TigerBelly - Episode 163: Felipe Esparza Is Carnage Asada

Episode Date: October 10, 2018

Bobo is in overalls. Felipe is not grand marshall. We talk pizza day, Guamuchil trees, foreign exchange students, and Kalimán-El Hombre Increíble.Bonus content on Mondays:https://www.patreon.com/TigerBellySupport us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Hey One second what I gotta feel it dude, I gotta fucking feel it tonight All right, yes, everyone just let's live in the moment and this is see what the fuck happens. Okay, yeah They said not to fucking say anything Felipe Go five four three two one hi Hi everybody, my name is Bob and And I just want to bless everyone listening today. This is a very special episode

I have an old friend on that. I've no I mean, I've known him for a very long time But let's do room introductions first my name is senior Robert Lee Bob Lee we've got Gilbert Flat No, you have a flat face

Yeah, no, it's like a tiki stash here. Hmm if I went on an island if I went on an island, dude, right? Yeah, and it was like like a deserted island, right? And I went through the forest and it's a gigantic tiki tiki statue with three of your heads on the tiki statue Oh danger. Yeah, okay. We've got my beautiful girl from Kalilah. She's here. Look at her Let's all take a little better. Take a look. Take a look. She's the best. You got fucknut I can't even believe the racist shit. He was saying You know what this motherfucker was coming on and he goes yeah, I like a Mexican I like going with Mexican Mexican chicks because they like to fog and they make good babies. Is that what you said?

Shut the fuck up white guy man, that's fucking bullshit My god, yeah, yeah, don't double down on that this next guest come this coming here today Is a guy I think I met him in the late 90s Maybe the Latino left as well. I don't I think something in that time period He just had an HBO special last year. He's a Netflix special out He's probably one of the most interesting stand-ups out there. I love his voice. He's genuine He's like a fat Benicio del Toro You know

His eyes are lost, you know, which I love, you know They puff out Look at that face man. It just puffs out his face, you know, he's got good teeth. It's something to your teeth Huh, what you bleach your teeth or something or? Yeah Man, yeah, I finally convinced myself to buy a water paint Felipe as far as I clap your hands everybody How long have I known you man a long time man? I think the first time I saw you already like overalls. Oh, that's right

That's right. Yeah, I used to wear. Yes. Yeah board Overlaws you like overall like really overall dickies fool. Yeah Representing yeah, I used to wear dickies. Oh, but because I don't know. Yeah Yeah, why yeah, you didn't know why back then. Yeah. Yeah, I just had them. Yeah Well, what happened was back in the day? I've said this before is that all I played was Hispanic rooms, right? So then I'm like, I'm an Asian guy playing a lot of Hispanic rooms I'll just go to the army surplus store and I went and got overalls thinking that that's dickies, you know Yeah, and then I yeah, I was the weird fucking guy. Did you get impressed?

I don't they never see you guys never said anything like what are you wearing fool? Everybody with a plumber Did you like me back then or do you think I was weird that you're cool. Yeah, I always liked you man I met you when you were how old were you but young right? We were hanging out at the comedy store, and they were um, they were um booking that show with We call them and see a hosting all right about this. Oh, yeah, one of those. Okay, local. Yeah, Nelly Ganal. Yeah, local slam The local slam. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just got there and you you told me what's up, man Oh, you should be auditioning for that. I said what the auditioning for I didn't know

No, oh, yeah, you were no you staying out with Gabe a lot, too Only knew back then only known the Latino community and you besides It was only Freddy's auto and Johnny Sanchez. Wow Then you and you you knew me. Yeah, you knew me but I knew I'm Jamie Kennedy and Because I started at the natural purge. Oh, you did I'm fountain. So I met um, that's how you met Jamie Jamie, Jamie Kennedy. Yeah, that's what I said Jamie Kennedy man. Yeah, no Jamie Masada. I didn't say Jamie Masada What you think they listen to me Masada? He said like Jamie like, you know, Jamie This is recorded this is fucking recorded dude, and I'm gonna tell you something right now, man

I never said Masada. Okay. Okay. I said Jamie Kennedy. Yeah, Jamie. Yeah Yeah, and I was just kind of affirming what you said, right and then you got all fucking weird No, I'm not weird So Jamie Kennedy not Masada. Yeah. Yeah, but this is before he was famous or what? Oh way before he was famous I think we live in his car. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was trying to get to New York London for some acting class. We're here with a bunch of letters to a bunch of famous actors Yeah, before he fun me man. You gotta write a letter You gotta write a nice letter, you know a real good letter with a thank you a little cold in the bottom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Jamie

He didn't make it as a stand-up, right? He he did stand up, but he could audition and That's how he got him to scream and then and then did you know him after that or no? Yeah, I knew after that. Yeah. Yeah at the lab factory. I think I opened up for him at the Long Beach lab factory Yeah, Jennifer. He was dating Jennifer Love Hewitt. Oh, that's right. And it was cool that when I came out of the store She was like there's not a merge. I was like, oh, yeah Selling murder. Yeah. Yeah, that's what what that's what, you know, what chicks do chicks do All right, Kavana, Kavana You gotta earn those chicken tenders

Oh, yeah, I knew him back then But he's always been like that this guy he's talked the same, right? He's always super nice, you know, super funny I was always afraid of Willy Barcena. Come on, bro Yeah, yeah, but you know also also I went to I went I went to a lot of places where Your name will pop up and I said, yeah, but I really mentioned you like when I went to Matt TV one time. Oh, yeah Yeah, just to meet them, you know, why I I'm I think you you are unique. You know that word. Yeah Yeah, I think you're unique man. And then when you started hitting it, dude

I mean, you just you just got to feel pride, you know, because Let me say something right now, man. You have Hispanic comics, right? A lot of them do the same things. Am I not right? Right? They talk about the same things, but then when you get somebody that's like a little different like you and Gene Pompa Hey, little bear Yeah, little bear, right? Gene Pompa. You go. That's this is amazing. This is what we need to be Supporting you know, you're you're not just you're not Hispanic. You're just Felipe Esparza, bro. Yeah, man. Yeah, I was just born in Mexico

Oh, you were yeah, where? Yeah, Sinaloa. Oh, I love it. I was born by the town where they call it Chapel. Yeah, I love it there Yeah, the fruits. What are they known for what? What are the fruits? Oh, just the fruit right and the landscape Oh, yeah, yeah, and then they have these Free holy groves for holy groves. Yeah delicious They refry them What I'm from

They have stuff like that. They have this tree where I show gum grows It's called wamuchi and it tastes like kind of like raspberry and strawberry But it's actual plant and you chew it and it tastes like gum. What's it called? Wammuchi? Wammuchi It's called G-U-A Yeah, or Yeah, so it's it's it's like you're walking down a path you see a wammuchi tree Right. Get a little piece. Well, if you had to climb the tree to get what?

Not really. Oh, were you just reaching out? You're reaching out there? They grow like flowers Oh, they do and you just stick you don't have to wash it or nothing. Nothing man, and it chews you chew it You chew it just like gum Yeah, I don't know man, but my my relatives live in Mexico. They're like savages, bro They're like they dance with beads on their under on their legs They put beads on their wrists and their ankles my grandfather. That's what he did. Yeah, he used to be Yeah, exactly at that. Yeah, I didn't do anything yet though, but like I Go like this like this and he goes yeah, that's like just like my grandpa

No, I didn't do anything yet. So are they naked and beads kind of another world like a little Tarzan little little And they use it because they're Indigene like what do you call it? They're indigenous. I guess they're like Aztec. Aztec-y. Right. So you're you're an Aztec I was a little kid when I saw this stuff. I don't remember most of this stuff. Yeah I just know like little things my mom will tell me like my father He worked as a machinist so he knew how to like I guess to make shit with machine and He took me to he took me to um his job one day and and

It's funny man, but I saw a movie and it kind of wouldn't even have happened to me Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that movie. His father makes him a bat Well, my father was too many work and he got a little stump. He made a little fucking bat, too Yeah, and um So I was like three years old or four, but after that my dad didn't take me to work anymore So I was trying to follow him and I think I ran away like ten times when I was like three or four Oh, my mom was actually tying me up like a rooster On my ankles to a gate

That's it that's how they do it. Yeah. Yeah. I was a guy. Yo Just put a little bell around your neck people do that do people do that a little bell. That's sad, but they probably do where There's a bunch of people that tied up to like They're the ones that like snap back, too So if you run too far you like kind of bounce back Let me ask you something. What what's wrong with that a leash bring your kids on a leash Look, if you have five kids, I don't blame you for keeping your kids only one kid You should be able to watch that one kid

You shouldn't have that one kid on a really bad like rap when you like you see Old ladies or ladies at the Walmart. Yeah, they have their kids on a leash. Yeah, right as long as they're not hurting them Is that bad or yeah, but these kids would like run full steam in one direction and then all of a sudden Break their spine They're making cute though, they make these little leeches look like adventure time All the are like little backpacks Yeah, I'd make my punk rock. Ooh, but with like spikes and stuff, too. Yeah Like a pinch

