TigerBelly - Episode 176: Nikki Glaser & The Robots

Episode Date: January 9, 2019

Nikki tries the curling iron. Bobby reveals his Bird Box vision. We talk singularity movement, Princess Diana, and Chinese finger puppets. Bonus content every Monday:https://www.patreon.com/TigerBellySupport us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery plus You Walking down the street Feeling so good to me Yeah, yeah Having fun with my friends to the end Women are great. They sure are Nancy Pelosi

German Chancellor Merkel Right. She's there We also have Amy Some words anyone they made me There we are. Anyway, well, happy new year. There's our first podcast back from the new year That was a slow rendition of me and my friends Um, I will be singing it every fucking week until I'm done with it. Nice and there's nothing you can do about it. Um

I have a little rage and anger and and it only came up when I saw george. I don't know what it is Oh, but yeah, but the thing is is that I'm I'm gonna work. I'm gonna work on that You know, there's some things when I don't see you in a while and when I see you I just have this like like he's Get him. Yeah, with Bryce. It was different. You hugged him. You guys. Yeah, I was stuck. I was like, I almost sucked his dick That's how much you know me Yeah, dude. Fuck. Yeah, if we were gay, dude Game game over game over dude. We would talk our dicks together I would talk dicks and just pee at the same time with you

Oh, who's who's docking and who's receiving? No, I you know what that whole theory is wrong. You're docking at the same time There's no receiving why because that's not true when you're if you yeah, because the docking goes deeper if the foreskin is You know, if you have more of a turtleneck, right? I think I'm the only one with I'm the only one you could dock with in this room That is true. That is true. That is true But I could come up with so I can make you know, one of those chinese finger puppets I So I have it on his and once we latch on it's forever, but if you're gentle

That's like a cat dick cat dicks have like little right. Yeah, unless we then I have to push in Yeah, you want to get out of this? We have to push in touch tips And that's and that's where it gets weird. Wow 2019. Yeah, 2019 is great. Um, we I honestly like, you know We talked this year about guests and whatnot and we sit to ourselves. We only want to get a No more bc listers a plus. Yeah, and um, I go george You think we can get a he's like, I think so. We're at that level. Um, that nerdest that little article This said in california tiger belly, right? Did they say tiger bellies? Oh 2018, uh, spotify We are the number one listen podcast in california. Yeah, so that made me feel good, you know, and so

We're only doing a and we got this the first guest of the year um Second would a second guess of the year my bad Second because of the year or first who cares who cares. It doesn't matter. No one knows and um You know, it's so funny because you know at the comedy store like I was I've been at the comedy store for 25 years And so when adam igget turned I became talent creator. He started bringing in the best

And so like a lot of people like david spade and whatnot. It took me a while, you know to feel comfortable You know and he brought in this young lady. Um And I was thinking oh man because at the time She she had her own show Those billboards all over town remember that. Yeah I was called not safe and I was a little intimidated, but you know as soon as she opened her little white mouth You know, it was like pure you're a pure white person and um, she's a gw. What she's a good white She's a good white. She's definitely a good white and I'm gonna get into details about that. Okay. Um, but how about a nice

Warm round of applause. Welcome to nicky glazier everybody Now you can talk to me. Gosh. Thank you so much. Was it so hard not to chime in on the whole I love just well He's so fun to watch. So I that really was just enjoyable for me to not even have the pressure to be able to talk You know where you're kind of on edge trying to think of something and I was like, this is kind of nice actually I get to be mute and just take it in you seem like a white and I I'm sorry. I'm going to say this I mean, I say it in only in this room. I talk this way because as you can tell You know, the real the ones that run it. He's jungle jungle asian number one

My girlfriend here is a half jungle asian and I'm full gook You're right. And so when there's whites that are in right, we kind of make it our domain But in outside of this room, you're still in power Outside of the room you still have every you can call your friends Okay, we could tie us up in the forest Hang us in the forest or whatever in this room. I'm on top. I love that you do I'm oh, yeah, I'm I'm tired of being in charge Having everything that you could ever want and no one ever not saying you can't have whatever having every opportunity isn't it?

It's amazing. So yeah, that's why I like to come in here and have it taken away from a little bit knowing that I'll get it back Yeah, you will get it back. It's nice to have a little taste of what you guys deal with. How does it feel? How does it feel? Um, not great I feel a breath. Yeah. I don't like it the fear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, anxiety. Yeah, sure And let me ask you this, um I'm sure back in the day when there was real races like in the south And I always asked why I've never asked you this question

But like let's obviously I believe that 300 years ago. Let's say you grew up in the south And you guys had slaves and whatnot. Maybe you had a couple of gooks running around as well You know, I mean doing like yeah, I believe that you wouldn't be a racist All right, you'd be only doing it because everyone else is doing it. But what would you I mean, what would you say? Would you would you like say hi to them on the side or what? Yeah, Nicky tell us If I was born into a family where everyone has slaves and it's just every one of my friends has slaves It's insane to picture that life. It's insane. I know but you're like, that's the weird part about that's why I have difficulty Let me be very doubtful

Yeah, yeah, yeah, what a great question 2019 What kind of slave owner would you have been, Nicky? Well, I do often get this question and uh As a female comic I do grapple with this. Um I I think you're right And I also think that there are things we used to do that we were just like yeah, everyone has slaves Like of course you have a slave like yeah, that's so normal and there are things that we're doing now That are going to be equally as like that was so redundant. Maybe not as equally maybe though maybe though

By the way, there are still slaves and I have some Uh young women who I shuttle across the country And don't let them go to the bathroom by themselves because then they'll read that little sign The only hope they have yeah is being in a stall alone reading that sign. Yeah, that makes me very sad Yeah, I've never seen those stalls in the stalls Sometimes for women who are being who are like sex slaves, right? Right? The only time they get a loan not with their pimp is like in a Bathroom stall at an airport when they're being kidnapped from their city

And so there's like these signs that are like if you're right a slate like call right now and of course how yeah But yeah, oh, so what you're saying to me right now. Yeah, I don't forget is is that if I was Uh, let's say I was born in Kalamazoo, michigan I just threw that out there and I think that's a pretty good place That is really a place and I think that's a really that's a place I made up place though. It's not but I know I know you know, it's real you've been there. I've been there too Right, right, but sounds made up. It totally does. That's great. Let's say I was in Kalamazoo and I was you know poor family You know, um what a trailer homes

Dad dad's in prison. I'm a girl 14 And then all of a sudden I get captured is what you're saying. Yeah, I get captured You're hanging out with some guy that you met on tinder. Right seems cool His brother comes around right his brother seems cool You guys start smoking weed then his brother's friend comes over and he Put something in the pipe that makes you feel a little bit more fucked up than you thought you would feel And then the next thing you know, you wake up and you're in some guy's bedroom

And you can't get out because he has a like that's how it happened. No That's happened. Of course. That's how they get on while I was smoking pot with a guy from tinder and now I'm tied to a bed That's terrible. Yeah, I mean, but how does the airport thing that now we had you now you're gonna do You know, we're gonna sell you if you do not come with us to where we're taking you Um, we're gonna kill your family. Oh my god. Everyone you love and you probably have a son or something and um Say goodbye like you don't get to say goodbye to anyone and we're gonna take you somewhere else And we're gonna take pictures of you and put them online and sell you But don't you have to go through security checkpoint? Yeah, and you have to look like my cousin

You have to look like my daughter. You have to look like just play it cool because you can't go to the tsc and go Hey, this guy's sometimes that does happen. Like I remember that flight attendant who was able to kind of Look, yeah sense that the young girl next to this older man was feeling uneasy and she immediately You know brought it to the authorities attention and sure enough. She was a sex slave. Yeah, and she was what 15 or something like that It's usually I mean, it's it's happening. So it's a big thing I know it's a big problem in the Philippines like where I'm from. It's a massive problem and um, I knew a guy who actually runs It's not an orphanage, but it's basically like a shelter for um, um

Young girls who had been rescued from the sex trade And it's terrible. These girls are so just psychologically fucked. I mean they're ruined from the age of nine Yeah, I mean it's just hypothetically. I'm just gonna throw it. I didn't do this right, but let's suppose if I was a guy Let's suppose let's suppose that participated in you know, like, you know, I Yeah, yeah Don't confuse sex trade for pros legal prostitution. Yeah, it makes me feel I'm gonna throw it out there because you've had hookers. I get it But that's different from capturing a young girl and then forcing them into the trade

What I'm saying this is that are you a part of the problem? Am I a part of the problem because There have been places I've gone to in countries Why they're not underage, but you know, it's and I don't know what their story is But if you go, hey, can I get the goods? They got them. They got underage, but they just don't know the code word I don't know the code word. It's the good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just to ask Right. I see but you know what I think you could do is convince yourself that Maybe the only good part of this girl's day was being with someone who was nice and nurturing to her as opposed to really cruel I beat them

But I think that's how I'm gonna cut that out. I'm gonna cut that out. Are we gonna get that out? Yeah. Yeah flag it cut it out I'm so sorry We don't beat them anymore. No, no, no, I'm kidding. You know that it's a joke everybody Comedy it's calm. It's comedy. No, I I mean when you get talking about this, you're right There's so many women that are doing it totally it Like for themselves and they run it themselves and they do it in such a safe way But there's a lot of it that it's just not and it's so hard to regulate it, especially in like a third world country Yeah, it's like they don't you're not we don't get, you know

IDs as like young girls like I never had an ID when I was over there Like I I didn't you know, there's no way to verify someone's age out there really and like you can drink by the time Like you can ask any five year old We'd be like buy me cigarettes buy me alcohol and they come back and with cigarettes and alcohol Like it's so not regulated. I feel so terrible because I have been in Thailand and in and in your country Forgot what's called Orderly doesn't like to acknowledge us as a real whatever democratic It's a beautiful place. It's a beautiful place beautiful islands and beautiful people to dance and

Sovereign to bore me. We're free It's actually not true because the Koreans are really fucking us. Really? Yeah, we're the worst Koreans are the worst But I'm gonna say this. I've seen like older white men with you know, holding hands with A girl that's obviously underage And he's like and an 80 year old white dude who's like I got one, you know, and it's like it might you can hear my heart Shatter into my body. It's so fucking sad. Yeah, and there's nothing you can say. No, yeah I mean, I watched this one doc documentary in Thailand. There's like neighborhoods where

The at night they film child porn with their kids because it's the only way to survive And they make so it's the only way to make money and if they stop doing it They also pay for everyone in their like little neighborhood to live. Oh my god That's the worst thing I've ever heard in my fucking life. I'm so sorry to even say it. What the fuck? Why did I bring it up with the slavery? No, I started with the slavery and it went into this I don't know. We just need to be I can't see her anymore. What happened? I want a bird box from this situation. I am so speaking of bird I haven't even seen it. I'm just referencing all the time. I will never say it. I will never say it. I'm telling you right now

It's a good idea. Don't I think it's wrong that everyone's seeing it. It's disturbing its content. No one should be seeing this It's not even that. I wish it was just that. This is actually just a horrible acting. Oh, really? The happening is a horrible movie It's literally the the happening Part two with no resolution. No resolution happening either. The happening was M. Night Shyamalan's masterpiece. Oh, really? Zero percent around tomatoes. No way. Yeah. Yeah. It's terrible. Oh, and I love what's her name? Sander blucks. Yeah, and Sarah Pauley is really good. Sarah Pauley is great in it. And you know who was terrible in it? And I hate to say this because I love him. It's John Malkovich. Oh, yeah, I heard he did something really weird No, he was just like Cyrus the virus from Conair. He played the exact same guy. Yeah, you just too

So big of an extra. Yeah And then a problem like that Is is that that's definitely a job that he got where he's like, oh, these are young directors Right. This is a Netflix thing. Oh, and I'm John Malkovich. You're lucky to have me And I'm gonna make the choices like no who's gonna give him notes Yeah, go. Hey, can you I think you're being too broad And if they're probably going, oh, yeah, that's just what he does, right? Yeah. Yeah, and could you tell him? No I'm not you know, I mean and then they just that there it is. Yeah, you know the first 10 minutes was good and that's about it

Really? conceptually I just don't know that I I can't is the first 10 minutes when it all everything chaos starts happening Yeah, okay. See that's the part that I'm like so scared of why I can't and it is scary that because I think a lot about Like suicide is like something that I like struggle with like thoughts of it and depression and stuff And like I hate suicide I have lost a lot of friends with and so for people to like see something that makes someone Everyone around me killing like watching a movie where everyone's killing themselves is like so triggering for me

Wow, I can't imagine just like even hearing about it. I'm like, no everyone's watching this. No Yeah, her stepbrother. Can I say that? Yeah. Yeah her stepbrother. Oh, I have lost people But what my thing is I I'm trying to think of what can I possibly see that could throw me there Throw me over the edge like I'm trying to I'm trying to think of what her sister saw Because here's the thing was a happy person like what are you seeing in the movie? They're seeing something And then they're like, yeah, so horrifying and they never explain what it is Well, it's supposed to be he did sort of explain. He says in certain religions. They even talk about it It's like a it's a it's a mix of your biggest sorrows your biggest fears

Your biggest all like put together and you see that that image, you know what mine would be what? Him doing stand up You were to experience that though. Yeah. Yeah in the movie if I was in the movie bird box He's killing but he's killing and I'm I'm looking at something like what's going on. I go You're the worst comic I've ever seen Jesus I almost killed myself that night. Oh, don't ever do it. You're just gonna keep doing it, but don't ever do it again All right. All right, but it's what would you or is me? What would you? That's or that's your thing. Yeah. Yeah, I know what mine would be what if

If I was watching my sister getting tortured My sister is my ultimate love of my life. Yeah, I were attached at the hip That would I would probably for sure. Yeah, that's that does it for I have a sister too That would do it for me too or just me like from a bad angle Like you know one of those pictures of the comic store that they post and you go that couldn't have been the best one I Think mine would be George also having sex Okay, so they never explain what it is. Okay, everyone it's something different to everyone

I just assumed it was a thing just from hearing people talking about I assumed it was a thing that just made you go psychotic And when I kill yourself, I didn't know that it was actually a thing that was compelling. That was so awful Yeah, that they don't even go into detail. So you you could be right what you're saying It could be something that it could be nothing But even if it is something like a hallucinogen It's still making you see something. So it's basically like an acid trip that's making you see something that's not real Yeah, that's so horrifying. I just don't I don't like end of the world stuff. It freaks me out He loves that stuff

It's like average genre of movie. My favorite genre. Aren't you do you think it's gonna happen? Do you think we're gonna like face something like that? Well, I'm gonna tell you the two things that could happen my friend and the two things that could happen The color is gonna reference before No, I'm not gonna reference. Let's see what happens. There it stops moving. Let's see what happens I don't know if I can handle these like I'm very delicate with this stuff. Do you really have things that are gonna? Yeah, that's what I'm leaning for like this. No, these are no, it's not they're like a meteor There's two things none of meteor not a meteor volcano

No, these are two things that could actually happen. Okay, okay The number one thing is peak oil You've heard of peak oil. Have you heard of peak oil? Yes, fog of war. Tell me fog You know, it wasn't fog of war. The movie was called collapse collapse. Yes. And basically it's the theory that you know oil Isn't something that the earth just constantly makes it's do we just have enough we have it You know fossil fuel we have it once we use it. It's gone Hmm. It's not something that it the earth generates, right?

And peak oil is the point of production where we're at the tip and then we can't You know We can't grab enough for I don't know how to say it There's not enough to go around to go around. We're at a point where yeah, is that one of yeah, yeah We run out. What's so funny because I can't explain it fucker because I'm not a scientist Oh, that's something else. Is that why are you laughing? No, all right. You just said him wanting to having sex or making love We want to make you murder yourself

Yeah, he can do that. He gets a little bit Yeah, but also he can just say this. All right, what what I say about this room You know what I mean? That's what it is. Okay. What it is What out there out there? I'm gonna fold his laundry and do all kinds of stuff I'm gonna do I'm gonna do his taxes out there and everything. We love each other. We love each other, but um, that's the one thing I go We'll do a documentary collapse, but it's scare the shit out of me. It's a documentary. Okay. Yeah, this is gonna scare the shit on me Okay, so what happens but worth watching worth watching and the second thing that can happen is also um the singularity Where machines become what happens if we run out of oil? What's like? What's the chaotic? Well, the problem is is that um

All our food comes from different countries. We get blueberries from, you know, brazil we get, you know Strawberry so and all these things are delivered through modes of transportation that have to do with fossil fuels, right oil Right when we run out of oil The whole system will break down Got it, right? We no one will be able to drive We're not going to be able to receive certain things And and we'll just break down as a society. It'll be chaos because everything's riding on oil Right everything because everything so only things that will work are calculators. Yeah, but we if we don't I know

I know 83s That is true niki. Yeah And we're not creating alternative alternative power source, right? So it's like eventually one day We're just gonna run out and we don't have anything to like as a substitute I think we're gonna break down and society's gonna be down. The second thing is singularity if when machine gets consciousness Oh, it's gonna happen, right? And then yeah, and then, you know, we'll have a war with Machines, and it'll be like a terminator. I like that ending better. What's your man? That one more dramatic I feel like it's gonna bring us together. Well, the thing I hear about that that that one is that it's gonna happen so fast

It'll just be like All of a sudden just now it'll like happen and then we're done There's not gonna be a war because it will be over as soon as it starts. So what is that um documentary where the guy who created the Uh, yeah, that one where he says the trajectory has been slow so far But once it goes up this way it goes the the trajectory goes straight up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we're all gonna be like Robots when you're saying that it's gonna happen just like that Can we fuck the robots first for a little bit? Before they take over will they let us have sex with them?

I want to have some robot sex. Yeah. Yeah, I wonder what um Um, you robot vagina is like Not as fun as robot dick. I mean, why wait, why did you say that like that? I mean to to be with your eyes all googly eye in your mouth like that. That's fucking crazy Think about it like to be able to construct The inner cavernous region of a woman. Yeah using fucking metal or not metal but using like synthetic stuff It's not as easy as Having just a rod really a robot a robot all about robot dick the robot already watched that kind of porn

where they're like basically machine You're telling me robots can't get Pringles Can't get a Pringle can and like dishwashing like his self made. Yeah, but I won't talk No, what a robot. I made a I made a my brother and I made a um homemade vagina slash slides. Yeah, okay We did Pringles. Oh, okay, right a plastic glove right to um sponges sponges and some rubber bands Right, and we took the Pringles out. Yeah, we did we constructed it. Right? My brother made my brother made one three days ago Oh

He had some stuff left over from last time we supplies our parents house. Yeah, because I found one Pringles pan can I go, well, what are mine? Did it work and he goes, I don't only one We have to use it. Okay. Good. We did it work. Yeah, it works. Was it great? It's great So why can't a robot just go there get it and stick it in? Have you ever used one that you like buy like that's actually yeah, and they're good a bunch of mirror on that and they're good Well, here's the problem with it Here's the problem. They're not warm

Oh, they can be warm. Oh, yeah, do you use um warming um the warming oil warming oils You can make a warm Okay, here's another thing because that's a problem I have with dildos. They're not warm. Yeah, they're always just so Yes, they're all in cold. Yeah. Well, it's also you maybe you can invent something Shark tank. Yeah, we can sell it. I've been trying my curling iron You have a breeze window And then it's very painful That's something the worst thing I've ever said in my life in my life

But here's the problem with the one that you buy at the store. This is that Flesh lights now have um, it's like a receptacle, right? So that if you put the oil in you know It's a hard cover, right? So the oil just goes in and then you unscrew it and you wash it But the problem with that is is that you need to be able to squeeze the rubber Yeah, because it's so cavernous, you know, it's like Yeah, you want to be able to give it right friction. Yeah

So you use most guys just take the thing out of the receptacle and then you use the oil, but then it just it's all It's a messy business It's all over your leg And you're like and then when you when you come your face it look like you're enjoying it. Yeah. Yeah like that You come right And then with the oil and the cum and it's it's all over there is an extra shame and guilt there. Oh you feel shameful. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're just lay there and go. What's I'm almost 50. What's wrong? Do you mean?

Yeah, do you have that feeling like When do you not have that feeling masturbating after do you feel shame after masturbating? I don't feel shame I I researched it because I was feeling it so frequently and it's called like postcoital depression and post postcoital blues Oh, really? And I think it's almost like equivalent to like an adrenaline dump So I always feel a little bit sad like even I mean any type of As as as long as there's a climax the afterwards is never just like pure joy

It might feel like a release like but there's a there's or maybe it's just you know Since I was raised catholic and that's just forever and great the shame, but I do feel a little bit sad Do you feel shame when you come? No, I feel victorious skip around like Like it's the great like it's so hard for me to come that like when I do I'm like I can't believe I Think down the street When you come though, is it usually you do it do you doing it to yourself or is it a guy doing it?

um Sometimes it's a guy, but it's it's got to be like a certain guy because I like it's I'm not I don't sleep around If I hook up with my ex then he can get the job done, but generally it's myself and it's just It takes so long even when you even by yourself because I didn't start masturbating until like two years ago. Like I just never did I was because my a whole adult life I was on anti-depressants for pretty like a lot of it Yeah, and I think that it's oh my god terrible because I was on zoloft for a really long time And I swear to you it was the most frustrating thing

But as soon as I got off of it as the years pass it got so much better Yes, I got off it in like a month later. I was like I need to jerk I don't have never felt that I need to masturbate I've never understood just like sitting on your couch and getting like seeing a hot guy on tv and being like I want to go like I never understood that thing that girls do I would always ask my friends like when do you do it? Like what I don't even get it Like I just never got horny for it But I was a I was a horned up bitch like a lot of times for sex

Like I could get horny if like I was presented with a sex situation But on my own I never it never occurred to me and then after I quit zoloft I was like, oh, I get it and then I was jerking off like all the time Yeah, and it was great and then And now it's just a little bit more lucid to me I just think I've my porn surges have become a lot more depraved and that's not helpful And then what kind of porn are you into besides robots? um

like Like um, I really like where the girl is tied up. I love that Um, how many how many men skipped in my body? Oh my god There's a Hungarian when I watch where it's like they do I am and 10 of them and they pin her down and they they basically Um compete for who's gonna impregnate her. No, she wants it. Oh, she wants it. They don't pin her down like that They just she it's a cream pie one, but like she is like that and every time they they cream pie her the lady There's like an older lady tells her this might be the one that gets you pregnant. She's like Uh, why is there a older lady in this because basically the older lady supervises this woman wants to get pregnant

And so she has 10 men like 10 provincial Hungarian men Just like circle around her I'm into that. I'm not into the pregnant thing. Like She's like Weird Calila It's not weird at all. I totally get it though All my friends are into that shit the cream pie a big time of or like the pregnant thing Even if like you don't want kids like I did have a guy recently be like, I want to get you pregnant

I was like, oh my god, that feels great to hear even though. I don't want kids and I don't want to play a family with you Um, but yeah, I like I like tied up. I like lots of guys. I like um taxi Tat what's that taxi porn? I don't know. What's taxi porn? It's just me though. What is what is it? What the fuck is taxi? Check taxi porn. It's always a check guy who picks up a girl. She's like, can you take me to the library? And he's like, okay And then like they just have this you have to watch an hour-long conversation first. Is it real? No, but they act out. It's not real good. It's not real, but they do a 45 minute conversation leading up to like you watched all of 45 It's like, you know, you know, you know what I like to build up

You know what I hate a really I love improv You know what I hate about porn when they try to like here's what you know, what was the thing for a while was um Was it called surprise cream pie? Oh, I don't like surprise cream, right? But like but it's all rehearsed, right? Yeah, surprise cream pie is right, babe I know I understand that but the one that's why you don't really see it for real. It's always rehearsed So whenever the girls can't act it's pretty bad. Right. So when the guy comes inside or she's like I told you not to come inside me and then proceeds to then proceeds to beg over and show it do that And it's like, oh, you got to go to fucking Meisner school

Because that's not real. Are you that angry at the screen? That's why I only watch porn where what I go I have a membership to kink.com because it's like all It's all girls tied up. It's like bondage. It's um, it's a lot. I like because it's I like uh When the girl is being forced to have an orgasm and she like almost doesn't want to but it's like a lot of Japanese porn Is like that where they just have all the gadgets around and then she's basically like Oh, like yeah, I like girls are like Nope, you got it. I'm sorry girl. That's rape too. No. No. No. She wants to but oh, I like the ones this is like You're gonna go crazy. My favorites are the ones where the girl has to ask permission to like she wants to and she and he's like

No, you're not allowed to yet and she's like He's like, did I say you quit? You dumb whore Sorry, like I like I I like all that stuff I like because I like that in sex sometimes too like not every time but I like I like to be like choked and called a stupid Horror like I like to because I like to play like I'm a dumb whore because I'm like that's the last thing I am Right, but I really like to be one sometimes because I'm like it gives me like I don't know I gave a blowjob one morning recently and I like

I was like I need to start more days off being a whore because I had such a great day of like I was productive I was like in a good mood. I was like I just felt like a rogue whore going through all my day. I felt like I could do anything I felt very empowered by it And it was just like I just like doing something whores to start my day And um and that was what I learned about like that's what I wanted more in 2019 Is like I'm like I need to have more I need to do more like slutty things in the morning But that's so charitable to just give a straight blowjob to completion

Like who is this person and do you like do you even like like him to yes enough for that? Yes? Okay Well, um, he was not going to be able to make me to make me come I just like knew that when I hooked up with it like it was it was in the morning and I just was like I just was like you deserve this like I felt like good about it And I was like I'm good at this And and it's the first time I felt because I'm not having sex right now Like unless I'm in a committed relationship or it's with my ex-boyfriend who it's like we know the deal So but with with guys that I'm like dating and stuff unless I'm like they're my boyfriend

And I can't sleep with them because it's just I'll get hung up on them and then they won't like me anymore It's happened too many freaking times. So now I'm like If I don't have sex and like what do I have to get them off? And like I used to just never give blowjobs because I would just have sex because that's so much easier than giving a blowjob Like why would I blow you if I could just lay back and get it? And like enjoy something too, you know, so I just but now I'm like Oh, you got to get better at blowjobs again because they're all you have If you're gonna hook up so you're not you're not even allowed to receive anything like no no

Dry humping no No, I want all of that but they're just not like so much You know when you look up with your guy a guy and you're just like he just isn't gonna get this And it's just it would take a whole what if a guy's what if a guy said I'm just gonna eat your vagina until you come But that's not enough. That's how I say it. Okay, but this guy would eat your vagina Okay, but that's not enough You can try and sell that

And I just wonder sometimes I just not in the mood to like I I was like I I was more turned on to just do something to him than I was to receive and I was just it was the morning I wasn't in the mood for it, but I was like it was But there is something of a victory in knowing you can get someone I'm sweating. I'm like I never sweat on my face is sweating right now. I was good at it. And I was like now I'm good at it And I don't care. All right, Nikki So I'm not What I I just wanted Nikki. I I don't know this about you. I I see you at the club. I go. Hi

How was your set you go? Oh good. All right. Have a good drive home safe You know, this is a side of you. I've never seen so that's why I'm sweating. Okay. Wow doing right Wait, wait, crazy. When did you guys first meet though? Like the store at the comedy store a while ago. Yeah. Yeah. I mean the first time you brought me on stage I remember I was like, oh He was like, well, she's getting up a lot. So she must be she's gonna be funny. I guess I can tell you were like kind of pissed like well, she's getting lots of stage time So, uh, I know you're gonna like but Nikki, can I tell you why?

Yes, I'm gonna tell you why and I want to be as honest as I can. Oh, no Okay, okay Is is that the comedy store used to be Uh, you there was a rule where you have to work there And then you have to 10 years And then you become a regular and then you'll get spots and and and mitzi pretty much Really did that. She was very picky

But fame or people that were great was not in her In her register in her brain If somebody had already made it on her own he's she had no interest She wanted to find people herself No, that's stupid. I know it's very dumb. It's stupid. And that's why no one came to the club We had terrible comedians um, and so When new people started coming in right

In my head, there was a time where I was kind of like there's David spade Of course. Oh, there's norm mcdonnell. Yeah, these are not store people. Yeah, that makes sense Right and so in the beginning I was kind of like I know I knew you were funny I knew that you had The the ability and and and and and the talent, right? Right, but there was a time where I was like, oh, well, there goes the store. Yeah, but now I I rather have it the way it is. I love it because it's re it made my career I mean the store is the best

Place to go now. Yeah, because without like jet avatar. I would never got in love Without love, I wouldn't got the sitcom that I'm on now, right? And so it put me back on the map, but at the time when you started going around, thank you But I I literally I just remember you in love. I loved you in love. Yeah, but I in my head. I'm like it reinvented my situation podcasts Yeah, this podcast is has to do with meeting kalayla But also the resurgence of Joe Rogan and all these people coming back joey Diaz

and Theo Vaughan and Andrew Santino and all these fucking people Delia, so it at the end of the day, I'm so glad but at that time, you know, that's how I was bringing people up Wasn't just you. Yeah, you know, I mean, but So funny that you're like, yeah, that rings a bell that intro. Yeah, but it does ring a bell But are my intros good now? Oh, you have the best Well, then what the fuck Nikki? I just know I'm just saying that your opinion of me meant something to me So I remembered I was like, oh, I'm gonna have to prove myself to him, which is fine. I get it

Um, but it was it was kind of it was Because I didn't know that that was the case that anyone kind of felt that way But you were always nice to me. I want to say something like another compliment and it might come across as Sexist but I had to just say what my heart says I love it and and and um There's a lot of female comedians that hate the comedy store. It's a rough room Um, even the energy it's better now, but still it's a dark room

Um, you have a lot of alpha males there Um, the the rooms are tight at times It's not the easiest room the especially the or especially during a week night And anybody that can survive in that atmosphere also, it's got a stacked lineup So when you're following five or six aggressive kind of comedians It can be difficult and I always see you do a good job and also, um It's just a testament to your talent because

Of all those elements. I'm saying it's it's it's I feel like it's harder For women like talking to Natasha Or morgan murphy and these and these and Whitney's done this show, you know And so it just it's a testament to your talent that you can go in there and um Kill deliver your point of view your style and um, it's you know, we welcome you we we your family there Yeah, yeah, yeah, it definitely it used to feel that way. You're so right about it being a boys club I mean I came to la in 2006 and I was go up at the store at the open mic Uh from 2006 2009 it was not a welcoming place for women and

There were some guys that you were cool with and there were sweet guys that worked I mean there's always been sweet guys at the store Yeah, but some are psychopaths and they were not nice and they were bullies and they've been let go Thankfully a lot of them. I can I can say some names right now. I mean, yeah, I could say some names right now Yeah, I've had some like initials da. Yeah, you know da da. Yeah No, but I yeah, let's keep throwing initial No I'm so scared of the people that I hate from there like they were just like so

Just the meanest things I've ever had happen to me was by comics or and still ones that I'm like Ari Shafir was part of a group that did something to me that I was like you two are the meanest boys I've ever met in my life and Ari is now a friend of mine and is like softened as he's gotten older, but it was a part of that like Let's make women feel terrible about themselves and like It was or let's beat the shit out of Athletically, yes, exactly. You beat the shit out of me three times. Who are you sure here? Really till I was bleeding from my face. Oh, yeah, really? Yeah He kicked my face like 30 times. What?

Yeah, where I was bleeding and then um He did it three weeks in a row and the third week. I went into the office to call the police and steve runnazizi pulled the They said the phone cord out of the wall not to call the police. Oh my god. That was exactly during that time period Oh, my god. Yes. So I witnessed it as well. Dude. That's terrible. I'm so sorry that happened. I'm totally fucking fine. I'm a man Don't ever come at me like that All right, I'm a survivor All right, aren't we we're fine. You're fine We're fine. We've been I need to get through I need to I need to like that's crazier

And then Ari came on the show and convinced him to stick a candy bar up his butt And I did that. Are you guys cool now? Yeah, what he beat so is he does he recognize how insane that was to beat you? It was it's a sin. It's a part of the comedy story folklore You're a legend. It's a legendary story. Um, why don't I he um came on this and I stick a kitten in my butthole Snickers a snickers in my bottle. Did it feel kind of good? It felt no. No, it felt messy Okay, it felt like you're fucking mr. Glass. Did you have any? Um, you know what I mean like a week. There's no bone there. It's like his bone shattered in my butthole

Do you have glue? His dick bone? No, he's just stuck it in there. Oh my god. He here's how he made it up to me He go he called me on a balloon. I don't understand. Why didn't he have that shut up his ass? I know, I know, I know In hindsight, I thought you said Asians ran this room Well, when I mean say Asians, I mean Jews Jews But um, he called me one day and he goes Hey, it's me. I go, what are you calling me for? I didn't talk to him like in eight years or seven years

What I go, what are you calling me for? It's okay. I'm you know, I went through some stuff I've been look reflecting back and my behavior And he goes, um, I really deeply I'm sorry and I go, okay And he goes and I have a tv show. Do you want to do it? I go, yeah Listen, that's how that's how quick when you say tv show You could have like done some really terrible things like burn might be home down I mean, he kicked you in the face three times. I know and

Yeah, yeah, and it was about the the reason why it beat me was because of over in Natasha Uh, and Steve and they were all in the story when the zizi and so, you know, in a storytelling show, what was it called? I'm dying up here. This is not happening So we he had the show, but we we did the show we told that story of how that all came about with me Natasha Steve and Ari You did we did the cheetah. Yeah. Oh my god, and it really was so therapeutic and um because Everyone had their little part to play in it and um, if you guys are interested, I know you guys are Tiger Billy fans

I've talked about talked about it before but go look at it. Um, oh, I'm definitely going to check that out Let me ask you this. Have you Have you always gotten along? Do you have any enemies in common any wars any wars? Yeah, I have I have someone who's in it like there was someone who tried to like Ruin me for when I first started in st. Louis. There was like the girl All con like the best chick comic on the scene was like five six years older than me and just did not want anything Would I I don't want to know who she is. But would I know her if I knew I don't know that's I would 50 50 I would say you know her because she's been around but and she was around and she's not so much anymore

But she was really funny. I looked up to her a ton like she was leagues about me Like I didn't even imagine being that she would ever be jealous of me or care about me She's like the top dog and I just started in st. Louis. Yeah, and but it was a good scene Yeah, you know what would it matter like how when you're so young like the guys But when you first start right? Yeah And you you know because you have that fear of going up Right. I kind of can I am I going to be able to do it even? But once you start doing it and you're going oh, I can do this

There really is a life altering change in your life the how the way you feel about yourself The way you view the world and you know that this is going to be a part of what you're going to be doing purpose There is a life altering change that happens. It's purpose. It's suddenly you're like, oh, I have a reason for existing Yes, it like felt like that answer to me. I was just like you're about to make me cry because in your eyes right now There was there was a you I could feel like you're feeling it Yeah, I mean comedy saved my life because I was anorexic and I was gonna die and I like wanted to die I hated my life. It was like the worst existence. I had no reason to live. I wanted to be an actress I sucked at acting it like wasn't not I sucked but I just I wasn't naturally good and I wasn't gonna be the best

There was no chance of me being just a meryl Streep and I was just like Well, there goes my dream and I'm anorexic and I can't Get do it. I don't I'm gonna be a mom or a teacher. I'd rather kill myself Which I'm going to because I can't eat and I don't know how to start eating again It was just like my life sucked and then someone was like you should do comedy because I was so funny I had developed a sense of humor quickly a big um Out like I developed I didn't I was always funny But I developed it personality and I would like started being funny or insane funnier things and trying to make friends at college

Because I was so sick looking no one would be my friend unless I was like over the top Wow, so I became really funny like overnight people started telling me I should be a comedian I was like, okay. I'll check that out. I checked it out. I signed up for a show. I did it It went amazing and then I was like done and then I started like I could eat I started eating like shortly after that. Wow So it literally saved my life like when you say it changes you yeah Because then you start looking at the world differently and you're like I'm a comedian now it changes ever It's like meditative in a weird way like it. I think it really yeah, or you do a show and they're like there's a crowd

That feeling there's people here. Oh my god Oh, wouldn't they start to show up for you or no, or just you just even do like because when I started there was like Three people in a coffee shop, right? And then eventually you're you get invited to do a show at a club And all of a sudden, you know the promoter is good and there's you see 40 people And you're like, oh my god, there are people here In that feeling and you do three minutes It just was like god, I just am so glad I have a reason to live. I have no reason now I show up at the show. I go up on stage

Nothing though doesn't I'm dead inside I find other things now. I have to find other things because now it doesn't give me I don't look at the world like what's the joke of the day? Fuck outside like I really am not looking at the world like I did at that time anymore I don't get the same adrenaline rush from doing stand-up. I don't like yeah You know what you did from a blow job? Maybe something as simple as that? It is it is it really is because I was I didn't have sex until I was like 21 because I was starting comedy and like I was sex stuff was very delayed for me. So I'm still like like I don't talk last night. Like I was like

I'm a 34 year old woman who's I like really relates to like Taylor Swift like early Taylor Now her stuff is too advanced Christianity, is that why no, I was just like a prude I was just scared of boys and like scared of the world. What were your parents like? My mom's like they're so supportive. They're so cool. They're like they I don't know they just I never I always liked boys, but I was terrified of them I just was like I can't have our picture myself like kissing a boy So then I didn't kiss a boy until super late and then and then I started drinking and I was like now

I can have sex I can do anything and then I quit drinking and then it was like having to start all over Wow Like for me, I was pretty much unfuckable because I was little weird. I was a weird guy Yeah, I took a photo actually of I'm gonna show you a photo comedy make you fuckable too. Yeah Yeah, it gave me the confidence. Yeah, but I took a I was at my parents house and I took a photo, right? I'm gonna show you what I look like Right. This is me at a coffee shop. This is I used to work at a coffee shop. You're adorable. So cute But I was shy, right? How old are you there?

20. I would have charity fucked you for sure. You're so cute. Because of little Jack like little That wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be. Yeah, and then you look adorable And then I was and then I used to do like little weird things like this is another photo I took of me and my brother Steve, you know, I used to wear like little suspenders like this. Oh my gosh. You're so fun Yeah, yeah, dude. You're like, yeah, yeah, fit. You're like What? Like what?

Like, yeah, I was you were very cute. I think they were wrong I think you were really cute. You were wrong about yourself though. All those things that you felt feeling unfuckable. You were wrong about yourself You were yummy. You what you're what you're not looking at What you're not looking at is what's coming out of my mouth and my my attitude probably You know, you see that photo of me, you know, right? But what's coming out is But only confident guys walk around with their shirt off. Yeah, that doesn't seem like a parents house. Fuck not So when did so you got confident girls started paying attention I I did a show when Diana died princess Diana died. Oh, wow. You did a charity show for her

Oh, oh, I was like the invite but she died Elton John did that and he sang candle in the wind It was Elton John and Bobby Lee Give it up for Elton John and Bobby Lee Yeah, he changed the lyrics just for her Yeah, yeah Um, did she not remember that? You don't you know what happened was Yeah, it princess Diana died and um At the comedy store. I was working at the comedy store in La Jolla

I was a doorman And back then fred burns the manager used to have a system if you work the door on saturday nights You have two doorman What each one of you could host the show either one of the shows And I and stan Simmons the guy I hosted I did with I did the door with he said you always do a second show Because it would do is route route here So princess Diana died that week and I was up on stage and there was a young girl named Jennifer in the front row And I'm doing comedy. It's not doing going well because you know, there was like a sadness in the room

And then after the show whenever I was wrapping up the show after the headliner She got up and I she looked sad. So I put my hand on her back and I go, um, well I'm sorry that princess Diana. I hope you feel bad or better something like that And I just let I went to go wash dishes and mop And then like an hour later fred goes kid You have a uh phone call because we don't have cell phones back then So I went to the phone I go, hello

And this goes hi, I was that girl in the front row that you said, um, hope you about feel better Okay. Yeah, did you leave something? What? And she's like, yeah, I just think you're cute. I go, I know but what what did you leave something? And she's like, no, you want to hang out? And then four days later, I met her parents house in Oceanside. I'm in the closet and I'm 69 and you're in the closet Wow, wow, right and I'm 69 or in the closet and her She was cute too. I didn't know how to do it. I was like doing something like that, right? What are you going to matrix download? I was like, I don't because mom was home

And I was doing it. I remember in my head. I'm going I I can't fucking believe I'm doing this So you're saying some good things came out of princess diana's death. Oh Yeah, it wasn't all bad. It wasn't all about civil lining. Yeah. So was that the first like hookup you had from Stand up for you like Oh before yeah, I lived off of prostitutes. Good for you So why because I feel like if the guys aren't getting laid, they shouldn't just wait Yeah, if like they they should

Practice yeah leading up to when they get the confidence to take it out there And I can't they should get prostitutes I can't say the name because I got in trouble remember when I said the name of the guy that the the guy that The guy that oh, yeah, who used to take you there was this old man that used to take me Old man. There's an old older man who I can't even get into the details of it because he's listening probably right now but I've talked about it on tiger belly And one day he caused me it out of nowhere. I talked to this guy in 30 or 25 years

Because hey, I got my your number from, you know, five six different like ways of getting it And he goes I I'm I'm a clergyman now And I'm also a part of the the student No, no like assembly like he's a government official or something. Yeah, wow, and I have grandchildren I remember doing that was fun Right. It was fun doing that. You know, I remember it. Can you just not say my name ever again? Stop saying it over and over over over because you said my name like 15 times And I have I'm a clergyman, you know me and I'm like, oh fuck remember

I'm like, hi bad, dude Sorry, and it just hung up was your did you lose your virginity to a prostitute? No, I um He was 10th in line that was 10th in line And I'm just gonna throw that out baby the way you said that The way you just fucking said that you spit in my fucking face. I did that was I wanted to spit in your She said it very sweetly Yeah, she was almost proud of you. I was the last one in line. Yeah. Oh, it was it was 10 out of 10. Okay

Yeah, well, it was one girl. I feel like she was very progressive whoever that girl was to think that I want 10 in me now Dude, I want to watch that video Yeah, well, this was they were all in high school. So maybe I'm gonna say this One of the one of the guys I never told you this one of the guys I really want to watch that One of the guys in line When I was in my first rehab So one of the guys in line in that line. I went to rehab and then my friend From high school visited me at the rehab and he goes that guy has AIDS

I remember being in the rehab I'm gonna die from AIDS I didn't have it Hey, you were 10th in line. How did this go down? I know you I don't want I don't want this girl because I'm sure she's great and I'm sure she's a clergy woman Everyone who has sex with is a clergy person. I was a clergy woman now. Yeah, but um She was just like this heavier set girl who was kind of lonely and I was on the wrestling team And she just kind of had sex with a bunch of guys

How did this go down though? Like it was at a party. Okay. I was with the wrestling team at a party And she was like just come on over. Yeah, and we were all in a room And I just kind of remember waiting in line I got like it was that disneyland Thursday morning playing out No fast pass. Yeah, no fast pass also It's like shouldn't the smaller guy go first because I would but it went from heavier to small Yeah, yeah, which is not fair next time reverse it by the time you got there Was she over it? Was she still? No, I think she really because I remember the a couple hours before that

The lights went off in in the party and she grabbed my head and she made out with me She was into me in a weird way. I cannot believe yeah 10 guys. Yeah So, um, I don't know what happened to her and I hope she's doing great. You know, sorry about that. She's a clergy woman She's with the Lord College. I she could she made out with you. She put up some numbers that The stats it took me 10 years to get 10 I think she probably wanted to go to college having you know wanting to say that number. How many guys have been at 10? You're right. You're right one just one night. Yeah, you're right. You're right There was a girl in high school. There was an English girl. She was a foreign exchange student

And she was really pretty And she was the only one in high school that wanted to go out with me Big but in my head, I never she sounded weird her voice Because I just never heard an English accent before or whatever that that's what threw me off. Oh, that's fucking weird. Yeah There were so many moments in my life where I wish I had back That and also that guy in Nashville that grabbed me at that restaurant. Oh, pull up your pants. Yeah. Yeah I still think about that every day that guy though What do you want to talk about? Yeah. Yeah, I was at a restaurant

Okay, yeah, yeah closer to and I want to see because it has it has to do with you know And it's none of you. You're one of the good whites. He's a good white, too. He's this guy. I love this guy back here Yeah, I like him. He's not even paying attention. But he's trying to get a shot. You're fired You're fucking fine. You're fired from this fucking podcast while you were trying to adjust the camera and do something good for the show And I wasn't you and you did not reply Now you're fired. I was at a restaurant. Yes, and um, I was sitting there with a friend from AA I'm in alcoholics and I don't know if you know this And um, she had just moved there and I was eating dinner

And I was sitting on a stool Right. We're on a high table And all of a sudden I feel something a white a gigantic white hand with like rings And he's pulling me toward him and I look to my left and there's a kind of black jacket He's an old white man and he pulled me closer to him because son Pull up your pants. What and I go. I'm sorry And I did that and he sat back down in the whole dinner. I was just like, why did I do that? Oh, yeah Why did I let this guy

Talk to me in that way touch you and I did it and there was another guy which brings up another story I was in texas And I said something to carlos mincia I was with carlos. We're walking. I go fuck that This is when I used to open for carlos. Yeah, and this man came up to me goes. How dare you don't swear in public And I go, I'm sorry. Yeah, like I I let White older dudes tell me how to react in society and I say this If I say this

To the world I say this to the world And beyond and beyond I will not no longer allow that to happen. Nope. I will step stay Stick up to myself. This is a resolution. It's a resolution. Let me give me the ritual. Let me the ritual So nicky, I know the ovan gave you a ridge wallet. Yeah, but what'd you do with it? You don't have it anymore. So what'd you do with it? So the ovan my friend gave you a ridge wallet and then what happened? I definitely left it behind A nice hotel for the maid. See yeah, there you go. So you don't have a wallet. I do not I have a sephora Gift card purse that the gift card came in that amazing as my wallet. We got you that too. So this right here

All right. All right. I'm going to show you how it works. Yeah, because no Theo didn't show me how it worked. So I was just like I'm going to show you. Okay. Rage wallet. Rage wallet. So this is a ridge wallet Okay, so all my cards go into this little pocket here. Okay, and this is a money clip. Yeah, right So this is pretty much how it is But tell them about this uh the ld as someone But you want to show her how to All right, so basically what it is is to get your money your cards out. See that little thing You just stick your finger out like that and you can pull it out like that. Oh cool. It's very tight

It's compact come back and you also have these little tools that you can with this, you know to loosen it if you want and um What about my cvs receipt? Where will I stuff that because that's definitely what I will always oh in your money clip Okay, you would put it in your money clip right and then let me see if I have a receipt or just keep that whole thing in your purse Yeah, why don't I just do the but anyway, um, where do I put my passport because I don't have a driver's license Right now and I have to use my passport. So This is not a fucking for passport. Okay. All right, so um, but let me ask you this

I will give you a rich wallet. This is the greatest wallet. I would love one. Listen Fucking This is the greatest wallet I've ever used I believe you know they're a sponsor of mine And I and I really believe wholeheartedly in this in this um, what do you call it in this thing? It's wallet. It's wallet. Yeah, and I I would like to give you one, but if you leave it somewhere It'll upset me I can't promise you that I won't do that

I have a passport right now and so it I need a wallet that fits Do you have a purse the next time I come do this? I hope to have a driver's license instead of a passport They fuck face I'm gonna say something you fuck face. I just want to be honest. I know I understand they fuck face There is no fucking wallet that holds a fucking passport. You fucking idiot. There's tons There is really I see what that looks like. Let's see what it looks like A wallet is this a for a makeup pouch? Yes, so it's not really a wallet. It's not really. Oh, it works perfectly Yeah, but it's not a wallet. You fucking dig in my girlfriend has 20 of them. Yeah

Oh, I see, you know, look at your cards. Yeah, but look at your cards, though You know what? I'm just gonna give you this and then you do what you want I will take it and I will hold on to it. Well, give it to Carlisle. You're okay. I will I will give it to Carlisle Can I say she opened for me your friend? I love her. I love her. She did a great job She loves you guys and I will use her again. Yes. Good. I will um and she's a nice girl She cares she works hard and um, she's funny So um at the end of this thing we do a thing called unhelpful advice And basically we have an email

So we have, you know, we get emails and they people go through problems and we give them advice. It's some of it doesn't have to be helpful Okay, okay unhelpful advice with barbie kalayla at nickie glazer So I wasn't going to read this question, but I think because with something nickie said I think she would uh, this girl we a lot of help from, um, nickie. Hi. I'm a 26 year old girl I'm very suicidal because I hate my job and I'm anti-social so I have very few friends I spend most of my free time writing songs on the piano and making art But I'm not good enough to be a full-time successful artist. So I have to keep my nine to five job

I feel like I'm no longer able to socialize and be natural and open to people I think I might have ass burgers I feel trapped in my office job and I just don't see the point of living. Oh my god I used to be a happy child I started being depressed during my teenage years and never really got out of this phase I lost the fact uh the past five years of my life being depressed a piece of shit Do you have any unhelpful advice for me to turn my life around tons? Is it a woman? It is 26 year old girl Okay

Well, you want a star? Yeah, go ahead. Boom. Okay Been there girl feel it Felt all those feelings two things first of all If you can afford therapy go to it If you can afford it do it if someone in your life is willing to front the bill for you to feel better Maybe ask them give them a little shark tank presentation about why it's going to change your life. They can invest in you going to therapy If that's not going to happen for you if you can't find someone to talk to Or pay someone

Get a book called feeling good by doctor something burns But it's about constantly burns. It's cognitive bc burn It's cognitive. It's a book about cognitive behavioral therapy and it's about changing your thoughts because you're A lot of times we think that our emotions our depression is Um, we're depressed and so our thoughts then become sad suicidal thoughts thoughts like i'm worthless thoughts that i'm I should end it all. No one loves me. I'm lonely. I'm not good at anything A lot of times you think that depression causes that when really your thoughts those thoughts that you're saying over in your head Are causing your depression?

So all you have to do is stop those thoughts and there there's a method to do that and when you stop those thoughts the The feeling the emotion of depression will also uh Disappate and it like doesn't seem like it seems like hogwash and there's a million reasons why you can convince yourself It won't work for you But all i'm asking you to do it instead of buying that book feeling good If you're not ready to do that Which you should just order it now and have it on hand because you will want to read it once

Um watch the ted talk from that. What's his name david burns? Uh, yes, his name is dr. David d burns watch his ted talk david d burns and he kind of talks about cognitive behavioral therapy how it works and um And one of the biggest things is people go no, you don't understand. I'm so much more sad my i'm i'm different I actually am worthless. I actually don't I have asperger's all the things you're saying they're like no I deserve to kill myself. I deserve to not be on this planet You're not original in thinking that every everyone that has your type of depression thinks that and it is treatable And you just have to change your thoughts and I didn't think I could do it

But I could do it I do it and I also really recommend Getting a meditation app and starting a meditation practice because that is dope and so life changing and really can like reverse your depression Like reverse it a year. I know i'm going off a tangent But a year ago I was in her shoes wanted to kill myself Wanted to like go put myself away a year ago a year ago and my life was great great Everything's going I was going well, but I just couldn't get out of it I was just in a funk and my brain was my thoughts were just like dude kill yourself kill yourself like all the time And it was it was getting to the point where I was telling friends and being like well someone intervene

Like because I'm not feeling not that I was never even close to doing anything about it But it was further than the thoughts had ever gotten and I was like no I hate this I don't want to live this way because you just wake up and you feel that way and you can't get out of it But what I did was I I started meditating because I heard that meditation was helpful for depression And I was like I got nothing left to lose I had already been trained in transcendental meditation years before so I was like I'll pick that back up again But what I recommend is an app called waking up and it's sam harris's app love it Wow and sam harris's app

I've been doing tm for a year and that totally lifted my depression transcendental meditation you look into that But you have to get trained. It's thousands of dollars. There's a lot of like Loops to jump through if you have the money a hundred percent worth it But if you don't this app called waking up, it's I think it's like It there it is costly But it is like for the it's like $15 a month. I think now and I'm swear to god I know that's a lot for an app, but it's life saving Life changing life saving and his meditations are eight minutes a day that you can start on and they already are giving me as much

Benefit as I used to get from 40 minutes of meditation. They're that good And I love this app and it's make it like I will get depressed if I take two days off of this app I start to feel the thoughts creep in so waking up the app by sam harris Listen to his lessons on there listen to the meditations get the book feeling good And then to be convinced to get the book feeling good go watch the ted talk The first thing you should do is watch watch the ted talk david burns I think that you're right In terms of it isn't just one thing that's causing your depression or your suicidal ideation

I think it's a collection of things so start to chip at those things before you Kind of like for me, you know I've been in a lock-up facility three times because that's how many times I tried to off myself You know, I was on meds for a really long time But now I'm 34 and I'm not on any meds and I've been I still have my blues. They still come around I don't want to cure that. I know it's something that I have to live with but I can live with it So you just have to get to that point to where

You anticipate that it is going to come you're going to have shitty moments and shitty times But that you can get through it and live to see another day And it's just multiple little things that you have to chip away at one can be meditation one can be, you know, exercise Exercise is so huge one can be seeing a therapist and you know, possibly getting on meds that you feel good about And all those little elements eventually could you know get you to a point where you're not constantly thinking about You know But you know often yourself. Yeah, it's it's I think you're right. There's so many different things that you can just start small things but Things that I just didn't would never have thought I've been an intelligent person

It sounds like you are too. You just think I'm depressed My thoughts are shitty because I'm depressed and it's a chemical in my brain But truly your thoughts are making you fucking depressed and you can change your thoughts. I should have said my advice before yours I know you can't because now because now when I'm about to say When I'm about to say it doesn't make any fucking sense. Okay. All right, but I'm gonna still try to do it I like it. Everyone rewind pretend pretend. He's the first one. This is what I was saying. All right I went home To with my for my with my parents my brother and I oh, yeah, we spent four days with my parents

My dad is um, he's dead dying He's he's he's he's he can't eat You know, everyone knows he's stroked out and uh, he has to be moved everywhere. He can't really move He you can't understand a word he's saying and my mom is a 24-hour nurse that's all she is now she And they're alone in in this house in Phoenix, Arizona and she's doing it on her own

It's really sad. So my brother and I went to hang out and help out and um And I my mom loves, you know, Korean dramas and TV shows and whatnot. So I wanted to get her hooked on Game of Thrones Okay, so we've been watching Game of Thrones and um She loves it, but I'm see you understand. I Have seen all of them. She's only seen the first season So she sees aria star. She loves aria star, right? And like, you know, she saw what happened to her and all that stuff and she's dirty. She had to cut her hair right and she's um

She's about to the next three or four or five seasons. She's about to struggle hard and fight But I know it works out for her because I'm further in the seasons, right? And in my head, it's like in my 20s They too were very depressing and I didn't know that I was ever going to become You know a successful comedian And tv all the stuff that I have podcast. I'm beautiful girl for great girl intelligent girlfriend one of the best in people in the whole world Angel angelized

Tight pussy, you know the whole fucking thing, you know, I mean Yeah, yeah, but I didn't know you know in my 20s. I was this blubbering Kid, I used to very depressed Suicidal hated myself And you know and all the things that nikki said Um is true. You need, you know, I don't have any advice when it comes to that But what I can say is is that we I relate to you and what I can also say is is that You know, a lot of times in people pockets of people's lives

It's hard And you have no money. You don't know what you want to do with your life. It's a struggle and you have these old tapes in your head You know Saying that you're worthless and and whatnot and I obviously have gone through that And much like aria stark. I know that it works out for her, right? But a lot of times you need to see the struggle you need to live through it And and the doubts and all that and what I want to say to you is if you don't give up And you try

You know, you try things. You know, you said you're doing art. You don't think you're very good Whatever you do creatively still do it. Yes, right because um You know, I watch antique roadshow Our favorite. It's my favorite thing to do. You know that, right? You do you know that about me? I've seen every single antique roadshow on youtube We watch it over and over again and we cry and there was a guy there was a guy on there I swear to god, there was a guy and he goes well, I got this the year not the year the the ute. No, it wasn't that it was a it was A wall he used to work in new york and there was like a part of a wall

Okay, and he's like he like basically cut it out And it was a crown and just some scribbles it literally looked like i'm going to show you do it right now Give me a piece of paper. Give me a piece of paper. Give me a piece of paper this It looked like this. I swear to the fucking god It looked like this Probably just driving scribbles. This he's driving scribbles for audience. So I have this I I saw basquiat do this Yeah, and he's like, oh, yeah, yeah Probably in this today's market

$150,000 For this piece of shit Right, but what i'm saying is is that i'm sure it's great. You know what i mean? But like basquiat just did His thing. Yeah, and i'm sure when he first did it on walls in new york in alleyways people are like You know people like old guys that don't know the new shit is going what the fuck, you know, right? But just do it or this girl could truly suck at those two things and not be She truly could and that's okay too. That's okay. That doesn't mean you're no make millions of dollars

If you suck then you aren't good at something you have no idea that you're good at you might be a great friend You might be a great There you go the best it like there's there's something you you can truly sell and You might be the best to you like just it doesn't matter if you're not basquiat I wish I would have said my thing before you're a fucking thing with the apps and the fucking things It made me like it made me feel like shit doing it I sort of fucking you can't come on to my show Right and say like fucking cosmic fucking reading the most helpful about the most helpful advice that you ever had

I have the stupid fucking thing that I was gonna say the next time and from now on Next time before the fucking guest says they're fucking shit. I say mine. That's fucking bullshit, nicky Also, what's your name one more thing? She uh, no name. I don't find people who've lived peachy lives interesting at all worse. I don't relate to them I don't understand them. I don't find them to be full of character. They're boring So yes, what bobby says sometimes the pain and struggle just builds you into something. You're not even realizing I The best people I meet like the coolest people have like the worst parents

Like the war like they've been through Like I knew you were cool already meeting you. I was just like, oh, I like her and then when you were like I've been locked up four times. I'm like, yep I'm terrified. You're so much more interesting than anyone else who hasn't had that like that makes you so much cooler And this girl writing that email like what you've been through you already have a fascinating story of Some of survival if you've gotten through feeling that way And having those dark thoughts and being able to write into a podcast and like ask for advice I mean, you're cool. You pass the test. Yeah, just don't hurt yourself. Don't please don't

I you know, I as being you know, I know you listen to my podcast I know I'm special I know that I'm a leader Cosmic in many ways energy pure pure and simple Be my friend Walk down the street with me, right Um, let the sun beam crush your face Through light and honor. Yeah. Yeah

as we create Um magic We should wrap this up by do we do New Year's resolutions at all? Is that a thing we do? Oh, yeah, do you have one? Do you have one? I was gonna try to cost less Cost less really? Yeah on stage or enough just in life. I just cost too much. Yeah, it's too easy I wanted to I want to savor it Wow, that's a good one. Cost less come more. Do you think that? Oh, yes

Do you think it's gonna feel good when you finally do cost? Yes. Yes. I I still am costing right now I'm catching myself, but I'm because I'm so aware of it. I I cracked myself right away. So I hope to get to no cussing What's your sweetie? Mine's so fucking dumb that like and I did it today and I and I said that's the last time I do it Well, I was we have a new wardrobe department at the at the show that I'm on Oh, yeah, and I'm meeting them and then we just talking I'm making everyone laugh in the room and whatnot And I just basically say call me a gook Oh, you do you force people to say the word people to say call me a gook

And then they're like, why? I don't know. I get off on it. Really? Yeah, it's weird and they're like, no, we're not doing that Yeah, and then like I left the wardrobe feeling like why did I just do that? I was fucking weird specific resolution. Why don't I don't I'm just saying stop saying call me a gook. Yeah. Yeah. I mean it might just start Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's like I get off on you know that old one. Yeah Such a classic Stop asking people to call me a gook. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's my new new year's resolution So what do you think? I don't want to say mine anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Say yours. Say yours

Standard I'm wanting to get back to basics Yeah, yeah, I play this game with time if I have to get there at 2 p.m I don't want to get there at 158. I don't want to get there 201 I want to get there at 2 p.m So I like to time things in my head to where I get there exactly at that time And I can't do that anymore because I'm always late or I'm always early and it never works out to my advantage And most of the time it's usually just late. Yeah, and I need to stop doing that playing that stupid game

It's it's I think it's an OCD thing. It sounds like it. Yeah. Yeah, what's yours Gilbert? Very simple. Be consistent with what? A lot of things I like to I start a lot of things I want people to stop calling me a gook There you go. There we go. Now we're on the right track You fucking Chinaman. Uh feels good. Filipino. Come on, babe. Oh, yeah, you're right. Give us some credit What I know. So here's the thing my real one. That was just a kid. I was just kidding guys, but you should stop doing that I feel like I want that one You seem kind of tormented by it. Yeah, um

What I really want to do is um I want to stop thinking that I'm some sort of mind reader. Yeah Oh, you know, like what? Yeah, like, you know, when I show up into a room, I go, yeah I know what they're thinking, you know, they hate me Or they're feeling this or sometimes they go to the comedy star. Yeah, Joe Rogen really hates me And like it's based on nothing. Nothing. It's just some sort of In my head building up scenarios that don't really even exist And then I go through these torturous, you know

Moments in bed when I'm laying there and I and I go into this like, you know, and I just want to stop doing that. It's like I'm 47 fucking years old I'm gonna be dead soon I'm done with that. All right, and here's another thing. I want you to stop being a people pleaser What do you mean? Yeah, I think that you're a renegade in so many ways And I like all those parts about you, but there are certain situations where I feel like you have to walk away feeling liked And who cares if they like you or not? That's not I know

And you always have that that's why you have those conversations with yourself Well, what did I say? Did they like me? Did they not? But who gives a shit like today today? What happened was I'm going to say it this guy From a different agency All right, he's been trying to get me in his age for years Interesting, so he'll show up at the comedy store. He'll call me every other month and I appease him by going Oh, yeah, you you think I'll work more

Instead of going hey man, stop calling me. Yeah, I have an awesome rep right, but I in my head I'm like if I don't do if I if I Then he won't like me right. I will someday need him right It's some some crazy thing, you know, I mean If anything though, he'll want you more if you just really have boundaries People love boundaries People don't like you when you are needy and want to be liked

And the thing is if someone doesn't like you They're wrong because you're cool And nice and if you truly know that about yourself and like I think a lot of us because when I'm like, oh, someone doesn't like me I'm like they know the real me which is Associate path or what it like all these things we think about ourselves And we're like they don't like me, but it's not like I'm a good person. So if you don't like me, it's kind of your problem Yeah, and I can't change it and I don't know that I want to and all I can do is And it's none of your business what people think about you. Remember that. Yeah, that's one's a good one to remember

Well, I'm gonna be honest with you. Nikki. Um I didn't know you that well But and so, you know, I get a little apprehensive, you know, when I don't know somebody that well that's on the podcast But I have to say That the time went by so quickly That I there's so many other things I wanted to talk about with you, which is also a good sign And it was a very easy free flowing podcast Um, you were great. Thank you. And and and we would love to have you back on one day

I love that. I would love to be on again. And um, it's a little hurtful that you've never asked me to be on. It's fine Your podcast was fine. I have a radio show every day On serious, you know, like you do and I I do I have a radio show every single morning if you have serious or a rental car I have On comedy central radio every single morning for two hours and I would love to have you on it's from seven to nine in The morning in LA so you'd have to come by the studio from that time But I would love you. You have it tomorrow. Yeah, I have it tomorrow. Oh my god. Where's it at? Um on wilshire

Uh, like that's crazy. I'm west of here. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, so you do it Monday through Friday Monday through Thursday for Two hours every morning. And then do you go home and sleep to do gigs at night? No, I go out and go to meetings and Live my life and then I do stand up at night and then I never sleep and I Hopefully I sleep on on Saturday. It's amazing Well, you know, I'm you say something you're a professional You're a nice person. You're very funny And um, this is the beginning for you. Thank you. I'm such a fan of yours And I can't believe I'm friends with you and we're friends. I feel like we're friends now and

Yeah, it's just like it's cool to know people that early on you were like, he's the funny like it's just nice You're so great. Give her a round of applause. She was great girl friends. You cannot leave because you have to take a photo Is awesome. Thank you. We're carla said you were awesome. Where can people follow you? Where can we all? Oh, yeah, nicky glazer at nicky glazer nicky glazer on instagram. I'm gonna plug anything. I'm gonna be in uh, austin texas this weekend at cap city Yep, and um, what's the Tacoma next weekend? dallas coming up portland so many dates you do healing in portland

Let me ask you something just real quick before we go. Yeah Do you like the road? Yeah, you do. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah. Wow. I love it I wish I could have fun. You don't have fun. I dread it I do it all the time. I don't have fun. I just like I like the escape of it. No one can get to you Your days are yours. It's kind of isolating. I bring a guy to open for me. Who's a really good friend So his name is andrew collin. You met him the other night at the company. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's so funny Um, and I just I and he hangs out when I want to and when I don't want to I can just be alone and not have to like There's no one I'm in town that I need to see so you don't feel like oh, but you can just stay in your hotel room all day

I love that. Are you a UTA girl? What are you? C. A. Where are you? UTA you're at UTA. I had to think because I'm like just switched. Yes. That's a great company. Yeah. Yeah You know great cavick jason. Hey man. All those guys great. I just switched. So they're all my new guys. Yeah. Yeah Cavick used to be my guy. Really? He's a great guy. He seems like a great guy. Oh good. Hey man I love all those guys. I'm glad I made a good decision. That's a great decision. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah I'm at C. A. But it's fine. Anyway, um, thanks for listening. Yeah We'll be back in a bit with some housekeeping

What a great episode and we are back with some wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful Looks like we got some real papayas in the house. Hey, man I love it We got real papayas january 2018 here. Boom. I'm gonna read them because there are um, we love all of you But we love these ones too Okay And these are the ones we're gonna mention These are the real papayas of 2000 januaries

bond Johnson bhan johnson. Oh like ban me. Yeah. Yeah from the johnson family crew We have hafi's from singapore. We love him. Great guy. He's always here in our hearts And I got a tattoo on my ankle that says hafi's from hfs Which means hafi is from singa He's from singa Juan J. Aguirre Almost good job. Fuck you lady. I got it. Hey guys. I love you one

Baya pati ngo aya pato. Oh, what's that mean? I don't know. It's a blessing. It's a blessing. We have a laszlo That's for you We got melvin flores flores, which means in spanish flower True and melvin in spanish means mike Millie we have millie lee from the millie lee clan. That's so cute. Did they call her lily? Because it's millie lee. Yeah That didn't make sense. No, you really liked it. Hmm. Her middle name is eel millie eel lee Oh, that's not funny or anything

But I love you. He loves you though. He loves you though. I love you the millie Nick rumpel Who rumpels still skin picking the same thing? Did you? Yeah, well, I'm gonna think something different next time Who was rumpel still skin? He was an operator of thoughts The guy that I did the the millennium the the thread my my thread. What happened? Fuck him. He killed Rachel Wilkins. We're moving on from that. We have Rachel Wilkins. I love you, Rachel We have oh sansey saraj. He's always there Um, sansey saraj is a good man

Spencer brown Spencer is new. I think he's new but fresh. I love that name Spencer. I love Spencer and we have steven lee who? Not my brother not my brother though This it would be it's impossible if you're gonna be steve your brother was contributing to our patreon. There's no one Stephen lee I'll change your name Okay No, I love you steven. Thank you guys. Thank you real papayas If you guys are wanting you're still attached

If you're wondering what those real papayas were we love you guys so much and we love I know the whole slept kingdom, but uh, we love those guys. We love these guys If you're wondering like what's that all Wait, don't speak for me. I love these guys Just I think gilbert loves them just a little bit more too But guys you could check out if you're curious what that is, uh, you can check out our patreon at patreon.com Slash tiger bell just to learn a little bit more about that. Um

Hey guys, what is george wearing? Oh, what that looks great on you. You have a really good head. That's a great head on you Me and kalilah not so much New york's new york's resolution. Let's get your heads. Let's get new heads My head's fucking weird shape. It's the new tiger belly beanie for those who are on audio. Oh, that's right And it's a great color. Kala chose a color. Yeah, great. Uh, what is that a maroon maroon also material ain't cheap folks just so you know Very nice deals expensive. When does this come out? This will come out Mysteriously will be announced on ig but sometime in when you hear this maybe like three days or hold on one second

Let's say I'm not on ig. How am I supposed to know? Oh, wait I don't think the slept kingdom knows about that because I got some messages hitting me up where what happened to kalilah's ig stories But I never put stories anyways. I sometimes do a bobby. That's what people are wondering. So do you want to? Oh, um, since we wrapped, uh We put a lot of episodes in the bank because gilbert george needed to go home for the holidays Yeah, um, I decided that I would just take a break off of the internet Um, except for facebook messenger because that's how my family from the philippines contacts me and I I was in contact with one tiger belly fan His name is joe sarni who just happens to

Message me on messenger and because I'm so I don't have any other forms of social media I felt like that was my only connection So I was writing long paragraphs too because to get my fill off of like existing on the internet I'm so happy you did that. That's awesome. But um We were talking his dog just had knee surgery like remi. So anyways, I've been off social media for almost, um A month now, I guess awesome You know who else is doing that right now because of the backlash of that netflix show is uh, the actor will polter Who's that? He's the guy in that new netflix, uh, ban the what's the?

Uh, what's it called brice? Bander snatch the interactive Apparently people were hating on it and they were attacking him for it. So he's like for my mental health I need to get off social media Yeah, but you know what it made me um want to do more It made me want to call friends again Oh, wow So I was calling people on the phone like I was getting annoyed with people text messaging me

I used to think that I always want to text because it's just more convenient for me because I always think I'm doing something else Because you're on social media and I always think that I I never have to call friends because I know what they're doing through their stories So because I don't have access to that. I was actually phoning people and talking to them for two hours and saying hey, let's catch up And also it's just been kind of I need to get back on it this week though So my mental health might decline again. If you feel happy. I say continue it man. You think so? Yeah, I But I also don't want to be there are people that I do connect with online like even some of you know Some relationships I've built with some fans of tiger belly that are meaningful and really genuine

Then I still want to keep in contact with your facebook messenger number Or give them a google voice number Oh, maybe that's true. I'll let you guys regulate it. Tell me when I need to come back Yeah, and you don't want me back yet. Hey, they're saying that she's spanking body clutch. Check out online Your workouts are working. I feel like I'm missing all the bird box memes I'll say this I feel like because you are not on social media You seem like to be working out a lot more like you gave you told me in george your like workout regimen Are you competing in the olympics every day? This woman is doing something

I sent a picture of my body to go for it. Yeah, I was like, oh, I've never seen her tries that large before It's all it's big. It's just my triceps. But seriously, like aren't you doing kind of like almost something every day now, right? Workout basically, maybe not the same thing. I was always doing it you guys you guys never noticed Okay, maybe I don't talk about it. Yeah, now she says pictures. I also think it's obnoxious when people go to the gym And they have to fucking announce it all the time. That to me is obnoxious I feel like you're not really doing it for yourself. You're doing it for some kind of like And I people argue because people are like, oh, you know, it inspires others which is great Now you get that side of it. I know you inspired me from when you were that picture. I was like, oh, god

I was gonna see a picture of me like You did send me a picture of you. I have a worse picture. Did you draw your abs in because your abs are actually there? Yeah, I did that app where I squeezed it Oh, really? No I'm gonna send you a picture I feel I wasn't afraid to send it to you because I was afraid you're gonna post it. It's really bad and it's really How can I post it? I'm not on social media, but you're going to be back on it soon No, gilbert come on. We just agreed and then now you're going against it now really gilgil. Do you like me better off?

Yeah, I think it's healthier. I like it whenever you're happy. That's what I like Do I seem happy? You do seem happy. You are glowing. You look like you're pregnant, but not pregnant How do you know I'm not? No, I have to get back on it because it's still at the end of the day. Um, you know We're a business guys Yeah, like basically, yeah You know what I mean? Um, are there any I mean, I feel like we haven't done one of these in so long

Are there any like shout outs that we didn't get to do for the past three weeks? I've only been in contact with one person and that's Joe Sarney We'll do a shout out to him I wouldn't give a shout out to the only person I've been in contact with on the internet Whose dog just had knee surgery. Um, I hope your dog feels better and I hope your wife, um feels better Um, she has like anxiety and stuff. So So Because clalla has no more online friends George anything, uh, I'm sure we'll talk about it

Another podcast, but any quick stories from your crazy travels No, no, not right now. Well, we'll save it. We want to save it for patreon We should save it for patreon because we're gonna have guests the next couple weeks, right? Yeah, so we can talk about it on the patreon. Can we tease one of them? George, uh, no, it'll be more interesting. Uh, just saying we're gonna talk about it. Uh, I don't know I meant the guess, but oh Uh, oh everybody's Damn it. Oh, we get to kind of talk about me and I wanted to talk about me more. Uh, we got uh

Uh, bisping is finally coming up next week guys. Uh, everybody's asking since we did announce that last year. So, uh, We now sit up premature. Do you have to get hair and makeup done for that episode? I'm going to I'm gonna get my eyebrows done for it. I feel like this is not adequate for my somebody Should I get should we get eggs? We get hair and makeup for this. No, like just full on like pageant makeup with like the hair and everything All right. I set you a picture by the way. Let me see of your body. Yeah, and that's the one that made me go I have to just prepay all my projects Stop collila Collila, I showed you as a sister

As to confiding you to see you. I'm just laughing at I was and you fucking laugh at my face. I hope you go on social media and you're sad again kill bird That's what made me go someone sent that to me and went it looks like you have Like not just a baby in the belly But like a demon baby in the belly like it's trying to fucking break its way out of your abdomen So I just want to say because of this picture I've committed to going back on my diet and I also I prepaid all my privates with shout out to nick

Uh, I forgot his handle, but nick here. He's uh, he's a moitai trainer and personal trainer I'm doing weights with him and I'm back into a moitai consistently every week so You guys will see me with this a solid body in four months gilb. Yeah, remember what you said Consistency, I know I have people who can't keep doing these fucking crash keto diets That's why I have a trainer to yell at me. I think I never had that before but you had self-accountability too I know but I were I do well with self-accountability when I have people also reminding you're right though I do need someone to yell at me. I've been yelled at for like 15 years as you know

When you're a swimmer you just have a somebody always telling you what the fuck to do and I got so used to that that It's hard for me to work out on my own. That's why I do fucking group workouts Soul cycle which we're all gonna do and we're gonna vlog it. Bryce, you're gonna come up. That's the soul cycle. Oh, you are No, brice. What brice face? You're the only one that'll talk me back into it after brice like yes See and brice after one. Yeah, brice got depressed for a week after a soul cycle. No, he just couldn't walk depression Who cares how well you do? We're doing it together as a group as a family because it's fun. I don't care I'm not like looking at you and judging you. No, but I saw how hard On a podcast you'd be like oh, these fucking idiots. They're like dying

Which I'm you're allowed to not go hard You're you know, you're allowed to just go at your pace. Obviously if I see that you're slacking I will give you the side eye and say what are you paying money for if you're not here to fucking Fail and then improve the music like working out is the only thing in your life where failing is a good thing Failing actually leads to growth. I like it Failing and doing your best even if you only have 20% energy that day you better give a hundred percent of that 20% Do you know what I mean? You got to give it all that's where That's where you save some energy for the next day so you can work out the next day, you know

So you're so you're walking around and you're excited to work out again. No, but I think that the best way to get to get To get rid of that lactic acid that initial Pain when you first work out is to continue is to force yourself the next day to shake it out to run it out Believe it or not that soreness goes away 10 minutes into your workout Man, dare I say you start a fitness inspiration instagram. I'm a horrible at fitness beast mode kalayla I feel that was inspiring. I'm pumped. I don't know. It's no joke. You sending me that pay. I was like fuck like come on Gilbert Sending you what that picture of your tricep? I know you're doing it till like I was like fuck

She could do it. I gotta do it So, yeah, let's just do it as a family guys. It'll be fun. No, I'm not saying we have to do soul cycle We can do I would love to sound like berries or something. It training works better for me I'd love to sign up for berries, but then the classes are sold out for like three weeks out I think you can't that's not true. You can't book. Yeah, I think you can't book a little bit further out or something Well, it's also the new year. So everyone's trying to get in shape, but all that crowd dies out Pretty soon, but I'm going on Wednesday with donald

1045 Now that he's he's the they have different berries and not winstays. I gotta finish tiger bell. I just said donald I was like But that picture I sent you I'm gonna send you guys all of you a picture update picture every month So you can see this so you can see the transformation or the Transformation of that belly just getting longer and if you want to mail any packages to see who remembers it send it to 1626 north wilcox avenue number 161 Hollywood, california 90028

That is why kalayla is on this podcast specifically for that Guys that was our show. We love you very much and we're excited for 2019 I think we already announced this enough. Yeah, you guys the merch is coming out It's coming out real soon. So make sure you just keep on the ig and the twitter and just social media If the website's busy just refresh it that means too many people are on so uh, but it'll refresh your work Okay, go guys. Love you. Bye. Bye. Bye Oh Hey

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