TigerBelly - Episode 122: Jimmy O. Yang & The Woman in the Closet

Episode Date: December 20, 2017

Jimmy goes boom. Bobo says a prayer. We talk porcelain skin, Crazy Rich Asians, and running from economics. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today I Is it on fuck no, yeah, you're right. Yeah go five four three three two one Everybody everybody everybody welcome to another edition of a tiger belly I'm Bobby Lee Yeah We got Dude, I don't know. Dude. We have to start over now because you're laughing at me, dude

Let me just say something right now to the holiday. It's a holiday edition, dude Oh Yeah, i mean it's about the jesus, you're right you're right, so you start over five four three five four three two one Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa!, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa!, Fa, Fa, Fa, Fa.] Bobby Lee. So guys, we have a guest.

I'm gonna, I don't always do this, but I'm gonna say his name. He's gonna say hello. And then this is how it's gonna go. He's gonna say hello. And then because it's Jesus' birthday coming soon to theater new year, we're gonna, I wrote a prayer. And everyone has to repeat.

When I do this, you repeat the line. And then when I don't do this, let me talk. But, and no one's gonna go, this is stupid. We're not doing this anymore. You have to do it as long as we do the prayer, all right? So our guest tonight is Jimmy O'Yan. Give him a round of applause. Is this where I'm supposed to say hello?

I'm nervous now, I don't wanna. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Say hi now. Okay, hi. How are you? I'm good. Are you Christian? Not, I don't go up with any religions,

but I'm not against anything. Then there we go. Because on our podcast, we believe in the Lord. Oh, no, I'm an atheist. She's like a false statement. Just baby, we have fans from the Midwest now and the South, let's just pretend. No.

Okay. I'm an atheist. But anyway, it's Jesus' birthday and I created a prayer. I do love Christmas though, a lot. So when I do this, you guys just repeat what I say, okay? But I wanna just kind of close your eyes, right? Are we holding hands or not?

No, we're not gonna hold hands, it's weird. But it is weird. Right? Okay, here we go, all right? Dear Lord. Dear Lord. Do you wanna repeat? Okay, sorry.

That was rehearsal. Okay. When I do this, I'm gonna do finger. But you said close your eyes. How do you see that? I can't feel your finger, bro. I can't feel it. You know what?

I didn't think it through. I didn't think it through. No laughing, but I didn't think it through. So you can open your eyes. Okay. I feel safer that way. Yeah, yeah, good, good. You're spitting granola all over your eyes.

I know, I know, I know. But that's because I like it when it's on it. It gives a different flavor. Oh. All right, so. I hate it. So, are you ready? Yes.

Dear Lord. Dear Lord. Let your glory penetrate us. Let your glory penetrate us. Within and without. Within and without. Black cubes and shadows will not curse the pure hearted. Black cubes and shadows will not curse the pure hearted.

And we will kill and defeat dark whites and cleanse the south. We will kill and defeat dark whites and cleanse the south. All right, repeat. I'm going to say that line again and you fucked it up. Sorry. We're not starting from the top. No, we're going to start from the top. I don't give a fuck.

I don't give a. We're going to do a quicker. I don't give a fuck. We're doing quicker. No laughing. Do not question it because this is from the Bible. Okay. Oh, it's not from Grave of Thrones or anything.

I'm serious. Jimmy, you're a guest and I'm going to let you have that one. All right, Jimmy, I'm going to let you have that one. All right, because you're a guest. I'm just going to listen to repeat. All right. So here we go. Dear Lord, let your glory penetrate us within without black cubes and shadows will not curse

the pure hearted and we will kill and defeat dark whites and cleanse the south and we will kill and defeat dark whites and cleanse the south. The roads are never ending and we will swim in your juices, Lord, and we will swim in your juices, Lord, but up by a boy. But up by a boy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Amen. Amen. Wow. Wow. So how does that feel? Jesus was a, you know, a creative man. Thank you. You know, you get it.

Yeah. I do now. I didn't. I know. I see the light now. I always knew this about you, Jimmy, huh, that you were like, I don't like the dark whites in the south. You lost the class itself.

Yeah. Yeah. Nobody. What is that supposed to mean? What do we do? What is that because, you know, a lot of things, you know, when you read poetry or when you read fine works like, um, Dostoyevsky, a lot of, a lot of times, Bobby winked at me. Yeah, a lot of times you have to read between the lines.

Subject to interpretation. Exactly. Uh-huh. College educated. Uh-huh. So you're subject to anticipation. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Okay. So, Jimmy. Let's clap for Jimmy again. Hi. Jimmy. Hello. Oh, yeah. His only response.

Jimmy, um, let me tell you something right now. When I see your generation of Asians coming up, I'm so proud. Thanks. Do you know why? Why? Because you, you, you're, you're not gooky. Oh, okay. Thanks.

Well, I mean, I grew up watching you. You don't even know. Every Saturday, my family watched Matt TV instead of SNL when you came on. Yeah. My dad would lose his shit. Oh. He, he, I was, I was, I was hanging out with him today. He was like, make sure you say hi to Bobby.

Oh my God. What's your name? Richard. Richard Yang. Yeah. Richard O Yang. What is O the part? Is that your middle name?

So, O Yang is, it's my actual last name in Chinese. It's O Yang. It's a two word last name, which is kind of rare in Chinese. Is it A-U? Yeah. Some people say A-U like the rapper Jin. Yeah. It's A-U-Y-E-U-N-G.

It's the same last name in Chinese character. Mine's O-U-Y-A-N-G. Mm-hmm. Uh, but I just shortened it to Yang, basically. Yeah. I left, because Lee is not my last name. I shortened mine. What is it?

Li Buwitz. It's a Jewish last name. It's Li Buwitz Lee. Okay. And I just cut it, you know, so. Li Buwitz. So, I would have stayed Li Buwitz Lee, but. Two-minute Jews in Hollywood.

You got to stand out somehow. We're not Jewish. Yeah. No, you're not. Li Buwitz Lee is not Jewish. No. That's not, okay. No, no, no, no, no.

Sorry for so much. Yeah. We're Pakistani descent. Oh, okay. I'm making, I lied. Yeah. It was just Lee. I lied, guys.

But because of the new rule of being honest, I just lied. Okay, Bryce. So, Oh, yeah. So, I thought Oh, Yang was like your middle name. Right. That's, that's what I want people to think, I guess. Because you put a period, right? Yeah.

Because I used to go on stage as O-U-I-N-G. Nobody can ever pronounce it and people didn't know. This is how stupid it is, right? Yeah. Because once I changed it to Yang, it's my last name. And then I posted the same, basically, stand-up videos on Facebook. This was years ago. And Asian people started getting in my back.

They're like, oh, man, this dude's Chinese. We have to support him. You know, he's one of us. Whereas Oh, Yang, they don't know. He's like some weird Cambodian guy or something. Right. They don't care about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that's what it, you know, it did somewhat make a difference. Yeah. Is your skin always porcelain? I mean, look at that skin, guys. It's not much. Yeah. Your skin is perfection, bro. Really?

What? Thanks. I haven't, you know, I haven't gotten that compliment. I mean, look, look at my face. Like I do with the liver spots and whatnot. Yours is okay. Yours is still good. Your face is nice, Gabriel.

Gilbert's is just as good. Yeah. Call me Gabriel. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no. Jimmy, Jimmy, call him whatever you want to. Because I mean, he's a sound engineer. Yeah.

Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? Right. Right. Yeah. He's a fucking. Yeah. What did you call him in the beginning of the show?

Nip something nip. Fuck nip. Fuck nip. Here's the thing. Listen to me right now. Look at my little beady. Look at these. How cute he is.

Jimmy, let me just say something right. A lot of times in life, and I'm your elder, right? Yes. Asian fucking respect. I have to. You have to. Then look at me right now. Yeah, I'm looking.

All right. He's not Chinese. I know. I don't understand that. I know. He's like, not Korean. The only Asian I know. So I'm going to speak to you in Korean.

Listen to me. Okay. That's fair. And that's fair. Jimmy. All right. I is fair. Okay.

In this game we're playing, but I didn't even know what I was going to say. No, I do. Can you speak in Korean? I know. I do. I know what I'm going to say. That's disagreeing. Yeah.

For this little improv sketch we're doing. Yeah. But it's this. Okay. I just say things. Do you know why? And I make shit up. Do you know why?

Why? Because I have the spirit inside me. You know how people speak in tongues, bro? Uh-huh. At churches? Uh-huh. Right now I feel the same fucking way. I feel the spirits coming in and out of me and I say certain things.

So I looked at him. I call him a fucknit. Because that's, but now you don't know what it means. But when you look at him, do you see it? Yeah. He's like, can we go Jimmy? Yeah. There you go, Jimmy.

So where did you start doing stand up? San Diego. Where you started, right? Oh, we can talk about all kinds of shit right now. You started at the store down there or no? No. I did some like shows at the store, but it was the comedy palace and I did a bunch of open mics.

All right. And when Robert opened up the original Madhouse. Oh, the original Madhouse. The original Madhouse in the back of a Chinese restaurant. Right. Did you ever do shows with that fan? Yes. He kind of...

Yeah. Yeah. By the way. I want to hear what he has to say. I have to hear what he says. Yeah, yeah. By the way. I love that fan, man.

You guys are like my heroes. So Jimmy, Jimmy, you would say Bobby and that fan are on the same level. Man, see, you guys trying to get me to say some shit right now. No, speak your heart. Speak your heart, Jimmy. When I was 15 watching you guys in high school, yes. You guys are both my comedy heroes on the same level, man. And you know what?

And that fan really helped me out in the beginning of my career, honestly. I know he really did. He helps a lot of people. He's a great guy. You never paid him for anything, though. No. Okay. Yeah.

Because he does those bringer shows. He does. Yeah. He does. Did you do those? I did those. I ran a couple of them, too. Whoa, you're a part of his regime.

I was. He was so intense, man. Yeah, he's an intense guy. He has like OCD or something. Yeah. He knows when to... He was doing a show in November and he wanted to do a 7 o'clock show and a 9 o'clock show. I'm like, Bobby, 7 o'clock sun's gonna be still on.

You know, the sun when the sun's out, you don't want to do Santa, right? Yeah, yeah. And he's like, no, don't worry. That's after the daylight saving time. So like the sun's not gonna be out no more like at 7 o'clock. I'm like, holy shit, this guy thought about everything. Yeah, he thinks about everything. Yeah.

Have you seen his Instagram posts? It's like very detailed and hashtags and... I'm gonna say some... Are you okay, Bobby? Detailed? That's so amazing. Can I just say something right now? I feel like I'm stepping...

No, you're not stepping... No, you're not. No, no, no. Jimmy. Jimmy. You're a guest. I wanna... There's nothing you could...

There's nothing... I'm just gonna listen. I haven't talked... No. There's nothing you can say. There's nothing that you can say to penetrate me. Okay? The juices flow.

The juices flow. All right? This is the Lord's birthday almost coming up. So I want to say this, Jimmy, to you. Yes, I have seen his Instagram. And I also want to say to you that I'm obsessed with it. It's great, right? It's fantastic.

Case in point. Case in point, the other day, because of the fires in LA, he had a mask on. And he's doing... Promoting. You know, he's walking down the street. He has a mask on. He's always promoting. Right.

But the sky was blue. There's no fire there. Stuff like that is incredible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's incredible. He likes to... A lot of hashtags.

Hashtags. If it's...we did a photo right here. That was here. He would hashtag brown table. He would hashtag candle. Right? A thousand hashtags. He's one of my fucking idols too, man.

You don't need people to even know, man. I learned from him, man. He's the best. Did you come up first or did you come up first? I started first, yeah. In San Diego, right? Yeah. In terms of Asians in San Diego and Wally Wong.

Oh my God. That... I haven't seen that in years. Yeah. Yeah. He's another one. He's a millionaire or something. Right?

He's legit. He's legit. That guy. He's like 60 now, probably. Yeah. Yeah. How long ago were you down there then? So, I started...tried 10 years ago when I was like 21.

I'm 30 now. Wow. So, nine years ago. And then I worked at the Comedy Palace for a while and that was when Robert was running it. Yeah. So, it was great with the Syrian owner. I know, Robert.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I did the shows there. I did the tip bucket thing there. Wow. And all of that. And then I left.

I left maybe when I was like 23 to come back up to LA because I grew up here. And yeah. And then they opened up the ACC, the American Comedy Club, and then Robert opened up the new Madhouse. Like, it became like a huge comedy boom up there. Yeah. You get on stage like on two, three legit shows every night. Oh my God.

Yeah. Yeah. So, back when I started, we only had the comedy store. Right. And some coffee shops, but I started in 95. There was not no Madhouse. There was not any of that shit, man. And I had to start at the store with Wally Wong.

Was there all these old heads, you know, Chris Clapper, Zoo Man. Yes. You like him? Yeah. He's great. Yeah. He's great. Yeah.

He's great. I don't know him. He's great. Yeah. Yeah. He's great. I'm just nodding along. I'm so lost.

I'm like feeling anxious. Why are you feeling anxious now? I don't know. I feel like I... Why? He does. Has that fan been on the show? No.

He won't do it. What's the deal? You've been talking shit about him? Like, what's the deal? I'm not talking shit about... Have you been? I don't know. Are you a spy?

No, because I feel like there's some guys... Every time I say that fan, people are laughing. I feel like, man, you're a fucking spy. And I feel like there is a picture of you and that fan behind you. Because we're friends, fucker. But I feel like there's some other meaning to it. No, man. No.

Look at the joy. That fan takes a good picture, man. I don't know, man. So you came to L.A., right? You came to L.A., right? You came to L.A., right? You came to L.A. You came back to L.A.

I went to high school here, yeah. Right. And then... When did you get Silicon Valley? So I was on since season one, so that was... We're shooting season five now, so that was four or five years ago. But it was a very small, literally two-line part. Right.

And then they liked me. They brought me back for another episode. And so I was on a total of three episodes in the first season. But each episode I was on was literally one scene in two lines. That's how me and love. That's the same thing. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, killing Jacob. She's great, isn't she? Yeah, I love her. Yeah. And then the part got bigger and bigger. That's amazing. Is TJ nice to you? TJ's great to me.

I love him. We're very good friends. He's awesome. He's so awesome. I was his favorite Asian friend. TJ. That's what TJ said. TJ.

TJ said that. Which is calm. No, no, no. Which is totally calm. Whoa! You know, I learned... You bring guests. You just learn.

Yeah. I'm absorbing so much. I'm so happy to learn so much. I've learned so much. I've learned so much. I've absorbed so much. Yeah. Did you see that?

You know, and I'll be honest. You want honest time? Yeah. Honest time. Honest time. Okay. I just made that song. Oh, that's not a segment.

No, that's not. I just make sounds. Now it is. I make it up. Honest time. I'll tell you how I'm feeling. I feel scared. Yeah.

I feel happy that we have a great guest. Yeah. I feel betrayed. I don't know why. TJ probably. Yeah, yeah. Because of TJ. My eyes are vibrating.

Oh, God. I have no idea what that's all about. Health. I'm having brain freeze and I haven't eaten anything cold. Sounds like an orgasm. That's how you orgasm? Your orgasm is a brain freeze. You get brain freezes.

Brain freeze. Feeling a little regret. Yeah. That's usually how I orgasm. This kid is amazing. So, Jimmy, we're in the elevator. What did I ask you? What did you ask me?

I don't remember. What girls? Oh, about girls. Am I getting laid? Yeah. Right? That's what you asked me. You know, but it's not like an avalanche of pussy.

Yeah. Yeah. It's enough. I've never gotten an avalanche in my whole career. Interesting. What's the most avalanche you've gotten? Avalanche. Well, this is my girlfriend.

You know that. I figured that out by now. It's fine. And you're talking as if I haven't heard the worst of the worst things. Don't try to be polite now. Now it's not the right time to start. I pulled a steeper in Crystal Lea in Florida once. What does that mean?

Specifically in Florida. Like back to back or multiple in a day. No. This girl, this girl, I met at a show. Oh, is that Tampa? Tampa. Right. I've heard this story.

Yeah. And she made love to me in my hotel room. Love. After a show. You met her at the show. Yeah. And when she left, a preacher's letter came over right after that. Also, another audience mama?

Yeah. And no, she was a comic. And I made love to her. Oh, nice. And in one night. And that's never happened before after. They were both white, which is a win. That's a good double points.

Double points. Yeah, man. That's good. And that happened to me once. Once? Yeah, yeah. The Crystal Lea. The Crystal Lea.

That's the Crystal Lea. Steve Byrne. Well, this is when before Steve Byrne was married. Yeah. Steve's good looking dude. Those half Asian dudes get laid. Talk about it dude. Talk about it.

And I mean the half Asian girls are like the hottest girls too. So it's like they're just beautiful people. Oh, yeah. They all look like Maggie Q. Or whatever. Right. Yeah. Look at half Asian right here.

Yeah, there you go. Yeah. Oh, look at them. She's like sauce. No, baby. Just give me open. Just let not open mom. We'll just do it.

It's a holiday episode. It's a holiday episode. Do we talk about Jesus and stuff? Okay. You have to defeat the dark whites. Open my mouth. Open your mouth. It's weird.

It's okay. She's like, all right. No, you fucking do it. You're doing the. Yeah. All right. You know what? You know how my holiday is ruined.

You know what? And it's your curse. You know, you're not a curse. You're beautiful. Can we like, can you hold on one second. Your energy right now is like fucking up my insides, bro. All right. Can we have some like real clear train of thoughts here and real lines of questioning.

Okay. Okay. Thank you. I got anxiety. Okay. Like fucking, I'm like trying to fucking face rape me. I'm not. Okay.

Go ahead. I read that you're know that your parents, you're from China, right? Yes. So Hong Kong, my parents are from Shanghai. Okay. So how do your parents feel about you doing the whole, obviously the whole comedy thing? They don't get it. They didn't.

Now they do. Cause like, okay, I'm making some money, right? They get TV. They don't get stand up comedy. Okay. It's not a thing. I don't know about your Korean parents, but it's not a thing in China. They do stand up.

They call it a talk show. They like, oh, you gotta laugh. We don't talk show. Yeah, sure. Whatever. You know, but it's not even like stand up is not an art form in China. You know, or Korea in general, or really just any pursuing any art form is nuts. I quit like a financial internship.

I went to college and you go got an economics degree, quit that internship to do stand up at the comedy palace. Yeah. Like, I mean, in hindsight, I looked insane. But I know, but look at Fahim Anwar was an engineer for Boeing and he was making six figures. Yeah. And he just his soul couldn't take it.

What you did was you took a big risk. Yeah. Um, it fucking paid off because you have the talent. You have the look too. Oh, thank you. You're not just an Asian guy. You have a specific kind of cool look about you. It's interesting.

I can't figure it out what that is about myself. I know what it is. You're just, you know, one of us. Right. Like, I'm a nice representation of an everyday Asian. I'm not the good looking sex. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I think you're misunderstanding what I'm saying and look at me right now.

If you want to. I'm like, you look so I'm just trying to be calm for my girlfriend everywhere I look. It's you. Okay. There's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Supreme leader.

But what I want to say to you is that you have a billion Asians in this world. Right. You look around. They all, you know, kind of wear the same things in their, the clothing is, um, neutral, neutral clothing. They don't stand out. Right. What?

I feel quite the opposite. In the Philippines. No, like in Japan, I mean, people are very extreme with their fashion there. They're like the future. Basically. You're not even going to listen. Just listen to my whole thing. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. And I think maybe your anxiety is coming from yourself right now. Maybe. Because what I'm being right now is cool and calm and collective. I feel like you're describing all Asians as like wearing all just canned colored, like no, but I've seen, I saw a documentary. Do you ever see that documentary about the train when they go to the, we saw together

right? Right. Right. You told me to watch it. But did you see it? But did you see it? It's a last train home or something like that. Yeah.

Okay. It's basically. See it when you're in a relationship. You just have to, my eyes are vibrating. But they're vibrating right now. Yeah. I mean, those Asians, right, they generally wear, you know, just, just a non intrusive clothing and they even look kind of alike.

Right. Like a company man. Yeah. This guy right here. This is basically, you look like you were drawn. Cool. Yeah. I mean, no, that sounds like a compliment.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You look like somebody in some sort of Japan animation studio. Oh, really? Right. You look like a raw, acute, cool Asian guy and they made you. You don't look necessarily, and don't take this the wrong way, human.

Oh. Hey. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's where we're going? Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Your forehead is exposed in the right way. Perfect. But still unusual. Uh-huh. Right. Your nose is just definitely created in some sort of lab. So cute.

It's like a fucking. A lab. Like a fucking piece of candy. Oh. Like a little Japanese candy in your fucking face. You want to eat it? Yeah. Your eyes are like unusually like one squinny, one's not that squinny.

Right. Just listen to me, man. This one has a stigmatism. That's. My bad. Yeah. What does that mean? That means I can't see very well out of this one.

Oh, what happened? Not just a stigmatism. Stigmatism. Just genetics. That means like it's not like round. That's not an Asian joke, but like yay. Yay. My eyeball is not perfectly round.

Yeah. But that's why it's cool. You can even tell. I go, yeah, I like that. Right. Are we going to fuck after? No. No, no, no.

I probably wouldn't. You wouldn't fuck. Not his type. Really? My type. No. Damn. Yeah.

Because if I was going to go gay. Yeah. I would probably have to go the Steve Byrne type. Like Tony Thorne. Oh, I mean, who wouldn't, right? Like who wouldn't want to pay Steve Byrne? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I probably wouldn't fuck him.

But like his type. His type. You know? You know who Tony Thorne is? I don't know. Look it up later. Too straight to know. Sweetest Chinese model.

He's the sweetest Chinese model. Oh, like Henry. What's that guy's name? You know what? I'm going to give you a photo of him. Hennie. Hennie. What's his name?

Hennie. Daniel Hennie. Oh, yes. Super good looking, half Asian, half white guy. But who's that? Oh, my God. He's a model. Oh, really?

Yeah. Now, would you fuck Daniel Hennie? If I was gay? Yeah. Like just as a fun, because I know that you're straight. You know, you're still straight, but for fun. Yeah, I'm going to do it. For fun.

I'm going to do it. For fun. Yeah, I don't think so. I don't know about that. So this is the guy right here. This is Tony Thornberg. And I would do gay love to him. Like now.

Yeah, now. Even when you're straight. Yeah. And he's half Asian. Okay. Oh, that's good looking. Motherfucker, man. I mean, be real, dude.

You know what I mean? I mean, look at that. Look at that. Good morning. Yeah. What are you doing with your hair right now? Do the hair. And why is your belly exposed?

Why is my mouth on your dick? That kind of thing. That kind of thing. Dude, he's also a wizard at times. What does he do? Is an actor? No, he's a fucking male model, dude. And it's like, and he knows about me.

He knows that I have a man crush on him. I got to make some half Asian babies that look like that, man. But you, but can I be honest with you? And I don't want you to get this the wrong way. I keep saying that. And then halfway insult them. But go ahead. This is what I want you to do.

Cause you're, you're on a right, on the right path right now. I think after, um, Silicon Valley, you'll get a network thing. You know what I mean? It'll be great. And the thing is, is this, is that, and then, you know, the higher you go in the business, you get exposed to higher numbers of women. Right. You need like a six foot two Swedish blonde model.

But that's, you know, you're going to have to do that to have good looking kids. To have Tony Thornberg. Yeah. No, I don't think so. Right now I'm at like five, 10. And then six feet tall. Yeah. Yeah.

How tall are you? I'm five, six. Right. Yeah. So do you know, like if you know offense to her, but Melissa McCarthy. Yeah. Yeah. That's her, right?

Yeah. Like if you hadn't made love to her and you had a kid with her, you know what I mean? It would be a good looking kid. She's like a woman. Yeah. But it's not going to be a Tony Thornberg. You have like comedy geniuses. Basically.

I don't think our kids are going to come out very cute. I'm just being real with you. Yeah. But they're going to have issues, but they're going to have, um, inward talents. Yeah. But that's what I'm talking about. Like who cares about looks? Who cares when you're like, when I'm.

No, he just said that if you wanted to get a Tony Thornberg, that's what he needed to do. I'm not saying that maybe, maybe just a Steve Byrne. Yeah. Not even Steve Byrne. You're going to have to go high. I need to look at Steve Byrne's parents because his dad is a tall white guy. First of all, he's the white one.

When the father's the white one, it for some reason, genetically it works. No, that's bullshit though. But that's just how it is. That's 80% is the father's the white one. Right. So we have no, we have no examples of it. Hold on. You're saying that it's got to be a white guy in order for the genetic.

Hold on one second. See, that's what I'm saying. So. Wait, wait, wait. Don't touch. Don't touch. Don't touch. You have half of your parents DNA, a sperm and an ovum.

I want somebody in this room right now. Okay. That was the dumbest thing I've ever fucking. I'm going to science alert. I am about to fucking prove me wrong with fucking legitimate evidence. Uh-huh. Right. Give me a male Asian model that the dad was Asian.

I don't know any male Asian models. Tony Thornberg. Daniel Henney. Is he or yeah. Henry Golding, who's the lead of crazy rich agents? Oh yeah. Yeah. Is he half?

He's half. I don't know. Okay. Look, I'm, look, I'm up his parents. All right. And if you, if you give me factual things, then I can go, okay, I just don't think you've given them that much because eight out of 10 are the dads. Correct.

Yeah. But that's circumstantial. It's not, it's not because genetically it's going, you know, they're, they're, they have a propensity to look like dads. Like that's stupid. Right. You just see, you just don't see that many white tigers out there. Yeah.

I don't mean they don't exist. Okay. Well, you know what guys? Um, I could be wrong. And that's what living life is like. You know, you, you, you, you, you say certain. So you don't believe that if you procreate, it's going to be a nice looking kid. Well, with her.

Yeah. If it looks more like her, then, then we're like, okay, we're doing okay. But if it kind of leans toward me, we've got a problem, especially if it's a girl. But okay. There is hope because his brother is very cute. Steve. His brother has like, um, softer features is like, you know, cuter features. What are the features?

No, no, the reason why my features are the way they are. Okay. It's because of all the drug use and also all the eating. But if I lost a bunch of weight, I shaved my mustache. I took showers. Do you have a picture of you at your optimum prime? Like, I don't know when you're like... Looks good.

18, 20. Yeah. I had abs. I want to see it. All right. Steroids, but yeah. Oh, like how old though? I don't know.

You're prime, man. 25. I don't know if I have any prime photos, man. Yeah. You're wrestling photos. You look ripped. What? You're wrestling photos.

Yeah, my wrestling photos. You know, you know, Guam Felix? No. Guam. Should I know him? Oh, I know. I love Guam. Guam, yeah.

Yeah, I know him as Guam. Yeah, yeah. He used to be my roommate. Uh, he lived in my closet. From where? From really? From Guam. Yeah.

He could live in a... Like, he's like a big guy now, but like, he keep posting picture of him like on Facebook, like when he was like a football stud in high school and it's like a totally different looking. Do you hang out with Guam? I used to a lot. I'm a boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hang out with him lately.

Is he funny? Is he funny? I think he's very funny. I haven't seen him really. Yeah, he's funny. Yeah, I saw him at... He's more urban. Oh, he's urban.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Were there guys in San Diego who started with that weren't funny? Well, I mean, there's everywhere. I think there aren't funny. Right. But we were friends with them. It's hard to tell, especially when you're starting.

Yeah. And there's guys around you that just know they don't have it. You're so excited. Most people know they don't have it. They don't have it. They know that. They don't know. Yeah, right?

That's what I'm saying. They don't know. They think they're doing well because they see you and you're climbing and they're like, where's my turn? Right, right. There was a guy. I'm not going to name his name, but I lived in Silver Lake. And I've said this before.

He used to come to my apartment and go, check this out, buddy. I just killed at whatever. Right. And he'd play a tape. I'm not even kidding you. You would hear it complete, just him talking. What's, I mean, it's so easy to know that if he killed or not in comedy, how do they not know?

Illusion is a very, very heavy cloud around the head. People don't know. And you know what? I have the opposite effect. I think that's good. What good comics have you have to be a great judge of yourself? No, I'm almost like people hate me because like Whitney Cummings yell at me because she doesn't think that like I'll have a good set and go, I just ate it.

Oh. I'm one of those guys. Yeah. Yeah. And then she's like, fuck you. Oh. That type. And I'm very annoying.

But do you think other people ate it also when they had a good set or is it just yourself? I think no, I think everyone, I can't read because the laughs you get from on stage is different from the back of the room. I see. Right. I mean, you're, you know, a lot of times like somebody will say, like, I'll have an opener that go, that was hard. I go, no, you're fine.

Yeah. I heard you from the back of the room. And then I go up on stage. I go, oh my God, the acoustics is so weird. You can't really hear the laughs. True. Right. So it depends on what room you're playing.

But so I can't tell unless I'm on stage, but I'm annoyingly the other way over critical. When you were getting your degree in economics, were you already going to open mics? Who was the, when I turned 21, because before that, you have to wait outside. The clubs don't let you in. So that was probably my junior year or something like that. And that was when I started my first open mic during the summer when I was living with my dad here at the Ha Ha Comedy Club. Oh, okay.

You got to pay like five bucks for like five minutes of stage time. Wow. So I did that for like a couple months, did one bringer show, and then that's when I went back to San Diego and like really pursued it because I just knew, I didn't know I could do stand up. Yeah. I just knew I really didn't want to do economics. Oh, so it wasn't even something that you were absolutely dying to get into?

No. I mean, I don't know what your story is. So many people like my friends, like, oh man, I used to watch Eddie Murphy sneak in the back of theater with my brother when I was five years old and I knew I want to be a stand up. And now my brother died of lung cancer. So every time I go on stage is for him, man. No, I just, I just, I hated economics.

I wanted to get laid. Yeah. And I did stand. Yeah. I'm just desperate. You know, that's it. Oh, no, mine was like, I, my coffee shop that I worked at closed. I walked up to it and just said closed.

They didn't give you a call because in the nineties, they didn't have, we didn't have so far. All right. All right. So I go, it's closed. It's closed forever. Close forever. And when you have a job and you're that I was 23, I was like, oh, fuck, what am I going

to do? I go next door because I, I used to take the, we had large bills and I used to go to the comedy store to break them up at nights. So I knew the management and then they had a sign. We did a bar back. So I knocked on the door. I go, hey, can I get a job because they closed and Fred Burns was like, oh yeah, you're the kid from next door.

I go, yeah, he goes, all right, show up in two days. You know, not eight or, you know, so I showed up and I washed dishes, you know, and then I watched the open mics one night and I was like, I'm better than them. You just, they're just terrible, right? You know, and no offense. But you know, I started those guys like Chris Clomber and that whole regime that they just didn't like me because I think it was me. I think I was the bad guy.

I think I'm the villain in this story because I'm very opportunistic and I want to make it and I, I go, oh, shit, I can hang out with locals or oh, fuck, there's Carlos Mencia. Right? Right. So I remember Carlos sitting there with his, he had a black manager at the time named Worthy Patterson and I walked up to him, I go, hey, dude, I saw your HBO special. He's, oh yeah, cool, bro. I go, hey, I just stand up too.

He goes, let me see you and I went up, he let me go up and Worthy was there. Worthy signed me. Wow. That's great. Yeah, but that's San Diego. That's yeah. I was living in San Diego and then Paulie saw me open for me in Vegas. Right?

And the locals were like, look at this fucking guy. Right. Like, who the fuck is this dude? This dude is a fucking cockroach. Yeah. Weasel. But they're in their own way because they don't think they can make it. So they're not there.

But that's, that's what, here's, dude, you just nailed it in the fucking head right now, Jimmy O'Yan. Full name. Okay. You have to dream big. Absolutely. Did you dream big when you were like working in Madhouse and all those fucking places? Yeah, for sure.

Like, I don't know, I've always, I'm fairly business minded. So I knew I have a certain standard that I want to strive towards where some people I guess don't or they're in their own way. I feel like, like even like our friend Robert, who I think is very funny, but he seems like he just stuck in San Diego, like he's in San Diego. Like so many people was like, oh man, my set needs to get this good to go up to LA. My set needs to get that good. He's like, no, man, just fucking come up, dude.

Announcement right now. I mean, I'm going to make an, I'm sorry for my, I'm sorry, babe. I have to do this. I have an announcement. You just, we just hit upon something. Okay. All right. The announcement is this.

If you're a scum and you live in a city, right, like Austin, it's great, Peoria, wherever you are, right, you got to make the move. You got to take, you got to go to the big fucking pond. Yeah. You got to be the little fish for a while. It feels good to be in a small town and, and run all these rooms and everyone in locally knows who you are. But at the end of the day, that's dreaming small, bro.

You got to dream big, man, but I, it's hard to say the only thing is because like, you don't want every open mic. I did like two open mics to come here. You should get your craft going, maybe do a couple of years and then move up here, but you, you should make the move. No, because I'll tell you why. Even if they move up here, LA, yeah, they get eaten up alive. You know how hard it is up here at the scene.

Yeah. It's competitive as fuck, bro. Yeah. And let me tell you something right now. I, I spent three years in San Diego and I was like, I think I can do it. I'm going to conquer this fucking town. I walked up here and I fucking nearly, I, that's when I developed boils on the face. I'm stressed.

Yeah. I'm stressed boils. Yeah. And that's where I really found out what anger is. What was the plan when you came up to LA? Was it become a regular at the store? I was already a regular. Acting gigs.

Oh, you were. Yeah. Because I got lucky. You know, I got in with Paulie early and then Mitzi saw me when I opened for him in Vegas. So I got lucky in that way, but that still wasn't a leg up for me because when I moved up here, you just couldn't get spots. Even if you were a regular at the store already, there's 10,000 regulars. I mean, through the history of the comedy store, so many people got past and they still,

all of them want spots. So at that time you're like, oh, I forgot to wait in line. So it was the worst that what they did was they do these things called fallouts. So Mitzi would make a list of 10 comics, 12 comics, but there was another list, but you'd have to show up to sign up for it. It was called the fallout list. And so you'd have 20 guys show up or girls and that were paid regulars and sign up on the fallout list.

That's only if somebody didn't show up, but who would not? So you're just sitting there with 20 people going, I'm eighth on the fallout is eight people not going to show up tonight. But you would, you would stay there till two in the morning and every once in a while, like there'll be no crowd. They're like, can I go up just at the end, right? Yeah, it was that brutal. So how did you make it?

What's big TV is your big break? Or is it before that? I'm sure maybe you talked about no, no, no, no, no. It's meeting, leaving worthy. So I was with Carlos Monsea's manager, worthy Patterson, great guy. And then I left him, which broke his heart for, for Abby. And what? Abby Robbins.

No, you don't know Abby, but she's just like this old Jewish lady now that lives in Venice. But she was, she at the time had Laura Kytlinger, Craig Anton, a lot of these guys, Warren Hutchinson, and she had a stable of legitimate young, cool guys that were on TV. So I was like, I signed with her and I think that was my biggest. And then I met Matt Blake, my agent now. Was there ever a point when you finally got into standup where you thought, oh, this is a fucking mistake. I don't think so.

Or I would like to think I don't think so. Because as shitty as it was, I was working three jobs. I was doing the comedy palace, working the door, getting like 10 minute stage time, getting the tip bucket. I was working as a used car salesman on the ocean side to the comedy palace. Yeah. And then after the comedy palace, I have another job at DJ at a strip club. Which one, which one, which one?

On university, fantasy show girls. It's now no longer there. Yeah. What was your DJ name? I didn't have a DJ name. Everybody earned a name from prison. Like there was a guy named Monster. Yeah.

You're just high. I'm Jimmy. I'm just high. I'm Jimmy. Yeah. It was like a really like kind of gangster place, but it was, it was like as shitty as that was, it was still better than sitting behind a desk, working a finance job for me. So I never thought it was a mistake.

I might seem like a mistake to my parents. Yeah. Right. And my goal was always to just get a college agent so I can like at least make rent. Yeah. You know. Did you ever get, did you ever do NACA or any of those? I did.

I was so disheartening. Oh my God. That's the worst. They always liked my five minute tape. They, whatever I submit, I do it and I go up there. Yeah. And I see other people like booking a ton and then nobody would like really come up to my booth.

I know. My agent's like, yo, you did great. I don't know if my material don't, is not safe enough for the kids. I don't, I'm not having that crazy. Have you done NACA before? Yeah. What is NACA? Especially the booth.

We have to sit and sell yourself. Oh my God. It's terrible. Is this a college tour? It's all college kids. So basically there's, there's the, the nationals and regional. Yeah. So the, there's big, the national NACA conferences.

It's basically these gigantic shows they do, hundreds of schools in that little area. They'll come to this venue and they'll see entertainment. It's any entertainment. I follow Bull Bice, the runner up of American Idol my first year. I remember him. I followed three American Indians with playing flute. Dude, that's a good opener. Right.

That's a good opener. And they were eating so bad. Right. Like people were like just falling asleep. I went, I'm going to fucking kill this bitch. And then. And I did, but I was too dirty. Yeah.

So you do the show. Thanks for you. I don't know if I was too dirty. I just didn't land like my stuff. Like, I don't know what it was. I've done four of them. I never got any. I got maybe 10 dates.

I got a little more than that, but it still wasn't. Bobby Lee. I got a little more. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't that bad. Yeah. 80 dates.

But yeah, but it wasn't like, because you got to get at least like 80 or something to make it worth it. Because as a broke comic, you got to submit for each knack of this, like six different regions. Yeah. Each of them takes like 90 bucks to submit. If you get in, you pay another $280. Then you pay for your own airfield, own hotel.

Right. If your agent takes 15% of each one of your gig, if you're lucky, you come home with 600 bucks on a gig. So if you don't book at least like 10 gigs, you're losing money. Yeah. You're losing money. Yeah. And then you have to do these runs and the schools will negotiate.

So they'll go, all right, well, you can do these five schools in a row, but it's going to be for less money, but you get them in a row. Guaranteed. Yeah. Right. And then sometimes you're in, you know where you're staying in? Somebody's. Guaranteed in a grandparents, white parents, these house of white, old, white people.

And I was an addict. I remember, and you had squeaky Florence and yours. It's so cool. It's a horror film, man. Yeah. So cool. And you're in a quilt. Right.

He makes you. And it smells like cotton balls. Right. And, you know, so, you know, we turn on the lights at 9, 9 p.m. So you better be in the bed. One time I had spent, so I had a school, then I had to stay in this old people's house for two days and then take a bus to the next school. Oh, wow.

So for two days, I didn't sleep. I think I had two like neutral grain bars and like a cup of coffee, my whole, that's my whole menu. Yeah. It was terrible. My point though. So you do the show, but the most humiliating thing is you have to go to the marketplace. Oh, you know, remember that when you have the booth, the booth, the booth, the booth.

Right. You got to sell yourself. Yeah. So you're in a booth, right? Next to a magician. Yes, that went to the, they walk around and everyone's in a booth and you have your head shots on the thing. It's weird.

They have flyers. And if no one stops your booth, your agent eventually goes, I was with Admire and Barbara Admire used to go, honey, take your flyers, go do some work. Start hanging. Oh my God. Take the flyers. I know you saw me. They're like, you're too dirty.

And we thought you were funny, but you're just too dirty. It's like 18. Oh, they actually, at least they told you that. Like they were honest. Yeah. We're Christian school. Yeah. Or whatever.

And you're like, okay. And then you'll get maybe two or three, but they were, they're nightmares, man. Even if you get it's shit. Because like, when, yeah, like when, when, when we weren't like on TV or whatever, it just, they stick in the cafeteria. Like that's true. Those are true stories. True stories.

I've done a couple of cafeterias. Yeah. Me and Steve Renazizi did a cafeteria at a community college in upstate New York. And there was no one there. Oh my God. I did. I did one with Seton Smith. We each had to do 45 minutes.

It was upstate New York and New Jersey. Yeah. Finals week in a cafeteria. People were like studying. There was three kids studying and they wanted, they wanted us to shut up. Like they just, they would rather us not be there. The only real audience member there was the guy cutting our check. So we still have to fucking perform.

Oh my God. You knew who Michael O'Connell is? He's, okay. So Ken Jeong, his writing partner. Nicest guy ever. Yeah. Nice guy. But his writing partner, Michael O'Connell, who was the executive producer of his sitcom,

him and I did a show in Indiana once and there was a googly monster, a lady who had hair on her face and she weighed, she weighed a probably about 300 pounds and she was like 19. Yeah. And he goes, Hey, he goes, Hey, buddy, she's hot. And I go, What? Yeah. I think you could fuck her.

Right. I love the shoulder. Yeah. Yeah. He was just elbowing me and I did. I did do it. I just wanted to toss you. Fuck the googly.

Bearded lady. I fucked a googly monster in Indiana. I can't do that. Cause like, what if she rejects me? That would be like that would be hurtful. Yeah. Have you ever tried to hit on a girl and then you get hurt? I've done that.

Just like my buddy's like, Oh man, you need to get laid. Man, just go like talk to like that girl over there who's obviously like not that attractive and like she still rejects me. Yeah. I'm like, Oh dude, like this is bad. You gotta wait. You gotta wait for people, girls to go, Hey, I like Silicon Valley. You know, you know, Silicon Valley, it's, it's, it's interesting.

Most of the really cute girls that come up to me are like, Oh my God, my boyfriend loves Silicon Valley. Can we take a picture for him? Oh. I'm like, Yeah. Stress boy. You know what I found, I don't know when you were mad TV, if you feel the same way. What I find is the girls that find me attractive, they don't want me to watch Silicon Valley

and then they find out about Silicon Valley later, then I'm really in it. You know what I mean? Oh, that's a good, that's good. Right? I don't know. Like what happened a couple of times. Yeah. Cause that's the best.

Cause like when they do watch Silicon Valley, so, Oh man, I used to, so I used to use some of those dating apps. I still haven't, but I don't really use them. Yeah. So this is like maybe last two seasons ago on Silicon Valley and I was on Bumble, met this really cute girl, she's from like Orange County, beautiful, right? Just moved up here. I'm like, perfect.

You know, she said she was a fan of Silicon Valley. I'm like, we're in man. Yeah. Yeah. Took her out to this Japanese restaurant, real nice restaurant, right? Right by my house. And I'm like, Hey, you want to, you know, go get a drink after. And then she's like, let's go back to your house.

And I'm like, Oh, boom. Yeah. Yeah. It's all out loud too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Boom.

Boom. How do you keep doing that? That's funny. So then I went back to my house, which it's the same shitty apartment I live in now. Yeah. And then we're chilling, drinking some wine. Yeah. And then I'm like, man, I'm, you know, this is good to go.

Like, and then she was like, let me check out your bedroom. I'm like, okay. Yeah. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom.

Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. I felt like, like the view is as if there's a hole. That's why she said and I'm like wait what what like you you were the one that want to come back to my house You were the one who want to go to my bedroom. I want to check out my closet. Yeah till today

I don't know what her intention was and then she left as if I fucking offended her and like never hit me back Oh my god, that's what I can hate a lady if you're fucking listening right now You fucking bitch scum You fucking you should have sucked his dick No, but it's like I don't write paper. No, I think that's she's fucking weird She's weird I ever if I ever propose to a guy that we go back to your place That's what I'm saying happening because I was very gentle. I'm like, let's go get a drink Like I wasn't trying to rush you know and the fact that she was like you've got the wrong idea

You gave me that idea Yeah, I don't know what I think so now out of my deduction from talking to my buddies So it's a couple of things Like a post-game talk, it's always the best. Yeah, yeah So it's either like she's a big fan of Silicon Valley literally. She's treating me like an episode MTV Cribs Jimmy Oying very good. Yeah, right and then and then just not interested or I Drive the shit Prius. I live in a shitty apartment. If I was in a mansion, it would have probably been a difference I don't know. I don't know those are my two conclusions a

Lot of girls and I want to say this and maybe I'm wrong or right, but I'm gonna be wrong or I'm gonna be wrong All right, but I've been in situations where Like a white girl In her dimension of thinking She would never hook up with me. So she just assumes that I assume that that you knew that you that I knew that Oh, that's right. Oh, so we're hanging out. She there's no way that this Fat Asian guy even thinks that you know that we can fuck so we're best friends already Yeah, why would he think that look at me and then when you make a move. They're like, are you fucking kidding me?

What the fuck are you doing and then you're kind of going oh Oh, you think that I'm like, you know a mythological creature from a movie, right? Yeah, yeah, right. You're exactly that and I'm just happy to have you as a friend fucking Cuz I fury oh for sure. It's I feel violated after that, you know, it's it's because it I don't give a fuck What you look like dude. Yeah to go from Working in a cubicle To doing stand up

To getting on an HBO show Doing two lines and then having them go we want to do more for this guy and to get it again on a regular basis Is so difficult to do That to me That that alone should make you at the top of the food chain. It's interesting. I think Um people are interested. I think everyone's interested. They want to at least hang out. Yeah, right because I am on a TV show Maybe they like or maybe they just like who is this guy? Yeah, like I think it's it's interesting Even when they don't watch the show and they see that they're like, oh man, Jimmy

Can I take a picture with you or something like on the street? Not that it happens a lot? But if they see somebody do that, they're like, who is this motherfucker? I want to know more, right? But that is still being interested is still different than being attracted to somebody, right? So I think if for me, it's better off to find the people that are actually attracted to me for just me anyways Regardless of the TV show and the TV show thing just a plus and that's that's a way easier way Like yeah, I fully agree with you I don't agree with what you're about to say Well, you've been there you've you've done this like what do you think?

He's always used his work to parlay I cannot And I might be wrong All right All right Thank you Thank you Boom

Boom Bang Is that why they don't want to fuck me? Is that the problem? Keep that the sound effects to yourself Yeah, I think that's the problem Yeah, yeah, this guy's a fucking eight-year-old retort So

No, I've always used I feel like the harder I went up The more pussy I was going to get And that could be wrong or right But I still believe this is to this day I don't think that if I wasn't in show business That I would ever get the caliber of women Even in the inside of me

Because Kalila is attractive But her insides are amazing She's like the overall it's a high school I mean we you know we're like best friends They're soulmates Yeah, that's great We're best friends, you know And um

How did you guys meet? Tinder Oh wow But let me say something She looked at my profile And she goes oh yeah he's a comedian Oh she knew who you were Yeah

If she's not going to look at my profile And go this guy works at Home Depot Right I'm going to fucking go right There's no way Right but what if you're just a guy that has a nice job It doesn't matter I don't have the just the first look of it

If I didn't have You know credit I don't believe that they would swipe right But maybe it's that self-belief That leads to a swipe and right Because now you kind of have a Swag about your self-belief right Boom

Yeah And from now on dude You should put it out there up front Jimmy single everyone No put it up front man You know what I mean But I just don't know Then it becomes like I don't know what they want

It doesn't matter What do you mean Because the thing is this dude It's like when people go Yeah I don't know if they're like dating me Or they're using me because If a girl is going to hang around Like okay you know your own smells right

Sure You fart right Your feet smell You have a bunch of character defects That are like kind of weird And somebody has to fucking endure that shit Right No one's going to endure all your bullshit

And your smells And your character defects If they ultimately don't like you Right Because she has to smell things on me That she's never smelled before That's correct right True love

I have a foot disease Foot fungus Dust I have a foot fungus right That will melt wax That's how strong it is That's how strong it is Like I'll take my shoes off on an airplane

And half the plane will go Oh yeah You know what I mean They'll make noises They'll have to put Oh my god You know my foot itches One time her pussy itched

Because I think I itched my foot With my fingers And I finger banged her And she got my foot fungus in her pussy Correct That's correct right So let me ask Those are fucking factual facts

Sure So my point is this She's still with me Right So she has to be a lunatic To endure years Of just emotional abuse And physical smells

Right She ultimately loves me That's great So what I'm saying to you is this Even if they're with you at first Because you're on a show If they stay with you It's gonna turn into love

Yeah because I think that That part is just going to Peak their interest This guy's talented He works hard There's certain things that As a woman is attractive to me Someone who's very funny

Talented Works at their craft And is ambitious And has had some type of Success in what they do Right That's really all it is That's really what

Peaked the interest initially I could have gone to the coffee And been like This guy's absolutely obnoxious I hate the way he smells He's disgusting And I'll never see him again I'm not gonna compromise

Like my happiness Just so I could be with You know this Comedian right Cause to live with someone For four years Like I have with him I mean just because he's a comedian

That's a fucking lot to do to my soul Yeah I don't think it I'm saying like Oh man there I'm with them to use me I live in a shit apartment I don't think anybody's trying To use me

Yeah Nothing to use Yeah Yeah But it's those stories Like Claude's story That I was telling you guys That is very bizarre

It's like a waste of my fucking time I know but the thing is Is this you opened it wrong What is that Because you probably Acted like In the upfront Even in the dialogue

Of the Bumble Map Right In that fucking Where you have dialogue Right You talk to each other Right Even in that

Right You have to be aggressive Not like I'm gonna fucking eat your pussy Right But like You know I think you're like

You're so attractive And you seem like You know what I mean You get that shit out there Right Right To know that you sexually Yeah

Don't go Hey buddy Yeah You wanna get coffee Yeah I will say that It does happen to To

Every single guy Because you know Our real estate agent How cute is he He's a cute fuck Fuck man Very very attractive guy But he was telling

Michael Yeah he was telling us Shout out to Michael Shout out to Michael you cute fuck The same thing basically Happened to him Yeah Where you know

He thought that this girl's very pretty He took her out to dinner There was a lot of interest By the time they got to dinner She just racked up a bill Of like 200 dollars That's sugar fish Like didn't even say a word to him

Just ate and then left You know And that just Shit just happens What's wrong with these people You know Dude dude dude These women

These women are users All these women And they're fucking vultures bro They're hungry They're hungry For sushi They're hungry dude for sushi Clothes apparently

And she was going through her closet To see what she can steal bro You think so I don't think so Yeah man She looked like she got money She's a fucking whore thief Oh my god

The classic whore thief I think she won What's her first name What was her first name What was her first name I don't know I can No don't please don't do that

I'm just going to call her a whore thief Okay But hey whore thief If you're listening to captain bob right now Right Know what you Look in the mirror Look in the mirror right now

Okay You should have let him fucking You should have let jimmy oh yang Nut in your fucking mouth You fucking whore thief That's not what I was trying to say Not my words I know

I know you weren't trying to say it in that way Right I don't think you were trying to say that But I'm just I'm as your older brother Okay And as your elder I just need to get that out there

Okay You weren't necessarily wanting to say that That's coming from my mouth But That infuriates me man It's weird It's next level infuriating I hear that Chinese men make the best husbands

Out of all the other Asians And that's coming from my best friend who's Korean Really She says that she would She's more than likely Well amongst the Korean ladies The rumor has it that Chinese men are the most doting husbands Versus the Korean men

They're weakest They're the weakest Well Koreans are tough Like Korean will fight you Like I've seen Koreans fight Like I got a buddy Like we're talking

Like we're just boys We're making fun of like his grandma Whatever we're just chill He just like threw a fork at me I'm a recount I'm like dude we're boys man Like what the fuck Yeah

You guys don't take shit from people No there was a comment Dante you know Dante Chang Yeah Right He's a thug Yeah Right

He's Korean right Yeah Cause he always comes up to me He calls me older brother And he looks at me And dude I'm telling you right now this guy could He could fucking crush my cheekbones

And with his fingers Oh like gambit thrones Right But he looks at me And he knows I'm older And he has that elder respect fucking thing Yeah And let me carry that for you

You know what I mean He does things And it makes me Makes me feel proud to be a Korean That's all I want All I want is respect All I want is someone to call me Hyeong Hyeong

Right And to carry my shit Right And I'm gonna say this to you Gilbert Right You don't give me that respect I call you captain I know but that's not Hyeong

So I start saying Hyeong Yeah Can I say Filipino word My gay friend You're always like hey Like when I'm driving by you When you I saw your sister in you

Yeah On 6th street that one day Yeah And then I rolled down the window You talk to me like you're my gay friend Yeah And I want No I want Hyeong

Okay Some more fear Not fear Respect Yeah You don't respect me I respect you so much I don't think you do

I do Okay You guys filmed Crazy Rich Asians in Congratulations Congratulations In Singapore and Malaysia That's amazing That was an amazing experience

We had Aquafina here too Oh I was just hanging with her Last Friday She's the reason why I do jewels Because she gave me her jewel Because I was smoking cigarettes And she goes hey Hyeong She goes smoke these

And she gave me her jewel And I quit smoking Oh that's great She is awesome I feel like she's so funny If she wasn't a rapper She would be like one of the best Stand up comedians

Oh she could do it I love her She's amazing Even just her Instagram story Her just commentary on anything Is just on point She's so quick She got it

Yeah You know When does that movie come out? August 17th Awesome It's great I mean it was such an experience Because I think most of us

Were kind of you know The Asian community we had Would someone have a community Like of course I know you I know Ken Even before I actually knew you guys We just kind of keep track On each other

We're kind of proud of each other You know But it was like In this movie In a foreign country Or in Singapore And all of us are like You got the most beautiful

Funniest, most talented, best actor Of all Asian people You're just like Holy shit I'm fucking proud To be Asian man Who? Everyone Oh you want me to name

Name some people Who are they? Name drop it So Henry Golding is the lead Constance Wu is the female lead Yes Michelle Yeo the legend Oh she's in it

Harry Shum Jr I did a movie with Michelle Yeo Oh really? She's great Which movie? It's called Final Recipe It's on iTunes It's on iTunes

And I don't like the way you said that Because you thought I was lying No I was just asking I was curious I was trying to give you a plug So you can get some residual checks Shitty movie Shitty movie

I never plugged a movie It's a shitty movie She's amazing in it Final recipe Final recipe Yeah then you got You got literally Asian Australians

Asian Americans You know Asian British They're all Chinese Chinese are right pretty much Most of them Nico Santos in it He's Filipino

Yeah And Ken Jeong Aquapina is half Ken Jeong is full Korean Yeah I know he is Okay Do you know who Ken Jeong is? Yeah I know Ken Ken

How long were you guys out there for? I didn't total shoot was Maybe a month and a half, two months I was there for like a month I should have auditioned This is amazing I told you too but he didn't You didn't audition for it?

They offered No They wanted me to audition And he got hurt that they wanted to audition I think everyone auditioned What do you mean? I think that he Well I just want to say this

I got a network show coming out And just hear me out I have a network show coming out With Jenna Fisher and all Okay I believe you Bob You don't have to sell me on this That would believe him

Offer That's the most me will thing you've ever done Yeah an offer okay Yeah Okay Yeah You think Ken read? I don't think Ken read

No that was an offer That was an offer Yeah I think so Okay Yeah Oh okay gotcha Oh okay yeah I don't

But I don't It's fine I don't care Do you care about that? You care about that? Anyway um Final recipe He cares

Final recipe on iTunes Did you audition for that? No I didn't Oh But you know So they you know It's fine But Malaysia Singapore

Singapore is an interesting country It's great Did they put you in nice hotels? Yeah I mean it was great It was so fun That's the thing I should have read It was the best

Which part? Which part? I don't remember But I should have read You know what it is Let me tell you something When I got the script When I

Well first of all When I heard the movie was coming out I haven't read the book yet And I call my agents I'm like dude I'm a pretty good Asian coming up in Hollywood Yeah Like this is an all Asian movie

Let me at least try to read the lead part I don't know if I'm right for it Let me call in See if I can try to read for the lead part And then my manager's like Look They're looking for like a good looking guy Why are you talking so quiet?

Not really your type Yeah So I'm like You know what? Say no more I'll play whichever character Come on Brian Walsh

But even when Brian Walsh My agent Oh no way We're the same agent Brian didn't say that My manager said But they're very honest

Like that's not my type That's what they should be Henry Golding You know And But Anyways To

Like for your point Is When I was reading the script Like I had the audition too And you know And everything But It was like

Oh man It's an all Asian movie In Hollywood And I'm probably one of the top Asians in Hollywood I had the same thought I'm like They should just give an offer to me

And I was hung over When I went into that audition Yeah Because I didn't care that much But sometimes when you hang over You don't care It actually is the best But then when I went there

To Actual shoot I'm like Holy shit This is a fucking life changing experience And if the audience feel A bit of pride And magic

That I felt on this set This movie is going to be a hit Wow I'm sorry I'm not trying to give you FOMO That's Full FOMO I need a second

I need a second I made a mistake What if it does What if it does What if it does What if it doesn't I'm going to laugh right in your fucking face That's young

So at the end of here What we do is We do a thing called Unhelpful Advice It's email They ask us a question You can answer it However you want to answer it

You don't even have to answer If you don't want to But this is how we end the show Okay Can I just say this FYI What does that mean For your information

Yes You're a great guest Awesome Thank you You were very funny I appreciate it And Thank you so much

For doing it And Thank you so much for doing it Thanks for having me Like I said You've always been one of my heroes Thank you I didn't go to prom

I was watching Matt TV In prom night Oh I watched Bobby Lee You couldn't go to prom Why is there No one wanted to go with you Yeah

I didn't I was terrible in high school I didn't get laid until like Way later Oh Good segue What a horrible note Sad

Sad story Guys I do find now I fucking like guys I know there's a lot of sad stories How how how how But I do find Unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalala

And Jimmy O'Yang Who does fine Hey guys I'm a 21 year old guy From Winnipeg, Canada And lately I've been stuck In an apathetic state I feel as if I

Don't care about much anything Or I feel I don't care much About anything anymore I've tried to get back Into what gave me joy Before like going to the gym And playing music

But it feels meaningless to me Is this depression Have any of you dealt With something like this before If yes What can I start Caring about things Like I did before

Or how do I start Caring about things Like I did before Repower of now That's a great book Thank you I read it Multiple times

Yeah I love that I also like What's Eckhart Tolle I like how He came about Even writing that book Alright

So My my my My suggestion to you Is to read the book And to realize The moment is all we have And a lot of our depressions Are because of our mind

We wonder We think about Things that don't exist The future We worry about things That aren't important Or that don't That aren't even here yet

And I wish You know what I might Because I've been a little Depressed myself I might Dive back into that shit

Because it really helps me It works Meditation That goes hand in hand With that book I'm getting into the moment It's amazing My forehead right now man

Good But also Moon I love it Your fucking Moon face But also Still not sure about that I don't know how to react to this

But also it could be depression It sounds like everything All the things that you used to Enjoy just sound just If you're feeling that apathy Someone who has experienced Depression And has been on medication

That sounds exactly it Where it's like I describe it as being in Disneyland With all your favorite people Listening to all Your favorite songs in the world And still feeling blue about it That's a very clear sign of depression

I think you should talk to somebody Supplement that with that book Yeah Is there how old is that kid Did he say? 21 21 So maybe graduate college

Maybe he doesn't have a career path Maybe he doesn't have like A clear goal that he's driving to Or is that some kind of Get you into a funk Get out of yourself too Do like acts of service For other people

Get out of your own Let me say something right now That's the root of AA Right there What you're saying to me babe What you're saying to me right now Is why And what you're saying to me right now

Is are we good you and I We're good We're always good We always have an antagonistic vibe I know but Look at me right now Yeah Why didn't you open mouth kiss me earlier

In front of Jimmy Because Jimmy was here And then you know You were doing the whole like Yeah like the weird tongue thing I was here Let's do a closed mouth You want to do a closed mouth kiss

No honestly like you straight up look Like coming into me I was like No No Bobby come on Jimmy learn from this This is what you do to girls Okay

That was much better That's easy That easy Thank you we're fine We're fine do make him uncomfortable That's weird I'm not uncomfortable Keep doing it

Keep doing it Sometimes I put my Boom do more More kiss kiss More kiss kiss So that's the That's the advice Read the book guys

Right now I have to go to the comedy store Because I have a FIFA tournament What I'm missing Are you really good at FIFA I'm pretty good yeah I used to be pretty good I don't know anymore

And there's a tournament and I got to get there Alright But Can you play as any team though I don't know the rules yet I had to go down there But Anything we want to plug Jimmy

Funny Asian dude That's my Twitter Oh they were describing yourself I was like what the fuck That's funny Asian dude I got a book coming out next March Whoa Called How to American

Yeah Oh great title So I'll be pushing it more later on If you want to come back ever And you want to plug it I would love to Because we get a couple of million

You know Yeah People like it Yeah Our fans are super supportive Of our guests And they really rally Yeah

So And we don't say We don't give this Invitation to everyone Thank you Yes Whenever I'm saying it to you

Look at me You fucking moon face cute fuck God I just want to fucking Take a rocket ship onto it You know what I mean And just walk on it You know what I mean First to land

Yeah But my point is this I think you should do this podcast One more time I would love to In the future to promote your book Yeah let's do it Let's do it

Give him a round of applause Jimmy O Yang We'll be right back guys Jimmy O Yang Bang bang See I think that girl That was at his apartment Wanted to be a roommate

She was checking Like there was enough closet space What's the closet space here Yeah She was like You're gonna stay maybe Hey use Craigslist Don't be on a dating app lady

That's very confusing Yeah I mean if a guy did that to me I'd be equally as confused It just doesn't go It's both ways I think Like if Tom Hardy came over Got dinner with Tom Hardy

Imagine He walked into your house And he checked out my closet And then you were like Let's fuck Whoa Yeah You got the wrong idea

I'm like why I'm banned Yeah You're you Oh no Yeah Sorry I don't eat a drink About that nightmare

Um You guys Christmas is right Around the corner Kala's favorite holiday And although I am an atheist I very much conveniently believe In baby Jesus's birth Solely for the fact that

I can get a Christmas tree And feel the warm fuzzies Yum So for about two days The 24th Cause we had no Chebuana And the 25th I am Catholic

Or Christian And I believe in the birth Of the baby Jesus Christ And Bethlehem Try SDA Oh should I do that Just like every month Make it different

For two days For two days You can try it for two days I think that I could probably Appreciate elements of all of them But I'm still I'm pretty sure I'm still Gonna come out

She want that tree Okay she want that tree That's what matters Um Georgia any announcements For anyone Other than we'll be taking a break No merch should be out

By now So What if it's That sucks on our part What could you do in a row Guys go to TheTigerBelly.com And check to see

If there's merch And if there is Buy all of it If there is Definitely It's Christmas Come on buy it For your significant other

Your hardcore fans Have already seen it on Instagram Lots of posts on Instagram Yeah Probably We've already probably Plugged it on Instagram Yeah

We're probably sold out Yeah So that's on you I'm sorry for the one item That's sold out already But go buy everything else If you like it Yeah

And sticker packs Also Um Remy is still up for adoption Yeah We think We think Update on Kalyla's

It's hard to talk about the future Yeah We think Remy's still up for adoption So if you're interested You can try And ask me about it If Remy's up for adoption Still you are very lucky

If he's not Well then The cutest dog Yeah There we go Any shout outs Future What are future shout outs

I'd like to do A future shout out to God I'm not gonna run into anybody For the next two weeks I'm gonna hold myself up in this house Don't do that It's not healthy What do you mean

Do you invite me anywhere Yeah Where A movie one time One time Two years ago No Three years ago

What did I say Yes And then you flaked on me No You said I don't know Other people there As soon as you know

There's other people there Me or Bryce Or like Jenna And then it's like down You add one other element Nah You're like That's a little too much

Nah Of a commitment Uh George any future shout outs Nah Just shout out to 2018 It's right around the corner Yeah

Oh yeah I guess also New Year's too Cause we won't What are your New Year's resolutions Mmm You should probably talk about this After New Year's Yeah

My plan is to come up with them Then Okay good good After New Year's Let's not blow our load here Let's begin with my dad To think of my New Year's resolution Just the both of you

Yeah Oh that's so cute Bryce you're not invited No He's being a rebel Yeah He got a lot of family He got a lot of Midwest family

Mmm And he got a girl A wife Yeah Well don't Don't start spreading fake news dude I mean just a girl Not a wife

Uh You can follow us on Instagram at Tiger Belly On Twitter at The Tiger Belly And email us any questions At thetigerbellyatgmail.com You can send us any New Year's Or Christmas packages at

Oh the um Fuck me 1626 Northwell Cox Number 161 Hollywood, California 900 28

Yes Great How do we not know that yet Uh Cause I've got three In my P.O. Boxes In my head

Mmm You can follow Kalyla on all social media At Calamity K And like all her photos It's a choice It's a choice Make a choice

It's an option What's really fun is to go down To your Instagram Like early early days Where you like It's just different Didn't care Yeah

I was very um Unfiltered Yeah I think that uh I want to I mean pre-Bobby No you know how like Okay

Cause we talk Oh certain way on this podcast Like with this candor We were so free with our words I talk like that Because I'm with people That I know and I trust Forget that there are other people listening to me

So what happens is When they talk to me A certain way And they They have You know They talk to me the way I would talk to Bobby

Or Bobby talks to me And I don't like that I'm like I'm a stranger to you Don't talk to me like that You know what I mean But then I'm like Wait that's my fault

Because people are listening to me Talk this way Yeah it makes sense I'll get that Reading the comments every so often They're like saying an inside Like saying something from the The episode

But I forget it from This episode I'm like Dude jerk why are you Oh yeah that was So that was a funny thing Bobby said And it takes me a second

To get it yeah Yeah but it's just It's a small price to pay To be called like A cunt whore It's a small price to pay To be called a cunt whore Hey you asshole

Stop calling her that Did I send you guys That the screenshot Of that guy yesterday Dude they're I'm sorry Just some weird people out there Yeah and I think

What they do is They tell me right So they say something Now you're just telling them How to bait you No but they make like A certain dig right Yeah

I never really I respond to them Solely to kind of Be like Really bro You know and They say like Oh you're fucking old

And you're this And I'm that And I always reply with Okay well you're Obviously You seem real happy Oh my god You paid attention to me

Okay this is what I really want to say I love you so much It's like Oh my god That's insane There's a wooden Pandora's box Right there

But I always make I always I try to Reply to everybody Yeah Yeah If they have something Like nice to say

Or whatever Like I do my best You know but Yeah those ones are Just like Canundrum Canundrum Funny

Hide them 2004 Oh my god What does that say Hide them Oh my god He's saying How Instagram wonderlusty

Is that September 8th 2013 A very good one Let's get all the likes Oh my god Let's find the Kalala's old Instagram No obviously find the

How dare you George You don't get to start no trends Let's start a new trend Try to find The What the caption hide them For 2018 I'm going to change the caption

Right now That's 2018 You can go Find this photo And see Why are you like Fucking five years back I wanted to see

Like what are your earliest Like photos It should be anything That's like I don't know just weird But they're all just Like very glamory Are they glamory

Oh my god It's like You might as well make your Discretion be just emojis And you're a foodie as well And you know what I've always Had a funny bone

Meaning to say Like I always liked funny people Being around funny people My family was always funny But my The person that I was with For a very long time Even though he was a fantastic guy

Was just the least funny person And he was just so like I couldn't share Like the same jokes with him If I saw something funny I couldn't like show it to him And he'd be like I don't get it

Baseball? Yeah And then he would like Show me a video Like oh you gotta check this out This video is so funny And it's like a fucking Like fraternity brothers

Like in a van Like singing a song together I'm like that's not funny You know Like we had such Clashing sense of humor That must have bothered you so much It did

So like what happened Was my Instagram Became that Or it was like some emo shit Because I was probably dying inside You know And then when I met Bobby He kind of like

He watered that part of me That sounds sexual but it's not He also came on your face He watered the part of my brain That was hardwired for You know wanting to be around funny people Like my aunts are funny My mom's funny

Yeah your mom's so funny Yeah And so Yeah my god Don't Do not go back into my Instagram That deep This one bothers me so much

Let me see My sister knows I hate this Like when people spread their toes It freaks me out Oh but that's fairly new Right That's 2014

Yeah but I was already with Bobby You gotta go back Like go deep Guys go for the Go deep and find your favorite Instagram photos of Kyle I have never even deleted old pictures Of like boys

Why would you Everyone That's just That's history And post it Anyways Happy No Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas Merry Christmas Merry Christmas guys Be happy Be merry And if you don't have family To share this occasion with That's okay

Call George Go to his open mic Yeah there are other holidays I'm gonna be gone for During the holidays But yeah come to my open mic in 2018 Bye guys Bye

See you guys Hey Prime members You can listen to Tiger Barely Ad Free on Amazon Music Download the Amazon Music app today Or you can listen to Ad Free with Wondry Plus In Apple Podcast

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