TigerBelly - Ep 377: Neal Brennan & The Furious Geisha

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

Neal writes a script. Bobby hates the script. Khalyla loves the script. We talk Theo & Bob's new script, Warzone millionaire, hatred for love languages, profile red flags, and Neal's amazing sex.  Watch his new special Neal Brennan: Blocks on Netflix. Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners. Go to www.helixsleep.com/belly With Helix, better sleep starts now.  This holiday season, give yourself the gift of stress-free holiday shipping. Use promo code BELLY today at www.shipstation.com to sign up for your FREE 60-day trial. That’s www.shipstation.com promo code BELLY. To learn more about how you can achieve your personal sexual health goals, go to www.ro.co/belly  today to get 20% off your entire first order. Go to www.zocdoc.com/belly and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. This podcast is sponsored by The Ridge Wallet. Grab your wallet and keycase here: https://ridge.com/belly This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. No waiting rooms. No traffic. No endless searching for the right therapist. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at www.betterhelp.com.belly         See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Dude, you have the skinniest ankles I've ever seen on any man. Really? That's incredible. It's beautiful ankles, dude. Thank you. Yeah. You gonna meet that up or what? Meet it up? Yeah, you gotta meet that thing up, man. You'll meet it up. A little bit, like maybe a couple inches. No, I think it's a little late for me.

Oh, you think so? You can't meet up that? I think my bones and muscles are only gonna get worse from here. I work out. Bobby, don't get me wrong. No, I know. Bobby. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. Dude, you're gonna be like a crotchety old guy, huh? Gonna be. You know your spine is gonna fucking bend and you're gonna walk around?

I think Kurt Metzger said I walk like Mr. Burns from... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's the vibe, I guess. ...this fucking sweet burn. Yeah. This is that I can't... It's just like, yep. Once somebody hits you with it, you're like, yep, that's right.

Yeah. I literally was walking like this at one point. Yeah. Let me see your ankles. My ankles are pretty pure. And they meet it up? Pretty pretty. Oh, there's it.

I mean, what do you... Well, somebody... Mike Gibbons, I believe, has an observation that Asians have thick... ...cabs. True. You think it's the region that... Right? Chicken legs are not a huge thing in the Asian community.

Right. But let's figure out why because it's, you know, because of the region of where we evolved, we probably needed thicker legs. Number one, mountainous. We gotta get up there. There's Rice Mountain. What if there's a Rice Mountain? Hiking.

What if all the rice is on the fucking top of the hill and we're like, we have to go to Rice Mountain? Okay. Right? And we had climbed that. It snows. Does that happen? You dubbed your own voice.

What do you mean? You don't speak in any Asian language. You literally did like, we must go to, right? Like you did... I'll tell you the reason why I did. You did ADR on yourself. No. Good ADR.

That's really funny. The reason why I did, Anil, is because it was a historical bit. Okay. Right? So I was going 300, you know, back in the day, I said evolution. I feel like you're justifying the thing that you make fun of white filmmakers doing, which is having John Wayne play an Asian guy. Right.

So do you think that I shouldn't be doing that? I think you should learn some Asian language. Wow. Fuck. So that's it. That's pretty good. You should have done that for the bit. Yeah.

Anyhow. Anyhow. You're a fucking bastard, dude. No, no, no. You're 10 minutes late and you're out of time. 10 minutes late. I really, I learned a lot waiting outside your house, which was you were so loud and abusive to your friends and ex and staff.

I assumed you were recording it for some entertainment purposes. And then I asked you and you go, no, I was just ranting about something. Yeah. I heard, I heard slapping. No. No. Things were breaking. No.

You, if you're pull pot, right? Right. During the Khmer Rouge days, right? You have to vocalize. You have to vocalize. And I'm the pull pot of this building. What kind of a boss are you? I'm a tyrant.

Yeah. I'm a tyrant. Yeah. Do you consider what's your relationship with him? I'm, you know that when Kim Jong-un was in power, he had some like Japanese chef like ride jet skis with him and was sort of like this. Yes, man. And one day he beat Kim Jong-un in like a jet ski race.

And then he, um, he was, he, we haven't heard. He hasn't been returning phone tax. Right. I think he got like extra dieted back to where he came from. Like I'm the jet ski. No, it's that's the wrong leader. You're Eleanor Roosevelt on Franklin Roosevelt. What's the, what's she like?

You're my spine. Touch me. Fuck. You did the fucking Kim Jong-un. That was too easy. Let me say something. You're getting so much pussy right now. You didn't even take a hug.

Wow. Oh, you know what? You want to talk about pussy? He's getting so much. You want to talk about pussy? I'm dying. What do we, what? I'll tell you about pussy.

I'm going to tell you about pussy. All the pussy. What is he called? I don't know. When I'm on Raya, I'm going to say something. May I say something? When I'm on Raya, dude, right? All the fucking hot Swedish supermodels that are DJs on there, right?

All says friends with Neil B. You know what they're kissing? Then I click, so I click on the Neil B and there's your ugly face. All right? So my point is that who's swimming in it? I'm not swimming in Swedish hot model. You know who's really swimming in it? What?

Lamorn Morris from New, like these friends with every hot girl on Raya. Literally every single one of them. You and Dominic Monaghan are all Dominic M or Neil B. That's all it says. You know who's, you know what's a kiss of death? It's Whitney for you? Whitney. Oh wow.

You know what's like where you go? Uh-oh. Friends with Pauly Shore. I see that a lot too. I never say love. I say X with that. For some reason, why? I know.

I know. I'm with you because we both like Pauly. Yeah. Why is that? I think you see the bathing suit, it says PS, right? And then you kind of looked at the body. You go, there's something that, you know what I mean? Like there's a bite mark or you know what I mean?

There's something, right? There's a bandaid on the knee. I don't like it. You know what I mean? So my point is there's something going on. I feel like Pauly did that. You know what I mean? Yeah.

If there's a scar, Pauly bit her. She's marked. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Yes. In the short answers. But here's another, here's a long answer on that.

I'll give you the long answer. I love it. How does any, I mean, I love Pauly. But I've seen, you've seen him up close. He's a good guy. It's not. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like. Pauly smells pretty good. Yeah. We're talking about him like he's fucking homeless. He's not homeless. He's got millions. No, of course. Yeah.

And he's done so much. Yes. He's a pioneer. Great man. Yeah. But it's, you look at his face and it's like, you know what it looks like is, remember when Gollum was a human, right? And then Smeagol, right?

And then he became Gollum. Pauly's in the mid stage. Remember when he bit the fish? He bit the fish in like the third one of the transformation. And then they show him in the cave and it does like a long dissolve and he turns old, right? He looks mid metamorphosis Gollum to Smeagol. There's like five phases of Jewish man.

Oh, tell me. I didn't know this. He's in one of them. He's in the sixth phase. He really, like really, if you know Jewish, there's like five phases. Yeah. And like he just looks like his dad at that age. Yeah.

Whether there's five phases, but he exceeded it and went further with the phases. Maybe he's on ninth phase. Who can say? Yeah, yeah. And by the way, he's still, like Pauly still gets chicks. But chicks. He gets women. He gets beautiful women.

Every time. But it does make you something about seeing friends of Pauly on riot. You go. Yeah. Why is that though? I don't know. I don't know. Well, you get pause.

I mean, you had a great observation, which is you don't like it when ugly women like you on, on dating apps. You take an insult. I said that out loud. You said that to me out loud. Yeah. I said that. Yeah.

It was a Pauly. It was a Bobby special where you pull me. It's not that. I didn't. I don't think I said it like that. Can I tell you something? Okay. Because they like these fucking ugly chicks think that they can fuck me.

They will never fuck me. And then you fucking smoke and walk away. It is true. Cause you say the same to me. I think you said on this podcast. I think you've said it on here actually too. I don't body shame. And I believe that we're all you.

I mean, you face shame Pauly. Go ahead. Just the face though. Not body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So let me say there are certain things that you say to friends and to your ex-girlfriend. Right. That's supposed to be not out loud. Privado. Yeah. Yeah. They don't know they're not good looking. The ones who liked you.

