TigerBelly - Episode 119: Sam Tripoli & The Ghost of Lee

Episode Date: November 29, 2017

Sam is a young Christian warrior and a nastymouth. We talk salami sex, heteroflexibility, controlled hallucinations, scarecrow’s ass, and selling icecream in the 1950s.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Music Ever! 5, 4, 3, 2, 3, 4, 5! Welcome! Welcome to another edition! Welcome to another episode! Welcome to life! Welcome, enjoy, listen.

You know, live in the moment, but also live in the future and live in the past. It's all around us. Some deep shit. Shut the fuck up, man. I'm not even fucking... Hey, you brought your name up yet, man? Because I'm telling you right now, son,

you're on my last fucking nerve right now, man. Oh, stop! All right, you're the one guest where I get angry. The one guest? I've never been so angry on a guest before. I want to go, oh my god, I want to get in my beverage, I want to do all these things, right? But I just want to gouge his eyes out

as soon as he came into my fucking place. Mr. Fuji style, that's true. See, that's what I'm saying, all right? Wow, that's a nasty mouth. But let me start. You're a nasty mouth. I'm not a nasty mouth. Let me just see this.

I'm a young Christian warrior. You don't talk until I introduce you. Okay. No one who knows what the fuck you are, right? Yeah, everybody knows me. I'm big and glam, you know, homeboy. I know, I know, but just... All right?

Okay. Do the 5-4-3 again. 5-4-3-2-1. 5-4-3-2-1. Blast off! We got all kinds of things happening now. We got Kalyla. We got Gilbert.

We got me. We got Kalyla. We got Gilbert. We got me, too. We got George. I forgot his name for a second. And you got your cousin, Bryce, back from... Where the fuck were you?

Into the wild? Your... Do I talk now? No, no, no. I don't... Oh, man. My fucking god. Now, listen to me.

My bad, dude. My bad. We have a guest. Okay. And... Let me know when I... Are you gonna give me a... Countdown?

A lot of people don't know who... No, no, no. I'm not gonna know who he is. Because he's more street cred than, like, anything else. Are you saying my IMDb sucks, homeboy? I'm just saying that he's done a lot of work. You know what I mean? For the people.

Not really. For the people. For the people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. And I've known him for a very long time. 20 years. You've known me, like, three addictions ago.

Sam... Tripoli? Tripoli. Tripoli, everybody. Sam Tripoli. Thank you, Robbie Reed. Sam Tripoli, alright. Thank you, Robbie Reed.

Now, listen to me, alright? You're... I just found out... You're Armenian? I'm Armenian, yeah. I love it. You know what? Can I just say something?

No. Yeah, I'm gonna... Anyway, I was in Israel with Steve Byrne. Oh, nice. And Lopez. And we were, like, walking down the street. Oh, you got... Is this where you got your career from?

You're just kissing a bunch of Jewish people's butts. No, no, no. It happened a couple years ago. You okay? Right. And they were, like, this is the street where the Armenian genocide happened. Right? And I felt...

I cried. Me and Steve Byrne cried. But when I meet... When I run into you, I don't cry. Was that me? Was that me? Like, I don't feel bad about it. What do you think?

They didn't get the job done? Is that what you think? Yeah. I mean, I feel, right, bad about the atrocities that happened. Yes. I can see Armenians like you. Yeah. Right?

I wasn't mean like me. Like me. You're a fucking good guy. You're a good guy. You're a good guy is what I'm saying. Very rude, man. But it was a Turkish shit took you guys. Yeah.

I don't know. There wasn't a street where the genocide happened. It's not like the Abbey Road fucking crosswalk. Like, over there, that's where the Beatles walked. And over there, they killed Armenians. What's the address? Yeah. Yeah.

Do you and Shamatosh don't get along? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can't go into, like... You know Shamatosh? Lift. Bring me to where the genocide happened. Shamatosh? Yeah. She's a Turkish.

Yeah. You guys get along? Yeah, I'm sure. Uh-huh. I'm sure Jews talk to some Germans once in a while. Once in a while. Yeah. And, like, Koreans talk to the many people that whooped their asses over the years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. The many people. Oppressed. The many people. Oppression. The many people. Oh, this is gonna be a good one.

I can feel it. Because another thing, too, is, like, you're always sour at me, man. Never, dog. No, I have, like, Jason Tebow go, oh, yeah, he's really mad. I don't even talk, don't say hi to him for a couple of weeks. I've been friends with you for 20 years, and you just ghost me, dog. You ghost me all the time. That's what I heard.

Okay, so we got a bunch of tweets a couple of weeks ago about how you ghosted Sam. Yeah, you just ghost me. So what happened? Stop, stop. I'm not, I'm old. And I don't know street slang. Yeah. All right.

So let's be it. Wait, wait, wait. Be it. For a guy that looks like an emoji, you should know it's fucking street slang. All right, so let me say this. All right. What does ghost mean? That means where you just like, oh, yeah, I'm going to do this.

Oh, let's hang out. Yeah. And then you just never reply, never show up. You know why? You know why? Why? Oh, this is going to be good. This is going to be great.

I can't wait to hear it. It's not going to be good. I have a feeling you're going to drop some, like, credits on me. I ghost you, right? You deceive me. Oh. Right? I only ghost when people deceive.

All right? When I see deception or shadow play going on, right? Oh, shadow play? You Armenian folk. I love you. Yeah, okay. But let me just say something right now. Yeah?

Yeah. And you do shadow play. Yeah. And then it's like, you lie with the words. There's no armies in the shadow play. That sounds like some Dungeons and Dragons shit. And we never do that shit. You use verbal black magic.

No. Yeah. I'm not. Right. And I see through it. Okay. That's why I don't show up to your function. That's not true.

What happened? What's the story? What's the story? This is what I hear. First of all, I did his podcast. I did your guys' podcast, right? You never did it? No.

No. You know what? It's the intention that counts. There it is. There it is. It's the intention that counts. No. Actually, it's showing up that counts.

Right. But I did another one. What was the other one I did? Punch drug love? Yeah. Punch drug. Right. With who?

With me and Jason Zubo. Me, you. The other one? The lady that links under the bridge. Oh yeah. What's her name? The fight nanny. What's her name?

Candice. Candice, yeah. Yes. So I did that. Yes. So I thought I already did it. The latest ghost. Okay.

The latest. We're going to go through the history of the ghost. Are we talking ghosting number three or number two? Because there's number one. I'm going to tell you. But we're talking number three. You want to hear ghosting? Yeah.

I don't think we're going to do ghosting. You want to do ghosting, please? I love ghost stories. This is ghost time. No, we don't have to do ghosting stories. Ghost time. Okay. If you want a war, let's have a war.

Okay. See, this one I want to say to you. Okay. Do the other podcast, right? And I go and I wake up and I thought it was going to be at the comedy store somewhere. It's in Burbank. You don't deceive me that way. So you half show up.

You went to the wrong place. You didn't even go to the wrong place. I didn't leave the house. Okay. I didn't leave the house. Right. I would have skyped you in if I knew you had all this. We could skype you in.

Yeah. But let me just say this. Okay. That's my bad. Okay. That was a long way to go for me to realize I was my bad. So that's my bad. Okay.

But let me tell you this right now, my friend. You want to go to the original ghosting? Yeah. The first ghosting. Yeah. Years ago, I bring you to one of my favorite events of all time. What is it? The Korean festival in Koreatown.

Yes. One of my best jokes I've ever written in my life. There we go. Okay. So I take you to this magnificent event. Right. A cultural thing. Yes.

You know, it's like... You took me to somewhere you're a big deal. You just wanted to show me how big of a person you are there. Okay. You're a big person amongst little people. Oh, yeah. George, you're laughing way too fucking hard at me. All right.

Let's show some loyalty. Okay. He's a very funny man. Was this an away game for me? All right. But seriously. Okay. What's up?

Right. Now listen to me. Okay. So we went... I take you to this festival. Yes. Korean festival. Yes.

And then a year later. No, not a year later. Like the next day. The next day. But like I didn't see it for a year later, right? Yeah. You started doing jokes about me. I hurt my feelings.

Oh. Tell me some of the jokes you were saying. Oh, wow. I had to repeat it. It's a great... It's a classic. Do the joke. It was about how my friend Bobby Lee took me to a...

He's Korean and he took me to a Korean festival in Koreatown. Yeah. Which is a lot of fun until you lose your friend. Have you ever tried to find a Korean at a Korean festival? Yeah. Like trying to find a needle in a needle stack. Funny joke. That's good.

And then there's some more... Yeah, some other ones. Yeah. There's some great tags on that. Yeah. That's what great comments do. They tag. They tag.

Let me say something right now. Okay. Right. But the truth of the matter is this. Yes. And let's be real about it. You could find me. You could find me.

What? You could have found me. What do you mean? I could have found you. Like why should I send out a search crew to find you? No, no, no. I'm just saying that like... Come on, man.

You could have found me. Explain what that means. You turned around. You would have been... You know what I mean? Oh, you mean at the Korean festival? Yes. Oh, we did find you.

You did find me. Yeah. But we got back together. But that's not funny on stage. Who lost who? Did you disappear to me? Oh, he just disappeared. I'm eating like kimchi or some shit somewhere.

And... Yeah, because we drove there together. Yeah. We all went there. You took it to Green Bar Zoo. There was a chick there. And I think Aaron Cater was there as well. Oh, that's another shady guy, huh?

Why is he a shady guy? I love him. I love him. He's a good dude. I miss that old... You know that old times? I do miss that. Do you think that you and I are in the same class of comedians?

Like in terms of like when we started together? Like in terms of what? Like when they... You know how you look at some comedians? Like in terms of... In terms of classes? No, in terms of like we started at... You know how people graduate?

Yeah, like different classes. Like this class that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we started on... I think you're one right before me. You think I am. I think you're like... I think Sebastian's in your class.

Yeah. And then I'm in the... I think Maz may even be in your class even though I feel like those two guys get clumped in with mine and Brett Ernst's class. You know what? I feel like you're in my class. I'll tell you why. Okay.

When I stand up, I met Jo Koi in La Jolla and I think he talked about you then. Yeah. So I feel like we're in the same class. We made, but I don't think I was in at the comedy store at that point. It doesn't matter. I think I was... You were in my field of awareness in the late 90s. We're around the same.

I didn't get to L.A. until 2000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 99, 2000. Yeah. And then yeah. I think we immediately became friends. Yeah, we were friends. Yeah.

And then we've always had this weird thing where you like to fight with me and then you ghost me. Why? You know what? And then you talk bad about my people. No. You talk about our genocide that happened on the corner of Main Street and the fucking... No.

I love your people. Where do we eat? Over there. Armenian food? Yeah. Oh, not Armenian food, but that... Glendale? Yeah, Glendale.

We get rafis all the time. No, but we go to Glendale all the time. Glendale is a clean city. It's clean. It's clean. You guys play chess. It's clean. There's no crime.

You're right the part. Your sister... All the older Armenians. You know all the older Minions why they play crazy eyebrows? They're very good. As a Korean, is it hard to like stare at their eyebrows and not want to wax them? Is that hard? Do you do some waxing and work on their nails?

You know the stereotype that you guys are? No. I don't really see that. Yeah, because we... Look at him. Are you white? Yeah. He's very hairy.

Of course he's white. He's a white. You're white, right? He's a dude here. Yeah. It's like a white guy. I can't sorry about that. What are you selling ice cream? Ascot oh my god

Like that dude touches Universal thought after all Some edge, okay, what's the scarf? What's that all about today? That's new Yeah Paisley do you believe that women have fucked him? Yeah women have fucked a lot of garbage Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's not garbage, but that's on the fence. I've been talking a lot about that I fuck ugliest all the time since high school. Yeah, I've never discriminated. There's something about feeling completely

Okay, when we like to give charity pussy out are you like you want to write off on your taxes? Yeah, I feel most uninhibited when they're ugly Yeah, I feel like I can be my most disgusting self when they win. I know that this is the best My little Eskimo emoji oh Those are assassin eyes right there Listen, they don't get it out. Like like when did you realize you were hot? Um, I got you guys, but is there a moment you're like, oh wow. I'm uh, I'm a hot person I'm a attractive I probably didn't think I was cute until I was 19

But I was already very sexual previous, but I never got with like hot guys when I was younger That's what dudes with like low self-esteem. I was like I would just have sex with all the younger with the ugly virgins Really, and I really enjoyed it. Did you take a lot? Are you you take a lot of virgins? Mm-hmm. That was my thing That was you like you were the virgin stalker and they were all just like nerdy kind of like very insecure boys You're like every porno's dream, right? Is that like super hot chick fucks, but I also wasn't hot then I was just a little hotter than them. I just didn't hot too. You know, I wasn't very girly then When I hear girls say that I don't believe but I don't see why you I came from the Philippines so my accent was really thick. I didn't know that I had to shave my legs

I had a bull cut, you know things weren't happening for me yet. I Don't I really yeah, I don't know why I can't believe this. I'm not not you'd ever lie. I do have no I always started getting cute when I realized okay, grow your hair out Calyla shave your legs wax You know just yeah wax the mustache. Don't look so, you know Do judge you eat up? You know when I first when I met her on tinder, right? So I go out to Long Beach I thought she was pretty but when I when I first saw her naked. Yeah, no, dude Do you know what I did? Well, I looked up up to God. Yeah, which God is this is this the Jesus?

It's a combination of Elephant has a beard. Yeah, that's great. It was a carpenter. Yeah, but made like, you know, Japanese clogs So my point is is this I looked up in the sky and I went You know when you go have you ever been with a chick so hot? Yes, will you look up and you go? Yes, yeah, it's a gift. Yes. Yeah, that's how I felt when I first, you know, sorry. That's so nice Really nice. That's really nice four years later and now look, you know, man Businesses, you know, I got him out. I paid for that. No, you did for that Oh, he was just there. I was there. He was there. It's helped me

What is the point of having fucking money, Bobby? If you can't buy your girlfriend a nice Did you feel the pressure to get bigger? No, he begged me not to get them. Oh, why he's he's into the Korean boys. Yeah No, well, you know what happened. She got them in and all her health issues have happened Oh, yeah, it's been a nightmare, you know, so just generally is this a comedy podcast? Yeah, it is but we can take a long okay real It's not all like, you know, I mean switches and all these fucking, you know, I mean reversals Are those terms? Yeah, I like that. You know what a switch is. No, I don't know what you know, you know, it's just joke. Yeah You don't have you have any switches in your act? None

So I'm sure you do. I don't have any in your stand-up. You have no switches. I just yell. Oh, yeah No, no, no, no, no, you got switches the worst are like, you know When they say it was my grandmother. Oh, yeah, you're me. Okay. I see You don't see it coming. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they say is the whole thing that people they've studied it What people laugh at and surprise is it surprise like like you got a couple great switches in yours I have a couple of about the the the hobbits that that's a great switch. That's a switch. You don't see it. Yeah, it's a switch Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. Good joke. Are you making fun of me? No, I'm saying it's a good joke. Thank you. Yeah I love seeing you get political

You know what's happened to me you guys even know what's going on with me right now, what? So a couple of weeks ago, I got really sick. Mm-hmm. This is getting serious. There's no punchline here. All right, okay so then I had this cough and then um, and I felt better but then all of a sudden one day I couldn't hear well, I'll tell you what the fuck you did Oh, he went wrong. Okay. I can't wait to hear it in my right ear. I couldn't went completely deaf. Oh, okay Were you doing this? Yeah, I was doing that and I couldn't hear. All right, and then I My neck right here and my shoulders aren't like they're Petrified, right? Yeah, I mean, it's they're just I can't it. I just think they're still okay. Yeah, my ass was good

I got to ask you about that. I am completely stiff, right and I cough and I have fluid and all over my head. I feel like I'm gonna die then You know, so that's what I've been dealing with So you've been making me laugh and now it hurts my neck and my shoulders. So just relax on that. Okay The doctor gave him a Z-Pack, you know, it's like yeah Yeah, and instead this motherfucker instead of taking two first day and then one every he takes all of them in a span of two days He takes half of them because you're an addict dog. That's what it is. That's what we do. Yeah, you know what it is it and this is I don't know

It doesn't you don't get high from antibiotics. No, but if you take if you take three or four of them, right at a time You get so tired Right and weak. It kind of feels like a high in a weird way What was your thing where you go fast guy or go slow guy? I'm a go fast with slow things What you were a go slow because you're on opiates. Yeah, I know but I would do a song I would do so many of them though. Yeah, and I was good. I'd go out you go and reverse fast, right? But I was still party, right? But I like feeling I don't like feeling up. I felt that I like being down and euphoric

That's a that's interest. I like to go fast like cocaine. Yeah I feel like that's kind of a strange combo because you feel like you're already a very animated person Yeah, that I'm what are you like on cocaine business deals? Yeah, get it done Dude, let's make shit. Are you sober now or no? Yes. How long dude? First of all, I got over a hundred eighty days But let me say this to you. You shouldn't ask that people on a podcast like this. That's a violation of anonymous Right, but okay gonna say this you're right, right? Okay, you're right, but I feel like You want aren't you and I aren't strangers? We talk about that kind of stuff all the time, right? All the right, and I feel like we've talked about it on podcast before I don't think in that. Yeah, I think we have

Well, okay, here's so my point is is this is that I've been like talking to people and they've been lecturing me Why shouldn't be talking about this shit? Yeah, someone wrote in I don't I don't agree with I feel this is what it is Okay, is is that I'm allowed to talk about my own, you know addictions and my own sobriety, right? Okay, all now if George was sober Right, right, and he was in a whatever and he didn't want me like I'm more like I think you'd be in like Sex addiction Eating people And take it to the next level

I'm not only gonna eat it. I'm gonna fuck it. Yeah, you know me. I'm gonna fuck like an opening of our sock He puts his own special sauce on it scar fuck out of here, bro. We're white fucking bullshit, man Sorry I like that into the wild white dude right Society and then he goes in the Alaska like hillstrip naked and just go into a force for a couple days and live or they find I'm like years later. Just a skeleton. Yeah, yeah, like just your skeleton around the tree Who was dick inside the tree? Try to fuck you got stuck and he died you fuck the tree once. I know you did George you fuck

We've all fuck weird shit, right? What's the weirdest thing you fuck? I once put on to two pieces of salami between my couches Cushions and I fucked the salami when I was a kid slice or thick thin sliced. I got a thick pickest piece of steak. Oh, yeah I'm I nuked it. I made a vagina. I like how did you make a vagina now? The Asians they go like north-south vagina. So that's what that's what you're going with right there east-west. Excuse me east-west Is that what it is? Are we east-west? It's east way. It's like a beaver. Yeah, the vagina beaver. I never got that I just say this I just say this right I never got that because the thing is is that yeah ours go east-west, but sort of your eyes, right?

Let's break the stereotype. I don't know why they do that now if an Asian woman's vagina is Asian are you? You know so you got two Filipinos a cream. Do you guys get along? I thought you guys didn't like each other Bobbie has his thoughts on the Philippines. And then what is the hierarchy of? Let me ask you the same question Let me ask you the question. What do you think the hierarchy is between hierarchy is it's got to be Japan on top, right? Well, I know but let me just say that you're on the right fucking path. Go ahead. It's gotta go Gotta go Korean. Yes, then it's a battle between Korea. It goes it goes to Japanese

Battle between Korea and China very good. And then the rest of them. No, let's go further. Okay, be specific Okay, what your guess is now this is racism. It's just guess. This is just your guess This is educated talking to my case. We're educating ourselves. Okay, so what Sam Tripoli thinks is it right? The elite Asians right are the Japanese. Okay, I'm just saying that history throughout history And who won war exactly. Thank you. So Japan number one. Yes, they you know, you're right because they went for it Yes, they do we want it all More than China. They took down China dog. They sent a couple of fuck yeah I in there and for being a little island. Yeah

wreckage, it's unbelievable the Sun God you go to China I do comedy out there. They don't like you doing jokes about Japan. They don't like Japan It's like literally like like going to the United States to stand up and like we got our asses kicked by Rhode Island dog It's like Shit lit us up. Yeah. That's what Japan is to China. Yeah, it's huge and this is tiny little place All right, let's go back to the list Japan number one Japan number one You're saying there's a competition for second and third. Yeah between China and Korea. Yes, I'm just very good very good Okay, what would you okay? So what would be four?

Now we're getting I know we're getting into the bottom I Ranked the Southeast Asian so Cambodians Filipinos Thai women so I'd like them to be pretty high up Because they have like the fattest asses of all them. No Japanese girls. No Japanese girls. They have Koreans No Filipinos are up there. I like their karaoke love

There's a karaoke like you go anywhere in the world. There's a Filipino karaoke cover band They're there. Yeah. Yeah, true. We all export something they do when I went to that brothel in In a Thailand called Amsterdam. Yeah, they had a live female Asian band Yeah, they were fucking killing it. Yeah, I love you and they're just fucking yeah, all Beatles song for just care-bear You know I mean and I walk in there, you know, I mean, yeah Yeah, you know me and get my pussy. Yeah, my pussy. What did anyone try to buy you cuz you look like a girl at some point I remember when I first met you with your hair some people might try to fuck you like

You know a lot of people think I'm gay, I think you are I think you are bisexual That's interesting. I think I think I should fear is too. I think a lot of you think I should fear is a little I mean, I stop watching I've stopped watching porn cuz I didn't like a guy's dick. I don't know what that means Yeah, yeah, yeah, that might mean something. So you think that I'm bisexual. Yeah, you think Ari Shafir is I do Joe Coy, what do you think? I I don't know Joe enough to To make a call on let me throw some other names in there that we wouldn't know Steven is Izzy I don't know. I haven't gotten that. No, you burn Haven't gotten that no so it's straight. Just go S or B

I think I like this game say S or B I know he's not gay because we Banged a chick at the same time. Yeah, and like he stayed way on his side and I stayed way on my side I've been in that situation too. Yeah, you're like, hey, dude We're both yeah, you'd be getting some right now, but we don't need to cross streams right now. Yeah, yeah, wow Yeah, so that was with him too. Yeah, believable Callan. I Think he I was an interesting guy. It's not that I think he's bi I just think he's so horny that it doesn't fucking ask. He's trying to try it. He'll try anything

Yeah, which is the difference but Andy dick is the opposite of that where he'll just stick anything in his mouth No, I think he's more G. What's that? Okay? I think he's both. Yeah. Yeah, but extreme B and G. Yeah. Yeah This game is fascinating to me. Yeah. Yeah, who else? Oh, let me see who we have. Are you more? So if he's bisexual, do you think he's into women more than he is? Oh Bobby Bobby. I think he's into more. He's into women more. Okay. Yes, for sure better now It doesn't it doesn't bother me. I don't care what the fuck he wants. Yeah. Oh, that's Elm magical straight as fuck as fuck as fuck. What does that say? Lee what Bobby Lee wikipedia

Bisexual That's all wikipedia. That's all wikipedia Wait, you're listed in the internet as a bisexual man. What did you announce this dude? When did you announce this? I mean he talks about sucking dick on every You You're the face of the LGBT you're so free now, let me just say this right now Working touch me. I want to be here for your time High school actually meant I was a dude

These girls like Are like apps dude, they keep working out the kinks. He just I'm gonna say something on group level And I'm gonna be completely and utterly honest. Yeah with everyone in this room. All right, I Believe that I'm not bisexual I believe that I'm completely heterosexual, but You're flexible. No, I'm not only that. No, but here's what it is I I like I want them like, you know gay people and you know people that are have You know a different sexual identity, right? I want to be you know, I mean support them and I want to

You know encourage them and I like it. I like the whole I'm gonna say something about it right that maybe and also in high school. I would let a hot tranny suck my dick That I would do I'm just gonna tell you that yeah, I'm not gonna leave you alone Okay, I'm not gonna leave you on this island some of these chicks. They're pretty fucking hot and the dick doesn't care I don't care, so I'm not I know a kind of heteroflexible. I know a comic that's seeing You know me a tranny. I think he's already talked about it. I know, but I just want to say it under his name Yeah, pretty big comic New York City. Yeah. Yeah, and he showed me a photo. Yeah, yeah He showed me a photo of her and I'm like I went. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

But what is it? So then you're bisexual. I'm heteroflexible That sounds like a car. You know what? That's what I am. I'm heteroflexible. Yeah I mean like dude, I would let a hot tranny suck my dick, but I'm not gonna be like cruising for dudes It's just like if it tricks the brain, I know but if that tranny goes, um, I'm gonna suck your dick Yeah, and then she's like Will you want to fuck me in the butthole? That probably not Be real. You're in you're half hard. You're about to come right and she's she bends over. It's a nice butthole

It's the most beautiful buttholes. Yeah. Yeah, it's I mean they probably take care of it. Yeah I mean the hole's a hole dude at some point here we go Hey, I love it. We went so many coats today holes a hole holes a hole Yeah, yeah a hole is a hole. Isn't that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so I fucked me You fucked me. Yeah, I went and bought some steak and I fucked that like and it's not horizontal. I did normal style Okay, normal. Did I have a name or did you just fuck it like I tried to do it. I couldn't come I remember Yeah, I mean it was too hot. Well, you had to be hitting the the dish. How deep is this cut of meat? I got a thick cut I think I think I didn't have it on a dish. Yeah, why did you nuke it? Yeah? Why did you cook the meat?

Because freddy law card Freddie law car. I don't care He why him and I went pocket pussy shopping Years ago. Is that is that why you have all these pocket pussies here? For the little bobby lean you when he could afford a pocket pussy We just got him as gifts also sent it to us But my point is this is that so freddy goes um, we went about oils at the at the store Yeah, because you know oils are very important heat them up, but don't do it too hot

Oh, it'll it'll sculpt your dick. Yeah, of course You know, I would do five seven seconds, you know, it would be perfect So I did with the meat too that is way too much work To jerk off. Yeah, but meat gets cooked and it becomes dry. I have to use butter Yeah, well, that's good butter. Yeah, I know. I know that's so weird now the best jerk off lotion in the world tell me gun oil I can't recommend that enough Why gun oil wait wait?

It's for guns. No Gun oil oil oil for an actual gun. Yeah. Yeah, it's called gun oil. It's jerk off Sounds like something back in the when they had muskets. Yeah gun oil in there and put the Because it's silicone dude, it just so it's called gun oil. Yeah, you can get it at the hustler store or wherever Why is it great? It just because it doesn't stick if you get the silicone doesn't stick you could pour it on yourself It would be gone within seconds. You wouldn't even feel it. Wow gun oil dude I've been jerking off for a long ass time homeboy. You still do

Uh, not as much as I used to man. I've been fucking sexually active since first grade Completion like with actual semen coming out, uh No, I don't I don't remember that but I just remember getting funky early and I don't I say that a lot people freak out And I understand that that's so normal. I feel like I was a really six years old You're getting blowjobs and eating butt. I've been eating but I eat but at six years old Like it was where I was meant to be dog. That's early in Vegas No, in upstate new york court. Oh, that's where you grew up. How did that even happen? I don't even know because I don't even remember seeing porn at that point. I know I've seen some playboys, but yeah

Some people are just naturals. Yeah, you're a natural. I hear you don't eat, but He doesn't eat, but why the dog just farted. I think he doesn't eat, but at all does that upset you? Um in the beginning it did Only because my ass is just fucking clean. Yeah, why it's have you tried it? Like did you eat a bad butt at one point? Like one of the first girls I went down her muffler was beat up dog And it just kind of made it hard to go on from there, but you got to fight through it go be like, you know You gotta go like hey, I'm gonna give pussy a chance again. I went on the road with paulie

I don't want to break this girl's heart. So I'm not gonna say her name. Okay, but I I opened from years or years ago Okay, so she could be dead by now. So she's probably okay. I'm not gonna say her name Okay, I did a club in cleveland With um paulie shore. Yeah, and I was featuring for him But I was you know, I could barely do 15 minutes And I met this girl. She's like I'm moving to la and I go all right whatever and then like six months later She's at the sun comedy store And we started hanging out. Yeah

And I was doing la joya, you know back so back in the day when you did la joya You would stay at the condo on the beach. I still do I love I love that place great memories And back but they I haven't done it. I haven't been there since they refurnished Do you go back at all? I haven't been there in like 15 years because of another thing It's another fucking war. I have with somebody else. I did you've had some wars I know let me just finish. You're like germany. You've been in a lot of wars. Yeah, I have I fight for like don't you do like one makeup podcast a week like with somebody where I mean I mean, I got right now. We're trying to get yoshi to you know, but he hates me yoshi

Oh, yoshi. You got yoshi. You did one with yoshi. No, no Eleanor and I are good. That was all and then you had a have you done any more I have a couple of wars. I have jill koi. You did kind of well you guys made up good Well, the korean with the asian comics ever come back together We don't there's no war between me and except for yoshi, but I'm good with everyone Dr. Ken wasn't there some weird Ken and I are good. He's great. I'm good with uh mark or everyone burn everyone Are you good with half a burn kevin shane now? Kevin shane's a good guy though. Okay

Why what happened with that? That's for another podcast. Okay. All right podcast. Hey, um, could I finish my story? What bro? Yeah, so you're eating bad, but no, that's not what happened. Okay So she goes so she goes um, oh, let me go to lojoya with you So great. So I was there with kelly kirsten jeff richards that weekend and She brought a guitar Right and during the day

She would just be in the living room in that living room and she would like sing her songs that she wrote But nobody wanted to hear them. It was embarrassing You mean she thinks we do for pussy. Yeah. The sun is here. Right. Oh the sun like yeah that shit like that The tree is in my bones or whatever whatever the tree Something like that. Are you gonna put out your song? I don't know and I would just be like That's good. You did it Not got another one. No, you know, I would so that night That was the first time I made love to you know

And I had a love to the person you hated. Yeah, I was doing doggy style. Okay And um, I smelled poop And so I need to do investigations, you know what I mean because I'm a curious guy Detective yeah, hold on. Hold on So you smell poop. So you like I like scent. No, I didn't go. I didn't go head in Okay, because you sound like every white guy in a whoreflin Hey, what's that sound over there and run over there and check it out. No, I don't it was a waft When I do investigations on shit, I don't go ahead first. Okay, you know, I mean I do it from afar

Yeah, you know, would you do smell test? No, no, let me finish. Okay. So I'm still doing it from behind And I Kicked it two thumbs. Oh you opened it Yeah, and I did a little peek-a-doo peek peek peek-a-choo a little peek-a-choo, right? I opened it up like this and she had one Not from the asshole, but a hair dingleberry. No, it was a hair Sticking out of her like normal the outside the hole. Okay, you know, you ever see star

You remember the star return of the Jedi? Yeah Remember that little thing that was like swallowing people up in the desert. Yeah, and they had those tentacles Right that would like grab nando carisi and try to drag a man. Yeah, that's what she had Oh, so imagine that thing and she had a tentacle sticking out, right? But was there at the end of the fucking tentacle white was a perfectly circle Little tiny round piece of shit Right Why don't you just close the hole? I don't know. No, I had to put the two thousand. I had to put it

And I had to open to see what the you know, well, you know, it's like it's opening a prize You know, you want to see what the yeah Yeah, so but then this is what she said and I'm not kidding you. She goes, I just had a vision So I'm so I'm lifting so I'm opening up the package, right and she goes I just had a vision that we had kids. It's like she said why you're fucking yeah Yeah, yeah, I'm looking at the little fucking little hair with a little brown dingleberry And I'm and and she goes I had this vision that we had kids right and in my head I laughed because I go I had a vision. I'm going to get toilet paper

You You I mean and I remember that and I never that was it we drove back to LA and I think I broke her heart because I never talked to her again Why do I have to get punished for her dingleberry? Yeah. Oh, he's Scott. Oh, okay So that's why that was like the big I like vagina. So I mean like dude Does shit come out of the vagina dude? I mean there's some bad vaginas out there. There is, huh? Yeah guys penises, right? Yeah, I've seen delias. Yeah, I hear you has a horse cock. It's horsey. Oh my gosh, but it's it's Oh my god, it's nice Why wouldn't it what else about him? Is it nice the guys a good-looking guy? Super funny uses a lot

Yeah, oh you say have you seen Paulie's no Dude, no, I it's a ride at fucking magic mom. It's like it's a ride. It's it twists, right? It goes this way and this way at the same time. It's like a fucking disaster. Hey, dude, uh Uh, yeah, I get that man. I mean he he's been in some fucking snatch. He's been in some snatch Yeah, he's been done this podcast before Why are you getting quiet? I just in reminiscing about what looking at your friend's dicks. No, I know Like what's the music playing in the background as all these flashes of dicks go through? No, no, no, no, I want to be real with you and I just had a moment

And the moment is is that You know, you know someone like you you're on your phone. Nope. I'm trying to be real All right. Yeah, um That you you know, you you know, you meet these people and then years go by and you have history with people Some people, you know, what's so funny? Nothing. I'm listening. You're not good at intimacy. I'm great at it No, but you know, there is I'm great at it. You see my yelp Yeah, but there are but um

You know, you you have these relationships with people and you go, you know what? I just had a moment like, you know, I like this guy Sam triple. I've always liked him I've always, um, you know had fun. I've had fond memories with you We don't hang out a lot, but still you're one of those guys That like, um, you know, I just really like, you know, you know, you see like root, you know Rudy Moreno Yes, I haven't seen him in 10 years, but I know if I do run into him. I want to be like, aw Aw, you know what I mean? Do you do any clubs besides the store in LA? I do improv everyone's well, but not really no. You just don't enjoy it

The store is um A special place 100% what then what are you asking me for? But I don't know why you don't go practice your kung fu because I'll tell you why I'll tell you why because The comedy store feels safe Tip for me. Yes and it feels like

That I have a little bit of power Well, you do I know but when I play the laugh factory or the improv I feel like everyone else. It's you know, when you're at the improv, I'll have like open micers. Welcome to me. What's up, dude? Yeah, I'm trying to you know, man They'll just talk to you like we're out the group level like we're the same But at the store, there's gonna sound fucking silly, but you can feel there's a hierarchy Yeah, right, right and I think that hierarchies are good for comedy as long as you're high up on the hierarchy No, I feel like being in the bottom helped me a lot. Yes

It that is one problem with these kids is that they don't realize Sometimes if their eyes like some of these door guys and I love door guys because I was a door guy Yes, it was six brutal months. Yeah, I was a door guy Yeah, but some of them don't realize that, you know, you're you're a door guy and you're working your way up Yeah, and sometimes they talk to me and I'm like Hey dog, that's not how it fucking goes. Yeah, you know, yeah, and I I love the comedy store And I love I love the store When I worked with Harris Pete back in the day as a doorman I go. Hey, I was like what in my 20s

Hey Harris you go fuck you Yeah, like that's the that is basically What do you miss that part of the store? I miss that store. It was a little bit of like, you know, you mean that's like It's hard. It's boot camp. It's you know and now people are getting like, you know A little too friendly with Pete each other Well, it is it is uh It's just that's new Hollywood Like nobody talks shit about anybody anymore behind closed doors and it's just like

I don't know man. Sometimes I have sets where I'm just I'm having fun But I'm screaming at the crowd and I just feel like the back of the room of all the young comics Like why is he so angry that and it's just like yeah, there's a lot conformity going on Everybody conforming right now and there's like who are the counterculture people who are the shit talkers Where are those people? Well, there's a dude. I saw Jim Jeffries there at night Thanksgiving I drive to the comedy star and he did a guest spot and the room was packed and I was about to go up at Jen Jeffries. So I sat down and I was watching Jim

He was so funny That I left And I looked at Kirk fox Who's gonna go up after him and I was after Kirk and Kirk was like, oh my god. I was gonna leave too That's how good he was that night. I mean he was doing bits. I've never seen him do He was his timing His the content of what he was doing was so relevant and good That there's nothing I just felt like I didn't have it that night. I can follow anybody

But that night I was tired. You know, I had that you have some weird fear That I don't understand because you kill all the time I just fucking just said to you sam that like I really honestly it last of late In the last three years. I used to have that fear. I'll follow anybody I followed I followed Bill Burr. I followed Seinfeld. I follow everybody, right? It's just every once in a while. You'll see a performance That's so good. They just got you know what? I'm not doing it I can't I know you I have I am I'm just like I don't have a choice

Where I go up So I have to get blood from a stone every fucking time. So like I'm constantly having to foul I'm that guy that Adam's like, okay, this guy's a murderer. We need to get from this dude to the rest of the lineup I'm that that when you're editing there. We see the thing that says tracks, you know, you put in between From the fucking murderer to the next guy. Yeah, yeah, because I you know I I have been trained in the dojo of the or for years Yeah, I used to get bumped by andrew dice clay joe rogan or eddie griffin every night for two years Oh, I dude, I was the same fucking boat, bro. Yeah

You don't fucking kidding me, dude. They would do five hours. Fuck you, man. I was there too, bro I fucked at your eddie griffin. Oh my god. Yeah, people don't realize. Yeah. Yeah hours Yeah, you would bring like a 10 person entourage Do three hours and by the end of the night there are 10 people left in that room You know what he did to me one night and this is when I knew that he was a snake eddie griffin All right, he was out there, you know, but you know what the kitchen like the kitchen is I mean the where the bar is right inside the club right It's silver if anyone's been there's like a silver box and there used to be these two chair like this

This like booth there remember that booth And he was sitting there and he goes yo, he didn't even know my name. He goes yo, man Come talk to me, man. You're funny. So I sat down and he goes. Hey, man doing this new movie Yeah, he's like, dude, I told the producers about you I go Really? Yeah, man. They really like you, man I go cool. He's like, yeah, man. So, you know

So the next day I called Matt black I got this producer. What movie is he doing? He's like, oh, I don't know, you know So they got a hold of the producers. They don't know heard of me I never talked to him again after that. It was like, I he's why would you yeah, but my thing is is that Why would you look at somebody? Who has nothing and just go, you know what man? I'm gonna twist this guy's brain Into you know and make him feel happy and then sad It's just it's just like how about not say that how about going yo, man. What's up?

And then that's it guy who used to go up and do three four hours on stage To fuck with them and what what would happen was that these guys and you know, and I love dice We're very cool now, but back in the day used to bump all the time, right? And so they got they're like fuck man people are getting so angry. They're like, I don't care if he's bumping I'm just don't want to drive down when I know I'm not getting up So they started like putting their names in the middle of the lineup where they give them like a four hour clump Yeah, they stopped coming because they the joy is the bump. Yeah That's the that's the hit of everybody wait for me. Yeah, but the people don't dead culture is gone now

Well, that I love that's one thing I like about the store. That's what I love about it. Yeah. Yeah I mean the store has to be packed to stale. I mean, they'll knock it down turn into a german I don't feel like no one has that I know, but I don't feel like there's nobody really has that kind of power anymore I think that's good. That's great. I think like it's a showcase club. No one should do over a half an hour Yeah, if you're doing I just don't think like that's not that crowd at one time mike young Are we have a friend mike young he he had a showcase at the in the original room He invited everyone because he needed to get you know something going right?

And so I remember I forgot who was bringing him up, but they were like this next guy. He's from, you know, michigan He's a young kid Mike young right and the crowd was all there to see mike because it was all industry So you put but then you hear this I'm going up And it was eddie griffin He walks up there and he does four hours Oh And he walks the room mike was never able to do it and and I remember being back there going

This is the worst thing that you could possibly do to somebody. I remember dice was like, don't you want people to like you? Yeah, he didn't get it. Yeah. Yeah, because there's this notion that like He like some people have a boxers mentality that there could be only one champ, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and I just don't see that in comedy. There's a lot of people. Yeah now there is it's great with about because of podcast and everything Right, there's room for everybody. Right. Yeah. I remember when mitzi Was used to do the showcases on sunday. Oh, that was such chaos chaos, right? Listen to people. Yeah showcase three times Adam does know I thought it's like dude. You don't even know you don't even know back then So mitzi I saw two showcases when I was a doorman. One was george lopez, right?

George Lopez is on stage mitzi is watching him and admitted in You could just hear her talk to five other people in the room Like in the back like today wait just you're doing a great job. You know, I mean that's that right and george lopez stops and goes Hey, bitch. Oh, you mean I keep it a showcase if you fucking bitch, you know, he was fucking crazy God, right and he just left the stage, right? This is the worst one though. I saw that worse than that Oh, yeah. Yeah. This is the worst one There's a guy showcase. I'll tell you what is in the second and

He's up for a minute And this is what mitzi guys Next he doesn't have it She says that out loud And we turned her ago. No, no, this guy has it. It was louis ck Wow And he was like, you know how he just kind of what this is weird, you know, yeah And he let and we're like, no, yeah, he has hpl specials

That's how Back then, you know, I mean that was toward the end when you know, right, you know, right? I love mitzi. She passed me. It's all crazy. It was crazy back then. It was crazy. I uh People would hijack your showcase. That was the worst part like It took impossible to get a showcase and when you did you have the hope That someone wouldn't sit next to her and run her. That's what it is So let me tell you this. Yeah, I tell you I was doing I was doing a gig at a place called, um Uh that the the hustler cafe in hollywood boulevard used her sunset used to have comedy there ran by a guy named

Johnny Montana who used to I know Johnny Montana. You guys swan he was blown out on coke constantly, right? Like he's like, hey, I'm Johnny Montana And his whole set was like, look how bad my head shots are Every week he was like, look at this one. Look at this one. You're like that guy is gonna have a heart attack. He's on blow. Yeah So I'm doing a show and it was right after fucking I When was columbine I feel it was like early 2000s or something like that, right? So I don't know but there was a school shooting

I was talking about how hard it is to be a white guy Yeah, and uh, you know, just it's hard to be a white guy. Nobody cares, right? I get off stage paul mooney runs up to me. He goes. Oh homie. You ain't white. Use Armenian. Use a nigger I was like, damn Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was like it was the most coolest insult I've ever gotten in my life because it's like I just got called the n word. Yeah by the guy who basically Coined the the end like he owns the n word. That's his word. He left a message for me like that. Really? homie homie

Right, you've been hanging out with this white white people. I've been watching you. You're you're you're you're white devil, too You're white devil. Yeah, I'm a white devil, too I like what the fuck I'm a white devil So I get my showcase George. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. I'd showcase for mitzi about three or four times one time I got like a standing o And lauren pelts the waitress followed me out going that was the most amazing showcase. I've ever seen. Yeah Like this she's like now he's awful So like princess corey had to make me a new she they would make new categories for me

Yeah, yeah showcase regular which they I don't even know like you can always be in the showcases like every time they have a showcase You get to go up. Yeah, so I'm I'm this time's coming up And I'm showcasing and I'm doing my act and Duncan trestle called me and he told me the three rules for showcasing for mitzi Yeah, which was um Do a joke about your ethnic group do joke about one of your parents and then do your favorite joke So I I did joke about my mom power walking Be an Armenian in LA going to the beach taking your shirt off babies start crying, you know because we're so furry Yeah, I did a bit about Asians on ecstasy, which is a classic

Because you guys are so smart you drop fucking ecstasy and your visuals are much better Like ours are like eight bit. You guys are like Doby digital sound is a great joke. Great. I might bring it back. Yeah, bring it back. Yeah, never rewrite old jokes because they're better I do the same acts as I do but it's an idea. I didn't want to say So I go up to do my act and I see who sits down It's paul mooney and I'm like fucking just do the act and get done, dude Yeah, so I get off stage and I walk up. This is true. So she goes It turns out paul mooney likes my he liked me a lot. Yeah, and he sat down and goes, oh mitzi

This kid's good. You got to pick him up He needs to be a regular here and I I was like, holy fuck So I go up to her and I'm like mitzi because you always had to kiss you always had to kiss the ring So I go I go mitzi Uh, thank you for the showcase. She's like, you're really funny. She goes, are you syrian and I hand to god? I didn't know what the fuck a syrian was at that time. I'm from upstate new york public educated We never gotten to the syrian stuff Yeah, sounds like someone who loves sears. That's why I didn't know what the fuck it was. Yeah, right? Yeah

So she goes, are you syrian? I'm like, yeah, I'm totally syrian Yeah, she's like, okay good. She's like good. I want you to do a showcase And uh for j. Dave and j davis's show She said because people don't realize J davis like how big that Dublin show was way back in the fucking day like it was legendary It was nothing like anyone's ever seen you'll never have anything like it because now you could play all the Let me just say this. Okay. It's is that on tuesday night

J davis and i'm in a man had this room called doublins. It was an iris bar in between the laugh factory and the comedy store across the street And on tuesday night, we're pink taco right so so that night upstairs. It's like miami beach club That's never open to anything. Yeah. Yeah. It's so weird. Yeah, but now Imagine upstairs what I would have fit 250 maybe yeah, right 300 was like 300 people right? It's like a little smaller than the main room number one Every tuesday sold out so dude number two You would it was like you would go look in the audience. Oh, there's britney spears Cameron Diaz

I mean everyone lying either every you would go you would perform And then you would just get business cards. I remember that's the first time that dave becky actually recognized me Is a real comedian like he walked it to me goes bro. You're legit You know what I mean? I go. Oh he goes too bad. You're with abby. I love abby. You know what I mean? But if you weren't you mean, you know, I mean, I would you know, it was like one of but it was like one of those events where Every comic wanted to get on you announced yourself. Yeah, like every week. I remember going there and there was a new gunslinger Yeah, like I remember seeing reap there. I'm like Yeah, I used to kill there. Yeah, then a new dude next week. What the hell over and over you see Pablo there Francisco destroy

Yeah, you it's dain. It was the king there for a minute. You go on stage and for like a brief second You were on these levels of these supermodels. That's why I always I get off stage and girls so far out of my league We're like you are so funny. Yeah, they're talked to me because they saw me on stage or everybody there thought I was the coke dealer I'd have girls come up to me like We're looking for coke. I'm like, fuck man. I should get coke. Yeah Yeah, this is also like I remember one night Larry David went up This is before the original Kirby enthusiasm in between Seinfeld and curb. He used he used to want to get on there too I mean it was like one of those magical places too. I saw bill mar there. Yeah, he's like, this is the best room

I've ever seen Vaughn would go up or go up. Yeah, that's how that was back back in the day So did it just fizzle out over time? No, what happened was Dublin's closed What happened was that the Lakers, right? This is when the Lakers Shaq and Kobe's were like killing in the NBA and the fucking Hollywood strip got really ghetto, dude It's like I remember just I would go to the store and there would be like right down the center of sunset would be like 20 cop cars just just waiting for shit to go down and it just like that's what killed sunset Oh, yeah, like it used to be insanely packed and now it's kind of like Hollywood Boulevard, but now even that is

I think it's gone downtown now. This is when fat Tuesdays on Tuesday. You couldn't even go to the comedy store It was like you're in Detroit, you know like you were in Atlanta. Yeah, right? I mean it was like You'd be in the fucking patio and you're a gun One night a gun Right worthy Patterson my first manager He grabbed me by the back of the head and he just put me underneath like a table. Oh, I thought he was gonna use you as a No, no, no like Wesley no worthy saved my life that night. You you know, it was that fucking crazy back then

Yeah, I mean, it was I mean, it's crazy now. I mean imagine him showing up like that. Oh, yeah, oh my god You would have died. I would love to throw you There's the president of white people Dead Yeah, yeah, but anyway That was a great night Yeah, I mean it was an amazing night and then dain took it over and then it was so funny because uh, Alonzo Bowden would always go on after dain. Oh, that's right every time that's right

Which which is why he's bulletproof now. Yeah, I mean people don't realize some dain killing is the hardest I've ever seen anybody kill at that time. You know what? I'm gonna say this and this is gonna cause controversy He was either him or mensia Uh, I mean, I see what you're fucking killed dude Yeah, I like back in the day. Yeah, Carlos mensia was unfollowable Uh, I you know, you can argue against it. That's fine. I will argue against good The problem with Carlos is that you didn't want to do your good shit around him I know so it was like you ended up doing like crowd work or something and the energy would just dump

Yeah, I mean dude. I used to follow Carlos all the fucking time and like people just don't want to get yelled at You know, here's the thing about Carlos and I've talked about this on other things I know he's doing like a tour of apology Anytime he wants to come on my podcast I'd love to have a fucking talk with him because he followed me He's a father like dude the guy would call in and be like what's the line up and he would always go Did they do something to you in Dallas? Yeah, what? Okay, tell that so I like

I like you know, I had this weird relationship with the improv sometimes they love me sometimes they don't and I was getting I I was doing Addison right and we were having great weeks, ma'am. So, um, I'm sitting there and I'm just hanging out in the green room, which was the office back there and all of a sudden I see little Brad Williams waddle in Like, hey, who doesn't get happy when a midget walks in, right? I don't want to laugh at that. I don't want to laugh at this. He's normal. They don't want to come on I'm like, it's Brad Williams. I go, oh Fuck well, that's when you knew that Carlos was yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's kind of like the court gesture

Oh, okay. I walk at the time the king is coming You know He comes up and I'm like, oh Brad's here. Fuck. I love Brad. It's not his fault. He's just you know trying to get career Sometimes he'll probably be like, I'm sorry. He's clear. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure. I love I love Brad He's a great guy. I love him a great comic. So anyways, Carlos comes in with this fucking Cartel of Mexicans like just like 10 Mexicans with him, right? Yeah And he's literally like shaking everybody's hands in the room, but he shakes my hand

He doesn't make eye contact with me and he's like, oh, hey, hey everybody this and I'm like, uh, this motherfucker Because he used to call in and find out where lineups are like where the lineup is at the comedy store And he would always go right before me so that I would cancel So then he'd start going to in front of me so I couldn't say I didn't want one after him He does all the fucking time, but now it's in Dallas now He's in Dallas dude And I had this room with I had this rule with Carlos that if he did over 30 minutes I wasn't going up because that to me is a headliner spot people are like, okay. We saw the headliner. Let's go the fuck home

Yeah I tell him I go if he does over 30, I'm fucking going right. Yeah, they go. That's totally cool. He does 28 minutes Okay, let me just say this on there right so you're headlining. Yes, you're on the billboard I am the head at the improv. Yes He comes in. Yes, and he said what what he didn't ask? Okay. Okay, but what does a manager say? It's like I know you're headlining But men see is going to go up. I mean, how does that work? Men see it once because what happened was this was just after the Joe Rogan snuff film came out

You know and uh, he wasn't selling tickets in theater. So he was trying to go around to muster up people to come see him in the theater and So he didn't even ask these like yeah, he wants to guest spot and I'm like I dude. I would ask no But can't you go No I don't have that kind of power. Yeah, you can you do? I mean, I did. Well, I didn't feel at the time I mean, you know what? I didn't go. Hey, see where you put I would be like no, I'm headlining

I know he's a big star or whatever at the time, but I'll be like No, I mean that's just not right You know, it's just there's a wrong and right and you know, I know it's about the bottom dollar But it's like, but I don't think he sells any at that I listen I get for the club at the time it means like people go, oh dude, Carl's been seal popped in at the time You know that meant something Uh, nothing, you know, so anyways, he goes up there and if you listen to him on the mark maren podcast He talks about how he'd like to teach people lessons

What lesson was there to be learned that he was the alpha dog. He wanted to teach that's not a lesson That's not a lesson. That's just a form of dominance. Well, that's what he's trying to do. But dog. I'm oh, I'm oh OROG dog. I had to follow everybody a thousand fucking times So I'm not like there's I mean sometimes like why do I got fine, but you just go into fight mode But what upset me dude, so he does his act and he's going for blood Like he's going to bury me And I remember him getting done and the place goes nuts, right? And then he goes are you guys ready for your headliner and literally the entire room goes?

I hear a Someone's got a father. They're all thinking someone's got to fucking file this And then I swear to god for the first time in my life. I got tunnel vision And I was like, oh fuck that person's me Yeah, I gotta go up now. Oh my god So so he does the thing that is unforgivable at this moment He introduces me and runs off stage

Doesn't even wait to shake my hand say thanks for putting me up Runs like and that's how I knew he was trying to teach me because I'm coming this way. He runs this way He runs off stage. I have to go up on stage. I have this joke I do that does really well when you file a murderer and I drop it and the place explodes and I crush for an hour Yeah, people still come up to me that were there at the club that time and they're like, dude And I got off stage. So I go to the I mean I crushed. I couldn't believe it. I'm like, well, I'm fucking crushing I'm like, oh, we're good here. That's a good movie. Yeah, right So I go to the next door is this awesome, uh, piano

You go in and do the whole literally the entire bar goes you follow them Yeah, I mean like literally it's a movie the whole place is like you did it Well, I forgot we had another show and everybody's buying me drinks, bro And by the time the next show comes up. I am blackout drunk And I do my entire set leaning against the fucking I was crazy though back. I used to do dry humping contest Right like I would try to get wait. What is I used to try to get girls pregnant on stage. It was like crazy Yeah, yeah, so, you know like different triply now. You're different triply sober sober. Yeah. Yeah feels good

I love it. It's a much easier way to live. What are you doing time wise, bro? We over an hour. Can I uh, I got We're not done yet. Okay. I just want to push these shows. Yeah, we don't push them We'll do it. Well people. Yeah, it's a good time. Yeah, go push them. Well, I put together a little tour I'm doing of texas uh with jim florentine and brody stevens. Oh, great zoom. That's great. Yeah, it's a lot of fun, dude That's great. Those are great names. Yeah, I'm super. You florentine and uh, brody stevens. I love brody brody hosting zuma Brody's house, dude. Chad is uh, I don't know. I I don't really even care. Good. I can go up first I can go up last. I'm one of those weird people. I could do any clubs. Are you playing? uh, we're doing a couple rock bars and a couple comedy clubs, uh

Of uh, december 14th, we are at the blind tiger in san Antonio december 15th, we're at rav ray r i v s a s And that is in san marcos and then we're at the secret group december 16th in houston and then we're closing it out in austin at cap city on sunday the 17th Amazing. Like, yeah, dude. Just why do a whole week somewhere? Just do one night. All your friends come one night Yeah, get all that, you know, and then you move into the next one Doug benson was telling me about that that to do it that way But I I I do well on the weekends that I just

Well, it's also fun just to go up and tee off her now or not have to move But I like traveling around like that. I don't know I get it. It's fine. I get it. But anyone listening, uh Go check out those shows. It's a great lineup What are you gonna do a special? All right, let me seriously What are you doing? Was this a weird episode no

I can't tell are you that was a what are you getting in your head? Yeah, that was amazing Why why did you get your that was an amazing episode? I love the stories. Yeah, dude. This was like knowledgeable I thought we had everything in it. I love this one. Okay. Okay. What the fucking you don't tell me about the fire You guys are bringing all oh, yeah, dude I got a bet with a re and jason tebow. Who's ever team finished the worst in the nfl We got a shove dodger dogs up our asshole. Yeah, and he told me I should ask you for advice like take it slow Hold on if you've never seen a dodger dog. They're long. They're very long They're about this long. Well, I had it. I only know candy bars

Um, you know and we do twix. Yes, so that's not that big So, um, no, I just I saw that you were very supportive and I think that's very cool That your girl's support of you shoving Candy bars, you know, you know, you know, you know how you go, you know, you're taking a shit and you you just kind of squeeze Don't shit shit before Oh, so I should shit the day before no, shoot right try to shit right before my porno friends and ask I don't know about it, man, but at the end of here what we do is we do a uh an email question

And it's called unhelpful advice. You can be helpful or not helpful And then uh, we answer them. Okay. Okay Unhelpful advice with barbie kalayla at sam trippley What's up everyone? My name is edgar and I love how do you do that? Oh Second second city, bro second city. Is that really your boy triple? Oh, man. Yeah, dude I know a Filipino of a thousand voices. I know just one, but yeah Uh, my name is edgar and I love each one of ever you uh, I'm 28 and I'm from new mexico And I need some advice a few months ago after me and my wife had done a lot five plus years of roleplay

With wife sharing we decided to actually try it out She ended up having sex with two other guys at different times The main reason we did it is because I'm only average size at best and she has given birth to two kids And she said she just wanted to try something different And I was really aroused by the idea of watching her too. So I found guys and set it up However, after the first encounter my wife became extra aroused We went from sex once weekly to every day and she wanted to keep having sex with well-endowed men every day if she could After the second encounter we had a long combo about her pass and we really went deep

Which was nice until we got to how she felt about my size She ends up telling me that she clearly can't feel me and just wants to hurry up and finish every time I always felt she faked her interest, but not to that point We stopped the sharing after the second encounter because I said it was time consuming and she didn't want to look for herself What's the main question? It's over. However, now she isn't as aroused and we have sex less than weekly And she is back to faking interest and kind of over the over the top about it. What should I do? I love my wife. They're married. They're married over. I love my wife and I've talked to her about it

But she assures me she enjoys it now. Thanks in advance. She lying That's a weird thing dog. Edgar. That's a weird thing. You opened up a door. Yeah, you shouldn't open That's what people don't understand. It's like I always have my this happened to my friend He's like, yeah, I was in this open relationship and guys think that's great man. It's like, hey, dude You know, I get to go bang some wool, but you know what dog your girl gets to go bang dicks, too And guess what man? There's a lot more dicks banging on that door than fucking girls banging on your door And like you open that fucking thing now personally, I understand cock-holding cuckling. I understand it You've been in a relationship for a while. You got a decision to make. Yeah, uh

Do you want to uh get a divorce where you lose all your shit the house you're paying for you gotta move the fuck out Or can you let your wife get some strange on the side? I get that. Yeah I it's an easy decision for me. Uh-huh. You know, yeah, yeah, you would do it then Dude, if I'm into a relation, I I'm in a relation. I'm in a long relationship now. You are. Yeah, I've been in a long time Shocking to me. I feel like he could say the same about you Bobby. I've always been in a relationship fucking yeah But never longer than like a year and a half. It doesn't matter. I'm a relationship guy. He's never one. He's like I am dude. I've been a long time. What's her name? 13 years. Wow 13 years. Yeah, what's her name? Dana? Dana, yeah

I remember Dana 13 years is a very long. Congratulations. Yeah. Yeah, it's a long time anyways Back to the story. Uh, I just made that up. I don't know Dana Anyways I'm thinking like what if she listened to she hasn't listened to my pie Yeah, I'm fucking want to hear you Um, I don't know dude. I don't think I don't think you can go back. Yeah So I mean like it's just the truth, but you know what dude a girl's fake orgasm guys fake feelings So I mean we both bring sometimes some fake ass shit to it and we just keep this facade up for a while

But it sounds like you've I mean, I think he should fucking try to find his own weird thing. He's into You know, maybe the cuck thing is his weird thing. He probably enjoys it more than he's admitting Maybe he's just upset because she moans different than when he When he's with her, I also think like I don't know. I don't think I mean women in general when we're into somebody and we love them. We really Don't care how big they are

We care about it in a sexual sense where okay. Yeah, but that's a very Very small portion of our lives together. That is like, I mean sex is really Overblown Like we act like I talk about it's like it's really your sex and what you're into is about as important as your workout Like you talk a lot of game about your workout, you know the same thing about sex. You're like, I'm gonna go to the fucking gym I'm gonna do karate a little pilates I'm gonna do that and then you end up just hanging out drinking a smoothie at the fruit bar Right. Yeah, it's the same fucking thing. We're working out. You're like, babe. I'm gonna fucking tie you up

I'm gonna put this right and you think put wax on your nipple put a horse tail fucking butt plug in you And then it's like pump pump dump, right? I mean, yeah Yeah, we really make it out to be so much more than it really Having sex every day that's still seven minutes out of 24 hours a whole day That's such a small portion of your life and it's just weird. So you give a little you take a little I don't know man. I think it is. I think his wife needs to take acting lessons and act it up Dude, that's that's it. That's the get myzer class nor get my fucking acting coach or what does how about this? Does would you rejuvenation work? They could do that vaginal rejuvenation

Why don't they just go just go and go to a certain girl and give me a 12 year old vagina Shave the hair. You know what I mean tighten that shit up. I have to get wrecked before the rejuvenator Can you be like can I just like the like click click and like make it tighter? I suspect that she's like a drawstring in there That'd be great pouch. You know that'd be great. You have a drawstring and then the guy can just adjust it Yeah, you know just pull it One size fits all now the baby is bad, you know But also now that I know that he's allowing to me having sex with other men. Why would I? Give him like I want to keep doing that. So why would I tell him he's giving me the most pleasure?

Do you know what I mean? Like if I don't want to tell him He's a one-stop shop for all of my pleasures if I know that he's allowing me to see other men Right, so as long as I tell him his dick is insufficient. He's gonna keep letting me fuck other men And she has to make a decision. What's more important with her love or dick? Yeah Yeah, if she if it's love she's got to come to grips. I mean, but why should he you have two kids You get she has to give it up to him and like fake it more better And then he has to be cool with her getting another dick and maybe enjoying it shoot some fucking porno videos Put her to work and at some point you're both gonna be old and decrepit and it's not gonna matter

Yeah, at some point you're just like it's just like let's help. We like to sing tv shows Yeah, right. Are you in the fucking stranger things? I'm in the stranger things. Let's fucking watch it. I'm into peeky blinders What is that? Oh, okay. I'm going to say this about peeky blinders. Okay. I'm not allowed to watch you hate it Yeah, yeah, you don't like it. Yeah. Oh, you don't like irish people. Are you irish? Why do you hate your own? He doesn't like it. Oh, it's so weird. That's why I don't need to see korean dramas I know people but my point is this did Netflix kung fu is great. Have you watched their original kung fu movies? No They're phenomenal. Okay Back to peeky blinders

All right. All right This bitch right here. Yeah Every five minutes Oh, oh, no, don't you know, I mean like What's his name? What's his name? Cecilia Murphy killian murphy killian murphy. Good actor. Oh god. He Oh, please. Why not me? Okay, if you were married, oh, you know, like I I I swear to god 12 hours every fucking five minutes

And I just want to rip fucking scarecrow's eyes out. I mean this guy first of all John snow and cilia murphy ain't gonna fuck you babe. How do you know because they're not well, he's married So I would never want to end. They're not they're they're not into brown skin, dude. You're crazy, dude That's the whole thing about when guys and girls make celebrity like Fuck it list like girls actually have a chance at We don't they actually have a shot at knocking a couple off the list We have none. I know now you have TV credits then they think you're wrong

I'll pull your logo commercial No You don't know what natalie portman likes. You don't know what she likes. Maybe she likes a blue logo. There's oh no Maybe in like her childhood. She was like, oh listen. I do love and The reason why I get along with people like gillian anderson or like gillian jj It's because it's already out there that there's that sexual thing

It's like, you know a mother father kind of you know, I mean like mother son kind of a relationship Already when you meet people like that. Like when I'm on like lindsay prize on this new show mom There's she's Married to curtain stone. She's got kids and when I first met her there was already like, oh, you're my little brother It's already out there. I don't have a fucking chance with anybody of these hollywood types Is that why you're trying to make sure that I believe I can't get it? Yeah. All right. You know what go get it then Go get it go get the dick go get breath here everybody They all have shots, dude. They have can I at least try no he's married. It's okay. No you can try it

It's okay. Yeah, because you know married guys in hollywood won't do anything weird Good point. Anyway, can we what if she lets you watch? I feel like you would want him in some way in some capacity. Yeah, what if you could like have a threesome? With killian murphy you would not have a threesome with me bobby Yes, you might eat his butthole. Yes Yes, I might eat it. I might try eating but one time I would like pretend that I was like a part of like, you know razo ghouls. Yeah, I'll try to make it into a dark Monite kind of a thing. I think I think you should try eating but right and I'm somehow

You might start with killian murphy. Yeah, I'm gonna get yeah, I do a little storyline You know, I mean like scarecrow killed, you know, I'm bane and I'm bane's brother So I'm gonna eat his butthole right because I have a poison in my mouth. So it's like you killed my brother. Yeah Yeah Such a weird Scenario. Yeah, I love it. No one's ever talking about eating scarecrow Sam, you know, you killed it here. You're very funny. Thank you, dude. And you know how I know it was good The time flew by

I always go to 50 minutes 45 minutes. Are we done yet? When it's just us I'm always 40 minutes. Are we done yet? And I know we have another 20 minutes This one we were up way above an hour and I was like I could keep going but what I just carry us You know, that was amazing. Thank you, Bobby. I love you to get in your head about it. Yeah, I didn't go to you Perperving to your stupid thing. All right Is that yours? I'll do it I like I like you

Oh, that's right He's been on like a couple times. Yeah, what is it my brother like on that show? He's great You love him because we're in it's a very supporting environment. Yeah, my brother is um He's a reptilian king. He's yeah, yeah, he gets it. He gets it. I don't I think there's more out there Do you think it's just that You think that's all it is in the whole universe of things. Let me see something right now I know for a fact, right? It's just because it's endless You galaxies upon galaxies. There's obviously life. Yeah out there. Okay. I just don't think that they're here yet

I believe obviously that there is life out there there's probably There's probably like in star trek. There's like, you know, I mean an alien race that's so above us They're not fucking with us because we're so primitive, right, right, you know So they want to fuck with the prime directive, you know means so they're like, so how did human beings come evolved? Weird, how did we what is that jump from monkeys to humans? What evolution? No, but there's a gap in there. They can't explain The missing link it's called. Where is that? Well, what is that? You're saying that

from fish Wait, hold on. We didn't come from fish, lady Well, how does that evolution doesn't come from fish? And well, um, it went from it. No, it went from let me see. Tell you how it went from fish to lizard to lizard to science alert Beep beep beep science alert All right, so Yeah, so no, okay. Let's go do this. Okay. This is what I thought

And just I'm not smart and so how do you explain Korean language? Have you seen that looks like alien writing No, yeah, it totally does. It looks like something like Right, but if they look at an a or a w Stop that looks alien too. We're not from fucking right, right? Right, but that really looks like some alien shit. Okay. So what you're saying to me is is that Asians Or are aliens there may be more alien than you are then maybe

Even Arabic shit's weird. Yeah. I mean like dude, there's a lot crazy shit. They think so what you're saying is that Old Egyptians were giants. Okay, let's go back giant giants have been cute. They were giant. There's a giant there was a A species of giant. I know I said they say have skulls and they found Giant giant human beings and tooth and common was not if if they found andre the giant skull Right, I got with gigantism. Right. They'll go. Oh my god. There were giants back then. No, but it was andre the giant I think they're even bigger than Andre the giant like andre giant was like seven foot, right? Like we're talking like agramagal 12 Oh, so they

Throne giants, you're saying to me right now dude. You're saying to me right now that they found A body like a sushi chef on a smoke break right now You're You're saying to me right now jack that they found 12 foot men bone the bones of I don't know the exact number of that and I'll get murdered on that number So I can't say but 11 foot. It's bigger than seven foot. We wouldn't go crazy over seven foot people But nine foot you're saying like really tall. Yeah And then dude and how many just one or like that statue that they say is alive

Like have you seen that statue? It's like oh my god. Now. We're going into like crazy town us No, it's not crazy. It's only crazy Because you haven't looked into it you two nutjobs are those three guys from the x-files. You know those nerds Then the what are they calling the to try to do a spin-off show it and failed? I don't know Yeah, but that's what you guys are. I just saw it now. No, no, don't do that with your fucking white eyebrows in my Eyebrows, right? I'm not but I do believe that there's I would believe in simulation theory before that. Yeah, and that I believe that I don't believe in flat earth

But I think there's something that is making these guys think that yeah and like that where there's smoke There's fire that not that there is a flat plane or anything like that But something isn't adding up that they're going fucking crazy Like and that could be simulation theory like they went all the way down They're going all the way down like they like keep breaking down molecules more more more to this one scientist Said he's following binary code like Ones and zeros like so deep into what you keep slicing and dicing ones and zeros That sounds like a computer program to me. So I don't fucking know

No, I don't know I and here's the whole thing Nobody knows except for the highest levels of fucking nasa What's really going on if you sit there and go nasa's told us everything that's true all the time you're in denial They've lied. They've been caught lying a lot. I lie all the time. So I know that they're lying Right, right, right human nature that we lie. Okay, you're not wanting a billion-dollar enterprise. I know but I'm just I know this podcast is doing well, but it's not billion-dollar. I know but let me say something right now, right? I here's the things that I know. All right my immediate life like in my inner circle, you know What I do for a living might you know the bigger, you know la, you know

But I see what I see and I experience what I experience all this other stuff, right? It's just my mind You know what you experience is actually a controlled hallucination You already have preconceived things that are hardwired into your brain. So what you see is what's preconceived. Really? So you're actually looking at the world not inside out, but outside in dude. I respect the fuck out of that now Listen the moon. She's fucking dating me man. We're left. Yeah All right. Yeah, don't give her fucking fantasy fuck eyes You're giving her fantasy fuck eyes. You fucking white weirdo man. Let me do something right now. All right That's a street name white weirdo. Yeah. So what I'm saying. Do you right now?

Well, you're saying to me right now, right? Is that right now this is all a hallucination that I'm experiencing a hologram It's a hologram might have an anxiety attack thinking I'm like seriously like going tunnel vision right now because I mean There's craziness like the thing about this is like when you argue quote-unquote conspiracy theories Yeah, you're literally like and there are crazy people that are involved like we were just talking about that We are courting a bunch of crazy people like I get called a gay Jew shill constantly You know, I'm not gay. I'm not Jew. I'm not shill

I'm I'm not I'm Armenian You get a you get us if you're looking for retail Jew. You can't afford that you go to 99 cent store You get a fucking Armenian. That's what you get. So so what you're sick, but see here's a reasonable skeptic But you're not if we call it uh spiritual skepticism You just uh you uh question the official narrative because I think that most people should do but they don't what they do is They rely on because there's all over the last like since the Clintons. There's been a complete change or at least They were more open about it and how the news is delivered

Uh, there was consolidation of all the media under one group of six people that six companies own all 90 the media and they control the fucking message and that message is directly related to what they make money And then that is god gold oil fucking drugs. Okay, that's that's the trillion dollar business The Hollywood shit is the billion dollar. They don't give a fuck about that. It's the big bucks So there's a manipulation that goes on with that and I'm not trying to change anything I say people I go our show is uh compilation porn of conspiracies. Okay We take the greatest hits and we talk about let me ask you something Just to say like we're making the ice cream man uncomfortable

I think he I think he's a part of it this man He could be dude. He's how fucking his face got all red everybody blows up has some weird cia connection Let me say something right now. Is there a starter's kit I can I get into like a book I can read I think there is What is it? I think you should start with jfk start looking into the assassination of jfk start looking really deep down I would love for you to come on my podcast and what we could do one time is what they call swapcast Where we do the both do the pot we do it one time we both put it out And then we could teach you and sit down and break down little things for you and you could go

And we'll only present the facts and you could make your own decision We'll do a swapcast. No, here's what I want to do. Okay. Okay. That's that was I don't know. I don't know what you just said. I don't know what that is. Yeah, but what I would do Okay, is go to your podcast. Yeah, and just teach me things. All right We're down. I'd love for you and your brother to come on, but your brother I think he'd be nervous. He were there because you'd make him I don't know no railroad him. I wouldn't railroad him. I would listen. Yeah, I would take notes You know what that's it. I'll bring a notebook. I'll buy a notebook. Yeah, I'll get a pen

And I'll try start 101 dog. Yeah, when you guys do it We do it every monday at three. You already did today. Yes. We had a great one We had Ron Placone from the jimmy door show come on, dude Big fan of his you like jimmy door? I love jimmy door jimmy door is doing the lord's work right now. Oh boy He's out there like he's doing like if you like like people need political talk Yeah, but they need to get the right places. Yeah, his is great. It's right down the middle. He racks both sides I don't join groups dog. I'm a ronin dog. Lone assassin. All right enough of that

I'd love for you to come out fucking roaming samurai. Yeah, I am dude. No, dude I am. I'm drunk. You're a villager and you give him the pay so Can you help me get to kill this guy? You're nothing. All right. Fuck you. I'm an assassin. Fuck you too, man Uh, so that was yeah, I would love to discuss it, dude. Next monday. I'm on a tv show. Okay. All right Were you done filming when you're done filming but um So, um, this was fun. I yeah, I'm playing vancouver. Mm-hmm. What's it called can is great yuck yucks It's December 30th. I I'm sorry November 30. We added a show friday because all the other ones are sold out Dude, it's friday. I when you do the special

I don't really need to do one If that's the fuck I don't really need to do one. You should my numbers on the road are great Yeah, and if I don't listen to me, here's my fear. I do a special and then what happens Then I have to do a fucking theater I'll do that. Oh my I like your clubs. I like I like you do anything you want. You could be russell peters He goes for marinas the clubs I'm gonna I'm gonna do one Okay, I'm gonna do it on my own time

Okay Jesus fucking christ You guys in this fucking alien fucking you look like every like a peasant in a kung fu foot Like talking about the bad guy was just come in and kicked everybody's ass. You don't come in. He hurt us boss I just say this one right now. This is really fucking you're really bumming me out right now because um Today we went and bought this close Right And it would cost a lot of money

And now I'll never gonna wear it again. Why it looks great. I love the pants. The pants are great. You look great You look great You look great Do this Yeah, I look great look at me dude I got someone on the internet told me and this is a joke I do but they told me I look like a rapist who rapes rapists That's what I got Yeah, that's

That's why it hurts No, no, that's a movie. Look at these are Yeah, rapists rapists rapists rapists rapists rapists rapists rapists rapists rapists rapists rapists Mm-hmm. Do you think they would like it or not dexter of dick? Can't rape the willing so wouldn't be right. Yeah Anyway, we had a really good time tonight. It was a lot of fun and I'm what episode is this? 119 119 we're taking a little photo. Yeah, after you broke the record. What? We broke the record you beat Brett Moren

How what's the time on this one minute monologue? Yeah I'm getting over a rom-con is overnight over an hour and a half almost. That's amazing. Yeah, dude We've never done this. No, this is the first trail blazing. That's what Ronin's do If you say Ronin, that's what I got if you say wrong. You're not a fucking wrong. Yeah You're not you're not Japanese. You're not samurai or none of that man. Fuck you I would never hire you to predict my vote protect my village What you don't know anything you and your fucking friend here shaggy. Oh I feel so bad

Thank you guys Sam really quick. Where can we find your podcast? Uh, there's a punch drunk sports and then there's a tin foil hat puncher exports tin foil hat check them both out They're both crazy. Cool. We'll be right back guys Whoa, and we are back. That was a long podcast The longest official like it though. Yeah, sorry, okay phone down call out a phone down I wish you would have talked more about the conspiracy theory stuff at the beginning. I was like We talked more about Thomas Shelby

You guys don't watch peeky blinders really I should I my sister my sister loves my god It is such a great show. I didn't know you dream about Murphy all the time because I haven't been able to I don't know how to say this you guys But I woke up today feeling like a different person and this is not an exaggeration And I'm not just saying this to for for the sake of story. I Really am I felt things in my dream because I was dreaming of Thomas Shelby And I don't know what it is about him and I'm sure every girl who watched the show feels the same way But I it there there's a revelation. It is some type of like internal thing happened in me

And I am a brand new woman peeky blinders. Wow getting there's a lot of themes that it addresses that makes me that Reno Makes me think about my own life And he's really just really good-looking. Sorry, babe And he every time I'm watching this show and he like yells at me every 15 seconds He forbids me now to watch season four. Well, everyone check it out so you can But it's been around forever, you know You've never heard of dude say that Well, then you don't hang with the right dudes because it's just an amazing gangster show set in 1920s Birmingham

This is Netflix, right? Yeah, it's on Netflix, but I think it's originally like a BBC show Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's only six episodes per season. Oh, that's the music's amazing. I'll do that cave PJ Day Harvey They have a bunch of good stuff and brun awesome shit Anyways anybody Like I'm gonna like guess we're gonna have to watch it profess my love for Thomas Shelby You just love English people don't you me? I love everybody. Yeah, but it's something about English man

That's just like no, it's really just his character, right? So like even he's he's a full-blown gangster He but even while he's doing dirty work. There's still a bit of there's an honor about him like he's He's he's a fucking racketeer. He's killed people. He's done certain things But even in doing all the dirty business There is an overwhelming feeling that he's doing it all for the sake of his family They started at the bottom and they're they're they're in this like place and time where it was very dog-eat dog You know, there was a lot of corruption in government. There was a I don't want to go into it too much Oh, but the fact that he loves his family so much is a very very attractive thing for me or attractive idea for a show

It's like family family family Tom. I didn't know Tom Hardy wasn't it? Yeah, he plays Alfie Solmouth Okay, he's really good in it and his wife is in it, too Check it out. Yeah, George any Nat pk has a new video Mostly compilation of Bobby singing but a lot of great stuff in there So you can find that on the reddit or the Facebook page good videos there Sam's tinfoil hat Podcast remember that there's two episodes with Steve on if you want a good intro for that a lot of conspiracy stuff

That we ended this podcast on I don't forget if you want great sheets Brooklyn and calm promo code belly Also Bobby added a third show to Friday night that yuck yuck So if you haven't been able to buy tickets, you can still go to that extra show go to Bobby Lee live calm You can follow us on Instagram at tiger belly on Twitter at the tiger belly and emails any questions for unhelpful advice or Anything you want at the tiger belly at gmail.com and Kalana. Thank you for coming my Thanksgiving See we can talk about we have a solo one next week. Yeah. Yeah, okay, then we can talk about Thanksgiving We could talk about all of that stuff. Cool guys. Welcome Bryce back to the fold

I have a few questions for you Bryce Should we do on the face? Should we do it on the Instagram live because we haven't done one in so long Yeah, but I where have you been and why did you abandon us? It's probably it probably has nothing to do with a girl before you left George was like, oh Bryce is gonna film a documentary He'll be back in a month and then a year ago a year passes by and we're like, where's the realist? How long has it been eat the mic six months? Has it only been six months? Yeah, I left in beginning of May. Oh It felt like a year you were gone so long Not quick with that, but I think it's six or seven months. Yeah, that was longer for sure

Why did you leave us with George alone, that's a great question Yeah, I went back to try to do this project the project fell through but a lot of great experiences Then I was like, oh, I hope the family for a bit self the family Piki blinding. I ignore them for four years about here at maker doing the Hollywood thing and Mm-hmm. The only fake digital Hollywood price. I forgot about all the families. I was like, yeah I should spend some time with them Then Spain for wedding. Oh, yeah, I saw that you were there Mexico for a wedding Yeah, summer flew by. Yeah. Oh, I found a girlfriend as well. So

So that'll be interesting that's always a good reason to stay away long Yeah, that complicated things out have been back here a lot sooner. Is she in LA now? She's flying out tomorrow and to live here with you visit and then she'll move out in December Everyone's growing so fast. I can't deal with this George's next If I'm honest, there's a little bit of a selfish part of me that doesn't want you ever get a girlfriend You said that same thing to me like a lot of the first time It's kind of like, um, you know, like when you have a sibling and the same way I feel when my sister gets a boyfriend

I have to reconcile with that feeling make sense now where you're like But like I'm I'm their number one, you know, like I'm the number one and he knows and you're not the number one And then you have it takes a moment to for that transition So I don't want any of you guys even when you got with Cindy. I was like, oh, no No, I love her when my sister talks to her boyfriend on the phone. I'm just like, what do I like? I don't even know my sister. Why do you have a boyfriend? Can we hang out? Yeah. Yeah, but see I mean now It's like I love my sister's boyfriend. He's my brother Yeah, and I wouldn't have it any other way

But initially there's always like is he gonna change are you one of those guys that gets the girlfriend and we never hear from him again? No, you'll always be my Monday number one and my Thursday afternoon number one You know at least I get one day. Those are nice titles. You're my Monday number one because I've had some friends like over time Where they get into a relationship and you just don't see him anymore. Oh, no, I hate those people Those are the people are the worst. Yeah, you're like, oh, that's so sad. I really thought that we were lost Because of that. That's just weird Yeah Don't be that way Bryce. Oh, no, I'm right. Don't be like that. I've been thinking about it

But you're back here now. So we'll we'll you know, we'll trap you Shout out to Renzo. I don't know. I wanted to say that yeah, I hung out with my mom for an hour after the part It was over dude. That was your parents are the best and they're also just so comfortable and your dad I know you don't think he's funny. You're a good audience. That's why no, no, no I know you don't think he's funny, but in Bessiah. He is so funny. What kind of comic-usie American wise He has the best Bessiah street jokes. Are you heard me laughing? You just don't understand. Bessiah Gilbert Yeah, I was trying to watch it. You're just like, are they just being nice cuz no, no, I was doubled over. I was cackling Your dad's the best dad jokes. Anyways, thank you guys for listening. We'll talk about Thanksgiving next week

Make sure you check out Bobby shows and Bobby live calm all our social media and you can follow Kalyla on Calamity K and George at George underscore cable and Ladies you can't hit Bryce anymore, but if you just want to follow him, it's at Bryce. Hello guys. That's our show Hey Prime members you can listen to Tiger barely ad-free on Amazon music download the Amazon music app today Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry plus in Apple podcast before you go Tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry comm slash survey. You