TigerBelly - Episode 162: Harland Williams Forgives You

Episode Date: October 3, 2018

Harland is Larry. Bobo is Kangaroo Hands. We talk crop circles, Elvis lips, inch worms, and a Subway omelette. Bonus content on Mondays:https://www.patreon.com/TigerBellySupport us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. We started yet? We haven't started yet. You'll know when we start. And also kind of just say this though too, right? I can't believe we haven't had you on earlier. That's my bad. I can't believe it's not butter.

Yeah. You know how your name came up though? Rosie did it last week. He did? Yeah. I was one of my best friends. I know. Rosie did it.

And he's like, have you had it? I go, I don't know why I never even asked him. It's okay, bud. I'm honored to be here. It's a real honor. Thank you. It's always an honor to do anything with the kid. Yeah?

Hell yeah, bro. Bro Sif. We could. We haven't started yet. No. Go. Five, four, three. Oh, wait, wait.

Stop before you go. Yep. Before, keep it rolling, but don't say anything until I bring it up. Say your name. Five, four, three, two, one. Yeah. Hello. Uh-huh.

That's right. No. No, I keep, I do it the way I want to do it. Okay. Hello. What's up? Uh-huh. Welcome.

My name is Ben. Billy. Welcome to the celebration. Celebration of life. Yeah. Keep going. Keep going. Celebration of life.

Okay. Stop. Yep. Stop. Welcome to episode number something. How about number 302? Something in the hundreds. In the hundreds.

Welcome to this one. This is a celebratory event tonight evening. We've got me. I'm great. I'm wonderful. I, you know, I look in the mirror, I go, that's the way it is. And that's it. Really.

That is the way it is. And that's the way it's going to be. Okay. No, don't say anything. Yeah. Okay. We've got my beautiful little lotus flower here from the Philippine islands. Lotus flower or lotus?

Lotus. Lotus flower. Yeah. Non-existent. We beautiful though. She's great. She's got milky skin. She's got hands, right?

And she's moist. But her brain is the most important thing. She's very smart. She's a bright, she's a bright girl. She's a bright girl and she has an education and it's unfucking believable. College. She went to college and our minds when we meld, dude, it's like fucking simple, but great. I learned.

We got right here. We got, um, just, you know, I keep calling you flat. No, Harlan, not yet. Okay. We got right here. We got right here, we got, uh, the brownest face from this side of Tiki Island. Thank you so much. Yeah.

Yeah. John, John. What's your name? Gilbert. Oh, Gilbert. Galendez. Galendez, yeah. Whatever.

And then we've got right here. Fuck, serial killer 101 right here, dude. Not only does it kill, he skins the fucking dick, skin off and fucking makes it a helmet. Oh. Puts it on his own thing. And we got a stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid cousin right here. Welcome to the show.

We have a very fucking great gasman. I can't even believe we, this guy is a, has a doctorate in metaphysics. Yep. Um, he, he makes dream catchers out of dilithium crystals and adamantium steel. Wow. Two elements that you can't really even find on this planet. Nope. Right.

He's a written poetry. Right. A couple of books. Am I not right? Yeah. A couple of books. Both of them are about physiology and the mind and the third ones about the history of before pre-industrial revolution.

Very. Only in Vermont though. Specifically. Specifically in Vermont. This guy right here, man, makes maple syrup out of just pine trees. Oh. Oh. He can get, he invented a machine.

They make fucking maple syrup out of pine trees. Shit. Right? He's a doctor, doctorate. Humphrey McGiven Stevens is here. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Great to be here. Hi. Hi. Hello. How are you, Dr. Lee? Excuse me? Dr. Lee. Thank you.

How are you? Thank you. Talk about your books. Okay. Well, the first one I published in 1983. Yes. I spent many years doing research up in Berkeley. Yes.

And some of the findings were just, you know, just unbelievable. They were groundbreaking. Yeah. And the book inspired many other people to come behind me and continue the research. I stepped back. Yeah, yeah. And we opened a wing at Berkeley. What's the wing called?

Barbecue. Oh, you did the barbecue wing. Yeah. Wow. The barbecue wing in Berkeley. Yeah. That's amazing. And the research is ongoing, so the book was a real hit.

What was the book called again? I forgot. It didn't sit on Wikipedia. Oh, you said it earlier. Yeah. My findings on Earth. Yeah. Yeah.

Without your first one? Yeah. Yeah. Right. And the second one was? Second one was inchworms. Why are they two inches long? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're lying. They're lying. They are lying. Do you think they are? I think they're longer than an inch. Right. And my research shows they are. They are?

Yeah. Yeah. That's unbelievable. That was a great book. Do you like insects? I do. I like praying mantises the most because when you take them hostage, they pray. And on the other insects just sit there and look like fucktards.

Yeah. Yeah. Praying mantises will pray before you stomp on them. Right. Sometimes I'll let them go because they pray. So do you think they're spiritual creatures? Well, yeah. And there's power and prayer, as you know.

I do know that, doctor. I do know that. Yes. I'll let them go now on that. Yeah. How's the family? Which one? Oh, you several.

That's right. You were married a couple of times. Yeah. So, um, Saphonia, without your first wife, Saphonia. Oh, my God. Yeah. She never did phone me. So I lost her.

Oh, you did? Yeah. And, uh, yeah. Unbelievable. Um, she, uh, I haven't seen her in a while. Yeah. No. Do you miss her?

Uh, sometimes. Yeah. Uh, at night when I'm laying there with, you know, boxes of thumbtacks and cork boards. I miss her little fingers. Yeah. She was a pygmy, right? Wow. A pig.

Forget about the me. Yeah. That's unbelievable. Yeah. Yeah. I like your lips. You do? Yeah.

People have said I have Elvis lips. I got a mixture between Elvis lips and Cherub lips. Oh, I see the Cherub now. Not the Elvis. You don't see the Elvis? A little bit. There's the Elvis. Yeah.

So I've had that. Yeah. I don't know if it's accurate or not. What, what did you think what kind of lips I had before I said anything? Oh, you, well, can you just do it normal? There we go. They're a little crooky. They're a little crooked.

It's like almost as if, um, Picasso drew them in a blackout maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Picasso lips. Yeah. Picasso lips. Yeah.

For sure. What do they look like? They're white. They're a little kind of thicker than I thought they would be. Yeah. Yeah. Because I've never seen your legs before. Um.

You're right. Yeah. Okay. Right? Right. Because you don't wear shorts ever. I know. But I, I'm wearing them for this and I have like hockey legs.

I played a crap ton of hockey. You did? Yeah. Did you really? Still. Yeah. You still play hockey for real? You want to go, you know, you want to turn into Harlan now or?

It's up to you. It's up to you. What do you mean it's up to me, guy? It's your, it's your ship. You got to steer me. Yeah. Whoa. You got to steer me, bro.

I like your attitude. You got to steer me. I'm going to steer you to the heavens, dude. I'm beyond. Steer me like a video game, bro. I will, bro. I'll steer you to the heavens and beyond, my friend. I'll get you.

This is how I met Harlan. This is Harlan Williams. Harlan Williams. Give it up for Harlan Williams. That was great improv, man. That was a good time with you, man. Thanks, bud. I'll tell you about Harlan Williams, my friends.

The first time I, I haven't heard of him, but the first time I actually physically was around him was one of my first TV spots. I did premium blend. Did you host that? Yeah. You don't remember me. It's fine. I do.

I do remember you. Yeah. No, you don't. You were kind of not, not, you didn't say anything much to me. I don't think I said anything to anybody because I didn't know anybody. It was all the new comics, right? It was all the up and coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't know one person. Right. So I was just kind of, they had all the comics on one side of the stage and they had me on the other side. I didn't even barely get to shake hands with anybody. Yeah, you didn't. Yeah, that's right. They separated us.

I was very intimidated by you. How come, guy? Because guy, I was young. I had no money guy. All right. I was a broke comedian. No one knew me. My first TV spot, here we have a headliner, been in movies, which is you.

Yeah. Why are you so confused? I just didn't, it makes me sad that you were intimidated by me. You were, you know, no need for that guy. I know, but guy, I know, but hey, guy, yeah, you have just, I don't, I didn't know you, right? Right. So these things in my head, you know, like not fantasies, but like who you, who you are

and the kind of life that you live. It's not based on any kind of real thing is that as a young guy, I'm desperate and here's a guy that's ahead of me and you look like you had your shit together and I was just a little intimidated. That's all. Guy, fair enough. Fair enough, guy. Yeah.

