Okay. Well, reba's from oklahoma We already did that one. Isn't Blake too? Blake's from oklahoma. Yeah all from the same area Oh, uh-huh. Blake Shelton is yep. We're all from within an hour each other

Um, okay. Here's an oaky. What about He's he sings uh the dance I already know it too. No you don't. Yeah. Yeah, three. No. No. No Countdown Hey, hey, hey, fuckface. There's no countdown. All right. No countdown. Yeah, um, all right He's one of the most famous cut. I know who he is his name is Yeah, it's not it's not Billy Ray Cyrus. It's not Billy Ray Cyrus. I know that right? It's not Billy Ray says Oh, keep just give me the first initial. Oh, okay. Oh, because I'm gonna ask what I would ask you're gonna need a lot of fucking help you lady

All right. All right, gee Garth Brooke. Yeah My turn. Okay. Okay I'm nervous. I don't know anything Asian But you can't just say that. Oh, you're right Just name me one dish that you would get at a Korean barbecue with it. One dish. That's a hard one That's not hard at all. I don't even think I know. Okay. Well, I knew Garth Brooks, baby Rice God damn it. That was good. That was good. God damn it. All right. Give me another one rice was good

Okay, yeah, yeah All right, what is the the the number one side dish in Oklahoma if you are having barbecue Southern chicken, it does not matter. What is the number one? Side dish and I'll give you a hint. Yeah Okay, give me the hint. It's fried Oh, that threw me off and it is a vegetable. Oh, okay fried okra Yeah, I didn't even know that people I tell people about fried okra. They're like, what what's that?

They've never heard of fried okra. So good. Oh, it's just okay. I have a question I'm not done with it. Okay. We could go to okra, but just remember I have my I have my turn I have my turn to take away the slime on the inside. Yes. Okay. Thank God Okay, that's my that's my beef with okra. That's why I don't like okra and soups and stuff I don't either Filipinos use okra a lot and I never liked it because of this. Oh, if you fry it, but it's a good thickening agent Mm-hmm. Here we go. All right because fried okra Was a good one. Thank you, right?

So I'm gonna give you one and you should know it. Okay. Okay, just name me Andy either television or movie That's made in Korea It's so easy but give her a hint she gave you I will yeah, okay So the last one that was made in Korea was a big hit on Netflix in the last year and a half Mm-hmm. You know the biggest one. You know this you know this and I didn't watch it But you still know it. Yeah game show one hold on. You're good. Yeah I'll give you a hint. She's gonna say it's a marine animal. It's a screw. It's it's a It's a sea creature

What was it called? You don't give the hits this is not your game. All right, this is my game. All right. Oh my god It's not rice. It's not rice I don't say and it's not Ari Manus Well, you know, I know it. Yeah. No, you don't what was it called? Yeah. Yeah sea creature. Can I get the first s? Squid games. Let's go Hey, I wouldn't got that without your hint. Thank you. That was a fun game. Yeah, I like that Yeah, cuz we learned about each other's culture

When I go to Tulsa, it's I'm on that show reservation dogs. Yes. Yeah, and it's about Native people Did you grew up with natives? Oh big time matter of fact? I have a whole bit about how I Was told I was Nate a part native my whole life by whom my whole family my grandma This is a big like Pete like people in Oklahoma like the culture is everywhere I'm really big into Native American culture and I was told my whole life. We were you know from this tribe And then we were this much the whole life and then I took the 23 Oh, no about two years ago. Yeah, I want to see how much I am exactly. Yeah zero Really and I was like, oh, I cried. Did you really? Yeah

Wow, I was pissed and so I was talking to my friend about it and she was like dude same thing happened to me like my Mother had told us that I we were akin to a Cherokee princess and we were Cherokee Yeah, and she did the test zero percent and I go I got to make a bit about this and it's the funniest fucking thing Yeah, yeah, even Susan Sarandon has more Is she yeah, yeah, like 3% was it Susan Sarandon? Who was the actress that says who claimed that she was native and Warren? Oh, yeah, it was Elizabeth Warren. Elizabeth Warren. What is she 2%? Something she's really small. Yeah, would you be unhappy with zero or 95%? What would I be unhappy if if you were 95% native would you be in more happy? Oh, yeah. Oh cool. Oh, yeah

Yeah, I was like, oh, I love I loved it. I was like devastated when I found out. I was like, why'd you fucking lie? Yeah, yeah, who to your grandparents? Why tell me that my whole life. That's what happened to me I thought I was a quarter Egyptian for a really long time But it turns out my family just my dad's side was just French and lived in Egypt for really long There's so that they were the white people in Egypt for a very long time. They so they spoke Arabic Yeah, it would be like like a Korean going to like the states a for instance So my whole life I'd be like, I'm Filipino French and Egyptian I really latched on to that because people were like, yeah, I can't see it. You look kind of you would be like, you know

Yeah, some Egyptian and I took the 23 and me and it's horrible zero. It's ruining lives Yeah, if I took 23 man, they said I was Japanese. They did you're 10%. Oh, no. Oh, yeah, that is true You are 10% if I was 90 percent. Yeah, Japanese. I might kill myself Really? Yeah, because that that changes everything That changes everything and last night I was very proudly Korean I'm so proudly Korean last night was on the show and I was like, what kind of Asian are you from the audience, right? He goes Japanese the best kind Yeah, right and I my body my body melted inside and I and then I said something that didn't get a laugh

Oh, yeah, the best kind is that why we dropped two bombs on you And but I was still like That explains why you called me right after and you're like, I'm coming home. I don't feel Yeah, yeah, I didn't feel like I was sweating. Yeah, I did not feel good. Yeah, because he's saying Japanese were the best kind But it was like it wasn't as if he was joking. Yeah, he was like he was mad if he said like this Japanese were the best kind right that'd be one thing, right? Japanese were the best kind Yeah, so I was up to palms on you man

I was silent, silent, silent, silent. Sweat, sweat. I call Koala. I feel sick. On stage? On stage. Yeah, yeah, I felt sick. He was like, I'm coming home. Yeah, I don't feel good because I don't know if you know this But the Japanese back in the earliest earliest part of the last century Occupied Korea and they they tortured us and you know, I mean kind of stuff Yeah, and my parents used to tell me horrific stories and so it's just ingrained in me That's why Godzilla is so scary to me Damn, like you watch Godzilla. Oh, it's a creature. No, me it's like Yeah, to oppress us, you know, I mean that you know, it's a it's a whole thing

What are monsters you were afraid of when you were younger? I can cast Bigfoot The big foot all over an Oklahoma. I think nothing. I think just the snakes that would come up There was no mythology or anything like in the woods just like amongst the kids they were like that's you know, The you know the tree dweller. I don't think so in my hometown There was this little area right across the Red River of the Oakland Texas border where people it's like one of the most Like it's one of the most famous places where people dump dead bodies in America. Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop stop People murderers is what you were afraid of drive up from Texas and Dump bodies in this little area and there's like date lines about this

There's multiple murders on date lines about this and this little area. There are also it's an old Indian burial ground like like like tombstones and like from like the 17 1800s and We would go out there and party like a bunch of idiots Really yeah, yeah And so that was like the scary thing where we were from and people would like we would I'm ever going out once and there was a Tomb a big old tombstone leaning up against the tree. I mean up against it and we were going back to our cars And we heard that motherfucker just

Fall over turned back around and this it was probably a hundred pounds, you know like leaning up Yeah, and we that's the last time I ever went. Are you leaning against it? No It just fell over and you just scream. Oh, we scream. Yeah, that was a big. Yeah, are there ghosts in Oklahoma? Oh, yeah, you believe in it. Oh, yeah, I'm a big ghost guy Oh Really brother? Yeah, sister Yeah, so you've seen them. Um, I've never seen one. Yeah, but I believe in ghosts. You don't believe in ghosts Not really. No. Oh god. I grew up really Catholic

