TigerBelly - Episode 131: Standing in the Rain

Episode Date: February 28, 2018

Bobo finds a million. Koloko slums. George insists on seven. We talk Olympic cons, baby fever, Millie from Vegas, and the Dunning-Kruger effect.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. But your tears are dry. That was a little snippet of a of an album I was recommended from some people, a guy named Jason Tebow. He's like skinny scarecrow, white guy. I think he's almost homeless, but he's a podcaster. You know who he is?

You do? Yeah, he is the one with Sam Tripoli. Yeah, he looks like a magic man. If you were in a forest and he has little beads that he sells, you're like seeds, but rare seeds. Rare seeds from Stardew Valley. How can tears be dry, though? They can be.

They crystallize in your eyes. Science alert. Science alert. And Nick Youssef, the Persian guy that I know. Yeah. He's done this podcast, right? Yeah. He hasn't?

He's never done it. He hasn't? Oh, he did Steve's. Oh, he did Steve's. Steve's. Well, he'll never do it. If you've done Steve's. But Ty Segal's new album, Goblin's.

What is it called? Freedom. Freedom's Goblin is so good. Everybody. Hey, welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly. I just woke up from a nap because I just flew in from Houston. Me, Ty. Does nine hours constitute as a nap?

Yeah. When you haven't slept in three days. Ah, yeah, that's true. Boom. Mathematics, my friend. Science alert. That's not science. That's mathematics.

My friend. Yeah. Mathematics. My friend. All right. And then we got George Kins. We got Gilbert Stephanopoulos. What's up?

And we got Goliola. Listen, guys. I've been thinking in my head over and over again. I've been reliving George's set in my head. The whole week? Oh, yeah, yeah. I can't stop it. It's like I was, um, I mean, and I want anyone to get offended.

I, you know, I'm going to reword it. Okay. Okay. It was like I was sexually assaulted by, yeah, by like a celebrity. You know, like, you know, like I was. You're a me too. I was me too. Oh, gotcha, gotcha.

Yeah. Oh, wow. I feel like it's something that I cannot shake. I'm going to just tell you, I feel like I have a resentment too. I'm going to just tell you right now. That, that setup made it impossible to defend my set at all. That is without looking. There's no way to defend it.

You, you owe me apology. I owe you a thank you. No, I know you owe me an apology for making me witness that. So I don't want you to say I'm sorry. Thank you, sir. That was a great story. All right. You know what?

I really appreciate it. You're right now, you're grounded. You're fucking grounded artistically. All right. Now you put the hat on the corner of the room and you shut your fucking mouth. Wait, what does that mean? I can't like write jokes right now. No, just for like five minutes.

Okay. Okay. You don't talk for five minutes. Are you every face fucking dumb, delusional piece of shit? Oh my God. All right. George, at a scale of one to 10, what, how would you grade yourself? Put your fingers up.

You can't talk. Seven. Seven. Shit. I thought I did like a seven. Oh my God. You know, someone wrote in, wrote us an email. Yeah.

In regards to, um, I think we always talk about people who are delusional. Yeah. And he said that he's a creative director and he said that there is a term to describe someone who thinks they did a lot better than they actually did. And it's called a Dunning Kruger effect. Oh yeah. Oh, we have a terminology now. Yeah.

Dunning Kruger effect. Not an effect. Dunning Kruger phenomenon. Dunning Kruger phenomenon. Oh, Dunning Kruger effect. Sorry. I was right. If you, if you change it again, if you change it again, I'm never going to be able to retain

it in my head. I'm going to call it the effect phenomenon. Can I read it to you? Tell me if this is correct. What, is it an effect or a phenomenon? Effect. Effect. Okay.

Let's establish that. Okay. In the field of psychology, the Dunning Kruger effect is a cognitive bias wherein people of low ability suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly assessing their ability as greater than it is. The cognitive bias of illusory superiority derives from the inability of low ability persons to recognize their own ineptitude. Oh my.

It's not mean. It is fucking dead on. Without the self-awareness of metacognition, low ability people cannot objectively evaluate their actual competence or incompetence. Yeah, keep playing. Is that it? Keep playing. Okay.

The Dunning Kruger effect, it's that either you hold yourself in such high esteem or you hold others in low, you have very low regard for others. So like. I don't think it's this ladder. I think it's the first thing with George. That he. I think he, he. You're allowed to speak.

Yeah. Oh, it's time. Timeouts. Oh, I was ready to come in hot at five minutes. Yeah. Did you put your timer on? Yep. Yeah.

Okay, nerd. Beat it. God damn it. Go ahead. Just wait. What was the, God damn it. I was, I was right now. I was right instead of the.

This is exactly what we're talking about. This is exactly what we're talking about. Key words. Low ability and ineptitude. Oh, that's. Ineptitude. I am very offended by the low ability statement that kept on coming up every time you described the effect.

Can we, can we, can we at least do this? Can we at least do this? Okay. That I'll give you this. You went up there. Absolutely. Not only that, not only that, you didn't seem like you weren't stuttering or. Oh, you tried to get my head.

I refuse to let that happen. I know, I know, but you, you said. I think. Stop. Stop. Just let him go. Don't stop. You went up there and you memorized a bunch of things and you said those things the way

you plan to say them. Okay. But let's say I was going to go see a musician like, Hey, come on, check out the singer song writer at, you know, some coffee shop, which I would never do. But anyway, like I said, I go and he's up on stage and he's in a clown outfit and he's juggling and he looks great. He's confident. Killing it.

He's killing it with the juggling, but that's not what I came to see. That's not, you know, singing. Yeah. What you were doing up there was not standup comedy. It was some sort of weird spoken word. It was poetry. It was not even. No, it wasn't poetry.

I'll kill you. Yeah. It's not poetry. But, you know, so I'm going to give it up to you that there was a bunch of people there. You went up on stage like you said you would and you gave us a little horror and I'm proud of you and I thank you for your service. And let's just leave it at that. You can't tell me that you killed, I wouldn't say I killed per se.

There's room for improvement. Definitely. Okay. And now that I've had this experience, I think I will improve greatly. Okay. Okay. It's like this. Okay.

Let's say I was a pool man. It was an empty pool. Right. And let's just say filling the pool, filling the pool, right, is being like a competent standup comic. Okay. Okay. What you did is I'm not exaggerating or lying.

Was me taking a vising drop and just in the pool. A dot. That's the amount. Here's what I think. Here's what I think happened. I think I did okay. But then Craig, Craig told the audience I did badly, then you went up and told the audience I did badly.

You did bad words. The audience was like, well, he did okay. I thought, but these two people have done it a lot. Oh my God. They know coffee a lot more than me. You know what? What's the term? The George Kimmel effect.

No, it's the George Kimmel effect. It's a different effect. Yeah. It's a different, it's a different one that we have to create. Yeah. J.K.A. Or G.K.A. G.K.A.

George Kimmel effect. G.K.A. I'm being sincere. I thought you said A. The George Kimmel A effect. Oh yeah. G.K.A. G.K.A.

E. Sorry. I was thinking the same thing. I'm so dumb. I genuinely think that you can write. You're a great writer. Nope. He got chuckles.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Now, this is what I wanted to see. Yeah. Now, stop right here. What he just did right there, right, was he's now in for life. Gilbert right now did something that was like so brave. It was so brave and so Aragorn from Lord of the Rings.

It was like, whoa, dude, you're going to fight those like, you know, those black writers. Oh my God. It's a pro battle. With like a torch. That's what you just did. And you saved Frodo. My God. What you did right there gave me a lot of respect.

You're fired. No kidding. I'm so proud of you, George. I couldn't have done that. It's scary. Yeah, you could have. Oh my God. You could have done it.

I could have not done that. You would have crossed. Stand up 10 times. You would have done it. I, sweetie, the 10 times that I did stand up, I couldn't even get a sentence out. I understand. I'm telling you right now, and I promise you, I promise you this, you would have done better. I wouldn't have.

Okay. Well, that's that's right there. That's the factual thing. Everyone listening to right now. All right. We're now on a George Kimmel like support group. All right. My name is Bobby.

I'm a George Kimmel addict. But the difference with me is. Gka. Gka. Gka. I wouldn't have walked out of there and said, that was pretty good. I would have been like, oh my God. I ate it.

Yeah. I can't even. He doesn't have the I ate it gene. Yeah, you don't have it. You don't have it because I'm going to tell you this right now. Even at your, how long you've been doing it? I haven't been doing it seriously because I dedicate my life to this. And we thank you for your service.

Bi-weekly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For a couple years. He also works for every other person. But anyway, I mean, you're like stretching yourself then. But anyway, let me say this. Okay. I had the, if I had that response with that many people, I literally would have walked

off stage and ask any opener, anyone that I open for, it would have been precipice. I'd be on the precipice of suicide. Oh my God. Oh my God. Don't put that in his head. No, I'm not. No, that's you. You're healthier than I am.

You're healthier than I am. I'm just telling you me is I just have the opposite ear effect where if I, everything they do is shitty, everything, like this weekend I did the Houston improv, there was only one show and that Sandy, I walked off, I go, that was good. I was in the, I was in the zone, you know, I improvised. I was good. Every retort was perfect. Everything was good.

And um, yeah, matter of fact, the show before you went on, he came to the green room when he was in Irvine and he was like, that was the worst show I've ever done in my life. Told us that. Yeah. I cannot. I have a good ear and you need that. If you would have said, wow, I mean, I did everything that I said I would do, but that wasn't the response wasn't what I expected.

I'd be like, there we go. That's what I want. But I don't want to hear, oh yeah, that was pretty good. I could have done better, but no. Because this is, this is the, comedy is not, this is the green berets. You know, you want to be able to do all the exercises. You want to be able to do all the things so that in combat, you're ready. I'm still proud of you, George, I'm kind of not kind of not, but you know, you really

just ruined it for me, but as a human being, as a human being, right, me and Sandy Dan tour at the airport today, he was my opener and we were like, just we played this game where I was like, if so and so day, would you cry? So I was rattling off comics names to him. He was like, no, no, yes, no, no, we laugh about it. And he asked if George died, would you cry? And I go, I think I would. But not, not, but not, but not like I would with Kalilah, it would be devastating.

With Kalilah, it was a bit life altering, like I'm, you won't see me for three, five years. You know what I mean? I'm, it'll, with you. How many weeks do you grieve for George? Weeks. Okay. How many minutes?

No, it would, no, it would be like, I would have to cancel a bunch of things. I would be devastated. Yeah, I would be too. George is like my work, my work husband. Don't die. I for sure cry. Yeah, I would. I would be devastated.

You will bother. And I would feel so bad about the times that we just roast you, you know, on and off. Yeah. You know what? Yeah, you do a good job. Because you know what? If there's. That's, that's uncompliment.

There are very few people that can take what we give to you. I think about this. I'm like, is George, you know, I was like, is George replaceable? And I'm like, no, he's not. There's nobody who would put up as much bullshit as you do. Yeah. With us. We're not easy people.

You're not. And you just, you just sit there poker face and you just take it like a man. So, so I was in Houston and got some fears happen. First of all, I'm in town and Sunday is a little light. You know, I can look at the books and you know why it is. Joe Coy's doing a show in a theater. Same town. Same town.

And it's like that fear of like, you know, you know, you know, no matter how long you're in the business and I love Joe, Joe's done our podcast. He's like a brother, but still that little thing in the head that goes, what have you done with your life? Look where he is playing. You know, I mean, he's playing thousands of seat theaters now. He's a big star now as a standout. And so, um, Sunday night, um, you know, I, the three, about 300 people showed up for

my show. I was just fine. That's pretty good for a Sunday for a Sunday. And then afterwards I'm out with, um, Sandy and, um, oh, I just want to say I never, never, never have done this before. But you know, when you do a club, the, the club provides you with an emcee, a local guy. Yeah. And nine times out of 10, they're just losers.

I'm nice to all of them. I take them out to eat, you know, and I, you know, we, I've found, I try to have fun with it legitimately. The guide this weekend is I think a guy that I'm going to know for a long time. I love this kid. His name is Grady Pruitt. And he's new. He, he won funniest guy in taxes or whatever.

He's only been doing comedy for a year. Damn. He's so good and he's 23. I think the funniest host I've ever seen, um, emcee for you was that guy, Adam Passi. Oh yeah. Um, Portland. Yeah. Yeah.

I liked him a lot too. He is brilliant. He's brilliant. He is. He has to make it. Yeah. But no one, it looks like him. There's no one that sounds like him.

There's no one that writes like him. He is his own guy. I also want to say that Grady Pruitt drove me to Walmart at like two in the morning. He like did the extra shit. No matter what I needed, he was there and he, it just, this jag, he, you know, it looks like a young Michael Shannon. He has fish eyes. Oh yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Weird fish eyes and he'd be in the carts raining and he just have googly fish eyes, but he was genuinely a great guy. But anyway, my point is, is that we were eating after Sunday night and I heard and then the owner, the manager of the improv goes, Hey man, I'm at Joe Coors after party.

You got to come. They want you to come. And I was sitting there with a dilemma. I cannot go. I can't just show up to that thing. It would make me feel so I didn't go, but then the worst fear this morning, I was in the airport sneaking around and I, I went three hours earlier. I want to see if I can get a first class ticket because my fear was, my fear was that he was

going to be flying back at the same time and then he was going to have a first class and I would have to walk by him and I would have, I wouldn't be able to do it. I would have missed my flight. Oh my God. So was he on the flight? No. Oh good. I had Sandy do tours around the, the, the, the, the, you had scouts, little birds.

Oh yeah. You had birds. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Varus. Yeah. I was like Varus and I, he, he's, I don't see him.

Are you sure he's not like that restaurant over there? You know what I mean? He's like, no. And then all the coast, the coast was clear and I walked by first class, a bunch of old white people. Thank God. Yeah. Yeah.

Even I got nervous for you. You did? Yeah. Cause here's the thing. I started with him. I could, I wouldn't be able to do it. You could. Would you, would you not get on the plane?

No, I wouldn't, I wouldn't. Why don't you just make a joke, why don't you make a joke about it and just like power through? No, there's no joke. There's no joke. No, I would, I mean, if I walked by and I was like, yeah, you're the king, I'm, I'm a peasant. That's the only thing I could say, you know, and, um, congratulations Joe.

You won that. He's not even seeing his confidence. You won that weekend. Well, this is like whole Posse's in first class too. Yeah, his openers, his openers. Oh, I mean, even the hosts from out of town. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh my God. That would be, I don't have to go to therapy. You know, why, why is that? Why am I like that? You torture yourself so much. Yeah. Why do I torture myself in, in this little paranormal, I play these little games with

myself that makes, it makes my life much harder instead of living free. Honestly, I love our life. I love the level that you're at right now. I don't want you to be any, I want you to be more successful and content in the work that you're doing, but I don't want you to be any richer. And I say that because we have so many funny silly memories like this where we can laugh about being just a touch poorer than those guys. Yeah.

Yeah. And we always have like this level of embarrassment when we, we can't go into like priority, the priority line at the airport and we always write about it, no we don't. We are normal, regular flyers. We don't have special treatment at all. And it's, we have fun that way. It's fun. Yeah.

Or like, or like, or like, you know, waiting an hour at a restaurant and then it made going, I hope somebody recognizes me so that maybe a little bit more respect in here. You know what I mean? Yeah. It does a little paranormal little fucking things that I do that I don't know if, you know what, fuck it. It is the way it is. And I've accepted it.

Because when we finally do get to sit first class or we get recognized and we get seated, you're happy about it. We can talk about it. It's nicer. Yeah. It's nicer. Yeah. It's nicer.

Imagine just having everything. You're going to feel numb too at all. You're right. It's something to strive for, I guess. I mean, the new thing is like all these splitting up together billboards are coming out and I'm nowhere to be found. Right. And I'm like, you know, you look up, am I on a show?