Just get a little bit of a you know, I mean like a pinch collar like a pinch collar. Yeah. Yeah, I put a muzzle on mine There's a cold watch out You have three kids, right? Yeah, that's three kids. I have my first kid. I was in high school I was 17 years old. I didn't know you had a kid in high school. Yeah But did you rate you did you raise them when you were doing comedy and stuff? No, she like a lot a lot of things happen After that, you know Everyone she told me she was pregnant. I was at lunch time in school. Yeah, it was pizza day on Wednesday Pizza Wednesday, yeah, she told me I'm pregnant. I picked up my lunch at another table

Yeah, but you know We broke up, you know, she went off with some other dude and never saw them again for a long long long time Yeah, then I want I won last comment standing and they fought for child support Oh, she became the last baby mama standing. Yeah, it's funny man. When you get I never noticed it But I noticed now, but when you when you get a lot of money like everybody finds out fast. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like I always like oven man to reward They closed down like 15 years ago, but somebody bought the account Oh

Yeah, yeah, wow 229 bucks. Yeah, and an unemployment getting checks. Yeah, what did you have IRS problems, too? Oh, hell no. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I make money to lose all them when I started making money I didn't know you had to fucking pay them pay five for taxes So for yeah five years, I didn't pay nothing and then one day I went to do an urban comedy And They I owed the IRS like over $200,000 well, that's how to pay man Yeah, I know I had to go on a playman plan and the whole because you know people don't know when you start your comedy broke

You never think you're ever gonna make any money Never man. Yeah, and the kind of money you do make you get like $100 50 bucks 50 bucks. We go to vice alia right up there in that holiday Yeah, I went there with Garcia once and Jeff Garcia. I remember him telling me hey, bro You know in our careers. I'm gonna make more money than you. That's what he said to me Who said that Jeff Garcia? What's the fuck? And then I remember him I couldn't get I couldn't get any pussy and

He hooked up a girl in the we shared the same room Yeah, I remember hooking him hooking up with a girl in the bathroom and me just seeing being so sad on the bad bed So sad, you know What's so funny? I couldn't get pussy before for a long time I know but the fact that you were just standing there like Thinking about a guy having sex with another woman. I did that with Ari Shafir two ones I was in a fucking closet and I watched him through the crack Love to a woman

Did you have to watch I watched I watched a little Jew fucking white cheeks go up and down What what time I thought I'm gonna get laid, but I actually drove this chick to go fuck somebody Oh the rookie brought it no, yeah, yeah, so you drove all the way over there you learned man Through time, right? You make mistakes now, man. It doesn't happen again, bro. Now you get a handjob on the way there But you always seem like you got girls Afterwards, you know, oh, yeah when you got after last comic standing after kill locals, right? Locals was great for us. Oh, yeah. I was at my first TV credit was um That showtime Latino last festival, right? I

Did that too. I didn't do the showtime, but I did go to the festival one year I told you guys about that already, but um those K locals for with Mike Robles Yeah, with Mike Robles for ethnic guys that weren't African-American and white right the others especially Obviously Mexicans, but they invited guys like me also Because they provided us a voice Which is that's why I always thank the you know the Hispanics Hispanic Comedy scene, you know, I opened for Mencia all those years and um, you know, but I have to call Carlos about his Instagram

His Instagram is driving me fucking crazy. Why not update it. No, it's just like he does videos like hey, I'm in Fort Worth, bro Come see me and then that's it. That's what it was in a That was my carless Mencia. Oh Yeah, similar Instagram. Yeah, will he does that too? He goes and come real weird rants, you know, all right Hey, liberals Yeah, is he right wing, I don't know what he is man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, yeah, you're what are you? What are you? I can't vote man. I'm an American citizen. I Could pay someone to vote for me

That's great Cuz I don't kind of don't want to vote either Just start telling people you're an American Bobby Lee. I'm not an American citizen They go where you're born. I go Shanghai is our place Singapore. Yeah. Yeah, is that a place? I think it's a place. Yeah, Shanghai and they'll be like, oh, well, if you did vote I that can't vote Yeah, yeah, that's a good one, dude. I saw you if you're like a if you're a criminal you can't vote to do your eyes It done really maybe I'll just relapse again Also, if you claim

Sovereign citizen You don't have to vote your own country. Yeah, you don't have people do that like if you live in a Native American Some white people get out get away with it except the airport, you know, because the airport is its own government You can't do you can't say sovereign citizen but you could say that in some places and If only we had like money though, but the police can't arrest you they have a sheriff deputy The airport is a what Airport is like being at a it's like being at the consulate man. It's like its own government. Yeah

Like for instance at the airport, they can hold you. You can hold you for long They want for let's say then in fact, let's say for instance, like if you violate your visa They can hold you there and not allow you in and just send you back Send you back. No questions that no argument. You can have no trial. It's done You're not seeing the movie the terminal You've the Tom Hanks. Yeah, well, he's just stuck there. He lives there. Okay. So if I'm Swedish Right, let's say I'm Swedish. Yeah, right and I went on a rape spree. Okay at the airport. No in Sweden Okay, is that too? Is that something else spree?

I'm Sweden, right and I just you know kill babies. Yeah, okay. Sure. I killed like 20 babies. Yeah, all right That's better. And I so I got on a flight to LAX. Uh-huh. I get to LAX What can I just stay at the airport and not get in trouble just live there like the terminal? Well, no, they're definitely not gonna allow you in past immigration. Yeah, but can I it's live in that area of just from the gate To did that yeah, depending on how they want to hold you it's it's up to them He's saying that you really are subject to the laws of that airport. I Don't understand. How do you hold your money? I? wanted

He's ever regular Yeah, yeah, we're gonna get you a ridge wall. Thank you. Yeah, do you believe when I say that I'm gonna get you one Do you? Yes, I do Well, we don't have one right now, but I'm gonna get one I swear to God, I'm gonna do everything. I can't get you one. Okay for free. Okay. All right. You we don't have any right now But make sure when George when we get a ridge wallet one for because you know, I sail I sail I lie a lot Yeah, okay, and I tell people right I told like I told Rob Riggle once that I was gonna get him a vape set Right Rob Riggle who's that? He's an actor. It's a no, right? No, no like a white. He's a white comedian more actor

He's kind of like a jockey bigger older kind of guy. He's an ESPN. Yes. Yes. I saw him. I do stand-up comedy one Oh fuck. Yeah. Yeah, he's good. I don't want to say it's big but it's funny as big man It's hilarious. Yeah, so you know what Rob Riggle? Yes So one time I did a ESPN show and when I was leaving I go he saw me vaping and he goes Oh, I you know, I smoke I want a vape. I go. I'll get you one man What flavors do you like all that stuff, right? And he told me and then I just never did it So I just say it but then like a year later Somebody told me that he complained about it like that fool was supposed to get me a fucking like six months later

So when I I just thought to myself when I say hey, I'll get you one. I Shouldn't say it number one if I don't mean it. I shouldn't say it Yeah, but if I said it and I just said it I have to get him one now. That's how the world works Yeah, okay, so George get on it. Yes, sir. Get him a fucking rich wallet. You have it on there What colors do you like? We have titanium. Well, there's blue. There's gold. There's desert tan. There's olive green. There's black carbon They look like this is what they look like. Okay. Oh, you don't like it. Oh, good Right, he loves it, but there's a little money clip here. Yeah, and but see they can't there's tricks to it. Look, yeah

You have you push this to get your cards out and then to separate them you hold this like push this down together Well like this. Yeah. Oh See it's so simple the original wallet so simple Good one koala very good. Good hack really good hack It's great at the air for your cards fly out all over the ground and then somebody steals one of your cards It's great. Yeah, you baby. Let me just say something right now. Okay. We're gonna lose a sponsor. All right We're absolutely gonna lose a sponsor if you stop with your antics. All right. That's not a thing You're supposed to press down so it fans out you just don't you have little like a thumbs your ape thumbs

Like like this it doesn't work. It doesn't work. It's just one side Why'd you why'd you why the fuck did you give me to do it? Maybe I have too many cards We're gonna get you one. Oh, what are these fucking Ridge wallet? Well, it's amazing. Yeah Do you even have opposable thumbs? I have fucking it fuck look at that. They're shaped weird This one is slammed in a door and that's what it's flat. I Wish that one was Baby, how come you date me? I mean you look at my fingers you go

I don't know. Is there anything your wife calls you out for on your body? No, she likes everything about your body Yeah, really. Well, I don't hear the complaints. Yeah. Yeah, maybe we break up. Maybe I hear them But how long you've been there? How long have you been married? We've been married since 2014 I really like her. She's super sweet. I did your podcast. She she's just a sweet lady Do you guys so it's in 2013 you've been married, but how long did you date with her before that 10 years eight? No, eight Can I ask you a question? Yeah How do you keep the love, you know, I mean the sexualities, you know new and exciting. I don't know Do you guys still do it? Yeah all the time we try are you forcing that's of that's key try

We try we try would you say twice a week? Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's healthy. That's why so we and she reminds me of you in the sense that she's like She's a business you she's in business with you. Yeah manager. Yeah, she's a manager and she Produced her the podcast right and she has she's helped him. I Honestly believe I honestly like I can't imagine my life without Kalilah. I love her so much But she does so much for me and all the girlfriends. I've had before Just you know, they were just my girlfriends, but they did what they weren't involved Don't you doesn't feel like great when they're involved. Yeah

You trust them You guys fight a lot. No. Yeah. Yeah You guys are just sweet together, huh? We argue but not like fight like hit each other or I Know that kind of fight you you've never hit her no You don't seem like a violent guy at all. No, you've never been violent. I have been violent, but that was when I was younger Right. How do we all know that my 20s worst thing you've done 20 in your 20s, huh?

Yeah, like I would not like I didn't watch that Conor McGregor fight. Yeah Yeah, you know and that guy going after each other and the way they went after each other That's a real fight man. He would don't know what a real fight looks like, you know, they never been punching a face You know, unless you've been punched in the face or you went after someone who went Who punched in the face or embarrassed you in front of your lady where you look bad. Yeah, you'll never know What was going through his head, you know, right like I remember um, I got into a fight with somebody and I thought that he was gonna beat Me up, but I ended up beating him up and I was feeling good You know, I took adrenaline going I took my belt off sort of whipping him like an animal

His brothers came out of the house like I'm like, what's the best aspect you bring in front of your house You know, you're not looking at the window. He's telling you from a shower, you know His brother jumped in they beat the shit out of me. Oh, they did. Yeah, but yeah, but that's the way the guy was about You know, they can't take the way from me. At the end of the day you won You know the beat me up man, you know, like the brother still has like etcho in Mexico in his face Yeah They jumped me. Yeah, what I was about to pee on him That's too much

That's a lot of streets, you know, oh, that's allowed, you know If they're gonna get peed on or someone's gonna kill you, you know, I would get peed on I would choose that too. I would change my attitude. I thought we're gonna make it to school. Yeah Like what are you gonna shit together? I'm gonna be like, I'm gonna shit together. I want to rehab. Oh, did you really? Yeah But because of not for pot for other things, right? No for fighting, you know, I'm getting into trouble. All right, all right Wow, you just smoke pot now. Yeah. Yeah, I asked you before we started You guys would have a smoke every day. Do you smoke every day every once in a while?

Not today, my glow today, like I would like running around all day. My wife and I were pitching a show tomorrow NBC for NBC a single camera or three camera. We're gonna lie in states Oh, um, that's the other one. We'll take multi cam. We'll take cam and then when we shoot it, it'll be a single cam You gotta agree with the studio or the word they want bro, so that they're wrong rewrite it They never read it again. I know I know I mean, I'm on a show now and they I just they they just take things away And there's just so I had one line, right? I shoot tomorrow I had one line that says oh, I know which is like the only laugh I get in the whole episode No, the line is I know but I in my head

I'm like, I know how I'm gonna say it and I know how I'm gonna I'm gonna leave a little pause Right to make a little awkward and I just looked at the fucking thing and they took it out Because I did it at the table read last week. What do you say? No? Yeah, I'm gonna do it anyway though do it. I'm gonna fucking do you know why cuz white people don't control us I don't know right. We're fucking fat ethnics and we're gonna fuck away, right? Yeah, are you a fat ethnic like I am? Fuck yeah, you are I'm glad that's how you do man When you look in the mirror, do you think you should lose weight? Sometimes a little bit of weight. Yeah, I mean, I like the way you do you think he's healthy looking. I

Swear I'm gonna do push-ups Yeah, where my house a little pool. Yeah, but you're I think you're that's a healthy weight still I mean, you know, I love Gabriel, but I think that way it is a little dangerous For who? Elevator I mean Inside there probably gonna be complications of course, you know, like I don't know how much the body can hold your heart You know, yeah, that's true. But you know what there are a lot of really unhealthy Slender people. It's just that their genetics don't allow them to get any bigger. There's healthy big people, right?

Yeah, and there are healthy big people like for instance a lot of Filipinos because it genetically we're not like predisposed to being very really big But a lot of them past 50 are all diabetic So many are that's what you know Rick Ingram, right? Rick Ingram is a comic You know Rick Ingram from this comedy store. He's a comic. Do you want to have a party with Eleanor? Yeah, yeah He doesn't he is skinny guy, right white dude Super skinny when he was opening for me at Caroline's back in the day He was on his tummy And he goes, I can't move I go get up

You got a show to do and he got up and he could barely do the show And he went Monday went to the hospital and he has diabetes, but maybe type one since he's so skinny Why? Maybe he just doesn't produce insulin. Maybe that's more of that's that's very different from type two type two is something that Obesity there's two different kinds. Yeah, it's very different. There's two different Diabetes, how many are there? How many are there? Just knew how many are there? You're the thing that you're gonna get type six. Hey, maybe I think you're Type one is just when you're born and your ear your pancreas just doesn't produce insulin So there's no way for you to store sugar. So you just have high blood sugar always. Okay. Well, then he has type one

So that my story we could Shut the fuck up. I mean, I love you, but let me just say something. I was wrong I'm not a medic medicine man and Everyone here at first here. There's two types Tiger Belly exclusive Exclusive diabetes, there's two types and be careful for both be careful. There's die and there's be these You can either get Daya or be you heard it from dr. Felipe Esparza or MD. Okay, there's die and be you say that really quick before we get to the next thing

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And I've been doing all of my stock and Investments on there. Yeah, have you guys tried it? Oh Right got a free stock because I because I signed up under him Oh funny that you mentioned that because Robinhood is giving listeners free stock like Apple. That's awesome Amazing Ford or Sprint to help build your portfolio. All they have to do is sign up at tiger robinhood.com That's tiger robinhood.com for your free free stocks. I'm back to the show. Whoo I was doing a show on a Liberty live on Saturday. Yeah The plate holds 300 350 right? Yeah, 125

Friday for a show 145. They say well, that's the most people we had in a while. Who was here last week? I Local guy, I know I love how they make excuses when you go on a road and it's light sometimes they go just the weather Yeah, or the Lion Kings in town You're gonna get no press Do you get depressed when you're up the Yankees are world series Whatever Whatever it could be anything

Oh, but I was there for the first time in Liberty live. It was a show blizzard. So they cancel the first one on Friday Wow Man, we was boring Boring cuz none of the staff could go home. Everybody was stuck there. Oh Did anyone show up to the show? No, there was no show Friday. Oh, but you were just there It was just there the hotel was just with a way staff and another way stuff the hotel Yeah, people in the hotel staff who were just stranded there. They couldn't go home either Like I I can't run into the guy who who checked me in in pajamas So I'm doing this show and I'm doing jokes about cocaine addiction blah blah blah blah, right?

Somebody's yelling at me You need help Right, and I thought I was like, you know like a little brownie or my conscious and you need help But I'm talking more about drug addiction. He goes, you need help. I thought the stupid ass lady was heckling me Oh, but there was actually a lady on the side having a diabetic attack They were telling you you need help did you attack her? No, I waited. They were telling her you need help Yeah, I thought that stupid lady was just heckling me you need help. Yeah, because of my drug addiction Cocaine jokes. Yeah. Yeah, so she need help, right? So then um, so what's going on over there? Oh

Wow, it's just you really need to help. Oh my god. Oh, wow Okay, yeah, they're fucking a is there a doctor in this place, right? And then um, and then they go I'm a doctor. Really you like my comedy Go over there she goes over there and tries to help that lady. I don't know how long it is I'm trying to be funny whether she's over there ranch and I keep the crowd going tough as show Oh, she goes back. She sits down and I think they take the lady out to the show But I gotta bring the car the the crowd back. So I said lady. I'm what happened. I couldn't you came back to sit down She had no insurance. What's that? You know, you told your fucking copay

But I got the crowd back. This is after the show. We're selling merch and right behind her. They're still helping her man paramedics. Oh my god, right and I'm Man, she's like a little bit. She found out how much they cost to drive her to a hospital 25 hundred bucks. She said I'm fine poppy Wait, how wait, how much is it? For every third of a mile, right? Yeah, and if the hospital is far ambulance rides are so expensive. Oh Well, okay, let's say I'm a homeless guy. I have no money. Yeah, I need an ambulance. Yeah, okay They come to you. Oh if you're homeless then then the

The They take care of it. Oh, yeah, but you can't walk into an emergency room and not be seen or treated That's the law. That's the law. Yeah, everybody gets but I see people die in the lobby I mean, those are shitty hospitals then. Okay. Yeah, those are the movies When the movies they do that like saying elsewhere and shit Mash Oh Mass was a good show. That's was a good show. See Kalylan. I went to a you know, Sandy Shore died. I

Know, yeah, she's used to book a show in Palm Springs. That's I did that with the witnesses. Did you do it too? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, and we went to her funeral last night And we left well, you know say it like that. We drove to San Diego We left we we left after two hours, but we did show up. It hadn't started yet It hadn't started yet and my feeling about it is is that um, they're looking for a mic Yeah, I mean she I Just felt back because there wasn't not a lot of people there, but we showed up we showed up her family was there Paulie didn't even show up

You know and we went and um, I just I hate there was no Chinese soup But I just I hate those types of events Do you when Marilyn Martinez died? Did you go? Yeah, I went to That was the wake. I went to the wake as well. Yeah, I saw her they had an open casket And that was like the first comedian I've seen Just passed in real life. How did you pass? She was very sick Yeah, she was a part of you was Paul G was was paying for her for a full-time nurse to go visit her the hospital

So she would have to be in the hospital and pay for so much. Yeah, so she was like I Would a nurse come over and Paul G was paying for it. Then she passed away. Oh she was um, and then her husband passed away David David, I know David. I found out what that joy Coco told me that people living in downtown LA And then he got bit by a rat and then he got mugged and he then he died But which killed him The rat put him in the hospital. Yeah, plus he's already sick The rat mugged him the rat mugged him

Cliala Jesus Christ. No, I'm trying to figure out like what like, you know, what about the we got mugged for then you have it by rat The order your money you got bit by the rat Yeah, the order your money you got bit by the rat into the bed into the mangers Yeah, yeah, David David. Yeah, I mean David. I love you. It was cool, man He was a good good dude. I used to walk into North Truman. He had to work ways to give me a hookup on shoes. Oh, you know, really? Yeah, he used to come over when I was high on really high Yeah, we had to party with pills Did I ever give you pills? Did I ever give you pills? No. Did you guys ever party together? No, no

I'm kind of like so I'm have kind of happy that that way that I would have died or you know, or Probably did something crazy together. So what mean you mean you never really party too much to a Jordy either Yeah, yeah, yeah, if I would have parted with him, I could have died early. I think I would have party for eight days straight Yeah, I'm one of those. Yeah, I did party with Diaz a couple of times. That's right Bro You know what's great about you and you guys remind me like you guys were part of that class That are still like you're rising. Do you feel like you're rising? Yeah, that's great, dude Well, I'm having fun. It's so fun. Yeah, but I mean when you were on last comic standard

Do you think you're gonna win that thing? No, I'm already thinking about it. I'm just happy that I was on TV every week Right. Who was on that show with you that year? Man, I'll tell you like a lot of people that were not on the top five are pretty popular right now like Tiffany Havanish Had this was a little rail little rail. He's told you said I love so she had a show, right? Wow So they were all on but they didn't make the top five the Roy woods Roy woods. Wow The other one with Mike the top might just the final but he passed away. Oh, yeah, and my Kaplan my Kaplan Yeah, Tommy John again here. I think he had two pilots. Yeah, John I can do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're CBS Yeah, but when you won that thing, I mean, how did you fucking feel good, bro? Yeah. I was like, what? Yeah, yeah

I want to all the improv. I said, I want you like a couple of improv Pages and I said and I left a comment like with me winning. I said, I guess I got it. I don't understand your tape no more, right? But what you want though that made you probably like you got up easier, right everywhere. Yeah, we went on a 85 city tour And then my my manager, you know, the ages man, they know how to find you extra work Yeah, so if I was performing like in I'm I was performing in DC. I Did a one-nighter? No, I did I did a one-nighter to DC improv and then from there flew to New York to do New York And then I had on a Sunday from there I flew to like Virginia to do Virginia beef for one nighter So I will do a one-nighter at an improv

Two hours away from the show and then I do the theater with those guys. Wow Fucking to build a little build the audience. Yeah, dude. That's amazing. But are you still close with Gabriel? No, well, I don't really see him because are you were his opening act for a long time long time for how many like how many years? For 2000 to 2004, I guess. Yeah, you guys were together the whole time. Do you guys have a falling out? Well, we haven't worked together since 2004 was there falling out, but we know We were at that. I know I'm just asking you a question. Just say yes or no was there falling out like women by falling out So like it's different. Oh, yeah, different falling out. Yeah. Yeah, do you no longer disagree man? We didn't have no disagreement. No, no more longer friends. We don't see each other

I don't think we're friends, you know, like I'm sure if I see him will say what's up, right? Yeah, so it's not falling out. They just kind of I know, but they were they were they were two peas in a pod It was that uncomfortable me asking that Apologize, you know, okay, I really do apologize. I feel like I was grilling you. Okay, and I don't know what came over me All right, you're not drilling me. I'm not drilling you. I'll let you know what everyone though I like that a lot. I like that a lot. So you guys don't talk anymore. That's that's it. No, okay You needed to get to the bottom of that I talked to everybody I talked to everybody that used to open up with him that doesn't open for him anymore

Yeah, yeah, but you moreno know we can Zola's I haven't seen him I put him in his first film. Yeah, join with Dina. We're looking was making a movie and he was looking for a restaurant And I call up knowing was dollars. Hey, bro. You want to be in the movie? Yeah, okay, we're gonna shoot at your mouth restaurant tomorrow Your line is reservoir dugs And some other two fools and they're talking about movies. Yeah, I'm doing was that let's pick some to their dishes and goes reservoir dugs What happened to you don't know what happened to him, I don't know man. He just got out of the game, huh? Yeah I remember we were doing a show somewhere and I'm he was arguing with his date, you know

I don't know who she was but they were arguing loud man and Mike Robles was hosting the show and he came looking back at this Like what the fuck's going on? Yeah, and I'm right. I was kind of buzzed and I walked up to between there the fight and I said, I said man Michael said that if you can't control your lady, I gotta do it Yeah, wow, yeah, he was a funny little guy. He was a little guy. How tall you think? Five two five three. Oh, yeah little Hispanic guy Really the cute little round eyes, right funny guy and I started with a hey kitty kitty Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and he just disappeared the door man dude. Yeah, we had ordered with him, too Yeah, he's funny Mike. He's to he's to go up on stage

Like I used to have a hard time laughing cuz you know, you know Go up to the tough guy on the way to the stage to knock it down napkins and shit Candles like he was a tough guy. Yeah, but he's knocking over little stuff But that was a joke, you know Yeah, yeah, he was a funny fucking guy. I don't know. Why do people just stop? I don't know man Gabriel dumps them Yeah, yeah When I see him I hug him. I auditioned for a sitcom. I didn't get far. I got one I

Walked in I did got one and then they never call me back But not the Netflix one the one before that the network one audition for a band. Um, you did you did? Yeah, I love that segue you audition Venom Tom Hardy's Venom. Yeah, I didn't get it though I still got invited to the red carpet. Isn't that weird? Did you really got invited to the red carpet How come you didn't oh my what you but I'm friend with the director of Ruben Fletcher. He directs out Superstar. Oh Are you on Superstar a lot I went like a three episode in the first second season three episodes in a third season Oh, that's amazing. I'm still waiting for more enough for ceiling musty. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny

We were we was bad ass and then you go and then I told I remember flash a great movie, man Then he goes down everybody know So right so hopefully man It made like 200 million maybe help to find out there was my help, you know Put me in part two with Woody Harrison I could be carnage asada No, or just have your own superhero movie fuck yeah, why not right? Yeah, right? Yeah Hispanic They have black Panthers and then have crazy rich ages. Yeah, they're like super heroes, brother fucking rich

Yeah Damn are there Hispanic like in comics Hispanic superheroes. They are Miles Morales There's a guy up when I'm in the Spanish magazine the comic books This is weird run. So this is a superhero in Mexico. He's name is Cali man Cali man, but he's Arab and he flies Wow, he wears a white turban. Yeah, and a white suit and he does like kung fu and karate And he has a K with a circle Cali man, and he's a superhero really He's Arab. He's Arab, but he's a Mexican superhero. I know but the thing is weird

But they actually make sense because there's a lot of like Middle Eastern people that live in Selma. Hi Yeah, Selma. Hi, it's Lebanese, right? Yeah, Lebanese Mexican. Wait, wait, wait, you have a lot of Carlos Lim, too Just foreign investments there and people even Koreans starting like a lot of companies there Yeah, it's so funny because one of the ladies that works on the storm on she's a driver And she's a young girl from Mexico City. Mm-hmm, and I'm like she goes she says just moved here So my is it weird having an Asian guy, you know, you're just yeah, no we have Thousands, why do you think my sister was born in Defe? My dad had business in Mexico and my dad was a Frenchman, right? Yeah

But he had a lot most of his business was in Mexico a lot of my family's business where they made a lot of money For his in Mexico. Wow. That's why my sister was born there. But is Mexico City dangerous? I've never been there You've never been there You've been to Mexico though. You were born there Yes, but my friends been to but I never been to Mexico But we were little boys little kids my brother went to elementary school I'm Sierra Park elementary school and he was one of those gifted magnet classes I'm a smart little kid and my brother good like he has superpowers and manipulating people since he was a little boy

So he like like we live in a housing projects these kids that he goes to school with actually even homes, you know, with two doors. Yeah, you know They don't have the clothes outside. They're watching machine. Do they have a quarter? Yeah, and my brother He applied for the exchange program for an exchange program in the fifth grade and he got to go to Mexico City and And he lived over there for two weeks with the Mexican family and makes the effort they were to chop us They saw the Mexican ruins. He got to eat good good-ass food. Yeah, so he got cultured in Mexico Yeah, brother, but then it was sad because the little boy has to come to live with us now

Living a housing project, bro. Yeah, they went to squalors, bro Yeah, yeah, and There were shootings outside, man. Wow, and he had to like share a bed. Wow Yeah, ripped off Yeah, but maybe he learned but it was funny cuz this kid was so rich man like he had a rich mentality like we need a hood dog Yeah, yeah, we're in the city pool. Yeah, and this was laying on the floor like it's in the Riviera Like in a little cute Mexican speedos Like putting on lotion

Like we know what is lotion, but we're getting burned bro. Yeah. Yeah. We're getting dark. Wow. He's just chilling there, bro He's so neat. Yeah, you watch his mouth I For real First guy I made I didn't talk with a mouthful, you know. Yeah. Yeah Very talented kid, but just a two-week program. Yeah. Yeah, I'm pretty sure man. He want to leave the first day My dad whipped them I think I was fucked up, bro. What the hell. You whip a foreign exchange student. He don't know, bro. He didn't read the rules. He needed his own room. Yeah. Yeah. And at the end of the trip, my brother, like, my dad took him to, he tried to take him to Magic Mountain before exchange student.

But he didn't take my little brother He took me So me and the foreign exchange student, we went to Magic Mountain with my dad My little brother stood home crying And he lied. That's probably why he likes Coke Is your brother still smart? Yeah, he's smart. Yeah. Yeah. You could close with him? Yeah, he lives in Mexico. Oh, he's still. Oh, wow I want to live in Mexico. I know we love it. Mexico. Where we go? Well, we went to, like, Tulum. That's beautiful there, huh? Yeah, it's really pretty. I see photos. Oh, yeah, you got it. You can afford it now. You got to go to Tulum. I read about it in these pirate books. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, probably because it's the Caribbean. Caribbean, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's basically it. There's probably treasures out there, huh? Yeah, we went over there and honestly I could buy a house there. But I want to go to Oaxaca. Oaxaca! What is that? What is it? Oaxaca. That's Oaxaca. What is it? It's just a completely different part of Mexico. It has its own, like, subculture, too. It's very different. Is it beach still? No. Oaxaca isn't, right, George?

It's the state that has beaches. The state does, but, like, Oaxaca City is well inland. It is. But what is there to do there? Make Oaxaca moale. They have their own culture, but they're, like, Native Americans, some Mayans. They have their own hot chocolate. They have their very own, like, specific cuisine, too. They probably have temples that we visited. They have their own curry, moale. Oh, you know about it. Very popular. Wow. How far is that from Mexico City? Far further down. Oh, so it's further down, more toward Honduras. You've been to Honduras, right? I've been to Honduras with Carlos, and Mancio took me to Honduras. How was it? I have to say that it's my fondest memories with him. I think that he helped me out a lot, and I don't know why he did, but he took me in. He took me on the road for all those years, and he bought me a car. Damn. He did. I didn't get no car. I didn't get no watch. I know. Like Russell Peters gives watches. But he got me the agent that I still have now. So it was a really good time, man. We were in a little village and no electricity, and I stayed there for weeks. It was great. No electricity? No electricity, no running water, and we, you know, just animals walking around, and it was really just, I wanted to leave as soon as I got there. Me too, I want to leave right now. Yeah, yeah, but it was great, dude, you know. And then I just, we drifted apart. We drifted apart. Have you drifted apart with anybody, Gilbert? Um, ever went in high school. Oh yeah, high schools. Yeah, me too. I mean, nobody. Where'd you go to high school? Roosevelt High School. Where's Roosevelt? Forty-six South Matthew Street. It's on Boyle Heights. Boyle Heights. How do you feel about all the attempted gentrification of Boyle Heights? My mom's still there, man. Your mom's still there? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I live in a, my mom lives in like a housing project, so like, people thought we were, we live in like a poorer side, so the people that are being gentrified to talk shit about us, but you're moving now.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it because, Gilbert, though, is it because you don't talk to people in high school? I feel, I, because we were, we drove around, when we drove to the funeral, we afterwards, we drove around my hometown. Yeah. And we're driving around my hometown, Poway, San Diego, like East. And we were driving around, I went to my old house, we drove by my old house, and then we drove by high school. And there was feelings of, um, Melancholy. Yes. You're fucking connect, man. Melancholy nostalgia. And there is a longing. Survival regret, too. Yes. Survival regret. Survival regret. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Some of that. But the high school that he went to, I couldn't believe it. It was like, it was in a university. The high school I went to was fucking ghetto. Yeah. Cause my parents worked hard and provided for us. My parents, you know, were not, you know, I needed a pool in a test court. My God, it was a massive school. They had like TVs outside. They had a real parking lot. Exactly. How do you watch the news at school? My God. You grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth. I really did. I, we had a country club. I was shocked. We played golf. You know what I mean? Tee-peed. My class, my class is like industrial, like, wow, Dean, shop. You guys had that? Woodshop. Yeah. Mechanic. We had that too. We had Hesher. No computers though. No computers. We didn't have computers either. No computers. We had computers.

No computer lab. Wait, I graduated in 2001 and we still didn't have computers. 1990. Where'd you go? I went to Blair High School. They went to Carter High. It was probably similar. It was like, Blair High School. So it's on the cusp all the way down south Pasadena, right before like East LA. Mirror? No, no. Mirror is on Lincoln. Blair High School was like the worst school in that area or was. Yeah. And I grew up in the ninth, I went to high school in the 1980s. So we did have computers. We did not. Shit. You guys are rich. But let me say something. I never touched it. We had to go to junior high school at Alcerino Junior High School. I was in the Magnet class and we had computers there for like six months. That's it. And I remember making like, I remember actually making a little cartoon jump around and hit a ball. But I didn't write the program. I just typed it in. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Techie, huh? Technology. Tech guy. But I remember in my class, like my school, my high school, as you know high school, going on strike like three times since I was there. At the teacher who walked out and my history teacher, he got fired because he was running the strike. He was cool, man. Mr. Shaughnessy. He was history teacher and I was fucking up a lot and then like he would always have extra credit. So I went to a school meeting, union meeting with him with a bunch of other students in his bug and he gave me like extra credit for going with that.

I didn't know that Foo had a communist poster hanging on his door. It was cool, man. When they went on strike, did the school close? No, man. We just put everybody in the auditorium. Do you still keep in contact with anyone from high school? No, some people like on Facebook, they go to my show and they know who I am. Not everybody, just a few. Yeah, I feel that's what I'm saying. I feel guilty because I feel like because I had this obsession, this obsession to like make it in comedy and all that stuff that I was just so focused on that that I betrayed my roots and the people I went to high school with. And I no longer have any connection to them. And I feel like that I did that. You go buy jumper pants. What do you mean? You can buy those jumpsuit pants.

Those zippers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But do I feel you don't feel guilty? No, you feel like you want to save them? I want to go. I want to go. I want to go. I want to go back. But have you been to school reunion? They've never invited me. I haven't ever been invited and every undergraduate high school, they haven't been invited. But I'm from Boyle Heights. I'm from your neighborhood. You're from the high school. Where's my little print up? Yeah, that's true. Where's my little success story? Yeah, like in the yearbook.

Every time they go, they put up like Boyle Heights grades, they go all the way to 50 years ago, man. Yeah, yeah. Or like somebody from the 1920s, 1940s. Look at the Hall of Fame of my school. Hall of Fame, I'm not mentioned in any of it. And the people that are on their Hall of Fame, they're... Blink 182. No, they're not either. No, they're not?

No, Blink 182 is not in it. I'm not in it. They only have like scientists and violinists. Like Nobel Peace Prize. And Nobel Peace. They only think that that's worthy of to be in the Hall of Fame. They don't care that a little fat Asian guy from their school spent eight years on a sketch show on national TV. You know, he's doing a fucking nationally syndicated fucking podcast. Nationally syndicated.

With great fucking A-list stars, like Flippi Esparza's. And they don't care about any of it, okay? I'm on a network television. They don't give a flying fuck. Well, they also put you on the wrong yearbook. They put my photo in the wrong yearbook because they thought that I was blunged in the other school. So my point is this, probably hide your shit together because I went there. You know, I went there. You're a star.

Right. I'm not a star, but I'm the closest to a star that they've seen. Okay. Yeah. So that's it. I get so angry. Get your shit together. Boyle Heights. Boyle Heights.

Actually, I was, um, I was an honoree at the Mexican independence parade in East LA. Well, then there you go. That's Boyle Heights. I just remember though. But when they called me, my wife told me, oh, so I'm not Grand Marshal, huh? But the Grand Marshal was Emilio Rivera from Sons of Anarchy, which was cool. Right. He's way bigger than you.

I got to get on a limousine. I got on a limousine and I got a bullhorn and I was talking to people. Oh, that was cool. Oh, that's cool. Is there a Korean parade, K-time parade? I did. I did one of the gay parades. You were the grand marshal?

