TigerBelly - Episode 135: Trap & Vortex

Episode Date: March 28, 2018

We talk dirty debutantes, lifelong lies, and bathtub crystals. Bobo is muy sleepy. Koloko finds a glass menagerie. Gilbo thinks marital. Listen to us on Spotify.Support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Silence is a vortex that actually traps laughter. I don't know what that means, but it means something. Welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly, everybody. That's a new song. I didn't write the lyrics. A greater man wrote the lyrics of that song.

A much greater man. A much greater man. I wonder who the artist is. I don't know. But I can't take full credit for that because that's philosophical. And that's mind-splitting. That's technology words. Welcome to Tiger Belly.

My name is Captain Bob. The captain of your life. Captain. The dreamer. You know. Dream lever. No, just the dreamer. The instigator.

I'm an instigator. And I'm a spiritual principal. Today, I'm a spiritual principal. Like a high school principal. I make things with words. No sources of papaya. No sources of papaya. Stuff like that.

Richard, your own phrase. Doesn't matter. Because even when I say it like that, it instills knowledge. Get it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got Gilbert. God bless you and take care. Thank you, sir.

We got George. Love it. Love it. Love it. Mean it. Want it. Love it. Mean it.

I love Carlisle. I love sunflower. Flower. Flower of the desert. I love it. I believe in it. And I believe in all the people that came out to my shows in Dallas. If you're a Tiger Blee fan, you didn't come to Dallas.

The Addison improv. Well, that's on you. Shame on you. It's shame. This week is going to be bad for you. You fucked up. You fucked up. Because I did a curse.

And my sure have. will have when this is aired my show has already been aired the show that I was I am on and we'll just see what happens with that but also it's airing for a second time on Wednesday so that's when so you will have if you haven't already seen it on Tuesday yeah watch it tonight Wednesday night is it not okay yeah well try try to watch give it a try support papa but yes more papa but you know what there there are greater things at hand and what's great at hand is the march for our lives that happened and regardless of what you feel how you feel about gun violence and and the NRA and gun control however you we were wherever you stand on it those kids doing that they just

they deserve a little bit of an applause because a lot of it a lot of it because they they did something they were affected by some violence at their school and they decided to do something about it regardless of how you feel about it or not that in itself that act is very American and I I'm not for banning guns you know I'm for a little bit of control you know assault rifles and whatnot common sense common sense so common sense that's what that's what this was for that's what it was for but anyway I you know I don't you know I try not to stoke the fire because I am a weaver of things and um silence can we get that one more time oh god damn it I really I feel like I need the song again I need to get it going I need to song myself against

too okay so here we go silences of vortex they actually tracks laughter you sing the second part I don't know what that means but it means something everybody together yeah yeah no okay no no no no um I feel like you're like the modern day Bach yeah Baroque Baroque that's a horrible combination I'm man I'm broke no Baroque be the Baroque time period is when Baroque oh I see I don't know right right right well he's well I'm knowledgeable about things he's a pianist yeah I used to used to watch Dirty Deputants with Ed Powers do you remember that he was like a greasy old Jewy guy who had his own little porn series called Dirty Deputants what was it about I don't know what Dirty Debbie no not Dirty Debbie it was a series they did like

hundreds of them and he did it out of his own house they were pretty quality work well you're 67 years old so we would I'm pretty fucking old I'm pretty fucking old and then I remember going to this place in um I don't know what I'm talking about this but at least on on on Lakership and Victory in North Hollywood my friend he has kids now so I don't think he's happy about me bringing this up but there used to be a place there where you would walk into he told me to go and you would walk in and you put quarters in a machine and then a fucking metal door would slam open and there was a naked girl there right and you could just jerk off and there's a phone a real naked she's dancing yeah and you would he would talk to them and go hi and you would

masturbate those are some sad fucking days dude that's a thing that's gone now but they used to be a place like that I feel like we should bring that back and then I don't know I feel like that's like a novelty to jerk off through a glass contraption while holding a phone yeah my earlobe I know well you're definitely multitasking yeah it's training you to multitask yeah yeah but like um yeah I remember going there and then I remember like not having enough coins and it's I'm about to come but it's shut so I'm about to come and then it's shut and you're like uh and you're like now coming in a a metal a metal box that guy's weird he's coming out of wall speaking of coming we've recently had a cum revelation wow where I mean where are you you

pointed I didn't I didn't wait I didn't I didn't tell you that information for you to say it on the podcast you absolutely did I didn't but you can tell people what you told her you had a coming revelation he has like he has um you know when when liquid eventually turns to stone okay well he has like a fucking glass menagerie of nut all by the side of the bathtub apparently he's been accumulating for years he has like crystallized nut the glaze it looks like it looks like cement yeah it looks like cement because it's like hardened over the years and I think it's yellow though it's like tinted yellow right but it's it's layered and it's against that gray brick already so it it it it hides the yellow how do you know it's yellow when it's dried because my

come as a tinted you know it's funny story oh god yeah I can't wait oh whatever you got to say it so so I when I was younger I used to masturbate in only one corner in my room yeah yeah I don't need to my hamper so I thought if I move the hamper I do it in that spot I cover it my parents will never find the one spot so like after just years in high school that I obviously moved out for college I think my dad like you know my moved my room it was just this giant circle of like just dots of yellow and then my dad was like what is this because I stopped cleaning my room yeah I was like ah candle wax oh yeah yeah candle wax it's a good one yeah no I've never had a candle in my room he's like okay yeah okay so similar thing your Filipino dad cleaning that corner well my Filipino mom

cleans our tub so she's been trying to scrub off fucking nut for four years and she doesn't know it she's been trying to scrub off his crystallized nut off of the bathtub because she's always like darling your stone is very different here from there the stone keeps growing it grows all the time the stone here it looks like marble and the stone here looks like dark stone yep I'm so I feel so bad I feel so bad but your family's coming how do you feel about that so if anyone doesn't know coming you're coming everyone doesn't know if and if people you don't know all right Kalala's sister essentially it's not her biological sister but it's a sister they grew up together and she was her sister and her kids and her sister's husband they're coming to America