No, that's, that's, I get it. I've been there. Yeah. I've been there. Have you been intimidated by people? Yeah. I used to open for Jim Carrey. Oh, really?

And right around the time when Jim was lifting off into the stratosphere and that was really intimidating. It was. But when he was, was, when you open for, was he on in living color or no? When I first started opening for him, and then later I was opening for him the week that Ace Ventura came out. Oh. Yeah.

And it was, it was intimidating because Jim's not just that he was such a huge star and a huge personality, but he was, he was always trying stuff on you, like always doing bits, right? Yeah. Always, always, you know, testing you. Yeah. Yeah. And it was weird because you felt pressured to like, you know, he's trying comedy bits.

So I'm not a guy that laughs if I don't think something's funny. Right. Whenever, whenever he fired a blank, it was like awkward as hell. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. When he, when he, when he did something that made me laugh, I laughed, but when he, when

he didn't know. You wouldn't even try to fake it? No. Every now and then I did, but I'm not good at that. Yeah. Yeah. So it just, it felt really weird. So I just be like, you know, you know, and it was, it was weird, but, but I love Jim

and, and I just, so I was super intimidated. Yeah. Whoa. Because then he blew up, but did you, cause I've met him. Yeah. I find him to be very kind. Oh yeah. He's a really nice guy.

Really nice. So gifted. Oh man. Unbelievable. Yeah. So back when you open for, did you do a lot of impressions on stage or? No. He had stopped at that point.

He had made the, you know, the decision to no more impressions, just stop. He wanted to distance himself from that. Right. So what would you just go up and just do like weird shit, right? He did a lot of physical stuff, but he had, he had like jokes. He had a routine, but it was a lot of physical stuff. Yeah. You know, he had jokes like, you know, this is an impression of me smoking a cigarette

going down the rapids and he just like, you know, for two minutes, he just like contoured his body and try to light a cigarette. Oh wow. Whoa. Yeah. Really wild stuff. Did you guys do like clubs or so theaters or? We did.

We did theaters. Yeah. Wow. I can only imagine. And then I was there for his last show, the last time he did stand up. He was the weekend Ace Ventura came out and we did two cities. We did, uh, we did Atlanta. We did Chicago and Atlanta on the, the after our show, we went back to the, to his hotel

room and we had the same manager and, uh, the numbers came in for pet, for pet detective. And I think, you know, got really bad reviews, everyone was expect and it, it did great. Yeah. And we all lit up cigars in his room and I kind of, I was kind of there when it was really neat because I kind of watched a guy's star kind of flip. You know what I mean? Like he was the living color guy. Yeah.

And then in the next minute he was a movie star and so we lit up cigars and then the next day we went to Atlanta to do a show there and that was the last time he ever did stand up. Whoa. Yeah. It was the last night. He stopped right after that. Like when he saw that number, he made the decision right then and there.

Oh yeah. I think so. Right? Yeah. Like fuck, I'm, I'm a movie star. I think he, I don't know that he thought he was a movie star, but I think you kind of tells like it's time to move on. Not that he hated stand up or, but I got the impression was like, it's time to step into

a new path and he never said anything bad or, or disliked stand up. I think he just, I think he just kind of knew it was time to, to go up another step. Yeah. And to be there in that moment was really kind of cool to witness. Yeah. Would you, would you ever like to be in that stuff? Yeah. Oh yeah.

I think we all would. We all do. But would you ever leave stand up? I would never leave it. I mean, I, I went through some periods in my career where I was going up some pretty good steps and I could have left it, but I, I never wanted to. It was my starting place and I always think of stand up as my spine and everything else that comes off it are the ribs, like voice work and TV work and movies.

I never even thought of it that way, but for me that, that the spine is always the stand up for me. Nothing stands without the spine sweetie. Nothing stands without the spine. She's a doctor too. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah.

So wow. So you'll, yeah, you know what? I don't think I would ever quit too. You know why? It's too much fun. It's not just that it's fun. There's some miserable, misery involved. I mean, what's your misery?

Don't say my dad. I know what your dad, your dad. Damn it. Well, he did. Why are you going to do that thing? He threw it. You know, cinnamon dad doesn't need this. Yeah.

Okay. I forgive him. Why? Nothing. What's your hurt? What's your hurt with stand up? No, my hurt is this, is that I get like, I get resentful quick. Like the other night, I think it was last night, Ali Wong brought me up and I gave pretty

good intros. You give great intros. Am I not right though? Be real. Am I, do I? Yeah. You really do. Because I get specific.

Yeah. And you tell a story. I tell a story. You tell the story about what you just said about me meeting me on. premium blend and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Now the only thing and I tried to catch you the other night and now maybe we can have this discussion now. When I go up around town, I don't, I hate credits. So I always go up as Larry Smith from, as from Fresno. I know you do. I know you do. I hate credits. I don't even like my name.

So in the future, we're at the improv, we're at the improv and I remember the host coming up to you and go, Larry Smith again. Yeah. And you go, yeah, Fresno. Yeah. So he goes Larry Smith from Fresno and then you went up. Why is that? You're beautiful as your, and I, I admire and thank you for your very respectful and

beautiful intros. Yeah. But in the future, since we're talking about it, just Larry Smith from Fresno. Why didn't you tell me before? Yeah, I was going to, but you, I didn't have a chance. No, but I've been, I've been bringing you up for the last year. I know. I know.

I probably brought you up 40 fucking times and now I'm hearing about, do the Larry Smith from fucking intro fucking bullshit. But you're, you know, it was so nice. I mean, I've talked to you before that we've, I've been to your house in that fucking. I know. I know. But now it comes out. I know.

I guess now this is why this is fate. This, this podcast is fate. Yeah. Excuse me. And here's another thing. Yes, guy. Guy? Here's another thing.

Yes. If you have any kind of resentment or thing that, that you have toward me, I would hope that you would just express yourself then, then hide it. I feel like this Larry Smith thing is something that you've been hiding. I don't know. There was no resentment at all. No, it's just, it's just a, something I'm just telling you for the future, forgive me.

Oh yeah. No, no resentment. No animosity. Nothing. Ask your wife. She knows. Yeah. Yeah.

But I want an intro. You want an intro. Yeah. Right. And when Ali brought me up last night, this guy, yeah, Bobby Lee. That's it. Yeah. And yeah.

It's like one of my intro. I know. And I sat there. And it went up. It's fine. I love her. Hmm. But I don't know why I get so fucking weirded out by that.

It hurts. Yeah. Excuse me. It hurts. Yeah. It. But why, I want to know what it is about. It's because you feel it's not respectful.

It's a lack of respect. It's not even credits though. It's it. That's not about credits. It's about, you know, when I bring somebody on, it's like, oh, here's my friend. You guys liked me. Right. This is basically, you guys liked me.

And even if you're, a lot of you are my fans, I would like you to introduce you to my friend who's just as good or better. Please enjoy. And her intro was just kind of a throw away. Like as if, you know, we kind of know each other, but you don't. But I know her. Right. But he's, you know, who else?

A lot of people do that, you know, anyway, so that's what hurts you. Love that wallet. My favorite wallet. Love that wallet. Don't you like it? I really, the leather. I don't believe it. Titanium.

Titanium. Titanium. Feels like leather. Softest titanium. It's the softest titanium we've ever had. Really? Yes. Like just like leather.

Yeah. Wow. Do you have a wallet? I do. What do you use? My wallet? Yeah. Let me see.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. It's a leather. It's leather. It used to be Iron Man. I used to have an Iron Man wallet, but it wore out. Yeah.

This is pretty new. It's pretty nice though, huh? Yeah. Keep my ID in here. Massey? You really? Yeah. Yeah.

Massey. Your ID? Sure. Yeah. We find the damn. Here we go. My driver's license? Whatever.

Let me see. What is it? Well, he's not driver's. It's a UFO operator's license. It says alien. Alien. Look at what it says under sex. Under sex.

It says yes. Under sex. It says yes. Height three, two. Yeah. Weight 35. Hair, none. Eyes, black.

It expired. Oh, 3001, it expired. Oh, fantastic. 3001, it expired. Well, that's great. So you can operate a UFO. Pretty much. Yeah.

Can you? No, I don't. I've never even been one. Stick around, kid. Do you believe in that? Hell yeah, Brosh. Although, I don't believe in crop circles. I have a theory.

What? Disrespect, but I think people with, what's that ailment? You're a doctor. What's the ailment that kids have? Which? The one the kids like to run around in circles. In circles? Autism?

No. Autism? Is it autism? Please stop. Just in tight circles? Yeah. That's a hamster. How old are these kids?

You know, three, five. Three, five. And they run in circles. Yeah, and they like to watch plates, plates spin around. And is that autistic? I mean, it could be. I think he thinks he's thinking of autism. Yeah.

Yeah. And? Well, it's just sometimes they're hard kids to handle. Because they can be hyper and they run around in circles. And I have a theory that crop circles are the result of exhausted parents taking their kids to cornfields late at night. They're autistic kids. Letting them out in the fields and having them run around in perfectly geometric circles.

And then they bring them home in the morning and people go, holy shit, we were visited last night. Right. Crop circles. Right. Mystery solved guy. I never thought of it, that guy. Here we go.

Here we go, right? Here we go. So what you're saying to me is, just let me get this clear. Sure. Is it okay? Sure. Clear it up. I will clear it up.

I've seen autistic children. Right. Never really seen them run in a circle, but that's fine. Okay. Maybe. In fact, I'm going to disprove your theory. A lot of times autistic kids don't even like, one of the signs of like early autism is they don't like the feeling of grass on their feet.

Yeah, but I said corn, jokes on you, and he's got a point. Autistic kids love corn. They love, they do love corn. They do love corn. You ever see children of the corn? Yeah. Yeah. All those kids?

They're autistic. For sure. Yeah. Malachi. Malachi. Malachi was autistic. Really autistic. He was the leader.

Jokes on me. Yeah. Maybe you should have read more. I should. Yeah. You're right. Grass is not corn. Yeah.

I think it's likely. Yeah. You know, it's, you know, when you think of the vast expanse of the universe and the galaxies and it's hard to believe that they were the only living speck in the whole, you know, whole universe. Yeah. It's probably very likely something else has been here, whether it's been while we've been here or whether it was 200 million years ago.

Whoa. Yeah. Think about it. There's a lot out there, guy. Hey, guy. You think that they left technologies here on Earth, then? It's possible. Like the pyramids and stuff.

You think that how about that? Footprints for sure. Things that probably aren't very, like, visible to the naked eye. Like things that are either microscopic or things that are already part of our soil. Things that we're not really looking for, because we're looking for a shaped alien man. And that's the wrong thing to be looking at. Well, what you're saying, though, then, is in our atmosphere, you know, things that are, we don't even have the capacity to, like, measure.

But what you're saying, then, basically to me, baby, is, is this, is that you think that maybe there's a slight chance that before there was even life on this planet, that the beginnings, what we made from cells, what are we made of? Cells. Cells. Yeah. Molecules. Right?

Cells. Molecules. That they planted that shit in here and that we could be descendants from aliens. No, that's not what I said at all. I like that. Zero. I like that. I like that.

Prometheus. But, but you can, you can, like, through RNA synthesis, that theory, you can recreate it in the lab and that actually proves how we became, like, mammals and things like that. RNA to DNA to life. But you can recreate that through thermal vents under water. I know that. Okay. I know about thermal vents.

Thermal. That's where that, that's like an incubator for fucking cells. Everyone knows that. It's like a water. Yeah. Don't you think? Yeah. Yeah.

You knew about the thermal vents, right? Who doesn't, guy? Right? I mean, we've fucking read books about it. Dullo. But do you think that, let me ask you this though, but you don't think that they're living amongst us? You know, it's hard.

It's, who knows? That's the thing. It's possible. You know, I think any, anything's possible because you can't disprove that they're not living amongst us, right? You can't prove it, but you can't disprove it. You can't disprove Jesus then. Right.

Jesus. Anything. The devil. I mean, we can do, we can do. True. We can't disprove. Right. Fraggles.

What are fraggles? Fraggles. You know what a fraggle is, right? Yeah. Well, fraggles, we don't have to disprove because they had their own TV show, right? Oh yeah. So we know they're real. I don't think Jesus had a prime time show on NBC.

That's true. Fraggles did have a, right? The Fraggle Rock. You know they're real. It was on HBO, by the way, so it's paid cable. Well, you don't have to snap at me. It is snapping. It is snapping.

Okay. It felt a little aggressive. Yeah. It felt a little aggressive. Yeah. I always thought about you and, and forgive me for saying this, but I always thought that maybe you could be an alien. Interesting.

I would, maybe. Maybe I am. I mean, you're a weird guy. Maybe I am. Maybe you are. Would I tell you if I was? I wish you would. Okay.

I am. You want to go to Arby's? What's at Arby's? Earth food. Roast beef is at Arby's. Wow. Let's go. We shall go to the drive-thru, Mr. Lee.

You shall have potato cakes and horsey sauce, Mr. Lee. See? That's what they sound like. That's what I sound like. That's right. Don't call us they. Whoa. Do you think I'm a plumping you?

Well, you know, it felt a little aggressive. All right. All right. Sorry. Am I bad? Your career. Can I talk about your career? You can talk about whatever you want.

Why are you smiling, friend? Because I'm looking in your eyes and I'm connecting. It's almost like I don't have to talk to you. I can connect with you. I really do. I just look in your eyes and I feel you. Yeah? Yeah.

We don't even have to talk now, though. We don't. Yeah. But, you know, I can't see your audience. That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true.

We should talk. Let's talk. But let's keep staring in each other's eyes so we don't. Do you have any pottery barn candles we could light? Okay. Can I just say this? Yeah. Can I say this?

Yeah. I will not look at you anymore. I don't like it. You won't look at me anymore? Kind of. I'll glance at you every once in a while. But staring at your eyes. Staring makes you uncomfortable.

Got it. A little bit, my friend. Got it. I'll look away. I just looked away. One day. I didn't even know Harlem that well. He calls me.

He goes, you want to be in my movie? Do you remember that? So great. You don't know how grateful I am that that touched me. It did? It warmed my heart. You did such a wonderful job. You took it very seriously.

Your acting was great. I did take it really seriously. You were so attentive and you have no idea that touched me. Thank you. What do you mean? Yeah, thank you. I thought that I go, wow. We're friends.

Well, yes. I wanted to be your friend so bad, but then that was like the first step toward friendship. So years ago, he goes, coming to my house, he lives in the same house that we went to. Remember, baby? Same house. We're early in the morning, I remember. And I go, where are we going? He's like, the desert.

Do you remember that? I do. Yeah. Yeah. And we drove into the desert. And we shot. And you were amazing. I was in the trunk of your car.

You were in the, we took my truck, my pickup truck. Right. You were in the back. Somebody else was there. I forget. A couple of the other actors. Right. And a cameraman.

A cameraman. Yeah. It wasn't a big crew. It was a movie with about three people. Yeah. Yeah. Two hour feature. Two hour feature.

He really did. And I played, what did I play? Kangaroo? Kangaroo Hands O'Reilly. Kangaroo. That's right. I played Kangaroo Hands O'Reilly. Yeah.

And I remember like you opening up the trunk. Yeah. And I came out and I had. You were tucked in the back seat. Oh, the back seat. That's what it was. I pulled you up. And you had your little kangaroo hand.

It was beautiful. Yeah. You have no idea how deeply grateful and honored and happy you made me doing that. Oh, no, dude. Of course, dude, because I'm saying what I want to say to you, I want to say this earlier. We went into a couple of weird areas. But what I really wanted to say to you, though, is that they, you know, I, you know, yes, I saw you when there's something about Mary.

So the Rocket Man. You know what I mean? You're such a funny guy. And I've seen you just stand up for so many years. There's no stand up like you. You're so fucking great and creative up there and weird and fun, man. Thank you, buddy. And so when I did go out to do that with you, it was, um, I'll remember it for the rest

of my life. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Well, that's why I brought it up. Fuck not. I didn't know if it was just another like, ah, I'm going to do a bit. You know, I didn't, I didn't know if it resonated that much with you, but I'm glad to hear that

it. Fuck you. Fuck. Fuck. Okay. Is that number one? Right. I don't ask everyone in the room knows.

Okay. I don't leave here. No. What? I don't leave the house. Unless it has to do with food. Yeah. Right.

Or, um, sometimes I know audition or fine, but I have to go to work by force, by force. Right. Yeah. You're a whole body. Yeah. But rarely do I go. Yeah. I'll go out to the desert with you and shoot this thing.

Wow. Well, now I'm even more honored. Right. But because if it was you, I was like, I have to, I'm going to do this. This is going to be amazing. I love, I love that guy. Well, you know what's funny is I, I walked up to Bobby and I said, Hey, Bobby, I'd love you to be in my movie.

And before I could even tell him what it was. Yeah. Okay. And I didn't have to tell him the part. He didn't want to see the script. It's like, I think I sent you the script to two, three days before. Yeah. And we went, it was a, you know, probably three or four weeks or a month later.

Yeah. Yeah. And you just were so great. And you just like did it. And that's why I was to this day. And it's such a beautiful part in the movie. Everyone loves you. Oh, it's so funny.

And what's the movie called? It's called fudgy, wudgy fudge face. And it's an indie movie that took me six years to shoot. I did it by myself. I wrote it. I directed it. I shot it. I did the hair, the makeup, the costumes, the locations, the transport.

The props. The, I mean, I edited it. I did the music. I did the sound effects. I mean, I did the whole damn thing. It took me six years. So everyone who's in it is, is, is in a, has a piece of my heart because it was such a passion project.

Yeah. And that's, People get an eye to sort of like that. They can order it at my website. It's only on DVD. That's, I don't know if anyone even has a DVD player anymore, but it's at Harlem Williams.com.

But fudgy, wudgy, wudgy fudge face. Wow. And I'll never forget we stopped on the way up to the desert. It's about, it was about a two hour, about an a half drive north, right out of LA. And we stopped in the morning at Subway to get sandwiches for lunch and put them in the cooler.

And Bobby got like a subway like omelet. Or no, they got like egg, the egg like, little egg things. Yeah. And we got out to the desert. And the first thing Bobby did is he found like an anthill and he put half his omelet down the anthill. And the ants just started swarming like, we've been in the desert for 50 years,

a fucking omelet. They just started swarming. They were crazy. You made them happy. I know man. It was like a Christmas omelet. I think I took a picture of it. I think I did that because I didn't like it.

Yeah. Oh, so stick it to the ants. Well, not me to, to my, you know what I mean? My garbage is their pleasure. That's right. My garbage is their pleasure. You know that old saying. Yeah.

Yeah. And then here's another thing. Their garbage is my pleasure. Yeah, you get it. You also do the special, I don't know if this is right or not. In front of, in the forest? No, I did it in the desert right, right where we shot. Remember we shot behind a great big hill in the desert?

Yeah. So I owned that hill. I bought that hill. You could buy it. Wait, wait, you bought a hill in the desert? Yeah, we shot, we shot on my land. Didn't I tell you that was my land we were shooting on? Oh, I did not know that.

I bought 20 acres in the middle of the desert. Damn. Ten of it is a giant hill. And so I went back a few years later and I shot my stand up comedy special up on the hill in the middle of the desert. Whoa. Yeah. Who was there?

No one. It was just me. And I had a tortoise, a friend of mine had a tortoise so it was walking around. It was walking around. This is amazing. While I did my stand up and a couple, while I was doing my stand up a couple of wild dogs, there's a lot of wild dogs out there, two wild dogs walked right through my set. Oh, they did.

Well, they just wandered through and I talked to them and then they wandered off into the desert. It was fantastic. Wow. I had a crew. We had seven cameras and a jib and a crane and we had a helicopter. We had a helicopter flying around shooting it. Wow.

Yeah. This was put, you know, and it was amazing. Yeah, but how do you, I mean, how do you, with the laughs, did you put in laughs later? No, nothing. I just, I just, I just heard them in my head. You know, it's an act that I worked on. It's an act I worked on for many years and I just knew the timing so well that I just, as I was doing it, I just accounted for the laughs in my, I pretended I could hear them.

Wow. So if you're watching this thing, you don't hear any laughs. You just hear, just silence. Silence. And it's beautiful. You don't like the comedy. The view is beautiful. It really is.

Yeah. There's nothing out there you can just see forever. Wow. It's beautiful. It's stunning. And then you, isn't it an hour long? Yeah. Wow.

I kind of, I watched one of my favorite shows. It's called Mozart in the Jungle. And he goes through like an artistic block as a compo, he's not a composer. He's a maestro. And one of the things to break his artistic block was to perform solely for himself and without the roar of the crowd that he was used to. It's beautiful. And he was able to elevate himself and elevate his practice, which is sort of similar.

They wanted to bring a crowd in and I won't let them. They wanted to bust like people out and build like, like seats around me. And I said, no, you're missing the point. This is, this is about me like doing standup out to the universe. It's out to the world. It's not, it's not for the, there can't be any bear, there can't be a wall of people. It's gotta, it's gotta go out to everything. Wow.

And so it's very spiritual. You also eliminate the ego from the performance aspect of it. Yeah. It was just, it was just me yelling out. There was no barriers. There's no walls. There's no curtains. There was no roofs.

It was just. Wow. Improvise it all out there. I did. Yeah. But I did my act, but there was a lot like, like I had to improvise the dogs. Right. And then there was a crowd work.

That was amazing. And there was a, there was like some birds flew by and we're like, and I pretended they were heckling me. And then at one point, three guys in motorized hand gliders buzzed right over and I just started yelling at them. Yeah. It was really, really fun. Yeah.

It's called the force of nature. Harlan Williams, a force of nature website or could we, that's the same thing on my website. It's, it's a DVD. We're back. Why can't you just put what, can you put that stuff on iTunes so people get access? I will. I will.

I'm bad at that. But I should. I will. It's not, it can't be that hard. No. It's not hard. I just, I, you're right. I need to.

Thank you. No. I'm just, what I'm saying, here's the thing about you too. Uh-oh. What about you two? I hear Bono sick. Is he really? Yeah.

Is he? Oh my God. I didn't mean to laugh. I heard his, he lost his voice. Well, you, you just said, here's, here's the thing about you too. Yeah. Here it is. The edge is great.

That's all I was going to say. Oh, okay. I didn't know you fucking Bono was sick. Does he just have nodes or is he like sick? He got a tracheotomy. No way. He has a tracheotomy? No, I think real.

The top story does say Bono says he doesn't know if you two will tour again. Wait, but he has a trache. Like he actually has a hole in his. Yeah. Remember that, that movie, no country for old men. And that guy had that gun that would shoot holes through doors. Yeah. Bono got hit.

Got a hole in his throat. I know, but not from that. Not from an Eric thing. I think he just has a sore throat. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. I think he just has a sore throat.

Sorry. I thought maybe I read too much. I know, but you can read the news and then make up your own fucking shit. Sorry guy. Sorry guy. All right, guy. No, no country for old men. No country for Bono.

Whoa. He's got Ireland. I wonder if Bono gets a morning Bono. Yeah, maybe. He's a little old, but maybe. Yeah. Oh wait, he did have throat cancer in 2000. Ha ha.

You're right. You're right. You're right. But his second brush with, but the second brush with mortality had nothing to do with his throat. It was a high energy bicycle accident. Into his throat. It's just high energy.

He just hit the throat by a bicycle. I don't know, man. Who's he laying on the sidewalk? Maybe they're like little tiny bikes. Health bikes. Yeah. Oh, those hurt. You also go to Burning Man, right?

Yeah. Do you go every year? I went three years in a row. I didn't go this year, but the last three before that, I regretted not going this year. I really, I wake up every morning going, why aren't I there? And who do you go with? First year, I kind of went by myself and the second year, I went with my buddy, Michael Rosenbaum.

And then last year, I went with my buddy, Dan, and I think I'm going to go next year. You know, it's funny. I, there's such a stigma, you know, on like just people who go to Burning Man in general, like, you know, the LA types, but I never, if there was a, you seem like the perfect person to go to Burning Man with. I never, if I could ever think of anybody I would want to go with, you seem like, nope. You're welcome to come. Nope.

The right person. She's not going with you, bro. She already said she is. Yeah, but she's not going to do it. That would be amazing. I would allow it. Selfish. Yeah, I am selfish and when it comes to that, dude.

Why can't I take your girlfriend away in a camper for five days? What's wrong with you? I'm the client. Come on. Guy, guy, that's my girl. Okay. What? Okay.

Okay. Mr. Scrooge. Humbug, humbug. Did you just call me Mr. Scrooge, bro? Yeah. Why can't I spend a week in a camper with your beautiful girlfriend? What would you do? What would you do out there with her in the desert like that?

You ask her. What would you do with Harlow Williams? We would just waltz around the playa, cook good food, maybe, you know. Hey, wait, you don't need to know. I do need to know, man, because I know you out there, they don't take money. They trade services. You want to get a sandwich, you're going to sell her a little pussy out. What?

I can't sell my little pussy out. Stop right now. Whoa, bro. You want a sandwich, you're going to sell my little girl's pussy out. His eyes are about to explode. Huh? For a fucking meatball sandwich. You won this round.

I know I did. I know I did. You won this round. And don't do that, dude. You're a human being right there, man. Nothing's right in here. I didn't see that coming. Let's go to Burning Man.

I'm never going to go to Burning Man for the rest of my life. Why? I don't like it. I don't like the desert. I don't like fire. I don't like drums. Have you ever had sushi? Yeah.

Before you had it, did you know you'd like it or not like it? Actually, do you remember the first time? Shut up, flat face. You probably thought I'm not eating raw fish. This is gross and now it's all you eat, bro. I can smell it in your gums. You're right. You just, you know what?

That was wise what you just did. And you turned it around. You won that round. Here's the thing. Everyone I know, including myself, was reluctant to go to Burning Man. I was skeptical. I kind of like, uh, sounds, Rosenbaum, my buddy Rosie, he didn't want to go. I said, let's just go, man.

Just, just go and put your, trust me. And he goes, okay, I'm trust. He didn't want to go. He must have stopped five, 10, 15 times while we were walking around and just stopped, grabbed my shoulder and went, bro, I love you. This is the best thing I've ever done. It's really a magical, it's a magical place. Stop.

Stop for a second. Don't turn it off. But stop. Hold. Why? You know, it's like sushi. If you've never. Don't use the sushi to everything.

No, but what I'm saying is if, if you had never had sushi and you go, I know you already did that point. Tell me what sushi tastes like. I could say, well, it tastes like this. It tastes like that. Like, okay, but you'd never know until you put it in your mouth and you go, oh wow, that's what it tastes like. And Burning Man, I could sit here for the rest of the show and tell you all about it,

but it's truly one of those places you have to land there and be there and, and you, you understand it. It's really hard to describe. It really is. I, I went through the same thing. I was, Were you drugged out? No.

I'm, you know me. I'm not, I'm not a druggy guy. I'm not a drinky guy. Yeah, you are. No, you're not. Not really. Yeah, you know. But did you do drugs out there?

Father? A lot of people do drugs out there. Did you do drugs out there? I think I might have saw a guy that looked like me. You know how everyone has a double? Yeah. Yeah. So that guy that you, that looks like you, that guy that looks like you, that was out

there in the desert. Yeah. The first time I went, I had a few beers because I'm not a big drinker, but didn't do much of anything. Right. Second time, I might have had a little weed. Okay. And that was fun.

Okay. Do you smoke weed in LA? No, I rarely ever, ever smoke weed. Once a year. Yeah. If that. If that. Yeah.

So out there, it's just an interesting place. And everyone thinks you have to do drugs or do something. You don't. Okay. Yeah. Questions, man. You can go out and do nothing. You can go, I drove, you know, I drove out with two sober people last year.

I drove two sober people. There's sober people. There's, it's everybody. So it's what you make it, but it's really fantastic. Can I ask you another question? Yeah. When you go out there, do you get some sex? Yeah.

It's there if you want it. Have you participated? I have not. No. It's, it's weird because there's so much going on out there. There's so much stimuli that it wasn't part of my agenda. Like I didn't really think about it. Like there's so much other neat stuff that you're never going to see anywhere else in

the world. So you're focused on that stuff because you're not going to, you're not going to be anywhere that's like that. It's almost like, remember the old Star Trek? Yeah. The William Shatner and they beam down and all of a sudden they're on this weird planet and it, it's like that. It's almost like, you know, to me it's like this.

It's Mad Max. People have chrome in their face. It's part of that. Right. And they're, and they're, they look like fucking, they live from the hills. They, the tribally, you know, and then I don't know if I should run or fuck them. You know what I mean? Dude, you know, if you stand still too long, life passes you by.

This motherfucker with the sushi and now with that fucking shit. And don't forget Bono's hole. Yeah. He has a hole in his throat. Yeah. From the bikes. An Elf bike. Elf bike.

Yeah. On the Adams apple. Wee. Oh. Yeah. Here's another thing about, because of what those facts, I don't, you ever been married? Yeah. You were married?

Mm-hmm. But that I don't talk about. Oh, you don't talk about your ex? No. Your wife? No. Too personal. Wow.

Yeah. Too painful. You know how that. Yeah. You're in love. You know how it goes. Yeah. You know what's so funny?

I'm not going to explore it further. Thank you. You're welcome. You're very welcome. You're very thank you. You're very thank you. What I want to say is that was the first time, and I think we're getting somewhere in our relationship.

Finally. That was the first time that when you said, I don't want to talk about it, because you and I, when we're at the competition, what do we like? We just joke around. Yeah. We fuck around. Always. For a year, you called me Sarah Silverman.

What? What? Yeah. I called me by my regular and he goes, he'll go, oh, it's Sarah Silverman. Right. And everyone would laugh. And but he did it every time I saw him for years. Well, no.

At first I called you shy guy. Remember? Yeah. Yeah. Shy guy. Shy guy. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then went to Sarah Silverman. Yeah. And then now what is it? Now we just giggle. I think I called you Carol Leifery. Yeah. You did.

It's always something. Right. So Harlan and I have that kind of relationship. Right. I'll call him. I don't know what I call him, but, um, and we goof off and this and that. And in my head, I'm like, I like this guy. I want to be his friend.

You know, he invited us to that fourth of July thing that was really nice. Rosie was there. You know, and we're good friends with Rosie's done this couple of times, this podcast. And, um, and I could, you know, I could really become your friend, you know, for real. And that was the first time that you did something that was so real and I got it just now when you said, I don't want to talk about it. Yeah. So there's more of that.

There's more of that. Where that came from guy. Well, there's a lot of things you don't want to talk about. You know it. Just ask your dreams are about to come true guy. Yeah. Let me ask you this though, you have a girlfriend now, no, you don't want to talk about anything like that.

No, I can talk about that. I wish I did, especially when I see, you know, people with beautiful girlfriends and boyfriends. It's nice. Do you think I'm beautiful? Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, I do.

Yeah. I think you have a beautiful spirit. You bring a lot of joy to people have a beautiful spirit speaking of beautiful spirits because somebody died over the weekend. Oh God, it wasn't Prince was it? Please don't say it was George Michael. It wasn't. It wasn't.

You son of a... How could you spring this on me? It wasn't them. Oh, thank God. It wasn't them. Christ. Sandy Shore died. So Pauly's sister died.

Oh, I didn't know her. Yeah. What? And his mother just died. She died. She was young. She had like a lung thing. Oh, but existing.

So she was sick for a year and she had a lung thing and it's like, it's, it's, yeah, it's just, it's really kind of sad because she, she, she didn't, uh, she owed me money. Very classy of you to be better. She did. I thought I was going to say that I don't know why you said that. How much? Forty-fifty-fifty. Okay.

There it is. My goodness. She owed me forty-fifty-fifty. My goodness. Because she used to call me and go, I am hungry, you know, I go to the Western Union. Maybe you're in the will, bro. No, I'm not. How do you know?

But I feel bad. I know I laughed at it and I, you know, and anyone listening right now, I'm not evil. I really did. I do care and it's really sad that what happened and I use comedy and laughter as a defense mechanism, but, you know, life is precious and I love the shores and I love the comedy store and this is a really bad thing that happened, you know, and, uh, the money thing is fine. Jesus Christ.

It's fine. You know, I don't deal with death go do you? No. Were you at Matisse's funeral? I was at, not at the funeral. The memorial though. The memorial, yeah. You went to the memorial, right?

Yeah, yeah. I didn't know her very well. I only met her once. Oh, one time? Yeah. Years ago? Yeah, when I first moved to Hollywood. Yeah, I did a showcase for her.

And then did she pass you? I didn't even know there was passing. I just thought she wanted to watch people. I didn't know anything about the whole passing and I just, you know, to me, I give me a microphone and a crowd. That's all I asked for. Because you were always a laugh factory guy, right? I mean, I mean, yeah, I played there a lot.

Even when I was moving up here from San Diego, you would say, who are the laugh factory guys? You would, you would say Harlan Williams, um, Bob Marley. Oh, I didn't know that. I remember Bob Marley. You just did shows with Bob Marley, right? Yeah. Dane was over there. Dane was over there.

And that was the laugh factory crew. Really? Yeah. I didn't even know about that. And so when, when you came over to the, cause I know you still play the laugh factory, but when you came over to the comedy store, it was a really cool fucking thing, man. Because we just, in my lifetime, I never thought that we would get guys like Harlan to come over.

Yeah. It's been really fun. I've been doing it for about a year. Do you seriously love the store now? Yeah. Well, it doesn't matter. I like a microphone and a crowd. Right.

I don't, you know, I love, I love the store. I love the laugh. I love, but I just, I love the crowd. That's who I love. Yeah. I love it. I love it in that room though. I do.

Yeah, you do. Okay. I like it. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. Get it. Yeah.

Man. Party. Excuse me. I said party. I heard you. I heard that you said that, that show that you did with Paulie and Tom Green, I was supposed to do it. Yeah.

Were you guys mad? Yeah. Actually, I was a little mad because I feel, I felt like you left at the last second and then Paulie told me that you got a commercial and I ain't seen no commercial yet. So as soon as he said it and you can correct me, I felt like it was bullshit, but maybe it wasn't. Was it bullshit? No, you got the, the Jane Lynch commercial.

Yeah. Yeah. So it was real. It was 100% real. Yeah. Okay. So if anyone's listening right now, I was supposed to do a show with Paulie Shore, Harland and Tom Green.

In Illinois, right? In Illinois. Yeah. And I was upset because I, I just knew we'd have so much fun. I know. Me too. I was bummed. I wanted to do it.

But then Jordan Peele called me days before and says, Hey, I'm doing this commercial with Chelsea Peretti and I want you and Jane Lynch in it. And he told me how much it was and I couldn't let it down. Yeah. And I was just like, I had to choose between, I felt fucking bad dude, but I knew that you guys would be mad at me. Well, I was suspicious because the timing, it was like literally we were all going to do it the night before we got to the airport.

Yeah. Me, Paulie and Tom Green were like, where's Bobby and Paulie goes, Oh, Bobby got a commercial and I want it in bullshit like last night at midnight, he got a commercial. So I just thought you just weren't into it. But here's what Paulie did. He knew days before. Oh, he didn't tell us that. Yeah, I know.

But he's gone. It wasn't an overnight date. It wasn't overnight. Well, then you can see why I thought it was. I know. But I'm glad to hear it was real. But how were the shows? Was it fun?

It was great. We had such a good time. It was really fun. Paulie was great. Tom was great. Well, and it was like a road trip, right? Cause we had, we drove to three different cities and we did a new theater every night. So it was like the three of us stopping for fast food and driving and getting hotels and

having dinner. It was really fun. And we really missed you. And a lot of people were like, after the show, we did a VIP meet and greet and so many people were like, where the hell's Bobby? Like you were, you were really missed. Maybe we can do it again one day. Would you do it again?

Of course. But this time I'll show up. Yeah, I would love it. And by the way, I understand if any of us got a high paying commercial, we would go there too. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm glad you told me that.

Cause that, that was in my head a little bit. Thank you. We're clearing that out. How long has it been in your head? Since the show. Over a year. I thought it was bullshit. I'll be honest.

So I'm glad you told me. Yeah, but there's another thing. It's like the intro thing. Larry Smith. Well, the intro thing is not a grievance. The intro thing is beautiful. I know, but the thing is that you've wanted to tell me to call, you know, and you never say anything.

And then now this fucking thing comes around and you're like, you didn't say anything else. You want to get out? No. What I'm saying is that do you have, I hate blue underpants, son of a bit. Now I know. That's all we got. That's the, you said earlier about being friends. That's what makes up friendship.

We have the beautiful fudgy movie. We had the omelet in the anthill. We had the misunderstanding about the intro. We had you lying about a commercial. And these are the elements that the ups and downs that create a mold of beautiful friendship. Blue underpants. Yeah. So we're good, boy.

We're all good. It's called me boy. Yeah. You're the size of a boy. Oh, that is another funny thing that you've been doing when I, when I bring you up. What do you say? I say, okay, I do a show, right? Yeah.

And I bring Harlan on, right? And he doesn't think that I do this, but I sit right down in the back. Oh, you do. And I watch him. Oh, what do you say about me? As Bobby's leaving, I go, how about a hand for my son? Isn't he great? He's pre-op.

He's going to be a girl tomorrow. Yeah. And then sometimes I go, who wants to pop my daughter's chair? Yeah. Do you hear me laughing? I always love it. You know, I think I've heard you laugh a couple of, but I always thought you were just laughing because you were on the way out.

I didn't know you sat down. No, I sit down in the back just to hear it. I love it. Thank you. Yeah. Did you just bow? Yeah. In Asian way?

It was Cambodian. Oh, I see. Oh, yeah. Wow. What are we doing? We're about an hour. Oh, wow. At the end, hey, Harlan, at the end here, what we do is we do, it's called Unhelpful Advice

and it's an email. And then we answer the email and it can be good or bad, you know, whatever. Yeah, yeah. So can we do this? Of course, buddy. Thank you. Cheers. Cheers.

Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

First of all, I love your podcast and I have to struggle not to laugh on public transportation when on my way to college every morning. My question is, should I continue in college as a nursing major or should I change my major to culinary arts? I'm 18 and my first semester college, so it's early enough to switch. I love cooking and I love learning about different cuisines and techniques. But nursing would be stable and I would like to help people. Should I follow the career that leads to stability or do something that would make me happy?

Gabby from Cali? I always say immediately go with what makes you happy, but it also sounds like you want to help heal. So I would say the best advice is to figure out a way to parlay your cooking into helping and healing. So maybe you could cook food and take it as a volunteer on the weekends to the hospitals, or maybe you could come up with recipes that help people with certain ailments. Some people need gluten-free food, some people need this or that.

So maybe you could create a cookbook, or you could create new varieties of food that are healing food. That's actually a really big field of medicine right now, like integrative medicine, where they take a more holistic approach, you're not just using medications and what they're actually looking into diets and trying to figure out how to balance people's hormones through their diets. Well, can I give you an example? I actually recently did a, I have a healing recipe and this was wonderful and it's funny

you got this email because this plays right into it, but a friend of mine, I won't say, but you know, we know a lot of famous people, right? And so a friend of mine got sick and asked me to make some healing food. And what I did, I got a dough, a deep-fried dough and shaped it into a little ball and I told my friend to swallow it and it was unbelievable. It clogged the hole in his throat and I called it a bono ball. What? Why?

Why can't I be a healer? When is it my turn to heal? Forget it. Go be a nurse, Preck. Whoa. Whoa, whoa. Wait, what? You made me mad because you lost it in my bono hole.

But the thing is, can I say what you did though? Can I tell you what you did? Okay. The stuff about the healing and the food was so sincere. It was great. It really was. Right? And I'm like, here's a side of Harlan that's really fucking amazing, right?

And then you do this dough thing, clogging up the whole of Bono's throat. I remember you got- I understand that. And so it just, it took me the whole, I'm back, I'm back. Yeah, yeah. Okay, good. Here's another question. Yeah.

Okay. Hey, everyone. My name is Ma Bed and I'm 18- What's the name? Ma Bed? Ma Bed. I think the first name, P. P.

Pima Bed. Yeah. Nice. Nice. Chinese name. Pima Bed. Yeah. Pima Bed.

And I'm 18 from London. For my whole life, my dad has been this dark cloud over my life and anytime I see or think of him, it brings me anxiety and depression. He is from Bangladesh and I was raised in London so I understand there is a cultural difference. However, as a child, nearly every day, I watched him emotionally and physically abuse my mother. My mother is a reserved British Bengali woman and after 12 years of an abusive marriage, she finally built up the courage to leave him.

I was never more happy, but that wasn't the end. He used regularly, he would regularly show up at her house and get into yelling matches with my mom, which would inevitably end up with my mom getting hurt badly. I felt so weak and small as a kid because I couldn't do anything to stop him. On top of this, the Bengali community is very judgmental about divorces, meaning a lot of people broke ties with my mother and she was left a broken woman. My mom didn't inform police about any of the abuse, so he could keep his job as a teacher, which therefore meant he was allowed to take my sister and I every weekend.

Now at the age of 18, I am still scared of him and I am a wimp of a man. I regularly get emotionally abused and also physically hit by him for not getting good grades or not doing something his way. In my culture, I am expected to get a good job and give all my money to my parents, which really demotivates me. He tells me he has the worst luck in the world because he ended up with a son like me. I hate everything about my life and I can't see any happiness in my future with him in my life.

Let me see, what can I do to deal with someone like this? Maybe next time I'll just edit it down. I thought that was a very... No, stop. Next time, I'll just take the three of them. Most important lines. Okay, sorry, I couldn't paraphrase. We'll have to do that the rest because it's like, I tuned out out of the first, you know,

but it's fine. Anyway, Bangladesh. Well, you do. No, let me say. You go. It's your turn. I did the bono hole. No, my point of view is this, is that, you know, my parents were the same, right?

Very traditional Korean. My dad beat the fuck out of my brother and I with baseball bats and golf clubs, right? And blood, blood coming out of my mom, her mouth, missing teeth. My dad was very violent. And then when I, you know, graduated my high school, you have to go to college and all that stuff. Right. And I was just like, dad, I got all Fs in high school.

What the fuck? I went to three rehabs. Yeah. I can't go nowhere. Right. And he's trying to take over the business. I go, fuck it. Fuck you.

Right. And I'm going to make it as a community, an artist. Okay. And I did everything that I could. I used that him, right, to motivate me to get out of, you know, the situation that I was in. I came to LA with nothing, you know, and I, you know, I built a somewhat fine, okay career, you know, and I,

But if you're living under his house, like, let's say, I would have, I would have fucking luck. Did you hear him? Yeah. But you know what, dude? It's like, at one point, at some point you have to go, I'm not Korean. I am Korean, you know, my blood, you know, my ethnicity, but in terms of cultural, I'm not, I'm not really even American.

I'm just my own thing, you know, I'm just a weird dude, right? But I do know this is that I need, I can't, I don't like stress and I don't like that feeling of like, you know, I get depressed easy. I have to do what I didn't want to do. But for this guy, I think he just needs to fucking cut the chains and fly. Yeah. Go ahead, Harley. How old is he?

18. 18. Yeah, he has to get out and he has to forgive. Have you ever forgiven your dad? Is he still alive? Yeah. You ever forgiven him? He had a stroke, bro.

He did? Yeah. Have you ever forgiven him? I completely forgive my dad. I, I, when he had the stroke, you know, my brother and I were both looking at him, we're both crying because he was in the hospital and he couldn't talk. He was going like that, like, you know what I mean? And we're both on our knees crying.

This is, you know, four or five years ago. And I, at that moment, I said, I just, all that, good, you know what I mean? Just went away. I love my dad. I love my mom, you know, and, but, you know, did I love him in my twenties? Not really. Not a lot to love. It sounds like.

Yeah. But, you know, I found it. And when, when I started, got on my hand, you know, and he apologized eventually. He said, um, I'm sorry, I, I didn't think that you could do it. And you did it. It's beautiful. And then I went, I spit right on his face, he said. Did you?

No. I fucking yearned in his mouth. I'm sorry to hear your dad had a stroke. It's fine. It's tough. It's fine. I'm glad you guys had forgiveness. Why?

Because that's the only way you can move on. Forgive your dad. Forgive everybody for everything. Yeah. You do? Did you have a rough one? No, I had a great, I had a great, great parents. Yeah.

But I had to forgive them for certain things that, you know, every kid has things they feel were unjust or weren't, weren't right or, or good. So, um, but this, this child or this boy, this 18 year old needs to forgive his father, even though it's brutal. And he just has to walk away. He has to move out of that, take himself out of that environment, but he can't leave if he's carrying all that anger because it'll be on his back like a piano. So just to look him in the eye, he can't change his dad.

So all he can do is look him in the eye and say, I love you, I forgive you, goodbye. And then he can walk away as a whole person and his father will have to stay with what he's created. Yeah. And that's it, but that's important. I'm glad you had that moment with your dad. It's good. It's beautiful.

What? The forgiveness. You forgave him. Yeah. But he forgave you. It's okay. That's nice. It is.

I don't know what you're doing. It's good. Yeah. Honestly, I don't know what you're doing. What do you mean? I mean, you're acting like you're fucking Elvis fucking lips or like going crazy waves on me, right? Yeah.

Like that. And you're like looking at me with your little glossy eyes. A little forgiveness. And you're doing, you keep repeating it, right? It gets to the point where you're challenging me. All right. But I forgive you for that. What?

Stop. Fuck you. Will you forgive me? No, I don't forgive you. Fuck you. I forgive you. For what? For fucking me.

You just said fuck me. Yeah. I forgive you. Yeah. You know what, dude? You know what, dude? I'm going to let this go. All right.

I'm going to pretend this never happened. All right. Forget the forgiving. Too late, player. You already did it. It's already done. I already forgave you. Yeah.

All right. Yeah. All right. We are whole, buddy. We are whole. Me and you. We're whole and divided. For sure.

Okay. You have anything to promote fuck nut? You have anything to promote fuck fuck? My new special. My new comedy special. Where is it at? Amazon Prime. Great.

When does it come out? It's out. It's up. Just came out about a month ago. A month ago. What's it called? Caramel corn the pug kick them in the kibble. Is it really called that?

Yeah. Yeah. I did the whole special as a dog. I did an hour special as a dog. Is that true? Yeah. Caramel corn. Look it up.

Look it up. You have to look it up. Caramel corn the pug. We did an hour special. I know. But see if it's real. The force of nature keeps popping up. Caramel coat.

Caramel corn. Go to Amazon Prime and type in Caramel corn the pug. Kick them in the kibble. Kick them in. It's my new stand-up special. And it's real? And it's real? Yeah.

All it is. Yeah. Wow. Do you put, you're dressed up as a dog in it? I have a mask with a pug mask with an articulating mouth that moved when I spoke. And so I did the whole set as a dog. No audience? No.

There was 600 people. Oh great. Yeah. Where'd you do it at? The Irvine Improv. Oh, I love that room. Yeah. Don't you love that room?

Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. So you know Rosenbaum from that movie that you guys did? Sorority Girls? Sorority Boys. Boys. Who was it that you, Rosenbaum and somebody else?

Barry Watson. Barry Watson. He's a guy from Seventh Heaven. Bingo. Right? Bingo. Yeah. But do you audition now or no?

You don't like to? Do you read for things or do you care? I don't a lot anymore because I just don't like it. Yeah. But I'm more into, not to sound snooty, but I like getting just offers. But if it's something I really like, I'll go out, but I turn down almost everything. Yeah. I'm the same way.

I just, and it's not, it's not because I have an attitude. It's just, I find there's a proliferation of a lot of stuff out there now. When I was kind of coming up through the movie biz, there was just movies and studios. And now there's a lot more. And so a lot of stuff you go in and you're excited and you realize nobody's ever going to see it or it's not going to, it's not going to have a big platform. So I kind of, you know, I feel proud of the work I've done and the movies I've done. And so I just want to do stuff that meets that bar now.

And if it doesn't, I don't want to, I don't want to do something. But don't you want to play, I feel, you know, like I'm on a show now. No one's ever recognized me from the show. And it's an ABC network sitcom. Yeah. The whole network thing. Yeah. Yeah.

No one's ever said, I love you on that. They love me for other things. But it is the new game, right? There's a new game to be played. With all you mean in the industry? In the industry, right? And I, and I want to play it. Yeah.

All right. What I was going to say to you is that through this interview in my head, I literally thought you would be a really great dad on a show, like a really funny, weird dad on a show. Imagine having a show about a kid and then there's another kid that's weird and that's the dad. Yeah. Right. I mean, I could just see different scenarios with you in it because you're a little older

now. I'm old as well. Yeah. And I think that I just think that, you know, I know, I think I knew that about you because you're the same as me. I don't like to read either. Right. I hate it.

I fucking dread it. Yeah. But I do do it, you know what I mean? And I hate it, but I do it. Yeah. And sometimes I get it. You know what I mean? So hopefully, you know, you'll find something.

Yeah. And you know, you know, I'm at a really good place where I've been blessed to have done some really great projects for me and, and I think projects that have, you know, reached other people. And I really am at the point where if I never acted in anything again, I'd be like, great, I had, I'm really happy with what I left behind. Yeah. Now, if something good came, I would, I would love to do it, but I really, if, if nothing

else happened, I could go, man, what a, what a blessed life I had. You know? Self-actualization, sweetheart. I think about what I... Do you have allergies? No, no. No, I don't have allergies, I'm just, what you took was so, what you said was so like impactful.

I just needed a moment, but then you just kind of... I stepped on it. Yeah. Yeah. So just let me have that. Okay. You want me to say it again? Yes, say it again.

What did I say? You said something about like, if I didn't... If I didn't act again, I would be okay. I've had a, I've had a lot of blessings and I'm happy with what I've done. Yeah. I don't feel that anymore. Yeah, it's gone. Yeah, it's gone.

I think it might be allergies. It might be allergies. Yeah. Anything you want to promote then, except for this, aside from the special? I would like to promote, well, I would like to promote for, I have a show on Disney Junior, animated series called Puppy Dog Pals. I have seen it. Thank you.

Yeah. And I'd like to mention that for, if people have kids, kids love it and that brings them lots of joy and so Puppy Dog Pals. It's really cute. And remember, I brought you to the living room, I was like, sweetie, this is Harlan's show. Can you believe it? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then you were like, we were in shock. You were in shock by it. Yeah. Because Isabella was watching it. Oh. My little knees. Yeah. Puppy Dog Pals.

Yeah. Good. That's yours, right? Yeah. This is crazy. Wow. You're doing a lot of shit. Headlining.

Doing a lot of shit. What is that? Whoa, I don't do that. Is it allergies? Did you just see the movie? None? My allergy. My allergy is on the front window of my car.

I hit a dragonfly on the whale. Wow. Wow. Allergies. Your face. Anyway, Harlan Williams, everybody. Yeah. Clap for yourself, friend.

You did a great job, friend. Thanks for doing it, man. I know you had a racquetball game. Dude, it was an honor. You should have played. It's fine. Thank you. God bless you.

Take care. See you burning, man, bro. Okay. We'll be right back, guys. Wow. Harlan Williams. I love him. He's a true artist.

Man. He's an artist. It's not just comedy. He transcends that. He will be remembered. Forever. Forever. I'm going to say that.

I know that what I'm doing with my hair right now is bringing a lot of people anxiety, because I'm actually tucking a big part of my hair inside my shirt. And this really pisses my sister off and Jenna off. They can't. And this is them off that there's hair touching my back. And then my shirt is over the hair. Why are you just trying out this new look? I'm doing this because I'm thinking about cutting my hair.

And the reason I've always never thought about it before is because I have a big face. That's just the truth of it all. Recently, last week, my sister chopped all her hair off and it looks amazing on her. I don't know if that quite applies to someone with as wide of a face as me. So this is just a trial run. What's the shortest you've gone? When I was younger, probably before I came, right before I came to America, I cut my hair right around this length, maybe shorter.

Didn't look that great. But I'm willing to give it a try again. Big ass cheeks. Maybe undercut on one side? Undercut. I like the long, just one side maybe. You mean asymmetrical? Asymmetrical, yeah.

That's just, I don't know. No, I think I either go blunt cut. And only wear white. And only wear white? Like Avian Flux or something. Just look like you're from the future, but who is that woman? George liked that. All white.

All white's a great look, great look. Do you know how there's some faces that it doesn't matter what you do? They're always going, like Natalie Portman, shave her head, long hair. She just has the most precious face. Oh, really? Can you pull your hair back all the way? Hold on. Have you feel the shape of my head in the back?

You gotta try it once. It's like a P-shape. It's like a big bulge, right? It's just not going to work out. That's what you want. It's a big bulge. Yeah, it's like big, but flat. It's like a wall.

Do you know what I mean? It's like bulgy, but flat if that's possible. Oh, fights. MMA Minute. Everyone wants to hear the, you know, Kalala's take. You're the hot, you know, you're hot in the MMA industry right now. I feel like everyone's probably had their own debate about this. Conor and Khabib, Kalala.

I kind of want Khabib to take this. Although Steve just texted me right now, and he thinks that Conor's going to catch him. Of course, Steve does. Steve's very excited about this. Wait, so you said you want Khabib to win, but do you- I don't know actually. I don't know where I stand on it. I've been back and forth because you know how much I love Khabib.

Yeah. You also do like Conor, but I think the time you texted me, you were very annoyed by that press conference, or at least what you saw. I think, okay, then I rewatched it, and I'm not annoyed by Conor. I was annoyed by the fact that there wasn't anyone watching. Awkward. It was just awkward. It was like doing a full comedy set with absolutely no one in the crowd.

It was weird. It's like what Harlan did in the desert. Yeah. But it was weird because Conor did what he usually does. It's just weird without fans in the cheering. Yeah. Yeah, he looked a little nuts doing it. But at this rate, I just hope everyone stays healthy.

No one gets injured. Everyone makes weight, and that there's a good fight because I think I'm really split down the middle. Yeah. My mind says Khabib, but my heart wants Conor for that comeback. Let's go around the room. Let's just put it down. Pick one name. George.

Conor. Can I try these Grand Crackers? Bryce. Conor. Bobby. Conor or Khabib? Khabib. Oh.

Everyone's Conor except for me, right? Yeah. I'm going to go Conor. Are they from Trader Joe's? Yeah. What are they? Are they from these Grand Crackers? Oh my god.

Pass me one, George. Oh crap. Give me a half. I don't want a full. Oh wow. Oh wow. They already had a lot earlier. It's like cinnamon.

It was very good. How's it going? So far we're chewing on air. That's fantastic. And then if that fall, I hope that fight doesn't fall through. Do you like Anthony Pettis or Tony Ferguson for that fight? Tony Ferguson all the way. Well, I think Anthony Pettis, his last fight, was really impressive.

And I thought, oh shit, like he really is back. I've always loved Anthony Pettis. I just think that for this one, my money is on Ferguson. Guys, you heard it here. MMA expert, Kalyla. Oh, and she just threw up. And she's going both. Any shout outs for first shout outs?

No. Interesting. No reverse shout outs. I don't do reverse shout outs anymore. I'm all about positivity. Well, I'll give a shout out to your sister, who is number one in her writing class. Oh wait, Kalyla's in that class as well. It's in the second.

You guys are probably even. I don't know why you put that out there in the universe. I've never been competitive with my sister, not once. Are you swimming? We never know. And weirdly enough, we swam the same events. But if she won, I was happy for her. If I beat her, she was happy for me.

We never had that. We never fought for the front seat of the car. We were just always allies with one another. I never felt a competitive, any type of even remote competitiveness with my sister. So when we started taking this class together, I thought, oh yeah, because I'm the one who told her to sign up for the class. But I'm like, oh, she's just going to like begrudgingly accept to do this because I signed her up for it.

She's excelling. She's not just taking the class. She's excelling. And it's kind of pissing me off that the professor thinks she's some kind of fucking genius and he's completely blowing me off like my ideas or shit. And he's just praising her like, bravo, that's an amazing idea. It turns out my sister is a Filipino Jordan Peele. I never knew this.

I thought I was taking the class for myself. And I thought she was maybe going to help me once in a while. But it turns out she's the genius in the family and I'm chopped liver. Well, I think your writing will be fantastic. I can't wait to read your scripts. Any shout outs? Reverse shout outs? No? Come on, Bryce.

Ooh, also Gilbert is going to be performing at Filipino AF this Friday at UCB. It's free. It's free. I'm going to be there. I don't know. Wait, hold on. Am I still supposed to put my name in even though it's free? I think you can just show up.

I can just show up? I am still doing it. They just put my name. I saw your name on the flyer. So I was like, all right, I'm going. Hopefully I am going to be in it. I was like, no one told me about this. I guess I'm doing something.

So check that out. You only know because you saw your name on a flyer? I saw my name on a flyer. You don't even know what you're doing? Nope. So come support GigiBoy at UCB Sunset. I think, yes, UCB Sunset. It's going to be a live podcast with me and Kalayla.

I'm talking about the Philippine-American relations. That's quite. But I'll be there in the crowd. Bryce will be at home. What is he eating? So check him out at his house. Yeah, watching Netflix. Boom.

Guys, thank you for listening. I hope you enjoyed the episode. George, you have to close this out. How about a shout out to Ted Alexandros, who did a special senior class of Earth. I like that name. But maybe we'll let Bill Burr tell us a little more about this. Hey, Bill, come out of the bathroom. Hey, what's going on?

This is Bill Burr from the All Things Comedy Network. I am very excited to tell you that we are going to be releasing a stand-up special from the unbelievably talented, unbelievably hilarious and unbelievably original Ted Alexandros. He has a new stand-up special called Senior Class of Earth. You can check it out exclusively at ATCspecials.com and follow the All Things Comedy Network for more ways to support your favorite comedians. This is huge for us. This is everything that All Things Comedy was about.

We wanted to get in business with great artists and help them to maintain control and ownership of what they created. And this is our first foray into that. Once again, it's called Senior Class of Earth from the great Ted Alexandros. You can check it out at ATCspecials.com. Thanks, Bill Burr. We'll make sure to check it out. Okay.

Yeah, the smoothest Kalayla. Right, Kalayla, who wanted to re-do this? Yeah, yeah. Guys, thank you for listening. Have a good night. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Barely ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

Or you can listen ad-free with Wondri Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondri.com.