TigerBelly - Episode 103: Awkwafina & The Race of Lyfe

Episode Date: August 9, 2017

Nora is Clark Kent. Bobo blanks. Khaloko loves super gooky. We talk over-celebrations, spit shields, and JNCO jeans. Recorded 07/31/2017See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on. Thank you. That's great. Clap. Are you reading lyrics? Yeah. Celine Dion.

I just discovered that song. Celine Dion. You know that? Celine Dion. You know that? It's great. The vocal range on that bitch, Canadian bitch, it's fucking legit, bro. She goes high, low, and she does a little treble shit.

All that stuff? I can't even fucking touch it, man. She's a talent. She's my talent. But you know who else is talented? Who? Our guest tonight. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. We got Aquafina now. Oh, man. Let me say something right now, man. Okay. Before we even start, is that like, Kallela was like, you got to get Aquafina. You got to be on our show. And I'm like, I don't know how, but then I did your show.

It was so good. It was good. Thanks for inviting me on it. You were like the best guest ever. Oh, why? Oh, tell me more, please. You were like Super Jill and funny. Oh, thank you.

Thank you. Can I call you Nora or Aquafina? You can call me Nora. Yeah. Yeah. And you have to wake up early, huh? Yeah. I wake up fucking early as shit.

Like four? Like probably before that. Are you normally a night person? Yeah. For sure. So can we talk about the movie you're shooting or no? It's not a movie. It's like a, like a bit part in like a show.

Oh, you're doing a bit part tomorrow on a show. A bit part. Yeah. And you can't talk about the show. I mean, probably as a future man. Oh, yeah. Future man. I don't, I actually don't know if I can talk, but I mean.

Yeah, you can. Okay. I know it's Seth Rogen. Yeah. It was a trailer out, Comic Con put a trailer out. Yeah. And I also auditioned for that show. Really?

We drove all the way over there. I memorized everything. You did so well. And then I walked out and I go, I think I got it. He didn't. No, because I know even the casting. Did you, you probably did an audition. You got an offer.

It was a, it was like a, like a really last minute thing during their reshoots. Yeah. Me and Paul Scheer. Oh God. Just fucking tell and galore right there. You and Scheer. Holy shit. I fucking love Paul Scheer.

Oh, he's the best. He's the best. He's got to get some hair. Why not? I mean, you can get that thing, right? He looks good. I think he's very attractive. He is kind of cute, huh?

He's cute. Yeah. So when you fill out forums, do you see your Chinese or your Korean? When I fill out forums, like, you know, usually they don't break that up. Oh, they don't. Do they say Asian? Asian slash Pacific Islander. Yeah.

But if somebody goes, hey, what are you? I, yeah. Is that a Native American? Yeah. How are you? How are you? How are you? Excuse me.

Hey, hey, hey. What, what Asian? Yeah. I, I don't know, I say Chinese, Korean and people don't really know how to take it. Yeah. Your mom's Korean. Mom was Korean. Yeah.

See how we did some research. Yeah. Oh, Wikipedia. Shout out to Wikipedia. No, I didn't do that. Yeah. I don't do Wikipedia. Your mix, too, right?

Yeah. What was your mix? I could tell you. His version is different than mine because he doesn't want me to be part of Egyptian. She's half French. Okay. And half, um, yellow monkey. Okay.

Yeah. No, Filipino, Filipino. Oh, nice. I'm actually Egyptian, too, but he doesn't want to admit that. Why not? She's French. Egyptians are great people. Yeah.

Nora, she's fucking French. Okay. Yeah. For him to get erect, I have to be French. You have to be French. Did you like speak shitty French to her? Yeah. Yeah.

Nice. That's hot. I have nothing against Egyptians. I'm kidding. She's half Egyptian. Oh, right. And half Filipino. That's a great mix.

It is. That's way better than mine. Mine is basically just incest. Well, I'm full-blooded, Corinne. How do you think I feel? No, I mean, it's nothing fancy. It's nothing fancy. You know?

And you're the sun, so. Oh, yeah. You get that love. You get that love. You see that? You get that love. So you started off, how did you start? You're from Queens, right?

I'm from Queens, yeah. Um, I don't, I don't, I wrote a song. Like I started learning GarageBand when I was like 16 when it came out. Yeah. And I was really into like making hip hop beats. And I eventually learned the logic and label, and Ableton. So I, I wrote that song when I was like 19 and like in college. And six years later, I was working at like a publishing house and it was like, it was

a kind of shitty job. And, um, my boss, like someone was like, uh, let's make this a video. Like let's turn into video. And I was like, I can't because I like work at this job and it's embarrassing. And I'm trying to like, you know, and so he was like, well, why don't you just wear glasses? Yeah. And I was like, totally, that makes sense.

Love this orchestra. Oh, my boss ended up finding out about it and then like kind of fired me. No. Yeah. So you Clark Kented it. Yeah, you Clark Kented it. Yeah. I lived off unemployment and got like an off the book job, which was lit.

Right. Every week I go, I worked at a vegan bodega. That wasn't lit, but just like being able to get unemployment and working off the books job. Yeah. That's how you do the system. Yeah. That's it.

Yeah. Fuck the man. Taking in that unemployment. Right. Hear that IRS. Yeah. Yeah. That's hot.

And yeah, I just, I was like, you know, the, it got, it had like 8,000 views that time. Oh, wow. And then it just started going viral. That's how it started. So that went viral. Right. And then in your heart at that time, do you think I'm going to be, you know, a pop, like a singer?

Or did you work because you're more, you're, you do everything now. Yeah. I mean, I didn't know what to think of it. I thought that maybe if people did find that be like a kind of a tan mom kind of situation, you know, where people will be like, yeah, that's good. Yeah. That's why she's Asian. Um, yeah.

And then so I didn't really know, um, but a lot of older women really seem to enjoy it. Yeah. Like Midwest housewives really like that song. Yeah. Um, and I guess at that time, like the landscape of the internet was so that a video like that could go viral where I, I don't think now I could like cause the companies, it's like saturated.

Saturation. Yeah. What year was that then? That was 2012. Ah. Yeah. So I'm 23. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You're 23. And so then you did that. And then when the talking, your, your talk show start right after that. Yeah. I mean, uh, yeah, like pretty much right after that, I got, I got approached cause like, I guess people saw me as this kind of like internet, like a viner kind of person when

I come not so I, but I feel like that's how people like, you know, I, that came about. Um, and yeah, after that, like I got on MTV and the show called girl code. Yeah. Um, who was on that? Do we know? Oh, Jay. Oh, Jay. Yeah.

Yeah. Jay talks about you all the time. I love Jay. Jay is the fucking best man. And then Esther Koo, was she on that? I think so. Yeah. Yeah.

Was that the same year? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We love her. Love you Esther. Love you. She's the best.

She's the best. She is the best. Yeah. Um, we talked about her last week. What was that? Was that last week? You talked about her. I talked about her and then she tweeted, then she texted me.

She's like, really funny. Oh, cute. She's like spin. I love her. Yeah. You know what? Cause she's strong. She's strong.

She can take it. She's strong minded. Yeah. Yeah. She can take it. She can take it. Yeah. Yeah.

She can take it. Yeah. Like she's a lot of girls, right? She's a lot. Oh, she's a lot for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Cause she's excited. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Anyway, so you did girl-girl code? Did girl code. Yeah. That's a big audience.

It was. Like, bigger than, like, I would've ever imagined. Yeah. Like even today, I was, I was shopping at the Grove. And the girl was like, you're really funny. And I'm like, oh, why? I didn't even say anything. And she was like, I, I watch you on Girlcode!

Oh yeah. Oh, the only person? Do you there's certain when people recognize you there are certain things when they recognize you kind of go What do you mean like some people go to me like hey, I love you on Something that I don't even remember doing really. Yeah, it's never like something cool like I loved you in the dictator or whatever It's always like, you know, I love you in like Joe's YouTube video Highlight clip. Yeah I hate that the worst is when they make you they don't remember where you they know you from

Yeah, you know what I say what sit go hey, I know you from something. Where were you in not nothing? I know you're the guy. You know, I have a day job. I get a picture. No, I'm a busboy. Hey, P. F. Changs What are you talking about? That's a lie. You guys Bobby just fucking told a blatant lie. Oh, he's smiling so I don't Wait, wait, wait, smiley Stop go ahead expose me I am no, I don't think you're you're a fraud I just think that it makes me uncomfortable when you start to roll out your credits to people to strangers They're like, what do you do? No, no, no, you're from this and he's like, do you see me here? How about this one?

Babe, babe, then I'm like sweating in the back. Oh my god. I just I've done that, too You know, I have done. No, I have to do it. Yeah, there we go. See Nora I know, but you just told him you didn't do that. No, I do do it. Sometimes. Sometimes I do the other way multiple options Anyway, I hate that tune Nora. Yeah How'd you do that make me I'm blushing Comfortable jumping on that has anyone confused you for other Asian like like actresses or anything Something really bizarre happened to me in San Francisco. I got picked up by this older Russian guy in an Uber

Okay, and He was like, oh my god. Are you are you a celebrity? And I was like, I was like, yeah I mean, I wouldn't consider myself a celebrity. Yeah, you know, I've been in seven. He was like, oh my god I can't believe you're like in my cab like I'm a huge fan like my wife is Thick Russian accent, right? And he was like my kids are fans. I love all your stuff Yeah, and I was like, I was like, oh that that's sick, you know, and I was I was going to a show So I was I guess I had makeup on but still And then I got out and he was like, I have to take a picture with you

You know to show my wife and I was like, okay, sure. So I got out and he was like, oh Zhang Ziyi, I can't believe That I was Also, what else has she done both that? No, I know your work. I was like And she has a thick accent probably Yeah, a really hot, you know, I mean, I'm not Zhang Ziyi But I'm no by

Like I'm cute, but I'm no Stephen Yuen. Oh, we know. Yes. What? You're a defendant. You are older. That's what happened. You when time deteriorates the body I'm like the Grand Canyon. Is that you the person you compare yourself to? No, because I was never like that. He's a better actor better-looking and His skin is like porcelain. Yeah, his skin is like porcelain His skin's nice. I always thought he was like just from watching The Walking Dead, right? Yeah, he always appeared very like little to me like in stature. All right Yeah, but I think people people talk about him like he's like a sex god

Okay, I didn't find him right go ahead I didn't find him attractive on the show and then we ran into him and Bobby introduced me to him and I was He was so hot He had an aura like he had a light around I can imagine because on the show like in the beginning of the show the first season You know where you were the baseball cap. It was very boyish. Yeah, when you meet him in real life You go, oh my god, I might suck your dick. Hmm. I might I won't because I'm a Christian and I'm not gay Yeah, yeah, yeah, but um, I would in certain circumstances Yeah, you know who else was like ridiculously hot in person is Sandra. Oh, have you ever met? Oh

I love Sandra. Oh, yeah in person. She's he's like, yeah Yeah, you know that she my first acting job was Arliss. She was a star of that Yeah, I won line and I was scared because this is in the 90s I mean, this is a long time ago and I had never done anything. I was just a comedian and I was One of the comedians at the comedy store Alan Stevens was the producer. So he says, I'm gonna give you a line So you can get in the sack So I showed up and she was so fucking nice to me Yeah, she's really that Robert wills a fuckhead though the other guy

But um, she was so nice and then I ran to her again at a festival or something and she's just so nice She's so nice. Yes, but but more importantly hot She's like that kind like she rolls up and like she can control men Like her pussy With her strange beauty. Yeah, like men are probably like, oh my god, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have you met Margaret? Yeah, I just love her. Oh, she's great, too. She's so nice. That bitch is real and she Is very welcoming to like the younger generations a lot of come older comedians like really aren't I know, you know Years ago when there was this used to be doublins

I don't have told this story before but there was this comedy night called doublins on a Tuesday night It was like an Irish pub and I was promoted to I was doing it with Dan cook a bunch of people and I get off stage and Margaret's there and she she pulls me outside She goes, I just came here because I've heard about you and I just wanted to support you and meet you And I literally fell to my knees. I go this woman because I you know, I really look up to her But that kind of generosity. I you learn from that you gotta be like that total 100% But but can I say something to you Nora? Uh-huh. I Like Asians like you. Okay. Why I'm gonna tell you why

Because number one you seem like somebody that could be in my family. Okay, because we have the same kind of um, angst, okay, okay, we do and you're you you're relevant. Oh, you're very relevant and you sound like You're an American, right? You got a little urban flair, you know, but you also have intelligence If they're too gookie, I can't do it. Yeah I can't I like this super. I I don't like Some super gookies, but when you say gookie, do you mean like a like a fob? Yeah, I know I don't even sing fob because um There's this guy ty fong at the comedy store. He's got a thick accent, but he wears 70 shades

Oh, he has cool change and he you know, he cool. Oh, I love that shit. Okay. We know who we're talking about Yeah, all right. I'm gonna say his name. Yeah, but there's some Asians I look at and I go Oh, nope. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Stop this. No fashion sense. Yeah. Junko jeans. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Jankos. Yeah That would actually be pretty lit now Now if it a basic Asian Koreatown thought yeah up in Jankos, I'd be like, okay Yeah, there's a lot of like there's a lot of a questionable Asian Quick questionable Asian you seem like you're nice to all everybody though, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Now can I talk about some of the movies are in or not? Sure. Yeah Oceans eight It comes out when next summer You play the little Asian person in it. I play them. Are you the grease man? Well, they're the gymnast the gymnast. You're the gymnast. No, I'm not I'm not the body contortion Definitely not a gently. Oh, no, but in the because so you oh, so you're not playing because I thought they were mimicking Yeah, I thought they were mimicking the first. Yeah, I yeah, I get in the box and suspended from the roof. Do you really? Yeah, yeah, but it's not you know

Right actress right here. Well, maybe they have a fucking stunt person that doesn't cut away Well, do you know the person that was originally supposed to play and like like got hit by a car or something like that? And then they need it. They didn't they needed someone so they just went to a troop like a acrobat troop in China and found yen Wow for the original. Yeah for the original. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're not playing that. Yeah, young guy hit by a car So they hired me It's it's different I can say that I'm I'm in it. I play like a queen like a queen's girl a lot of my scenes like Really close to where I grew up, which was like very overwhelming. You know, yeah

Overwhelming filming feeling. Oh, but you have like just everyone on it. So you have Hey, Blanche it Mindy and Annie Mindy who? Kaling Mindy Kaling. Oh, wow Rihanna Helen bottom Carter And aquafina, what the fuck are you doing here? What do you mean? What do I mean? What are you doing here? You know that's top of the fucking line right there We're fucking top of the line. Hey, let's stay. Oh, yeah

Well, no, were you was that your big the biggest movie down then up until that point? Yeah, were you nervous? I before we started I was having like I do this thing where like I'm never happy Like I'm always very like whenever something cool happens. I'm always like, yeah, but will it be cool? You know, are you Bobby Lee because exactly exactly what he does like You are okay. I can maybe sense that a little bit. I mean, maybe I mean my show got picked up Sort of pessimistic It got picked up and I'm like, yeah, but it's mid-season And they're like, yeah, but he got picked up. Yeah, but only seven episodes

I Do the same and I feel like God's going up there going. Okay. Well, you're off the list Because you're ungrateful piece of shit But that's how I look at it. Are the people saying things about you? I mean, no I mean, I think people that like certain comics Like Whitney Cummings. Okay. If I go there She goes crazy a pessimistic like if I go pessimistic She'll go nuts on me like one time at the comedy store. I got off stage. I go. It was all right

And then she she was like you piece of shit you fucking yeah, and you fucking do that shit Some people are really good at amping you away from the pessimism, but yeah, sometimes it's very rehearsed Feel even more pessimistic because you're like totally lying Yeah, yeah, yeah, but do you think that's Asian? Yeah, I think it yeah, you know my grandmother you weren't allowed to celebrate any good things If you have to stay humble and say you can lose this so don't over celebrate right, right, right So you got to like keep it low-key. Yeah, is that what we're doing? No, I think you know what I think it is. I think it's like

It's part I think the Asian aspect is like an imposter syndrome thing built in I think there's like a very deep-seated insecurity and also a fear that I think isn't was instilled to me by my grandma Who like was worried about money all the time and like worried about things like that? That this will pass so you'll know so, you know You the moment is fleeting and you have no you there's no future Yeah, yeah, I'm literally like a communist era like Chinese person. Yeah dooms Well, you know, I want to keep my catch on a mattress. I don't even trust Chase, you know Yeah, so it's cultural a little bit. I think so it's like my parents instilled it in me

But I think it's also a comedic thing a lot of the comedians I know are probably the most like dark angry depressed people You know, so I feel like that's and then well feeling pessimistic and insecure probably comes can hand with that I have rage Today, I'm so sorry, sweetie. No, no, no, but I just get Hey, no, no, but I just write to this. Oh Of rage inside me and the simplest thing just lets it off like it's usually traffic What are you doing you honk? No, and then she's like dude relax

That's just she's yeah, she's there, you know, and I feel bad that she has to take the brunt of my fucking insanity What you have rage well, well that kind of road rage in the person saying next to me So I was like going just chill out and it's like, are you the one are you? Because it's like easy to be like, okay, just like calm down. Oh, you're like, are you on your phone? Yeah, I can't deal with it. I have rage. I have a little rage you do Yeah, do you lash out on other people or just just to yourself? Well, to her whoever's like immediately around me. I Have a lot of self-doubt all the time

Yeah, but that's cool though because we might win the race What is that? What do you mean because we're that we're like I need to talk about this race I need to know about the race. I didn't know I was in the race. I mean, well the race of life Yeah, why but like I feel like the thing is like if you expect things to go well and they don't They never will so I've almost like it's a good luck charm to be pessimistic. That's what it is Yeah, I go like this. I go, you know what is it's gonna fail and if it does then I'm like, uh, yeah, exactly Right exactly, but what happens when it's a success and then it's even worse when it's a success. You're like, oh my god. It's a success. That's just like me. Yeah She would baby. She's like my sister. We might be related. Yeah, the same. Yeah when it's success and then it's like

I don't know how to hide it Like hide the doubt after you know, I don't know how to hide the even like, you know The the the low self esteem even if I'm on the set, right and they go that was a great take I'm and I want to go I should go like this. I should go. Yeah, I did great I love that one, but that's not what happened. You did a great job. I go. I don't did that one word I said, I don't think it was clear. Uh-huh. It was clear. We got it. No, no Like it's always weird. I have to make it weird. I can't just go Oh, except it they that they have the take and move on. Why would they put on shit? Do you feel good inside?

He'll always come home. They didn't like me. They didn't like me Well, do you feel well, do you why do you think they like you? He has an alcoholics I because I'm a drug addict. Okay, this is what I this and I've always been like this as a kid If I walk into a party and this is narcissism, right and self-centeredness Mm-hmm. I already immediately think that everyone in the party hates me. Yeah, me too, right? So when I'm on a set and I'm acting and I see video village Where all the producers and directors are all huddle in a tent very intimidating. They go like this action I'll go cut and I'll sit there like this and in my peripheral

I'll see them and they're talking and I think that they're saying the worst shit about me Come on. Well, that's all I can jump. I mean, is that guy from heroes? I'm sure he's available Right in my head and then they come up to me. Great job. We're gonna move on. I go you deception. It's deception They're playing in shadows Yeah, cuz I feel like it's it feels easy if people lie to you. Yeah, you know, but it's unhealthy It's really I mean you sound like you're a little paranoid cuz you you kill paranoid you kill that shit. Oh Oh, god, why did you just say that? Well, I'll go. He's make you feel. No, I feel great. Thank you. Okay. You kill it, too Yeah, and then so are you done with crazy rich people? Crazy rich people. Yeah, I was in Asia for two and a half months and not like

What East Asia Southeast Asia, I was I was in Southeast Asia was in Malaysia I was in Malaysia for a month and a half. I you know Malaysia's a great country people. They're like great very warm. Yeah, like Like, you know, they want to help you. They like people But what was I guess how's I gonna end that but what what is it about? Is there anything negative about Malaysia? They're like, oh when I saw the Malaysian airline plane down twice in a row I was I was thinking to myself like, oh, thank god. I'll never ride that airline because I'll never go to Malaysia I wrote that fucking airline So many times like little trips. Yeah, and like and like

Any time the the plane did something or the flight attendant came by, you know, yeah, you thought you're gonna die. Oh, wow Wow Yeah, so I shot a movie in Thailand once for two months The worst is this when they go you have four days off, but then you can't go back to New York Exactly, exactly. So then what the fuck so then you start wandering the streets in this heat. Yeah, it's not Florida heat It's not Texas heat. It's like a wet It's heat that he was Swap a jump right equatorial. Yeah, and then you and there you go. I'm hongo. I'm hungry

Yeah, and then you see like a stand with meat hanging. Yeah, right in the heat and there's just flies and you know me and yeah People are eating it. You're like The grossest restaurant, I think I went to I mean everything was pretty fine in Malaysia actually is like it's a little quality Lumpur is a legit city. They have like more Louis Vuitton stores and then like, you know, Starbucks in New York Yeah, but like there's one store and it just smelled like like a like a Adoption a dog adoption center And then in Malaysia they have this

This like help guideline where you have to wear like a spit shield. Yeah, so it's like a little shield But it's a clear shield Like a visor. Oh, and you can see the spittle See all the stuff on the thing on the thing on the screen So it's like it's almost more disgusting if you just did you just don't wear it Didn't it didn't get much gross, I mean it was it was fine. It was just being an agent. So you never got any diarrhea May be like maybe constipation maybe Oh, maybe I went I went for about like four and a half weeks. Yeah

Not not I had an audition for that. I never showed up to it for Europe that movie over what? Yeah, I don't remember. I went it was a lot of lines for my dad. I don't know But it was a lot of lines and I went no, I can't do it right now Yeah, but I think as a Korean on that set There is an element of feeling like like you're like a little bit like you shouldn't be there Yeah, that's what also it's Chinese people right that the show the movie. It's it's should be Chinese people Yeah, but it was a mix of people it was it was Right, they cast it right. All right, right, right. I think Ken was the only Korean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know

Yeah, I think that's also was a part of it. I'm not gonna get this so I'm not gonna you would have gotten it, dude No, no, they gave it in What they gave the part to Ken because you did an audition. I don't think it was for that part. Oh, you don't think so Yeah, maybe not. No, no, I don't know but um, I do you ever do you do you go to every audition? Not every audition like I got I get sense. I'm like pretty struggle one sometimes. What do you mean? I get some audition sometimes like it's like hard cuz I feel like after I did my first movie I could have went like Two ways I could have been like a waitress number two and the new like Zoe Kravitz movie Or like I could have been or I you know, but luckily oceans like was the next thing so right now

It's like do I really want to be on the good life as like the person that works at the store? Why are you sending me shit like this? Yeah to be like a Bravo. I was like do I look like a bravo? Yeah, I don't do I don't do any of that shit. Yeah, I don't mind hosting but you know not with like that You know, no, you're on a trajectory. Is that the right word? on a specific trajectory Listen to me trajectory You want to stay in that fucking trajectory stay in the pocket. Yeah, stay in the pocket. Don't do bullshit Don't do fucking, you know

Reality show don't do any of that. No, I know do a if you're on a list shit, and that's what you're doing Stay in the a list shit. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, what if I'll never work again? That's impossible. I'll tell you why okay because you have other things that you do. That's the thing. You're the MacGyver You're a MacGyver You know, I feel the cross-eye. No, no, no. No, I'm saying is that you can do All kinds of shit right like for me. You're not a one-trick pony. That's nice. Thank you when when film and television dried up for me I went, you know what? I'm not gonna be on no Nickelodeon show the shit there are offering me So I'm just gonna do the road. I'll do some videos and I'd rather do that

I can still make money right and you just hold out and people go How come you're not in a lot of things because I say no to a lot of things, right? Right? I mean, I do But you wanna do things that are worth your time. This is how I think about auditioning It's like if you meet with the director and you you you know, you might be up for a role And you don't get it That's okay because I never went on tape if you go on tape and then you send in the director and they still don't hire you It's kind of like having sex with a dude and like it's like flirting with the dude on like on like text messages Yeah, and then having sex with them and they and then they don't call you back. Yeah

Like I don't like with that with that like pessimistic. I don't I can't handle that Yeah, I can't handle rejection like it like in that way especially for the shit what some of the shit I fucking have gotten rejected for it's like really. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a terrible feel I it's a horrible feeling, but we also don't know It's another thing of my mind. I don't know what you know what like when I say they say no or they reject me There's probably like a thousand things going on exactly on my control. Yeah. Yeah, that's how I make myself feel better with that But it's the truth. Yeah. Yeah, it's beyond your control. Yeah, it is. Yeah, you went fully high-pitched on that Yeah

Do you have a You seeing anybody am I am I seeing anybody? Yeah, I hear you But what do you don't have a one person? Yeah, there's a person. You don't talk about it. Yeah, not really yet You know ever talk about your love life I Yeah, I mean, I cuz like yeah, I guess I can kind of keep that. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good idea. That's a great idea Yeah, we're fucked All of our lives the tails are all out. No, you guys are a great duo, dude

I know but we talk about like things that um can't take back not we can't take it back That's cool. The abortions Abortion hashtag shout out the two abortions Oh my god, right? Mm-hmm. What? We've already talked about those yeah, like 80 episodes ago. I was hoping you we would just bury that for good I know, but I'll bear Oh my god, I know fucking exhume the remains every time Exhumed the body

Okay, I know okay. I won't I'm not ashamed of it. No, but I'm sad that you keep bringing up I lost children You know, what if they what if they were a doctor or a scientist that I don't know What do we do? We'll never know. We'll never know make another one. Yeah, but my dick is like broken Her eyes look that makes you like no, he's not joking. It's broke. Are your parents proud of you. Yeah Yeah No, they are my grandma definitely is my dad my dad it took him a while But now he's like but now like I added him to my family plan

You know, he's riding the pony a little bit. What did he want for you when you were younger he wanted Me to be completely mediocre like um, you know government job Yeah, meet inspector. He didn't really never he wasn't the agent parent that like want me to be a doctor He wanted me to be like the guy who like the preps you before your mammogram. You know what I mean? Like the tech yeah, where you go on the sub on like he wanted something reliable. Yeah, like yeah, like it's something practical. Yeah Yeah, he didn't yeah, he wasn't really with but you went to a performing arts high school, right? I did Yeah, so didn't couldn't he at least say that hey, maybe this is Where she's headed or maybe this is what she's interested in I think he was okay with that at the time because it was a good school, but um, I

Mean, I don't yeah Like Asian parents. Oh, they're weird I think what they really just want for you is to be able able to take care of yourself, you know I don't have to worry about you when they die. Yeah, but some of it's prestige bullshit though, too. Yeah, I at least my parents That's Korean shit. Yeah. Yeah Your cousin Right meanwhile, I'm in my second drug rehab Right my junior year in high school, right and like I'm getting all F's

Right. Oh David. Oh, she's here. No, you're not. Oh my god This family is so happy and proud Right. I'm sitting there with fucking needle marks in my arm shaking at the table. I don't even know how to live Yeah Like but yo, I'm on TV though. Yeah, you know what I mean? That's what I say when people comparing me I well now what happened was you know, my dad Saw me on I did Jay Leno as a stand-up in

2019 99 Wow, and I go watch it. They go. No, you're not gonna be on I go. I'm gonna be on No, they don't have I go. Yeah, and I went on I crushed it, right? Yeah, and they saw it. Yeah, and then the next day they were both crying. Oh And they felt guilt For all those years of not supporting me and I Revealed it If I could just if I could see that go fuck you Mother fuckers, you know the fucking seven years of open not my bitches

I'll fuck not kill you, but you know, I mean I That's what it takes for them They have to see like my dad my dad saw me on the cover of the New York magazine on his own It was at a time when we weren't even talking because he was so mad that I was doing this And then that happened and his co-worker he like went to his car. He said that's my daughter and his car He goes, oh your daughter's aquafina. He was like a young Korean guy. Yeah, so until then like he realized that it wasn't Bullshit, and he called you and then now. Oh, yeah, we our relationship was really bad until I think he realized that it was

I was gonna make it work somehow. Yeah, but is that fair to us? No, no, no, but that's you know, I mean they're being digs like we're not gonna support your It's not even I don't think it comes from that place either It's just cuz that's survival mentality where it's like they they only know how to do it the way they did it Which is you get this job? I mean for me it was my mom You know, it's like you be a nurse or you're basically gonna be a homeless person. Yeah, like there is no other She doesn't have an imagination beyond. Yeah. Yeah, they don't I think that's because they see I mean it was your mom Did your mom was your mom an immigrant? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think when you're an immigrant you see how yours you have to survive here

So, you know, you only know a couple of ways, but Yeah, I think it's our generation is different obviously, you know, like we're we're changing shit up Yeah, I mean, it's in the biggest way. Yeah, for sure. You guys are hitting the culture Where when I started there was nobody. Yeah, you had Margaret and then the generation before her was people like Tamiya Watsuki Johnny Yoon, I mean dudes people with thick accents, right? And so that was why there was like their novelty like yeah, I mean I told this before but there was a Korean guy named Johnny Yoon At the comedy store in the early 80s his opening line

Got an applause break and this was it. He comes on stage thick accent He's got a tuxedo on he goes in front of a packed room. He stares at the audience and he goes like this Had a Love that joke two minute applause break He didn't have to write a joke He just has to say Had all put him in and he's got a two minute applause break. There's no set up punchline point of view

Nothing. There's like there's like a one one like a Midwestern couple that gives us an elevation like Fantastic and they gave him fantastic. They gave him two movies Wow, they call me Bruce Oh, they call me Bruce. Yeah, and they call me Bruce, too. Oh, yeah, and then he became the Johnny Carson of Korea He went back with that fucking he made it in America. That's still imagine if he had a if he didn't have an Asian accent I think about I can make a killing. Yeah, like maybe not here if I go to Australia or some shit If with an Asian accent, yeah, like a fake Malaysian accent and on stage you mean like I'm doing a live show or something Like just pretending that why do you say Australia?

Because I guess they I guess I could do it here still Well, it's a different market, I guess Yeah, I have a question for you guys. So let's suppose you both have children, right? And you see that they're very talented. They're great performers. They're funny. They can sing. They can dance They're very artistic and creative, but then they tell you, no, I don't want to pursue that I want to be a surgical tech or I want to be a postman. So the opposite a postman Yeah, like I want to be a mailman I want to be which is what our parents wanted for us when we say, okay, I want to be an actor or a singer

What would you do? Would you support your kid then or would you be like? No, this is what you're I know, but what if what would you be okay with that? Number one, yes, I got first place in a talent show. Yes, but I want to be a postman. Yeah, all right Well, you don't want any money or pussy You don't want money or pussy just ask me to answer me that question. I'm always seven was If my kid right was like rock Mononoff and musical prodigy, yeah, just killing it, right? He's like I want to be I want to bust boy at PF Chang. That's my dream. Yeah, I would think that there was something very seriously wrong with Yeah, but what if he was like I want to be a teacher? Yeah for high school. I want to help kids

The thing is I would I appreciate that ambition in any child So if he has an ambition to do anything like that's enough because I meet kids now it is what she said They're completely apathetic and withdrawn. Yeah, and they have no ambition like whatsoever. They're just floating logs Yeah, but it's worse now. I think it's more like a I think it's harder for your gender. I feel like I'm the generation above yours because I'm much older than you are No, I can't I don't know how I'm 46. Okay. Hold okay, but I'm old way older That's cool. Yeah, and I feel like it's harder for you guys though to make it in this particular business because With the internet and with YouTube, you're now competing with the world. Mm-hmm

You're competing with everyone and it's not even really competing. It's just like there is no competition because there's too many contestants You know what I mean? Yeah, it's not even it's completely arbitrary and the landscape changes all the time Yeah, you know yet. We had a vine a couple of years ago Yeah, you know and people like got famous off of that. I know they definitely struck up a deal with like Summer's Eve or something. I mean I got a call from a company. They go, can you come we have a bunch of we signed a bunch of vine stars And I go, okay. We just want to have a meeting. We want to propose something to you So I drove down there and they said there was like 20 vine stars there and they go Can you teach them to do stand-up because we need to make money?

We want to teach them to go to live shows and I'm like, yeah They're really good in their bedrooms in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere But when you bring them out, I think I think people realize that slowly because like they they're they're kids They're like a little suburban kids that are going to school. Yeah, they just get a little sleepover happy like what you know and film it Yeah, but um, yeah, I mean I that whole phenomenon comes kind of pisses me off. It does a little bit Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean you should see I mean because I had to do it. I'm not saying But I had to do it in a weirder way like in a more traditional way It's I guess in many ways I had to wait longer

You know, like it took me I didn't get mad tv until I was 30 Yeah, I mean I'm gonna hit that boat too and do you know what I mean? So I regret that it happened so late for me But you look so young. Thanks. No, I always thought that I'm 18 years old She's getting younger, but I honestly thought you were like when I met you I thought she's 20. Yeah. No, I am Good at this Bobby. Good. Yeah. Look at your face though. You have no fucking wrinkles or nothing. Oh, that's true. Thanks. Yeah Because I'm 12. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm coconut over here. Yeah Um, I still have resentments toward my mom and dad, but I love that are getting. Yeah. Yeah

I mean, they'll never really get it because but but that's not why they don't need to get it No, but you know what? There's what I want to say is that When I they when I can get they they got on afra because when I was on mad tv We wrote sketches for them. So they would guest star Really on mad tv. What and then my dad would get like residual checks. Oh my god. He called me. Hey, Bobby. I got another $500 That's your dad. Yeah, that's part of the union. Yeah, that's so he got in. Yeah And then when we did um, I did a pilot for comedy central This is the never

Anyone listening never use your fucking immigrant dad for a pilot Write that down everyone. You're a real fucking dad. That's what his reasons are. I mean, it sounds like it sounds like a good idea in theory My dad because my dad had a page to memorize which was a mistake too much and I Show up on the set and my brother goes We don't know where dad is He left he quit. Yeah, and then he was across the street trying to buy liquor because

He was stressed out. He was stressed out. Oh my god. And then when he showed up on the set They said action. He blanked. Uh, yeah, he couldn't talk Yeah, that's always a weird situation when you put your when you put your parents on and then my brother had to feed them every line It was so embarrassing Yeah, it's why you just you got to hire someone from the back pages, you know and just let them be embarrassing But yeah, what are you doing tomorrow? Do we know? Wait, what the tv show Oh, we did talk about it. Yeah, I forgot

I don't know what happened. I just why just my mind just fucking drink some water. Holy Oh, you're tripping me out the crap out of you, bro. I'm so sorry. I thought he was doing a joke to you So I was like, oh, what's the joke and I'm like, no, I don't know. Yeah, what the fuck just happened just now Have a cookie. No. I know what happened. I started thinking about Celine Dion for a second and then all of a sudden I Then I said that but then I said that I had like a conniption No, you had like a little ti a have a cookie sugar. What's a ti a man? It's like a mini stroke Cookies that will help your mini stroke. All right. Yeah Seeing as how it runs in your family. Go ahead. Have a cookie smoke a cigarette. No smoke a cigarette right now

You can't die. You can't die really. What do you mean? You can't die. I'm telling you she thinks that she thinks that I'm gonna die soon Why Well, because when we had sex No, it doesn't his penis broke. No, no when we had sex last week Tell her what you said to me. It was just a different kind of breathing pattern. This It was it was like a chain stokes. It was like Are you sure he wasn't orgasming? No, I It was like a a wee

She was on top of me and I was doing the work and he was wheezing. I'm like, how is this possible? I was good. So she's on top of me, right? And she's doing her thing, right? Oh, this is my big one. This is my big one. Calyla stop. You're arms. You're not a fish. She was like, you know, Do what do you call it? Like wait a good boy cowgirl flaley. Oh Cowboy, what is it? All right that position whatever that position is on top on top and everything she would bounce down. Are you Like my I couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. Well, did you have a lot of cheese or milk that day? He's lack of some tolerance. Yeah. No, I feel like I'm dying. Do you do you smoke a cigarette? Yeah Okay, I could feel it. How long you used to smoke a cigarette since I was 17. Okay, and then

When we um, I did I come? I don't remember coming. Tell me baby did it come? I think I did come. He passed out for a couple days No, I get this thing where I went. He had one of those mini strokes. He had like five He came and said, where's the show? Wait, are we having sex? Yeah, and then it drizzled. Oh, and then I was like and then I was and then can I just say something right now? Please when I was in Utah this last weekend I couldn't I couldn't breathe on stage. I know. Oh, no

So I've been cutting down on the cigarettes a little bit. Yeah, I I quit smoking because I had a I was on tour and I Completely lost my voice and then this woman from mob wives named big ang died. Oh, yeah, I remember her Yeah, she's and I felt like I was destined to be big ang and when she died. It was so sad She had like all the cancers And uh, yeah, so that what is it genetics or because she's smoking she smoked like chain smoked And I think she smoked those like like not Dajar on this but something like that But anyway, I just you lose your voice and like I can't lose my voice, you know, yeah

How did you do it? How you was I I did a jewel I I was Like a chain like a chain smoker like for you know, I mean, I guess it would go off and on but I've smoked heavily Like but my voice was always kind of fucked up. I love your voice. Your voice is what makes you you. Oh, thank you But I want to know was it I mean because I I try I go I go I want to quit. I'm gonna quit I I quit from a jewel from the jewel. It was the only thing that works. What's the jewel? It's like an incredibly strong. It's like the like the Mercedes of like e-sigs And it it is it extracts Uh tobacco salts directly from the plant

So the nicotine delivery hits you stronger than a cigarette and it's an e-cigarette after three puffs You won't want to say you want to try it you have it. Yeah, I quit smoking off of this shit Oh, this is it like I and I I never thought I would thought I was going to be the one that never quit smoking All right, so let me ask you something It's it works. That's this is you what you use. That's what I quit smoking off that I was It has a throat hit three hits. You won't want a cigarette What you just bought another one. Yeah

I lose them all the time. I swear to god, babe. This is it That's that the jewel but that's that literally is it people. How do you put the fluid in so you buy the pods And then you change the pods, but the thing is easy people so many people have quit off that thing that when That packs packs who makes it. Oh my god. If you this is out of all the things I've ever had It's stronger than I'm more addicted to this and a cigarette. It's stronger than a cigarette It's and when in new york city when when the stores run out of it People like go go crazy like they can't do it. Could I ask you something? Yeah, can you get it online? You can get it online. You can get it at the gas station anywhere over here

It's called the jewel j u u l Write it down you fucking paying me and shit I know because I do I buy all the vape stuff. No, this is not a vape. This is not the same technology It's completely different. Yeah, but it's that's all you're inhaling. It's just straight nicotine then It's yeah, it's it's nicotine. It's it's it's essentially like like nicotine salt. That's why it hits you so strong Yeah, how much is it? How much is it? This is like, uh, it's like it's like 60 bucks for a starter kit and get the pods Oh my god, you want a copy one a copy one. What do you mean? I'll copy a jewel What's the copy mean? No, I'm gonna copy you would you got to share some of your urban body

So she can't no no no what copying this copy and I want to learn I want to learn the new language Yeah, I yeah, listen. I want to learn the new thing. I want to learn the new thing. Sure the depth. Sure the depth Oh Not good. That's kind of like a high home. What you know what can I just say something based on me improvising? And based no one taught me how to do it. I just do it through the videos. Is that how you do it? Oh my god, you just kind of just sneeze into your oh like this. Yeah Yeah See that's that's the I needed that kind of direction. Yeah. So you copying means cop cop cop

C. O. P. Yo, yo, oh, you know what? Shut the fuck up. I'm gonna do it right. Yo, yo, uh, can you cop me a jewel? That was great. I think you said a jewel. I have money. Can I give you money for it? No, I'll get I'll get you one Oh, you'll get me one. I'll get you a starter kit. Oh really because I'm actually gonna I I guess I'll just mail it to you or something Hey, jewel if you're listening, send us. No, no, no, Joe. Bobby Lee needs to quit smoking. Nora. What? This is what I'm gonna do. We're gonna get one. Okay. We'll get a starter kit That's really nice that you would do that. Just get it. I'm gonna get it. I have a little money myself

Okay, I Okay, I'm gonna get some I'm gonna get a fucking but you just probably just saved my life I I well I the person you need to save my life because I can like work out now Oh, really? But I'm addicted to this thing. I fuck it gets me on now when you stopped Uh smoking. Did you have the initial like phlegm cough? When yeah, so I I was on tour and I decided to quit smoking and My voice got worse for two months. Like I could it was really bad It was just like embarrassing and I went to a doctor and I was like I quit smoking for like a month

Like why is it like this? He's like, well, you have hair on your throat. Yeah that when you smoke cigarettes Habitually, it just kills the hair. Yeah, so like ingrown hair is coming back in it fucks up your throat But after that I I've net like I can run like three sets a night And I can record and I'm not losing my voice That's what I was telling him because he actually quit for right around that two month period And then I was trying to tell him look, it's gonna feel worse. You're gonna be coughing up a lot of this Yeah, oh no, totally for a while. Yeah, that's what he started He was like no no no

I think that and he couldn't stick it out because he hated that feeling of I had like balls coming out of my No, it's just your lungs read like basically healing. Yeah, it is I have an an incredibly addictive personality I'm telling you that like I have no self-control. I'm incredibly impulsive Like with a lot of shit, but I would never have been able to quit without this like this gives me the the hit Now when you charge it, how long does this how long does it take? It doesn't take long at all It's a little usb. It's made by packs. So it's like it's a really well designed like thing You know, I swear to God. Can we we're gonna get it tonight when let's order a starter kit right now Yeah, I give you these. These are like super old though. They like do back pay jewel to this podcast. Yeah, for sure

Send off. No, I'll be Lisa. No, I'm gonna get some I'm gonna get a brand new one. No, don't get it like a yeah Are there different styles or he does it? No, I want it's really good. I'm okay. I'm gonna say something right now an honest time Honest time honest honest time. Okay. There's a lot of things in my life. I need to change because I'm almost 46 next month And I can feel my body breaking down I can't move Well, that's a good. I really can't I get up. I can't get up Geez and it's like way weighing down on all aspects of my life I can feel it

You know, my knees are fucking I my knees are broken. I feel that like every year I feel like people at any age always say that because what what do you mean? Like you like turn 26 and you're like, I'm just getting old I've said that before but this is real. Yeah, you really I can't literally move I mean doctors usually say you shouldn't smoke after 40 I know Get on the fucking jewel. I know but can I just say is it maybe I have already irreversible? No, no you because that's that's the kind of behavior that will actually that I have I'm like that too

It's like it's I'm so far gone. I might as well just die of lung cancer. Yeah That's how I thought I would go out for sure. I went to Panda Express in Utah. Yeah two days ago And I after my meal I get the combinations with the three extra little bit I opened up my fortune cookie Oh, that's a sign that's like a metaphor for life No, I and then in my head. I'm like, I think I'm gonna die Oh, oh, no, it would say it would say you were gonna die

Oh, is that what they would say it? Yeah, you're not gonna die. It's hard for Asians to die It is right. It's some really fucked up shit has to happen. I know. Um, we have to be on a ferry boat or What does that what do you mean? Koreans died in a ferry boat children. Oh, yeah, I forgot. I thought you meant the way that people come in those containers That's what I meant. Okay. That's what that's exactly what you meant. All right So, what do we do at the end? We have the here's what we do at the end of the thing Okay, is we do something called unhelpful advice? Okay, and they ask a question and then we have to answer it All right, can you do it? Yeah, sure. Thank you. Yeah, he has to do a thing though

What's going on over there unhelpful advice with bobby kalayla and aquafina y'all That was a remix All right, most people like it but uh, hey, love king queen prince and court jester a few years ago I was lost and doing nothing with my life However, my girlfriend helped set me on the right path and now I have a rewarding career in software development Most if not all all of my sess. I owe my hard work in uh Perseverance to her. My question is how can I help her set her on the right path?

She's unhappy with her current job and it seems like she's got one or two good But a risky options to get out but has yet to really make a move on them and is unsure I'm feeling terrible that I can't help her out. What do I do? carlo from canada Uh, that was what? How does he okay, the question is how the girlfriend set him up on a good path. She was there for him So how does he return? How does he leave her? Um, he doesn't know what how to do he wants to return the favor or leave her by setting her up No, he wants to uh, he wants to do the same thing for her to he wants to get her a good job

Or on the right path. Yeah follow her dreams. Essentially. What can he do to support that's like the hardest thing you could ever buy for someone Yeah, yeah, well first of all, we don't even know what her dreams are. You know what? You could put a blindfold on and then just Make sure that she's walking the right way. He does say it's risky. So it's probably like not a normal nine to five So if she's what do you mean a risky like a coal miner kind of situation? Oh very risky I want to see something right now. Can I stand stand? Yes, stand up Whatever she wants to fucking do you should always support that right? Yeah, so I don't know what her dream is But yeah, I don't we specifics, but you should try to help her make it

Yeah, I think all women need is just to be told that that you can that we're allowed. It's okay. We support you Yeah, that's all I need for men. There's a second question here. This one's a good one But can I just say something real quick though? I've been really getting into x-factor And I've been really getting into this lady by the name of sam bailey. She won the whole thing 2013 2004 years ago and when she auditioned right she was like this like frumpy White lady who just had kids and a wife. She likes soccer And she's like, I think I'm too old, but um, you know, I have to try She's British and she won the whole thing. She's so gifted. There you go

Wait, does that one the one that you make you eat bugs and stuff? No No, it's fear factor 15 years ago Yeah, it's not fear factor. Joe Rogan's not on it. Is that where you're bull testicle? Yeah, no, she does a singing competition Okay, and she won the whole thing, but when whenever I look at that clip in the beginning Susan Boyle No, Sam Bailey same

Body type same type. Okay. Not as ugly. Not as ugly Not as ugly Susan Boyle wrote wrote through and Everyone thought she was you know, Susan was not even that lit What do you mean? She's not I don't think she's like that impressed. She didn't blow me away. I know, but you know why why because she looks like that No, because because you know that Well, let me say this right now if she didn't look like that and she looked like She looked like it's just a regular 20 or two year old girl hip girl

Mm-hmm. She would have been she wouldn't have made it. Yeah It's because of the fact that they made fun of when she came out of that stage People laughed in the audience and they they you know, and then she came out and did that I think that had a lot to do with her look But this girl Sam Bailey I'm talking about isn't like that. She's legitimately talented. Yeah, but when she said I have to try It makes me cry Because in life You always have to try. Yeah, and that's tonight's message. Take away message. Yeah, okay. Give second question. I have a second question

Me and my ex recently broke up. Oh, this is a this is a man Me and my ex recently broke up and as soon as it happened I hit the ground running on tinder I hooked up with a really nice girl, but after a few weeks of dating she broke it up I was kind of gutted still am to be honest, but time heals everything However, one of my best friends recently matched with the same girl on tinder And they've been chatting for a while now and he is asking me if I mind if he starts seeing her yikes What to do? I still think of this girl pretty much every day

And I don't know if it's just because she was the first one I dated after my ex Me and my friend have talked about this, but I can't make up my mind From Sweden this is always it's always it's always a no X X territory is always a no It probably won't be heated like that probably that guy will probably still end up doing it But yeah when it gets an exit, it's always no you can pretend to be like, yeah Have you ever dated an X of a friend or an acquaintance even or someone that you remotely knew? Not not really, but I I've I've been I've had an ex that dated one of my friends and I fucking hated that same

I hate that bitch. I would be like I'd be like hey, what's up? And I go yeah, I'm totally cool with it, but I hate that bitch. Yeah, yeah, you know I have a story Yeah, tell me do it. This is the last story we'll tell on this podcast Before I met you Kalaila. Yeah, I was rolling up at the comedy store On a monday night and I parked my car and there was a girl just wandering around the parking lot She comes out to me. She's very cute. She goes hi I think you're so funny. Oh, yep. I know who she is. Yeah, and I go Oh, oh, yeah, she goes. She's fucked everybody. Let me tell me let me let me just build up to it

Let me finish the story. She goes. Yeah, I think you're really funny thing. You're so talented. I can't believe I'm meeting you I go, oh cool. She's like I live in Bakersfield. I drove down here. I don't want to go drive back. Can I just stay at your house? I'm like, thank you. Jesus This is the lord at work. Oh, she's super hot. She's pretty hot A big boo. Yeah. Yeah. So she comes to my house, right? And we make love. I don't even know her name But you know, it's like lottery. No, nothing Shout out to the beat cam. Yeah, yeah And so she stays at my house for a week

Like she doesn't have a job or anything like what the fuck So saturday night. I'm at a restaurant I can't Tell you who the names But a comedian calls me and says yo That girl you're with Don't bring her to the comedy store. I'm with my girlfriend I go. Yeah, but why can't I bring her?

Oh, we've all had her And he listed 20 names. Oh my god comics. I know that has been with her. That's different though. She's a thought Yeah, that's just the thought. She's a thought. What are these are new? I saw his face. He said Wait, wait, I'm gonna write this shit the fuck up. I'm learning so much right now. So what's the first one? It's also two years old. What's the first one? Uh cop cop Which is about 15 years old Right, and she's uh, um thoughts. She's a thought they all tend to rhyme. What does that mean?

It's that hoe over there, right? Right. She's a thought You could type that whoever came up with that. That's a genius one Thought but like it's not like is legit still a word Yeah What about tubular? No, what about pound? Is pound still a thing? Yeah, sure. Okay. Okay. She's a thought She's a thoughty it all the comedians had like great relationships that were very long and they went to joshua tree together Yeah, that would be different, but they probably just like smashed and that was it

What's what's smash? You know smash? No, I know smash. You know smash. Is that fucking? That's fucking a step back. I'm gonna say yes. Hey, babe. I'm gonna smash your fucking vagina in hawaii when we go next week Oh Thank you compound smash smash. So yeah x is completely, um Yeah, stay off of this. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, and I yeah, what do you think bobby? Would you date somebody? that okay, let's say A friend of mine like a distant friend of mine. Would you date her if anything happened between you and I? No, why not? A distant friend. No, because I if because the I think no because

This is the longest girlfriend I've ever had And I think and I know that what she's the best and I love her The most yeah, I don't anyone I've ever met. Yeah So I don't think that I could because I think the only way this is gonna end is if she leaves No, shut the fuck so when she leaves me is easy. I wouldn't be able to like I don't want anything to remind me of her And so no, I wouldn't do it Okay, so yeah guys and sweeten I think you should have a talk with your friend and say hey, dude. I'm not okay with you

She doesn't appreciate you don't appreciate what I just said. That's really sweet. They'll sound like this bitch right here Does the lyrics of my heart will go on Maybe you're a thought Bobby tap it tap it No sneeze you gotta put it Yeah That hurt so bad Can you dab for my thing please? Yeah, I'll dab

Right now guys we're doing a live uh dab. Is it a video? Bobby show me how you dab Achoo, that was pretty fucking way. That was lit. That was lit Who made up that? Dab, yeah, it was like a dance craze move. That's all well It's confusing because dabs came out around the same time. What's that one? That's when the oils that you smoke I thought it was the same spelling, right? Yeah I'm dabbing dab is the same thing. It's not synonymous, but it's the same What do you call it when they're spelled the same, but they're not don't look at me

Don't look at me. What about the thing they do with the tickle their butt? That's working. Is that real? Yeah, that's so That's real. You ever seen sara debonja? Oh sara debonja. What is that? What is that? You gotta watch the video All right, show me show me show me show me show me. All right, give aquafina a round of applause everybody Do you guys want to shout out any tour dates any anything you want to promote? Oh, I have nothing going on for the next couple of months. So um, you know singles drop. Yeah. No, I might I might you know Are you living here now or no? No, I'm visiting Yeah, you're never gonna live here. I I don't I don't I may I might have a project that's gonna be in new york

So I can't leave yet, but if we'll one day if we you live here if you live here. We we can hang out more than Yeah, that would be really nice. I'm fucking. Yeah I don't want to hang out with you too. I enjoy you because I found you first before bobby. Thank you We're friends on instagram I was like worried about you when you were in the hospital I didn't even know you were See what I'm saying. Yeah, you see what I'm saying. What does cook mean again? Anyway

Thanks, guys. Good for us on instagram at tiger belly on twitter at the tiger belly or email us any questions at the tiger belly at gmail.com I said tia. Bye guys. Yeah, you like that Hey Prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast before you go Tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey