TigerBelly - Ep 367: Cebu Special #1 - Jet Lagged Delirious (and Swiping for Vussy)

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

Recorded in Cebu, Philipines. New Merch only at https://www.sleptkingdom.com/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery plus. I think I met my guy right here man. Justin. Yeah, I think just tonight I think we have we've come to an understanding. What is that understanding? What? starts with a V Victory, yeah, yeah, yeah, victory ends with a A or Y you decide what? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No No, no, no, no a vagina Vagina and why victory? There we go. That's what I was saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A or Y. I was right But I don't want to start with Lucy did

But Justin I think we have a come to an understanding Don't out him. I'm not out. He doesn't people know. I don't know his last name But you don't know if he's got like a woman. Yeah. Yeah, JJ. Can I come JJ? Yeah, JJ and I've come to an understanding and when I locked eyes with them We just met in a different world another world. Yeah, I mean full of you know, another region another region and You know, you know JJ and I we love moist holes and That's forever and that's because we love our mothers. Thank you Yuck, I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have said that I shouldn't have said that that's what I meant

What I'm saying is that we do what do you love your mom? I love mine, too That has nothing to do with anything. Anyway, how are we starting? That's how we're starting it. Go ahead. Go to count it down Oh Listen, why are we up here on a mountaintop? Claw where is this? Yeah, we were at a fucking. Oh, sorry for swearing, but we're a hotel Relaxing Chandra, right? That's my middle name. Yeah. No, we're staying at the Shangri-La not the Shangra What it's called a Shangra. That's your nap middle name. I mean, that's what I meant. I knew that I thought was Rose We're that's that's Sarah's middle name my other girlfriend

One extra. Wow, we're at that. I love you man. You you're a colonizer and you shouldn't even be saying anything Hey, they all feel it. They all feel it. You they know fucking colonizer colonizer, dude And when we have a war today, they're gonna die and we're gonna win dude We're gonna drive out these white pieces of shit But I'd like to point out. Yeah, Koreans are not generally liked in Cebu. They love us You guys you guys see us at the malls you love us dude, we might not talk but we'll do a smile, right? But you know, there is hostility, right? But um, hey, dude, this is your land. We're just here. We have money We're just here trying to keep provide the economy man. Oh, yeah, you know, that's all anyway. Let's start

You know what? You're the big colonizer. I'm not the colonizer. You have big colonizer energy. You have to defend yourself What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that? I just think that he comes here with his American-centric views and things I come here with a big dick Let's go. I'm sorry my friends. I have a thick voosie right here dog, right? That's voosie. It's a thick-ass boo voosie. Listen, let's start ready three two I haven't slept in days. I feel like I have jet lag I have no idea where the fuck we are, but it's beautiful and also I just want to say this and this is the truth and I'm a truth teller, right? I'm 51 probably the oldest guy here, right? I'm wise met many people

Awkwafina you've heard of her alley Wong they all come from advice to me Let me start that sentence over they come to me for advice, right? I give grill good Sandwiches, you know and you know Jimmy all you all these little guys, you know me I'm like their padawans and so I here's I'm a wise guy. I'm gonna say something right now I made an observation, right? We land into the Philippines, right? And this guy, what are these lies? It's not a lie and you're gonna let me speak my fucking truth dude. You're gonna let me speak my truth, okay? All right, all right JJ check this out this fool This American fool who who's never been to his own motherland my first time. It's first time

I've been here how many times my third my third time second second time dude first time first time It's right. He comes to me at the airport. Yeah, I swear to God. Oh, what is this? No, what is this? I swear to God on my mother's life My mother's soul. Yeah, he looks at me goes with a smirk. What's that smell? Wow Sorry that I was smelling see mommy your country smells like shit I didn't smell anything my friend defend myself. I went up because somebody didn't brush their teeth Wait, you know what?

No one believes that JJ. Do you believe that? He's my whore buddy Well, he's my food buddy. We're gonna fuck. He's my buddy. They're gonna fuck. Oh You guys are fucking we already talked about it. We're gonna go to a place We're gonna go back-to-back Jollibee. All right, Josh Jollibee. We have spaghetti with the chili. Do you still have that here? Anyway point is that you're fucking this guy is not a Filipino. I'm American Yeah, he's an American, but I want to snobby and can I say something? I look up to you When I come to your land, you know what I do when I ask her when I landed in fucking Malaya's. What'd you do? I kissed the ground

Oh my god, he's losing his goddamn mind Which one's make scouts? I mean, it's got wait. Oh, sorry wrong symbol Scott scouts on her scouts on her. He's lost your god. I love this place and this guy right here Wow, right? He looks down on you. Who has partied here since two o'clock with you guys? What's all their names nothing guess their names right now? It doesn't matter because can I just say this? That was really sad. You just said who partied with me till two o'clock. They didn't say nothing I know all their names. You know why wait? Let's let's let's both yeah We look at every single person both of you say what you think their name is from their vibe

It doesn't matter because you know why we you guys don't even get it did what do we not get we know each other from a different realm Okay, right? We have different name in the dip you guys know what he's smiling dude We meet each other in our dreams, dude So we know ourselves as our god names which are Zorbius. Let's go Natango the king Zorbius Natango the king right? Yeah the middle Flat smile flat smile the Underlord there we go flat He's flat smile that's always JJ right back-to-back right well so we got Zorbius Zorbius, okay

So that's it. That's how they we know each other from our god names flat smile. All right, so here's something that I want to Talk about what? He's lost his fucking JC Jesus Christ They know JJ knows They know sorry for the audience like no one can see them, right? I know but they know I'll tell you something right now, right? They can't see them, but they know about my descriptions. Yeah, they know that I'm slept king

