TigerBelly - Episode 10: Toothless in Seattle

Episode Date: October 28, 2015

Correction, toothless in Las Vegas. Bobby is soft in almost all the right places, except one. Khalyla has only one birthday request. We talk apprenticeship, addiction, and how not to sprain your ankle while chasing a girl.    Recorded October 26, 2015 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbellySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Hey Hey, my name is Bobby Lee and this is Kailah and Gilbert and you listen to Tiger Belly and it's our 10th episode and it's happy anniversary guys whoo It's not an anniversary. What do we and It's good to be back in America. Well, I was in Guam all weekend and um, I Brought back a boil on my souvenir. Yeah, I have a boil on my arm a staff infection

Why I think my theory is all I ate there was fried rice and spam and I think it's full of spam juice Is that also why you're you couldn't get your dick up last night, baby? Fuck That's an honest why would you open with that and I never even thought that you would ever bring that up That's fucking weird. I'm this is this is a sincere question I'm asking you. Do you think that? Your diet of spam and fried rice and excessive smoking

Caused you or dick to lay flaccid while we know it was it was strong at first But there was cats involved all over the place your sister was coming over Your sister was literally we had to wait outside for 15 minutes And I felt the immense pressure of like being able to perform and I couldn't get I lost my heart on That's what are you looking at me? I can't believe you make a window wait outside. I know it's crazy It's so rude What's your theory her theory is this I'll just I'll just tell you well Here's my first theory my first theory is always talking from my ego

So I'm always thinking oh, you know, I'm I'm he's just not attracted to me anymore That's always what comes to my mind first because you know, I'm an insecure individual, right? Absolutely not it but but my if you you insist that that's not the case. I fucking told you what it was I don't think that's what it was. Yes. It is. I'm telling you right now is this when I go on the road, okay? I have to I watch some pornography, right and I didn't sleep here's what happened Okay, I didn't sleep Before we went to the airport, right? Mm-hmm to come home. So I was bored. I was sitting there and my wife was all janky, right? So I can't watch any of my iTunes

Netflix was off, right? I couldn't watch that. The only thing I could watch was lo-fi Pornography so I masturbated, you know, I mean and then also I then I came back in the town. My sack is low I'm tired. I have a boil on my arm. I feel you know, I mean taught I was tired You know, I mean, it has nothing to do plus also I'm 44. I also 44 is you're you're a via viable male specimen at 44. I'm sorry. Can I here's what I think I it's not it I'm telling you I okay. Go ahead You're not gonna want to hear this, but I honestly think either you're pre-diabetic or you're already diabetic I've never I've never checked your blood sugar

But I can almost guarantee you that you're on the verge of some some type of or you're on the verge of diabetes I you know listen think about your lifestyle you eat ice cream for breakfast You eat ice cream for lunch eat ice cream for dinner. You eat ice cream for snack. It's milk. Poor blood sugar Poor blood sugar control damages your nerves and your blood vessels Okay, double whammy because you're also you also smoke cigarettes. Mm-hmm cigarettes cause plaque and hardening of your blood vessels, right? so you have a 60% chance higher actually of Having erectile dysfunction if you are a smoker

So it's like if you're not if your blood vessels are compromised, right? And you're not getting the adequate blood flow to your penis shaft. I Get it Think about it, sweetie. You think about this though. You're fatigued a lot. You hunger easy because I'm a human No, and I know that's not normal. That's not normal. I need nutrients right Gilbert back me up. Yep Yeah, food. Yeah, not not in the form of pure refined sugar, sweetheart I'm in Guam. All right. There's no fucking earth bar or Whole Foods there. We have earth bar and Whole Foods here You don't you know you never go there. I've been by them

You pass by them Yeah, but my point is is this is that I'm in Guam, okay? All right, fine. It's my diet But I bet you this and I know this for a fact that I'm not gonna masturbate for a couple days I'll reload the gun and then boom you'll see what happens. Look, I'm not saying that I'm I'm I'm sure this is the This is the reason why I already know something is it something that you should probably consider if you think about it Okay, another another sign of being let me ask you this. Am I fat is my fatness and my overwhelm my my What do you call it? What do you try to say? I don't know man. My my fatness

Be a my weight your return my weight. Is that not attracted to you attractive to you? It's not about what's attractive. What's not attractive is near death Diabetes and resigning to the fact that you're just gonna be diabetic. All right. Let's check do the test Okay, but the real test is to take your HBA when seeing I can't do that. Who has the HB? Yeah, I have to go to your doctor for that. That will give you a clearer picture over the span of a couple months Although I did but got my lip the other day and my blood tastes like pineapple juice. Oh, yeah, so maybe maybe why doesn't your Seamen tastes like that's a pity. What does it make semen taste like taste like life? Like pure life

Yeah, that's that's life. No, it's bitter melon. It's cause like bitter melon bitter melon. Yeah, so sour I don't know man. Maybe it's because I have diabetes Real talk with tiger belly. Anyway. Well, no, I mean you were very confrontational in front And I you know, that's what this podcast is about. I feel I apologize to you publicly that I couldn't get a wrecked and Publicly it's only me and you and two days from now. You're gonna get a power fuck You know part of the fuck part fuck the fuck are you? Anyway, um, it's good to be back from go on And I apologize and let's just move on. Okay. I just don't open that way. Tell me but you're gonna open that way I have a follow-up question. Yeah use Viagra before it doesn't work. Please don't use Viagra. Why?

It's not necessary for you yet. Neither it is neither. Is it for you? I tried it a couple times. It doesn't work Why do you have this? Why the fucking you get me this get me some Viagra? All right, if you fucking do that Gilbert, I swear to God I will take that fucking swollen ankle of yours and I will kick it I will tie kick that stupid little bitch Fucking aggressive Look at me right now. Okay, get me a Viagra Get me to Viagra, okay, and that's final and if you don't get me in them, right? You're fired

All right, and you lady, I don't know what is up your ass right now, but let's calm down This is our celebrating we're celebrating 10 year 10 a podcast in that's also my birthday We happy birthday November 1st is a birthday. I decided that I know what I want for my birthday What is it? I only want one thing what I want you to eat my booty like groceries, and I want Gilbert to smell your mouth afterwards. Oh Pass no or you're fine. You can't yeah, you're bullying you have to do it Gilbert You actually have baby you have to kiss him afterwards or else it doesn't count today. She made me laugh so hard So um my friend Dean Delray who's a comedian Turned me on to this thing called made-a-worn, which is a it's a what's a guy's name?

