TigerBelly - Episode 167: Fahim Anwar & The Loyal Lizard

Episode Date: November 7, 2018

Fahim does legos. Bobo is Korean Stern. We talk pet lizards, core competencies, a shroom trip, and a tamale festival. Bonus content every Monday:https://www.patreon.com/TigerBellySupport us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery plus Holy shit, I don't want to talk about that because of my religion my people parents might hear it you know he has boundaries what he shouldn't be a comedian he's a pretty good one yeah yeah become like you know a mosque guy whenever they do you know how many opportunities I've had to be a mosque guy but I've turned him down why don't we you and I started why don't we start a company where we make those little rugs that they sit on when they pray that'd be a killer what do they call those little things flying carpets you and I

should make a company called flying carpets really comfy ones though like we'll use like high-end like it's a Tesla memory foam rare rugs yeah yeah really high-end like the Bugatti yeah yeah you believe in that flying rugs yeah I think I got here bro oh yeah yeah Alphombra Magica all right well um you know the Middle East they have uber yeah when I we haven't even started when I even started we haven't even started I've been trying to twist off yeah yeah what are you so nervous for it's my second pod all right um begin if you may five okay four that's right

three uh-huh two right one bingo and welcome welcome to another podcast episode of TB the tiger belly tuberculosis tuberculosis we've got all kinds of people in the room right now we've got this is the dirtiest of like Caucasians like the ugly side the underbelly of Caucasian it's the kind where um you know how you have good whites you know the you have good white Schindler was a good white yeah James van der Beek van der Beek is a fucking good white dude pure and simple dude pure and simple right like if he died you could snort his ashes and you'll feel a little spiritual yeah fly

yeah you'll fly a little bit yeah so you have the good whites and then you got um the gray ones there who's gray like just those millions of them all right they just have these jobs and they go to their post office job that's great no they have lives they have a lot of pinot's yeah Filipinos also also a lot of people have gray lives right and then you have the whites that are just the bottom you know I mean the ones that you see in the news you know shot up a church you know yeah Dylan roof you know that those types got one George Kimmel I know you haven't but you're one of those and I'm on to you dude and my

eyes are on you my little squinny eyes okay let me see something right now and I know you judge me because of my little squinny eyes I can see perfectly with these all right I have great periphery okay long view short view the whole thing all right I'm on to you guys look a coyote and he he looked right at he's like where yeah it was a fucking giant wild animal before his very eyes but I could see you though that's all I need to know and then we got your better one right here he's much better than you he is if you were an android you would be the first model he's eight the model oh damn this is 500 years later that's

fast the company got it down fast yeah fast but they got it down fuck you George I love you though and that's the thing I love you know what you know what dude it's like in AI I like the that little on what was it that little guy an AI yet a leg I yeah like a little guy I like the little guy man that was a weird movie no was the other rope no was the other robot movie to Robin Williams no there was another one where he was a robot then becomes a human yeah yeah that's a no AI is Haley Joel Osment is it's not the same no there's another role anyway I love I need to know I absolutely need to know

Andrews with a heart is what I like to call it by Centennial man by Centennial man that's a good movie you know and I just still drink a little um of my coke pumpkin spice because it's the holidays we have a guest I know and he said look at me right now like when am I gonna get introduced and no don't talk until I fucking introduce you dude and everyone knows the rules and dude this is your second time I was quiet because you attacked me the first time and I was like I didn't want to say now we have to start over god damn it do the whole white bit again the whole game haven't you been so many people in the room we

got ugly fucking bottom dwelling we have a guest and the reason why he's on again is because he has something very big to announce and he's also a friend he was my opening act for a couple years very strong comic I think he was on the other night although you're trying new stuff I felt like you yeah yeah and Kirk and I were watching you Fox and Kirk goes why isn't this guy the biggest thing and I go I go shut the fuck up I looked at Kirk Fox ago you shut your fucking skinny ass fucking off okay I know he should be bigger but shut the fuck up mmm his name now and I know a lot of you magas out there listening no I'm

being real dude it's an election you draw a fan yeah I have some really you have some true we do yeah so I'm telling them thanks for sticking around yeah a lot of he's not he's not one of those okay that's just for the five guys he's a good dude he really is your pure heart and I love your family I've met your brother he's a dentist I've met all those other poon jabs around them said it the first time what are those like you know yeah I get it all that you know same ballpark but yeah I love them all I really do when they when they used to go to Seattle the these to come I haven't said your name but anyway these to come

out to the shows and I used to hug that I love them they're good people thanks man don't you think yeah do they like me yeah of course as well yeah as well do I oh that's nice he has a comedy central sketch show coming out it's called goat face go face yeah it's with you Aristotle yeah what's other guy from the daily show so much on his patriot act on Netflix now to I love a show yeah so much on a great show so much on a son and then awesome and they're doing a Middle Eastern right I mean Persian you know I mean American well yeah it's very American if you guys are Americans and you have you have an American voice but

it's a bunch of a Persian Americans first generation I think yeah Middle Eastern American yourself doing a sketch show on comedy central and I have to say they should you showed me two or three sketches yeah and I cackled like a little schoolgirl thanks man so cool because I haven't shown anybody you know I laughed so hard and let me say something you can doubt me Bryce you can doubt me George and you guys can point your fingers and go what have I done I was on a sketch show for eight years I've seen some sketches myself okay I know some SNL people thank you very much was much as current as a amigo all

right before so I've been in the rodeo I've saddled up and I've done my last house okay and I and I'm telling you right now this fucking this sketch show that he did is I've been playing too much read that but it's let me say something it's so fucking funny really funny yeah yeah cuz like I've been working on it for so long and I'm too close to it so it's like I've seen the sketches a million times and like I wrote a lot of a long time ago so it was nice it was burning a hole in my pocket just like oh let me get a fresh set of eyes or you know I know Bobby I trust Bobby we were in your car I was like can I just

I want to show you can show you like two or three of them and I chose like my favorites they're quick just very and it was so great watching like I loved watching you watch them I've seen the sketches a million times so I was just like watching you watch them yeah and it just felt so good because it's like watching it for the first time again like okay if Bobby's genuinely enjoying it what happens when they pick up 13 episodes you got it yeah you have a staff no man dude the way well how it works man all right I'm a sketch guy like stand-up and sketch is what I do it's what I was born to do that's what

comes naturally yeah sometimes you know you'll take these general meetings and stuff and they're like you have any screenplays or like sitcoms yeah and I have like ideas but like that doesn't just come to me I don't like get inspiration and I go to a log cabin and like bang out stranger things I have log like cabin in the woods was done by that guy that directed the Avengers what's his name oh Josh Weedon yeah Josh Weedon yeah some of those guys are just and they would spend a weekend in a hotel him as writer and they just it was a two-floor thing and they just yelled out what about this yeah and they both

banged out the script yeah like Sorkin just yeah yeah that in his brain I'm not that guy and instead of trying to bang my head against a wall and and like try to be this thing that I'm not I've just always been a strong proponent of leaning into your core competencies so that's why I've just always been hitting stand-up and sketch like that just flows through me yeah so stand up I've been doing forever you know I mean I do it every night and like I've been doing it 16 years and then sketch is just something I grew up it's been that long you've been doing stand-up yeah man that's a problem that's a trouble with

starting so young everyone just thinks that you're like six years in like how long 2000 yeah right because when I asked you to do a sketch on mad TV you said no to me yeah you brought this up on the last I know I'm just thinking myself so when was I on mad TV it's a recap a long time ago yeah so I have known you for a very long time super long time no you said no to me yeah that was the first time we met you said no to me yeah you were on the steps in the belly room smoking yeah I was like hey is my friend for him is a funny guys is Bobby Lee how do we introduce you yeah to me and then he goes you know where you

from are you parents from Afghanistan he's like you want to do the sketch where you'd be on mad TV and I go what's the sketch did you go you know I open up the closet and then you know I say you're like an at your shirtless in a turbine like working your underwear and you're sharpening a sword I would love to read the rest of this game it was just basically it was Dave Navarro right Dave Navarro I was doing a tour of this place it was this house or this condo yeah and I just open up you know I mean open up me just sitting there it's a random little thing you know I mean it was a side gag it wasn't for sure you

know I mean it wasn't demeaning I didn't think but Sandy Danto did it it's fine fat Sandy got him in a little this is before people were woke and weren't like that's not a Middle Eastern guy yeah yeah it wasn't even I didn't even say you could have even said if I wasn't wearing a turban and I was wearing some sort of clothing I would have been like oh yeah alright maybe you're cooking something I don't know I don't know I wasn't trying to workshop it with you I just saying it was it hurt me I yeah it hurt my feeling and I also bring it up every time I see you for that you always say that's why you respected me because I that's

exactly why yeah that's not what I was trying to do at the time I know I mean I did see a sketch where you were a fucking turban don't give it away but I know I'm just saying the thing though like that type of shit I I feel okay with it if I write it maybe it's weird but I just know where it's coming from right when I write the thing and I feel like it's empowering if I put myself in a turban for a thing that I've written because I know I know I'm trying to turn something on its head as opposed to like another race writing you're right you're absolutely correct friend yeah that's why I just I'm just giving you

shit friend okay that's right no I really respect you for doing that and I just had this feeling by looking at you and I don't want to get emotional but I'm not gonna okay is is that how do I say it without just give me a second it's my podcast okay just let me it's just that you hear this nonsense from politicians to scare middle of America about like Muslims or Mexicans and all that you know like kind of stuff yeah they're coming in and and literally when I run into you or Maz or any of those guys Amir K right he's one yeah or just you know or just any of you guys I literally do not think of race or what

your religious background is are you guys are just friends of mine like when Amir K when he was on the new mad TV he would pull me aside and tell me how we felt about being nervous and you know I don't think the writers like and we could just sit there and connect and and I can talk him through you know because the same thing that I felt and when I look at you I'm just so happy for you you're just a great you're a great really great guy you really are there's not a single person right what are you laughing at babe is the way you're presenting it is as if you know when Trump said my my african-american friend that's exactly

that's exactly opposite because when Trump did that he didn't know that guy and he doesn't really have any african-american friends I know but just it sounds like that like just you guys you know alright forget you what's so funny gilgill you know what let me rephrase it then can I rephrase it yeah you're just a great guy hey thank you yeah you really are and dying you guys are so nice to me and it's well there's never I've never I've there's I've never been anywhere where they go fuck that guy for him ad war well that's nice but you know also one thing I've noticed too about like being beloved or

like liked by everybody that means like you're due way overdue you know what I mean like when you get things early people will hate you yeah if you get things on on time still some people will hate you but if you've just been because I just feel like I'm one of those guys who's like slip through the cracks for a super long time you're due well that's nice thanks yeah no you are yeah okay you're 100% but but no one looks at the success now you know with the show and all that is like fuck for him yeah I just been around so long and I've yeah I've been like no I think people are thinking oh fuck thank God yeah yeah

and there's certain guys you know I mean you can say all you want about Rick Ingram I think he's very funny yeah I think he deserves yes I think he deserves something you know big not that I'm not comparing you to him I just but there is things of there's when you're a comic and you're in the streets you kind of know who's I think we have our pulse more on what's going on day to day just comedy wise with stand-ups and it just takes so much to to bridge that gap to the suits and the button pushers who actually are these gatekeepers yeah there's a let me say something isn't it frustrating how few people are actually in the streets

it's it's not only frustrating and what people don't understand is what you see in specials or who gets shit isn't the best people it's what you've been fed sometimes it's great and it lines up once in a blue moon sure yeah but those ones still are ones that deserved it like I mean like example Louis C.K. before you know the controversy when he got his due the IFC show and all the things that he was getting directing movies and all the deals and all that no one was ever going you know why why him right you knew why right there's it's a given right but then you see you know that one lady from I don't want to make fun of

her because I'm not but she's from Australia and I guess yeah yeah that whole you know I think that the confusion with that is just that some people didn't you know it was labeled as stand-up comedy and her whole thing kind of felt more like a like a one-woman act and I think that that's where people were stand-up purists are like this isn't stand-up right it isn't that you're right the standard Jason then I think the stand-up purists are frustrated that it's occupying the same space right as stand-up and it's in the same discussion as stand-up but it was a good it's a good it was she was good

it's just good yeah I know I know I know I know you know who else is good Kira Stefanovic oh she's funny you're right and no one's giving Kira anything yeah all right I mean you you could you can push this handy lady because of her ideology and what she represents and I and I want that but also it's for the coasts you know what I mean like anyone in the middle of the country you go have you seen Nana they're like what the fuck is Nana what you call me yeah yeah yeah yeah no no offense or I don't know what she's probably a nice lady sometimes the coasts like to believe something is way bigger than it really is so you're in

this bubble and we like to believe that Nanette is this fucking worldwide smash yeah and it is with the HuffPo and whatever Twitter yeah and it's like good for her and good for that lane and everything but sometimes we make it this bigger thing than it really is I mean this is how crazy this disconnect is I think about I think I auditioned for a baby driver one of those movies that's awesome but I obviously didn't get it but I it was terrible anyway but um but I remember the cast went there looking at my resume and go oh you've actually done something like she had no idea who I was which you know which humbles you go you

know you spend 20 plus years you know in LA grinding it out right and no one knows who you are right and so the people at on the top like even like the on the show that I'm on now the network people a lot of them they're just new relationships they they don't know who I am they think I'm a new face yeah you know how long you have to do stand-up before like there are times like I've been doing it for a long time as I told you where people think hey this this new kid or is found out about this comedian like especially in stand-up yeah forever to be considered a new kid yeah you have to be you have to be like

a middle-aged man to be considered a young whipper snapper in stand-up yeah yeah I mean there people didn't they've been doing open mics since the 80s still doing it still grinding it out I mean there most of them are crazy right they they're a little delusional where they don't really have it but um it's it's very difficult I love Mitch Hedberg joke where he goes stand-up as part of my get-rich-slow plan right it takes a long time yeah and it was especially in the club the club scene in LA it's not you have to just not only whether they open mics right but then you have to like convince the booker right and then

you have to compete for like 15 spots a night like especially at the comedy sorts of possible yeah I imagine being a new a great comic but coming to the LA and going oh that's a club I'm not gonna so over sat even if you're a funny person just over so over saturated so I just have to like keep on chipping and chipping away the other day isn't it nice that you're at a point in your career where you can just be you know cuz like I was thinking about my early years of stand-up and you're just trying to convince the world that you're as funny as you think you are and no one's giving you the time of day you're like a

ghost at these clubs people are walking through you you know like you just you like oh I want to do this show and the stakes are so high for things that are so small like all this bar show how do I get on it or the booker doesn't think I'm funny or he got on it and you're like everything's a threat to you I did it open mic in Century City and I there was a raffle it was an open mic I got last right so I don't wait till like one in the morning and then when it was my turn there was no one in the audience but there wasn't any instance in the beginning right the guy the guy goes hey you're not gonna go up I'm tired

I go I know but there's only one more yeah I'm just tired no one's here but everyone else got to go when there's no one right and then you get in then you drive home with such rage like it's no no I'm telling you something right now I'm gonna lean forward a little bit for this I've never felt I'm fine if you hit my car right you scrape it with a key right you pee on my foot I'm just gonna give you examples of the level of anger I'll be like what the fuck don't do that right if you you know if Bryce was found out he was sexually assaulted raped in the butt he found out or you found out he found out he did it he

found out he assaulted no he found out that he got it done to him I mean was he unconscious yeah yeah yeah okay don't drink too much price because I would think you would probably stop drinking and I heard that I would get angry but there's nothing that man grows me more right then being slighted of a spot right or when when I hear you're like hey um so-and-so badmouthed you in front of this Booker oh right yeah just the rage you know because when it comes to just my dream would just stand up yeah if you get in the way of that it just it puts me in a rage dude like I hold it for years in my heart because that's your

livelihood that's right now back to the show yeah I mean I like George you do open mics right yeah I can't imagine what you go through well it's oh it's easy you know what you know what that means then they means that you're not really serious that's what it means it means that your heart rage because you need to have the rage and you know what's another but another it's rage it could be a frustration or no I call it pining my mind's rage okay here's another thing when you're like at a book show or whatever this early on yeah and there's a crowd mm-hmm and the guy before you is not that good you know you could crush

it but he's so bad he's walking the room and then you don't get to fucking perform in front of them yeah I don't like when they have a meltdown and then they just start going in on the audience like but you don't fucking you don't get it yeah I said I've said this before but I hate this is what I hate women do sometimes like young girls they'll tell the booker if your whole set hinges on the song right so no but then they do a funny dance so they go up and do a funny dance and get the crowd you know I mean go because they have this funny dance and then when it's time to just stand up they can't tell their jokes

and they're so out of breath I've seen that I've seen that so many times you know what I wanted to do one time like you know they do the black show at the comedy store on Tuesdays whoa man hey that's what it is yeah yeah it's not tripping on it I don't know I forgot it maybe it's mellow show yeah they have a DJ there's always a DJ back there yeah like I want to do a guest set sometime and like they play a song for me and then I could I just come out I'm dancing to some like Drake song or whatever yeah everyone's like a lot of them will dance and then I'm just like up there dancing for the whole song yeah like

five minutes yeah yeah and then I just leave I don't do any jokes oh that'd be great yeah yeah and then I just get off the stage and I walk through the crowd and I go into the OR and do a set there for a dance pit stop you do good in front of those rooms black shows yeah I have yeah but I here's what I don't I like I don't like doing one demo for any stand-up show like I hate doing an alt show I hate doing an all Mexican show I hate doing an all Afghan or like Middle Eastern show because the people in the audience they're on one wavelength when you assemble a very particular group of people they just they respond and

resonate they just want one thing yeah and if you're not that yeah it like fries their brain or it just takes a long time to for them to get on your level yeah so if you do a black show and there's like four black comedians before you there's a certain style and rhythm rhythm and add confidence and attitude that they're accustomed to and then for he man or I'm like hey guys do ever like you know do you ever try to just kind of hammer it up a little bit and sound I just don't I've done that before I'm like yeah I mean like and it's so they're like trying to get on their level it's so not fucking organic

yeah yeah I'll grab my dick I'll grab my dick and walk around I just hate I'll do a moonwalk why is he doing moonwalks? he's got this bit how like you know doing black shows they're always like so supremely like every comic is like very confident yeah you know just like prowling the stage like a tiger and just so much confidence and and I wanted to there's no self-deprecating black comic you know or that type of style I wanted to be a confident self-deprecating black comic yeah yeah like y'all even knows how old your parents are and you're way elder than that and that scares the shit out of you cuz you ain't married

you know like yeah I'm 35 years old I should have some equity by now I don't own a home you know just like really sad stuff yeah I did Jade's Brazilian show hello how was that I was eating it but then I just didn't know what to do so I just started yelling out Brazilian things that I do right that's the only thing that got laughs really did your arse I can run it up hill battle Rafael dos Santos I just wanted to be myself and I just want to like throw some ideas out there yeah I hate having to do tricks to be accepted you know and that's what a lot of those shows are like oh how do I figure out this scheme

and if you're not getting paid like what's the point I was talking about melting down earlier my brother I just had this thought like my brother got me one of the best gigs I've gotten so far like it's like for granted do some corporate gig for Toyota back in Seattle because he's a dentist and he's on the links like he'll meet you'll hobnob with you know some guy owns like a bunch of Toyota dealerships or whatever and he's like oh yeah my brother because they're looking for entertainment for their Christmas party like a year ago or two years ago and then you know they're like oh yeah my brother does

stand up he could probably do it he's like oh yeah he's in movies and stuff and you look at his IMDB and yeah and he really like he talked the talk he like built me up and but I mean you I've done some yeah yeah yeah and I guess somebody yeah and somebody who's not in Hollywood or whatever it seems like a get or something so my brother there he worked out this thing where it's a lot of money and I'm doing 30 minutes at this Toyota of Christmas event thing yeah so I'm like this is like better than anything my agents have gotten me at the time you know where I so and it's for 30 minutes not an hour which is normally what these

like college gigs will be so I go to the event and sometimes a thing is just not they're not set up for stand-up yeah sometimes you look at these people who who just like they like comedy and they think they could throw it on but they don't understand they don't how many things need to go like the lighting the sound system so the seating this day the separation between the stage and the seating it doesn't take a lot but these are there's a checklist for a show to go well and the average person doesn't know what those that checklist is they just like I would like to have comedy yeah you do comedy come and then like

that's as far as they go was your ground level now it was like elevator elevator sound system is kind of like whatever there was round tables which is not good and they're getting food and shit and so I'm just doing my stand-up and they're talking because they want to mingle and stuff oh man cuz it's a corporate thing dude could the money for grants but listen listen so like I'm up the timing wow 27 from Fahima 27 years old yeah we're gonna start blue star yeah very fancy don't you got him yeah we got where's a blue so where's a blue star at there's one in LA because there's one port there's a

bunch of Portland yeah 27 have one yeah please thank you you don't eat donuts I do I'm full what kind is this thanks Jules the next time work on your timing Jules not in the middle of a fucking story I'll just try this dark one but I want to hear the rest okay now let me try to regroup here I'm not in the mood anymore anyway I forgot what happened in that story okay so it's so I'm Toyota dealership right it's $4,000 your $4,000 people are talking in the audience yeah round table if you want to mingle they're getting food and shit yeah up there right is your brother there no first this is funny like my

brother wanted to go but the guy just power moved him he was like I don't know if there's enough spots or whatever so what I mean my brother didn't care that much to like push the issue so he wasn't there I'm up there doing my thing and I'm just I'm just talking over like white noise and I'm just smiling eating shit just like doing my comedy to a wall because I've been doing it long enough where I'm like just smile and get your check are you doing bits are you just doing I'm doing like if anyone's tuning in they're getting a show but I'm not gonna pull them by the collar and I realized and that's just being a

pro and being a veteran keeping your calm in that situation because if if you have a meltdown in that scenario you don't get your money if you're like I'm getting food fucking yeah you don't know how to act in a comedy show yeah yeah look at this fat piece of shit I'm giving you gold and nobody right the fuck am I here yeah yeah if you have a meltdown and then afterwards the guy can just be like yeah I had a meltdown up there I can't give you your money people are angry that you snapped yeah so as long as you're just like doing your jokes into a wall afterwards you're like well thanks for the gig I still loved it

it was 30 minutes for great money yeah you do a lot of like music festivals not a lot like one or two okay well is it the same as like do they set you up for success at those things because I feel like those setups are always like out knee open right some are and some aren't like I've heard Bonnaroo does it pretty well because they'll do it in these tents and and they're like good tents and people are there for carmen there and it's set up there's like a good system and all that but then I have some friends who have done the Vans warp tour and they said it was terrible because you're right next to music so

this is all this music bleeding into the tent and people are only in there to get out of the sun so no one really wants to be there it's a biological response like they're just trying to cool down oh my yeah hit me in the head bro sorry but I've done bumbershoot and they do it pretty well that's a good I like that festival in Seattle yeah I did a tamale tamale festival with Carlos Mancio on how's that it was strictly a tamale festival it was a tamale festival in outside of Houston and he goes um bro um they speak English that was my first question do they speak English and I'm eating it eating it tamales are

and I got so angry because when I got off stage yeah Carlos did this whole set in Spanish he fucked me I mean what were you gonna do dude we're gonna be like tank load me up some Spanish but no it was because the thing is I didn't have to do it because we were doing like an improv and that was like a side thing that he was doing so I could have just said well he could have just said listen I'm just gonna do it in Spanish yeah but he wanted me to just go up there eat it yeah yeah and I ate it hard man just silence I mean yeah man gigs those kind of bit the money is so

good and sometimes you can't say no yeah that was just one of those I wasn't mad at the end I was like great I just look at my banking I go this is awesome yeah he did something similar where we drove up to Bakersfield birthday party yeah and no one was there for comedy so everyone like you said just were around round tables mingling no no there's no stage it's like dance floor yeah that's so people have former circle like you're like it's solid gold and you're about to do a dance yeah and I have a mic and I made him go up he makes me open for him just starting to stand up yeah to get people that were drinking and dancing to

circle around me and to hear me do stand up for 15 so you have to like wrangle these people like come here like just you know bribe on see that's warm circle I love about just average people trying to put on a comedy show because they don't know what is necessary and only stand-up is like that like nobody goes up to LeBron and they're like LeBron I was wondering I'm doing a party I was wondering if you do some basketball this party yeah and then the wrong gets there and he's like where's the basket he's like I just thought you could just use this cardboard box maybe or oh you need a basketball you use this rock yeah that's

what or you could go the other way where the corporate gig that you and Jeremiah did yeah where they were so hyper focused but they were hyper focused because they knew Bobby was coming so anyone else that went came before him they just like a virus they were trying to right get out of my German go up and the funniest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life happened what it's just he's on stage eating it I saw a white man in a suit stand up and go in the middle of the set yeah what wow he went like it was almost as if like you know he was protesting like some sort of genocide or why that level of anger I don't know it

I mean Jeremiah and Jeremiah at that point when he was screaming was doing a thing where he's on his back like wrestling a stool standing there he's like in the middle of like a mug right he's mugging a bit out right and act out yeah and this guy just stood up and I was laughing so hard in the back that's the beauty of being a stand-up is he's gonna appreciate these moments yeah where everyone else would cringe we live for it because it's our friends I love when my friends bomb if there's nothing better it's it makes me laugh so hard yeah sometimes I'll tell you like horrible like audition stories or whatever

and you're like I love it yeah you have so many of yourself so many it just makes you feel not alone out there because everyone has them or you know you hear stories from the old-school guys and there was a comic named Joey Gaynor and his closer was his closer was he put two tennis balls in in his mouth, because he had big cheeks, right? So they put, he would close with two tennis balls in his mouth, in his cheeks, right? But a bunch of comics, like, put it in their ass.

Yeah, the tennis balls, yeah. They spit on it, you know, pissed on them, come on it, you know what I mean? And so when Joy Gainer's up there with the tennis balls in his mouth, like, you know, the back, I mean, the three comics that were there, just on the ground crying, you know? I just love stuff like that too,

like inside, you know? Sabotage. Sabotage, you know what I mean? Yeah. Tom slash Tiger Belly. That's 23andme.com slash Tiger Belly. Know your stuff. Do, do, do, do, do, do. Oh, we love knowing our DNA.

We love it. And where we come from. Yeah. And also these donuts, that first one ain't... Spicy? Was like, I ate a jalapeno in there or something. Oh my God. Didn't like it.

I want to try it. But, um... There's two spicy ones. Like, Halila's birthday, she's 34 years old. And what a blessing. What a blessing. My life is a little... Yeah, what a blessing your life is.

Yeah, that's a pick-up thing. I've known her since she was 27, 28. 27. 27. And, um... It was nice and tight. My neck skin was firmer. No, but you know what?

You know what's so funny? You grew up with your face. Why grew up with my face? No, I grew up looking at your face in the last five years. Morph? Not more, but I just... No, your face never changes to me. Oh, seriously.

You know, it's like, there's Michael Halila. Oh, wow. It's like, you don't... No matter... I mean, I guess if I compared photos, and I was like analytical about it, oh yeah, there is differences. Yeah, you have the drawers loose.

Ah, yeah, it's right here. Yeah, she looks more like Michael Chiklis now. You know what I mean? I love you on the shield, babe. Yeah. But no, you just look at the one that you love, and you go, yeah, that's what she looks like, you know? Thank you.

That should be a card. That's what she looks like. That's what she looks like. I love you. That's what she looks like. When I see people like even people I've known for a while, like... It's Kristalia, for instance.

You do, with him, there is a little bit... Oh, you're older. There's just something about his face. You know, there's more veins that pop out of his eyes, you know? He has more like... He does, you know, those fucking veins, they're so scary, yeah. When he gets angry, those veins pop out of his eyes.

Angelina Jolie has the same one. It goes right across her forehead and into her eye. It's a vein. It's a big one, massive, yeah. Yeah. And then when I see someone like Arcus Hamilton, I'm like, wow. I mean, he can bleach the hair, get the tan,

and put the teeth in, and the whole thing. But if you look close, I think he's dying. Okay, we all are. I love how this turned into building Kalaila up, and then just destroying everyone else we know. It's usually the opposite, so I'm gonna take it. It's the only way we know how to compliment it. We can't just say nice things for this.

Yeah, we can't say the nice thing for the nice thing. That's gonna be a ying and yang. It has to be. Someone's gotta go down. Yeah, someone's gotta pay. Yeah, but we, she went to the desert with the dogs. Do you ever go out to the desert? We went once for the photo shoot, for the one hour special.

We did a photo shoot out there, like in around, Josh? Feel at home when you're out there? Yeah, for some reason. Because we're desert people. I mean, can I just say this, and I just, excuse me for being ignorant, right? But I was born and raised in America. I'm an American, so as well as you are.

Yeah. Correct? Yeah. But do you, I mean, does my body know, if I'm in Korea, does my body go, oh, yeah. Like it's some Wakanda thing. Like it's some sort of like historical, like a genetic thing that I'm from there.

Does my body recognize that? I think that sometimes it does, and this happened to me. My body loves humidity, because I was born and raised in the Philippines. So when I came to California, and you don't have the same humidity, I break out in like full eczema. But you see, when I go back to the Philippines,

or give me any humidity, I am so pretty. Over here, I'm dry and crusty and ugly. But if you were born here, would you have the same effect, do you think? Or no? I don't know. I think it's just a byproduct of being there. I don't know if it's intrinsic in your upbringing.

Some people are disasters. Some people who have eczema and psoriasis, they go to Florida when they retire, because it's better for their skin. Yeah, but there's a lot of people who really, really crumble with humidity. I know, like I don't mind being sticky, or when it's very hot.

Some people's like, just a little bit of heat, and they just, they don't- It's too much. It's too much. Instead of getting like, yeah. Shower every three hours. They don't thrive in that climate, I do. I love humidity.

I love heat. Yeah. I can't ask him, I've never, I think the first time we ever went to Vancouver, it snowed there. She'd never seen snow before. Really? And I think I cried,

because my body just, my bones couldn't handle the cold. She'd never seen snow before. I had seen snow on like TV. Yeah, I know, holy shit. She's not like, what is this, my stuff? Yeah. I mean, I had like, you know- But being in the snow did that,

what was that, it was weird, right? Yeah, it was magical, but my body did not do well at all. It was a full shutdown mode. I remember like buying three hot dogs from a cart and then staying in all day and just eating hot dogs. Yeah, I remember that was fun. I can't be around that white stuff. That was fun, that was fun.

Sorry, I need to get off the mic when I get up there. I wanna ask you this question too, Fahim. Because I know that when you came to LA, when you were early, you were working at Boeing? Yeah. And you were an engineer, right? Yeah, I would drive up to the comedy store and try to do the open mic.

And then Tom, he would play all these mind games, you know? Why? Because there would be this list and he would make you wait in the back forever. And then there would be times where I'm waiting until 2 a.m. And then he would go in the back and get high or whatever or just like give the list to somebody else and then it would always change

between what he wrote to other people putting their people in. And I wouldn't go up. And then I finally had to tell him, I go, like Tommy, I understand there's a system here and I'm all for it and I wanna be a part of it and I'll play the game and all that. But I mean, I'm an engineer, like I have work.

I have work tomorrow at 8 a.m. But as an engineer, how much did you get paid a year, do you think? Like 62, 63, entry level. $1,000. What would you do there at Boeing? Like give me an example of a day. A day, all right, I come in.

No, I'm interested because you day to day. Because I don't know what it's like being an engineer. I don't know what it's like being working from Boeing. I wanna know what you would do. So you would drive up to the Boeing Institute, drive up, park in garage, get out in Long Beach. No, exactly where that is. It's like on Carson and Lakewood.

I would have to drive past it to go to. I still have my pass. You do? Yeah, I think I was supposed to turn it in, but I like having it. It's my glove box. I just have so much help and optimism. So you drive there, you go through a little gate thing.

Yeah, so I park in the parking structure, I get out. And then. Now let me ask you this, do you get coffee? So here's the thing, so. And one other thing. Yeah, I'll go to the cafeteria. I'll get maybe some breakfast stuff. You could do that sometimes.

They have a cafeteria. You could do that every time unless you're late. Yeah, I still would push it though. Like here's the thing, I'd be like five minutes late and I'd come with eggs and like a coffee or whatever. And you're five minutes late. And then that's what I hated about engineering is that they're stuck in the 50s.

I have friends who are at Google and shit and they're riding razor scooters and jumping into ball pits. And they're like, take two hours of you time and you meditate and do whatever you want. You know, like outside the box thinking and it's very hippie-dippy. Yeah.

And then in engineering, it's like being your seat at eight o'clock, clock out, it's such and such. 42 minute lunch, we had a 42 minute lunch. What? Yeah. It's just so by the book and by the numbers that it's annoying. It's not about the work you do.

Yeah. It's appearances. So you sit there and are there graphs in front of you? So I sit in my chair, I have two monitors. High charts. Yeah. I have two monitors. So you have monitors and what are they,

what's on the monitors? One is surfing the web. This is every cubicle job, all right. One monitors for surfing the web. The other one is for actual work. And then everyone knows hot keys that when you hear footsteps behind you, you're like, and then it's like you're the boss.

Wow. So you're Googling when, you know. Now you're just like fucking around. Porter's head is gonna be playing. You're Googling, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Porter's. That's what I'm saying.

I said Porter's head. Everyone has a fuck off monitor and then everyone has a go work monitor. What's on the, you know how to do, what's on the work monitor? A graph or numbers? No, it's on it. Yeah.

Yeah, you nailed it. It's just a graph. No, it's like, I mean, I'll do the abridged version of what. So, I mean, there's proprietary Boeing software. That's exactly what I want to hear. Yeah, okay. So basically my job, I worked on the 747-8 freighter. Love it.

Love it. And passenger. Yeah. And this is funny. Whenever I'm in an Uber and somebody says, I say engineer and the conversation stops. So, I like that you're at, I never say comedian because they're like, go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where do you get, oh, where do you get your ideals? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what type of comedy do you do? Or when they go into jokes themselves as the first. I mean, I have a cousin who's trying, and they just never ask, but if I go, I do engineering, it's just nice.

So, 747-8 and freighter and passenger. The way it would work, I worked in the stress analysis. Yeah. For floor beams. So, we worked on the floor beams. And the way it works is the loads would be passed through, you would have a model of say, because you're just updating the previous model, right?

It's like, they don't remake the Corolla. They don't reinvent it every fucking time. They just kind of improve on last year's Corolla. So, we were just working on, you start on the last iteration of the 747, which was the 400, I think. And then you just, you run, you wanted to do different things.

Like you wanted to carry more payload. You want it to be a little longer to put more seats on it. So, they just run the new loads, or what kind of loads a plane would get with the new geometry. And then you kind of see where it would fail. You go, okay, this would pass in the old model, but because the geometry's a little different.

Okay, we need to beef up this section of the plane. Or we need stronger fasteners here. And then you have design team who's over there, and you go, we need these type of fasteners, or we need to make this a little thicker. And they're like, fuck, we can't do that. Cause they have their own boss and stuff. And they go, we can't make it this much thicker.

So you have to compromise with them. So sometimes engineering dictates design. So you're just building, it's Legos. You're building a plane. Basically, I should have said Legos. I don't know why. I don't know why. That's what it is.

Long winded, yeah. I mean, I feel like, you know. But the thing is, it sounds very complicated what I'm telling you. No, what he's saying, I can't do, but I can be the guy going, do you have these fasteners? I'm like, we can't, no can do, friend. You're just on the factory floor.

I think it's too thick. You're the guy, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But you, it's just, you could get a high school kid to do this stuff though. Like that's the thing is, I was smarter in college than I was. I think it's true of everybody.

You're smarter in college than you are when you go into the industry. You just get dumb because you work at a job and it's very cookie cutter procedural. You just become a monkey and you do what you're supposed to do for that job. When you're in college, you're kind of a jack of all trades.

You know how to do everything. Could you have, could you have been happy with that life? No, it was always a means to an end too. I know, I'm just saying, let's say the standup didn't exist, right? And that's, could you have grown at Boeing and become like the president? That's the thing.

You can, if you're passionate about this stuff, I was just doing it so I could do the mic later at the comedy store or just support myself so I could be out here in LA. You did it for your dad. I did it for my dad. Well, they were going to pay for college and that was the lowest you can get

and still have them pay for it. Yeah. So I was like, and I want to be out in four years just so I can move out here. But my real question is to you is this, okay? And this is what I want to know. You came to LA, you know, bright-eyed, you know, optimism.

You're an engineer, you got a Boeing, but you had conservative values. Yeah. You did. Yeah, sure. Right? You were a virgin. Uh-huh.

Whoa. Start off the back of this. What? Howard Stern over here. Not Howard Stern. What speaker do I sit on? Is that what I'm doing or no? No.

You don't like it when I talk? You wish I cut it out? Yeah, you could do whatever. I am going to do whatever I want to do, right? How is that an embarrassing thing that you were a virgin? What? You were. How is he saying it's embarrassing?

I know. I just called him Korean Stern. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just more reserved than the average. Yeah, so you were a virgin. Right. You had, your parents are Muslim. Yeah.

So you were a Muslim yourself. Yeah. And you had those ideals and the values. I mean, I still consider myself like I, yeah. I know, but you're a little wild. I don't know about wild. You are. What do you mean I'm wild?

You're not, you don't behave in that manner anymore. Look, I don't pray five times a day or like that. No, but you're only going chok-chok-chok-chok. Whoa! You chok-chok. Wink-wink too. You're only going chok-chok. Yeah, yeah, what's that?

You fuck. Whoa. Right? You have. We don't know. Oh, your mom, your parents? Your parents still think you're a virgin? I don't know.

Your parents still think you're a virgin? How old are you? Probably not. Who are you for him? 34. They don't. I know they don't. Oh, listen, you're in Hollywood?

Oh my god, I love that we're here because you're uncomfortable. Yeah. And we're going to do this because I- Where is that birthday cake? No. No, I'll tell you why we're going to do this because I'm, you know what, I'll tell you why I want to do this. I know it's a little uncomfortable.

I know you feel a little uncomfortable, but I do love you. And I would never say anything that's going to make you feel shameful, OK? I feel like you're well on your way. I'm not. I'm not getting there because my questions are going to be directed in a different direction now. It's just practice. Just practice deflection.

I see. Like Kellyanne Conway. Do your best job. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just answer. Answer however.

You've done some drugs. Yeah. I mean, I guess. What have I done? What have I done? Alcohol. Yeah. Yeah.

Marijuana? Not like three weeks ago. Yeah. For the first time. No, really? Yeah. Yeah. Wait.

Wait. You got high for the first time three weeks ago? First time three weeks ago. 34. Can you believe? What happened? How did that happen? I don't know.

I just, it was a part of my identity for so long. And then they were doing it, you know? Where? Who? My friend. My friend is doing it. No. Is it comedian?

Yeah. Tell me the friend. Linochi was doing it. Michael Linochi. Zack. Right. We're smoking some Mary J. Sure.

Mary J. They're Mary J'ing it, right? And you had never smoked pop before in your life. Yeah. Three weeks ago. That's unfucking believable, by the way. That was a month ago. Pretty impressive.

A month ago. And then, hey, let me take a talk of that reefer. That's exactly what he said. Yeah, that's exactly what he said. No, what did you say? Because normally, I always say no whenever they do it. Yeah. For some reason, I was just like, what is it?

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. What is it? And here's the thing. There's a stigma. It's tough being a brown person. Yeah.

Because I'm American. And that's kind of what Goatface is about, just being born here, but walking that line of, you still have this baggage and you still have these cultural ties. So I know that world, but I grew up on SNL. I grew up on Conan. I grew up on Simpsons. So I have very American sensibilities. You're a fucking an American citizen.

Yeah. And you're a free person. I'm a free person. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Go ahead. Sorry.

My bad. I mean, you're the other. You're the other. I'm somewhere between you and like a hard lined. It's tough. I'm somewhere between Bobby and like a traditionalist. Okay. Like whereas you are just you and there's something lovable about that and unapologetically

you and you can make this thing. Free. You're free. I'm free. You're free. Thank you. Yeah. So it's just, it's very hard to even like talk about her.

You know, it's nothing compared to what normal people do, but there is this brown umbrella that's hard to get under, you know? So yeah, I tried, I tried marijuana. So you, did you get high? Yeah. So I did it, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

And then, and then I cough, you know, do you always cough, I just, I, does that always happen? Is it just, I feel like a cliche, you know, like if they were filming, they'd be like, let's do it more real this time. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what happens. Does that always happen? Yeah. If you always smoke, you condition your lungs. Yeah. So if it makes you feel any better, my mom tried for the first time and she's 60. Yeah. And she's, she's always been really, you know, walk the very straight line.

Did she like it? She said she didn't get high, but I don't think my mom knows what high is. She's just a controlling person. She's one of those people that if she ever did ayahuasca, she'd be like, I feel nothing. Uh-huh. Yeah. She's just so in control of like her census and she has a OCD. Yeah.

So I don't think that she can let go and experience. I'm the same way. Like I think I'm too analytical for drugs. Like I don't, I did it. I think I, I got high. I don't think it's for me. Yeah. Oh wait.

So let me tell you, so you, you, you did it. You coughed. Yeah. And then what did you feel? Uh, then some time passed and then, uh, and then I, I kind of felt it taking effect what was it? For me? Yeah.

Uh, okay. So I think there's, there's two things that happen. There's when you're a very analytical person, I just, I'll start swimming inside my mind and, uh, trying to figure out everything, trying to make sense of everything. Yeah. And I can get lost in that. I can like spiral into that world and just, and it's kind of a like, like a little paranoia like stuff like that.

But then also I found myself having very, very silly thoughts. So I could jump out of that. There were kind of like two rooms I could bounce between. One is the analytical, try to make sense of everything and one is just let yourself be so dumb. It's okay to be silly and just enjoy it. So I would kind of walk between these two rooms. Some of the thoughts were very interesting.

Like we were watching, um, I'll tell you two thoughts I had while I was on it. So we're watching like ESPN, there was highlights going on and there was a guy who was like, who was like number 11, you know? Yeah. And I go, you know, you chose that number because of September 11th. I was like, it's the dumbest. Yeah. I would never say that.

I would never say that as me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's not even, you say things that aren't, don't warrant leaving your mouth. Yeah, yeah. But in marijuana, if you just let yourself, and like, I think we were at a diner one time and the song was playing, it goes, taking care of, we're just eating, no one's really listening. Yeah.

And then I go, taking care of it's going on. Yeah. And then I go, you think they're done taking care of business? Yeah. Yeah. Little things like that. And then I do this on stage, this thought I had, I was like, I was like, you guys ever notice, you know, like September 11th, you know, like the Twin Towers kind of looks like

an 11. Yeah. Is that why they chose that day? You know? Yeah, yeah. That's the exact Stoner thought. Yeah. And I go, was it, did they plan it for September 10th and like Abdul on the back was like,

what if? Yeah. Yeah. We waited there. Yeah. Yeah. You know, the towers are kind of low like heaven, it's kind of like an Easter egg. It's an Easter egg.

Yeah. Yeah. People, not everyone will know this. Yeah. What would the people do? It would be kind of cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Just, I don't think anyone's ever thought that the towers look like an 11. They do look like an 11. It is an 11. It is an 11. Yeah. That's very interesting. When I was younger, I bought a weed from a guy from Caltech and I went to my Korean friend's

house and I watched the end of the affair dubbed in Korean for two hours. I was transfixed. I understood every single scene from beginning to end and as soon as it was done, I shit myself. And I think that the reason I shit myself is I was certain it was laced with something. Like it was so laced with something because you know, you know, shit yourself when you smoke weed. I remember like just drooling in front of like a TV, I wasn't feeling well and my friend,

I looked over at my friend, but it was, it was end of the affair with Julianne Moore dubbed in Korean. Wow. I remember it from beginning to end. Wow. Maybe it wasn't weed then. It probably was. It probably was not.

You know, it's like maybe it was my mirror lacks deal. You know, 16 years sober, I don't miss it. I don't miss the suffering of being, you know, enslaved by drugs and alcohol, but you do miss little moments like when you, when you drop shrooms at one time, I wish I was there with you. Yeah. I was. Wow.

It's even deeper. Yeah. I wish I was here. I'm admitting the truth. Here's. Okay. So I did shrooms once. I know.

Yeah. This was before weed. The only reason I'm going to listen to this, they probably, my mom was, she's a big fan. My mom. Just me. Yeah. Yeah. She'll track it down and find it.

Oh, can I just say this to your, what's your, Mrs. Anwar? Yeah. Soraya. Soraya Anwar, your, your son is, um, he's a professional comedian. He's an American and to becoming an artist, you know, you have to open yourself up and try new things and that's what he's doing and there's nothing wrong with it. Yeah. He's a, two outliers honestly, like I've only done weed once and I only did shroom once

and I was in my thirties for both of them. Wow. Yeah. And part of the reasons I did shrooms is just cause, you know, I talked to Ari, he's like, Ari Shafir is like a big shroom guy and we'd be talking to the store and he goes, you know, a good blows mind that I had never done marijuana. He's like, you should do shrooms before a weed. I don't think anyone's ever done.

Like he just wanted to do it as like a pioneer or something. Yeah. And that was a novelty to that. Yeah. Part of me is like, oh, that's interesting. Yeah. I guess. And then somehow it came up the upper, like I didn't have anything going on and they were

going to do it at Benji's grandma's beach house in Malibu. Yeah. So it's like a nice place by the water. It's safe. It's like everything aligned and I, I fought it too and, but somehow he just kind of wore me down or, and then I, I was curious and I just wanted to jump, you know, so much of being a standup like when I left Boeing and was being more, or even just leaving my house like upon graduating college, cause I lived at home the whole time, pretty sheltered.

All I knew was my, my parents house and it's just being open to new experiences and not just being Miley Cyrus for a year or two, you know, like just not being so closed off. And I think being an artist kind of affords you that open mind instead of just being a drone and going in and out and not just what your dad to be proud of you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you and me both. So, so yeah, I did the, I did the shrooms just to, yeah, to kind of see what it was.

And that was too much for me, man. Like there was, there was a first half and the second half. First half was very bad. Yeah. I know. I heard you disappeared. Were you the one? No.

No. Matt Edgar disappeared for like six hours. Matt Edgar disappeared. It was like a sitcom. Like on the, you're coming, you're coming to, you know, and then everyone was just on the couch. Just kind of like. So Matt, like they, they drop streams, right?

Are you serious? We all do. Yeah. And Matt Edgar is a skinny white kid from Orange County and they drop shrooms and he just disappeared. Yeah. We don't see Matt. For six hours.

Yeah. He just, they don't know where, and you don't even care. He seems like a shrooms pro though. Yeah. Probably. Did you even care where he was or no? I think we were too wrapped up in our, I mean, I was at least like, I didn't have my wits to be like, no, I'm on one.

Yeah. My friend, he was here now, he's not here. What am I holding? So what was the first half like? First half was bad because I just think too much, man. And that's not good. Like for drugs, I don't think it's good if you think a lot. That's exactly why I steer clear too.

I just have too many. Or you just can't let yourself go. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. I'm too controlling and I want to make sense of everything. Yeah. And when you're on that shit, it's just sort of like, I'm trying to figure out life, the

universe, God stuff. It's like. If you're a human though, it's like dividing by zero and it's just, it's the scary like there's, I don't have the answers and I want them and I'm trying to figure it out thinking I can. I'm a calculator with no CPU and I'm just, I'm just kind of like going down this deeper and deeper and spiral and then like Benji's on the couch and he could sense he would try to draw me out of it.

And you know, he'd be like, what's up man? Yeah. We're just on the couch. This is like an anti-drug PSA, you know, so he's just on the couch and then like, I'm on a chair and I see Benji look over, he's like, how you doing man? I don't know. Just feel weird. Yeah.

And he's like, you're supposed to. You're on drugs. Like that would be like a montage like, you're on drugs, you're on drugs, you're on drugs. And then, and then like Arj Afir was laying on the sofa and he saw the whole thing going down and he was like, let him be, let him go down, he needs to, he did it like Benji interfering. Yeah. Yeah.

Arj, just like what's good or bad, what's supposed to happen is supposed to happen and he's like, let him go down, let him do his thing. So when did it shift? The second half. The second half of it is when things started becoming so funny, like I've never laughed this hard in my life, just silly man. Everything was so funny dude, like just giggles man, like everything was the funniest thing in the world.

I can't get these words out, you know, I'm like, you guys know how, you're supposed to drink like eight glasses of water a day, I don't know, I'm like, I barely drink any water. I go like, I'll go like a whole day, like maybe I have like a cup of water or like have a glass, like I drink no water, it's like, it's funny now, it's funny now, it's funny now. It's so bad, like I don't drink any, like eight glasses, who could drink that much liquid? And then there was another, like just everything, I'm not a very visual person or like when

I'm like, paintings don't really do anything to me, I go to a museum and I'm like, that's interesting, like I don't understand these people who just like look at a painting for like a half hour with their wife and they're like, oh look at them, it was like, okay, that looks like a thing and I'm done with it. But for some reason on shrooms, like they would, I couldn't stop looking at paintings, like the colors would pulsate and stuff and I started noticing a lot of things that I never would, sober. And yeah, and then Ari and I, like there was this one painting hanging up in his grandma's

house where this guy has like a trench coat and maybe it's a famous painting or something. And a dog, was there a dog in it? I don't know, I don't think so, but it was like a guy had a trench coat and some things and it looked, and we're just analyzing it, me and Ari Shafir are just like analyzing it on shrooms and we're just kind of like riffing on this painting and for some reason I go, we came up with like a, looks like a knife salesman, you know, and I go, that's like a terrible way to be a knife salesman just having a trench coat and it's like, I wonder why I'm not getting any business, like, in a dark alley with a trench coat,

like, look at all the guys we have here. Like hiding them in a trench coat. And you were saying that in front of Ari? Yeah, we were just dying, we were on the ground and then he was doing it and I was laughing so hard. And then when did Matt Edgar show up? Hold on, there's one more thing I want to talk about, so like, did you start noticing things you just accept as part of life when you're not on it, like, just decorative stuff

she had in her apartment, she had this like vase with these bamboo things, these bamboo things sticking out of it, and then I just walk up to it, I go like, wait, what is this? I go like, why is this a thing? Yeah, somebody's like, oh yeah, I did a vase with some bamboo things, I think this is so arbitrary. Like, we all accept it as this decorative piece, but to me, I just thought for the absurdity it was of like, there's a vase with bamboo shoots in it, it is just so funny. You laughed at that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just like crying and yeah, but the first half was too much, I don't know. So that's why I'm like, scared to do it again for that first half. And then at the very end, we're all just like coming out of it, and then Matt Edgar comes through the front door and we're like, Matt! Like it was like a sitcom, like that's what you would say executive producer towards the video, like. How was Matt's mood?

Good, everyone was fine, I just kind of, yeah. And I wasn't like, and the thing is, I'm not outwardly like, I just go in and quiet, because I didn't want to ruin anybody else's, you know, it's like my bullshit or it's my, I didn't want to ruin what they were trying to do or their trip, like they have their own thing going on. So I would just like get very quiet and kind of, I didn't want to be like, guys, you know. If I just thought, if I was diagnosed with a disease where I was dying, that is one thing that I would want to do again, do you think that would be okay or no?

To do drugs? To do mushrooms? Or? Yeah. Like if I had like some sort of cancer and it was, I'm going to die, I would probably call Ari and a bunch of guys and go, listen, I have so-and-so amount of sobriety, but I'm dying, I want to go out to the desert and I want to take some shrooms. I think that shrooms can be a really like positive, you know, kind of, you can have

a lot of revelations, you can have like a silly moments, I think, but a lot of like revelations too and a lot of closure maybe and a lot of like peace if you're somebody who's terminally ill, I guess you could go both ways, you could be come out of it like terrified of the fact that you're dying or come out of it like feeling peaceful about it. Yeah, it depends. But one thing I did, I noticed like weed was kind of a lesser version of shrooms for me.

Like I didn't, I wasn't free falling, I could pull myself out of that on like on weed or whatever. The only thing about smoking weed for me is there's certain strains that really throw me into anxiety and panic and that's what I can't, I have a hard time getting myself out of and I used to smoke weed a lot, but when I would get thrown into a panic, I would just, the only way out of it was to like double down on alcohol, which is like a bad system that I had all together. But the last time I did it, I had a really bad panic attack that I call 911 on myself.

Oh my gosh. And I was in the hospital just really fucking high. And I was so embarrassed. I was like, okay, I can't do this. I ate a massive, I should have done it instead of waiting to get high before going to bed. I ate a massive cookie because I've done edibles before, but this one was particularly strong. I didn't think twice about it. And then I went straight to bed and I woke up and I couldn't breathe.

And I was just so confused and I was living alone at the time and no one was there to help me. So I was just freaked the fuck out. I didn't know my own surroundings. It was just a really weird, weird thing and I just went down a hole there. So I called. I'm sure they love that. You don't do drugs.

I used to do a lot of weed and I'm not anymore socially. Sometimes if people are doing it, I'll do it like a one hit, but I don't like, I like being in control. Same here. So I'm glad I did those two. Just to experience it. You'll do weed again. I don't know.

I don't love it. Like, I just don't love it, you know, like it's not, I'm not like, I can't wait to do that again. It was fun to experience. Wow. I don't know. I'm very much like you. You guys are weird.

Don't desire. I don't think about it. I just want escape reality. Really? You know, and I don't like losing control. That's my problem. I think that's part of why I'm anxious too is because when I lift, if anything is like psychoactive and I deviate from my baseline, I freak out because I think that already my

baseline, I kind of, um, I, sometimes I think I see things that aren't there or sometimes they get this like surge of adrenaline. So if I, if I'm not, you know what I mean, I'm somebody who could really go over the edge. Uh-huh. Like, I feel like I would stab my own heart if I dropped acid. I'd be one of those. I'd take an ice pick to my shoes.

And I'd have that fear. Hey, what a great podcast. Wow. I mean, come on, babe. I'm talking about stabbing your heart. Stabbing your heart. Geez. No, because it's, it's like a snowball.

It's like a, it's a catch. You're like an anti-drug PSA. Yeah. Just like a wet dream. Like if you did that, they'd be like, yes. You'd pull an Elliot Smith. I would be, yeah. I would be one of those people that would go in to taking acid, going in saying, don't

stab your heart with an ice pick, don't stab your heart and then end up stabbing my heart with an ice pick because I'm so fixated on that thought of not doing it. That's where my, I'm such a fucking, my head goes there too often into like dark spaces. So I, I'm not good with it. Wow. What did we learn today? So much. Here's what I did learn about you, man.

What I learned about you today is that I, I think I'm, I think you're going to become a very big star. I really do. I'm getting emotional a little bit. Um, I really like you. Thanks, Bobby. I really do. And, um, what are we doing at time?

We're over an hour. Are you wrapping up? Yeah. Because I want to do the, because I have to get up at six in the morning, oh, just FYI, you know, on the sitcom I'm on, they give me five lines an episode. But for some reason they, like somebody said something to somebody, which I didn't say anything. And then they're like, just give every single line in this whole episode to him.

That's this week. I'm like, in every scene, it's the whole thing is, oh God, I hate it. When does that episode come out? Probably in December. Okay. Just making sure everyone has to. And I, we might get canceled. I don't see that.

Like tomorrow, but then they, but they also, they might get canceled. They might give us five, maybe they, I don't know. But if you know what guys, if they do cancel it, I just want to, I know, Tiger Billy fans, thanks for trying. Papa, we'll get something else and if not, I'll just do the road and if not, I'll just be me. I'll be alive. But you know what's great?

There's power and like doing this and stand up and you'll always have everything else is ISIS, you know? That's what Rogan says. Dude, for sure. I'm, my eyes are open now, dude. Like I've started my own podcast and stuff and I realized at the end of the day, I have the podcast, I have stand up and that'll never change. Everything else is just sort of bonus points.

Bonus points. Yeah. And you have no control over that other, those other things. Like sure, if they like you, they like you, but it's great to be in control of your own destiny. You don't have to audition to be Bobby. Yeah. Yeah.

This, no, this is giving me a platform, but it's also, can I say something? That's not easy. I mean, how many episodes have we done? 166. 166. That's 166 hours of me talking. I was talking. About what?

Yeah. But it's not you prepping and like learning all these lines and think about all the hours you've put into things that haven't panned out. Not to say it was a complete waste of time because you are who you are and you've gotten the things that you have gotten because of the same method. I get what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah.

But this isn't wasted effort. You have the gig every time you do it. Yeah. This is something that we did too. And this is ours. For sure. And it's inspired me, you know? Yeah.

And you have guests on your show? I've had Aristotle on. I will. I want to have you on eventually. I've just gotten started. That would be nice. Yeah. But yeah.

I would love to have you on if you want to do it. I think you're too big time. You really think that, honestly, you think that I'm too big time to do your podcast? Well, I'm only seven episodes in. So. Who have I done? I've done Candace Thompson's podcast. She has a great podcast.

Yeah. But I've done it, right? Yeah. Yeah. You know that guy that with that foot? Don't say his name. No. What's his name though?

He is. No. He's a good guy. The one with narcolepsy. Yeah. Yeah. I did his podcast. Carl.

Carl. Okay. He has 11 viewers. Don't say that. 11,000 I meant. Carl's a great guy. Yes. 11,000 million.

11,000. Sometimes someone will have so few listeners on a podcast. Like maybe they have like four. And you could be like, if they ask you to do it, say, do you just want to do a conference call? Yeah. Do like a Google hangout or something. Yeah.

I've done, I've done, anyone that asks, I've done it. This is true. Cool. Especially if they ask him directly because he has, I don't think he's ever said no in his life. Yeah. And also, no, it's not even that. No, because there are gigs that they, they promote that don't show up to and everyone

knows that. Uh-huh. But with podcasts, I always show up because even if it's 10 people, I can get five of them. Yeah. To listen to Tiger Belly. Hmm. All right.

I do my fucking part. Silver, what's an, an unhelpful advice questions on helpful advice with Bobby Kalala and Bahim and why? Hi gang. I'd like to ask you, uh, how you deal with moderate levels of success. My current level of income is on the upper end of six figures and projected to increase to seven by the end of the end of the year. Yeah.

I am 18 and I work in the ag industry agriculture. I feel as if I have peaked and I barely graduated high school. Emotionally, I'm empty and my friends refuse to accept any business ventures that I offer them because they don't want any higher degrees of responsibility. Any other people that want to be my friends are white, but don't have an understanding of the physical and mental aspects of hard work. The short of it is how would you deal with the sense of loneliness that is accompanied with a monetary success?

P.S. I'm playing with the idea of opening a comedy club in Paso Robles, California would Bobby be interested in performing. I would do it 100%. Me if he and we'll do it. Yeah. His name is D. Yeah. And can I say this?

You're 18. That's great. Great problems to have. You're, you're, oh my God, you fucking idiot. Jesus. You're not an idiot. You're not an idiot. You're a head of the, you know what it is though?

No matter how much success one gets, we find ways to be like to get back in that place of negativity, unhappiness. I find that too. Like today I was just like kind of brooding around set because I found out we may not get picked up and this and that when, you know, I got two years of a show I didn't even audition for. Yeah. That was just handed to me.

Yeah. Right. And I can just fucking be a little bitch about it. That's the thing about Hollywood. It's so like, you know, Dalia and Brent and our friends and they're on undatable for, for three seasons. Yeah. And then it doesn't, you know, it ends.

Yeah. And you have to, it's just the thing to do in Hollywood where you go, Hey, sorry about your show. You go, why the fuck of it? When you do inventory, you go, yeah, this guy got to make this much money for pretending to be someone else for three years. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm not sorry. Yeah. I said that. But we do that. Everything comes to an end. But like three years of something is great. Two years of something is awesome. I kind of think that I, that is a fear though of like even someone like Bobby, he's, he's

comfortable. So he lives a very indulgent sort of lazy life where he doesn't sometimes want to get up and write and do things that he knows he needs to do because he is comfortable. I have chocolate in my fingers. Yeah. Where's his comfort now? Look at that. I'm going to get, I'm going to get a different donut.

This is too chocolatey. It was perfect timing. I'm going to get a different donut. We're like people who like win the lottery and like off themselves. Yeah. Yeah, but that's not this case. In this case, this guy, right? He's an agriculture.

He just mentioned he worked hard. This guy woke up early in the morning and grinded it out. Yeah. Right? He plowed, he used his hands, right? And he made this money. Okay. Yeah.

He did. It's not, it wasn't a fluke. Right? Right? His hard work gained, you know, this, this, you know, I think he just needs more like minded individuals, more entrepreneurial type people, maybe the comedy club sounds like that's something exciting. You know, if not that, then maybe something, you know, whatever strikes his interest, you

know, the money to do it now. Maybe, you know, start pulling from a different pool of people outside of like your high school friends for, you know, he's like the monkey who can talk, you know, like that huge drama episode, open up the comedy club D we'll all play it. And when I see you, don't bitch, we'll hug, we'll fucking spend a weekend together, we'll fuck around. Right? But let me say something right now.

You're in a good place. Keep working hard. Make a lot of money. Bury people. Go ahead. Bury people. That's a good one. Hey, Bobby and friends.

I've noticed you guys have a few dogs at any given time and I'm sure you're both busy with your jobs and schedules. With that being said, my wife and I have four animals, two dogs and two lizards. I work in a copper mine for 12 to 13 hours a day for a day, four days and nights a week and my wife works full retail, a retail full time. We just find out we're having our first baby. My question is how do you guys juggle work life and having so many animals to take care of?

I just need some advice. I'm at a loss and I don't really want to give up my animals at all. Thanks. Well, don't give up your animals. Just don't get any more and import the baby. I'm totally kidding. This is a joke. It was a joke.

Yeah. It was a total joke. I got that. It wasn't a joke. I felt it. Okay. Cobyty. It's called Cobyty.

Don't abort the baby. Don't abort the baby. It's past 12 weeks, definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's killing a human. None of it's before that. Two lizards. I like lizards.

I like lizards. I like lizards. No, I mean lizards. Two green basclicks. Yeah, but you can, you know, release them. Don't release them. Give them some more. I know, but I feel like it's like, you know, you have a lizard and you go, hi, Toby.

Lizard just looks like a riot. You release it a year later, you get another lizard and you go, hi, Toby, it's the same feeling. That's a good point. Right? I don't think there's any. The thing is, is this, let me just, let me just kind of listen to this point. It's like fishies.

It's not like fishies. Yeah. They're fishy. Like one of those little emo clown fishes. Oh yeah. What are the Elmos? What are they called? Nemo.

What are Elmo? Or Elmo. What are they called? Nemo. Nemo the fish. Yeah. Right. Or Dora.

Is that right? Yeah. Dory. The blue skinny one. Dory. Yeah. Dora. Or the red guy.

Right. And Nemo. Right. If you had those fish and they looked at you, I don't think what they, I think they looked at you. Blobby circle. Maybe they would see a little bit of energy or aura, but they don't go, that's Bob. You're wrong.

More studies are finding that fishies are fishy. Fuck it. Those studies are wrong. There's no way. I used to have a plecostomus named Mami and when Mami died, I cried for two weeks. Also I used to have a desert tarantula for two years. So what you're saying is lizards? And when my desert tarantula died, I cried for two weeks.

When my two green baskets died, because my, my stupid roommate put like raid spray into it because they didn't, she didn't like that we had lizards. I cried for two weeks. Let me ask you something. Yeah. If you had a, and be honest, and don't you say anything Kaleila, let me ask you something. Be real with me. Okay.

If you had a lizard, right? And you felt it like, you fed it like pulp nuggets. I don't know what they eat. Okay. I don't know what they eat. Like bug nuggets. Sure. Right.

And then one weekend you're like, Bob, I'm going on the road. And you come over to my house and feed my fucking lizard bug nuggets, right? And I did it. Do you think that the lizard would go, where's Fihim? Or do you think he's just like, Oh, shit, there's bug nuggets again. Probably like the bug nuggets again, or the bug nuggets, then attach to the hand. Right. Yeah.

So what that's what I'm saying is, I think a dog is basically like, where the fuck's my master? You only, you only want to love things that like soldier comes home to lizard in the lizards. Yes. It's like looking at eyeball over and over. Wait, Fihim, you know, you're actually, you guys are wrong. That's so, soldier comes home from my back. That's so funny.

I was in Long Beach once and this man had a massive pet iguana and he would carry it and hug it and it would run into the sand, through the sand to its owner, only to its owner. No, no, no. But anyways, what you're saying is you can only love things that show human love back to you. No. I love this little table.

Goldfish greets soldier. But I could. It's just swimming in the wall and the ball is moving. A misty little guy. Yeah. That's, that's a very good point, very funny. You're all bastards. No.

So, dude, get rid of the lizards, but the dogs, you know what I mean, that's my advice. So watch Fihim's sketch special. It's a one hour sketch comedy special called Goat Faze, November 27th, it's a Tuesday after Thanksgiving. It's a one hour thing. I'm head writer on it. I'm in it. My buddies are in it.

We used to do YouTube stuff and then Hassan got daily show. We all got busy. We thought it was done and then I'm so glad that we got to like come back together and do this again. Yeah. I do stand up and I do sketch, so I'm glad that I finally have this outlet. It's a dream come true and I'm happy like there's two, there's two things that I wanted in my comedy career.

I don't want to die, but if I do die, it's nice knowing that I have a one hour special out there. Yeah. It's like show business on Amazon Prime right now. And then the sketch special, it's just nice to have a comedy footprint and that's what I do. If people don't like it, then it's okay, they don't like it, but that's kind of what it is and there's no ambiguity anymore.

I honestly believe this thing is going to be a series. I think there's a tester for them, but it is so relevant. When I look at it, I go, yes, this is 2000, especially in the climate that we live in now. Yeah. And I love that we can address that, but then I have very American sensibilities as well. You are an American. I am an American.

You're not the other side. In my comedy, when I went up to the store the other night and you saw, I'm just talking about whatever. Yeah, no punjabs. That's like 90% of who I am as a comedian, so there's just regular comedy in there as well. It's not just all brown. Yeah.

We're both in the movie Annie. Remember? Huh? We're both in the movie Annie, Art People. Yeah. And you're that other guy, the mystical guy. Anyway, can I promote my podcast too? No.

Will you do it sometime too? Please? No. What's it called? It's called The Faheeman or Dance Hour. We're going to cut that out. Dance Hour. A really dance hour?

It's called Faheeman or Dance Hour. That's funny. On iTunes? Yeah. It's on iTunes, Spotify. Got it. Are you going to do it with all things comedy? No.

I did the Lance one with them, but the Lance one I haven't done for a long time. I just kind of let it atrophy. I did that with them, but you can do it on your own. Probably do it on my own and keep your options open. Interesting. So I was just trying to build that up and thanks for having me on. You did it. Thank you.

Thanks for being here. You plugged all the stuff right. Plugged the shit out of everything. God, take care friend. Thanks dude. Enjoy life. Everyone listening, enjoy your life. So there's papaya, science, friendship, community, resolutions, behemoth, monstrosities, creating

nocturnal images of darkness and light. Thanks for listening. Good night. Thanks everyone. Go kite yourself some stuff. So make sure you check out all the Faheem stuff and you can follow Clyde on Instagram at Calamity K. George Kimmelette.

George underscore Kimmel. Bryce at Faheem. What's your handles? At Faheem Anwar. Boom. And everything. And everything. Bobby Lee live.

You guys have a good night. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Barely ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcast. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.