TigerBelly - Episode 147: Bend it like Bobo

Episode Date: June 20, 2018

Bobo is a squid. Khaloko gets wet eyes. We talk stalkers, ghostdicks, liquid smoke, and how to optimize your dating profile.Support us by supporting our sponsor! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Five four three two one Welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly My name is Bob hell King payment No, yes Yeah, that wasn't as good as it's supposed to be start over Let's start over there. Yeah, ready countdown. No, I mean the sound I didn't like the beginning even either. Oh, okay, five four three two one

Welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly hail King payment It doesn't matter based Like that, okay spoiler alert. Um George is not here. I I at first didn't care. I don't think I care now Yeah, but I don't know. I don't I'm trying to feel like if I care or not. I Feel guilty if I don't care, but I don't care Do you know what he said to me Bryce after you guys went to see Hereditary with Dylan Francis after last week's podcast. Oh, he texted me to what he came home

And he was like, you know what I realized he actually goes, you know what I just said this you oh fuck Don't reveal my hand here. Oh, he loves you two years. Go ahead. I really love Bryce and George Like I really really enjoy their company thoughts, uh, Bryce. That is the kind of thing I've heard today I feel like I feel like he always liked you better though. I'm just putting sorry George. Yeah, but I was only a fake like I only liked him more to make George feel like You know, I'm okay. I'm superficial myself. So I I hope it's my good looks and not my personality because it's definitely not your Looks I'm gonna be completely honest with you when I say that you're good-looking all that you're really not good-looking You have a long face everything about you is long and everything about you is God fucked up

Like God could have God could have said I'm gonna make this guy handsome But he made a couple of things A little askewed like a little bit too many gums in the mouth Yeah, yeah, that's a Korean thing. I have a Korean dentist. Oh your gums. They're too. They're too big. Yeah come down What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Your gums are too big. Do you know that when I was in high school? Bryce. Yeah, my tooth-to-gum ratio was

Atrocious I mean, I don't think I had teeth to show Because I had braces and it pushed my I had such big gaps when I was younger And so when I had braces it pushed my teeth together And I swear you my gums were more swollen than you've ever seen in your life But you know, I'm being superficial. It's okay to have gums. It's a part of your mouth. You know, I mean, what am I gonna do? Well, now I know Just don't smile. Okay. Just close your mouth at all times

Um, but where is George? Uh, michigan. Oh, what is he doing there? I in the farm? I'm doing his thing farms. Yeah Anyway, I you know, I did say that I said What what it was is that I was at the arc light with uh dylan and these two and we're gonna watch hereditary and then um Um, we ran into skrillux. What's his name? Skrillex. Skrillex. Oh, wow. He's a small man Yeah, he's like does he still have long hair? I don't know, but he's a small little dude Hey, little puppy and I go. I go. What's up skrill? You know what I mean? Yeah, and he goes. Who are you?

I go, oh skrill. I'm bob He goes nice to meet you. I gave him like a side hug kind of a fancy little thing And then but I realized hanging out with these guys is that I don't feel like I have to You know, sometimes when I hang out with people I have to go Hey, can you just not do that thing that you do in this environment? What do you mean like? Well, like Steve. Oh, for instance, okay I go Steve. This is the opportune time not to show your rage. Yeah. Yeah, because I'll try not to bob I go no you can't

You cannot show your rage here like and then, you know, but I don't have to do that with George and uh What's your name? Bryce You know, I just know that they're just going to be kind of, you know Good wine about it like GW is in. Yeah, the GW is like they Just kind of blend in, you know, and they don't really you know, they're not going to say anything They're just kind of tall and ominous looking They look, you know, bodyguards for you Pyreneak nearest

Very pioneer-ish, you know, the clothing is non-threatening It's always gap jeans or you know, I mean some or khakis that they get at banana republic The shirts are always just like, you know They find billy bongie billy. They're billy bongie the hairs are non-intrusive. They're like, uh military style almost The shoes are uh, nike usually running style nikes running style and they just they don't smell Anything you don't smell nothing. They smell like air Interesting. Yeah

What I'm giving you compliments. They just blend it. It's almost as if I'm hanging out with ghosts That's great. Soak it up. Love it. Yeah, good I'm glad you're being like that because they're compliments A lot of people are like, you know, you hang out with some people like dean del rey or somebody Yeah, you know, they they they want to They wear smells like eyes more smells Like dean's the same way like I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna get you know, I'm gonna go to this fancy place and get this oak-ish

You know tarts thing Then I have mine on and they blend together and it's not good. It's a battle. Yeah Bobby always wants to smell like the future like the apocalyptic future Like you've been working. No, I want people to go. Did you travel to 2069 I agree. Yeah, and I saw I saw it the flat earth and burning You know, I mean the kids in the rags and I ran into

You know Kevin Costner postman You know It's actually just called smoke And it doesn't even come in like a little spray. It comes with a dropper like it's actually used to smoke meat I'm quite a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I'm actually convinced that he's trying to pass off liquid smoke as perfume It's it's like smoke. I guarantee you if I use that on my meat on the meat tonight. Yeah, it'll be delicious I guarantee it will but that's what I want to smell like delicious. No, I want people to go. Are you barbecuing or

Did you are you a coal miner? What's going on? Yeah, and I go. No, I came from my little condo in beachwood. I Haven't done anything on blue collar in a very long time But I want to smell like it. Is that weird? My jeans have to look dirty. Everything has to look kind of dirty and ragged. Yeah, but is that is that is that gross? That I'm doing that you're just trying to be like easy, you know Yeah, yeah, I just want easy eat. No, she's saying you're like you're like Kanye Yeah, you're like you're so rich that you want to look poor. That's such a fucking LA thing to do It's quite disgusting actually. Well, you know where I got it from who?

This is gonna sound so gross, but I'll I'm gonna tell you So years ago, I didn't know who what he looked like but there was like this I was working the door at the comedy store and there was this Fucking homeless man, right this fat homeless man who's wobbling up into the oar and I didn't think I didn't see him come in So as a doorman, you have to go. Hey, man. What the fuck, you know Let me see your ticket and I also you're homeless. There's no way you buy a ticket. Yeah as I

As I'm approaching him a guy pulls me back. I know the doorman. He goes. What are you doing? I go back homeless guys, you know He goes you can't fuck with that guy Just let him sit down I go, who's that? Rick Rubin And I then the whole night I stared at Rick Rubin. He smelled like the earth He looked like the earth

And yet so he he doesn't but he's this guy, right a big producer He's got money And I thought that's the way I'm gonna go I'm gonna look like you know But then I'm gonna you know actually be I don't know what's worse someone with money who's flossing like name brands Or someone with money who's intentionally trying to look poor like I can't figure out what I find more annoying What do you mean?

Might know obviously the one that you spend money is the one in the wing No, because like I'm like, okay at least there's a spectrum. Okay, you have would you want something in the middle name brands a little bit homeless? Yeah, like, okay, so if I see someone who's like three Lamborghinis and they're just really you know Very fancy with it. Yeah Or someone who's so goddamn full of themselves that they gotta like Fucking dress like a homeless person. I think that's actually worse. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You don't even know what I'm gonna do What is it when I get more successful? I'm gonna get sketches, right? Yeah, I'm gonna dirty them up

And I'm gonna you know front part of the shoe. I'm gonna chop them so my toes stick out Right and you know my toes Yes, right they got gangrene on it, right? They're greenish, right? They're different. But I'm yeah, but I'm not I'm gonna make even more greener By just putting like maybe pain. I don't know. I'm gonna make it seem like my toes Have been through things like it's that they have diabetes or something. Yeah. Yeah Can I tell you what he's done when we first met he was like, oh, hey, like give me your chucks Like give me give me your sneakers And I was like, what are you gonna do with it?

And then we go to like this fancy Delicatessen and he buys like $50 like coffee beans He grinds them up and then he starts like painting my shoe with it And then he ties it to the back of his car and then we drag it for like three miles He's like, I drove a pair of Converse from Arizona to LA. He's like, oh, this is the look This is the look you need that you want but brand new Converse dragged them 200 miles wow and they look great Yeah, because brand new Converse look weird

But that's like you're being a poser because shoes are supposed to reflect your lifestyle Your lifestyle is not like zero movement. I know So you want you you want people to believe that you've actually walked a million miles in those shoes? But does that make people question like I know he doesn't move. Yeah, looks like he's been walking for too long If your shoes were to properly reflect your lifestyle, they'd be squeaky white. I know because I don't use them Yeah, I take two steps into my car two steps into the comedy store Or two steps back in the car two steps home. We were looking for houses. Yeah, and we saw this amazing Don't be like this

And then we were really excited. We're like, oh, this is the one. This is the one and at the very honor way out He's like, I can't get this one. I was like, why? Because it has stairs That's like, okay I've seen you walk stairs. No, no, no Do you remember Laura the rings? Yes. Okay. It's a favorite reference Rivendale Okay, remember Rivendale. Yes with the waterfalls where the elves live, you know, whatever. It's gorgeous There's all these steps. Uh-huh. That's what it was. It was like that like it's like tears on tears. Yeah, if I was like

On the Jamaican running team. Yeah, then I would get that if I was who's saying Bolton. What is the name? You say Bolton. Whatever name is Michael Bolton. Michael Bolton. Yeah, if I was Michael Bolton, I would get those Okay, but I'm not I'm a fat small You know squishy guy, but you don't leave the house much. So it would only require you to take a total of like 14 steps Like total I also think that in the future when I get older I might just one day go, you know, I'm not gonna go get a hotel room. I can't go upstairs Yeah, I'm not gonna do that, right? I'd rather just be easy about it And also there was other things about the house. I didn't like we've been house hunting and it's hard. Yeah

And we saw one the other day that was close What's funny? How would you describe your style? I'm good. You guys are similar If it doesn't look like a Japanese botanical home slash Fucking blade runner Moscow like he doesn't want it future ish Like if it doesn't look like it belongs in both the future and the past. Yeah, so hard It's not hard to find man. Future and the past. Yeah, if you get a time machine, bro I'll go well. I swear and it's like I think that I have his taste down

And I've come really close that last one was close, but it's just not yet yet At this point, I should be a realtor I should be a realtor for difficult people with big imaginations I also don't understand why you wouldn't just like design your own home Fall out. Okay. Because I because I know that okay. This is what Alan DeGeneres does. Okay. This is what I heard that she likes to buy land and just design a home from scratch Okay. Yeah, she's a multi multi millionaire

She can do that Me I got one shot. I'd never designed shit before. I think you'd be amazing. I know, but I haven't done it yet so I believe that if One day I have that kind of money If I get lucky or whatever Then I could fuck up on one house and go. I know I did it wrong what I did wrong I'll give that to Steve

You know what I mean? And then Bob the bathroom's upside down Yeah, and then you know, I'll you know, but I I don't want to fuck up on the first one Because I also my imagination go can go wild I don't know what I what I can and cannot do your fallouts pretty orderly though. You're your homes Yeah, because I want them to be functional Yeah, but they also like what was that but isn't your house want to be functional No, his homes that he makes on fallout are all like they're they all should be like architectural Exactly. They're really cool. He's actually he's got an eye for interior design like much better than me

And he just has a cool Um, he has cool taste. He really does. I will give you that But that's what I want. I'm not if I'm going to spell that kind of spend that kind of money I'm going to get a good one. I don't care where it is. Just give me a good one You keep saying that it has to be a home that you're gonna die in. I I'm gonna say this. Okay. We I fucking we saw Three that I would have got But those three that we got there were problems with it

The john legendary house John legends at house Old house, it looks great It's amazing. I would have got that but it was too. It was a lot Also, we weren't quite ready. We weren't ready yet The second house was in Silver Lake. It was a Japanese house, but it looked too much. She didn't like it It was too dark. I just couldn't I felt like every time if I were to come home to it It would feel like coming home to like a creepy museum like it was so

Specific to the previous owner's taste that I felt like their soul rested in the walls because there was so much It it it was like everything the Japanese sits back to the Interior like there was a koi pond and like a little like mini park in the middle of the fucking in the middle in the middle of the living room An actual park in yeah park bench and like grass in a koi pond in the middle of the living room old Asian people doing Tai Chi Yeah, yeah, it was okay to get to it. You take an elevator. Yeah, there's an elevator That sounds cool looks so good. And you know what the thing is I imagine the elevator You you you go up and you see a wall just a blank wall But what I would do is put images on that wall

So when people go to my house, they'll see like, you know, I mean like a Handicap kid in a wheelchair and then it goes up and then three black guys with their heart on dicks So I got would tell a story when you go up the elevator So when people come to my house, right when people come up to the final floor, they know that's Bobby Lee's house You're like, yeah, it's like a museum. Right, right, right, right What I found out was I think we found out that these two old people designed the house in the 50s But they died there and you could feel that in the walls

And I'm for me. It's like I don't need no white fucking got all the white ghosts just hanging out Okay, so when you were if you were never by a house Bryce or Gilbert Don't you think it's really important like when you walk in no matter how beautiful it is like how it makes you feel Like if it feels like oh, there's like you guys Like the back of your neck hair like your hair stands up and you're like whoa like this is a cool place But whoo, it gives me like the heebie-jeebies kind of well. Yeah, especially after hereditary. It's like I don't need like I don't need ghosts and demons. Nope. I'm out of there. No, yeah I'm afraid of I'm afraid. I mean, I'm maybe it's race racist

But I'm a for some reason if black people died in a house. I wouldn't be scared. Yeah, me neither Why is that? Because I feel like Asians died in the house. I wouldn't be scared. I would be scared with Asians. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Tokyo. I've watched enough Right, you just see it like a wig a black like in the middle of the night You see like a black wig somewhere and you're like you're out. There's no any girl any girl I feel like black people would be real nice Mexicans would be real nice Filipino You'll be up there to be 60 of them the Mexicans. It's a party. It's a fiesta fiesta every night. Yeah, I mean it'd be like Oh my god

No, but they Punching up in a house you walk into a Mexican house. There's like 90 people in there. Oh, but you're right like always having a fiesta They're good people. What was that last movie with I'm not shot long with the grandparents the white grandparents That one that's what I think about. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, they chase you under a crawl space. Yeah. Yeah, no, thank you. I'm the oven. Yeah What the fuck is she going? I think she the dog. I think she's moving the dog It's irritating So you can't you're not gonna get the house any house in no we all we're looking. Oh

It's fine No, yeah, we have another no we have another dog now Wait, you you guys it is it official? Let me let me just say this okay, just get it out there. I'm gonna get it out there And I'm gonna get it out there So we got Remy everyone knows yeah, so we were we had a puppy that we were fostering Mm-hmm still fostering still fostering it. Mm-hmm. We bring it to somebody down Orange County Mm-hmm. They have it for three or four days didn't work out

Here's what I'm pissed about it's the excuse that We dropped the dog off In Orange County, I drove there. Yeah, they don't want the dog. They drove it back. No They didn't drive it back. I picked it. We had to pick it up What kind of deal is that? Well, no, no, there's no well All right, and I'm gonna say this I've had enough of this bullshit. Okay. Hey guy

You should have picked guy that took the dog. You should have picked up the fucking dog I'm dropping it off at our house. No, well, they did offer but they were just they just couldn't do it the day that no do it That day. I don't give a fuck do it that day. Okay, I just didn't like the reason What was the reason why you had to say? Yeah, like they were just like, oh Um, he's great. He's really smart. He's so sweet But it turns out I want a bigger dog and I'm like you I already told you he would be no more than 15 pounds Like you knew that before I even handed him to you. Yeah, I don't know

I don't want to talk shit about people because we're not talking shit. We'll just say we're talking You know, they tried maybe just didn't work out or whatever but the second couple that um over the weekend fritter went on a trial and they were Great people they just couldn't get their dog to warm up to to a puppy And they really wanted fritter and but their dog just didn't Didn't want to be around a puppy and I totally get that But now we're in a situation where the problem is is this is last night I'm sleeping

And critter what's his name? I call him fun. I call him fun fun. No, you call him run run run run run run run run is like You know, he's on my body sleeping. Yeah, and I kind of woke up And it and it kind of touched his little face And he looked at me and he goes makes a little noise. He goes like that It looks on my eyes and basically that you know what that means. What dad? Oh, man, you know, he looks at me good dad

And I go, hi son. That's not what that means. Yes, it does further has been adopted everyone. No, no What I'm saying is is that And now We're going to be on a show on a and e called animal hoarders or something They're going to do an investigation on us. We're going to have fucking Skeletons of old animals in closets and stuff. This is good. This is out of control Well, we're looking for no, we're not you're not you don't just know this woman

know that You know, I know you want to be like the jane goodall of fucking animals of dogs and stuff But you're not that You're a hoarder Okay, and this is your way of like Getting me to because you know that if I get emotionally attached Let me tell you this if I I get so emotionally attached if I had children and they did something awful in society

Like, you know, when I'm going to say Jeffrey Dahmer's dad, you know, was a bias side even during the trial and And and in prison visited him often. He loved his son Jeffrey I'm that guy. What if your yeah, my son killed me? What what if our child killed me? He killed you then But you still stand by his side. I'd be so sad. He's our kid. I know you're blood Well, let's say he had meant to kill you but accidentally shot me and killed me. First of all, how does that happen? Yeah, how does that happen? Okay, because like I went like I bodyguard like Kevin Costner do you know instead of like, you know

How the bullet was like we're about to hit Whitney Houston. Well, if he tried to kill me and he killed you then I obviously He doesn't like me so I would not be on by the side But if my son was like stand by my side even though I ran over 90 Mexicans. Yeah, you know in a truck I'd just be like, all right. I love you, dude. You know, whatever you need. Yeah, right or no No, you what you see your son is 16 years old. He did something atrocious atrocious Yeah in society spawn of the devil and I'm sorry. I birthed him. What if it's like I ran over them and I liked it dad Oh, let's go through that conversation. I'd like to do it again. No, I'm at now. We're at that little we're at the cubicle

The visiting center where they have the glass thing. I like that with the phone. Yeah, I've seen that always the hand Put the hand up like that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so What's say son What would mean what why'd you run over that family? Deck we put our heads down. Why are you smiling? All the other in the other in you know, Steve All right, first of all, could I just say this? We're doing this little sketch right now. Yeah, number one You don't laugh or smile. Don't break and you put your hand on the fucking window. All right, so I'm gonna first

Don't do what I'm gonna first walk in so you don't put the hand out. You put the hand on there when I put All right, so go ahead. No, put the hand on now Son Dad, why'd you run over that family? Do you want to be honest? Yeah I fucking liked it I fucking liked it Dad your hand

But you take it out for a second. No, it wasn't because shocked. No, it was hurting. Okay I can't keep it up that long. I have fat hands Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. They just weigh a lot my arm. Hold up. It really does burn now. Yeah How do they do that? It was burning. It was like a little no because we don't have a window to place it on I was like, we were doing a mime window hurting so bad. It burns Yeah, so next time we do the thing we have to put a window So you're saying that if your son said dad, I love the sound of bones crushing No, at that point I go my son that has something wrong, but if my son said dad, I don't know what had happened

If it was an accident or if he killed like actually was a serial killer He had a mental disease like I don't want to be doing what I want to be doing. I have a disease you know Didn't I'd be like all right. You get the booty juice every day and you fucking I chain you to Like you know how they did in like that one zombie movie with Simon peg where like his his best friend basically was chained to his basement And he fed him every day because he loved him. That's what I would do. Let me ask you this What if this happened? We were like at a dog park

Gobi bit You know what I mean a kid's hand The kid loses the hand Loses because he gets an infection or something intense by and then they say we have to put goby down They have to put goby down I would definitely plead with a family because nobody they know that we plead we did everything No, we're putting it down. What would you do? I would probably try to smuggle her to mexico. Well, there you go. You have the heart too

Yeah, yeah, that's all I'm that's all I want to know because like right Okay, like so you have a to you have a to you have the love thing too, of course, of course I do especially if like We've had okay If everything leading up to my my child being a murderer is like good memories And like he's always been a good kid and he showed a lot of love But then one day he just snapped and then he fucking killed a lot of people then I would be like, okay Something is like really wrong with my son that needs Help but I know that deep down he has a goodness in him now

If he had shown signs of pure evil from the day he was born. Yeah, I'd be like, yeah, you know what? See a son Yeah, I want to be your next victim Can you open that for me? You know what's interesting is who the kid that a half asian kid in San Bernardino? What's his name? San Bernardino. Oh, no, you mean in Santa Barbara Santa Barbara. I mean, yeah, elia something yeah The response of his parents which was was actually the right it's the only response I've ever saw I saw that I went, okay

That's the only way to go. What was it the dad? I mean, you know, he was in a director or assistant director, right? He Felt so shamed by it That he met with other family members apologize profusely He went on a lot of news programs and he was very distraught and a point and he went he did everything he could To try to relieve, you know relieve the uh, you know their pain Although you can't do it, but you have to try, you know, like you see Other parents they disappear. They you don't see or hear from them at all Like the dad from what's the guy the kid that or virginia attack, right? No virginia for uh, uh, sandy hook

That dad when when did you see him? Ever you don't know what he sounds like They they just disappear they get out, you know, but it's like I feel like it's your responsibility as a parent to do everything you can to apologize and It's it's partly your fault. Is it not or no? I've seen I've seen really really horrible children come out of great parenting though Because that's what I fear with us if I'm being honest

I feel like there's gonna be an element of genetics That's going to override our good parenting because we come from a very violent and addictive families. You don't even fucking know, babe Our kid is going to be pure basquiat Supa our kid is going to be a street hoodlum heroin shooting artistic junky our kid is going to you know

Being a band like the sex business and die right away, but still he's going to make a mark Uh-huh our kid or either he gets into science like you with your science. He had yeah, you know, I mean and he like develops like a cure for sickle cell You know what I mean or um Crohn's He develops he develops a potion where when women get Crohn's it doesn't seep into their vagina like sometimes the poo does Oh He's that guy all the fistula. He's that guy you have high goals for your child

Yeah, I mean real high goals. Are you kidding me if you actually like he could fix a fistula? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, that's called being genius. I'm okay with that. Well, then that's well, but then but then he put these weird And he hangs himself whatever whatever he might don't wish that on your child No, but I'm just saying that it's like when we have a kid that's also a part of having a kid It's like it's like buying a lottery ticket. I think successful parenting is like just see what happens Like yeah, you want to see what happens Like just make sure that you keep him alive if my kids alive and not hurting other people like I'm like, okay I've done my job. I think

Because you just don't know sometimes it's like yeah, but you don't like look look at Who's a prime example? Who's that kid that I know? Um, he's an actor. He's in uh, it's transformers Shaila Shaila Shaila boof Does his name yeah Shaila boss Shaila boof. Yeah Like you say boof like Shaila boof. I know his dad, right? He's that's like a hippie long hair kind of like almost borderline. He looks almost homeless He used to do open mics with me. Oh really? Oh, yeah, his dad used to He was at this long haired really tall

gangly Dude who now lives in Last time I heard he was living in like a side house that shy was bought or whatever. Yeah, but like, you know Dicaprio comes from hippie families, you know, you don't you don't know what you don't know what's gonna be the combination To create I know we get it man George keeps taxing him So when we if we have a kid

We just have to fuck away get man. Okay, because I've also seen Great people come out of really shitty parenting. So like what is that right? It's gambling lady. It's vegas It's vegas yet vegas, baby all day vegas. I know but like our our odds are not good is what I'm saying They're good to have a weird one. Yeah a fucking weird one So we have to have at least two so like one of them is gonna be like, you know You can introduce them to society while the other one you just keep in a basement, you know What if this child just comes out so plain jane like but that's what I'm saying is is I feel like it's gonna skip a generation I see. Oh, I'm a drug addict. I had a fucking, you know, I swear. I'm a bad dude. Whatever

Skip, you know, I mean and then She you know went to tj in the high school and had whiskey poured all of her titties and had guys lick it off How do you love men? All right I mean, she's had some shady shit too. I'm trying to shame me for my sexual Adventures. I had a great time in tj. You think he had a great time in tj. We all did I

So you and I have the wild bug, you know as a young person, but maybe we'll have like A christian kid who believes in jesus that would be my night Because I couldn't relate to my mother imagine if they would just like just like Paced biblical verses all over their room and no not like that kind and then just wear, you know what I mean Like like handmaid's garb and stuff. No like a james van der beek Oh, like he's a kind of wholesome a christian e You know, he's you know, he's he doesn't like to swear or drink caffeine, you know what I mean?

He's just a regular guy. He doesn't drink caffeine. Oh, I know it's not just made it Like natural pure energy. Yeah, he's just a nice pure kind of a guy. What if we have one of those? Yeah, I'll speak to him really quick. He just had a natural his wife just had a now. I know another one another one Yeah, I'm gonna text. I'm good. This is enough. That's really I I always I almost want to unfollow. I was like what? It's dumb You know, is that safe? I don't know social media. I have I have taken hiatus from social media and I have not been on since saturday

I need Congratulations, baby. Congratulations to me, right? Yeah, it's making me miserable after we had that conversation with Dylan Francis. I realized after I was like, you know It is such a source of misery for me Just like being out there doing nothing but feeling a lot well every time I scroll like why the fuck do I feel worse than I did Five minutes ago over nothing, right? Yeah, but I also get a lot of my entertainment from it Yeah, I cackle a lot at things, you know at different sites and the whatnot that I follow, you know, so um

I want to talk about What the world is going through right now, which is the world cup Thank god, I thought you were gonna go real. Yeah, I was like that was gonna go immigration Children children separated from the detention center. No, no, no immigration separation. No, no although Politics to bobby lee No, it's it's awful. What's happening there on the border it said Um, but you know what they had they got one they got one up though

You know, mexico did something People don't if you're not if you don't know soccer, right? You have to understand that The german team it's not that just they're just good. They have um a lot of Superstars on their team like celebrities like guys that are the best at what they do And they get paid the most and they have just they're like the new york Yankees, right? They have just killers on that team, right? um

Half the teams from bayern munich the club Arsenal has one guy ozol, you know, so they have great talent mexico has a couple of fading stars To maybe but the rest of them play in like mexico Kayla, yeah, but he plays in the la, you know team, you know, so ms. Yeah mls. Mls. Yeah, so um But what they did was um A miracle to hold them to a 1-0 win that's crazy and then Them finding a You know, they created an earthquake

An art of a recorded earthquake in mexico city When they scored that's a thing. They actually recorded real seismic seismic activity In mexico because they celebrated so hard What yeah, people are jumping up and down so hard It's creating the earth the crack I feel like that's what I feel like la felt that too because I think that You know, if you've never come to la if you've never been here Like it's just mexicans and koreans

So those are my two teams this world cup those two underdogs although korea lost Yeah, you didn't see any seismic activity in korea this morning because they played like a bunch of fucking yellow monkeys I'm so ashamed of being korean right now You you know, you oh god Get it together your speed nothing But kid did you hear about the swedish team sending out spies to their train their closed training sessions? Did you hear about that? I know about the swedish team had to apologize for you know um

Basically, but then like one of their spies like rented a home outside of like their training facility or something He was a tourist and what are the court and then korean coach goes. Oh, they're not gonna know anyway They can't tell us apart. That's exactly what he said. Tell us about the coach was like Hey bros, why can't why people tell us apart? Wait, wait, is the the coach the coach said we're not worried because Let me say something right now, dude. I'm tired of You white motherfuckers not being able to tell us apart Do you know what I get I get sometimes what? Love your dj

I go, who do you think I am your steve aoki, right? There's a bigger problem if they think you're steve aoki. There's a bigger problem with this person No, no, no, no, no, no the problem is within you The problem is You know, it's it's like either you guys just stare at white people your other white people too long Right, you guys are just used to But when it comes to us You guys think that i'm like, you know other celebrities or you know, I mean or that's a compliment bob

You have a famous look you look famous. You do look famous if I never met you as to the street That that guy's famous. I would know who you are. What how how you grab the first famous name in your head. Oh, oh Yeah, oh, oh the guy from goonies There's an asian guy in yeah, yeah, what are you talking about today? Oh, I've never what's the name data in it or no, I've never seen goonies You never saw goonies see joss brolin There's also a few movies that everyone keeps talking about but I never chime in because that's what that is what we're watching tonight To tell people I've never seen it. That's ridiculous. You have to see goon

I of course I've seen that made it to the philippines. I'm pretty sure goonies did too. I was just I never watched it But yeah, so that's the way they couldn't but I thought they switched jerseys too Is that no they started swapping players and then after that I think the coach realized that he was like, you know what? They can't even tell us apart. So who cares? Yeah I think you guys that you don't get you call the white president Whoever that leads your organization Of james van der beek of identifying minorities and and ask them we got to get you know Classes just memorize what okay. We yeah, we have round yellow faces

Not all I know but a lot of it a lot of it is all right But there's a little bit different like you know, like my nose is positioned differently on my face Just try to memorize our faces a little bit more. What's the one distinct different feature from bobby and steve? five four three two one skinny fat tall long hair short hair What about the face okay good good good good good good who's that? You fucking cocksucker

What an asshole it's little and hearty your little and hearty of daisies. Yeah Oh my god I also want to thank all the people from san francisco In seattle coming to my show you guys sold those shows out And I can I cannot be more appreciative Of also on top of that I'd like to apologize some people coming up to my show. I had a couple of new jokes I should get more jokes out there, but um what but what the What the point of you guys coming to the show is?

So we can be with each other In exchange juices and energies. What is it called again fellowship fellowship? And I like to hug you And a lot of people I met in san francisco and there was a lot of good hugs I do have a stalker out there in san francisco in san diego Oh, tell us about it. My manager keeps calling me. There's this girl that's stalking you. She calls me 20 times a day I don't know how the fuck she got my cell phone She's like give me and getting me in touch with him now. I he I am tiger belly

Wait, that's what she says that I'm a part of it You know what's uh, and I'm like What that's not your only stalker. I think gilbert george and I intercept a lot of very similar messages from very unstable people Both male and female like give me an example of one. Um, so we have this guy who used to incessantly Facebook and twitter who used to probably get me on your show get me on your show Which some people do on occasion But this person was so insistent upon it that he would tweet us like like 50 times a day That's not a stalker. I think this person, right?

Wants to get untouched with me and then like use my skin as a jacket What gives you that what else has she done other than just call it? I don't know Some of the texts it's in the other room, but one of the texts she sends me texts with my manager My name. This is my korean name and then half the messages in korean, which I can't even Read you can't read right and then a lot of it is like Sporadic and doesn't make any sense Like I am tagger belly. I need it. Yeah, you know, let me be inside it. Whoa. Yeah, I you know have them call me now

Stuff like that Um, I don't think that yeah, you're you're it sounds like you're the fix a fixation of somebody going through a very manic psychotic breakdown And yeah, but I'm in a psychotic be right down constantly. No, but my point is is that if this person I just want to let this person that are listening right now. I'm a mess I don't know what I'm doing my back hurts my neck hurts, right I I'm confused half the time when I wake up I don't know what's going on. Should I fear for my life? Like what if she thinks like she's entitled to this throne?

Is this a throne? I mean this red chair like what if she's like, oh like I need to be the co-host and then I end up getting killed I need to be bobby's girl. Would you have her on the show after I die? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard If that this is the truth if that happened She comes to the house, right? Yeah with knives. She just I'm not home. She disguised as like uber or something uber eats I don't know She gets in the house

And then she's like you're sleeping and she sticks 50 knives at knives inside your vagina Yeah, and then you bleed out Yeah, and then I get a call. I'm on the road. I get a call some woman came in and stabbed coli the vagina to death I'd be like What? That'd be my first response. Yeah Look, I'm so sorry

And then I would probably go into like Shock, right? Mm-hmm And then I would probably Figure out how to get home right away And then I would probably end up, you know going through You know, obviously the plea if they catch the person or not. You don't sound very sad. I am sad. I'm gonna. Did you hear what he said for you? Yeah, that's like a Pretend like I'm because it's not it didn't happen. I don't want him to think I'm a suspect so I'm gonna do this fake

No, that's what I didn't have That's not what it was. I'll do it again You be the cop Mr. Lee I didn't say anything yet, but why did your voice go up? I don't know Wait a second. That would give you a that would be suspect, huh? If I started crying before let's play that out. Go ahead What?

Why why are you crying? I'm not crying I was just about to tell you my regular voice. No, I was just about to tell your girlfriend I was gonna You have to be like in her vagina before you So, oh no, what I would and then I'd come back and they just listen. Okay, and then I would be completely We you know the funeral everything and I probably ended up giving the animals away You know, I would call Quinn down goat you take it. Can you please help me with Rami and Gobi? And then the cats

I'd say Steve you can live in my house But um, you have to take care of the cats for the rest of their lives And then I would probably just Take all my money out of all my bank accounts and get cash and I would Go into the desert and I would fucking Drug out until I passed it like overdosed. I wouldn't want you to do that. That's exactly what I'd do though No, you have to live. No, no, I can't live with it

I would not be able to live with it. They would I would be in like in the desert In some fucking shack Just with needle marks and then I'd be died die I would feel like I would have died in vain then Well, then you died in vain Like if you did not like continue to be a happy person, I would oh, yeah You can't move on with that. I mean, I want you to be sad for like at least three years

Okay, bobby gets stabbed in the penis 20 times cop. Well, he's still alive though. You're not gonna was he bleeds to death? Okay, he bleeds to death. Oh, so what now? What's your life? What's your life my life? I would mourn I wouldn't even be able you wouldn't even hear a sound because you know that kind of cry We are like you're not breathing because the air is out of your lungs. You're like And then like every every 30 seconds it comes out um, I would

Try to find little pieces of his dick that I can immortalize What? Well, that's Imagine my dick It's already little right. So you it's like microscopic pieces And you'd put them together like it's like I would dedicate my life to learning how to like sculpt human meat And I would put it back together. I would like dedicate 10,000 hours I would sit there like, you know, with Tony Colette her little like doll house. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

I would just sit there and I would try to like gorilla glue it back together. Interesting. And then what would you do with my dick? It's a trophy now. I would just now I would like I would create like, you know, unboxing Helena. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I would just create a shrine with you like a little penis and I would offer it food every day I would like like give it a little sock. You're gonna worship his penis. I'll go like this babe. Look. Look. No, you wouldn't You wouldn't Like that. And then what would happen and then what after the turd odd from this? Yeah, I'm a hot dog That was great Yeah, and then I would do I would you suck my ghost dick if I came back and haunt it

Yeah, I would you would fuck my ghost Interesting that's interesting like still look sort of the same like if you come back and you try to scare me You know what I would do any guy that you fucking saw after me. Oh, yeah You'd scare him. No, but if he's fucking you I'm fucking him I Like he'll be he'll be fucking you and he'd be like there's something in my butthole And it's my fucking ghost. I think it's my boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah And then that's weird. I can't be a part of this. Oh my god. You'll never you'll never see anybody

We should have a movie. We should create a movie instead of ghost dad ghost dick ghost dick That should be a genre on porn. Yeah I feel like that would be a hit Yeah, I Would do that. Yeah, you would never see anybody. Hmm. I probably wouldn't want I I have a feeling if I died in six months You'd see somebody else six months six months here here No, yeah, you don't know me. You don't not know me. You don't know my level of grief I I grieve deeply you would fuck though

Just to get it out. You know what I fuck No I think that I think that I would probably enter like a fucking like convent and And probably like become mute and never speak again or something like that I wouldn't fuck either I believe that You'd fucking like two and a half hours No, I think there's a very fine line between grieving like feeling feeling grief and feeling horny

I think there's like some like I think I think this I could possibly see this We're in dangerous. We're in a dangerous territory guys. We're in a very dangerous. Very dangerous, but I could see Six months from now like let's see you died And oh my god, it's so dangerous Seven months. This is the only scenario. I think you said four years, right? What I think you said four years. Yeah, four years for now four years from now, right? I'm in my house. I'm in whatever I'm here or whatever, right? And then like, um, You know that lady that babysits her, um

Our animals No, no, no a wag person. She's great. She's great. She makes she's a great animal mom. I wouldn't blame you Yeah, yeah, but she's like a you know, she's a nice lady. No, I was talking to the other one that we dropped him off That older like buff one We had an older buff. Yeah, we would drop it off on a labray over there older for mosa lady Motherfucker, I don't know Drop off goby when we go on vacation we drop it off at that house on for mosa Oh, oh, oh, yes. Yeah that militant like 70 year old lady. I would get like a handjob from her

She's like a she but she also was like an x like um marine or something. No, no, you know those um competitive Um, well, I'll be a bodybuilder. Oh like a bodybuilder. She's a fire. Yeah, so she's if you like I'll I'll Have a thick mech. That's all. Oh, that was good That's just from her though. I don't know Babe, that's okay. You know what? What I think that um, we probably gave your stalker way too much information and way too many Weird ideas. Yeah, and then we should this lady. Just don't don't do anything. Just stop If you love bobby, yeah, if you love me stop can keep your distance keep the distance, you know I'm not I'm your friend. Definitely don't kill me

I'm your friend. Bryce is single. So that's an option Wait, what happened to that girl? I love crazy girls. Wait, you're still with um your girlfriend. No I just learned this right. No, what happened? What happened? Didn't work out. It's it's hard I've never lived the one before and it's tough. Oh, but what happened? No, it it didn't work out that you leave it that bobby. It's not everyone's we argued every day and That's a couple times a day and it didn't work out. Yeah Wow living together, especially in small confines is a very is very detrimental to any relationship I don't care how much you love somebody. It just doesn't work. I learned a lot about myself. Yeah, good

I'm glad you did Collina collina. I mean there is there's a little bit of you can feel there's a little bit of resentment Not resentment, but I can tell when she's in a bad mood Where I am noir or whatever and so you have to learn to kind of You know soldier soldier on and just get through whatever they're going through you couldn't do that with this girl Like when people say I we argued Collina and I never argue It's basically like she's like i'm annoyed. Oh

Oh, you're right or like no, I'm just you know and I can go all just go into the room then Or like I remember when I said today I go I'm gonna go play A far cry with steve. Yeah co-op There was a little bit of she's like, all right. Well, I guess I'll see you later then no I said I'll see you never never or whatever passive aggressive and that tone I could tell was like You know, I could go. What does that mean? How is that passive aggressive? I was making a very clear point I'll see you never right. So I could see budget. That's right. I can say What does that mean?

Which would start a fight, but this is what I do. I go I'm gonna play she goes. I'll see you never then Okay, I guess you'll never see me Oh, I'll hear see you never but hear you forever. Yeah, that's my point is I don't I don't Start confrontations because those feelings subside. Oh, so you're the hero in this story. I'm definitely the hero Oh my god, he's he's because my my because I'm gonna say this right now out loud and this is gonna start a fight Maybe there's nothing that you do that makes me mad. Oh my god. You're so full There's absolutely nothing you do that annoys me because I keep the house clean

It doesn't matter. Whatever it might be It does it there's nothing there. Oh, you're so full. I don't know. I when's the last time I was like I met at you You Never You're right. I'm pretty perfect. No, no, that's not it. That's not it There are things that I could but I just don't Right. So my point is is that I there is really I'm the honest opinion And my honest feeling is that there's nothing but everything that I do annoys the fuck out of her

Okay, but let me hear in the past and that's been every relationship. Have you never So you're saying you could have lived with all of them for no No, so have you ever told them like, okay? Yeah, that annoys me. No So wait the first really because there are things in other relationships I know we are getting at there's things in the other relationship that there was something that was kind of always there and I always knew I always knew this there's a ticking time bomb on this right

And it would go off But with this there isn't that because we've been six years almost, right? But I also that's kind of scary if you're not communicating if you're not communicating to me How you really feel because I I there it literally is nothing that you do that makes me mad. I'm going lobster diving Good go You know, I mean, I'm gonna go somewhere with the beach with the so-and-so and hike Good go, you know, I'm sleeping early Good

I'm doing my own thing. Good. I don't give a fuck It really doesn't bother me, but me I'm playing co-op mode Steve Oh Bobby Bobby Bobby go hike with me. Yeah. Yeah, right. I don't want to go. Oh Yeah, I mean it's always that Like if I said to her, hey, I have to go to Dane cook's house for a barbecue And she goes, I don't want to go. I'd be like, all right. Don't go. Yeah, but do I give you grief forever going anywhere?

But if I don't go somewhere with her and she wants me to go then that's the where the grief is Yeah, but also I don't restrict your life ever. You don't know. You're right. Anytime. She's the easiest one in terms of like you know She really is the easiest one in terms of like, um things that I can get away with. Oh my god. That's not good You've got a keeper you've got a keeper. What the hell Bobby? What have you been doing? No, things I can get away with like, oh, I could play so much more video games. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. That's all right You know, I can like, um, you know, you know So mysterious

Yeah, that's a little big. What else have you gotten away with? Partying. No, I've never if you're getting at anything sexual or anything. I've got no Right. What I'm saying is is that they're sleeping even like my brother Uh, my brother, you know, his fights are a lot with Ilani is sleeping Like she he will whenever he wakes up late it just

Starts a fight What time do I wake up today? Five thirty. Yeah nothing All my girlfriends that would be a problem and I think that they probably had a very good point They wanted to spend a portion of their day. I'm magical. I know And I'm a dream. I live in the dream. I get it. Look I'm not saying that I always had the patience for that

And I think what Ilani is going through is probably what I went through the first two years in my relationship with you There's a point at which you just stop giving a fuck because it's exhausting to give up and that's what I told my brother Hang in there. I keep doing what you're doing. I can't change those show bend also break Yeah, but like Healthy advice from big brother Lee and just hear me out Bryce. I think I'm I love you. Come on, babe. This is just the most horrible thing Yeah, bend over by my point. This is this okay What you're doing is the wrong thing, right? What you do is this you avoid those because they they're

They're spontaneous and they dissipate what? Like little quarrels that people have when they live with each other Like you don't put the cap on the fucking toothpaste that bothers me Right. I had a girlfriend that did that. Okay. You can't do that. I'd be like what the small stuff I would just ignore that she even said that Yeah, but this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. You know why I'm not like that because I don't like when I'm being nagged Right, my mother was a big nagger every little detail of my room my life every corner I turned she had like a running commentary

So I I don't like it when people do it to me. So however the fuck people whatever style they want to live I don't give a shit. I have to really look at it objectively and say, you know what? That's just how they do it. This is how I do it. Now if you encroach on my fucking line I don't and you fuck up my things. No, that's a problem. You can go lobster hunting whatever little adventures that you want to do Do your Laura Croft shit Like go go in the tomb go or whatever you need. I'm not doing that But I'm so happy that you that you want to do it and I support it There's nothing that you do that bothers me. Not a single thing. You know what what?

I want you to change I want you to Just bend a little more, babe Don't break just bend just bend. Yeah, you got to bend babe because You know at the end of the day, you know You know, I'm sober for a long time I quit smoking, right? I'm I'm I've never I would never cheat on you. I don't even even talk to people Okay, I do a lot. All right bend

How would you like me to bend more? In what way just bend more. Let me how you will know when you get there Right at this point when you're like, I'm about to snap Bend maybe it's just Right now Bryce. I have a question for you In the beginning of the first uh six months of your relationship Did you look at her and say, you know what this could be my life partner? Did you have those true feelings of like this could be it? Yeah, absolutely with this with this girl

I've never I've had opportunities with girls before and I've always said no Because the first time is like there's something more here and I wanted to pursue it and Boy living with with the girl is really difficult. I Yeah, or anybody not just a girl. I'm telling you living with anybody that isn't family is very difficult. Yeah. Well, we're in the same room It was very yeah, that's what living together is you fucking cocksucker Yeah, but they also live with other people. We have roommates and stuff, but gorge I never had a situation where we were in the same room every day It's a small room. I there's no escape. You're right. So

Yeah, it was yeah We're here all day every day together You know and then Right, but I don't rely on you for my happiness. That's I also don't rely on you for A constant companionship and I think the difference was she's not from LA. She moved to LA. That was right So he he was mostly her connection like friendships and all of that is everything was through him So that's difficult because I have my own set of friends Aside from you and I can run to them for

Her companionship. So that's that's I think is a very she here's another thing that helps Okay, is is that she has A sister her mom People always over here Which I love Because I love I love them as they don't they're so just they feel Like my family in a weird way Like when I see her mom I can punch her from behind

Or kick her. You know, I mean tag family, you know, or like, you know, we can tease like if I have an acne on my face You heard mama go, what is that wash your face? You know, I mean like we joke around and I have that It's great. I've never had in this house life This place has always been death in this particular building You mean the the months and years of being here single Imagine just be by myself cry. I think why that's like one of the nicest things I've ever heard Yeah, being alone, you know alone and being now you have I have

They're hugging while they're hugging take a look at this tiger belly Ben bitch Ben I'm really Bobby. I'm I'm honestly having a moment. Why catch your tears in this so it's like it's like Catching my tears in our meat tiger belly. Yeah, there's uh, you know, even with the animals was just life in this house. So, um You know, it's perfect for me. It's beautiful by walking. It's always a wife sister mother There's always something going on here and the animals. Yeah, it's very warm. I think that's all I ever wanted was You know a partner that felt like both a lover and

Family I didn't have I don't have to make excuses for him He can be his most authentic self and they just really enjoy him The monster that he is oddly enough. They really love him and they they they they wrestle They fucking sword fight. They do weird things and I just I'm just a spectator to the love they have for each other It's so I truly love her family like I When your mom Remember when she got the rice They were right stuck in her throat. Do we ever talk about that? Yeah, we have we have

Have we? Choking on rice. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we did the asian choking on her. Honestly. I mean, I I think about If it got the worst thing happened, what if she died in my house? Oh Hmm, why are you gonna outcry me? I'm not crying you. I'm just saying that that Would be so terrible. It would be it would be fucking terrible It would have been a Devastating life altering event of epic proportions. That's what I think the shock was so real

you know, so um And I I can't see that about a lot of girlfriends Shout out to the exes You know, I mean, I like them and stuff, right? But there really is um, there really is love there, you know, and um That's why it's like, you know when Like even like if we weren't it's gonna sound weird But even with the we went to hawaii, right and we had that first meal

It was like $800 and I paid for it. You didn't have to I know but I'm just saying I wanted to But if it was any other girlfriend's family I would have been like hey, so split the tab so hey at least get the tip Yeah, or you know or hey you got the uh Two orders of the calamari So you're gonna have to pay for that part. You know what I mean, but with with them. It's like no This is like what I would do it for my own parents It felt that like

comfortable and I need to do it I need to provide You know, I need to everyone has good job. I'm just saying though. I in that scenario with her family I feel like I need to provide that's so sweet. Yeah. Yeah Um, just bend a little just a little bit more. I'll be nice I'll tell the next girl just just been a little bit more good advice. No, but here's the thing what you're doing wrong Is that you can avoid? Those trivial little bit confrontation. Now Bryce, would you say that um that what this past?

Breakup was the biggest heartache of your life or have there been bigger heartaches in the past? Yeah, I think each relationship I've had I'm getting better at understanding I'm getting better at understanding what I look for a girl and what works in this girl definitely affected me the most Absolutely. Now if even if she was the most perfect person, let me tell you Living in those small confines. It wouldn't have worked either. I feel like it was a I feel like love it was my part, but also the situation was just bad Tricky it was bad. Yeah. Yeah tricky

Yeah, man, it's tricky bend bend more. I agree. Fuck. Can you bend too dude? I bet I'm all bend it. I'm all I'm a circle. He's a squid. Yeah. Yeah. I have no bend or break. There is no bend or there is no joints. He's just squid He's flexible. I'm so flexible. Yeah, but you did introduce Stardew Valley to Elani and the Lonnie introduced it. That's true What a great country. I'm not I'm not down. I'm not I'm bummed that you're dating not dating her anymore She introduced me to a fucking farming world, man I started valley. I I hated on it, but then she like you just gotta try it. I did and I loved it I played are you kidding me? I I saw how much long I played on it I played for 24 days straight 24 hour circle cycle. That's what it says on the machine. Damn

The game is dangerous. Yeah, so I played for I don't know how many that hours that is But imagine 24 hours a day 24 days and you know That's insane Oh, you don't even they because I could they calculate fallout and and all those other games. I hate they track that stuff Oh, they tracked me on I think elder scrolls oblivion. That's long. I played for 48 days straight

straight 50 days like no, I mean that would sleep, but it would calculate, you know, I mean the hours I played and that's what it was Oh destiny Oh my god, it was like we me and Eric With that number was so high That we almost wanted to kill ourselves They go we said we could have wrote three scripts in that time But the pleasure of playing

Out beats any oscar you could have right? It really does It really does my brother and I were playing far cry today and um, we were climbing this cliff Together, you know, it was one of those prepper statues that you had to climb a bunch of shit Yeah, and you have to swing on these ropes and you have to time it Yeah, I got one. Yeah, and I make it and I see my brother goes. I don't know what to do I don't know what to do right and you see his character just fall Right a thousand feet and just get die

And then I'm laughing, you're right And my brother's going I'm dead. I'm dead. I go you don't even know how to do that It's those moments in video games is so fun and Fallout 76 is going to be that it's going to ruin me When does it come out in october? Well, we have a new house by then november. Yes for sure. Okay, great Then I'm fine. I will bend. I mean, but that thing is going to be six people. I'll be fucking all bad I'll be professional contortionist by then Good good good good good good then your exorcist What do you call it? What do you call it that movie the um

Where the dude wakes up in her dorm room and she's like in a different She's all like contorted and stuff. It's like emily rose or something like that. Yeah that one Yeah, the girl from dexter. Yeah, we know we don't know you're talking about. Yeah. I'm bent, baby. Um So, um So who are your teams for world cup? So I get I'm gone. I'm gone. I'm done. So korea's done and then Wait, korea's not done. I know but I can't watch them play again. It's so humiliating. I think I'm mexico all the way I'm england. I'm england. I'm england mexico. I'm yeah, costa rica, but they're not doing costa rica just lost I know it's terrible. The one chance that they got up there against brazil next. Oh man, it's gonna be tough

Yeah, wait, who's in the bracket of costa rica? brazil, I know but the two others Are they with portugal? Spain is with portugal. No, they're not because They're playing brazil. Serbia won, right? Yeah, they beat uh peru Who did oh anyways anyways? No they won't. Fuck it. Mexico all the way. Mexico or england. England really. They always fucking fail. They never wanted me to turn back I want an better understanding of this. So I looked at the england squad today And every player on there's a 22, 23 year old from either man City, man u, fucking jamey v畋D

Um basically every stand out in the premier league, right? Fucking rachem sterling Henderson all these guys Why is it that they cannot get it together for the World Cup? But they don't have all the best guys. They still, you have to think that Wayne Rooney could still do it. He didn't retire, he just didn't, they didn't want him.

Jack Wilshere, Theo Walcott. There's a lot of guys that aren't playing, that weren't invited, that were like in their mid 20s to late. You know, so. So you think it's a choice of having really young players? What they're trying to do, and I get what they're doing is, what made Manchester United,

what they were under Sir Alex Ferguson, was their youth system. So when gigs, skulls, Beckham, all those guys, Niki Putt, they were all from the same generation, and they all made it to the first team at 17, 18, 19 years old, and they grew together. And then, young Christiana Ronaldo was then, was added on, young Nani, they were these young kids,

and they played together for so long, that they knew each other. When you play with somebody for that long, you know where they're gonna pass it. You know their pace, you know what they're thinking. And that's what made Manchester United so unbeatable, back in their reign. They won like what, four or five Premier Leagues together,

two Champions Leagues, you know, and I think that's what their thought processes with this, is we use a young team, we might not win it this year, but next time, we'll build it. And that's a very good, that kid Rashford, all these kids from Manu, well he's 19. These kids are young, and so it's exciting. I think Jamie Vardy's the oldest one there, right?

Yeah, and he deserves it, because he's, you know, he's a scrapper. Yeah, go Mexico, all the way. Los Ano, didn't even know who he was before. That's pretty exciting. And then, and let's just hope that Paul Manafort's in prison. Oh my God, we're going Paul, it's insane. No, I'm just saying, I'm gonna add in a couple of things,

Paul Manafort's in prison, and you know, hopefully there are good signs when it comes to that. Do we have a question at the end, that how long do we have time wise? We are over an hour. We did it babe. Can't believe it. Yeah, I can't believe it.

Cried in everything. Unhelpful advice with Bobby and Kalilah. Hi, check your email, cause it's a picture. Hi, so for the past year I've been single due to my wife and I separating. I've been on the dating apps, not too long after the separation, and although I've had some success with these apps,

it's not as much as I would have wanted with long droughts with no replies. I was thinking it might have to do with some of the things I put on my profile that maybe early 30-somethings might not find appealing. So my question is, is it okay to lie on my profile to appeal to more women? I am 31 with a management job in retail,

separated, an atheist, has children, and smokes regularly. No, you can't put in there. That takes out 40%. Really? Yeah. You have to say that you're a little younger. That's what I did. He says, or am I just ugly?

You should shave the mustache or no. Or am I just ugly? Here's a picture for you to decide. You're not ugly. You're definitely not ugly. You're definitely not ugly. You're a different type of guard though. But you're a kind of, yeah, you're a different kind of guard

though. Different kind of, different type of guard. Is there other photos here? I think he's a handsome guy. That's it? Yeah. He looks very formal though. I wonder where he's going to.

Jersey. Like you should have more, like you should go for the more homeless look, and then not give a fuck look like Bobby does. It's not even just that. The photo, if that's his profile pic. No, that's not good. Okay, here, let me, can I just say something

from a girl's perspective? Like my first thing is, never put a mirror selfie. Yeah. If you want to attract the good ones, this right here is a big fucking no-no. No gym shots, and definitely no mirror selfies. It is, it, even though you could be the nicest guy ever, just on principle alone, I would swipe left.

I don't know why. It's just something that doesn't like sit well with me. I'm like, that's so like, it gives an air of like, oh, he's kind of like full of himself. Hold a dog. Hold a dog. Oh my God, that's such a big thing. Be with a dog.

Also, in your other profile pics, you have to be doing things that seem exciting. Not just bathroom selfies. That's a huge one for me. Like, for instance. What did you put on yours? I mean, I told, this is so gross, but I told Eric Stone,

I went to Eric Stone Street's house. Yeah. And told him what he needs to be doing. I go, just be barbecuing with your most famous friends. Yeah. I mean, you, no, you paint a life. That's not a real, it's all fake, right? You're hooking them in.

You're fishing, right? So what I do is I make it seem like, you know, this is daily life for me. Bobby has a point because. Picking on a mountain. Yeah. You have a point because you're never gonna be able to portray who you really are, your most authentic self.

You're a piece of shit. Where are we all at? We all are pieces of shit. So the point is to just get enough of their time to where they can maybe present yourself, your real authentic self, and maybe capture them in that way. Fake it till you make it.

But definitely no mirror selfies. And I do think he, sir, if you're listening, you are a handsome man. And I think that. See this photo right here, the photo with the puppy that I have here, smiling with that puppy, would probably be my profile photo.

That's good. You fucking poser. All right. This right here would be just a traffic galore. Let me see, let me see. This right here. That is really cute. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

With the puppy, my smiley, right? Would you put one with you on the stage doing standup? No. No, no, no. That's my sixth photo. Oh. Sixth? That's like the last, yeah.

No, that's kind of like gross, because I felt like the first show Friday, Sacramento, San Francisco, I got a standing O. Yeah. I have somebody take a photo. That's good. Let me say something. If you had a photo of yourself on stage doing standup,

I would have not swiped right. Your photos were so well chosen. And I thought like really, like you, I'm like, oh, you're so humble because I had, I actually saw other comics on there. Yeah. And I didn't swipe on any of them. Like who?

I will not say. Just say one name. There are a couple. But I was like, I don't like how they presented themselves. I want to know, tell me later. So, yeah, but dude, let me say something. Okay, you got to fake it, right? Because your real life isn't good enough.

Sorry, dude. Sorry, dude, you know? But that's the truth, you know? It's like when women do the same thing, they do photos from a beach or just all the profile pics are from the shoulder up. Wait, hang on. When you saw me in real life.

It's your leg, your legs. I know, but did my photographs like match my, what I look like in person? No. Dang. You had a way bigger forehead in real life. My forehead? Yeah, that's what I noticed.

I don't have a big forehead. I know, but still it was still, it was hot or something and it was shiny. That's what I liked about it. I'm always fucking shiny. I go look at that fucking shiny forehead she has. Did you think I was prettier, the same or not as pretty? I liked everything about, I liked your accent.

They would eat a little bit of an accent. And this is what I, the thing that I remember the most was you, most women when they meet me or they scoot away from me. That's sad. Not just sad, but they want, they just kind of stick through the date. They just kind of are further, further away.

Oh my God, it's so sad. No, just not in, you know, like five feet. It's funny that you're walking home, it's five feet. Yeah, it's five or 10 feet, right? But with Kalyla, I noticed she was closer, right? And even when we went into, I remember distinctly that clothing store we went to, that vintage clothing store, right?

And I remember watching you watch me. That was nice. Yeah. You're watching his ass or what? No, he was just, she was kind of just looking up while she was shopping. And I looked up and did a little giggle. That was strategy on my part, the whole clothes thing.

It's me saying like, I'm not afraid of you. Like you don't intimidate me. Oh, what about the other one where I knew the guy and then I went in the back and I jumped on top of all those clothes. Oh, that move was pretty, yeah. That was a pretty good move, dude. Damn.

Did you just jump on clothes? No, the guy just knew me and I was like, oh, this is my chance. Oh, okay. That's dude, that's a good one. No, but that's the only reason why. We need to tell the story now. We went to a vintage store

because I lived right by Fourth Street, which is like a bunch of vintage shops. And we, Bobby's like, let's go to this shop. And then the owner of the shop was like, hey, I have like this, you go big mountain of clothes back there. Do you want to jump on it? And I can take a picture.

And so he did and that was his moment. And yeah, that was cute. I'll post it on Instagram. Yeah. And then- We didn't answer my question. Was I prettier, uglier or the same as the photo? You're prettier in real life. Oh, thank God.

I wasn't false advertising. But your legs were the ones. Yes, they're not quite the same now though. Nice to love them. I love your legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're much smaller than the rest of your body, but they're very cute.

And your hair distribution is- It's cancerous. It's like, it's Mad Max. I think that your thighs are cancerous. It's Mad Max. Yeah, like, why don't you have thigh hair? Because I had cancer just right here. I did chemo therapy just right here.

Spot chemo. It's called spot chemo, yeah, yeah. I don't even know why, like, God put some here. But I think, you know, when God made me or designed me, he was just in a hurry. I had to go, I had to go, I had to go. Yeah, yeah. Personality, OK.

I could make a million of those. Yeah. I think he put too much personality. Like, he fucked me up. I do. Anyway, so that guy. Anyway, am I going on the road any time soon? Yeah, shows.

What is, is it June? I think next month, you're going to Portland. Oh, nice. And San Francisco. No, I mean, San Antonio. Yeah, San Antonio and Portland is coming up. Uh-huh. Good night, everybody.

Cool. I'm going to turn the air off because it's so- Do that. Any announcements, reverse shout outs, shout outs? I'm assuming Fritter is not adopted by you? No, no, no, no, no. Fritter's available. Fritter is fully available.

Right here. He don't, let's go back. I might hit his head. That's OK. Fritter is fully available. He's probably one of the smartest puppies. Actually, not just puppies. He's smarter than both of my dogs combined.

At like seven weeks, he could- You just said his name, his head popped up. Oh, really? At seven weeks, he could already do the whole sit and shake and everything. He leads the pack for sure. So if you have a dog, because he's an orphan, he needs to be with another dog that can show him the ropes.

And you have the space in the home to welcome a new puppy. Please go to Mayday Rescue and fill out an application. And they decide, they try to match Fritter with the best home. So he's still up for adoption, guys. Here, let me put him on camera. Yeah, grab it. And while you're doing that, there's been a lot of messages, people are asking, oh,

where's the new merch? They go on the website, it's not there. New merch is coming very soon. Make sure you follow us on Instagram and Twitter for the announcement of what day we will be dropping the merch. It'll be very soon. So make sure you are following Tiger Belly. Or even if you want to get an early look,

make sure you're following Kalyla on Instagram. She might post a story about it sometime soon. Can you get him on camera? Is he? Is he on it? Is he on it? Zoom up. Yeah, say hi, Fritz.

Fritter. You're not zoomed up, are you? I zoomed in a little bit. All right, tell me when you zoom back out. I'm going to have to zoom up on something else. I think puppy breath is quite possibly the most intoxicating smell on the planet. I don't care what you guys say.

I can open mouth, kiss my dog if I want. She's doing it. They're making out. He does nibble. He just nibble on my lip. You think that's gross, Bryce? That's so gross. I've never liked the dog.

He licked my eczema. The dog licks its ass, eats shit. Eczema. Eczema. Let me tell you something about me, Bryce. I like ass too. So I think poor Fritter. You know what I mean?

Poor Fritter. That's horrible. So guys, merch. We will be selling these amazing mugs that Calyla caught her tears in earlier. Let me catch more tears. Catch more tears. Do your QVC so we can turn it to a GIF.

You better be good. George is going to post that one. There it is. It's a Tiger Belly mug. And with the famous slogan, nosotros papaya to you, my friend. And if you look behind the mug, Bryce, if you zoom up, or zoom in, sorry, is a t-shirt.

That will be available limited only. Look at that. Look at the way Calyla is showing that. It is our 80s-inspired t-shirt with the Supreme Leader himself, Captain Bobby Slupking Lee. And then we'll have a third shirt that I will not tell you what that is. It is a reprint of an OG shirt we have.

So we'll have three things available. Plus, this will be the last run also of our Sticker Pack 1. The next run will be soon right after. And it will be a new Sticker Pack. So make sure you get some of the final Sticker Pack ones before they're gone forever. Any announcements? Anything else?

Did you watch MVP fight? Quick, any highlights? OK, just a shout out to Michael Venom Page at Bellator. Crazy knockout. Fun to watch. And also, it's a second boxing match. Crazy knockout. I feel like he has the best highlight real out of anybody.

So fun to watch. I want to win the UFC. I want to see him fight. They would have to offer. I think he's very, very well taken care of in Bellator. Michael Venom Page, MVP. Amazing highlights. Bryce, do you have any announcements?

George will be back next week, hopefully. And I'll be in Michigan. So we're changing our training places. Also, follow me on Instagram. We need followers, guys. George is getting too many. Bryce, what's your Instagram? At Bryce Halleck.

Hey, I have an idea. It's getting in George's head, so we need some competition. Yeah, let's get in. I think that George is getting too comfortable as, like, first captain. And I think that everyone needs to give Bryce a follow. His Instagram handle is Bryce Halleck. That's with a Y.

B-R-Y-C-E-H-A-L-L-O-C-K. And I think that we need to surpass. He needs to surpass George and followers. And I think that's a great mind fuck to give George. Oh, what a great surprise when George comes back. Yeah, let's see if Bryce can eclipse George. Oh, that's what I mean, but let's do it. But I think that's all we have for this week.

And we will see you guys next week. So make sure you follow Tiger Belly on Instagram at Tiger Belly on Twitter at TheTigerBelly. Email us any questions or unhelpful advice at thetigerbellygmail.com. You can follow Bryce at where he said you could follow him. And you can follow Colala on all social media at CalamityK.

And all your SlupK needs at bobbyleelive.com. And have a good night. Shook-a-look-balla-hey-hey. Shook-a-look-y-moo-key-salamat-feet. And mokokani-ay-makabaloli. Kurokaya-madong-dung-a-be-pompola. Hew-pum-pum-key-ay-to-hello. Shook-a-look-y-moo-key-salamat-feet.

And mokokani-ay-makabaloli. Kurokaya-madong-dung-a-be-pompola. Hew-pum-pum-key-ay-to-hello. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Tiger Barely ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondri Plus in Apple Podcast. Before you go, tell us about yourself

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