TigerBelly - Episode 146: Dillon Francis is our CW

Episode Date: June 13, 2018

DILLON FRANCIS IS OUR CW: Bobo has a fantasy. Dillon is McGovern. We talk heroin heartbreaks, rattlesnakes, green bubbles, and a cinema stand off. Support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Hey, welcome. Welcome to another episode of Wondery Plus. Hey, welcome. Welcome to another episode of The Thing. The Thing which being is the Tiger Belly, which a.k.a. is the ship in which I am the captain of, in which I have mates, in which the my mates are weak and they're cowards and they would not survive in a post-apocalyptic environment.

And I got weak, spineless piece of shit, George, in the corner, one of the weakest of whites. And let me say something right now. You guys, if you guys were the pioneers of this shit, you guys would have died off. The Indians would have won. If your type, if your type of white came to this country, we would not be America. He was a pilgrim.

We would still be. Killable kindness. Oh. Yeah, that's weak. And you got your little stronger cousin here, Bryce, bigger dick, better looking, better than you in every way, shape and form, but it's fine because you're still a human being. Okay. We still have George.

What the fuck, George? George Gilbert. All right. We got Gilbert. A lot of people forget about Ringo in The Beatles. That's true. Okay. You're the Ringo.

You're the Ringo of the fucking thing. All right. So, you know, George Best, Ringo, I don't know. Okay. You know, either or. Are we Paul John? Yeah. For short, babe.

You know what I mean? And I will be, I'll be John. You could be Paul. Yeah, I'll be Paul in life. I'll be Yoko. Yes, of course. Yeah, you'll be John. You're John.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can I talk yet? No, no, no. Bro. You're starting up. Do the countdown again, dude.

You got to hear that whole techno beat again. I'm doing that. I love this FYI. I'm doing that a whole thing. Exactly what I just did from beginning to end. Okay. So, ready go. Five, four, three, two, one.

You got presentation Welcome to what are the fake? We got a week to buy it right here. All right? The weakest of alliot man this guy used to get f**king pumped with Indian cum. On Christmas. When you guys came here. So you're the ones that they bent over and put fucking strudel come strudel

Strudel right and you got your weak cousin, but better than your right this one right here's got a fucking thick one and He's blown your fucking asshole part. Uh, we got right here George Ringo. What? We got a rare very special guest, you know about a couple years ago, I don't know a year and a half ago Um, I was on a show called what would Diplo do was it was on the vice lands? It was on the vice lands and it was me jeans Vanderbake Um, and I met this guy so I you know, I don't know who anyone is or whatever You don't I don't but I you know, that's why I don't Google much So I show up right. I think was a table read or something right and I see Dylan Francis

But I'm like I thought you were like a guy from the groundlings Because I go this guy is really funny. Wow This is like before you knew he was a DJ. Yeah Why yeah, I mean I go this guy's a real comedic guy. It's funny, right? Yeah, we did the table And I'm this guy. Oh, I don't know where they got this guy, but this guy is Legitimately funny, right? And then they were like no, he's like like as big I Go in what way and they go DJ. I go. Oh my god But he can do comedy too unfair like it's unfair. It's fucking unfair

And then we became kind of friends, right? We were like fucked around on set a lot And that began to enjoy you and I call you a CW. You know what that means I don't know Sort of but I thought you were gonna like at least be like hi Dylan Yeah, I remember CW and and yeah, yeah, yeah, but did you what you I mean? I don't want to be narcissistic, but um, no, did we have a good you think you had a good bond or Viper? Yeah. Yeah, well, well Funny enough, you know, I grew up on mad TV So I've always been a massive fan and when when Brandon Durmer was like, we're gonna try to get Bobby to play Kevin

I was like, oh my god, that's the best thing ever. Oh, wow Kevin's my manager. Also funny thing about the show is that I Manages you too. Yeah. Oh Oh, now the plot thick it's so thick so thick. It's so fucking funny because So I play his manager. So anyway, this this you manage me now this goop. Can I call him goop? Oh, no I think that's correct. Yeah. Yeah. There's half-goop. He's half, right? Dylan tell us if he's a half-goop Smart wife Wait, wait, so I know that his dad so Kevin the guy

I play on what would what would double dough is actually Diplo's Manager, but he's as your manager as well. Yes, and he's half Japanese for sure American what no for half. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that is true half white half white and But the funny thing is is that his dad so Kevin's dad was on Matt TV with me because I love is yeah He did I did a couple of sketches with them because I love the guy because he used to play Margaret chose dead on American girl. Oh

He's an actor. He's like the the main guy. He's like one of the like I feel like there's like four main Asian guys and Yeah, into the back. Yeah in that act. Yeah, he's in Star Trek. He's in the movie Godzilla He's in a bunch of fucking shit. He's like Trejo, but Japanese Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's the Japanese trail. That's very good guy. You're intuitive CW. No, he's Asian But so then Kevin right I played Kevin. Yeah, I never met him. No, but you did it perfectly, but so you know him Yeah, I've worked with him for almost 10 years now. Oh my god. Yeah, and so does he only managed DJs? No, he used to do What was the group? He did like a bunch of emo bands as well. Oh, so he's just be in the musicals

Yeah, he's been in the music world forever. He used to work. He used to be an A&R for Warner. Whoa, right? So he's Legit. Yeah, he's legit. He's one of the biggest. Yeah. Yeah, he's good. No, I bet he is. I'm not questioning. No, no, no I know No, he doesn't even he's he's he's so he's like he's turning into into Rick Rubin now That's he used to work for he used to work for or with Rick and then that's like his idol and now He's not even a part of the management. He just does creative stuff with me now He doesn't actually even work in like touring or anything. Whoa. Yeah, so may I ask you this? Does he um? Did I mean because I never he was I don't even know what he's like

So I didn't know how to play him when he when we told him that you were playing him. He was like that is Perfect. Whoa. Yeah, so he's fat. I Nailed it. Is he ugly? He's not fat, but he's cute. Yeah. Yeah, he's cute. He's cute. Yeah. Yeah, I'm cute, too Am I right? Absolutely throwing it out there. Absolutely. Don't push it back. Thank you so much. Thank you, baby And so um, I think you're cute as well. I really do. Thanks, man. Honestly. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, in fact, um Don't take this wrong. I'm not gonna take it. I would you sleep with me? Is that what you're gonna say that at all? That's fucking weird. Yeah, yeah, just happened. Yeah. Yeah, so I would never sleep I was gonna throw out a scenario of what how I would fuck you

The only the only scenario where we would fuck whatever sleep with you. I'd fuck you. Okay. All right. Well, you want to hear it out? Not really Anyway, Bobby, I'd like to hear you would like to hear like here. All right If I said had life term What do you mean? What's it like a life term in terms of prison sentence? Oh, this isn't prison. Yeah, I'm prison, right? But it says an automatic fuck, right? What are you in for? I'm in for um, I don't know all kinds of white collar No, but white blue and black all the color all the color all the colors. I would have money laundering I would have drugs a walk. I would have jay walking. Oh, yeah

I would have jail different little parking tickets a little bit in there, right? Yeah, I would have some it's all minimal stuff that just built up. All right, right like fondling like mannequins Mannequins. He said mannequins. I just said mannequins, but I thought they were mannequins I thought I was at a shopping mall. I thought they were mannequins, but they were real human beings Yeah, but I really believe they were mannequins. Okay, so that wasn't it's not that kind of room font So somehow you didn't get to go to a mental institute You skip that part They went straight to prison, right? So I have a light set life sentence and what happens is in the my fantasy

Okay, is is that um, I get my first my fantasy my fantasy my fantasy my fantasy is my first cellmate Is an older black man who's more like a morphias? So all I have to do I every night I have to hear him like tell me like life analogies Oh, this is like um, the night of Whatever. I don't know. I never saw. Yeah, I never saw I never saw I was so I guess It's great. Maybe he's maybe he's like a prototype. What do you say that archetype archetype? Okay So he says stuff like yeah when the sea stops and the you know, I mean the bend turns around you got to see your back You know like different things. I don't understand things. Yeah, and I go shut the fuck up old man

I can't say, you know racial things. I'm not racist. Yeah. Yeah, true But in my head, I'd be thinking because you're in a prison cell all day. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah At least fuck me. Fuck me. I would say that's no pal. You know, man, you're on the top bunk. I can't institution that the government You know, I mean, you know, whatever. Yeah. Yeah, but then I see Dylan You know, I mean at the lunch wait his his first day in no, he's been around. Oh, I've been asking around him. I ain't him Yeah, who's that guy? I don't know Okay, Bobby, what's

Oh He's he's in for um, actually, um, you know making what do you call it when they do um He tried to put diseases in the world. They make diseases by like by like By work. Oh like anthrax. Like yeah, he's he's I'm like a guy that would not I'm not I'm not doing well I got to like cover myself in shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm not joining any like I wouldn't even know to join gangs Yeah, you wouldn't even know that. No, no, no, maybe you're like it's x likes. Yeah You're like no or a more I see more of a McVeigh in you. Oh my god. That's not good. McVeigh. Yeah, you know, they got all blood on the city bar No, you didn't do that. I'm not saying that you did that. You're just that type. Where are the Ray bans?

And so I see him at lunch, right? And I go to the Morpheus black old black man Who that who that Who I say who that who that he goes. Oh, you don't want to you know, that's that's timothy mcglick govern That's the that's definitely the name of the like timothy mcgovern junior. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's your name. Yeah I could really yeah, what do you for you tells me everything about him, right? And I go, yeah, he seems like a bad guy, but then I limp and I think about him And I just listen just listen make eye contact Dylan make eye contact. I'm not gay dude. I'm not gay I know. Yeah, that's okay. You don't want to have bio warfare, right?

Right. So then I kind of like, you know one lunch You know, Morpheus goes hey, how are you? I got what's it over there? But not like at your table, but like closer. Yeah, the table next to yeah, they get a better like angle Now the people respect you in prison. No For jaywalking. No, no, they call me the whole Like my my reputation in prison is called. They call me the whole I don't know. I keep thinking of shashank redemption right now with like the redhead guy walking by him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I won't even fuck back. You're just a cum receptacle. I'm basically like

Just a wet gigantic hole my butthole at this point, right? Has been intruded on and penetrated so much Right, it's almost like not beyond prolapse. Oh, like my stomach aligning keep in mind It's sticking out of my butt. Oh, and it's like a tail. This is a fantasy. Yeah, you have a tail Your prolapse asshole is your tail is my tail. Yeah, okay, and the people think that I have some sort of mutation They go no, that's just the inside of his asshole Oh, wow. Yeah, and then people don't worry about it because it's a good thing to hang on to when you're fucking him Right. This is a good fantasy

Right, so they just hang on to the ends of my, you know prolapse butt, right? Got it. Thank you Right, and they just like that from the chucks. Yeah. No, something's they shake it and just wet. It's wet everywhere You know what I mean? It's like a So you're sitting at a table next to him. You're at a table. So we're at the table next to him Anyway, right, right? Oh, yeah, I am my butthole though like my prolapse butthole Dylan, stop doing that. I feel like I would be eyeing you because I'd be like, dude, how is this guy still alive? He's walking around. How's no one stepping on his prolapse butthole? Are you like are are you like a rattlesnake when like when you flirt does it?

Oh my god That's funny. That's funny, baby That's happening in the fantasy I also forget that this is a fantasy. So maybe I wouldn't even notice that you wouldn't notice but he's flirting. He's rattling Yeah, maybe I don't have my glasses on and I can't see. Yeah, I'm just like, why do you have a cloak on? Yeah So one day you you trip you trip you're like you you have your tray, right? And you trip over my tail Accidentally on purpose. I don't know, you know me, but that's how we meet You trip over my prolapse. Oh, it's like a meet cute. Yeah

Yeah, yeah, right. It's a meet cute rom-com. He drops all drops. We both giggle Like, I didn't know that was there like that. You did. No, I don't have my glasses Right, right, right and then um I do the warden warden some favors Yeah, I enter uh, um, you know, what's that the bull riding with every year our prison mechanical. Yeah, we have a bull. No No, we have a real bull riding competition. Oh, it's a real It's like Texas. No, yeah, we would go against other like prisons, right?

So I you know, I the longest yard, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're riding, right, right Like a rodeo. Yeah. So every year there's like a rodeo with prison prison, right? And I volunteer and I'm very good. I like it gold every time. You're the best. Yeah And one day I just go listen that guy timothy mcgovern jr Is there any way that I could be cellmates with him? He's like, yeah, nobody wants to be sold with that shit eating fucking fucker. Yeah. Shit. No. Yeah, I don't know Yeah, but you'd look like you do. Okay. Yeah, right And then that's how we do it one night, you know, we just we have we're now roommates and cellmates

And then um, I think at late. No, this is what happens It's not done yet. Yeah, I know So like three in the morning. We're both pretending we're sleeping. It's cute. Yeah, you even say good night. Good night. Good night That's cute All right, and then all of that I hear the rattlesnake. Oh, no, no, this is my rattlesnake. Oh I'm playing bop it. Yeah. Yeah Well, no, you have one hand on your dick and you're jerking off and you're jerking off my prolapse asshole. Oh my god It's just like a double like, you know, I mean

I want to add more I want this to be a little bit more romantic I want I want us to say yeah, I want us to say good night to each other and I want to put my glasses down But they fall off of my little bedside table. Oh Oh, no, my glass is broke And you're like, oh, oh, let me fix that right Let me polish them or something or maybe even you take out your prolapse and like it's so wet It's like a wreck. You need a reason to fall in love. Yeah. Yeah, I see you start helping me in ways that I couldn't help myself

I'm sorry, man. How you're I apologize story. Yeah. Yeah, you're just so full of lost Yeah, yeah, no reason a little bit of love and coddling. Yeah So anyway, but you know what that would never happen because we're not criminals and I'll something like hey, so it's fine But it's your fantasy. It is my fantasy. I appreciate that man. I somebody's got to do a cartoon of that right now So that's already have some animator do someone was already drawing that Like as you were saying it. Yeah. Yeah, I hope there's something about yeah No, no, no, it's not what No, that's parts over. Okay. Okay. So

Let's reset this real life. There's something about you. I like I really like this guy. Yeah Now everything now when I compliment him, it's gonna sound weird. Dillon just thinks about the story I just see this. It sounds so I see it. It's fucking weird. I see like more like kevin professional. Oh, yeah, you're right What's up, man? Dude, you can you can no, man. No, what's up? No, you good, dude? I don't know. I'm good. Yeah, bro. I feel great. So let me ask you something When you so when did you decide to do what you do? Man, uh, I decided when I was I think like 18 or something How how does that happen? I was uh, I was a photo assistant for a bit

I was working for like anthony manler and uh, this other dude chris baldwin and some other people and I remember the the thing that like stopped me from doing it was I was on a p-ditty sarok commercial And I never wanted to do commercial stuff. Yeah to be behind the camera But uh, my dad had set up this thing where I was supposed to work Next to the director to just kind of learn and the guy turned me into a pa And uh, and I was what does your dad do? My dad's a doctor. So he like kind of he traded He was he was helping his his sister and uh giving her medical advice and medicine and then he was like here Take my son and teach him. Oh, wow. And uh, and then he kind of he fucked me off and like

Put me as a pa and I was like, dude, I could go on craigslist and get a pa job pretty fucking I don't need this. Yeah. Yeah. And then so after 24 hours on a p-ditty sarok commercial that we had to do for I think 24 more and they were like spending Way too much money on it. I quit Right there and I was like I can't do this and then I kind of just I took some time off and and then that's I I started getting into music for my friend. Amen. And then uh from there like I heard ruskos music and That's how I wanted so forth. I moved to atlanta. I'm just gonna I'm gonna speed through this I don't want no because my fans you want the full thing. I'll tell you why because my fans

Probably don't know much. You know, and I want them to know everything. Okay. So I moved my friend kori nita was working for dallas austin at the time and um I was dating this girl willa holland and I knew was she hot? Yeah, she was on the oc I got way hotter. Whoa. I was famous. Wow Now I don't get any girls. They're scared. That's not that's not true at all. That's not true at all Oh, no, but I mean I got I was uh, I was with her for for a bit But how did she like you? I mean, she didn't like me that much because she left to new york city and ended up doing heroin and never calling me again

Okay, you know That's the saddest thing ever And that is legitimately what happened. Was that after the oc then that was after the oc oc She she was like, hey, I'm going to i'm going to new york to shoot a show and then like I kept calling her and Uh, you know a couple days go by she would answer one time then a couple more days would go by She would answer one more time and then dead silence and I remember calling after two weeks and be like, hey Haven't heard from you. Yes. I'm breaking up with you over the phone Call me back if uh, if that's not what's happening

It was a stab list that you guys were dating then it was I was in it. Yeah Wow, that's crazy. Yeah, you were heartbroken. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. What? Oh, yeah, really? But this this girl, uh, she she uh, she rebounded me pretty well and then and then willa came back like Two months later and then tried to have a conversation with me being like i'm so sorry And I was wasted and I yelled very loud outside of the club. Yeah, wow In atlanta it felt good. No, no, no, this was in la in la But yeah, I moved to atlanta for two months and was working there for quarry. Um, and I was sleeping on his Uh kitchen floor on a blow-up mattress for two months and then I moved back to la after that after I learned a bit and

um, I had remembered a track When he was when he was learning how to dj he like stayed in his basement for I forgot I think it was like two years or something and and did 10 000 hours worth of work On trying to become a dj. So I was like, all right 10 000 hours is like that if you you'll become a master at something If you put that much work into it, that's the true though. Yeah 100s. I'm true So I just sat in my back house and I told my parents. I was like, look, let me take school off for a year If I make nothing happen, I will go back to college If I do

Then that's what I'm doing. Yeah. Yeah, and then and your parents were like cool with it They were like, I don't like that idea, but fine try it and oh See that let me just they were they were 50 in 50 out. They were like it doesn't matter. 50 is a lot 50 is a lot Yeah, yeah 50 is a lot. They were great. No, no No, I mean my mom was trying to sleep certain days and I'm making like I'm making like fart noises on my computer. Wow, like air horn farts. Okay. Wow. Wow. Yeah, you don't want to hear that Yeah, I do So you're doing you did a year of that, huh? Yeah, just sat in my in my back house kind of I didn't talk to anybody really

I like I hung out with a couple people, but it was you know, wow five times And then what would then what then what do you do after that you good you do you do obviously shows? I don't I wasn't doing any shows yet. I know but you do like such beginning times of deejaying Yeah, where you would find all your music on a hype machine and uh And my main goal was to play steve yoki's club S into space that was it that was really like the main goal was like, all right I need to play music or I need to make music to be able to play in that club with steve yoki steve yoki Um, is a deejay. Yeah kidding

Steve day at yoki used to have a club. Yeah, it's in us. That was his sense. Yeah. Yeah. I remember center space Yeah, yeah, and so he would do all those nights. He was already big then He wasn't as big as he is now. Yeah. I mean, he was he was big enough to have his own night there Yeah, it was oh you could just say another thing about deejay is every I mean It's really not my world, but every time I run into them They're probably the nicest people I've ever fucking been in my life Like I was in Atlanta. We're just nerdy dudes and I ran it. I was in a lobby a hotel lobby And I this long here at asian guys starts running after me steve yoki. It's steve, right?

But I didn't know I thought it was just like some crazy like Jesus looking Asian guy he goes me steve yoki and he picks me up And he starts running around with me in his hand, right? And I go this I know we and I go this is the nicest guy We took a photo and stuff, but I would like and and when I met you, I think you're the only two I've met But the two nicest I like that It's a great sample size pretty nice Well, if I met let me just say this if I met the first two comics I met

I would say that they were the worst people in the world and I would have quit. Okay I mean, I think it's very important to when you meet People in a field that they're like the nicest people because if I met two dicks Right first not doing it. And then I he might not even be here, but can It means they're very interesting. Why? I've always tried to figure out why they're the angriest people ever And it's because you just have to keep making fun of the world always So I feel like after you keep doing that for a while you start really believing you think I'm angry

No, no, no, you're you're not you're definitely different. There's certain there's certain ones Uh Yeah, but never in like a super real way. There's certain ones that get really really angry I think I know I know why and it's the same reason why I'm angrier today than I ever was Just because you keep growing up That's because I definitely get angry that really is a part of it. Yeah when you're younger everything makes you laugh Yeah, and then you get inundated with so much like good comedy Yeah, especially because I live with a comedian that nothing makes me laugh anymore

My standard for being for having a giggle is so high that when someone just even like dad jokes irritate me Yeah, anger me. No, no, I mean dude when I look up at the stars. I'm like fuck that dude. I've seen that for 30 years All right. Yeah. Yeah. Where's some other fucking cool shit? Asteroids flying out. Yeah. Yeah. I want to go. Wow Yeah, I like this guy that is exactly space. That's exactly what happens. Yeah. Give us more Oh It's yeah, you know what I mean? I want I want like I hope that like I don't know I feel like we we need to start not being so angry at things

I I sit on the internet sometimes and I'm just like fuck that fuck that fuck that fuck that And with people I can't really go on every morning. I check instagram and I wake up with that With resentment jealousy. Yeah, but that's all you gotta take. Yeah, it's really unhealthy. It is. I do that I do that a lot too. I definitely think that I'm trying to put my phone down way more Do you get jealous in this book? I read. Oh wait, go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah, I get I mean I get I don't get jealous of other DJs, but I think it's just like that You just start things start pissing you off. You read people's captions like fuck you, dude

Yeah, yeah, I mean that shit. Yeah, you bitch. Yeah Yeah, people try to get real philosophical. You know who they are Absolutely like dude your caption doesn't match who you are man. That's another thing is like, you know somebody, right? I know some comedians well, and then they try to put out this thing that they're nice Or they're adventurous or that you know, I mean they they're interesting, right? And I'm like, no You're a dull piece of shit And put that out there Because you don't do that. You're on a mountain. Who brought you there?

You don't bring yourself there. You have some bitch girl woman. Whoa. I've just I'm just renting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm renting. Okay So what you ever like even me like even me I do it And I met myself when I put that fucking photo leader. We all get with a puppy. Yeah, no No one's saying from getting caught up there because you because when you start seeing and then you're like Maybe I got it kind of like because you think you have to play the game of course and you know like back then Um, this book I read explains it perfectly It's like when you're a farmer way back when before social media and you're just having a shitty day plowing

You say this I'm having a shitty day. I don't feel good Five minutes later. You're like, all right. Gotta keep moving now when you're having a shitty day You look on the internet and everyone is having a grand old life And so that makes you instead of feeling shitty for five minutes You're gonna feel shitty for a far longer time because you're using that like upward comparison to basically You know, keep you down. But then what is it about me that wants to make other people feel shitty? It's that it's that you feel shitty. It feels good. It feels good. You know what I mean? Like when I did that movie

When I did that movie when I did that movie keep up with the jones, right? And I'm like, I'm you know, I'm doing a scene with john ham and zack afranacas, right? I don't you know, I know zack, but I don't you know, we're not besties. Yeah. Yeah, but you got to make it seem like you are Right. Yeah, so one day, you know one day we were outside and and we I was smoking And john goes give me one of those ham and then zack just happened to be in the area and he sat with us So in my head, there's here's the photo op I go, hey guys, this is so me. I go. Hey guys. Hey, you know, I don't you generally do this, but Sounds seems like a photo op opportunity

That's what you said. I don't know Seems like a photo op opportunity Hey, gilbert fuck you. I just love that. I hope john ham goes you said opportunity twice So I did I took the photo and immediately in my head for the next hour Because I know that if I put this on It's gonna make so and so so and so and so and so so irritated. Yeah, because they're not doing anything Wait, you know simon rex, right? Who's simon rex?

He's um an actor very handsome. I love him. Yeah He's very funny. I don't know if you do. I do. I don't know simon rex. You don't know him Oh, okay Well, he used to do vine and he had the same thing happen to him where he was like I was trying to hang out with my family in hawai and all I could do was like, what do I buy next? Oh my god, there's a child here should I find that child and then like make fun of the child Yeah, or like and it just turns into this thing where you're like, wait, I'm not even living And I'm like I'm living through this app where I have to think of captions suffering. It's bad. It's so bad

It's so bad. It's pain and suffering. It's a new modern like sickness. Yeah, it's a new thing too It's like, you know, it's the last 10 15 years Therapists will always tell you like scale back on your use of Social media and your your happiness level will go up go up for sure a thousand percent But when it's tied to what you do It's your business. Yeah It's your image is a part of your business which is weird Yeah, you know and um

And I just have here's another thing about me that I just realized and I hate this about myself is is that I was in seattle and I have a friend named josh Who lives there and I grew up with him a nice kid. He's a friend And he gave me this long text about you know, it's like we are you coming to town. You don't call me We should hang out but Nothing, I'm like he wrote me this long thing. Wait, how good of friends were you or are you we grew up? We all grew up together. But even as adults you were friends

Yeah, because I don't like when people obligate me to to like hanging out because I knew them in fourth grade Like that that shit's tiring like I want to spread my energy like I understand that but when you grew up with somebody and your friends Was somebody growing up and I know this is because I I turned into a comedian And then in my head I met cooler people, you know, I mean that like, you know, if that's in my that's fucked up That's fucked up I'm gonna stop you there No, I'm being I'm trying to be I don't want to be that is what I'm saying. Yeah, I love the guy

Right, I do. I don't hang out with him. No, and I'm like I just like that and I don't know. It's it's like Why is my friends only crystallia and all these kind of people Are you that way? Are you similar? What where like You only want to hang out with the cool kids who are in no, no, no, no Opposite of Bobby. No, I've got my like super close friends. I kind of try to I mean The only thing I can really think of is like I try to keep it like Leonardo DiCaprio Like I hang out my mom a lot. I love her to death. Oh, no, I don't do it. I hang out with my brother And my pair I love my family

Me too. I love my cousins, right? I love family. Yeah, I have friends that are um That aren't comics, but I met them in my 20s, right? I didn't grow up with them Um, and they're more you get more options. I guess when you go out into the world, right? So I'm not saying that You know, I you know, I get what you're saying, but what I'm saying is is that Um, you didn't want to take it. It's not that it's just like it's like no, it's it's I'm gonna say something He took a picture of the guy you want to post that? Oh, that's another thing I don't post like

Photos of like if you know if it's not cool people Oh gross. I know I I'm admitting it. I'm admitting it. Yes, it's true I I see what yeah, and I and I you know what and I'm being I'm being I'm admitting it I hate that about myself. I want to change that about myself and I'm throwing it out there I'm blushing. I know you can't tell when I'm Asian, right, but I am blushing you got to drink some alcohol right now Yeah, and I don't like that about myself and I'm that's why I'm throwing it out there because I want to change I really so your next post has to be with George Never

But that's another interesting thing is like I wouldn't like George and I Was his birthday? Yeah, if it was your birthday and I took a photo. I wouldn't post it But can I defend myself? I don't post a lot True I post once a month So the one that I do post has to be one that I believe in it's gotta be I believe in you You gotta believe in it. You guys gotta be funny Yeah, I mean it's gotta be a bunch of different factors. I will say in both of your defense No, not him. He does not you don't have the defendant because are you kidding me?

Like just being who you guys are it is very difficult to man navigate and like Man have people manage their expectations of you, right? So it's like you want to be able to be this performer and this kind person and not be a dick But to able to be able to make everyone happy as damn you're impossible You want to preserve a little bit for yourself, you know, and that's a lot of energy to Accommodate a lot of people. Well, here's another thing, you know when I'm on the road It's if Josh is listening I I did press Friday morning

Kalyla her niece her best friend are also there, right? So I'm juggling I have to do five shows dude. It's Josh's fault Let's just send the brass taxes here. Fuck Josh Because actually, you know what let's go over to Josh right now because the thing is he sent that long text message And already I wanted to send back. Yeah, dude. What the fuck? I know I know We're not editing Josh We can't know right when this goes up. I'm commenting

See this is what I like about you you really do you do remind me you could have been a comedian I think I I grew up obsessed with Jim Carrey. I watched like the mask over and over again I watched dumb and like I know every word to dumb and I know that's probably what every person says as well No, I don't want to I don't want to I sat next to him at mitz's memorial And I was not only did I say hi he sat next to me and he bumped me And he goes, what's up? And he shook my hand And he was like, what's up? Are you good? What?

Are you talking to me? And then magical is there because he works with magical and then everyone sat well It was like sad because it was mitz's memorial, but it was like really far. I already talked about it really cool And I just want to say something right now before I even forget um I know we have a cast and you know, you're welcome to comment, but um I saw a movie. Okay. We have to talk about it. I just saw a movie spoiler alert. Okay. No, there's no spoiler I'm not gonna say the spoiler just say spoiler alert because he's gonna spoil it spoiler alert. Okay

And you know, I've you know, it's I've read things online even when I posted it people like that movie sucked or whatever Some people go it was the most horrifying thing I've ever seen To me it was a masterpiece. You're talking about what would Diplo do, right? No, no, no, no. Oh, okay. It was a movie. It's also a masterpiece. Yeah. Oh, it's talking about just the horrible watch What what no first of all, please everyone if you have hulu watch what would Diplo do Please really we want to do a second season. Yeah, the more you watch it the better for us But but for I want to say this too. We're not getting more money. No, no, no, no We just want the second season. We want to hang out to get more money

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but we also want to hang out with each other. I was just I love hanging out with you guys That was honestly honestly, but anyways, okay. Anyway back to back to right so that maybe I can get closer to the pro labs butthole prison Thanks. Make that fantasy fantasy reality. I'm putting that my writer Bobby and I need bunk beds on set Shape like a prison cell Star wagon star wagons new prison cell wagon Oh my god, but um hereditary

Tony Colette, um, do you I do you do watch scary movies? Yeah, I want to see this. Do you like scary movies? Yes I love scary movies. She hates them. I love them. All right. Let me say this, okay It reminded me of watching the shining for the first time. Oh my god. You're you're watching going. Oh There's something about this movie. That's just like from the get go It's just like you're entranced by it. You're horrified by it. It's the tone of the movie It's a listen everyone people are going it's suck because it's boring It's a slow burn. Let me say something right now. The shining is boring If you want to look it in that way, but the isolation of the shining, right the direction the

The performances you have to look at all that shit and that's what hereditary was for me It was literally a masterpiece and it was the most Startling horrifying movie I've ever I'm texting my friend right now. Yes Do you have to watch it after this? It was when I'm watching it. I was literally going There was one see I'm not gonna give it up. I mean there was one scene where I looked at kalayla And I go do you want to go? Oh that's scary. Yeah, because we felt bad that we dragged our 16 year old with us. How was she doing?

How was juliana doing? I mean it was there was just one there was one scene that was possibly the worst thing I've ever seen worst thing I've ever seen and I I turned to kalayla and I and I looked at juliana and I go I'm so sorry I'll go now. Yeah. Now. I have a question for you. Yes when you go to a movie theater and you watch scary movies Do you scream? Are you somebody who shows who expresses themselves? No, I don't scream, but I'll definitely like jolt. I'll jolt. Yeah. Yeah, I scream You do. Yeah, we gotta go see one then and I giggle. Oh my god. My favorite was I went down to

I went with my friend Eric. We went to the magic johnson theater and usually there's a lot of heckling in that Yeah, that sounds so fun. Oh my god. We were watching paranormal activity And it was a scene where the she gets spoiler if you haven't seen it Long time she gets like pulled up to the ceiling and then falls back down. Yeah, he goes. Oh She did Dude, it was it made the movie so much better. Okay. Well That doesn't annoy you when people scream and giggle in a movie or hackle or do that the I I saw Deadpool recently and I went on the opening night and I forgot that there's a fandom

Yeah, and I was so pissed because it was like the girl being like Okay, so talking. Okay. There's a story to all of this, but she would giggle too. But what happened to us it was insanity Oh, no, so toward the end of the movie Well before that before the midway through a movie there was a scene that was not necessarily scary Uh-huh, but Bobby and you know sometimes before you anticipate something scary um

He had a really strange like vocal reaction to one thing. Yeah No, he was like I swear to you It was an And then the whole theater laughed because it nothing was scary, but he thought something he thought he was gonna see an apparition Yeah, I thought some I was anticipating the whole And nothing happened, right? Wow, whatever, right? And people started giggling that whole theater was like, oh, that was funny I including myself and everyone that we were with so and then Bobby says the end of the movie

And he's like thank you The movie there's a scene where it's the most the scariest part of the movie. Very scary portion of the movie I screamed we all we all screamed and we giggled And this white dude and this asian chick that worked together in the front right in front of us They turned around he goes, you're ruining the movie for us. Yeah, you're ruining the movie for us. Yeah Be quiet. We screamed appropriately. Yeah Right When they did that I looked at Kalilah

And I knew myself And it completely took us out of it. Oh, and now all we her and I can do Is stare at the back of their fucking heads. Yeah, and I knew at the end of the movie when the credits there's gonna be war Oh, shit Okay, let's hear about this war. Oh, it gets crazy. Oh so Bobby and I the least conference. We were so non-convergational, but they put us into a raid But it ruined it took me out of it. I had to watch the movie again

Because it took me out of it. You're gonna watch it tonight. If you want to come Oh, really? That's not a really good invite. Oh, no, I wasn't questioning. I said if you want to come tonight Pro lapse prolapse, you know what I might go Yeah, because that whole I really might go. Are you gonna go? I text you a time. Yeah, I'm asking. All right. I might go with you. Okay So here's the thing. So anyway, the credits roll up and so they won't leave They won't leave because they're waiting. They know they're waiting us for the leave and in my head. I'm like, oh Leave me. I don't leave a standoff. Oh my god. The lights come on He just turns around the guy

Because what are you guys you watch movies at home because you're you know, oh He does that and cloudy goes. Fuck you I mean, she goes crazy. I go you piece of shit. You watch it at home Yeah, that's what you you you're supposed to watch a movie with a movie experience with other people people yell My friend, jeremy walk-in saw the movie in la her directory was packed. He goes people were running up and down the aisles Oh, my god, that makes it fun. It makes it fun. You piece of shit. No, I asked him. Have you never been outside, sir? Yeah, have you never been in a public night? Also, I see one was fucking what giant pole what size of a pole do you have up your ass right now?

Like I went Ask what size his pole was Did they walk out of the movie theater and I go I'm not done. They kept screaming still. So we follow them outside, right? We're on the fourth floor. Where is this right in Seattle? In a mall in lincoln square, right? So then they come out and I go i'm not done I got I got to keep going. I just keep you piece of shit talk to me like that. You fucking roll over me I want to refund from you. I said it's true

Give me money I go That's amazing. I had a nerve to be like if you know this about yourself. You're screamers Maybe you should I almost sit somewhere else where no one can hear me. I almost said something sense I almost much like you know about movies. I've been in movies. I almost said that No, no, you said that I said that oh my god, that's the one thing you shouldn't have said That's what I was like. No, no, no, that's not a good comeback I know what the industry is about you're just a regular You're chasing him with your imdb. You see this

Fuck you dirty credit. You know what he did something similar though So as we were chasing the following them because he wasn't done like giving Yeah, we follow were they looking back. No, they were like we're calling security and stuff But the girl was like we need to call. So I was like, well, we didn't confront you. Yeah, you confronted Yeah, you started it. Um, let's start a war. You can't he was trying to do like fist pumps So like people on the way out like hey, dude, what's up? Bobby. No people were saying Bobby Lee. Yeah, but he wanted people were going. Hey, Bobby Lee. I'm like, what's up, dude? Yeah, yeah, I'm yeah, I'm in

No, we're still arguing. We're still arguing. I want to film this We'll just be online. Oh my god Oh, and then oh whether we so now we're now with the couple and we're walking by the comedy club I'm playing Oh my god, right and the two doorman from the comedy club and I go, hey, these two right here ruin the movie for me Yeah, right So then we go down a couple of more floors, right? And then what does the asian girl start doing? She starts crying Because she's screaming at me still but she's crying and that's when I smell a little bit of blood and that's when I double down

She goes, oh, are you crying? Oh, you're so crazy Kalyla brings up. Oh, you crying like a little baby crying Yeah, there's no crying at all. Oh my god I love I don't like it when people start shit and the moment I didn't think they expected us to even say anything In fact, I'm really surprised we even gave them anything because usually if you hadn't said you two listening I hope you're listening right now If you hadn't said anything We would not have this encounter

But let me say something right here. This is a universal law For every action there's an equal reaction And if you think that we're fucking spineless asians that we're gonna we're like we're like, oh, no, we want to assimilate It's a society. We're not like that. All right. We're we're we're we we want a war And we started a war with a war with a war machine. Whoa We made a pact a couple months ago that we weren't going to be spineless. Yeah Are there so many instances where people say something to us or pull your pants up or something along those lines? And we've always been quiet. I was in Nashville, Tennessee

Uh-huh. I was at a barbecue restaurant. Someone told you to pull your pants up Yeah, and I was sitting there and I was talking to a friend. I met an AA. She was she lives out there now and some guy white man Comes up behind and puts his arm around me. You go soon pull your pants up And I pulled them up. I'm sorry. I pulled them up. So sorry. So sorry. So sorry. I pulled it up, right?

And I sat there And I've been thinking about that for forever's Wow, why did I comply with this fucking? Yeah, I know but that's why when these two I knew that if I didn't say anything that I would live with it for for whatever for the rest of my life I'm not doing that anymore. That's I mean, I love it. I love that you made her cry Hey, listen lady, you made yourself cry. Well, if you hadn't opened your mouth I just like because you'd be like, oh now you're crying about the movie. You're so scared. I should have said it's a good one Yeah, so baby. You don't feel behind so it's all

I feel guilty that we did it in front of my 16 year old That's it. Yeah, because she has to follow us down. I didn't even know that she was behind you guys watching She was following us the whole time. She's really shy. Yeah, she's really interested She wasn't on snapchat like yo, what's up? Bobby's going crazy right now. Follow me. Well, she's she grew up in the Philippines She's visiting. She's never been to America before. She's very shy. Yeah, she's you know, English is in our first language Oh my god. She's kind of like me. Well, no, that's great. Then she's learning. She's very yeah She's learning to be you're right because I asked her I was like, oh, I'm sorry Like, you know, I like how did you feel and she was like I was really scared and then she giggled

She's like, but it was pretty entertaining I mean, I would I when you're telling the story. I wish I could have seen you just walking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What's up? I know would you have popped off at them if someone had been like, hey, absolutely waiting for that and then them coming at you You're like, yeah, all right. I bet you me think they go home and they wrote a face I'm certain that this theater has gone downhill Bobby Lee was allowed inside Former movie star I'm the same with the right

Star of Diplo. Let's just do that Star of what would Diplo do only one season just got on Hulu? Wow I thought that I thought Diplo was gonna do bigger, but you know what? I don't think it's dead. No. No. I think it's just starting Yeah, I think that's why that's the only thing I've been promoting at all. That's all I care about right now. Well, you have to promote your new show You have another show. Yeah, but I mean right now it's not out. So what does it come out? It comes out July I Comes out July something hold on July six

That sounds good. No Go through every day. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on wait. Oh, there we go. Yeah, July 9th I was way off. What Gogo? What's it called? It's called like and subscribe And it's like, uh, it's a weird show that that it will be on go 90 So there's no paywall easy to watch it. What is go 90 though? Is it a pay another like hulu? We kind of a thing. Yeah, but it's by Verizon Oh go 90. Yeah, it's Verizon. Yeah, so there's no paywall easy to watch like any person can just watch it instantly Nothing, you don't have to sign up or anything. So for Verizon is doing their own original content. Yeah

Yeah, they they let me do it That's kind of cool that they're doing that. Yeah, right. There's a bunch of stuff that's on there That I don't know the names right, but still that's really interesting that they're getting into the game. Yeah, that's great Dude, I'm really excited that your shows on hulu though. I mean, who is my favorite platform same here? Over Netflix. I've been using it for I think a year and a half now and I stopped cable that long ago But when I look look if I looked at hulu now, would it be see it on the anywhere nearer the yep, you do. Yeah And it's then they got live tv So I told derma to like yo hit him up for vice-land to put it in the live

Let's talk about derma for a second best dude in the world all but too nice like almost like Yeah, every time he calls me like dude. Fuck off. What's up? I know he's gonna do it. How are you? How are you doing? And you're like, yo, you're you're We actually really want to know he this is the this is the you really want to know best shout out I can give or compliment. I can give to somebody Is is that when I first got a call from my agents going james van der beek diplo

They I go I'm just too busy. I don't want to Right. Yeah, so then that weekend Andrew Santino called me And goes this kid brandon derma is the future. He's super talented You should take a meeting and you should meet james van der beek And I go All right, you know based on that alone. Yeah, because my you know when your agents tell you about a project

They don't get into it. They were like they did it so dismissively and so quickly that I was just like, oh If it's not that big of a deal, right? Because they don't they're they respond to money Yeah, so if there's money involved, then they'll get in the you have to do, you know, I mean, yeah So the next week I as soon as I know what I did was I looked up brandon derma's real Yeah, he's so talented, dude The necro gobble con video was what sold me on everything for him. Wow. Have you seen that? No Oh my god. That's one of the best music videos I've ever seen. It's called necro gobble con It's by a band called necro gobble con. I forgot the name of the song, right? But it's like

It starts out. Uh, it looks like it's in you know, the What would it be like the 30th century or something like that? Yeah, it's like barbarian versus or not medieval person versus I guess okay, that's it. It's medieval times. I don't think that's the 30s. Sorry Yeah, as I said, I'm like, that's not the 30s. Yeah, I'm not that smart so with history Um, so it's in like medieval times and it shows this goblin running for something You think he's gonna You know kill somebody and then there's this white dude

He's got this girl strung up and then all of a sudden this goblin wakes up from his dreams He's actually like working at some company as like a pencil pusher He got his own desk and it shows this goblin going through his life and being like the dunce. You have to watch it I have to watch it It's one of the best music videos and when I saw that I was like well I saw a couple of things and I go this guy's good and then when I walked in the room As soon as I locked with van der beeg james van der beeg I said yes, I think really. Yeah, look down. Go. Yes. I'll do it

He has a sparkle in his eye. There's a spark there. You know what it is It's like if he was joseph smith Like a Mormon, you know, like if he was a new religion Like in the 50s. Let's say I was just living in a house Yeah, I get a knock on the door and van der beeg goes. Hi. Can I talk to you about this new religion? I'll go. Are you the leader? And he goes, yeah, I go. Where do I sell everything to join? Yeah, that's who he is. He's that kind of why under big van der beeg is the best

And to meet suit and then brand in turn. It doesn't have that vibe. No, but based on his work I go. Yes, and then meeting everyone else It's it was just a great dude experience. Yeah, he's so nice that in order for this to happen He had to contact me to get you to respond to him. Yeah, what's up with your you can't text me Directly, I had to go through emails nine emails for you to come here. Wait. Dermot had to contact you Yeah, yeah, I mean to get to here to get to this point and contact me Now that we have Bobby No, we got some of these

Oh, really cell phones you and I just you don't text me back. That's true. Oh, that's true. That's true. Also, you have green bubbles I don't want to text you That's true. Even you have green bubble. Yeah, you don't need my phone iPhone has made it so that where I really don't want to text people with green bubbles That's wait. Wait. So I should I have to get an iPhone everyone. Yes. I'll buy you one. No, I have money I know you do but I want the reason why the reason why I would do you make me want to gift you The reason why I have a samsung has begun trying to be Korean loyal. I I get that right You have no like ethnic ties to fucking no, that's because I'm just a weird little meat puppet from Yugoslavia slash Los Angeles slash like

I have nothing. Yeah, I've no ties to anything. You're a Viking. Yeah. No, I'm not. I wish Was that what you will tell me? I'd be way I don't know about fucking european. I'd be way hotter. I'd be way hotter. I would have blonde hair My skin would be glowing. You would see no pores No, yeah, I got pores dude. I got big pores. You have big pores for an asian asians are not supposed to have pores What pores on my skin? Yeah, you also have like asians are not supposed to get liver spots I'm so I know they're freckles. I mean just giant freckles. Yeah, but generally speaking you look really young though fighting words

You look great, sweetie. Look at me. I'm I'm melted. So you say this is what you say you say This is what you say to your boyfriend. You say, um, I have big pores on my face I've never heard that insult before. Yeah, that's the new one. If you told I asians aren't supposed to get liver spots I mean freckles big freckles You look great. You look great though. You look great and young aside from those two glaring I mean discrepancies on your face Yeah, that's bitch shit I'm kidding. I love you. That's what we do. I like this. Is that wrong? Yeah, are you mad?

Very abusive. No, shut up. Don't be mad Where we at? We're over 50. That's an unbelievable Did you text the guy? I feel like we've I feel like we've barely talked. I know we've barely talked I feel like I don't really we didn't really ask him all that much dude. I'll stay here. You have siblings. I'll beat ethans What? Oh, you know about that. You have siblings. What's your relationship like with your dad? First of all, let's just get this out of the way first. Did the guy respond to you first? Yeah, hold on Which guy? He said I got to finish some more shit at home Um, uh, but down to see it soon. I really want to sign Quinn Tarantino

Who is this guy? It was a group of friends and they all kind of said the same thing. I just used one person's to say that So all your friends said no. Yeah, everyone said no Oh god, it's Dylan again Wow, they know how I scream in the movies Okay, I don't understand. I don't understand how people can not scream like I feel I don't know how to do that I just But the here's the thing though, it's that here's why the movie I'm not gonna give away anything

But the reason why the movie Is fucked up is because They show things in the movie That you generally shouldn't show. Yeah, that's right. Right where you go a director would go I think that's too much. Yeah, you can just allude to it. Oh, you can allude to it But this guy not not just give it away But they do it in a most because the frames is some of these images are so beautifully

lit and framed That they could they could have been paintings. Oh, wow, but what you're seeing is something that's very like disturbing And let me say this right now Which is kind of like the shining because that that's really exactly what was happening in that like that scene with the with the girl in the Bathtub. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. Yeah, that's a very good point And then um, there are also random things like at the time

I think the two twins being in the hallway Was just oh my god. Yeah. Yeah, it was just a random Like what the fuck when you're a kid watching that movie the shining That's all you think about is all you think about like when you're walking out in the dark hallway You're like, I don't want to see two children now Not only that the way you write the happiest things in the world. You're like, I don't want to see two of them Right, but they were obviously I don't want to see them in a dark hallway. They were obviously obviously they're like malnutrition Right, and they're wearing something that you don't like blue dresses

Is that what it is? But like also it's framed in a way where it could be drawn. Yeah as a painting. It's another You know, I'm just saying this guy Ari Oster. There's a name. Yeah, I think those is the first movie. Wow And I and Dylan I'm afraid that you're not gonna watch it if you don't watch it tonight I'm gonna. Oh, I'm gonna watch that you're gonna watch with me tonight. I'm gonna watch it. You're gonna go. You want to go? Yeah, afterwards. I'll watch it. Yeah, I'm down because I felt like I felt like because your friends. Oh, no, no I didn't even know let's go Let's go. No. No, I want to watch it

We could have a separation of seeds. No You want to go? I can't dude. What the fuck I had to see Cindy. Oh, yeah, girlfriend some love stuff. I'm just saying that, you know, my friend's saying no, too Wasn't that weird? Yeah, yeah, you guys are out Let's do it. You'll go. Yeah, you'll go Oh, my brother has said that. Yeah Oh, really? Is that what he said? Yeah

That's amazing. But on but under my but here's the thing under my I tweeted it and some comments were like nah I guess it depends on what on your like history and what scares you like any type of like weird Well, I mean, I said that that westworld sucked last night. I don't know if you guys watch westworld Okay, I because it was one linear. So when I said that some people were like, I don't what are you talking about? That didn't suck and the reason they didn't think it sucked is because it was one linear storyline But they added a character in but then took the character away because it was like, oh was the girl talking At the end but anyways, that was a spoiler for that but But so someone else they were like, well finally I didn't have to think

About the other story lines. Fuck you man. That's the whole point of the fucking show Wow, whoa You saw all of the westworlds. Yeah, do you like game of thrones? I haven't seen any of it Yeah, I'm I'm waiting for like a long haul Tour when I'm on the road for like a month and I'm gonna watch everything I feel like that's the proper way to honor because I'm already so far away. Yeah And I gotta because I know that when I watch it, I'm gonna watch it Like I'm gonna I'm gonna have fucked up nights where I will stay up until like 7 a.m. Be like guys. I didn't sleep

Yeah, but You should watch it sooner than or before the final season maybe that way you can share in our excitement But I really I also just kind of want to watch it way later so that I start tweeting about the first season and people like This guy is fucking stupid. That's so funny. Yeah, that's funny. Do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah About the first season I mentioned the first season guys Game of thrones is so crazy. Holy shit. The first season ran was pushed What's up? Yeah, fucked up 10 years later live tweeting it. Yeah. Yeah, that's so fucking funny. Yeah, you're a gamer, right? Yeah, what do you play? I mean I play fortnight right now, but I used to play counter strike

Oh, wow. Are you the only person in the world who isn't playing fortnight? Do you want do you want me to scream every night? Oh, that's true. He will because I suck at fortnight right now Yeah, the building part and then also the fact that you have to you have to aim correctly on sniping where you have to like Time you have to time it where it's like all right This person might be moving to this place and I need to aim a little bit above Because not like if they're getting in your crosshairs, you're you're getting that snipe Yeah, you got to make sure like if how far away you are and everything well, it's like destiny the reason why I stopped playing destiny was because of PvP and because every time I die scream where I get angry I throw controllers

Oh, me too, you know, I mean or if my teammates my fire team isn't doing what I want them to do You know, like we there's fights like what are you doing? That's not done. Why are you behind that wall? We're over here shooting. I told you to be here But she's like, I don't know. I just thought I could do a side thing. I think around No, like a second round and surprise them. I go, but you're not even that good. So you would have died anyway You know what I mean? It's that kind of thing. So I can't play fortnight. Yeah, you're gonna have too many liabilities there But no do when you here's another thing I don't like about fortnight is when you die They take your shit

Oh, I mean they take the stuff that you picked up in the game. Yeah. Yeah, but I mean it's a match You don't get it every time But imagine this imagine if you died in real life And then people started and they took your fucking dj spinning the spinning things that you do Yeah, because he walks around your gold playing spinning things. I never I never thought about it like that, but yeah Yeah, it's not good. That's yours. Yeah, that is that was mine. They take mine. They don't take mine. Okay So what else do you see you only play like pvp stuff? Yeah You're not a fallout. You don't like Bethesda stuff like rpgs single player. Not really

I used to on dreamcast. I forgot the game that I used to play. Yeah way back I was dreams can sense. You can have a Sega. I know what it is Shenmue. No, it was this one where it was like this Like you could play as four characters and they had these weird arms that you could like throw elemental things Oh, yeah, I don't really remember that. I don't remember was that an role-playing game. Yeah Well, but you know what that and dude I broke so many that's why I don't play role-playing games Because I broke so many controllers because when you're sitting there and you can't like you can't hurt them You have to like wait your turn for them. No, so what you're selling those are turn-based role-playing games. Okay, my bad

Well final fantasy and that that is probably a turn-based. Yeah, those are you you attack Then you have to wait for everyone to that and then it's your turn again Yeah, but the rpgs that I play now like the ones that Bethesda do are like real-time rpgs Right, so what is that? So basically it's open world Okay, you when you shoot a gun like fortnight you shoot somebody. Yeah, but obviously not a real person by character in the game Yes, and a game like fallout for instance You can build a home You know like you can use

Build a beautiful home with defenses. Uh-huh. You can have a dog. You can go out. You don't have to Kill things you can just pick things up like I need to go get Wood and also This you know like detergent. Yeah, but other and other people are in this world trying to shoot you. No, no It's just no, it's open. No, it's it's a single player And then you go in and you fight mutants you fight other people like you just want a home to come home too No, that's not what it is. I like gta It's kind of in many ways a gta, but gta you can't okay because I love gta

Oh, it's like gta, but you can't design like rp the Bethesda game I'm talking about. Yeah, you can design wear whatever you want to wear design the facial structure The ethnicity of your person height all that stuff. Yeah, okay, and then also you can wear clothing That you want to wear. Yeah, although gta has that you can go to a clothing store. Yeah, but the options are limited. Yeah in The rpg is now especially the Bethesda ones which aren't talking about elder scrolls Skyrim or the fallout series. Yeah, and then you can the maps are gigantic And it's just a lot of fun, man I mean, I was going to get fallout for xbox and then I never did it because I just I watched the

The trailer and I just didn't do it, but I'll do it for you. No, you don't have to do it for me I will but I'm when you're saying it's good. I don't know why I need it because I didn't know anyone that played fallout Oh my god I might not go to the movie now because Like an internal thing just add me. No, all right. The thing is is that But how about this? I'll do the new fallout 76 is coming out in november And it is a pvp. Oh the multiplayer the multiplayer in it. Everyone's doing battle rail. That's the new thing. It's the new thing Right. So halo's doing one problem, but it's got it. You can do it's it's got all the

Elements of fallout where you single player you can build a house You can go out there's storylines missions and stuff that you can do on your own Yeah, but then you can also do things with other people But what I would do if I were you that's awesome what I would do if I were you you have an xbox one I have both ps4. I bet you do. I bet you do. What do you that dj? What are you playing on? Just don't know they sent it to me xbox one. Yeah, you get free shit. Yeah as a dj He's he's famous. That's why I have popular because I get so much free shit. I don't have to pay for it What are you I didn't buy these shoes do this for me or get fallout for get fallout for

Okay, I didn't buy this shirt either. You get free shit. I bought the hat though. Yeah I bought this made worn. Wait. Wait. What do you play on xbox? Yeah, but I want you to get fallout for right. I want you to I want you to play it. I will no I'm being real. I will start a character. I would you will play it um, and See how we do some missions together. No, we can't do it a fallout for because they don't have that yet in november But that's all I want to see. I want you to play fallout for I can get used to it I can get used to it if you don't even like the world then fuck it when anyone do it

I want to waste my time. Okay, because when I play fallout 76, you're listening right now Listen to me right now. I'm going to be full in it. Okay. Okay I want to watch the movie. So what's the question now? We have the thing called unhelpful advice. Okay Do you know what it is? No people have emails and they have And then they have a you'll just and you can answer them or you don't have to oh, yeah, okay. I love it Unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalilah and Dylan Francis. Hi tiger belly. I'm wait. What the fuck was that? Was that real a second city? It's Chicago, bro. Okay. Did you just do wait? Oh, I thought you put a voice effect on no, no, no Yeah, yeah, this is it man. Oh my god. Fuck yeah, man. That's incredible. I could do too. No

Oh, hey Mark, what you doing today? Hey, Nate dog. Did you say Nate dog? Yo, that is a Nate dog blowing my mind right now. What about me, man? What what about me? I can't wait to see the movie with that Ain't no what you want to man. I'm in the cell right now. You're in the cell. Yeah goddamn, bro Scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot scoot. Hi tiger belly. I'm going through some really bad heartache right now Oh my god. No, they're all they're all like this. We we skipped three weeks of relationships So this is the first one in a while. I'm so down for this my girlfriend and I dated for the past year. She's cheating on you True

Actually, we broke up at 364 days and spent our one year anniversary as a one long beautiful epic date We spent the entire day crying laughing occasionally Distracting ourselves and crying some more We were long distance and our past led in very different directions We were madly in love and we still are but it was just too hard on the both of us It was the healthiest breakup both of us ever have ever gone through if when syndrome stances are better

We would like to give it another shot, but oh my god. I feel like I'm fucking dying Sorry for the rant, but I was wondering what is the worst breakup you've ever experienced? When does it get better? Does it ever truly get better? I mean hold easy dude. We already we already hit this in the beginning Just go back to my willow story. Can you replay that in the video? Was that the most painful heart heartbreak for you? No, no, no for some background. I'm 26. I think about mine for yeah 26. Yeah, he's 26. She's 24. Neither of us have ever been in healthy relationships before we met each other What was your most painful? Was it um, my my mind isn't about whose feet you sniffed? Oh Tara black

Yeah, was it these every woman that I've been heartbroken over were women I weren't with You were yeah, they were women that I obsessed about it was unrequited love In many instances, they never even knew about my attraction to them It was just friend zone like from the beginning and I would stay in these things for so I for laugh I was I'm sorry for laughing at the person's email because it's very heartfelt and I forgot that it's a real person emailing that Yeah, and it's sorry. You're laughing at nine and I am Because you're a real person. I'm sorry. I'll try to I'll try to contain my when I went to when I went to um Rehab I went to rehab with this girl named Tara black. She lived in Encinitas

and She I used to sleep over at her house as friends and when she would be asleep. I used to stare at her toes for For like five hours straight five hours cutest little things I've ever fucking seen And I used to get on my I used to get on my hands and knees and pray dear god Please I'll kill or I'll do anything for this woman And then she would go. Hi. Hi What do you want to do? You want to go to the beach?

And I would just watch her go in the water her toes and her toes. Okay And now I'm remembering the the one true love that that I get good not the one true love because that's the one obsession the one that the one that really got me. Yeah, I I uh She lived up in Northridge And if you're listening to this, yeah Fuck you, man Oh, she lived up in Northridge. Yeah, and uh

I would text her all the time. I'd go and hang up with her. I would swim at her pool How are you? How are you? I was I want to say I was like 16 17 or something like that. Okay. So, you know, you weren't a dj. No. No, you were just a regular just a regular boy Yeah, yeah, I love it. Yeah. Yeah, so Northridge Northridge. This is This is when aim existed I think and we'd aim all the time talk so much call on the phone And uh, I remember just like I tried to keep getting closer try It just wouldn't have it wouldn't have it and like there was certain points where I was like, I think we're making a kiss Maybe nope didn't happen didn't happen and then one time her

Her friend called me and her friend was the one that had to break the news to me Be like she's not she's not into you. She's want to hang out anymore And then later on I found out that her the reason she was hanging out with me was so much because she was trying to Pond me off the on the to the friend that was the one that broke the news to me And I was so heartbroken dude. I was crying up in my room for how long for you know weeks on end I love that story. Yeah, it was it was so sad I love that you're when that you had to stop I had to I had to take the bus because my mom I would go to school in the valley and my mom wouldn't take me on the weekends of the valley because she's like

I drive you five days a week. I'm not gonna take you for these extra two days So I had to take the fucking bus the 725 from from westwood all the way to the to van eyes and then figure out how to get to northridge and Dude that that young love that young heartbroken That that's that thing is that is I haven't felt that in 25 years When I hear the brian mcnight song the do I ever cross your mind anytime? I still cry really think about like well Yeah, same thing when I was 16 fell in love with an older guy that went to harvard

But he was like rich drove an Audi and I went to like Blair high school. I had really skinny eyebrows I look like a poor chola, you know, yeah But he like took interest in me and I remember giving him one of my mall photos, you know the ones that you would Yeah, that was so dumb and he would say things like I was gonna say so amazing a dumb Basically dumb go ahead. He's like, yeah, I keep it in my dorm room You know like and oh, I never really like got him and I I swear god There's a few and stained there's another stained song that I just to this day like I get like shivers down my spine

I just dream of toes these little toes those little toes Teratos there's another one then have you seen her like what she like? No, I don't know. I don't know what she looks like anymore I don't know what no, I don't care. What about your girl what she looks like. Yeah, I mean, I've seen what she looks like now What did she look like? Nothing I'm interested in Completely. Yeah. Yeah completely like nothing. I'm interested in at all, but you did like Oh, yeah, to find out. Yeah, I see this. Are you single you're single now, right? Yeah If she wanted to get back would you know?

Why no, I'm honestly, I I'm like fully not interested in why though I don't what is she's watching? What if I said she's got like plastic surgery on her lips like her lips look like But typically Hollywood I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, it's not. It's not. You know, you know, what it's Look at every camera You know, it's sorry. It's basically it's what it is. She's watching this right now My guy's still super dreamy. Yes, unfortunately. Yeah. He's like the king of taiwan. It's really unfortunate He's the king of taiwan. There's this other girl that that uh, this is a good story too. Um

I I hadn't I hadn't done anything yet. Like I'd kissed Uh, you know, maybe had pp touches over pants or something like that. Um, but uh There was this girl that was in the grade above me and I was obsessed with her I went to the school loxa and she would drive Oh, we know we would take the bus back to her place and I would just hang out with her all the time She had a boyfriend and I would just hang out I'd be like waiting for her to just break up with that dude just sit in there So you are and I was telling her how much I was into her too. I was like, man, when you break up with

Really? It's on it's amazing. Yeah, and she broke up with him And I drove the bus back home and I was like, oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god I've talked about this moment all the time to her like, what do I do? What do I do? What do I do what I do and I that you know those movie moments where you see the movie and you're like What are you doing? You fucking moron? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm sitting in her bed and she gets on top of me She pushes me down and she starts making out with me and I'm like, I have I don't know what to do I don't know what to do. I haven't touched her vagina before I've padded them I've had him I touched him when I was in kindergarten. We played doctor. I don't know what to do though

I don't know what to do. How old are you? I think I was like probably 17 you don't know what to do. No I I was a late bloomer. Okay. And so I was like I pushed her off and I was like, I um, I um, I I said I should go I should go. Oh, and I did that and I kept looking back We might have to shut it down No, because that's the dumbest you know what you hyped it up in your head too much. Oh, yeah No, I know that's the dumbest fucking thing. I've ever heard in my fucking life. Did I not just tell you that?

Yeah, I know that's don't worry. I didn't tell you you just Reignited something in my heart right now. Okay. Number one. I'm not watching a movie with you tonight That's weak. That's some weak. Shit. Number two. We might not air this podcast Number three Diplo season two not What did I do with me or you involved? That's the dumbest fucking thing Boy, what are you all fucking pussy? You piece of shit. You wanted to fuck you Fuck you with that. Why?

You got up and go. I don't know. I don't know I freaked out I I put I I made it too big in my head We it was it was honestly like a year of hanging out with her and not ever be able to do anything Talking about dropping the ball. It's like you talk about this. It would be the worst movie ever made if you saw that in the movie People wouldn't walk out. I want my money back. That's movie. But I I premise that I literally I don't care in the beginning. I'm saying it again. This is not fair. You're a fucking asshole. Thank you Anyway, good job. Good job. Well, I'm just trying to what happened after that. I just my pants, dude Oh, you did

Did you ever have a second shot at it? No, never. I tried to hang out with her again. And then she just didn't want to she didn't want to have anything to do with me Well, that was probably like a pity fuck anyways on her end. Yeah, I was trying to get it. I tried to get that later on I just didn't want to embarrass myself I was and she like because she had done everything. She was like telling me I was like this dude had like jizzed all over her face all the time And I'm just like a little prude boy like I don't know how to jizz on faces Let me ask you this had you jizzed before? Yes, okay 17. I mean, all right. So you know how it works

Yeah, for himself, but you know about direction. No, not at that time. No, no, no, you don't know how to do Look, I didn't learn aviation yet. I didn't go to aviation school. Did you have a license now? I can fly you have a car You don't drive a car No, I don't know how to drive a car yet. No, okay. We could you walk? No, you don't know walk All right, I'm supposed to take a bus. You're just an aimless kid Okay, I'm just gonna keep getting reamed on this one. You know what next question. I'm not done. I'm not done. I'm not done. Okay So you know about jizzing. I just want to know why this makes you so mad

So what did I do? No, because you said you don't know about jizzing ampi faces I'm was gonna tell you that you didn't know how I'll tell you why it pisses him off Because he was never offered that when he was 17 Had he been offered he would have been game and done it, but he was never offered because girls didn't like him And here you are wasting a good opportunity. Oh, that's funny. Why privilege you laughing? Because you just that was a white privilege problem like Oh, I don't know. I don't think that has to do with me being white. She was Mexican. Does that help? It wasn't too white people white each other

It wasn't a white out my bad. My bad. My bad. Well, how old were you then when you lost your virginity 18? Okay, so the year after you just weren't ready at 17. No, no, no, I was not ready I was not and I and I did everything with one girl Every single thing that I did was with her the first time you did it. Did you think you had good form? I still don't have a good form But can I just say this I'm gonna get my nut off That's that's I'm not gonna if you listen once I'm invited in Which is the kissing part? Yeah at that point

I'm gonna finish the journey what you did was this is what you did. Okay Frodo, no, no Frodo got the ring. No pants came off. No pants or anything got the ring. No, you never left the shire I never got the ring. You never left the shire No, and then Saruman has the ring the movie is 10 minutes long and the whole world is fucking burned down to the ground But nobody's because you don't know how to we just were kissing and then I pushed her off That's what I'm saying. That's getting the ring. But at least I didn't you get at least I didn't like try to put the ring on and like Dribble a little bit Take the ring throw the ring in the lava. I don't need it

I didn't disappear I didn't get to disappear. Okay. Listen I I'm gonna apologize for what I said. It's okay, man. No, no I'm gonna read read I might not watch the movie with you tonight But I might do I might not do Diplo. Maybe if they offer I'm gonna say no scenes I'm not gonna say I'm gonna have no scenes with him. Oh, okay You're writer and this is definitely not getting aired No, I'm kidding. All those three are not true. Okay, and I forgive you

Back to this guy. Um, I have no idea what the fuck I also yeah, that question was really really weird weird because because when does he get better? It didn't when does it get better? What the fuck are you talking about? What do you want to do though? What do you want to do? Do you want to be with her or not? That's the thing you got to fucking figure out What does that mean? You guys have a long-distance relationship cut it off and go get better Yeah

That's my I mean for me that's you nailed it right there for me You know you you see the planet, right? You know how many people are on the planet? And to me it's like You know, I read something on a that said this before on a podcast before on this podcast before but A statistic that said that you're compatible with one out of every 33 million people or something 33. No You've really said this that's bullshit. I honestly think you could be compatible with at least one out of like 20 20 people?

Yeah, that's a lot. There are so many different ways you can take your life. I feel like there's 33 You're compatible one out of a 33 million. You said yeah You could you could date 33 million people and those 33 million will be compatible with you Oh, it's what I meant. That's not one in 33 million then that's 33 out of 33 million You could be compatible with 33 million people. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's not a lot of people you but you you already told us before that that that statistics a lie You lied to us. You told us. Oh, yeah I deceived all of you. I deceived all of you pointed to all trying to make this person feel good

I lied again And what let me say something right now. I lie all the time. I'm the lying king Oh I'm the lying king. I'm the shadow king and everything to dad. How many soulmates do you think a person can have? Well, since there is no such thing as you know, so you believe in soulmates wait like can we go to the next question? Yeah, yeah, thanks. There's one soulmates come out I'm out. Do you believe in soulmates? I don't know yet. Yeah me neither I think you're my soulmate, babe

I think that we you're my person like we can live this long life together. I know we can I don't know if you're the only one I could live this long life. No, you're not the only one either. Exactly. Why I So at this point, it's a choice, right? I really like you. I like you too. Let's go. Let's move on. Yeah, that's it for questions That's it. That's what time is the movie start? Yeah, I didn't look it up. Okay. What time is it now? It is Yeah Anyway, um, you have anything to plug um

Yeah, like and subscribe coming out july 9th. Yeah, watch that. Yeah, watch this guys. It's easy guys pure You can watch it and I really honestly dude. This was like I really had a really good time with you Me too. You're so funny. You're so easy. You're so easy. We're like and I don't I know exactly what you're talking about, but it's like that thing where you can There's only certain people you can bounce off of the way that we bounce that you can't I really do If we the time is right. Well, let's watch the movie. You can still watch it. I want to watch it and then um Um shows I'm in at the san francisco punchline this weekend. If you saw my last show, I only have two new jokes

I have to say that now because it's like I see I don't I saw you at the comedy club A while ago. I forgot when it maybe it was a year ago, but you were amazing. Just want to throw that out there Wow, did you see hi to me after the show? No, but also do you say why? Because I didn't know you Oh, so then it was it was a couple years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I think I don't know if Joe Rogan was playing maybe he was It was really good though. Oh, thanks. It was really good. Anyway, um, come to this my san francisco punchline come hang The shows in Seattle were all sold out um, they were, um

Unbelievable the people We had a good time. I love you except for those people that fuck with you But they didn't come to the show though. Yeah, well fuck that fuck them. Fuck you. Yeah, if you're listening those two Seriously, go fuck yourself All right, don't turn around and fucking talk to me in that way ever. Thank you Um, thank you for dildo. Thank you for everyone coming and thank you for the universe for having us here today But seriously, the only thing anyone should actually do if they if they go and watch anything is what would diplo do What would diplo do watch on a hulu? Please support us guys get the second season. I love you guys

Let us get it so we can make you laugh Bye Uh, you can get all of bobby's information at bobbyleelive.com Uh, make sure you follow tiger belly on instagram at tiger belly on twitter at the tiger belly and emails any questions at the tiger belly at gmail Uh dot com and be on the lookout for our mugs and t-shirts Oh Hey prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast

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