No, I wasn't the grand marshal, but I was honored. Grand parade? Yeah. On Sunset, I remember was on Santa Monica Boulevard and I remember I was in like a, I don't know why they invited me, but I was in a purple thong. You sure you don't know why they invited you? Yeah, I was in a purple thong and I was on a, I was on a fucking a rat, like a, like a kind of a boat.

A float? It was like, it looked shaped like a boat and there's supposed to be a party on the boat. And I'm just on this boat with a bunch of other guys and Speedos and there's a glitter being thrown and I'm doing this. Other comics are just used. No, I was the only one. And I was like, what am I doing here?

Yeah. That was years ago. I was on, I was on, I was on a mad TV. Yeah. Can they be funny if he was on that float? And I thought it'd been funny. Oh, I'm going to get in my underwear. But then I'm like, everyone thinks I'm gay.

Yeah. Why are you still gyrating? Yeah. Yeah. I always, I was like, they think I'm gay. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

So I did that. And I think they invited me the next year. I said, no. Good. Yeah. I put my foot down. Put my foot down. Put my foot down there.

Yeah. Where are we at? We're over an hour. Wow. Wow. This guy. This fucking guy. Felipe, at the end of our show, this is what we do.

What man? We do a thing called, um, unhelpful advice. And we have emails asking, they have problems, people out there. And we try to give them advice, but sometimes they, you can say whatever you want. Okay. Okay. So go ahead. I'm with Bobby Kalima and Felipe Esparza.

Uh, this question comes from our friend, Uchit. I'm a huge fan of the show. And I think I might have gone through all 161 episodes in the past four months. Wow. I moved to the U.S. for my graduate degree over two months ago. And I've struggled to make any real friends. And I feel like I don't belong. I guess I thought I'd find it easier to fit in because I've been heavily influenced by

American culture all my life. I even spoke English back home in India, the vast majority of the time. I had this intense social anxiety all of a sudden get overwhelmed by how different I am to everyone around me. I can't get over the fact that I sound just like a poo from the Simpsons whenever I'm around Americans. I was hoping you guys can help seeing that Kalila might have experienced something similar when she moved to the U.S. from the Philippines.

Thanks for getting me through these past two months. Uchit. Oh, Uchit. Moved here as an adult. Self conscious. Self conscious. What city does he live in? Doesn't say.

That's a big part of it. That's a big part of it. Yeah, it's a big part of it. We're a big bag theory shirt and people think he's just joking. He's like doing a bit. How old is he? Do we know how old he is? Graduate.

Wait, graduate in college? Yeah, I think, yeah. Getting his graduate? I moved to the U.S. for my graduate degree over two months ago. You went to the U.S. for your graduate degree? No, beyond that. So it's maybe 23? 22, 23, 22, 23.

From India. I would like to take, Uchit. Uchit. Whatever. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. What I want to say is that I don't think it's you coming here. I think it's just difficult to meet people in general. Yeah, even if you have it. If you weren't from here. I honestly like if I when I first started in comedy for instance It took me years to find any real like friends or people I go. Oh, I like this person I mean, I I'm not I had never had a lot of friends. I never had a lot of um

Before I even did stand up. I had two friends one of them were from high school and I Couldn't get laid and I couldn't get anything going. I had no future and it was really depressing, you know So I don't think it's um, I think dude. He's just in America It's hard in America and if you live in LA, I think it'd be easier. Don't you think? What do they live? That's we don't know now because if he's in Missouri, then that's the reason But I think that you can find people anywhere. I didn't think it just takes time if you're someone like me I'm I don't I don't make friends very easily either

All right, when I came from the Philippines, I had a very strong accent people definitely pointed it out every single time My teas were over accentuated my consonants and they're like, where are you from? But you don't look it's always like a discussion about where I was from When we met on Tinder her one of her messages one of them was We were about to talk on the phone. Yeah, we're sick. Yeah, but she goes. I'm sick, but I also have an accent She made it a point. Yeah, because it's always something that people like will point out like well, you know So I'm like here. Just and I'm like and then when I talked to her. I'm like You know, I don't hear you got the shine

You were sick for sure Yeah, the groggy voice. Yeah. Yeah, but I never thought accent accent. I love accent an accent I think but I know what he's saying though because people think he sounds like a poo from the Simpsons Which is like a very you know acts if you had a British accent people see that as a sophisticated But not if you're from India for some reason. That's that's I don't know what to tell this guy man I think you'll find your people. I think that you should not think that that's a that's a bad thing at all It makes you different special take your time. No rush Hey, church is a good way to

People are they fun? Man, what man crazy people crazy how people go to church. So it's gonna be a crazy woman there Oh my god, that's so true. Really? Oh my god, that's a nice guy and then the he's a nice guy See, I was wondering if I lived in a small town and I went to a church and I didn't believe in God Could I still go to church and meet people? Yeah, I think it's a good sense of community for sure. And you know the cousin I have she's She's married to a the pastor of

What's the religion where they have to wear long skirts and they can't cut their hair? Anyways Yeah, she married the pastor and she's by far like the wildest cousin I have Not men and I But does she believe she believes in God and all that stuff and believes in yeah, but she believes in a whole lot of other stuff, too All right, right, right, right, right, right, right? Give me another one. I mean I like good luck. Yeah, we couldn't help him. I can't help him. Give me another one We're gonna skip you. No, we talked about it. We just gave him the fucking thing

Okay. Um, hi guys big man the show discovered you through h3h3 and pretty much watch all episodes I'm 18 and brown and I haven't had sex yet because of my dick. I've had opportunities to get laid, but I'm insecure about my dick It's five seven And I'm below average. Hold on. His dick is five seven. No, he's five seven. No, I'm insecure about my dick It's five seven. That's fine, sir And below average so I don't want to play inches five inches five almost six Five seven that's a five five inches erect five inches and seven centimeters. You shouldn't be pulling it out there Yeah, he says I don't want to pull it out, you know, not only sex, but this is also a way to get into it

Here's the thing. Here's the thing though. Don't worry about it and ask anyone that's ever seen my penis and You've all everyone in this room aside from Philippa. Everyone's seen my every see my penis. Have you seen when did you see my penis last? Last week, yeah, what's the last time you saw my penis last week when we did patreon. Yeah, what you okay, so I think every male comic at the comedy store has seen my penis How many times have you seen my penis? No, just in general Thousand you count it thousands. It's small It's small, right? I don't think it's small. No, but when it's flaccid, it's small

Everyone's tiny when they're not that's my point friend. Okay. Yes, that's the point when it's not in the when the machines in rest mode Shinkage right it's it just it's just chilling. Yeah, okay. It's like a little like to sleep. It's a sleep It's he's tucked hibernating. He's exactly hibernating, right? And if a girl likes you and you're in bed and you're a rat It's she's not gonna if it if it's two inches erect. She might go That's a little weird Right, but if it's anything above four inches, you're fucking fine. Yeah, okay. She's gonna feel it, right? You have a flat fat dick. I bet

Yeah Not long. It's not long, but it's fat. Yeah, I heard the walls Yeah, yeah, yeah four by four Scraping yeah, those are called those are called the four by fours Would you rather have a deep like a long dick or a thick dick thick for sure big man? Yeah, you know what a noodle dick? I don't know. Those are kind of cool. I mean, that's fine Well there I Would rather I would rather have a

Short dick than a long noodle dick Why what I'm saying is I fell in love with a guy with a micropeen. I told you guys this story Yeah, yeah, beautiful even after I saw how tiny his dick was. I still wanted to be with him I was so in love with him. Listen friend. See yeah, you go. There you go. There we go Just got to give really good head though. Okay Do you gotta make up for it in other ways? Oh, okay? What do you mean you think that fucking girls are the only ones that give head? Yeah You fucking this way you said wait, although there is a kind of vagina. I don't like no see that's bullshit

You're not a man. You're not a man. Hey pussy with chopsticks I've got a tail like a artichoke You like every style of vagina most of them yeah, yes, come on. You like every style of vagina I never complain can be and it can be out come on be a man, dude It comes in all shapes and sizes except sometimes, you know, like the girl might have a Big not a bigger vagina, you know, she's a she's a Audi, you know, yeah, but like when she's on top of you and jumping I was like just clapping Yeah, yeah, she gives me a standing all that's a good way to look at it man

I never thought that's healthy. It's very healthy. Ruffles potato chips barbecue flavor Is that it? That's it. All right. Um, wow, Felipe, do you want to plug anything? Yeah, man, go watch my HBO special and my Netflix special I'm gonna be in the Tampa improv next week and this week I'll be at the Cullen Hall in Houston, Texas and the majestic theater in Dallas, Texas when you're in Tampa say hi to Bob for me. I will you like Bob. Yeah, I like him He's a good dude. So it's big. Yeah, they sure took it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The other guy, right? What's his name? I forget. Yeah, him I

Stopped playing that room. Why it was um dead Not just dead. It was there's just tough shows for me. I don't know why every time I'm there That for something that room It's because I also I played there in the summer and it's so sticky. Oh my god. I hate it It's just stripping. You gotta meet people outside. It's hot. Yeah. No, it's what it's human I said, dude, even on stage. It's cold. But I mean the air conditioner you can still feel it Yes, it's bad. It's bad and then you get off and you just like drenched. It's like it'll start raining

But it's still a hundred outside. Yeah. Yeah, so it's it's it was to there's a peanut butter place there I like but anyway peanut butter show. No, there's a peanut butter like a restaurant there. That's so there's only peanut butter and jelly sandwiches They're not cigars too. It was a good cigars. Yeah. Yeah, and I also This is before I met you. I know you got three girls in one night. Right. You did I love Tampa, but anyway, um, would you say it's a lot of freaks over there? Yeah, not a freak. It's freaky over there. Yeah Yeah, man. Yeah, bro. Evo, right? Yeah, but there was a strip bar there was a ship like a spaceship. Yeah Yeah, you went to that one. Yeah, you still go to those not anymore, man. I'm married, man Yeah, I gotta go. I don't know married man. See it's also just I don't want to go. Yeah, she lets me go. I

Go to strip. Let's I know but she I don't want to go Do you go? Yeah, you sit there. You got cash, right? George. You've been to Sam's in downtown. I bet you sound long time ago Sam's is fun still downtown. Mm-hmm. What is Sam's? You know Sam's used to be a Sam a Sam boats. Oh, really? Yeah Yeah, really? What is Sam's? It's a strip club strip club downtown. Mm-hmm. Very diverse very very fun Okay, anyway, give Felipe a sparse a round of applause Park yeah, what's up food park? Yeah, yo check out his podcast. I love his podcast. All right guys. We'll be right back And we're back

Yeah, and we want to thank Felipe Sparrow for coming. I love that fool Um, I'm gonna say something about people's last names Okay, so we have you know, we you're all sleepers to us and we love you so deeps But we have also real papayas that donate to our patreon and we're gonna say their names live Anthony Pagano, let me see Anthony Pagano, thank you. Love that name has to be Chicago Kanazawa, Chicago again my guy girl Thank you, Chicago. Who's Chicago? We've had him Chicago. Yeah. No, I just like that name because there was a Chicago

So do people do it? I know that's I'll toss later. Yeah, Greg Johnston. Thank you Mm-hmm any relation to Daniel Johnston have fees from Singapore. Oh, thank you country one J Aguaier again Aguirre, Aguirre Aguirre Lazlo Tatay Like that one love you Melvin Flores life life for life for life Nick Rampel. Oh, what is that like it? Love it Rachel Wiccans

God bless you and take care Say Sansi Saraj, I love it. It's like a sauce. Oh, it's a really good name. Really. I I'll Not real. It's like an alliteration. How many how many names is that? So there's 10 people that do a punch. Why don't we guess? Why don't you guess there where they're from? Guess where they're from. Oh, yeah, it's not a guess. I know but not the guys that's from me sees from Singapore No, Anthony Pagano, right? It's from Houston, Texas. No, no ethnicity. Is he is he? Oh

He doesn't really specific. I'm very sexist. Why I knew was it was dad Anthony Pagano Anthony Pagano's dad is a gymnast Well, he has a gym that each he hasn't yet trains, you know, Anthony Pagano. Yeah, and he lives in Houston What is he sounds Filipino? Pagano is he's half He's half Hispanic specifically Puerto Rican and the second half is Filipino. Yeah, you're correct. It's my right Yeah, dad's Filipino. What about Chicago? Chicago Kanazawa. Um, you guys all know who he she is Yeah, Chicago he she is hermaphrodite out of

Bakersfield classic hermaphrodite. Yeah, I guess he he You know moved there as a foreign exchange student from Yeah Okinawa Okinawa specifically Okinawa's its own and when he she Went to Bakersfield to do it at this exchange program He she's parents disappeared. Oh, he's stuck in Bakersfield and he she started to Join Bakersfield's rich. Remember we went to that country

agriculture Societies, you know, Greg Johnson Greg Johnson is a part of the Johnson family The Johnson family is uh, there's not a lot of Johnson's in the world Wait, Johnston like Daniel Johnston Johnston is what I said rivals of the we love him. Yeah, we don't even know what I'm talking about Yeah, I do. He's a singer. Yeah So angry It's like our favorite documentary All right. Well, don't get so angry. Heffy's from Singapore is from Bangkok, Thailand. I'm

Pretty sure. Okay So heffy's from Singapore is from Bangkok, Thailand He just his tours out there, you know in Thailand Heffy's is originally from the emirates Wanjie Aguery Aguere Wanjie Aguere is uh

a New York Jew It comes from a family of lawyers. Yeah, for sure. Okay. Yeah, pretty sure New York Jew Laszlo Tatay Laszlo Tatay is actually It's said differently in his he's from an island off the shores of um, India further north Sri Lanka further north further north Further north Of India, there are some islands. Yeah, there are no water. There are no oceans. There's no oceans, but there is an island

There's an island, right Yeah, and in his society, right From where he's the island is from that's in the desert his island's in the desert, right? There used to be water But over thousands and thousands of years of depletion. Yeah, exactly topography changes in his society His name is Tatay Laszlo Um, but we say it this way because Koreans do exactly you're Lee Bobby, right? Devin Flores, okay

is uh an ocean dweller What I mean by that is What does that mean? What I mean by that is he's a drift and what I mean by that Okay, and what I mean by that is that he's out He's out in the ocean He's an oceanographer. He is that he's an oceanographer. Gardo's brother. Steve's is too. Yeah, so um nick rempel Right is

Rumpel still skids uh Nephew's cousin. I love that and uh nick rempel, um There are some falsely accused charges on him. Okay, let's take that back. Yeah. Yeah. Well facts are facts facts are facts They're false. They're false though, and uh, he's accused of uh Burning down some uh, you know Uh churches. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay with that and that's okay. He's not about organized religion. I got you nick Black churches black churches. Oh, well, there we go

In the south. Yeah only accused. It's not right. Yeah, and um, you wore a little white outfit, but I call babes. Yeah, cute. They come on. Come on Watch yourself nick Thank you for supporting the lawyer Rachel Wilkins, right Is she really is uh fluorescent in in light bio fluorescent Exactly what I didn't mean to say. She didn't mean to say I didn't mean to say that. All right fluorescent Bio fluorescence bioluminescent. She is half dead

Rachel Wilkins. Wow. She thinks she's alive, but when she's walking around she's an aborigin of herself Think about that. Anyway sanki Suraj is a sauce. I already said that. I love that. It's a sauce for sure Yeah So thank you. Um, papayas a real papaya. God bless you. So what happened? Um, the Conor McGregor fight Wow with kabebe kabebe. What a night I my brother my brother comes to, uh My house, do we pick them up?

Your brother came here. My brother came here we go to, um Kalaila's um sister's house And we do a small gathering. I was looking for this fight for four months. I mean it was a big fight And my brother had been obsessing over it and we all have This was a great card We go to, um The house we see it on the big the big screen

We're watching And then all of a sudden Kalaila gets a call. The Michelle Watterson and Felice Herrick fight was on which is the first, um main card The first fight of the main card. She gets a call. I look up And she starts like crying her faces. She got what? I wasn't crying yet. Yeah, you were a panic face panicky You had panic and tears in your eyes You're like, what? Oh, okay. That's just stay right there. That's great Right. She hung up the phone. I said that's great. I don't know. I don't know. She said that's great

Hey, I certainly didn't say that's something like that. Something like that. And then you go, um She lost ramy Yeah, yeah They're dog walker. So our dog walker That we hired we're not gonna say her name. I don't say her name. I want to don't say her name. I'm not gonna but I want to She Our middle dog the oldest one we have ramy. We've already had a Um, who's already escaped twice from his previous history. Yeah, but not with us. He's never run away from us

He's run away from other people gets out of his little harness and just runs up beachwood Okay Now we're speeding now to here we were in out water. We're coming speeding to get there and um We should collider runs up to get goby and treats because she thinks that goby Is she's gonna that ramy is gonna ramy loves goby right wherever goby goes ramy goes So I thought we're now walking up beachwood screaming

Whistling the whole thing and here's what's scary Every night that we've been walking our dogs We've seen one coyote. We need Johnny Johnny and Johnny two blogs up not two houses up. Yeah hangs out right there Yeah, every night every night every night Johnny is there. We just in my head. I honestly I'm gonna be honest with you. I thought he's gonna he was gonna be we thought ramy was toast toast because ramy is old He doesn't he's just a slow walker. He's not very agile like goby or the other dog. He's getting some weight now So he's a little chunky in the middle. Yeah. Yeah, and we literally thought that we lost ramy And as you're going up

And down as time I'm sweating. Yeah, it's and also in the in my head. I'm sorry I'm thinking about how do I get back to the fight too? You know what I mean? That's sad that you even had that thought in your brain Baby, it's a comedy show. I just made a joke tiger belly podcast It's tiger belly podcast I just made a joke and you just took it seriously. No because I think they truly that's not true I'm like, I'm gonna search you forever So

Why are you? I'm gonna search you. I'm gonna search you forever. I'm laughing I'm gonna search you forever. You only honey. You only know how to half love things That's you know what? It's so weird. I tell a joke and now you're going to be this person Relax, my mom's calling. Hang on. Uh-oh. Ramy is gone again. Ma Ma Hey I won't wait for you until I bring out them outside her because I don't trust the old thing here and it's dark

Okay, what do you mean? You don't trust what the dogs or you don't trust the neighborhood? No, I don't Trust if there's a hole that I don't see Oh, you think remi will run away Yeah, okay. I'll wait for you. Okay, wait there. Just put him on a leash ma. So my least wait there All of the three of them. No, no, just just remi not julio and go. Come on flip stick Because I'm I'm I'm not good. I put in a leash, but I'm just for booby and What about the paya? Come on, you know, there's

Skunk here sometimes Okay, I'll just just wait for me then Yeah, and do you think uh, you can bring that Pink cleaner all the way at the bottom of the thing. There's one you won and I will I will bring a new one when I go there Because coinda has no more cleaner cleaner. Okay Okay, uh, you wonder all the way Are you both too and I'll just pay you back with that as buy a new one. Okay ma. You don't need to pay me back Okay, no, it's okay. Okay. Love you. Okay. Love you. Bye. Bye. Added value to this podcast

She wants me to bring the surface cleaner A pink cleaner a pink cleaner So anyway, we and then she goes to a website while we're walking. It's an app called next door That's exactly what it is called next door and you what do you put in there? I post that lost dog. Please help Right And then all of a sudden she gets a hit. Yeah, someone calls me. I think I have your dog Yeah, and just in a nick of time we were able to grab remi from someone up the street

And go back to the fights At this time because I had a I had a sitter watch all of my dogs this time I brought we brought all the dogs with us. Yeah, all my sister's house because now I'm paranoid. I'm like, I don't trust this Person to watch my dogs. Yeah, let's just bring all the dogs over. Do we pay her? Um, yeah, she's like, I'll give you a refund. I was like, don't worry about it Is it a site that we got her from? How did you get her? Yeah, a site, but maybe the other sponsor is down there. What's up? Yeah, it's just who might want them as a sponsor. So yeah, well, they should sponsor us

Yeah, but anyway, um, no harm done. We made it. We made it to the fight. We saw the Ferguson fight We saw the could be and Connor fight Um It was a great night of fighting. Oh, yeah, so good. Um from beginning to even in the prelims. Yeah Connor's loss broke me a little bit. Yeah Over the years I've become a very big fan of his But at the end of the day I got it right. You got it, right? And um that little thing at the end to the little chaos with the fighting and this and that

I personally Don't think it's bad for the UFC I think it makes it exciting. I think you get more media from it and um hockey has done it Soccer has done it everyone. They're not fight sports It's hockey is hockey you expect makes martial artists to practice. So in boxing, it's never happened. In boxing, it's never happened. Yeah, of course, but you know, it's not it's not you're not worried about the fighters getting hurt

You're worried about riots starting and people hurting each other. Like that is a big arena with 20,000 people That's the type of stuff that you don't want people getting trampled on like I know Matt Damon and Chris Pratt, if they got hurt, I would have fucking sued You would have sued for that. I would have sued for them. That would have broken my heart Matt Damon and Chris Pratt. It was totally unnecessary. But what I don't agree with is Dana White left during the press conference He really painted Khabib to be this like Evil guy who might get his like visa taken away when it's like here's a guy Yeah, he jumped out of the octagon and he got into like a little scuffle with dylan danis or whatever

Different not much different than connor mcgregor jumping out and getting you know getting in jose all those face and whatnot If he had if it had ended there, nothing would have happened. But then people, you know The the team jumping in to get connor But you didn't see the the other footage did you know connor punch? Yeah, I know the initial the initial footage only showed connor just kind of it seemed like connor was standing there and then just got Jumped by a bunch of dudes connor was in full action when there's about to jump it. Yeah Yeah, he was all he was fighting other people in there too What I don't like is Dana White talking about a visa suspension khabib not being able to fight here

And and painting this really like bad image of him. And I really like what khabib said afterwards where he was like You know, everyone seems to forget that he had he was really arrested Like he put a lot of ufc fighters lives in danger Like how am I the bad guy? But can I make that argument though? My argument is is that true But you're not that big of as big of a star as connor khabib is a big star. He is a very big star But he doesn't he hasn't made the ufc as much money as connor has so connor will get some But that's still hypocritical. It's not because it's it's no it's like it's like this. It's like

It's like somebody like in a let's say a movie the star of the movie And then somebody that's ninth lead if somebody's starring in a movie does something It gets bigger news. That's you know, it's just it's it's hierarchy um, I I I think that It I don't I really didn't like the way it went down at the end But I really do empathize for khabib. I do. I I don't think that he's the bad guy in all of this I think that he he lost his all for a hot second But connor there's a reason why connor didn't press charges. Yeah, he wasn't even concerned about the fight

It's like, yeah, that shit happens that he lost really, but but here's the one thing that that's a fact He committed a real offense connor did khabib. I know madam negoff. Yeah, right? I use it Is the true champion? Yep. He is he is Undisputed undisputed undefeated The guy looks like he'll never lose his style is um Unbreakable he has it's almost as if he has a power that's almost

Superhuman. I want connor to still fight. I love connor. He will still fight But I did I think that was a very one-sided fight. Yeah, I mean and I and I told you guys too You're like connor's gonna catch him. I was like tell you what khabib's gonna catch him and fucking he did He knocked them down. Let me ask you something. What I by looking at the fight Does connor even have The tools or the ability to beat him. Yeah, of course you have a pun His john kavana was talking on rogan saying like their game plan did work They let they already assume we will lose the first round get ready for 10 9

Just don't get just don't exert any energy. Just stay balled up until that you're calling out the whole time Yeah, the whole time because connor wasn't really getting hurt at all Yeah, he said the plan was the third round then let's try striking when khabib's tired out They did but it could be it didn't go their way still they felt like khabib was still Still kind of catching with punches. Yeah, so I don't know man. I was pretty I wasn't surprised that it was that much of a mauling Like as soon as khabib gets his hands on you that guy's a truck Yeah, I don't think like someone I was watching one of the analysis before the fights and a lot of fighters have fought

I'm like you guys don't know what it feels like to actually when he has his hands on you Everyone knows he's strong, but you don't know just how strong until he's got you down But that could also help connor and the next they do fight again Oh for sure because he now knows what it's like to be in there. Yeah, he now knows specifically what He needs to work on like him and Nate same thing and it's like the thing of getting his legs trapped like that You know what I mean, just how do you How do you get out of that so intense? You don't you don't defend that you don't get out of that and he didn't get out of it Yeah, his goal was not to get out of it. Just sit there and wait

I don't know man. I I was really impressed Ferguson. I was so impressed. Whoo. Wow. That was a wow me That was a wild one. Dude. I think anthony pettis star is way back on the rise I know he took an L but that was a really exciting fight. It was good times It was like the old anthony pettis again, but el kukui is a fucking beast man That was so fun. Give me that and could be I love I the one thing I love most about Tony Ferguson is that it doesn't matter If he's been if he almost loses in the first round how bloodied he is or how much you think he's never gonna come back And win it. He always comes back and wins it. He always gets into these like massive just really bloody brawls He saw John annex shirt, right? How the blood was just on his shirt. Yeah

Yeah, that was really impressive. I think Tony should have the foot next shot at could be by the way I agree But didn't doesn't Tony want the money fight with Connor? I think he'll go for that belt first because I want yeah connor should probably take Nate I think it'd be more excited. I don't think it's fair that connor gets could bep again I think ferguson could bep. I think so. Yeah, and I think that if ferguson wins Then ferguson Connor would be a big brother being fine. Yeah, and then connor gets it back and then could bep. I think that'd be good three way

Lots of yeah It's a lot of money there God, I really really wanted to see like a post fight interview from the both of them and it's I feel jipped in that way Yeah, but I really wanted to hear connor. I wanted because he's always such a gracious loser, you know Oh, yeah, he's no he would have been like yeah, I fucking lost rematch. Yeah Yeah, uh, any shows for bobby. Yes bobby will be at the brea improv mid november after that

He'll be at the arlington draft house um, and then san diego at the american comedy company in december go to bobbylealive.com for For more dates. Also, I want to say one more thing after the podcast I remember that we did have computers at blair high school Um, we only had a few and they were very very old, but I do remember having a typing class Oh there. So I take that back fact checked herself. She fact checked my memory has failed me I was like really we didn't have computers like we did because I remember mr. Sells who was like this redhead really heavy set man, and he was so nice

Well, that was her teacher crush. There you go. Not quite a redhead larger redhead man Yeah, uh, you can follow us on instagram at tiger belly on twitter at the tiger belly and emails any questions at the tiger belly at gmail.com Calalo, we can follow you at at calamity k. George kimmo. We can follow you at brice alec. You just follow brice at yallet brice You can follow everything bobbinley at bobbinleyland.com. Have a good night Oh Hey prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey