TigerBelly - Episode 110: Jo Koy is on Tiger Duty

Episode Date: September 27, 2017

Kuya Jo and Bobo rewind to the days of shit-shoveling, Aqua Net hair, money buffalos, candy corn teeth, and the Vegas Grind.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Welcome to Tiger Belly. I'm your captain. I'm your leader. Yes. I'm your leader. Captain Bob. Slap King. Young. Bobby Youngly in the house. That's right dog. I got flat face jungle jungle.

What's up? What's up? Right there. Flat face jungle jungle. Can't see me. I got my Hoochie Hoochie right here, man. Hoochie Hoochie all day. Every day, my friends. Yeah. You know, and we got We got white white. Fucking ugly white.

We have the ugliest whites working here. We got fucking serial killer white red with the thin lips. You don't trust the thin lips. Look at that nose. Look at that nose. Anyway, um, yo, so seriously dude, all kinds of relations. I have relations with the comedy community and I

I've known some dude heads. Comedy heads. Dude heads. For long, for a long time, bro. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like from the days, dude. Oh, shit. And, um, I don't know who. Oh, yeah. Um, Yeah, yeah. What's your

What's your, I don't know his name. Anyway, I met dude. So our guest today. I met him. I was in La Jolla. Yeah. Don't do that. Don't do that. It's not magic. Don't do magic in front of me. Black magic. Oh, there's a hair there. Take it out.

All right. So back in the day, man, I was like 1996, 97, whatever. Damn, Olympics. What? Olympics. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Olympics, dude. 96. All right.

Anyway, I was at the open mic, you know, at the comedy store in the skinny Filipino kid with curly hair. He had a hair back then. Come on. That's how he sound. You go, I had a joke. I go, yuck.

I'm from Vegas. Let's be friends. He had an accent? Yeah, I don't know. That's what I heard. Anyway. Anyway, we got your core here. Put your headphones on. Put your headphones on. Is that how it worked or what, bro? No, that was good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dead on. Dead on. Yeah. And you lived in Vegas, right?

When I met you. And you were working at what? The Mirage? I was working, dude. When I met you, I was working at another place called Alexis Park. Mirage was my promotion. Really? Yeah. So you were at Alexis Park first. Yeah, I was at Alexis Park first. What is that place?

It was a, their whole thing was a five star resort. We don't, we don't cater to gamblers. So that place isn't around anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Christian Resort? Yeah, yeah. It's like having a bar in Ireland. We don't serve liquor. Yeah, yeah.

Just good tunes. Yeah. Was that a good analogy or no? Yeah, it was great. Was it good or no? Yeah. I'm not crafty. Sometimes I'm not fast. No, no, you're really fast. No, thank you. So you worked it, but then you shoveled tiger shit for it. I saw it. I want to get to that. I want to get to that. No, no, no, no.

I did dolphin tours and then tiger shit. Dolphin tours in Vegas? Yeah. That's at the fucking first place. That was Mirage, yeah. And then Mirage you did, you did Dolphins. I did Dolphins and tiger shit, yeah. You made it to Mirage. Yeah.

You had to shovel, who was it, Zickford and Roy's Tigers? I had to, no, I had to clean Siegfried's asshole in order to play with the Dolphins. Yeah, he said you can with Dolvin, with you. You never met him though. Yeah, I did. You didn't meet Siegfried? Yeah, Siegfried always came through.

Roy never came through. Oh, really? Is he nice? Siegfried is so funny because when you look at the I don't know if anyone gives a shit that's listening but they do give a shit. They do give a fucking shit. They were Vegas staples. I know who they are. You know because you're old.

No, you're old. Liberace was a fucking Vegas staple, bro. But people don't know that. People don't know fucking people don't know that Mark Wahlberg was fucking Marky Mark, dipshit. That's true. You call me a dipshit? Anyway, sorry. You're trying to act like this is a premium fucking talk show.

I got a cameraman in the goddamn closet. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, man. Hey. Guy, you got a cameraman in the closet. I know. Hey, I know. Relax. Fuck you. Fuck you, man. All right. I apologize. So anyway, Siegfried and Roy,

they were a big Vegas act and they had Tigers and shit, right? Tiger shit. One of them got eaten. Which one? The one you knew? The one that never talked to anyone. So you never met the delicious one? No. The one that everyone... Yeah. enjoyed that one. Yeah. That's one of the intro. Were you there when he bit him?

Because Siegfried was the one that petted all the tiger. He petted the tiger. Roy was the magician. Listeners, here's a fucking lesson to you, my friends. Pet the tiger. Pet the fucking tiger. Yeah. Because if you don't, he'll eat your shoulder. See, that's the part that Entertainment Tonight didn't say. Yeah. Roy wasn't the handler.

Dude, if I was at that show, Roy was the magician. If I was at that show, though, I would have stood up. I would have been just the best show I've ever seen. Oh, yeah. Oh, Lulee! On court. On court. Yeah. Wow. How great would that show be?

Oh! Oh, yeah. It's like a show of the year. Yeah. Remember that circus allay? Remember the guy fell? Oh, come on. That would have been the best show I've ever seen. He miscalculated. And he didn't stop the show. They danced around him. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's called Chobis. Yeah. Yeah, that's a dedication. They took him out.

They took him out. Send him more time. That's the only time where they actually sent in the clowns. Yeah, yeah. So you did that. I remember you living in an apartment there. And then we did a show. What year is it? 97? You think? 98? I don't know.

96? 96, maybe. And you were going to UNLV or no? No, I wasn't. Of course. You're not educated. No. Come on. You're just like I am. Yeah. I went to UNLV. I know she did. And we did a show in the theater there. Did you explain what I did? Explain the grind, man.

Don't try and fucking disrespect me here. Explain the fucking grind. So you had... I had a vision. I had a vision. I saw Bobby Lee. The only Asian comics that I saw that inspired me,

because I was so into comedy, was Margaret Cho and Henry Cho. I can't even remember the ones that I could see. Like on cable. You know that we're coming on frequently. And then when I went to La Jolla, this comic got me... He knew the manager there and got me on.

And I saw Bobby Lee and my head blew up. I was like, oh my god. No, you were funny. You were Korean. You were like... What was your first impression of me? I thought you had... I don't want to say it. Yeah, that was retarded.

No, down. A lot of people say it. In the community, a lot of people say it. I know, but when they say it, okay, because in terms of whites, you're like a two. That's out of a hundred. You're the worst.

You're worthless. You want them to stay around and work for you. And he has. Premium talk show. First of all, did you really believe that I was retarded? That was a joke. That was a joke.

Can you let me answer the question? Sorry. Can I explain myself? Because they don't know. They only know good-looking Bobby with the good rock and roll hair. And the missing tooth. They only know that guy.

They only know good-looking rock and roll Bobby. Hot rock and roll chick. That's all they know. You know what I mean? Missing tooth. Cat hair and beanie. They only know that one. One Z-shirt.

And you're aquash. And you used to take a shirt. Not a small comb. Those ace combs. And then he'd make his hair for no reason. You would make his hair this big. Can I finish?

Let me explain why I thought you had Down syndrome. God. Let me explain. I'm not just trying to be funny. I really hurt my feelings. Really, Bobby? So we go to La Jolla.

And the guy, the MC, goes, oh my god, this kid, killing it out here. You know what I mean? We got to hurry up because his bus is off. And then they go, Bobby Lee, everybody, crowd goes crazy. He's a local favorite.

And then he does this thing where his eyes are kind of like, because he was kind of doing a stoner thing. Then he had this big hair and then he'd move his head. He'd already get to the microphone and I thought, oh, he's special. But you know what that's called? Mugging.

I was fucking mugging for the crowd. You're a piece of shit. But I would go up there, I would mess up my hair and you know what my opening line was? I'm not really Asian. I just woke up. Too many applause breaks. No, I'm not even joking.

Too many applause breaks. I stood. There was a show that you set up and there was like 10 people there and that was half your family. It was terrible. But let me explain why. Because no, I'm glad you're telling this story.