So I do and it's weird because like I'm usually so like science minded But like for some reason when I'm back home in the Philippines, I'm afraid of everything I mean, I saw okay, so I saw Gus Who's Gus in the comedy at the comedy store? So at the comedy store in Hollywood There's a ghost named Gus. Okay, and me and Johnny Sanchez. I've told this before but me and Johnny Sanchez saw him We looked up at this window. Do you really see him? Yeah Whoa, it was four in the morning We looked up at the window and we see it because he was a mobster in the 50s that was murdered in that building in the sea

We should be called seros the comedy, right? And then the seros used to be run by the mob and apparently this guy got killed there and he haunts the comedy store Wow, and he lifted Sam Kinnison when Sam Kinnis slept there in the main room one time and My friend Pete Gray was levitated. He's hit his head in the ceiling broke his spine So it's an angry ghost. Whoa. So me and Johnny saw him and I looked at Johnny I go, did you just see what I just saw he goes. Yeah, did you see a pale face in a top hat? I go, yeah, and we look back up. He was gone. It was four in the morning. No one else was in the parking lot Whoa, right? That's the only time and in my mind. I'm like I try to convince myself

It was like a mirage or in my mind, you know, I mean So there is a little bit of part of me that it could have been real. Oh, it probably was please Sis brother. I had just things happen and like I've never seen one But I've had weird things happen and you it your mind will literally tell you you're going crazy You didn't just hear that you didn't you know, you will litter. Oh Apple. I love that shit But ghosts sometimes I hear do sexual transgressions. Oh, really? So they you have you heard of like we've been getting like assaulted by a ghost and they penetrate them and in a cold Smith said a ghost doctor. Yeah

Really? Yeah. Yeah, if a ghost fucked you, what would you do? Just lay back and Hand him the clip sucker Just lay back and nut. Yeah, it'd be so fucking cool dude. I would tell everybody you would you know what? So here's what so, you know how boys have nocturnal emissions. So they nut in their sleep. They have what creams I've always Had those so I've I've been able to come in my sleep a lot But what if they we've just been fucked by ghosts this whole time and I've thought about that really Mm-hmm, cuz I will nut too. I would prefer that story. Mm-hmm over me Just having so you basically cheated on me a lot of the ghost with a ghost

Cheated on your husband with a ghost. Yeah, and I'll do it again Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's cool to think about yeah, cuz think about whatever it was like the ghost of Hitler Whoa, that's a lot. Honestly, that'd be deep No, but if I'm a ghost dude, if you're a ghost you're gonna go around just fucking people why not all right? Yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah. Yeah, I would fuck things that you were not like I'd fuck a tree right people will walk by a tree Look at that Korean ghost fucking that And I'm like I would have an Asian accent as a ghost. Yeah. Oh, yeah, because it you know, it's it's not cool to have an Asian accent when I'm an American

But as a ghost I'm bringing it back. Yeah, so my boo would be boo-doo What you can get away with more as a ghost. Yeah anything. Oh, you could be a racist and what are they gonna do? Yeah, that goes just to do a hard R Yeah What yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah, you could just be racist as fuck you could do whatever you want to But you know what I'd rather be in heaven. Yeah, wouldn't you yeah, wait ghosts aren't from heaven No, I feel like ghosts are the ones stuck in the middle. I think so too, right I think all the grannies are in heaven, you know, yeah, you never seen an old nice ghost

No, like Casper. That's a myth. Do you think there are cockroaches in heaven? God, I hope not I've dealt with that. What if it was I know me too So I have like big cockroach PTSD because they used to eat away at my shins and fly into my hair And I'd have to crunch them and their juice would just come down the sexes side of my face But I wonder that like where do insects go, right? Are you asked? Well, I've already asked a question. It's like, you know, um Souls, do you believe in heaven? Yeah. Okay. So do you believe that? All human good humans are in here heaven and the evil ones are in hell. I think so So with that logic would would there be with the good dogs and cats being heaven as well? I

Think so with an all animals are in heaven. So you're taking billions of elephants What about snakes? Yeah Yeah deal breaker zillions zillions. I mean throughout the history of time. I imagine how many snakes were on planet Earth Oh, my god, they're all they're all their souls are up there as well So what's going on up there? Dude if snakes are in heaven leave me down here to fuck people Right, maybe that's what fucking purgatory ghosts are right. Yeah. Yeah, too many snakes up there I'm going back down. They take a look around like I'm gonna stay down here. Yeah Yeah, you know what that'd be cool is if there's like a you could switch like their stairs

That'd be cool if you go to heaven. Oh, it's pretty cool. The clouds comfortable. It's like a tempropedic. Yeah, that's where I sleep Yeah, right, but I party in hell Right, and I have my fun in the midground. You could go back and forth. Yeah, it'd be cool. Just an elevator Yeah, that's quick. I would like that. I don't write in that way of thinking. Yeah, right like you go to hell and you go Party with yeah, I want to be a Stalin. Yeah, I want to party party with Stalin Oh, pop pop pop. What's up? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then oh, let's hit let's not party with them You know, I mean it went too far The rules are the real bad people don't get that stairway back to heaven so they stay down there

But us who have already made it to heaven. We have the option to that's the that's the assent of of going to heaven You get a three-way pass. Yes, and we'll go down there and we brag Yeah, it's like when you went to Coachella, you got the backstage and all that right Cuz I got money You get the elevator right, but there's no elevator back. How about midground if you're in the middle ground go wherever you want No, no, if you're in purgatory, which is the the ones that can can they do get they don't get to go to heaven No, how about they get a two-pass they get the purgatory and hell right and hell only gets hell Yeah, but heaven we get to go all three right. Yeah, it's like a VIP and then we get if we get to go to heaven

We can go to a no snake section. That's that's an option. There has to be. Yeah, there's no has to be There's no no sex snake. It's all there has to be yeah There's rats up there cockroaches. They're all the souls are up there If you're in heaven, you almost have to have a day pass to hell to go see some of your family probably One day pass one day. Yeah one day pass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you you have to see your uncle 100% right. Yeah, but you you're my uncle would be down there Yeah, he's he has an uncle. He has an uncle that killed murder. Whoa bad people. I think all uncles most uncles are gonna be in hell Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, maybe I would visit the guy that molested me. Yeah. Yeah, I go. Hey, man. That wasn't cool, dude

Yeah, let's just some coke Because I'm you know, you know, that's what you do down there, right? I think so or is it just fiery hell? I think it's a torture constant pain. I think it's constant torture. Yeah, we wouldn't want to go down there Demons just everywhere. Oh, you know what it is. I bet you with money. Hell has this if there's a three-day pass Okay, there is an area. That's what purgatory has they don't have the free elevator But once in a while they will get a three-day pass to heaven Like once a year. Yeah, but they don't have we have free access I'm sleeping on a cloud and a cloud right and I wake up and there's like a purgatory guy sleeping next to me

Yeah, but he's only yeah, I'm on vacation. Uh-huh. This is my cloud bitch. Yeah. Yeah, okay but in hell Because you wouldn't want it so firing so hot, right? Yeah, if you want to see your uncle They probably on us. Oh, that's true. It's fit there. Yeah. Yeah, you'd fit right in I'd fit right in but they there must be like a place where you can you know, like a prison where you visit your Maybe a window that protects Mm-hmm. I'll suggest it to God when I'm up there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think you're gonna go? Be honest. Oh You saw that so cocky all the eccentric people, baby. Yeah

Me dolly Straight to heaven. Yeah, what about you be honest. I will say I don't know I'm a purgatory guy. Yeah Yeah, you're a purgatory guy. Yeah, how about you? I don't know. I hope so. I don't know. Yeah, I think I'm purgatory Yeah Progatory I Think you're going to heaven. Yeah, I think you're having I think you you want to be cool and you're saying I'm purgatory But no, I think I'm a heaven guy. Yeah, I think so too. Yeah, I do Before we do the unhelpful buzz I have to take a shit go ahead. Okay. Do you mind? No, not at all

All right No, can you imagine if I'm like? Did you drive up here? Yeah, San Diego San Diego. Yeah. Oh, man. No, I have a money or something. No Vin Moley from gas No, I've got a photo shoot after this. I'm chill. Oh nice. I'm chill Wow, that was fast We're quick shitters. Did you see I'm not a quick shitter really now if I have to in a setting like this I'll go take but if I'm I want to sit there for 45 minutes same

Well, wait, wait, wait, let me ask you something right now But the quickest shit is the poo come out for 45 minutes or I would say off and on most of it You do right, but so it five or six times a day full shits you do Oh, yeah. Now what I do is in a rush a clinch. You have an anal muscle Yeah, it's pretty weak. Oh, I see that's what it is. Yeah. Yeah, I can clinch it and save You know some for later. No, I gotta get it all out or I can't go about my day. Yeah, I'm with you Oh, I leave half of inside myself. What for okay? What what for energy? You know what I mean? It's a reserve. Yeah, it's a reserve. You know, all right

No, I just do because I don't you know because you know, I'm impatient. Yeah So I can't even I don't even have the patience to shit Well, but you have the patience to sit there and let the bidet tickle your ass for a whole hour All right, but do you know why though? Why it's enticing the poo to come out. Huh? Oh titillating. Yeah Yeah, that would make sense. It's like being yeah, you wipe it kind of stimulates more poo. Come come. Yeah And my poo is like Oh, so at the end of our podcast first of all by the way, I can't believe you haven't done this podcast before dude Um and the pleasure was all ours dude. I had so much fun and I'm being serious

I get so nervous for podcasts really. Yeah, cuz I like to be prepared and I thought if I don't know the people You know, I'm always like, what are we gonna talk about? Yeah, this flowed. It flows. We're brother and sister now Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna go to the spa. What did we learn today? Fuck Ari Manas. Yeah You know man, what else did we learn? Other sister clits suckers leave some poo in the in the chamber. He lives. Yeah You learned about I learned that you knew about Korea Bryce. Yeah, you know about the right Yeah, why don't you see squid games check it out? I don't know It's really good. I want to watch it. Do you not like subtitles? Oh

Oh Do they have subtitles? I think I could get through it. No when I'm watching a movie and people have the oh, I can't focus No, you have to okay. I'll watch and I'll tell you why Subtitles are important not not to do the audio trip. What's it? Uh, the a dub the dub. Yeah, I hate dubs Because when you listen to People really speak their language, right? It grounds it Right and when you read it, it's like sometimes you'll have to rewind it and see what did he say or whatever Yeah, but I honestly think the squid games is pretty cool and crazy. I'll watch will you watch it by the next time?

I see I promise you it's one season. I'll watch it. Okay, and if you like it, I'll recommend you some other things Okay, and then maybe you can recommend stuff from Oklahoma. Okay, I mean we can just sit and listen to the Garth Brooks Bucks Garth Brooks married to I fucking don't know man. Come on. Come on. Is it famous? Yes It's a famous country singer and she's a singer. Yeah. All right. How about this name everyone, you know, no No, no, give me the first in this Celine Dion Yeah, but imagine Garth and Celine fucking Well, she fucked that old man. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Renee. Yeah, did he did he fucked her? Yes, they had kids

I yeah, I think he was just fucking left and right. Yeah. Well, he knew her since she was like 14. You grew me a little sus Yeah, a little weird. Yeah. Yeah, it turned into love. Speaking of grooming Elvis movie. Looks great. It does the trailer is amazing I'm excited. Yeah But didn't he anyway, we don't have to talk about that and I just want to say this to 16 yes Okay, I just want to say this is because I don't usually do um anything topical or real but It's not thoughts and prayers, but you know me and my heart goes out to the victims of the Evaldy school shooting

It's heartbreaking and Yeah, it's got to stop that's all I have to say we have to do something to stop this it's out of control It's it I can't do it anymore. And I think as a don't you think I agree as a people and we're comedians You know, I know, you know, we joke around but as a people we cannot allow this to happen anymore Something's got to stop Anyway, that being said at the end of her. Why don't I okay? Well, we have to have the voice right after that. I Mean it's serious business bud. Yeah, you know I mean you use I never do it Yeah, you mean if 9-eleven happened right now, I'll probably do it then, you know, I mean but the to me

It's I have to say something because people, you know, you know, I People go on a line they go what the fuck you know about gun. You don't shit, you know, whatever I don't give a fuck. All right. I'm not I don't have the answers. We just got to try shit We have to do stuff. This is out of control Go ahead. We so at the end we have internet people ask us questions and we try to answer it the best weekend or not All right, it's called unhelpful advice. So you don't have to help them. Okay. Go ahead Unhelpful advice with Chelsea man. You have to do the voice after I did that and I Really all right. That caught me. Yeah, okay, so I've been having this argument with the friends

It's right up Bobby's alley because it involves one of his fortes poo So the question is when you go for a poo Do you take your pants in underwear off completely or do you just pull them down a few of my friends? They seem to think taking off your clothes all your clothes the way to go. They swear by it They apparently do it all the time even in public restrooms of friends houses I'm curious to know what the slept king and team have to say on the matter so we can put this argument to rest once and for all He's from Spain and his name is Bababa, yeah, so people from Spain are weird. Let me say something. Okay. Gilbert takes all his clothes. I take all my clothes

Shirt to shirt to I had to jump in the shower after we'll know in public in public I'll I'll go to a the handicapped stall and I'll fold my pants and put it over the Stole what's your thinking behind that? I don't want you don't want fecal matter on your I don't I also squat on the toilet I that I understand let me sit on it. Yeah, that's it's it's better It's more even if I'm taking a shower and at the poo right after the shower, right? I'll put clothes on first and then shoot shit Shoot, so what you would get all wet. I believe put clothes on I'll put the clothes on That's how Adam and I about not being naked. Okay. Wow. That's weird. That's weird

No, it's not putting clothes on after have you ever been in a public restroom and taken off your clothes never I've no no, right? You probably do what I do, right? Just ankle put Leave your shirt on Right naked the hat on naked at home. Just maybe pants at public restroom, but I rarely go public anymore Do you do you shower after every shit? No, no, no, no just in my house like I'm like I'm ready naked anyways So I just take a shit So what happens if you leave your clothes on and just put them down your ankle or will your head explode? No I want to explode, but I I have a big butt

So I don't like poop touching the sidewalls in my asshole. You know what spread them I can but it's easy if you just squat naked. Just try it once Shit weird man. They do what you squat like the Cambodian style. Yeah, it's how fast it takes me Yeah, that's it. You you sit there like that like that. Yeah. Yeah, it's actually better I would as if he was a gargoyle. Yeah, I have heard Because the way Americans poo is actually very not conducive to it sliding out Um correctly just this that's why now people are kind of catching on to the fact that your knees have to be Touched a little higher, but in the Philippines, especially like for us like it's not unheard of to just squat

But we also can do the Asian squat. No problem. Some people can't do it If you have tight Achilles, it doesn't work. Well in Korea, so you're not gonna believe this, but this is insane So my generations lived Let my my my grandparents's house and great-grandparents house was on a hill and it's been there for hundreds and hundreds of years, right? And so there they have an outhouse and As a kid, I remember not wanting to shit in there because I'd open it and it was basically a wooden hole and Hundreds of years Like my great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparents's poo was down fossil

How fossil right and I think we used to think about it as a kid. Yeah, you know mean great-great-grandpa Are you and it would echo and the smell and the smell it would pile it was piled Yeah, no wonder you shit quick in and out. You didn't want to smell it Yeah, but and then you would squat. Okay, you would squat like this, right? So they'd be a hole in the ground. It's a hole in the ground, right squat and It's hundreds of years of shit in there. How deep was that hole real deep? Yeah, and I always thought to myself I Even today, there's a couple of comedians. I want to throw in there. Mm-hmm. Yeah, but that's so that's what it is

Yeah, it opens up your whatever that is your pubo rectalis. Are you internal sphincter? Yeah, yeah But like whoa, and I agree with this. I just taking off my clothes. Yeah, is the issue that that that's right Yeah, try squatting on a toilet like I do with your pants on that is true So he makes a good point. He only takes his clothes off because he squats like this Okay Makes it. All right, you're my best friend But when was the last time you shit that you didn't squat never no, I'll do it sometimes I'll say very rare question to you. Why would you then have to take off your shirt?

Oh, there's something freeing about it And I also wear shirts sometimes that are long that I don't like it touching well No, you do that. I'll be honest one time. I have shit on my shirt. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'll just say it I've shit on my shirt. Okay. It's splattered back. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, then that's that's Everything you should have started with that. I should open with that and also which is crazy because now now I think that you have like really brick shit We'll be by brick shit like I feel like it hit the water and spilled onto your shirt Is that what happened that has happened? Well, because now you're shitting from a higher height

So the backsplash yeah, so I do have to put sometimes more toilet paper I took down first just one layer. You know what? I'm gonna be with Chelsea and I think we're gonna go American style Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, I'm not doing that. No. Yeah, even though my body is built for that you and I We're gonna do America. We have shit to do if you've got the squirts and you lean. No, yeah Correct that way. I do have to pull my butt cheeks and more Whoa, it's a lot. So when you pull your budget, you don't feel like the squirts are gonna get your finger. It's controlled. Oh You've controlled Separation, what the fuck does that mean controlled? No, I push it out control. I don't splatter it. Yeah

What if you really gotta go you don't have you've never had food poisoning where it's like you it cannot be held some those times I just fucking sit on the toilet. Yeah, there we go. You're good regular style when it's just like no energy to squat and take off your Pants and take right. Yeah, just go down. Yeah, just rip your shirt. I would say it's like if we do regular star What do we call your style fancy? I don't know Like evolve not evolved. No, I don't feel like it's evolved. I feel like it's devolved Yeah, yeah Honestly that right here is what I do Whoa, does this shit not get how it says natural? I call my natural squad. You guys can be on that you're a natural. Oh

so I have never heard doing this. We're all natural That's fine. Yeah, I'll be unnatural. How about let's do let's do an experiment Let's be real. You guys should both try it. I'm too big to get up on it. You can do it. Trust me. You can do it You can do it be funny though. We'll film you take a photo of it. We'll film it I don't can we take a photo of you doing that? No, it would make me laugh. So how about how everyone listening right now? We're gonna do a calendar Right and I would like to be in more than one. I'll do September. Maybe I'll how about what I'll I'll get two months

Okay, all right, I'll do September. We'll do an all-nude, right? Uh-huh, but in one of the months as a surprise month, right Asian Pacific month. Yeah, I'll get the Asian Pacific month What the month is that a may give me May too? Okay? Okay, so the May one you and I are both Squat complete naked and squatting at a toilet. We'll do it to photos side-by-side. I would get shit everywhere You know, we're not gonna actually be pulling in the photo But if you're in that position, yeah, you're gonna shit. You don't know what's gonna happen. You don't know shit Yeah, but you know, you never know honestly the sales though if there was a third midair coming out Oh, man, the sales would be through the roof. I think but we also can Photoshop it. Mm-hmm. That's true. Yeah

Yeah, in there. Yeah, we can make a nice poo in there. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, let's try to make it real though Yeah, I'll go to ILM. Okay But that's amazing. So that's what this guy does or no, he just takes his clothes off He just likes to take his clothes off. Mm-hmm. Do you wipe hot frantically or no? Oh, I'll walk 10 times front to back back to front That's a real question The butthole I guess I don't shoot this way. Yes. Thank you. Thank you with that way. Yeah, yeah, that way they bring They bring the dirt to the front. No. Yeah. Yeah, but some people do it that way There's also there's also the pinch you can take and just pinch. It's actually coming from both sides

What? So you know you wipe or that way you just go. Oh, no fingers and 12 paper go. That's even worse That's worse. How do you wipe you wipe weird, don't you? Yeah, yeah, well, we're Filipino so it's like we cannot poo without washing So we have a thing by the side of the toilet like because if you don't have a bidet We have this thing called a bubble and it's just a cup and we wash like this. So if I'm pooing Whoa, it's like a bidet It's a poor person. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. It's funny

I did make love to a woman from your area and she had a dingleberry. Oh God, right, so I don't know about you. We don't know about your technique Well, I'm the unnatural Water so yeah, yeah, you know, but I think we should try it for a month. I'm for a month Yeah, you know the balance balance. No What can you actually do it do it on the couch? I'm a good squad on the couch. I'll do it on here. Can you squat with your heels? Can you Bobby? Yeah? What my oh, yeah, you can I'm telling y'all so I do it like this

Yeah, like that and poo Yeah, yeah, you do it on the floor If you squat oh, she can't you can do it you can do it you can do it You can do it I can do it you can do it. You can do it. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, is that why they you guys cook and smoke that way too. Hmm. It's always in that position because you see like photos of like You know me and they're just smoking You're me and they're like, you know me. Is this something is this the way you see can you sit like this for hours? No, not No, no, no, no, no. So for me it comes in real handy because I don't like standing for long periods

I get lightheaded because I think I have this thing called pots. So when I'm at the airport anywhere public I just drop down really like that and it's a real comfort position. Oh For hours my legs we go now. Mm-hmm. They're going numb now, but I'm really Bobby. Yeah, yeah, whoa They're not doing it. They are sitting. They're sitting. Well, they are They're sitting. These people these people look there's something she's sitting on though. Oh That's how far you're going. Oh, you're butts all the way down. Oh, but let me see if I have this I can do it like this You just need some yoga

Yeah, I can do this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They even sell groceries like that. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Look at that I bet that's good for your, you know posture and Shits and shit. She's a nice ass for an Asian Well, thank you so much for being here Chelsea Chelsea Lin everybody Handles your handle or podcast. Well, I got a new Instagram because I deleted my other one. Why no reason I had over a million followers and they're like, no, you're done. This the new one. That's my new one. They deleted it Mm-hmm. You're kidding me. My management and agents try to get it back for two months and Instagram finally goes

We're not giving her a page back. Why were you getting duties? No, I have no idea They said too many violations, although like everything that was getting taken down was not violating anything. Oh Wow, I was cooking eggs once I was frying eggs in a pan. I put an Aerosmith song over it They took it down for soliciting sex. Oh Oh my god. Anyway, that's my new shit Chelsea Lin underscore and you'll just find me everywhere I got those blue checkmarks. I'm fancy Chelsea Lin. All right trailer trash Tammy. All right. You'll find where's the podcast at? It's called the viral podcast We couldn't think of anything else. You what do you do it in Ask a needle? Yeah, uh-huh. You have guests on ever?

Very rare. It's mainly me and Paige my best friend Paige and we will just take calls the whole time from people Oh, I want to come Will you be on the pod? I'll drive down because it's right by power. They're they're next to each other We're about to move to a Nashville. So the pods going with us You ever in Nashville? Yeah Well, you're moving to Nashville. Yeah, when July why? We bought a bunch of land. We're still keeping our house here I'll still see you. I'll be over here sister. Okay, brother. I'll bring a burrito

We can shit right okra. Yeah. Yeah, listen to Garth. I'll give it and you bring me rice. Yeah, I'll bring you some rice Give a round of applause. Thank y'all You guys, you know, I usually don't do short films, but this one I really like and I'm gonna be starring in a short film called death and ramen It's starring me and We need a couple of extra dollars To support the film we're almost there click the link at the bottom of the video and even a dollar or two or five dollars We're really help We're on our last leg and we were almost done with the the funding

It's gonna be a really good project and just please help us out. Hey Hey prime members you can listen to Tiger barely ad-free on Amazon music Download the Amazon music app today or you can listen ad-free with Wondry plus in Apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry comm slash survey