TigerBelly - Episode 157: Dave Navarro & The Railroad Switch

Episode Date: August 29, 2018

Dave saves the son. Bobo can’t cook rice. We talk charcuterie boards, German Chocolate Cake, oatmeal cookies, beta max, and a Rorschach test. For premium content every Monday, check out our Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/TigerBellySupport us by supporting our sponsors! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Hey Five four three two one one two three four five Why don't we do that sometimes why don't you go from one to five sometimes I think you do that every week You did oh, I do every time We'll do it again then five five five four three two one zero negative one negative two negative I've never done that lady. All right, welcome to another episode of TV man Tiger Belly. I'm your big intro Prepare

Just we do the thing is unusual here. Oh intro. Yeah, I want to throw you off your game. Yeah Davey. Yes. All right No, it's fine You know, it was I like you and you know, I'm a fan of yours and I'm just gonna succumb to your needs I was enjoying it. I know so um today. We have Kaleila my girlfriend here. We've got um The beautiful brown Yeah, yeah, he is he's easy on the eyes Yeah, he is look at that hair at the top. It's just devil make hair

Just kind of woke up like that to Chevrolet. But guess what race went with it. What race what Asian? What kind of Asian Filipino? Oh I know my shit But this what what what she's a half of something well, she's half South American Oh No, really Dominican Republic I'm sorry. No, but I hear your face. Oh your faithful George pick up his vape. He's a fucking rock star

Put it where are you from? Um half Asia. So it's not Asian guess the Asian part. Oh the Asian part. Yeah, it's it's some like Polynesia Okay, there we go. There we go. There we go. Nice. Uh, one of them. We are very close. It's a Nisha though. Yeah, indonesia Indonesia It's a different Nisha man Well, you guys said you set that all up like it was gonna be a different I know Okay, you're good with him, but can you guess her? It's also the Philippines So she's half Philippine and half French just a good half Egyptian. I refuse

quarter Egyptian french come on and then we got George here and then we got his cousin Bryce michigan and the white dudes from the from the country. These are the whitest people I've ever Ever I mean, it's amazing. This is exactly why we have them and we have a special guest here. Um, I've known him for many years I've worked with him before. Um He you my first concert was his concert I went to lala palooza and I saw jane's addiction play Um, and he's in the band jane's addiction and he's also

Has his own podcast and he's had his own like talk show and all different kinds of things He was on that tattoo show. What was that tattoo show? I'm still on it. It's premier's tomorrow night. Yeah, what's it? What's it called? When does this air tomorrow night, dude? Okay? What's on right now? So stop what you're doing? Pause it. Yeah run to your dvr ink master ink master your judge, right? I'm a host and judge Yeah, you're the host judge watch what type channel is it on paramount? It's on paramount network paramount network ink master guys That's right, and we have a very special guest Tuesdays at 10. All right, Dave Dave Navarro everybody clap your Dave Navarro. It's here And I would implore you guys to set your dvrs because even if you don't watch it it counts

Oh, it does. Yeah. Yeah, they have the capabilities of just set your dvr. You don't have to watch it. I don't care Who else is on the ink masters? Um, well, it's all tattoo artists competing for a hundred grand. Oh, it's like it's basically project runway But you can throw a dress away. You can't throw away a bad tattoo and you are you so you're the host But you're you're not the judge then I am a judge as well So I'm a host and I host basically I do the a to b to see like today We're gonna do six hour black and gray tattoos and go ahead. Oh, that's all on the cards Oh, and then and then when we come to the when it comes to the judging that's all off book

And it's just it's real critiques and I'm the voice of the of the client someone who doesn't do tattoos Yeah, but comes in and buys them like now. How do you choose the artist? Do you I have nothing to do with that? Um, do they have are they just all of the same great level of definitely not definitely I would say that They're all pretty talented talent talented enough to get on the show But I would I would imagine that there's some behind the scenes like Psychiatric evaluations. Who isn't gonna get along with who let's go with these two, you know, because it's a show

It's they want a little drama So these are all guys from different cities and they're probably the best in their city though Well, that's what we find a lot of these people think that they're you know They're a lock and then they get into this they get to New York City where people from around the world and people are fucking great I mean some of the shit they can do so it's a fun show. We've done it for 11 seasons. I started season 12 In january. Yeah, I'm you've been on for 11 years. Yeah My god, it's all in new york Oh, wow, so you fly over there and do it. I stay in new york three four months out of the year

It's not bad. I stay in a hotel. They gave me the option They're like we can get you a bed and breath air Airbnb, right a little apartment or a hotel and they tried to downplay the hotel Yeah, I was like, we'll see if I if I shoot for 12 12 hours and then I go back to my airbnb What do I got to go to the market like to get food? Oh, yeah, I got a laundry. I got to clean the house now housekeeping room service New movies. Yeah, that's what I want. Right. You know what I mean? It's some places do your laundry. Yeah Do they do that there? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Um, what am I going to go to the market after 12 hours of shooting? I mean, I guess how much pussy do you get?

You ever age 51 51. Look at this. I think you're asian. Yeah, I must be I think I must be you're hispanica for sure because of the Navarro. I'm definitely But uh, yeah, I don't know. I just I don't go in the sun. You have not cracked a bit don't go in the sun That's the key. I was a swimmer for 15 years. I'm I'm I'm all raised up. Yeah swimmer for 15. Yeah, she was pro too, bro Really? Yeah, look at her body. Do my but I'm retired. I've been retired for like 15 Get him do 360 You know, you know, it's so funny Dave because I hadn't seen you in a while And when I was at the laugh factory and I walked past you

I in my head. I'm like that looks like Dave Navarro But there's no way because that guy's young Oh, I really didn't I saw that what's the other guys in the video with I like Todd Todd. Yeah I saw Todd and then it clicked. I'm like, no that is Dave. Yeah, and then I hugged you. I was like, but you look I had no idea that you were playing that night. Well, you know, I've had some rough times Dave No, killer. It was a great one of the best sets I've seen you do. Thank you. Thank you But I I went I went in there to see Dana dude who's a mutual friend of ours Yeah, he asked us to come support him and we went down there and then

We hung around for Bobby said and it was fucking great. Yeah, it was so good to see him and that's very talented that kid Yeah, I was I was I knew he was a good actor. I knew he did a lot of uh He's done like a lot of disney type kid stuff. He actually was cast as a character named falafel phil No on a kid's show really and I guess he got the role before like the whole cultural like appropriation Yeah, you know what I mean? So like I think that they tanked falafel phil And but he ended up doing pretty good on cobra kind stuff I like falafel phil, you know, like Jud Judd Apatow the other day apologized for his he goes. Sorry for making you so stereotypical on pineapple express

He said that in legitimately to you. Yeah, but not in a joking way like he really apologized And I just want to tell white people that you guys that that shit. I'm I'm fine with it You know, I mean you can call me gookie boy magoo just as long as I'm in a movie, you know That's gonna be your feature. Yeah, put me call me gookie mom as long as you're the lead On the lead I mean, you know, it's a little different when it's like mickey rooney in breakfast at tiffani's playing the chinese landlord. Yeah That's John Wayne, right?

Oh, john when you know john way played gangers con in the conker and david kerrardine played The fucking yeah But david kerrardine is not asian. No, no, none of these guys are David kerrardine Yeah, derrardine kerrardine. Bobby. First of all, there's an orange cookie You know, I thought that he was asian because he the way he died Wait, the asphyxiation. Yeah. Yeah. Oh the erotic asphyxiation covers all races. Oh, it does. Yeah

That a lot of asians did that. Well asians are super into that I don't know. What's the have you are you guys into this? Uh, you are so you're into you like it when bobby chokes you during sex. Why he doesn't like choking me, but he doesn't does he? I don't like it either. He's he's not asian in that way. He's very gentle. Yeah. Yeah Like she's just got a finger on my butt. Can you explain how that goes? It was watertight. Did you say do you happen to have a finger that's more dick shaped? I did not say that day because I don't not gay But how can it be gay if it's her finger

But if even if her finger look like a that's right, I will tell you I will tell you that he always comments on how Exceptionally long my fingers are so maybe he dates me because I have bigger than normal That's some suppressed homosexual No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, what's your name? Let me see your hands Oh, you're good. What are you doing Thursday night? Yeah, no, no, no, so wait So why what is the sensation with the choking because I get girls and they asked me to choke them I'm like, okay. I guess this is kind of hot, but to be honest with you. It's fucking work for us It's sort of primal in a sense where you kind of knocks you off of the other senses. Yeah, not stars out too

You know what I mean? So now we're killing her and as I'm hurting her is my arms getting tired Like, you know what I mean? It's like I can't quite figure out if it's more of The domination thing that gets me off or if it's the actual act of being asphyxiated. Yeah, but whatever it is it does Um, it does, you know, because bobby and I are of a time where we've watched that become popular over the years Like you didn't used to be like it wasn't a thing. No, it wasn't a thing choking wasn't a thing when you did that When you choke, they would call somebody. Oh, yeah, you get arrested. Oh in this day and age Yeah, choke me. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, yeah, yeah I mean in this day and age I get girls sending me texts and I'm like, I am not going to respond to that

Yeah, screenshots Yeah, but you've always been the married guy. You never were like married. I mean, you were married at three times, right? Oh, at one point I was married for five years with karmic with karmic. Yeah, well, you weren't merely married before that Not really. Not really. Those were like shotgun vagus Oh, we're crazy 20 kids in our 20s. All right. Let's do something really expensive and stupid I went to your bachelor party. Do you know that? Yeah. Yeah. That was a good one. That was a do I What is it a combined like it was a combined one. Yeah, I'll never do that again Oh, so you were on the tv show then what show uh till death do us part. He must have been

Because you and I, I was in high school and I watched it I don't think I know. I don't think I was I don't remember being on the show, but I remember going Um down a dark hallway Right, and there was like a african-american man in a suit And then he was in vagus It was a man in a suit. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah black man. Does it have to be black? I mean, that's who he was though. That's so but so but But is it racist by telling the truth or is it racist by pointing out the difference?

I'm just curious. I don't I just I'm asking for my I don't know what to say. You're right So, let me just let me sit because the the board operator on my show. Yeah, Darren. I'll walk in. I'm like, hey Todd. What's happening? What's up, Jessica? What's up, Dan? Oh, Darren my man. What's happening? I do that. I do it So Crazy that you say that because I've been thinking about that as of late. Oh, yeah Yeah, we do these little things right that is like a little um It is weird. Why do we do that? Is this blackness pertinent to the story? No, if it's not that it's not worth mentioning

Yeah, because it was Because what he was claiming. Yeah, if I may yeah, he was walking down a dark hallway And there was a black man at the end of the hallway. He was trying to set up a scary scenario. Oh, yeah, you're right It is what happens. Yeah, that's exactly what I did and I go down there and there's a black guy at the door Do it again. I want to do it again. I'll do it the way. I want to fucking do it. Gilbert Don't ever tell me what to do. All right. Do whatever. I'm in vegas, right? I go down a light hallway Well at hallway at the hard rock hotel. Yeah, it was very well It wasn't like some off the strip like and there was a humanoid

So we don't know there was a humanoid at the yeah You know and I forgot what he was wearing, but he was definitely not an android Yeah, but a humanoid, right and he goes welcome to Yeah, he goes welcome to the day in a vial and come in electric. That's a party. Okay, right? That sounded black Very urban a lot of urban notes and I walked in and there were just humanoids in a room And they were just doing things. Yeah, but here's the problem So I'm like with karm and you know, like we're gonna throw it together

It's gonna be really wild and then like karm and these two girls want to take us to another room Like what he said this fucking golly. It's like, oh, you're only gonna live once. She's like, yeah, I'm not really feeling them Yeah, that's my bachelor party. Yeah. Did you notice there was a bowling alley in that building? No, because I noticed you know why because that's all I could do Oh fucking bowling. Yeah I did I did walk into a room. There was two girls naked. Yep on a I think it was like a table of some sort And they were they had dildos inside them. You know, okay What do you mean? Yeah, it was like a yeah, yeah, and it was like it was that kind of kind of like your girlfriend's finger

Yeah, yeah, but it was was at the two-ended where they're both in one. I think so. I think that's there's a special connection Yeah, yeah, they were human and they were doing that and then um I remember I brought a girl So this is what happened. I brought a girl to Yeah, I do shit like that too all the time. No, but listen like if I went if they if you guys are Dave if I went there stupid Dave if I went there Single I would have not got any pussy I promise you that club

But it wasn't a strip club. It was it was a private room at the hard rock hotel. Yeah He's right though. He's right. That is the law of averages. Yeah, is the law of average. There was so many cool people there I was just like there's no way Right, but I did a naka conference a week before in portland. What's naka? It's like a college thing where you showcase, you know, you stand up and you get dates Okay, it's like a show and I met this college girl and I flew her to vegas And I was I wasn't she wasn't feeling me at all. But then when I once I you know me when I say I'm going to no I go let's go to Dave

Right, and she was like, you know him I go, yeah, I call him an electric. You know her. He name dropped you to party And I brought her there and I got laid that night. I love that Yeah, good for you. Yeah. Yeah. Now. Let me ask you a question. Are you jealous babe? Am I jealous? Yeah, of course not Those two weeks ago Here's the question. Yeah, when you do that when you do the fly someone out that you kind of know is I'm sure was an internet thing Right. No, I met her at live. Oh, you met her live. Okay. So you actually knew her I kind of knew her. Yeah, but do you fly them out and put them in your room?

Or do you fly them out and get a guest room my room? Why but I've been friend zoned in that situation before I see that's the thing I need my own room. Well, you wait you've been you've flown somebody out and not gotten laid. No, no, no I need I need my I don't mind the rooms joining But you know like some girls that I hate to hate to dispel the myth everybody but some girls Go number two. Not all of them at all. No, I'm sure you don't you just go number three You know and sometimes they want a little space

Yeah, and so I provide that space. Oh, they don't find it. We like let's see your way They got to go down into the lobby and find out You do have a point because essentially you're strangers, right? You don't know each other Why in the hell would you share a toilet with somebody you're just talking about and some of those rooms where you can hear like Every little crinkle of paper from the next room. Right. That's not gonna happen Also, you don't know you seem very like, you know kept well kept together and like a little on top of your game But some of these girls They come over and it's like within

15 minutes the bathroom looks like a tornado Of makeup has just Hair eyelashes and different color bases on the sink and like oh my god. What is that all about? Why can't you guys get that together? I am Well, it's quite the opposite between him and I he can't get his shit together This whole house was an explosion when I first met him. Yeah, in fact, I've we've really really Consolidated it down to like a few things because this guy is a hoarder. I'm a hoarder. Are you really much? I'm very much the opposite. I own like three things. Yeah, it's like 70,000 things

I buy shoes like three shows shoes a week, but when it comes to getting ready, I get you know girls We'd like to really yeah, Dave. They like why don't you just start a half hour earlier? And then just put the stuff away as you go I don't know what women have to do. You know what I'm saying? Like I use my toothpaste and brush my teeth Let's put the cat back on put it back Pretty easy. I feel like that's pretty simple. Tell this guy to do that. Yeah, I don't I don't do that Dave. All right, but you don't seem hoardy. I mean this place seems like because of her Dave she changed my fucking life this woman. All right, if without her

I would I wouldn't have lived in an apartment just full of shoes when I came here You can even get to what kind of shoes any shoes All the everything are you just like everything? Yeah, everything. So you wait in line and you I don't do that I don't wait in line. I don't care about walk. Like if it's for her pleasure. So Dave and I when we're when we're in the elevator Um, I don't I can use that from now on. I will reach for her rich for her. What is it? Pleasure. It's rich for her pleasure. Yeah Do you have a rich wallet? I will I'm on my way. I'm gonna go website. Do I have any? I don't have any extra We should have extra ones sitting around. You can't keep them in stock. That's how good they are I just fly off the shelves so quickly. So when we're in the elevator, you're saying that you're painting a

You're doing some art. I'm doing a memorial piece Do you know freddy negretti used to work it or he does work at shamrock tattoo? Mark Mahoney's place on Sunset Strip his son isaia Who's a great tattooer and a good friend of ours recently died? Oh my god Yes, I'm gonna there's gonna be a memorial and they're accepting art. They don't want gifts and all that stuff so I'm gonna do painting and And and and just leave that there and then you said in the elevator you said, um, what's up with all the hanging like hanging

I don't yet. Have you guys noticed the influx of hangings lately? Um, suicide by hanging. Yeah. Yeah It just seems to me like it's become The go-to like chris cornell Chester bennington anthony bordain I feel like it's a very male thing to do. I think males commit suicide so differently than women women have I think The the statistic is women usually go for the less aggressive way of I don't know I went to I went to a memorial the other night. I can't believe if I lost two people in a week

I went to a memorial the other night for the girl a girl who jumped Who like sent a text I'm here at this bridge and I'm jumping You know what? I was at my sister's last week, um in atwater village and she the train goes past there And we were outside we were riding and we heard this thud And we're like, huh? What was that? And then we walked outside and they had cordoned off this whole area and the girl just threw herself in front of the train And we heard it. Oh my god Why do they do it in like the old school ways? That's what I don't understand with them pharmaceuticals. They have now

Yeah, like phenol barbs. I mean just you know what I mean phenol barbs the way to go I'm going to go real old school. I'm using guillotine So you have to go on ebay you have to I'm going to build my own machine Oh, yeah, I because I don't want anyone involved. Well, you know how like, you know, if you if you're gonna blow your own head off with a shotgun You basically have to use your your your Your uh big toe. Yeah, trigger right imagine trying to get the lever of the guillotine like that frustrating thing like you just Your neck's in the thing like oh I know I would create an apparatus where you know, well your hands are through the little slots

Yes, right and I would have it right here. Yeah, right like I'd have like little chimpy hands Mm-hmm, right and I would do the lever like this and then my head would go I feel like you know what's gonna happen. What like you're gonna get a slice of your forehead Now you are alive, but now you have like half a head right, you know even flatter You can't have that flatter face. Oh my god. That's terrible. You know the the shotgun one You know how sometimes They do it like I just you know that girl that just got the girl got the girl got the new face She killed herself and now she her face looked like a pumpkin and then all of a sudden she wants to live

No, well they she actually had to go through really rigorous and extensive psychotherapy because yeah She never had this is the the dangerous thing about having you being in the throes of being a teenager is that A girl like her who never really had any type of chronic depression or never any documented mental illness She just had a random spur of the moment bad decision And that's why she became a candidate for a face transplant. Now if she was somebody that had seen You know sought therapy as a teenager or had been on meds. They would have she wouldn't have been a candidate Was the face from a recently deceased person? Yeah, who was who died from an overdose was the recent was that person hot because I would say if I'm

She was in her 30s and the girl who got the face transplant is 20. Yeah, I'd ask for a young girl Is anybody else really I'm not getting no 30s. Come on really I'm kidding. I can't be picky if you get a new face. Yeah, it's like well. What does she look like? I wonder if she's a can you have a face transplant of another race? That's what I would do I would do a black face. I would get a black eye and I'd have a yellow body and a black face I would look fucking mysterious Mysterious walking around you'd be on your way out the door. He'd be you'd be upgrading in a minute Yeah, and I would be a doorman at your next bachelor party

In an ominous hallway, but I just I feel like for me Like the mental health issues are really important thing for me I work a lot with music cares with this organization I started called above ground which you know tries to get the message out there that it's okay to ask for help It's actually a great strength to reach out for help rather than you know to show your vulnerability is something that Is takes a lot of strength and a lot of people are afraid to do that There's a lot of shame and feeling that way and yeah, I work really closely with that stuff So this stuff hits me really hard because I've been at that place where my friends have been where and I've taken the steps

You know, I've written the note. I've I've stockpiled the drugs. I put my affairs in order My accountant. Wow like I call my account. I was like in case something ever happens to me My assets should go blah, blah, blah, right? And so how close have you gotten though? Uh, that was the closest ever. Okay, and and what I did Which is what I think is the natural thing is that I got as much As many drugs as I get my hands on yeah, and I was like, I'm just gonna ride this out for a week And just have fun. You know what I mean? Yeah, and then somewhere in that week I just like I let go of that that plan. Yeah, but I would think falling asleep and drifting off

Peacefully, yeah, it seems a little bit better than hanging myself. Yeah I think I'm not trying to recommend anyway. I know. Yeah, I do think that hanging is not a very I I think it actually happens really fast. It's kind of like people imagine drowning to be a horrible thing Yeah, but once you're kind of deplete of oxygen You you you go very quickly, but nobody's ever come back to tell us that Scuba divers there are people who have like This is the way to go We have like scuba divers go into

Bend say for instance and they go through a nitrogen narcosis Which is sort of like this state of euphoria. Have you ever have you ever been asked questions like, uh, Would you kill a baby To save two babies Those kinds of questions No, right. So for me, it's like would I rather burn or drown? That's the one that keeps me up at night. Yeah, me too You know, okay, or would you rather get buried alive? That's my number one. No buried alive is out Buried alive is always the whatever the opposite of that is or the other option is the option

I think yeah, which is the option of drifting off in the dream Yeah, yeah, I don't you know buried alive is imagine You're in a casket. That's a slow death. You're you're in there. You you're alive until the oxygen runs out But oh alive in a casket. Yeah, I don't know what they provide netflix I mean, I'm cool with it as long as I get service down here. Yeah. Yeah You know what I mean? Or at least like it's because I'm streaming the crown. I'm halfway through Full cell so I can play bejewels or something. The crown's the best. He won't watch it The crown's the best. Fuck you and the crown man

Airfoil, come on. I'm tired of people telling me what to watch. Tell him how good John Lithgow is as Winston Churchill. Yeah, and not only that, but I'm super connecting with her all of this I don't care. I'm not threatened Honestly, I'm not threatening. You know what I mean? The crown which by they're bringing back and claire foy is not going to be in it. It's going to be somebody else Yeah, because it's a different part of the queen's life. Have you seen season two? It's the woman from God, it's that other show. It's a murder mystery show from a bbc show. She's playing the queen and I love her Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah from broad church from broad church. Yeah, she's fantastic. I love her

Oh my god, I mean we're I mean to all these like foreign drama Do you watch um killing eve? I never watched killing eve. That's the one that's another bbc show you have to absolutely watch Are you sure? It's with Sandra Oh and this oh no, I tried that. I didn't like it because it was too cutesy It's not cutesy. Yeah, it's straight up gore. Yeah, there we go. Now. We're on the same boat It's too cutesy bitch It was written as if what's her name shonda rimes shonda rimes was in it. Yeah, it was really it just it's just a cutesy little She may as well be dr Yeah, they might as well put telet cubbies in there man. She may as well be dr

I love that girl who places the killer the murderer. I don't idea. I couldn't stick around. I just saw dr Yang Yeah, George is my person. How could he be your person when he's my person Listen, there's an episode where an asian guy goes in and he he gets his balls crushed for pleasure That doesn't make any sense. She's trying to explain make it sound appealing. It is an asian guy. Yeah. Yeah. No, bobby You love this one. Yeah, but our penis has already looked like it's crunched So it doesn't make any sense. Here's it. You know, I put in terms of analogies Um, christians use this a lot. Uh-huh. I'm gonna get I'm gonna do it to you. Okay. All right. No, I'll do it to you, Dave

Um, so let's suppose you lived in a house. This is what christian has actually done this analogy for me Okay, you live in a house right and you have a son Okay, you're a single father. Okay, and in the backyard of your house. There's a train track Okay, okay, and in your backyard is also a lever to switch tracks So I could divert the train to another location. So one night. I'm with you. You're welcome. Thank you So one night three in the morning you hear your kid. Um, You know, his his foot is stuck in the tracks. Yes, you run out there and you have to make a split decision Decision switch the track. You kill five thousand people or if you don't switch the track track

You kills your son. What would you do? I would just cut my son's leg off You can't do that. That's not in the option C. There's no option C in this That's what I would do too That's what I would do. I would do that and I would make it up to him I know I give him a cybernetic leg. Yeah, that's the future for tokyo The sickest new air jordans. I know one. I like about one at a time I know now these shoes aren't going to be cost me a arm and a leg That's not an option. Fuck hard hard. All right. Fuck hard. Fuck hard. All right. Okay. Um, I mean

Interesting. I think I think I I don't know if I could live with either decision. So I might as well save my son and then myself Right, but christians go but god didn't switch the tracks No, no, no, no Let me let me tell you let me let me no. Let me tell you the thing about christianity and god and why do bad things happen and blah, blah, blah God, it's in the fucking Bible, we have free will. Boom, that's the reason, that's the reason. The reason we have pain and anxiety and stress

and sadness is to have some sort of baseline contrast so we can learn to experience joy. Let me teach you this right now. Tiff Navarro philosophy. Well, I'll tell you, the source of all suffering, emotional suffering is self-centric thinking. So you can blame it all on God, but the fact of the matter is he gave you free will

to make the choice on the switch. So you can't run to the, I need a decision out of you now in light of this new information. The pressure's on, good. God gave you free will. I think I would have to save my son. Yeah, I know, right? Because I'm quite certain that my son would go on

to do much greater things than any of those 5,000 people. Yeah. I can't comprehend loving someone that much and then watching them, having the option to save them and not saving them. Well, I mean, look at your sister. I cannot comprehend not saving her. I would kill 5,000 people for her.

What happened to your sister? Nothing. No, I'm just saying that if it was her sister, she would switch the tracks. My brother Steve, I would switch the tracks. That's what I'm saying. I love my brother so much. There's no way I could do it.

However, I do think she would really, really hate me for the rest of my life. If she knew 5,000 people died on her behalf. But you have a split second though. You have a split second. She would have been like, why did you do it, Kalyla? That was the wrong decision. I think she would kill herself knowing that.

Oh, well, I mean, no, it's like. Because she's such a compassionate person. Thanks for having me down, Bob. This was a great show. Great podcast, really enjoyable. Go home and write my note. I know, I understand that. But in the fucking elevator, you're like,

what would you do? You're like hanging and all that stuff. Well, no, I'm just, I don't understand. That's what you're open with, Dave. Because we know off the mics, on a comedic level, see, as a comedian, you can get away with anything. On a comedic level, I can get away with anything, but not on the mic.

That's a fucked up paradox that happens in entertainment. You guys can get away with murder. I say it, and it's like, you know, fucking. Yeah, but I think you're similar to a comedian though. Because you're a figure. I'll tell you why, because you've always been, I mean, I've met you through two ways. I can't talk about it the one way, but the other way

is through, I did a sketch with you at Mad. That's right. So that's a comedy show. That's right. I did a Pauli Shore live event in Vegas. I did go to your bachelor party, but that was, yeah. And I rented you at the lab factory. So it's like, to me, you're close to being,

you have your own podcast, you're a funny guy. I have my foot in that world, and I appreciate it, and love it, and it's brought so much joy to my life. But if I have to be a little bit more careful, because I don't have the, well, he's an artist, he's not a comedian, but the fact is, in the elevator, I can say whatever I want, the mics are not hot. But we were talking about just the different ways of suicide,

because there are suggested sites of different ways to do it, and what's the most effective, and what's the most painful. Apparently, lighting a room on fire with yourself in it is not recommended. That doesn't sound like it. That doesn't sound like it. They don't suggest that as the number one drug.

I would never even think of that. I wouldn't either. But jumping sounds terrible to me. To me is the drugs, because I'm a drug addict. I'm a recovering drug addict, so why not do the thing I love doing? That's what I'm saying. Right.

That's what I'm saying. What drugs, though? Oh, it would be heroin, coke, and hookers. For as long as I could go. Right. And then I'd be out. But you've done that, and it didn't work. But when I tried that before, my intention wasn't to die.

Are you talking about this last time? I don't know. I don't know when your times were when you were trying to kill yourself. The most recent was last night. Oh, my god. No, the most recent was like a year ago. And then back in the days when it was like, who gives a fuck?

I'm never going to die. And I tried that way. Nothing was going to kill me. But you seem, I'll be honest with you, and this is, you seem really healthy right now. Yeah, I'm doing good. Yeah, you seem like you're clean, you're present. For sure.

Yeah. For sure, I feel, just in my fifties, I turned 51, and I was like, you know what, it's time to fuck it. And just go live out loud, and be who you are, and have fun, and say yes to shit that I normally would say no to. You know what I mean? Just because I've wasted a lot of time. I've wasted a lot of time.

Yeah, but you've done a lot of stuff. So much. But I've been, some of it's been really rewarding. Some of it's been really miserable. You know what I mean? You know exactly what I mean. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

You're doing what you love, but yet you're, by yourself, in a fucking, the Renaissance in Ohio. Right, right. Yeah. I mean, I'm on a show now, and I'm in my dressing room sometimes, and I get a little depressed. Really? Yeah, and I don't know what that's about.

I think in my head, because for so long, I wanted to be on a sitcom. And then once I got it, and I don't like being like that. I want to be grateful for what I have, and I want to. But I think that what you're touching upon is one of the reasons why there's such an influx of suicides and drug addiction

in the entertainment business is because a lot of us are born inherently very insecure. We create and hone a craft that's going to provide us with a lot of attention. We set goals for ourselves that once I make it to this thing, then everything's going to feel better. And you get to that goal, and it doesn't feel better. And you're like, fucking, now what am I going to do?

Yeah. You know what I mean? So can I ask you this then? Let's suppose, like, who was the one, the rock star that died from STP? Yeah, Scott Wilde. Scott. He killed himself, correct?

I think that was an accident. That was an accident. Cornell, was that an accident? That was Cornell's suicide. It was a suicide. Someone like Cornell, if he hadn't been in Soundgarden, if he hadn't been in Audio Slave, if he was still just kind of an average, just a working

musician, you think he would have not done that then? It's hard to say, because I don't know anybody's medical history, because there's multitudes of depression, and some of them can be treated with SSRIs. Some of them can't be. Some of them are phobias. Everybody has a different thing. I don't know.

I know in my case that it had to go to a spiritual route. It's the only way out for me. Yeah. It's strange, because I've had the same deal. We share certain things that are similar. And I, too, those are the only instances when I'm really, truly happy, is if I'm out of myself, and I'm really actively going out of the,

and getting out of myself, and helping others, and doing what I need to be doing. To be honest, I haven't really been doing that for a year. I've been lost. But I think you make up for it, because we hoard rescue animals, in that way. He's like, you're still being of service in a lot of ways. In that way, we can't even have a moment

to think about ourselves, because we have six animals to constantly feed, and walk. You have six animals here. Wow. It's probably illegal, huh? I hate it. No, no, no. I think five is illegal.

Are any endangered? No, they're healthy. They've got to be healthy. They just have rare birds. Now, here's the thing. It's illegal to kill an American eagle. Isn't that correct? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But can you just go straight across to the border of Canada, and shoot one down there? Ooh. Because they're definitely there. I've never thought of that. Because they're there. There are some intruders. Yeah.

They have their papers. And an American eagle here. Right. Well, they're crossing the border, so I think we can. You know what I mean? Yeah. Would you? No one would do that.

I would never do that. No. You don't hunt, do you? You don't seem like a hunter. No. Yeah. I could never kill anything. What's wrong with hunting for food, though?

I mean, I'm just saying, for me, I go into the ocean, and I get my own stuff. I bring it home. I cook it for you. Yeah, but when a white dude goes to Africa, when a white dude goes to Africa, and kills a lion, and kills a lion, sport, sport. That's like, yeah, that's for sport.

That's what I meant. That's to mount things for prized hunting. Paul Bunyan, when he lived in a log cabin, I hunt all you want. Yeah, but if you're using your own body, putting yourself at risk, shooting an elk, or shooting a deer, utilizing every single part of that deer to provide food for six months. Yeah, he loves hunting.

He makes these venison-like little stews and steaks. He uses the fingernails, make necklaces. He uses all of it. Oh, that's fantastic. That's so ritualistic. Right, right. He saves the bones for, like, he makes models out of them, and whatever.

He does ceremonies with them. Right, ceremonies. It's not partying, it's a ceremony. But when rich white dudes go to Africa, and they kill a white rhino, and there's only three left, that's fucked up. I agree. There we go.

Now we're on the same page, finally. I'm right, Bryce? I don't really eat a lot of animal products. But in your scenario, if I was, like, on that show alone, trapped in the wild for six months, yeah, when I kill an animal, of course I would. But for sport, like, to go kill an American eagle in Canada? I might do that, too.

Would you ever do naked and afraid with me? I would. I've gone back and forth on that. I really have. What do you mean? The naked aspect, or the surviving? No, the naked, fine, he's fine. Naked is easy.

The surviving, and actually doing that show. Have I thought about applying? Well, they have fans now doing that. Are you able to choose your destination? Like, for me, my strong point is by the ocean. I can live there forever. But if you throw me anywhere remotely chilly at night, I would die.

I'd be done in one day. Well, that was the thing is, like, I'm like, I could do this all day. No problem. No problem. And then, like, I'm going to go down to my car, and it's going to be chilly. After this.

I know. Probably do it, buddy. It's a little chilly. But could you last? Could you do it? I know. I watch. I know.

There's no way. But the one that we, none of us could last is the one in the Everglades, where every three steps they took, there was a water moccasin, a fucking snake that could kill them. And the insects would drive me crazy. Yeah. The thousands of insects.

Mosquitoes like you. They don't like me. Yeah, they like the fuck out of my sweet blood. I could do it. You could do it? No. I think we could last. You and I could.

I want to contact the producers. About seven days. Seven days. I have thought very seriously about signing up for survivor. Being real? Yeah. Did you have celebrity survivor? No, I wouldn't want a celebrity survivor one.

I'm just going to go fucking do it. Really? Just do it. I kind of want to. A lot of politics in that, though. I know. One of my best friends, she was on the first or second season, and she was the second to the last guy.

She almost won. She almost won, yeah. What is survivor? It's the same. I just went to show her television. It's the same thing. It's been around for 20 years. But there's strategy involved.

Yeah, but I know survivor only because of the slot machines. You know how they have the theme one? Oh, the theme. They have the lower of the rings. And I made good money on a survivor one. And you have to make allies. You have to sort of be liked so they don't kick you off. I could do it.

I could win. Yeah. You know who went on there is Lisa Welchel, who played Blair from Facts of Life. If you recall that woman. Yeah. How did she do? She came in second.

Damn. Fucking crushed it. Crushed it. I'm like, if Welchel can do this shit. But is there a food? I got it. No, you got to fucking. But you can compete for food items.

Yeah, you get like a bag of rice. And like, you know. But then how do you cook it? You got to figure it out. Make it. You really have to figure it out. You got to forge tools. And it's just, it just sounds fantastic.

And rapid weight loss. Like if I got a photo shoot coming up, I'm going to book survivor first. Yeah. And then do the shoot. See what I'm saying? You've never been fat though. Drop a quick 30.

I don't know. You've never been fat though. Yeah, I'm a fluctuator. I'm a fluctuator. Yeah. Yeah. I, as an Asian, and I'm going to say something out loud, and this is the honest thing, the most honest thing I can say,

is that I don't know how to make rice. You've made it once. He doesn't know how to make rice. He can't even use a finger method. The finger method is the classic. No one's ever taught me. I don't know what the finger method is. It's just how you measure the water.

To rice ratio. To rice ratio. Using your finger. It's called a rice finger. You boil it, right? Or rice cooker if you're Asian. Can you boil it? Yes.

But tell me how you would make rice on a pot without the rice cooker. OK, so what I would do is I would put rice in a pot, and put water in it. OK. OK. I put a little salt. How much would your ratio of rice to water?

Well, here's the thing. I would go, so I would put the rice. Let's see the rice is, I would double it with water. So you do a two to one. Two to one. Two to one. Two to one ratio. I like your style.

You're wet, but you can get it back right. It's outside of the box though. You're making a little gau or what? All right, so a little less then. Yeah. A little less, right? And then you just boil it until the water's gone. The one mistake.

You got to wait for the boil, and then you got to drop the heat. So it's a slow simmer until the rice. He also didn't rinse. You don't rinse the rice. You got to soak the rice. Soak or rinse, yeah. Right? You're not an Asian, babe.

Yeah, I know. Do you know how to make boba? Ooh. Boba is made of what? Tapioca. Is it really? Yeah. I thought it was made out of like.

Cassava starch. Hooves and. That's jello. Jello is. That's jello. Yeah, it's cow hooves. Right. Pwop you, man.

Not hooves, bro. Hooves, baby. Yeah? That's the way to go. It's the way of the future. But do you don't eat meat at all? No. I will tell you this.

Vegan? No. No. Because there is always that night that we got done playing in San Diego. And it's 12.30. And I'm driving by. I'm driving back home.

And there's a fucking in and out on the right. And I'm like, these are the moments I don't eat meat for this. And I'll fucking. Oh, you'll go do it. Oh, yeah. Destroy it. So I don't have any like ethical issues with it.

I just, I feel better when I'm not eating animal products. God damn, I wish I could be like that. Dairy is the fucking worst. Dairy is the worst for you. Dairy for sure. OK, what's worse? Sugar or dairy? I would say dairy.

Really? Yeah. Because sugar's. Like yogurt? You need some. You need natural sugars. Well, sugars are in fruit. And sugars are in all kinds of fruit.

As long as you're not getting like complex carbohydrates, not like simple sugar. But I'm saying like dairy is like, we're the only animal. First of all, we're the only animal in the world that takes any kind of dairy from another animal. Also the only other animal that takes dairy milk from another animal well past the age of where we're supposed to stop taking it.

You know what I mean? Of course, it's supposed to breastfeed for what? A couple, you know, a year? And that's why you become lactose intolerant as you get older, because that's just a natural response to you not needing milk. So if you're at a fancy restaurant, you don't get a meat and cheese plate?

I don't get a meat and cheese plate. Yeah. He's a charcuterie guy. I'm a charcuterie all day. What is that? Salami. I can't do it. Pachuto.

Pachuto and that the, you know, brie. Like tapas and shit? I hate that. You don't like tapas either? I don't fucking hate this. You know what it is, fucker? You don't like sharing your food. What?

You don't like sharing food. Goddamn right, I don't. And the whole thing, you know what? Fucker, you're not fucking, hey, fucker, you're not communal. Do you lose your mind when people pick off your plate? Are you kidding me? I'll be on a date.

I'll be on a date and it's like, I get me. I'm fucking mad. This is for you. You got me going now. Here's my favorite move. Dessert, would you care for dessert? Do you want anything? I'm not really that hungry.

I'm going to do the German chocolate cake with the vanilla ice cream. Oh, that sounds good. I'll have some of yours. What? No, you won't have some of mine. Are you fucking kidding me? You have some of mine because the amount of people

that my order is for is one. They're not bringing like, you know what I mean? They're not bringing one and a little extra. They're bringing one. And I'm one person. You know what else I do? If I go out with, if I pay for dinner, and then this is my thing.

And I've not talked about this before, but if I play for dinner, yes. And then someone goes, yeah, I'll take this to go. Right? I'll be like, no, you're not. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's mine. Yeah.

Right? And she's like, are you taking it to go? No, I'm leaving it here. She just throws it away. I just throw it away. Any time someone's going to pick up the check, I tack on a few things to go. Oh, you got this?

Hold on a second. Do you really do that? No. Oh, my god. That'd be amazing. That would be amazing if you did that. But that's just a power trippy thing you do. No, it's not.

I paid for it. They don't, no, let me just say this. If they go, hey, Bobby, I know you paid for it, but can I take this portion of chicken to go? Yeah. I'd be like, you know what, you ask, go ahead. But they assume. Yeah.

So they go, we'll take the beans and this to go. And I'm like, no. And how many times, by the way, do you wake up the next day and that to-go order is in the back of your car? I know, right? That's what I'm saying. Right. They leave.

Fucking kidding me. She's taken things to go and left it in the car before. Oh, yeah. But once ever. No, a couple of times, ladies. And with the attention of giving it to the homeless guy right here, and you wouldn't let me, one time I made cookies for the homeless man

under the underpass here. I made oatmeal cookies, and he refused to have me given to the guy. He would not let me. But you're just inviting a stalker. I know. What are you doing? You're dealing with fucking.

He ate the cookies. Yeah, Betty did. Psychosis, dawg. I think he's looking out for you. Yeah, you know what I mean? For her health, dude. Oh, look, all of a sudden this hot chick out of nowhere is giving me cookies.

Maybe there's a chance. Maybe she's the one. Maybe she's the one. Where does she live? I got to follow her home. He was an Australian guy, and he has. What does that mean? Yeah.

Oh, he's Australian. Why'd you say so? Totally safe. He has his own little pillow and his little reading nightlight, and he was just. Let me tell you something. Australia is where they sit. He has a nightlight.

He has a nightlight with a book, and he has his really clean side of everything. And I just wanted to give him cookies. Oh, he reads. He has a nook. Does he have a nook? He looks like he was homeless, not out of homeless. So if he reads, he's perfectly able to fill out

a job application, is what you're talking about. Yeah. And he's from Australia, which, by the way, is where they sent all the criminals to begin with. That's right. So you are playing with fire, sister. And he had a little pillow with a letter K, and that's what got me.

Do homeless people want food? Yes, they do. No, if a homeless. It's a basic necessity. If I was homeless, would I want some? Here's my pizza. Yeah, I'm lucky. I'm like, fuck you.

What if you didn't eat food? I want crack or whatever. No, homeless people. Oh, wait, wait, wait, you're right. I just crossed the line. You're right, I made an assumption. What's the joke? No, there's no joke.

No, there's no joke. That's a real assumption. I made an assumption. I did the same thing I did with the Black Doorman. What's that? I assume that all homeless people did drugs. Well, it's a pretty strong evidence is in your favor. I know the evidence is in my favor, but still.

I mean, there's probably a couple of them out there that don't. Well, the good news is they're likely not listening to this podcast. Right. I mean, don't worry about it. You're good. Yeah.

Is James, are you guys still touring? Are you guys still touring? Yeah, yeah, we're still a band. James Addiction. Well, don't get offended. I don't know, Dave. I'm certainly not offended. I'm just asking you a fucking question.

I was trying to be enthusiastic. Oh, you are. That was an offense. That was enthusiasm. Yeah, yeah, we're playing. I mean, do you? We come out and play James Addison, go home. Thank you.

Oh, there's you guys have so many good songs. Dude, we know we're still a band. It's been like our nothing shocking. Our first record came out 30 years ago, two days ago. Wow, incredible. So I mean, it's not only a legend. Dave girl's younger than the records I've made. Right.

And it's always a prerequisite when I meet a girl like, have you ever rewound anything? No. What are you doing Friday? Are you doing this to a tape? Yeah, we want girls now. Like kids now, they don't know what rewinding is. Yeah, but when James Addison came out, they had CDs, no?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they had tapes too. Well, he's saying like girls in her 23rd. I'm just saying, yeah, I just, I'm saying, that's my dating cutoff. Right. What's your dating age cutoff?

If you remember when microwaves came out. It's not happening. Do you have an age requirement or no? No. Yeah, right. So it's just VHS. Actually, I've been going, VHS is a good cutoff. No, I think so.

But VHS is my. OK, but do you remember Betamax? Yes, I have actually a Betamax still. But I remember them only because I grew up in the Philippines. We were a little behind in technology. Yeah, yeah. Well, I used to, I don't know why, but I always went for, I had this characteristic in me that I'm

sure you can relate to. You put a sea of beautiful women in front of me. I will pick out the one that has the most problematic insides going on, no matter what. They could all look identical. But the one that's most crazy, that's the one I'm going to pick. That's the one for me. And so it's usually I would find,

so I'm just over that drama. So lately, I've been dating a little bit more in my age range. Oh, cool. And it's. I feel like you'd be really well-matched up with a nerdy girl, like a nerdy hot girl. I think so too. You're a bright girl.

You're a bright guy. It's someone who's going to intellectually kind of. And if I haven't had sex with her yet, I would definitely be interested. Yeah. Yeah. There's stuff about you that's really, you're an interesting guy.

Well, there's a quality I look for in women. What is it? The ability to turn into other women. All right. You don't get bored. Yeah. Honey, put this wig on, would you? Well, that's what role-playings for Bobby and I

are master role-players. Do you guys get into weird shit? Really weird stuff. How long have you been together? Five years. Yeah, that's weird. At this point, we have to be different. You know what I mean?

In bed, he has to be a Japanese businessman. Yeah, I'm always a Japanese businessman. He can't show up as Bobby Lee anymore. I can't show up as Kalilah anymore. Oh, OK. That's interesting. See, you may at work. I've never dated anyone as long.

This is double the time. Yeah, actually, I don't know that you've ever. Yeah, yeah, and I can't believe I found her. That's great. This has been great. How long, how did you guys meet? Tinder. Tinder.

You're kidding. I saw it again. Tinder. Tinder. Yeah, man. When Tinder first started, there was still some talent there. Now it's sort of just a little trashy now. I tried it once.

And I tried Raya. Oh, they're using you to try. Oh, but Raya. OK, so tell us about Raya, because none of us have ever. The only person that I met on Raya and went out with was an ex-girlfriend. We matched up again. We're like, oh, this is really weird.

Oh, wow. Let's get together anyway. But that's the only time. I didn't, I didn't, I just don't like, I don't know. I just, I'm more old school in the sense that if I see a girl at a Starbucks or Airwan or whatever, I'll just walk up. Airwan.

The hottest people in the world are at Airwan. It's hot hipsters. Yeah, it's just, it's, have you been in there lately? Yeah, but you gotta go shop. You gotta shop at Airwan. Fuck Airwan, man. But you gotta shop with me, bud. I would love to go to Airwan.

You're just not doing it wrong. Shop. What, with the apple cider vinegar and all that stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just go there and taste the things, get talking about it. Yeah. Start bringing them up. Probiotics, you like probiotics.

Start talking about probiotics and kale and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they go fucking crazy. You don't date women, though, that don't know who you are or no. I don't give a fuck if they know. Yeah, but they all know. I don't, yeah, but I'm really, I'm so enmeshed in my professional life that it's the last thing

I wanna do or talk about or be when I'm on my own time. You know what I mean? Like, it's just, it's enough. You know what I mean? It's like, it's enough me already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's really difficult because my dates will think that I'm like withholding stuff about myself,

but I just don't wanna fucking talk about it. I'm over it. I'm bored of it. You know what I mean? I wanna hear about you. I don't know, it's weird. But yeah, I guess there's some preconceived notions. I mean, it makes it harder and it makes it easier, I guess.

You know? Yeah. Sometimes it's easier to meet people, but sometimes it's harder because they assume that I expect X, Y, and Z. You know? Yeah. So I don't know.

I wanna recommend something to you. Do you see Hereditary yet? I haven't. I actually, I rented it and fell asleep. Do you like scary movies? I love them. I just happen to be tired, but is it great? I've seen it three times.

It's great. Yeah, and I want you to watch it, okay? Okay. I also wanna do your podcast. When can I do it beyond it? Wednesday night at nine. No, no, I'm out next one. It's Wednesdays nine to 11.

Wouldn't that, this one's the next one, do you think? Yes. We're in New York. Why are you going? We're in New York. Are we in town? Are we back? Where are you going?

Yeah, we're gonna go to Joshua Tree for a couple of days, but... That's nice. Do you like it there? I do. Are you gonna have me on or no? Yeah, you're gonna be on. It's gonna be great.

It's gonna be better than this. I know. This is great though. This is, are we done? Is this my team? No, no, no, we're not done. You're wrapping me up. What we do now is, what we do now, right, is we do a question

and answer kind of a thing. Okay. All right. Like a Rorschach test. It's like, it's called... Rorschach. We should do a Rorschach test. What is a R8?

What is that? The shapes? The ink blocks. The ink blocks. Oh yeah. What do you see? They're all wings at the time. I always see like black stuff.

Like black, like, you know what I mean? Like black people? No, man. You just got this fetish. But you know what the thing I'm gonna do, stop doing is, I do, like whenever I see like, you know, my African-American comics, I go, what's up, bro? You know what I mean?

I go into that thing. I do it too. And I don't want to do that anymore. I don't think they like it. Yeah. I know, but they don't say anything. Well, I, with my operator, my console operator, I cleared it and now I'm allowed to speak that way to him.

Oh. And now I gave him a catchphrase. You're a pass. I gave him a catchphrase. Yeah. And I go, oh, Darren, my man, what's up? And he has to say every time, what's up, what's up, what's up? Wow.

Because you know, when I did that, Harold and Kumar three, and I told you about the medic that came up to me and he said, Mr. He was a white guy. And I asked for some aspirin. So he comes to me and he goes, Mr. Heal your aspirin. You know what I mean? Doing the Asian accent. And I didn't say to him, dude, that's not right, I don't know you.

Yeah. But I allowed it to happen. Is that the same thing as when I go up to an African-American and going, what's up? It's kind of cringy. I don't think, I think that maybe you're of like a little bit of an older, like we don't do that anymore. I don't think it's the same.

I think that when you go to an African-American guy and you say, what's up, that is a modern day colloquialism that is used in the streets in everyday conversation. What's in the spine? No, I don't say it that way. Like, what's up? You guys are a little extra. I mean, I'm sure, but it's modern day conversation

where a guy pretending to have a lesser understanding of his own language to appeal to you because he thinks he's going to put you at ease by speaking in broken English is racist. Right. Yeah, you're right. Awesome. So me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, you know what I mean? That's weird. Because he can speak English. He could speak English. You don't say, what's up in a different language. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if you did it in some weird like tribal, like Kenyan thing.

Right, that would be too, yeah. Maybe you're crossing the line. You want to click some whistles. It's not click at people, but yeah. So we do this thing at the end called Unhelpful Advice and people email. And you can be helpful or not helpful. It doesn't matter.

Unhelpful Advice with Bobby Kalaila and Dave Navarro. Second city, dude. Konichiwa. Second city. Crazy. Konichiwa, papa, kalaka, Gilgill, pink dick. I recently found out that my girlfriend of five years has been texting a guy who she knows via work

with sexy pictures and messages. I saw that it was only happening for two months and then stopped. I confronted her about this and she says that it's all over now. She says that nothing has happened physically between them and it was only messages and it's over now. They no longer are talking.

What she doesn't know is that I know her phone passcode. Several weeks ago, I let curiosity get the better of me and I checked her phone and noticed they were still in communication. I casually asked her if they were still talking and she said no. In the past, she has proven herself to be a capable and consistent liar,

one saying that she lied to me to protect my feelings. Does this small lie suggest that she's lying about other things? At this point, I feel that I cannot trust her even ever again and leading myself to get consumed by negative thoughts, spirals. What advice do you guys have to offer me? Nisotras papaya, A-Sparks.

I got this one on lock so if you guys need to figure it out. Davy, go ahead. You gotta get the fuck out, dude. Now. Yeah. Get the fuck out because all that's happening is it's making you crazy. It's making you question your own thoughts, your own thinking.

It's taking up all that mental headspace and you don't want to live in a life where you're checking phone codes. You know what I mean? I don't. She's lying. You can't trust somebody that's lying. It's based on, you know.

I'm willing to bet that it actually became physical. Yeah. And you just didn't find out about that. Oh, yeah. That could quite possibly be the situation. They're probably together right now. Yeah. As you're listening.

Yeah. She can't even talk as her, his cum is in your mouth. Her mouth is so full. This guy's just crying while listening to this. Yeah, but she's crying his cum. Is that how science works? Yeah, that's how science works. Yeah, out.

Wouldn't you say out? Yes, just on surface level, yes. And here's the worst part. Here's the best part. Here's the punchline. And this is the truth. He's going to end it, and somehow, among their friends, he's going to be the asshole.

That's how it works out. That's how it works out. Guys are always the asshole. He abandoned me, and I was just having, I was going through a thing. I was insecure, and I was reaching out for some security. If he was there for me to begin with, I wouldn't have needed to reach out for evidence.

You know what I mean? I already can see this one coming a mile away. Get out. Get out. Doing yourself a favor. That's easy. Give me another one. I need another email.

Hey, Tiger Belly. I grew up with strict traditional Asian, not East Asian parents who immigrated to the West. What was that little side note? Not East Asian. South Asian. Maybe he's Indian. OK.

Maybe he's Filipino. South East Asian. Yeah, he's actually a spicier curry. Maybe he's the ocean. Spicier. Yeah. I don't like the differentiate. I think we're all Asian.

Let's just be in one thing. They don't think that, though. Sweetie. You're Korean, right? Yeah. Yeah, you guys, you guys, you feel like you're the top of the fruiting. Oh, yes, you're right.

Dave knows. I know. That's easy for you to say that. Dave knows. My godkids are Korean. Yeah, look, you're looking at me. Want to get into the Vietnamese, Bob? We'll talk about that.

I agree with you. Just stop for a second. Just stop. Let that sink in, OK? What he just did, let that sink in. All right. What you did right there was intuitive. You know things.

Very accurate, factual. Don't say that, OK? We gave them a spoon. That's what the Koreans, whole thing. Hey, hey, hey. Without us, they did no spoon. All right. Am I wrong though?

You're wrong or right? I don't know, OK? But you're very intuitive, all right? And you know a lot of things. And I'm going to leave it at that, OK? All right, so let's go back to you. I grew up with strict traditional Asian parents who immigrated to the West when I was a baby.

I have lived in the West my whole life. I always found it hard to balance the Asian side and the Western side of me. There have been so many times where I felt conflicted. Example, dating. I know at the end of the day, it's my life, but I love my parents, and I don't want them to be sad. How do you handle being a person who

feels they are part of two completely different cultures? How do I find the balance? You all seem so free, and I envy that, a fan. I mean, when did he, what age did he come here? No age. The thing is this, you're American, OK? You know, when my parents, my parents, everything that they believe and they say

is rooted in a different culture. But that has nothing to do with my life. Because if I would have followed all their rules and their opinions and who to date, wanted to do jobs and all that stuff, I wouldn't be here right now. I would be working at some sort of office with a little dating a girl named Tring Tring, right?

A four foot seven, like Korean chick. And then like just. You're taller now, you know? Korean girls are taller now. Whatever, OK. Sure point. Yeah. And I would just be living this like mundane life,

but I said to myself, as an American, I'm going to follow my dreams. I'm going to just stand up. They go, no, you can't do it. You're never going to make, you know? And I go, well, I have to do it, right? They go, you have to marry a Korean. I married this like half Middle Eastern, half thing.

I don't think both sides of you. Middle Eastern. Well, part of Egyptian quarter. My grandmother was full Egyptian. Well, that's good, Bob. So when you get some intel, you know, give me a heads up so I can get out of town, you know, the next strike. Thank you, man.

Thank you, man. Thank you. I don't think that both parts of you have to be in opposition. I think that you can. Like I'm a 1.5 or I came from the Philippines when I was 15. And I still honor both. I'm able to be all of that.

That's the beauty of America. You can come here and still be all of that. Yeah, but your mom doesn't have these like you can't date. You know what I mean? You have to date a Philippine. She doesn't have those weird things. Yeah, that's true. She's open.

I know her. But you can still make your mom feel assured in the fact that you carry a lot of I don't know what culture he comes from. Let's like assume he's Indian. And still she has to get with the times, right? And you like you said, you have to train your parents. And sometimes you have to kind of force your way there. I kind of proved to them that this was the right decision.

Yeah. And over time, they're kind of just going to, you know, they'll get there with you. It might take some some pushing. Yeah, but your mom is, I'm just saying, is your mom always? She's so liberal. My mom is. She she she's open to every she loves all people.

That's right. She loves art. Well, I think that you got to follow your dream. It's your life. You got to live it the way you can. And I'll tell you that I live a lifestyle that goes very, very much against my family's lifestyle, what they wanted for me. And they wanted me to go to college, want to be a doctor or a lawyer,

whatever the fuck they want. And I was like, listen, this is what I'm doing. Not only does this what I'm doing, but I'm dropping out of high school to do it. Never finished high school. And you know what? They're my parents and they love me no matter what. They're just not psyched about some of my choices.

But the fact is this is this is my body. This is my air. There's my feelings. This is my brain. This is my heart. I'm the one who has to carry around all this stuff. And I am not going to let their guilt to make my decisions for me. Yeah.

And that's what I would say. And so what I do is when I visit my parents, I just kind of drop. I hate to say this, but in self interest, I like leave 30% of myself out the door. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't bring the whole fucking thing in the house and be like, you know, it's, you know, let's, you know, let's fucking whatever.

But, you know, I just like I'm respectful to them. And when I'm under their under their house, I abide by their rules, which is why I say they're like 90 minutes at a time and then do what I can. But yeah, man, it's your life. And when it's time to die, they're not dying with you. It's just you. Yeah.

And part of being, I mean, being true to yourself is learning how to disappoint people, even if that means disappointing your parents. Brilliant. That's brilliant. It's just part of what you said that Dave, I do like going home because there are, it's, you can't, I can't fully be this fucking comedian at home. I have to eat their food. You know what I mean?

I have to listen to their opinions and smell their smells is be, be there and be. And if there is a feeling of, there is a feeling of a love, right? And a comfortable feeling that I don't get really anywhere else. You know, there's something about that. So I'm so, you know, I just bless that I have that. They're still here with us, you know, and I can still have that. But so dude, I mean, don't cut your parents. Your parents love you, but you just take for, you heard what we said.

Like he said, leave 30% of yourself out the door. Yeah. Sometimes that's necessary. Sometimes just, you know. Yeah, because the option is you're not going to follow your dreams and you're not going to follow your heart and you're going to resent them for the rest of your life. And that is the number one offender.

As we know, resentment is the number one offender. Wait. So how old were you when you were in Jane's addiction? I got in the band. I think I was 17. And how old was Perry then? I think he was 26. Whoa.

Yeah. So you were pretty good guitar player at that time then. Yeah. You had to have been. Yeah. I haven't gotten any better. I really haven't. I'm not one of those guys that sits around and plays and practices all the time.

Like, I just, I get all my training with other musicians. Yeah. But. And then just when did you, let me just, I'm curious, when did you guys make it? Like, so like when did you hit? We hit basically when we broke up because we, we did all this touring. We did all these records and we did the first Lollapalooza in 1991.

And that was our last tour. And then we quit. And then we all went home and realized how huge we were. Like, we had no idea. Wow. Especially back then because no internet, no cell phones, no computers, no, we had no way of knowing. I didn't know.

Are you kidding me? No. There was no way to track how you're doing really. Really? I mean, like I could have called the label and found out what numbers are, but I don't, you know. Wow. I was 20 years old.

Like, I don't know. It's so weird because my perspective is I bought a ticket to that 91, you know, Lollapalooza. I was in the audience. I think I, or Ice Cube, Ice T was on it. And I was sitting there. And when you guys came on, I got like, you know, when you see, you know, you, you start getting like, I can't believe this close to them.

They're human beings. You know what I mean? And they start playing and you're just like, just in all like completely. I'm from the suburbs. Like I'm a fan. Like I can't believe I'm around famous people and all that stuff. And then in their heads are like, we haven't made it yet. No, no.

Well, what about you? When was it? What was? I still haven't made it yet. But like, was mad TV? Was that like, I made it? No. What was the made it thing?

I haven't made it yet. Yes, you have. I feel like I'm a household name. I'm not a household name at all. Household name. You think I'm a household name? Yeah. I don't think so.

I do too. When I tell people I do this podcast with who and I say your name, like, what the fuck? How did you get that? Everyone knows who you are. I see. I don't know. I wake up at two, three in the afternoon and there's a hole in my fucking heart.

Yeah. I have that too. Anyway. That's our podcast. That's why I have Amazon. Yeah. You know, I can buy it. Whatever shape that hole is, there's something on Amazon that'll fit right perfectly in there.

It's a prime guy. Ooh, prime, prime guy. It's a prime guy. It fills the void in my life. So, let me just say this. So, Jane says, what album was that on? That was on the first record. That was on Nothing Shocking.

Right. What song was it? What song was it? Coming down the mountain with that song? That's Mountain Song. That's also on the first record. The first record. Yeah. During that record, you didn't think you made it?

Not really. I mean, we were stoked to have a record out, but like, we didn't know if anybody bought it. We didn't know if anybody liked it. I mean, we would see people at the end. Then that last tour, the Lollapalooza, it was a big festival that was sold out, but we didn't know they were there to see us or were they here to see the whole day? Were they here? You know what I mean?

So it's like, it wasn't until the band was over that I was like, wow, we've made an impact here. And then you were on the Red Hot Chili Peppers for how long? Five years. Five years. And then went back to Janes. Then went back to Janes. Yeah. You, I know several rock stars, right?

You, I know Anthony as well. Just the nicest, I don't know what it is. They're just so nice. Every time, comics are the ones that are fucking assholes. Yeah. Yeah, why is that? I don't know. I mean, comics, I go, fuck that guy.

Let me ask you this, Bobby. Have you been watching or did you watch I'm dying up here? All my friends are on it. They've all done this podcast. We promoted everything to the show. Every single one has been on this podcast. And you won't watch it? No.

Did you see it? I've seen it. You like it? I mean, I'm not part of the comedy world, so it was fun for me. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know how I was going to, my question was going to be was how accurate was that? I think that, I think it was pretty accurate. I mean, they, you know, Neil Brennan had a funny thing.

He said it would have been better if the real people weren't it. Yeah. You know, you know, his idea would have been like Jay Leno talking about it and then just hiring a young guy to play Jay Leno. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Because well, there's a guy that's like a Gabe Kaplan type type. Yeah.

They did prototypes, right? But I think it'd have been more interesting to see, you know, what Letterman and Leno and these actual guys did, you know, to see what, um, did they have the guy jumping off the high, there was a guy, they had that in the, yeah. Yeah. And at first season. Yeah. What did you know?

The, the guy that jumped off after. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. As soon as he like had his big break, he walked in front of a bus. Yeah. But in the real thing is, is that he didn't make it. What happened was he, he didn't, he went on strike and when the strike was over, he wouldn't, he didn't get any spots.

Oh. Right. And he kept calling everyone like, I'm not getting any spots because they, people like club owners were resentful at him for him striking and he jumped off the high end. No, in the, in the show, he lands Carson, which is the deal. Yeah. And then he gets Carson and Johnny invited him over to the couch and it was a big fucking, like, you know, you don't, there's no, like, you know, back in those days that was like,

that's it. That's the, you, right. Top tier, right. Yeah. And then he left the Carson show and jumped in front of a bus. Oh my God. Like went out on the high. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I got called over at Jay Leno back in 1990, 2000, 2000. But, but he's getting called over to the couch on Leno. The same is getting called over. That's what I'm saying. The next day, no one called me. Really? And yet to this, till this day, no one's ever said, I saw you on Jay Leno.

Really? Yeah. It was so depressing. I remember playing fight night with my brother, Steve, the next day. Yeah. And my brother was like, yeah, it was pretty good. It was okay. I remember him saying that and then like, that's it.

Oh my God. All right. Speaking of these kinds of films. Fuck, what was I just landing on? Like, I drew a blank, but that to me. No, we're going to wait. We're going to wait here until you think of it. Like, fucking, I'm so upset.

No, you know what? When people do this, you know what I mean? It drives me crazy. But it's like, you drive me crazy. I know, but I want to make you as uncomfortable as possible. No, I'm not uncomfortable. You'll edit this out. But I, I, um, let me just, let me see if we can get there together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So was it a movie that you were saying? Gary Shanling Diaries. There we go. Have you watched it? I'll tell you why I haven't. Oh, Bob.

I know. I'll tell you why I haven't. Oh my God. I know. Can I tell you why? Oh my God. I know. I thank you guys for being here.

You know what? I will start watching it. I'm telling you. Because Judd, right? I love Judd. Judd did it, right? Yeah. He did.

And he was so pro on Instagram that I was so inundated by it that I'm like, you know, I'm going to hold off. I'm with you. I'm with you. I love Gary Shanling. In fact, he gave me a compliment once, Gary Shanling. What did he say? Wow.

So I did it. I, before I booked the movie, The Dictator, he called in. I brought in me, Mikro, a bunch of people to read the script. But when we showed up, everyone was there. Larry David, Larry Charles, Gary Shanling, everyone was there. And I read and then I was walking out and Larry Charles was standing out there by this patio with Gary Shanling and Gary Shanling stops the conversation he had with Larry Charles. Just to say to me, great job, kid.

Damn. Wow. And I went, I, I, I had like, thank you. Oh yeah. Right. And I got in my car and when you're driving away from something like that, just the world, the world is at your fucking fingertips, my friend. The next day I was suicidal.

But other than that, that fucking drive away. Let me tell you, Bobby. Yeah. And I, and I, if you're going to make me watch hereditary, I'm going to make you watch her. HBO go. Yeah. Gary Shanling diaries. It's two parts, so watch a part tonight.

But not only is it his story and his path and his, his creative genius, but they have access to like 20 years of his, his journals. Wow. And it's his, it's all his frustration, all his sadness, all his torment and torture. Yeah. And how tormented this guy was and how ultimately he had to find some kind of spiritual path at the end and it gets all Buddhist and fucking crazy and really weird. But there's two things in it that are really interesting.

One is an interview that Ricky Gervais was doing with Gary at his house, which just goes so uncomfortably wrong. Yeah. That it's worth seeing. Yeah. You know what I mean? I think Ricky Gervais was a little fat then, right? He was a little fat then, but like Gary was like not into it.

Not into it at all. Like he came home and Gary and like, it's just the best. And then the other thing was that his dream was always to take Carson over. Like that was his dream. Like I'm going to make, I'm going to do, then they offer it to him. And he passes on it. Why? Damn.

You got to watch it, man. I'll tell you why. I don't know that he died alone, right? Heart attack by himself in his house, right? I don't know. I think that's what happened. I don't know. But what I do know is that him and his fiance then were going to get married.

They were working on this house. They're going to build this house. Did you know the story? No. So he's working this house and they're going to get married once their dream house is built. And he wanted to put off the marriage. So every, every couple of months he'd go up to the site and tell the contractor, you know what, let's, let's put the pool over there to lengthen the amount of time before

he had to use a fucking deep motherfucker. He is a funny guy. One of the best. So funny, man, but I'm telling you, and that's something the two of you can watch together. We are going to watch it tonight tonight because he's funny and I'm sure that you will resonate with you because a lot of what you do, I'm assuming this is an assignment. It's an assumption, but you know, I take my painful uncomfortable moments and I turn it into music or whatever.

And I would imagine the same as with comedy. That's why that's why I always call like the comedy store, like the house of darkness because it really is a fucking dark vibe in there. You know what I mean? Like it's funny when people are, you know, when the shows are happening, but there's some dark motherfuckers in there. Have you been there like when the shoot, when it was dark, like late night? No, it's so spooky.

Like I was, I was in there recently during the day. Wow. I remember being called to Pauley's office in there. I was like, give me the fuck out of here in this fucking, it's dark. Yeah. Yeah. But please, I implore you. I'm going to watch it tonight, Dave.

And can I just say this too? Yeah. This is that we've been doing this podcast for a very long time and you are one of my favorite guests. Damn. Yeah. You're so good. So clear.

You're so funny, so insightful and I am just, you know, grateful that you showed up, man. I'm really pumped by it, man. Anytime. Anytime. You're a good dude, man. I love you too, man. And I expect to see you on our show. It's fine if it happens.

It happens. Wow. It doesn't happen. What's the, what's the? If you don't give him something definitive, he gets salty. It's fine though. It's, you know, you can't make it. It doesn't have to.

It has to be like a firm yes. Right. No, it is a yes. I just, I got to check with my producer. I have a producer. He's a producer. You're a sensitive artist. So I don't, I don't know.

You know, I don't know. We got, you know, we might have a big name. Give Dave Navarro a round of applause guys. Dave, any final plugs? The only plugs I have is a Ink Master season 11 starts August 28th at 10 o'clock on the Paramount network and you can find me on Instagram, Dave Navarro, Twitter, Instagram, all the same, Dave Navarro, Facebook, I think is Dave Navarro. I'm not sure.

I don't, I don't really check. What size shirt do you wear? I think they're all medium, but I think that though I, are you a social media guy? Are you big with it? I do so. Yeah. Yeah. Why?

It's killing America, man. It is. It's destroying society. I agree. I'm not doing anything to change that. I'm still participating. Yeah. But I'm just aware it's destroying us.

Yeah. And I'm going to say this. You know, I, you can say what you want about John McCain. He passed, you know, but today I went to his Instagram and people are just ripping him apart. It's like, really? Yeah. Like, thank God you're dead. I mean, all that, you know, you're kidding.

And in my head, I mean, just score thousands. That's so. And in my head, I'm like, wow, this is, it's a sick place, man. Have you noticed recently that no matter who dies, all of a sudden everybody in the world was the biggest fan of that person? Yeah. Yeah. I know.

I want to go, yeah, name me three Aretha Franklin songs. That's all I want to say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where we do the you know about that right that I want to try it. Do you really yeah, I mean you welcome to but you come hang out, too But I want to hang Okay, I want to hook hang by hooks to your skin. Oh Yeah, baby Like apparatus you put on like no, no, no, no, no, I'm not going

You get impaled babe. I'm not being impaled bro. You're going Yeah, show you a picture of what you've done it. It's oh a million times, but like for instance, this was yesterday this girl is like Pierce through her knees Yeah, oh shit, so that happens on Sundays And you guys are oh, wow. We have to show up one day Yeah, it's fun and it's just it's just like a weird little hang But speaking of which I got everybody together for a group photo because everybody was there and that guy realized I was like

All right, you guys can all go now. I'll just post the picture and like I'm out you go Yeah, like all I need is to prove that I have friends Yeah, put the picture up out going imagine Like it when Schindler, you know saved all those, you know Jews and him taking a photo Yeah, I can about hashtag shillers the best and smile I did this and also tag me on your photos because I did this for you What about also reminding all the people like years later, right go back Thursday Right back then people did it just to do with the save lives, right now. What do you tag the ones that didn't make it?

Yeah, yeah, you gotta ask yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah anyway Make sure you follow us on Instagram at Tiger Valley on the Twitter's at the Tiger Valley and make sure you most any questions That are on helpful advice at the Tiger Valley gmail.com Don't forget also if you are real papaya You want premium content comes out every Monday check out our patreon at patreon.com slash tiger belly. Have a good night Hey Prime members you can listen to Tiger barely ad-free on Amazon music download the Amazon music app today

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