I drove all the way over there. Because there's a lot of comics and if you want to get personal and real on your show, there's a lot of comics that come up to us and ask us how. How do you get to that place that you're at? Well, this is what I did. I rented out that theater because

if you want to go play catcher eyes and start you had to be a headliner from LA. You had to play seven days a week. So I went to UNLV and my cousin Mona was kind of like an alumni there. She was a cheerleader for the Running Rebels. She goes, I know the Filipino Association.

They'll rent out that room for you. For free. And I told them I got these Asian comics and it would be great to show support for Asian comics that are coming up. The show will be free. You rented out for us and the show will be free to the students.

They said no. Did you tell anybody about the show though? No, you're not listening to the story. I get it, you want to go to the punchline and that's why you're still here. You have to set it up slowly. Set it up slowly. You're right, you're right.

I'm still learning. I understand bro. But there's an art form to story tell. There's ingredients involved. For the turkeys butthole. Do the slow burn. They said no. It was the Filipino Student Association

that said no to me. It better get a big laugh at the end of the story. There is no story. It's just inspirational. I'm going to tell you what happened. The girl I was dating, the white girl, had a friend. She was cute. She had a co-worker that was going to that school

and he was in a frat. All white guys. What's the big deal? He signed the waiver. And the only people that came to that show and I even went back to the Filipino Student Association and I said, hey, I got someone to rent a force. Can you at least come and support?

And they still didn't support. They still didn't come. And no one came. I put flyers all over the school. The only people that came was that fraternity and they brought their sorority. There was maybe 15, 20 people there. My dad came on anything. But that's the grind though.

All these local businesses and I made a program and I made sponsors and that's how I was able to pay you. I didn't care that it was empty. I was happy that we were on stage. Can I ask you this? Is that the end of the story? I had to clean Siegfried and Roy's asshole.

I had to clean Siegfried and Roy's asshole. I just want to laugh at the end, dude. No. Your show should have some kind of inspiration in the middle of the goddamn thing. That's the thing though. That's so crazy that no Asians showed up. But you got to remember the time frame.

Bobby and I were kind of like the up-and-comers. No one's really seen Asian comics before. Like now there's a lot. But back then it was literally just Bobby and I. Margaret Cho and Henry Cho were like the ones that were kind of like the headliners out there. I mean literally there was no one.

You got to remember this is before Bobby got premium blend. This is before Bobby got mad TV. This is just Bobby. I don't know anybody. You were like the crowd favorite at La Jolla. That's still open mic fuck not. No it's not man.

To other comics you were kind of like legend. Everyone was like oh shit that's Bobby Lee. No. I'm being serious. There's no reason to kiss your ass. I'm rich. Boom. So I have another thing I'm concerned about.

I'm going to just read you something. No don't do that. You go Bobby it's Joe Coyle. Don't. Bobby there's personal shit. I'm not going to read the whole thing. I'm going to just read this. Bobby is Joe Coyle.

I'll edit this out if you don't want it. No you won't. You don't even have a proper editing system. Bobby is Joe Coyle. We're surrounded in San Rio. I feel like we're in the fucking closet. Are you okay? And you go we're better now.

You are a piece of shit. You want to see my face? You want to see concern? I'm going to do this. Give me a concern. Go. See you're joking around again. That was good.

Let me do it again. I swear to God your concern looks like you're holding your own shit. Go. Hold on. Let me try. Are you okay? You don't care.

No you don't care. That's why I asked you. That's why I asked you. Are you concerned? Are you okay? No. Who says do stuttering? I'm concerned though.

We don't have to get into what you're going through. I'm just saying I was concerned. You're going through a tough time. But she is healthy. Your wife. Your girlfriend. Soon. How did you meet her?

All of a sudden she's the thing. She's been around for a long time. She's been in my life for about 12 years. I didn't know that. How? A back and forth off and on. Two stupid people. That's all it was.

What was she living? She was in a cave. Not too much money. Was she in LA? I'm joking. She was in LA. She's cute. You look good together.

More so your lady. But you're a cute couple. Are you being sponsored by Hawaii and Raw? What does that mean? Do you want the real answer? Yes. You're sponsored by Hawaii? So what?

The whole state. Mayor. I'm like Tom Selleck. Do you still have that Shabu Shabu restaurant? Yes. And you're more than welcome. We love Shabu Shabu. Yes.

It's amazing Bobby. What's in there? Is it good? Are you going for the easy? That's generic. That's nothing compared to what I have. What do you have? Wagyu.

Thank you. I have mammoth meat on mine. Where's your restaurant? It's in Beverly Hills right now. Mammoth meat. Can you find mammoth bro? No. $10,000 a slice.

A slice? That must melt in your mouth. Polar bear pussy. Have you ever had polar bear pussy? I've heard it's good. Cold but hot. Yeah. It's cold at the clip part.

How's Joseph? Good. Cold Clint. How's yourself? Did you and I, let's be real. Did we have a falling out? We never had a falling out. We were hanging out a lot.

You suffer from, I guess, anxiety? What do you suffer from? You want to get into my shit? Every time I'm around Bobby, it's always bite my nail, and then he goes crazy and then he leaves me. Am I not lying? Am I not lying?

I gotta go. That's been our friendship for a long time. Like when we were working on the pilot together. I think that's the last time you guys saw each other. He was biting his nails in the parking lot. You don't understand, Joe. You don't. And then he left.

And then as he was fading away, you can still see his ass crack because he refuses to wear a belt. Never wears a belt. So you and I didn't have a fight. That last conversation you had with me in that car, and I forgot what building we were, you really did inspire me.

You did kick me in the ass. I was going through a shitty time at that time. Your Netflix special is killing it. I paid for that. I'm partially due to you. You paid for your own Netflix special? You independently produced it, and then they bought it.

They didn't want it at first then? This is how it went down. It was... I shot it in 2016, so I was asking them in 2015. But I was already offered my third with Comedy Central, but I wanted Netflix.

So I played my card wrong, but I guess it was right. Comedy Central was like, well, we're good. We already got our roster. So at that point, they weren't coming to see me, and I was just not understanding why. I'm like, yo, I'm sold out two weeks in a row here, two weeks in a row.

I'll come see what's going on here. I deserve a special, whatever. And then whatever the case may be, they were busy, whatever it was. Their schedule was already booked for 2017. And I was like, well, shit, what do I do? Do I wait till 2018?

Or do I shoot it myself and try and get back into... You know, shoot it, edit it, and hand it to them. That way they don't have to worry about scheduling or anything. And I chose to do that. Oh, that's a smarter way to go. It was risky. But you have control the way it looks. I have trouble understanding

who up top doesn't understand that you need to be on Netflix. Like, I think there's like a... I don't think it was that they didn't know. I think it was just that they already had the roster done for 2017. It's still a business, right? If I'm seeing something, if I'm seeing

a lineup, and I'm seeing that you want to come in, like, to me, it boggles my mind that it wasn't an easy decision to be like, absolutely. I was kind of, it kind of hurt some people. It really hurt my feelings, man. Because I was just like, wow, dude, like, I'm selling out everywhere, just on my own.

Like, this was without TV or anything. Like, I'm doing two weeks of Irvine, two weeks in brand. And I go on the road and they go, oh yeah, Joe just did two weeks here. Yeah. And I go... Two weeks? Yeah. Especially at San Jose. San Jose. He does two weeks in Irvine,

Chicago, on Chicago, Schomburg, right? Yeah. Ontario. Yeah, I mean, I know. I get it. But it was just kind of like, wow, I didn't understand it, but I didn't care. Like... Like, someone told me it was like, stay in your lane. Like, you know what I mean? Just stay in your lane.

Don't worry about what's in your right lane or left lane. Just stay right here. And I see all these other cats that I know that were getting on. And I wasn't like, I could have sat there and went, I don't fucking get it. Why are they getting it? Yeah. Like, I've been in this business this long and they I didn't want to do that because they deserved it too.

And I deserved it, but I just had to go... Every guy, every comic in the business, and even actors, they all compare themselves with other people. Yeah. It's just human nature. Yeah. You don't think that I drive down the street and go, how the fuck did that guy get it?

Exactly. You know what I mean? But you just... But if you do that your whole life and career, then you'll end up just having a career of complaining about other people's career success. You're right. But that's only a fleeting thought. And then I try to go, you know what? He's your friend. Be happy for it.

I talk myself into being grateful and enjoying their success. But my first, sometimes, initial response, just the primitive one is out of like, jealousy. And I hate that about myself. I love that you said that. That's cool. I hate it. It is primitive. It's just an animal instinct.

It's an animal instinct. It's dumb. It's the doggy dog. It's fight for... We're in Hollywood. Everyone wants one thing here. And you're right. But that's the cool thing. But it's not the way to do it, to be honest with you. Because it's like, when you're like that, you're just always angry

and then people can... What did James say last week? Assassinate the ego. Yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah. Yes, assassinate the ego. That's what James said. It's hard to do. It really is. Especially because for a lot of you guys, the careers of being in the industry

is very labile. It's like, you have your peaks and you go back down and you got your peaks again. But even, it seems like even with you, when you're at your peak, you don't see that you're at the peak. Which is problematic. Because I don't think that you're always just crying. Because I'm not at the peak yet.

But even when you're having a good moment, you don't stop and appreciate that. And it scares me. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'll be honest with you. That is something that I'm still struggling with, you know. But I think that's everybody though.

I think everybody does that. Because I don't appreciate moments. I know, but here what's on my point though is that I work with some cats. They're not like that. I think a lot of comics are like that. Some actors are like that. But there are some guys that are pretty fucking

grounded. But those are guys like I work with this guy named Oliver. His dad and mom are famous. And he grew up with encouragement. They were great parents. I talk to him sometimes about show business or whatever. And he's just

happy that he's working. He's happy for other people. And he's a great guy. And I want to be like that. But it's like, I've had stretches of no work and just a lot of depression. And then, you know, and then it gets to your head. And then when you do get stuff, you think

is this the end? Is it going to keep going? You know what I mean? I think if there's a fear there, because if you've ever been hungry once, if you've ever lived out of your car once, then there's always going to be that lingering fear that I might get back there. So I think there's a different. When you've had a fairly easy upbringing, I think, that's never been

a concern in your life. So you never have that fear behind you. If somebody, you know, you lived in your car, you've gone hungry for years. You begged your parents for money and support. Yeah. Yeah. But ultimately come from good stock. I know your mom, right? Yeah. Yeah.

But you have a great kid, too. Yeah, he's amazing. No, he really is. Yeah. I don't understand how he doesn't know that he's it's so cool because they're spoiled kids and they got parents that are well often they let everybody know that, yeah, my parents are well off and I'm spoiled. And then there's my son. It's just kind of like, he knows

he's got in the back burner. I don't know if it's going to he's going to surprise me later and be like, you remember all that shit I didn't ask for? Yeah. Well, can I get the Lamborghini now? I'm 17. Yeah. Yeah. But when I because a couple years ago when I would come to your house, we'd write together, right? Yeah. That show. Yeah.

Him and I pitched a show together. What's that show? I don't know. It would have been the biggest thing. It would have been the biggest thing on earth, but no one picked it up. Yeah. How long ago? I still don't think they're ready, man. Two years ago. I don't think they're ready. But him and I had a show idea and we had Martin Lisak. Yeah. We had

Robert Morton. We had really legitimate old Hollywood guys that were pitching it with us. Yeah. Like Robert Morton produced Letterman for 25 years. Martin Lisak was ahead of like CAA television. You know all the stands of approval. We had we had guys walking in with us going, this is

it. Yeah. And people are saying now. Huh. Yeah. Within minutes. But whatever. They're not. I know. I don't get it. But that just that kept pulling into Netflix. Yeah. We never pitched Netflix though. No. But what I'm saying is even with my stand up. And that's

why I was just like, I think I was so fed up from that moment from us pitching the show to Comedy Central and then me not getting the special out yet. And I was just like, how long are we going to sit on the special? And then I was like, fuck it. If I have to sell it out in my car, I'll do it. I did it for Vegas. Yeah. I was doing it with the special.

I don't care. And I shot that thing myself. Yeah. But what I was going to say about your kid is that I used to come to your house. Yeah. And he was like a little adult. What's up, Bobby? How are you? You know, like he was like a cool kid. He's not weird or anything. He's like, you

and then I remember like you being kind of strict with them like, go do your homework. You know, he's like, all right, you know, but like, you know, it's he's a good dad. Yeah. Which is weird. Why is that weird? I don't know why. Because what are some stories from that make it, I mean, from his past?

I just want to because I because I look at him as a comedian, right? Yeah. And he's childlike yourself. We both are. I know you're not like Al magical. You're more like a dad. Al magical. When you talk to him, you're like, yeah, he's a dad. He's a dad. He's a dad.

Even Ren is easy. He's a dad. You Yeah. He's a baby. Really? Wow. Yeah. And you have stuffed animals behind you. I mean, I'll tell you why because you are the type of people. Yeah. I went to your house. You poured money on my head.

Yeah. I know. Probably about $22,000. First of all, who has $22,000? No, just the fuck up. All right. $22,000 in a bucket. Just in a bucket.

You know what I mean? Like I have a money. Buffalo. Money buffalo. Money. Because he had it in like a little trough. Like it's water. And then he goes, look what I made on my merch.

Oh. Cut this out. Are you kidding me? Relax. It's fucking funny. Relax, right? And you poured it on my head. We were both laughing, you know what I mean? This guy's a dad? Yeah, yeah.

Man, I want to spy for a money bucket. That's dope. Well, you're going to have to try and sell a show to me. 1996 in a German guy's asshole. Do that first. You know, I look at guys like you

and Sebastian, you know what I mean? And because he was on the Forbes list, right? You bring it up. He doesn't want to talk about it. But people already fucking know that you have money. I make fun of Gabriel. He has a lot of fucking money. Millions.

People know that already. It's not, you worked for it. You deserve it. Yeah. Why is your eyes crossed? It's funny, man. I don't want to talk about money on your damn pod right now. You really angry? No, it's just weird.

You spent money on your teeth? Yeah, but I don't want my money. Is that for real? I should give you one. You would have to give him six. He has full back rows just missing. When did you get that done? Wow.

Which means you were dreaming about it. Wait, what were your teeth like before? Have you seen chicklets or candy corn? If you've seen that, then you've seen my teeth. I never looked at your teeth. Wow, that's weird. No, they were bad. They were? Yeah.

And I had one tooth that was fused up to the top of my jaw. Is that still called a jaw up here? What is it up here? This is a jaw. What's this? Upper gum. Well, then that's what it was. It was fused into that bone because I fell on a rock when I was a kid.

What is it? Upper gum. That sounds fine. I didn't know what it was called. I wasn't questioning him. But Pablo has his done. But there's crack residue on it. Oh. I'm not.

I'm not going to laugh at that. He's doing better now. Someone's struggling. No joke. Just kidding. No crack residue. There's no residue on it. What is everyone so sensitive about? As of late.

What is going on? Let me say something. Why is everyone so sensitive as of late? Okay. All I'm doing is speaking the truth, my friends. And you guys are like, oh, I don't want. I don't care. I don't know. You know this and that.

What I'm saying right now is that you guys are going to be like let's take it. Here we go again. Speaking our minds, we're taking a knee. What we're doing with NFL players are doing. We're exercising our right to speak what's on our mind.

Am I right white man? None of you guys are going to stop me. Is that your knee right there? Yeah. He took a knee but he chose to put the knee up. He was like, yeah. You don't like uncomfortable things if I bring it up. It's just another thing I want to bring up

He loves country it's so dumb like when you and dr. Ken fought in the green room And I've talked about You there yeah, it was a cobs for dr. Ken spit in his face Let me just say something. Okay. He went like this. Yeah, I've talked about it He said to Bobby he goes you're up next Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, they fought wait the actual fist fight Bobby was screaming and then Ken yeah, there was a little physical karate. Yeah, yeah, yeah But you know, he's good. He my birthday last week. He he texted me happy birthday. You didn't but it's fine

Did you? And he spit in my face. Don't go lateral on this. Don't go lateral Let's talk about anything from you, but anyway, if you stuff all I know you do you really do you're a good guy now Didn't I let you go through my water bottle? And I'm about to eat some of your wagyu. Yeah, you can have a guy you meet over there Yeah, yeah, is it a classy place your restaurant? Yeah, it's classy. What do you mean? It's it's clean It's clean. You're like you're an investor. You're an investor. Yeah. Yeah big time Is it off of the strip or where's it off the strip? What's it called? Let's promote it. What's it called?

It's called joe coys place No, oh god, be real. Is that what it's called? It's called yo. Yo, Jay. Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, that's awesome So it's it's off the strip. It's white by my mom's place. She lives out out in Summerlin area She worked out nice area. My mom works there. She's really she helps out. Well, she slices meat. Oh, that's amazing Yeah, yeah, and then I tell her to leave when the the meats. So this is have enough stock you can go home This is a family run establishment that my mom does not work there dipshit. No, why would I why would I have my mom slicing meat? At the age of 71 you fucking dick. She's retired. Okay, she walks in like that. I know the Marcos She does when her son

She's sorry. So sorry. I'm gonna stand up again. Yep. Take a stand that up. All right. Take a stand. Take a knee Take a knee fucking cocksucker. Let me say something to you. Okay. Yes, you fake tooth motherfucker. Okay? That's what you are. I know I know. Yeah, I want to tell you something right now All right. Yes, there's a place called. Um, what's a shabu-shabu house in little Tokyo? It's the most successful fucking shabu's place in LA and the parents work right the guy that owns it works slices the meat Yes, because he doesn't so I thought anybody. Yeah, but I'm saying that when you said it I'm like, okay, I could believe that you fucking now now Yeah, there's a difference between that family and mine

You want to know the difference? Yeah, that guy has to fucking work there. That's his paycheck. Whoa My mom's retired. You know what I would fucking fuck you. Let me say this Hey mom, thanks for giving birth to me. And you know what on your 70th birthday? You're hired Go fucking slice meat. I wish you know what I wish upon you now. You know what I wish upon you What only one week at this comedy class? I Okay, all right. No, I want you to you don't say that I want you to I'm nice guy I'm you really are not I've always loved you. Yeah, we've always had a banter

We've never had a we don't have a banter. No like a good banter. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I'm good banter I'm telling you I'm telling you that what you yelled at me in the parking lot. Yeah, you need to hear that I don't what did I say? I don't remember you said, oh, you you a bad you I Always Robot It's my mind calm robot right it down right it down guys But I said that no you yelled at me what I so yell at you for you said you're really talented and you should you need to fucking I

I forgot how you said it, but you're just kind of like You just told me to step it up. You said I was basically you're saying I was being lazy and I loved it Yeah, and I was I was I was I enjoyed what Chelsea gave me I enjoyed the work that I did on the road like I dude One thing I'm not is lazy on the road because I still hand out cards Yeah, and I know everyone talks about that out here in LA still that you know one thing I know about Joe Coy at the end of every set he handed out postcards and to this day I still let me say that thing right now. Okay. Yeah, you did it the right way. Yeah, all right

You amassed a fan base a big one. Yeah, and you did the work on that. I Don't even go outside to meet them. Oh, you know that I've seen it I know yeah, and I feel bad about it, but people pick me up as I'm small. Yeah, they pick you up Yeah, they picked me up on the neck and go you're funny. You know, I mean I hate it You know, I mean my point. It's crazy though because we try and pick you up and you're heavy You're heavy Hmm, huh? And my fat I'm just saying

No, be real my fat. You're the same height as my son. I can throw my son across the room That's all I'm saying My son are you're the same exact height. Yeah, because I'm 50, but I can't throw my son I mean, I can throw my son across you. How old are you now? 52 are you really? No, Holly 47, right? 40s. Fuck you 46 Yeah, we were we're born on the same year too. Yeah Yeah, yeah, he shows you want to plug. Nope. Don't need to

Are you really you go out every week like that every week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you should too You guys have fun. I watch you guys on Instagram. Yeah, but I you know, he hates the road. I hate the wrong. Why? You should look at it as a boner, bro You're doing you live in your dream and people can't wait to fucking see Bobby Lee hate it because I don't draw like you do Yeah, you do. I don't would you enjoy it more if you drew if you drew like him. Oh, yeah Could you be maybe making money? I don't make a lot of money on the road. I compare to these guys. I don't and um I'm not just somebody he

You don't travel like when you when he goes to on when he goes on road gigs. He just stays in the hotel the whole time Probably you and your girlfriend probably just that's not no, no, no, no, I see your snaps. I see I'm history. I understand They live it up. They had a number one Can generate he's more prolific than I am into the generic generating material and Number two, I just don't know. Sometimes I just go maybe I Don't want to do it. I don't know, you know, but I do it to make pay my mortgage But I don't I've never like made a lot. I'm compared to these guys a lot of money. Nah I I'm telling you. Nah, yeah, I'm being real. I was at Nordstrom rack and I would come see you

Remember and you fucking take me to yeah. He's working north. Yeah, motherfucker. I wasn't born a We had part-time jobs You have so you have so I worked at champ. Yeah, cuz I had a fucking dream. I was chasing Goddamn post office. Yeah, but no, my part Like if you I'm just saying one night like a Friday night for you two shows Yeah, it's probably two to three weeks of me going on the road. No, that's 100% I mean, we don't have to talk about it. I know how much you make. Oh, you do. Yeah, how because everyone knows I know the rule. I know how much the pay scales are. Yeah, I'm not saying I know how much you make

Yeah, but I know I don't think you know what but I do know what I'm saying though is Is that I know I understand that but let me just say this. All right. Yeah, I you know, yes You're not making. Yeah, 95% of the door like me. Yes Yeah That's what I'm saying And so when you don't win sometimes I'll go to a market and I don't I don't draw and it hurts my feelings I go, what am I doing this for? It's depressing and then you make Not that much money and then you walk away and it's depressed

But those people that came to see you fucking love you and they're gonna come back and they're gonna tell your friends So you just got to keep going back. Yeah, but every time you don't go back. That's when you lose your fans Remember when you yelled at me in the car and said I was lazy. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah Okay, by the way, he yelled at me you guys. I don't want you to think I'm making this shit up. I did yell. Yeah Yeah, he yelled at me and I think he was at CAA where you yelled at me at the agency. Yeah, it was in the parking lot Yeah, in the in the car and that was the last time I saw him. How long ago was that? It's about three years ago. Yeah That's the last time I saw him. Oh, I haven't seen him in three or fucking years. We've texted. We've text. Yeah

Yeah, but but that was the last time we talked and that was a bit He kind of threw that in my face, but I'm telling you I kicked it into overdrive after that man. Yeah But what it was a weird last couple of times though We met with even like robber morton that one time at hugos restaurant what he what I did, you know, remember I'm sober, right? Yeah, and he goes because he's he used to see me vape Just tobacco whatever he always thought it was pot But but he doesn't he doesn't I think he knew I was sober So he goes try my vape pen at the hugos restaurant

Right. Yeah, so he went to the bathroom remember. Yeah, and then I took a couple hits. Yeah, and then I got high Oh, fuck. Yeah, and it was like a weird. That was weird. Yeah, and then we had that thing in the CAA And then I just kind of walked away from the whole thing Yeah, it also I was mad because of the fact that like I just know that him and I on tv would be just a killer Still would be oh man. It'd be amazing if we were on tv But you know it didn't happen and we tried we really did try I think yeah, we went through I think we tried we did try Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna take and we're back. Okay

Dream water Nope, uh, that one was what was that one that one was uh, what did we just say just this very second Blue apron. Blue apron. Blue apron. So delicious. So yummy. Oh man. Have you had blue apron before? Yes. Yes. You really have? Yes You cook it? Yep Yeah, it's good, isn't it? Oh, so good, Bobby. Let me tell you nothing better than having a gourmet meal at the comfort of your own home At the comfort of your own. Yeah. Yeah. With the freshest ingredients. The freshest ingredients. Yeah. Yeah. Organic. Propocode yo-jay. Yeah. Easy. Does your woman do you guys live together? Yes, I didn't know. Yeah, she lives with me. And so does she cook? Oh, yeah, she just cooked for me today. She did. Oh amazing. Yeah

butternut I think that butternut squash. Is that what it's called? Yeah. Yeah soup No, it was uh, it was actually in the squash and she baked it with goat cheese on it. Oh my god. Yeah, it was amazing, man But it's sometimes if it's not amazing. Do you say it's amazing? I say it's so amazing every time. Yeah, every time even if it's not Oh, this is so good. It's like pussy. That's what I say Hey, yeah, yeah Your pussy you you're a great you're spaghetti bolognese. I mean everyone can cook spaghetti No, no, no. Don't downplay it. Don't downplay it. Oh, I'm pretty good you guys. I'm fucking pretty good.

In fact, do you put carrots in it? No, I don't. No, fuck carrots. Oh, Vienna sausage. Yeah, I put carrots in one. You do? Yeah, is it good that way? Yeah, you're supposed to. I put carrots. You're supposed to put carrots. Do you stew it down? Yeah, yeah, carrots and celery on it, right? Yeah, yeah, how do you stew it? Just as a base you mean like a mirepoix. Wait, how do you stew down carrots? You stew it down with celery and onion to make a mirepoix. Well, how do you what's a mirepoix? I don't know what mirepoix is. Is that in harry potter? It's a dance group Hey everyone, we're mirepoix We're all philipino

Do you, does that mean they boil it? They just stew it down to create like a soup base. Yeah, you boil it. Yeah Why don't you do that, bitch? I do it. I know with it. I can't get full Wow, I can get no mirepoix on my fucking bell noise, but with other stuff I do You can't put carrots in my shit or what? I do with other stuff when I make you other stuff like the not done and all that stuff What else do you make? What else do you make? Um, I make a lot of stuff for myself because I cook a lot of philipino dishes and he doesn't really he does like philipino He doesn't like good cooking. Um, he doesn't like yeah, like I don't know what it is. I cook with a lot of vinegar all the time So, oh, yeah, maybe he's not into it. Maybe you should cook him some like real

So down home philipino stuff called the redder. Yeah, I would love to be lagga Dino go on. I've had the little walk on a Macana. All right It's all right. You're so angry. I'm not angry. Let me see something right now. You're so angry that you have one taste It's like boogogi and then it's like without bone or with bone In a pot on fire Let me say something right now. Let me say something to you. No, no, I'm tired of you. No, no, no No, I'm tired of you. No, I'm tired of you accusing me of not having taste I have a plethora

I have a plethora of taste. Yeah, tell me what's your favorite one pizza? Let's be real. That's the taste of a 13-year-old child Fuck it man. Get some real. I like fucking you man. Fuck you man. They're all these fuck yous coming from Blue apron. Blue apron has taste buds. Let me see something. Okay. Um I If it's not Japanese budget, that's a budget. Yeah, if there's Japanese food I can do Chinese food you grew up with Chinese food, right? Everyone. Yeah, Korean

I was forced to eat because of my parents I'd no one ever cooked me Filipino food. So in my later days as an adult It's still foreign to me the flavors. Although we go to that barbecue place Oh, we had his birthday at the Park park finest. Well, it's sort of like a barbecue fusion. Yeah, it's more fusion. But it's delicious But it's pork bread. Oh, the pork bread. The pork bread be binka. Yeah. And just the corn thing that they have there is fucking delicious. Their version of elote is really good too. You know, I um

I'm slowly, you know, I'm slowly trying to get into Vietnamese shit And I didn't like them at first because you know, you didn't like them. Who? The one at the food. Oh the food. Okay. Okay. Okay. The people man. That sounded racist No, I love the people slowly getting into Vietnamese, but I didn't really like them The food I'm as a people. No, I love the people the food. Yeah. Yeah the food. I love the people. Are you kidding me? Of course, you love the people I love the people. Are you kidding me? Yeah, they try to take you out though. Didn't they? They did. They try to take me out. Yeah, do they? Oh when you were in uh, no, I said, no, I said um

I mean, so he always uses the word jungle asian and they try to take him down. Yeah, I call Jungle asian and then the next thing I know I had to go to like news vietnamese news Vietnamese news outlets like I was like in doing their news. I'm so sorry We're all human being, you know doing that whole thing. So now he just calls Filipinos jungle asians, but then the Filipinos don't care Yeah, yeah, yeah, because he's also half white No, I mean you call Gilbert out. What does that mean? Why do you what are you trying to do with that? Because I'll tell you why I'll tell you why. Yeah. Okay. It's like when rob schneider says you know what I mean?

He's a full asian. You're not full asian. Who's not a full asian rob schneider. Yeah, he's half. He's a quarter. Are you? Yeah, so am I so is this one, but I'm not any less Filipino because that's what I subscribe to you're not less Filipino you're less philip you're more philipino than him Look, we you your lady and I are more asian than you. I think you're the whole korean you You is less asian than yeah, half of us If that makes any sense, yeah Maybe I'm just being I'm being real. You are you know what you're you're the whitest korean guy. I know

And that's real You're the whitest korean man I've ever met but I grew up in green valley You're a banana. All right, and in green valley in poway where I grew up Yeah, it was all white people. Oh, sorry with all white people and we had a tennis court everything. It was nice. You were very yeah I had a country club. I had a tutor. You had a tutor. Yeah And I was gonna I was waiting for my hey toby. You know, I told people like hey buddy, you know, I mean and then I would play Hey, bobby, are you gonna play tennis today? I'll be yeah parker. I'll meet you out there. You know, I mean killer. Yeah And so I grew up with that life. Okay. Yeah, but let me say something right now in my early 20s

And as I got you know, I started trying to fuck gook girls. All right. See you're gonna get in trouble for that Asians. Yeah, no, we have a that's not what you said. That's how you're trying to lose sponsors No, they love that Blue april With a gook flavor Try But I was at work today and some guy came up to me and said George is a pink dick

Wow Are you George? Yeah, I can see that though. That's not even funny to me. His face is pink So someone at work. Yeah, listen to tiger belly. Yeah, but he was like a high up guy Yeah, so we got to be careful. You gotta be careful everywhere. We're moles everywhere But he goes And I go holy, I don't want to take back the gook flavor stuff. Yeah, I take back gook pussy all that stuff Added that. Yeah Don't bleep it but you know, man

We retract I retract everything I've said today. Yeah. Yeah, we're yeah Everything I've ever said today. Hey, should we start the show over? No, I think let's just start from how this is how I was doing. Yeah. Yeah. This is amazing No, I like mixing. Oh mixing. Yeah. Yeah And I like it when it's like kind of like advised Just shuffled shuffled Like all over the place on your podcast, you have a structure you do and a producer I have a producer too this far guy has a pink dick

That uh nullifies the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. No, but you know, I like it when it's a little chaotic No, I love it. This show has been so much fun. I know, but can I just say this though? How come I haven't been on yours? I've asked you From I you have never asked me and that's you know what I'm gonna say this. I swear to god. Bobby Can I tell you what you suffer from? For roll up your text messages, and I'm sure there's proof of that. Yeah. No, because this is a new phone. So it The first text here exactly. You always change your number. Why? No, no, no, no. Let me tell you something Yeah, can I tell you something? I'm pretty sure your lady's gonna agree with me. You ready? Yes

Bobby will lie and believe his life. Yeah Believe it to the to the to the point where he'll cry Like tears and sell it to you. He talked about it on here. He is a great liar. Yeah Yeah Great liar and he believes his life so much. So that it's real now. It's a truth now. It's a real to him. Yeah It's like oj. It's like oj. It's not like oj. It's like oj. No, wait, oj. Oj honestly thinks he didn't murder The entire house. It's not like oj. It is like oj. I never killed a white bitch and the guy that waiter a waiter But I guarantee if you did

I would lie about it. I would lie about it and you would get away with it. Yeah, don't incriminate yourself Oh, yeah, man. So when I tell people I was at Pearl Harbor, they people I believe that you believe you were at Pearl Harbor Because Ren is easy to the 9-11 thing So I've been doing Pearl Harbor and people don't very topical. Yeah. Yeah You were there. I was there man. I was sleeping in the bunker Pearl Harbor, Hawaii 1940-40 1940 I go, yeah And I heard the kamikaze. Is it coming down, man?

And then my black friend who looks like you'd be getting jittery had a little fucking machine gun and Yeah, man. All right. He was a chef and he you know What? But no, I I have told people that and I have lied a lot I lie about things a lot. Yeah, you're right. But you know what you can show him a text message Yeah, and he'll fight it proof He'll fight exhibit a exhibit b exhibit c and he's like I did not write that. Yeah Yeah, what? Yes. Yeah, I could be like Bobby. Why didn't you text this to this person?

And you're like that's not my phone and he'll say that's not he'll come I text in caps Yeah, those are lower, but is that is that a character to flaw? What the way you're speaking? Yes No, my lying. That's just your teeth missing I have one tooth missing over here. She said six and anyone knows your mouth. It's her Do I you know, I have so many teeth how many teeth he's kind of like six missing in the back row Let's come on. Let's fix this. I can chew fine. I could you choose in the front Yeah, but you're a public figure. I do fine. I chew my front small and look to the right small look to the right

No, you can't see it. I know just small small and look to the right. Go. Yeah, we got to fix that Oh my god. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I'm so Because they were like I'm gonna let's raise money. No show raise money. I don't have the money starter I can fucking fix it like like every two thousand dollars. We put like a tooth that says two thousand Because they were they said that they were going to have to drill Like a nail in the thing. Yes, I'm not doing that. You should get it into the skull part upper skull upper skull upper gum Yeah, into the bone. Yes, and then they screw it in. Is that a jaw? Can you just google it? You have a computer. Yeah. Well, you have upper job. Google too, man. It's your job. Yeah, but he has a computer that's on you dick

Okay, god, they call it the uh max uh max. I that's what I was gonna say maxilla maxilla, which is the meat that you serve at your restaurant Maxilla it's moist maxilla. Yeah, 10,000 uh Slice Slice So I do I do and that's a character defect. I'm gonna change that About myself. Yeah Yeah, you should do that No, I'll tell you what you don't know you're you're you are who you are it makes life more

Yes, his life motto is lie to win. Yes Lie to win And I've been doing that all my life. Do you play Monopoly with him? I don't you don't how about chess? We try to play Are you good? No, I'm bad. Yeah. Yeah, but you know how to play. I know one move at a time Yeah, yeah, I think it's one movie. That's right. I'm not pretty. I'm not prison break. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I know Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's that kid's name Magnus? Yeah the Magnus. Is it Magnus? Yeah, I get it

It's genius. Yeah, I can think maybe two moves ahead Atops no, you don't why because I know you don't you think one move And that move is does the horse go to the left or right? No, those are the two I'm gonna say something the two moves you think of is straight and then left and no This is what no, this is how far my mind when this is the truth. Okay. I'm not lying here. Okay. You move your rook Right and I go Why did he move that rock? Yeah in my mind? That's the first thought. Yep I think he's doing something scandalous. Yeah, right. He's gonna try to trick my shit

He's trying to capture something. Yeah, so why did he move that rock? He's trying to get a b or say whatever it might be. I think right Yeah, and then I this is as far as I can think If he takes this I I have to do this If it takes this I have to do this and then my mind will stop. Hmm. Yeah, right, but that's two moves, so Uh, you had me I don't know what the fuck you're talking about right now This fucking shithead doesn't know who Helen Hunt is. How do you not know who Helen Hunt is?

Do you know Helen Hunt? Of course. Yeah. Yeah She was a she was a deaf girl that spoke sign language in blunts. I'm joking twister You dumb twister as good as it gets as good as it gets just a beaver I go. Did you see cast away? He goes? I don't know that uh, uh, you don't know that he's 24 I don't give a fuck. Let me say this. I told you there's kids out there that don't know who mark wallberg was That's I'm being very honest. That's that's why I had to explain secret in roy I know but not everybody knows man. We're 50 bro. I know but the thing is he was in someone's nuts I know what how long ago could I just 20 years ago? You're in your dad's nuts

You're 24 years ago Splattered Where do you get that nose your mom or your dad? That's it. Where do you get that voice from your mom? Definitely my mom don't get angry. Don't get mad. These are jokes Here's my point at 19 in 19. Oh when I was in high school people go. Do you know who? Uh robber redford is that's not my generation But I know who the fuck he is

He was still relevant when you were in high school. Did you get to share on the phone? Oh god, now he gets into the or not forget forget to share. Yeah, that was stupid What they say about this orson wells was not In my generation. Okay. Yeah that I can agree but he wasn't in any ones Are you kidding me? That's the beginning of film I still knew who he was because his name was like like a famous name, but you didn't know who he was No, I didn't he was no you didn't you didn't know any of his shit. He was just a famous and everyone always said I've heard of hell in a hotbed that's fucking retard

Oh, he has seen all right film school. What do you see? You see he starts it as in cane. Oh, okay. See yeah Nice, so then you know, so then you know who I'm gonna give you a pass on that Helen Hunt was in Citizen Kane. Yeah. Yeah I'm gonna give you a pat. I'm sorry. I I apologize. He's in a closet. It's nice, man Why do you mean to the kid that's in a in a closet sitting on a medicine ball? It's fucking humiliating for god's sake. Yeah, give him a water next to a lamp being held by a squirrel So, you know what the fuck are you all those clothes you don't even wear All of those are my girlfriends. Oh my well

You know what you you know, it's so funny that you're here because um, I want to be real for a second. Oh god Why because I know you're just gonna do something. No to where we're not gonna talk for five years And we're gonna be in our 70s No, man, I was gonna say that um It's so weird that you and I would meet at that time and that we would still be here Doing this. It's pretty cool. It's pretty cool. Bro. You I'm telling you man. You you're a sense of motivation for me Like like you I've had like, you know, like when you have those paths that cross And then we're we're still on the same track trying to chase the same dream and then we pat we cross again

I don't know how many times you cross. Do you remember that one time? I went to you at at the comedy store and you and you had And you had me, uh You know go up in front of mitzi. Yeah, you did that for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, or how about that time when uh, I was working at uh north from rack and I was doing like a Catering for a yacht company. Oh, yeah, and then I was trying to write for you. Oh, that's right. That's right. That's right Yeah, and then and then you were feeding me all this food and shit. Yeah, I just thought you were the richest guy in the world You know, but mad tv. Yeah, yeah, but you know what something though is that or how about I'm just gonna keep talking No, but my point how about when you were in l in vegas and uh, this the second time you came

And then the first even the first time you've put me up in your eyes still up in your house Yeah, you slept in my house, but the second time you you told me to move to la. Yeah, and you're like, what are you doing here? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that's that we barely even knew each other I think that was only two years into our relationship and then you were right away. You're like, what are you doing here? Yeah, like you need to be in la are you doing a shan connery thing on your face or Hold on. Let's do the inspirational shit and then go to the jokes I didn't let a bird Let let let the people sitting in the cubicle that enjoy tiger belly, which is very cute

Let them enjoy it. Yeah, you know me let them get motivated as well Okay, yeah, because they have a goddamn tiger belly sticker of your girlfriend And then a little tiny pink dick On her back. I have a little dick. That's fine. I have that too. Do you have a little dick? Yeah Who cares? I'm rich But anyways I want you to know that that you are very inspirational throughout my whole career Yeah, but you know what and you should hear that because I don't think you hear that enough

But the thing is the truth is this and you've always told me to do shit and I followed you the truth Bro, let me tell you after you said no I need to say it because I've been holding it in for a long time When you told me to move to la and I said no and I remember when you left you're like Ah, you did that same thing you did when we were on ca where you just fucking stormed out and you're mad And then uh, and then you got fucking premium blend and you got fucking mad I think you got mad tv first and then premium blend premium blend before that and then you got mad tv That's what it was and I was just I got a couple of damn it

You don't have to mention it, but my point is this okay This is that and I told myself I should have moved out like because those would have been my gigs No, but the thing is is this is that You've always been you could always see It, you know what I mean like when I fought for a saw I used to say this a lot, but I see first saw delia or people like that. They're intrinsically funny who are Just, you know charismatic and are just funny people on stage You have joke writers, right? You have guys that could write a joke

And that's valid and that's great and there's a lot of great joke writers and joke tellers But then you have people that are just very funny eddie murphy But him he's like that. He's always been like that joe. You've always been legitimately just a gifted funny guy And you're always a nice kick guy, you know, and um So I mean that's I mean, I don't really remember a lot of these times, but I've always liked you and I've always um You know, we try to help each other, you know, and so I'm just saying that

I'm trying to be nice and say that I'm just glad that you're in my life and um Even though we don't see each other for a couple of years and whatnot I know that there's love there and um, you know, you guys should do an asian tour I can just manila. She wants to do that. Have you played manila yet? I'm going uh, november What do you what is it? Is you're doing headlining there? Yeah, it's just yeah. Yeah, how is that? Who the fuck? Wow, what the fuck do you think he's opening for some what the fuck? Yeah, I'm gonna open for what you got damn What a convention. Oh, I'm going out there fucking xerox convention The fuck do you think stop for a second? Okay? Who's that little dancing yellow monkey that does the singing?

He's really good. He's really good. He's talking about Bruno Mars Bruno Mars Right. Oh, what if you said mark that? What if you're kidding me? No, what if you said I'm doing a fucking variety show with Bruno Mars Mars Right. I'm gonna do and no exactly back. Yeah. Yeah, right. We're doing a variety show In a gigantic man. He never he's never allowed to take off his boxing gloves He always has to have a If he's in a tux, that's that's a he could be a fucking variety show you william hung all of them

Doing your thing, but he's Korean by the way. That's your people. In fact, is will you is william Korean? I think he's chinese. No, he's Korean. Well, he looked like you when you first started You fucking asshole. I swear to god. Why would you say that? He was relevant when you first started and I remember I was like when they introduced you. I was like, oh, fuck That's the guy from american. Oh, no, it's not The guy from hong kong hong kong hong kong to you my friends hong kong to you So, um, are you gonna do a tv show or what? Yeah, man. I think everything I think that we should Always have that in the back of our head, but I want you to do one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're pretty bro

I'm telling you man. That's all I've been doing is producing and and making shit that sneakers movie idea. Have you done that? No, that's a really good idea What is it right now? We have this animation that we Actually fully produced already. So oh you have. Yeah. Well, that's good. I'm shopping that now. Yeah Yeah, you got to do that shit. Yeah. Well, I know man. I'm telling you that that netflix when I shot that That that was very inspirational because I remember How much money that costs and I'm like, fuck. I hope I can sell this I hope I can sell it's gonna sell jojo

Right I mean jojo if people are thinking it should yeah, I mean we sold it, but it's just I've said this before In your prime example of it. Yeah There's a disconnect between hollywood And what's really going on and the ground With the real, you know, what you know people hollywood people don't know what you guys like you Truly are doing on the road at what numbers you're bringing in and whatnot And then you get some sort of i'm not gonna name names

But you get some sort of cute kid who's young Who can write a couple of jokes and he they get everything You know, and then you're just kind of going what the fuck. I mean, it's just the same old story I know i'm complaining. I don't want to go back. I'm treaching Old ground, you know, so I'm gonna stop Are we doing the thing go ahead and mark that too? No, we're not We're not marking that we do this thing called all unhelpful advice. Okay Unhelpful advice with bobby collider and joe coin. Hey, that was pretty good. Uh, I like that

Second city, bro. He's one more time one more time Yeah, unhelpful advice with bobby collider and the man with money joe joe. I like that. Yeah That's weird. That was deep. All right. Uh, do you want me to don't say her name? Don't just uh first name. Okay, this is uh lisa I need help la is filled with basic vanilla boring guys And I can't seem to find anyone who has a better person Who has a better personality than my big toe? I I've been single for a while now and it kind of sucks Not because I'm single but the thought of going through bags of dicks before actually finding someone remotely chill and interesting

Do I have to admit that la is a fucking dick desert? I know you can help me Please help a girl out and this is a very cute, uh A cute Asian girl who thinks la is a dick desert. You have a photo. It's very tiny. You can you show it on your Yeah, I I can vouch. She's a cute. No, let me see the photo. It's like I can't okay It doesn't matter what she looks like. This is a girl who's trying to find you know more than just a bag of dicks. Yes, it does man what she looks like Here take a picture of it and show bobby. Yeah, yeah And then zoom it out. I cannot answer the question. Yeah, let's see see Sweetie, it's the real let's be real. Okay. I feel like this that's what she looks like pixelated. Let me see

Cute super cute. Yeah cute. All right. Well, that's all I needed guys now we can move on. All right All right We can move on now. All right. Yeah, we have a look at she looked like fucking, you know, she does look miserable though She does look miserable. That's just an emo kind of girl. The girl do that emo dude. She's a feeler So check this out Check it out Um, how old is she? She looks young. She looks like she's probably in her 20s. It looks like which means she's probably 36 Yeah, because she's asian. She's asian. She's 36 and she speaks like a 36 year old. Yeah

Yeah, yeah with that kind of 20 a 22 year old still hopeful asian girl would not be talking like that I'm so happy to be here. So many dicks. It's like a dick desert Yeah, and I love desert Coach she was if she was if she was living in Lubbock, Texas. Yeah Should be a hit. No, it would be the same complaint. Oh, yeah, that's true because there's less there's less options Yeah, so one of my point is is that Yes, there's a lot of fucking shitty dudes in LA that you're gonna have to fucking that's everyone We have to

You know, I mean we have to go through the bags of dicks and pussies to find the one that fits your situation You know how I explain hollywood. Can I jump in real quick? Okay? Yeah, everyone is from uh, uh, like uh a small town. I'm from Tacoma, Washington. Yeah, it's just there's nobody out there But when you went to school There was always that one dick Probably good-looking little talented when he graduated. Where'd he go? Hollywood. Yeah, so every small town that had that dick that was kind of cute and yeah and had talent That dude is here. Yeah, so in your town. It was just one dick

You come to hollywood all the dicks are here and now they're competing against and now they're competing against one Yeah, that's just that's that's my that's and that's same thing for the women by the way You know what I mean? But also The nerds came out here too. Yeah, the nerds came out here because those are the ones that edit Right and they're good with computers and the animate and stuff like that A lot of creative people are out here a lot of creative, right? So you're gonna have to go through all the dicks and the nerds you go through that See, I think for a lot of people these days. It's like they go through the burnout of tinder

It's like everything is just easy and accessible and convenient and you can do it out of the You know, so you will if you just want casual dick. Yeah, that is the way to go But if you're looking for something, yeah, or yeah, yeah, if you're looking for something meaningful I don't think that that online apps is the way to go. I think it is I know that's how we met but that's how we met and also I'm gonna first started. I've said this before Okay You think about your daily life All right, I'm gonna tell you explain to my life. I wake up

At around 2 3 p.m. I drink a red bowl. Yeah, and then I'll go get some good music behind this. Go ahead. Yeah, I get some to eat Yeah I'll go I'll go to a coffee shop try to write a joke And I'll go to the comedy store do my set come home play video games till 3 4 in the morning And then go to sleep, right? I'm tired. So I know I know but but it's Christ, but that's in every day, right? And so it along that path of behavior. You're only going to run into people the same people Yeah, the same people at the coffee shop write this and that yeah, you're right But what tinder does it expands your horizons? I would have never met Kalila without tinder

Right, but what I'm saying is though when you and her met it was at the beginning stages of that creepy Yeah, now it's it's really I think how it's being used now is very different as to how it was being used And I I'm telling you right now. There were some decent people on there I'm not saying there aren't decent people on tinder now, but the the idea is if I match with someone It's basically for casual sex. It's not really to get to know Them yeah, and I use tinder for casual sex too But I've met somebody that didn't want to just have sex casual sex and then I met her I met her And I'm like, oh, this is a connection this, you know, I mean, yeah

So that my first intention wasn't to find a fucking soulmate My first intention was I want to get some pussy fast. Okay, right? What do we tell this girl then? Is it just it's a join all the bumbles doesn't that go on dates? She's 22, right? Is she 22? We don't have we don't know. We just assume she's she's young. Look at the face Okay, let's she's in the fucking 20s, right? I didn't meet her until I was 42 Put yourself out there. I don't I I don't really believe her her text by the way. I don't think she's The Hollywood is not full of a bunch of dicks. No, I really you're right. There are really great people. She's like, I don't know She's she's had a couple bad dates and that's it for her

Yeah, there's a lot of nice people in there. We go. That's what I'm saying, man And also, you know, I do have friends whose standards are so high And you just kind of like why do you care? Does he have to be just why does he have to have a helicopter? I do think you should you know want you can want your cake and then eat it so you can have the whole thing But also be reasonable, you know within limits. It's like, no, he doesn't have to have a helicopter And if he has a potbelly, that's okay. That's fine. He's missing teeth I'm sorry I'm sorry. That's fine. We gave her no answer. Yeah, we did know what bobby said was right go outside your norm

You want to meet some people then change your environment? Here's the thing You're gonna see the same bag of dicks if you go into the same places. It's not better anywhere else is my point No, it isn't for her to go. I'm gonna go to Alaska. Well, I could go to Alaska Alaska You're gonna find like a guy that smells like fish. Yeah Like 24 seven. Yeah, you're gonna find a guy out there with a freezing cold pink dick. Yeah Yeah, that guy is right here. Yeah. Yeah, give it up for George Kimmel. Yeah, the white dude is in Alaska look like him Right. Yeah, that kind of big sweater. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and they cross their legs like that like that Painter or some shit

You don't paint shit, bro Wow Talk about starting a fight. Look at it. Look at how fucking fancy he thinks. Yeah. Yeah, you don't paint shit, bro He abuses people to keep them Stockholm syndrome. Yeah, that's oh, I like that. That is what you do Mm-hmm. You verbally abuse people look at the guy in the closet. He has a set of he has a set of fucking words I love him. Oh, really? Let's play it back to uh, 932 Play back to 932. Let me say something to you. Remember thin lips

Remember when you said thin lips to him? It does he look like delroy lindo to you. Who do you look like your dad? Where'd you get your fucking nose? Remember that? That was a 916. Yeah You love him. He looks like big bird right over there on the fucking floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you remember that? Yeah, look at that nose. Look at that nose. He's in a beak. What is it? What are you got parents? Yeah, why are you gonna do? Why don't they leave you're gonna attack me? What do you do? What do you do? You're gonna fight me? Get in a goddamn closet. Why is the door open? Yeah You're me you're a bastard

You're a painter so guys um, that was fun What you want to plug some dates? What do you want to plug? I don't need to They're already sold out. Yeah But I listen I even if they're sold out he'll have a show And we've used in your show in your town. Yeah, you mean check it out and um I'm not here to play shows man I'm just gonna I'm here to be friends with you. We are friends. Oh, okay. Are we gonna talk again or yeah?

I gotta do your podcast you want to do it tomorrow? Exactly. I can do it tomorrow. What time? What time? 11 11 in the morning. I know It doesn't do that man. Why did you do it so early? Because that's when life starts That's life starts in the morning Life ends at night You fucking Korean vampire Anyway, um, check out his special on netflix. Mm-hmm. That's nice. Yeah. Yeah, I know I just did it

I just did it. That's nice of you. And on a high note say something inspirational and positive. Yeah, let's close this. Yeah I'm gonna be good at that. Um Think of the words. I'm not I already know what the words um in life. Yeah You run into certain guys That's kind of a mirror of what you want to be or you want to surround yourself with And those mirror images You run into time time again in your voyage and Joe is like that for me. He's somebody that I Look up to somebody that I respect

And somebody that um I I think is extremely talented and I know for the fact I know for the rest of my life That I will always see him You know, he'll always be in my life That's when we see each other like when I was when I was driving in it just started, you know, the the the chemistry the rapport I really love him. You know, I love his family and he's a good dude Okay, that's pretty good. Is it good? Yeah, that was very good. That was really a mirror thing was good. That's end on that before he starts. The mirror thing. Yeah. The mirror thing was amazing. Let me say something. Yeah

I am a liar A known liar. I'm a known liar. We know but that was 922 but that was the truth Oh, I like that the reversal. Let's end this before you start. Right other stars. Okay. You know, turn it off. Cool So, uh, guys will be back in a bit. Oh, yeah And we're we're back Talk about uh spiking the volume Oh my god Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo

You guys I that was so loud. They've always been that way together like even when we um when they were um shooting there the pilot for that show Yeah, screaming match. It's a constant screaming match. You just have to sit back and let it happen just Watch it happen. Brace yourself. They don't know how to speak to each other at normal levels. I don't think I've ever seen Joe and Bobby together Speaking at This decibel it's always got to be like 10,000 over. It's funny because it's like even their sincere moments. It's so loud Yeah, they got to scream. I love you. I love this guy They're Yeah, but that was great. Uh, what do we got coming up? Anything we need to look the slept kingdom now

Yeah, slept kingdom. Um major announcement. Uh, the last podcast. I made a mistake We are not doing pod fest on october 7th. October 7th. Bobby. We are doing pod fest. Yes, we are October 7th. Bobby is doing kalusa casino and october 6th is when we're doing la pod fest And that is at 9 p.m. In the gold room at the millennial built more hotel in downtown la the historic Yes, and the tickets, uh, if you go to la pod fest.com and it's not just us If you buy a ticket you have a whole weekend of other podcasts really good ones like the dollop Um, my favorite murder burt creischer. There's a lot of other podcasts That whole weekend that tickets not just for our show

It's you can go to see a bunch of people right and I I wanted to I know some of you guys had expressed concern saying like hey, you know We just kind of wanted to see you guys and i'm not going to pay that You know that price for if I just want to see you guys, but we really need you there And um, so just do it. Yeah, bobby hates, um playing to an empty room. So if you can, um find it deep in your pockets So just um be there for us. We would really appreciate it But also no hard feelings if you can't because that is um, yeah make it a friday night thing I mean at seven o'clock is the bird cast and we're right after that

So go watch the bird cast and then watch us right after yeah, but it's really cool because I mean Essentially you get to be around every single comedian with a podcast bill burr is going to be there. Yeah. Yeah Everybody's there. Yeah So I think that you should definitely splurge and um and um come see all of us Yeah, Doug loves movies there too, and he's pretty yeah Anything else George? No, I think uh, that was that was that's all I had to say Also guys, um for tickets to uh, uh, Bobby's callousa show just go to bobbyleelive.com and I believe I put a link up there So, um do that. Um other

Um, I think I wanted to say I'm sure I forgot Uh any announcement? I won't you can think about it while I tell people to make sure they follow us on instagram at tiger belly And on twitter at the tiger belly and email us any questions at the tiger belly at gmail.com And uh, if you want to send bobby any dream water for his birthday or just send anyone anything Here at tiger belly like fan art for jason He really needs it. He was bullied today Bobby's birthday has already passed when he doesn't get to celebrate a whole October as well fine. My birthday's in october so send George. Oh, yeah two days after jessica's birthday. I remember

Are you gonna do a co birthday celebration? No, you forgot that you and Quinn are just throwing it. No, oh also you guys Um, Jessica and I we went to go see leopard sharks In san diego where was my invite and george was um left out of that invite And I feel really sad for you, but I feel oh and then that's another announcement Yeah, what's oh, what are you sorry about? Yeah, uh, so what was your announcement? My announcement is um to all my um beautiful minions who have who have um Really followed my instructions and really hammered down on the hashtag george and jessica forever

It's time to try. Um, I think maybe your head is blocking everything Um, I it's time to shut it down. I think and we're gonna scale back on the hashtag. Uh, there's no new hashtag We're just going to um, you know Hashtag I feel bad when you post a picture of your food or like your nephew and then that's all there is They're like 200 comments and I'm like damn. What have I done? Especially when I was a baby, but also I like like every single one of them My instagram Really Bobby, we've been together four years and that has not changed. It's calamity. K. K. H. A. L. A. M. I. T. Y.

On all social media, you can follow koala there. Holy fuck, sweetheart Uh, and also if you want to send us any, wait, don't tag any photos, sweetie If you want to say anything of me, please How do you spell it? So for any fans that want to hear this K. H. A. L. A. L. A. M. I. M. I. T. Y. T. Y. K. H. A. L. A. M. I. T. I. T. Y. K. H. A. L. A. M. I. I. T. Y.

Yeah, calamity, calamity K. And then the last letter is K like that. Yeah, what? Let me see. Let me see. Let me verify Yep, that's it. Wow, your coin wants to tag Okay, as long as you don't post Uh, so make sure you, uh, send us any packages if you'd like to for george's birthday or anything at uh 1626 wilcox avenue sweet 161 hollywood california 90028 Uh, anything else before we go? All good. Uh, check out the reddit. Check out the facebook groups So go guys and come to la podcast get your tickets. All right. Bye

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