Because the whole point of being on a show is the billboard. It's just the billboard. I don't give a fuck about everything else. You don't care if you're even on it. No, because the billboard, the billboard, if I was on a billboard, right, it's only there to cause pain with my fucking fellow man, my competitors, my competitors. You know, I want, not I love him, but I want Joe Coy to drop by. You know what I mean?

The thing go, okay, I did this many seats in Houston. I had first class, but he's right. I don't even have that. You know what I mean, so it's almost like I'm not, you would, you'd have to see the show for people to go and they're not going to see the show, you know, it's just Jenna Fisher and Oliver. No, Jenna Fisher, Oliver and the kids would be weird if you were on the billboard, just the background, it's through a window, Asian couple, half a face through a window with

just half my face, just one eyeball, the thumbs up. You know what I mean? I want people to know that I'm on a show, right? Yeah. So what my dream is, is you know how if you drive by Warner Brothers, all the ones that they produce, which is splitting up together as one of their shows, Warner Brothers, right? My dream, if, if, because if the show stays on, we'll get on that. Individual faces that they do for the other show.

No, they'll just put a big, you know, they did it with Mike and Molly. They put eight people on it. Yeah. Oh, the show on one slab and it's there for like years. And it's, it's also a gigantic traffic spot that all my friends drive by barham that needs to happen. If that happens, then I can cause pain within people, right? And paranoia and delusion because they have to go to 101 and they have to go to the one

on one. It's all right. It's right there in the back. Right. All the freeways. Right. I need that the fucking app. I don't give a fuck about the money.

Don't pay me. Just put me on that fucking billboard. You should put that in your writer. I will. Yeah. I need to be on that. Yeah. It's all about survival guys.

It's all about perception. This town is perception. It is perception, you know, but you know what, I'm going to tell you this and I always go to, to this movie when I'm feeling down and low. So the whole Joe Coy thing happened when, and I love him. I'm very happy for his success. Don't get me wrong. I do.

I remember when he was a kid. Okay. And he worked so fucking hard and I truly love the guy. You know, like I love Gabriel Glacius. I've known him when he was a kid and to see him, it's almost daunting to see somebody go from no money, nothing shy to becoming a franchise. It's fucking crazy. Shy?

Oh, he was a shy kid. He was 17 when I saw him. Shy. Wow. Not shy, but he was like this fat guy, a kid, a Mexican kid, you know, like, hey, I do voices, you know, he was in Coco. I know he played the clerk. Yeah, he played the clerk.

You don't think I would look up all that shit? Oh, okay. Oh, I'm a Mr. Paranoia. I want to know who's doing what. Who's getting all the fucking anime stuff? You know what? That's so funny, sweetie. Yeah.

Because when I watched Coco, that's the first thing I searched to see if he heeded a voice in it. Yeah, I wanted to see if he did one. I wanted to see if Angela Johnson did one. Did she? No. Coco had me in here. Have you seen Coco?

Yeah. I'm at my point and then we'll go to Coco. So when I'm down and feeling blue, I'm happy for everyone is I go to this document, the Joan Rivers documentary. I'm telling you right now, have you seen it? I've seen it a thousand times. It literally is, it literally is, it's, here's this woman who has done everything. She was like Johnny Carson's go to guest house.

She was the permanent guest house of the Tonight Show, right? She paved the way for female comics. I mean, she in this documentary, you see her do spots at the age of 75. And she is legitimately edgy and funny, anal jokes. I mean, shit that a kid would do, right? And that comedy, like it's not, you know, like looking at her sketch, she looks at her schedule and she gets bummed about, oh, it's not working. You know, like that whole, I'm a comedian and I need to see somebody at that age still

go through it, the rejection and her, what am I going to do? And it's just kind of inspiring to me because it makes me realize it's not just me and also it's never going to end and it's okay to have years where it's not happening. And there was like an agent in and he goes, Joan Rivers will always stand in the rain because she knows that she'll get struck by lightning. She'll wait out there forever, you know? And so my advice to everyone in this room, stand out in the rain. Keep trying because Joan Rivers knew that at any moment something would happen.

And what for her would happen in this documentary is, I mean, the apprentice, which, you know, to us, I don't know, something that I would want to do, but to her at her age, it put her up, she won it. It put her back on the map, my point, but you could see her struggling, trying to find work, you know, and it's like, and it just never ends. So you just have to be, you know, in the moment and just, just guys, I just want to say at the end of the day, I don't know why I'm getting so emotional, but at the end of the day, everything in my life is the way it's supposed to be and it's perfect.

At the end of the day, if I look around, you know, I'm not as energetic, you know, I maybe have some physical problems, high blood pressure and whatnot, but if I look around and see my dogs and I see Kalyla laying in bed when I come home and the animals happy to see me and I'm not, you know, I can put food on the table. That right there is it. There's nothing else. It's never going to get better. It'll never get better.

This is the perfect, this is the best it could be. And yet my mind, you know, it tries to sabotage me. My mind goes, no, what about this? What about this guy? You start comparing yourself with other people and that's just, that, that sickness will never go away. That's just your brain trying to fuck you. You don't think you'll ever find peace?

No, I just found peace just now, bitch. Oh, okay. I just said, I just said, I just said, I'm everything's perfect, you bitch. I just fucking, I just told you it. And peace is gone. Bitch. I'm sorry. Anyway, you know, bring up Coco, babe, because that movie, when did you guys watch it?

I watched it on the plane there. To Houston. Yeah. And I downloaded it. I'm like, I don't know. Watch Mexican cartoons. I don't. I mean, I don't want to watch it.

I stared at it for like 10 minutes and I go, fuck it. And I watched the whole thing and it laughed. There was some funny moments in it. At the end, I don't know why, but I had snot bubbles. Oh, bad. No. Crying. It fucked me up.

Coco. You know, I like, I was doing the whole thing in the air in there. People are like looking at me like somebody had died. I mean, I was, I was unconsolable. I love that fucking movie about you. And that took a while to see it. Yeah. Everyone said they'd been sobbing.

And my sister and I were like in a, in a deep embrace, just sobbing for two hours. It's so touching. It's one of the, it's actually one of the better animated movies I've seen in a long time. I think if I didn't go to Tulum, it wouldn't affect me as much. I would cry, but it kind of like reminded me of it. It's just the stray dog in it. I'm not going to get it.

I don't want to spoil or do any spoilers, but, you know, and just, you know, that kind of energy, you know, it kind of got that right. I mean, I've been to Mexico, Tijuana, Juarez, yeah, killing the game late night. He was killing it, bruh. Adelita, Chicago club, the Hong Kong club. Those brothels are still around. I ask. Yeah.

He walked around. I ask, I ask around. I go, is Adelita still open? Oh yeah, dude. Yeah. I ran into a guy who owns, I'm not going to name his name, but he owns a chain of restaurants. And he hasn't had a girlfriend in like 10 years. And he showed me photos or here are my girlfriends and he showed me photos of women, the really

beautiful women. And I go, Oh, what is some sort of like club you're a part of or, you know, some site or like some dating app or no, these are Adelita, the girls of Adelita, the brothel likes to go do as a kid. And it's still there. You know? And I'm like, I know you love me. I'm not doubting that.

I love you. I know that we, I don't doubt that. I believe that's why I don't go to Adelita. I know, but as a man, because I think I do think that monogamy in itself is sort of like it's this dated idea, right? I like to be monogamous because I'm sort of a lazy person. I've been in a polyamorous relationship before and it was exhausting and that didn't work out.

But as a man, do you sometimes miss inserting your penis into other, you know? It's not that. I think what it is, is there is as a kid because the, I got sober at 17 and then I started going to brothels. So it's substituted that adrenaline rush of drugs for me, you know, there's something about crossing a border with your friends, with a lot of cash and going to these brothels and you don't know what's going to happen, you know? And you find somebody or you don't or whatever, but it's like, it is a drug in that way.

But that's the only thing that, but that's a young man's game. I don't need to do that. And also to me, that's always a, it's going to help make me relapse eventually if I behave in that way. It's relapsed behavior. It's dishonest. It's also kind of like a drug, you know, it's, it's not, it's reckless. It's risky.

I'm not, you know, you think, you know, you think things through as an adult. You go, if I do this, right, this, this, this and this will happen, right? And I don't, you know, I don't want that. I don't want to lose Kalilah. I don't want to lose my life. I don't want to lose, you know? So it's not, obviously not even fathomable. It's not worth it at all in any way.

So it's like, you know, you, you, you think it through, but you know, you reminisce about the old days. I didn't think that's healthy, right? Yeah. That's totally normal. I think that everybody does that. I know I do that. Yeah.

You reminisce about, I don't reminisce about old boy, having sex with old boyfriends. I reminisce about randomly meeting people and then like having like a full on make out session and not knowing their name and then just like going home and never seeing them again. That type of fun stuff where you talk about, you know, the next morning where you're having coffee with, you know, your friends and you're like, oh, shit, was he even cute dude? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But stories like that I laugh at because I've really, I mean, I went slummin'. There are moments where I'm just like, they'll take pictures and I, and I'll look at it the next day and I'm like, oh my God, I really don't give a shit. Yeah.

Yeah. I sometimes think about this one girl, a million. What? That's her name. A million? A million. What race is that? She's white.

A million. Yeah. She was a, I met her at the Bellagio. Right. And it was in Vegas. And she was a prostitute. Yeah. And she was expensive.

Yeah. Wait, didn't you really like her? I kind of liked her. Yeah. We had a number. I had her number. Yeah. You know, and she was kind of like Meg Ryan-y, you know, like it looked like a young Meg Ryan,

short hair, you know what I mean, really kind of bubbly and cute, expensive, but. A grand. A grand. Yeah. But, and I remember being in the Hard Rock and I go, I was there, it was that, it was there doing the comedy thing, the court McCowen's room, the night, the night that Kitas, Anthony Kitas and Sasha came. But so Anthony Kitas has a friend named Louis, I'm not going to say his last name.

He's still a friend of mine. I see him every once in a while. And Louis was there and I was, I met a million after the show. Did she go by Millie? I know. Oh. I don't know. That would have been cute.

Yeah. Okay. Anyways. I was sitting there with a million and Louis saw her. Yeah. And who's that? I go, just, you know, I'm going to go up in the room, you know, and he pulls me aside and he goes, is that a prostitute?

I go, yeah. And he goes, he got on his hands and knees, he had no money. He's just one of those guys that hangs out. He's a Hollywood guy that knows a lot of celebrities and you know, he's always like couch surfing and so-and-so's house, right, but he really, he's not a, he doesn't have a job. No talent. Really? Well, he has a talent.

He's, he's a good, you know, socializer. Oh. Okay. I was like, he's not an entertainer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And he tears in his eyes. I have to, I'll do it after. He goes, I'll do it after you. And I go, well, you're not going to do it before me, bitch, you know what I mean? And he goes, but I have no money. And I go, I'll do it.

So I paid for him too. It's a two grand. Yeah. And then here's the tragedy. Then a year later, I'm back in Vegas and I kept calling her and she wouldn't pick up. And then she calls me like the last night I was there and she's running. She's, I'm in trouble, I don't know where is she going, can you help me? You know what I mean?

Like crying. And I hung up the phone. I didn't know what to do. Are you serious? Yeah. Yeah. I was scared. This is a fictional story.

This sounds like a movie, Vegas, Bellagio, expensive hooker. She was in trouble. You know, with like gangsters or something. I know, but you could have been her Richard gear. Wow. She was a Julia. I didn't think it was late at night. I'm sorry.

I hope you're alive a million. Poor Millie. Millie, we hope you're okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that would be. I feel guilty. Do I?

Did I do the bad thing? Yeah. I'm a bad guy. Am I a bad guy? I mean, you were probably scared of getting caught up in something. Reaction is. Yeah. You get, yeah.

I didn't want to get involved. I've seen too many movies where all of us, she runs to my and then I'm me, I'm in the middle of some sort of drug espionage. Yeah. And then they find my carcass in the middle of the desert. Yeah. You're forgotten. And I'm forgotten.

Yeah. Also, there are a lot of scams lately with sex workers. There we go. That too. Done. Justified. Justified. No, actually, I shouldn't say that about there are a lot of like solid sex workers.

I shouldn't say that as a general thing, but there have been some scams. Oh, yeah. And I was at Starbucks the other week and a guy gets a call. He's sitting with his wife and his kids. He gets a call and you hear yelling on the phone is like, Hey, babe, it's me. It's me. He's like, who it's me cuts off a different voice. We have your wife and his wife is sitting right there.

So the guy is looking at his wife. He puts on speakers for all listening. Yeah. And he's like, Hey, talk to my wife. And she's like, I'm his wife hangs up. So people are just doing that apparently because like that's the thing. Oh my God. That's so scary.

So scary. But if you're not with them, if somebody called you, Bobby, we have Kalilah boom hang up. Yeah. And then you're not there. Yeah. He might send money. I don't know.

Give up. Well, no, I would call her first. Well, you call Renzo because he's a cop. Yeah. I would. There's a bunch of things I would do before that. You know. Yeah.

It's a two day thing. Yeah. Yeah. But I got scammed. I think I've talked about when I got scammed when I lived in on Draper in La Jolla. By. Yes. I've talked about that.

Yeah. But we can talk. What's the recap on that? So I was, I was living with the five people on right by the comedy store. It was a street called Draper and one day my landlord, he used to do yard work. He was like a nice guy. I forgot his name, but he goes, Hey, this guy's knows Jay Schweikert. Jay Schweikert is a old friend of mine.

He used to manage a coffee shop that I worked at. And I go, Yeah, I know Jay. He was a old surfer guy, you know, local guy, popular too. So you know, every, you know, so I go, Oh yeah. He's a friend of Jay's. Yes. I walked out and there was a guy, an older man, long hair, he had no shoes, but he was a surfer.

He looked like he has, he had been at the beach. Super tan. He goes, Hey man, you know, I work for surfer, surfer magazine friends with Jay Schweikert. I go, Oh cool. Anyway, what? What's up? What's going on? You guys do.

So, um, you know, I was living in Mexico for about six months, you know, doing a bunch of photo shoots. I, and he named my neighbor, Frank next door. I parked my Porsche in the back of his car in the alleyway. Frank sat at work. It got towed. I have $10,000 and a pound of weed back there in my Porsche because I don't have any money. That's how I deal with my money.

I go, Okay. He goes, all I need is you to, is to go to the, you know, if you can loan me like a hundred bucks, we can go to the towing company and get my car out. I'll give you 500 bucks and a quarter a pot or whatever. I don't smoke, but I'll take the money. Cool. You're in. I'm in.

So I go to the fucking Wells Fargo. I only have 150 bucks in there. Loaded. I have no money. I pulled it out, but in my head, I'm like, I'm like, I'm going to have dinner tonight. And we're driving the truck downtown, which is not anywhere near La Jolla. And we're driving now in kind of the outskirts of downtown. I go, what towing company is, why would they tow it out here?

He's, I don't know. It's fucking weird, right? He goes, Oh, stop it right here. My sister lives here. Oh my God. I need to run in and say hi to my, to do something with my sister. And I go right here. So he runs through this apartment building, opens up the gate and I'm out there for like

45 minutes, kind of looking out, but as time goes on, let's do this. Yeah. No, at the time it goes in and you go clicks, right? I walk into the apartment building and there's a back gate. It's completely open. And now I know he ran. So I get in my fucking truck and I go to the panic and where Jay Schweikert works because he dropped his name.

And I go, do you know, this just happening me. I'm like emotional. Anybody, Jay says to me, that happened to me last week. I love multiple people. That's how he knew him. That's how. Like he goes through mail, apparently he goes through mail. He's done a bunch of people.

Like he finds out where, who your neighbors are, all that's weird shit. He gets enough information and he pulls this weird fucking, it's an elaborate thing. Huh? Yeah. That's what you don't trust people. Yeah. Yeah. I bet.

Let's hope Millie is doing all right. Shout out to Millie. Should I feel bad about Millie? Uh, I know you were very young and you were just unsure. I, that's a scary call. What if she, it was all a scam too. No, if you're the first person she's calling, she has to have better friend than you. Oh, that's true.

She could have called a cop. If you're the first person she's calling, she's a dangerous person. If you're like her best friend. Oh yeah, I don't know her that well. Oh, there we go George. She's the type of person that does not have anybody better in her phone than you. You're so smart. You killed your stand-up set.

Wow George. Awesome George. Good stuff. George is the most sane person out of all of us. Yeah, yeah. Not that I could articulate it back then, but that is exactly what I'm thinking. But you just did for me. Thank you so much.

You know, you just saved me out of there. You did just pretty good, huh? In Irvine. You did pretty good in Irvine George. I hated all the fans saying how brave I was afterwards though. That wasn't fun. That's what you know. George, you were brave up there.

Not you were funny. You were brave. You want people to go, oh my God, you were so good. George, you're like the Elizabeth Swayer of comedy. Do you know who she is? She's that Olympian who conned her way into the Olympics. Tell me, tell me. So in the sport, I guess there's a sport called, you know how there's a half pipe, right?

But there's a skiing half pipe, and I guess there are only 28 women total in the world that do this. Really? That's it? And so there's this American girl. She didn't qualify for the American team, obviously, because I guess we have legitimate half pipe skiers. So she has a grandmother who's from Hungary.

So she applied for Hungarian citizenship. Oh my God. And then just to say she wasn't, so she made the Olympic team, but did you see her performance? You know how they're supposed to do aerial tricks and everything? She just like, she made her way through that half. She just skied like this. Pull that up. I swear to you.

No, wait, let me ask you this. She auditioned for the Hungarian team, right? No. Because there's such a few, this is like, there's so few women in this sport that I think they automatically just said, OK. But they saw her do it one time though. I think that she had competed before, or I don't know, like the circumstances, but she did not do a single trick.

She just skied through the half pipe. What were the commentators saying? I think everyone was kind of like, what the fuck is she doing? I love it. She should have got a goal for trying. Oh my God. Oh my God. I love that story.

She just did it just so she could say she is an Olympian. So is she a con artist or she a genius? I mean. Why? But my thing is this is that if you can't win, well, you don't have a shot of meddling. Does she just want TV exposure? I mean, what the fuck is the point? Being an Olympian is an honor.

If I to get, you know, like my dream was always to get the Olympic rings tattooed on because that's what all Olympians do when you make it to the Olympics is what you do. Like my friends who went to the Olympics, they all have their Olympic rings. And when I see it, I cry. Like I actually like cry out of it. Who gives a fuck? It's a big thing. It's a big deal.

Who gives a fuck? But she got her Olympic rings that way. I should join. I should be a fucking half pipe skier. Hungarian one. I've never even like snowboarded my life. That seems so inconceivable to me that you could get through and that you could go through all the loops.

No qualifying. Yeah. And the Hungarian Olympic Committee was like, we need to reassess our qualification criteria because we're they were embarrassed. I want to see. I want to see it. What? What was her name?

Elizabeth Swayer. Oh, God, we got to see it. People are just wrecking her on Instagram or social media. Probably not as funny as Donald Trump saying that he would have ran into the school without an armed. I would have run into the school unarmed. That's what he said to them. Yeah.

Yeah, he did. Out loud. Out loud. This piece of shit. Yeah. I mean, I know we don't talk about Paul. I'm not going to get into it. I just needed to say that.

That was pretty funny. This is not just funny. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, at this point, can we just, it's okay to say if you voted for him, it's okay to say I fucked up. At this point, I'm letting you, I'm letting that your grace, your grace. I understand.

I understand what you might be. He's going to, you know, you know, he's going to shake it up in Hollywood, in Washington. You know, whatever your mentality was, he's going to break down the walls and, you know, reconstruct it as a business or whatever. He's a buffoon. He's a fucking loser. Can we just admit that? We're not going to talk about it.

I don't give a fuck anymore if you're, I don't care. You can say, you don't know anything about politics. You don't know about, you know, I don't give a fuck. That's the issue. I fuck you. He's the worst. Oh my God. You would, you, you, you, you, you're a draft dodger.

So is my stepdad. I understand that. But Roger wouldn't say I would have ran into that school unarmed. No. And he was, yeah. He would have never said that out loud. He's not a, he just didn't. Yeah.

Yeah. But you didn't believe in Vietnam. Yeah. Roger. Yeah. You know, we saw the Vietnam documentary. Yes. And we saw the atrocity it was.

It was people like, you know, I know that Kennedy started it, but it was, it was that whole Washington machine of ego and like, it just didn't make any sense through time. And I get why people go, this war makes no fucking sense. And he was one of the kids or college kids protesting. Yeah. The kids protesting the, the Parkland shooting, you know, guys that feel this one way and you can't, these people that are victimizing them are saying that these conspiracy theorists, I just, I just can't, I just, it's, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's a new low. I think when you build conspiracy theories against children who are actually there to witness. Yeah. Catastrophe. That's unfair. Yeah. You know, can we just do say this?

Their friends are dead. It is inconceivable to me. If I was in high school and I saw any of my friends shot in the head, right? I honestly, I don't, that's right there, a life altering event. I mean, it is something that I can't even fucking imagine, right? If these kids need to fucking get on the streets and, and, and protest, let them, let them, let them freely. This is America.

You mean, don't try to break down their character or victim or villainize them. You know, these are people that are like, are they believe in this? You know, I mean, I believe there should be machine guns everywhere, but you know, I'm kidding. What's a good segue? There's no segue. There's no. Well, wait, wait, wait.

Didn't you have an email about some guy from Houston? Oh, yeah. It was just a positive. Should we do a positive email? Yeah. Give me a positive email. I went down a little. That's a good segue.

I went through a little depressing rabbit hole. You're just saying, um, where is it? Oh, another thing to do that while I'm looking for this. Okay. God, my, so my 16 year old niece who's visiting in a month, she's going to like a junior prom and, um, she's going with this kid. Fucking crazy. Why?

Cause I want to hear this. It literally is driving me fucking every night for three weeks a month. I hear her and her and your, your niece's mom, your sister, honey, honey, talk about this fucking prom drama, you know, and I'm sitting there playing Stardew Valley. I can't, it's hours of it. You know, I talked to the principal and she said that, you know, they're going to have a prom next year, but we don't know, but we don't know what threats we should get. What do you think we should go?

I think we should go to, um, maybe we shouldn't go. She lying to me. You know what I mean? And it's like, oh, I don't know. That's the way I hear it. That's how. That's how. Yeah.

That's how Filipinos talk. They're Korean. I'm literally like every fucking anyway. Just trying to catch fish. But you know how we always talk about Filipinos having just the funniest choices and names like my cousin's name. My sister's name is honey. Okay.

That's not that bad. My cousin's name is Chik Chik. That's okay. You know, like Manny Pacquiao's daughter is Queen Elizabeth. That's hilarious. That's name and that's the, that's the one that's weird. I bet you anything they call her Queenie. It's a very common name.

But then I just find found out today who's taking my niece, Juliana, beautiful name. Well, just real quick, what, what would you name like a weird name for your daughter? Like cactus? That's a good one. I was thinking calendar. Oh, that's a good calendar. I have a friend named Twinkle. Twinkle's good.

That's good. Yeah. But I want you guys to hold on. We'll see if she, I'll never mind. Osmosis. Osmosis Jones. There is Osmosis. There's an Osmosis.

Oh, fuck. Yeah. I gotta think of something else. I gotta think of something that's original. Here we go. Um, um, light fixture. Light fixture. What about sink?

Sink is good. Sink is good. Get over here. Sink. Go to your room. Light fixture. Get over here. Clean your room.

Suck your land. Suck your land. Suck your land's good. Any water? Do you want to drink some water? Yeah. What's another one? I like, I like single, single syllables.

Like desk or sink. Uh huh. Lamp. Um, how about, um, Faucet. You guys have to name one of your children. Drywall. Drywall. Drywall.

Drywall's good. Drywall. It's just something that's kind of just, you know, an object, random object that's no one is called. There's no one on earth that's called drywall. But would you name one of your children drywall? But spell it differently. Soil.

Soil. That's actually not. Soil. Soil is good. Soil is good that you could get away with. Soil. I already, I know. That's kind of cute.

I like Emmer and Bobby doesn't like it. What is it? Cause it's a Filipino name. What is it? It's a mihan? No. That's MS13 shit. No.

A mihan is like it's there's to, look out for Amy, bro. She'll kill you. There's two types of trade wins in the Philippines and Amihana is one of them. So it's a mihan and Habagat. We're not doing it. Habagat? Habagat. We're doing Katie.

Can okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're doing something. Katie Lee or Samantha. Samantha Lee. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All all nice names, but no, we got to go with something more. But we need to do traditional. No, what is traditional? My name is Kalaila Kalaila. Yeah, but you're fucking from your half Punjab.

Anyway, we'll think about it if we have one. Yeah. But Sandy is Sandy is Sandy. My opener is Danto. Her baby's coming, coming out. Oh, my God. He's so worried. Wait, so are we, are we, are we not going to have children? Now, you know why, you know what, you know why? Here's why I was convinced. Guess who had her baby this weekend? Oh, Natasha. Natasha. Natasha had her baby over the weekend. And she had her baby on her chest. And I told Sandy I go, there's something about that photo that you can tell it changed Natasha. Natasha had I've never seen her face like this, where it was content. And, hi, I was waiting for you. Like it was such a beautiful fucking photo. I'm about to, because I've known Natasha for so long. And Moshe, I love both those people. I thought they're the nicest people in the world. And Natasha used to live in my building. Oh, in Silver Lake. Oh, Silver Lake. Yeah, so I've known Natasha for so long and just and she's older. How old is Natasha? I think she's in her 40s. She is. Yeah, she looks good. And yeah, she late 30s, early 40s. And she had a baby. And it's not, I don't think it's retarded. It looked normal. Okay, but she's probably, she probably has a healthy baby. She probably lived a very healthy life. All I'm saying is, if you and I are going to consider it, it, it has to be in the neck within the next three years. Yeah, for sure. I don't want to done tonight. I think we don't have a baby. I have to have a baby with you. Oh my God. Whoa. You said that with so much confidence.

Would you be open to surrogacy? What does that mean? Where you're my egg, your sperm in planted into another woman's uterus. I've seen romcoms like that. So she carries it, but it's still our genetic. Yeah, but then what if the girl's like Eileen Warnos and she just takes off with her baby or designer baby. If they're okay, if our, if our, my sperm and your egg are in another woman, can their genetics go into it? They say no, but I think that there's there has to be something that bleeds through. I would love to watch an Asian baby come out of a white woman. That's going to be amazing. What if it comes out like really Samuel L. Jackson Black? Well, Kalilah. Well, then I fucked the black guy. No, no, no. But it goes on my sperm, your sperm, you know, my egg. And you're in it just randomly, it just come out, comes out just this big black baby. Could that ever happen? Is there a disease like that? We're the race completely changes, but it doesn't have any of the black talent. So that'd be sad. There is. It just looks black, but it's Asian. That would be sad. Dark Filipino. Yeah. It can't run or nothing.

I didn't tell you guys what my, what the name of this kid is that's taking to my, my, my niece to come. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. Okay. I'm going to have you guess. Oh, drywall. I don't know. It's a name of a band. It's a name of a band. Creed. Hooper Stank. Some 41. Okay. One of their albums. Okay. One of their albums is the name of the place we're going to tomorrow. You too. His name is baby's name is you too. No, the prom guy who's taking my niece. His name is you too. It's not even you too. How do you spell that? I don't even know this. I was trying to call my sister. You know what's worse than that? You be 40. It was you be 40. That'd be even fucking scarier. Yeah, but you too could still be, it could still be like the way if you say it, not like you too. Yeah. Yeah. That's how you say it actually. You too. Yeah. So that's his name. You too. Not you too. Not letter you. Yeah. Yeah.

How do you spell it? Is it you too? That'd be funny. Honestly, I think it's you too. One of, I had a friend growing up. His name was F3. Well, the letter F3. Like the keyboard thing? Like I need to, I need to like stop my computer and restart it. F3. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Was the baby conceived like near a computer and the dad sitting there and they go, what do we name it? I need the name of three. No, I think that he's Francisco the third. Or Hewler Packard. Either one. 18. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, lazy. Wow. That's fucking amazing. Yeah. And then I had brothers who I used to swim with. One was seven and the younger one was eight.

That's their name. See, that's, you know what? You're right. We should be more creative. We should be additional. I mean, I think F3 is a little too far. That's too much. Yeah. That's too future. I'm trying to look around the room now. But I think that we will, you know what? We'll have a contest on the podcast. If we have a baby, we'll go, we'll do a name contest. I am not going to leave it up to this. No, I'm what I'm saying. No, I'm saying that we'll use it as an option. Call it. Just a middle name. Just a middle name. Call it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not you guys. Yeah. Let's not default to. We love you guys. Just, you know, no, they get the middle name. Come on. It's by pure. Oh, papaya. I don't know. If I really? Shelly papaya. Shelly papaya. What is your Shangri-La? Shangra. Shangra. I can't hide it. What's your middle name? Liko. L-I-C-O. L-I-C-O. No, but that's your, that's your mom's maiden name. So I don't have it. Shangra is my real middle name because my mom's maiden name is Avis.

Mine's Yong. Yeah, yours is Yong. That's a good one. That's a pretty good one. And Steve is my mom's maiden name. What's T George? Thomas. Thomas. That's a great name. Thomas Shelby. George Thomas Kimmel. Kimmel. Wow. Very, very traditional. I like Thomas better than I like George. Can you tell Bryce this? Can you tell Bryce this? What? Thank you so much for teaching me fishing and skydiving. Start a rally. I heard you cut a lot. I've been, I've been scaling it, you know, and he saved my fucking life with that. Anyone listening, I know you don't, this is the best game I've ever played. I'm still playing it. Anyway, what are we, what are we doing at time? Hold on one second. Why has he saved your life? What? Tell us what kind of fish. Rare. I mean, in the game, there's, you can, you can fish for this, but there's legendary fish. There's the mutant carp. You know what I mean? There's the crimson one. There's legend, which is only available in the summers. Wait, why do you want a mutant carp if it's from the sewers? It's just one fish that you get and it says you just cast, there's always one fish to get. And one of them is called the mutant carp.

There's void salmon by the witch's hut. I mean, there's other ones, but those aren't legendary. They're just five notorious ones. I only need as one more. What about the bass? There's no, but the bass is not legendary. It's not legendary, baby. I'm going to name you it right here. I have the, I have a Skydu Valley. Look, I have a app, right? You got the whole app. Oh, I have. Oh, I need that. I need, I'm balls deep, right? And if you go down to, I know people don't give a fuck, but it says legendary. Okay. There's the angler is the only one I don't have, but there's a crimson, glacier, legend and mutant carp. Anyway, killing the game. Killing the game. And next, I think, I think Oliver is in for next week. No, that's not announced because I want to announce it because I want to put it on the universe. And if it's not him, we'll get something better. But you hear that all over Hudson, you have to do it next week. I'm throwing it out there in the universe. Everyone on Twitter.

He's not going, well, should we do more by the date of when splitting up? Do it again, man. What's the question? On helpful advice. So I am a 25 year old male from UK who currently on a six month trip in Southeast Asia. After a drunken night out in El Nido, Philippines, I found myself going back to the lady boy's apartment who also was a prostitute. I was so drunk that I didn't wear a condom ever since my parents. This is serious. Ever since my paranoia self has been thinking, I'm probably going to die of AIDS. It's my first experience with a guy and that doesn't bother me as I'm quite an open minded person.

But what the fuck was I thinking fucking a hooker without a condom? To be honest, there was no ejaculation. It was a lady boy. And she didn't fuck me. It probably only lasted a few minutes until I realized how stupid I was being. Let me just get this straight. He fucked a dude. A lady boy.

What does that mean? A boy with a penis. Transgender. Yeah, a dude. From the Philippines. From the Philippines. From my homeland. In the butthole.

In the butthole with no condom. You're fine. Well, his question is, am I going to die? You can't die from AIDS anymore. Or can you please give me some hope that I'm probably going to be okay? I return home to England in a few weeks and we'll be getting tested for everything straight away. Let me just say something to you, sir. Is that number one?

Don't ever do that again. That's my advice. I'm not a fucking doctor or a part of the medical profession, but this is sound safe. And also number two, the worst comes to worst, you get AIDS. You can't die from it. Well, you can die. You can die from it, but there are cocktails you can take and whatnot and it can prolong your life. So it's not a death sentence.

It's not. And also, the next time you go to El Nido, which is one of my favorite places on the planet to go to. I've been there several times. Tourist destination? I tell people not to go there. Well, the last time I was there was a few years ago now because of Instagram. Everyone's going there. It's so fucking pristine and beautiful.

I wish that that hooker wasn't from there because there's like so many other fun things to do. Why do you have to go fuck with a boy there? Yeah. Yeah. And also, I don't care how drunk I am. I mean, it's like, if there's a dick, unless, you know what I mean? Well, if I was a dude, I'd fuck dudes all the time. Oh, that's because you're a girl.

No, I just. That's what we're talking about. Girl, your mind is a girl. For me, like sexual, I can take my like sexual pleasure is sexual pleasure. A mouth is a mouth. I don't have to look. I didn't say not get a blow job, but fuck them in the butthole with no condom. I think that my head would go, this is not no offense, dude.

But you're not a butthole guy. Well, yeah, yeah, that is true. I'm not a butthole guy. He doesn't even like fucking my butthole. I think he's only done it like once or twice ever. Yeah. Yeah. I was your first, right?

And last. And that's it. Because once you go in, it's just like a big open, dark abyss. It's only tight in the beginning. And then after that, there's no. It's hollow. It's hollow. Yeah, it's really like quite sad in there.

You did do it. Yeah. Well, Clara has a loose butthole. I don't. Actually, I have a very, very tight asshole. But any tight asshole, once you get in there, it's just going to feel like a hollow, just empty space. It was like an ID went off on there. Really?

My asshole? It was blown out. A couple of rooms. That's like a Sturdy Valley house. Yeah. Anyway. Any shows? Oh, sickly.

I have El Paso. Oh, coming up. Coming up. I have Texas, Arlington, Virginia. Oh, you have Addison coming up, too. Addison coming up. But, yeah, I feel free. I feel good.

God bless you. And remember what I said. This is the best. If you have your health, you have a job, you have loved ones, look around you. Live in the moment. You know, sometimes when this doesn't sound dumb, but sometimes when I want to live in the moment, I use my hands and I feel the things around me, right? And my old AA sponsor when I was 17, right, he would go, he would clap in front of it,

here, now, now, now, now, now. I always think of that to just keep me in the present moment. You know? You know, as much as I love, I love when people are very like, like, who give good guidance like that and tell you to be, meet, to have presence of mind and to be in the moment. But do you ever come around people who are just straight up happiness bullies, where when you're telling them, when you're trying to, when you have a problem, say, for instance, and you're pouring your heart out and you're feeling a little unsteady and they're like,

Namaste, sister, Zen, you know, and they're trying to be like so fucking positive. Yeah, Jenna. That was, sounds, that's Jenna and you're out of breath. Not like that, Jenna is actually a very good listener. The other friend that you have. No, she's good too. Chandy. Chandy.

The hippy two twins. But you know what I'm talking about? We're like everything, every answer that they have is always like ultra positive where they just, they, I just need them to say, you know what, that sucks. That sucks. I'm sorry you're going through that, but they're like always offering some type of fucking Super Zen bullshit. And you're like, oh, I just needed you to say, you know,

That's not what I was doing. I was just trying to be positive. No, I'm not saying that. It's fuck. No, I wasn't saying that at all. Fucking asshole you're being. No, I was just trying to end the fucking thing. And then all of a sudden you're like bringing up another thing to keep talking hippy twins.

Are we done? Yes. I love you. What is this George? Hey, what are these? What was that email that you were going to read? Oh, you want to read it? Yeah, read it.

I want to give shout outs to all the latest iTunes reviews. We're going to do a cleaning house. Okay. Whatever. Clean the house. Hi, my name is Ethan Hong. I went to Bobby Lee's show on Saturday, February 24th at the Houston Improv. And I just wanted to say it was one of the greatest things to ever happen to me.

Exclamation mark. It was such an amazing experience. It was so crazy and surreal and how Bobby interacted and talked with me the entire show. And I literally had adrenaline from it for the next five hours, not being able to believe what just happened. I tried meeting y'all and told the security guard, George has a pink dick, but you had a show right after. I really wish you come back to Houston the next year in the future because I would love

to see you perform again. Thank you so much for tonight, Bobby, and the rest of the Tiger Billy crew for making my days better. I remember who he was, too. You guys are the best. He was an Asian kid in the front row. Ethan. Yeah, he was skinny.

And I kept, like, touching his hair and going back to him. And thank you, Ethan. I remember you. And I'll always remember you. There you go, Ethan. Anyway, I'm so tired, guys. I love you guys so much. Have a great night.

Baby. And then they were over an hour and a minute with Coletta Kuhn. You see the Fox card? I know you did. Emmett vs. Steve Holmes. Yes. That was a really good fight. That was a fun fight.

Man, Jeremy Stevens, that's why I put it on the show. What did you think about the supposed, like, illegal shots to the back of the head? Oh, those were illegal. I mean, straight out. Yeah, but I mean, Emmett was moving around. It was kind of like, you know, I think, I think it was at Cormier who was saying like, oh, in the heat of the moment, you should still be able to, you know. I don't, I don't agree with that.

I mean, exactly where you land your shots. But the fighter is a fighter. But honestly, the ref should have stopped. I mean, he should have said stop back to head of warning or something. But those were illegal shots. The ref didn't see it. So you're good. Yeah.

And that knee didn't land. The knee did not land, but it touched. So I guess if you're for being technicalities, I guess you could be like, well, then you hit my head. They didn't stop the fight. My knees were on the ground. Yeah. But that stuff, that stuff is so close. And if I'm a ref, I don't know what, I mean, that shit's happening so fast.

Yeah. That's tough. Um, what other fights were there? Tisha, Taurus. I saw the highlights. I saw the highlights. Andrage. Was that a good one?

Or did Andrage just bully her because she's enormous. I thought Tisha was actually getting the better of the boxing exchange in the first round. And then after that Andrage, once Andrage was able to take her down, there wasn't much Tisha could do from, um, on her back. Yeah. Unfortunately. But Andrage is just a really, really strong girl. I should probably take the winner of Rose and, uh, for her sake, she wants Rose because

she's already fought you on a lost. Yeah. Uh, there wasn't one other good fight. I was like, damn. Harry. That went to decision. No. I saw that.

Oh, I know who you're talking about. OSP. It was OSP. Latifi. Yeah. I do not want to ever be in that joke from a guy that's that stocky. That looks terrifying. Yeah.

That was good. I was a good fight. That's all we got. Exactly a minute, guys. Boom. That's it. Haha. We did it.

My sister. So I'll sit over here for a second while we chat because we got to go through some stuff. Um, thank you for not closing the door, uh, hashtag just doing a joke. See, I stuck up for you, George. I said he had chuckles and that was the truth. Um, I was going to say, oh, uh, yes, I am wearing a really cool hoodie. If you are listening.

Oh, and I was also wearing a very cool hoodie last week. Hoodie. A hoodie last week. People are already asking about it online, so, uh, let him know what's happening. Who are we giving shout outs to this week? Let me see one. Yeah, just, uh, random shout out to the latest, uh, iTunes reviews. Hi, popups.

So, uh, shout out, well, firstly, let's say, before we get to that, let's, uh, big shout out to Raider Nate, uh, one of the admins on the Facebook page. He just got married. So, uh, head on over to Facebook. We're already married. Um, the photos seem to make it look like they weren't, well, congratulations, Nate. We hope to meet your Filipino wife. Uh, so yeah, head on over to Facebook and give him a shout out, guys.

And our shout out, uh, let's go Richard Eugene M, uh, for that five star review on iTunes. Why are you reading this review? Okay. But he did say Tiger Belly's amazing. Uh, I have one from Might E. Basically, for an hour, you get to feel like you're hanging out with Bobby Lee, his girlfriend, his subordinate, and a good wife. Every week on Wednesday. This podcast made me to the man that I have today.

Five stars. That's a Might E for one of the best comments ever. So I'm not the good wife. I'm assuming I'm the good wife. Give me one of those. I'll choose one from, from somebody's page. Not Austin. Uh, says Gilbert for the win.

Thanks Austin. Uh, how else we got here? Let me see. So many. Oh wait. Rudd's 09. La Cucaracha. I don't even know what that means.

Maybe he's trying for his own, uh, Nosotras Papaya. Um, quicksauce, shout out to quicksauce, join the family, and become a baby belly. The diet kingdom. Welcome to you. Are we still baby bellies? Hashtag, Nosotras Papaya. That's a classic. That's a classic.

Um, anything else? Oh yeah, so while we did the shout outs for iTunes is we will be doing shout outs to you guys. Uh, if you leave a comment on iTunes, uh, and rate us five stars. So if you want your message read out from the subordinate, Good White, or Bobby's girlfriend. Write something out. I have a name. The name is, uh, what's your name?

It's, uh, drywall. Do you know that when I go to Starbucks or places like that, I don't give my real name? What do you put? I say Jenna. I give my friends an answer. Or Gilbert. Or George. You do Gilbert?

I do, yeah, anything but Kalilah, because I think that I am, I feel like I'm holding up the line by having to spell it out for them. And then if they don't, I never give anyone trouble for misspelling my name or not saying it correctly. Like I don't get offended. It's like, look, if you at least try, but also I just feel like I'm holding up the line. I have a theory Starbucks does it on purpose just to get free online advertising. I think so too.

I think that that's probably a very smart thing. Hang on one second. Here's my sister on the phone. I want to see how you do is spelled. And Kalilah's putting her phone right now. Honey. I'm sorry. I was talking to your mother, I didn't hear your ring.

Oh, that's okay. I just had one question. Okay. I have another question. Oh, another one. What? Once I spelling, well, how do you spell you to YouTube, but the guy who's taking Julie to prom.

That's his real name, so it's not you and to like the band. No, it's not it's why you do and then is that short for something? Oh, it's it's short for good. Oh, he's Japanese. Yeah, or Korean or I don't know. But he's not Filipino. Good. Okay.

That makes sense now then. It's a good. Yes. His father is Japanese. Okay. Well, then it's not even funny anymore. I just thought a Filipino named his kid after like the U2, like the band. It's a Japanese boy.

No, he's Korean. His father is Japanese or Korean. Han, no one believes me that we have a cousin named Korokotok. No, it's true. That's not true. It's true. We have a cousin named Korokotok we used to live with him. Okay.

It sounds like you're making that up out there. Do not lie to God. God is watching your lies. The devil speaks. Sigi Han, thank you. I'll talk to you later. Okay. Bye.

Okay. Bye. Bye. Well, it's not. Well, that's a pretty common Japanese name. Yeah, no, it's like not even special anymore. I ruined it. That's someone you can see on Tara's house.

Yeah, literally. I think F3 just holds the cake then. That's a great one. Takes the cake, I mean. All right, guys, I think that's all we have for this week. Our show. Just if you are watching on YouTube, we are wearing these hoodies. These are premium hoodies.

So this will be out in a couple of weeks. We also have t-shirts coming out, beanies, and we'll be releasing the sticker pack one again. Be on the lookout for that. These premium hoodies, though, are in limited quantities, so you have to get them immediately when they pop out. We'll be posting stuff on social media, you know. And they're really cool because the glue thumb, if you can't see it, actually, it's embroidered

into there. Guys, this isn't cheap, like promo stuff for like a bank or something. This is a lot. Bank? Yeah, banks give out that. This isn't a concert, okay? This is real stuff. Yeah, it's very soft.

Oh my God. I had a big blob of saliva just come to the front of my mouth. Very soft. Oh my God. It's okay, Galala. We all, you know, sometimes have issues. Oh God, I'm sorry. You can follow us on social media, Instagram at Tiger Belly, on Twitter at TheTigerBelly,

and email us any questions at TheTigerBelly at gmail.com. Just a reminder, the audio for this podcast, because you're listening to it right now, but just to remind you and tell your other Slup Kingdom friends who still don't know, is that audio comes out typically on Wednesday. It is Wednesday. You can find that on Spotify, Stitcher, what else, iTunes for sure. Google Play. Google Play.

You can go on AllThingsComedy.com and use SoundCloud, but yeah, that's just for audio Wednesday. Wednesday, audio, audio, Wednesday, Wednesday, audio. And then the video comes out on, George. Thursday, Thursday, Thursday. Thursday. YouTube. Thursday.

You can follow Kala on all social media at CalamityK. And she's trying to get to 100,000 followers, so let's do that. She whispered to me before the podcast, like, that's one of her goals. She wants to be a social media star, a podcast celebrity. George, where's all your social media? Just Instagram George underscore Kimmel. And there will be a vlog coming out pretty soon where you can see some of George's set, which will be really exciting.

You should also put mine up with his, my set. I have the original. Oh, the original of your set? Interslices. You haven't even let me see it. Just to share. You haven't even let me see it, Gilbert. With me, when I did it, I thought I was like, I got last, but I was like, oh, fuck, that's

probably like a six, though. That's like a six for a five. Yeah, you know, it's so weird, because Gilbert, I thought, crushed. But I was like, oh, fuck. And then when he got off, he was like, oh, I fucked this one up. He was really self-critical. I should have done this, George. I shouldn't have done that.

There was a lull. You have very self-critical. So we'll put them side by side, OK, OK, all right, let's see, George, just back down already. He's too embarrassed to even share his video after like a year and a half. I'm embarrassed. But you know why? He holds himself to a really high standard. I hold my future self to a high standard.

It's the same reason I haven't shown my butt in public in a while, because there is like craters forming. You have craters. I have a ton of cellulite, and I have a ton of stretch marks. And you know what? I don't give a shit. OK. Well, I'll be looking up for her Instagram story.

We're going to take pictures of her stretch marks. If you look at my bikini shots, I don't take out my stretch marks. They're there. So the fuck what? I got stretch marks when I grew up. When I grew up. Fine. I have butt cellulite.

I'll show it to everyone. I do too. And you know what? When I push my butt in, there's a ton of craters. And I don't care. I don't care. I care a little bit if I care a little bit when it's in front of a lot of people. I don't care if I'm wearing like a swimsuit out in public, because I'm like, those people

don't know me. Why do they care about the potholes in my butt, right? I care if we're doing like prison style sex and it like he pushes it down and then it's like, oh, that's just not a good look. So I try to like kind of arch my back a little bit so like my my butt doesn't look like a smushed pancake. Well, we'll leave you guys on that. Kalyla has a smushed pancake butt.

I don't. My butt's just fine. It's a normal butt. And I am so tired of seeing Instagram butts there. So fucking perfect. Whoa, she's getting emotional. I think we have to go. No, because that's not, I don't want my, like my niece now is saying like, my butt's not

big enough. And I'm like, oh my God, I can't be, I can't be dealing with this right now. Yes. And she's like, she has a size 22 waist and she has a perfect body and she's like, my butt's not big enough. I'm like, I can't deal with you, bitch. Western Western culture. Yeah.

The world. Yeah. Social media is destroying the minds. Your butt is fine. Whatever it looks like, it's perfectly fine. Bye, guys. All right. Let those items reuse.

Okay. Love that butt rant. But isn't that a little exhausting to see such perfect women like as a man? Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Barely add free on Amazon music, download the Amazon music app today, or you can listen ad free with Wondry plus in Apple podcast. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com slash survey.