Um Some guy named Blaine something. Yeah. Yeah. He did all the junk food clothing, right? Basically what he does is he takes it's the first time where he takes like brand new T-shirts and makes them look really weathered where they or really look like they've been you know around for 40 years And you know, it's a little pricey, right? So it's like they're like $200 a shirt, right? But like Dean got me a deal you know $100 if I went to the fifth place, which is where they make it, right? so I brought Clio there today and The place is amazing. It's basically it's so it's very unsuspecting looking because it's not a storefront

So it's on Fairfax and all you see is this black gate that looks like a gate that would lead to a home Yeah, but the the gate actually leads into like a courtyard and so I'm sort of like this compound, right? And each room around the courtyard is like a mini clothing showroom slash museum But it also all looks like either a jewel peter wittkin photograph or the movie erasure head It looks like you're in the set of there will be blood. Yeah No slash though a david lynch movie because there's like doll heads and like there's like those real dolls Those real you know the porn dolls the real like just sitting there on a toilet I mean it's just like a crazy museum and when you and the whole idea of like making an appointment to go

It just gives it. Oh, yeah, it's by appointment only. Yeah, or you have to have an end to get in there You can't just show up or call, right? So anyway, we're in one of the showrooms and she sees us a fucking handkerchief How much is a handkerchief in your eyes? I don't know like five bucks, right? You go to the solid like some army surplus store and you get a handkerchief for five dollars This beautiful teal scarf slash handkerchief, right? Okay, say handkerchief You just said it three different ways I said chief chef

Handkerchief, I don't know Handkerchief I quit. Okay. Go ahead as she's Lunging toward an handkerchief, right? To like try it on or whatever. It's all right. So yeah, it's beautiful, right? She goes, how much is it? Right? And he goes, I think it runs for $750 He goes, but I can get you a good deal get you a good deal and then you can see your hands tremble Right grabbing the handkerchief, right and she's trying to softly like

Take it off that little like piece. He was like, you can try it on and I was like, um, no thanks. Yeah, and it was so funny Because I went it went from like being oh, I can't and then like I can't afford it I don't want to destroy it. Yeah. Um, yeah, when you want to pretend like oh, I'm still interested But really that's my entire savings account. Yeah, and there's shoes there $12,000. Why is this brand again? Like so expensive? Well, no a lot of he's an artist, right? The those shoes are actually like original like they also custom make shoes So if there's a pair in the 70s and you have a picture of it and said this is a picture of a pair That existed in the 70s that I can't find anywhere anymore

They'll make it from scratch for you and they'll weather it and distress it however you want it So it looks it has a really cool vintage look. Yeah, and also he's like working on like literally outside You can you see him right? He's there. He says hi, but he's literally working and he's working on Christopher Nolan's new movie I don't know what it is. I don't think you're allowed to I just said it. I don't care But he's doing it like the clothing and you can just tell that it's like like literally his some of his Like suits and stuff look like I mean like what Daniel Day Lewis would wear and there will be blood. I mean just like weathered and just perfectly You know, I mean antique it's really so we we talked about it and because you know, Bobby has always been like sort of like a

He's always been really like he's an enthusiast of clothing, right? He's a clothing enthusiast like he he loves these type of shirts that he's wearing right now He loves like like Japanese salvage denim. He's really into that stuff So I told him I was like, look, why don't you apprentice for them and learn the trade? I can't because seeing his face in there was like a kid in a candy store because I didn't think because I had a Pick up a jacket, but I didn't think I can even get in without the midget Dean Delray No, but he to me he's a midget. He's not that he's like your height Gilbert or Bobby's height Yeah, but he's got he's kind of retarded like Bobby's disgusting looking like Bobby

Good guy. I love him. He's a friend. But my point is this is I wouldn't print apprentice for him So after about two or three times of going I'm going to try to develop a relationship and they go. Hey, can I intern? I'll do it I'll go in there. I think that's awesome. I think you should like, you know, learn the trade like be there four hours You know a day over the weekends and just I think you would love it because it's hard for him to really get into things He bores easy, you know, yeah, but when you see how his face lights up there He's I really feel like that's you're calling like why I was in Arizona once and I bought a brand new pair of converse but I wanted to experiment, you know, I mean, so what I did was I tied it to the back of my

Um, my car and I drag I literally dragged it on the freeway. It was late at night. It was like two in the morning from Arizona to LA to distress it And you know all that expensive coffee that we have in our cupboard is not to drink He uses it because he likes to stain his shoes. That's how he distresses his chucks So he he does all these weird like he doesn't he doesn't know that coffee works, right? So he buys little things in the grocery store that he thinks might be like certain types of dyes Yeah, or have like a coloring component to it and he dips it in water And he if he used to see our balcony before it's just a pile of just like like shit shoes because of shoes that he just wanted to weather

I would take a shoot brand new shoes and just keep them out there I will see for years to see if they would weather naturally And you know that bucket that peed in that was yeah, he wanted to use you want to use the ammonia Yeah, but yeah, I mean that was He used to collect the fucking he used to collect his own piss in a huge bucket outside That would try to I wanted I just wanted to see what elements would destroy things You know, I mean that were new You could also get google it sweetie

No, even the stuff on google though, if you like how to make a vintage t-shirt look a brand new t-shirt look vintage It's not right, but you know what also if you find your own way to do it. That's why I was doing it Yeah, I was using piss. I was using vinegar. I was using balsamic vinegar I was using everything that I could you know, man. So wait, is there do you want to have your own line? He does. Yeah. Oh Eventually eventually yes But I don't know yet, you know, I mean, but I want to do a good, you know But if there was any any people to apprentice with these people this guy would be the best because he's been in the

He used to own junk food, right? So I'm guessing he probably knows a lot about just like mass production But then he's I think he sold that company. I'm not sure. I don't know anything about it If you go to Barney's to buy one of his shirts, it's gonna cost 200 bucks. He has shoes there that are like $12,000 But like rhino skin and shit, but my if you guys want to don't do fucking rhino hide That's not what we're that's what some of them were baby. I'm not fucking making it up I'm sorry for yelling. You don't know that for sure. That's what they told me that last time one of them was rhino hide Wow, dead rhino dead rhino. No, it was a baby rhino. They just killed alive alive in california. Yeah Yeah

Um, but so if you guys want to check out his stuff, it's called made worn and so on the internet He's fighting off the internet Um, do you know that bobby came home yesterday from guam? And he said that he had a bad dream that um while he was away that I had sex with you billable baggins This is not real. Yeah. Yeah, I swear to god. I did have a dream. You know why you think that's why you think I would betray you If you let me say this friend I don't know you that well, but if you betrayed me in that way, I would fucking destroy you I thought you were gonna fuck me. No, I got so nervous or worse than fuck. I'll destroy you

It'll hurt me in in a deep way and bitch if you ever fuck this fucking fat skinny Call me fat. Yeah, but you're fat now. You're skinny. Okay. I will fucking destroy you too You know what he thought that he thought no no no what happened was I I dreamt it first And then the next day, you know what I saw? A photo on jenna's instagram with you guys on the rooftop of my house Yeah, a picture of jenna and gilbert and I know but I but I knew that it was my house I recognize those lights. Those are my lights. It was my house. We hung out here over the weekend. So just look at me right now Okay, you fuck my girlfriend. I'll rip your fucking eyes out of the socket. Hi. Hello. It also baby. Just stop

Okay, I call her my auntie. Okay. Yeah, he calls me auntie. I'm like his older sister You're gonna do something. No, let me ask you this. Let me ask you this Please don't make it uncomfortable if I was not in the picture But I had died and she wanted to have sex with it. Would you have sex with her? Do I be completely honest? Yeah Thank you so much if I if I didn't know who she was Yes, but I know like it's like jenna like so you're saying you're gonna okay He's no, okay. No, let me do this. No, let me do it first. Okay. You're saying this Right. I died. I died, right and she mourns whatever for a couple weeks. Okay, and she's still living at my house, right? And she goes

Gilbert Come on, but more exit though. Yeah. Yeah, and then you come over and she's literally naked and her fingers are around her Badge and she's like like a tear. Yeah. Yeah, like please enter me. You know what I mean? What would you do? No, I'm so sad. The puppy died. No, I'm his I'm his auntie Yeah, I'm his auntie. I'm like literally already know her it's the same thing with jenna. I know too much disgusting stuff I sent him my picture of my choco panties. That made me gag. I really I don't like that. Are you gay, dude? No Why'd you ask? Why'd you answer it like that?

Okay Listen Oh, god, is this on so Gilbert at the moment is elevating his left ankle Yeah, um And he came in the door hobbling and I was like, what the fuck happened? He was like, oh, I was chasing trying to hit on a girl and I was chasing her down And um while I was crossing the street, um, I twisted my ankle and everyone saw and I made some cops laugh and blah, blah, blah And I was like, well, well, how did you hit on her? How did you hit on her?

What are you running for pussy for? Exactly. Don't use the word shit. You guys are so good at twisting words on this pot. Yes Let me okay. Well, let me say this. Did you run? It's skipped. Okay. Oh skip. Comedically skip. Oh, you're comedically skipped So you ever one laugh because as you know, if you're the funny guy, you want to make people laugh across hollywood boulevard Sunset and vine Sunset probably one of the business intersections You know what I mean in LA you skipped across the street, but it was like a cool like urban skip Okay, and to make the girl laugh to make people. Yeah, but right after he said, everyone started laughing. What's her name?

I don't know her. He was just trying to holler at a chick across the street after she saw that happen. She did not talk to me She said it's embarrassing. Yes. No, but here's my thing that here's what I have to say about that Don't do that. What the fuck have I ever taught you in this life? Gilbert, you have to be more aloof this whole like I'm trying to be funny very direct. I don't that's not direct Pick up lines are not direct. They're cheesy and they're ineffective. I didn't know what I said He would you say what did you say? So, you know the sun's the starbucks at sunset and vine Yeah, yeah, so she was on the other side of the street. I go. Hey, do you know where I can find a starbucks? She was like looks at me all stupid and she was like right there. I'm like, I'm just kidding

I just wanted a reason to talk to you because you were gorgeous. Why would you say that? Why would you say that because it's not number one funny at all? Oh, but why did she laugh? She giggled She giggled maybe she recorded the cops left. Okay, the cops because you fucking fell on your face Yeah, yeah Listen to me. Gilbert hurt you right now, dude. He goes. Why you know what? I'm gonna put my foot fungus on your jeans. No. Yeah. I just did it. Wow. You just strike the gay man. You're homophobic he Gilbert says oh, but you know, he's like, but it always works for me

I'm like, look, dude, you hit on women like gay dudes hit on each other No, I like no, I like that about you because I really could you go to bat and that's very important I never used to do that. That's not right to moving to la. Yeah, I would even talk to girl because I'm so That's not going to bat sweetie. Look, there's there's a study that was done literally there. He understands I completely understand. I get it, but you're doing it all wrong I know I get that that's your style, but I'm telling you what us women like respond to Okay, we need you on the first date to be a little bit more aloof. It's not a date. This is a cold pickup Talking to a stranger. It's a stranger. I don't know her

All right, you know, that's you the baby. That's you That's not how a lot of women run, but if if a guy were to come up to me from across the street Why are you so aggressive right now? It's her birthday. I think I have seasonal affective disorder Yeah, I mean, you're just very aggressive. You got to calm down Is mercury still in retrograde? He was a fat ugly bastard, right? And he lost a afraid to talk to girls and if he lost what 200 pounds 60 or 60 pounds or whatever and he's got all this excess skin and right, but he looks As good as he's ever gonna look, you know, this skull is not gonna. That's not gonna shrink

And the thing is is that and he is taking big risks He's looking at white chicks and going. Hey, I'm gonna be the funny Filipino guy And I'm gonna try to open this up and he fails, but he fails trying and I really really support that I used to cry when I fail you but you never run I never you never skip. I comedically skip. No, no, you don't even comedically skip You you know about making people laugh. Yeah, you don't skip. That's god telling you. Please don't skip. Look at your ankle right now It's in flame dudes don't skip true. I have an ace wrap around it. They were a group of black guys there They were like, oh man. Oh, this is an Asian guy. You just yell that hair. No, you're perpetuating a stereotype when you're skipping like that

Like a gay dude. Yeah, but I did it's an urban skip. There's a difference between an urban skip and a skip. That's gay I wouldn't like I wasn't like I did with the laugh All right. Anyway, I'm moving on. Don't do that. Don't do that. My ankle hurts So it's been a it's gonna be a great next couple of weeks. It's gonna be your birthday kalayla and I'm We're gonna celebrate. I don't know exactly what we're gonna do But on november 10th, um, something amazing happens. It's not my birthday November 1st is your birthday, but November 10th something I mean equally or as less

Amazing is gonna happen birthday sex. Nope. It's the fallout for fallout for release Did you play any of the other fallouts? Yes, three I didn't play the old ones you follow you played fallout three Okay, you really did and vegas and you vegas didn't finish it either one of them. No never finished Skyrim either Why there's so log You can't even finish the storyline I get sidetracked. Yeah, there's little missions. Yeah, I do a lot of the quests on the side where a girl's like Can you help me find the flowers to save my father like all right?

Oh, vampire. Yeah, and then you have to spend like in the elder scrolls of bolivian You get you turn into a vampire and then you gotta spend three days finding the ingredients to become a not a vampire on skyrim I don't think she know that was any of this as talking about video games Well, it's a popular thing and it's a it's a very actually made a point some guy made a point and said that um, kalayla has her mma minute and so he thinks that you should have your, um Video game minute. I'm doing it now So check it out minutes over. No, I'm not done talking about fallout for All right, so this is why the game is amazing and the company that makes these game is Bethesda. They do fallout. They do

They do skyrim and they only release one every four years or something like that. They rarely release games And um, and generally the games that they do release are very very good. Um But um, why I like fallout is it's open world, right? You can in this new one you can build a house You can build weapons, right? And it's like there's no There's no like it's not linear like you can't you know how like in first person sooners. You have to go straight Yeah, it's so open. You can pick flowers. You know what I did see the the little preview for it The guy and his dog, right? Yeah, and I thought it looked amazing and I played um fallout shelter on the on my iPad

Yeah, so I get it different games, but yes, but I mean like essentially that's like the same premise, right? Like it's post-apocalyptic. Yeah, it's basically you're in a vault, right? Or I don't know how this storyline is but in fallout 3 you were in a vault So the first part of the game you design your guy and then you're in the vault and then all of a sudden you escape And then there's the world, but it's just really well done really thought out and I really appreciate it. I really do Um, I don't know. So do you think that this is going to trump your? Um destiny addiction that you've had for a year. It won't I'll tell you why I'm only gonna play fallout on the road So you're gonna buy another I'm gonna buy another Xbox just for fallout. It comes out on ps4 first

Okay I'll maybe get ps4, but regardless. I'm gonna get it on a council just for the road a council or a council a council He's hiring a group of men to walk with him in the road You know, so um, I have a what a crisis that I am going through right now. That was the game made it with Bobby Lee Oh, okay, what is it? What is it a fucking sad story? I need your help Bobby. Okay? Um, I need your advice. It's gonna be some bullshit. Go ahead Why does it have to be some bull? Because it's because is it gonna be have anything to do with me? No, well, then let's move on. Okay. I'll listen. I'm I have to make a certain decision in my life

And as a matriarch my family is just a bunch of it's very matriarchal It's like all the women in my family here and the Philippines is just all strong women and really shitty men shitty shitty shitty men Oh, yeah, like the the men in our family are basically just a bunch of fucking monsters If you've listened to other podcasts her uncle slashed her other uncle With machete and killed him and threatened you and threatened me. No, he just threatened to scalp him if he would hurt me Anyway, anyway, so I have a cousin, right? He's had he has four children and recently he just left his family and had two other kids with another woman or whatever But basically, um, here's the deal. I love this guy. This guy is actually very one of the funniest people in my family

never really had, um A great upbringing. So he was sort of like predisposed to I guess his life now, which is Um, he's basically part of like a drug syndicate in the Philippines and he he's just Deep deep deep deep into his addiction almost to the point of no return. Um, Shabu, so it's like math Yes, um, but basically everything else as well, right? Yes Um, and he has emailed me incessantly my sister and even Jessica my best friend Like just just on a fucking like you can tell this guy is just deep into what's money Yeah, so his thing is he thinks that he's trying to garner some type of sympathy by saying like I need help to change my life

But truly he's like I need help financially and that's gonna like help me set me up and get my family back I want to be back with my family be a good dad again. I'm just like no, you just you're just you want your next hit, right? Yep. So here's my thing. My question to you is do Do He's done awful awful things since then he's threatened to kill some of my other family members Like he's just like behaving like just awfully, right? Yeah. Do I let this man rot and die

In his addiction Let him hit his own bottom Let him if he wants to get better get better or do I in the Philippines you have the option to To get them arrested even against their will. They don't have to submit to rehabilitation So if we pay a certain amount that he can get caught and be put in a lockdown facility for seven months Yeah, um, but that's not they don't do that in America, right? No, they did that with another family member of mine and it worked Um, but I know that that that's it doesn't work for everybody because you know, you're treating the symptoms

You're not treating the disease which is addiction So you have to you know, there has to be a place for this person to like seek counseling and like You know psychiatric help, right? So my question to you is do Do I have him arrested throw him into a box for seven months Or do I let this man like he's already done so many bad things. Do I let him rot in his own addiction? The only way a man can get sober is if they're on the precipice of death Which I think he is no, but he has to know it

You know, I know a lot of guys that still use and drink that are I feel are on the precipice of death But they don't believe they are right when you're high. He has to believe that Well, I mean I did and all the people I've ever seen get sober did You know, it's like you it's it's not even just your momentary thing where you go. Oh my god. I'm gonna die It's more like you see How things are gonna go So when you're doing drugs and you're in it and you're about to hit your bottom At least for me is I I looked at the next year and I went god if I'm going this way

I'm gonna be dead in a year Like you can kind of see so you have a moment of foresight still it's called a moment of clarity, right? What some people call it a spiritual awakening, you know, and you Unfortunately need that experience. What if he doesn't have that then he's gonna die So as a family member, because like I said, we're all matriarchal. So the women make decisions in my family This is my decision at this point because all the all my family members in the Philippines are like no We've given up. This guy is just a lost cause. So now it's up to me. Do I Wait for him to possibly get to that point at that moment of clarity

Hope that he has one or do I just lock him up in the box and hope to god that it works? um, I you mean from what I know and my experience is is that they have to They have to get to a point where they hit a bottom and There's nothing another human being can do My my understanding though, it's like, you know, I've never been there's interventions. Okay. There are interventions, right? But then you need His family members all of them in a room, you know, you bring them in and then I mean, there is a way to do it to say listen

If you continue on this direction, I can no longer be there But by you emailing him or telling him listen, I can no longer talk to you until You mean you decide to get sober That's your way of doing it. But You know, I mean you're pretty much taking care of your side of the street with that Yeah, but so the final thing said between us was you are not going to get a single dime The only help that any of your family members are going to offer is rehab. Yeah, that's it, right? So are you today? I said, do you accept

And he still said nope Well, then that's it. That's not my problem. Then it's it. That's it And I I don't know still though if I could sleep well at night knowing that there was an option to get him caught Yeah, I mean, I'm I'm gonna be I got sober 14 years ago. But when I got sober My brother was still out, you know, my brother had relapsed steve people know my brother steve and um, I He was really scary because he would like Get super drunk and vanish and you know, I mean he would do crazy things. He would invite really

You know seedy seedy people into his house to sleep over, you know, I mean and he was just hanging out with really weird people And there's really nothing I can do As a brother, you know, I said, listen, if you ever want to get sober, I'm here, you know, I mean, but One day he called me and he said I'm done And they go, all right, let's go to a meeting, you know, and he's been sober since he's celebrated seven years today tomorrow tomorrow I mean, we're gonna give him a cake tomorrow. Yeah, we're really and that's that's like, yeah, I'm proud of him But it's like he came to that decision, you know

Every time I've gotten sober was I mean people have said would say things like dude I can't hang out with you if you continue to drink Um, I had comedy clubs calling me saying that dude Don't call in anymore because you're giving the comics drugs and stuff And then I was on that tv. They had fired me, you know, and I just came to the conclusion that listen If I continue to go on this path, I'm gonna die or it's just horrific things are gonna happen And I didn't want to do it anymore and I didn't want to put my family through it I wanted to put my friends through it

I didn't want to put myself through it and I just decided I knew what to do and was it's just dive into a 12-step program Get a sponsor Go get commitments at meetings, you know You know, I I immediately got a commitment at a meeting where I brought cookies, you know, and I I just you know, and I was on a show, but it didn't matter. You know, I didn't care about that stuff. I wanted to live You know, so it's like, you know, no one could say anything to me until I kind of just said, you know what? I have to do this for myself. And this is what your

cousin has to do. Yeah, the only the only downside is that we don't You know, my my my cousins my family back home. They don't have a lot of money So they don't have the same resources that people have over here I know that the AA is everywhere and they have like And it's free and it's free right but in in in the Philippines. It's probably very few and far between not like here No, I mean that I've heard that before in Asian countries and I went to When I shot that shitty movie in Thailand I went to meetings there and Thailand would have a lot more because you have a larger influx of australian tourists and europeans

Yeah, but then I also talked to people that lived in korea and they said there's a lot there and there's it's you know 12-stop groups are all over the world and I know 100 percent. It's in the Philippines This is one of those moments, you know, where I'm I you know, I'm always very fearful of like super super Um religious people like fanatics, you know But this is one of those moments where I feel like I just want him The few moments where I'm like, I hope he finds god whatever that is to him It's it's it's one of the very few times that I ever wish that onto somebody But he's just so far in the fucking pits of addiction that it's just like

You know and he could quite possibly die and I hate saying that but yeah That's also something that I've also accepted in my mind But I I want to exhaust all my options first But some people don't agree with throwing a man in a hole and basically Almost like solid not solitary, but it's a boot camp. You know, they they they have you up at five in the morning They make you do like manual labor You don't get an opportunity to detox in a hospital So you'll probably withdraw violently in in you know in some lockdown facility in a provincial area

So it's like it's not an american rehabilitation center. It's basically prison, right? So it's like I want I some people don't agree with that without Um Possible like you know route to sobriety. They think it's too harsh. They think it's inhumane But I feel like my hands are Tied and that's the only thing left I can do And I I am there's nothing you can do So no, you don't think that I should do that. I don't think you should no

You're right because if he doesn't want to submit himself and he's not ready. He's gonna relapse anyways It's I mean the statistic is like, you know, five percent of the people that ever try to get sober stay sober It's one of those diseases that just kills millions of people and before 12-stop groups before the 1930s I mean it was far more, you know, and um It's a scary thing, you know and and every family is affected by it and um, I my family has you know, my parents Sent me through three rehabs as a as a kid, you know I've had addiction problems since I was a kid, you know, and um It's fucking scary, you know, and I have friends that are deep in the disease and I also have

comedy friends comics that are deep in diseases and they the disease and they don't they have Burned every bridge guys that should have been huge I mean, I can't tell you who they are, but there's two guys just I have in mind right now that You when you watch they still do stand up and you watch them perform You got why aren't you the biggest thing on planet earth?

And the reason being is because they smoke crack Jesus, you know, I mean and it's like, you know, and they don't show up the things and and then they have managers and agents that Enable them, you know, and they you know when they don't show up to gigs They call and they lie for them and They really do. I know two guys in particular They're like that and um that everyone knows I can't name who they are, but you know, it's really really sad And I want to talk about extra cuckoo for a second. Oh, so she made a video Yeah, I mean, I didn't see it. So I have to explain it to me

I think she made a video in response to what you when you talked about her on the podcast and it's just her I don't know her or her comedy. She was just yelling at the camera and she kept cutting to the podcast audio It would yell more. I don't know. It's just crazy and try to get me to respond. Yeah, I think that's what she wants No, I think she tried to get people to tweet you to say that you're wrong or something to that effect I do think that you were pretty harsh though with one thing Bobby. What'd I say? You said that basically any girl who um Dates a white guy dates a white guy is ashamed of themselves I didn't say that any asian girl who dates and and I think that she's

No, I want to be clear about what I said You're just gonna re-iterate It's this this is that For me, it's like um asian women have always been exotic to white people men. I mean ever since the 50, you know, just, you know, white men, you know And they they look at asian men the society as asexual and that we know we're rarely, you know You know portrayed as sexual beings on western, you know media or whatever and um And I've growing up have always had a problem, you know dating asian chicks They always want to date white dudes or whatever and they do it because uh, okay

I don't mind it when an asian chick is like, yeah, my last boyfriend was chinese But I just so happened to date this white guy. That's fine, right? But there are asian women out there that exclusively only date white dudes, right? Because it's like a trophy for them Right. It's a badge and honor, right? And I'm sorry. Esther coup is a talented girl I'm very fond of her if when she's in LA at the clubs, we hug we talk, you know I mean we have each other's number She actually texted me the day before she after she did the um video

But she is one of those that exclusively dates, you know, I mean guys that are non Asian that's fine. But you don't know the whole line. No, that's what the guy who wrote in the email alluded to But he might be wrong because he's not he's not you don't know. I do know Because I think she said that she dated a black guy. That's not still asian. That's I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That's actually the opposite of asian. Yeah, the most opposite. Yeah But what can you do though? Honestly if your vagina just happens to you do you fight that urge like like Okay, let's say for instance, right? I was I was I'm American born This is what I'm exposed to to the media or whatever. Do I fight my urges and my desires for for a particular type of race?

No, or do I say do I go against the grain and I say, you know, fuck what my vagina wants? I'm gonna go. I'm gonna just be a good asian girl and date Asian guys Even though my vagina now is as dry as a sahara. That's not what I'm saying. All I'm saying is is this okay? Is is that if you look at my history, okay? Not in terms of like prostitutes or like, you know, I mean one night stands or whatever I'm talking in terms of relationships. I've dated all kinds of women. I've dated white girls mexicans Koreans, you know, I mean I've hooked up with like all right. All right. All right. All right. All right. The rainbow we get it My point is is that I just never had that thing. You know, I mean

I'm not dating you because you're half egyptian half filipino. I just kind of don't care really You know, I mean I dated people that I just like right? That's not what I'm saying I'm saying that Even if ester coup ran into an asian dude that was good looking and that she got along with you know, I mean You know, he like she had he had all the qualities You mean of what she was looking for that she still wouldn't date him He don't know her like because she he's doesn't represent that badge. That's an assumption sweetheart. Well, you know what? Maybe I'm wrong. That's an assumption about a girl that you don't know on that level. I know her though. Oh, okay

You know, it's like I've never I know her So that's that okay, you know fair enough and it's like, you know you know, I can I can sympathize with an asian chick that was like Born into like she was adopted You know, I don't like to use the doctor. I like I like to call abandoned when she was abandoned

You know, I mean, but um, no and she was raised with white parents and white life that I get that you know, I mean, but I don't know. I just got to speak for asian dudes and that's the only way I know how to do it really because it's like I you know, I was unfuckable For many many years You know, I mean and I tried everything That's a lie. I saw old picture of you

I thought you were really cute. Yeah, no, but I wasn't fuckable from I mean ask Ashley Brown and a beelderness ask all these girls that I had crushes on and that I was thrown into the friend zone And there's nothing I could do, you know, and I was deeply in love I was like one of those guys the unrequited love kind of situation where like they wouldn't know that I love them But I up I would make shrines Like I whipping boy. Yeah, there was this girl Anna beelderness who uh, she we worked at a restaurant together I was a waiter and I would um, who is she like she's just a friend, but now yeah, but I would walk by her

Just to smell her Oh god And then you know what I used to do on my off days I used to hang out at a coffee shop because every once in a while she would show up there Just hoping hoping that she would show up and then when she did show up I would go like, oh, no, I always come here Oh, yeah, I mean like I was so desperate you you know what on the next episode of this podcast We're going to open his old diary when he was in love with Anna and we're going to read a few journal entries because it is

so Revealing of how what an inferiority complex he had Like he is it's like night and day of who he is now It's amazing to look at how cute how vulnerable and how afraid he was of of being rejected Of women because he was relative. He was just a nobody, you know, yeah, I was like I was a nobody I was also very like kind of into like so we'll read a few we'll read at least three journal entries It's funny. I just want to say this real quick just to end this portion of it is is that When you know, Johnny Sanchez Johnny Sanchez is a comic that I was on Matt TV with but I've known Johnny Sanchez since I first started

and Johnny and I started together and Then I he didn't see me go up for like seven years He just played at the laugh factory and he never came to the store. I only played at the comedy store And then seven years later he goes your it's night and day, you know, I mean because I don't know what happened But at some point, you know, I mean it was a shift in my In my thinking I think when you do something like stand-up and then all of a sudden you're getting laughs, right? It just gives a shift to your personality and you just gain more confidence and that's what happened, you know But before that even when I first started doing stand-up. I was meek

Scared I couldn't look at women in the eyes You know, I mean and as soon as I got that confidence like you when you lost the way I went hog wild You know, and that's what happened and if I was in this situation with Anna, you know, I mean a couple of years ago You know before Kali like it would have been a different thing, but it's like, you know, man I met the woman of my dreams You're just saying that because it's my birthday. No, no, you are the woman of my dreams and I told you that already So I have said you're the woman of my dreams Fucking listen to me. There's something I realized about myself that I just want to

Um, we I don't know. I don't even know why it's worth discussing, but self-realizations I think are really important in this life, right sweetheart. And I yesterday well Bobby and I after his flaccid penis incident or whatever he started talking Bobby, this is the problem with Bobby, right? He tells me so much He'll say I fuck this girl. I fuck these toothless sisters and this and then because he He I ever tell you the toothless sister story gross telling that to since I'm so I won't be the only recipient of this

And then we'll go into myself realization afterwards. It's a great story. Oh my favorites So when I first um got my first headlending gig was with you know, who Steve Sharpa is Steve Sharpa was the talent um booker for the Riviera hotel But he's known for being on the show Sopranos Okay, he was a regular on that show and he became talent coordinator slash an actor and now all he do does is act Okay, but shrippa was like this mob guy, right? And he was like he really was tied in with the mob and he goes Hey, he used to call me because he met me through dice and dice to call me ching

Not racist at all. So shrippa called me a ching. You know, you want to do you want to do our dirty show It's not racist because he dropped the k. It's not chink. It's just ching ching. Oh, that's right So I I asked this guy named Brian Keith Etheridge. He's a comic, but he's also now a producer Brian Keith Etheridge is the ugliest human being I've ever seen in my life He literally looks like a muppet. He has no chin He looks like if bill gates was in a tragic car accident You know, and I went with him and erin cater To vegas because he wouldn't fly me I had a drive, right?

So we drove and erin cater is a palestinian comic who is fairly good-looking very good-looking very good-looking, right? So cater is driving. I've met him. No, no, you know, cater's in the passenger seat Brian's driving. I'm in the um back in the back of the seat and um these two The truck pulls up next to us. We're on Las Vegas Boulevard at a light and we're going to the Riviera and these two Toothless sisters one of them was probably 300 pounds. I'm not lying And one of them was 80 pounds and they were sisters. What do you mean by toothless? They had no teeth. No, like they had some teeth like maybe if maybe maybe they had molars. That's it

I didn't see they had chewing teeth. I didn't see it. So and they said hey We think you're hot Not to brian or me to erin. Okay, erin jumps out of the car Ghost into the fucking truck. They disappear I'm like, wow, that's at least lucky You know, so then I go to the Riviera and I go brian. I need to go focus So I went to a coffee shop to write a set list down or whatever and they show up at the gig and brian and erin, right? Are with the toothless sisters and they go

Brian comes up to me and goes hey, um these these toothless sisters they're like erin racists But they they said that if I was funny that they would fuck me with them So they were racists towards everything. No, mostly just black people if they're maybe except humor Except humor. So I do a set. I was okay, right? So we go to my room. So it's now me brian erin and these tooth toothless sisters or people total Five, okay, three dudes two girls

And it was debauchery. I mean Were you still using? No. You just stoned cold sober. You did this completely sober. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Good lord It was the best and my room smelled like A cambodian jungle. I mean it was like thick You know what I mean with the stench and this is hours long like we would fuck in the no condom So three of you guys were fucking these two girls. Anyway, so a couple hours in Aaron Aaron's on one bed with the skinny one and I'm having sex with the fat one from behind And I look around the room and I don't know where brian is

He's gone I keep going I mean look around no brian, but then all of a sudden I have a feeling a physical feeling It's like a feather You mean rubbing against my butthole. Oh No, no, just listen. Okay, and I turn around. There's no one there. It's like a paranormal situation You know So I keep going and then I'm like definitely something is rubbing against my anus

It's very uncomfortable and I looked down and brian this animal Had crawled underneath My legs right It was eating her vagina, right? Well, I'm having sex with her now It was I'm not telling you disgusting because it's dripping on his face, right? And I go brian because and also I'm losing focus, you know, I mean I go brian What are you doing dude? Because it's a little gay too. Yeah, let's be honest. Yeah, you know, I mean So his gruff was was um rubbing against your chin hairs. We're rubbing against my balls

That was the feather sensation you're yeah So then she goes she likes it. She likes it Right, so I tried to power Sex with her right and my penis slipped out and he went up for some reason And I went back in and my penis rubbed against his eye Right and he screamed Okay, the story gets way worse. How sharp is your dick? What pretty sharp and so um

Then afterwards we're at breakfast and now all I want to do is like get them out. Yeah Yeah, these girls out we're at breakfast my treat and we're you know kind of trying to get this fucking thing over with and I look at brian And his left eye Is completely closed shut with a yellow film that had to ride over it like it was an opening And I'm like, oh my god You know, I mean like I thought the worst pink. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is pink I know we got to go to the hospital now

So we're at the hospital, right and we're next to him, right? And the doctor goes What happened and he goes he's skull fucked me And that's the story That's what happened diagnosis skull fuck and me and erin and brian have done that story on stage before talked about it And we acted everything out and stuff So that's this toothless sister story now. Can we go to my self realization part? Yes Yeah, good segue. So now you know gilbert that this is an unconventional relationship that bobby and I have So I happen to be the recipient of a lot of very very strange strange stories very similar to that

But he's very open with me. So he tells me there's no filter in bobby's. I tell my mom and dad these stories I swear to god, they know all they don't care anymore. They love it. They love it. Go ahead. Oh, they're aged old asians Yeah, so but I know but do you tell all your Uh previous girlfriends every single story like that. No, okay. So my thing is I realized yesterday that as much as I have very very a very thick hide Very very thick skin and I don't like hurt easy, right? This isn't something that I can listen to those stories in a very like practical way like oh, that was just a part of this history. Whatever It's uh, it's in the past

But I I don't think there's any way for any woman to be completely bulletproof I don't think there's any way for any woman to be completely impenetrable Like there's always something that will still hurt me For example, we had a discussion yesterday. Mind you, he tells me stories like this all the time But yesterday we talked about a time in toronto When you know this he was he was offered like hookers or whatever, right? But we were all ready together Right. No, I'm not I'm not saying anything bad about you But then I realized I got jealous and I got hurt over it and I started

I almost started like a sort of like a mini fight with him, right? And I thought to myself How can I? Right being as practical as I am as a woman and as I understand male biology I understand like male desires. I try to be as cool of a chick as possible How do I armor? How how do I armor myself? How do I make myself not? Not get hurt by by certain things Because you are who you are. So your stories are always going to be these like crazy things

Why wouldn't that hurt you? It's like not the toothless sisters. No, no, no, definitely not but um Why'd you get her? When I was at toronto One of the guys that runs the clubs goes you want to prostitute? I said no But he's accepted prostitutes before no, no the one time before was years before her same guy And I tried to do it and she was so ugly. I couldn't get it up. Yeah, you mean so and then the second time I immediately go no, I have a girlfriend. I love her and whatever, you know, I mean But then why would that fucking fuck you because that same trip somebody emailed me on facebook anonymously and said that He had cheated on me

Right and it was probably somebody from my fucking past who was just trying to like fuck with my head I didn't really doubt his like loyalty or whatever, but then that that memory resurfaced yesterday while we were talking him and I And I realized that I as as cool of a chick as I fucking pray to god the every day that I want to be I I just I'm not I I'm not bulletproof and it really really hurts me I seriously like after he told me that story like I'm not going to be like, well, you know, I can't be mad at him, right? But it I cry about it. I don't know why the fuck I cry about it Happy birthday. Happy birthday though. Happy birthday. How old are you 31? Ew. Can we not talk about that? Are you 31 now? No, we're not talking about that. You look great, baby. I just I just punched your boil. I know I hurt so fucking bad just now

I'm so sorry, but anyway, um Do you have an MMA minute, babe? We're gonna have an MMA minute next weekend because the fights are until november 7th, but We are going to do Unhelpful advice right now. Good. I also want to say this that I'm in san diego. What's the dates? No, I'm next weekend. Oh, shit. We're gonna be in san diego for the brazil fight So november 5th through 7th at the american comedy company Buy your tickets or look at bobby's other tour dates on bobbyleelive.com

Thank you. We're gonna take a question right now. Go ahead. Unhelpful advice with bobbylee and colloco. Happy birthday I'm a white irish dude. My fiance is vietnamese. I get sick of my friends making the whole She's chinese, japanese, korean, cambodian time. There are the same jokes She's okay with it, but I get a little heated because of my irish temper. Should I let it go? Thanks jimmy. Absolutely not You should not let it go. Your friends are being racist towards your asian girlfriend. That's fucking that's just That's ignorant and not okay. I'd be like yo dudes. Don't fucking talk about my chick like that I would never allow that you lose those friends like for example if if if my sister right now I mean, I know bobby's really racist towards me because he calls me a jungle asian

He calls you a jungle asian whatever, but we're all friends, right? But it's like it's like put it this way if my family if bobby If I was dating bobby and he was like my my my new partner and my friends who didn't know him that well We're just like oh you got a little ching chong ching chong for you know for a boyfriend. I would be pissed if I know that's not okay Yeah, that's absolutely not okay because they're not only not only because I'm guessing these dudes are white. Yeah, they're probably in a weird way sexualizing her in a weird like In that way too like in my head. That's how I see it I've literally done gigs where a white guy will walk up to me and go

Hey, hello. I thank you. You're so funny and they bow and they bow and they do the asian accent To get a laugh out of you thinking and I'm like I literally I used to laugh about it But I'm no longer do that me too. I stare. I just stare at them. I don't say anything I just stare and then they go. I'm sorry man. I'm sorry, you know, I mean, but it's like you can no longer tolerate it So iris dude, don't tolerate it. Yeah, dude, and you you can say it in a way. That's not like confrontation No, get confrontational go. What the fuck dude? I just make you see that again like ignorant like you're really ignorant Just walk away. Oh wow that probably got that's that probably gets them right in the god Gilbert I don't say it though. You're ignorant. Oh, you're really ignorant

And then you walk away. No, they show my foreskin and walk away that really gets me confused Oh boy, don't don't do that. Listen. Hey iris guy. Don't do that Oh, p.s. I'm seeing you at the american comedy club in San Diego. Oh, you know what? We got to talk further than iris guy because come to me afterwards come to the show go to the green room And bring your friends because knock on the door and I will have a conversation with your friends Yeah, bring your friends and then bobby will sit them down and say hey, dude. No more ching chong ching chong No more ching chong ching chong We can't and also dude you guys fucking live in san diego

It's like culturally diverse is all hell Like get it together. No, they're very conservative. They're still it's not about conservative It's not about whether or not they're conservative or liberal It's about the fact that you have a large population of asians in southern california all together. So it's like Yeah, that's weird Because you have mirror mesa. They call mirror mesa mere asia paniskitis is filipino land. I mean it's like half of that high school malchromel is like Filipinos it's a it's a very there's a lot of asians there. Are we contradicting ourselves because I feel as though we always throw racial slurs out at one another

But then we're sort of just now. We're just crucifying. It depends on what your heart says What do you mean? It doesn't make sense. I know anyway, thanks for listening guys and iris guy. See you soon. Okay. Bye guys Bye guys. Oh, we're not not quite by god. I need to get better at this. I need to get better at this not quite. Goodbye. Um Um, what do we have? Oh, yeah, november 14th of the following weekend, baby I think it's november 14th. I don't even have my dates, but um, bobby will also be at yuck yucks in vancouver So go buy your tickets at um bobbyleelive.com or wherever else. I think that ticketmaster has it also guys, um Hate to sound like a broken record, but please subscribe to

You please subscribe subs. I can't even fucking say the word you say it, baby. Yeah. Hey guys Can you swallow your food first, please subscribe to the um iTunes and right. Yes, baby. I also do this. Tell your friends about that podcast and shit, you know But tell them how much it means to you. It really means a lot because you know, I made a commitment to do it and um, I'm really having a blast doing it and um And it's free entertainment. This is your medium to have fun with it. Yeah, what else we got? Oh on instagram We are at tiger belly on twitter. We are at the tiger belly. You can email us any questions about um anything you basically want to

the tiger belly at gmail.com and um or on twitter just hashtag it tiger belly Also, you know, we should start doing fan giveaways. I think we will because we talked about doing the glue thumbs But then I was thinking like I think only three people Want bobby's glue thumbs So, um, we'll try to think of like better giveaways. Give us some suggestions on twitter. Yeah, let us know what you guys want All right, we'll see you guys next week. Ciao Oh Hey prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music

Download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey