TigerBelly - Ep 363: Half Gay, Chubby, and Sweet

Episode Date: August 31, 2022

Bobby is 1 of 2,000. Khalyla is limited edition. Gilbert got a wrong piece. We talk the 'Dickbreath' podcast, working with Mr. Knoxville, and sing happy birthday to our favorite foreskinned friend. Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Oh So do I look Tanner yes, I don't what way Hawaii, thank you Hawaii vibes. I was going for Guam. Oh, yeah I was doing a Guam thing, but yeah, Hawaii's good. You know, no, I've said I've been out in the Sun 12 hours a day on a softball field in Century City and I'm just like

Dude, first of all, you could feel Chunks of cartilage in my knees Like rattling around like a ping ball pinball. Why is that loose loose? See this this hurts Oh from just just playing softball. I had to do slides Throws as soon as I threw one softball. I heard on my right shoulder. I think I need surgery I mean my point is is that I'm number one I've never hit a ball before or catch the ball. That's so hard for me to believe

Never played. I've never even I didn't know how to put a fucking mitt on my hand Yeah, but you're naturally coordinated because you played tennis table tennis hockey like you are naturally a great athlete That's a lot because if you play tennis, you're you can catch a ball Yeah, but I put three fingers in one of the slots in the glove. You know, I mean in a pinkie on the other ones So you did shocker. Yeah, I did shocker to the fucking glove and but my point is this and then But I'm gonna say this and I'm gonna say this in the most realist. I'm not making fun of anybody But so, you know, we would go off the bat, right? And I'm gonna tell you this right now dumbfounded

Jonathan Park is good is a disgrace. Oh took Asians all over the world He's a disgrace to Koreans specifically this dude has not hit one ball And I said even a lie, but doesn't he always wear a baseball? He does. He always wears a baseball jersey. In fact, one of his merch, which I have all the colors of yeah Korea town is a baseball. It's a baseball. He's a fraud. He's a fraud And I'm gonna tell you one thing that happened So we go out to bat and we were supposed to hit one of them, right? And he had 30 tries and then Lige goes, you know what forget it. We're not gonna do that

You know, I mean, we're gonna change the script where you don't hit anything They rewrote that they had to rewrite it and I'll tell you his problem is this When the ball comes he closes his eyes and he tries to swing as hard as he can Yeah, because he wants to prove his Korean, you know, I mean machismo. Yeah, and he just looks like A disgrace. What do you do? Do you just show bunt? No, I hit asking Lige goes. Hey, dude, you can't be as good reality. I'm probably top four Wow, so who would you say is the top in terms of like softball skill? Who's in the movie? Yeah, no, no, no, not in a script in real life Johnny or Theo one of those guys. No, I

Think the number one guy is Johnny Knoxville. That makes sense He is a master really he could have got done any sport that guy Number two is Gata Yeah, I mean, you know Gata from Dave great guy I think Theo no Brian Van Holt and then Theo they're not in the top four But when it comes to like the Chebos and the you know, I mean and the blind You know, I mean, who's the I'm you know, you know, you know, you know, the people that are in the small school bus The others the others, you know, I mean the beyond

You know that Beth and beyond that we're gonna be on the department. You know, I mean, that's what that you know You know exactly what about one of the products in that store is considered beyond to you Like ginger chews. Yeah, I think that yeah Ginger chews because they have like I bought Delsam and I had a really bad cough I bought like like cough suppressants from there. That's the beyond. Yeah, that's the beyond They have things there that shouldn't be there like, you know, like relaxation balls, you know those Beyond like things that are things that like no one's gonna buy these like nunchucks. Yeah, maybe somebody goes in there They don't say did they sell nunchucks? I think they do they have to we should we should call somebody from there 20% off

Entire purchase. I have a coupon They send it to me every week. They text me huh Yeah, I mean you know, do they have nail polish there? Yes, they do what? Yeah, what are they else? Do they have did they have? nails Mmm, you can steal it off and Regular things they sell. Wait, what about Chelsea? I feel like didn't she say she played softball growing up I'm not just imagining that I'm pretty sure that's what she said. I

Don't know. Um, she could have but she um She's something that You know, if he's she's one of those women that like God went I Want to spend my time on this one? You know, man, I would spend three days on this one. How long does he normally spend? Probably because there's so many people in Gilbert. How long? How long do you spend on Gilbert God and what part of his body? Do you think he spent the most time on? What's part of this body? Do you feel he spent the least time on I know I know least

No, here's what I think this is what God does, right? They gave me he makes mistakes. Yeah, right? So he'll be at his you know Workshop table. How do they break it is like head? No, it's like it's like one of those factories where they have like, you know I mean, it's like a line What do you call it the belt the conveyor belt and then you just grab stuff this and that right and like they fucked up And they put like a black woman's ass You know me and put it on the belt and he was just like because it's fast Yeah, you know me there's all kinds of stuff, right like and he was like, what is this doing a fuck it and throwing it down

You know, I mean like that should have been that's all the other you know So like with you you were all the components you have like basically traditional just plain components No, no, nothing was mixed up with you. Yeah, but you were supposed to be like you know me He's just one player one. He's a pawn wonder breath in a war NPC Yeah, you're like an NPC You like the third guy that gets shot and saving private Ryan like no one watches that like the 54th like side quest

So you're saying he wasn't a mistake, but he was made quickly So quick like there was like oh That's uh, I don't know. Okay. Yeah, you're supposed to die. I think years ago. They knew how to do it You know me you were you were supposed to be expendable. They'll just make more of you You know I mean, but you survived. That's great copy paste. Yeah, the copy paste Is there a part of him you feel might have taken even slightly more a few seconds more than the other parts of him? I Think mentally. Yes. Yeah, like oh, that's right inside Maybe when you to the inside department because I'm talking about outside

So that when the body goes through the conveyor belt, he does that right, but maybe God doesn't do the inside They I mean the insides maybe right who does that Mary? Yeah Mary Moses inside all the prophets do inside they do the insides. Yeah Um, holy ghost. Yeah, he's in there, too. You know, um Job What does Job do? I know I think his book is like two pages long. Yeah, but he's the legend Job is not what about you were in a different pink

You're in a pink room pink. What's in what happens in the pink? It's sort of like, you know, you know what it is It's like, you know how sometimes they make toys or limited edition Mm-hmm. Like on your body. They probably there's probably a number like 432. We're only making 500 check Oh, okay. I see what you're doing. I mean, she's like a limited edition, you know I want to take a mirror to my pussy after this. Maybe there is numbers are there three four Okay, so where do you think they he what part of my body was he like, yeah, fuck it Like let's just I don't really need to spend that much time on that your titties Yeah, walk. Okay. You're yeah. Yeah cups for life. Yeah, your titties

Sweat or maybe your brand your brand, you know, I mean, there's a smasher. What's a smasher? You they didn't need to go and there's like a little like, you know, I mean Oh fuck, oh a smasher You guys hear that Like to make tortillas. Yeah, it's a tortilla thing. It's just squishes your breasts out You're right. The way they make me I think is like

They make like two thousand of us at one time. Oh, you're like a minion. Yeah Yeah, it's like Yeah, it's it's just like, you know, this thing that has like little slots in it And they just put a thousand like yellow dough and there's and just throw it down. Yeah It's like, you know, I have single stickers. You're like a stinger a sticker sheet multiple at the same time Yeah, have you guys heard of that company? In perfect fruits. Yes. I would say that you you got all of us here are a box It's like they they sell on pretty like on pretty apple

They'll be thrown away or zucchini. It's like they would normally be thrown away because they don't look good on the produce shelves But people have taken those imperfect fruits and sell them for lesser of a price. They taste the same. They just don't look as perfect But all the flavor is there Huh, all the vitamins and minerals so they'll sell boxes a fruit that looks like vegetables like this like what I see that orange Yeah, it has a badge in perfect fruit or like an eggplant. That should be a band name I mean, let's start with a band called imperfect fruit Or blood and calm either either one I wanted to start I wanted

I wanted to start if I were to have a solo podcast. I would probably call it dick breath. What are you guys? Oh, that's a really good one. What's the meaning? You should have fucking done that because I was a still can Big breath is a great one. What about for advertisers short? Is that is that a bad idea? Just spelled dick with the asterisk Yeah, or like if I were like a big person a bigger person, I would just do fat and cummy Oh fat and cummy. I like that. That's pretty good But dick breath has been my number one on my list for a long time. That's that's a big one. That's a good one But we're all good and everything's fine. You know, I mean Well, I mean we're talking about the factory and that God and all that stuff. I don't know man

I don't know how it works up there, man. Oh, yeah, we're all beautiful. We're all beautiful, you know What'd you do with for your birthday? Last night my birthday's today, but last night I had a party Which we were Bobby and I invited or just me Bobby was invited. I never got a text You're on a text chain with me and Jean. I don't do text chance. Do you do what I don't do text chance I need individual text. I look at my text chance What I can attest to that because I texted him and his assistant that we were moving the pod to 430 today And he texted me like at 3 59. Are we potting today? Yes? I don't do I don't do group

Yeah, what's the mental dynamic just too many people? Oh You know, I don't know who it's for specifically. I just I'm not somebody who chimes in a lot I just I get annoyed the more and more I read and I'm out of there pretty fast, but I will say He is correct because him and I have a group chat with the pool guy Me the pool guy in jewels and like it's just me the whole guy like the gardener and it's he will never reply on that But if I text him just me he replies within seconds exactly. I need to I need a specific individual thing Do you know Irene too? Yeah, we saw I met her when she was 20 Yes, she I think told me are you gonna go to Gilbert's party? That's the first time I heard of it

She texted me Friday. I said who's Gilbert. I don't know who that is. Well, I always do that when these when people say Do you know that she goes wait? I'll tell you why I do that I the reason why I do that dude is because every day I go I walk around anywhere and there's an Asian dude that kind of looks like you you know me a trucker hat You know me a mustache. Yeah, you know me and they walk up and go I'm I'm I did a Chinese, you know me forum with Gilbert or whatever. You know me and I'm like Whatever, you know, I mean I did a talk group or improv class or something right a writing seminar with Gilbert and I always go

I don't know who he is. That's good. So I don't I don't want to get involved. I like did you watch her stand up? She's good. Okay. I was I just like I don't watch when I watch people do stand up. I don't even know what's going on I can't tell what's good or bad. I am I just what you know If they if they're at on the improv on my show, you just make an assumption that they're like at that level She got laughs. Nice girl. That's all I care about. You know. Yeah. Anyway, happy birthday. What'd you do? I didn't go we just did it was last minute. It was a 24 hour in advance in a bite So it was more just like it might be my last time in arts district. So I was like, I'll just have people over. So, happy birthday to you. God damn it. Happy birthday to you. Let me blow it. Happy birthday dear Gilbert. I'm gonna blow. Here goes. Happy birthday to you. Make a wish, make a wish. Oh my god. I made a wish. Do you want a cupcake, sweetie?

No, I already had that other thing. He gave me my stomach is fucked up right now in the cocoa bar. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. George, would you like? I'll eat them later. Okay. I have a box for you upstairs. Okay. Cupcakes of cupcakes. What level are the cupcakes? What do you mean? What? What? What place? How low? Oh, half baked. Really good. Oh, that's good. Love. There's a salted caramel one. There's an Oreo one. There's a strawberry cream, a carrot cake, a dulce de leche, a lemon, um, a double chocolate. Because if they would have gone, they would have gone to like CVS or, you know what I mean, to get the Walgreens. Whatever. They always get like ghetto, you know what I mean, factory made. I don't like it. Right. I was gonna get you a Magnolia cake. I appreciate it. You know the taste. Yeah, you got it right. I don't fuck around with food. Kroger. What time was I on a TV set and they're like, let's get pizza and they got it from Kroger. I didn't eat one. Kroger does not have it. Maybe pre-frozen pizzas. No, they have it. They make baked. I don't know how do you bake pizza? Wait, are the Costco pizzas that good? Bro, you're a pizza expert. You have pizzas in the freezer. Wait, are the Costco pizzas any good? Uh, the frozen one. If you're on a budget, yes. Oh, okay. They're good for parties. I have the poo. Go ahead. Take a poo. Because you had a cupcake that I gave. The only thing you ate today was a cocoa puff. Yeah, I can't eat cocoa puff when an empty stomach. Oh, okay. Well, I also want to do a shout out to Shake Well. What's up, dog? What's that? Shake Well is my boy. Shake Well is the white version of me. He's on the movie that I'm doing. And when I first met him, I'm like, oh, this is literally like what I would be like a white guy. And because I go, um, how's your penis? And he goes, he said to me, touch it. See. And I went, and at my eye, I started tearing up. Wow. You know that emoji what you sent me with the big eyes and like, you know, trembling crying. I was like, oh my, and all shoot long. It's like, I would walk up to him and we'd rub our penis. I mean, this guy is the best. This guy's open. This guy's free. This guy's open. This guy's free. This guy's the future. I love this guy. Andrew is his name. Shake Well is his stage name. He's a hip hop artist. One of the greatest on earth. He's got, if I let myself go, I'd have his body. What does he look like? Look it up.

That's him. Shake Well. So if you let yourself go, you would have his body. You guys, he looks like a regular. That's him. Cutie. Yeah, he's got a look. Yeah, he's got a look. Good eyebrows. Yeah, he's the best. I wouldn't expect a face like that to be. He has tattoos on his face, on the side of his face. He has a bullet on one side and then like a axe on the other. Oh, that picture of him laying down. That's cool. He's got a cool vibe. Yeah, that's Shake Well right there. I feel like you guys have similar bodies. I'm like, he's a little heavier than me if you saw him in real life. But this dude is like, like if you stabbed him, you know what would come out? Not blood. Steel cut oatmeal. Delicious. You know what I mean? And marshmallow. I mean, this dude is, but he's so talented. What a nice guy. And honestly, like if I was in prison, we'd have a baby. I think you guys have a baby. Yeah, but he's the best. So shout out. Look at him. That's him. He's a little bigger. Look at him. That's his body. A guy like that coming up. Hey, you can touch my penis. I wouldn't expect that from him. Oh, no, he's like of it. He's the type of guy that's like for laugh. He'd let me buttfuck him. Just for the just for the laugh. I hate to say it, guys. I hate to say it, but sounds like my type. That last sentence, that last descriptor. If you know, if I asked, they let me like, yeah, I love, I love half gay. Yeah, I love half gay too.

Like half gay, chubby and sweet. You think I'm half gay? I probably am. I pretty am half gay. I pretty am. Yeah, but he's the best. And you know, I mean, here's another thing is why do I feel bad when only people go? I've been getting this a lot lately. Like, oh, mad TV, what have you been doing lately? That would hurt. You know, should that? Do you think it's malicious, though, when some of these people? No, I think they just don't know. They're like, you know, they just like, where have you been? They're also equally as nervous, probably. And they probably like walk away feeling like, oh, what the fuck did I ask that? Yeah, I was going to ask what's your guys most common small talk from fans? Oh, it's like, what's like the first thing?

Oh, my God. Here's the worst when they come up to me. Are you Bobby Lee? That's why that's not too bad. Yeah, it's better than saying can, you know, that's the worst. No, no, no. Well, I mean, it's just like, who might I be then? My favorites are these ones. That's I mean, that's the second question. Who might I be? It's not Bobby Lee. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like, you know, Andrew Como or I don't know. Oh, shit, Bobby Lee, my bad.

I hope you get my favorite ones. My favorite ones are when they like somehow not that they even mix you up with an Asian, but they have a name that is set in their head and it's a wrong like when last time we went hiking, that dude was like so confidently was like, dude, dude, and the girl was like, wait, who is that? And he was like, fucking Robert Chan. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I hate that. That's completely different. Like Robbie Chan. Yeah. Robbie Chan. Or I hate when I was at Sunandeng last night at like one of the best ever.

And I was waiting in line. They're so rude, by the way. New location or old location? Wait, they usually love you. Your name's so rude. So rude. Get in line. I mean, that's what he's the guy said last night. So I got in line and I was like, yeah, I didn't argue. Especially as he goes to get in line. And then I remember I look whenever they treat me shitty there. I look on the wall and I wrote them a letter and it's framed on the wall.

Yeah, in the back. But I want to go, but he's Korean. So I don't want to go. You know, it's a whole thing. But I was sitting there like, how would you say it though? Like, oh, remember the poem I wrote? I'm on the wall frame. Just don't talk to me like that. I'll wait in line, but don't talk to me like that. Okay. But there was a group before me and they're like, Bobby like, and they go, you want to sit with us? I go, no, no. And then five minutes later, sit with us. I said it four times.

Right. And I, I know. And then I go, I'll just wave. You know, I'll sit at a different table, but periodically I'll wave and like say hi to you guys. So they said, I said, I just remember eating going, I have to do the wave again. Right. And they're like, how giggling, you know what I mean? But it would ruin my meal because every five minutes I had to do that thing that way to the bit. I had to do the bit. Wait, you did this? Yeah. I like that one. I do that. But you know, I've, I know this for a fact because I've had people over the years send me like photographic evidence of you randomly joining people for meals.

Like for example, like one of my friends, um, Angeline, she was like, you know, random, um, but 10 years ago, Bobby just joined our dinner one time. Yeah. He is like, he happened to be there. We happened to be there. And I was like, Oh, you want to join us? And apparently you were like, yeah. And then you joined them. But I think there was more of a motive because she's stunning. She's super pretty. Oh, you think I was a fuck patrol? And I think you run fuck patrol. I don't do fuck patrol. Okay.

And then all the people in her group were extremely good looking. So do you think I'm shallow? A little bit. Maybe. Yeah. But what do you, you think I would sit with a bunch of like, I'll go. I mean, that's so hard to do. There's a table of a bunch of me's with black asses.

There's just no way. Exactly. There's just no way. And you know what? I'm shallow. You know what? I'll throw that up. I'm fucking shallow. There you go. Even fans that, you know, you know, um, after a show, it's like, oh, okay. Oh, no, we go out. You're beautiful. Everyone. No, everyone's beautiful on the inside.

Everyone's beautiful on the outside. No, diversity on the outside. I love diversity. Is that what you said? Yeah, diversity. I love diversity. I love it. Right. Yeah. But, um, I have to admit, there is a little bit more attention, even if there are like

more, a little attract and I hate that. Why do you hate that's normal? That's life. Why is life like that though? Well, pretty privilege is a real thing. We got to quit. We got to quit that. Quit what? No. Yeah, I want to be able to just say hi to somebody that's like, and how give somebody attention

if they're not, you know, a Peloton model. Okay. So the Peloton model is a fucking, it talks to you in a certain way, like that waiter, but then the, uh, not as beautiful Peloton model, human being is just very kind to you and actually connects with you. What would you still, would you rather go for the Peloton model? Can I say this though? There is somebody, I'm going to say her name, but, um, she, she, um, is somebody that isn't

that attractive. Okay. But she's so cool that, yeah, I do give her attention. She's cool. So no, no, I'm, you know, I'm not that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But hopefully she doesn't hear this and find out that you don't find her attractive after all. But that's why that's why I didn't give you any specifics. You have no idea. I could probably guess. I don't think you can. I'll tell you later. Okay.

Okay. You don't know. You don't know nothing. Um, can I cry this morning? Cause I saw that video with Joe Biden hugging the, that kid with, uh, Down syndrome. Did you see that? No. So I guess he's like addressing Parkland shooting victims or one of the shootings,

right? And he says hi to a family and then this kid, this kid with Down syndrome goes, my dad died too and ran up to hug Joe Biden and Joe Biden hugs him it. Oh my God. It made me cry so much because it's like, you don't, I know, I guess he's first of all, I not, not, let me just say he's not the greatest. I mean, I, for me, it's like, I would rather have someone younger. It's funny you're saying this because there's another video at this exact moment of him,

like talking shit to a female reporter. So that's going around too. Oh, there is. You see the other one though? I did see that, but it's funny how like both is going. We'll be going off. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Did you see that short? I haven't seen it. I don't know. I've been underwater in the last couple of days. Do I type? Just put Joe Biden hugs. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We bleep that out. But you don't know what he said. Joe Biden hugs. Joe Biden hugs. That's go. That happens.

There you go. Yeah. Joe Biden hugs. That's sweet. That's a sweet moment. That's sweet. You don't think it was hot? No, it was sweet.

It's sweet, of course. I mean, you just want your leaders to like hug. You know what I mean? A big empathy. You know, you want empathy and some sort of tenderness. You know what I mean? That's all. Yeah.

Yeah. This podcast is delicious. I think it's over the hell. Is there anything in this? So much. There's a lot. There's a lot. Oh, all over the place.

Did you try watching the Game of Thrones, by the way? Not yet. No, I'm not saying anything because I watched five minutes and I just went, fuck this. Oh, really? No. A lot of people, my sister did not feel that way. She was like, I'm in. See, that's what I want to know.

I don't know who's what. Who the, I don't know. But is that the exact same? There's nobody like in the first episode. Yeah, but sweetie, that's exactly what you said. It took you three attempts at the first season of Game of Thrones. No, but I'm trying to equate. This is the past, right?

Habtito los, babe. You gotta fuck with subtitles. So I don't know who and he or she is from the show that we saw a couple years ago. Watch it with Fresh up. I don't know what the relation between, I forget who a Targaryen is. I don't know any of that. It wasn't hot enough. It wasn't like, there wasn't like, it was just like people, you didn't care about being mean.

Yeah. For an hour. If you watched the first episode of the original Game of Thrones, right? It hooks you. It hooks you with the fucking White Walker. Really? Because is that why I had to have you rewatch the first episode three fucking times? And then finally, I was like, you know what?

You're going to have to put on subtitles. And then the fact that you complained about the entire second season because you're like, I'm so lost because you forgot the entire first season. And then what happened was. George, back me up. But he's right about this one. I'm so right about this one. I'm so right about it.

Despite the character. I'm going to watch it tonight. I saw Joe Rogan post about it and said like, oh my God, this is it. Like they're, they're, they're on it yet again. And we are. It was the biggest, uh, most watched thing on HBO ever. Of course. Of course.

It was. Yeah. Even more than. Sex in the city. I just read it once. Probably. You don't know number. And just like that was, I mean, not that, you know, I feel one way or another.

But they said that that was. I saw a headline. I was trying to shoot a fact. I'll take a second. Sorry. The Game of Thrones. Yeah, the Game of Thrones. Why not?

I like that word. You take second whistle. I'll take the second whistle to it. I've never heard that. I just made that up. You know, I just, I make up terminology and sayings. You know that, right? No, but like, I want to break it down.

Break it down to what? Second whistle. So, you know, when you see something, you're like, what's the first? Oh yeah. But then the second one. Yeah. Second whistle. Yeah.

These things make sense. Yeah. I know. Oh, I just want to say another thing that I figured out a trick. Two. I feel like a social trick. Okay. I hit me with it.

So, I was writing in Koreatown. I was in a coffee shop, right? Oh, wow. Okay. Writing in Koreatown. Coffee shop. Why? I just have never heard you say that sentence ever.

It's part of his. Let's go. Single fucking. Single writing. No, no, no. Writing in a coffee shop. Read between the lines, Gilbert. Oh, you think there's like odd shapes coming out?

Shut the fuck up. Let's be real. I need to write. I know. Bobby? Will you say the whole thing? Look at me right now. Yeah.

I'm writing at a coffee shop. Do you not want to be? I want to be seen in general. Yes. Okay. Okay. That's true. And write.

But I also want to write. Okay. Yeah. Writing goes first. And what's the third thing? Being seen. Oh, it's a good coffee. Oh, good coffee.

Good coffee. Yeah. Trying out bits on people who come up to you. That's right. That's what you do? Yeah. Well, if they're coming up. Ah, futon.

What do you think? This is, I just learned a life hack. I think it's a life hack. Life hacks. Right. Or a social survival. I need this. I need this.

So normally this, you know, this situation where a girl waves at you, you wave at them, but they're really waving to the person behind you. And then you have to go, you know what I mean? But I just figured out what you do. You pretend you're waving to somebody else as well. Right. Yes. So that's what I did.

So girl yell. I went like this. I turned around and went, oh, fuck. And I go, no, no. And she was like, she turned around. Oh, and there's no one behind me. I don't think there was. I don't think there was anybody, but still, you know, a ghost or whatever.

You know what I mean? It just, it does work. She goes, oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And if she says there's no one behind me, I risk her. It's writing a lot.

Yeah. Yeah. But that's dude, right? Yeah. Have you ever done that where you wave somebody and they're waving at somebody else? Yeah, of course. Yeah. I've done that though.

You just, you have to survive. I don't want to try that. You got to try it. Yeah. I just show like over embarrassment. No, don't. What I do is like, oh my God. Oh my God.

I do this. Like, I know. So don't do that from now on. That's shame. Yeah. And it's embarrassing. Sometimes I double down and I'm like, oh my God, how embarrassing was that? I thought you were waving at me.

Oh, that's the writing thing is good too. Maybe I'll try that. Well, I'm doing this, right? Right. And then they're like waving at somebody else. No one's behind you. Yeah. And then I'll just wave this one like this.

And just like, I'm doing like a, you know, man, I'm like, yeah. Calisthenics. Calisthenics. I'll do something. You start stretching on the ground. Yeah. Yeah. Start doing pushups or something.

You know what I mean? But you, that situation is like, you know, it's so embarrassing and I just, you got to, is that a life hack or? That's a life hack. Can we get some more life hacks? Yeah. Well, what is another embarrassing thing that could happen? Oh, like, what about like a fart situation?

A cafe. A lot of people around. I like farts. You go, sorry. You guys, you winked to everyone. No, I was on set the other day and Kate Upton sitting next to me. Yeah. Why didn't you ask her to call us?

And I go, and I go, I ripped. I forgot she was the next to me and I ripped one. Like, like, you know what I mean? What did she say? And she, she goes, she looked and she, and she smiled. And I went, oh, that's. Yeah. But I don't, I don't give a fuck.

You know what I mean? It's like, you either roll with Bob or not. Okay. And she rolled with it. I feel like she'd roll with. She's so cool. That girl is so cool. I asked you to get her on this show and then you didn't ask.

Who was the fart? I just don't know how to ask that. Like I just met her. I worked her for three days. You know, you slowly get into, like I worked with Johnny Knox for three weeks every fucking day. I might not even ask him. Right.

I'm afraid he's going to say no. Right. You know what I mean? So I don't know, you know, I don't know. I just don't know how to do that. You know, I'm going to ask Johnny eventually, I think to promote this movie maybe. That's smart. Yeah.

But um, yeah, I don't know. I don't. It's hard. Is there a life hack to see that's something embarrassing to use. Is there a life hack to someone saying no to a product? What could you raise? What is the, what do you call it in psychology when someone has a massive fear of rejection? It's called something now.

Can you call like rejection aversion or something? I don't know. Almost every guy with a girl when they're growing up. Dude, I will say this. I will say this. Let me just go ahead. You can know you. Let me try to figure this out.

So I'll be Johnny Knoxville. Yeah. You're going to ask me. Hey, John. Yeah. Can you? I don't, you know, I don't want to be derived. We just met.

But can you do my podcast? Honestly, man, I don't do that. Yeah. I was just kidding anyway. I don't want you on it. Oh my God. Is that good? I was just kidding.

I was just kidding. No, no, you're not. Okay. Here we go. It's called. Oh, that's so rough. Go ahead. Yeah.

It's called rejection. Go ahead. Rejection sensitive dysphoria. Okay. So people with ADHD, Bob, it makes it harder to focus, pay attention and sit still. Most people who have ADHD are also very sensitive to what other people think or say about them. This is sometimes called rejection sensitive dysphoria or RSD, which is not a medical diagnosis, but a way of describing certain symptoms associated with ADHD.

People who have RSD don't handle rejection well. They get very upset if they think someone has shunned or criticized them, even if that's not the case. Up to 99% of teens and adults with ADHD are more sensitive than usual to rejection and nearly one in three say it's the hardest part of living with ADHD. I'd have that. So maybe that's what it is. And sometimes you create your own, like sometimes when it's not that big of a deal.

I create my own fantasy land. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Same. I create these narratives in my head that like, it's like, it's like, I create four narratives to see, you know, to a situation that aren't even real, based on any kind of reality.

And then I'll like cling on to one of those narratives, which one is the one that's the most believable? And then I'll use that as truth, which is so terrible. I have a perfect example. Okay. Sometimes you think not just one person, but an entire organization hates you. You're like, Netflix hates me. Yeah.

And it's like, who in Netflix, how in Netflix, like the entire everyone sitting on their desk at Netflix. The marketing team. The HR. And you're like, yes, I'm so sure of it. And you're so certain you've convinced yourself that all of Netflix hates you. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. Because I'll audition for one of their shows and not get it. And then in my head, I'm like, Oh yeah, they hate me. Or you think of one person who's a higher up there and then you fixate on that person and then you think all of Netflix is them. The one person represents. Well, I mean, but I, okay, but like I look at though, like what they, you know, like, you know, their comedy roster, who they like, right?

So you look at their photos, like Nick Crow, Ali Wong, there's a, this group of people that they keep advertising, they're always together, right? And then like, you know, I'm, I'm not involved in any of that, right? Like they don't, I'm not invited to the party. I don't know how to get into that group. This and that. We've talked about it with Neil and this and that, but it's like, you know, so based on that, those kind of things, I kind of make, I create a narrative in my head.

You know? I mean, I'm sorry. This is going to sound crazy, but I believe, I know what my skill set is. I know the fan base that I have. And I believe that I'm, you know, one of the best. That's hard to say. I believe I'm one of the best. Just based on the things I see in reality, you know what I mean?

Which is, you go to the improv, there's photos of me framed with all the ones that Netflix likes, right? There's a be a frame photo of me next to Joe Coy, next to Ali Wong, right? And so it's like, then turn a corner and there's another photo of me and I go, it's like that at the congress too. You see, you know. So why does the other thoughts supersede the truth? Because I'm not invited to their thing.

Is that what you're asking? Yeah. It seems like you even just said it, like I'm up there on all these things. At the club level, right? So to me, when I look at the comedy clubs in LA and, you know, when I go on the road, I see my numbers and I see the kind of acting work I'm getting, the opportunities in my head. I'm like, I should be in this group, but I'm not and I don't know how to get there.

But you don't need to. I don't want to be now. I will not be in. You also have a very special muscle, which to me, even though I've been podcasting with you for like 10 years, no one, like anytime I see you on YouTube algorithm, I'll click. I could still watch anything you do on any podcast and you still, no one makes me laugh harder. So it's like, that's a very, very, and even on the days that I hate you the most, I cannot

deny that you make me laugh the hardest. Oh, interesting. So it's like, you're welcome. Yeah. I want you to make eye contact with her. I don't like the compliment. I don't like compliment. Not even for me.

Oh, wow. Interesting. Yeah. It actually makes him hate me. Take back. I love to shake back to you. Yeah. It's hard to, it's hard to, I don't know, I mean, I'm trying to change that about myself

and I want to be able to, at the end of the day, it's like I would not trade anything for the world because I like where I'm at. I like my fans. I like my lifestyle. I like everything that's around me. So why would I change that? I also wouldn't change the past at all. So it's just like, you know, it is what it is.

I, you know, I mean, also, like all these things I'm saying, I think I'm getting over and I'm growing above it or beyond it, you know, I am, you know, I'm sorry. Why are you sorry? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not even talking about it. I don't want to do it. I'm grateful.

I'm so blessed. So sorry, guys. Now when God made my titties, when God made my titties, what about them? Like, aside from size, did he get wrong? Like the nipple hair? You're beautiful. You have beautiful titties. But the nipple hairs made me, I pluck them.

You've never seen one. I've never seen a nipple hair on your titty. I have so many. You do. He doesn't like it. Brittle stars. Yeah. I'm okay with male nipple hair.

Sweetie, you're very beautiful. Your tits are perfect. Perfect. Thank you. I hate that. Can you take that back? Why? You're beautiful.

I also cannot look at you when you say that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm used to the opposite. Have you guys been watching the Little League World Series of both softball, like for girls and baseball for boys? No. Why is it good?

But the Philippines, I think we made it to the semifinals. Yeah, they're all 19 years old. Just because we cheated in the 90s doesn't mean we're cheaters now. Are they cheating? No, they're from Negros Occidental or Oriental. Don't ever say that again. Hello. That's how you say it.

It truly is. Negros. Oh, Negros. My God. Occidental. One more time, Bobby. Negros. Negros.

Yeah. Are they winning? Well, no, I think it's over already, but they made it to the semifinals, and I think they lost too. But they're so freaking cute. And most of them are like American teams, and here's this like team that's- And guess what the Philippines won? What?

What? They won the Team Sportsmanship Award as well. Oh, wow. What do you mean, wow? That's huge. It's like getting a medal for attendance. No. Yeah, what is that?

I mean, sportsmanship, what do you mean? They smiled? They shook hands better? Yes. Right? And they went, what is that? It's like Miss- What's the thing in Miss America? Miss-

It's not congeniality. That's a hard thing to get. It's good sportsmanship. Basically, people gotta- But that's not skill-based. It's not skill-based, but it is charisma-based. So, it's basically saying, oh, these are the most enjoyable people to be around. Like you know why the-

Yeah. Lots of- It makes a sport worth sporting. They're just happy to be out of Negros right now. You know what I mean? They're like, we're not there? You know what I mean? But also, they just love the sport.

Like I can't- Bottled water? This is great. Why are they Italian? I don't know. Bottled water is great. This is great. Grazie.

Yeah. Go ahead. Two things. Uh oh. I'm so pleased to make it this far. I'm so proud of you guys. Thanks man. The fact that we have almost little to no support, the second of all, baseball is or softball

is not a huge sport back home. Everyone's very into basketball, into boxing, into billiards, but so baseball is very niche back there. In Asia, yeah. It's like- Yeah. If anything, Japanese. Right, Korean even.

In Koreans, yeah. But growing up, you know, my cousins played baseball, but they didn't- there's not just a whole lot of support. The fact that they like made it to the semifinals, 10 teams, that's amazing. That's incredible. So out of 10 teams, they took top four. They took top four, yeah. That's good.

It really is. Think about it. It's good. Break it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is it good? They beat six of the teams. Okay.

So that's good. You're not in the top- You sell me on one. You're on the last four? Let's talk about the positive. Yeah. They're not in the last four. You never want to be in the last four.

You never want to be in the last four. They're really fun to play with because they have smiles. They're happy. They're happy. They're happy to be out of Negroes. Yeah. Right? So they're like, hello, everybody.

Hello. Good to see you. You know, that's a thing. Right? So that's another good thing. Do they all have matching uniforms? Can you guys afford that? Or is there one guy wearing pink?

I mean- So- Do they- Why pink? Is it the same uniform? Or- Maybe he's confusing with volleyball. How one person always wears a different uniform.

Right. Okay. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. The mitts that they're using, are they like standard mitts? No. It's shocker mitts.

Three fingers. Oh, yeah. Okay. So they do that. They can't get individual slots for the fingers. So they have just a giant slot. Is it made out of leather, their gloves? Or is it made out of like, you know what I mean?

Made out of what? Like plastic CVS bags or- Oh, so they're just catching with Ralph's bags. Yeah. We don't know that, but I think it's leather. I'm so mean. Sorry, guys. No, we're not.

Congratulations, dude. Honestly. Did they make it? No. Congratulations. Did they make it? Japan. Did they make it?

No, I don't think so. China. No, it was like, what are the 10 teams? A lot of them were American teams, right? It's mostly Americans, and then the Philippines. Yeah. So the other day you said a word that I had never heard of before, but you insisted was a real word.

Uh-huh. And you were like, it's just like, whatchamacallit, which I know. I know whatchamacallit, but you said, you said doohickey. Yeah, doohickey. I've never heard doohickey. I haven't either, but George is nodding, so it must be from his land. No, doohickey is just a word that people use through the generation. And how do you use it?

Like when you don't know what a thing is called, you say doohickey. Oh, so it's just like whatchamacallit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's more of a contraption you call a doohickey. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. So it could explain to me, George? Well, a whatchamacallit could just be anything.

Anything. Whereas if it's a contraption that's like more mechanical, then it's a doohickey. Like if I was on a farm, I don't know what a thing is called. Like how do you chop down the fucking wheat trees? But could you just use whatchamacallit then, too? But this is more specific. Yeah, it's more specific. Yeah, I think you use that doohickey.

You need that doohickey that plugs into your Apple iPad to make it a TV, yeah, yeah. That's a doohickey. Yeah. It has to be an object that has a function. Yeah. Okay. Or Thingamabob. Thingamabob?

Yeah, I've heard that. I've never used Thingamabob. Okay, Little Mermaid uses Thingamabob. Yeah. Would you call whatchamacallit toward like, can you use that for people? If you think people are it. What do you mean? Like what race is Johnny?

Whatchamacallit? That works. Does that work? That works. It's not going to be a doohickey. Yeah, yeah. Doohickey. Yeah, that'd be weird.

Yeah. What is the equivalent of whatchamacallit when you're trying to say a person? That does sound really rude though. Is he a whatchamacallit? What else is whatchamacallit though? It's something you eat. What is it? If it's something you eat.

What is it? I don't know. Oh, a chocolate. Oh, chocolate. Yeah, yeah. Is it a whatchamacallit? Is it a candy bar or a chocolate? Yeah, it's a candy bar.

Okay, yeah, yeah. Thank you for answering that. Have you ever had a whatchamacallit? American folklore. They're really good. Have you had a whatchamacallit? Of course. Oh, yeah.

They're still around, right? What's in them? Whatchamacallit? Yeah, yeah. You don't know what it's. A lot of thingamabobs and a few. We should create a doohickey and thingamabob chocolate bars. Yeah.

Yeah. What would be in it? A doohickey would have like, I don't know, it'd have to do something. So when I was in my 20s, I was so sure that I was going to create the next big like America's favorite snack. And I remember writing like a business plan and the name of it was Choco Cheese. And Choco Cheese was basically, because I like having like a cheese puff and chocolate and alternating between savory and sweet.

And then when I would tell people about Choco Cheese, they were like, Cleo, that sounds absolutely disgusting. I like it. Salty and sweet, but with the cheddar. I've never seen like a wafer. Yeah. How about at this? A cheesy wafer.

You surround it with milk chocolate. I would love that. But I think I was on my period when I wrote the business plan and I was like really having like weird cravings. Yeah. Yeah. But honestly, to me, when you said that, that sounds so good to me. Wow.

But I don't think that's everyone's reason to do it. Well, no, I had last night, I ate a little bit with Eric Griffin at the Italian restaurant across from his. I doubt Eric Griffin only eats a little bit. I'm sorry. Can you take that out? No. No.

You take that out. That's funny. No. No. That's funny. Yeah. I need you to be that guy right now. Yeah.

That's funny. We're keeping that. It's funny. But he had a cheese. No, please don't. Please don't. He had a cheesecake, but he goes, try this cheesecake, but I had eaten like a pickled cucumber, which is called pickle.

Yeah. Why do we keep waiting? Hold on. Pause. Yeah. I had a pickle. I had a pickle and then I ate his cheese and the. You ate what?

A cheesecake. No. I think you ate his. Yeah. You said he ate Eric's cheese. He ate his cheese. No. I ate it.

I took a bite of his cheesecake and the combination of two flavors. Thank you. It did something. Oh my God. Okay. So imagine a pickle, pickled cheesecake. I mean, I don't know. Maybe it'll work.

That sounds delicious to me. I love. If you guys want to make this, we have, I know a co-packer. We can do food lab stuff to make something that you guys want. Let's do a survey of the land first because I feel like Bobby and I are the only two people who are liking each other's ideas right now. Present the options. We'll let the fans vote in the comments.

Pickled cheesecake and choco cheese. Okay. So you have the pickled cheesecake option and then what was the other one? Chocolate. Cheese wafer with chocolate. Yeah. So a cheese wafer, like nacho flavor wrapped in a chocolate. Okay.

So it's got to be the taste of a combo of like a cheese buff and a chocolate, like a Hershey's bar. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's like when you, I had a salad, a watermelon cucumber salad, but it had feta cheese on it. We all had that with you.

No, with ice cream. Yeah. No, yesterday I had it. Oh. You know what I mean? Ice cream thing though. But is there any way you can turn that into a candy bar? Okay.

Hold on. Hold on. Let me see the flavors. Feta cheese. Feta cheese. Watermelon. Watermelon. Thank you, Cumber.

That sounds so good. Yeah. But I don't think that would work in solid form like in that way. It sometimes is very tricky because Trader Joe's, I just bought their new pineapple flavored kettle corn and it's disgusting. Oh yeah. I bought three bags thinking, oh, I'm going to love this. It was so bad.

Yeah. But shout out to their spicy mango though. It's back. It's back on the aisle. Would you rather eat a bowl of maggots that are alive or eat that or if I had a little poo, I need to chew it and swallow it. Okay. So if they're medically like sterile maggots that they put on wound victims, I would rather

eat that than your poo, especially if your poo is not fortified. I never said my poo. Oh. What did I say? Somebody's poo. Oh, hell no. You could chew on anyone's poo that you can pick. Okay.

Hang on. I get to pick. I have questions about this. Yeah. So, you know, people are known to eat poo. We know no rider. Okay. But here, is it packaged?

I'm eating that poo. Yeah. Yeah. Because poop pills, I told you we've gone through the discussion. Poop pills are real, right? Yeah. Is it packaged in a capsule or is it just raw from her butt? Yeah.

Raw butt. Okay. Or is it clean maggots or maggots I've found on something rotting? It's rotting. Yeah. I'm going to go with the maggots. Really? You're going to eat Winona rider's poo?

I said a bowl. Not one. No, not one. A bowl. A bowl. And then how small is the poo? You're talking about 80 maggots. 80 maggots.

Like cereal. How big is the poo? We're talking raw butt. One. It's the side of a chocoball. I cannot cook the maggots. I can do that. Which one?

What's a chocoball? Like a Malteser? Yeah. Like a Maltball. Maltball. It's very tiny. And then I don't have the option to eat. You have to do what Bobby said.

Yeah. That's fine. Yeah. No way. I eat the maggots. Are you kidding me? It's going to taste like whatever it's rotting on. I think maggots too.

I guess I'm the only one eating Winona rider's poo. Why don't you create a podcast called Shit Breath? Wilbur? Yeah. I have another scenario then for you. Would you rather have these powers, okay? You can fly. You can only fly as fast as you walk.

Oh yeah. Okay. So you're up there, but it's like you're not going fast. You can't go to Baltimore in like 20 minutes. I'm notoriously the slowest walker alive. I would look like I was just hovering in one spot. It wouldn't even look like you're going anywhere when people are looking up. And that's why, why would you call it a superpower then?

It seems like an alien. You're flying. You're flying. You're flying. A power. It's a power. I can fly as high as I can. But you can only go as fast as you can run, I guess.

Okay. Hang on. As speed sideways, do I have speed upwards? It's all the same speed. All speed. Every direction. You can go top, right? As far, you know, to the, you know what I mean?

Stratosphere. Stratosphere. Takes me. And then you can let go of your partner. You can drop. Yeah. And then still fly again. So that's cool.

You're like a mobile game. Actually, you could probably, at that point, travel fast. If you go as high as you can, and you can aim toward Baltimore, from LA, maybe you could get there that way. Like a sugar glider. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

So that's one power. The second power is once a day, for five minutes, you can freeze time and walk around that time. Do you age? No. Hmm. Who cares five minutes? That adds up.

I didn't age for five minutes. Yeah. That adds up, that adds up. So I would probably choose the time. For five minutes a day. Yeah. I would choose that. Because there's so many people I just want to beat the shit out of.

All right. Then they don't want them to be able to punch them and punch me back. Like Zach Morris. Yeah. Yeah. So we're going to kick them in the fucking nuts. What about you? Freeze time.

Why? I would steal, I'd go into a bank, right? And as soon as they open the vault, I would freeze the time right then and there. Do they ever open? I've never seen a vault. Do you have a? Where do you? Where's the vault at in a bank?

It's in the back. But I think like, yeah, they've got to go in and out at some point. So you just like wait in line and tell somebody. But I have to see it literally because I only have five minutes. Yeah. Wait, can you like use up one minute here and then later on? No. You have to, you know, you have to use the five minutes at one time.

That's a very good question. That's a very good question. Okay. You can't splice it up. You can't splice 30 seconds of peace now. Okay. Because that really fucks you because then like you got to be real fast and quick. But you can do this at 1155 at night, right?

You can use both five minutes in a chunk. Oh, but how are you going to do it? 1155 at night. I was going to open that for you. Yeah. Yeah. This all sounds like new stardew value. It's like a new update.

No, no, no. Because at midnight, it's resets. Exactly. You got 1155 to 1205, so you have a 10 minute chunk, you can freeze time, but you can't rob a bank then. And there's no rollover minutes. What do you mean rollover minutes? If you don't use your minutes from the day prior, it's like a phone carrier.

Can you get? Oh, that's interesting. 10 minutes the next day. You can. Oh, easy. Oh, no, no, you can't. You can't. No.

It's too easy because then you would just like use one second and then collect time over time. Yeah. In a month later, you can, you have hours. You can't do that. Okay. My thing is I think you should avoid fucking with time in general. Why?

One scene for me, particularly interstellar, watching Matthew McConaughey age and cry knowing his kids grew up. I just don't want to fuck with time. I'd rather. That's not in the power. It's still playing with time. I don't like the idea that say, I don't know, I fucked it up and I just did that for like a whole week and my whole life goes by.

I just don't pay attention. I've seen movies like this. Yeah. So you live in the present, you're just literally the only person in the world that can slow fly. Oh, yeah. That's true. It's also like in the movie about time with Rachel McAdams, where it's like any tiny little

shift could really, really change the outcome of the life you already enjoy, like a future maybe that was meant for you might not no longer be, you know, waiting for you if you switch just a tiny little thing about it. If you make a left instead of right, because that's like, for me, I believe in like the randomness of everything. Right. Like I'm an atheist. I believe in the beauty of the random nature of everything.

I think that every single turn you make, you can find a love of your life there. Like I don't feel. Oh, it's beautiful. So I think it's cool. Like it really is beautiful. For instance, it had I gone, I was supposed to go to school in Switzerland, right? With my dad's sister. Really?

So growing up, there was a point in time. I think when I was like preteen, the, the plan was for me to move my sister and I had to move to Europe, study in Europe, whatnot. And I think I could have had an equally spectacular life taken that route. Even if I'd never met you guys, like I believe it could have been something cool as well. Just think about that. You would not have any of the influence of Pasadena, but I've done this. Have you swallowed your ethics and made a decision that fucked a lot of people over,

but it was still the right decision? Like what example? Like in my life, I had one decision that was ethically kind of ambiguous and kind of wrong. And I heard a lot of people's feelings, but it benefited me. Like what? Tell us. You just have to live with it. If you're okay with that.

I'm fine with it. I'm really fine with it, but. Well, then it's not an ethical dilemma for you. I still think about it going, God, what a weasel you are. You do think about it. What an insect. You know what I mean? So you're not okay with it really?

Deep down? Maybe I'm not. But my life would have turned out completely different if I didn't make that decision. Can we know what it was? Yeah. I can tell you what it is. Okay. Yeah.

But it's a long story. I don't care. I want to hear it. We might as well. All right. So years ago, when I started doing standup, right, I didn't know Paulie Shore or his family or anything like that. I just was at the comedy store and the La Jolla comedy store in San Diego, it's its own culture

back in the day. Right? You know, it's just like, and it has nothing to do with really the Hollywood comedy store, right? In terms of management or who? Because you're a regular at the La Jolla comedy, it doesn't necessarily mean you get any love in LA. You don't.

They don't know who the fuck you are. Listen to that. So when I first came to the La Jolla comedy store, there was this guy named Fred Burns and Ron Clark and this guy named other people. I forget. I'll figure out later. But they brought me in, right? So the manager, you know, Fred Burns guy, he goes, move into my place.

You know what I mean? Because you're struggling and he gave me a lot of stage time and a lot of fatherly advice and how to do comedy and this and that. And you know, he really is the first guy to like kind of tell me that I am talented and tell me that you have a shot at this kid, you know, and then three years down, two years on the road, I met Mitzi and Paulie in the game, right? And they said one day, we're going to fire Fred Burns and everyone, even the waitresses, everyone in the club and starting anew, but you want to keep you.

And I go, OK, but you can't fuck with them anymore. You can't talk to them. You have to kind of join our arm to give you an ultimatum like that, though. Yeah. Yeah. And I go, um, OK, and then I had to go to Fred and those guys, uh, I'm going to join the team. You know what I mean?

And they're like, what? They fired everybody. So they started their own club. They wanted to start their own thing scene, right? And but Mitzi goes, and so what happened one time was they opened up a different club. They didn't last, but Mitzi wanted me to go spy. So I went and spied for Mitzi to get dormant because you needed a dormant. So I went to people at this other club to sneak, to get them to come back to the comedy

store in La Jolla, recruit, and they found out I was spying and a comic punched me in the face, right? And I went back and I, you know, I thinking back at that, I have problems with it. Oh my God. I like to defend young Bob. Okay. Go ahead. Um, you were put in a position of like, basically like that, a bunch of adults, right?

Cause Mitzi was in her, what at this point? How old was Mitzi? Oh, 70s. How old was Fred Burns? 50s. Okay. These are people with, let's assume, fully formed brains who can impart wisdom on these young comics.

Instead, they're number one, requiring you to choose a team, number two, praying on the fact that you have big dreams and comedy and making you actually like, um, what do you call it? Like, um, yeah, like they're, they're making you do their dirty work for them. All the while knowing that you're going to do anything to get, to get to where you want to be, which is a comedian, right? So it's like, how old were you? 23?

25. Okay. Well, still, like you probably, 38, 38, you're probably broke. No money. Yeah. No money. You probably were not doing well in life.

Well, no, cause at that point, what happened was, you know, Pauly and Mencia, I was opening for them on the road, right? And also Mitzi had made me a paid regular, right? And you know, there was no one in San Diego at the time that was a paid regular. I don't think that was Weasley only because you went with the decision that you thought was best for your career and we all have to prioritize ourselves at some point, even if it means hurting their feelings now, like, you know, an apology down the road would have been like, Hey dude, that's kind of, they both died.

So you never apologized. No, they both died. But did you make the right, did you choose the correct team? I chose the team to lead me to here. You know, and I, if I, if I feel like if I didn't choose that, make that decision, I'd still be in San Diego. You chose. I'm not a better person or I feel freer.

I don't know. But I, you know, I look back at it all the time and I go, is there any other option? And I didn't because it's like, I had no money, I had no power and I, um, I went to the direction where I thought was going to, you know, I mean, get me that these opportunities now. It sounds, it's, yeah, it is, it's like ethically weird and, and I feel like a weasel, you know? You're not the only one though. It seems like everyone. What would you have done?

Um, probably the same thing because like there, you aren't screwing over their careers necessarily. That was all, they were already getting fired by Mitzi. They were already, they were already stuck in San Diego. So you're also not the sole reason why their business went under like you were able to sense at that age that this was probably not going to take you somewhere because something about it, you know, was either on its way out, going down and you were like, I'm going to take this ride instead because this seems like a, you know, I was the only comic down there also with that option.

Like if other comics had that option and they were regulars and they, and Mitzi had asked them like, join the dark side or, you know what I mean, the light, you know what I mean? Or whatever. I don't know what, just join. Yeah. Join. You know what I mean? I was the only one given that opportunity, right?

But I would, the problem was I was still living at Fred's basement. Right. So when I did make that decision, I could hear them through the vents. Yo bro. No, I really did. I'm not kidding you. That's why I moved to LA because I, I remember hearing through the vents, that motherfucker, we're going to fucking get that guy.

You know what I mean? Like talking about you. About me. Oh my God. Right. And I'm like laying there like late at night going, it was terrible. I remember I would get boils on my face. And I remember one time I was at the Panic and during that time and my friend Alan Meadows

from high school met me for coffee and he goes, dude, you look like shit. I look like shit. I couldn't sleep. You know, you know me. I'm so sensitive. I was like frazzled. I'm like, I think they're going to kill me. I have no allies here.

And that's when I decided I go, I think I called Menci and I go, can you help me with money to get me to LA? I think he gave me a couple hundred bucks to come out. I don't know. Something like that. And I moved up and I lived in a, my friend Kalista was in LA, but I slept in my truck in the Comedy Store parking lot for a couple of weeks because you were scared. That's when I moved up here.

And that's when Jimmy Schubert gave me a sandwich. That's when that happened. But my point is, is that it was like fucking terrible. And then I coming up here, I couldn't get anything going. You know what I mean? No money, nothing was so hard. I just can't believe I survived all that. But I still think about that decision and I go, what could I have done differently?

I don't think there is any other option. I was given a choice and I made a decision. But you know, I feel, I don't know, what have you done? Honestly, I don't think, I mean, in terms of auditioning, I feel early on there was some stuff where I probably didn't, I was available to help some people do self-tapes. And I said, nah, it's for the same role. Oh, the same role. Oh, did they know that you had the same role?

Yeah, but I made up, I didn't say no, I just made an excuse. No, I want that part. I'm not going to help you. I didn't say that. All right. So you said I'm busy? Yeah. But you could have helped them.

Could have helped them. That was like early two years, right when I first moved here, all I was, before all this, you're just like me. No, no, no. I'd like to also defend young Gilbert in this. I'm sorry. It's enough of a mind fuck for me to tape myself. Now I got to fucking psychologically fucking do another form of fucking mental backflip

and then look at someone who's up against me. It's hard enough to go into that room or to fucking record yourself. No way, dude. It's, even if you had told the truth and said, you know what, dude, like we're going up for the same thing. It doesn't feel right. It's something to me that also would have been okay. And I would totally understand.

But I did feel like I was going against what I wanted to do, which was help them, but I think it was just the rat race. Who are these idiots? Because like, are they going to trust your notes? Somebody else going up for the same role? Yeah, exactly. Maybe try that a little more goofy. Maybe they're looking for something goofy.

No, that's why you could have sabotaged it. But see, now that's pushing me too. I don't think I could do that. Because I would be, you know how I am with self tapes. I generally want to help that person. Right. You did make the right decision. You're protecting yourself.

Because I would have been like, no, dude, you have to do it in an Asian accent. I'm more like a he. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And have a stutter. I think that's a good choice. Yeah.

Have a stutter Asian accent and you're blind. Close your eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Like I would have just gave the most fucked up notes. You know what I mean? The guy books it. Yeah.

Forget the fucking books. Yeah. Strong choices. Holy shit. Forget the script. Make up your own lines. Yeah. Improvise.

And then they get it. Yeah. Asian accent stutter. Have you ever made any moral ethical decisions that were like that you think about? Not that I could think of like career wise. I was just stupid with my career. Like a maker studios. Does everybody know that Bryce got hired when Bryce got hired as my assistant, he was earning

more than me. Isn't that crazy? That's crazy. Because I just didn't know corporate world or anything. It was just like, I feel more stupid than unethical. Like I wish I had been unethical in something just to get a little bit further. You know? Yeah.

Yeah. You know, it's, can I just say another thing that I have come to realize in my age is like, you know, even doing this movie that I'm doing with Theo and all these guys, right? There's a, there's a maturity about myself in terms of like nervousness and hand handling pressure stuff that I can now do. It's really weird. It's like, I, you know, I've had chunky things to say on this thing. And it's like, I can memorize them super fast.

Not even the night before, just driving there. I can memorize chunks of lines. You know what I mean? And I can do it, right? And, um, and even early on in my career, I was like, why am I not getting these things? Even if I got things, I wouldn't have been able to do it. I just didn't have the maturity. I was so nervous and I was just so like, you know, um, if I fuck this up, this is going

to happen. I was living in the results of everything. You know what I mean? That like everything that's going on right now is just, I feel like I am at a level of confidence and maturity to handle things, right? So I'm just, you know, I don't know. I feel that about even stand up in all these other areas. It's just like, I wouldn't have been able to handle it 20 years ago.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I wouldn't have been able to do it even. It would, I would have been a nervous wreck. I would have been spinning out, you know what I mean? And now it's like, because none, none of it really means anything. I always think that everything means meant something like if I don't do this perfectly or if I don't book this, or if this doesn't happen, that these other events are going

to happen. And none of that is real. You know what I mean? I learned something really valuable in that same kind of vein. You don't have to assign meaning to every feeling you have. Sometimes they're just feelings and you let feelings come, you let feelings go. To say, to try to like overanalyze, why am I feeling this? What does this mean is really like counterproductive.

Just let them come, let them go. Sometimes they're just feelings and they mean nothing. Overtherapies sometimes. Oh, 100%. Oh, this must be from a childhood wound in the eighth grade. It's like, no, it's just a feeling. It doesn't have to mean anything. And that's what I, I used to do that where I'm like, you know, like hyper aware of any

tiny little change in my body or my thought process had to be from something that happened to me in the past. It's like, no, it's just a fucking feeling. But it doesn't mean anything. Yeah. And I wasted so much time just obsessing about things that don't really matter, you know? And if you continue to do that, you're just wasting life. Yeah.

You know? We're doing fine. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just like, I'm thinking about all the time I wasted when I first moved here. I was like, I cannot believe I spent so much time doing my hair for every audition, freaking out about what to wear for the casting director. Yeah. It's like hours wasted.

And hindsight, I'm like, all you have to do is just show up and do this shit. If you got it, you get it, you get it. You know, you don't. Yeah. Crazy. You just have to just do the best you can, you know? Nothing means anything. Seeing as how it's Gilbert's birthday, who do you think out of the three of us knows

him best? You. You think so? I think then George and the me. I would put it. I don't know anything about it. I would let, I would let. Let's do some trivia.

Does anybody, you asked some questions about you and then let's see if we can answer. Your buzzer has to go. You just have to go. But. Okay. All right. So. My birthday.

Full date. Think about it. So. Did. Yep. Nope. Nope. Clara.

What? What is it? Clara. It is August. 27. Mm hmm. 1990. Very close.

Fuck. August 20th. 20th. What does it say? Yeah. Wrong. August 20. Wrong.

Today was his birthday. August 27th. Yeah. Right. What year? 1999. 1999. 99.

Bro. You think he's Juliana's age? Oh yeah. I mean. Oh. 1989. No. I feel like Gilbert.

George already looked this up. I'll say this. You got the year and the date wrong. Bobby got the year. Correct. The date wrong. Wait. I got the.

Wait. Oh. The days of 28. August 28th. Different question. We all failed. All right. Next one.

What is why? A majority of my life. What was I probably the most insecure about? Okay. Yep. I know it. Beep. Beep.

My nipple. My nipple. Your nipple. That's your answer. That's your answer. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Not your nipples.

No. That's your answer. What was the question again? Like 70% of my life. You're an alien, body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. OK. Okay. Bro, being cold. One zero. Literally living in Georgia, riding your bike, and then black and white kids, when you drive I go, hey funky or fat, chinky Buddha every day.

Yeah. Yeah. Fat, chinky Buddha is like. I don't feel something. Yeah. Your face is the one that said that to me. Buddha's fat, exactly. Yeah.

Exactly. But you know, he lived on one grain of rice a day for a long time, Sadatta. You know, the overalls I just bought. Yeah, I've worn them. And and I was wearing a yellow T-shirt. Yeah. The overalls. I do that combination.

What happened? Even in the streets, people go, Minion, Minion, Minion. 10,000 times. Yeah, why did you do that combination? 10,000 times. And I just, I couldn't wait to get home. When you put it on where you're like,

I've seen this somewhere. Yeah, I did. And I thought, this is cute. But then I, it couldn't make the connection. But every comic, Minion, and people are laughing. And I was like, I can't, then I remember looking at my card and seeing I had a pants on.

Were you wearing your glasses? No. Oh my God. I was wearing one of those welder glasses. That day Bobby wore his welder glasses. He has a welder glass. Yeah. I lost that game.

You did lose that. Yeah. Happy birthday. What's the, how old are you now? 33. That's amazing. And he's getting married? Getting married in December.

Well, I'll be in Hawaii, hopefully. Yeah. You might be shooting there, right? In December. Yeah. It'll be great. I'm hopeful with Bobby at Goliath. Hey guys, I'm 45 years old.

I haven't met my true love yet and I blame it on my daddy issues. I have a narcissistic sex addict, recovering alcoholic and Coke addict father. Since I was 10 years old, he's been sober of Coke and booze. He's had a new family for the past 20 years. He moved to the Key West and I live in California.

There was so much more to this whole story, you would be overwhelmed. So last month I found out this fool has stage three HIV. He's still lying to his family saying he got pricked by a needle. Is it wrong that I want to call him out, tell everyone about the times he would leave me and my sister outside a strip club

or go behind the curtain in a video store? I know this is a lot. I probably should call it therapist, but you guys are basically my therapist. Yeah. Dude, you gotta process that stuff. Let go of your dad, right? Process your past.

You know what I mean? Deal with, you know what I mean? That's the inside stuff because it's like you can't control the outside. There's nothing you're gonna say. You know what I mean? That's gonna make you feel better. There's nothing you can do

that's gonna make you feel better. You have to just kind of, it's an inside job. You gotta go to therapy, work it out, let him go and then move on, right babe? Also, you're not the only one that knows he's a narcissist. I can promise you his partner of 20 years and his entire new family know this fact about him. Like narcissism is like,

but they kind of just live with it, cope, make their decisions to stay based on whatever's happening in their life, but it's like, like Bobby said, like you're not going to, a true narcissist has no form of self-awareness. You cannot shame them into submission. You cannot shame them into awareness.

There's no route out except to remove yourself, completely extract yourself from it. As long as you play with that fire, it's like, you know, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I think continuing to partake in a narcissist's life will win you those stupid prizes because you already know what he is.

That's not going to change. So it's like, move on, separate yourself. You're not, what game are you winning? What prize are you winning by outing him? Those people in his life already know what he is as well in the same way you do. So it's like, just move on and get therapy, like Bobby said.

Yeah. So I guess we'll try to watch the Game of Thrones, I guess. And we should all do it. Are we doing it as a family? Let's do it tonight, maybe. We'll watch it. How many episodes should we watch? I'm going to start at two then, three.

There's still, there's two out, right? So we'll watch all two. Third one is coming out tonight. The second's tonight. Second's tonight. Oh, the second is tonight? Yeah. So there was a week in between?

No, the first one was last week. Yeah. Oh my God, I've lost my freaking. Mavericks out, you haven't seen that yet? No, because I was supposed to go watch it this weekend and I ended up diving too late. You're never going to watch it in theater. Wait, you can see it on video on demand?

I saw it for sale, but I thought it was for sale until, like, watch in a month. No, but it was so bad, I almost like spent 20 bucks on it. Wait, wait, let me see it. You might be right, you might be right, hold on. But if it's in theaters, watch it in theaters. No, I know I will. I think it might stay in theaters for a while.

And then get a good sound with it, like go to Adobe or something. It says buy. Yeah, but you can buy it to watch in a month. It's a pre-order. Oh, it's pre-order. No, it doesn't, look, look, look. Just come look.

This is riveting, George. I think he's... Get a clean ending. Yeah, that's exactly what it looks like. I almost did that. And then it'll say you can't watch it for a month. It doesn't say that on that. Yeah, but it's already out on airplanes,

on planes and hotel rooms. Yeah, but you have to buy it at a hotel room. I just bought it. Let me see. If I can watch it here right now, I want to kill you. It says download. What? So download.

He's going to kill you. How about I just give you 20 bucks for it? All right, so I'm downloading it, right? And then I'm going to play it. Download it now. You don't want to watch it in theaters? I would if I could get away. That's true.

I was trying to get my kid into Minions today, but he just loves Moana too much. You know what's funny? Did you tell that yet here? No. Any time George's kid sees a brown girl, he just points and goes Moana. Moana, Moana, Moana.

Mexican, Filipino. Really? Just points. He has not called me Moana yet, so... Well, like little girls. Like we're at a Mexican restaurant. There's a little Mexican. At least there's got to be a little girl.

And he goes Moana, Moana. And I'm like, wonder, like... Canceled. I hope it's a compliment. And two, I'm not sure if they understand what's happening. We got to cancel George's baby. He loves that movie. He won't stop.

Sign the petition. He wakes up in the morning yelling Moana, Moana. Guys, we'll close on that. Don't sing the song. Don't sing the song. We'll cry. Waterworks will ensue. We love you.

Say bye, babe. Bye, everybody. Bye, guys. Moana. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Tiger Barely ad-free on Amazon Music. Follow the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcast.

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