TigerBelly - Episode 160: Happy Birthday, Captain

Episode Date: September 19, 2018

With a little help from friends, Gilbo, Koloko, and PinkDick attempt to turn their captain’s birthday frown upside down. We talk ligament cakes, a Brazilian body spray, and a Frank Sinatra moment.Premium Episodes every Monday.https://www.patreon.com/TigerBellySupport us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Hello everyone. Welcome to the Tiger Billy podcast. We are talking very quiet right now. If you're watching on video, as you can see right now, it is very dark in the room. There are some light up balloons. There are regular balloons. There is Bryce in the corner. There is George by the camera. Are you even in the shot, George? Wave your hand somewhere. People know you're here. There's his hand.

Can't see shit. It's too dark. We're going to probably cut this part, but you know. Actually, you're creating the scene. I'm creating the scene, so how dare you for audio listeners. I'm trying to make some surprises happen. Here's why we're whispering. It's Bobby's birthday today, and Kalilo took Bobby out for a dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant and took him for a dessert to stall time for us to set up the room.

We're going to surprise Bobby and go directly in the podcast. We're going to leave the cameras running. We're going to leave the audio, all the mics hot, so that you guys can join us on this experience of surprising our leader, our captain. There is no chance we cut out any dead time. You're going to hear all of what's happening. It's going to be live and exciting. Every minute, you're going to get to hear it.

We wonder if they're not at the door right now. We didn't hear a thing. We did get a text though, right? Yes, we did get a text. The audience with the text said. The text said we're in the basement. So they're in the basement. They're probably in an elevator right now. I assume they've had enough time to get out of the elevator.

Wait, light the candles. I don't know. What if he walks directly in here? Then it's better than the water going off because these set off a smoke alarm. Do you see how many candles there are? Show me where the alarm is. Look at the alarm. It's not here. Bobby took it out because he didn't want to feel the battery.

Bobby just entered in right now. They're trying to light the candles. Now they're missing. You're the camera dude. I've got one candle lit. Let me put my camera on. Bobby's here. The dog's here.

I have to be the one that's doing this. I can hear Kalayla. But this is what we do for our captain. For our leader. Our young. We bought a bunch of red bowls. He's coming. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear captain. Happy birthday to you. Guys, we are on the Tiger Belly podcast. You were with us for 20 minutes while we set this up. Bobby is in the room. He's the leader. He's very happy.

This is the happiest I've ever seen him. He's not annoyed by any of this. Kalayla's here as well. The podcast. Bobby, how do you feel? Get on the mic. This is where we start. What we have for you is some red bowls.

Some dream water. Some glue. I don't know how I wanted to start. You don't want a cake? What kind of cake is it? First of all, can I say this? I was genuinely surprised. Ask me this question.

Am I happy? Ask me if I'm happy. Bobby, are you happy? I knew it. Are there actually 47 candles on there? It's too many. Can I say this? I'm not after I burn this one out.

It's my fucking birthday. And you're hogging the mic, too, with your fucking voice. You don't even know what was happening before you showed up. Sorry, sir. You started the podcast already? Yeah, about eight minutes ago. What did you guys talk about? It was just us setting up.

And then George talking the whole time. Really? What was he talking about? He was thinking about candles. They could turn off the fire alarms. He said the fire alarm would go off. I said there's no fucking fire alarm. Oh, yeah, he ripped them all off.

Here's the mystery. I came in the house and I go, why are the dogs trapped in the bedroom? And what did I say? You said something about, well, Rami probably figured out how to get in there. How good of an actor am I? Wait, what were you expecting?

Are they not supposed to be trapped in the bedroom? No, when we come in the house, they're not in the bedroom. We lock them out. We keep them in the living room. Number two is like, did somebody walk the dogs? No, I don't know. Maybe Calala. Because when I came in, I'm like, should I walk the dog?

And she's like, you don't have to. Which is really weird. Like, what? She usually is like, babe, walk the dog. And secondly, the thirdly is that I've been getting some weird gifts. From...

Just Calala gave me a Brazilian spray. What do you mean? I didn't get it out of the blue. You wanted it. I understand that. Whitney Cummings was wearing a Brazilian spray a month ago. It's some sort of fucking body spray.

It's like, you know, have you guys ever used... I use a lotion called the Bumbum Cream. It's like a Brazilian brand and I love it. And he comes home one day and he's like, Whitney Cummings smelled really good today. And I want the same body spray. Yeah.

I understand that. But I didn't want it for my birthday gift. Hey, do you want to blow out those candles? Sing it again. Sing it again. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. You're gonna die soon. Why? You're gonna die soon. Cause you're getting old. It's pure wax. It's all wax.

It's all the cake. Is it ice cream cake? No. I wanted ice cream cake. I requested that. We just got ice cream. That's what she told us. That's why she took you to dessert.

We were like, can you please take him to dessert? That was another strange thing. You're like, you usually want to come home. Or you're saying... Diabetes. Or some sort of thing. And I'm like, I can get dessert? That's great.

Thank you for the spray, babe. And then I also got a gift from Warner Brothers. Right? It's CAA Warner Brothers. Delivered to my house. It comes in a box. I got the brills in the spray. I'm grateful for that.

But this is where the real shit is. I opened it up. And it's a carrying case for suits. I've seen you wear so many suits. I know. But it's for travelers. And I think this is just the thing that they give actors mail.

Because they think that we all wear suits. Like a stock thing. Oh, like they have a warehouse of like, oh, here's our male actors. Yeah. So this year it's all suit. Suit carrying cases. So I got that, which I'll never use,

but thank you. And then I think, who gave me this dream water? That's just her stuff. Yeah. The powder hasn't quite arrived yet. So I had to go with what was available. Wait, wait. Do you order powder for me? Where is it?

It's in the mail. All right. So this is what you got. You got this at the store for me? This is your gift to me. Thank you, George. Is it better than my gift? It's up there. Gilbert, what did you get?

It's coming. I ordered it in the mail. Are you talking about? Only one person can use that excuse. You can't use the mail excuse. And I will not be angry if you're just completely and utter honest with me. I will say.

Just look at me right now. I'll tell you what I got. This is not your gift, but I did get it. The waters, the bows, the balloons, and the albums. And the ambience. I got you the ambience. You're welcome for the ambience.

You're welcome. You're welcome for the gift. I got you a suit. Hold up. There's still holders coming. Bryce, would you get me? My love. My love for you. My love.

Adrian. Wait, hang on one second. Name one gift I've gotten you in the last five years of our relationship. The alien doll. Yeah, but how do you even know that that's what I got you last year? Because I remembered it, lady?

In the car, I asked him, what did I get you last year? He goes, oh, it's the thought that counts, babe. I was like, what did I get you the year before? Nothing. He won't remember. Even if you get him a brand new car or Brazilian body spray, he's not going to remember.

I don't function like normal people, all right? It's not about me remembering. It's just the act, right? It's a check in my heart. So my birthday arrives, right?

What I do today, I look through all my messages and I memorized who sent me a personal you know what I mean? A personal happy birthday. Who's the fanciest one? Do you say thank you? Yeah, I got...

Who is this Bill Sex Transport? That's probably Bill Poon. Oh, that's it. Okay, so thank you, Bill. I got Bill. My manager, Lindsay Price, texted me, Sandy Danto. That's my stepdad. You didn't even save his number. That hurts my feelings.

I will later. Candace Thompson, that's it. Paul Choi, my cousin. My agent. Anyway, it's an uneventful number. It's 47. 50 is going to be nuts though.

50 is the death one. That's where... Is somebody else coming in? No, not that we know of. Are we getting another surprise? We're full of surprises today. 47 is a... Can you put them in the bedroom, George?

How do you look at that? 47. How old are you? 29. Oh, my God. How does that feel? Okay. I am feeling a little bit like, whoa, 30. 30 is around the corner. But it ain't shit though. Think about 50 coming around the corner.

That's shit. Oh, my God. That's some shit. Oh, my mom's calling. That's interesting. Hello? Hey, mom. Thank you, mom. Did you get my message?

I didn't text you back, but I loved it. You know I read it. I know. How's dad? Oh, he's fine. I'm not getting better. But his behavior is good. His behavior is good.

Is he pooping on himself? Yeah. No, is he pooping on himself? Yeah. He poops on himself? Poop. Poop. He had all that little toilet.

Oh, you had a toilet? Yeah. All right. So you don't have to clean up any poo then? Well, I have to do it. I have to do it, but not like he used to do it with his fingers. Oh, you used to put your fingers in his butthole? Oh, yeah. I hate it. You hate it, huh?

Yeah, not anymore. He's good. Not walking, but except dad, he's perfect. And he's talking and everything? No. He's not even talking? No. Oh, that's so sad.

You don't understand. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, and he got mad sometimes. He said, why don't you understand me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't know, he doesn't talk funny. Yeah, except...

Yeah? Mom? Mom? Oh. She died. My mom died on it. What is that? What is that? We have a gift from Jay, cataporetta.

Wait, Jay cataporetta got me a pizza? She sent you a pizza? Thank you. Thank you, Jay cataporetta for the pizza. I got to call my mom back. I think she died. Call your mom then. Mom? Did you hang up on me? No, I didn't. It hang up itself.

How does the phone hang up itself? Magic, magic. It's a magic phone. Yeah, I didn't do it. It's your birthday, so it's magic today. It's a magic day. That's why this phone just hang up on you. Where are you now? I'm at home right now.

Not Las Vegas. Somebody called me from Las Vegas. Yeah. I hung up and called again. I hung up. And then, you know, maybe there was Bobby who, you know, I thought you were in Las Vegas, you know. How did you know the guy was calling you from Las Vegas in the first place? You know the number?

It said it on the phone? It shows the number, but no names. But, you know, oh, you're everywhere. Mom? Was I a bad son? No, you are not bad son. No, but as a kid, though, was I bad?

Yeah, but, you know, I coped with it. You coped with it? Yeah, but that's a teenager thing. Every teenager doing that, you know, like that. I'm sorry for stealing so much money and doing crystal meth and fetamine. No.

You pay that now. I did pay it back, yeah, yeah. But I did a lot of crystal meth and I jacked off in your bathroom and everything. I cried and everything, you know. I thought that was the end of the world. Yeah, I know, but when you and Dad were at work, I would jack off in your bathroom.

I know. Don't tell me that. I know. I know, I know. Most of the things, I don't want to, you know. You don't want to think about it. But you are a good boy. I know.

Everybody say you are the best boy. I'm the best boy now or late? Now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so you are, you know, you have a good son. No, it's all the guilt from all the jizz

in your bathroom, mom, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Is Steve there too? No, Steve's not here. I'm with my girlfriend and some friends and we're just drinking some coffee and we have a little cake,

but you know, I like talking to you, mom. I know. Did you buy a house? Really? Why? We don't have the money. You know, don't rush it. I'm not going to rush it, but you have a house, you have a house, you know.

Yeah, but I have six animals now. You know that, right? That's pessimism. You would take care of the animals. Oh, just a dog, not cat. Why not the cat? I have allergy. Oh, yeah.

I got, you know, I got rashies and I can breathe. You can't breathe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But dog is okay, you know. Yeah. Remember dad used to rage out? Do you remember those days? Yeah.

Well, it was a long time. You know, he's now like lame. He's lame now. But he used to come into the bedroom, naked with the toilet paper sticking out of his ass and beat us with a cassiova. He threw the dishes, you know.

He threw dishes, yeah, yeah. And me, you know. So I went upstairs and locked the door. Yeah. And then he slide the tape in a letter. I said, yeah, I won't do it. He already said he doesn't do it again, you know. But he didn't.

You know what I'm saying? He doesn't drink, he doesn't eat. But he's a good boy now. Because he's he had a stroke. You can't talk. Good boy. Anyway, mom, I'm on a podcast.

So I'm going to call you later, okay? I want to say one more thing about daddy. Okay. He gave me good money. Never complain about how I spent. Yeah. That's why I helped him. And I don't have any complain about it.

I know, dad was a good dad. I love you, mom, so much. I'm the only woman for him. I know, mom, okay. I'm on a podcast, so I got to go, okay? I love you. I'll call you later. That's okay. I love you, mom. I love you so much.

Bye. Give it up for Barber Lee's mom, everyone. We have another caller and it's like these are schedules or something. It's like someone had the gift. Wait, wait, wait. It's like someone gave the gift of scheduling. Okay. Was my mom, was my mom scheduled?

Yes. By you. Yeah, we were all coordinating it. With my mom. We just talked to mom. Happy birthday. Does anybody in my family listen? Happy birthday.

I love you too, man. I love my brother. It sounds high. You all right? Yeah, I love you so much. What else? I love you so much. Did you give me a gift?

Yeah, I got it. It's in my backpack. I can't wait to see you later. Well, I got to go to sleep early. I have a table read in the morning. Oh, that sucks. Yeah, that's good. Okay, well, call me up after the show. Okay, bye. Okay, that was pointless.

Who else? Steve prepped your mom. Oh, really? That's why my mom called. I have to give your mom's number to him. And then I had Steve prepped by these guys. I just called your mom right away.

She'd probably be confused. Well, that was strange because she's never called me this late. And when she called, I thought dad was dying or something. Really? Happy birthday? Well, I know, but she never calls me at this time. So in my head, it's always an emergency.

So scared me. It was a pleasure. Thank you for you guys so did extra stuff today. Yeah, man. Do you feel a little special now? I felt good about the dinner that you took me to. How was the restaurant? Oh, we have leftovers for you.

That's a fancy Italian restaurant. We went to a really fancy place. It was almost too fancy that it as soon as dress code wise. No, it's like, you know, cheese vodka. It's almost like it only seats 20 people. Very small. And we had this

charcuterie board. But at the end of the charcuterie board is this deep fried meat something. She explained it and then we weren't really listening. It just looked like a really perfect crab cake. Perfect. I had it first. I liked it because I like everything.

After I took a bite, I looked at him and I said, don't eat this. This is too advanced for your palate. And she was like, could I know him? I know, like, me, I eat blood sausages. I eat dinuguan. I eat tripe. I eat minuto. I eat everything.

So nothing gets to me. I said, don't eat this because it's too advanced for you. He's like, what does that even mean? Yeah, it's like, it's a ligament cake. That's what it tastes like. You bit into it.

Oh, that's a squirrel's elbow. I mean, like, kind of crunchy and like not meat, but also fat, but bone. So the flavor is not meat. It's like... I think it just had a lot of cartilage. Ground up cartilage.

There's like little gaps in there. And you go, oh, there's a little... your teeth are going... Then you chew down, it's fat. It was delicious. The textural thing that I know he's not really into. Yeah, I'm not fancying that one. He was so thrown off that

right after that because we were supposed to have dessert and everything there. Yeah. He's like, I got to go to Baskin Robbins. To reset. He's like, I just got to get back to the meat and potatoes and things that I know. I will do bone marrow.

I will do some of the fancier things. Maybe to people listening right now that's not fancy. But to me, like frog legs or snails or ligament cakes a little fancy for my palate and need to reset it with some olive garden

or you know what I mean? But then you had the pork chop. I mean, the pork chop was un-fucking-real. But the greatest thing happened afterwards. We're at the valet and this old white man was there.

Right? This old white man and he goes, this old white man goes I loved you on that show. That's what he says. I go, what show is that? It's a love. Oh, cool. Thanks.

Yeah, you're really like, you know, I don't know. I'm on a new show. That's why I asked, you know, what show are you on now? And I told him, you know, and he goes, oh, well, so you're not available. I go, yeah, I'm not probably not available to do anything because I want to chase you.

To be in projects. And then his wife was like, yeah, chase him. My wife is Asian. Got his name and he's like a huge writer, producer. Oh, it wasn't a random. No, he's like a real guy. I think he said the white valet guy.

No, no, no, he was like a couple of movies he wrote with JJ Abrams. You know his name? I don't want to say his name, but I'm just saying that Al Magical is calling. Oh, interesting. Is that set up? I don't know, Bobby. It's your boss. Hello.

Is this Al? Is this set up? Or did they tell you to call? Or is this bullshit? No, I was thinking about you. Oh, no, you weren't. You never called. You fucking asshole. Are you doing anything or something?

No, I'm not ammiting. I'm doing my podcast right now. You shut up. Yeah. No, no, be honest with me. Al, did they say, did they set this up? No, I was just actually, I was going through the Wikipedia section of your

and I found a bunch of stuff. Robert Young Lee Jr. where he packed a birthday and pulled it up. I didn't know your parents wanted you to take over the family. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How were the kids? How was Kristen? How was everything? Everybody's great. Okay. And are we fired off? Is that what you're calling? They were firing Tiger Belly, letting us go. No, why do you always say that? Because I want to be a part of it.

That's why. What? Thank you. That's all I wanted to hear. That's all I want to hear out of the boss's mouth. Okay. You saw the I commissioned animation to have you riding a unicorn

or whatever that was. Yeah. It's fantastic. It's the best show we got. Oh, I have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah. Also, congratulations on night school. When does that come out? Yeah. That comes out on the 28th. And I was Kevin Hart and Tiffany Haddish.

Yeah, I was going to plug that for you, dude. Thank you. That's not what I was calling though. I'm really calling to say happy birthday. Thank you. You were really, I mean, when I started, I will tell this story. When I did start coming to the comedy store in 2004,

easily one of, or the nicest comedian to me, it was like you and Kevin Christy right away. Friends for life. Love you. And so happy with the sitcom because, you know,

I have the same thing going on. It's like the ups and downs of this thing. Oh, yeah. Things are so great. So congratulations. Wait. Also, can I say this is that, you know, I've seen your career and I've seen you have shows and not, but you know what, dude, at the end

of the day, it's like we're still going to not quit and keep going. And I think that's the key of it all. Okay. No, we're in too deep. We're way too deep. Yeah. Well, Al, thanks for the call. I really, Al, thanks for the call. I really appreciate it. And congratulations

on night school. And I hope it's a very big success for you. And Kristen wants to have you guys over for dinner to make Korean food. Please do it soon. Please do it soon because I want to do it. Alright. I love you. Alright. Bye. Okay. Tell me right now who else is calling.

I don't know. I'm not picking up the phone again. Bobby! You have to pick up. We don't know. I don't know. Okay. You sort of got on your life. You don't know. I don't know who's calling. We can't swear on anything. We don't swear around here. Joe, George, tell me right now who's calling. I can't say for sure.

You wonder if a son can't say for sure. That actually is kind of true. I can't say for sure. So how did Al get... How did all this happen? People have far to imagine. It's not that hard to get people to want people... I know, but so somebody must have a list of people who's going to call in.

You guys are saying that... We have no idea who the fuck... Listen, I had a list. He had a list. He had a list. Your mom was me. Okay. Maybe two other people are me. One other person, maybe. Gilbert had his list. And we all exchanged numbers

of who had whose number. That's it. It feels good. It feels good. It's not as depressing. Yesterday I was super depressed. I don't know why. He didn't even want me to have dinner with him.

I just kind of drove after the store. I drove around town. I was just like... Before every birthday... This is before he came home with a Brazilian body spray. After the Brazilian body spray, his spirits...

It pepped me up. I like the smell of it. I really do like the smell of it. Every birthday, the day before, you're just kind of... It's not that. What it is is this. And I do... I do a couple of things.

I go on my Instagram to feel shitty and good. It's not good. You want to feel shitty. This accident because who you follow. So it's like... Today I saw... Today I said... Jimmy O Yang at the Emmys?

It kind of made me feel sad. I don't know why he just put me in a bad mood. Oh, you saw a picture of him. He was having a good time. He put me in a bad mood. Really? That guy loves you. I love him too. We're doing a movie together.

It's great. I'm just being real. I'm not at 47. Papa doesn't hide. I just say whatever I feel. But then I'll go to... I'll see Dad in a dressing room. At a clothing store.

Take a photo of a jacket. He's wearing and makes me happy. That's interesting. That's an emotional rollercoaster. It's not deep highs and lows. It's like a bipolar. It's just a fun little ride. But then it's like...

At the end of the day... He had a damn near conniption earlier. Because he's like... The comedy store didn't put up an Instagram. To say happy birthday to me. And so he called Adam. I called Adam yelling. What did you say?

He goes... Look at the post before today's. And I looked at it and it was a video. But I didn't know I was in the video. But they did say happy birthday. I yelled for nothing. I yelled for no reason at all. I was going because they put Jimmy Carr a week ago.

In my head I'm like... I like Jimmy Carr. But he's there twice a year. I'm there every night. Where's mine? I'm not embarrassed by stuff like that. Because I'm a feeler. And I wear everything on my sleeve.

And I make mistakes and I'm a fool. The other night one of those things happened again. Where a white man told me what to do. And I did what he said to do. I thought you said you weren't going to do it. And I was mad for like three blocks. Please set it up. I was at the comedy store.

I was driving. I'm sitting there at the stop light. Like on Sunset and Fairfax. And I was like... And I get a honk. I'm at a red light. And I look over. And it's this white guy wearing like a baseball.

Some college baseball hat. He's probably a 50 year old white guy. White hair. He dressed like Ron Howard. He had the baseball cap. But then a nice shirt. And he goes, roll down your window. So I thought it was going to be like...

I love you one. Love. Hey man, big fan. Keep it up or whatever. And I've done that before. So Roll Dye smiled at him. He goes, put your phone away. And I go, yes sir.

And I put it down. And he drove off. And I drove for three blocks. Yes sir. Like he's your master? But you don't know maybe his kid died. I don't give off. But you do.

Yeah, but you should. I know. Who did this one? My cousin. He's your cousin. Hello. Did they tell you to call or what? You saw the text message.

Why are you fronting? Why are you asking that question? You texted me? Let me read the text. Who is this? Can we tell the audience? This is my cousin Eddie. Oh yeah, okay.

Now I'm reading it. You're calling in now. I didn't read the text thread. Happy birthday, bud. Where do you live? You're still in Sacramento? Yeah, I'm still in Sacramento. Get the fuck out of Sacramento!

I like it here, dude. I know, dude. Eddie, anyone? Eddie Lee is my one of my younger cousins on my dad's side. He's my first cousin. I grew up with him.

He's one of my favorites. He's like Steve. He skateboards. He looks like he's Data from the Goonies. You know what I mean? He's not married. You guys have that young

Data from the Goonies vibe. Right? Yeah, I mean, I can't anymore because of my knee, but yeah, I was up until about a year ago. You don't skateboard at all now? Dude, they won't fix my knee again if I skateboard again and hurt myself.

They straight told me I couldn't do it anymore. He told us in San Diego, remember? I just told you. Oh yeah, I'm so sorry. I remember. That's because I was in a fight because I couldn't do anything for a while. How's your wife?

You know. She's my wife. I feel bad for her, you know? She's married to me. I got nervous for a second. I literally thought you were going to say, you know, she died. Or you know, the cancer got her.

Who says it like that? Oh, Steve, there's another call. I got a... I love you, Eddie, okay? All right, bye. Who's this? Okay, who set this up? Who set up Steve Byrne calling?

Yeah, I saw it on Facebook. No, wait, wait, you saw it on Facebook? What? I saw it was your birthday. I was like, no, I'll call you and say happy birthday. But you don't know you're on the podcast right now? No, I'm surprised you were picked up. Oh, really?

Because here's the thing, today they had set up a bunch of people calling in and so right now I'm on the podcast and people are calling it... Oh, okay, sorry about that. No, it's great, this is great. This is a great surprise, guys. This is not a part of the plan then.

I'm sorry, happy birthday. Thank you so much, Steve Byrne. If you guys don't know, he's a comic. He's half Korean, very handsome, very talented guy. He just did a movie starring Jimmy O'Yang, right? Yes, Steve Byrne. And what was the movie called? The Opening Act.

The Opening Act and... Man! Here we go. It was just good working with you. It was just good working with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, this is perfect. We're airing this out.

Happy birthday, Steve. I'm kidding, dude. I know the movie's going to be great. How does it look? It looks great, it feels great, but it doesn't feel as good as our friendship because our friendship has deep all and deep foundation. So...

Yeah. Can I just say happy birthday? Can I just say this before my fans and whatnot? Is that Steve Byrne, you've always had my back when that whole Ken Jeong thing happened at Cobbs and he physically attacked me. You're the one... Remember, you're the one that separated us.

You're the one that calmed everything down. You're the one that flew me out there just to even try to do the fucking thing. And you've always had my back, and I really appreciate it. Well, I love you, and I'm sorry I've called into your podcast, but I wish you a happy birthday. Okay, okay, I love you, all right.

Watch Opening Act. Good night. Good night, Steve. Bye-bye. Was Steve Byrne that was an accident? He was part of it, none of us. What do you mean? One of us. Who did? That's him. What? You called Steve Byrne? You'll never know, will you?

You used to enjoy the gift? You enjoy the gift? Why don't you just enjoy the attention for the day? Because when he called, I'm like, oh, here's a war. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When's the last time he ever called? On your birthday, today.

I know, but I'm just saying it's like, in my head it's like, oh, here's a war that's about to happen. Yeah, but you love him. I do love him. He loves you. He loves me. He's the key to life. The key master. Yeah. But you know the honest truth is that at my age,

you don't, you literally, you literally don't feel the age you're supposed to fucking be. I was looking for you. Well, I'm 47. When I was 20 years old, 25 years old,

and you said you're 47. Like I'm 47. Like, oh, he's retiring. He's old guy, you know what I mean? Like in your head. You know, you also saw other 47 when I was like, god damn, like I was old.

Yeah. But like for me, I don't, I feel like a kid. You act like a kid. Yeah, I don't know what's going on. I don't know about responsibilities. Why is there 17 phone call missed?

Do we miss them? I don't know if people have been calling you today. Steve, Nick, oh no, okay. It might be from earlier. From earlier, yeah. Why don't you tell us about your weekend? Your fancy weekend with the, in the club.

Oh, you guys, I saw a picture. In the club, babe. What club? The club. We went to the club. So, you know, every year, well, not every year, since last year. Starting recently.

CAA, the agency that, oh, my agents, they have an Emmy party. So I wasn't going to go this year, but my agent insisted. So we went to my manager's house. We went together, us three, and we walk in and

this was, this year was a little different. It was in Venice. It was in Venice and I know, it was in the club. It was in the club. It was in the club. And then, like, this year, it felt like, did they,

I think they don't want us in the club. Is this a second party? Second party? Everyone was there. I said Jennifer Aniston. I saw Ron Howard. The guys from ClearEye. Yeah, a bunch of people.

What's your guys' plan of attack? Find our friends and let people come to us. I'll tell you exactly our plan of action. We, there was food out and there's giant plates of oysters and people are supposed to take an oyster each. Yeah, fancy. Except we took the whole platter of oysters.

We find a dark corner and we just eat a ton of oysters. We just ate, like, 52 worse oysters. And you know, I don't, there's, I am a vegetarian, but twice this week I've eaten meat to test out his ligament cake. And because I was so uncomfortable at the club

that I was like, I'm just going to sit here and eat a shit ton of oysters. It's so funny because I didn't have that much fun until the end when I saw Christalia. Like your friends. You know, it's so, you're so right, because it's like there's so many people around

and you recognize everyone, right? But as soon as you see, even me, even seeing Christalia made you feel. It was like the water the sea's parted. It's not just that, it's just that you go, there's my comrade.

There's my chum. And he's equally as uncomfortable. Yeah, he's sitting in a jacket with his hands in his pocket, standing there. And he's out like, this is incredible, guys! You know what I mean? I'm having a fun! Like outwardly saying that

as a joke, right? And I hugged him and we just stood there. Because my manager and his manager, Dave Becky, were like talking and all that stuff. And then we leave because we had both that spot and

something wonderful happened. You know, we're at the valet. The sea's part. Bobby is facing me. I'm facing the cars coming in. So Bobby has his back to the cars and he has his back to guests coming towards him.

I look over, out of the car comes Trevor Noah. And obviously, like this. Because now I'm thinking, oh shit, if he doesn't say hi to Bobby, it's gonna absolutely destroy Bobby. Because of how Bobby got his agent

to, you know, help Trevor Noah back in the day and stuff. But the first thing, Trevor Noah recognized Bobby from the back. And I've never seen anyone more excited to see Bobby that whole night. It almost made me cry.

It almost made me cry. I don't want to hear everything. He walked towards Bobby, he turned Bobby's body around and he gave him the deepest hug and then he goes to his entourage and he tells the whole story about when he was a kid in South Africa and he was a nobody. How Bobby called

his agent to go see him and how he basically got his American career started because of Bobby. Wow. He was really sweet. He remembered it. Yeah, and it was, and he was just a, I go, I go there and I do nothing.

It was inevitably. But my point is, in life, okay, is that it's not that it's just, it was just good to see him because you have to understand when I was in South Africa, I hung out with him for two months straight. Every day.

And he was not the Trevor Noah that people know today, Bill Burr's calling. Oh, what the heck? What? Oh my God. Now this is a miracle. I mean, what the fuck? Bill? Yes. Bill, I mean, let me ask you something.

Can you cover for me at the store? Bill, I mean, you've never called me. No, I just, I just needed a cover for me. Billy, um... Wow, Bill, this is, you know what? Because I've been getting a lot of calls and no offense to anybody that else is called. But this is probably, this is the,

this is the probably the most shocking one. I'm not quite there yet, but, um, thank you, Bill. And, you know, um, you calling it is like, it's kind of like a synatra moment to me. You know, in comedy? It's a little... It's kind of a Ron Howard moment.

I wanted to say Ron Howard. I wanted to say Ron Howard, but, um, but hey, Bill, also, um, thank you for calling. And also, I want to ask you if one day you would do our podcast. That'd be great. Hey, let's just, you know, start with, let's go slow here.

All right. I know, I know. You're right. What do you want from me? No, I'll do your podcast. All right, thank you. Where do you, uh, where do you record? We record at my house.

I live in Hollywood, it's easy. Of course you live in Hollywood, you big phony. What do you, what do you, you live in Silver Lake, where do you live? Why would I tell people where I live? Silver Lake's a big place, Bill. I'm just glad they put the water back. No, I don't live over there.

No. Well, um, thank you so much for calling in, Bill. I love you. And, uh, um, I'll see you soon. Next to LAX. So I have a nice quick commute to get on another Southwest flight. Are you in town now?

Or are you on the road? Um, this is a lot of personal questions. I have a question mom's made to me. I feel like I'm calling a credit card company. I am in town. Okay, good. I love you, Bill. Thank you for calling. I'm just wrapping it up.

Yeah, I'm sweating. I'm wrapping up a happy birthday photo. Sorry. Bye, Bill. Uh, you know... I couldn't do it anymore. Did you hang up on Bill Burr? I hung up on Bill Burr.

Oh my God. I couldn't do it anymore. Bob, you just hung up on Bill Burr. I just said goodbye. Oh my God. So who set that up? Eric Griffin, here we go. Eric Griffin. I wonder why he's calling. Hey, Fanny!

Hey, Fanny! You know, your birthday is permanent. What? You get away with... Fuck you! I'm kidding. It's my birthday. Why can't I call people fat?

You don't call people fat on your birthday. The other 364 days of the year, you have to deal with that person. Oh, that's true. All right, sorry. You're skinny. Well, how about this? Call me back. Call me back. I'm going to pick up again. Are you going to do this again?

Yeah, yeah, just call me right back. Call me right back. Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't open that way. I was really bad. Here we go, here we go. Hey, skinny! So dumb. So dumb. Oh, my God.

Such a piece of shit. Anyway... Are you calling me for a happy birthday? Um, I can. That's where I'm calling. Yeah. No, for real, I am calling.

I just wanted to say, you know, I love you and happy 67th birthday and I hope you have I hope you have many more and I think you should better marry Calylic Blake before you cop over and die.

Okay. Okay, thank you. Thank you. I love you. Thank you. Come back on the podcast, okay? Come back. Why? You mean the podcast that we were supposed to do together? Huh?

That's the podcast you're talking about? Alright, Eric, I love you so much. So many people calling though. Good night. What's wrong with you? I can't do phone. Why do you keep hanging up on people? I can't do phone. Honestly, it's like... You're doing great.

But this reminds me of how, why I'm not good at phone. Can I just say this too? Is that you don't understand that Bill Burr calling my relationship with Bill and I feel the same with Rogan is my conversations with them are in and out.

Hi, I hug. How's the family? Good, I'm out. But do you realize that it didn't take much for him to call? I understand that he doesn't... It's not going to take much. I mean, I could still I consider him a friend and I respect him and stuff like that, but I

I just think that he's so... He's like to me like a chappelle, like he's the top of the game and so for me, I can talk to a guy like Eric Griffin. Eric Griffin's as funny and as talented but he's just not

you know, his status isn't there yet. He's your class of 92. Right. Whereas Bill when he first moved to L.A. I went to his house and I brought him a gift, like a DVD of Old Boy. I don't know why. Favorite movie? And I go, watch

this, you know, and I met his... at that time his girlfriend, his wife now and I just get I know it's like when I see when I see Mitzi all the time or if I see, like if I'm on

Warner Brothers, I see the president, Peter Roth he says hugs and he says hi, but I I don't... to me it's like I can't... the longer in the conversation I'm in the more open I am. The more you think

you're going to say something you shouldn't. Yes. Like it starts off first five minutes, like you're impressive and then after that. It's not only... I'm going to say something now, I just thought of. It's in every relationship the power, you can see there's power like with you and me, Gilbert

we're friends, but there is a power thing. No, you're my elder. That's how I view it. Right. So there's only so much. You can't really truly be yourself in front of me because of the fact that I'll slam you or, you know what I mean? I know.

So it's like in every... so I have that too. I'm like that too. Like if I see Chappelle or Chris Rock, you know, I'm like, okay that obviously they have the power I like them. They're nice people, but I... because

always in a conversation when you have somebody with more power is they have you know, like the other night we were at what's her name's party and we talked to Adam Carolla. Adam Carolla had the power in terms of shifting the conversations to what he wants to talk about. That's not a bad

thing. I'm just saying that, you know or if I'm around a bunch of open micers it's generally I'm telling the stories and they're listening. You're so right though because I had to sit with Adam Carolla and for 45 minutes about him giving me a list of like every single

classic car that's ever existed. I couldn't even interject. Bobby already left the conversation a long time ago and I was just like oh cool. Yeah, but that's your favorite topic though. Cars. Classic cars. Classic cars. Is it just power? I feel like it's just respect, you know.

That's the feel of respect. Yeah. But you know, he is somebody that he has another thing is that Adam Carolla, I used to do his podcast and I used to be really bad on his podcast. You used to be bad? Yeah. And that's what he only had me on twice. Oh.

Usually now if I were to do it again I would be able to kill it. But back then it was a long time ago when he first started it and I was just like just so green at it and I didn't know what to say and I didn't know him that well and the first year I was dating

Christine I think. I remember her going with me to that thing and it just wasn't I was in a really vulnerable state in my life and in my career. I was like just kind of anyway but so that's the kind of relationship I have

with Bill and some other of these guys but it's not, you know, I love them and it's we there's all, you know, like if I'm in New York and I'm with Jim Norton and all those guys and I'm doing a radio show with them. I get where I'm at and I get where to

kind of give some power back to them. You know and that's my main reason why I haven't done Rogan is because I'm afraid if I'm fully myself

it's not going to get through. Like for instance like his view like for instance I'll give you an example his view on Carlos Mencia is one way right which is he's a joke thief and he's a piece of shit and all that stuff which is

you know there is a part that's half truthful right. There are good parts of Carlos but they won't see that part right so then I can't whenever I've been in conversations where

I just get railroaded like that piece of shit you know and it's like I can't I can't win. But they're also not able to see the nuance of the way you feel because you had a very very personal and close

relationship with him versus them where he was just another standup. I understand but I've said that to people like that and that crew which I love that crew. I have nothing I'm not starting a war. I'm just being honest I'm just saying that I've had conversations and it's

literally like even with Ari and all those guys it's always like one way complete and uttered and what he did was terrible but I can't forget the fact that he bought me a car when I had nothing

because he paid for my electrical bill that's huge. A couple of months in a row I mean he if I was in a I was destitute from you know I need money. On a basic human level he was there for you on all counts. And you met him

you went to his house he's a nice guy he's the sweetest woman his kids are great but you don't see people for being people you see them as just how they are you know as like for instance as a joke thief like once you fixate on that

only you really forget the other side of somebody which is he's a family guy he's you know he really is to me from what I see a really kind man and who takes care of his family and his friends yeah I mean

but it's hard to see that when you're just seeing it's not excusing though what he did and also all the years of bumping other comics was unforgivable almost I mean he did a lot of bad things but you know

but here's another thing Jeffrey Dahmer's dad did buy him the whole time you know you can find that link you know like if your son ate people

would you stand by him at trial yeah I would that's hard you know it's so fucked up to say but I do understand where Jeffrey Dahmer's dad you know came from I would he stood by him in interviews

we visited him in the prison a lot I mean he was there I don't know man do you know what kind of phone call I got remember when you were in Joshua Tree I say like there's not one single redeemable male

in my family I always say that right not one single male in my family that I think is oh you're a decent human being we're very matriarchal only the women hustle only the women kind of

they're all shitty husbands abandoners except for one there was one and I was like you know what he's actually a sweet guy maybe I should help him out start his business because you know he has young kids or whatever and we were in Joshua Tree I got a phone call

from another family member and she's like oh I'm in the police station I was like why are you in the police station she goes oh cuz so and so got arrested for attempting to rape a woman the same one just

the last person I thought might have some type of redeemable quality and I told Bobby I was screaming and I was like that's it I am so fucking done with every single male in my family but if it were my son I would probably

you know did he try to rape her in a bar or what happened something like I think she you know in the Philippines it's different the drinking situation is like that guy in a circle you pass the drink around it's very provincial style drinking or at least where they live

and I think that she was either giving the alcohol and she thought he was too drunk so he stopped she stopped serving him alcohol or something like that but were there people around yeah there were people around and then they apparently had to like peel him off yeah but my thing is this

and she's like a married woman and everything isn't one of the rules of that is to do it privately ooh someone's calling you uh oh it's for he-man-war do we even want to pick up he does have a comedy center I think he's gonna be a guest pretty soon

hello hello happy birthday man oh hi how are you? good you're on the podcast I'm on, we're live? yeah he's about to plug

you're like one of the good ones dude oh thank you and I want to say this when does your special come out? November 27th so for he-man-war and a bunch of other middle easterns that's a good way to describe it that's how they're marketing in a comedy central

that's the best attempt that you've ever made at it yeah what do I use to call you? well that works yeah brown guy I say brown guy middle easterns works you're middle eastern right?

yeah middle eastern south asian well no you're not south asian but let's just say middle eastern yeah middle eastern so there's a sketch show coming out it's a one off but it's one hour what's it called? goatface

and our friend Ira Stottle directed him he's also in the show Faheem was the head writer he's also one of the stars of the show and it's a comedy central one hour I saw him from the daily shows in it I saw him from the daily shows in it and then off the quality as well

yeah and I saw a couple of sketches Faheem showed me yeah I didn't tell anybody I was just kind of burning a hole in my pocket I'm like man I want to tell somebody that you're going to dinner and I was like don't tell anybody but like can I show you

I showed you two of them what am I not allowed to talk about it now fucker? I am going to it's his birthday damn it's my fucking birthday you fucking poon jab oh my god I'm sorry my bad why he's not good on the phone

I'm sorry don't delete that keep that in keep it in so um do not edit that part out okay that was an honest emotion so it's called

anyway I saw a couple of sketches and um I cackled out loud I genuinely laughed out loud and I literally had a an epiphany I think that this is the next thing I think it's going to be picked up as a series I think this is going to make you

and I think that um I'm just so excited for you man thanks man it was so cool to see you watch it because like I've been working on it for a long time you don't know if it's funny anymore but I've seen it a billion times so to see someone

someone like you watch it with fresh eyes and enjoy it that much I was like it was just really I'm like oh that's like just fine I was really happy yeah it's going to be great um and um we'd love to have you back on this podcast one day but I gotta go

I get it alright I love you thank you so much bye bye okay I get it I get it I love for him my female friends oh yeah yeah that was a great one she's so funny you're my mom would be great

no she's not quite that she's fucking loud as fuck she will keep on talking if you don't she's a great storyteller too great comedic timing everything she's very funny she has a lot of friends back in Arizona

she has a lot of sisters that she's very close with I feel she'd be the leader of a group she can't really leave the house often because her dad is wheelchair bound Bobby just trucked Bryce and employed so um is that it

we're over we're over an hour wow we should have people just call in all the time this is an easy podcast oh jade catapult thank you for the pizza thank you for the pizza oh hi ding dong

hi thanks for the pizza happy birthday old man you're online I mean you're online you're on the podcast I'm online hi guys

I'm on the roof in the hot tub fancy Hollywood life are you in Australia or in LA she's back here she just got back from Brazil on Sunday oh you were in Brazil sorry Australia she's leaving for Australia

and now I'm going to Australia in a week why are you going to Australia I'm doing a fucking tour I'm excited alright so if you're Australian all your fans out there go see jade catapretta call jade catapretta

she's very what? preta so anyway preta so anyway if you're in Australia check it out and you did some guest starring right

what did you guest star on future man you're reoccurring I mean this doesn't feel smooth and like I don't know this feels written or something what? I feel like we should just talk about life a little bit interviewing her

you know what jade when you come on to the fucking podcast we get into it this is just surface call and shit okay surface call doing great it's on hulu it's coming out in January

go see it I do a lot of orgies in it fun I did life in pieces that's pretty great I was just in Brazil I have a show at the last factory on the 26th with a bunch of Brazilian comics yeah okay thank you

I love you I love you goodnight okay that's it that's the last one she's great is the pizza good? what kind is it? bacon cheese is it Hawaiian?

it's really nice expensive Italian already so um that's that wrap it up tell us how you feel I am I'm trying to do it I'm trying to do it right now one quick question though

unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalyla he's 47 hello I just got a cat and I really want to call it kimchi however I can't tell if it's racist or not please provide insight I don't think she's Korean okay no not Korean so let's say a white person calling their cat kimchi

let's say someone that looks like George but it's kimchi at home also be closeted racist it's not racist it's Louis Katz you know Louis Katz? maybe I do I don't know who's mis-scheduling the calls Bobby

I don't know Louis you're on my podcast right now by the way yeah right now you are yeah hey what's up everybody so Louis Katz

is a comic he moved to New York and now do you live here now kind of what do you mean kind of well I'm kind of going back and forth a lot why are you in LA a show well my girlfriend wants to be here more

so I'm going to try and be here more with her when you fucking moved there in the first place I was like why the fuck are you moving this kid is so fucking funny you know that bit I still do that bit sometimes that you helped me write which is that Down syndrome people making love joke

do you remember that one it sounds great I like it already when they make love they make up their own moves they touch butts for three minutes I love it the press goes in the armpit like that

I I also so you're doing very well though I saw you on that Comedy Central storytelling show oh yeah yeah I've seen you in other things so congratulations Louis I'm sure you have better things going on but

let's get together soon I'm doing yeah I guess I'm really on a podcast right now yeah it's called Tiger Belly it's pretty popular okay cool yeah

plug it I got a new album coming out October 26 okay good Louis Katz October 26 new album great birthday gifts can you say happy birthday or no thank you

bye Louis okay that's it that one we didn't plan he's so a guy he got in on the right time he got to play Louis Katz is legitimately fucking a funny as fuck

he's so talented anyway give me the math question kimchi do you think it's racist? I don't think it's racist at all it's food it's like naming a cat sriracha

you know what I mean or kung pao yeah I have my friend Brisa her cat's name is chicken hello Tiger Belly fan does another one? we're gonna keep it animal related hello Tiger Belly family

I've noticed that you guys are pet lovers like me recently I got an 8 week old kitten with my boyfriend who I've been living with for only 4 months but been together for 2 years this is our first pet together naturally the kitten is playful and mischievous and likes to poke around places he probably shouldn't

has never had a cat but I noticed that he's very impatient with all animals and gets angry I'm afraid that he is not going to be a nice to the kitten and makes me think maybe he's not the guy I thought him to be my question is how did Bobby become the animal lover he is now and is there hope for my boyfriend to be the same

this is Nessa it's a very important question I have a very important answer it's a life when I saw Ming for the very first time he loved her and

when Ming came to my house and stayed with me for a couple of days it was the most exciting and most important thing in my life I honestly believe that the animals in my life have changed me it's made my life fuller

and I absolutely and utterly adore my animals of almost obsession I love them like they're humans I think they're so cute I know their personalities and they do mistakes

but yeah I mean I don't get angry I'm grateful now do you think this guy can get to that same place? no that would be a deal I think that it is an inherent

human quality you know how you can tell Richard Kuklinski the Iceman the guy who killed a shit ton of people one of the first indicators of him being imbalanced was the way he treated animals I'm not saying your boyfriend is imbalanced

but I am saying at least for me some people have different things that turn them off for me the biggest turn off is a man who doesn't have empathy for animals even

if they're not mean but if they're completely apathetic to animals I'm turned off by that I dated a guy who was apathetic to animals and he had a good reason to be apathetic is because his dad had like six german shepherds and basically loved the dogs more than him so

that wasn't even a good enough excuse for me I just got turned off because I know that I can't I love them so much that I need to share that love with somebody else but I don't know that's a tough one for me that would be a major red flag

but that's just me congratulations John Millenie for winning an Emmy by the way I love him it's a big thing tell us come on wrap this up I have one last thing I want to say and this is a non sequadour

there's really nothing and I'm going to end it weird and I don't get angry right but Brett Kavanaugh the judge this is my birthday I get to do what I want

does he share my ethnics no everything that he believes I disagree with but that shit with that high school girl it's in high school girl it was during high school that's a little too far back for me

Bobby is saying that this is a man who's already how is he in the well into his 50s maybe to bring back something that happened in high school is a little too far back for me

how old is he right now I know but he's still a long time I just don't think teenagers have a fully formed brain it's high school come on guys but that's all I have to say about that thank you happy birthday are you touched

are you happy I'm touched, I'm happy, I'm lit I'm open, I'm slept, I'm woke I'm everything I'm going to go into space for a second just to get into space do we have any ads we do

let's do that guys I'll see you the next year when I'm 40 something bye happy birthday to Bobby guys thanks to our sponsors for the podcast we'd like to thank Ridge Wallets

make sure for that slim sleek carry wallet if you want to have Blade Runner in your pocket make sure you check out ridgewallet.com and use the promo code tigerbelly and to get your first free meals free go to blueaprin.com and if you want ad free Ridge puts it premium episodes every

money check out our patreon at patreon.com slash tigerbelly I'm going to read what George wrote he says these would be special audio episodes only available if you are a member sign up for $5 a month for access that's only $125 per episode that's less than the cost of a cappuccino or a dream water or a 3 pound papaya

only at patreon.com slash tigerbelly Mexican papaya or Hawaiian papaya Hawaiian papaya forever you wrote it George I got an iTunes to review us thank you guys have a good night you talk took way too long man

we're at the end of the podcast now everyone else called in country Bill Burr called on time everyone called on time I know I know you I I

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