They don't know or they think they don't know. Oh, they don't. They don't know that they're not good looking. Yeah. They don't know. They think they're good. They think you're talking about everybody but them. Okay.

So good. Let's talk then. Yeah. We're safe. Yeah. But it's you see it more on Tinder. Right. You'll get somebody that likes you on it.

Yeah. Just for fun though. No. No. For the gag. You check for bits. Right. Yeah.

Just here for bits. Yeah. Yeah. And they're all by the way half of them. It's basically an only fans advertisement. Really? Tinder is. Oh yeah.

Yeah. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And because I've you know I mean spent like 10 grand on it. Good. Alrighty.

Good. On only fans subscription subscription subscription. Good. You know what I mean. So I'm like Tinder's expensive. Because he is a number one consumer and very, very. Are you doing only fans? Yeah.

Can I just say another thing about only fans? I wasn't ever going to say this, but I'm going to say this. I'm going to say the person's name. I'm not going to say the person's name, but there's a lady. I went to Subway. Is she an only fan? Yeah. I went to the Subway on sunset.

You know that one with the 7-Eleven right by Orange. You've already lost one. Sure. I know. You go to the Subway. I was really hungry. I went in there. Right.

Yeah. The girl there goes, oh Bobby. She goes, I have an only fans. Follow it. And she posted something that was so ridiculous. I almost like, I almost had an aneurysm. Wait, how did that conversation come up? Like, was she like making your meatball sandwich and she was like, P.S.

I have an only fans? Or was she? No, I think I asked. Is she wearing the clear gloves on the only fans? That's a good one. That's a very good job. Thank you very much. You're welcome.

Thanks guys. Guys, you can laugh. You don't just have to smile. Smile and nod. So I think I was like, are you an actress? Don't call me sir. Go ahead. I go, are you an actress?

Small talk. Because you found her cute. Kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Above average. She works there, she's in line. She works there.

Also, I'll tell you why. Bobby. I'll tell you what. When you see a remotely hot chick work at like a Wendy's or a Subway, there's something sexy about that. I don't disagree. Thank you so much. Yeah, I don't disagree.

You're like, what are you doing here? Yeah. You don't have to do all this. Night and shining armor. You're pretty. You're pretty little head. Yeah. Have you heard of sugar daddies?

Uh-huh. I'm kidding. I would never do that. But anyway, my point is, is that we got in the conversation. I went to follow our only fans and she did a post that made me, so what it was is she goes, you like my titties, right? Unlock this photo, $50 to unlock just to see regular titties. Yeah, but you got to do it now because you matter at Subway and you got to see the titties.

No, you don't have to unlock all of them. Just one. I'm not going to unlock the $50 one. I locked up like $8 one. Oh, if you charge us $50 for titties, she probably charges $8 for ankle, right? $5 for my face, right? I mean, she doesn't know. And let me say something, right?

You know what you can get? I Googled it for $50. You know what you can get for $50? Nine Subway sandwiches. You Googled them. Yeah, yeah. Good ones too. Yeah.

And you could eat for three days. With three bucks. $50. Yeah. Your titties got to be golden, baby. They have to be pristine. Did you get the impret- did you get her number? No.

So you went on the- and then did you put your credit card down? Only fans have your credit card. Yes, they do. So it's locked in? Like you don't have to do like- Well, you buy only fans like coins. Fuck that's so sad. Fuck it's sad.

Yeah, I have like a wallet, but that has their own like- Like fucking toke. Like a fucking arcade, like a video card. Like a video game. Okay, right? Like a Dayton Buster. This is your crypto. Fuck.

Can I admit something? Go. I paid it. The $50. I knew that. There's literally not- no one on earth didn't think you paid it. I paid it. We were all sitting here just waiting, going like, when's he going to confess to pay?

Can I say something? Can I say something? Worth it. Yeah. No, they weren't worth it. They were not worth it. They're always worth it. 50- baby, if you're on only fans- ladies, if you're doing on old fans, you can only

charge $10 for titty shots, because that's $25 a breast. It's also a lot of pressure on your- on your- on your titties. Exactly. Like, no one's- you know what I mean? No one's titties are that valuable. Certainly not mine, but I still- The only way I would- What's happening with your boobs, I mean, like, what's wrong with them?

I had implants for two years, and I took them out, but they're back to- Best two years of Bobby's life. Go ahead. He hated them. Is that true? No, I didn't. What? Well, you didn't like them.

You preferred small breasts. I like- Yeah, you wouldn't- I'm more of a kiwi fruit guy. Yeah, which I had- I don't- yeah, yeah, yeah. If I'm on an island, kiwi fruit over the pineapple. I mean, that's just my vibe.

Yeah. I actually prefer them now. I just think that, um, yeah, they're just very average. Great. But the average boobs are fucking amazing. They're beautiful. Yeah. They're the best.

They're like, incredible. Yeah, they're beautiful tits. Helix sleep, if you want a good sleep. Helix sleep for your backside. Helix sleep is a premium mattress brand that provides tailored mattresses based on your unique sleep preferences. I live in a house. I have a couple of rooms.

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Use promo code belly today at shipstation.com to sign up for your free 60-day trial at shipstation.com promo code belly. You knew who I'm skinnier than, though? Kevin Christie. Kevin Christie has disappointed me. I bought his body. So about the other day. What happened?

What's going on? Did it get in? I think it got in. I think I heard him. He's the cheesest, slender guy, right? Kevin used to be, because you did podcast with him. Was it called? No, no, no.

We did. I never did a podcast. We do a show in Santa Monica together. Is that not a podcast? No. You still do it? Yeah. What's it called?

It doesn't really have a name. Neil Brennan and friends every Tuesday? No. You guys, didn't you have a radio show? I did. Oh, me and Mosha did. Oh, that was you and Mosha, not Kevin Christie. Yeah.

They seem to like. Yeah, it's the same type. Reading for the same person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so you and Kevin have that show in Santa Monica? Yeah. Kevin, what happened to him was he used to be a skinny, kind of a nerdy, you know, he always got like roles in TV shows as like science guy, whatever, cute, very cute.

The other night I was in the main room, green room. I saw him sin there. I literally don't recognize him. Now, listen, you know, I feel bad about body shaming and making fun of people. But for him, I had to do it because you make an exception. You make an exception because it's like it's not him. Yeah. What do you mean?

Who is it? You just gain weight? That's it? Well, I've known him for 25 years. It's like he. Yeah. That's not what he is. You know what I mean?

Well, that's what you know what I don't like is when someone loses a bunch of weight, like a bunch of weight. And then they make like a big deal out of it. And it's like, yeah, we're all and then they slowly but surely get back. It's like when you get someone a wedding present and they get divorced, it's like, why do you make me do this? And you knew that you were secretly eating snacks when you shouldn't have been eating snacks.

It just feels like a betrayal. Yeah. You know what I mean? If you're going to make a fucking show of it, right, it's just if you're going to lose weight, just be like, oh, just be vague about it. But I don't like it when people yo, yo, I'm trying to think of who I don't like it. It's the fucking don't yo, yo, yo on your own time, right, right. Don't fucking bring me into it.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like in Star Trek next generation, right? Data was always data, right? And he's an androids, so they don't age, but then he did the new Picard show and he's obviously coming in, I'm fucking taking a nerd. You don't mind if I take a nerd. Sorry, my bad, my bad.

How great was triangle of sadness? Real good. I've been trying to get her to watch it. I know. Yeah, I mean, that's why I don't want to give it away. Yeah. Okay. Don't give it away.

Yeah, I just did. But also the ending is in the movie. Triangle of sadness is a great movie. It's a movie that me and Bobby both saw. Yeah. Where'd you see it? You went to the theater? I actually went to the theater.

It's out now on streamers. Yeah. It is? Yeah. Yeah. It's really good. It's got subtitles. That's going to shake off a lot of it.

Some. Some, yeah, some. Yeah. People you know. People you know. He's the only one you know pretty much. Yeah. But the movie is, it only got 70% on Ron Tommage, which boggles my mind, because you would

think that a can. Yeah, you think it would get 100 automatically. It was that good. You know what I mean? But there's this new Korean movie that we should watch. What's it called? The director of Old Boy, Decision to Leave. And where's it on?

It's still in theaters. Decision to Leave. It's at Lemley in Glendale. Really? Yeah. Is it a revenge movie? I think so. I love revenge movies.

I know. You. No, no, no. I know you especially do. Why? Because you're living. Oh my God. This guy.

Look, I don't want to. I want to just say something real quick. Okay. Let me just say something. All right. I'm preloving it. I'm going to pre. Before you dive into whatever you're going to dive into.

What's the order code? What's the promo code to hear this story? Because I'm fucking on. It's not a story. It's a comment. Okay. It's not a story. It's a comment.

Right. Great. You and Rogan and Mark Maron, those three, are the only ones that talk to me the way you talk to me right now. Direct. That can't be. That's 100% true. Khalilah just had a small seizure.

It's a big hiccup. In terms of like comics, yeah. What do you need? What? How should. I believe. Oh my God. You drew first blood.

You drew it in Rambo terms. Why? May I? May. I love first blood. You drew first blood. Yes. You had me on 450th on your podcast.

You said, I'm going to have, we're going to have you on, like you're handling me. We covered this last time. No, no, no. Listen. And then we went over less, me and Argus. Oh yeah. That's right. Neil, I want to say something to you.

Okay. We don't have, everybody does it once a year, right? You've done it. You were just here three months ago. We had you back. I get it. Right? So that means the love is, the love is great.

The love is there. I get it. Okay. I'm on board. Finish what you were going to say. Go ahead. About me. No, no, no.

You say what you were going to say. I just did. Oh. Oh, that no one talks to you? How? I love our tone. Always have. I know.

I love our tone too. So you had a, what were you going to say? I don't want to do it yet, but you know how you wanted me and me and, you know how you wanted me to write for you and Theo's show? Last time I was here, you asked me if I would write for it and they go, well, you can be on it too. You can eat in the restaurant, but do the dishes. Yeah.

Um, I wrote a script. Oh, I wrote a three page scene. Really? Yeah. And it's got me in it and Theo. And doesn't Theo need to be here to read it? No. Somebody else can be Theo.

Okay. You do Theo? You just have to do it. Does Neil want to be the co-star in this? How many parts? Is it just two parts of that? Just me and you and Theo. It'd be a cold read.

It has to be a cold read. Okay. Let's do it. You want to play Theo then? You'll play Theo. I have to play Theo. Oh, you have to play Theo? Okay.

You wanted to know how? Mm-hmm. But I just wanted to hear what you were about to say about me and, well, I was about to say that you went on, you went to see, I'm, I'm more than anything I want to talk about your relationship. What is there to talk about? But you can, yeah. What other, what do you want to know?

What questions do you have in mind? Well, I'll tell you something noble I did. I may have seen Kaila and Ryan said no out of respect. Not like I thought you were going to like me, but I was just like, I would never, I would never do that to Bobby. And that's the most respectful thing I've ever heard. Thank you so much. Because I know other comics.

You know what I'm, who I'm talking about. Would have super liked her. I can, I already know who has. I already happened. I could throw their names under the bus right now. These are fucking friends and allies, dude. I know. And I'm watching.

All right. I'm a revenge. I'm a revenge. Kaila and I would have dynamite sex. Let me be clear. I don't not have dynamite sex no matter if you are an Ottoman, I'm going to have dynamite sex. Dynamite.

She's great. She's great. I am fun. Oh, I think you're not wrong. I think what we're going to say about the revenge thing that I have a revenge thing. Look at me. I'm so. She fucks good.

She fucks good. What is that? What does a girl think that means? I think it means that I, here's what I'll say. I'm inhibited a lot in a lot of parts of my life, but with sex, anything goes. I'm just free. It's fun. I don't.

Is it? And you, it like you enjoy it all? Yeah. I do. I come real fast. Right. I would, I would say, I would think, oh, that's me usually takes longer. Yeah.

I don't care if you come fast. It's, it's all fun. I just like being in the zone. Yeah. Yeah. Guys get too hung up on orgasms. Yeah. And, but it's good that you come fast.

That's a, that's a big Bobby. Are you okay? I think he's praying. Yeah. See, is there, are you, is he Muslim? Yeah. This is the fourth time. Is Bobby Muslim?

That's pretty, that's new. It explains the breakup. She fucks good. And that's all I want to talk about. Did what? First of all, I didn't, did, did, did. I know. Did you, what?

So she fucks good. She fucks good. And even toward, well, at the end, it wasn't happening very much though. Right. I got to think. And it was just cause there was just no. I think I just, like, he's just desensitized to me. Like he just, we sleep.

Yeah. Just bouncing off after a while. Yeah. Would you, did you try and fail? I tried. And yeah, that, that's women. That's not good. I blew him like at the best that I could.

Like. All right. And I was like so desperate. I was like, look, watch any porn you want. I'm just going to sit here and blow you. And he just didn't really, like he didn't work. And I was really bummed out. I was like, wow, nothing I do is working.

Nothing I'm doing. What do you remember about that? That happened. What were you doing? Were you? Well, that was like a shameful time. Very shameful. It was probably the lowest time in my life when that happened.

And it's something that I would never want to. I put so hard to. I was like just full on. Maybe that's what it was. Maybe it was like less is more. Maybe less is more. Maybe less is more. My blowjobs are good.

You know they're good. I know. And type of blowjobs. Because he keeps it on the pepper grunt. Yeah. Yeah. Angel soft hands. You know, I put in the word.

And you don't use both. You two did the fingers thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say who's dick was that? Yeah. Who else was that?

This is Jermar neighbor's dick. No, it's Bobby Lee's dick with the two fingers. My point is that I don't. Okay. So that night, right? She blew me. I couldn't get erect. I don't know why we're talking about this.

I hate it. But I couldn't come. She was super sad. You know what I mean? I was sad. And then we'll move on. Yeah. And then there's Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Gender.

Other movies come out. That's just the first movie. It's sad at the end. You know what I mean? It's sad at the end. You know what I mean? All right. Here's a question.

Now that you've been separated for a while. Could she give you a blowjob right now and you get an erection? No, it wouldn't work. It just is never going to work again. I don't know this. I don't know what you're saying. But I don't know. You know exactly what I'm saying.

But what I'm going to say to you is I don't know why this is my podcast. I don't know why you took over. I'm going to bring it. I'm going to bring it back. I'm going to bring it back. I'm going to bring it back. All right. I love her that it may or may not come back.

I don't know. It may. Would it be? Would you like it to come back? I'll give you that one. Yeah. I'll give you that one. That would be so fucking weird.

If one day we were just like so just rabid for each other again. Yeah, that'd be interesting. That would be weird. But there is a sadness about it in the pepper grinder. If you know what I'm saying. Yeah. So I don't know. I'm just seeing what's out there.

Yeah. It seems like you're having a lot of fun. But yeah, I feel there is a freeness to my life right now that is fun. It's hard to be in a relationship. It's really hard. It's hard to just get along with people. Yeah. It's hard.

I find relationships really like any human relationship I find very hard to manage. Yeah. Like not getting mad at people, not getting fucking my feelings hurt constantly and people making decisions without you and it does shit. Rejections and you're constantly compromising. Yeah. Bending. And it's like, um, last night I was with number two.

And she said, um, it was like, she got, well, let me tell you about my love language. I almost did that, right? Yeah. I mean, I was Italian. What was her love language? I said, don't even tell me. Because it matches. I don't want to know.

I don't know what your love language is. I don't know Klingon. Yeah. Yeah. Like I don't know. I don't know. It's a different thing, you know. Do you have a love language?

I don't have one. That's the thing. I don't have a love language. What is my love language? Acts of service. There you go. Affirmation too. Words of affirmation.

No physical touch. No gift giving. Well, no, the blow job. Yeah. He guy doesn't know what fucking physical, wouldn't know physical touch if it was literally sucking his dick. God, I swear to God, dude, if you were a fucking. Let's, let's have it out.

Bro, if you were, we were in Deadwood. Today's the day. If you were in Deadwood, you'd be the sheriff. I'd run the laundromat. But my point is, is that I still punch you. All right. I would still fucking punch you. So my point is, is that no.

Listen, all right. Let's not talk about us. Did you, what did you do? I'm not asking. I'm not asking. Well, how did you respond instead of saying. I go. I go.

I go. I go. I go. I go. I said, that's month two. With the hand. This is the first month. So I go month two.

I want to know that. You know what I mean? We're not doing that. You know. One time. This is a long time ago. I was dating a girl and she was like, are you seeing other, she read my cards.

She goes, are you seeing other people? And I just honked the horn. You did. Yeah. So. A long. Yeah. Fucking hilarious.

Yeah. Yeah. They, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, they, um, I don't. Would you, what's your love language?

Touch. I like touch. Mine too. That's my number one. That's why dynamite sex. Yeah. I mean, the touches number one and number two, what's your love language?

I don't like gifts. Me either. That's my bottom. That's your bottom bitch. Yeah. I don't like, like we're, this is getting hotter. I'm going to go. I'm going to buy a level of riot where I can go back.

No, no, no. I don't like gifts because I don't, no one's ever, I never gotten a gift that I could, that I like was like, Oh my God, like you just buy it. We're adults. You buy it yourself. Yeah. And it's so, so.

And you have to perform gratitude. I'm so fucking. What did you, how did you think to buy me a hat? Yeah. I hate that. Yeah. I get the worst gifts from these people here, except for you. I give you.

You give me the best gifts I've ever had. What are they? I think one of her gifts that was great was she got me a, um, um, golden goose leather jacket that she wanted that I wanted. And it was PS five. Yeah. It was like 3200 boxes or something like that. He's easy to shop for in the sense that he tells you exactly

what he wants, but the price tag is usually like the. And do you not buy, do you not like buying stuff for yourself? No, I couldn't find a place in five on the internet. Like I would go to basketball. They go six months, you know, back then. Yeah. Was it still a wait for PS five? It still is.

I mean, people buy them and then sell them for triple the price. So I bought it for triple the price because it was not available anymore. Yeah. You can't get them. And is it, is it, uh, it's worth it? It is. Yeah. Like it's just, and they still, they're making games and everything.

Yeah. What? They're going to stop making games. Of course they're going to make a fucking games. There's games coming out in February that I'm two of them that I'm looking for. I want to take a nerd nap, but I do. It's not a nerd nap.

You know what? Can I say something? Yeah. That's a nerd. And I'm one of them. And I'm one of them. Okay. Thank you.

You think I'm a jock? You, you know, you, you're in the between. I know. Yeah. Yeah. And jocks think I'm a nerd and nerds think I'm a jock. Yeah. You're in between because you know a lot about sports.

Like you probably don't watch the World Cup right now. I haven't just cause it's more fun. It's only, it's fun to watch in bars. All right. Okay. Yeah. So, um, but I, I generally don't like gifts from like, aside from her, people give me like chocolate, which is nice.

Chocolate. Yeah. Yeah. Truffles are nice. Truffles are nice. Yeah. Right. But you walk around like demanding gifts from people.

And sometimes. I don't demand. What are you talking about? And you yell at people. You're like, where's my gift? Where's my birthday gift? I don't do that. That's ridiculous.

And if a college, like my niece, she's in college, she can only afford chocolates. And you're like this. You're like, well, they better be the fucking best chocolate girls. Truffles from France. They're high grade, but it's not Hershey's. I'll tell you that from Europe. But my point is, is that, um, it's okay. And I'm very grateful.

And I know that it's on the heart that matters. He's Korean. It has to be a very expensive, expensive thing or bust. Oh yeah. You have to go. You think that's Korean? I'd rather get nothing than something. Yeah.

Nothing cheap. I'm with you. I don't even, I don't even want any, I don't want anything. Yeah. Like if I was like, let's say you, you said to me, you called me and you go, um, Bobby, it's very important for me, you to give me a Christmas gift. Right. And I go, I have to.

And you're like, yeah, it's, you know, our friendship is on the line. Then I would probably spend three months asking people like what the fuck doesn't he have and diving in. And then like, I'm probably going to have to go to like Italy or France for your ship because you're fancy, you know what I mean? It's like, I'll put in the time and effort or nothing. I think it's either that or nothing and you'll be fine. Do you remember the first Christmas gift I ever gave you?

It was like frame, frame photographs of the entire cast. I've never felt more exasperation in any scene. This whole podcast in a nightmare. In any filmed entertainment, that is the most over at moment I think I've ever seen. Between a couple. Yeah. Beyond fucking triangle of sadness. Do you remember?

Square of sadness. Do you remember? And she's making fun of your body. Do you remember? Do you remember the first Christmas gift I got you? Well, it was because we love the shows, my 600 pound life and he loves Dr. Now. He does all the bariatric surgeries for the patients. So for a first Christmas together, I printed out like I frame photos of every single cast member from my 600 pound life.

And that's when I knew I was like, oh, it doesn't matter how much thought I put behind this or even a one. Did it bombed? He laughed. He thought it was funny, but then forgot about it and left it in the trunk of his car. Yeah, then he looked for other presents. What else? He opened up the frame to see if there was like money in between the cardboard and the photo, right? Like the Da Vinci code?

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Well, you like nice things. No, does that make me a shallow person? Makes it easier. I remember I got you a war zone t-shirt. I just saw it on the ground, but then I bought you a Montclair, uh, Slice, wore them all the time. Yeah, exactly. He's very clear. A fucking war zone t-shirt. Where am I going to wear that? At the gym? I went to Verdansk.

I have that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to Verdansk. Yeah, I'm not going to wear that. Like, what do you think I want to do with that? That's why I got you the Montclair shirt. Wear it when I'm playing? Yeah. Hey, guys, you can't believe I got the fucking Verdansk t-shirt on. The Gilbert got me.

Are you yelling? Yeah. Are you saying the N-word and stuff? No, but I say things. You don't say anything like that. I know, but I do say crazy things, but if we're not streaming, we're fine. True. Oh, do you do the, do you twitch it?

Well, Eric Griffin streams, so it's like, we have to ask, are you streaming right now? Yeah, man, I am. And then I go, I have to be very like, like I'm doing morning TV show, like a new show. You have to be very mindful. You used to do those, right? You promote dates while you're streaming? No. Or you're playing war zone? Well, you guys are 100 dudes. They're all the edit.

Yeah. But yeah, I've said god-awful things on there. Yeah, yeah. But that's out of rage. I just want to do a sketch. Wait, what is it? The waiting room on those things? What are the, what are the rooms called where they have all the player?

Lobby's? Yeah, lobby or clan rally, where you take quotes from people. Who said it? A Klansman? Or lobby? Or lobby? That's really fun. That is so fun.

Yeah. Oh, I've heard, oh yeah, you're right. Because you'll see like, Call of Duty lobby or clan rally 1971. Or they're like, game or tag is Trump something something. Yeah. Right? There's a lot of them and they say the N word and it gets so mad.

They open with the N word. They do. They really do. That's their opening bid is the N word. Yeah, yeah. It's really terrible. And then I just, this kind of made me feel good when I would be in a lobby and other people could hear me.

And I don't know if this worked, but I would go like they killed me. I go, because when you get killed in war zone, there's like a three second window where they can hear you. So usually they hear, oh, I got killed. Right? I go, I'm a millionaire. You yell that? Yeah, yell it.

You know what I mean? I'm a millionaire just to rub it in there because I know they're all poor in a dungeon somewhere in the Midwest. Right? It makes me feel good. I'm fucking two women. Yeah. Yeah.

Like for real. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. For real. Yeah. So that makes me feel good, you know, but because, you know, other stuff doesn't really win, you know, or they'll go, are you the real Bobby Lee?

And I go, yeah, that's fun. Because it's Bobby Lee live on my. It's got a bit. Yeah. You're not going to throw that thing away. Well, maybe. Maybe. I always think that maybe they won't like kill me as hard or whatever.

Yeah. I'll give you a break. Oh, I'm a fan of whatever. I mean, that'd be cool. Yeah. What do you play? I play Grand Theft Auto, like when it comes out. I'll play it.

It's a great game. And then I'll, I can't just play video. Like I can't do, I can't justify it. It's like a everyday thing I can't, I just have like, I want to read. But like I want, I end up just fucking around the internet. Books. I try to read books. I'm like, maybe he gets a treat like fucking Frodo Baggins.

What the fuck are you doing, man? Yeah, man. Yeah. Can you imagine that him against a tree reading a book? Yeah. Sometimes I read books. Yeah. I'm reading a 70 year old book right now, Bobby.

What is it? End of the Affair by Graham Green. Wow. Was that a movie with Julianne Moore? Probably. Was it? I haven't seen, I feel like it's a fucking crusher of a book. It's like excellent.

I remember watching it with Korean subtitles and it was really high in high school. So I think that's the movie. Yeah. It's a good one. It's a movie. Yeah. I remember this one. Yeah.

I've never, yeah, no, but I'm assuming it's, yeah, that's the one I'm reading. So I'm just reading that like with my fucking. Can't watch the movie. Huh? You can't watch the movie? Movies don't have interior monologues. Oh, thought processes. Yeah.

Okay. It's great about novels. It's interior monologues. I'm getting ready to take a nerd nap. I'm inducing my own. Hard to do. Let me ask you guys this real quick, because I've been wanting to ask people, because I've been going on a lot of dates and there's some red flag things, but I kind of eat them.

And I go, I buy. You eat red flag. I eat red flags. I go, oh, that's a red flag, but I'll eat it. What, like for example. So let me ask you if this is a red flag. The Beatles suck. Oh, if someone says that.

Yeah. I've had a date where she goes, they suck. I don't think it's a red flag. And that's just sort of like an egg. Well, let's walk. So what, let's walk me through the difference between an egg and a red flag. It is like a deal breaker and a turn off and a deal breaker. And it is very, very, it's something that I feel like women understand better than men.

And it can be the tiniest thing. Like if he jumps into the water and plugs his nose. Now that cannot be. No, no, no, women have every woman has a million. I'm going to read this now. A woman and her friend, woman I know and her friend have a list of like, like deal breaker red flags. Right. And it's like reading and I was like, men have no chance.

Deal breakers deal more with red flags and like values not aligning. And it is something that it's like this, I could very much like somebody and he does one thing. Like the most, the silliest thing. Like that my example is like plugging his nose, right? There are women right now honking their horn, agreeing with you about, about plugging his nose. And then all of a sudden it's like. There's a, I have ones like never let a woman pick you up. You're never coming back from that physically pick you up.

I mean, that's a good one. Physically. Yeah. You're never going to come back. Like you're never coming back. Yeah, yeah, you're never going to come back. It's over. Just walk.

If she picks you up, just walk, get on the train and leave. Yeah, run home. Yeah, run home. Break out directly. She puts you down. Right. Sprint. Sprint the way from it.

Block. You don't even got a block. You know, it's over. It's over. It's the end. Come to see the show that's now streaming on Netflix blocks. You guys have all seen it. Bobby's watched it twice.

And, uh, and, uh, pretty good cover art, Bobby. Thanks. Um, and, um, I got two things on Netflix now for hours, whatever. Um, it's whatever. And, uh, plus the half hour of comedies of the world. And I'm on Seinfeld's comedies cars and I did Dave's speed, whatever. It's cool. Um, I'm not here to plug myself.

I'm here to. Hey, hey, hey, hey, Andreas. Mark those. Bleep it. Cut broken that out. Um, the, uh, I was talking. Oh, a woman came to the show and, uh, I, it was like literally the worst one I did. Never heard from her again.

Really? Oh, God bless. I get it. Yeah. I yicked her whole show. One hour and 10 minutes of yick. Goodbye. Really?

Yep. Never heard from her again. In fact, walked past her on the street one time. We didn't even stop. Oh my God. Wow. Here's where X can be both, um, a good thing for women and a bad thing for us. It's like when we really are into somebody, we're just crossing our fingers.

Do not know it. Like, especially the first six months window or the first, maybe three months. Let's say three months. It's like dear God, do not do some bullshit right now. Yeah. And then it works to our advantage when we are crushing so hard on someone and it's not reciprocated. And then it does something to it comes out.

You're like, fuck yeah, it feels like such a win. I'm over you. I don't want to fuck you. Well, no, now I know if I feel, if I want to shit, if I want to shake a girl, just go eat shit for 15 minutes at the store. But you, but you don't know if that's an it for, for my worry is I'm going to get off stage. She goes, we can, I'm going to, we should write together.

All right. Yeah. Yeah. It's very women to women. Like I think everyone has their own little thing. I think for Whitney Cummings hers is like, if a dude trips in front of her, she's like mentally out. Oh yeah.

Oh really? Yeah. Yeah. Well, the other night I did something where a girl goes, that's a thing and I go, oh, I'm sorry. I walk ahead of them. That's a terrible thing you do, but that's not an. It's cold.

It's not an. If we're crossing a really busy like highway, he sprints without telling me when to start sprinting. Wait, why do you say? So like if I'm still looking around, he's already sprinting. He doesn't look back. Have you not played Frogger? He doesn't look.

The frogs will start at the same time. Like, I don't even. Is there two frogs? I don't know. But my point is, is that if there was, right, I got to survive. Yeah. All right. With or without you.

Yeah. Right. So the other day I, she goes, that's a thing. I go, I only walk like three feet in front of you. I know, but we walk at the same. I go, what is this? Sikrant? We're only Olympics.

What is going on? Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, that's what I would do. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Goodbye.

And then by the way, by the way, by the way, Bobby, you get her more than you had her before. Right. Confirm this. I'm, I'm walking ahead of you and he, she goes, that's a thing. You go, goodbye. You were losing her. Now you're winning more than you ever.

Right. But you would, you showed masculine energy, leadership and defiance, defiance, how a bonga bonga. Here's another thing that I, this is bullshit. When you actually do the thing they want you to do, right, then they complain, right? So I have one girl, right? She goes, I'm just like old school from chivalry and I just need the guy to open my door. My door, right?

You're a pussy. Right. So I open, so I'm opening this door and then she looks at my face. She goes, well, do you don't have to make that face? What was your face? I opened the door. Yeah. I'm going to do a face now.

You do this, but if that is your, I mean, it's how you give them an inch, they take a mile. That's the Bobby Lee stamp. He agrees, but conditionally, no, that's not what he agrees, but he doesn't, he goes along with it, but he's, he's, he's, he wants you to know, he's sulking the whole way. He wants you to know. Oh, so I have to, it's, it's, it's about attitude to them, but put that in the

fucking condition. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She should do that. You just smile as well. And be free.

Bobby, you literally had, just have to run your program and never listen to what they want. Never. Tell me your program. Tell me more. I want to know more about the program. Run your program. Never listen to what they want.

Just do what you're going to do. And then what happens? It's either going to work or it isn't. It's not going to work. Or you can be on a date and be like, ah, ah, opening doors and like walking ahead. Like how to walk, just do what you're going to do. And if you're going to, you're going to, it's all, none of them work anyway. That's the fucking, that's the ultimate thing that we're getting to what you have to remember

that story we both listened to on the moth, which is what, which is like, remember how we, how he didn't find a love of his life until he was 91. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Just do what you're going to do. They, they're not going to just, they're, they're, by the way, they're attracted to us for reasons we couldn't even see coming. You go, what do you like about me?

What is yours? My, my girls would be like, you have great wrists. You're like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And you're wrists are amazing.

I understand that. I'm a big forearm person and a hand person. So like I'm always looking at men's hands. Yes. I have a picture of my, I literally have a picture of my hand on Raya. Because I know women are just into hands. No, but don't you think that I should just, um, change? You know what's been hugely helpful for Raya?

What? Not my hands. It's weird. My Netflix special has weirdly been a huge driver of traffic for you would think it would be my hands or just my natural personality. This weird thing. And this isn't even about you. I'm shitting on women's shallowness now.

I'm getting you, you're catching a stray just because I'm shooting women's shallowness and you're catching a stray bullet just cause I'm driving driving past and you're just walking past you're catching a fucking, uh, a bullet right in your love handle. And, uh, but I was, that was about shallowness. Mark it that down. This is my friends. Let me read those off. Let me read those off.

Um, if a guy's doing this on a, uh, dating app, it's a, it's a, it's a, I'm going to see if I'm going to raise my hand if I do it. Oh, good. Let's play that. This is for dating apps. Yes. I'm going to read my hand. She didn't say, I think it's, I already know the number one.

Uh, it's immediate swipe, swipe, uh, immediate swipe. I think I know what number one is. What is mirror selfie. Wearing a Halloween costume was number one. Oh my. Wearing a Halloween costume. Fuck boy. Really good.

Yeah. Nurse. Don't be a nurse. Male nurse. Male nurse. Duped tattoos. Okay. By the way, she has tattoos.

This is a good one. Shirt with a cartoon character. Let me think. Let me think. That's a hand raised. Yeah. That's a hand raised. You just, in the mail two days ago, a Ren and Stimpy shirt.

It's not on my profile picture. Oh, okay. So that's not. No, that's, he doesn't, he only in person. That's a, I do it in person. I do it live. I do it live. Behind the paywall.

You know what I mean? Yeah. You got to pay that shirt. You want to see his fucking Tweety Bird shirt. Like you would like to put on a Tweety Bird shirt, run up to Six Flags a little bit, huh? Not from America. Okay. Actors.

Sorry, Bobby. More of a comedian. That was a slight. If you say you have an accent, I don't know what that means. Here's one that's going to hurt a lot of people in this room. Asian. That's it. That's it.

That's in there. Yeah. Oh yeah. Who's this person? I'm never going to tell you. You got to say it. I'm never going to tell you. Middle Eastern.

Okay. Bobby, you're about to get, kick a man when he's down. Any mention of Star Wars. I remember one of the last five minutes, miss. Yoga instructor or acupuncturist? I know where that's coming from. Okay. I support that.

Making out with a dog. Well, that's both. Both out. Wearing a fur coat. I'm with that. I'm pretty good. That. No, but like, just don't, guys shouldn't wear a fur coat.

Oh, right. Right. Unless it's Gerard at the Emmys. Would you wear a fur coat? Wearing anything feminine. What is feminine? Like a dress. It's like Harry Styles.

Like a Harry Styles. Right. Yeah. Like a Harry Styles. Making a sexy face or pose. Okay. Saying anything about a girl being sexy, touch kissing or sex. That feels like it in person.

From the people who brought you Asian comes Hispanic. By the way, she's, she's, she's also Hispanic picture with a cat. I get it. Is this Marjorie Taylor Greene? I mean, who is this? If you're not that you're not far off. This episode is sponsored by the Ridge Wallet Ridge Wallet and key case. You guys Ridge Wallet, you know, ever since tiger belly has been around, we've used, we've

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That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash Belly. We're off, crazy hair, silly pictures, picture with a face blocked out that was clearly a girl that is a, that's just aggravating, wearing a hat of any kind, not any kind of fedora, gym picture. There's your mirror selfie. This one's hearts, comedian, could have fooled me, shirtless, laying down picture, saying you want to see authentic pictures, no filters, that is annoying, listing what you don't like in a girl, even though this is a list about what they don't like about guys.

Picture with your mom, picture with a kid where you have to make sure everyone knows you're the uncle. Yes, it's the uncle pic. Saying anything in a pic, the term 420 friendly, what does that even mean? I can't pronounce your name, that's Asian, Middle Eastern or Hispanic, head shot, talking about an island you can't wait to get back to, that's funny. That's a good one. Why?

Islands are beautiful. I know. But shut the fuck up about it. Oh, that's true. Okay, my bad. Just shut your fucking mouth. What's the answer for occupation, like pussy inspector, something like that, muff diving, that sort of thing, Bobby.

School of hard knocks, listed as education, good one. Oh, lord. I feel like that's such a choo-gee answer. I don't know what that means. What's choo-gee mean again? Feels racist and I like it. It's not. It's ages.

Oh, great. What's choo-gee mean? Choo-gee is like, if I think about the girl version of choo-gee, it's the girl who has signs on her home and her mug. But first coffee. Oh, love, live, love, laugh. Yeah. Disney adult.

Disney adult. You know who loves live, love, laugh? Middle-aged white women and Kevin Hart. Long hair, ponytail, or a man bun, agreed. Playing an instrument, all right. Stunt man. Okay, forget it. That's enough.

Every career path. It's fucking enough. I'm gonna die alone. Rider. Rider, cop. Yeah, I forgot. I can't do it anymore. I feel like you're making it up now.

I feel like you're making it up now. Halfway through. Astronaut. Is that in there? Halfway through. Mine is lovely. One of my big ones is a picture of them at Burning Man. Oh, that's a beautiful.

I mean, the amount of girls that have it. Mine is golf. But with dudes, I can almost forgive it with girls, but with dudes, it's just a picture of them at the beach and then followed by Burning Man. On the playa. Oh, it's over. It's over. I can't afford it with you and your hot friends.

So I don't know who's who. Right. I don't like that. I don't like anything I would never do like skydiving. No, no. You know, when there's skydiving, like, I'm not gonna fucking ever do that. Right. That's not true.

You swiped right on me and I had a dive picture in there underwater. That's not skydiving. It was about your body. I promise you. Yeah. I've got those big fake tits. I've been in the ocean before. Okay.

I've been in the ocean before. I've been in the ocean before. That two-year fake, that two-year window. Fake tits. Oh, man. Super like. Yeah. Another one is when they, because you get like six profile pictures, right?

Whatever. When you designate one for a meme or something that has nothing to do with you, right? Absolutely. Or like, you know what I mean? Of a bug on a table or something. I've seen that. Can you go through? That's what you're going to waste, right?

Can you go through my Raya and tell me what pictures I shouldn't be using? All right. And I'll show you mine. Okay. Mine's dope. Oh, fuck. Okay. Here we go.

Okay. Just swipe it. So what do I swipe? No, don't show it to the camera. What? Oh, I watched. No. People who watch this don't know a lot about it.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Uh-huh. That's good. In the ocean. Uh. That's hot. Which one?

Uh-huh. You and the fish. Hot. Hot. Hot. This is bullshit. Wait, let me see. Let me see.

Oh, yeah. A blurry photo of you from the distance. Like, what the fuck is that? It's a nice sunset. It's artistic. Let me go through mine. Let's go through. Let's have a...

Would you swipe right if you didn't know me? Yeah. Probably not because I'm 38. It's probably you're not down for that. Here you go. Let me see. Okay. Oh, that's a good opener.

Oh, cute. That's a good opener. Cute. Tinfoil hat. Love. Tinfoil hat. And it's like professionally done. Pretty cute.

Really cute. And I do a funny job. I love the one with the petals. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, young pic. Young Neil. Oh, baby Neil.

Oh my God. Add a wedding and a tux Neil. She does come easy, guys. Should have swiped on her. Well, how do I look at mine? Do I have to press my thing? The hands. Oh, you did put a picture in your hand.

I literally put a picture in my hand. Yeah. I would never lie to you. It's a good one. It's a really strong one. I haven't come across one in a while. What about my job? Model.

Love it. Yeah. I'm going to show you. I want to show people mine because it's like... What's your job and where? And I put model and where is at place models? That could also come off to me as a bit like when someone is a little too clever. I kind of get like...

I think my profile picture is wrong. It's impossible. That's why I don't get Raya. Show me. Show me. It's me playing video games. No. Are you playing video games?

Yeah. That's a PlayStation thing and a headset. At least you're letting them know up front that you... Well, that's what I want to know. This is what you're in for. You have 20 hours a day. So then here we go. We got...

So that thing with me, Andrew and Krista Stefano. They can blow you all they want. That's the thing that I was saying I don't like women doing is being with... So I... I should take that off. Yeah. Yeah, I fucked it up. So that's...

Can I see the others? So that's me and Sarah just... Oh, you put that way. You put that way. He's made... I like black people. A paparazzi photo. Yeah.

That's pretty good, right? Me, Whitney and Burke Reicher. Bro, we got to redo this. We got to redo this. I got to redo it. I got to report you for being an imposter. Yeah. Yeah.

This is like what a man... Me and Rob Gronkowski. What's his name? Gronkowski. Why are you putting... You put Gronk on it? I put Gronk on it. I should take it off.

Because that's what I thought Raya was with other celebrities. I want to say I'm a part of the fucking thing. They already know you're a celebrity. Oh, they do? So I should redo it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I fucked it up. Especially on Raya.

Because then you're just a name dropper now. Oh, gross! I got to change it. That's... I get no matches ever. Just see Nils. This is good. Oh, baby.

You want to do it right now? We'll do it right now. I'm going to change mine now. Don't change it. I'll do it later. Can I curate it for you? Yeah, you make it. I'll do it later.

We'll do it later. Right there is my photo. So cute. Pretty cute. I don't like it. What does that even mean? Nothing. That's exactly right.

Nothing. It means nothing. I could promise you once I'm done with it. That's me. Cute picture. Wait, baby picture. So no celebrities is good? No, not on Raya.

Why are all of them celebrities? Bobby, listen. Bobby. There's like a picture of you at mad TV. Good night. You and fucking. Yeah. Deb.

Deb. What's your name? So I fucked it. I fucked that up for sure. Well, look, you can use the celebrity photos on hinge and on the other. Don't use them. It's not on Raya. And definitely.

Celebrity is just the thing that's a part of your life. It's just not. It doesn't define you. And also you live in LA. Like everyone already knows the game. Act like you've been here. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know.

When I say you're back, I'm back. You're back. I'm back. I don't know what I'm doing. But fucking. I got. I'm so glad I showed you guys. Is it too late now?

Or has everyone seen it? No, no. All right. No, no, no. I should go to a different city, maybe. We're good. We're good. We have an unhelpful advice.

We got some questions. Okay. We have to do we have to read the script. Oh, that's it now. Let's do the script first. Great. How do we do it? Do I sit next to you?

Now how about you sit here because we have to look at the sides together. Let's switch out. Me and you have two copies. I have three copies. Oh, you do. All right. Well, you can sit there I need a third. I want to read along. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can read stage directions Kind of thank you huge Yeah, before we read this, I know it's gonna be mean Right. This is what I know. I know it's gonna be mean and I know it's gonna hurt me. Well, I'm gonna do it anyway

Don't look I'm not gonna look I'll only flip it over when I when we start when I call action we can put all right, so Make sure everyone's ready. Well, are you ready? Yeah, Neil? Yep. Okay, Bobby. Yeah, I'm ready. All right rolling background and action Interior house Bobby sits on a couch smoking playing video games watching 4k porn trying to pretend. He's not a clinical narcissus Theo enters sweaty. What's wrong a lot man a lot cool I'm nervous about what the people are gonna find out find out what that my whole persona is made up, man I'm not even from the south

Weigh don't read that don't read that Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, my persona is made up, too I'm basically a sociopath who tries to act like I'm vulnerable, but really I'm just incredibly selfish. I'm a narcissist You know what my favorite part of self-doubt is the self-part This mullet I have it's a fucking wig I Got a bunch of them my bedroom looks like a serial killer's hair salon Well, I just have a bunch of those mannequin heads with my beautiful flowing mullet wigs on them when I Say I have to go all the time and it feels sketchy and desperate

I'm going home to brush my wigs. I blow dry them and talk to them and shit. It's kind of weird You know what I got into that thing with Brendan Shaw I Was in on it. I basically paid him to yell at Kaleila. I didn't pay him a lot I paid him his haircare product Yeah, I was in on it. I was mad at Kaleila. What for for everything, bro I'm furious and everyone all the time if I were bigger. I'd be in jail. I Do a thing where I pretend to be self-depreciating Deprecating my son my line read I do a thing where I pretend to be self-deprecating

Then when people do it back to me, I remember and I never forgive them for it. Oh Kaleila said that something on our second date shopped to yell wait, sorry Well, I was said something on our second date that I didn't like so I paid shop to yell at her seven years later Go on I know You know the Asian stereotype of the shy giggling geisha. That's me. I'm Giggling but I'm fuming inside. I'm a furious geisha You know how I'll be like in my town there was a kid who could fart nickel It's all made up. I grew up in Manhattan on Central Park East

For real? Yeah, when I wasn't at prep school Is any of your persona true was your dad old my dad isn't old at all. He's alive He's a finance guy. His name is Elric corner He's the CEO of credit suites I've never even been to Missouri or whatever bum-fuck place I say I'm from State direction, babe. He takes his mullet wig off and throws it. Yeah, I lie about my past, too You know how I say I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome some of it's true I was molested, but I was an adult and he didn't have Down syndrome necessarily. It was printed shop

You are a good writer Oh, you are sure no one I show check out whether you fuck check out blocks. Oh, you piece of shit check out blocks Oh, you piece of shit. Oh I hate you so much. God. You're never coming back to this podcast. Don't need to yeah Yeah, I don't need to come back. This is it. Don't want to come back. Yeah. Yeah, this is said what I need to say Just wanted you on the record really good clinical narcissist twice really good. It was fun when it all came together Oh, man, it was nice Yeah

Theo I had to go easy on we have why because it's you're so harsh on me Because it's because you can take I can take thank you And I know that you're already mad because I'm not mad years. I'm you're a furious case I'm not listen. I'm not, you know, and it's so funny by reading that There's certain tropes that I do as a podcast or persona and you know, it's very glaring to me and Thank you so much for that Did you guys feel the fucking barely contained? No, I really appreciate it, you know, it was like looking in a mirror Great, I really enjoyed it. So that's what the best writing is. It's really good. Um, let's do some no

We're not doing that. I think that's a good way to close. I don't disagree. What do you think you want? Maybe do one question do it. Okay. I just need him out of here right now Yeah, so make it quick. This is cool beans burns What choices would Neil make if he was directing Bobby's first special which I think should be called furious case He's gonna see something mean furious case of he's gonna see something very mean but go ahead What decisions would I make I well now I can't say something mean I would

The genuinely I would do it small if I were you I Would do it like don't do a theater do it like in the belly room or something. Mm-hmm Just cuz I don't it you don't need you're like your your appeal is like private. Mm-hmm. So it's not like Grand yeah, yeah to me. Yeah. Yeah Or the I mean don't everybody shoots in the hour but or the main room But like I would do it small. Are you doing a special? I want to do one You didn't answer my question. Yeah, I'm gonna do one. I mean, I don't have a company doing it We're right. Yeah, but I think my in 2023. I want to put one down

You know what you'll have to do after that though, right? Right new jokes. Mm-hmm. I know you're ready and willing to do that Okay, okay Give me the next question. This is where's the features? What is the worst memory you guys have shared together the worst memory? Mm-hmm I've never had a bad any bad memories of them. I mean the only thing I already brought it up But it was just like, you know, that was all but it was just all in my head About the audition. Yeah Yeah, but I is we had to put dr. Ken. It was dr. Ken year

It was dr. Ken. It was the era. It was the age of dr. Ken. I know but You know it's still hurt. Of course. It's right. It's why it's embarrassing. It's not embarrassing No, it was embarrassing Pretty embarrassing. No, it was pretty embarrassing. No, you who wants to fucking audition for somebody that they ever gonna see again, right? That is the worst Yeah, yeah, it's a nightmare. It's a nightmare But but you also know like you don't even remember like you just like I don't know you do fucking you were one of 70 people that day Yeah, okay, don't let me ask you another question. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, I just I

Was asking these guys earlier. I just put in a tape yesterday for a pretty big movie Mm-hmm and in my head when I send in these tapes, I feel like they don't look at it. Do they look at it? Yeah, they look at it all of them If someone your level they'll look at yeah, okay Cuz they're not gonna. I feel like it's a waste of time like when I send it. It's like Okay, no, but I it's it's no they'll they'll look at it. They'll absolutely look at it. Okay, they'll they might fast forward after a while I Think that's more painful. I rather not them not look at it Fast forward one minute. They'll yeah, they'll do the one point one one point two five speed Right, you know what I mean

So but they'll okay, but it's not like they're not throwing it away Right because you you know, you've heard of stories where they don't even look at it But yeah, go ahead Bobby was listening to Podcasts for two years on one point five speed and never noticed it until we he made me listen to one in his car And I was like, how are you able to retain any of this? This is on like this is because I thought I regret Ira Ira glass glass was like a fast talker But really did it was like Joe Pesci And then when I saw a showtime thing of he was on it like a documentary and I go God

He's so slow here and then I go there's something going on and then I realized that I had it on one point Do you want people to talk faster? No, meaning like do you is that was that the right speed where you like this is good? I can't I don't listen I can't listen to it anymore At regular speech, I can't listen to the regular speed. No, so I don't listen to it at all Because I'm so used to I'm like talking, you know, man, and I'm like these fucking pockets are only 30 minutes. Isn't saying You know, they're usually enough They're like these people are like they say it's an hour

So for like a couple years I did that you must have gotten a shitload done, huh? In life. Yeah, yeah, not music. It was just like on my podcast app. That was the only one I would listen to Yeah, yeah, and then um Yeah, I don't listen to it anymore It's too slow I feel like last time I said this was one of the best episodes you've ever done and I feel like we may have beat it This is a pretty good one. I mean this one Hurt me a lot. No, well, of course, but that's yeah, I don't know why you do that

No, no, I'm not a narcissist. I don't know what you put something out of the thing. I only put it in twice I know but it's just like, you know, I got tested and stuff. I don't have it Yeah, I don't believe it. I did I went to a place twice a week psychotherapy with 40 therapists that Koala has some day I did ask that was one of my questions because that was a concern of mine. I'm like, are you did you test for covert? As I test for covert narcissism the other day over narcissism is different because they also have like communal Narcissists who seem like they're really like good citizens. Yeah. Yeah. I got popped on a covert the other day Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, but they totally you might have it

You might have covert. Well, what over covert means you always feel underestimated You always feel like dismissed you always feel kind of like what we talked about last time was here where it's like You always feel like people and you're like, yeah And I the guy was giving me the test and I found I was like this is for covert narcissism And he's like, yeah, because I was crushing. Oh, you're questioning it. Yeah, and then I was like, uh-oh. I might have covert Yeah, is that bad? No, I mean, it's all it's all a buddy mind said it's like If you know you have it, it's like having Tourette's or something. You just It's like having Tourette's but you only yell out me. That's the only thing you yell out

The problem is that narcissism is not a mental illness. It's a personality disorder So you were made that way a lot of time seems like emotional neglect when you're younger and Overpraising shallow things like achievements, but one of the examples of narcissism is if like a narcissist has a dog You're right. He'll purposely not feed the dog to see the dog suffer. Really? Yeah And I just I don't because I love I'm so empathetic toward Things, you know, I mean like animals and people's hurt and pain and and I cry and I do that I just don't have that. He has a lot of empathy, you know, I mean, so it's like I'm really like I love people I love and I want to help and stuff like that side, you know

A lot of my thing is is just it's a defense mechanism Because I've been you know because I grew up in a such traumatized kind of house where my dad was beating everybody But that's a most narcissistic. I understand that but I still had like empathy toward even as a kid when I would see like Wrongdoing in a movie or stuff like that. I was always like I don't like authority And I don't like, you know, I'm always for the little man and homeless people and this and that I was a chant You know, I mean civil right, you know, all that stuff. So it's like, um, I don't know I don't know if I have to tell these guys what I called you on stage in the night. It's being a homeless What'd you say? Oh, yeah, would you say it made me laugh? And then I got mad. Go. What is it? I well, I mean you're you

So that's what I said give it up for homeless alley Wong I remember getting a huge they got a huge they got a real crisp one And it was a crisp left and I'll tell you why real crisp left because he I'm walking so I bring him up I'm walking right. He says it and when they laughed I was in the crowd Surround sound right was surround sound like, you know, hazing or whatever if someone actually stood up and punched you in the face Yeah, it was like it put a chill down my spine Homeless right and I and I kind of shook and I was trying to get out of there But then you called me like ugly a week later. So you got me back

Did it get a laugh? It did It wasn't like it wasn't the homeless alley. I know that killed it, but I feel like it got a laugh It got a laugh, but then it was yeah, it was prepared and then you went into we won't get under what you okay No, you're a crappy little fucking guy. No, no, no, you're a crafty guy. What happened? No. No, we're not fuck you Let's end it. I'm doing I'm done I'm fucking done with this right now dude. I'm fucking done with it. No, I'm done. I'm done. I'm gonna reveal a trade secret Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah, you don't reveal trade. I'm not gonna. That's why I backed off

Bring it up. Sit down. I'm sit down. I'm sit pray. Go back to praying. I'm afraid of Mecca. All right. So, um So the north that right there. Oh well I gotta analyze the script. Yeah, there's a couple of things that really kind of like what got you. Yeah, what got me? So here we go Uh, my persona is made up too I'm basically a sociopath who tries to act like I'm vulnerable But really I'm just incredibly selfish That's so mean keep going

I'm a narcissist. You know what my favorite part of self-doubt is the self part huge Ali Wong homeless level laugh on that one as I remember It got a really big laugh. Yeah Whew. No, I wrote that joke about myself and then I just threw it at you. Yeah Okay, anyway, um, he's got we did We we have we make great podcasts and that's just what we've always done This is a good one. It was a good one. I love this. I'm starting a podcast by the way. Uh, sorry everybody Uh, where it's called blocks. It's like the pot like the special but I go over other people's blocks

and I got good People letterman did it so far. Oh, that's great. Is it a televised room? It's video tape video tape great video what do you have video taped it We videotaped yeah, you're gonna get you're gonna go through all your cool friends. Yeah, I know And then and then me, you know what number you are 450 baby You know, I think it'd be punk rock for me not to ever do it. I think I I I think it would I you know what? I'm gonna say out loud right now. I'm not doing it

I'm gonna say right now. Yeah, I promise you I won't do it You were never gonna be invited. I knew that but I got ahead of it Nice, I got of it because in my head. I'm like, what is his friends, you know, I mean Chris rocks your pal all these fucking guys, right? I'm like, when am I gonna there's no way Where do you think you are on that list? I'll be honest with you. I think that I numbers wise number one I think numbers wise I would be very beat David Letterman and everyone else numbers wise in terms of podcast guests No, in terms of what it's going to be seen on youtube and downloads and stuff. I could rival them

I actually agree with that. Yeah. No, I can't not rival. I think beat I can beat even I agree. You're a so you and that being said you're not I'm not doing it. You're gonna do it. Yeah, I'm gonna have your brother on Won't do the same numbers won't do the same numbers Uh Let me say this go ahead Me and Moshe used to have a be on the champs podcast and every we all knew how good you were

at podcasting because you're A crazy person. I'm not You perform crazy beautifully You got molested by a guy with Down syndrome. Anyway, good night

And but we all know and it was just a matter of time Before you just did your own one because you were so fucking good as a guest that it's like It took a great woman who I would have dynamite sex with To come around and to And to to to to say we have to do this. I'm sure you kicked. Thanks for listening. Oh happy holiday screamed This comes out in three weeks. Happy holidays and Hanukkah

Kwanzaa the whole thing man. I love you guys. Thanks for listening He's got blocks. He has two special very beautiful beautiful and highly rated and motivated It's great and everyone loves it, right? They're they're testing well and they're dynamic Right in in nature. And my point is this is that welcome and good night. Thank you so much for listening You'll Brennan give him a round of applause, buddy Oh Hey Prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music

Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wendry plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wendry.com slash survey