for the first time for the very crazy right and you know where they're from they're from the island of Cebu it's you know you have beautiful malls there's there's resemblances of America in Cebu pizza pizza great great beaches great beaches great people but you know America is gonna be a shock to them I think they've just never left the country before so imagine spending 40 something years in the same country and then your first time out of the country is to Los Angeles not just any part of America but this like diverse you know metropolis yeah as big as LA is when you when you when you because I just flew in this morning from Dallas when you fly in it looks like you're flying into the Death Star yeah the surface of the Death Star is gray lights and it's just

endless buildings of gray it's really probably intimidating for anyone that fly in here so Bobby and I have made a list of places where we think they would enjoy mostly just food places they would like to book the pet ball no no they would like subway they would like anything just have subway though yeah but you know they live in the provincial area of Cebu so like in the other side of Cebu like closer to the beaches and stuff so as much as they have you know access to you know modern things it's still really I mean I could essentially take them to Olive Garden for a whole two months and they'd be so happy oh hello they're gonna be here for two months no no her husband and them only for two weeks but then the girls for two months oh the girls are gonna

be for two months yeah so I'm taking them to San Francisco to well I had to take them to Vegas because my mom's like you have to take them there you know like it's like it's gonna blow their minds and I'm taking them I don't know I haven't decided if I'm taking them to New York speaking of which yeah we're official we're going to New York a little belly is going to New York oh yeah I know we can announce it okay we can announce it yeah so this is good news guys tiger belly was invited to the vulture fest wow and last year well over the years they've had Natalie Portman and Amy Polar I mean just so many people get invited to this thing and when I got the call the other day last week that they're interested in us I felt like it put tiger belly on the

fucking map and like and listen to you George you fuckface you ugly piece of shit and you too you've ungrateful brown fuck yep that they when they go well can it be two I know it's gotta be all at all of them they never actually asked for two I know but I'm just saying it just he's trying to make you feel bad thank you so much thank you so much Bobby what you just did was fuck me just now no you're making it doesn't matter that's what I wanted to do we're feeling bad and you ruined yeah how would you do that why do you do that like when I do like when I do an improv out in the public she'll like break the improv right away like example because people are suffering example I love suffering example please oh no I'll just say something like yeah you know I have three weeks to

live and then someone is like sincerely believing him they're trying to like console yeah and they're crying I have them in the pocket let them get to that point yeah and then all of us are saying no he doesn't he's lying yeah I have to or if I do an accent at a restaurant hello yeah yeah yeah well I have a you know I mean Bobby Bobby just speak in your normal voice no because he does this thing where if we're for instance we went to Joshua tree yeah he thought that he needed to take on a desert alter ego yeah but the desert alter ego has nothing to do with the desert it was like a western John Wayne like and he was like can I get a burrito as she out yeah yeah and I kept doing it and she was like stop it stop because everyone in the we went to a Mexican restaurant yeah and

it was I mean it's still Joshua tree there's like they have things there desert I have to do the desert Bob Cowboys what's desert Bob why did you man right dead redemption can I have some taquitos you know perfect we fried beans chimney changa so jalapeño right and then they look at me and they go and then she'll she'll fuck it up I will I didn't say anything that time that time you didn't know so you should just join in have you ever thought of that yeah but you know next time I tell a friend like my mom died let me just let me just do it you know be for a bit I know that's wrong you know I did something when I was a young and I thought it was funny and in retrospect I can't even say it now I feel so bad about it tell us I told somebody I had AIDS oh my

god how young were you I was like maybe 22 as a joke and they like and they were like I'm so sorry and I go I'm kidding like thinking that that was funny which is not it's not it's not funny at all but I just feel bad about it still to this day I don't know why I did I was thinking about that first like yeah why did he do that never friends again yeah yeah like that's it has there been a single lie that you have continued to tell well I've never done a steeper and a zizzy lie like I was in pro I want I mean I want to tell people I was in pearl harbor that's funny but I'm something smaller like a small lie that you've told that you just cannot stop telling because it's like now it's even you believe it you've ever done that when you've

said it for so long that you're like I guess oh my god I guess I did go through that I think I do have uh yeah I have a bunch but I want to say it now yeah I know I know which ones they are too I'm just so curious yeah you'll never know you'll never know that's a good mistake do it off the record no I'm not even doing off the record if you ever bring it up again yeah it's gonna be a very big problem that's serious yeah I have a couple of things that I'm a liar he's it's I already I like to win I already said to people no I know it's part of your persona that you built it's a part of my persona and I like to win and um they're they're innocent lies you mean they add they add you know the shadow play I add to the the mystique of the slept king

and sometimes you know I lie and um you know what babe you you got it wrong oh god you got it wrong they're they're truths in these lines but I've exaggerated them so much that they've turned um weird in my mind I turned gray a little bit they're gray they're a little gray it's a little gray it's the white yeah um but Dallas man I want to do a shout out to this kid Grady Proud again Grady remember the kid from Houston I was talking about the one you said killed you killed he came to Dallas and can I tell you something about Grady Proud why I love him is he was there 24 seven oh wow he picked me up he was there do this he's there not only is he great on stage he also has fish eyes have you tell you about that like brandy fish no like Michael

Shannon oh like pops out of the sock yeah pops out of it like like like off of the sides of his face I like that and we're ripping on them all weekend we would we would we would google photos of frogs is this your head shot stuff like that you know man yeah but and he would take it and so this kid Grady Proud he's out of Houston he won funniest comic out of Texas um he's gonna be he's gonna move to LA and we're gonna help him didn't you guys get pulled over we got pulled over the police and I got him out of it how did you know we got pulled over you told me wow else would I know you got pulled over because he has no bumper or like anything like his engine is like exposed and we get pulled over and I go I said to Grady I go he was like kind of sweating he's

like I think man I don't have my registrations on you know I mean like kind of whispering things to myself you know it must have been embarrassed for him I'm the headliner and as soon as the cop and he was a Mexican cop and thank god when it's a Mexican cop we're clear yeah do you know why because every Mexican knows daddy they know what Matt TV is so Grady he's like can I see your license as registration his town was weird yeah and I peeked my head I go what's up bro like that confident and he looked at me and he went oh hey yeah I go we were just had I you know I had like that the improv right there you know and this guy drove from Houston he's a comic and he emcee'd for me and I made him come drive all the way to Dallas and my friend Nick is you know future anyway