They know that I'm otherworldly they know that I live in a dreamland Mm-hmm. They know that I have kinetic, you know, I mean Psychopathic powers absolutely right and they know that I can call people out Right, I look at fucking Andreas and you colonizer. It's got the vibe Well, I'm fancy and you know came here. No, he's a part of the people, but Andres though What he's total Spanish colonizer. He's the one that made us. Yeah. Yeah, he's the type of guy He run away. I don't know where he is nervous and left. He's stealing more things. He just walks around and takes things Yeah, you know, he used to you know, he used to do his people back in the day

What tell us about Philippine give us the kids. Yeah, eat the skin them alive man. Damn, dude Yeah, little fucking legs they skin their legs alive This is start right fat smile You say fat or part flat smile start over go ahead five four Welcome to another episode of Tiger Pelle There's a dog Start over five. I can't do it with a dog five four three two Welcome to another episode of Tiger Pelle. I'm your leader and I'm the greatest I

Believe it. No, hold it. Hold it. Get in it. Get in it. I believe it and I and I really I'm back into my second home Sipu the great I love him Sipu and I was there on my third home yesterday Manila and And I really love this land. Like I you know when I smelled the smells Oh, they're beautiful when you've never smelled anything like it. I'll tell you that right now. It's a smell of flour like like a blooming flower or flower you bake with the baking I haven't seen a single flower here. Oh, there's a flower Yeah, there's one what next to you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's a flower. Yeah, but I was more like baking pot flower

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it smells like um beans We actually don't have a lot of beans here exactly and that's what the confusing part of what about it is Like there's no beans. Why does it smell like beans, right? It smells There's something else going on that I can't you know because in Korea, they have it that smell beans No, there's another third smell that Korea has so don't get mad at me, but it's a sewagey kind of smell Oh, right. It's a beautiful smell. Yeah Yeah, I mean nostalgic. Yeah, yeah, yeah But the flowers more prominent

The baking flower the baking flower is more proper a lot of pastries here a lot of pastries and the people can we talk about the people? You guys welcome to welcome to of Tiger Valley we're here in Busai and Bobby and I have not slept in I think over 24 hours. We're a little bit delirious. So You know This is it. Yeah, the best coffee I've ever had really not I was kidding, but it's so good. It's great Yeah, yeah, I've been to France, but my point is this all right for here. It's great But I want to talk about JJ. Oh

I want to think about you know, you know Sometimes you go to different countries and you see somebody that's like oh, that's my the version of me in that land Should we bring him you want to know I don't want to know I don't want the cameras to leave him But my point is because he's magical in that way, but what I'm saying is is that like in Sweden phone Just I'm sure there's a white guy with my body with my face in the jiggly. You know, I mean same vibe jiggly vibes You know, I mean, but he's also like, you know strength. Mm-hmm power. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean a commitment You mean to destroying things You mean especially

And he can wreck voosies did and and I like I'm doing you think you know, that's it anyway George Welcome to you How are you feeling? Um, I was a little jet-lagged, but I'm uh, I'm amped now you are I got a fart. Can I fart in the mic? Yeah, all right on the very fart You might want to check that one No smell, that's the crap power of me All right, that was just pure fucking inwards a Gilbert. What are you? This is the first time you you've come to the Philippines

What's your what's your what's your what are your first impressions first impressions? We flew into Manila yesterday, I feel I will say my first impressions. I feel we're not the best because of the flight Well, so I feel like I didn't get that I was like I was my brand was like, oh my god I'm coming to Cebu, but then the flight I was exhausted Where did you see because I I went back there to look for you Yeah, and were you in the far back? We were in the farthest seat back, but we got our own road to ourselves Oh, that's for a four-seater by ourselves a four-seater We slept a little bit a little bit, but it was cramped. It was yeah, it was tighter. I saw your area

Nice area, right guys had lounge chairs pretty good area pretty good. Um, you could afford it They were sold out Who doesn't love bread? That's a good point who doesn't love morning bread a croissant, but you know, I made a lot keto. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, this guy gets it dude. He loves it. He does. He just did the white supremacy sign. Yeah, he did He just did the white power sign to me, which is weird, but um So I want to know an update on your dating life. What do you mean? Well, you're dating. Yeah, well, not only that

Can I just tell you guys what that what dating looks like for about all right? Well, that's not called no names. No names. No names Okay, all right, Mariska Hargitay. I have never seen someone go at such lightning speed on Three simultaneous dating apps and I mean he's swiping life. Well, he's swiping life He kind of is swiping live. He's swiping like swiping left on the hottest chicks like I look at it I'm like I cannot believe okay. Nice. You're Impossible to impress. Yes standards You think I just look at the photo of the person I look at background. What where they're standing? What is it? Is that it? Is that a chicken chinket finger chicken finger on her bed?

He's a chink. Is that a chink finger on her bed? Got nervous there for so yeah. Yeah, that's what I meant to say. Oh, okay, and I just go that's racist. I Don't want to know who's on anybody's bed right protecting. Yes, dude No, I look at like if they're doing something like they could be beautiful But if they're doing something that I don't want to be doing yeah skydiving or like playing golf or like going to a club I just immediately I don't want anything to do with it. Mm-hmm, right? So I look at clothes that Sometimes I'll see the first photo. I'm not sure so I'll go to the second and the second photo. I'll make a decision They're mostly lefts for 13 hours of that entire flight from LA to Manila

It was just hinge hinge hinge. I could not believe my eyes lightning. What can I say this? No bumble out of Why I'm on bumble So he's on Raya bumble fork tender and hinge all of them. Yeah tinder is good. Yeah tinder is tinder is It's mythological. It's interesting. It's if if if Middle Earth had like a dating app That's what it tinder is because I've literally seen goblins. I But I saw a cave troll You know me I have You know at a club, you know, man

Do you not think that maybe she thinks the same of you when she comes across exactly? I look like fucking, you know I mean yellow got a golem two trolls on make a right. She's like, oh yellow Yeah, two troll they make a left they make a left they make a choose trolls don't make a right They make a left write that down. That's what I have a question for you. Yeah Could we we're here in the Philippines for a week. Could we maybe set you up on like three dates? Maybe I Like this idea one of you guys can help us JJ No, JJ and I have a something else. Okay. We got that part. All right, so we have not it's so crazy because it's not even what you think It is not pussy. It's not about pussy. What are you guys doing? He's a moron

I feel it. Oh, yeah, yeah, and we're gonna go to the temple Thursday. Yeah, and we're gonna go I'm gonna get baptized It's a Mormon. Yeah, the Mormons. Okay, right. Didn't you say the temple? Yeah. Yeah, and then we're gonna go to that new That new dumpling place that on Sunday, we're gonna be in jinnigan. Mott. Oh, okay We're gonna go there Mott. Okay. Yeah, and then Then we're gonna get some pussy I'm kidding. I'm feeling it. No, we're not gonna do anything like that. But my point is dates. Yeah, so what is your criteria? What is like the top five things that is most that are most important to you when you're looking at a girl on any of these sites?

I'll be honest with you. This is the truth that I'm talking sexual right now and all this stuff But there is somebody that a couple of people I've met That I like that I'm kind of seeing so That being said That's the truth I like that I like hanging out with and that I like their energy and

Maybe, you know, I have a curious question Do you ever when you're swiping in the back of your mind? Do you ever? Put Kalilah in like like you're comparing ever. Yes, she's here. Here's that's the fucked up part Shut up. That's the truth. We're just talking truth. We're being truthful. You're a little coochie mama coochie mama now Anyway, yeah, it's obviously, you know, there's a level right and it's not just about looks it's about, you know You know what me and Kalilah had what her interests, you know, we have the same interests We have the same really the same kind of music and movies and tastes right so all those things, you know come into play

It's a terrible thing to have but um, but also I because you had asked me The other day you were like, what do you talk? You know, what do you talk about when like you're dating somebody and sometimes you get worried that? You know that the person that you're seeing like their sensibilities don't match yours But I think that's a good thing like that you they don't need to like all the same movies You like they don't need to like you don't have to share the same hobbies And I think that you're missing the point of actually getting to know someone like you can still be fully invested in someone and not Share the same like

Hobbies or legs or any of that. Yeah, I'm not skydiving. Well, not skydiving. That's like once every five year I'm not doing that or golf, but I'm not doing any of that Listen, you're right. There are sometimes some a girl will go. What have you seen this movie? You've done this Wonka wine or whatever some of the movies you of course one girl Yeah, yeah, and yeah, yeah, and then the other guy that the with the dogs in the Mexican energy to energy to I learned All that shit from you and I was I didn't know about that shit And I was open to that stuff and I watch and I go that's a part of my like film repertoire in my mind, right? So yeah, I am open to that, but if they're like, I've only seen Ghostbusters 2

Or whatever. Yeah, I cannot date them There's nothing because they have no Lust for film. I Have a lust for movies. I watch garbage bad movies Foreign films criterion collection. I watch it all Whatever, you know, would you say that's part of your top five? Requests or criteria movies Gotta have some taste in movies video games

They gotta be okay, so they have to have some sort of video game addiction. Okay addiction not addiction, but you know Yeah, I play you know Something something like this. Okay Second so some kind of video game gamer even oculi if they're oculi sing So much is really into oculus. They're oculi sing around the house. I'll be cool You know I mean and then number two, you know some interest in movies and television and And comedy or whatever it's same interests that I have And then number three they can't play golf

We get at all. I Hate golf. What if they hey, what if they're hardcore gamers? Is it because of your dad? Yeah? He's competing with the golf club. We should play to do some we should play though I'm not playing golf with you did to break it to really have you break the what break the fucking club on my body like my dad No to break through break through what the trauma listen to me friend. I want to play golf with you I'm never gonna play golf with you. That's the we'll never gonna do that. I'm gonna say this. Okay that my Carlos Mencia Took me to a golf course and he learned that day. I was in the I was driving the thing Oh, yeah, and I started trembling crying. I really have

PTSD and trauma from golf. I hate it. Okay, so no golf bowling ladies. No. Hey bowling So no bowling because of you. I've seen you bowl with her so many times. I know but I Every time every time we did it. I fucking hate it. I never forced you to I know but I went and I love it I love eating the chicken that you love the chicken wings at the yeah, yeah, I like eating the chicken there But I don't know how to do the thing. Am I just call it chicken tender at chicken there? Chickender I like chicken dirt, right? What does another thing? No, you already have four. I have another one. What fucking oh Fuck burning man. Okay. That's a big one interest or any festival have to go to understand it though What whitey you have to go to burning man to understand it. I I understand it. No, no, no, no, it's an experience

It's not an experience. It's for homeless people. Boom. Actually. No, it's actually people rich influencers I know but what they want to they want to partake in like what was it like that you know trade goods You know, I mean here's like, you know, some horse spurs for you know me a mushroom I don't give a fuck. It's a gifting culture not a trading culture. That's the difference It's not beautiful dude. It's stupid. Do they have golden goose there? tennis shoes Whatever you want, whatever you want really beautiful They have an enormous three-story golden goose shoe that you can walk into and then like you hike up the top and you can watch the

Sunset, but what are you the playa? What are your thoughts of? Just also lots of explosions. It's awesome. Like since like, you know In this whole like way my greatest morning I was high on mescaline and somebody was a they had a cabbage batch doll launching they were launching fly up Firing cabbage batch dolls out of a potato gun launcher across the playa Yeah, George. It was you're making it worse for yourself. You're actually not selling magical memory I've ever said if you say playa for the fifth time Bobby might die. Yeah, well, listen in you know

Now that everyone is an influencer your fire Since I've worked here, so maybe I'll go next year. Oh, yeah, it seems really fucking corny now Would you go to a birdie baby? Would you go to burn your man? You're a burning man type of person I I think that I would have gone 10 years ago I just don't see the point of it now like every corny person I know went this past year and I'm like, oh, I don't know if I want to know you go First the first weekend. That's when the rail burners are there. The second weekend is all it's it's washed Yeah, I just I just know too many girls from LA. They put the little braids in their hair

They go to a burning man. These women don't have jobs. They're hot So they have rich guys paying for them to go there in a private jet or whatever, right? It's for losers Yeah, I think Andrew Schultz went He but that's I don't like him as much Yeah, I don't I just that's the truth I don't like him because of that because of that. You know, I mean, I'm still fuck with them You know, I mean this and that but my respect has gone way low, dude You know, I just don't like it. You know, I mean because it reminds me it reminds me of back in the day

What I was always a velvet underground guy. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I was always into like the New York late 60s Like the heroin art scene. I like that, right? But I didn't never like dead heads Yeah, you know, and that all my friends they went back in in the 80s when I was in high school The dead were still playing and my high school friends were following them around in the summer And I you know, I mean and they had were the tie-dye and the patchouli. I just don't like it Harry shave your pits ladies. Oh I'm sorry. That was wrong do whatever you want with your pits But you also have preference if you don't like the pits shave the pits. I know but look at this

God this I shave mine Right and I respect people But you know, I did it for you you you and you respect you see Kirk back Namaste. He backed up. Why'd you back up dude? That was fucking rude. I Want to point out something that right there that length of pubes that you have is so highly abrasive to the pussy That I would never like I would not come close to that at all. You caught me in a wrong day You caught me in a wrong day. You need to grow it out some more and no, I'm gonna shave it again Okay, I don't like that length that length is painful. Yeah, but if you look at my like

Yes, well for the audio members Yeah Here that I've never seen it that clean well clean the sides dog. You know how hard it is to get the angle on that shit Fucking mazel. Thank you, man You have a bushy creature down there. I don't I don't grow hair down there. Yeah, it's a bushy little creature. I'm a child of God. I've seen it down there Abalone lips I'm so sorry. Abalone is so delicious. It is delicious and expensive see

Thank you. So anyway, um, but now do you respect your homeland? I really do. I Really do. I don't believe you. No, I do. I wait. I'll be honest. I'm here working We're working. I wish I could have my honestly my dad kind of take me to all my relatives Because I feel like I haven't met any of them. So I Feel I'm at I'm like the first place I'm going to is a resort Yeah, that's not like I thought I was gonna go to like all around like that was my imagination of like Oh, I'm gonna go see my grandma who I've never met. Well, you've never met your grandma my Lola I'm close with the one in the States. That's the immigration grandma. The other one is here and all around and she's still alive

She's still alive. And where's all around that? How far is that? Like Miss. I'm is Like 45 minutes. Yeah, it's a hopper. You're not gonna drive to go see your grandmother be a boat. I think Take a fucking boat bitch. Okay. I mean if my grandma was still alive, I would swim there I doubt that. No, you don't know about my family dude. Wait, how I felt about my family I don't know about your family, but I know about you. What was the farthest way? What was the farthest way? Honestly, wait, what was it attack? Oh, that's fair. That's fair. You don't think he can swim. I've seen him I know he's a really good swimmer except that that's fair Wasn't the last time he was here. He floated and like didn't ever sink

Well, what happened was he fell asleep on his back and then he drifted like an entire mile and like didn't wake up Yeah, he didn't wake up. He was just like napping floating away in the ocean But I you know, I would I'll be honest with you if my grandmother was around this island Yeah, and then never met her and how old is she? Probably in her 70s, right? I think my dad really wants me. He wants it. It's your dad's dad's mom Yeah, right has he called you like son go see my mother. He really wants to go to the town with me He doesn't want me to go by myself Is she in good health?

semi I Think you should go. I think you should take a boat. I'll pay for it Take a boat. You just want to come not coming. I'll go with you. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, she's not gonna go You're not gonna go to miss. I miss you're not gonna go miss. I'm all but I'm gonna say something Osama you're gonna take a boat. It's another island. I think so. Yeah, is it um, do they have like Starbucks and stuff? I don't know anything about it. No, I don't think they do It's like it's like it's honestly the town where my dad was the mayor. It's very small Well, your dad was the mayor of the town. My dad. It was a mayor of a la ron

It's a magical place. He was 28 20 years old how it was when the regime changed happened So he didn't actually know what he was doing. He was just partying as a mayor what they have heroin Cocaine, I don't know what kind of drugs. What was it? I don't know, but let's talk about Ariel Oh, here we go. Let's get into it. Let's get into Ariel if you guys don't know about Ariel So I believe so I've never seen them at little mermaids therefore, but I do I do know that that the music and I know that there are some people that grew up with it like yourself that have memorized the music, right? It's the music. It's nostalgic to you and I think it's a beautiful casting situation here, baby. I

Really do. Is that what you said to me in private? Oh, what was that in private? I say it was a beautiful casting situation That's what I said to have a problem. I Don't have a problem. What are you talking about? I called you. I go. Did you see it? She goes what I go the trailer for a little mermaid and she goes. Yes, I go. I said it was beautiful. It's out I didn't see it The trailer is okay, you know what the situation is right? What is it? Um, Ariel now Ariel is black. Okay, I'm the audience to know that. Okay, what you didn't know that I knew that I know that I like your your take and I love it. That's all I did make a joke though

The other day in front of a black comedian there We thank you and he didn't seem to think that was funny And I and I don't know if I can tell the joke because I think you might have to cut it out Okay, try your best. What can I guess what the joke? Yeah, go ahead keep that in we're gonna keep that he's gonna get cancelled Yeah, cancel George. So it was your joke. I just say it's just you know, I Oh my god But my point is is that it was the point there was five black comics at the comments I say it they all looked at me no laugh not even a chuckle not even a chuckle and I went oh

Fuck sorry, and I just walked away. I was like God. I'm oh There we go there we go But I think I know I think it's no you realize like tiger belly does not own these mics. Oh, these are ours I brought this from the states. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So what's up? I can fart all of them if I want to I want to say this, okay? I I thought about it about this aerial thing and I really Think it's a because she she's a great singer. Yeah, right. She's a great actress, right? They made her head hair reddish

It's red. Yeah, I think that's a Vital thing Right. Yeah, Ariel has essential. It's essential a little bit Imagine being a grown man and being angry that a mythical creature Is cast as anything but white yeah, that is an insane thought to me that people are in such like Just it does it doesn't make sense because isn't the crab Jamaican. Yeah. Yeah, Sebastian. Yeah, yeah But it's like who the fuck cares like what race anything is in that world like it's I mean if Mulan was Puerto Rican Yeah, but she was saying because it's a historical piece in China. What is

They wouldn't work. She was Puerto Rican. Yeah, but the sea is like the UN I guess I like this. Let's go. Yeah, the sea is like, you know, everyone's territory I learned in marine biology from dr. Gago Shout out to dr. Gago The reason the idea of mermaids came about because back in the day during the age of exploration a lot of really drunk sailors Were very horny and we're usually on board. I don't believe this but strictly men And they would come across listen to this shit when they were really really drunk

And really really horny Yeah, it was very dark at night not the dolphins, but they would come across manatees, which is a fat Hot take fat dolphin manatees Kind of yeah, yeah, but they're super friendly and they come right up to humans They're very trusty and the other pirates that do that Stop that. Yeah, and apparently like they would mistake these creatures I've been drunk so much. I see a fucking manatee. Oh, that's a fucking I'm gonna fuck that. I've seen some of the girls you've been with

Some of them Why are you looking True, but turns out I'm not the bar. I'm not the bar There was before you though. Well, yeah, yeah, but you don't believe in the whole like manatee theory Versus real mermaids I believe what they were so you're saying that they were so if I would I would get behind it. They were on like mushrooms Right and they were hallucinating. They saw a manatee. Maybe it would look like, you know You know a woman, you know, I mean, but like I don't see how you're drunk and gone

There's a lady in the ocean. She's on a rock eating fish. Let's fuck her. I don't what if I mean like, okay So what if like the manatee came up and had like kelp over its head to make it appear like it? Yeah, I've never been in a club and saw a lady with kelp on their head Well, you know, I mean like, oh, yeah, that's a good look. You know, I mean, no That would never happen. That's just one of the theories. I imagine you're in a boat. Yeah, right with a boat Let's let's imagine us. We're pirates, bro. Ah Chinese And we're I've been out to sea right

And if fucking JJ was like, look at that manatee. I don't think we'd be like Dude, it's just calling them. It's not a woman. Just fuck it if you want to be honest Just be honest with it. That's what it is. You know, and JJ would probably have sex with the fucking manatee Wait, hang on and we jerk off on the side of the boat, right? A lot of these um pirates and sailors were very vitamin deficient They had scurvy. They probably had like vitamin D vitamin everything deficiency. We're probably hallucinating along with being drunk So I guess I just for me, it's like if I'm gonna if we're on a boat Excuse me. I'm sorry and we're horny

And I see a manatee in the ocean and I see you guys I'll just be like, I'll fuck Rick You know, I'm not gonna dive it right. I fucked JJ you go human first. Yeah, I think JJ just bend over Right, I'll put some kelp on your head put this kelp wig This kelp wig on your head and I would do it that way like prison system basically Yeah prison system, but I wouldn't just jump into the ocean and chase down a manatee. That's crazy. That is kind of wild Yeah, I don't think I don't believe that that's how mermaids came to be Well, it's just one of dr. Gago's theories. I believe that mermaids exist

You do Yeah, why not? We have them here. There are there are there not creatures in the world that we've never discovered. Have you seen Filipino mermaids? You never seen an okoy before What's an okoy? They're all laughing. What does that mean? What's an okoy? I'll show you give me an okoy This one you'll want to fuck for sure Isn't that also like a Japanese fritter? No, it's like a food. They get certain foods or hang on. Oh, hang on See, I'm thinking of this glila. What?

Yeah, no, you can eat it. That's okra That's uh, can't fuck okra Why are we having said let's let's talk about sex. Let's talk about good things in life Yeah, we always talk about sex and making love to animals and I don't think that's a good thing It's the energy here. Let's know I want to switch the end. We're in a beautiful island. Yeah, and let's talk about This island man that we're at this tropical island. What do you plan to do here? Me? Yeah To immerse myself in the culture

You know, we're doing that big show Saturday. Yeah, that's what you know Oh, yeah, she told yeah, so for people that want to know why are they in the Philippines, right? I came here for the motherland to kiss the ground and to right. Yeah, but the second thing is, you know, I mean is to um Um, you know, the we were here years ago and we did a we did a talent show And I saw the greatest talents in my life And I want to record it this time and I want to film it And I want to film the process of it and and show the people You know, I mean what saboo has to offer and I think it has a lot to offer

So wait, you went to vegas for your birthday Well, you know, my friend gene love him. You know, I love him and he goes I go I just want to go to vegas. I have a friend out there that I really like Um And um, I met that person we had dinner with that person and I decided to um gamble And I lost four thousand dollars

in about three hours and then I I want to say something right now that I want to say something right now. I lost I just lost another thousand But how because I would fuck so andro santino and I'd made a bet that we were not going to ejaculate And watch porn and I watched porn that night. But was that the night that that was the night I could do it That's right the birthday. Oh I've been jacking off ever since then too, but let's let's not say that let's cut that part out

You know what I mean, but my point is is that I owe him a thousand wait Why did you text me at like 11 p.m. That night and you're like, this is so depressing because um, my friend that had dinner with went home And um, I thought I was gonna hang out with my friend a little longer And then and then I lost a bunch of money and then I just realized I was just in a casino by myself Gambling at a five, you know five cent machine Oh for my 51st birthday. Whereas the birthday before that was so grand

That was someone that you guys set up So gene My 50th birthday, it was, you know That dinner that we had at the restaurant where everyone showed up and then um, I hung out with aquafina and you know Benedict won benedict long and it was like a magical night Do you know Gershon came to my birthday and we and I had a stand-up show and it was just a magical night And this was this is kind of like the opposite of that almost It was sort of like I'm 51. I'm gonna die soon. Yeah, but 51 is not a very fun number to play with so, you know

Yeah, when is it? When can I know that do another grand one 75? Oh, that's I can't wait that long man. How about 52? That's not a number like a say 55. Can you just do halfway between not a chance So 60 is my big one 60 and then 75. No, fuck it. You know what? I'm gonna change that 52 I'm gonna have the grandest party. I'm gonna prove to you. You can have a grand party at 52 All right, I'll help you do it. You want to do like a great gaspy type of thing with the costumes Oh my god, that'd be fun costumes. That would be fun. Yeah, but like not great gaspy people have done that Let's find a um

How about like let's do a renaissance fair Oh, yeah, we actually buy a lot and build a renaissance fair around you. Yeah, we'll have a we could just go to the renaissance No, no, no, we build it. I want to build my own from scratch I would have jostling Right. I want to have the whole like herey herey. I just that are herey here. Yeah I don't know. I don't know much about that world. You know, I mean, but there's a white guy selling newspapers That's a different type here You got your paper here here at medieval times off from new york

A paper boy. Yeah. Yeah, right But you know, there is uh I'm a fortune teller. Is that renaissance fair, bro? You're just mixing all types. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's find out a right genre here What about um, I have a suggestion. Go ahead. We we spend money Truly spend money and we do star trek We build an actual enter like we build that we can do we can build that build the enterprise We build the enterprise inside of it. Yeah, and who would you be and you assign people? Fuck no, we gotta let john cho do that. Oh, that's he is him. He's gotta let john cho

You think john would come he would come to your birthday. He won't dress up as sulu though There's no way john's gonna dress up as sulu. Call dibs and a character now All right, what What don't have do you just interrupt me? I'm excited about it. So everyone already plays star trek characters You're like a new guy that comes in so you're walking into the world with existing characters like if I can get You know Well, there was a character named q. I don't know what's next generation, but he was like, um, this omnipotent Powerful god kind of a creature. Okay, right. Maybe I could play like

z His cousin. Oh, yeah, his cousin. Did people know what you look like? Yeah, he was in the pilot Oh, he was a huge part of the next generation. You know that your favorite episode ever of the interlite Yeah, the inner I I realize what that is. What is it? It's basically it's it's based on someone tripping off dmt Because people who have done dmt what how long does it last in your system or how long like 15 minutes? Like a really short amount of time But then some people come out of it saying wait, where are my kids? Where are my family? Where is my wife because they've lived an entire life?

Tripping on dmt and they come out of it like basically the same as that episode Should I do in dmt then? No, because you might come out of it like having lived an entire life in there and then missing that Coming back and being like where the fuck are my kids? Yeah, I want to know where my kids are I want to know what that feels like because I don't have any kids Right, it's better to like have that feel I want to know what that feels like You know when jody miller, you know, I mean she's observing her kid stand stand now Wait, what? Oh, because she had adopted a child. She adopted the kid now. She has a kid and like standing is a thing

When kids walk for the first time, you mean stand is no, it's a thing milestone Yeah, yeah Like when they talk is a thing right a milestone. That's my point Right, so I want to be able to like oh my kid was crawling around like a little critter here You know, I mean it's standing now and just be have that joy Yeah, but what about you if you never get to see your kid again because your dmt trip is over But I still got to experience the standing part

But will your heart not break? I mean what I mean how In the dmt am I raising a whole family or do I only witness like the first? No, I think it's like a whole lifetime. Some people describe. Yeah, I wanted to you know I want to know about when they say bad that for the first time. Do you have that? Yeah, yeah, why did your kid hate me? Why doesn't he? And why does he love me so much? He was he like jumped into your arm

Honestly, why because I don't give any bad energy to that kid. You give bad energy to all kids You're terrifying. What's the fucking energy I give dude. You just I smile No, I have a good I pointed out photos of you after that like the next day and then I so I think he's gonna I think he's gonna love you now. Wait, wait, so you pointed out you went on my name. No, no We were in the podcast room video. No, he said he sent you look. I'll show you you see my video Okay, sorry my bad. He goes I'll watch your videos from now on repeat. Um, so basically, um, um Explain it for the audience

Fancy pointed at a picture of you on a poster and he was who was that and Tommy was like bobby No, come on man. Watch the videos. I gotta watch the video. Let me see it. Let me see it. I might this is gonna Wow You want to hear that again here? I don't want to hear it again. I heard it You know what I'm not gonna hurt your kid ever I hope you weren't thinking about that ever a little bit when they were crying but like When it was like screaming at me, but like I love your kid did I was thinking of hurting them too. I was like this This is my job here. You better you better behave. No, let me squeeze this harm a little hard yet Can we talk about the milestones?

Yeah a baby All right, so can your baby stand? Oh, absolutely. He's so when he stood for the first time. How'd you feel? That was pretty magical I think now did you celebrate or what happens? Well, I was worried that he probably was like had done his few steps at daycare and they never tell you because they don't want to That's true. Tell you they oh all of his milestones happened here because he's spending more of his time here than with you I don't want to say anything rude because I like your kid, right? May but I may can I have a criticism?

And I I'm going to write a fine line here and I'm going to be as we put a helmet on him But I know his head. I'm just gonna say I'm gonna let me ask you something. Okay your kid number one Well proportioned and I always look at that At kids No, I don't look at kids, but just in terms of like when I see him and I go are they well proportioned Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean like yeah, no you are my head dude. Come on. You're not. Yeah. Thank you. You're right Do you think you're well proportioned? No, I don't what do you think is ill proportion all of it proportionate?

What do you mean all of it? I think I have like dwarf arms. I think I have um, you know A beer-guzzling badly, you know, I got different aspects But I think that happened over the years because when I look at older pictures of you, let me go to the baby Okay, yeah Let me go to the baby, right? This is the honest truth cute face And I can tell he could be a handsome one Right. He's got a bumpy mongoloid head

Take that out. Oh my god, Bobby. Right. It's a big head. Oh, it's a big head. Yeah, that's how you can't Are you some mongoloid? Oh, he's gonna resay it. All right, so let me say Jesus we can edit right here we go. Right Your kid look at me Beautiful face, right? Well proportioned body, right? Yeah, his head Very big That's have you seen like could it's Korean and look at George's head. Yeah massive. Yeah, that's all that's my only criticism

it but it's like more big than Any other head I've seen as a baby 99th percentile. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, you know giant brain giant computer Yeah, but I believe that's true and I believe and that's the point I'm going to make. Okay Nice Nice, it's not gonna look good, but he's gonna have a great job And that's a good thing that's a good point. That's a good point. He's gonna science and I love it Right. We just look away from the head

Is that bad? How's that? I think it's a good point. It's a good. It's a great thing. He's not gonna be He's gonna invent things, right? Yeah. Yeah, but it's just stay out of his way. We've running, you know, I mean Good point. Yeah. Yeah, I do think he had a little trouble walking early on because he was a little top heavy No, what words did he say? He said bobby. That's amazing. That's crazy. That's crazy about that His favorite word is still moana. Like he'll cry. I drive him to daycare He'll cry until he play I play moana. Is that why he loves me? I have the soundtrack. That's why he loves it, right? I have the soundtrack downloaded now Can you tell when a baby is and I don't know much

Can you tell when a baby is gay at at that age? Yeah How the voice? Yeah, I got you. Thank you. That's exactly. Is that what you see? We're keeping that in club. Yeah, we're keeping that it Yeah, I mean relax. We're keeping it. Yeah I mean, I don't know. Is there a science or does that come out later? Well, there's no well I knew like I remember good question in kindergarten I remember being in kindergarten and sensing that Like, you know, you don't like know much about like labels or whatever, but I knew that my friend

Like boys, but didn't think anything of it. Right even early that early on I was like, oh so-and-so Like boys and we were like four or five. Yeah, so yeah, maybe Yeah, I had a friend as a kid and he'd always want a mouth kiss Yeah, but I think that that's just all curiosity. Oh, really? Yeah with tongue. Yeah, because the kids are hyper sexual I guess and I would do it. I'd be like I hated it I did it, but I I was just like, you know, I mean this kid, you know, if it's white kid Wait, I have a question when you've been making out with these girls like have you improved on your kissing? Because I've given you tips over the years. There's two things that I want to say. Let's do it

number one I think you're wrong about that. I don't think I think you're the one that doesn't know what to kiss Oh, and number two, can I say this and I'm gonna say this on for a fact, right? I eat good veg And I like it she didn't like me doing it on her No, it's because you're not and I'm gonna say Why could I don't do the spit? No, it's just you know, you know, you got to you got to do it with your whole fucking chest

And you don't do it with your whole chest. There's all I do with my mouth, which is the way to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not gonna put your vagina in a kumura Yeah, like it's not jujitsu. It's like I'm gonna use my mouth. You're good, but you're very polite Okay, here we go. You're very polite, right? I don't listen. I do toxic masculinity. What are you doing? It's not even that, dude I learned through porn But porn is not polite What are you what porn are you watching? This is a little confusing. What is this? I don't want to get too graphic, but right. Yeah. Say less graphic. Say less. I like the thumb You look at good. Yeah. Yeah, right just for just because that's my style lubricant

No, it doesn't go anywhere. You just He goes like yeah, yeah, yeah I just give her a thumbs up like look at my shiny thumb What's so funny? Yeah, they just I just right and I peel you I mean the upper half back I love that. Okay, exposing. You know what I mean? Peel. You know what I mean? You know the life hump. Yeah. Oh life hump for sure. Yeah, the life hump, right? And then I you know Yeah, I do. I you know what I mean?

My lashes came off. Yeah, I'm sorry. And I've and There are girls before you. Yeah, that always said oh my god. Are you European? Wow, right. You're the only one that was like you were like and I don't know who the fuck you were You probably dated the lizards. What is that? Yeah, I mean like lizards or something wait. What's the European compliment? No, they just think that I'm like, you know, I mean like you did you go to the france to learn this? Okay, got it. Got it. Like it was like stylistic. I see. I see. I see. I mean and very good very very good And you made me feel like I wasn't good at kissing or that. No. Yes. No. Yeah hitlers stop

No, please. I'm gonna give you a compliment. You give good blowjobs You hear that guys, please but it's not the best But it's not the best. What is that back-headed compliment? I love you though. Give me a bubble. No, please god. No This is why you guys doing that. Bobby. Yeah. Yeah, I feel bad about that. I love you. Thank you. We had great love We did good section Now people ask people ask, you know, will you and Colleen are gonna get back together? I don't know. I don't think we are I don't think we are either

Are you sure? I don't think we are I don't think we are and um, oh, here's the thing we've moved on I've look. I'm really really trying to like display proper boundaries, but then you You do stuff like that and like I think that no you do stuff too. What do I do? What what this phase expose her kisses? Kalyla you always say kisses I do that. I don't say it like that. Yeah, it's a joke. Is it a joke or it's literally an inside joke between us Yeah, I go, uh-huh. No kisses. I don't ask for them. Here's the deal bro. Bro. Bro. Here's the deal, right?

This year making it worse. There are times when you're laying on the bed on your bed and I want to I could cuddle up to you and watch a movie and crush your head And kiss you and be with you in that way Um, but I don't know if that's what friends do Definitely not. I don't think so. Right. So I'm trying to figure out what the boundaries are Just because I do miss you in that way and I I want to hold you in that way and I love you, you know, I um, but you know, um I do believe that we've moved on. I don't think that when people say online

You know, they're gonna get back together. I don't think so because I'm actively dating other women. You're you know me? You know that You know, um, I don't know who you're seeing. Um, I don't want to know wait. Do you do know, you know, no comics No comics. You mean Absolutely no comics. No joke or none of these kind of guys. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no comics Yeah, I don't care if it's like what about comedic actors like who on just network television bill hater Bill Bill hater

I would do bill hater. Yeah, okay. I would let bill bill hater. Yeah, then give me some names. I'll tell you. Okay. Uh Anyone on the current cast of snl I don't know any of them exactly the gay chinese guy. Maybe bow and yay This is gonna sound the gay chinese. I like that. I love white women You know what I mean? I love the rough skin I really love it. Keep going. I love the rough skin. Yeah, do they really have rough skin? Yeah, it's like am I touching a woman or Clint Eastwood? Dude, and it's a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing. It's like, you know, I mean put some I love their bio

What kind of you know, it just smells like you know Carl Lewis after he did a run I love Carl Lewis. He's a great athlete, right? But just Just stink deep deep stink and I have no smell. You don't yeah I love they're like, um, they have mustaches But it's usually blonde and they're blonde mustaches, but they're full thick. Yeah, you know, I mean They also have when they get older, which is I like it, right? Because I like to connecting the dots

Little moles and little freckles I'm used to your dating women. Clint Eastwood, moles, mustaches Yeah, I love their Adams apple And when they're balls falling, yeah, yeah, yeah And when I suck on their dicks, I'll tell you something. These women's dicks, man These white, no, but I um No, I have a I have a white fetish a little bit right now. Well, I think I want it. Here's what I want

I think this is the this is because your type is the perfect type. I want a white woman with a little Asian A quarter or 50 Asian It's my flavor Because you have the softness. Can I just touch? Yeah, right? No Clint Eastwood there. No Clint Eastwood there, right? There's a little bit of bo, but not full blown. What's it like? Yeah, I mean not a that think of a mustache Jesus, you know, um But they're it's cool and in the dark you can see some Asian

Yeah, I like that and I love, um all colors actually. Yeah, I will say last Filipino and your lifetime I think it was Kalala the last Filipino Yeah, I might have been I think that's it could be. Yeah. Yeah I have to say this too. There's one girl FYI Um, I know that is a pudgier Indian Indian girl Um, and when I say pudgy, I mean, um

My body curves My body. Okay, that I find attractive as well. There you go. Shanti. No. No, not that belief I love her though. Great comic. Go check her out. She's hot. She's hot, but not her But you know, they're so you know, I'm opening my horizons Yeah, I like to say to the crew and everyone here That it's a blessing to be here I can't wait to eat the dinner that God um has provided us Um

I think Ariel should be white. We'll see you guys next week Hey Prime members, you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast before you go Tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey