TigerBelly - Episode 169: David So is David Fasso

Episode Date: November 21, 2018

Bobo is a hot chick. David is Kathy. Koloko does Clint. We talk deforestation, prison barter, an overweight cat, and the history of FunDip.Bonus content every Monday:https://www.patreon.com/TigerBellySupport us by supporting our sponsors! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery plus Five slow it though slow it down five that's exactly how I want it four that's it three I'm almost there you to I'm all that I'm about to come why your mouth yeah I shit I shit fuck welcome to another episode of what I like to call the Tiger Belly Tiger Belly is experience it's life lessons it's uh nosotros it's uh science it's it's all kinds of stuff you learn things from here you know you think that learn things about life trees we know about anatomies of animals we know about the culture we know about politics and the

inter-workings of our dimensions we know we teach a lot and a lot of people to email me specifically go thank you captain for teaching me about whatever and you're welcome you know stuff like that we've got a beautiful group of people in the room today we've got Kaleila my beautiful girlfriend life partner and friend and lover a combo combo person we've got Gilbert now what you did Gilbert Saturday yeah thank you you're welcome captain you welcome son what he do showed up for me when people show up for me it's a thank you he wasn't around so you don't get nothing today you don't get high you don't get

anything welcome back by the way how was your trip fine I was you seem fine you look good how was the country good nice vacation you snatched up your hair 80 style I like it yes curls now he's Jerry curls Jerry curls did you intentionally try to curl it George it's just that high that's how your hair goes and we have a guest guys I thought we're gonna get David so I'm like dude because I'm I'm beginning to be real dude like I'm gonna be completely real that David so David so the fat funny Korean guy know him love him love him right Jolly got it yeah now if you take 50 pounds away from that body right you

get this piece of shit that was the exact yeah yeah yeah I know it is now look at what you look like a person but you look too human I look like a fucking human being now I don't want you to look human dude I like the way you were well so did I killing I know my knees are shot and you're fat when do this guy you work at a boba factory oh you had the baby yourself is that what happened you fuck you look gross man get your shit together man so David so what was the last time you were here man it's been a minute like don't get urban with me do I get urban back down I'm gonna get urban back down you feel

really uncomfortable how I always talk I know but you know why did it up bro oh yeah I'm white bro it's been quite a while thank you thank you thank you quite a year yeah we've seen you and through your Instagram I've been watching it and I've been seeing that you're losing weight you have a girlfriend yes what's her name Mario Mario yeah Mario how's Mario she's good she's good yeah that's the she likes the skinnier David yeah it's kind of fucking annoying though you know just because like she uh like the other day because we don't see each other every day so we see each other about once or

twice a week so every week I'm losing a little bit of weight so the other day she came over and I opened the door and she goes who's that I'm like it's me you fucking bitch like what the fuck you talking about see me consistently lose weight so for every time yeah it's just so you can actually see like real change yeah are you getting better role it what you're losing it no aside from being healthy are you doing it to make it in Hollywood I don't get it oh no I'm I got that on ice right now so I'm not really doing the whole acting thing I'm doing the writing thing right now so whoa so you're doing the whole fucking JJ Abrams

in a log cabin writing a fucking script kind of thing I'm doing that in my room but what are you writing Dave right now yeah I'm trying to sell something for vertical platforms instead of just regular TV so or it's so something for like what Facebook Instagram or anybody else I feel like that's gonna be the next thing so whoa that's TV show you think maybe yeah don't even maybe you're writing right yeah I mean it really depends I mean I feel like just from yeah I mean we kind of like made it out to it can go it can go it can go to TV but we can make it vertical if you want to cut the chase let's do it am I gonna

be in it of course I'm gonna tell you right now friend all right I'm sick and tired of this bullshit I'm sick and tired you aquafina your Jimmy O. Yang you David so I'm not even in there yeah you're young cats man right coming up in the world right and you don't give fucking Uncle Bob no love I always give I need a fucking I need a fucking paycheck bro I need a paycheck you close on and fucking go on an audition then and that's okay all right so you got something for Uncle Bob if I get dude I'll tell you what I want to play here's what I want I don't want to move much right so I don't want to mark you know

how you know when you're on a set you have to have a mark yeah I don't want any mark because I don't move the cameras come to me no I don't want to move I'm handicapped wheelchair but also a shut-in perfect right I don't want to move over in a room outside he doesn't want sunlight I'm in a room I am in a wheelchair right I don't want to memorize nothing say nothing but I want to be second-lead you could just do a voiceover for a CG overweight cat I want to be in it you will no I know I want my face to be in it I want I don't want to do no cartoon I've been in cartoons bro the cat's gonna look like

just like you you know what we'll see about it we'll see because I'm gonna say this right and I'm gonna name any names but I've helped a lot of cats in my in my career like actual cats yeah three yeah no not cats but like humans in showbiz and they've all made it no don't do that babe I'm surprised you haven't written something you have such a well I'm sorry I'm on a TV show right now yeah but no I don't have time right now yeah I agree okay when Papa has the time Papa will do okay I'll tell you what happened to me Papa today man whatever last day of shooting before that you know two month hiatus I have

emotional teen scene with Jenna and Oliver crying and it's a you know it's time's running out you can feel the tension in the room we got to get this you know you can hear it right they go action Oliver says you know they get teary Jenna and then I'll send my fucking phone goes off that's your ring tone yeah that's it and this lady's calling me you never have your ringer I know but what the fuck you calling me for during our scene make sure that you're here on time yeah I told you I was gonna be here wait Lila bring bring bring bring and then all of a sudden what happened oh my god cut who the fuck like it was

one of those and I'm frantically trying to you know I mean because if I do this I talk to her so I'm trying to turn off the fucking thing right and everyone's all fucking pissed off bro how come your phone's on yeah I love how that's my fault because I have to play my games between takes that makes complete that week there we go with sound yeah with sound so that does that make sense to you David yes because I was wrong for asking that question see and that's why that's why I can you're winning you're coming back the third time you're winning and that's where you're gonna make it thank you because you're a yes

man and I like it yeah right are these other cowards in this room right like this spineless white nothing right this jelly this jellyfish yeah this translucent white piece of shit right he's not a yes man he's getting there yeah she's definitely not no man and this new fat guy in back of me I have no idea mysterious it's mysterious where's price yeah where is my friend oh my brother's doing it to his right now to uh-huh is he a traitor even if he goes to your brother's podcast no because that's family oh nice and I'm good to good to my family that's morals it is right I like it yeah so what you've been

doing this last year honestly I just been losing weight that's like what you've been doing though to lose weight walking that's it he actually right I'm not walking really good for weight loss baby and it doesn't fuck up your knees either cuz like you like typically what I used to do is I used to think that I am somebody that I'm not so I would go into the gym and I look at Bart and I'm like I'm Bart I would hit these weights yeah I would end up in the hospital yeah I decided to just tone it down the opposite way and just start walking yeah and so I just walked like three four miles a day really yeah

every day so you wake up you go I'm gonna I'm gonna walk three miles already where does one go it's whenever it doesn't have to be in the morning just whenever during the day you know I mean all right well you decide to do it in the neighborhood in the neighborhood yeah you have a route yeah have a route all right dog that's all be playing what's going why are we gonna get aggressive that's all be playing where are you going yeah yeah I just want to know your fucking routine bro it's the same routine I wake up and then sometimes I do in the morning if not if I don't get it done in the morning I do it at night yeah

and then I'm just that creepy guy in the neighborhood I like those like no the like old Asian couples they I used to work at the Abercrombie and the Glendale Galleria and we would close the shops everything would be closed you'd see like Asian couples just walking doing their cardio in the mall that's me that is me but they're faster than I am I'm substantially slower than them but you know what you look different thank you 50 pens will because I say something and I want to say something yeah okay you look more handsome thank you but you you lost the little bit of the funny look it's true yeah like before when I

used to look at you you just laugh I just cackle like a hyena yeah I mean because you look so weird and funny right like when I when you know people see me they cackle like hyenas no because yeah they do because I'm pudgy and I'm weird looking at you know you think you're weird I move I move weird you know I mean that's true yeah like I do this I do that I make noises right and people love it right but now you know you look handsome now you know you're more now in the category of John Cho Stephen you know there's nothing that Ken Jeong can do to make himself look sexy his his frame is fucked what would you have to do though

nothing his bones are fucked he's a tiny guy though he's small frail bony and he physically assaults me one time in a real physical fight was this and I would crush his fucking cheekbones and well you guys actually got into a fight before yeah over what I saw the long story Asian comedians like who like that fan big fan of his some people in this room aren't but why I'm a big fan of that fan I didn't know that I mean you see the picture behind them big fan we have a frame photo dude we have a frame photo dude I like how you pointed at the picture but you chose to block it with your head right there the best friends

forever dude you know so you so this year you've been walking a lot you've been writing right and that's it you must have been doing other things yeah I mean work wise I mean yeah I mean after I did the film gook yeah and then I tried the whole the whole acting thing and you know I'm still doing it but I kind of needed to take time for I think I just burnt out but you must have got from that movie you must have got a lot like auditions a bunch yeah and did you land anything now it's callbacks is it so that's so disheartening it's okay like I really don't give a fuck I thought I would care a little bit more so the

first audition I went to I think I mentioned that I was devastated but you kind of get scabbed over after that so after a while I would go in and I'm like hmm it was pretty terrible yeah and then at that point you just kind of just it is what it is and I think like what I found out to some of the best actors they just suck at auditioning yeah their auditioning skills aren't great you know but they're great actors and so I just I mean I was like trying to figure out what everybody I've never been able to do it and I've talked about it before I don't want to get into it now but like I've just never been able to

figure that out that's the one question I get so nervous for some reason that it's just not what I would do normally you know I'm not I'm the opposite because I don't get cocky I get angry because I kind of go to the room and I'm like who the fuck are you you know I mean like how do you get the judge how do you get the judge whether I get to be at the are you a good actor like what the fuck yeah yeah yeah that's a good mentality and then I don't book it and they're like maybe the aggressiveness smile it's for like a comedy where I come in I'm like let's fucking get this over with alright oh wow that's your energy in there no I'm actually very yeah yes man

yes man I'm pretty much a yes man but in my mind yeah yeah yeah I do a thing where I'm like you know like I don't know what I'm doing and I'm just like I'm shy when I walk into a room even though they clearly know who you are they don't do you Bobby Lee everybody knows no I'm gonna tell you why people don't know who I am can I tell you why I know yeah when we're at that Korean barbeque right by the brain problem yeah right they treated me like shit like Korean guy yeah because he knows you don't speak Korean that's why yeah but if you knew who I was and he would treat me better but he was like our server yeah that's why I

was no that's why I was too afraid to ask for more kimchi you know he treated him wanted Jessica Jessica asked for more kimchi why don't you do it yeah yeah yeah host doesn't go above and beyond or recognizes him he thinks that it's bad service but the guy actually was really good you're used to being a hot chick that's why yeah that's the hot chick syndrome yes he's stop stop him a time okay wasn't he nice he was no stop yeah no it's this is here's what it is is that oh can you get some rice he oh yeah he gets it comes back and you go can we get some more kimchi as soon as he comes back at the

rise I can sense in his head beyond his you know eyes there's a look fuck why don't you say that when you know I mean when you asked for the fucking right why didn't you cuz I forgot my point though is is that when I go into a restaurant I want them to go yeah you can ask whatever you want as many times as you gotta be responsible when you're ordering so you can't be like can I get the sesame oil and then he comes back oh can I also get the salt and then like five other things afterwards yeah I could do whatever I want do you know why you're paying cuz I'm a hot chick all right I ain't got no pussy okay I got no

pussy I'm a man okay and I'm not in there like a hot chick I'm in there without it's a human being just trying to get my fucking rice a little fucking monologue ass for her do you like it you good man yeah how do you not book these rolls it's pretty good I never heard anybody say pussy like that thank you unique thank you I've been in the South you see the where it goes it's Korean people are interesting though like if you if you go to a Korean restaurant and you're not Korean they do not give you good service that's true 100% that is true like I've literally walked into a restaurant my

friend Vince walked before me he goes hey can I get they walk past them and they're like how many tables would you like yeah I love it like he was trash and that's why I go to Korean restaurants with my white friends I do I literally do I do because it's like they want me I finally I have some responsibility and finally I can hold court oh right and like be cool you know man at you when you don't speak Korean though come to me your your waiter come to me okay I know I say oh I'm gonna be you do get you say you're a case like you see my no that doesn't that's not gonna fly what I just said

okay no I'm asking you would that fly yes it would all right um I'm gonna be do good you say oh I'm I'm pop do good you say oh I'm kimchi can I do say oh and I go kind of do say oh yeah I guess I'm you see or is that or in their mind are they gonna go this white guys trying to and that would you say oh that one that one six people all right you just want to trick me fuck not I like how you just like bailed out at the end six six people make them is how many right right that's right that's what you said right I'm young try to trick me can't go ahead with Korean try trick with

Korean I'll be honest with you my crits no that's right I love this two Korean words Korean I don't care I want to try yeah go ahead say yeah at this is a say sege sege sege hello theme young I said amio how many acid three you say yeh it's okay it's not for people and young said Wait, what's SEGA mean? SEGA is for objects. I said three objects?

Yeah, but I'm not with people. I was like, how many people? No, I'm not with people. I want the stool, I have a lamp lamp with me and I have a fucking ottoman. I wonder like sometimes when I, Yeah, so it's a three. When we speak like this broke Korean,

I feel like they look at us like we're the dumbest people on earth, because I would do shit like that job. Like SEGA and they're like, this person just had three objects. Get the fuck out of here. Oh yeah, you know what I say to them after that? I go, yeah, I'm a fat Korean guy on national TV. Yeah.

You said announce? No, just shut the fuck up, man. All right. I don't got no pussy. What? I didn't get no pussy. I didn't say it last time. Did you?

I don't got no pussy. There you go. I don't got no pussy. So wet. And can I say, it's a wet pussy. Dude, it's big. It's like a wet cave. Let me say something right now.

Let me say something right now to everyone in this room, okay? And I don't, you know, I'm a humble person. And I love to live in the light. Am I not right? With the largest week ever that everybody saw. What? I'm a humble person.

I'm a humble person, right? But I'm going to be honest with you, dude. There are times I have low self-esteem and I get sad and I get depressed and I get suicidal. At times, I do, I'm human, okay? I'm a human being. With the pussy? With the pussy?

Okay. But what I want to say to you, dude, I also know what I've done, right? So don't, you know, you're Korean. I'm at a restaurant. Don't look down on me. That's all I'm saying. That was a good monologue.

The monologues are getting better. I know, they're getting longer. I actually felt that, dude. No, I'm just trying to be real with you, dog. You know, I'm being urban Bob. You're just playing, you know what I mean? Raising it. Did you, do you always eat at like Korean barbecue?

Is that like your main thing? I can't, I can't. Is that like your main thing, like Korean barbecue? No, I eat, fuck you, man. I eat all kinds of shit. What the fuck? Fuck you, man. You know what I eat, man?

I'll tell you the places I eat. You know, in two weeks, this is where I'll go. Connie and Ted's Seafood, okay? I'll go to, what's that cat place? Cat place. Hungry cat. Hungry cat. Seafood.

Seafood. Right? I was like, I don't know what the wink means. Yeah, yeah, the wink means life to you, my friend. Okay. Hungry cat. I go to fucking Connie and Ted's. I'll go to, I'll go to Jiu-Jitsu.

Jiu-Jitsu. Jiu-Jitsu. What's that place last night I went to? Jiu-Jitsu. What? Jiu-Jitsu. Sojita. Sojita.

Ramen. Ramen. Ramen. Ramen. Because they close at two in the morning, and sometimes I'll go to the annex, and sometimes I'll go across the street. So that's where I'm.

Do they have a third one now? Yeah, they have a killer ramen. Oh, you get the Sukkimen, right? Yeah, the dipping, yeah. You get the dipping, that's the kind of gathering. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get it? Yeah, you don't set, okay.

And then I'll go to sometimes that Udon place. What's that called? Margamel. Uh-huh. And you know what I got today, guys? And this is, you know, your lucky boy, you know, In the books it has the best breakfast burrito Who mine? Yeah, lucky boy. You just like the way it's like tightly wrapped. There's a place. That's better

I feel like you don't need vegetables country cottage Country cottage in Burbank if you guys live in LA go to country cottage get their breakfast burrito Fucking rivals lucky boy. I went there today dog. I'm a lucky boy driving in Pasadena. Yeah, it's not a drive-in That's the best breakfast on burrito one of the best breakfast burrito in LA. It's not one of my favorite And yes, I do like it really because you train right by there, right? Yeah, it's just lucky boy driving Like I think the thing I don't like about it is that the cheese is not melted When you get the burrito. Yeah, like sometimes it comes out cold sometimes it doesn't

Oh, I've never had it not melted. You have cross-eyes You know that? You're one of those gooks You're one of them gooks that fucking cross. Why don't you come train with us? Oh, you and what with the fucking mutant Bart? No, they do Muay Thai in Pasadena That sub you mutant that you made wrestling that sub mutant that you hang out with Bart Kwan I bet you could I bet you could tap Bart out. Yeah, you probably good. I bet you could a yellow thumb Yellow Joe Rogan, but yeah, he is wrestled and you were good. I was real good, dude Your brother always talks about yeah, yeah, my balance is off the chain bra. I heard you have like a solid five seconds at the beginning

Yeah, I do man, but after that five seconds, it's a little yeah. Yeah, I can do I can do a thing where you're on top of me, dude And I'll roll you 100% I believe I will roll you. I'm frail as fuck Okay, so I am tough in that way and I'm strong. I have HRS. Everyone knows that You know what HRS is. I think it means human retouching. I exactly You get you don't think you know and you get it, right? I'm like a chimp, bro You step you step at me, dude. I'll break a cheekbone with my fingers. What do you think? I all right. I'm getting aggressive right now dog with you. I was agreeing with you I just asked you to train. I love all right, but I was agreeing with you. I want you to come in

I'm sorry. I want you to teach us. Uh-huh, and I want to let you people know just FYI, okay? Oh Today is national molestation. It is today's national molestation day. No, he was molested. Oh, I was like, what the fuck? That was when I was molested. It's like people are weird. And um, the guy that molested me was a guy with Down syndrome And he used to lure me. He was to be lure me with fun dip You were that easy? Yeah, I was at nine. Yeah, but he was also at Down syndrome I know I know I know Like I want to know what that conversation was like. I know I know because most people you have to manipulate them, right?

Like you want some candy this guy just went put you Dude, that was that was the end of the story But um, but then some fucker sent me a fucking 50 box of a 58 pouches of fun dip. I don't know what fun dip is. You don't know what fun But you used to be fat. I never I got fat on regular food. Okay, so I'll I'll I'll describe to you what fun depth is. All right, so imagine you're in the 70s Do it David. Imagine you're in the 70s, right? It's a bad time for Asians, right? Yeah, really really bad time. But let me say something about candy in the 70s, right?

When I think of candy, just throw out a candy that you would eat Okay, let's say it's a high chew. Okay. High chew, right? High chew is what you open it. What happens? It's chewy right Just fucking you know what I mean? Just agree with me. Okay? I love David. God. So you you go to the store, right? And you decide to get some lychee of high chew, okay It comes in a what a light purple packaging. Yes So when you open it, how do you open it?

How does it come in like the format you open it like a right, right? So it comes in a bigger package You open it and it has a little tiny wrapping. You open that you stick it in your mouth You can suck on it or chew that's generally how candy works Right. Yes. Generally speaking all over the world, right? Even if you go to Asia with the rice the the rice paper that melts in your mouth the rabbit candy, right? It's still the same same concept. You are opening something. You're sticking in your mouth. Not fun dip First of all, that was the worst sell of a candy

Explain to you, you know, why yes fun dip is this you open this part out, right? You open this part out, right? And what do you have here? Oh, it has a powder on the side and you dip it It's a dipping steak. You don't go to the end of the movie when You know what? I've never seen that before. Bruce Willis is really dead The sixth sense. No, let's watch the movie first. No, but when you whipped out the tongue depressor, I remember the I remember the depress the fucking thing. Yeah, I remember. Yeah. Yeah, but can we just build to it? Oh, yeah, let's let me start over

Close the pouch. Yeah, I'm gonna close the pouch. Okay, so we're just gonna pretend you didn't do that. Okay Yeah, so what kind of candy do you? Son of a bitch Yeah, we're starting in that far back. We have to go that far back. Yeah, we're going that far back because you piss me off I never eat candy ever. Okay. Good So anyway fun dip, um We're using what how candy works is you like if you get hydro, right? Let's do one because I'm like, yeah hydro This is gonna be the lowest view podcast So anyway, you open this up like this, right? You have this to anyone have you fucked it up

And then you open this part You up with the powder, right? And then you can't just do this, right? It's gotta be wet. You can't just stick this in here like this, dude. Oh, you gotta lick the stick You know when you the dick, you know when the dick goes in the pussy the dick has to be you know, there's some women spit on it You spit out spit on the dick Oh my god, right? You've definitely been lusted, dude That's why I have high evidence All right, I can't even look at your eyes

Yeah I can't do hey you guys are close. Come on. You guys are you guys are good friends And then you stick it right so many levels of therapy. I can't even like you stick it right in the pussy, right? Right, and you fucking drag it in there, right? Right, and it comes out dry. It comes out dry like that's right. Uh, you suck your own dick again, right? And then you're done, right? You calm right calm, right? You know what I was just trying to say it was unacceptable

But it's hard to say when you're laughing not also, you know why it's you know why it's not unacceptable, right? It's because it's candy and it happened to you and it happened to me right done. That's right done Boom shakalaka. Oh, let's do it again. You stick it in No, let me just finish you stick it in right right you come right all right like this, right? Okay, she's still she's awake and she's but then what you do is you take a hammer and you smash it in like that How do you remember the day that you were molested? We just had an arbitrary day. You fuck not. Oh

We talked about it that yeah, yeah, we just designated november 19. Oh, I thought you remembered the exact day. I said that's amazing No, no, no, we don't remember but um, it is um um Malastation day and november 19th every year people write him cards and um send gifts They do and wish him a happy molestation day just to honor the crime that was committed onto his body Oh, yeah And you know what I'll be honest with you molestation is no laughing matter. It's serious business Well, we're trying to turn it into something positive. That's why he gets cards. Yeah, you ever gone through therapy for stuff like that

No, I don't need it. I'm pretty well rounded and I'm healthy. I I agree Yeah, I um, I completely agree. Do you really a hundred percent? No Are you being just being a yes man because I feel like you're joking with me. I am not So I am not so You know, let's you and I friends now you think we're like we're acquaintances, but more we're leaning toward more friendship I say i'm a pupil or you're a pupil. All right, so i'm the master in this situation, of course All right, so I come to you and I go son

Yeah, son you say yes sensei. Yes sensei. Yeah Yeah, do you think I need a therapy? I think people need therapy from you There you go. That's right. And I just jerk off to like weird porn. Okay. Where do I have to go? You really thank you for thinking me as your sensei dude, man You put it on bro always straight up 100 straight up 100 all day every day man all day every day Right, I just can't wait for your instagram post, but you never post anything. Yeah, how about a day where we can let white people call Is gook, but you listen without saying the courage. Yeah, no, but not with a k

Not with a hard k with the what with a ooh, you know, I mean a heart. Ooh Yeah, gooo Well, you know at the end word, you know, you could you the hard r is wrong But if you go without a you know, I mean, it's still wrong. It's still wrong, but still right, you know, I mean But with I think white people should be able to call us like gooo Uh, have you the the word gook ever like offend you really deep? Never It doesn't it doesn't like hit as hard as I feel like people want to want me to it doesn't because I'll tell you why

if If I'm in like in platoon If I'm in a hut Right And like kevin dillon where kevin dillon was shooting that old korean man. Oh that vietnamese man in that hut And he was like dance and he was hopping about that with without a leg And he called somebody call me a gook. Then you know, it's the intention behind right? Yeah But if like, you know, like if I'm on set and something after it goes, what's up gook? Just as a joke

It doesn't do anything for me. I feel like I would have to know you if I don't know. Yeah, you can't not first day Yeah, if I just met you and they're like, what's up gookie? I'm like, that's funny. I'm not this guy Yeah, I mean all over made a joke about like, you know, he goes Text me back and I go no And then I go you're being really aggressive because you're being really aggressive on on the texting Yeah, so I go I want to break your cheekbones with my foot. I said something like that, right? And he goes I'm gonna make I'm gonna take a knife and make a slit in your throat just like your eyes That's pretty good, right, which is pretty good. That's pretty right now

If he said that first day I would probably go to the producer and go, I don't know if I can work under these this environment Oh, damn you tattletale like that. It's the first day if some guy some white handsome actor came up to me and said I'm gonna slit your throat to make it look like your fucking eyes As you're opening like hi, I'm Oliver. I'm your the leading man in the show. Are you gonna open with that? Yeah, but you know a year in No, I don't give a fuck. You don't snitch, man. I don't snitch. You don't snitch You know what the real bobby would do you go in there and you fucking wrestle the fuck out of them and beat the shit out of them

Right because that's that's street bobby I hate snitches. Yeah, snitches get what don't you hate bitches? No, don't get bitches. What's the term? I heard it. I heard it. Stitches Wait, niches what? No, tell me the same. What the fuck's a niches? Oh, I'm your I'm your son say don't talk to me like that. Oh, yeah So give me the term stitches get stitches Snitches get snitches stitches stitches. It's like a hardwired

Yeah, yeah, the other day I had a hard time saying next exit Next is kind of because they said at the suit so I'm It was seeing with me and Oliver driving in a car and they said just say it really fast Right, so he says where do we go and I go I'm supposed to go Next has it but you I couldn't say it So I had to add things to it and slow it down and they didn't like that But I said it's in the next or it's the next exit I said like that

Next exit that's kind of hard Just be on my side for once because there's two x's. It was hard. Okay. So I said it's kind of hard Yeah, just be on my side for once. I'm always on your side. When am I never on your side? So so so the gook thing that's out. We shouldn't have that then that'd be a thing. No, no All right, okay All right, I feel like during your time like just that word probably would meant a little more Because it was heard more often or maybe because like in sacrament. I just didn't hear it a lot Like I didn't hear too many like racial shit. It's so funny what alley Wong told me alley Wong said to me. She said

She's pulled me aside one day. She goes. I just really appreciate what you went through I go what and she's like I'm just like you came from Even in Hollywood a different place than me Like you I've never been asked to do an accent I've never been asked to do like some weird. She's never been asked to do an accent. I get asked to do accents. I know But she's like you because back in my day We had a drug show up in full ninja outfits That's pretty fucking tight. I'm not even kidding you and they go. Do you know ninja? I go?

I don't even know why I'm wearing this right now ninja. You know, I went to the store and bought it just for this audition You're supposed to be a ninja. I go. I don't I don't know Oh, let me go. Goodbye. And then like I spent 40 bucks on a ninja outfit for no fucking reason I feel like that uh The crazy rich asian movie gave a lot of people some kind of gusto to go out there and tackle it And I think it's like good and the other path. I'm like, what do you mean tackle? What like that? Just they like okay. For example, there's this dude that I know He he now wants to be an actor right guys trash like he is

He is I I've never he is trash like I mean literally he human garbage He is human garbage like so the guy asian guy or guy asian guy, of course So, uh, I haven't talked to this dude in a minute Hits me up out of nowhere. He goes, yo, how have you been? That means what do you want? Yeah, yeah, guy comes up. He goes. Oh, so like I want to go into acting and whatever whatever. I'm like, all right Cool, cool. Cool. That's cool. I'm like, you know, I'm not an actor I like I'm the last person you should act. Yeah, I just started this thing. Yeah, and he goes. Yeah Well, I just saw what you know crazy rich Asians and you know gave me a fire

Like I feel like I could be the next action star out there. I was like, oh Oh, wait in line. Okay. So just check this out. All right. All right. All right. Cool. I'm like entertaining him I'm like, all right, cool. So what are you doing to become a good actor? He goes, well, I right now I sign up for a martial arts class. I was like, hold on a second So you want to be an actor go to a fucking acting class, dude What did you sign you went to a fucking martial arts class and he was like, well, yeah, I want to be the next action star I was like, oh cool. So because there's not enough asian people doing martial arts That you're like the next one that's going to be signed up. It's like, holy fucking shit, dude

Dude, you fucking piling Oh, it makes me so mad. Just didn't even think about that. Give me his name, huh? Give me his name You give me his name right now. I did your japanese. Yeah, what's his name? Write it down Give me his first name. You can give me his first name. I can't die. His first name because he listens to this He's a sleeper. I don't want what you just did. He's a sleeper because even if he didn't listen to it I have no way of knowing so now I can't call him out and that was very smart of you, David He's very a bright little one

Did you call him out though? Yeah, because I asked him so what I told him was is do you want the the real advice or you want the You know, whatever advice he goes. No, just give it to me real. I was like, that's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard of my life, dude I was like, how are you the next big eight? I was like number one, dude And I kind of feel bad for saying this I was like number one You have never acted in your life. So you fucking suck number two. You are ugly Like so not only do you not know how to act? You're also ugly. So what are you what are you going to do?

What are you offering? It's not even about it's not even about you do I'm telling you right now, dude It's not even about being good Or bad or ugly or not ugly, right? It's making the right decisions to be let's be honest Let's be completely honest with ourselves Today I was shooting right and in my head. I'm like, oh, yeah, David. So could do this Gilbert could do this If my brother had more like they if they had more time

He might be able to land a couple of good takes but at the end of the day, it's it's not rocket science You just can't be nervous Just say what they wrote And if they say do it faster slower do it with more emotion you try it But at the end of the day, it's not it's not that It's being put in a position where people are gonna go. Oh, yeah, that's the guy And the the reason why I'm in this thing is because of all the years of me just being in the you know in comedy But that's exactly what he's saying. It's paying your dues. Yes. Yeah, so that's what I was saying

He could do it right he can do it But it's like he he's never gonna be able to do it because he has to be chosen Yeah, and also too what I was bringing up to him was like this I was like so all these people who work on their craft they work really fucking hard and they're a full-time actor You're somehow gonna take these roles for them as a part-time actor because you feel like you're like that hit and talent Like come on, bro. But even if he's good in the room You know how hard it's like All right, so oh, he's a random korean guy, right?

Kind of ugly. It's chinese whatever. Yeah, right He's going out for an american movie. So in his type what you got that guy leo from news Was it australia? Yeah, I love that guy, right? You've got you know So all this uh, steven you and john all these fucking people, right? He's got to somehow beat these people out of the role the one role That's never gonna happen as a part-time actor even if he even if he goes in there blows the room out They're not gonna they're gonna be like he's good, but we're not gonna use all the room out when they see his face Exactly what the fuck is

You know, I'm being I not you know because I was gonna let it go Right and you just made another comment to make get a little laugh going So you did and that was really nice and it was really funny and crafty, right? But now you have to tell me his name How about this? How about this? What do you do this? Can we meet me halfway? I'm going 50 50 one syllable not one syllable, right? Just give me his initials e h e h

Okay, e h So h hon. Edgar hon. Edgar hon. No Eddie. Eddie. Hon. Okay. Good I say this Okay I'm gonna say this David David and I want you to remember this. Yeah If you made up those initials just to bypass me like later I when we we close this out, right? Because I'm gonna make you look up his Instagram I want to see that's his name e h. It is it is real a hundred percent. Okay, I believe you. I believe you too. And let's let it go. We

will let it go. Theo Vaughn's podcast? Yeah. How was that? It was great. He's the best as you know. He really is like one of the best. And you know a lot of podcasters like Joey Diaz, he just got a deal at Fox to do his own TV show. That's awesome. I think podcasters are um you know even this one it's it's it's given me a little bit of a what do you call it a safety net? Sure. Because I don't know how long this other kid's gonna last but at the end of the day I know I have this and it makes me feel a little bit more free. So thank you so much for your hard work. Thank you so much for your hard work. But can I say something to you?

Okay. Don't tell me how to end it. Okay. Yes sir. I could have got somebody better. Jesus. So mean. But look at John. But I believe it. I could I honestly believe that. But God bless. Just let me finish. What do you have fit in with a family? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Because you're kind of dumb. But you're also nothing. But also bright. You know. And you have a good work ethic. And you really do. You have a good work ethic. And here's the most important thing. And this is the last compliment I'm going to give you for this week. Is that I trust you. And that's the most important thing. Thank you, Bobby. I feel like he's down. For a white dude, he's down as fuck. Dude, I'm telling you what. If I gave George my last grand of $1,000, can you hold this for like a year that he won't touch it? 100%. Yeah. But he might buy a lot of pink asscots with it. Fucking George, dude. He came to the JK office with that pink asscot. I don't even know what a fucking asscot was. And he was like, it's an asscot. George, what is an asscot, bro? And he wore a white I will forever remember this outfit. It was white jeans, white denim shirt and a pink asscot. You look like you sold candy for a living. I was so upset because I like you so much, George. I don't want to get beat up. I also want to, I also want to, you know, you and I planted a seed, David. We all, you know, when we meet each other, we plant little seeds. And these are seed seeds of friendship. And in your life list, people listening right now, you'll meet new people. And you may plant that seed. But guess what? You gotta water it. You gotta water that seed. Because then it doesn't grow. The friendship doesn't grow.

You need to do a TED talk, dude. That's exactly what you need to do. You and I, we've got seeds planted all day long, but there's no, they're not sprouting. It's on the wrong soil. It's on the wrong soil around foundation. Okay. And that's on you. And the reason why it's on you is because I'm your sensei. I don't have to reach out to you. Okay, but you planted this seed. I feel like I'm growing. Yo, you're growing. Our friendship's not growing. It's because you're a thousand year old tree. It's a bonsai tree. I'm like a redwood. I'm like redwoods and you're a sequoia. Oh, fuck. I never looked at it that way. That makes so much sense. That makes a lot of sense. You're a wisdom tree. Yeah. I'm a wisdom tree. Right. Yeah, but, you know, okay, I get it. And you know what? And that's why you're here. That's right. Because you're crafted with your words and your mind. Thank you. You're like, you know, in Fern Gully, when Hexis comes out, when they cut that tree down. That's what happens if somebody cuts your tree, Hexis comes out and kills the world. What is a Hexis? No one's seen Fern Gully.

Is this some sort of Filipino bullshit that you saw in Cebu Island? Fern Gully is so, it's like an anime, it's like a cartoon. Everyone in the room has a round of applause. Raise your hand if you've heard of Fern Gully. Heard of it? Yes. Thank you, John. I haven't watched it. Is it a Filipino cartoon? No. What is Fern Gully? Fern Gully is about a bat. Is it? Yes, there's a bat. Deforestation, yes. All right. All right. Well, then you win, baby. I'm wrong then. I thought it was about seagulls. Yeah, but his name is Hexis. That sounds so fun. It's about deforestation. Yes. Love that Disney film. Oh, I can't wait to watch it. I know. It sounds so great. Yeah, I'm going to buy it as soon as we're done with this. It's about deforestation. It's a climate. Hold on. There's somebody big who does the voice of the bat. If it's not Orlando Bloom, I'm not watching. I'm going to give you the cast of Fern Gully right now. He has the best. Who? Orlando Bloom? Legolas? Right in my mouth. As Legolas or as Orlando Bloom? Both. Shoot that arrow right in my mouth, Legolas. Okay, guess who the bat? Guess who was the voice of the bat?

Oh, this game. Okay, we're going to do this game. We'll do this game, and I'm going to finish this game, but this game is going to be, we're going to go through it, okay? And it's going to take 50 minutes, but let's just try. All right, so who's the bat? No, no, no, no. Don't give us any hints, right? So you threw out a fucking suggestion. Stephen Hawkins. I am a bat. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For me, it's... Wait, but I can offer you based on what he's saying. He is in the same... Force Whitaker. No, no, no. Don't give us hints. We're going to finish this game to its end. Go ahead. Oh, that fool that plays Superman. What's his name? Henry Cavall. No, no, no. The guy from... Christopher Reeves. Christopher Reeves. Oh, the one with that guy fucked up from the horse.

No, more recent deaths. More recent. Why are you doing people that are Paris Polisic? And that wheelchair. She said wheelchair. No, I didn't say wheelchair. It's a dead. Oh, they're dead. They're already dead now. Oh, fuck, here we go. But icon. I think icon. I think icon in comedy. Stephen Erwin. Christopher Reeves. He was hilarious. Gene Wilder. Christopher Reeves had an interview. No, younger, younger, babe. Oh, he's younger. Oh, hey, he recently passed. Heath Ledger. Babe, comedian. Oh, the little midget from Passions. Is it Bill Cobb? He died. He died, by the way. Really? Oh, I remember Passions. Yeah, you knew who was in that show? Um, hold on. Travis. No, no, no. Was it? Yeah. And his wife. Yes. Travis Schultz was the star of it. Right.

And I keep asking. So Travis Schultz is on my show, Sling Up Together. He's guest stars. And I go, what's that midget like? He's, don't call him midget. I forgot his name, but... The politically correct term is what? Little person. Little person. Anyways, back. Come on. Guys, you're so, you're kind of close. So not Christopher Reeves. Iconic male comedian, White. Funny. Funny White person? Okay. Iconic White. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know who it is. Mitch Hedberg. More iconic. Then Mitch Hedberg. Oh, I know. Gary Shanling. Right in the same line as that. Think the Gary Shanling. Oh, so this is where we're getting Gary. Am I getting close though? I think you're getting close. Gary Shanling. Um, Robin Williams. Yes. And you guys don't know fucking Fern Gully? Did I win? You did win. That competition? I think you did.

Uh-huh. I want to talk about this and you might have to cut it out. He played baddie. His name's baddie. Can I talk about something that we might have to cut out? Yeah, go ahead. Christian Slater's in it, but no big deal. Who's that? Played Pip. Yeah, we don't know him. Christian Slater. You know back in the circus days? Okay. Okay, well, we're going to cut this out. We'll cut this out. And now cutting to our sponsors. Rich Wallet. David, do you have a Rich Wallet? I think you have a Rich Wallet. You guys don't even know. You guys don't even know. We know. We know. But I'm just saying back. Part of it mainly because of our sponsors. I'm just saying though, like the hairy face person. The bearded lady. The bearded lady. The wolf boy. The wolf boy. They had that condition with the hair, right? Nowadays, you couldn't go, hey, hairy face.

Right? You'd have to call him some sort of like PC name. Like, um, facially, you know. Why would you have to call him? Facially, um, hairy? You don't even say their name? Hey, facially. My name is John. No. Hey, facially. Hey, hey, hey. That's what they call old Korean friends do. Have you had like a really ugly friend? Yeah. You know your friends? That's what my dad would do. But I have a really ugly friend. You know the friend? I know what you're talking about. My dad, they go, do your friend like this, right? He had dreadlocks. But he would go like this. And he was, that's who he is. Fred. Yeah, these.

I think I just learned the word dreadlock, but they refused. They refused. Yeah, yeah. You know octopus hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I'm saying is, anyway, let it go. Get a circus thing. Yeah, you want me to let it go? You want me to let it go? I want to know though. Yeah, okay. But what I'm saying is, is that we become so PC that you can't even call certain people what they were. Anyway, let it go. That was your point. It's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable already. That was the worst monologue of the day. No, the two ones before were way better. You didn't let me stand. Oh, yeah, let me stand. Back in the day, man, when we had circuses, dude. Right? Right. Remember the hairy face guy? Yeah. Right? Facially, facially, right? In the midget.

It's good. It's pretty good. It's better. Yeah, it's better. Thank you. Thank you so much. You make that candy so unappetized. Why? It's just the way you go at it. Yeah. But I honestly, I honestly think about this. If splitting up together gets canceled, I really want to do a show with you, I think. I would love to do a show with you. Like, either you're my younger brother or something, and we're kind of like just losers in Koreatown. I actually want to be your older brother. That'd be kind of funny. That'd be hilarious. You're my older brother? You're older brother. You just look older at the hip, but you're just younger. Oh, that's funny. That's funny. That should be wild. Yeah. How old are you? 22. Holy shit. Holy shit. He looks like shit. Yeah, I mean, because I was with me and my brother. Like, my brother's older than I am, but I look older than him. You do? Oh, yeah. You have a baby face though. You have nice cheeks. Oh, thank you. Well, this just came out recently.

You do have a real Korean face, huh? Yeah, I'm pretty gooky, dude. No, no, that's not what I mean. No, no, straight up, though. Because something about, you have my cousin Paul's kind of eyes. There's a thing in your eyes that's like very Korean. I can't explain it. I have a very Korean face. Very typical Korean. You know what my friend did that was really disastrous to her face? And I think that she regrets it. But I don't have the heart to tell her. She got the double eyelid surgery. She's Korean. Oh, yeah, very popular. But it made her look fully 150% cross-eyed. Oh, really? It exposed her actual, yeah, it revealed what it was underneath, which was that she's actually cross-eyed. How could you not laugh at your friend every day you see them? No, I try to look at her stories and I'm like, dear God. And then I have myself a good laugh. And then I asked my Jessica, my best friend. I was like, dude, like, check this out. And Jessica's like, holy shit, dude, you got to tell her. I'm like, she can't undo her eyes. Can she? I think you can undo it. That's a really painful process, though. Like, I hear like there's like long healing time.

Probably, but if you're ugly as fuck from that, you might as well just pay money. You know what I mean? Like, it's pretty bad. Also, would you ever get it done? No, I don't need any surgery. So if I said to you, David, my cousin is the best plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills. Just hear me out. Just hear me out. It was so tight that I felt bad. He really is. He does the Kardashians. He did. He did Caitlyn's pussy dick thing. He looked real good and tight, right? He's the best. He did a blindfold. Old surgery. He did. Amazing. That's a good he is. He was drunk, too. That's pretty cool. Perfect. Penis to vagina. Perfect. That's amazing. He does eyes as well. Okay? Yeah. And he takes gukais and makes them look American, right? Amazing. And they're going to be round and they're going to be perfect. And guess what? He generally charged, he charged Lucy Liu three million, right? To make her eyes smaller? To make them bigger. And he'll use for free. Let's do it. Absolutely not. Why?

Because I don't like changing. I don't like plastic surgery. It's not my shit. I think plastic surgery is acceptable for people who are just hideous. In terms of societal hideous. You know what I mean? That's just my thing. Let's say the jaw is off the left and right. So let me see something. If you were in a fiery accident and your face was all bacon. It's not going to make a difference. I'm going to be ugly either way at that point. You know, if I say there's surgery that's going to make you look like more Tom Cruisey. Oh, like where you just literally rip somebody's face off and put it to mine? Yeah. Like Tom Cruise died. I got Tom's fucking face. Yeah, but that's not going to look good on this face. That's going to stretch it out. It's going to look really weird. You would really look like an alien. You would have exposed skin on the face. It only takes up like the middle part. Tom Cruise is like 5'1", isn't he? Yeah. My face would be good on yours. I know. Kathy Bates. So I said, hey, yo, dude, I know you got all fiery your face. Kathy Bates just died. Same skull. That's crazy. I'm going to die with it. Would you do it? You wouldn't do it. Absolutely not.

Kathy, your face is gone. She's won an Oscar. I don't give a fuck about an Oscar, dude. All right. Let me give it another name then. I don't think that's bigger. George Foreman. I think George Foreman. 100%. You think George Foreman's face? I just think because it's hilarious. Oh, yeah. Oh, you would look so weird. But the face size makes sense. Yeah. So there wouldn't be any like no coverage. You know whose face you couldn't replace? Look at how wide that fucking face is. You have the widest fucking face. It's very chiseled. It's very Lego. Yeah, it's very Lego. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's very Lego, dude. Yeah, yeah. But it's chiseled, though. The Filipinos have massive faces, though. Yeah, it's not that big. My face is big. I'm team Big Face. I've always been. You know what I would do with you? Go to Mount Rushmore and just get one of those president's faces off the flip. You get Lincoln. I'm out there just chiseling away, right? No, Gilbert loves his face. You know what's so random? So the guy that we train with, your friend, was Elliot? Elliot Jones. It turns out we know the same people. I've been doing Muay Thai with him. He convinced me to do Muay Thai with him. You know, you gotta do it. But you want to hear the funniest fucking shit. So the way Elliot speaks of Kalayla's relationship with each other.

It's like the coolest, friendliest thing ever, right? They're like, yeah, we're still really close. And then we call her up. She goes, well, fuck that guy. He says that we're all really close. The guy just ghosted on our friendship after I was friends with him for eight years because he got a new girlfriend. And actually that same day when you guys called me, I texted him. I was like, hey, dude, are we still friends? Where are you? And he never texted me back. Interesting. Well, your text was kind of aggressive. My text was? A little bit. No, I put a happy face. Are we still friends?

But look at the tone in your voice right now. Hey, don't ever point your finger at my girlfriend like that again. I did it. I would like this. I would like this. Don't ever do that again, dude. All right. That's my fucking girlfriend. Come to my house. Come to my fucking house and fucking point at my girlfriend. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what I'm talking about? I don't know.

I don't know. Let me get this straight. Now I'm furious that you guys actually talked to him. I didn't talk to him. We were having cupcakes together. Fuck that guy. The way you talked about your friendship was so great and the way you responded was so different. All I could think was the guys and girls are really different. You guys were really good friends still.

How? When I was so worried where he had gone, I thought something bad had happened to him because he just stopped contacting my sister, me, my other friends, because we were a bigger group of friends, you know? And I was so worried and I had to hear through somebody else that he just moved to another state. Like, that's not a friend. I was worried, genuinely, and I love that guy. You should text him again right now.

You should call him. Let me text him. No, call him. Trust live right now. Trust me. Let me text him. Oh yeah, let Bobby text him real quick. Wait, could we call speakerphone? Yeah.

You guys want to play some trust text games? I want you to take a picture. I'll be pointing at him like this, too. David, David, I'll be honest with you. Are we friends? You're not accepting calls at this time. You respect me? Yes. Okay, give me your phone.

Yeah, I don't respect you that much. So you don't respect me? I 100% respect you. Well, then if you respect me, you give me your phone. I absolutely not. Well, then you and I are just mere acquaintances. Well, you can't just set those rules like that. I'll give you my phone.

I don't want your phone. Gilbert. But I love you. Don't do it. Gilbert. You have a lot to live for and you have a very bright future ahead of you. We'll play the game, trust text. There we go.

Here we are. I'm so glad to have you. There we go. See, this is real friendship right here. I understand, but I have like three or four businesses. He has five businesses. I have one and it's tiger brand. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And let's just just random. That's not random. I know. Close your eyes. Close your eyes. No, you close your eyes. Me? Yeah.

Want to fuck? Close your eyes. Be careful, please. Be careful. Want to fuck? You're married. Want to fuck? Question mark.

Oh my God, Bobby. What does it say, what does it say? Caterpoto. She might chill take it well. Should I send it? Yeah. See, I'm not going to do it now. Because you know what?

He just passed the test. Oh my God. Oh man, I fucking failed, dude. You failed. You know what? Whatever you want next week, you got it. No, because the last time he took my phone, he actually called somebody. Gwen's spoken to him like five years.

I was never going to do it. David, I was never going to do it. Why would I do that? Why would I burn bridges? You were in your car, that's why. You are that type of human being. The fact that you didn't give me a thing, we're not slower now. But I want you to realize this.

No, I want to realize this, okay? You pointed at my girlfriend, you did hostile fucking taxes. It wasn't, it was like this. I don't care if you did the T-Rex finger. It wasn't a hostile point. But what I'm saying is this right, two points loss against you. I just want to put this on the table, though. Okay, go ahead.

You are a type of human being. Don't tell me what kind of type of human being I am. You are, though. Okay. You will shit in your car and then ask somebody to valet it. You might as well just worship Satan at that point. That's not Satanism. It's maybe witchcraft.

I know, but biblically speaking, that's pretty bad. Yeah, but doesn't matter. Wait, what? That's fine, that's fine. Medically speaking, you say? Biblically. Biblically and medically. It is terrible stuff.

That's none of your fucking business. And I'm going to say this, right? It has nothing to do with what my behavior is and what I've done in the past. I was trying to check our friendship and see where your loyalty is and your loyalty is not there fully yet. And the thing is, is this, is that one day maybe we will get there, but right now we're not there.

But how about this? Tell me. I'd fucking kill for you, dude. Wow. Damn. Checkmate. I'm not even blinking. The air's kind of on right now.

I'm not even going to blink. Blink. The air's kind of on right now, but other than that, I wasn't blinking. Yeah. I wouldn't kill for you. Like if we were out, let's, let's, it's okay. You don't have to kill for me, man.

You know what I would do for you? What would you do for me? Text for me. Rape for you. Okay. Let's mark that out. Cut that out. Well, let's go to our sponsors.

Hey, David, do you want a Ridgwall? It's coming out of my jacket. Also, if it's somebody who like raped your sister or hurt you, he'd just rape him back. This is really good stuff. Don't even mark it. That is amazing. Yeah.

That's it. Retaliation rape. I like that. I'm talking about this. Like, let's say we were outside, right? Somebody comes up to you, a drunk man and goes, you know what? Fuck you, Bobby Lee.

I would clock that motherfucker for you. I believe it. Yeah. Now, okay. First of all, George would do that same. Yeah. But George. It would be funny and no one would be hurt.

I'm pretty sure. Right. Before we fight, let me take my ascot off. Yeah. Yeah. But, um, but he would do that to me. That's not enough. Right.

I, I do test like, you know, the cell phone thing. So give me your cell phone. I'll give you another chance. All right. Hmm. Still, it's, I have, I have respectful people. Like, I would say this. He has dignitaries on his phone.

Dude, I have a lot of big people on my phone as well. 100%, but they're all comedians. So they understand that. No, I have people. I have no people in my life. I have scientists. Okay. Who do you love?

Scientists do have. David Fasso. You have David Fasso. Fasso. You know what he does. Yeah. Biology, man. Cambridge University.

Yep. That's in your face. Amazing. Yeah. Sounds a lot like David Fatsso. Is that David Fatsso? I know. I know.

I know. I know. I looked at you. I know. I know. I looked at you. And it improvises online. I said, David Fatsso.

You know what the funny thing is? Cause like, right. What are you about to say? He realized that last week. Right. But that's why I said that. That's why she switched it. Cause it wasn't the same anymore.

Right. It's amazing. Cause it turned Italian. Alright. But what you're saying is that you have too many important people. But you know I'm not going to text anybody. Oh yes you would. No I won't.

I've seen her Twitter. Oh. That's why. Right. And you're doing your homework. I told you. I follow you. I follow everyone.

Is there a split second where you think, is she really saying this? Well when he basically called you a cum guzzler. I'm like. I don't know about this one. I'm about like 50-50 on this one. I would tweet something similar. Yeah. I was like this one's a little tricky but not too Kalyla.

So splitting up. I'm being real with you. Yeah. You're splitting up together. Right. It gets canceled. Would you write something with me? A show?

100%. No. It being real. I'm for reals. I think that we can come up with a show. I think so too. I think I have enough. We both can together have enough connections together.

I also think, I mean I'm not just being biased. I have never seen two people have better chemistry than you guys. Just even on a conversation. Like I never, I've never spoken so little on a podcast just because I'm always so in awe of you guys' banter. So it would be a shame if you didn't. Thank you baby. What's Jojitsu's name?

Jojitsu Kala. Yeah that guy. Yeah. Maybe he'll get involved. Maybe a little bit. I love it. I think we'd smash it dude. You could build like three movies, four TV shows, everything dude.

Just like the content on Tiger Belly alone is unreal. I don't know what that is. That's the TV show poster. You don't know? Coming fall 2020. Wait David. David. This show is called Harry Face.

What about this though? You guys created a show but then Bobby turns into a diva. He insists that the billboard can only have his face. Do you allow Sensei to do that? He wouldn't care. You know me very well. I know he wouldn't care. He wouldn't care.

Season two, yeah. Even season one or two, the only thing I care about is I get the paycheck. You could take everything but as long as I get the correct paycheck, I'm fine. So smart. So smart this guy. That's all that matters because who cares? As long as it's out there, it's funny, people are laughing, then I did my job. That's it.

That's not enough for him. All right. I need a plan. I need a plan. That's all. What are we doing on time? With David Sal, over an hour. Like clockwork, huh?

Yeah. Clocking. Like clockwork. I woke up at eight in the morning. You woke up at eight? Yeah, I had to work all day. That's awesome. I was so tired.

But I had some little rumors that I'll tell you when the camera's off. Some things are happening. As you know, my listeners, my beloved listeners, I love you so much. And when I saw you Sunday night at the Bray Improv waiting in line, you know, we greeted everyone, me and Bryce, my good friend, my good friend, Bryce. I honestly, I like you too, a lot, but I really, I really do. I've missed you so much, but dude, I love that, Bryce. You know I do, right?

He's my buddy. But all you Tiger Bella people that came out to, you know, we fellowshiped. We got together and we exchanged energy and I really enjoy it. Thank you so much. I'm going to be playing the San Diego, right? American Comedy Company in December. And also next weekend, you're going to be in Arlington, Virginia. Not this weekend, but next weekend, I'll be in Arlington, Virginia at the Draft House.

Come join me and we will bond and exchange fluids and energy and it'll be a good one. Do we have a, do we have a unhelpful advice? We do. Unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalilah and David Fasol. Hey Tiger Belly, I broke up with my girlfriend months ago and I've been wanting to move on for a while now, but recently I felt my love for her coming back. I just turned 21 and I know that I'm young and I should live my life to the fullest and meet new people.

I really care for her and I love her more than anyone. Should I just move on and meet new people to date or should I fight to get her back? P.S. One of the main reasons I wanted to move on for good was because she slept with another guy. Tight. Soon after our breakup, she has since stopped sleeping with him. Love you all.

As far as you know. This guy is definitely, his name is D.C., but he has a Korean last name. Bobby hates the relationship stuff. I know, but there's techs on him. He writes the email, but he knows what the answer is. Yeah. So it's like one of my, you already know what the answer is. So what do you want to hear from me?

Maybe that's the real thing is address that. He just needs to hear it from the king's mouth. You're 21, you broke up with the girl. First of all, think back while you broke up the feelings. Because when you have separation, you start telling yourself things, you ignore certain things. Yeah. You remember the good stuff.

It's easy to just remember the good stuff and to, to feel a little thrill from that. I think that that's a normal feeling to have to, to think fondly, to think back fondly of somebody. Yeah. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean you have to get back with her. I could, I could do that with a previous relationship sometimes. I'll think, oh yeah.

And then I think, oh yeah. That. Fuck that. You fucked someone else. Yeah. That. So you know the answer, my little papaya, right? You have to, um, I'm, I'm telling you right now, man.

I don't know if you know this, but here's, here's something I think about all the time. They keep growing women on the trees. Oh my God. We're not fruit to be had on your plates there. You know, that's actually, you know what's so interesting? That's actually like Korean slang. So if you want to like fuck a girl, what is it? We're just fruit out of a tree.

I can't, like, well, they say it like you're picking fruit from a tree. It's like, you want to pick and fucking eat a tree. That's why I said that. Yeah. It's pretty cool. Is it in the same realm of their many fish in the sea or is this women that are strictly fruit? No, it's really derogatory.

It means like, it makes me kind of fuck you. That's what it means. Oh my God. But what I'm saying is every season there's new, there's new, there's new fruits to be grown and, and, and vice versa, men too. Men are also grown on the trees if you're a woman listening, right? See, it is. There's plenty of fish in the sea, but at this, at this end of the day, it's like, but those

fish are replaced with younger fish too. You know, what about an orange ruffy? Do you know how an orange ruffy lives up to 150 years? Yeah. That's not good. Why do you know that random information? Because it's on my list of not to eat. If you're into, because they're fish before they hit their reproductive state.

And so we're not able, they're not able to like replenish their population. And we're conscious as fuck. About fish. Yeah. But not other animals. I am. I don't eat meat mostly. I still.

You're vegetarian now. Oh, you just angered him. So anyway, this old fish, if you're into like Helen Mirren pussy, then don't forget the analogy. Yeah. But if you want fresh, you know what I mean? Like Disney. Like Hashimi.

Yeah. Hashimi. Yeah. Hashimi life. But like, you know. That her vagina, though, come on. I mean, when you say Helen Mirren is hot, you mean now and now or you mean for her age. I genuinely think Helen Mirren is an attractive woman.

She is hot today. Oh, yeah. But she's not. I mean, you compared to a luscious young woman. You know what? Because with her wit and her life experience, she's hotter to me than I would rather have sex with Helen Mirren than a random, hot 20 year old Victoria C. Just go.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm fucking a legacy. I'm fucking a legend. I'm fucking life experience. The look in her eye. 20 year olds not going to give me that look. So you would fuck Clint Eastwood. I would. Are you kidding me?

Really? Get off my line. Get off my dick. Get off my dick. Get off my dick. Get off my dick. Get off my dick. Fucking Bridges of Madison County.

Yeah. Yeah. You would fuck Clint Eastwood? Yes. Just because I love that movie. No. Yeah. What's his name?

Richard. Yeah. Clint Eastwood. I would hop on that dick so fast. Have you seen him now? Have you seen him now? I would hop on Clint Eastwood dead. I would still hop on that dick.

Wow. I'm fucking a legacy. Life experience. In this podcast, we all make it seem like Bobby's the weird one. Yeah. Yeah. Just to put it out there, he's never said something like that. Yeah.

Yeah. So that was that. Anything you want to plug? YouTube channel. David's so comedy. Exactly. David's so comedy. Yeah.

Check out a sip matcha tea. Oh, yeah. In a Westwood Enrollment. I haven't been there. Bring him some. What is that? It's our matcha joint. So we have a lot of matcha tea.

A lot of booze. Wait, wait. You have a business? Yeah. He has many. But there are places you can go in and I can purchase things. Yeah. Ice cream.

Tea. Where? I have told you so many times to get free food. You have no idea. Where? Where? Smorgasburg LA. I'll go with you, Bobby.

Yeah. We'll hook all that up. I'm going to hook it up. No. He had it. I brought him to 626. The shrimp. The shrimp.

That's David. Yeah. The shrimp daddy. He loves it. This is so bad. It doesn't taste good. It doesn't taste good? He had like...

He ordered the pineapple and he had two bowls. He had two bowls. He had two bowls. It doesn't taste good? Was it really the... The shrimp daddy. The pineapple, remember? You went to the Asian festival?

In San Gabriel. That's you? That's his. Yeah. You own that. It's a group of people that we do it all the time. That place is so good. Because they charged us.

Did they not? They didn't. They gave you like two bowls. Yeah. It was really good. But I was trying to figure out if it was because I was really hungry or... No, ask you. Was I really hungry?

It's such an Asian parent thing to do. Was I really hungry? You were so full but you ate it still and loved it. This is disgusting and you ate a second bowl. That was really good. I remember that. He double fisted the pineapple. It comes in a boat, right?

Like a boat? Yeah. Really nice. Thank you. Thank you for the free food. Anyway, so David's so calm in this shrimp boat. Yeah, check out... Shrimp Machete.

Macha Macha Macha. Shrimp Daddy. Shrimp Daddy. Chichidango. Chichidango. And also drips. Yeah. Go check that out too.

Anywho, what do I got to plug? You already did it. Your show. No. But I have to also plug... The Tiger Belly Merch. Six. Splitting up together.

Son of a bitch. I got all of them. Because I'm not in it a lot. When is the episode with you and your little Korean nephew? I saw it today. But when does that come out? Episode 7. And then episode 12 is all me.

Oh, good. Good. Tune in. Yeah. And that's what we finished up today. Episode 12. Good. But Dave.

Davey Dave. Professor. Davey Davey. Professor. Professor. You're one of my favorite people of all time. I like you on this podcast. There's not a lot of people we've had.

This is your third time? Fourth. Third, but technically fourth. Because he did a live show. Because he did a live show. That's true. So technically fourth. He's the most then, huh?

That's not a... Because Rosenbaum was three. Yeah. Two or three. Two or three. Theo Vaughn two. Theo Vaughn two. Twice.

Twice. Stevie, but he's in count. That's my brother. Yeah. So you're our number one. You got the most frequent guest. Why thank you. That's the only reason why I haven't started my own podcast.

Why haven't you started your own? Because I like coming on here. Good. And you still do the other one? The Cheechy one over there? The Cheechy? Cheechy. What are you saying?

Bargeo. All those guys. Yeah. I love those guys. I love other people's podcasts. Honestly, those guys. You know what? I go around town and people go, I saw you on Just Kidding News.

And I go, oh cool. You know what I mean? It's cool. I get a younger generation of people that watch it. I got to say though, one of my favorite episodes of JKD was when you're on it and then Joe said his father left him and you go in your face. And I have never laughed so hard in my life. It isn't as fast.

For those cross-eyes, I would love my kid too. Lazy rock. Fuck that guy. So David, good luck with your shrimp. Thank you. They live with your comedy. Thank you. And everyone be safe.

Good night. Guys, thank you for listening. Thank you so much.