we were at the Walgreens and we're just driving he's driving us back he's like okay well I still need to look at this but I'll be right back and he went back for a couple of seconds came back and he goes yeah I mean it's there's some you know things are in order but we'll let it slide I can thank you and then you know we were fine if it was white we'd be dead all of you not if it was a white cop we would not if you talked in your desert bob axon hey how you doing man yeah I guess some tachy-dos why no I'll pull you over some tachy-dos tachy-dos yeah but you know what's so funny about also Texas is because I've been traveling there the last couple months it is especially I mean the towns that I've been in Houston Dallas El Paso even it's pretty I don't feel like there's any

kind of racism or any kind of prejudice I mean you see white dudes with cowboy hats and they're like how you doing buddy you're like what's up man yeah I like your shoes and you're like thanks like your face bye thank you bye you know I mean and then you move on there's no because my you know I told Steve I go I go to Texas like oh I've never been there have you racist would they kill you you're like they think people that haven't been to Texas they think that there's like you know guys walking around with guns and you know I mean but it's like a lot of Asians a lot of Asian dudes with white chicks at the shows tiger belly fans of course of all shout out shout out the tiger colonizing yeah colonizing but um I love Texas a lot I've

always loved it have you ever you've been there right yeah of course Houston has a lot of Vietnamese I was really shocked yeah a lot of Vietnamese the crawfish thing that got going on yeah if you have a lot of nurses that are moving to Houston because they have a lot of like big uh signing bonuses so like medical professionals and like are moving for some reason there's like this new trend of a lot of medical professionals moving to Texas and then you know you go to San Francisco or Sacramento in that area you see a lot of Hmong the Hmong people yeah in Sacramento yeah and they were the Hmong people I don't know much about history or where they're from but I think they're from like a mountainous region in Tibet or something and they were driven out by the

Chinese government or and then they were spread all over the world and that a lot of them ended up in Cleveland and some in Sacramento oh I went to school with all monks like a lot of Hmong in North Carolina when I went before I dropped out of college really and everyone thought I was Hmong because that's the only Asian they had was Hmong well you look Hmong I know I I was like ah damn yeah I'm pretty Hmong looking yeah like I could see you like an eagle just land on your shoulder you know what I mean and you're like go get me a deer or whatever like Mulan yeah the huns have you seen that documentary yeah the eagle hunter yeah that's what it is oh yeah it's amazing it's amazing and then um can I just say this other thing and I don't know I'm whispering it but

Brad Williams you know who that is yes can you he's a comic he's a little person oh midget he's been in movies too he's okay being called that right I called him with that all day today I saw hung out with him all day today oh yeah you did his podcast oh I've seen him yeah yeah so I haven't seen Brad Williams see he's become successful okay you know when I saw him a couple years ago he was you know like five years ago he looked very midget I'm sorry just hear me out just hear me out I know I know everyone's uncomfortable right now it's like gookie gookie no everyone's uncomfortable right now but just let me get to my point okay all right and then and then you can castrate me all right no so give me the give me the the grace the grace

but when he he's gotten successful he got married right he's in a development deal with my friend Eric Olson from NCIS he's got you know special you know he's selling out tickets on the road and he is now dressing nicer he's married it seemed like he grew like three feet I don't even I told him today I go you don't even look like a fucking dwarf to me right now but you look at your nails they're all clean right you're right no just hear me out that's just like hey I'm hearing you out you're describing Tyrion Lester right now you're saying that every other little person has dirty nails unless they're like highly successful you know what no I'm just saying well in his case you know I mean he had like a deba tail kind of stench to him right and then he

got successful and he got successful and he grew an inch you mean he has long legs you know he just looks different maybe he got his bones stretched in China no no he's still the same size but I was I said that to him in front of his face and he was fine with it why is it what I'm saying right now it's just so funny that he grew and I'll tell you another thing that helped him fucking Peter Dinklage I told that to one's face I go that dude right there right pave the way is no no no this is what it is and this is why I think media is very important I go I don't look at Peter Dinklage as a dwarf or a little person he was amazing in three billboards oh yeah he's amazing in and on the show we watch Game of Thrones okay everything he does he's amazing and he's like a

great actor right I don't even look at him as a midget or dwarf you know I mean I see what you're saying you're just so what I'm saying is is that when you see somebody like Peter Dinklage and then you see Brad Williams you go oh yeah you're not a freak you my friend I guess I can sing it sing it sing it sing it I don't know what that means but it means something all right you know what I mean we fucked it up that last I know I can attest to this to what you're saying yeah I think that I don't see you as somebody because I always dated people that were a lot taller than me yeah you know I'm five eight yeah yeah but you have a big spirit in a little compact body and to me when I look at you I don't look at naked I'm like oh you

know what he has short stumpy legs but there's a bigness about you I feel like you're describing a Disney character but that's what I'm saying I'm saying this though okay I'm going to go to a greater point yeah I'm going to go to a greater point okay and I don't I'm not making fun of little people right I I've been blessed with them in my life I feel like you are a little person I might be technically a little person myself some of your proportions I have little people proportions yeah and you know and people that's seen my act know that I make fun of my body I don't I'm not you know making fun of them I love them but what I'm saying is this you know am I going to get in a lot of trouble for what I said today I think that we should just like probably not stay on the

topic for 30 minutes you my friend I'm just saying you know first of all also on top of that is that I've had zero hours of sleep oh straight from the flight I went straight from the flight no sleep I watched movies on the plane I couldn't go to sleep and then I flew here I laid in bed for like 20 30 minutes and then I went to go to Adam Redd do a podcast and so I am running on empty right now I don't know what the fuck I'm loopy so whatever I'm saying right now could be the worst thing that I could be saying and I can get in big trouble disclaimer can I be in big trouble you think no I don't think so well then it's just funny to me what everything you're saying Dave Chappelle says it best what do you say in the world in in in a world full of PC motherfuckers it is

your job as a comedian to continue to say reckless things because if you're going to push against this you know this lot of people who are just looking for you know this super safe space of like saying the right things all the time we're going to be a world full of censorship so I'm glad you said that because I have another bunch of stuff I want to say but I also want to say to you Kilbert I love your girlfriend yeah oh why what's happening I love Cindy I love since she's the best I would wait to get married Bobby says I should wait wait you guys are considering marriage already as he mentioned to me talked about he's in love and he thinks he should get married to no I'm still I'm sure I want Cindy whatever Cynthia Cynthia Cynthia is better yeah

