TigerBelly - Ep 357: Joe DeRosa & the Bobby Lee Sandwich

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

Bobby leaves early. Joe gets tanked. Patrice is just like us. We talk the Bobby Lee sandwich, barking with Asa, being Fugazi instead of U2, and lighting your pubes on fire. Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today What I'm not gonna wear the headphones. I wear them. I don't want you don't have to What you become nicer than huh used to be mean No, I was never mean like kind of edgier. You know, man. Yeah. Yeah, you're not rusty. I'm still edgy. Yeah, yeah It's still rusty, you know me, but you gave me are we going? No, not yet. Okay So here's the rule. I want to say a nice thing to you that you will help me when I when we start But can I just say this? Yeah, um Don't say anything inside until I say your name the rules

Five four three two Hello, hello everybody Hello, I'm Bob Bob Lee. I'm really emotional right now because um, I don't know. Um Last night I went to the nope premiere Mm-hmm, and I threw popcorn at Bill Burr's head and you got really upset with me you know I mean and then um and then I saw the movie and I it was a Um real emotional event for me It was such a good movie and there's a scene in there that just I can't talk about because it's a spoiler

but you know when Jordan explained to me what the scene was afterwards it was really emotional and I just kind of been pondering about it and about my own life and how I'm gonna die alone and how that I um I Think I'm just like disfigured. I guess in the eyes of most, you know, I mean, I feel like I'm not sexy I look in the mirror and it's a blob of yellow fat You know, it's a blob of yellow for fat, but you know what but that times I look at myself I go am I Steven you and I don't know you I mean I'm a combination between you know I mean That and an ugly person anyway, my point is is this we have a guest I don't know I have no idea But we were you going man when I'm shooting man, you can't be on my eye line man

I don't care fucking sit down man. No honestly sit down sit down man. What the fuck are you doing, man? We have a guest man. Honestly, we have a guest man fucking sit down. That's fucking crazy, dude You want to get fired or what bro? That was fucking nuts, man. All right, you fucked up my sorry that's being sad Yeah, yeah, I said that being sad but go back. All right, and I go I've wanted he was on my list for so long And I'm like he's in town. He came in like a fucking scholar brought book, but um, you know, it's funny He came in don't say it don't say anything yet And I had all these things I was gonna make fun of him's the way he looked and stuff

And then he came in all nice and like, you know namaste, and I was just like what I was gonna say is he looks like Brad Garrett Fuck beaker and then that kid worked at Chernobyl post the you know meltdown You know something like that or you know, he's ugly unfuckable, but you know, I mean he is nice I've always thought he was like one of the funniest guys ever seen He's you know, really just a great joke writer and you know me the kind of edge that I like a lot, you know Joe D'arosa What's the matter George nice to meet you what's a matter finally nothing's a matter I don't like all I cared about was you said it's funny. I could give a shit about all the

Oh, really? I don't fucking care. Yeah. Yeah, I really do think you're funny. Thank you. I think you're funny Yeah, would you but we've never I'll be honest with you. Is there any history? You know, it's funny. Shut the fuck up I love you man. Okay. Thanks for coming out. You know, I'm in a real weird mood today You're really really when we came in he was like crying. I was crying. I could hear it through the garage door Because I rang the doorbell and nobody answered. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry Standing outside worried that I was in the wrong place and as I was kind of taking the surroundings I found myself in front of the garage door hearing some sort of screaming or whimpering coming. Yeah. Yeah, that was me And I I said out loud to myself. This is weird

I'm sorry, that's fine. Yeah, I'm so sorry. I could feel your jewey. Are you Jewish or Litton? Oh, no, no I'm Arab. I really Arab. I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah, that's incredible Well, you don't know it because I don't cheaply cash in on it for fucking likes on Instagram I love it. Oh, you hear that for him ad war I'm mad I'm mad listening I like those guys. I like all the Iranians. I love them all great. What kind of Arab are you? I'm not positive because I'm adopted, but according to the DNA tests. They took mostly Egyptian. Oh So that's that's why the De Rosa. Yeah. Yeah, you you were adopted by Italian family. Yes. Yeah. Yes

Yeah, I always thought you were Italian. You know, I don't know. I would never guess Egyptian I honestly in this age of identifying I identify as Italian. Oh, good. That's how I was raised That's what I understand and relate to the most but have you it's interesting because um, you know, one of my favorite shows is What's that show that I like? No, no, just help me out. It's on TLC. It's called long lost family. Long lost family long lost family And um, it's about adoptive people finding their you ever want to know Yeah, that's funny. I I was on a honeydew yesterday and yeah, and we You had to drive all the way to fucking Santa Monica, it was far

Yeah, it's pretty fucking far sickler. It is far for a podcast that only hits about number 57 Too hard, but sorry, right you big guy. No, Ryan's the best. Um, no, I love Ryan I was happy to it. I was very excited to do it, but but we talked a lot about that. No, I've never Really had an interest. I was adopted at nine days old. My parents are my parents It's just not something that I'm heavily interested in. All right. What if they contacted you? I Wouldn't be adverse to it. I'd be open to it as long as they were pursuing a healthy experience. What do you mean? I mean, they could kind of people are fucked up I mean, you know, everybody I said to Ryan I go everybody thinks it's gonna be like fill the dreams where your dad comes

Because can we finally play catch and it's like you don't know that. Yeah, it could be the fucking harsh I know you could be like, you know, but I used to have a jug where I was like they they're Arabs So there's like they could either be like oil barons. Yeah, or like where they live with a monkey that steals their dinner You never know. Yeah, so you have no that's interesting that you don't have an interest. I think don't you do There's got to be a curiosity There's a the curiosity goes as far as if it was something cool It would be cool to know and experience, but there are just so many vera variables I'm curious about it the way. I'm curious about skydiving. Oh

You know, there's a lot that could go wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and and the one cool outcome It isn't exciting enough to me. That's interesting me too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's two. Wait. Are you adopted? Yeah, I'm not fucking with you. I'm really white. Wow. Yeah, my last name's not Lee. It's Robinson. I Feel like I knew that you were not adopted. Oh, you're not I Love how you're starting to search like yeah, I just couldn't even continue. I'm not adopted. I Know an Asian that's adopted. Yeah. I who thought it was you. No, it says did you know an Asian that's adopted? I think it might be Kevin Say the last name say the last name, which is less than I think

Yes, what's his last name? I'm blanking on this Kevin. I'm embarrassed. You don't need to you need to you don't need to know it Why it's not that you hate him. It's not that important. Are you not friends with him? He's fine Maybe it's not that important Korean beef. Maybe Korean beef. What is Kevin's I'm blanking on his last day. Shea. That's right He's adopted, right? Yes, he is I'm pretty sure what canter worms know it. Yeah, it's not a can of worms. Look how happy you guys are. Yeah. Yeah, it's happy It's happy. I'm pretty happy. Dr. Ken not judging the singer Yeah, that was before he had in that's before he fake walked off the show twice. Oh, yeah

Yeah, did you do that? He walked off twice They had Giuliani on twice and he walked off both times. I'm like, you didn't know he was come on come on I'm the mask singer. Yeah, really come on guys. I mean if he was here, he probably say he didn't know but yeah I have a hard time believing NBC Pulled the left anything to chance. Yeah, I don't know if he is happy With these that this job. I don't at first of number one. I don't know why he would do it I don't think he wants to do it. It doesn't seem to be he like is like a funny guy and a funny actor Right. He's a funny actor. And you know, I think that a lot of times and this is just I don't want to start a war with

I have too many wars. I have too many fucking you got beef. I got people. No, you're fucking Tupac circuit Yeah, but I want to say that You know a lot of people they they maybe find like a slow time like, you know, I've had five six seven years of nothing right, but it's like I still got offered like weird shit like Do you want to be a Nickelodeon? You know me be the slime guy and I'd be like no because I know I need the money and I know that it's good You know, it feel like I'm part of show business, but I'm not gonna I only do things That I feel like are high level as as high level as I can get that, you know, right like a Jamie Kennedy movie

Boom Joe DeRosa in the house You know, hey, hey, that was good. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I love you. So I do. I do you're one of my yeah But can I just be honest with you? I'm George you're laughing. Wait, George is turning red No, I love humor like that. I love humor. I like being rad I want to go eventually. I want to tell the story what I'm not gonna for you. Yeah, I'm not gonna for I want to tell the story when I first met you eventually Yeah, well, but let me do that. We talk about Yeah, kicking an old school. Let's get into was that what they was cool. That's what it was cool

Kicking old school. I couldn't you have done. It was called like back spinners Right, so you have to understand at the time, right? I was in my second year of mad or third year of mad, right? And I was like young, right? So I was just like a movie. Jamie was huge at the time I know you had just done Malibu's most wanted and that did okay. I was like I'll do it. You know me scream. He was like, yeah, scream. Yeah, bigger things. Yeah He did one of my favorite movies was with Eddie Murphy. What was that called with Steve Martin? Um, bow finger bow finger Yeah, love that movie. Yeah, right. Tell me about the first time we met. Let's say something nice

I met you at the I met you at the laugh factory in New York Jamie Masada had opened the New York club. It didn't last a very long time But it was it was right in the beginning and they were trying to do this thing where they were going to have Headliners come to New York the way Caroline's does and They didn't do that for very long, but you were one of the only headliners that actually

Came before they changed the format to just a showcase room and it was a nightmare Yeah, it wasn't a great space, but I was I was opening for you. I was on the shows. No, and I didn't I might have known you from mad tv. It might have been before mad tv. I don't remember But we were sitting they had this lounge for the comics that was open on either side It had these big doors that had no doors on the doorways that had no doors on And one led to the showroom and the other one led to the bar So it was wide fucking open and people had to walk by to go to the bathroom the staff was coming in out And I was sitting there with you and you were like

Do you smoke and I was like, yeah, and you were like do you want a cigarette? And I was like we can't smoke in here and you're go. Yes, we can and I go No, we can't and you go watch this Yeah, watch this and you just lit up a cigarette and Jamie came over and started freaking out And you were like, Jamie, I'm sorry. I didn't know and you put it out And as soon as he walked away, you go watch how mad he's gonna get and you lit another Wow agonized he came over and screamed at you again. Yeah, you're like, Jamie. I'm so sorry And you put it out walked away. You're like, watch this. Watch how mad he's gonna get

You did it again. Yeah, he came over and then you were just started being like, what's the big deal? Jamie, who gives a fuck? Let me smoke. Yeah. Yeah. I was I was so young in comedy I was just like, I can't I didn't know you could like fuck with a club guy like that. Oh, yeah Because I was so scared of not working Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and you were I was the guy and then you went on stage and you took your dick out and let your Let your pubic hair on fire. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking freaked out He freaked out smoke code. Yeah So you just for and I was just was like, I just liked you. I was like this guy. This guy's fucking nuts

I Unhinged After that and this is this is the other reason I really liked you was because Um, so that was it. That was the only time I had met you and then every single time I came to LA Yeah, which was few and far between You remembered me. You were nice to me. You like treated me like a friend And I cannot say the same about many other LA people that I met early on But you were one of you were just I was like this guy. It's like a genuine dude

You were just always a guy. I never had a bad fucking thing to say about you. You know, oh, man Really? Damn it. You know number one You're number one. I want to tell young comics and this okay Who gives a shit, right? Well, they're all people and it's like, you know what? Don Mayra once said comedy stand-up comedy is the only business you just can't get fired in because If one chain doesn't like you another group people, you know, I mean like you're in Dallas, right? Oh, fuck. Addison does that then you go to hyenas or you're in the house of comedy And there's just so many different people that are in competition with each other new clubs pop up, right?

There's always another kid around the corner, you know, I mean or you go downtown and do the coffee shop show or whatever Yeah, yeah, whatever whatever man. You could always do it and also, um I was mad at Jamie because he goes a buddy come headlight, right? And I go cool And as soon as I walked saw him that day. I was in New York because buddy. This is Asa Akira, you know Asa Akira Asa Akira is the number one one of the number one porn stars Right, but at the time she was A 16 year old high school girl, right? Okay. He goes buddy and Asa was in high school

She was in porn. She was a kid. Uh-huh. She goes she had a fucking box full of tickets And but he goes buddy you and this Japanese girl go into the city And give get sell tickets So I remember I had a bottle. What do you call that boss? What do you call that barking barking? I had to bark my own headlining tickets and I was on mad tv at the time, right? So at the time I didn't you just say no, I'm not doing that because no one bought a ticket There was just zero. Is that your problem? That's his problem. It is my problem because I don't want to perform from nobody No, then you don't have to do the show and you still get paid. No, he was like it was there was a weird condition where

Okay, you know buddy if you don't I'm not gonna and he also he had the LA club too It's like I didn't want him to ban me from Hollywood, right? So there he had that over me. So in my mind I'm like, okay. I'm not really getting that much money. I have to give away tickets all day long every day With this girl So her and I would just go have lunch or we go on a roll. Like there was this one thing where there was a roller coaster And a ball or something, you know, I mean, so we would just do that, right? But I remember going I'm just gonna smoke and show my like my pubes on fire and just do whatever I want to You know, I mean, yeah, that's great. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. I love it now. I have an act, you know, I tell jokes now

But um, so if you come here come see me. I have jokes, but I I I was I was envious of How free you were? Yeah on stage because I've never been like that. I've never been free. You're free now. Well, I'm I've always been very Like by the written word of the bits like I have very specific wording and if I fuck the wording up I don't like it and I always envy guys where it really looked like loose and just fast and loose It's funny. Um, my chaotic thing is still precise And like you do a bit about I forgot what the bit is but you do a bit where you're on a roller because you're going down It's I think it's I don't know. Oh, it's about pot. I can't smoke weed. Yeah, and you're going

Ah, yeah, or something. You know, I mean, I just I don't know the detail of the joke, but I remember watching going Wow, that seems like a bit that's um, it's kind of spontaneous. You have to commit to the thing Right. Yeah, but it seems free and loose, but it's a written thing But it's like the way you deliver it, right? Yeah. Yeah. No, that's true. That's true. Give yourself credit No, no, no, it's it's not it's not a knock. It's it's it's It's certain guys just just see They seem more free or something like I can't explain it Like like like Ari's like that Ari goes on stage and I feel like wherever the fucking room goes

He's on the boat and he's rocking with the boat. Yeah, I feel like I'm a little bit like if the boat rocks that way Then I go go fuck yourself You know what I mean? Yeah, you you're like if the if the boat's going you're like is this sinking I'm gonna sink with it Not even sink is negative. No, not sink. It's just fluidity like It's it's this can I don't know it just seems spontaneous to me, but maybe I'm just falling for the illusion What you're doing is what we all do right and it's in our heads, right? Right. Yeah, like when I did that austin show I just tweeted two weeks ago because I literally thought I did this like

Show in the theater show with awesome. I was like a guest star It was like a bunch of like more all-tea local austin comics and I went on late It was the show had already gone on the theater was power theater And I walked up there and I said my first joke and I literally went. Oh, they hate me in my mind I go because I know the amount of people in this room Right, and I know the value of laughs right right and I'm not getting the value Right, so they hate me and after every joke and then I started doing stuff

Let's go edgy Right, and then that didn't work. I go. I'm gonna clean it up Nothing I did I felt like it worked and as I got I literally good night And I and ask any of the comics are I bolted out of the theater And I went fuck it suck and I went to cbs and um It stayed that way for 24 hours until the next day

And people were like I wasn't walking around honest people were like you killed that last night I was like what I I did I had one of those it was during the uh It wasn't a set, but it was during the it was during the lockdown It was like when we're first sort of coming out of lockdown And michael che was doing these like shows in brooklyn on the back of a flatbed truck remember when that kind of ship Yeah, yeah, yeah, I never did them Yeah, and me and ochre sin went out one day just to hang out and then he invited us on stage I hadn't been in front of a crowd and mike and I looked crazy

My hair was like all long and like frode out and I was wearing like cut offs with like socks pulled up Because we'd all been in the house and like I think I had a beard like and Che just started fucking with me And I didn't have any juice in the tank I just didn't I wasn't on my game and I couldn't hit him back and when I was trying to hit him back it was bombing And I got off stage and I walked out of the wherever it was Like four blocks over And the whole walk I was going you fucking loser. You fucking suck. You're fucking loser out loud to myself. Yeah. Yeah

I was drunk too, which didn't help Yeah, yeah, and then jay called me. He's like, where did you go and I go I'm fucking never doing comedy again. That's where I I know where our heads. Yeah, and he was like, what are you talking about? Yeah, that was it Look at other people that are so many was that that many people. Yeah, it was wild he did it like a bunch of times and um It was like when the blm things were happening So they wouldn't bust anything like this because they were scared that they would look racist. All right. All right. All right. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. But and then I and then I went back

Like he talked me down and I went back and then I saw che and jay was like that was so fun, man And jay jay goes it's fucking dummy saying he's got a quick copy I know and jay's like, what are you talking about? I know that was so fun. I was like I fucking bombed. He's like you weren't even doing a set dude. We were just like friffing like who cares Yeah, like and I was like, I don't know. I was so in my fucking head. It's horrible. It's horrible But let's analyze that. Why do we do that? What is it about our lives and who we are as people? Because I know a lot of comics that don't do that. They're so confident

It's like even when they thought even when I think oh, I was mediocre They don't they're fine with it. They can move on with their lives me It's life all strength sometimes like I I get That I lose sleep. I think no truly good comic doesn't do that I love and I love where you're going. Yeah, I love exactly this road. That's what I think I know I look I know famous guys That are really established that have big followings that are that are good enough at comedy and when I say what I mean by good enough Is they pull it off and they pull it off a lot of the time

But when they don't pull it off and I see the way they react. I'm like, you're not a good comic You just managed to pull it off sometime. Yeah A good comic we we could all agree burr is a great fucking comic. Yeah I remember seeing burr. This is before he was famous But this is who he is at his core. I remember seeing him headline of carolines and the room was like half full It was like a tuesday or something And he had a great set like the material was there like, you know, and then he came off stage and he was like Eddie we were talking and I was complimenting him and

We were just bullshitting and then he went to leave and he turned around he goes That was that was all right, right? Like and I was like there it is dude. Yeah, like there it is like like good comics Feel like that. Yeah Like like I to me maria bamford is a fucking genius. Yes. She is a fucking genius She is one of my favorite comics and she's I'm lucky enough that I've gotten to tell one of my favorite comics that to her face which is really cool, but like Jesus Christ, dude, I'll see her after sets where I'm like, are you gonna go jump off a bridge right now? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because she's like, oh god damn it. I just didn't you know

I shouldn't have done the they hated me and I'm like hate it. Yeah, they loved you Like like like and she's still like does that thing where she's like I shouldn't have done that voice for so long And you know and you're like that's that's a good comic. I'm gonna say you have to cut yourself Yeah, and torture yourself after a set but like If you don't have that thing in you, then how could you ever get better? How could you ever look at the comp and go I gotta get my fucking game of my friend? I'll say this and I'll shut up. No, keep going, but my friend said this about uh I remember Eminem and Royce the five nine put out that bad meets evil record. Yeah

And I remember me and my friend Jim listen to it for the first time and he goes Shit man, if I was a rapper, I'd be intimidated because they were so good on it. Yeah, and I that stuck with me And I was like, I have to look at comedy like that Like and I do like when I see a good special which whoo, it is it hard to find Yeah, but when I see a good one. Yeah I'm like like like the cat Williams one where it's like where it's like raining the whole time and it's the White House back truck Yeah, I watched that special and I was like I'm not working hard enough. I'm like that motherfucker. He just leveled the fucking room. Yeah, you know what I'm saying

I mean, that's I mean, here's the thing and you Okay, you guys know, right? I you know, I've never done one You ever did a special never never, right? It's funny now that you mentioned it I'm like, oh, but we never you never even did like comedy central presents or one of those. No, no, never Really? No, yeah, I think I've done like late night. I did the tonight show back in the day And I've done, you know, I mean stuff just to establish myself as stand up Sure, but half the tweets I get is that what are you gonna do special? Why don't you do special number one? It's like I don't want to make fun of people, you know, because I'm not like a guy that like

You know, I mean, you know, because I know everyone's trying their best No, they're not I know what what an LA thing of review to say. That's very nice. They're not trying their best Yeah, they're fucking half as I was talking to one of the kids that was opening for me in san francisco this weekend and I was like Because I'm working on this new hour and I go dude. I'm not putting it out till it's fucking ready And I go the audacity Of some of these comics the shit they're putting out that they think it's okay. And this is their debut

Yeah, yeah, and they're putting it out themselves. Yeah, it's one thing man. No motherfuckers gonna say no If you're two years in and netflix goes here's $150,000 to do a spell no kid is gonna go No, I'm not ready. You're gonna go. Oh my god. My life is changing But when you put it out yourself And you're like this needs to be out there and you're looking at this shit You're like you thought this was you thought people needed this. Yeah, that's crazy to me But I also don't equate my success It's not linked to doing stand-up right right because I've made money

My whole career and never done a special and I've not just made Little money. I've made great money. You know, I mean I've done I've survived right when I go on the road and I'm sorry, but I sell out every Ticket, why are you sorry? I'm not sorry, but I'm just saying and and people are like, well, why don't you do a special? I go I don't need to I go to Chicago and Florida or anywhere And I sell out in five ten minutes. It's great, right? My point is is that why? What is it right? So it's like for me, it's like I uh

And I look at other people special. I want like there's somebody I know. Yeah. Yeah, there's somebody from a different country, right? Who's a female? I saw I saw that person Oh, that one got it. I watched it. I got a couple years ago and I watched it just listened, right? And I go I don't even know at what part it's supposed to be funny. Well, I I'll say name. I'll name names Why why do you do you feel comfortable you like? Yeah, it hurts people can't ask me fuck the whole game I don't know who that is and I think she's great I think she's great. I don't know who that is. That's what that was

That against me fucked the whole game up and she's wonderful. I'm not saying she has a bad message. I'm not saying I like the message I liked her I I liked her till she got preachy about what other comics have to do. What's wrong? I hated her message Her message was all right Turn him up. I guess Was to me that like comedy does not like surpass all that you have to be depressed in the end And that was the message that like she ended with that. I fucking hate it. It's like

So anti-comedy well Yes, I okay. I could see I think that's a one perspective, right? Like and I don't think that that's wrong necessarily But I just mean like if you want to talk about how we should be more Accepting and all these things. I think that's a nice thing to say And I don't even have a problem with you saying it on a comedy special And I don't have a problem with you even crying on your comment But my point is is when I say she fucked the game up She put this message she went once she got that

That's swept up in all of it. Then she started saying if you're not So first she does a special with without punchlines really and you go, okay, whatever And that's and the and I'm only saying this because she's arrogant. I'm not saying it to stir up I mean, that's the key. That's the the key. That is the key if she never said shit and went. Thank you guys I'll see you in a couple years of my next one and yeah, but she started going everywhere If you do this then you're not using your and all that shit and comics that do this suck and whatever however she said it So my point is this she did a special that mostly lacked punchlines when there were punchlines They were weak and then after that she started preaching to people how they needed to do comedy

And she got a lot of press doing it and she fucked the whole game up because She didn't fuck the game with the game. It is what it is Where there's room for all of us. I'm just saying when you see this influx Of these horseshit specials where somebody thinks that just because they have a point of view Without and that's not the only horseshit. There's hack horseshit in the in all directions But the ones that really get a lot of shine right now are these are these like perspective specials And they're just you're just like, I don't know man It's a if you want to do ted talks go do ted and here's why here's why it pisses me off. Yeah

Can you turn my mic up? I can't hear myself. Here's why it pisses me off Yeah, I got into comedy because I wanted to get into spoken word Uh-huh. I wanted to be Henry Rollins And jello be offer. That's what I wanted to do. Yeah I wanted to go on stage and read like essays that I wrote and shit That were of my opinions and I was like, why can't do that because I never sang in a famous band Nobody gives a shit. Nobody's gonna listen But the closest thing to it is stand-up. So I guess I got to figure out how to be funny on stage

And it annoys me now That there are people being like, well, you don't have to and it's like, no, you do Hannah Gatsby doesn't have to because she caught lightning in a bottle. Yeah. Also, it's when I watch it I don't know even if Netflix goes we want we're gonna give you one But you have to do what they're doing. I just be like, I don't know how right right because I play at the comedy store You know what I mean? And I'm in front of beasts Right and I have to kill Right because it's when you're following

There's nights where I had to follow bill burrow rogan All these guys back to back around white in a packed room, right? Yeah, and it's like I can't go Oh, wow, asian hate. It's terrible, right? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? But I can't do that. I have to go out there and go like my pubes on fire You're opening. Yeah. Yeah, I have to open with that. Yeah, it's too. It's too It's a two-headed beast, right because because there's that side of it, which I've always said I go There's a pressure man when you when there's money involved now. There's pressure you better deliver And you can form very bad habits that way

I have to meet we all have. Yeah, Dimitri Martin said like I hope he doesn't mind that I'm quoting this but But he left the comedy cellar and he stopped performing there and he went to the to the alt rooms as they were called back in the day And he said I'm forming bad habits At the at the cellar. Yeah, why because because you had to kill all right now I like this I performed the cellar but like but like that is there is a truth to that You just you literally You literally just blew my mind right now. Why?

That's what I need to do Why I have to get out of the clubs Well here you just literally that's it. That's it. You have the advantage you can do that I don't know where to go. You you'll figure it out. I don't know where to go That's the thing like like you you hit a certain point in this business where it's like you don't need to be doing Four sets a night at the store anymore. I do that every night. That's what I'm saying It's like but you go on the road. It's like I was talking to soda or dance soda about this and I was like I was like dude. I'm not doing sets on Tuesdays

I'm not doing sets on Mondays motherfucker. I'm not doing sets on Thursdays or Sundays or Wednesdays I'm doing sets in the city on Friday or Saturday If I'm in town because those nights pay the most and I'm not doing six I'm doing two Yeah, because I'm going on the fucking road. I just this thing of you live on the stage or that's it's such stupid fraternal horseshit It's what you need to do in the beginning. You don't need to do it for your whole career and And you're you you're in a place of great advantage now because you can afford financially to go fuck around

Yeah in a in a bookstore Yeah, and just be like who gives the fuck. I'm not getting paid. I can just fuck around and but here's the other side of it when you're coming up When you're coming up and there's money involved. It's there's pressure which but you get money. So that's great I remember talking to kurt brawn oler and christian shawl because they were they were alt kids And I the first time I met them was it was kurskurt brawn oler kurt brawn oler is a comic who co-host hot tub with christian I think the virgil every week and they're he's great. He's very funny. But the first time I met them was at a club called comics in new york That's also gone And they were like this is we were very young and they were like this is cool like you work here like and I was like

Yeah, they were like we're trying to get over here to like make money and I was like I'm trying to get to where you are I'm tired of fucking I'm afraid to try shit because I worry about fucking the show up or whatever, you know like So no if the grass is always greener, but my point is is when you get to a certain level that You're you're you're much more Famous or whatever than I am but but like my point is is we're still both at the level where it's like You don't have to go sit at the mercy of a club and you don't have to do it anymore

Right, but you also right like when I like for like the other day I had this feeling I drove down sunset and I saw this gigantic photo of joe koi It's easter son of joe koi right and I went You know I looked at it right and I went and immediately when I see that because him when I started together. I'm like I always go back to myself like why aren't you there? What happened to you? You know what I mean? You're not you don't sell the tickets yourself, but then I say to myself. Yeah, but I don't want to be you too No, I want to be fugazi I said that all the time, you know, I want to be the pixies

I want to be like I want I want to have my audience to be furious and Into me, right, but I don't want to do stadiums. I say it all the time I say the exact same thing and I use fugazi as the example. No, I swear to you. Yeah. Yeah I use I say Katy Perry and fugazi Oh, you do as the difference. Yeah. Yeah, but like, you know No, but that that's Joe. That's Joe was and I always said I know you're not knocking him I'm not knocking him neither am I but but like and I always said And that's what gets me mad about

Look, God bless Hannah Gadsby do your thing But what I hate when comics tell everybody it's all about this because we're not all in the same lane We're just not and I hate that every not every comic But I hate that the majority of comics think that they're all gunning for a Grammy award. You're not A lot of you are gangster rappers You know what I mean? A lot of you are mc hammers. A lot of you are pop stars. A lot of you are rock bands Dude, I'm doing the fucking um, what band are you?

I want to try to figure out what band I am in reality Right now in your life, I know but you so you think that people are like If they were going to do like some sort of survey and they got and there was a list of bands on one side And a bunch of comics on one side and you're supposed to match them, right? You think people will go fugazi. How about you choose for each other? That might be no, I don't think people will say fugazi for me. I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I really I followed I've been to many fugazi shows. I relate. Yeah, I like their Um philosophy. Yeah, you know, they were doing only five dollar shows, right?

They didn't sign with a major label, even though back in the you know, when Nirvana and all that stuff was happening. You know, I mean, they were being dangled all this money That's the thing to their guns. Dude, they've been offered millions of dollars to reunite and they say no. Yeah, I mean It's Patrice always used to talk about that. He told me once he goes He goes, Joe, if you want to walk the righteous path, you got to take some That there's a cost He goes, you can't be about the ethics and not take your lumps, man He was like, it's it's you know, and and I agree with that, you know, and people

You know, like like like I I'd have I would I don't do this anymore But I would have to catch myself when I'd see somebody on late night and I'd feel jealous I'd have to step back and go dude You decided a long time ago the process of late night was annoying And the reward was not high enough. Yeah, so you stopped fucking trying to do it. Yeah So you can't you're not allowed now to be upset when you see somebody on late night You see what I'm saying? It's you're like blowing my mind right now dude You're like, I'm having like mini spiritual awakening. How many have you had? I've had like six of seven of them

Damn. Wow. I do because it helps it helps with my own psyche and my daily life Patrice said to me once this We were talking about uh, Craig Robinson and Dr. Ken and they were at the time doing well, you know what I mean? Yeah, I was at OP and this is when obviously he's alive and um And patrice goes, you know, you and I will never be them right and I go What do you mean? We're not gonna ever get to that even their level right of success And I go why? He goes because we don't know how to do that. Yeah, we're Who we are authentic our sounds and when we go to parties you and I do you leave early?

I got these industry parties. I don't even go at all. He goes me too. He goes me too He goes, I don't know how to smooth And you and I are the same. We don't know how to do all those things I go you're right. I'm sorry. Yeah, go ahead. No, I was gonna say I don't leave early I do put an equivalent of that. I go and I get fucking tanked You burdened the bridge that way and then I'm the last guy there You're the red. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're that guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Same thing. Yeah. Yeah Jumping the pool right and they're like, who's this fucking freak?

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That's two whole months of shipping make quick and painless and it's free to try Just go to shipstation.com click on the microphone at the top of the page and type in belly ship station make ship happen Yeah, yeah, uh, but yeah, you know, I like I like craig but but but trees So I love them. No, no, I know I love them too and I wish I had their first I don't I don't though But craig has a spirit that I don't have Right craig has a positive craig is

Is joyful. He's a joyful guy. I'm not joyful. I know me and I find being joyful exhausting Why aren't we joyful? I want to be joyful. You don't why choice good But you're a pretty happy go luck. I'm not I asked them. Uh, he was crying before I cry I'm a disaster. You're you're you're in a turbulent time right now. No, you're right You're absolutely right. I am turbulence right now, right? It's a little rocky, but I'm I feel great I do, but I'm just my normal state though is you know, I mean Is it's everything okay, right? I mean, that's the real Me

Every I wake up and instead of going I want cover. I go is everything okay, right? Is my lungs working is I hope bad things don't happen Different people are wired a different way. I saw Patrice do something once And I related to it so much And I was like And and that was without him saying it to me that was the moment where I was like probably one of the moment my moment with him at least where I was like There's just different people in this business and

But I was at just for laughs. I was opening for him for his one-man show And Somebody and the show is sold out and some like lady on the staff like got flippant with him and dismissive or something And he called like the venue manager in And he goes and he started complaining about the woman and he goes motherfucker. I will walk down the street And I was like I relate to that so fucking much Well, what was he trying to do get the girl removed? He no, he was like, how dare your fucking staff talk to me like that. I sold this place out tell your

Oh, so what did the staff say to him? I don't remember. Okay. Okay, but he was basically like saying like Your staff is being rude to the guy that just sold this place out. Yeah, and he was like, I don't give a fuck about this money I will leave on principle and I was like And he said it aggressively and I related so much because I'm like, that's that's what I would do I would do the same thing And and but but it's a moment of realization where you go If you're not the guy that goes Whatever man, that's you know, that's that's you, you know, take care of yourself. You know what I mean?

Like the guy that's gonna go take care of yourself. Sebastian Monoscalco is like that. He doesn't He's like whatever, you know, I mean, I feel like he's more like that and I know guys like every famous guy I know is like that. Yeah But well, well, they're right that with the people they need to be like that with Oh, you think so? Yeah, then you see them with other people and you're like, oh, you're a demon Yeah, you just know how to keep the demon at bay. That's what it is You and I don't know how to keep the demon at bay. I do though in certain circumstances There's certain certain I have a hard time like when I'm like, um

Um, like, okay, so if I'm shooting Magnum PI, right? I can let out a couple of frustrations Like, um, how long is this gonna take? Yeah, right, right? I could just yell that out. You know what I mean? Yeah, why are you sitting there or whatever, right? But when I'm on sex in the city Oh, that's right. I for I watched that whole thing. I loved watching you on that. Fuck you. I did. I liked it I hated Che. I hated the Che character. I love her and I I'm not saying she's a bad person She's a great person. I didn't like the character and I didn't like what it did with I didn't like what they did with Miranda. I didn't like the Che Miranda thing Oh, I see not because of who the actors are. I just mean I didn't like what they did

But I liked the show. I enjoyed. I'm a big sex in the city I'm going back and I thought it was are they doing another season in October I thought it was a better. I thought it was fucking light years better than either of the movies Oh, cool, and I'm dead. I'm so sad that Kim Cattrell is not there. I'm really genuinely makes me sad Are you being real? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm a fan of the show. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, don't get angry So, um, when I'm there in October, maybe we'll do you have a podcast? Yeah, I'll do your podcast I'll do yours. Yes. Yeah, you didn't you don't see anything. I don't yeah, that's fair It's what don't no, I go on shows and I go I love the show. Can I come on and that I've never seen it?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying That's what I'm saying. Yeah, come on taste. Yeah, I know that you have one me and Sal Volcano. We do taste Oh, I love isn't he in the the jokings. Yeah, the jokings So they do the jokes the pratt the pratt the pratt the pranks. Yeah. Yeah, I like this like jackass, but different Yeah, yeah, that's pretty cool. Uh, I don't know. That's dicks. You have dicks. No, I'm saying it's let's dick Let's dick. Yeah, let's dick. Yeah, come on taste buds. I love that. It's called taste buds. Yeah, it's fun Does Sal like me? I don't even know who I am. I'm sure he likes you I don't know. I'm sure he does. Sal likes he rarely has a problem with somebody. Yeah

No, let me ask you another question. Um about but do you have any interests of acting? I've acted Okay, don't get me. No, he's a huge resume Like give me give me some here's the only better call sol. That's huge on peter holmeshow. Oh, that's huge Well, sol was huge, but it didn't lead to anything Louie I'm serious a huge chelsea lately bigger than mine bigger than my credit No, I was I was recurring on on sol, but it didn't lead to anything They they never do they never but you act pretty

They never Do so every job for you is I'm auditioning all over ground zero. Here's the mic. Here's the truth You never Live in the results. That's good. Okay. Way to put it. Yeah, because they never do it's the things They're so unexpected That become the thing, you know, I mean, right that you could do like It's never happened for me, but I'm just saying I've seen it happen for other people you know, they do

A commercial that they don't want to be doing but then that director You know me is the next thing and then uses them and then they move on you know me It's like like Patton Oswald's a good example If you look at the 90s Before he did king of queens. Yeah Leading up to it. It's like one foot for the other It's like small part in this a little bit bigger part in this a little bit

But it's constant. He's constantly popping up and all like the legendary stuff that like magnolia You know and like but he's but then he's like the dj and star ski and hot all right He's just popping up in all this shit. Yeah, and then he's on king of queens And it all makes sense and and I thought I might have had a chance to do that and I just it just didn't happen I got so sick of auditioning You don't do it anymore I will only audition now if it's a true zoom audition like because you don't ever go in in person anymore

I will not put myself on tape. I refuse. Why I refuse. Why because it is a waste of fucking time Why because it's because I've wasted my time. You think though. They don't see it. I don't think they look at it I think it's lazy people Making another fucking excuse for the fucking see it man because I put myself on tape and they better be seeing it They better be fucking see if the last thing I put myself on tape not the last one of the last things I put myself on tape for was the offer I auditioned and I worked my fucking ass off because I auditioned to play joe colombo Wow, I work my fucking ass off on that audition and I I was like watching tape of him and trying to get his voice down

I mean, I really worked on it and Giovanni Robisi gets the right give me a fucking break. I never had a chance. Yeah, I never had a fucking chance I'm shooting myself on my iPad air. I know but that I know but that doesn't necessarily mean they didn't see it This is what happened Eddie Pepiton Why are you leaving LA? I go Eddie. How many times have I got an addition for my living room for superstore? I know right and he goes. Oh my god. You got a ball. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

They this is what happens. They look at the tape, right? And then they have their top three, right? But then they always have an offer to somebody else So they always have an offer to like a big name, right? So they audition you got like us, right? For we're like just in case our dreams don't come true and we don't get the one we want, right? And then we will have to battle out with these three So it's a one in a million chance But then this is everything I ever got was because a casting director truly worked with me on it everything Gail Keller who's amazing?

She auditioned me. I met her because I auditioned for board to death I auditioned for Zach's part and I didn't get it obviously But then she brought me back And I got another part on a small part But it was on an episode, you know, it was a good scene with Zach and towards her and um And then after that she brought me in for Louie and I read for a part and she goes Do you have time and I go? Yeah, she goes. I want you to read for a different part In a different episode and I go okay, and she gave me this thing to read for and I got it

She then brought me in to audition for um, there was a third I forget When I did better when I got better call Saul the casting director sat there with me For 30 minutes With the scene and was giving me direction and going like bring it down bring it down farther Bring it up now. I want you to do it like this every fucking thing I ever booked It was a casting director that gave a shit and now that suddenly the industry standard is Just shoot yourself from home And then when they started sending uh

Uh Specifics be in front of a white wall. Make sure it's a three-quarter. I was like go fuck yourselves Do your fucking job. Yeah, you know when they say that. Yeah, you know when they say that doesn't do it You know, where do we do it? We do in the most in here fridays I don't give a I go to the opposite direction. They go wear a cop or uniform. I wear a fucking nurse's outfit I don't give fuck bro. Did you yeah? I mean, I mean, you're you're I mean, you're um, uh, you know an athlete. I wear fuck. I'm I put

I gain weight. I don't give fuck. Listen. We do against this with the neon I show everything and they was like, well, it's so busy in the background. What really Fuck well, go fuck it. Fuck. Here's two things. I want to say based on what you just said. Okay, my friend. All right There's two reasons right I've had that where I've gone in and the casting director is working with you like listen Smaller or whatever it might be, right? Or are you know, I mean, we'll read this part But every job I've ever forgotten, right? It's always a director or a producer or somebody going They're a fan. They were a fan. Yeah. Yeah, they were like, we love you Yeah, we I mean, I wrote it for you or like when I did Borderlands, you know, it was Eli Roth going

Oh, no, I wanted you and Tim Dylan on this. I mean, it didn't work out with Tim, but at least I got you You know what I mean? It's like it's always like You know, I mean that it's never like, you know what my agents are my here's what my agents have never done And this is I tell them this every day. I go, you know, for once guys, I want I want this to happen I want to be on set. I want some huge Director to go. Yeah, I never really heard about you, but you're really agent your agent really sold me You know, and he really got my mind wrapped around and now I'm a fan. You know, I mean, it's never that it's always like It's always like, oh no, I could have been with nobody and still gotten some of the most of the shit that I've gotten

That's what I'm saying. It's all it's all bullshit. When Burr started booking everything every time he told me the story it was always I worked with the guy on this or or they liked me on this or whatever and with Saul, unfortunately, I love Peter Gold and and Vince Gilligan and and everybody Thomas or everybody over there is great, but unfortunately We live in a very different era of television and it's not I mean people come up to me and tell me

Better call Saul is my favorite TV show. Who are you? I'm a fucking key component character on the show I'm only on once or twice a season, but I'm a key motherfucker. I gave fucking I showed Saul the black book Like like that. He has a breaking bed. It's my book. Yeah, I feel like who are you? I'm like motherfucker. Do you watch the fucking show? I'm the vet and they're like, oh my god, you know, yeah It's just a different era of tea. It just doesn't it isn't what it was man 10 years ago That probably would open a few doors But it's just not that so I said I'm I'm gonna back off on auditioning

I'm gonna focus on stand-up. I'm gonna focus. I've been published for my fiction writing and stuff I'm very lucky. So I try to keep doing that. I do my stand-up. I do my two podcasts and I opened a barn sandwich shop in new york Where that's right lower east side remember the name joey roses. We called him on the podcast about naming a sandwich Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot. Yeah after you. Oh, that's what they they didn't though No, we even don't don't name them the only people I named anything after were my parents Okay, if you didn't name a sandwich, what would be in it? It was bobby lee, huh and be racist. I don't care Give us the four just be real be real if you were forced to make the bobby lee sandwich. What would be in it? come

Oh, what type of bread what type of what kind of bread let's all right, so what kind of It's a cup of cum real plate The chocolate is like um I put it on a plate. It's a plate of cum. Right. No bread. Well, we bake our own bread. It would be on our bread All right, so not a specialized bread Come no, no, we use the same we we bake our own bread. We we're very proud of our bread Okay, so your bread, but you would just put cum on it and that would be called the bobby lee

No one would ever buy it. No, of course No, but yeah, you should come next time you're in uh, new york come through it's fun Where is it lower east side 174 ribbington street? Wow every if you're new york in new york, go check that out Thanks. Yeah, joey roses joey roses nyc.com, but it's it's Sorry for the extra Yeah, but i'm saying like it's like you gotta You know man Like I don't I don't believe

You you got to have some kind of focus Right, what do you mean? In in in life and in the business. Yeah, you can't be successful if you're spinning 87 plates I'm already spinning five or six And i'm not spinning the the i'm gonna put myself on tape Because I've done it dude I did so many over the course of a year where my because my manager gets me all my auditions

I'm not with my i'm not with an agency anymore and Out of choice, but like but he He would be like this is really good, dude. You should you i'm telling you this is for succession You're not gonna audition for success and every time I'd go okay, and then I would do it and nothing no notes It's nothing. Yeah whatsoever. It was fucking pointless It's not though. You just never know you just proved it was you said everything you ever got was because the guy knew who you were I know that's true But that that is true

But can I say this though, but also paint on to it before you say this throw on top of it too We don't really want to hire white straight guys right now. That's a huge thing too All right, your attitude right now go you're not white and straight Because they all think I am you're middle eastern I don't you're Punjabi like the other one. I don't lean into it. I've said to my manager I go tell them i'm fucking arab if it helps. Yeah, you don't give a shit I'm not arab enough I'm not arab enough. I've passed for white. No, here's what happened to you. No, there's what happened

This is what you purposely do dude. You're not in the sun enough That's the key. No, I'm being real white guys like this arab do is like this right? They don't they're not in the sun enough Right so go on the sun put some tan. I bet you might if you got dark you'll get them all I can't get dark I'm light-skinned it. Yeah, you look at like most the law like you don't look anything like most the law Who's most the law? Oh, Muhammad is a law from from football What no, did you ever did you ever see the this guy? Yeah, forget I won't like that's an egyptian that's an egyptian you could do this you could do that dude There's different that color you can do my hair is too. It's not

Yeah, what's the term for that? Say it. No, I'm not saying it. I'll say it, but throwy throwy is a good word That throwy. Yeah, is that racist? No. No. Yeah, it's throwy. Yeah. Yeah Um, but that look like a mother like look at moa mere that motherfucker looks like he sells falafel Yeah, but it's like but you like you got to look arab You know you and I have to go to hawai Say a couple of a week on the beach. I don't tan up that much. I'm trying to tell you you don't you have you tried You think you think I don't go out No, but I'm saying really do a session put the fucking I've had full weeks at a beach house

Where I'm in the pool every day for eight hours straight and I'm telling you it only gets so tan It just doesn't will you just pink? No, I'm just kind of always this color. It gets a little darker. Okay Don't get any I'm gonna say I don't get angry. Don't get angry. I'm gonna tell you something. Okay You should depending on what it is. You should always keep putting yourself on tape because you never know Yeah, it's like I'm gonna ask you a question. Okay. I'm your manager. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, and I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna give you three projects And I'm gonna see which ones you would take. Okay Okay

Hey, the rosa it's me. What's his name your guy? Zach. It's me Zach. How you doing? Good. Why do you have that accent now? Zach? Oh, I'm from the east coast, no East coast Hey, but anyway, you good. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah. I got some project, bro. You got to put yourself on tape Okay, all right. This next one is um, I do I think you know, I mean the the customer they don't know you that well Mm-hmm. I mean, in fact, they don't know you at all. Okay, right, but I'm gonna, you know, it's uh, it's got Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, right? and uh Margot Robbie

Ryan Reynolds Margot Robbie, right? Right. They're getting divorced. You're the lawyer, right? Oh, yeah And I'm telling you right now, dude. It's like, you know, the cast and director want they want to cook a funny guy They want an egyptian guy egyptian who looks italian Ejection guy who looks italian, right? If it was ever this narrow. I might consider it You would do that one if if yeah, but it's never that. Okay. It could be if okay, so here's another one. Here's another one He's another one. All right. Second one. Okay. It's uh, hey, what do you love? You're right. It's called. Um Jawah, you know, you know, you the star wars. Oh, I love they're doing yet. They're doing star wars. I'll do it You will I would go no matter what it is. I'm obsessed with star wars

All right, so it's a dream of mine to be somewhere in the star wars universe. Okay, so you're the third one I'll do star wars. All right No, I really need to pick one. I picked it. All right All right, stop this ax. All right. So anyway, it's good to sit talk to you or talk to you later. All right. All right. Okay. Bye-bye latino First look as manager Am I gonna get canceled because I said mo amir looks like he sells waffle. No, no because I'm arab, so it's okay Do you you worry about that? No, I'm joking. I'm joking. But do you get worried? Do you worry about uh?

A little bit because I don't have fuck you money I don't have fuck you money I can't go away. There's five guys that has fuck you money If I had if I had a milli in the bank I would be like I don't get how many how much million one I don't I don't need much If you had one million in the bank, fuck you. I'll live. I will live off of that Wow

You have a low overhead That's good. What am I what am I? What would I care? I'll buy I'll buy a house in pennsylvania for $250,000. Wow in cash and then I'll have $750,000 left And then I'll I'll have a fucking bullshit job in a comic book store and pay my bills and have health insurance What the fuck else do I need to do if I got canceled? Ah, oh, that's true. If you got can't but you can always still do the road Well, I'm saying if you got for real cancel. No, there are guys that that really canceled

Still do the road still sells a lot of tickets. Yeah, and they sell still good tickets Yeah, but I but I would but he's he was that he had I don't know who we're talking about he had though I'm not talking about him. I don't think he was truly canceled I don't even know who you're talking about. I think he was All right, there's a couple of other ones that are truly canceled still making money I'm not talking about who you think I'm talking about. This has been the whole podcast, by the way Yeah, people. All right, so listen, I don't want to mention the guy we're talking about but I'm just saying No, I think we're talking about two different guys. No, I know I know who I know who you're talking about

Yeah, already, but I'm telling you that's not what who I'm talking about No, I know I just we said we're talking about two different guys. All right, right, but I'm going to say what is canceled anymore I don't think they truly cancel because Well, again, fuck you money. It like like that even if but de rosa If you get canceled and you can still sell out a club. You're not canceled. Yeah I so there's no ones that's ever been canceled, but I I can't sell out a full weekend at a club I can sell okay But I'm not I'm not worth the risk

The club isn't looking at me going do it's it's undeniable money. We're fucking booking it. They're not going to do that Like I will be like if I got canceled right now. I'd be doing like At best 75 seats Like those kinds of rooms for the rest of my life and I'm not going to die doing that, you know So if you get 100% of the door and you charge 40 bucks I like doing shows like that. I'm just saying like I'm not going to burn myself out to death like running around, you know You're right

I don't know don't get canceled then But you don't worry most of all it's a lull in the one of the hummus or whatever you just said is not a bad thing You don't worry about it at all Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I can't tell when you're like actually mad or serious or anything Yeah, that's what I'm a deceiver I live in the shadow. That's a you know, that's a better way to put it. Yeah. I'm a deceiver sounds negative Yeah, I um number one, um

Honestly 99.9 because I've heard people say that like Yeah, I don't know can't tell if you're serious. It's like I'm never serious When you were yelling at him, I was like, I can't tell if he's like mad or not. Yeah, I'm not. Okay. I love him Okay, I've never been mad at him. Okay. So in fact, I've never been mad at anyone in this room. Oh great I've been mad at people photos That's in the room Yeah, no, no don't look up there. I don't know where it is. They're just been photos, but um Yeah, I've never been mad at anyone in this room. I've never been mad really

I can give you I can give you like, um five people I'm truly mad at But that's it in the world, you know, I'm usually um Um, you know, I fake anger Fake sadness If you if I'm really sad, you'll really know Because do you get like scary? No, I just get I really cry, you know what I mean? If I'm really angry, you'll know

What what do you do? I'll just like start sucking your dick man. No, I'll um Get your dick. No, I think uh, uh, you'll just know. I mean, have you have I ever been really mad at you? Yeah Yeah, it's just the eye and did you know Yeah, right now when I was yelling at you here. Did you know I wasn't mad. No, I I knew that okay But how about you? Have I ever been really mad at you?

I think to us once yeah once or twice. That's about it. Do you have an unhelpful advice? We do so at the end of my podcast I you know, I really like this format Oh, just you and I take like across from each other and talking. I just like it. I love it. I think it's great Yeah, you mean me specifically or you mean I think you specifically. Yeah. Yeah. Let's start a podcast it seemed like um Smart what are those two people that didn't like each other back in the 70s and they were like cisco and ebert No, they were democrat and republican and they were like. Oh, um, they did movies about them gore vidal and uh vidal and uh Buckley william f. Buckley. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I feel like we like each other. They really didn't like I don't like you

No, I do. Um, I really do like you. Yeah, they did. But you know, yeah, but they were also No, where vidal was like I did not they didn't like each other. No when he died when buckley died gore vidal was like good riddance or something Yeah, gore vidal kind of sucks Yeah, but he probably fucked so many good guys Uh, did he fuck prime prime dick back in the day Was he let me ask can I ask are you you have a wife? No girlfriend. No I've commitment issues. So you don't fuck good. No, I fuck great great. I'm glad the conf I like the confidence Yeah, I bang as much as I humanly can

Dude, so you still do. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Why would it stop? I know let me ask you something. Yeah, because um, I'm newly single. I know You know, do you Do you sometimes dip below Your level Lower my standards like are there times when you want Normally, I wouldn't but I'm gonna right now. I'll have to say that that's happened Okay, you like let me ask you another question. Ask another question about this. You can ask me anything

After you do that you dip below, right? Is there Guilt and shame involved. Yeah Okay, I don't know See, this isn't I'm like you if I was mad I'd be mad. You know what I mean? You'd know I was mad. That's yeah No, I'm saying like I'm saying like motherfucker. You're speaking my language. All right. I'm not saying like duh Have you ever punched Way above your way. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah

Now when you do that all the time almost every woman I sleep with Is better than me Oh, I don't understand why they have sex with right, but have you ever punched so above I'm talking about like Okay, yes, why don't you just make them your girlfriend? Uh, because It wasn't there. I don't know. I can't I can't speak to it. It's not looks isn't enough Looks isn't enough if you find a person truly like irritating or or or Or not fun or or boring or whatever it is. Like it's you can't that's not enough

Okay, if you okay, if you mean I'm sorry, I have to ask okay If you're with a girl way above your league, right? And she's also, you know, her humor Is similar to yours, right? She gets it, right? She's very supportive of your career, right? But she has an annoying laugh Like she goes Like that Was that bother you? Yes. No, I can't do it. Oh You got it. The worst Yeah

The worst is uh, no, I couldn't do it. That's a deal breaker. That's like bad breath It's like you I know but what I'm saying is everything around her. She's you know, I mean, she's a great even she's like an attorney But she's also a great joke writer for some reason like she helps you with your ag She's just as a fucked up laugh sounds awful. You can't do it. No every part of what you just described She wants to help me with my act Okay, yeah, she's yeah, she's a lawyer. Let me ask you one last question. Okay. This I have several more But all right, she's above your weight Okay

But you find out weird things about her acts like three of her ex-boyfriends have mysteriously vanished or died Right, like all of them Yeah My high school sweetheart Gilbert. He just they found him frozen in the lake, right? Right, and you're like, oh, that's weird. Yeah, my fiance last year Sam. Yeah, they found him like, you know He was inside a tree. Mm-hmm. What do you mean inside? They just found his body Inside a tree. Yeah, right. Would you find that to be weird or would you continue? Every single boy which is that yeah, no, I'd find it to be weird, of course, but would you continue? No

I don't think so. Can we ask that question to you? What is your response? Yeah, I don't I'll get asking me the question. I feel like you're really asking yourself all these questions. Yeah If a girl, right? Yeah, you're punching way above your level. Yeah, I'm closing my eyes hot lawyer Yeah, really great laugh helping you with your act Right And she tells you that she has three boyfriends that all died in mysterious ways the tree. I will continue. Why? You don't see a pattern It could be just circumstances, you know, I mean it could be coincidence

Number one, you can't make assumptions. Number two, right? I'll be always like and they're all Asian And they all died Wait, wait all the boyfriends a bit and she's a white girl. Yes, just the age now This is now you're getting somewhere. No Because now she has a fetish of murdering. Yes Asian guys. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. That would be weird. Yeah, it is weird Yeah, it is weird. Uh, yeah. No, I I I have commitment issues. So I I you know, I can't explain What's the longest longest relationship you've ever had nine months Oh

Nine months you need therapy. I haven't been therapy. Can I say I take pills too? I'm gonna say something. I want to start a fight with you. You won't I will you won't Maybe it's abandonment issues from not Reaching out and finding your real biological. It's 100 related to my adoption Okay, well, I think maybe to heal it. Maybe go and try to at least go on the journey of trying to find your biological parents Yeah, I fuck that. No No, fuck you. No, I didn't say fuck you. No, I'm gonna say I know but I don't want to say fuck you

I think you should That's cool. No, don't be like that. No, no, what you're doing right now You're doing your smirk. You're doing your new york thing. I'm gonna your sandwich shop. Bullshit. I know you're It's just it's just funny. It would be funny. It would be very funny If suddenly at 44 I said to all my closest friends and family I'm gonna finally do this and they go but you've been against your whole life and I go Bobby Lee changed my mind

On his podcast It's be fun. It's a comical story So you're doing the thing now that you do that I can't tell if you're mad or not I saw the clip of you doing this to Who's the kid with the hair Oliver tree. No, what's his face? Oh, man, the leo bond. Yeah liquidy You stared at him for so long in this video on youtube, you know, it's not and I was like, I think he's

I honestly, I you know, fuck you because I'm gonna say something. I honestly think that'll help Um, I don't want to help you. I like you. I appreciate it. I really do. I think you're wonderful But you're never gonna do it. I didn't say I'm never gonna do it. I just don't as you get older They could be just they could be there's a lot of reasons why I don't like commitment. There's a lot There's a lot to fear I gotta be honest with you. I haven't seen many of them go well Relationships. Yes in other people's relationships. Yes, you know, you're right You know, you know what de rosa de rosa? I have to say something

You're absolutely Even the ones that I that are seemingly going well I've been prying in a little bit. Yeah, and I've been peeking behind the blinders And and doing some more research It's not what you think it is. No, it's not man. And I've watched people all of them change their face You know and you go what happened and they're like

Whether it's a woman or their husband or a guy and a wife or whatever And they start telling you the story and you're like, wait, what? Yeah, and they're like I didn't know either man, you know, but but let me I I read a story the other day of this guy Who has high school sweetheart? Beautiful. Then she was in sort of some sort of fire I don't know why I laughed. That's crazy. But it's crazy. But like literally she's Just that's hard. You know what I mean? Like Harvey Dent all around, you know Yeah, and he's just basically saying yeah. Yeah, I love her. It's not about the face That's amazing. But do you think that's real?

I think that has to be I think that has to be that has to that has to be real. Um, but You know, man Nice man. Hey, nice one Hey fist bump He's done We might have to cut that part off. But you know what I mean? Because the fire didn't reach the pussy. I mean, you could have been just like, you know, I mean, it's got to be really good though

The uh, there's a lot of jokes Yeah, but but but uh All right, I'm gonna be fast, but yeah Fast but no, but again, like I talked a lot about this with Ryan yesterday and it was just like it was I I said, look, I'm not against marriage. I'm not against the committed relationship Um, I want to continue to live in separate places. I do not want to co-habitate with somebody I think that's insanity to me trying to

number one Find the love of your life the odds of that game And then on top of it have that person be a roommate that you're able to stand 24 Be fucking talking about here. These are these are Han Solo asteroid field odds here This is insane. That's true. You know, it's like it's like It's so over complicated. It's so I don't want the government involved in my personal relationships and and that fucks people up with with marriage and financially what happens to them when they try to split up but

So I think the yes the traditional version of commitment I don't care for it I think it's nuts I shouldn't say nuts because I do have friends that love one another very much who work together all the time and for whatever reason It works for them That's great. You look at rosebud baker and andy hay. Yeah, and they're together. You're like that seems Like it's working out Yeah, yeah, you see other people you see almadge are going christ and his wife or you never met his wife

Yeah, but she's great, you know, I mean or there's so many different examples where I look at I'm I go Sebastian and lana, you know, you go it looks like it's working out and it collyla and I were was working out when we moved in together I'm like, this is the this is the greatest thing that has ever happened I really was convinced and it was it was the greatest thing that's ever happened. It was a great 10 years Um, it was but it's at some point or another It's just it changed I think look they say if if I may yeah, and I don't know your relationship well enough to comment on it but I'm just speaking in generalities, but like

You know absence makes the absence makes the heart grow fonder Why would you not you anybody? Why would you take the most beautiful love you've ever discovered and alleviate absence from it? And make it this 24 7 fucking onslaught where every aspect of this person becomes boring and routine to you You just blew my mind right now, you know You're learning from I'm learning from you, dude. I'm learning from you. Yeah, honestly, you're right I think you're absolutely correct. Well, look, it's also We're doing it. It's also something if you want kids Oh, that's right. I don't want I don't want I have no interest in having kids

Yeah, so I'm looking at it from that perspective But but my point is is just like like like just the idea of a relationship this thing where it's like it's like you have to do everything together and Every meal together and like and like maybe She sucks at Maybe she leaves the kitchen and disarray That's something that would sit very poorly with me because I'm a little OCD and I don't like shit like that Why am I adding that into this equation of love?

Why am I sharing a bathroom where I have to worry about like Oh, like she leaves toothpaste in the sink or like the fucking shower is gross because we're both shaving in there and it's It's like why is any of that coming is why am I seeing her tits for no apparent reason at 4 p.m. On a Tuesday? Yeah, I'm taking any excitement out of seeing her tits Like like it's gone. Look societal pressure too is horrible societal that's one of the reasons I left LA like I was like I can't live in a suburb I can't live in a fucking suburb where everybody is doing like this traditional lifestyle and it's reflect

You it's a mirror. You look across the street. It's a mirror of your life. I can't do it. I gotta get somewhere where New York, there's no rhyme or fucking reason. It's like You know you could be a millionaire and still you're still in this weird little apartment and whatever You know like yeah, I just watched uh, who's the guy from stranger things? Uh, which one the the big sheriff Oh Forgot his name the sheriff. Yeah, but they just did a uh Architectural digest did does like youtube videos and they did a video of his loft. It's beautiful. Yeah, I saw that. It's gorgeous

But it's hilarious because he had the money to make a normal new york loft beautiful But it's funny because the whole time he's like Yeah, you know man. It's new york dude like like when he walks into his kitchen He's like so here's the living area. It's the dining room the kitchen Yeah, the living room and here's my little office area and i'm laughing and i'm like Is my apartment that nice? No, but is my living room also my dining room in my office area? Yes, because that's fucking new york, right? Yeah, yeah So you you can't there is no mirror image or or patterns lifestyle in new york

It just doesn't exist. It doesn't matter if you're the guy on stranger things You think I should move there? Are you in my way new york written all over you? I do you're like, yeah You're like a fucking crazy punk rock like wild like i'm shocked that you that you don't spend more time there And I live in this suburbia. I think it's it's like a trap in a cage Don't change your whole life based on this discussion. Thank you. Hey Deep changes, but like but listen, that's the thing like when your body's weird

Thank you. It really is like it's like it's like a weird body Hey, thanks in a good way. No, it's not good. It's not wait. What's weird? Yeah, it's like you and jf Harris have the same body. Oh god I love him and he was no, I like jf too. I don't want to have the same body as him It's the same. It's like what's weird about my body shoulders like it's skinny up in the shoulder area And it's like it's like kind of like a um Squash I know it sucks

Why are you bringing it? I hate it so much Yeah, but look at my body. I saw sentino last night and he was making fun of my body. Yeah. Yeah, dude Let me say this and I honestly believe this and I'll say this out loud, right? Your stand-up and how funny you are Is levels above andro sentino On time to camera don't drag me into this. I'm not I really believe that I think andrew's one of the Oh, yeah, he's great. Yeah, but him and I

Okay, we work well together and I love him as a person, right? But just be truthful. I think you're fun here and a better comic. All right. I'll tell you a better joke writer. Anyway, unhelpful I'll tell you. All right. Uh, the uh, do the unhelpful advice Unhelpful advice. So basically what they do they do emails people email us problems and we answer it Unhelpful advice with joe. Yeah, it sounds fun Have some confidence That i'm enjoying myself with you. I'm enjoying it too Hey, you're the voice again. Should I be

Unhelpful advice with joe derilza. Hey guys, my friend. I used to be cool since 2008 We've been through a lot of ups and downs financial wise about two years ago He started making good money from his new job and now he doesn't even talk to me anymore I'm thinking it's because I don't make money like him. My family and his really grew up together My kids love playing with his kids. I always try to reach out but go left on red Should I keep trying to be friends with this fuck or no, just cut him off completely if I cut him out How do I explain to my kids? They're not going to be hanging out with them again. Thanks guys You don't need to

Explain to the kids. What yeah, he can't they're not going to be playing with his kids Well, look that's got nothing to do with this guy. The kids can play together Yeah, you know for the sake of your kids, you could just be the bigger man and deal with the fact that Doesn't have to be some dramatic split and and it's his problem. It's not your problem You're letting your ego dictate a situation That could affect your kids having a good time if the kids are friends. Let the kids play and leave it at that You don't get a fucking

This is what I mean with suburbia. Why do the parents have to be friends? Who gives a shit? Well, you but you you still have to act like if you don't like the guy You know, I mean you still have to pretend he didn't fuck his wife. It's like it's like, oh Oh, I can't keep it together because he doesn't text me emojis anymore. Yeah. Yeah, you're right Walk in drop the fucking kids off be a human being Yeah, exactly or have his kids come over. Yeah Also this guy or say to this guy cordially like dude, it's it's no big deal. It's not a big thing I'm kind of hurt that you don't kind of hit me back anymore

And you know, that's all like it doesn't have to be a confrontation But I think the reason why he doesn't make that have that conversation because he understands what it is Well, he understands what it is right making an assumption. It's not an assumption. I don't think I think he could be right He could also could be the guy is terribly busy with work and does the energy for it. That is true It could be a perception thing, but it could also be that bro. It might be you Yeah, get a job make more money. Yeah, don't I mean nobody's ever like Maybe it's me. Yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. I feel like I'm stepping you're not stepping on it. I love it But here's my point of view. Okay, but the other guy that's successful at one point or another I think he's gonna come back around Because if he wasn't successful before and all of a sudden when you become successful out of nowhere You can introduce to another group of people. So in your own head, you're like, oh, I'm special I got new you're right, but then you realize that there's new level of people They're all pieces of shit And then you realize that and then you look back and go

Hey, whatever happened to Ted. I used to hang out with and you'll go. Oh, I abandoned him. He'll go back He'll go back. Do you guys have names of people you started with that? I'll be honest with you. I'm that way Oh I was a piece of shit, dude And I Uh, I have people in my Yeah, I people that really changed quite a bit. Oh, well, they got successful. I mean, I can name some right now too

Um, can you name a little bleep it? What's but there's people that But I mean also too like like like there I had a friend that wasn't a comic that used to give me this this grief openly With this guy's complaining about very openly and consistently And I was like, dude I don't have a ton of free time Because of my job and when I do have free time

I usually just fucking hang out with people I work with because they're there and work ends and we hang out And that's it. I'm like, it's not personal man It's it's just what life becomes sometimes like I have to plan An event hangouts with friends that I don't see often. It's got to be like, okay, dude Christmas week. We're both home On tuesday of that week. You know what I mean? Like you have to figure it out It's I know what you're saying. So what it is is I have friends that I grew up with right right and they perceive Because of the fact that I don't really call them or hang out with them. It's because I don't like them

I've moved not it's not that it says I don't have any friends really at the end of the day. I have One or two friends, right and the dudes I hang out with are People I like, you know me, but they're like comments, you know, that's like, let's go to swingers And we go to swing you hear vague things about their lives or whatnot But at the end of the day, it's like It's not that it's not because I think I'm better or I've moved on it's just that I You don't live here in LA. You live in San Diego or wherever I grew up with you. You know, you know, you're living

It's just it's not I didn't change You know what I mean? It's the circumstances have also to like part of I I still have some very very close friends that were there were guys that grew up with and stuff like that And like I said, we still hang out but it's an event hangout. It's like let's all do this on this day in this month You know what I mean? Yeah, plan it and we have a great time But like part of part of I talked to them less frequently for the most part less frequently Then I talked to my comedy friends because part of part of evolving in life as well is like

Hey, man, like when I do have time to hang out I want to be able to bitch about work And I need to be around somebody that I can bitch about that too Or I can relate we can talk about this because that becomes the older you get that becomes more of life If you go buy a house And that's consuming you for a while You're probably gonna hang out with another guy that has a house a little more frequently

Because you're talking about that shit, you know, you know what I mean? I think I don't know You know what? Sorry for making fun of your body. I don't care. Your body is terrible too You know, what do you mean? It's terrible. It's like what does it look like to you? Awful it looks like cum. That's why I said It's like cum inside your sandwich Oh I see. Yeah, I like it. Yeah. You know what? You look like a stress ball. Like if I squeezed you like hardship from out of my figures

That's what I wanted. That's what I wanted. There it is. I feel free to say stuff like that. That's the honest truth Uh, uh, we both have weird bodies, but chicks still dig it. Like so who cares? I wouldn't know because I just got out of a relationship and I'm not seeing anybody right now Babe, you're gonna bounce back strong. I don't know It's you're gonna bounce back strong. Anyway, this guy, um, god bless you. Take care. Listen. Joe. What do you want to promote anything? You got some dates. Yeah, so uh, go to jodorosainfo.com for all my dates and tickets. What's california comedy club? That's the lyric on um In silver lake. I'm doing that tomorrow night. Okay. This is probably not up before that so but

uh, tv taping in brooklyn on august 9th for this show Can I kick it with me tone bell and um, al jackson. Oh, wow. And that's uh for vice and that's a that's a big taping actually for us It's a pilot. So please come to that if you can we're doing it's a hip hop It's a comedic review of old school hip hop. It's very very fun. I love the american comedy club company I'll be at the american comedy company in september. I'll be actually atlantic city in august uh At the atlantic city comedy club. I'll be That black cat sold out. I gotta think summerville

Oh crystal ballroom september 12th at summerville In summerville skankfest. I've never been invited. I'm going to skankfest never been ever been invited Dead crow in wilmington. So there's a lot of a lot of shows coming up. I'm back I'm back on a road run for the first time in basically three years Go to jodorosa info.com for tickets and showtimes and then please come to joey rose is this is our This is our sandwich. Oh my god. I'm gonna sell out a lot. I noticed. Yeah. Yeah, we're very so you are making good money I'm doing okay. I don't have fuck you money. I can't stress that. That's fuck you money, dude That's great franchise this anyway, give him a round of applause. Yo, let's get the fuck in this fucking thing

Hey prime members, you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey