TigerBelly - Episode 113: The Constantine

Episode Date: October 18, 2017

Bobo has a new move. Khaloko makes a grave Halloween error. We talk panty sharing, facial dick-downs, and the children of Genghis.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad-free on Amazon music download the app today I Said it to Joe Rogan a bunch of people ago My girlfriend basically created my career reinvented my career This one this piece of garbage right next to me She did she if she re-initiate with I feel track back to all the things that I have now when it comes to my Business, it's all Kalilah

Thank you, you know if you track back, you know, and I believe that What makes them great like how even though I told you about that. Are we recording? Yeah. Oh, dang Do the touchdown then five four three two one and women Support the man and create dreams. I don't even know what Support the man create the dream. We also create our own dreams though. Just saying Our job is what we've yours I was dreaming she wants to be a host TV Can I tell you guys my my biggest dream ever? Can we just start the fucking podcast normally? Okay? Yeah? Yeah?

Do the countdown for real my dream? We'll go right into your dream, baby, baby. We're gonna go right into your dream. No, I wouldn't baby We're gonna go right into your dream, okay? All right, but let's do the countdown first and do the introductions five four three two one Welcome to the podcast. Welcome. Welcome to the podcast Oh Man, that was good as tribal. I know but still dude. It's like I'm not feeling it, bro But that's fine. We got George the whole you know what the whole all-white thing is it working out for me?

It is wearing all white. I like it. Oh, thank you. Yeah, it just it makes you like person in the room It makes you like creepier Why do you like it when George is creepy? He's just a creepy dude. He shouldn't brace that You think he's creepy. Yeah, he should like have like a necklace with baby shoes. Oh Yeah, like do your thing dude murderous creep a vial of your own cum So what else would you add to his outfit to get the max creepiness of you know what a fishing hat? But with all the lures and stuff in it still in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and there's a story behind each other Yeah, there's a weird story. You look closely. They're not lures. What are they're like fingernails of other dead ladies?

George the fingernails of dead ladies in your fishing hat that'd be cool I think I could pull that off if you but dead ladies. He didn't kill just deadly. Oh, yeah, that's that's even more creepy That's more like a zoom bodies and then pick their old fingernails and then made them into like a tattoo on your chest That's of an unfinished swastika. Oh God Only only two lines. Why is it? There's a story about because is he a racist? He's not Interesting. He toes the line. Yeah. Yeah, that's creepy. Yeah, that's some creepy shit. You and then he's like Um, he's writing a book mine comp too interesting part two. It's not very subtle at all. Yeah Yeah, really get in there. It's like, yeah, the revenge

mine comp the revenge New wave the new wave. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think you should embrace your creepiness dude. Yeah. Yeah, but um The bottle of coffee, you know, we shouldn't talk about we're not gonna talk about how have you go winestain? Because it's too soon. It's too soon. We're not gonna mention him But I would like to ask the audience what? Um, What we should name our new sex move. It's not really my sex move. It's more of your new hobby Which is to wrap me. This is something that I didn't want to talk about. Yeah, but we're not gonna Okay, this is what I did

Okay, let's just let's get real with it when you get real babe. Can I tell him what you're gonna go? Yeah, go ahead My account. Can you give her a count first of the experience? So he pins me down in bed and he wraps me he traps me under the blanket like a burrito Yeah, so I can't move my arms and I didn't create that move that's been that moves been around for hundreds of years It's classic. So he pulls he's he full mounts me full straddle and he takes his dick out And he just dicks my forehead down like multiple times for like a whole minute like a mushroom. It's no mushrooms I'm over and over blessing her. Oh Oh with my religion you're just performing an exorcism. Yeah, that's all that is

I'm gonna beat the fucking evil out of her He's doing a good thing for you. I'm doing a good thing to you. He's cleansing you I'm asking the audience what that move should be named. It's called the Constantine I'm beating the fucking demons out of you. Yeah, he has an agreement with he has an agreement with God Yeah, you know get rid of demons and that's the only way I know how to do it Just you know, but the thing is is we're not gonna talk about Harvey got Weinstein because it's too soon But I do want to talk about this book. I just found that was laying laying on that shelf It's the book of the 48

40 48 48. I'm gonna say it. I know but you couldn't find a title It's a book I found called the 40 40 40 40 40 laws of power 40 and Robert Green I don't know if you guys know this but I like to randomly open it up and read a power Interesting. Is that cool? Yeah, let's do it. So in this there's 48 powers and number three Conceal your intentions Example, um, hey, I Have a movie movie studio, you know, and I have a bunch of movies. I'm producing you're an actress come to my hotel room in addition

Yeah, I think this is the Harvey Weinstein No, let's go to the fourth one you guys want to go to the fourth one. Yeah, what's the fourth one? I'll show you Always say less than necessary. What kind of movie is it? I don't know Yeah, yeah, it's interesting is it yeah, and let's go to the next chapter five it not chapter six Uh so much depends on reputation guard it with your life. Oh, I don't think he did well fucked up, sir Yeah, I think other people guarded it for him and that's the disease of Hollywood I think that they you know, it was an open secret for decades upon decades and we kind of just like Happily swept it under. He does. I mean, okay. What he did is

Is absolutely evil. Mm-hmm. All right to sexually harass and rape other people That boy or girl is his power and to use your power in that way is Absolutely evil. Okay Okay but No, there's actually no but it's period period period now new sentence. Yeah, I thought you thought yeah, yeah And the new thought is full fiction was a great movie. I think you said that I didn't say that That's what you were gonna say. I was gonna say that I read your mind. How dare you I was gonna say that

Well, it is a good movie. You're gonna treat him out after you put his dick on your forehead. How dare you Intend me. Okay, you know when I first met Bobby You used to tell me often that Bill Cosby was a creep. This was three two years before He got you know outed for you know, basically drugging women But I remember you telling my mom my mom's like, oh, I love Bill Cosby and you always used to tell me like Oh, he's the biggest creep and it's an open. It's a it's it's a well-known thing You would just hear stories from people like I worked with a on a movie and the makeup artist Was interning for the Cosby show or whatever. Yeah, and this is years ago and she said um

Yeah, I was interning wasn't really making any money and I got to do Cosby. I was like great change your life Well, he Took his hand and he clawed my left breast as hard as he could like the nails digging into her breast And he said there's nothing you can do about this Yeah, I'm so there are people out there that behave in this way So, yeah, this is essentially just the tip of the ice. He didn't claw no titty, but he probably did worse They probably clawed the shit out of her titty. He probably did worse. He looks like a claw of a titty that time magazine photo But the thing is is that I think that I think that

This kind of behavior has been going on for since mankind Can you open the door? I mean, I mean, you know, we were talking about Genghis Khan Genghis Khan. Yeah, you what did you was that stat? You just said if the one-fifth of the world population is related Or just ended so baby, baby, you and I are related probably us three. Yeah, we're probably Yeah, George. So we're Genghis Khan is down our line. Yeah, isn't that crazy? How many concubines did he have like over 200? Yeah, and right now one in 200 men are related or have the DNA in the body Oh, that's incredible. You know, I mean he did some traveling

Quite a bit of traveling Asian work ethic Hard worker. Yeah, very hard work. I'm very serious. Yeah. Yeah, but what he did was it's just you know, is live the question is is that It's just that is that a Human instinctual thing to behave in that way or no. No, I mean, it's been we've been doing it for since the dawn of time People have been doing specific about what doing means taking advantage of people raping pillaging destroying people killing people hurting in general. I mean the Bible. It's like all it's yeah It's like we also used to have slaves that doesn't mean that we can't evolve past our mistakes

The reason history exists is that so we learn from it and we stop treating each other like dog shit. Yeah Essentially, we're trying to all get on an even you know, there are no, I'm not saying I'm saying that there are people From from the dawn of time there were like us good people. That's how we still have humans Creating laws and you know and whatnot, right? There are good people to kind of glue it together But there are always Fucking assholes Vlad them paler. We know the stories Vlad, you know, yeah Hitler. I mean, there's just people out there pull pot That are just they just behave in these fucking

Insane ways is that you a part of human nature is what I'm no Okay, I'm asking why are you getting angry for me? What the 48 laws of power? They're not about how to be a good person They're about the laws of power and once you have power you could abuse it to a Pass on your genetic seed. Yeah, so I think there is an element in history of that very definitely I think yeah, yeah, we're isn't it like to to conquer To do that. I'm sure power and all that stuff. That's a part of is that part of being a human I think that if you think about it from like if

everything now is Available to us, right? So we have food clothing shelter. We don't have to actually we have land We have things that there's ownership. There's property. We're not We're not acting like survivalists. We're not doing things for our survival. We don't need to anymore. We have modern conveniences Yeah, so all of those what why is all those? Supposed to say it's it's let's say it's a biological trait to want to conquer. Yeah, that We know with evolution and with all these like modern conveniences. We should those parts of us should well Hopefully die down. Yeah, because I don't feel the need to you know

Use my power over somebody that way. I've never felt that need to I'm saying we're the good ones I've never felt that either you own that book. I Got what can I just say? Oh, this is so interesting because it was that wrong. I'm gonna show you Bro, Obama to you from me Bobby Lee use it with care. Love your new almost good friend Ron Peterson He was the one that stalled Natasha Legerro from Ari Shafir Here when Ari was sitting right. Yeah No, but I forgot that he I forgot that he had given me in this book

Oh, man, did he give that to you like yeah, and this is the first get a gift he gave me because he was thank you He was thank you. Yeah. Yeah. He was making you But um, why is it that whenever I like see a footage of like a human baby fall into a gorilla? Cage at the fucking zoo I root for the gorilla Why I Think that's because you deep down you think that the gorilla the gorilla has been done wrong. Oh, it's captivity Yeah, humans, you're not thinking of the baby as you know and And one person's child you're thinking about it as like humanity and how we fuck on animals

That's the most cleverest thing I've ever heard you say Because I've been thinking about that for a year and I felt like I was a bad person and you just made me feel good about it The baby just represents humanity. Yeah, yeah, fuck the baby, right? Yeah. Yeah, but do you do that? Do you guys do that if you see like I always root for the underdog The worst is like if somebody escapes from jail with a baby would be the underdog in front of a gorilla Well, that's why he's but humanity like all right Yeah, we've they're in a cage, you know, they're the underdog they can't get out But like the worst is like I root for like whoever escapes from jail and then like that's right two days later

I'm like just wait there a murderer and they Did awful things that I know but I do I root for them too. Yeah, I'm not rude I just want to see how long they can go. Yeah interesting Yeah, that's also because we watched a lot of these movies Shawshank redemption where the you know We start rooting for you didn't do anything. I know but just the idea of escaping was funny to frame and you friend He didn't do shit. He was innocent. I'm talking about escaping okay Also, not a real person

Or just also just because we're on the same topic is when there's a car chase. Yeah, like when I remember when OJ Remember with the Bronco. You're cheering for him. I want to see how long you can go like get to Canada Right, I was too young to form an opinion I guess you're right when you see car chases on YouTube you're like get away from the police But you're like, yeah, that's a bad person, but you're still cheering for you. You don't know yet Run away from the police. Actually, it's usually like some sort of like warrant, you know some bullshit warrant like Traffic ticket or something, huh? It leads to a chase. Are you gonna say something? Yeah

So, you know how we share clothing and which is totally cool. I like wearing your stuff. Sometimes you like wearing my stuff Sometimes but I feel like lately you've been wearing my stuff more than I've been wearing yours example a You've gained a lot of weight lately and you're really stretching out my favorite shirt right now But have you got a gain a lot of weight? He's the one who says he's gotten fat. I didn't I've gotten so much fatter Let me see stand up. I don't stay you see me every day, bitch. You don't gotta stand up and see it RIP my my all-city track shirt. Could I just say this? Can I just say this? Yeah, you'll go you'll bring friends over Now here's my sister and my friend Veronica or whatever and they're wearing my fucking clothes

Really? Yeah, wait, why are your friends wearing his clothes? What's worse is that you wear Jenna's Star Trek midriff You don't think you wear my friend shitsu? Jenna was always like why is why does Bobby keep wearing that same shirt? Can I defend myself? Why is it here though? Yeah, why is it in the closet? Thank you Gilbert. Why is it here? Why is it fucking here? It's the same reason why my sister's my your shirt is in my sister's house It's because I wore it there and left it there and so she's like, okay We all share the same underwear you me my sister doesn't give me shit about this shirt then bitch. I'm sorry. It's just I really love that shirt We'll get another one, you know, there isn't that's like a vintage special

Yeah, plus you've been fucking up my uber rating lately. What do you mean? It went down to like a four point nine zero and like the two times I didn't nine zero from what that's a five point nine three That's not a point nine. So somebody and each time is when he I call an uber for him Yeah, so I know what he's doing. I think you're vaping in the car. Yeah, and if I Drop to a grade of B and low on 90 It's not gonna be good. Say something. You're gonna have to get your own account Years ago, I learned you know what I learned from what dice Andrew dice clay

He taught me this That the laws and rules that we have are there to be broken Okay, there are things like kidnapping You know, I mean or like walking up to like a retarded kid and scratching him in the face with your nails That's illegal. They shouldn't do that But little things like vaping in a fucking cab or an uber who gives a fuck. I'm gonna do it Vaping on the plane. I'm gonna do it These are the rules like put the tray down. I'll be up. Oh, why?

Put the blind down. Why is that a rule? Yeah, when you're on an airplane when you're an airplane Oh, and then here's the worst This is the worst on an airplane Well, you don't have a seatbelt on right and there's like turbulence. Yeah, you don't have that and on and A stewardess walks up to you and she goes um put your seatbelt on the seatbelt thing. I go you're standing bitch Oh, that's a good response. You think that you have better balance than me Let's go to the fucking lake on that log and do that competition I'll win. I hate that shit, sir

Turbulent you're standing. Who are you a gymnast? Oh, man, you should totally say that out loud Are you a gymnast all of a sudden Mary Lou Renner? No, I have better balance than you. Don't tell me what to do I'm gonna vape on the plane. I don't give a fuck. No, I'm not gonna put the fucking thing in it, you know Come on. Can we go see why Gobi keeps barking, please for a quick second. It's I don't know Hold on. We'll just take a quick second because So on Friday, you know what we did what collide and I I go, let's go to the set Oh for your show. Yeah, Jeff one bit. I did she met Jenna Fisher Hudson she met. What's the guy's name? Oh?

Why did I block all of a sudden Portlandia Portlandia Fred armors and armors and yeah Fred harmison was there. You know what he said to me What are you doing here? You said that oh, yes, oh, I almost got so angry might be a bit cuz it's Fred armist. No, no Yes, no, you know how I you know how I took it. Oh, I don't work a lot and it's a shock You know what else did that to me and it burned my bridges with them who years ago Years ago. I don't know fuck. I don't give a fuck about this one exclusive years ago Neil Brennan Comes up to me goes. Hey, you know Seth, right Myers. I go. Yeah

Yeah, let's go to his birthday party. It's up the street, right? So I go, I think I can go he's like, yeah cuz Josh is there the way I just talked to them you can come So I went to the party and then some guy walks up to me. I'm gonna say his name And he looks at me not in a joking way. It's like what the fuck are you doing here? that way immediately The bridge is burned forever This guy I've been talking shit about this guy. I can't anymore because there's too much

There's a little bit of a sensitivity. Oh, really because of this job that I have now That's in that world. So I can't see his and you whisper it in my ear. No, okay. Oh, no I'm so like, okay. I'll you want to play a trivia game. Yeah, okay, and you get to guess who it is. Yeah, okay Okay, it's somebody that I work with now on the show that I have now it was she worked with this guy on another show Hold on. Hold on. She worked with this guy on another show. I Wouldn't know you'd probably know better God that's it that does not help That help. Oh, I know it is. Yes. Who is it? Just say it. Just say it. I won't say it. What?

Yes, wow, that was good Because I'm gonna and I this could all be in my head, but I don't think it is In your head, I'll tell you what I tell you what he loves. I'll tell you why it's not in my head Why because then a couple years after that I was at M cafe and I sat next I sat next right next to him Right, and he was sitting there talking it literally were like a side-by-side And I kind of leaned to my left so you can see my face and he kind of looked up at me and just would start If he was gonna if he went hey, I really what's up? You know I mean, but he just kind of looked up and then went back into his meal and start talking to you

He dissed me there. So with what are you doing here to? Looking up at me at M cafe that bridge is very fucking on not a good foundation. I have a question But here's my last thing those this yeah But here's why This is why I'm mad Because when he first moved to the town, you know, Bonnie McFarland is rich boss's wife. Yeah, okay Years ago Bonnie was at the comedy store and it just moved into town or whatever and Bonnie goes Because the back then I was sober, but I so I had all these connections to all these nightclub

I would go to nightclubs. I would go to like Hollywood like scene But you I know but back then I was like I couldn't get laid, you know, I was newly sober I was on mad TV. I'm like, I gotta get this going. You want clubbing? Yeah, I want club. I did not know I'm not a clobber, but I went clubbing. He's a clobber. It turns out I want to unpack this more What was your Monday night? What did you wear to the club? Oh, I look good No, I bet you diesel. I know I got a whole diesel There's some old diesel closer like Bobby Lee I like a Von Dutch hat

Oh, yeah, the whole get up A wristband that said Ed Hardy Yeah, a fliction shirt. Yeah, I had the whole thing. I had the whole thing. My vagina just ate itself. Right, right So then I would and I would powder and I would come to these clubs and I would dance, right? Oh my god He walks in dancing already. Yeah, I would come in dance. He walks in dance So I would go Monday night. There was a place called Joseph's of course. You'd go to a place called Joseph's It was on Monday nights. It was over there on your vine vine Mm-hmm, and it was a hot spot Monday nights. Everyone on it. Okay, shut the fuck up dog

And so I was at the comedy store and Bonnie goes you you can get us in the clubs I could you guys want to go to Joe for Joseph's right now? I got a guy Andrew, right and Came with us. Okay. We had a great night. You guys are still cool. Yeah, but immediately after he got As a riding gig too. Yeah, and to be honest and then he saw me a couple years after that and he said what are you doing here? And it really hurt my feelings interesting it when things like that happen it devastates me Because it's like we went clubbing. I Got you into this. I got you into this thing. Okay, so our people obligated to like you

So our people like let's say you guys hung out right he didn't like your vibe your codes didn't match And then he decided for himself. Hey, I don't like Bobby Lee I don't know what it is about him, but I'm not gonna fake it or try to be nice All right, Joe Rogan and I Joe Rogan. I aren't best friends, right? Yeah, I See when I see Joe we he we hug we say I love you, buddy. I love you man I mean there's respect there. I like him a lot. I really do. I think he's great But we're not like I don't go to his house in barbecue. I don't go hunting with him Yeah, right, but a long time ago when I was living in San Diego

And he was headlining the La Jolla comedy store. We went to a strip club and we almost died Unpack that we almost died at the strip club Okay, because this man with tattoos on his face Right approached us like I said something to his girl like hey, baby. You got nice ass you did Yeah, there you go and this guy with the tattoo on his face. You know what you say, bro And then Joe and had we's with a couple of other guys I think Jimmy Schubert was there and we stood up and then he's turned to his friend He goes hey, bro, let's go to the car to get a gun or something

Who did the guy with the tattoo? Yeah tattoo face and then Joe Rogan goes, let's get out of here, right? And I go I called Joe Rogan a pussy I go pussy. No, he talks about this on stage. Yeah, he pussy. They're not gonna do nothing, right? And we almost died Okay, come out with guns. No, but we could have died damn who knows but we had that experience together Okay, so so what I'm saying is is that Joe? Will always bring that experience out. It's positive and negative, right? It's when I first met him But it is something that happened and there's a bond there

It's like two people at war together. I get that so when you were when you went out with Were you still drinking? No, you're sober. My question is something must have happened for him to be like You know what? I fucking don't like that guy and I'm not gonna fake it. He doesn't respect. He there's there's people I think we should ask him. No, no, there are people out there. I'm gonna be real. There are people out there I'll say right now. I'm gonna tell you right now. Yeah There's a casting director No, just say then just say it's a casting director. Yeah, and she she books big movies. Yeah, and there was a movie she did

Hangover some other ones, but It's okay. I know but she was associated. I there was a there was a movie called dinner for schmucks Yeah, with Steve Carell, right and and Ken Jeong, right? No, he wasn't but he got offered a part and Ken turned it down because he was on community And so then I went I called my agent like I want to try to get in and they said no We're not gonna see him because he's on mad TV Like it had a negative vibe about it

Right and a lot of those hoity-toity I'm not I'm fucking listen, dude. Yes, I do. I can get my foot into like some, you know hipster shit, right? When it comes down to it Papa's working class Like my dad. There's nothing wrong with being. Yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm I have I have alternative Sensibilities in terms of music in film, but when it comes to my comedy, I I just want to make do comedy for the common people fart jokes getting naked You know, I mean the common folks the good stuff. Yeah, all right and

You know, and I think a lot of a lot of people that are educated in like a Higher form of comedy like Yale, you know people from Yale and whatnot. They look down Yeah, they look down on I think me it makes it's in my head. Maybe I'm taking it And you and you know, you look at you look at me like that right now like in confusion But it's it's changed now because of the success of Ike and Key and Peele Matt TV now is Cool, right? Oh, you're saying there when it when it was on and and a couple of years after that We were like a ghetto show like a public access show I feel like that was yeah, but anyway, but but but also I could also be just this could all be in my head

It might be maybe it's like I want to see if Bobby says I need to me So it probably thinks a long-going bit of not talking to each other and if you're hearing this podcast right now See that's what I'm saying. He probably won't or maybe he will but if he does if he does, right? Come on the podcast. We'll talk about it. You know for sure come on the podcast come on the podcast but You know, I always liked him and I saw him do stand up at the improv and I go, wow, this guy's pretty good You know, he's really good, but I just want to be loved by people. That's all I think that you take things very like way too personally though, and that's that's something that you've you know

Um admitted before that's like in an addict's mind, right? Everything everything always comes back to them like everything is about them. Every they take things very personally Is that in something that addicts have in common? I? went to one a year No, because um, no, no, no, no. Here's the thing. Okay Here's the thing There are people like you know who Paul Tompkins is The actor. Yeah, no, he's a comedian. Oh

Did they say no, I'm asking if it's the actor. No, he's a comedian. Just say no, okay? Paul Tompkins and Patton Oswald and those guys Sarah Silverman, you know those type types Zack would fall in that category. They were always I always loved them and they always loved me Even though they knew that my brand of comedy was not their brand they seriously would like You know when I was on love the first time when it came out Patton gave me this message on Twitter like I love you know me You're a male. You know me. I've always had that with them Paula Tompkins. Yeah, I hug him when it's I mean we had any pepper tone here. I mean I'm I like that scene I want to be involved, you know

But there are some people that just think that they're above it and I don't like those people. That's all Everyone has their own lane, you know, everyone can can drive and operate in their own lane I don't think everyone has to be this like sophisticated You know Brainiac of a stand-up comedian. That's their lane. This is your lane And I don't I would rather you stay there than try to be something that you're not try to be a fucking Harvard scholar and use You know vernacular. You're not used to That's just that's just silly and but but maybe I imagined that that's I don't know man. Fuck bro Who knows you don't have anybody like that Gilbert. Are you talking about where people that diss you? They diss me who?

Who's they all time? I can't diss Yeah, who? Well, I guess in high school a lot of that was happening and it leaked into Where people saw pictures of me in Chicago like doing stage stuff and they'd be like, oh, wow Look, you can't get a real job cuz I quit school basically. Yeah, so but those people now are people say hey I saw you on your your little your show. You're awesome to try to be nice now What show? Oh, just just whatever they see pictures or all right something on TV But no, I don't I don't hold that it's very particular to you that you hold these thoughts

Oh, man, I have a I have a chest in my heart Me too and I have names in it. You have a chest as well the same kind of chest where Well, yeah, I mean for me It's you guys at least are like oh we see you here and we want to be your friends now now not for me Everyone's still like she's a gold digging Horbit, and I'm like, oh dang But not close like we're not not personal people though not not like I think that it's different for being like a woman. I think that they can never just give up credit where credit is due

Somehow I must have sucked 90 dicks to have a roof over my head Somehow I must have Manipulated him to get a mic in front of my face like there's it can't just be that I Put the workout and did it it can't just be that I must have done something There's always you know, I don't get the credit, but it's and then it's it's it's just it's a different playing field and I think that a lot of women can probably Feel that same way where it's like you could work so hard

You could have two college degrees and you'll still at the end of the day still be a gold digging Horbitch if you date for instance I'm not trying to like get yeah, you know defensive about this for instance. I have a I have two degrees Right. I had a life in Long Beach I had my own place my own life my own job my own pets Are you gonna cry right now? You look like you're gonna cry. No, okay, but then keep going You're just a great actress cuz that was I was really I was tearing. I was tearing. Oh look I know I was tearing up the way you said it. Yeah, I was yeah, keep going. I'm sorry. I'm not and action. Sorry and your stillness was amazing That's what you as an actor. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, go ahead

Long Beach go go go so so Long Beach go ahead. Yeah two jobs. Whatever. Yeah, I mean I had supported myself since the age of 17. I was out of the house I got a full scholarship for you know for for being a swimmer and essentially who worked since I was eight years old My whole life. Nothing was handed to me. I didn't have a car until I was 24 I didn't own a computer until I was 20 everything that I owned I worked for Nothing was handed to me not one fucking thing in my life when I met Bobby I finally I was already at a point in my life where I was like, you know what I'm 27 years old I have my own place. I'm educated. I have I like where I live

I like where I'm at in my life, right? You know with good income not Bobby income, but middle-class, you know Somehow I get put right next to this guy and not this is not shitting on you, but you're not college educated You're very very successful. The college doesn't matter. Fuck college education. College of life, right, bro I'm saying you're extremely talented people praise you people. People love you and I love you bingo I Just the fact that I'm in a relationship with you Automatically places me in a gold digging Horvich category. Oh, you don't think that I get it

You don't think that people go dude if you didn't if you look at you You look like a dumpling Right, you look like You're one of the ugliest people I've ever your body is the worst I've ever seen who says these things people say that all the time You know why you're with her, right? Why because you luckily You know mean I got a couple of jobs and some people know who you are famous. Yeah, yeah, right? We all get that lady, but you know what the key is we're together

And nothing will break that your hands are wet. It's cold and slammy is this four or five four four years Long years someone graduated high school in that time. Yeah, it's like when I ran into that guy from high school I was on Matt TV Six years. I went to a thing reunion. Some guy came up to me and he said I heard you're doing some sort of comedy thing He knows Yeah, I heard you're working at pure one imports Who wins? Papa does

Okay, don't play this game. That was me and papa appear one import But also it's a good job to work at pure one. Yeah, that's nothing wrong. So I see their passion in life That's a great job. He loved Ratan furniture and it's There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah It is our anniversary. It is our anniversary anniversary and next week We're going to Michael Rosenbaum's Halloween party and we have no costume. Oh, what are the ideas though? So I want to do Yoko and John Lennon. I'm John Lennon. He's Yoko. Oh, and I won't dress any differently I'll just show up as it. See what are you Bobby Yoko? Oh

Yeah, okay, like I don't even know like I honestly when's the last time I dressed up Before her. Did you ever dress up? I've never never done Halloween together dude, dude. I have a dressed up in In I was 15 maybe 14. What were you when you were 50 14? I was a paper bag I don't know what the fuck I was the same way. I wore a screen mask. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's um, I made a very bad mistake in high school What? God, I totally misunderstood American Halloween I just thought that you were supposed to be like a monster or insanely scary And I guess I was being really just like insensitive at that time

But I dressed up as um, oh god, you guys don't get mad at me. I dressed up as Osama bin Laden like That's a good one and I went trick-or-treating in Pasadena. Oh, that's a good one and I got yelled at but then in my head I was like, well, this is the scariest outfit, right? I couldn't it's right. It's October. It's only a month as it had passed No, no, no, no, no, no One year only a year. Have you heard of the term too soon? Yeah. Yeah, I was immature Somebody dressing up as Hitler What's his name dressed up as Hitler? Um Prince Harry, right and he got a lot of shit for it years later Okay, I didn't have good parental guidance. My dad was dying and my mom was not around

She was always working. So I was like, what's cheap. I didn't have money. So I wrapped my head in a turban And I I really I kind of just looked like a Middle Eastern person But then when people ask, what are you then I would answer and they'd be like, uh, yeah, you're fucked up Yeah, yeah, you know what you should have done the first time when they said you're fucked up said Osama bin Laden But after that you said I'm just a Persian guy. I did after a while. I was like, oh, I could really get in trouble for this Yeah, God God, what was that Allen Meadows and I In middle school, we bought afros and we painted our faces black. Where is it? What year was this? 1986 black you did black face in 86

No, it's anything because it's 86. So you went to a white school. Yeah, I we went we're like It was a good good one. There was no black people in our school. Oh, they're like a good one And we're like, ah and then after nothing happened. Have you seen the movie dear white people? They basically reenact that that that whole thing. Yeah doing black. They also reenact that in soul man. Oh, they did Okay, so is it a cultural appropriation if initially our idea was that I was gonna be Selena Quintanilla and he was gonna be Chris Perez the long hair But then we're not Mexican. So I thought oh, maybe it's do I have to dress up No, but it would be nice if we did is there a theme to this Michael Rosenbaum bullshit

No, she's dressed up as Lex Luthor. So I'll just go to like the right aid And get like a moustache tears or get something and I'll just go on you know, no If you guys have suggestions for Bobby and I on what to be for Halloween we are 50 almost I know we've never done this together. You know what I will do if we had a baby or a kid I would do it then You know what I would do. I would do a hundred house Halloween though. I just only dressing up. Yeah Yeah What was my last proper costume was a luchador. Oh, I was Ray Mysterio from WWF. Yeah, Ray 619

I feel like George definitely dress up dress-ups every year. Do you know, I'm too lazy. I always want Let's no one wants to do it. I need to sever my feet off my fuck fucking body. Why are you hurting? It's just It's itches and the nails are yellow. Okay, and they're like just my feet are just so nasty and they smell so bad and I just want to sever them off my body. Don't ask be careful what you wish for I Could get one of those future feet Yeah, I've seen them on the TV like the bionic feet. Yeah, I can get future feet And you know because the technology one day will get to a point where they're like, you know, I can I can hop 15 feet

On my new feet. I travel fast. I travel faster. You know It's just that um My feet are just in a very bad state right now. Let me see him. No both of them. No Oh, can we talk about your obsession with? All singing competitions competitions competitions Like brain's got talent. Well all of them X factor. I I'm obsessed. Okay. I'm obsessed. My main show right now is X-Factor UK

Okay Because of the fact that it's not about singing anymore There are people on there that are like so funny to me and so entertaining that I like watching them There's a guy right now called Slavko Slavko he's from Montenegro Montenegro and a couple of weeks ago. He was they did this boot camp They did this thing called boot camp and he has this long hair long braid all the way up all the way down to his Angle yeah, right and it's like it's in a what do you think it's a pony tail pony tail braid so he slicks his hair back in a Pony tail. Yeah. Well anyway, so he's on stage and he does this thing where he's dancing, right and the braid falls

It's not real Right, it is it just comes off his body and then they pan to the judges and they're laughing so hard Right, but he commits to it guys amazing. You see him Yeah, Slavko but a year before that they had this duo these two gay guys. They called Batavia. Yeah, I love them Honey G. She was a rapper. I didn't like her. I love the honey G. You don't know honey G, babe I do know honey G and then now she's got me into the voice. I love good singers last night at four in the morning He was throwing a tantrum in bed because he couldn't get to the newest episode the sixth chair challenge of the UKX Factor And he kept trying because it's a whole hour blocking me on YouTube

They're this this this video is blocked in your country. Damn, so what for in the fucking I couldn't sleep I had to buy him a fucking VPN VPN, right? So what you're called and so that he could access this stupid fucking episode It's not it wasn't entertaining It was very you didn't even finish it because it got crazy because it was six and I had to go to sleep I know but it got fucking crazy six, but it's a deep obsession. He doesn't why do you know why? Why? Because I like what I like it when people's dreams come true. You like watching here's what I learned from it

I and I'm not even fucking kidding you. It's taught me so much about my own life and my own career Okay, it's about number one. You have to try Okay, so X Factor is basically anyone can audition and hundreds of thousand people's they audition they wait all day Right sometimes 12 hours in a waiting room and they get their chance. Okay, and Some people are they're they're all nervous. They're all nervous because they're not professionals and You can sometimes see a kid or a guy come in there and go my buddy from work, you know said that I could sing I'll try and every once in a while He'll just hit it out of the park, right and like one of the years Sam Bailey won and she's an amazing singer

But she sat in the lobby and she looked at her husband and she said I'm too old for this He's like, I know but you have a good voice. She's like, but I have to try I trying Walking through that fear and then here's another thing I learned. All right is being nervous is okay Because they take these people there aren't like professional singers and they put them in front of 6,000 people at Wembley Right and they get and it's a competition. They get knocked out Right and so everything's riding on one performance and you can see them backstage going. Oh my god

I work at a restaurant or I don't have a job. I don't have a house Right, but I have to kill this Everything relies on this Audition sometimes they go out there and just commit which is what I learned from but sometimes they fail They let the nerves Get to their performance and you could see it in their face and they just go go home, right and it devastates them, but They still tried So it's just I learned so much from it about, you know, I've I've said this on this podcast before

Is anyone listening right now? It's not about Succeeding really it's about just attempting Everything things that is possible, you know, I'm not a good actor Let's be let's be honest. I I can pretend I know how to memorize lines show up. I'm not a good actor. All right. I don't I sometimes I don't know my I don't know how to do it Yeah, and I'm with people that sometimes I act with people that are like like Gillian Jacobs is a Professional actress. She is she went to school, you know, Juliard or something. She's so good

Right. She's so good, right and I'm on I'm doing the scene with her, right, but you know what? I'm in this position. Do you know why I try and I you know what at that term fake it till you make it I fake it I Show up and I go, you know what? I'm gonna fucking just pretend that I am one You know and I show up and I and I do I you know, I don't look in the camera I you know, I I memorize I really look at the actor and I'm say I don't know what I'm saying But I'm saying it, you know, I mean Right, and then they'll go great. Let's move on right and I'll go I fooled them

But the thing is is that I Just do it and that's the key to everyone you suck George, but you're here You know why? Look at me. You're the worst. You have absolutely nothing, but let me say something you kind of specific Everything and everything, but you showed up and you you're persistent with me and that's why you're here Because so much of life is living on the edge of your comfort zone. Yeah George you are so he doesn't suck. He is over qualified to be in this whatever Get that shit out of here. I don't care

And you Gilbert, you know a couple of years ago when we first started this podcast You're like, I'm gonna book a show, you know, I mean you were like very upright and you've had some like real You know reality checks how hard it is, right, but did you quit? No, no, you're still in it I know but you're still in it fit these days. You're fit and you met a girl, right? You're in love. I can tell and you're still in it and I respect that. Okay, not just any girl though No, no, no, I don't forget her name. Yeah, you haven't you know Cindy Cindy. I love her She's the best I need to do a shout out to Christian Christian Davies. What's the shout out for I don't know?

I just said I would because he this is the podcast. Oh He's a manager at G-Star. I want to do star clothes. Yeah I want to do a shout out to Justin Turner for that winning home run on Sunday for the Dodgers Yeah, I want to do a shout out to Nate Montgomery. We're doing that kickball tournament. Who gives a fuck what you're saying Please go to the World Series if they make it. No, why do we have time? I have one more thing to say that I thought was so atrocious. I have to mention it on the podcast So since he's been so obsessed with this voice competition He's been listening to new music like Beyonce Celine Dion things that I would have never dreamed

He would ever listen. Oh, I have a playlist now of Whitney Whitney Houston. Oh Alicia Keys. Alicia Keys is great. Oh the voice because yeah of everything I love all these songs. So yeah, he was going through his iTunes and you know, they suggest other artists and He turns over to me and he goes, babe. Is she good Mary J. Bleague? I Was Mary J. Bleague. I've never heard of her before in fact, I didn't know who Alicia Keys was until the voice That's hard to believe because you listen to so much music. You're in the music world

Even if you didn't listen to I do you fucking idiot Shaka Khan. He never listened. I don't know Right. I didn't know any of this. So what you know, what's great is Is today I went on YouTube and I looked up Whitney Houston's Star Spangled Banner at the Super Bowl Because I heard that that was good. I'm I've I didn't know who you I know she did crack cocaine Bobby Brown, you know, that's what you know that from the news the news But I didn't know about any of these people and now it's almost as if a whole new world has opened up to me It's exciting. I know about an image a bleak. I know about Alicia Tyler I mean, I said Jones. What's her name? Alicia Keys. Yeah, I know about I know. I'll tell you who

Caroline what's her name? Carlene. Let me think of it. Um, she was the out the first ex I don't know what else I expected an American Idol winner. Oh, no, just give me the first no Kelly Kelly L crocker lock Clarkson Clarkson yeah lover who's the one who won the X Factor this from what? When you Which one? It was like 20 seasons to keep bleeding love. Oh, oh Louie. No, no check on her Look at it, what, um, Leona, Leona, Leona Lewis. He said Louisie.

Louisie, Louisie, Louisie, Louisie, Louisie. Leona Lewis. She fucking was amazing that season, huh? Yeah, who sings The Power of Love? Celine Dion. Nope. Oh, the other lady, I don't know her. Jennifer Rush.

Jennifer Rush. Celine Dion did. She did a version of that, right. I listened to the Celine Dion, the Titanic music. Yep. That's good. My heart will go on. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

It was good. And I listened to, um, it's, you know, here's, here's, here's another. See, here's the thing, here's the thing. My cousin Paul introduced me to when I was a kid, the clash, Roxy music, Velvet Underground, Joy Division, music like that. Okay.

More punk. And I was just like, I, I liked the Pixies and Sonic Youth and bands like that. And I thought I was so fucking snobby. And like that other garbage out there, whatever that is, it's just old white ladies listening, which is true. That is the music for middle of America, you know, people,

right? But then you understand why it's good. It's not necessarily, yeah, they're talking about love and like their heart, which is bullshit, but it's vocal quality, control, pitch, you know, the power of their voice. People have different styles of voices. I've been more getting into that kind of shit.

And I respect it now. You said something that was really profound the other day. When we were listening to Demi Lovato. Love it. And Skyscraper. Skyscraper, that's a good one. And you said, you know what? I realize at this age that it's just too exhausting

to be cool. It's exhausting to, for so many years of your life, you thought you had to be this, you know, velvet underground type of guy. But sometimes if you like a melody and you like a song, why can't you just say you like it? And I think you finally realize that you can enjoy it without, you know, thinking that you're any less cool.

Yeah, I was watching a movie the other day on, it was called, and it's a movie that I want to show you what it is. It's a movie that I never told anyone that I liked. Why? Why didn't you tell people? Because it's gay. Okay. And it's a movie was called Baby Boom. Okay.

You got, so. Who's in it? Diane Keaton. I've never seen it. It's so, it's baby, it basically is this. Is it a rom-com? It's not even a rom-com. It's like, it's like, this is the story.

Diane Keaton plays a, like a New York, like she's a business woman, right? Power suit. Power suit, kind of a girl. And she has, she gets a baby. She gets pregnant. And she's a single mother. And then she was just like,

and then at her job, they didn't promote her because she got, she had to take time off. So she snaps and she goes, you know what? I'm gonna move to the farm. I'm just crazy as baby. But she's always wanted to be like a powerful executive, right? And then like, you know, she goes to the farm

and she doesn't know how things work. Water sprays on her face. She doesn't want to bake anything, right? And then what happens is she meets the local sheriff. Right? It's like whole floats. Yeah. And she falls in light. She likes them, right?

And then she creates baby food for her baby. Like this new kind of applesauce or baby food that she created out there. Cause she lives, she lives on a farm. And then that old job that she, that they didn't promote her at, they come and go, we want to buy it from you, right? And then she has that moment of clarity. Like, no, I'm gonna, this is gonna be, you know what I mean?

More. Yeah. That sounds like a really good movie. But it, but you could never tell anyone, I like that movie, Baby Boom. You have to say, I like Taxidriver. To your friends. To your friends, you have to go, I love these trees.

Are you kidding me? Gilbert and I, we love Spice World, Sweet Home Alabama, the holiday, the cheesiest shit you can think of. Not Spice, is it Spice World? I never really liked it. I know what that is. I never liked it. We should watch Baby Boom tonight.

I want to watch Baby Boom now. Yeah. No, I want to, I love cheesy stuff. I like feel good things. There was a movie called Reanimator, it's a horror movie. And there was a scene where, a split second scene where they had this woman's torso, she's naked, and they showed the breasts for a split second. And my brother and I both admitted that in our VCR,

we would freeze that and jerk off to that. Like a torso of a woman. But your kids were so nice that we would just jerk off to it. My favorite one to jerk off to back in the day was Weird Science. Well, while she was hot, Kelly LeBrock? Yeah, just like the fact that these two guys created a Barbie and you can do whatever you want.

The shower scene. There was another movie called, I like to jerk off to, it was called, I forgot what it was called. Now, do you have a rom-com that you like? Oh, I do. I really, I certainly do. What my favorite one is when Harry met Sally. Really?

I love, I'll tell you, not just the organ MC, I think that the chemistry between them was very good. And also, I always found Billy Crystal to be ugly and not sexy and the Meg Ryan to be hot. So I liked that aspect. I also liked Princess Leah, she was in it. Carrie Fisher's in it. I thought she was good in that.

I just liked it. I liked the dialogue in it. It was really good dialogue, cute. Any 90s or 2000 rom-coms like Notting Hill? No, I hate it. Have you seen it? I love that one. I hate that guy.

Okay, let's get to the question. No, I wanna think of some other ones. I like the ones with Tom Hanks in it. Like? You've Got Mail with Meg Ryan. I saw that one. You watched that? Yeah.

Oh, here's my favorite one. Sleepless in Seattle. That's a good one. I really liked that one. Two Hanks. I like Tom Hanks a lot in those. So I, so like Green Card. I've never seen that one.

Little foreign little element there, you know? I like them. I've seen Chunking Express. No. I love that guy. But I liked Chinese food. Anyway, go ahead. What's the email?

Unhelpful advice with Bobby and Calyla. Dear Bobby and Calyla and all, I ended my relationship earlier this year because I was very unhappy and have not dated at all since. I have some flavor of depression that pops up randomly for no reason and I've been seeing a professional to help treat it. My psychiatrist has recommended that I try dating again.

Hang on, hang on, hang on. My sister from the Philippines, Han. Calyla, I'm going to get my passport. Nana. Okay. Wait, hold on. We're still recording, Han. So I'll call you now after in maybe,

manga, 20 minutes. Manga, manga. Okay, okay, okay, okay, bye-bye. Okay, bye-bye. I love how you have to repeat things three times. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Sorry, continue. My psychiatrist has recommended that I try dating again

and part of me wants to try. Look at this. Just real quick before that, I just went on Twitter. Retailers pull Anne Frank Halloween costume following Backlash. Of course it's going to be Backlash. Why? Wearing an Anne Frank costume?

I'm so glad I was a teenager when I did that Osama bin Laden thing. My God, imagine if I, what the fuck? Okay, keep, sorry, let's- Who's Anne Frank? I actually almost- Is he not? Is he not?

Really good. My psychiatrist has recommended that I try dating again. Part of me wants to try, but I am afraid that I will start dating someone then have a depressive episode and hole up in my room for a week, plus maybe just destroying any bond made. I don't want to waste anyone's time

or set anyone up to get hurt, but I am looking for a serious relationship and don't want to fuck it up. Should I bite the bullet and put myself out there or hold off until I'm better? Hoping to hear from you, Pee Lump, this is a female. You go first, babe. Female.

I wouldn't even think about it. I honestly, I would just go live your life, do what you need to do, and then you'll meet the people that you meet. And if you don't, you don't. I mean, I don't think that it's something that you should go like a check, like a box you have to check off.

So she's worried that she's gonna meet somebody and then- I already know what she said. Okay. She says, she's afraid that she's gonna meet somebody and then go through one of those depressions. No, no, no. She's gonna, she's, yeah.

Okay, yes, you're correct, yeah. Sorry. I was like- That she's gonna meet something and then she's gonna have a depressive episode once again, right? But I would say that up front. I would say, let's see your girl.

And I have one. I have a depressive. So we're on a date. We're at dinner. This lobster's amazing. Yeah? Yeah. I can't believe they serve lobster at McDonald's.

This is crazy. Crazy. Great, yes, I am. Great, yes, I am. Yeah, I mean, but I guess they have lobster here, right, at McDonald's. So tell me about yourself. Do you think you wanna share?

Well, I'm a pretty famous comedian. What's your name? You don't know my name? Bob. Oh, okay. Yeah, what's your name again? Cassandra. Yeah, anyway, we're gonna start fucking,

eventually here. Sure, sure, sure. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Siki, siki, siki. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, we're gonna get like, we're gonna exchange fluids and shit. Yum, yum.

Yeah, yeah. And then, I don't know, six, seven months down the road, I might get super suicidal on you. Whoa. So I'm gonna have to take a break for a month, but then it'll subside and we'll get back to exchanging fluids, yeah. Thank you for being so open and honest right in front.

You're welcome, you're welcome. Now finish your lobster sandwich. At McDonald's. At McDonald's. Yeah. Yeah, I think Bobby's right. I think he's perfect. How about you do it now?

I wanna be, you be the depressive guy. Hey. I like doing improv with you. Hey. Hey. You seem awfully happy. That's just the way I talk. Interesting.

Yeah, hey. Yeah, you say you're from Calabasas, right? I'm from Calabasas and you're from Topanga. Topanga Canyon all year. Not far, not far. Yeah, pretty close. Obviously how we met. It's cool.

So what's up? This is a nice restaurant. Oh yeah, it's really, it's really nice. I love Forrest Gump, so. How about that? Bubba Gump is cool. Bubba Gump is the finest cocktail shrimp. It is.

In the west side. It is. I just wanna be upfront with you. What is it? I love you. Are you? It's gay? Yeah, I get that a lot.

No, that's not what I was gonna say. But do you have a two-dimensional face? It looks like you did, you just ran right into a wall. I'm sorry, I don't know how they fucking handle things in Calabasas, but you're just very disrespectful. You don't run your face into a fucking brick wall. You know what, yeah.

Okay, anyway, go ahead. When I was three. When I was three, okay? Okay, anyway, go ahead. Fuck. Yeah. Come on, Calabasas. So I wanna be upfront with you.

Okay, Flatty. Okay. Do you even want to fuck me anymore? I do, I think you're cute. You wanna fuck me? Yeah, okay. I've always wanted to fuck just, you know, a wallpaper. Yeah, oh, I've never heard that one

before in high school. Like yellow paper. Interesting. They have those yellow, intermediate heads. Go ahead, this is really turning me, go ahead, slits. So, you know, couple months online, I'm gonna have an episode, a depressive episode. And?

I don't want you to know that. To be prepared that, I'm not ready to leave. All right. But while you're having those depressive episodes, you're gonna eat my fucking gash. Jesus. I'm sorry, I've never heard. My cunt gash.

Your cunt gash. Yeah. Is that what the girls say in Calabasas? Well, I mean, it's, no, I'm just gonna say that, like, I'm post-op, so. It's actually like an inverted dick that's tucked into my body. Oh, so you're trying something else?

But you're gonna eat my, like, my dick skin. But that's tucked into my body. Hey, best dick skin I've ever tasted. Yeah. What are you gonna do tonight? So, after Bubba Cump. Okay. Suck my fucking dick skin whole.

Okay, you're really aggressive right now. That's good, that was pretty good. I feel like you didn't even get to tell him about your depression. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or her, or her. She or he reveals something else to me, so I think that was the real thing.

Up front, see? Up front, up front. What if George and Kaleila do a little improv? Oh, God, no, no. No, I wanna see how it goes. I wanna see how it goes. Kind of like, let me just do it while we're here. I wanna just establish some rules.

Yes, Ann, it's all you have to do. You have to add information. I don't know, okay. You just learn. Just try, sweetie. She's nervous. So, George, you play the fucking girl, okay? Oh, hey, guys.

Yeah, yeah. Little, okay, that's fine, fine. Pretty good. And you're the guy, so go ahead. Who's the one that's depressive? George. We can just reveal anything. It doesn't have to be.

Yeah, let's just reveal through the conversation who has the issue. So go ahead. Oh, hey, so. Wait, you're the girl? It's a good start already. Yes, good start. Obviously I'm the girl.

Why would you even question that? Let's start from the bot top. Hi, you have a little remnants of a very blonde mustache. I couldn't really tell what gender you were. Oh, so sorry about that. You know, I haven't waxed recently, but I was so rushed trying to get here because I was so excited about this first date

we're having. Were you so excited that you decided to wear all white after Labor Day? I don't get it. Well, this is a, I started my. Oh my God. I have your, I have your waters right here. Also, this is very cringe worthy.

I go your meal. Just get to the bottom of it. Hey, I got to tell you something. Lady, I know we just met. I'm going to fuck your hole later tonight, but I got to be upfront about this. I get really sad and suicidal and I need you to be okay with that.

If you're not okay with that, I need you to leave right now. Oh, I'm staying here. It's that easy. You like sad boys? It's that easy. Done. There's no information in that.

We don't know who these characters are. We don't know anything about them. God, George, we suck at this. Let's never do that again. By the way, this is my manager at the restaurant. All right, so that's that, that's that. Oh, also it's not. I would also maybe not do it the first date.

What about leaving breadcrumbs? Maybe a week. Yeah. Get to know them and then open up slowly. Or like, for your first date and you just, you lean down, right? And out of your like, you know, pocket out of your shirt comes out a razor blade.

Interesting. Or like a prescription. Right. Or like some pills or something. All of those things are natural. Like, you know, pieces of information that you're revealed to each other over time, over a couple of days, over weeks.

Anyway, thanks for listening to another Tiger Belly. God. Finish your thing though. Yeah, I'm sorry. Are you mad? You just yelled, you just yelled in the middle. Are you? Hey, are you mad?

No, it's okay. But I finished that for her though. No, it's okay. No, for her. Okay, no, Bobby doesn't want me to speak. So I'll just quiet. No, that's not what it is. Prepare the relationship right now, Bobby.

Come on, babe. I love you so much. I'm kidding. Go ahead. No, that's it. Whatever you said. Good luck. Whatever you said.

Are you really mad? You cut her off. You do that all the time. I know, it's the end. I just wonder, okay. Okay, then get going. Then go. Are you gonna make me spaghetti?

Well, I'm gonna cut you off and make me spaghetti. Are you gonna make me spaghetti? Do I have a choice? Do you have a mirepoix? I got you eggs. Oh, you got me eggs. Yeah, I bought you. Did I ask for those eggs?

I got you that little balsamic rice fucking thing you wanted. I got you all the sauces, everything that you eat. I know, but you only did that not cause I asked you to, but because you know that you were gonna put me in the kitchen tonight, and that was your payment somehow. Can you also happen to make me something? Interesting, better phrasing.

Also, that was just some improv guys. They weren't really fighting. Yes, I'll make you some fucking spaghetti, Jesus Christ. We're gonna do some, do we have, we're gonna do some house cleaning, right? Is there anything, George, that we need to bring up? I need to give Bobby's dates. Oh yeah, he finally has shows, wow.

Yeah, so Bobby has dates again. Let me pull them up. Let me pull them up for you. Okay, here we go, guys. November 2nd to the 4th, ooh, that's the UFC 2. That is 2,17 in New York, MSG. Damn, that's a big one, Bobby is gonna miss it. That's a fun one, Bisbee.

Okay, so November 2 to the 4th, Bobby will be at the San Francisco Punchline. Then November 9th through 11th, San Diego at the American Comedy Company. November 30th to December 2nd, Edmonton at Yuck Yucks. December 14th through the 16th, Levity Live in Oxnard, California. January 12th to the 14th, San Jose Improv.

And again, like every year, February 9th to 11th, Schaumburg Improv, or Improv, Chicago Improv, right? Ooh, I wanna go to that one, Chicago Improv? Yeah. That's the Schaumburg. And then, God, I won't name off, I'll stop there, cause that's already February. But yes, his upcoming shows in the two weeks is the closest ones is San Francisco Punchline

and American Comedy Company. Are you going to any of those? In San Diego. That's actually my birthday weekend and I wanna watch the fight, so I might just stay home and watch it alone. Wait, which fight, the 2,17? Yeah.

We're doing something for that. We have to, I'll be over that at least. Yeah, maybe. Or we can just go clubbing. Oh, God. Relive your glory days. Yeah, no, no, thanks. I might die.

How about you just go at Déjà Vu? Wait, ship club? Yeah, just for old times. No, not really feeling it. Sam's, maybe? I don't know, Sam's. You ever been to Sam's? No. I know George has.

No, Sam's off, bro? Yes. No. Oh, dang. Sorry, not what I was, what I was cool as you. Not no, I mean, I'm just saying, I just figured everyone at some point ends up there. Just Déjà Vu?

If you live in LA. Do we have any, so wait, for those dates, though, just for recap, go to bobbilylive.com to get the rest of those dates. I mean, hopefully I will, I just got those dates today, so I'll put them on the website. Yeah, the same as hell. Any shout outs or reverse shout outs?

No reverse shout outs. Nice. Was I really slurring hard last week? No. And not that I, no? No. I had just finished doing, when you got here, I had just finished doing the George St. Pierre workout, right?

Yeah, Kailala has been on this mad workout tour. No, I have been. I was just, that- You really have been, though. No, I work out a couple times a week. But that particular workout, the George St. Pierre one, was what I did before last week's podcast. And I think I was so tired, my brain had just shut down,

I'm sure my mouth followed, and I was probably slurring, but someone said I sounded like I was high, and I'm like, no, I'm so- Or you heard George too much, so you were just imitating him. Yeah, or maybe my mouth is just not following my brain. I am not impressed with your performance.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't wait to watch him, though. Shout out, George. I got a quick shout out to Doug and Dana, who I officiated their wedding, yeah. Congrats to Doug and Dana, who just got married in Sayulita, right? Yep, yeah.

George does George's cousins. No, no, no, they weren't cousins, now they're cousins. One was a cousin, now is a cousin-in-law. Yeah. And if you- I didn't want him to think your cousin's married. Well, that was, when you're officiating the wedding, that's like the weird,

like I forgot, I didn't figure out, you just say you're officiating the wedding. Yeah, I'm gonna marry my cousin, guys, what's up? Yeah, that's not us. It's like, how do you say this? It took me the longest time to figure out how to- So what did you do? You just got your thing online to be,

how does that work? Super quick, Universal Life Church. Well, I am official, yeah. So you can marry just about anyone at this point. Does it expire? No. So Bobby and I got married, you could be our guy? Yes, I could be, and I'll be even more experienced by then.

Can you use a deep voice? Sure, anything you want. Sorry, it's not part of the gig, he's gotta have his normal voice. I like, you can use your high-pitched garble, that's cool too. That's cool. You can also, yeah.

So any Tiger Belly fans out there, if you're interested in getting married anytime soon. Yep. Or whenever, feel free, George has services. I believe, honestly, his rate is 500. Sure, let's do it. Oh, it's paid, he gets paid. I mean, yeah.

And if I don't have conservative relatives in the audience, it can be a lot funnier, so. Yeah, so just go and get married, look for George's services. That'll be fun. Oh, I'd do a good one on that one, yeah. Ooh, I want to see that wedding. Anything else we need to share from the Reddit,

George, the Facebook, anything else that people need to be looked out for, the Slopkina? No, I've been busy marrying people, so I have been a little snooze not in all of both of those things, sorry guys. Cool, and then also, for people that have been hitting us up about merch, before 2018, not gonna say when, just before 2018,

I think that's pretty accurate. Soonish. Soonish, because every time you give a month, people are expecting, so I'll just say before 2018. Yeah, it'll be cute stuff, too. Anything else, Kalayla? Top of your head? I want to, well, I can also greet,

I'm gonna do it for two weeks in a row. I wanna do an advanced birthday greeting to our main man, George Kimmel. I'm gonna greet you this week, and I'm gonna greet you next week again, too. Happy birthday, sir. And we don't have to reveal your age, but you look very good for your age.

Just good in general. Really good. Oh, I wanna do a shout out really quick. I'm just gonna read this message from a listener. Hey, I just wanted to say thank you, and my girl, our Tiger Billy, biggest fans in Hong Kong. To be honest, one year anniversary is coming up,

and I really wanna give her something special. I don't know what to do, so I was just wondering if it was possible to do a small shout out for her during the next podcast. She loves the podcast more than anything, and would mean the world to us. I'm sure you guys get a lot of requests like this, so I definitely understand if you guys can't.

Guess what? We're gonna do it right now. Hold on, we gotta bring Bobby in, though, because that's pretty special. One year anniversary. Sweetie! Can you come in here real quick? Come in here, or else I won't cook you spaghetti.

I love it. I love it. I guarantee it comes over, watch. He's like, I want spaghetti. Siggin' up, babe. Siggi, Siggi, Siggi. Come here, suck. Do you think he'll come?

Well, first of all, this guy's name is Joe, and he decided not to tell me his girlfriend's name. Yeah. Babe, we're doing a shout out to a couple in Hong Kong, just real quick. Just say shout out to Joe and girlfriend. Joe, shout out to, who didn't even give his girlfriend's name?

Is it her birthday, happy birthday? Shout out to England. What is it? Joe and his girlfriend from Hong Kong. Hey, Joe. And who? Girlfriend. Joe and your girlfriend from Hong Kong.

Happy birthday. It's a happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary to you. To you guys. To you guys. I hope long life. There it is.

Long love, long love too. Love long and long life from Bobby. Thank you, dad. And also, shout out to Klyla and Bobby for four years. Anniversary week. So you know what that means? I'm sure you sent us some anniversary packages. We actually don't know when our anniversary is.

We just... Really? When was the first time he came inside of you? Probably around October-ish. October, then your anniversary. Yeah, right now. So we're going to go to Palm Springs. Ooh.

Probably, he's probably going to do the Constantine on me. Also, new Tiger Belly challenge is called hashtag Tiger Belly Constantine challenge. Post your... Do not. Don't do that. But only guys who do it to guys, they're done. Yeah.

Don't have your boyfriends dick your face down. It's not fun. It's not as fun as it seems as Bobby makes it. It has to be a dick down. It could be a clip down. It could be a clip down. A clip down. So it's not be sexist.

I could do a reverse Constantine on him. You could tell him to. Constantine. I'm going to do a Constantine. I'm going to fucking flower stamp this shit out of his forehead tonight. Oh, my God. Flowers.

That's it. I got my moves down. So guys, make sure you follow us on Instagram at Tiger Belly, on Twitter at that Tiger Belly. And you can send us any packages, specifically anniversary packages for Bobby and Kalala. You can send that too. 1626, North Wilcox.

Number 161, Hollywood, California. 290028. Kalala likes cool things. Yeah. I like cool things. What do you like? I like loungewear. I like things that you can wear in the house all day long.

I like soft things to roll in. She does. I like soft. Think soft. Yeah. You also don't have to send anything. Or you can just send artwork. Also, you can just, yeah.

Artwork. We love artwork. We appreciate it. That's our show, guys. Adios. Bye. Pastor George. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly

ad free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcast. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com.