um and I said wait I would like him to make it in the business first so I've I've always been like I need to change my circumstances where it's like I need to be at this point in this this age I need to have this this this before I can even do that and I've mentioned that to her like a long time ago and a lot of my other friends have shared that same sentiment about you know their relationships but then some were like no don't let your circumstances hold you back whatever you want whether it's marriage or just something else you want to do I tend to agree with what is saying because it's like there's never the wrong or right time it's like having children it's like you know there are a lot of people there are a lot of people who wait to make it in the business

they find that partner they get married what they get divorced to look look most of the people okay that I know that got married before they got famous when they got famous they left their wives as soon as it happened and they upgraded okay I know it's mean to say it's not an upgrade because that whoever will be down great with them during that time no what I'm saying is potter pussy is downgrading you think you think it's an upgrade because she might potentially she's probably prettier because now he's got this clout and she's probably taller but it doesn't mean she's an upgrade the person who was with him through the ugly ugly times that's the person and you know what maybe maybe he might get the model 10 but he's not getting the model life I guarantee you that this

kid Grady Pruitt okay he's been doing comedy for one year this guy this guy is weird looking he's got eyes on his temple I just saw you straight up Michael Shannon right my photo my very right right oh you have you seen it you've seen him right so Grady is very honest Grady goes yeah man um I never got any girls before stand up okay we were at the wallfall house Saturday night and we saw a wilder beast a female a woman shaped like a circle and she was wearing a red dress and she had like scratch marks on her face right and she had fat coming out of this dress right he does have eyes on his temple yeah right and she was like drunk and she was wobbling right and she was the girl asked Nick Yousef she was the grossest girl I've ever

seen drunk slobbering white trash chick right and I said to Grady would you fuck hit it he goes a year ago yeah and that's what I mean right there before when he couldn't get girls but he goes now right now I'm getting like hot tricks right because you've evolved you did the level of change I think Cynthia's great no no I'm saying before her think he can do better I'm saying before her yeah I was you know you were a fatty no no I was fat but then I went through my whole phase where I was just not gonna say I was you know in LA but I was seeing a lot of women I feel like I wasn't fulfilled from doing that no I love her Cindy I'm not saying here's why I think that you know usually if it was somebody else if it was another girl and not Cindy Cynthia Cynthia if

Cynthia Cynthia if it wasn't her I would have been like hey pump your brakes Gilbert wait on it but this girl is beyond I just want him to make it before he gets married that's all I'm fucking saying I want to do that too but I'm trying to balance figure out if that's what I should do she's financially stable she's more than financially stable she's got great connections in the business she works in the industry she's basically at the highest level that he can attain sorry Gilbert I just have to drop my ego yeah drop your fucking ego it's cuz I still want a sugar mama but I think I might need to you know Cynthia's a sugar mama sing a song about Cynthia babe Cynthia is my sugar sugar mama

silence is a vortex the empty traps laughter well then don't do it okay and you know what I honestly believe that everything that I said all this last podcast has been bullshit all right I should have made fun of midgets I should have talked about midgets I should have talked about you Cynthia I should have talked about anything that I ever talked about this week because I'm so tired I have no idea I'm going about to say some fucking scandalous shit right now don't say it say it say it say it say it say it's Gilbert has Gilbert and I had to spend two hours editing no I won't but have you guys seen the documentary push no you have to is it like push with get Gabriel Citibes it no was that movie

with Gabrielle Citibes it's a documentary it's a documentary on Netflix Gabrielle Citibes that it's precious that's precious not push let's let's go morning oh what it's there's a lot there's a lot of confusion here let's uh let's go let's go back yeah let's go with that okay push is a documentary about a a man he's a mentalist and they conduct an experiment basically where they're trying to they're trying to prove or they're trying to see if you can take any ordinary nice individual and and have and convince them to commit a murder and that's basically the premise it's basically what it is it's a social experiment they should capture it on film they get four people to you know comply and three don't don't don't ruin it if you haven't watched it

definitely watch it and they audition a bunch of people and they test each person's level of compliance yeah so that's the thing that's how they choose their people there are people who are naturally more compliant than others and when bobby and i were watching it we were like oh we'd be out we would never be we would yeah we would be out i'm not compliant because we're such skeptics we're like why the fuck are you doing that i there are people there that well that because there's authority saying to do something they just do it without or when the masses do something an act they just do it without thought because it's they don't want they want to blend in give the example of the sitting up in the right so yeah so they so they they go hey this guy this mentalist

is famous in england and he was like i have a new show i want people to you know audition for it or sign up for it so hundreds of people showed up and what they did is they conducted a conducted a experiment so they had the first so they basically brought people in to fill out forms but the first four people that were in there were actors so like the 16 people that come in so that they're all in a seat and they have a a bell and when the bell goes off the three actors stand up when the bell they hear the bell and they sit down but they're still filling out the form so then these people get come in these are now people that are that want to be on the show and they're filling out forms also some of them stand up with these three actors when the bell

happens those are the compliant ones they don't know why they're doing it but they just doing it because they have to do it because they hear this bell and they're just gonna do it or they see some people doing it so they're like fuck it but some people are just like fuck that i'm not standing by why what no one told me to stand up they just fill out the form sitting down those are the ones that were like taken out of the room right so all of the compliant ones they find the foremost compliant and those are the ones months later they don't even know but they're tricked into this thing into this scenario where there's like 200 actors in a building and at the very end of it the person has to decide whether or not they want to push someone down

the building and there's a real person at the edge of a building and these these four people you get to see whether or not they push that person it's pretty brilliant it's pretty crazy yeah whoa yeah and then afterwards they're like you know they talk about it but um it's a crazy um it's it's not that long it's like an hour an hour long after seeing the process do you guys feel like you would have been compliant to do your fucking mind i'm asking i would never kill anybody for no fucking reason at all i think that him and i question things too much you think i would wait wait your face just now you said for no reason at all oh that's that's there's too many reasons okay give me a scenario that that would kill somebody then uh somebody took goby

oh yeah push and did what and did what somebody threw goby off the roof push push that motherfucker down so i'm a kid all right so i'm up in the roof you just pick up goby and you throw him off the roof and kill him my dog jesus george i would probably i would probably grab your hair and try knee kick your face like beat you up and i go what the fuck yeah i would scream like what the fuck did you do that for right and i would go i'm calling the cops how to phone me just at the edge of the roof just at the edge of the roof i would not kill you for that i want to kill anybody for anything all right that you're what you know what somebody had steve hostage and like okay this is the only scenario that you're dumb you're bad at this okay this is what you do this is what

this is what happens there's like you you're on a video all right and you go hey bye i have steve tied up and you take a gun and you blow my brother's brains jeez right on camera right then i would hunt you down kill you okay but that's not what this fucking thing is i also think that fuck you man you don't want to fuck you're gonna kill my brother you fucking cock sucker so dark for it yeah i but i won oh my god oh god give me you said that would you say i i there was a scenario which no no you didn't win you lose okay you shaved your beard and you look dumb you switch your fucking outfits white to fucking blue and kind of shit you lose your haircut your skin color you lose oh my god you lose your loser all right i like

you and you're from farm fuck you you piece of shit don't ever challenge me i love you thank you for helping us produce this i love you too bobby i don't think i can do anymore i'm fading would you do this weekend class no no don't switch it i went to a wedding oh how was it i can't do it anymore here we'll talk about it no where we were i went to um um some of you guys might be familiar um my our friend ashley um she goes by heather leather and she was on dvd as well yeah she got married did she still go by heather leather i think sometimes she does okay or yeah heather hotdog um bobby are you alive i think he's like about to die he is somebody sent jet caffeine in his butthole coffee enema i've always wanted to try that but uh i can do it for you so heather uh how long

do we do we're just keep talking no what are we at 40 you know it's usually i can keep going as well but i am not feeling good today either it's because we're doing it very early no it's not that i am so preoccupied and i don't feel like i feel like i'm on the verge of getting sick i think i hope not i'll tell you why you feel like you're sick it's because you're the stuff you're doing with your family right now oh i know it's just stressing you out i know they got like stopped at immigration and stuff it's like freaking me the fuck out this is push stop stop for a second let's stop everything for a second yeah pause we'll take a break let's take everyone listening we're gonna go straight to the um answers questions and answers because i hit a wall i just slept in 24 hours and i'm just so

tired i wanted to tell you something no no no no no i wanted to tell what are you gonna tell me so we were all at a wedding this weekend who gives i love it i would like to hear it i would like to hear it please um and um we were we were all crying because it was really emotional it was beautiful and we were really happy for them and then we were all in line waiting for tacos and stuff dave your brother ilani all of us were talking and i truly think that your brother and ilani might get married and have kids before us why do you say that i also did offer that should they decide to get married that i would like fund and plan their whole wedding for them oh you want to be a wedding planner i do you think what you think you're gonna marry before them

she won't you would be a disaster why would it be a disaster money don't say that he's he's making his own oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he's making good money we're getting there yeah yeah he's getting there thank you to all the patreon's yeah thank you patreon i'm so i'm so sorry i brought that up all right let's get to the question guild daddy's running out of juice here can we play the song while i open this yeah all right let's put this out we'll lead into it you gotta do it i want a different sound okay no no i like that one let's just do this so laughter laughter laughter i don't know what that means but it means something something something

very good boys very good very good unhelpful advice here we go guys we're gonna take this question slow slow it down hello tiger belly i'm a 27 year old man from algeria north africa i'm an electrical engineer a graphic designer and a poet but my passion has always been stand up unfortunately we don't have a platform for it here especially that i write my material in english i'm planning on moving to the us to try my hand on open mics but what do you think is the best city for an inspiring comic to establish himself comfortably love your podcast love the vlogs and i think bobby is one of the best natural comedians in the world and remember this i will open for you one day

your number one arab fan ben yosef algeria does he have a chance yes absolutely come to la come to la i love you i love your name i love your ethnicity i love your perspective i love your disposition in life i love your ideals i love your values i love your um feet i love your hairs on the legs i like your um nipple rings i like your um sound of music i like it come to la that's the place right that's that's the only answer i have to give whatever they are open obviously is not in algeria but i mean he says his material is the skin off your face george you fucking piece of shit what happened i don't know man use your energy i'll rip you dude positive energy positive energy i'll take you out in the desert and fucking do things to your skull you

know that he will i'll take a mallet pound away pound it out babe make a fucking tender one sandwich i your fucking face i'll eat it i just got hungry now i love you i meant that's what i meant to say what does the guy say read it again read it i didn't listen to anything let's read it again ben you said read the read the whole thing again his name is ben yosef i don't care i want to read the whole thing again okay we'll do the whole thing over time i don't know where it is now start from the bottom top start from the bottom of working where should i go backwards okay let me find algeria okay i want to see bobby do his whole disaster pod no this is the best podcast disaster episode we're top we're top 50 aunts itunes sometimes we're on sometimes we're off okay

okay go go go unholy advice no don't do that don't do that part don't do that part i hate that part okay hello tiger valley hello i'm a 27 i'm gonna answer him like he's just talking okay yeah be him oh i don't do the accent i don't know what it is in north african does an eight regular english no no no do a little no no no no regular english i'm 24 i'm a 27 year old from algeria hi i'm an electrical engineer you are that's great a graphic designer and a poet that's nothing just fyi that's nothing but my passion everyone's a poet everyone can be a poet but my passion what is your passion it's always been stand up great unfortunately what we don't have a platform from it here where where algeria that's where you live especially that i write my material in english you that's

where you live what language pause pause you have a massive booger in your left nostril massive it's hanging down it's hanging down i don't know what it means you don't need to dig that it was like falling off the edge this episode there's no go ahead go ahead go ahead i'm planning on coming to the us to try my one that was one i'm playing i'm planning to coming uh i'm planning on moving to the us to try my hand at uh you should try man you should follow your dreams on okay but like what do you think is the best city for an inspiring comic to establish himself comfort all the best places algeria okay well i love the podcast thanks love the vlogs and i think bobby you is one of the best natural comedians in the world and i think that you are a fantastic human being yourself

i will open for you one day you're number one era fan ben yusuf bye ben you're giant give me the next one wait why did i read give me the next one give me the next one okay i want to do another conversation with the guy okay well okay this is a girl whatever let's do it hey guys hey what's your name okay uh how much are you supposed to tolerate in a relationship in a relationship like bobby a lot my boyfriend plays way too much video games he's awful with money which stresses me out and often puts me in a position of being the stable bank even though i'm self-employed and have myself to take care for okay unfair he smokes weed every day all the time let me just say this to you before you i'm gonna even let you finish okay i love your shows i'm

not even let you finish okay kalilah loves kalilah loves the ocean did you know that immensely deeply she loves the water she loves the beach she loves um swimming with you know sea creatures and she just likes being in nature hmm this would hurt me if kalilah said this it would hurt me if kalilah said hey man i'm gonna just go to hawaii for a year and live on the beach i'm like i'm gonna miss you so much but please and i let it go and if he wants to play video games if you love him because that's what he loves to do let him fucking do it um not if he's smoking weed all day and not getting off the fucking couch and working if he wants to smoke weed which is what he loves to do

and play video games is what he loves to do and you love him right you should support what he loves and if you don't love him leave find somebody else find you know michael felps who wins championships championships or who's saying bolt who runs circles around others but my point is is this you might not have the right guy what do you think of that all right because it doesn't matter if my girlfriend smoked pot and and play video games all day long and that's what she loved to do by all means do it i think that bobby's right good one find an olympian and let them do whatever they want in their lives i think that if he is somebody who would like to hear the rest of it so you make you have a better i think i can kind of get what she said sandwich i'll be right

back would it let me let me finish it so his tolerance is high i'm gonna take a sandwich i'll be right back he smokes weed every day all the time his tolerance is high though so he doesn't it doesn't show he says it helps his anxiety i accept the medical reason but i don't accept weed being uh prioritized even when money is low uh he has been off it and has been just fine i also feel the weed might be a reason for extremely low work ethic lack of ambition of life generally and comfortability of rarely even suggesting fun things to do outside of the house but that's what i'm saying like he sounds like a deadbeat bobby plays video games every day but he goes to work yeah and he brings home the bacon so unless he's doing that he should not be allowed to slide

by like a fucking slob and not provide anything for the family especially if he's you know what i mean like he's he has to he has to pay rent he has to provide food he's gonna do those things and then play yes it's the video game i can't argue with his video game playing because he goes to work he travels on the road he has a career he is ambitious those so therefore video game play is something that i just cannot complain about because he's he's still getting his shit done um but this dude doesn't sound like he's getting shit done so i think drop his ass she says now i know bitch but if it wasn't for the fun times we have together i would have left a long time ago girl let me tell you something you can have so many fun times with so many different people

why don't you have fun times with somebody who would actually enhance your life a little bit more than this dude michael kane's a great actor uh michael kane so thanks a fellow papaya you're welcome he doesn't even need a lot of money he just needs to show some type even a little like a morsel of ambition saying you know what like today i'll tell you an example i fly in from dallas um and then fucking adamry goes me and the little man are doing a you said you would do it i haven't slept i was gonna sleep all day because i was gonna do this podcast with rest i'm like oh fuck i made a commitment it's a part of my job i showed up i hung out with those guys i did the podcast i came here we set up for this i did this i haven't played video games once all

day today because i have to do my business first do you understand everyone and i understand that this podcast tonight was a little weird we did some music we talked about little people we talked about other things it was a little choppy in and out but let me say something it is what it is and i'm not going to worry about isn't enough time or are they having entertainings you know know i'm tired and i'm frazzled but i'm still doing the best i can to put out the best thing okay and you know you know i can put nut juice on the wall it's your disposition you can smear nut juice on a wall all day long babe you're allowed you know why i also you're in a network

tv show that's the thinnest sandwich i've ever seen how could i just say this okay best sandwich in LA i want one okay so proof bakery i want to see right now that water when i was in added i was in um chicago my little brazilian girl the girl what's her name jade jade little brazilian girl girl that she's um i would say jade is probably like wife number two she's your work wife no she is fucking she looks sick no i'm just saying when you're on the road she's i like her yeah i love jade so jade had her other friend her friend who was a a baker in a nice restaurant and she and then we're they were hanging out and they go well how many times do you go to proof i to me i've never heard of it they go they have the best sandwiches in the world

and and it's an at-water village it's my favorite sandwich of all time damn it's really simple like which one's that with ham there's only two different kinds really salami and ham but they're pre-made they're in like a basket and you just go i'll have and they just give it to you wow i think it's the ratios that are really perfect yeah hey proof if you're listening we're open to sponsors for sandwiches it's a little it's a little bakery that's run by asians yeah it's like four seats inside yeah it's really nice and cute but anyway give me another podcast i mean give me another um email so tired another email do what i think i mean also you guys remember to watch um splitting up together tonight on abc it's wednesday right so wednesday wednesday night

okay let's see what else we got a lot of these are um for jenna uh for editing request it's literally 50 people emailed us about editing her podcast what it is her podcast do you know how when we did a podcast with her vlogs her vlogs are sorry they need she needs somebody to edit her vlogs for her and a lot of people a lot of our um um fan base are offering their services because they're awesome people uh so we've answered questions still more to this but not only that can i say this yeah did you just ate some paper they spit out the you ate paper okay oh my god he just did he paper i thought that i thought that was an onion no he ate the paper of the of the sandwich so good even the paper it's delicious

proof proof bakery even the paper is good can i say this yeah everybody that's ever been on the show have said to me that your fans the tiger belly fans aren't the most frank fanatic fanatic yeah and loyal you're the greatest you guys are the greatest people i'm so proud that you were a part of each other i love you guys so fucking much thank you so much for listening hey tiger belly crew i live with my parents i'm a tall asian young guy fresh out of high school i'm still a virgin in 19 and i want to lose it hey man i'm tall hey man i'm i'm tall well that doesn't help not a fucking piece of shit not extremely not extremely handsome but i'm really handsome oh wow wait we're gonna choke be careful i'm tall not extremely handsome

but i'm really handsome i've been told i look like daniel henney i know for a fact i can get girls no questions but i have no car and no girl wants to date a loser with no car what am i supposed to do bike to her house lame my dad is too lazy to teach me how there's a lot of parentheses here hold on my dad is too lazy to teach me how to drive so getting my driving license is slow i have no privacy whatsoever at home how can i get a gf with no transportation you're 19 you're gonna get it later i didn't get pushed until i was 23 i'm i'm on a tv show so i should talk differently no you shouldn't yes i can't i i didn't get ladies i didn't get ladies until i was 23 he didn't stoop a gal until yes so what i'm saying is is that you know when you get in the rhythm of

that you when it's gonna be great it's not gonna go away unless you get in a car accident you get paralyzed from the neck down you better get that pussy today but my point is in that bicycle in that bike you better roll over to your crush's house in that bmx but what i'm saying to you is this is that um oh he's asleep he's falling asleep i think he's literally asleep papa has departed to commercials spotify nope yes spotify read the details okay hey did you know tiger belly is now available on spotify spotify is making easy for you to stream the podcast and many others like it on your mobile device desktop app and smart speaker open the app on mobile or desktop click on the browse channel and then click on the podcast section take me you wherever you want to go thanks

to spotify notes please make sure to keep this ad clean between 15 to 20 seconds thank you we're not doing it again i'm not doing it again make sure to check us out on spotify everyone uh any shows for bobby koala bobby will be at denver comedy works midday denver i'm going to denver comedy works and the week live in new york live in new york it's denver power through koala you're the only one power through for us i can't have no more power either lockjaw um yeah i have lockjaw um but uh go to bobbyleelive.com for more dates after denver bobby will be at the ontario improv um arlington virgin arlington virginia at the draft house has been rescheduled so i'm going to be in jacksonville florida and i'm going to be in um lubeck texas

really no oh i was like how the fuck do i not know about these things stop him before he just starts saying dates he is not gonna make fun of it i'm making a yeah yeah yeah i'm going to be in delaware dover delaware what about france you're gonna be in france i'm gonna be in france guys make sure you check out splitting up together i'm excited i'm going to be watching it tuesday and at 30 p.m. the show gets canceled it's fine don't feel bad but if you don't watch the show gets canceled it's on you it's on you and i'll kill myself no you won't do it uh baby careful george jump on here george i know sweetie that's fine go get take a nap or something he's energy i think he's the past you motherfuckers did me so dirty so dirty which night

not you well you too but you know that actually i did myself dirty whatever wait you know that that that day yeah okay yeah the day that we recorded the double podcast with dumbfounded and then jenna yeah it was the air was feeling extra dry that day so like an hour before the first podcast i was like oh you know i use this um oil called it's by fresh it's like a seabury oil what is it supposed to like moisturize your face or yeah because it was dry so i was like i'll do that i was like i'm pretty sure the camera won't capture it and i'm sure that if it did if i did look extra oily i know that one of my friends or george would be like lila dabby i didn't watch it how oily was it i was i look like which one which episode i looked like freshly fried chicken like i

was you look fine you bastard george you're the you're behind the camera could you have just been like lila honestly i could fry an egg on your forehead for positivity i'm a bastard what is it it is dumbfounded one or both because we recorded both on the same day and i love that oil i use you're gonna look at it now you'll be like holy shit guys you want to follow along i'm looking at the tiger belly i look like pure chicken grease i mean i do love a little bit of tempura uh when i watch i like the tempura oil dripping look i don't i don't give me shit but i'm just saying now you're fine look jenna matt bobby matt kalilah yeah everyone looks fine glowing glowing with glowing glowing dewy with a special oil oh my god actually doesn't look that

bad i don't know what you're freaking out about someone asked me like why i look like pure chicken grease and i was like you know what i can't even fight that yeah i'm gonna close this door because i'm gonna walk to american idol okay enjoy american idol katie perry on abc oh it's abc do you forgot it's not fox anymore i wanted to update people on the um on the the reddit guy oh oh people have an email but i don't know what's right but it's the same person that we already knew and um initially you know how bobby was like oh what are you gonna do wrath and you know you feel that like rage in your heart like who is this person but then you see a picture of them and then all of that just kind of goes away i don't want to do anything to this person yeah like it looks he doesn't

when i look at another human like that i'm like oh like there's something what he did is not about me it's a reflection of something in his life that's not working out and i am just an outlet for him and when i looked at his face i was like okay this isn't about me like this dude looks unhappy like even looking at him like um yeah like i get it i don't want to like rage out on anybody so the search is over i don't want retaliation and we'll leave it at that wow that's big yeah i felt bad for him i thought you were gonna go all lost vegas clila no no no this is it's all right i feel i feel at peace with it wow and that's what we all learned today from this podcast imagine if we had to do two podcasts today uh you know how the plan was to do oh yeah holy

shit i'm happy we um did not do that oh my god i am so burnt out too it's not just bobby i have been oh i noticed bob yeah i noticed bobby like posted a photo at 8am this morning i was like that is prime sleeping time for bobby there is no way he woke up that early or stayed up that late i was he stayed up that late because that's what he does after his final shows on sunday he just sleeps usually has flights back home art 6 in the morning so he just stays up jumps on the flight and then heads home and then usually he sleeps and then we do the podcast but because he had committed to another podcast earlier um he you know he's he came home he threw his shit down and he's like babe sandwiches so i went to go drive to outwater picked up four sandwiches for him

one of the two hey we're out of two at three there's your fried chicken without two at he actually ate two and then he ate another one right now so there might be one more i'm just kidding but you gotta get it with the like the with the bread is like super fresh asians are running this place i think they're korean korean okay i would have thought like vietnamese with the whole like banh mi but like more refined no because it doesn't taste like banh mi it's a salami salami oh my god am i you from the bra it's a salami you're speaking good now it's a labby um i had a canadian boyfriend named bradley and he was a really kind guy i've heard about this guy um but i really like the way he would say like pasta and drama pasta drama a boot a boot and so that

was very cute but um yeah it's a salami sandwich and then the other one is a ham and greer cheese oh that's fancy yeah but it's really simple i think um i think they close at four oh well if you want to meet me in george on wednesday at p.m. we'll be at proof are we really meet up i want to just put that out there to see what happens um if you were to come to america for the first time just put yourself in the shoes of like a first timer provincial immigrant from the philippines where would you take them first in los angeles i feel like uh i was associated with some people that probably live in america that are like midwest but even more out from the from this world so i would say do the touristy stuff i think they would really enjoy going to like tcl like the chinese

theater yeah just being part of that honestly doing one of the double-decker tours for the tmz tour i cannot go on those you can i cannot give birth i will take them okay no i'll do it i'll do that shit i haven't done it yet i'd love to do that really oh yeah i haven't done tmz i've done the double-decker one you have done the double-decker yeah when i first like years ago okay well what about taking them to like the studios where they shoot friends and all of that you have i'll go with you i take all my friends and family when they visit to the wb best okay wb tour and they added the new friends thing where they put the whole set that you can act in it and they they give you a tape so you're talking to monica chandler and all them and they cut it where you

can buy what so you can be in an episode of friends it's crazy okay i was gonna say studio audience things no it's restless for them because then they have to sit there for studio audience is not fun not not for multicam but i feel like if they do like a wheel of fortune or something like our um price is right it has to be something that they're familiar with right they have that price is right that's like prices right is right we have jeopardy we but they don't have um so it's weird like a lot of the things that are network stuff here are actually cable shows back home so unless you subscribe to cable you're not really getting the american shows what you get is local network filipino shows on the basic channels there so you don't you're not able

to watch and they don't have like cable and stuff okay but any any other ideas you guys can throw my way um korean barbecue for sure yeah i'm taking them to san francisco vegas in new york so vegas how old are the girls um one is sixteen one is ten um we're driving to vegas um and we're flying to san francisco you're gonna do a circus show for sure yeah i'm taking them to um love by the beetles love beetles love what hotel is doing that one a mirage the mirage i think it's one of the better ones and then there's also like i mean magic the big magic and i feel like that's such a thing to do like uh i don't think i think lance burden's retired but like whatever they're not doing it anymore whatever the guy is now what's his name um david copperfield is still doing it oh you should

do it before he dies i want to see him before he dies he's still relatively young gilb i'm pretty sure he looks like he's melting lance burden looked like he was he has melted he's so sad he has r.i.p r.i.p i love magic i think it's so weird that it's the people that have a lot of work done that look like they're melting yeah it's ironic to me that the ones who are aging look like oh that's just an aging person but the ones who get fillers and all of that they look like candle like balls of candle put together it's like that uh hbo uh liberace oh that was a great show everyone like everyone oh obviously it's all makeup but man it's just like so much plastic surgery it's just like ugh i mean we make some happy no because i will not allow you to get it hey yeah no you just

knocked my nose bridge down a bit uh george any annonce moons uh nope i'm good uh koala any shout outs reverse shout outs oh god we haven't done a reverse shout out in a while i haven't nothing well we kind of did last week we kind of did but we did with the reddit yeah that's like a reverse shout out yeah um yeah i i have nothing guys no one did you wrong this week everyone has done me right oh um also i wanted to remind everybody oh i wanted to start this new thing where i really want janet to get 10k followers and beat gilbert sorry gilb oh i don't want to promote my so um but i don't have 10k followers yet oh george you're way behind the game you're not getting there anytime soon but i'm lots of fun to follow guys i'm so much fun you know what's funny is like

i went to an audition and uh it was like for a network show for a guest star they casting fight me but i think producers know is like he was funny we're you know checking out some other people and i got a note where it was like how many followers does he have that pissed me off so much really okay this is my question but it's for about i don't it's not one of it's not cable keep in mind network and it's a very specific network where it's uh owned by a large company that maybe also those superheroes okay so so here's my question to you how i mean is that a prerequisite now is that something that like anyone in an aspiring actor needs do they need this following i don't think so it's the first time i've ever encountered this issue it depends on

the movie i think it depends on i think movies will make sense and also certain networks that have a following of a younger generation okay this is the first time it's ever i get that if you're trying to make like a youtube movie or something and they just get their money back because anybody you know their millions of subs subscribers are obviously gonna buy that movie off itunes so they always make their money back easy but um that's why i wanted to start a campaign for jenna because i wanted to conduct this experiment is she somebody that you know will get hired more if she crosses some fucking social media threshold of 10k i know it sounds silly and it sounds like petty but i'm curious i'm genuine and genuinely curious as to how much of an impact

social media has is it good are they past the hollywood bed yeah and all our favorites are okay wait tell me when that that that that chubby kid goes on the alpaca kid he's my favorite oh she's my favorite the indian girl is my favorite okay wait to pause it then pause it we see this your problem you always watch it without me how long is that sandwich wait eight minutes oh i was like why is that bobby's on the second sandwich that's his fourth sandwich he's on the fourth sandwich babe pause it please i wanted to watch her i have to watch it now because i have to go to sleep zone ah see he does what he fucking does but if i watch it if i fucking whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa if i watch it before he does do you know what

kind of fucking havoc he wreaks god you bastard that's how you build a strong foundation in a relationship right there all right well we gotta cut this short because i gotta watch my favorite girl on american idol i love you guys what was your thought though finish your thought because you left it cliffhanger okay does social media affect i mean is it something that is part of the decision-making in hollywood i would say yes for the new media stuff i've auditioned for but not really real tv and film except for this one instance which is so random yeah well let's get jenna up to 10k and see see if that even is like you know makes so much of like a little bit of a difference get jenna to 10k but if you get george at 15k he'll send you

stickers hey whoever bought me a thousand followers like uh half a year ago you can do it again yeah be george text each other the same day like who bought us yeah but with instagram does those cleanup things and you drop and then everyone's like oh all those followers are fake after all there's somebody with 20 000 followers who hasn't dropped so uh you know yeah uh guys make sure you go on spotify and you find us on there do not buy jenna followers don't but buy kalilah followers no please don't oh god i don't want those bot followers it doesn't annoy her or bother her so buy her a lot of bot followers because those bot followers always like all the comments are always like awesome or they're always like in portuguese too i don't know why my role in portuguese but you can always

look at the ratio of likes to the people followed right so i see a lot of like there's this one girl that fucking drives me crazy but she's like uh she used to be a friend of mine in the philippines but she's like she's like a host now and on her instagram she says it says that she has like 300 000 followers but when she posts a picture she only gets like 400 likes and i'm like there's something there's a large discrepancy there if you have 300 000 follower fanbase you don't just get that small number like so i know that people do this and i wonder if padding your social media is something that you know is effective i'm genuinely curious let's try the experiment i mean there's like one person that's not a good sample size guild okay fine get all of us you

know the scientific method god bill nine the science guy uh that's our show guys it was a good one is one of our strongest the best this was the best feel free to talk about my favorite in the forums uh feel free to you know send this one to everyone everyone i want everyone to see this one um you can follow us tiger belly on instagram at tiger belly on the twitter at the tiger belly and email us any questions at the tiger belly gmail.com you can follow kalaila on all social media at calamity k george on instagram george underscore kimmel and follow jenna at gilbets hey prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad-free on amazon music download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad-free with wondery plus in apple podcast before you go

tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey