TigerBelly - Episode 107: Michael Rosenbaum is The Night King

Episode Date: September 6, 2017

Rosey is also Petyr Baelish. Bobo is Huckleberry. Khaloko blinks and cries. We talk psychic abilities, Little Pinopo, cum on the belt, and the man in the mirrror.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. You're gonna love me. You're gonna love me. You're a cunt. You're a cunt. And you're a cunt. Yeah. That's the hound, motherfucker. That's not the h- that's the hound. Yeah, the hound's the hound.

First of all, I- Fuck off! You fucking slime-slime. You slime- I brought you chicken. Fuck chicken. Let me see something right now. Fuck your birds.

Let me see a thing right now, right? I start this podcast, and you know, the guest doesn't talk until I fucking introduce them. You fucking know the rules. I've already been a guest, though. Yeah, but you're- What? He's my second guest. All right.

Okay, well, I guess- Then you should know better. Okay? Wow! You can do Bong stuff? Oh, yeah. You can do Bong work? I'm like that dude from Police Academy, brah.

Yeah! Now, like, what's this? Michael, what's this? Michael Winslow? Michael Winslow. Yeah, yeah. You're so good. Yeah.

It's like the door- Well, that's your fucking door. Yeah. His shit or door is broken. Yeah. His closet door is broken. The screen door is broken. Yeah.

You're a rich actor. All right. How the fuck is going on? Oh, you attack me on my podcast. I'm sorry. I love you. New introductions. Come on.

I'm gonna do the introductions now, okay? I'm sorry. Before we even get into you, we have to get into something even more important, okay? So I'm sick. I'm in my room before you get here. Okay. And I look at my girlfriend. I go, sweetie, what's going on?

She turns around. And she's fucking crying. Oh, my God. We had to talk. Okay. Yeah. You're crying? Yeah.

10, 15 minutes. I go, I go, what are you crying about? You're sick again. And you know what she says? George. She didn't say that. Yeah. This piece of shit.

You made her cry? Yeah. It made her fucking cry before the podcast. Wow. This piece of shit. I wasn't crying like that. No, yeah, yeah. You were crying.

I was like, wait, first of all, whatever you're doing right now. I don't want to make George feel bad. I'm going to make him feel bad because you don't make my fucking girl from crying. Oh shit. Okay. Now listen to me, man. Apologize. I'm sorry.

What did you do? What did she do, baby? He did some passive aggressive stuff to try to give me a note for the podcast. And what was it? Because I blink excessively and my eyes dart around a lot and my eyes dart around to the mirror. When I'm trying to look at Gilbert, he wrote on the mirror, we see you. And that started the whole thing where why don't you just tell me, if you want to tell

me something, tell it to my face. You don't have to write it on a mirror for me to accidentally see just to get your point across. You can tell me. I'm right here. Okay. The Night King. No, it's not.

The Night King. What the Night King's doing? No. But why are we going to talk about this right now? I don't know. Why did you just do that? I was just fucking around. I know.

You know why? Because you were smiling when she was talking and I don't really like that. Because you were staring at me. You're on George's fucking. You're on George's fucking. Wow. You're on his side. You're on his side.

Michael Rosenbaum. No, I don't know. Bobby, you were looking at me like this while she was talking. Yeah. So you weren't even listening to her. What? You were looking at me like this like. I wasn't.

Yeah, you were. We're on camera, dude. Yeah. Baby, look at the camera. You're both the Night King's. I'm over it. Who's the Night King guy? You're the Night King.

I want to say this. I said that you look like the Night King to Michael Rosenbaum. And he goes, I don't know what that is. Game of Thrones reference. Be honest with me. Do you watch every single episode? Yeah. I've watched every episode.

I'm trying to think of who the Night King looks like. Can you pull him up? Are you doing anything over there? Oh, sorry. Pull out the Night King. What are you paying for? Pull out the Night King. And then you kind of look like him.

That's all. That's all I wanted to say. How do you make this guy's Jason sit in the closet? He's halfway in the closet, halfway out. Yeah. Story of my life. You're the cutie of that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everyone here is cute. By the way, I'm sorry you were crying. I wasn't crying. Gosh, Bobby. I was not crying. Were you choked up a little bit? I can't? Okay.

That's the Night King. I didn't know that was his name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the ugliest guy in the... I do look like him. Very similar to your character on Guardians. Oh, here's another thing. I watched that fucking movie.

And he didn't recognize me. Because I have a CGI. I'm like, where is he? Listen, it was CGI of three scenes. Oh, I'm in a queue then. He's the right dude. You know what? I'm in a queue.

I'm in that. I'm in Star Wars. I'm in all kinds of stuff, right? CGI. It was my voice and my body. I know. What was your voice? That's how I do.

They put dots in my head. Yeah, yeah. Hopefully we'll come back for more. Yeah, but I know. But it's not... Can you just get a little bit of your Night King face in it? That's all. It's true.

I have a little night... You know what's funny? I was like, man, he's going to tell me I look like somebody with... Sexy with a beard from that show. Or somebody sexy from Game of Thrones. You have a Night King's... A Baylor's quality to you. Baylor's.

Peter Baylor's or Night King's. Little, little finger. Yeah, little finger. I stick my butter finger right up your ass. Listen to me, poppy. I've seen your ass a lot more than I've seen my own. You actually look like him. Yeah.

You're Baylor's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are Baylor's. You're so good. Sansa. You should just get the white... I want to stick my butter finger. Lord.

I love that show. It's so good. It's about showing the history of television. I think it is. Absolutely. The whole season. The whole season with Fred. Everything.

I've seen everything. You're just giving everything away with the dragons and stuff. Because people should have seen it by now, right? Yeah. If you haven't seen it, you're dumb. You deserve the spoiler. You deserve the spoiler. You're not a fan.

You suffer, yeah. And some person's going... My dad is dying. I fucking couldn't watch it. You fucking ruined it. Yeah. But like, when people... Pauly was on here.

Yeah? He was, nah, dude. Nah, I like real shit, dude. But then he goes, I saw a Valerian. I go, how is that real, you fucking Jew? All CGI. You fucking dirty Jew. Valerian?

Yeah. What's that? It's a movie that came out, right? It was that new movie that came out with like spacecrafts in it. Yeah. You know? But he can't watch Game of Thrones. But it's Luc Bason.

I love Luc Bason. Okay? But what? Why did you just do that when you blunt both of them? No, I like Luc Bason. He's good. He's a professional, right? Woo!

Everyone! Jason. What? Jason, fuck, are you getting paid to just sit there? No reaction to you. I'm kidding. You're awesome. Yeah.

You remember that, though, Gary Oldman? Yeah, it looked great. I just bought it. Gary Oldman. Bingo! Remember when we said Bingo on it? Yep. He said he felt like he just winged that movie and went over the top.

Can you name me three, four? Name me four Luc Bason movies. The professional Valerian... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Valerian Root is the next one you're working on, the sequel. And the professionalism. Did he did Goodwill Hunting? No, he didn't do that.

What? That was Gus Fance. Gus Fance Ant, right? No, yeah. Yes! Yes, it was Gus Fance Ant. You were pretty good with this one. In fact, I pulled out a...

Thank you. I pulled out Troll Hunter a minute ago. Lafam Nikita, he did. Yeah. Luc Bason. You really like Luc Bason. And he also did a really good movie that I love called The Big Blue. It's about deep water divers.

Oh, wait, it was an independent movie? Was it a... It was really good. It's an 80s movie. It's really good. Oh, I didn't see it. Yeah. You'd love that movie, babe.

But, yeah, it's called The Big Blue or The Deep Blue. It's one of those. But I like... So, yeah, I like movies. That's why. Did you cry, by the way, because you feel like you blinked too much and you were self-conscious? Is that what it was? No, that's not why I cried.

I cried because... Oh, so you've admitted you've cried now? I do blink a lot. I do blink a lot. I don't notice that. You don't? Oh, no, it's excessive. Do you notice it, Bobby?

No. I mean, we, I mean, as human beings... We blink. We blink. We blink. Yes, all the right. So, I'm just conditioned when people blink. I don't, like, memorize.

I go, oh, he just blinked three times in one second or whatever. I just don't even... It's not... Yeah, I don't even... I didn't even notice her Filipino accent until tonight. For some reason, I never hear it. Yes, you have. It's right now, yo.

There it is. It doesn't mean my stepmom, my ex-stepmom. At your 4th of July party, you were telling everybody, hey, this girl, you know... Well, you know, she speaks to Gali. Gali. You know, Bobby's thick, you know, keep your cold away from my pussy. Yeah. Yeah.

I liked your 4th of July party. You aren't there long. I know, but because... He doesn't do long. There's elements there. I'm not into them. Like, people are there? No, there's that girl.

She's nice, but there's just people that I kind of know through, you know, just being in LA, like Minnie Muffin. What's her name? She's a twin. Minnie Muffin. Minnie Muffin. There's a girl there that was... Yeah.

An Instagram. Is she tall? Yeah. Oh, Melissa. Melissa. Yeah. She has a twin, right? Mindy, yeah.

Mindy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know her, but you don't. I mean, I can't tell her you how, how I know her, but... Whoa. Because if I tell you how I know her, then some comedian, a comedian will get in trouble. A comedian you know very well. That is in a relationship.

Oh, okay. Got it. That does chi-chi. Chi-chi, yeah. Does chi-chi. That's slept with her? Yeah. Does his name rhyme with Fane Fook?

No, no, no, no. Not Fay Fook. Not Fay Fook. Not Fay Fook. Not Fay Fook. Does it rhyme with Farr... No. Is it not Farlane Williams?

No, no, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No. No, no, no. It's not Follies... Follies 4.

No, no, no. That, that... One more thing you want to say about... That I could say. I could say, yeah, Pauly Shore. Sofrogan? No, Joe doesn't do that. Okay.

He's very clean. He's... Rogan's very clean. Rogan is like... I'm gonna say he has to be clean. He has sex, yes. I know, but when you're in a relationship... Oh, he was...

Okay, yeah. This person was in a relationship. I don't know what kind of game we're playing right now, but we're gonna out a friend. Is that what we're doing right now? I don't think we should do that. Right. I was just giving you... Does he have the same girlfriend right now?

No. If they broke up, then it shouldn't matter. They already broke it up. It's your show. They already broke it up. It's your show. You can do what you want, Bobby. I can't do it because...

I don't even know who you're talking about, but I know already. You already know who it is. Fudge-Fapetown? No. Fudge-Fapetown would never do it. He's very cool. People at your party. Holy shit.

By the way, it wasn't even my party. That's the funny thing. It was Harlan Williams' party. I invited a bunch of people. Yeah, yeah. Harlan is one of those guys that ever since I've known him, he's just... When you see him, you just feel happy. He does make you happy.

He has a happy quality. He always calls me from the day I met him. I don't think he's ever called me by my name. All right, buddy. No, he calls me Sarah Silverman. What? Yeah. Sarah Silverman.

Really? Like, he brings me up if he's on stage? Right. Sarah Silverman, you know what I mean? And it's like... That's why I love it. It makes me laugh every fucking time. He's the nicest guy in the world.

He's so nice. Yeah. Yeah. And also another element. I just don't do... Who else is there? Something that I normally don't run into. Like Orney.

Yeah. I love Orney Adams. Yeah. Did you go to South Africa? I went to South Africa with Orney Adams. He is an intriguing, complex human being. Yeah. But you know him?

Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, I want to know why it would happen in Africa. Well, I'll tell you what happened. Yeah. Number one, we went to this sanctuary for animals. It was like no human contact.

So like the sanctuary, the guy that ran it, he doesn't... They just throw meat over like a fence, but they don't have one-on-one contact with the tigers and lions. So they can just be free, right? Dangerous. Very dangerous. But he said that you can approach the fence, they're not going to attack you. They won't get to you anyway because of the fence, but they're not going to leave an attempt

to. They'll stay at a party for five minutes, but you were in Africa doing this thing. Okay. Can I just say this? Yeah. In Africa? What else to do? Stay in your hotel.

Like you normally do. I was there for a month. If it wasn't for this beautiful girl, your girlfriend next door. She takes you, she gets you out of the house. I know Mike, but I was there with the fuck's Mike. You know me 20 years. Mike? Mike Rosenbaum.

My name is Charlie. Mikey. Mike. Mike Rosenbaum. So collegiate. So I'm going to call you Mikey. Frat boy. Okay.

I was in South Africa for a month and went out twice and one of them has to happen to be the lion thing. Okay. So let's not go crazy. Okay. All right. Yeah. So we go, okay.

That's cool. And then we go, where's Orney? He was at the gift shop. All right. So we're all kind of walking along this fence. We see the lions and tigers and as soon as Orney walks out of the gift shop, you can see heads pop out of these fucking and they start attacking the fence. Like he's the omen.

Remember the omen when he goes to church? The zoo? Yeah. I think they knew that he was a dirty Jew. Not being, not being real. You're being real. I really, they're like animals can sense that. They could sense Judaism.

No, not Judaism, not because there's dirty Koreans too. So I don't want anyone to go crazy, right? I'm not a dirty Korean. I'm a really good one. Pure heart. But. But you look at Jason halfway out of the closet. But they can sense that he, there's something wrong.

So what happened? Orney? Well, they, they went running toward the fence, right? And he dropped like a key chain that he bought or whatever and we, because I was there with other comics. I was there with Ian Bag, Mo Mandela, a bunch of guys, and we all fell to the ground laughing so fucking hard because the owner goes, I've been at this 40 years. I've owned this sanctuary.

I've never seen that. That's never happened. And because that, those lines and stuff have never met dirty too. And then being real. And Orney is always like, you know, confident guy. Yeah. But there's something behind his eyes. And he just looked at these animals and just, yeah.

By the way, have you ever heard my armpit farts? Have I done that? No, no, no. The bat. No, no. I know that you think it's not funny. But it's not. It's absolutely not.

But you will. No, thank you. I'll do it. I'll do it. Bobby, listen, this is how this is how you would fart. Everybody look at him. It would. Yeah.

That's what I heard. George. Look at everybody. Look at George. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That would make a girl cry. Yeah.

Jason halfway out of the closet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't look at Bobby. Yeah. Yeah.

And lastly, look at Kay. Yeah. Oh, my God, you could have had different careers. I did. America's Got Talent. Yeah. Or something. You are a.

Fartist? No, it's the man with many talents. I don't know if that's a talent, but it got me through high school. Yeah. Don't beat me up, please. Oh, thank you. You good, Mikey. That's amazing.

That is amazing. Thank you. How are you going? Look, Bobby Lee, you two right here are the ones who said, do a podcast. Yeah. You did. You said do. Yeah.

Comment. You're my agent. Right. Not Asian. You're my, and my agent. I hurt you. But you said to do a podcast. Yeah.

So I did inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum. And I did it and I'm having a blast. Good. You were my first guest. Yeah. And it was a blast. We had a lot of fun. What have you had on?

Dax Shepard. Nick Swartz and Dax Shepard. Eli Roth. Oh, yeah. Jimmy Connor. 1-8. Chris Hardwick. You had Hardwick came over?

Hardwick came on. Emily Kinney from Walking Dead. Oh, my God. Beth Green. What kind of friends are you, George? You can't get nobody. Henry Winkler. Was in my living room.

Tom Welling, who's my cohort in Smallville. Tom. But here's the deal. My producer can't even get nobody. George is going. He gets 25,000 listeners. You have a million. So shut up.

That's what George is saying. Yeah. But no, you guys got me on it. So it's fun. And it's time. First of all, Mikey, it's a slow build. You think that in the beginning that we had people listening to this thing. Did you really?

You really had nobody listening in the beginning. It took us a lot of time. Not like this. Yeah. I remember when we only we were happy with 10,000. Yeah. We were like, wow, that's what we're happy with. Yeah.

That's what we're doing. Because you just started. Yeah. But one day it's going to be big and it's going to be great. But also don't fixate on the numbers. Just enjoy it. No. I'm really having fun.

I'm doing it. You do it because you enjoy it. If I hated doing it. I love people coming in my living room and I like to really get inside of them. I really do. Yeah. What's funny is I don't, you think you know people. When I talked to you, I felt like I finally fucking really knew you.

Yeah. Because I started, I wanted to know where you come from, you know, and all this shit. And the dark shit that you did as a kid. But I wanted to know, like, you were uncomfortable a few times and I liked that. Can I ask you a personal question? You always do. Do you have kinetic abilities? Kinetic?

Yeah. I like psychic abilities. That's not kinetic. That's not kinetic. Whatever it is. You know what I'm saying. Paranormal mind. I love all these words.

Do you have all three things? Are you a warlock? Are you, I mean, are you psychic in any kind of way? You know, I have a gut, but you never know what the gut. Because you texted me the other day. How's your dad? Oh. I did say that.

I did text you. I was thinking about your dad. Why? That I am really weird about. Oh, why? Because I was thinking about some of our conversations and how much you love your dad. And I always, you know, I bring it up. I'll bring it up even when you're on the podcast.

Before you were on the podcast, I always wanted to know it. He was really sick at some point. Did I respond to your text? You did not respond, but that's not highly unlikely. Do you know why? Why? Because he had a, when he, when Rosamund texted me, my mom called me like 30 minutes later and said that my dad had a little mini stroke.

Really? Is he okay now? No. I'm not gonna care about that. I was more freaked out about you. You know, it's funny. I had a dream, my grandmother died. This was years ago.

I dreamt my grandmother died and I called her up and I said, hey, I was in tears on the phone and she goes, are you all right? I go, yeah, I just had this dream. You dreamt that I died. And I go, yeah. She goes, Mikey, that means I'm going to live forever. And she died like four days later and there was no reason for her to die. And my mom calls me hysterical.

She goes, you knew how did you know? So there is where she, I didn't say, now don't look at me like you're, I think that's going to happen to your dad, but I, that's happened. My dad's gonna die. No, no. I mean, eventually. Yeah, I already fucking know that. I don't want him to die.

And he's, you know, but you've been telling me he's. Yeah, Jason. Listen, I feel like, if you're honestly, I like, he's eventually he's going to die, but he's not going to die now. I'm not psychic. I think you, I don't want him to die. You don't have an ability. Maybe you're the Hollywood medium.

First of all, you've never, first of all, why would you text? I mean, it was a random, it's a random. I thought of your dad. I did. Usually you go, Hey, fuck. Guk or whatever. I never would say Guk. You say Guk.

I don't know. But you would do something jokie, right? Yeah. I usually do jokie. Pussy or whatever. Yeah. But I was, I was curious to see how you're doing. I was thinking about that.

Yeah. I was. Yeah. That's weird. You have some sort of kinetic ability. Kinetic. Kinetic. That's what it is.

Well, what, how do you say it? Psychic ability. Psychic ability. If you could somehow, if he could somehow make you either reply to a text or post what you're supposed to post. Let me, let me tell you something. Oh, by the way. That's another thing.

By the way. So that's, that's another fucking bullshit thing. No, but listen, I agree with you. So my podcast is for you listen, my podcast is new inside of you, Michael Rosamont. But anyway, you told me, but you told me, listen, you go, Bobby doesn't Instagram much. He doesn't do that. So then she kept pushing him in Hawaii, swimming with sharks. He's doing all this.

Yes. And he goes, I don't really do this. Bobby doesn't do this. And he Instagrams my picture. I'm like, he doesn't do this two and a half, three weeks later, I look at Instagram on your feed. It's still that same picture. So you really do.

You don't Instagram very much for me to put up an Instagram post. You did it for me. I know because you fucking would text her every fucking 10 seconds. No. Yeah. And she, I was tired of her going sweet. If you don't fucking do it, Rosamont is going to drive me crazy. I didn't say that.

It's okay. You know what? She's, she's amazing. She is the driving force behind this whole operation because you go, hey, I'm going to get Bobby to do it. Don't you worry about it. That's cool. If he doesn't want to do it.

Yeah. But then. No, because you were on the flight and I felt so bad because you were taking the time out of your, on a flight to text me to tell Bobby, he's going to post it. I'm going to make him post it. And he did. He did. And I watched him do it.

Yeah. And I appreciate that. I really. It's just a miracle because he wouldn't do it. He wouldn't do it for our podcast. Really? Yeah. If you look at it.

I did a couple maybe. You don't need to. You have your loyal listeners. Yeah. I did. Jordan. Yeah. Like Jordan I did.

Jordan Peele. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Because at the time that movie was hot, you know, and, you know, hot movie. And you're hot too. No. Don't you regard him like how does he do?

You already said, you already said you could have been that part, but you could have. And then what else did he say? He said, I look like the, the, the, the, the night king, the night king. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not good. Okay.

Wait. Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. Are you, are you sensitive right now about all those things I'm saying? No, no. I'm not sensitive. I cry sometimes. Because I believe, because I believe, I believe that, um, you and I are on a level

of friendship. Mm hmm. I'm very difficult. I have a lot of friends. Have you noticed? I think a lot of people like you. Yeah. I'm kind of like mysterious in that way.

I don't think, I don't know if you're mysterious. You're not mysterious. There's no mystery. I know. Stop. Stop. Stop. Show the mystery.

Everyone in here, stop. Show. Stop. The mystery. Dude, dude. Look. Pretty good, huh? Shit.

He's kinetic. Fucking mysterious. Wow. Like if you saw me do this. My hands like this. I thought that's Bobby. Like you don't even know. Like I don't know.

No one knows I'm a comedian, right? You're in France, right? You're in France. You're like you're walking down a busy street in France in the late 1800s, right? And there's some sort of billboard like a poster of, you know what I mean? And then it just says a date and where to see this person like this, right? Come on. You know, Bobby.

So long. So long. Listen, for a lot of people think, you know, why do you, why would you date Bobby late? All these things over the years. Who said that? Well, I mean, people would probably say that. No, no. Wait, wait.

Stop. No, no. I'm not. What the fuck said that? It was on. It was on some feed. It's like somebody. Yeah.

Somebody said, but somebody said, how come would she is dating me because I'm ugly? How many times have I been called? Oh, that ugly fuck. He shouldn't be doing this. All right. People tell me about. They call me shit. I'm just saying they see this beautiful woman.

They're like, what? And then when you just did this. Yeah. I was like, that's the fucking reason. But you know why? Yeah. Because you're charming. You're so sweet.

Good reversal. You're very reversal. That's where I was going before. Yeah. I see. But you're incredibly. Mysterious. Charming and people like.

Mysterious. And you know the best thing about him? I've never met anybody in my life who loves his body more than Bobby. Oh, it's just incredible. Why? It's incredible, right? Why? Why?

Why? Why is that incredible, Mikey? I don't love my body. Yeah. Jason, do you love your body? Don't go halfway in the clock. Don't go to fucking your niking partner. George.

Don't listen to me right now. You bought it? Society. Society tells people what sexy is. I didn't say one sex. Okay. Back in the day when they make like a Renaissance paintings and stuff, how the women were like a little fatter and stuff and.

I like me. Pudgy. Pudgy. That was sexy back in that day. Still sexy. Yeah. This isn't sexy. That's when they do the lips.

When they do the lips. Yeah. John Lentrop. Duck lips. I want to kill ducks when I see that. Ducks do. Selfies. They do human lips.

Like this. Even they do that. I think you're incredibly sexy. Yeah. Sexy is what you feel. Well, I am. So that's anyone listening now. Yeah.

I am. I want you to see him, to watch him look at himself in the mirror. It's really awe-inspiring. I mean, he really loves his shape, his skin, everything. What do you, what is it you honest to God? I'm not asking you to be funny. You're not funny now. You're also smiling.

I'll play this game with you. You're looking for a joke. I'll play this game with you. Okay. Okay, so go ahead. When you look in the mirror, I want you to pretend I'm the mirror. Okay. But I want you to articulate what you're thinking while you're looking at yourself in the mirror.

And I want you to be honest. I want you to try to be comedian Bobby Lee. All right. I'm going to be real. All right. I'm going to be real. I'm going to, um, so let's wait, let's just, when I wake up. Okay.

So I wake up, right? You're in the mirror, but I'm not in the bathroom yet. Okay. So I wake up. I'm going to tell you my thoughts and then I'm going to be really real. Okay. Okay. Oh, did I buy any red bull?

Do I? I think I did. Get up. You got to get up. You got to get up. So I get up. I wander into the kitchen and I get this sugar-free red bull that I bought this and I just down it.

So I just get up. First thing in the morning. Yeah. Yeah. And then I go to the bathroom and you're the mirror. I look. Yeah. Hi.

Hello. Hello. I say hi to myself. Right. Don't smile. If you do, I'm telling you right now, we're going to stop. I'm going to do it again. Restart the whole thing.

No, I'm not going to start. I'm going to go to the mirror again. But I would just say, please don't smile because that's because I don't believe you. Yeah. But that's what I say. You really say that. Yes. I do.

I do. Yes. I do. Yeah. So all right. If you smile, I might get really offended. Can I put this over my face? No, no, you cannot.

That's not fair. Because it's not acting. We can you act. You do classes. Fine. I won't fucking laugh. I'm going to really try not to laugh. All right.

Don't try to milk this. I'm not going to milk it. All right. So I keep your eye contact with you. No, no, no. What I do when I look in your eyes, go up to me. You have to stay with me. I know.

But you said it would be real. So I don't just look into the mirror. I go from bottom up. You start through your feet. No, I just kind of look from here and I just go up. So go ahead. But you got to open your eyes. I don't want to.

You have to smile. That's fine. You start from here. I'm not going to. I won't. Ready? Yeah. So I go.

Hello? Fuck you! I didn't want to be loved. What? Hello? Yeah. Hello? I don't want to be loved.

I don't. Oh shit. All right. All right. All right. All right. No. I look at my, I look at my, I look at my.

You have to look at me. I look at my face. I don't know. Look at my I look at myself when I go. Okay. All right. I go um, I this is what I think I go a lot of times I go A lot of times I think um It's it kind of oh fuck. I'm Asian. Oh, come on. I'm really blue like it It's not like a conscious thought, but there's a little bit like oh, I'm Asian It's weird. Why don't you turn it into even more positive? I'm Asian

I'll probably live longer than most people. No, it's a good thing. Yeah, I'm saying yeah. Well, no Yeah, because you live longer because you eat healthier. Yeah, but I don't need to use that second thing because I like to just being Asian Yeah, okay, so I look and I go I go your mustache is cool And then I go on I like your hair and you're a little fat, but I it's a character you look you look character right now, right and You don't look almost 50 You know I can I look in the mirror go. Oh my god. I'm almost 50, but I don't look at and Then I and then that's it, but I it's not negative I'm trying to think of honestly what I do when I walk in them. I do you know, I honestly go ahead. Yeah

On the mirror. I wake up. Go ahead Wake up. Yeah, okay. I look in the mirror and I said Can they replace under your eyes? Oh? Maybe I should replace you look really tired, man Fuck you're 45 years old, man. You're halfway to death. You don't have much time left You don't sleep. Well, you've been doing Xanax quarter Xanax to sleep every night. You gotta stop that. No, Tony. Don't work though. I Can't drink a Red Bull because I'll die Bob's gonna die early from drinking all that Red Bull So don't do that. You're okay looking. I don't like your facial hair

Because it's like wow because you go through that whole thought process. You're 45. Yeah Yeah I'm not I'm not say like I'm not I'm like, I think we all have a little depression, right? You have depression Yeah, what do you what do you get depressed about my nipples? That's right. We've talked about guys see them real quick I didn't shave them Bobby. So they're big. Yeah. Oh, yeah, they're not that bad They're fucking Terrible Like yeah, when it comes to like a nipple competition like I lose of originality that would win. Oh, yeah

Yeah, I mean if they're like you have the mind nipples right here. Yeah. Oh, you're not nipples could be candy very similar Yeah, like if a candy was shaped like our fucking nipples. Yeah, what would the candy be called? Um, yellow pinks Yellow pink yellow. You're right. So we'd be a candy to gather a banana a banana Starbust apple-y, right? Yeah, he's a brown shit. Come on down to get some brown shit In the Philippines our M&M's are called nips. Oh Very I have the jingle still memorized which is sure And then we color all the flowers and we paint the trees the sweet and delicious Look at all those bees when I want fun. I grab a bag of nips and make a rain

Oh I just I can imagine just like a big bag full of Japanese people You know, but I love those old jingles though, right there was um Rice a Rony the San Francisco tree That was a good run. And here's another one. We're Hawaii, right? Yeah, I was singing it. I was singing the key What was the one that was singing it in um, oh See an edge pure cane sugar. That's the one

I don't know. Yeah, that was the ending of it. I think we're too young for that. Yeah, let's see. It's 70s 70s. Oh, I used to use that one. By Mennon. Oh, yeah. You remember that one? By Mennon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was wondering the guy the stoner in the back was like we needed something for Mennon here guys. The guy in the back is like Yeah, John, what is it? By Mennon.

Yeah, that's it. We should do one with Tiger Belly. How about Nabisco? There was no, there's no clink. There's no clink. I forget it. Yeah, yeah. Think of one for Tiger Belly. For the vlog. Everybody come up with one right now. Go ahead. Go ahead.

It's the vlogged one that I came up with. Do it. It's Tiger Belly. That's a good one. Go ahead. What about you? I'll just do the same thing. It's Tiger Belly. That was very Japanese. I didn't mean to be Japanese. Very Japanese.

Do you have eyebrows? He does. Fuck, here we go. Yeah. Here's the thing. I'm sort of like, I have really blonde eyebrows. Yeah. So, yeah, so. It looked a little weird. Oh no, I see him now. Yeah, yeah, they're really light.

Do you have eyebrows? Yeah, he's got good eyebrows. Let me see. He's got perfect eyebrows. We're all getting that. Bobby. What? Just cough into the whole room. Jason, honestly.

Listen, anyone that's listening right now, I'm sick. Anyone listening right now will all be sick. Everyone in this room is going to be sick. 12 room. Friday, Friday, I had my first pre-table read for this show that I'm on. Oh yeah, dude. And I got, dude, do you ever get nervous? Do I get nervous? We've talked about this.

Oh my god, I was so fucking nervous. You get nervous because I know, remember, you emphasize different words. You circle shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck it. Did you eat it? Not pretty good. Wow, that's confidence.

I just think that because I, you know what, I put on the top of the paper is slow down. Because I see, especially, I mean, I know we don't let people, they don't like us talking about showbiz. I didn't say that. I know though, but people don't. I can tell it's annoying. But I want to say that. Listen to me, Sansa.

I'm going to stick my butter finger at him. What about that? Like when it's like, I'll be honest. So basically, if I have a troll to DVD, but if it was a table read and, you know, when you're talking, when your character doesn't come up until halfway during the script, the whole time you're anticipating. You feel like everybody's going to listen to you here? Yeah.

You're right, right. So what I usually do is I get so nervous, I go, lock the doors and pull out the weed. You know, I talk like that. So, but no, I'm just reading out this troll thing, right? But if I put slow down at the top, I go, lock the doors and pull over it or whatever. No, I got you slowed down. No, I just lost complete attention of the room. Well, because he just huffed on that marker.

No, I didn't. I just wanted to smell it. I love the smell of these things when I was a kid. Oh, there's nothing wrong with sniffing a marker. I don't do drugs. No, I used to do that when I was in the smell. I don't do anything now. Yeah, I used to sniff gas when I was in Indiana growing up with the guys.

What other fun things did you do in Indiana? You know, people chewed tobacco. There were a lot of murders in my neighborhood. Damn. So when I got grinded up. Wait, you grew up in Indiana. I'm looming them shredder. What's that?

You grew up in Indiana? Yeah, I was born in New York, but I grew up in Indiana from the time I was 10 on. Wait, wait. Southern Indiana. You grew up in Indiana. Yeah. Wait, wait, so you went to high school in Indiana? Yeah.

Were there... I wasn't popular. Were there Jews out there? Not many, no. No, I mean real, because I know that there are like white supremacist groups, like big ones that live in Indiana. Everywhere? Sure.

Yeah, but there's a lot in Indiana, right? Maybe. Was there any racism towards you? You know, there were things that people would say, but you know, we weren't really religious, but still, I think people would say, I think the big, people just, I think someone threw a quarter down the high school floor and told my sister to chase it. Whoa. What does that mean?

Yeah. What does that mean? Do you think it's funny? Yeah, I think that's very funny. Okay, well, okay. It wasn't then. I would do a penny. I would do a penny.

A penny, yeah. Watch some fucking gravel over this penny. Yeah, that's horrible. No, but... No, I mean, it's horrible, but it's, you gotta make, here's what that's what comedy is, right, Bobby? You take something really terrible. Oh, it's next to the holocaust.

Do you know anybody personally that works on the Game of Thrones? I was just in Ireland at one of those conventions, the cons, and I sat next to, and signed autographs next to the mountain. Oh, no. Gregor Clegane. I have a picture of my, I posted on Twitter. Really? I said, would you be in my podcast?

He goes like, well, maybe if I'm in town. Wow. Yeah. Oh, you pass them over to us when you're done. Oh, fuck yeah. If he comes in, yeah. Oh, we have the girl who played the child of the forest, the Asian girl, her name's Kay Alexander.

She listens to this podcast. Yeah. Really? Yeah. We're willing to get anyone. Yeah. So if you're ever in LA. Obviously.

From the Game of Thrones, I mean. Game of Thrones, yeah. But you're more likely to probably get them first. Oh, Natalie Tenya. I know her. Oh, shit. She was the one who was with the brand. OSHA.

Yeah, I love her. She's a musician, right? Yeah, she's a musician. Yeah. I met her years ago, and she's always in LA. She would come, she's a man, dude, she's like, fucking, can't, she'll fucking throw shit at you. She's really fucked.

She's the one in the forest. She was a wildling, right? Yeah, she's a wildling. She died in Harry Potter, and Harry Potter, she's amazing, she's a great girl. She'd come on show. Yeah. Mine first. But why do they only, they only, they're all English, right?

No, there's some Scots, I think. There's one in Irish. Peter Dinklage. Peter Baylish is Irish. Irish. Yeah, I don't know what he does. It's an accent. Could you imagine that?

Do you think when he was auditioning for that, you think they're like, oh, what the fuck is he doing? And then they listen to the tape and they're like, oh yeah, that works. It's like, listen to me. I'm going, what is he doing right now? Yeah. And then they watch this tape and they're like, but he was in the wire. Yeah, he played an American in the wire, right?

Oh yeah. Yeah, and also Dominic West is from England, I think. He played the mayor, like, yeah, the mayor, right? On the wire? You ever saw the wire? Nope. Okay. I should though.

I should see that. Why do they have, I have to, I feel so... You're going to shit your pants? No, I have to go to the bathroom. Go ahead, go ahead. You guys keep talking. Really? No, no, keep it rolling.

Yeah. I want to take a shit. No, I just don't feel well. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'll be right back. Okay. All right.

Bobby's going to go take a shit and... Welcome to Inside of You. Welcome to Inside of You with Michael Rosenberg. Jason, sit there. Jason, sit there. Yes. Khaleesi. Khaleesi.

What a real treat. This is just, this is a lot of fun, isn't it? Yeah. Are you having fun? Yeah. So it's... By the way, Bobby has a cold. I don't know if it's a cold, if it's a diary.

I don't know what it is, but it's something. But let me ask you this. When he's sick, do you still have sex with him? Yeah. I actually have a very strong immune system, do you, Jason? Have sex with Bobby? Have sex with Bobby when he's sick? I don't have sex with Bobby when he's sick.

I don't have a very strong immune system. I don't have a weak immune system. I think you're getting sick sitting in his chair. Yeah, probably. Yeah, it's not good. You got to do what you got to do. You got to do what you got to do. Do you have a girlfriend?

No. No? How old are you? 24. Oh man, you're really young. Almost 25. I was huffing this marker when I was 24 and 45. Just now.

So huff the marker. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, what else? What else is there? You really get to just, you don't mind, it's unconditional love when you can have sex with someone. Yeah, don't you?

When they have a cold, no. If I have a cold, I'd love to have sex. Clears the sinuses, right? I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think. It's just very uncomfortable if you're giving, as a woman, if you're giving head and your mouth is the only way you're breathing because your nose is so congested and now you have to shove something inside your mouth.

It's not very comfortable. But if it's just straight coitus, if it's just insertion, then that's fine. Wow. I've got really sexual, George. You see that? The snot can lube it up too. The what? The snot can lube it up as well.

Yeah, but if it's, you know, it's a tight snot. Jason, you came out of that fucking closet full force. Guy comes out of the closet and he's talking about snot as lube. Bobby's back. Jesus. What happened? What's the matter, sweetie? Thank you, Jason.

What happened? This just happened instantly? I feel like he... I don't want to hear what you're going to say to yourself. You look pale. He said hi. Hi. I think I lost the ability to clench.

What do you mean? Clench or what? The shits. So you just... Clench like to push or to cinch to cut it. You always have to cut the tips. You don't. It just has to, all of it come out and there's no cutting involved.

Like carrots, you know. You cut the... Like a keg or like a... Yeah, but I can't clench. So it's like when I do clench, it makes a cake thing. What? A cake? A cake batter?

Yeah, like I try to clench it and it doesn't clench all the way so that it just goes like against, I don't know. Against your butt cheeks? Yeah. Is it a hard wipe? Yeah. The wipes are gnarly. Bobby, there's one thing that's on my mind right now.

I want to say. Yeah. And you were gone for a minute. One minute. Yeah. And in that time you're saying you went in the bathroom, pulled down your pants, shit this cake shit on your butt cheeks, wiped your ass, wiped this messy cake shit off, washed your hands.

Yeah. And came back in here. One minute. That's very fast. Yeah. You don't take... Well, I mean, first of all, I want to say this is that it wasn't a full session, okay? It was like a rehearsal.

Quick ADR. It was a quick little rehearsal, just to get it out and I clenched it real quick. I don't think I wiped it entirely fully, but I'm going to do that when we're done here. Will you have sex with her if she's sick? Yeah. Okay. I think he'd have sex with a vacuum cleaner. Do you have sex every day?

It's been a while. Yeah. It's been a while. It's been a while. You're touching a sore subject. Yeah. It's a little sore subject. How long?

We can talk about it. But that's going to be hard or not. I think what it is, is this. Okay. Is the dog? We've lived small confines, so many animals. The four animals, the dog, and like when we were in Hawaii, we did it and it felt like new.

It was nice? Yeah. For me, it felt new for me. It felt fun. Sure. And then, but this is a very really sensitive topic. It is a sore subject. What you know what's funny is that we're so open about so many things in this podcast

and we joke around sexual stuff, and we never really talk about this recent thing, which is, and I think that a lot of people go through it, and I think that when you've been together a couple of years, it's inevitable that you're going to go through some time. I mean, how could you not? I do that. Here's the thing. I deeply love her. I've loved, I don't love, I've never loved anyone more than Kalaila.

She is a part of me and my thing, you know? And so, but I had, I have, I slip into these porn things in my mind and because we're so in this closed, the small little thing, I think that by getting a house and, you know, opening up a little space, it would really help that we're four years old. But you're also very, you know, like, we are in each other's faces so much, so you get desensitized to the way the person looks, the way the person smells, the way they feel up against your skin. Everything doesn't feel novel anymore, it doesn't feel new, and I don't need it to feel

new to have sex with my partner, but you don't get reminded that you want to have, you know what I mean? It's so like, it's a very coexisting cohabitating. I'm a million percent. I think tons, every couple does this. After six months, after a year, so it comes down to it's like, I love this person, I love being around this person, but we'll find that. I'm willing to go, I'm willing to do anything it takes.

Yeah, but I also don't find it to be, before in the beginning, I was like, oh my god, it's all downhill from here, something's changed and this isn't working out. But then, imagine we work so well together even without that, that there must be something far, you know. Sex, sex becomes, at first, I think it's the top thing, sex, attraction. And then it goes second, third, and then there's all these other things that are so great, and that doesn't become the most important thing. But we still need to work on it.

Yeah, and I think that's probably where we've gotten a little lazy too, is just, you know, trying to work on that, because we're so good at doing other things together. How do you work on that? I know without, I know that's the kind of thing. I mean, I could do some things, I could do some things, like when I go on the road, when I go on the road, I mean, she's not there, so I go on a porn frenzy sometimes. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You know what, if you stop that, you leave some of that horniness. Yeah, yeah. So I do a porn frenzy. You quit smoking a month ago. You could quit porn. Yeah, but I'm doing, the reason why I quit smoking is for this, though, for the longevity of my life and to maybe, you know, have a future with Kalilah having a child or something, you know.

You want a kid? I'm not particularly keen on it at the moment, but time is ticking and I have to take that into consideration because I'm 32. I don't want to be a geriatric mom. Yeah. You know what I mean? I want one. You want a kid?

He wants it more than me. I think he'd be a good dad. I don't know about that, but I want one. I just want one. I just want one. I want, like, I literally want to, like, like, I would pretend because I've seen enough movies. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Hey, hey, don't touch that. Where you going? Where you going? Where you going? Where you going? Where you going?

Where you going? Where you going? You know how they do that? Okay. Or they go, uh, don't talk back to me in that way. I don't think you'd ever yell at your kid. You would never. I would say like that, though.

She would do it, right? She'd be the disciplinarian. Oh, definitely. You'd be the disciplinarian. Daddy, I need help with my homework. What do you need? What is this? I don't know.

Yeah. You go, I'm dumb. I'm dumb. I don't know. I'm dumb. That's what I would do. I'm dumb. I'm dumb.

You can do whatever you want, but this is all I want you to do is to always be a good person and to go out of yourself and help others. And he said, by doing that with his kids, they all became successful. That's all you have to say? Yeah. Well, because he was here. That's all there is to fatherhood. I know, but stop for a second.

No, but it sounds like. And George, you can, you can laugh while you want, friend. Okay. And you're doing it condescending style, which is your way. because you make people cry and they're fine. That's what you like to do, make people cry. But my point is, okay, is that my parents are very Korean. So Koreans look at their kids as trophies.

My kid did this, my kid went to Harvard. You know what I mean? It's all about the trophies, right? He's, he became, got a gold in this and became champion and all that stuff. And I would, my parents were always like that with me. Like, well, you got to get straight A's. You have to go to a great college,

but not because of my future, because they can brag, I think, right? And I don't want to do that with my kids. I was dumb and my parents let me know that. I was colored blind and didn't find out till I was a freshman. I remember going to get tennis strings in the mall with my dad.

My dad goes, what color you want? Yellow, what color do you want? I want the yellow ones. Those are green. What the hell's wrong with you? You can't see yellow? Yellow, green, blue, like a lot of color. No, no, no, this is like saying,

this is like saying to a guy in a wheelchair, get up and walk. What color is this? I mean, this is like a, like a green? Yeah. You're not color blind. I am color blind. I've taken millions of tests.

What color is this? I'm color blind. Oh my God. Black? Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot of guessing. Let me explain to you color blindness because my whole family's color blind, all the guys.

Oh. When somebody says, what color is this guy? Well, what the fuck? Everybody always says the sky's blue. Blue jeans, they're blue. What color are my eyes? Well, either blue, brown, or green. What color is the grass?

Grass, green, trees, green, cars. If you fucking a car hit somebody, then the cop said, what color car was it? I go, don't know. Really? I can't differentiate a lot of colors, not all colors, but some colors. And I remember just being, I didn't know.

I thought it was just really dumb. Yeah. And I wasn't, I had ADD and my dad was, he just didn't have a lot of, you know, he was really smart, 14, 20 SATs. My dad was the kind of guy that was like, dad, I scored three goals in the hockey game. He'd say, weak only.

That was my dad. He was just kind of like, he wasn't, he was just like tough, not affectionate. He wasn't like, be you want you to be the best. He would just kind of be like, what's wrong with you? Why don't you know that I could do this backwards? Yeah. You know, but, you know, so I understand, it's hard.

There's a photo of my early, my early Instagram photos where I was doing, I played Huckleberry Finn. I did not know that. What do you mean? I played Huckleberry Finn in the play. And, I didn't know you were at that speed. No, but why did you laugh?

Cause she laughed. I know, but I played Huckleberry Finn. Okay. I went for Tom Sawyer, but they wouldn't give it to me. Why? Why? What's the difference? I don't know. The Jeff Freckles then?

I don't know. But there's a, a shot of me on stage singing and my dad's in the audience. You could clearly see my dad. Completely asleep. No. Completely asleep. Completely asleep.

And you saw him. I have a photo of it. Aw. I have a photo of my dad. Completely asleep. But you've already had that moment with your father. I remember, cause you talked about this. We talked about this.

And you said that he cried on the phone to you. Who gives a fuck? That he approves. And he says, I'm sorry for being such an asshole. That was like many, many, many, many, many years later. I just wish that my dad would have had some sensitivity. Yeah, me too. Big nipples over here feels the same way.

Yeah. So what I'm saying to you is as a father, I want to put all those little equations and then try to like not have that with my kid. Like Sebastian Monoscalco stand up. He says, he looks at me every day cause he has a baby. He goes, I'm telling you right now, man, the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

It's just my whole life is different. Do you think that people feel pressured to say that? No, no, no. You can tell with him. He looked, he had tears on his eyes. He's a dude every morning, I can't wait to get up. Really? Yeah.

Maybe because he's at that place in his life, but. Sweetie, you know how we are with our dog? You don't think if like little Tommy or, yeah. It changes, it does change. I know it changes you. Little Bonopo is up. My buddy. That's the name?

That's the name. Bonopo. No, little Bonopo. Little Bonopo, right? And then I would be like, let's go see Bonopo. And Bonopo goes, daddy. He go, hey, little, little, little, little, little, little. And then I go, what do you want to do?

You want to go to the Grove? Is that what you people do? No. What do you want to go? Do we win? You want to go do we win? Because I have really, fuck yeah, I have money. I got fucking $800 in my pocket right now.

Let's go to fucking Disneyland, right? We do the California ride, the first world. You know what we do? We do the way in line to that elevator ride with the horror one. Tower terror. Yeah, tower terror. Daddy, daddy, I scale.

Right? It's going to be two. Hold my hand. Ah! That was fun. I go, I know little Bonopo. I know little Bonopo was fun. This is him as a father, right?

Yeah. You want to go to Disneyland now? You know Bonopo. Little Bonopo. You know what sucks is that Futureland place. There's not a lot of good things in there. That's the new world. But there is space.

Yeah, but there is space. And tomorrow? Yeah, there is space mountain. That was the ones I'll go, OK. Right, we go. We're not going to do what's that Michael Jackson thing? Dr. Emo or whatever. What?

What? What was that, Michael? What were he at that ride or that movie? Oh, Dr. Emo. Captain Emo. Captain Emo. Something like that. The whale.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, give your son anything, wouldn't you? Or your daughter? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would too. You know what? Here's the thing. I wouldn't want my son to follow in my footsteps.

I want my son. No, I want my son. And I'd want him to be like, you want your kid to be loved. I would just say, every day, I love you. I love you. And just always be honest with me. And you can always talk to me. And I want you to know I'm always there for you.

Yeah. Right? You know what's going to happen if you say, don't follow. If I sit to my son, hey, little bonobo. I don't want you to do comedy or anything. We'll show up as a, how come? It's a hard life. OK, daddy.

40 years later, I'm an old man. Red Bull. Yeah, I'm an old man, right? I go to visit my son at work. And he's out in the middle of a field digging a ditch. And he's like, daddy. Well, he doesn't sound like that anymore. Daddy.

Daddy. Hi, little bonobo. I had no dreams and now I'm digging ditches. You don't want that, Mike. Mike? Said Mike again. I don't give a fuck. We're at Mike's.

Say whatever you want. Right? You should encourage a child to do whatever. Yeah. Right? If they want to be. It scares me, though. It scares me that I'm not smart enough

to help them with this homework like you were talking about. Like, help me with my math. I'm like, oh, fuck. So I need to marry someone way smarter than me, which is not hard. I mean, Kalaila, I'm sorry. Kalaila is smart. I can't help with that, because I don't know how to do it.

You can try. I'll sit with the kid. I can't even sit with the little dick. 12 times 6. I don't know. Oh, shit. I mean. 12 times 6, 72.

72? Yeah. See? I don't know that. It took me too long. Took me too long. I would take me now. In my head, I saw the 2 and the 6.

Did you see that? 12 times 6 right away. You got that? Jason? No. I suck at math. OK. Yeah, I mean, the only thing I learned in high school,

I learned how to sleep with my eyes open. That's intense. I literally did it with my eyes wide open. I could literally fall asleep like this. You could do that. Yeah. Can you still do that today? No, not now, but in high school,

I could fall asleep with my eyes open. Wow. Yeah. So I could look like I know what I'm awake and you know me. You didn't do well in high school, did you? I think both of you guys make great dads. If we have a child, I'm going to ask that you have a child very soon after that.

Oh, my god. And then we could make it in the fray. Yeah. Oh, my god. There we go. We were talking about that. So my favorite show in the whole world is Naked and Afraid. And in this season, this season, there

was one episode where they had fans on. Crazy. Fans, like big, blowing fans or? What do you sound like? No, two dead fans. Fans. I got you. No, they had two people that really liked the show.

Right. Thank you. Yeah. And one of them didn't make it. How long? 21 days still? No, 14. Oh, it's two weeks.

So if you're a producer on Naked and Afraid, I'm being real. I know you do a guy-girl situation. But if you put me and Michael Rosenbaum on it, I honestly, you might not make it, but it'll be the funniest thing ever fucking made. What's the answer? Because listen, here's why. Put him on Naked, first of all.

Imagine that. We aren't very good at this shit. Now, we would train. No, they would make it because they made them. They made them take survival class. We would take that. Yeah. Oh, of course I would.

I have questions, though. Yeah. OK, so you have choices in these type of terrains. I'm sorry. I just thought of myself screaming at Bobby. He's alone by a river pissing in it, crying, and shivering. Like, I'm done. I'm done.

And I'm like, it's been five minutes. You're not leaving me alone. You're not leaving me here. I would. I'd be like, Bobby, you cannot leave me. I will not be alone here. I honestly believe. I can hear that conversation.

You know what? People go, my colleague says all the time, I think that I can. It depends. I think that he would survive in a cold and dry area. I think that he would absolutely give up in two hours if it was a mosquito swamp. Oh, mosquitoes.

If the mosquitoes get to him, if you're just sensitive to insects, like, I grew up with mosquitoes. Like, I don't care. They don't get the pimple reaction. I don't get any of that. But for someone like you. Did you cry because George did a little thing on the mirror? How are you going to survive in that?

You cried because you didn't get cast. Cast? Cast in something. Oh, cast. Cast. Anyway. I wish you guys both went deep. By the way, I couldn't eat.

I'd eat something. I can't eat a po-po, a po-no-po. A little po-no. That's the kid's child's name. I'd eat something and it was the wrong color and I'd die from it or something because I need you there. No. Honestly, it would be funny.

What terrain would you choose, then? Do you want humid or dry? Do you want cold or warm? I want the island one. The Philippines, then. Cold. I get too cold. OK, Philippines.

I can't do cold. I couldn't be naked and cold. Humid and an island, then. I'm going to say this right now. OK, number one. Close to water or away? The nudity doesn't scare me. I got that on the way.

Stay on that one. Nudity. Here's the thing with me, though. If we're new, though, I've heard that some of these tapes get out where you could see their real dicks or their vaginas. And I'm worried that someone's going to really get that tape out and you're going to see me and your dicks bouncing around. Well, no, we would sign contracts with them

and have our leaders get involved. That's what I'm saying. These people did that. They leaked. No, no, no. I would have real lawyer. Your dicks weren't blurred. Well, that would give a fuck about my dick.

Who gives a fuck about your dick, dude? It's been everywhere. Well, yeah, no, I don't care. Oh, anyway, so fuck the dick. So they would give you, I think they give you a pan now automatically. So you get a pan. You get a metal pan, right?

I saw that. I was like, where the fucking pan come from? Yeah. They give you a pan. They give you a pan now. And a fire starter? No, now we have to choose one thing. So I would call you and go, you've got to get a fire starter.

Fire starter. For me, I would have to get a machete. Yeah, a fire starter. So that's the three things. Because we'd fill that water up right when we got there and we'd hydrate ourselves, Bobby. We'd heat that water up and we'd have a nice hydration. Or there's also some energy.

Here's another thing I would do. I would do a river. I would dig a little hole for fish. No, next to the river. And so have the water seep into the hole. And the soil filters the water. We can drink that too, my friend. But I'd rather not do that.

Why would we fucking do that if we had a pan and a fire starter? Why not make sure there's no bacteria or anything in that water? Bobby Lee is not using the pan. I brought one with him. Because I'm going to tell you why, Michael. I'm going to tell you why, Michael. You think it's silly. All right.

What if it's damp? What if it's raining, damp, and there's no fucking way that we could start a fire? Even with a fire starter. A really humid area. It's really hard unless you have very dry things. So who's laughing now, you fucking dummy? OK, here's my bad.

You're supposed to be a team. What do you think would last longer? You or him? I would. Oh. You know what? I don't know. Here's the second thing.

I would. Yeah. You would have to. The first thing to do is in the show, you have to make a little house or a shelter. I know what you're going to say, you fuck. I know what you're coming up with. What?

We're going to eventually get to nighttime. And you're already getting where you're going to be a little cold. And you're going to say human beings must cuddle. And sometimes they. You know what? It's so funny that you say that. It's so funny that you say that because I wasn't going to say that. But what's funny to me is that you'll be the first one to cuddle up with daddy.

Backwards. You're cuddling up with me. Your dick's going in. Who's baby spoon? I mean, wait. No, we're going to go back to back. I don't give a fuck what it is. Stay alive.

I don't want you to be honest. I'm not gay either. I don't want your Bobby Lee's dick on my back. Because then you'll have bragging rights for the rest of your life. How about you guys just face each other? If I touch this dick with my dick, I don't know what's going to happen. That's like an 80s sitcom. Heart to heart, dick to dick.

It's like crossing the fucking lasers. And now you just put your legs over each other like this. What are you going to do? What are you? You can't wake up and look in the mirror and go, hi. Did you do this? Do I have to hold something? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then so we wake up the next day. We probably won't get a lot of sleep because it's. Tell me about our first day. Our first day is we would have to build the shelter, which takes a long time. We elevate it. Yep. Right. We'd have to have.

I don't know how to do any of that. You don't need to elevate it unless you're in wet, swampy area. I got an idea. What? Hey, if you're listening, making afraid, you fuckers ask us to be on your show. Because if not, we're going to make our own fucking making afraid. Someone's going to leave us out in the middle of fucking nowhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we're going to shoot it. Yeah, that's I honestly believe, though, that if the producers of the show is listening with or not, you should do this episode because I think that it would be the funniest thing ever made. Steve wants to do it, too. My brother just get the whole family in there. Oh, here's the here's my problem, though. I'm like six comedians.

I'm brother, you, me. Let's say they did six. Me, you, my brother, who else? Harlan Harlan, Harlan will never do it. He'll never be naked in front of anybody. There's some people who just won't get naked in front of other people. Forgot Harlan is still mad at me for showing my dick. OK, we need three girls to him six times.

We need three girls because they do three guys and girls. But there were no female comedians that would do it. So Nikki Glaser, she would never do it. You know who would do it? What? Fortune. Fortune Feamster, she'd do it. She'd be great.

She'd be funny. Why are you guys laughing? Because I can just imagine her personality. She would look at her body, we would just be. Oh, my God, don't go there. I would laugh so hard, though. She's just so funny. She's a funny person.

I know, but imagine her, Nikki. I mean, it would be so funny. My thing is I'm thin and when I don't eat, I get really skinny and I will be like Leslie Jones. Well, those guys lose like 22 pounds in a week. I would be like fucking a skeleton. I know you would. You wouldn't know you would have to like eat a lot of like fats and stuff before you go. Oh, I would have to gain 15, 20 pounds, but I think that it would be great.

And I think that but but then now food is a kind of thing. How would you know? Are you a hunter? Oh, yeah. I mean, I don't even know. It depends where we were. But I mean, we have to become a one where these two find a fucking bird's nest and there's little baby chicks in there.

Yeah, those fuckers and they killed they knocked it off the cliff and they ate it. They boiled it or what? No, they they fried it up, but it's like you don't get a lot of meat from that. You get like a tiny little thing every little bit matters. You have, by the way, they get their ratings up if two people hooked up. No one ever hooks up. I don't think you want to hook up when your basic needs aren't met. Do you want to fuck me out there?

Think about the ratings. That'd be so ridiculous. Oh, my God, Bobby Lee. The cameraman comes around the corner and he's like, fuck me. Yeah. See him. And I'm like, I'm just like, is it three? And you're only four hours in or four hours.

Dude, he got he's got like animalistic. He's got like war paint on his face. Yeah. Yeah. Four hours. I would do it. I would. I think I would do it.

I really would. I would do it and I would really like I'd be so scared. I know. To do it. Yeah. But I think I could last though because I said last at least two days. Yeah, I think two days. I think at least two days.

You could last two days, too. No, I think I could do seven a week, seven days. Yeah. Even without me. Yeah. Could you imagine? I'm thinking, what if we went to such a dark place where we're crying? We're genuinely crying.

We're hurt. We're like, I could imagine myself because I'm claustrophobic like in an elevator. I would cry in front of people if I got stuck. So out in the open, just us. I'm just like, what would we do if we just broke down? I think we would potentially end up hating each other. No, no, no. I think, no, I think the opposite would happen.

I think he'd become a soulmate, you know, like people, two brothers in war. Right. And also, I think that I would like find myself. I would. I would know. I would discover things about myself that I didn't know. And that's what the journey is about. I'm already thinking of how I'm going to stick a Snickers bar up my ass and keep it in there.

To the thing. I'm just fucking shit it out at night when we're sleeping. Yeah. Oh, that is so. I never thought of that. I'll harboring food. Yeah. Fully wrapped Snickers bar in my ass.

No, or you, or you, you get to know a cameraman. Yeah, when he fucks me. No, no, no. I'll fucking you. You just give me like bars. You know what I mean? Like what are you doing for the audio listeners? That was a real far.

That was a real far. That was probably the most disturbing thing I've ever seen in my life. Dude, I've seen your asshole. I know. Near my face. That is like so fucking rude because it was right in my face. No, it wasn't. Right.

Right. Right. You just fucking cake shot in the bathroom. I know. And didn't wipe your ass or wash your hands. No, I, um, listen, I, you're one of my favorite people. No, I don't want to leave yet. We have to leave.

No, we're not leaving yet. No, but I just want to say you're one of my favorite people. And, um, you know, I, I should, I should, I just got to learn to have more friends, I guess. You also need to learn how to return text messages or just acknowledge someone's text message. Yeah, you've gotten a little worse, but you're always, you always come around. There you go.

You're kind of a private, like, you come around. I feel what George's face. Well, you know, I know if Bobby doesn't text me back, I know he loves me. And if I said, Bobby, I need you at my house. And now I'm going to kill myself. 100%. 100%. 100%.

And he knows I'd be there for him. Yeah. So there's that. Now there's always the texting. Everybody texts each other. Sometimes you don't text back. It's an immediate, I honestly don't get upset. No, that's not, that's not an excuse for you to never text me back.

Yeah. But you know, it's, it's, it doesn't bother me. Well, with you, it's hard because you live on that thing. I thought you don't get good reception, right? He emails though. I'll email you. Yeah. I'll invite you to stuff.

I'll do. Again, you don't like to do public stuff. You have been inviting us to stuff. We went to one out of the two. You did. You went to the Harlins House. The first one was the beach that you flaked on last night. All day because of the dog.

And I was all prepared with my beach bag and everything. And he was like, please, please, please. Well, can we be honest with them? Yeah, you can. We went to the beach that day. While you were at that other beach, we were near you, but we're, we could have allowed the dog. Why don't you just say, Hey dude.

We went to the beach that day. It feels good to tell you though. You're trumping me. It feels good to tell you. Maybe Donald Trump should tell us some things now. Politics. Yeah. Yeah.

But we did go to the beach that day. I swear to God. It was the next day because I guilted you into, because I was all prepared and I was angry that we weren't going to the beach because we hadn't been to the beach all summer. So we went the next morning. No, no, it was that day because I remember going like, I remember saying in the car, like, so you're, I'm telling you, we're nowhere near where Mike's going to be. We're nowhere near.

Like where is it? Tell me where they are. And she's like, it's here. And I go, there's no way to fucking, right? And then I remember that conversation. So you're lying. It was that day. I don't, I don't, I thought it was the next day.

It wasn't. It was the same day. I remember saying that shit. Would you be heard if you invited me to your birthday? And I say, Hey, I mean, I can't go out of town. And then you saw that I was at another birthday. The one right next door. Yeah.

Can I say this? That hurt your feelings? If you went to a fucking beach where I could allow my fucking dog, because I'm not going for me. You fuck not. I'm going for my dog. Right. If you went, let's go to the beach.

You can bring your dog. I'm going to the beach with you because I'm going to, I need to exercise my dog anyway. You know, looking at my dog. Oh, over there. So it's, you know, I get you. I get you. You get it? I do understand.

I don't think you do. I do. You're looking after your dog. You want to take your dog to the beach. You promised me you go to the beach. And then last minute you said, Hey dog, you want to go to the beach. I get it. No, I do understand it.

Okay. Anyway, I'm sorry that we did that. No. I'm sorry for Colletta to double lie. No, I honestly, I'm going to look at my answer. Was it a Sunday? Was it a Sunday? That you went?

I don't think so. I'm going to look at my Instagram and see what day we went. No, because you posted the next day to make it seem like she did. She goes, I'm going to post the day to make it seem like, Hey, Michael Rosenbaum. We're at the beach today. We're at the beach today. So whatever you're doing to dig another hole. No, I don't.

It was that same day. You fucking lying lady. How am I the liar when you're the one who flicked? I was ready to go to the beach with Rosenbaum. I already admitted to my fucking lie. I haven't. Right. You're still digging a hole.

No, I remember. Say I'm sorry. Say I'm sorry to Michael. I think this is the moment then the good sex starts again. This is right here. There's something really special about that moment. So, well, unhelpful advice. Unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalina and Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum.

This next question is interesting. Hey, Tiger Valley. Why do I keep lying and creating stories and situations just to create conversation? I also have a tendency to change things that happen in real life to make them more dramatic, expensive or cool. I really hate it. Immediately after I regret it. I wish I didn't do this because I value honesty.

I'm a fraud. Help me. My name is Eric. My whole life. Every single thing I've ever said in my life is an embellishment. Well, no, this person lies a lot, right? Read that first part again. Why do I keep lying and creating stories and situations just to create conversation?

Lying is different from embellishing. That goes back to childhood. She didn't have trust around her as a child. Her parents probably didn't trust. She probably didn't trust people around her. You got to be honest, man. Okay. Say to me, hey, did you see the movie?

Did you see the movie? I'm Dunkirk. Dunkirk. Did you see movie? Yeah, it was good. Yeah. I do that all the time. I don't.

Well, hang on. I do that when someone, when I don't want to get in a conversation, he goes, oh, did you hear that? Have you heard that song? Because I know they're going to play it for me. Yeah. That's different. That's like saying, I don't want to hear your fucking song.

Yeah, but you're still lying. That's not a lie. That's a soft lie. That's not a lie. We all do it out there, right? Guys were always like, oh my God, have you heard that news song by Sublime? Sublime? Sublime?

Yeah. Or like, oh, you know, no, I've heard it. Or I do that trick. He's dead. I do this trick, too. Is he? Yeah, Brad. I do this trick, too.

Rest in peace. If I'm at the grove or a mall and I see a group of people coming up to take photos, I do this. And I pretend I'm talking on the phone. Wow. That's rude. They're your fans. I think this is a person.

I should do that. I never would do that to my fans. Michael. You've never done anything like that. Man of the people. You've never done anything like that. I think I probably have something like that if I saw like I was eating or I was eating something or doing something.

I would just. Well, were you in a situation? Me with the comedy store where someone was talking to me and you didn't get me out of the situation. Oh my God. That was the most uncomfortable fucking thing ever. Did we talk about that? I tried to help you.

There was this dude who came up to Bobby. This fucking guy. You were talking. Bobby and I were in the middle of a conversation about life. Yeah. And then he comes. He comes to talk to me and I keep looking at Michael like, you can get me out of the situation now by doing a number of things.

Bobby was literally doing this. The guy was next to Mike right here talking to him. Bobby go. Yeah. If it wasn't, if that doesn't spark something in his mind that says this guy doesn't want to talk to me. Yeah. There's something great.

Why didn't you do anything? Nothing will work. I tried. I tried to do an armpit fart. I thought. I was like, I was like, this is what you do. What did I do? Okay.

This is what you do. You and I are hanging out. Maybe. Gilbert, you come talk to him. Hey, really big fan of Smallville. Hey, Mike. Hey, Mike. Wait, wait.

Hey, no offense. Yeah. My uncle just died and I had to talk. I had to talk to him about this. Yeah. Dude. Sorry. His uncle just died.

Sorry. Smallville. Oh, thanks. Yeah. But I got his uncle. I'm no offense. I'm so sorry. He actually died on set of Smallville.

Oh, shit. Yeah. Why are you laughing? I have a hard time. I have a hard time believing that your uncle. You're wearing completely. I have a hard time believing your uncle died on his show set from 10 years ago. Yeah.

But he did. All right. That's what happened. That's how it happened. By the way, I thought I did something. I thought I said. No, you didn't. I thought I did this.

I did this once. You don't remember this? I went. Yeah, you did do that. Yeah. You did do that. And I thought that would be enough. That never worked in the history of that.

But hang on. It was literally like, I'd be that guy. You're me. Yeah. Yeah. Bobby, I love Matt TV. Oh, cool. Thanks for that.

Yeah. Anyways, can I get your autograph? Exactly what happened. Yeah. I thought that would work. Yeah. I thought it would work. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm producing a movie. Oh, yeah. Right. They come up to you and go, oh, cool. What's the company? Well, I don't really have an office script yet. And there's no company.

I want you're going to be the star of it. Yeah. Can I get your email? Sure. What? Yeah. I wish. Yeah.

That does happen a lot. You are so delusional. Hey, man, we're working on some project right now. Yeah. Perfect as the lead. We're talking about Chan. I'm tating. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Drop another bunch of names. And a bunch of names. We're talking to them. I'm like, oh, great. Wow. Is this for Sony?

Or is Marvel doing this? And they're like, well, we're going to eventually talk to those guys. You know what Skylar Stone did to me? What? He emailed me. Amen. You want to be in a fucking motion picture? I love that term.

Motion picture. Right. And I go, what are you talking about? Would you like to be in a major studio production? So I go, yeah. He's like, me, you. He named Chris Delia a couple of other names. Right.

He goes, I just need you on board right now. It's legit. The casting director, the producers are all legit. Right. And then two weeks later, Chris comes up to me and goes, did you get the email from that movie? I go, no. And I run to Skylar.

I didn't want you. But then don't fucking. Oh. Don't fucking email me. You know who did that? I love him to death. Nah, he sort of did it. But that happens a lot.

It does happen a lot. What? Where people go, hey, dude, I'm doing this. Oh my God. I'm going to shoot this movie in a month with fucking so and so and so. You would be, dude, you're perfect for the part. You know what? I'm going to text so and so right now.

Yeah. And then my dumb ass, who feels like I'm just like, what's the word? It was the word for begging or not begging, but feeling like you're. Needy. Not needy. Desperate. Thank you for all helping me out for one easy word. No, but I was like a month that I'm like, hey, whatever happened with that one cool

project you're talking about. Yeah. Oh yeah, I did. Yeah. Yeah. Why did I even do that? Why did you do that? I don't know.

Yeah, I know. I've done that because it sounded cool. I've done that before too. I felt like an idiot. Yeah. Yeah. They didn't want me there. Bobby.

We didn't answer this kid lying. I know. Just one lesson though. I like talking about stuff like this. And then. And then they get afraid. And then my friend Nick did a movie this year, not towards him. Okay.

Because that's who. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My friend Nick and he goes, it's five lines. It's an independent movie. That's disrespectful.

He goes, you need a read though for me. Fuck. I got to read for you. Five lines. Five lines. I go, I'm not reading. You go, well, you're not in the movie. I wasn't in the movie.

So what? Yeah. But my point is, is that if you, if you're doing a movie, I understand I tested for your show. You went right to test. No. I did two auditions. I went and read for you once.

Yeah. That was. It's a real TV show. Right. Right. There's, there's real. And I tried to just go. I understand that.

No, but I understand that. So I read for you and that's, it's a real thing. You have to do it. Okay. If you were producing a movie for you, period, and you had five lines, you would just give it to me. I assume. And you wouldn't do it.

I would do it. Okay. Good. It's good to know. Yeah. Cause you directed some movies, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I've never even, not even. Well, hang on. Hang on. The movie was about four, four, no, there are four guys. And then I went to your house. Like, look at the trailer. Well, hang on.

But these are based on real people. They're based on real people. Yeah. Black guy. You directed the movie. You directed the movie. You directed the movie. Yes.

But there wasn't an Asian guy in there. So there's only four people in the whole fucking movie, dude. With lines, you would have come there for like one line. That's beneath you. I would not do that to my friend. Hey, Bobby, will you fly to Indiana coach on like fucking media air for, uh, to do one line and you say, Hey, can I get you guys a beer? What?

You do want to do that for you? You want a real? No, but I wouldn't want you to do that. You know what I like? You know what I like? I would write. I would write. You know what?

Because that's what you would say. I'd have to ask her. I'm going to lie. I'd have to go to Lila. Hey, can you give Bobby? I'm just saying that right now that if I, if I was, if I was drinking a movie, three weeks turnover, if I was drinking a movie, I would just, I'd call you for a line. I shot in Indiana.

Anyway, so the guy shot in Indiana. The guy was to the guy. Don't lie. I swear to God. No, I'm talking about the guy. The guy. Don't lie. The name is Eric.

That was. Don't lie. Don't lie. Don't lie. I dated a guy who for the first year of our relationship, I swear to God, I thought he was Puerto Rican. He told me he was Puerto Rican. He, he, he would wear like gold chains and everything about him seemed to match.

And then later I found out that he had an identity crisis. He was, and he turned out to, I dated him for a long time too, but he was half black, half white. And he, because he didn't, he didn't have a good relationship with his father and everything was like, there's a lot of turmoil there and he only identified with a very, very like square kind of a white mother. So he, but then he was very brown. So he kind of made up this whole identity of being, yeah, everything about him is swag

or everything. Did you date a gigantic Asian guy with a little dick? No, he was like a tall Asian guy, but he had a little dick. I've dated an Asian guy. Yes. You like that. They did multiple Asian guys. Mostly like dating Asian guys.

No, I did the rainbow. Equal opportunity. Bro, she was dating a professional Spanish soccer player. She was dating a fucking rugby player from fucking Australia. I was an athlete. They all look like Bane. No, that's not true. From fucking Batman, like Tom Hardy.

Really that Australian guy did not look like Bane. His body. Would you fuck Game of Thrones characters? Oh, yes. Yes. Would you fuck the hound? Yes. Would you allow him while you're fucking him for him to say, you're a cunt?

Yes. To my cunt. I would have him say it to my cunt. Would you fuck Tyrion? Yes. Yes. Would you let him say, Klyla, we're home. Would you let Littlefinger go, listen to me, Klyla?

All of them. Really? Yes. All of them. Would you fuck Brienne? I would. Yes. It kind of reminds me of Anthony Michael Hall a little bit.

Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. A little bit. But yeah, she's just something sexy about her. Yeah. Would you fuck Macy Williams? Aria. No, she's so cute.

Don't do that. No, she's too young. She's too young. She's 19, no? That's too young. She's too young. Yeah, yeah. Sonsa.

Yeah, it's too young. Sonsa. They're too young. Sonsa. Gross. Sonsa, no. The obvious are obvious. Yeah.

Yeah. What's another? Ringworm. The one that he liked, the black girl that he liked. Missandei. Oh, Missandei. She's cute. Beautiful.

Oh, I know. That's not ringworm. Oh, it is. That's not ringworm. No ringworm. I was thinking, would you fuck Reek? Reek. Yes.

Is that a dick? Yes. I would. Anybody on that entire cast, even the extras. Oh, even Brand? All their da-body doubles, anybody. Anybody. The fucking teeth.

We're obsessed with the show. The grip. I'd fuck the grip on the show. Good God. Jason, would you fuck anybody on that show? Yeah. Jason, would you fuck anybody on that show? He's never.

He's never seen it. What? Any female? Yeah. Most of them, yeah. All right. Let's think of the ugliest one now. Appreciate it.

Yeah. Okay. The old lady who takes care of Brand in the beginning. What about the old woman who just died with the poison? Oh, yeah. The mother of the lady, Olenna. Olenna. Olenna.

Well, she's just a badass. She's badass. She's amazing. I would have fucked her 20 years ago. Wait. Didn't you have sex with like a 60-year-old with like her kid in a backseat? In a clot? Oh, yeah.

In the closet? In Sacramento. Oh, her grandkid. Her grandkid, yeah. Yeah. Oh, fuck. He told me that in my podcast. That was pretty disgusting.

Yeah. What do you mean? Well, it wasn't that when you... I was in Sacramento and this old lady came up to me and she goes, can I shake her hand? The young man? Very funny. Oh. So, I shook her hand and in her hand was a little note.

And I go, what the fuck? That's how they used to do it. By Raven. In the 50s. By Raven. What does it say? It says, if you're, you know, if you want to hang out, here's my number. And you called her.

No. I saw Kevin Christie. You know, Kevin? Nope. Kevin Christie was... I mean, yeah. Yeah. You do?

No, mine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Kevin goes, you should go go with her. I go, she's old, dude. She's a grandmother. Yeah. I go with her. She took me to steakhouse. Oh, she treated you. Yeah.

She had her breasts done. Really nice. Well, they were little wrinkly. And then she goes, you know, so we went to her white Bronco. Or are they wrinkly? She had them done. White Bronco. She had like toys all over in this Bronco for grandkids.

Oh, God. And the next thing I know, I have her kitty out and I'm sucking it. I think I'm finger blasting her. Were you really, were you hard as a rock? Probably. Yeah. It was cool. It was cool.

Were you thinking the whole time, I'm fucking an old woman right now. I didn't fuck her because then that night I called her and she fell asleep or something. She died. Oh, you called. You left. She actually died. Because I had to do my shows. And then you called her.

And then she had her son. She had to do something. And then I called her that night. I could, you know. You were in the grandma. You were into her. Yeah. You kept calling her.

I mean, she was basically. She wasn't that old. She was like 50-something, 50-something. Okay. Aren't you almost 50? Yeah. This is when he was like 10 years ago. Isn't that weird now?

Now we're almost there. I know. What happened? Yeah. That's what makes me sad. It's like, oh my God. Yeah. But it's not that bad because if you look at somebody like, look at some, like, look

at some of the Game of Thrones actors. Yeah. But the Hound is my age. He's 47. Oh, wow. He lives in the middle of nowhere. But even if you look at. He doesn't like talk to people.

He lives like on a boat. He doesn't like live near anyone. Those are the ones who fuck best though. I'd fuck the Hound. Fuck the shit out of him. You're a cunt. You're a cunt. No, but what's the one that's obsessed with Danny?

Huh? The show. Oh, Jorah. Khaleesi. Jorah. How old is Jorah? Ah, Khaleesi. Uh, 57.

Yeah. And he's right now. Okay. I'd never seen him in anything before this. You know, he's going to work all the time now, right? His life is probably like, oh my God, it's starting. That's true. If you think about that.

But I don't like. Because you and I have never been. Huge stars. No, not something to say. I wasn't going to say that. But by being on a show that's global like that and cultural, like it's, it's, it's mainstream culture. It shifts people's.

Everyone's talking about it. It's my favorite show. We have never, I've never been in anything like that. Well, when you were on Smallville and at the very peak of it's a popularity before social media. Well, how? Oh my God. So I can imagine.

It was, it was, it was crazy. It was the first one. It was before all these goffins and flash. Right. Right. And we shot in Vancouver, so I really didn't feel it and we shot 10 months a year. But then you, you'd see it sometimes. So you go to these comic-cons.

Did you get a lot of pussy? How did women? People thought they were fucking a real billionaire genius and they realized they were fucking me and it wasn't cool. But then imagine now if social media was, was at that time, imagine how much pussy you'd actually be offered. Yeah. If you told me a story.

I'm exhausted for like now I just want to tell me a story. I think I was you. Well, let's see if this rings true, that you were in New York. I've been there. You were in an elevator with somebody with a girl hot chick and she was so hot you came in your pants before even being over there. Fact. No, but I did have something called the belt park.

Was it Bianca? It was Mick Jagger's wife or his girlfriend or something like that. Oh my God. Right? Am I? Yeah. You're almost right. I was.

What the? It's so funny. It's so funny because he didn't tell me this. Don't don't say any names. I'm not going to say it, but he said this to me. It was somebody's 12 years. Like a long time ago. Yes.

And it wasn't in an elevator, but we were making out too long. Yeah. And I was grinding her. It was a fancy girl with a start, a fancy lineage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember was the weirdest story.

I was like, oh, I go to the bathroom. Yeah. And I sort of as I walked into the bathroom was like, go, go, go. I just like came all over my belt. Yeah. All myself. Yeah. And I was like, oh my God.

And then I came out of the closet like Jason over there and I say, I go, hey, you know what? Maybe we should just like take it slow. Yeah. Maybe we shouldn't do this right now. Yeah. She goes, what's on your belt? And I go, that would be come.

Oh. She goes, why is there come on your belt? And I go, and I didn't know what to say. I should have just said, hey, this is what I fucking said, Bobby. I said, oh, I went in there. I was horny. I just jerked off in there. Oh.

It was the worst. Yeah. That would offend me. It's a weird response. I just didn't know what to say. Out of all the responses. James Gunn. Of course.

James Gunn always tells a story. Yeah. Director of Guardians Galaxy. My friend James. He tells this for everybody. I'm like, it's so embarrassing. It's like, I was like, God, I just I came too fast and like over my belt. So there's this.

There's this. There's this wife. The ex-wife of Jennifer Fisher. Yeah. And there's this. I'm at the show with her. Yeah. This is Parkway called the Belt Parkway in New York.

And my brother used to say, hey, Belt Parkway. Anyway, I came all over my belt. That was embarrassing. Oh my. So I never even had sex with her. So anyway, the liar. Don't lie. Don't lie.

Don't lie. Don't lie. But if it is come on your belt, lie about that. Lie about that. That part. Yeah, she's a lie about that. What was a better excuse? Anything with that?

But what was better? He turned me on. So I was thinking about you. Yeah. Honestly. And I like prematurely, I don't care. That's like a compliment to me. Now, if you go to the bathroom and jerk off without me, that's not a compliment.

So if I just said, oh my God, I just came. I'm sorry. That's worse. No, no, no. This is what I would say. I would say this. I go, hey, I'll just be completely honest with you. We're making out.

And I just find you so fucking attractive. Yeah, exactly. And this has never happened before. As I stood up, I literally just came in my pants. That wouldn't turn me off. Why can I have said that? Why did I have to say I jerked off for the bathroom? And you could make it even.

She would have been flattered. I didn't say that. It was those kind of skills, right? I know. It was a mistake. Yeah, you fucked up. It's something I regret every day. You really fucked up.

Yeah. To this day, I want to text her and say, hey, I just came. Inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum. Downloaded on iTunes. Please, guys. It's my new podcast. Bobby told me to get it. And he's the guest on there.

So just check it out. And I honestly, you're just one of those, just your magical one. I love you. This is not your family. You're real magical. You're magical. Yeah. I love you.

I was a little sick today. I took a while to get going. But I thought the second half was real good. It's all good. Yeah. When I got political, I got scared. We'll cut that out. Okay.

I love you guys. Bye. I love you guys. Thanks for having me. Make sure you follow us on Instagram at Tiger Belly, on Twitter at The Tiger Belly, and email us any questions, like our friend Eric at thetigerbellyatgmail.com. You can follow Kalyla on all social media at Calamity K, all of Bobby's shows on bobbilylive.com. And you can Google inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum on Google.

Are we going to do house cleaning now? iTunes, iTunes. iTunes, definitely. Spotify too? Spotify too. Just iTunes. All of it. All of it.

Go all of it. And he also has a YouTube. So if you're visual, yeah. Let's promote that. Yes. Guys, just please try to check it out. It's called Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. It's new podcast.

It's free on iTunes and all over. And you can watch themicrosimum.com, the website. You can watch the podcast with me and Bobby and Dax and James Gunn, a bunch of other people. I love you all. Thank you for listening. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Barely ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcast.

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