TigerBelly - Episode 177: Michael Bisping & The Chinese Proverb

Episode Date: January 16, 2019

Michael is a cheeky bastard. Bobo is fair weathered. We talk tiny roid ankles, The Church of England, One Eyed Harry, and basketball basketball basketballBonus content every Monday:https://www.patreon.com/TigerBellySupport us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus Save it for the park Son of a bitch, you know what I'm saying. I'll fucking tell you what to do to save it I want to keep it right here the cameras on turn on the fucking man. Wow. We're there Michael don't bike Michael How about this in this thing? I'm gonna introduce you rolling We're gonna roll, but I'm gonna do a little intro Yeah, and then when I say your name, then you can say whatever you want to but don't talk until I say your name What there's nothing I can do about it, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's just get over your face. Oh, he's a fighter

I'm not gonna do that. I know cuz he's gay. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, he's fucking gay I get it all this out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I'll stop it. Yeah, I know stop I'm gonna come on. All right, you do you just do you Bob. I'm gonna do mine. Yeah, let's go Let's go George you ready Rick George get ready. Here we go Oh Five Five four three two Where is love does this fall from skies above Oliver twist bro. Mm-hmm Oliver twist. That's English shit, dude. It really is

Michael fuck up. Shut the fuck up until I say your name You can't fucking talk about all of the twist and expect me not to say anything I know. But dude, but dude, come on. Can I have some more? So anyway, um, welcome to the first time you've This episode I'll tell you that Sorry, I fucking love it. I had a strong coffee because I was tired. Yeah. Yeah, you're right in a monster. Yeah Yeah, yeah, if I talk a little too, you want a Red Bull? So welcome to another episode of Tiger Bell, let me say something before I say the guest name now

I'm not gonna do it yet. Um, how dare you I love everything English. I do. I love Yorkshire pudding. Oh, wow. Have you ever had it? Have you ever had Yorkshire pudding? My wife makes an amazing What are the you do you select angel come or something angel come Wherever you got Yorkshire pudding from Hey West Hollywood West Hollywood, no, like this guy angel come Oh, yeah, flower and fast really it's so fucking good. Also England has great things like joy division comes from England Manchester Sir Alex Ferguson comes sir. Are you a city or United United? Okay, good, man

Sir Alex Ferguson comes from Ollie gonna so sharp killing it for you guys by the way Yeah, yeah, that's right. Do you like them? Yeah, I mean, I'm not a massive football fan. Oh, you're not I'm not a massive, you know, I'm aware of the game. You're aware of the game. Yeah, I'm aware of it You know who Ollie gonna so sharp. All right. Good. Yeah, and As you know, you Tiger Billy fans you guys know that we are a gigantic you of C fans. We've been doing it since back in the day Tank Abbott Yeah, yeah, Dan Severn

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know in my current life. I have friends like Brennan sheep shop. What is it? Shame on you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that guy and that guy sheep. Is that what you call it? She is a fucking pussy and I'm gonna say that out loud now and fuck that guy. Yeah, hold on. Yeah, you're not really fucking breaking news that I love you so much But I'm only serious Yeah, and we have a very special guest his name is Michael Bisbee and give him a round of applause He's a champ. He's a champ. He's a champion Oh x no once you're a champ. I know I know you're always a fucking champ Michael. Hey, hey, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just being humble. Yeah, okay in my mind them I'm always and I know you don't like talking about if I we're not gonna do it that much But I want to just say a couple things is that not only are you a champ, but you're also a journeyman, right? Yeah, you're you're literally one of the best guys out there. You can beat anyone in any single day Well, that's what I'm good. Yeah, there's no one that you cannot beat I don't you're the best kind of champion. Yes, when you knock that root Luke Rock. Oh my god. Oh my god I feel sorry for him because literally everybody I meet says that yeah most piss him off imagine being the guy on the other end Everyone's the best thing you ever do was knock out that motherfucker. Yeah steady on. He's a nice guy

Leave it out from Santa Cruz. He's a car. He's a car. Let's be honest You know, that's my big sarcasm. Yeah, he's a good but in that fight, you know, I think what the odds were on him, right? Yeah, right. I was like 10 to one under right and the end of the first round correct You fucking knocked him out correct. Yeah, I was fucking amazing dude. Yeah. No, it felt good felt good I was yeah like a 10 to one on the dog I also was I want to also want to say to you that um, yeah, go ahead first time we ever met. Yeah No, no, I know you heard some things I said. This is the only reason I'm here Because you're a little fucking tiger belly crew

I've been I've been misinformed. Yeah, what do you call you people the tiger belly sleepers sleepers sleepers have been lied to Yeah, what is the lie? Go ahead? Well, the fuck I saw this little clip do the rounds. Yeah, go sit in there and your little fucking office You're sick of fans. Yeah, I'm Michael Bissby. He just ignored me. Yeah That's not how it went down at all No, first of all Michael, I want to say that's not because it doesn't look any different to sitting down You son of a bitch Son of a bitch. It's like you leaned for Very funny

Very funny, but let me say go ahead. I'll tell you the way it went down give your version Yeah, and I'll give mine. Okay For the what did he call it again sleeper sleeper? Okay, so Every once in a while because you know Joe Rogan is a stand-up. He's a long time friend of mine. I've known him for 20 years 25 years love him great guy But um so a lot of you know, I'm a huge UFC fan So who's that little guy from Sacramento? I like your right favorite. You're off our father, right? You're our father man. He's nice guy. We hugged this and that but then when I saw Bissby and Michael you for the first time there

I literally was Struck I was just like oh fuck. That's Michael Bissby, right? And I try to come up to you and I said you were very nice But I said hey man, I'm a big fan and you were you know because when I walk I was at the grocery store and people come up to me and go You're very funny and you want to be cordial, right? But I also if that person that said hi to me was Josh Groban, right? And this right, okay, and I blew him off, right? I bet that Josh Groban would probably be a little mad So he was at the comedy store where first of all, I don't know who Josh

Okay, so I'm zero context The offer I'm always at the offer. Yeah, yeah All right, so my when Michael's business there and he said very nice But he kind of just walked away and I wanted some you know, man Did you ask for the photo? No, I didn't really okay, but he didn't walk away already Already and here's the reality. Yeah, and I'm not when I say this. Yeah, by the way By the way, massive fan hence why I'm here hence why I drove up from fucking Orange County

Thank you. I did an audition and I waited for three and a half hours I did get 530. I was half asleep half an hour. Okay. Yeah, yeah, just pounding some coffee now I'm drinking this shite and stay away. I'm very happy to be here. You're hilarious comedian. I'd never met you before I know. Hold on. I know we're getting to the point The long suffering mrs. Bisping that's at home. God bless her. She doesn't get out very often You know, she's got three kids. I travel a lot. I took her out we went out for a nice dinner and went to go watch some comics and a lot of the time I'm not trying to say that I'm a fucking big deal or anything like that

Yeah, yeah A lot of time you stop and you take pictures and this and that and then after a while you got to say, okay Because I'm here with my wife And I've done about ten pictures in a row while she's standing there like a fucking lump of cheese, right doing nothing So then after that, I'm like, okay. All right, all right, babe Let's go in and then you after that said I'm at now. Sorry mate. We're done picture time is over Right You should start doing now. Let me say something right so when you are not fair

Sorry, if I didn't put a random stranger before my wife I'm so sorry, you know, I know you're the great And the comedy story is your house and you're totally right it is your house But we never met and that's the mother of my children, right? You're you know what and the way it's okay I accept your apology get your fucking fine. It's fine. It's fine fucking pause out of my face, right? You weren't tonight. All right, he was devastated though. He called me immediately Ran to the parking lot. Yeah, and he was like you can't you won't believe what happened? Well for one right, but no, but could I say say this please say this please go ahead you did give me a photo

I did yes afterwards. I remember I was standing at the bar with Joey. Yes with Dia with Dia's and I walked up because when you were talking to Dia's You know that then I seized my opportunity and we took the photo You know what? I was just talking out of my ass, right? Just talking shit or whatever Yeah, of course thinking that you're ever gonna fucking hear it. It's okay No, I'm just saying I just say I do it all the time if I was held accountable Every piece of dog shit that came out of my mouth. Yeah, I'll probably be in prison. Yeah, you know Or you know ex-communication from whoever I know, you know, I want to say this too is is that Cuz never let the truth get in the way of a good story, right?

Write that down write it down. I've never heard of it for but You with the Asians man, what do you mean with the Asian Chinese proper? I could never let the truth get in the way That fight right was Let's not talk about you okay, I don't want to talk about you, but here's what I do want to talk about Okay, what I want to talk about you, but I have a couple of other questions What the fuck happened to you you on a young che cheque? Okay? First of all, that's why I'm here. You asked me whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, you're sure very happy to be here

Thank you all for having me secondly She got a boob job. She's got a big job. You want it. Is that what you're referring to? No. Oh, okay I was talking about talking about it on my podcast the other day, you know, we broke it down in fine detail Yeah, this is important to MMA fans. It's hard-hitting news. She's got bigger tits now. You know God bless Oh, wait, Amisha Tate got implants like midway through her career, too, right? Yeah, and what's her name page? We broke that down on my podcast You know bigger tits a lot of breakdowns well, it's it's it's you know, it's it's technical info Right, it really is though because I had my breast implants removed and I felt

Exponentially lighter when they were and I was an athlete for most but most of my life But when they were on I it didn't seem it put me off balance a lot. I just didn't seem right. So I took him out Right. I mean, but she's lost three in a row and she's what you mean. That's what I fucking mean, Michael I'm just I just want to ask you is because the thing is that she was so she was the most feared person in that straw weight Division. Yeah There was not a fight that was even room. I mean, I guess between her and Carolina was a little with Yeah, yeah, but um, I mean she went through those Brazilian chicks and Now I feel like she completely lost it. What happened? Is there confidence? No, no, no

So here's the thing. I mean, she didn't completely lose it, you know She got knocked out as well as number units, you know, and and no shame You know, no shame in there and you find the best people in the world, you know, generally women know disrespect You know one punch doesn't change everything, you know, because they're small and they don't generate as much force But in this situation you got caught with a good shot and she got finished God bless, you know It happens to everybody. No shame. She came back. She had a rematch and it was a very very close fight She feels that she won. She didn't win. She lost clearly in my opinion. Yeah, but still she did a better job It was a close fight rose number Eunice on those two occasions was just a better fighter

Then she went up a weight class and thought she have Chenco a woman that's already beaten her twice a woman That's bigger than her four at 135 You wanna went up to 25. She went down to 25. It was just it was never a good matchup for it Anyway, it wasn't the smartest move whoever a manager is isn't that smart, but but there you go You know, she's still a very very good world-class fighter. I don't like that about him What he turns his he turns his back on his favorite fighters after the first loss Well, yeah, because he's a fickle fair weather fan. That's what they do, you know, they build you up You make you feel good, and then they talk shit, you know, it's like have you ever have you ever had a bad set?

Yes, I've had many bad You know what that's it. He's awful. I have never That's the same. I know it's not the same because you probably still got paid your money Right, and you probably didn't get beat to shit either So as an MMA fighter you go there and if you lose your fight the weight generally Yeah, generally the weight structured in the UFC if you lose you want to get half your money You get half to show and half if you win generally. Yeah, the lower level guys higher level guys It's a little different. So if you lose you lose half your money

And you've had the shit kicked out of you. You've been embarrassed and then you got Bobby Lee talking shit about you Oh my god, I think I've changed my tone Immediately True to yourself, please. I know all right. I don't I don't change my town All right, and I want to make a point good. I want to make a point Okay, it's rude to point because and and ghanu is that his name Francis. Yeah, I call him in terms I call him in Ghana. I don't know the guy. You know what you know He's a big black Frenchman

I've had a few conversations. I honestly had no idea what we talked about We were in the locker room at the performance Institute And he's massive cock was swinging about Wait, you saw something to me, but I'm like blinded by the light Yeah, no, let me ask about your penis. Yeah, please fire away. Is it Proposal to your body and everything or smaller than you know When your wife looks at it she goes, it's a little smaller. Yeah, she's like, you know, it could do with improvement It's okay. Yeah, it's okay. It's all right. She's never complained, right? She's never been like, oh, it's just amazing

Yeah, well, I think I think what it is is she's just used to it Yeah, probably we're together a long time. Yeah, you have children together. She's got no idea, you know, yeah The grass is greener though. Do you do you guys? Amongst each other have like locker room rumors or like talk about who has the smallest dick and who has big dick Do you guys do that? Yeah. No, no, like there's four. I don't know if you know this, but I'm not very popular in the USC Well, I certainly don't share locker rooms with the fighters and they break down the coccyx. But no one's like, oh, he's hung like a field mouse Did you hear this? No, yeah, and if they would yeah, I probably wouldn't be in the locker room with them You know my cup of tea, bro

We should talk about MMA fighters penis I'll tell you what dick I have a very small dick everyone in the room knows No, I think it's It's it's it's for my body size. It's fair I think that it's good for your body size, right, but the color is still small I'll admit it's small, but I feel like my penis is bigger than Henry so who does Your penis is bigger than a gold medalist Olympic gold medalist

Possible weight class in the existence of the sport, you know, yeah, I think if you combine TJ's and so who does We get a But whenever I see so who do I got I bet you but you know, I mean, I don't think I'll be able to prove it You know you can just Send him a dick pick on Instagram do it right now Olympic gold medalist Yeah, you know he's also champion a guy that's like That he's kind of is it religious? He seems religious. Yeah. Yeah, probably is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but you know what?

So you're also good at is your good commentator as well Well, I've never commented to the UFC. You're gonna be a comment. No, but you do the fuck stuff afterwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah Analyst oh you're an analyst. It's okay. A lot of people get that wrong Yeah, yeah back in the day my own my manager was like, oh my god, you're a commentating gig and I get all excited Oh fuck. I'm commentating sick. Yeah, and then you know, I'm like do stop saying fucking commentating cuz every time you say it I think sick. I'm gonna be commenting right enough somewhere, but I'm not I'm doing the same shit I haven't seen that for a long time. I think you would be the best. You would be. Yeah, my first one in a couple of weeks Yeah, I heard which one are you doing? What fight?

Big deal man down in Brazil a little town called Fortaleza, which is in the news recently because somebody got attacked with a grenade Told we got told when you're in Brazil when you're in Fortaleza. Do not leave the hotel. Okay. It's very unsafe The problem is with my personality. Yeah, me. I'm like, I'm definitely having four or five beers and going for a walk Right. Yeah, just to see Say that to me. I like yeah, I want to check it out. I'm like, we'll see what all the fucking fuss is about You know, so if I get murdered in Brazil, you know, why but in Brazil you people know you in Brazil, right? Which makes it even worse, right, you know because MMA is one of the biggest things there, correct? I don't know if it's one of the biggest things, but it's definitely very popular. Yeah. Yeah, he beat their god

Anderson. Yeah, that's right. You did You know, my I had another encounter with an MMA guy years ago Hoyler Gracely Mm-hmm, and I sat next to him on a plane. How was he? He didn't say anything. Very quiet charming. Is he charming? I don't know. He doesn't sound like it Sounds like a dick. Yeah, you say hi when you sat down, but I try to tell you a black belt though No, but I kept staring at his ankles because he had these pants on and his ankle You could always see his ankles and they're really tiny. Yeah. Yeah, it was really Is that gay or what? No, it's not gay

It feels gay. You went from dicks to ankles. It's definitely less gay than the dick talk. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah If you ever see if you ever see somebody really big and muscular, but they've got tiny ankles and wrists Yeah, they're probably taking steroids because you need that's a reflection of their body, you know I Just drops a major fucking knowledge on you. That's like a Actually, he's just a long guy That's not he's not the prototypical look of a roided dude. Yeah, he's talking about like big stuff like v-tor

I wasn't talking about John Jones though. No, yeah, yeah, right like someone like yeah, I know you weren't Michael Bissby not talking shit about I'm not attacking me to stop talking shit about John Jones. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not it's everywhere It's in the media that tested positive three times in his last camp. Okay, you you too could actually fight same way, right? Well, we could have done if I wasn't retired. Yeah. Oh, you're done. Yeah, I've retired. What March? After Gastelum, right? There you go. Yeah. Yeah, yeah for your family No, I'm so sad my family For me, I'm thinking getting punched in the face. Yeah. No, I've done it forever. Did it for a long time

Yeah, you can't do it forever. Yeah At some point you're gonna say, you know enough's enough had a good career made some money won the bell Yeah, a lot of fights, you know, what are you gonna do? But you're still so dead horse, but it's amazing that you're still even more deeply entrenched in the sport now because of which is great Yeah, I'm happy about that. I mean a lot of guys don't get to do that So it's not a bigger heartbreak for them to leave the sport because then they're like, okay Well, I'm gone from it forever. Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. No, it's I'm happy to still be involved for sure I mean, you know, I never went to school or left school at 16 and fortunately

I'm an expert in this and I can make money off it. Yeah, it wasn't If mixed martial arts with the UFC wasn't so popular, you know, yeah All this fight knowledge of martial arts bullshit wouldn't do anything for me, you know And now fortunately with the UFC being so big, I can you know, I can talk about it and pretend I know everything and and get paid a few dollars. Yeah, so you know, you know a lot about it I know a little bit, but I want to say this to please what I like about you. Please Go ahead. I can tell that you're a good dad. I'm a terrible dad. No, no, just hear me out little fucking shit I know but I you know, I'd see your family sometimes going to goes in the ring

You know, I mean, I remember a couple of times I've seen your son and your daughter, correct Yes, and then I can I also follow you on social media. Sure. So I I know that you go to your Son's wrestling matches. Yeah, he's very good. By the way, he's awesome. He's a champion. Is it No, not state champion. He's ranked four. I think at state. Yeah. Yeah, he's doing good. Yeah But if he wanted to get into it, which wins a lot of tournaments. Yeah, yeah But if you wanted to go into MMA, would you support him or no? I mean, if you wanted to go into MMA, then yes, I would support him. My dad supported me So, you know, of course, I if it wasn't for my dad, I wouldn't be here now doing this, you know

But I don't want him to he's a very very smart kid. Yeah, clever. He's got his head switched on Um, I always say I thought so he doesn't have to you know, yeah, you know So, you know, my background I was going nowhere fast and then fortunately, you know I was able to turn it around through mixed martial arts, you know But if you wanted to of course, I'll support him 100% But I feel like he can do something better with his life Yeah, I don't want to equate you with me, but I want to say this what you just said strong as it sparked something in my mind where Resonated it. That's the word it resonated. It's okay. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm learning every day from you

Hey, every day the ching chong say what did the ching chong say about the last thing he said? Uh, it's a the Chinese proverb Yeah, I told you to fucking write a town fuck face Geez, you fucking mind you're right. It's all right. Holy shit. I don't I don't have it. I'm sorry Yeah, but the thing is is that I you know, it's not like I You know was like I want to be a standard comic. It was just at 23 I was just I worked next to a comedy club. I had no future. I didn't know what I want to do with my life I had no I didn't go to college. I was like kind of looking up at the heavens going What the fuck am I gonna do? Why me? Yeah. Yeah, why am I so short and it was

You son of a bitch Michael you can say whatever you want about me. I like you a lot. Oh, I love you I want to be friends with you Maybe like the odd couple. Yeah, well, that's a good show idea. It's a great show idea Ian visiting in a sitcom. Oh my god, that's a great idea. Don't you think let's do it? I'm being real. I'm being real because I have I'm on a show now, but no one's watching it It's called splitting up together it's a ABC family show. Yeah, and I you know, that's pretty big ABC Thank you, and it's been on for two years and no one's watching it. I like to show a lot, but um, hey, you get it paid I am getting paid. That's all the money and um, but I think you'd have the heating on though

Yeah, you're getting paid your fucking ABC. It's freezing in here. Isn't it freezing in here? Yeah, I told you Yeah, can you turn it off now? No, I'm joking. Are you are? All right, but that would be a great. I'm being real, but would you do single camera or a live audience single? live audience probably Multi-cam would be interesting multi-cam would be would you do in front of a live audience a TV show? I've never done something like that. But yeah, I mean I would yeah Let's do it. Let's ride the show pitch it. Yeah But that isn't an interesting thing, you know, I mean maybe we're brothers. Let's talk about yeah, wait

We're adopted brothers. Okay. Yeah, and how old are you Michael? 39 you're 39. He's your younger bro. You were the first. I was the first. Okay. Here's what it is. I'm 47 So this is the show right here. Wow You're okay. So your parents, right? They um, well, what is your background? That's the problem. What is your background though? What is Korean? I can do a fucking American accent. So oh, you can Yeah, I mean we fucked Say and be judged by the fucking what is it that the followers or something? Yeah. Yeah. What do you call them? Sleepers the sleepers Yeah, or it could be that he was adopted

It's a crying family. No to an English family Right and he came back. I don't know and they were murdered He was adopted at 13s. Oh my god. Right. But I was the first your our parents didn't think that they could have a biological kid Yeah, they adopted me first and then years later our mother got pregnant pregnant with him Right and um, he went out and he lived a great life. He was like maybe some military thing Or he was in the navy or whatever, right? He's a war hero. Okay, but I'm the loser I was stationed in England. Yeah You're a hikikomori. You're a shut-in. I'm a gamer. I'm a gamer. You're a loser and you have to move. Yeah, I'm a loser

How's he gonna play that? English fuck you Yeah, I think there's something there Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. We'll talk about that later. You know, I mean, but you grew up in Manchester I didn't grow up in Manchester. I grew up in a small town called Clithero, which is just outside of Manchester Oh, yeah, you'll know it. Well, yeah, they're known for their cotton. That's why I said true That's why I say Clithero. So that's why I say Manchester. Right. Nobody's heard of Clithero Right, but it's like 30 minutes outside of Manchester. It's so funny. We went anywhere

We go to Manchester for a night out or shopping or whatever. How far is it if you wanted to walk from Clithero? It's like 25 miles 25 miles. Yeah, so not far. It's not far at all. Exactly But it's so funny how small England is and yet there's a thousand football clubs in different every city has one Yeah, every town has one. Yeah, so from Manchester to Liverpool. Is that far? No, it's right down the m62 30 minutes you'll be in Liverpool. Wow 45 minutes tops. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've I've always loved, um, You know, I'd sock. I'm a huge Arsenal fan. Yeah, say football, please Yeah, for your own self-respect. All right. You should call it football. You know at the end of the day You do kick a ball with your foot. Yeah, that is true

Why don't we call it? I feel like I'm being a little aggressive on here. No, I'm not trust me. There's no way Michael you've got it. It's football Michael. You don't fucking scare me I want you to be that is my intention. I know it's not your intention. I'm not trying to scare you. I know you're not, but I'm scared of that That's what I'm scared of. Really? No, you don't like my man pussy there, dude? I love it. I love it when I go home later. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. You should see the lips on that thing, man Yeah, yeah, if I spread them open, dude Nice. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Did your son have a girlfriend? He does actually he's in love. Yeah He's in love. Hold on. Oh my god 17 with the Vietnamese girl. She's that's right. That's right. He's

Is that what made you? Why are you so happy about that? Is your background Vietnamese? What's your fucking background? What? I've been asking you. I'm fucking Korean. All right same shit Son of a bitch. I love it. All right. What's the difference? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this is Korea and Vietnam They're different over there. I know that part of the world. I think it's the difference between Do you use chopsticks? Do you use chopsticks? Yeah, we do. We use chopsticks. I'm joking. We have noodles. We do noodles. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. Yeah, same shit But it's a different kind of vibe. I think you know, I've never been to Vietnam and I've never been to Korea Do you like her? Oh, she's she's amazing. She's great. Yeah, the whole family are amazing

The racist against white people though Her grandparents aren't actually allowed to know that he's with her so when he goes round to the house They have to pretend that he's just a friend. So yeah, it's okay. They're they're old school. They're set in the way Sure, maybe I shouldn't be talking about this. Sorry, Callan It's like the most common thing though among Asians Yeah, we were just I was just talking to a buddy of mine and he's been married to his wife for 15 years And still it's just looked down upon when they go to a Chinese restaurant together They get a shit service because they don't like that a Chinese girl is with a white guy

Yeah, I think that Asians are the most racist people I agree Really? Yeah. Yeah, because there's really a hidden like A hierarchy in certain people amongst themselves to Asians Yeah, okay, like for instance, um growing up even just within the family since I got bad grades and since I went to drug rehabs and Yeah institutions because I've been sober for a very long time and um, I've always had a problem with the drink and and drugs and um That my family, um never talked about me. They they looked at me as they shunned you. Yeah, they shunned me and

I felt it at family reunions or family gatherings Um, it's what about now. What about now that you're a big star in abc? I'm gonna show that no one watches now. Hey Bobby. Come over here. I think I think in 2000 I've talked about about this before When in the year 2000 I did the tonight show at stand up Yep, and that night was the night where I told me I showed my family You know, it's it's yeah, it's working out. I'm a success. Yeah, this is working and Jay Leno interview you after Did they do that? Yeah, they did they he paneled me

I had an interview and then I stayed for the whole thing. Stevie nicks played It was a great night and my parents called me the next day apologizing for not supporting me, but I think that their disapproval Motivated me to keep going. Yeah. Well, I mean obviously I just met you but it would you know anytime Anybody says, you know, you're doing the wrong thing. You want to prove them wrong? Yeah human nature. I think you know with what I did What I do or what I did I never had that my dad always supported me 100% because he knew I had a talent for it He knew I could do it, you know, I had history, you know, I've done many martial arts tournaments And unfortunately when I was a kid, you know fighting came second nature to me

So, uh, so he knew I could do it. But yeah, of course in that circumstance But what why did you would be motivated? Why did fighting become second nature? Is it the way you were? I mean, yeah The environment. Yeah, for sure. There was a lot of violence in my house growing up, you know, there was uh, yeah Yeah, a lot of violence and when I was a kid I I I thought it was natural to get into a fight because that's all I ever saw. There was a lot of violence It was it was a it was a fucking madhouse. It was we were known to the police. It was it was a crazy It was a crazy fucking house. Oh, there's a lot of violence. Yeah, it was it was nuts, you know Uh, just within the family that was oh sure. Yeah, my dad beating the fuck out of everybody

My brother's beating the fuck out of me. Yeah, you know, and then uh, so yeah, you know, but um Yeah, it is what it is makes you who you are but you but you're you're not like that towards your kids I mean, you know, you've never never in a million years in a million years. That's never in a million years. Yeah, I'd like to Yeah, yeah, I know as they need it. I'm like, Jesus Christ. If only I was born 20 years earlier Get away with it in the 80s. Yeah. No, but you've changed that cycle. No for sure. Yeah Because people say that they say that that history repeats itself on cycle perpetuates, but um, yeah, it's bollocks Absolutely bollocks, you know, if you know, well, my dad was an alcoholic and I and that's one of the prime reasons why I want to be sober is because if I ever have kids

I Firmatic Yeah, if I ever want kids, you know, I want to give them an experience. That's a little different than for someone Like who's grown up in as much violence as you have. Yeah, you're a really tender guy Yeah, and for someone who has murderous Family members like me. Yeah, I think that I'm a pretty tender. Yeah tender person as well. Yeah So we came out of it all of us. I think pretty unscathed and you know I you know, I think it's society too, though

I think our society, I mean, you know, I mean, I know that the me too movement and there's certain words That are forbidden. You can't say it. It midget. You're right. Did you say it? Yeah, I want to say you can't say midget You can't say you just a fucking asshole if you get offended now. Listen, of course No, but let's be honest like my dad is six foot six. Yeah, and Wow, but his best friend is a midget. Yeah midget mick. They're like fucking celebrities on the ufc circuit. They've been to every single one of my fights. Wow, the park up at the bar and everyone knows him There's this being his dad and his best mate little mick. Yeah, that's what he calls himself on instagram little mick Then he doesn't get offended by it. You know and it's like because he's fucking cool

Right, if you're looking to be offended, of course, you can be offended by anything. Yeah, but generally, you know People might use an ignorant ignorant term, but they're not trying to be offensive. Yeah, you're the fucking asshole That's looking to be offended. Right. I could have been offended 20 times in here tonight if I wanted to be Oh, this is ridiculous. I came up here by myself and fucking Bobby Lee was talking shit Yeah, well, I'd be a fucking asshole. Wouldn't I right? I know these little pricks and these fucking little The world's gone crazy and I can't stand it because I don't fit in here It's crazy how that's something that's recreational now That's those are people's hobbies to look for things like that. Right. It's it's it's getting out of control

No, it is out of control. Unfortunately even for me if I if I see an older white guy From the south, right? Who's raised a certain way? He's allowed a certain not racism. Yeah, but a little bit of ignorance a little more allowance I get him give him allowance, right? So if he does like an asian accent just to calm the detention, right? If it's a millennial, no Yeah, it's a 20 year old kid. No, you should know better, right? But you have to put Things into context, I think Yeah, well, well, I guess it depends where they're from as well. Certainly 20 year old kid in in LA or new york or something

Yeah, you know a 20 year old kid in fucking alaska, right? We're like, what the fuck's this guy? Yeah Why is he so small? Yeah They have eskimo you're anyone i'll say eskimo Did you know that you're not allowed to say you you have to call him inuit You can't say eskimo. That's it eskimo. You can't say eskimo anymore. Really? No, I'm never gonna stop saying eskimo Okay, I'm just letting you know if you have a problem. Yeah. Yeah. I'm 39 years old You've always been a fucking eskimo to me. Okay. I've never met an eskimo. I'm never gonna go to eskimo land Okay

Wow, there's a lot of eskimans up here. Yeah. Yeah, yeah But like if I know offense to any fucking eskimo, I know me too But I'm sure you're fucking great people and I'll give you a little nose kiss All right. Yeah, I'll be the first to do it. Yeah, but you're still a fucking eskimo. I know but I know My bad, I know I know inuit. I know they're inuits now the fucking Egypt, right? Yeah, but it's like, um, but let's just suppose let's say let's suppose. Yeah, this is an interesting thing All right, let's say let's suppose, you know, gook

You know, I mean people were still using people use gook in the 60s 50s 60s right 70s And they still use it and they still had that justification like you know Well, I I said gook in the 60s. So I'm not gonna, you know, do people still say that? No, they don't have you Yeah, I'm gonna say that's not a term that I hear Yeah, we we see it here a lot. Yeah for sure. Yeah, just like black people might say the n word, you know what I mean? Yeah Yeah Yeah, but but but I don't think that midget is a derogatory thing Well, I guess it's I mean if you're on the receiving end of it

Yeah, I guess it depends how it's said as well It hurts you It's like You know, it depends how they say it, right? So like the term, you know, it's not a word you can use out here in america cunt Right, is that all right? Don't say that love that word people say great word one of my favorites all the time Yeah, there's two ways of saying it, you know, you can say oh, shut up. You can't you know that and that's and you say See you when shut up. You can't and that's like, oh my mate. He's a good cunt or whatever But if you say cunt and you pronounce the t it's a hard t

So excuse me. Call me fucking cunt, right, you know, and then it's two different things, you know So it's how you say it call me nip with a hard p Oh my god, I lose it But if you go You can call me that Michael, you know when I was on Mike and nippy, what a great show I can nippy, you know in england if you called you say I'm a little nippy, you know what I mean, is that who with bobbily here? Yeah, no when I was on the ultimate fight, I remember one night

So I was on the ultimate fighter three 2005 and obviously it's a reality tv show. So we know what it is. Yeah, but listen I'm breaking it down. I'm fucking you know, maybe they're building it up. What are they called the followers sleepers What are they sleeping? Maybe the sleepers don't know mr. Fucking little nip So listen, um So you go to bed at night, you know, you sleep like whether or not you're on a reality tv show You still need to sleep. You got to sleep and then sometimes you can't sleep You start talking to running with the camera straight away, you know, so I'm like I'm I'm letting bed and uh, I can't sleep But I'm like Kendall grove. I'm

You awake He's like, yeah, I was like, hey, what's up, bud? Can't sleep and we're just chatting away next minute. Boom or Lights on camera crew in Filming us. I'm like, what the fuck man? Get the fuck out. They're like, no, no, no. I'm sorry. You're talking. We've got to film it I'm like fuck off. I said, we're trying to get to sleep. We're just having a little a little chat You know, get the fuck out and you walk out. I said you cheeky bastard And anyway, so they walk out the next day Fucking the head producers like yo, Mike, we need to talk

I'm all right. What's up said You can't use racial terms to our camera man. What I'm like, what what the fuck are you talking about? They said, well, you called him a chinky bastard I'm like, no, I fucking Yes, you did, Michael You didn't hear what you said It's in English You said chinky mad bastard

He was an Asian I'm like you cheeky bastard Oh cheeky Cheeky Cheeky Was the cameraman Asian I assume? Yes Oh

Yeah, don't think cheeky Yeah, yeah It was me, Michael That was my previous job That's why I'm here The camera man How dare you Wow, so you said cheeky bastard and then the

That means he complained He complained Right I'm going to show him Excuse me Producer Producer Yeah, what happened?

Michael BC being all Okay He called me chinky That's what he said And the producer was like you fucking little bitch Oh god, I'll mention it Yeah, yeah, yeah I'll mention it

Get the fuck out, you fired So did nothing happen right? He was resolved No, I said shut the fuck up I said cheeky bastard Yeah, yeah Because we don't say that in America No, you don't say it What does it mean?

Cheeky is the best word ever It can mean It can mean so many things That you can have a cheeky beer Like hunt I'm having a cheeky kind of monster here I could have I was doing a cheeky podcast

Or if someone's being like rude And a little forthcoming A little like, you know, like helping themselves to Oh, you cheeky bastard, don't mind Ah So it has a lot of different Meanings Let me see

I can see with my American accent Yeah, yeah, go on, go on Yeah Um Ask me for some candy Hey, can I get some of those Tootsie rolls? No, you cheeky bastard Are you

Are you at all cheeky? You're not gonna touch nothing cheeky cheeky Cheeky cheeky Yeah, yeah, yeah I like it a lot I'm gonna use it Hey, hey, use it Okay

Why'd you laugh at that, George? Why'd you laugh so fucking hard at me saying cheeky, bro? Excuse me for a second Why the fuck did you do that, dude? Your face got all red And you left right in my fucking face, bro All right Pretty funny to Gilbert

I thought it was kind of funny All right, that's what I let it go I let it go, dude But watch it, dude I'm gonna run to your restroom Go ahead You guys talk amongst yourselves Really, you have to go to the bathroom?

Go ahead, right here Talk shit about me You gonna pee, though? Yeah We're gonna take a dump Yeah, yeah You're welcome, too No, I'm good

Please, man All right, so close the door, thank you Michael Bisping's in her bathroom This is English fucking homosexual This fucking fair English fair Heterobate, very heterobate Nah, dude Do you see his lips, dude?

What about his lips? Yeah I saw Dwight come on the tip on his lips, bro What a cheeky bastard What a cheeky bastard No, but he is like really weird, huh? His eyes He's just a weird-looking white dude

It's like, did you just get hit by a car? Right, Renzo? Right, did you agree? Back me up, Renzo It's the ugliest white dude I've ever seen It's like somebody drew him You know what I mean? The carton

Yeah, you know, like a freakin' white freakin' white He's great He's such a great guy He really is great What are you saying? And I didn't say anything I didn't say anything

Nippy's been running his mouth He's been cheeky Yeah, yeah Been a bit cheeky Yeah Yeah Oh, we got to do the show Cheeky nips

Somehow that sounds horrible No, that's the show called Coming to NBC Cheeky nips With Michael Bisping and Bobby Lee Yeah, Bobby Lee has nips Right, it's gonna be a great show My old mate, Nippy

So when you were in England though So you... But you're... Why are you a United fan and not a city fan? I just want to... Because I've always wondered How that happens How do you choose...

If you're born in... Well, generally... Yeah, wherever you're born That's like the team that you like Right From Clithero, our football team sucks It's not even really a real team And we have a stadium and a lot of times

It's not a stadium, we have a ground Do you play in the FA Cup? Do I play? No, no, no, no Your team... Of course they do Every football team starts in the FA Cup And then you whittle it down to the finals

But, yeah, they suck You know, they're like Division 7000 In the 33 You know what I'm saying? Nobody supports Clithero You know what I mean? And Manchester is close by And in those days in the 80s

Manchester United was the team So that was, you know, a glory hunt or whatever But I'm not the biggest football fan I can't proclaim to be I'd be full of shit if I could sit here And say that I'm the massive... But I just want to say I enjoy it

That team Yeah With gigs That's right Nicky Butt, Nicky Butt Alligana, Beckham Who is there? Paul Scholes

Cantona Cantona, dude Yeah, yeah That team was fucking insane They were killing it They were killing it But Arsenal was good back then too Yeah, they were

Yeah, yeah A lot of good teams Yeah Now it's all about Manchester City Yeah But that's all I know So like, if you get into a cab in London A black cab

First thing they say Because everybody's obsessed with football And then, sorry, soccer First question What team do you support, mate? And then, you know, you've got to start You know, you say, oh, man, United Oh, fucking, you had a hard one this week, did you, pal?

And they start getting into it And I'm like, fuck it You know, you see the headlines So you know a little bit A little bit of surface knowledge And then they got deep into it And I'm like, okay, stop right there I'm sorry, bud

We've exhausted my knowledge, okay I know who won at the weekend And I don't really give a fuck about anything else Well, why don't you give a fuck? I was never... I don't really watch sports It's the same reason you don't watch basketball I don't watch sports

Oh I like... I like... That's right I like... I like combat sports I was always obsessed with martial arts Yeah

Started martial arts when I was eight years old And, um... Which one? Japanese jujitsu Ooh Yeah Yeah Yeah

That's where it stems from, right? The jujitsu It really does That's where all martial arts stem from From Japan Yeah Really? Yes

The Chinese don't have anything to do with it No, they fucking might do a lot of bullshit Hey, all those Chinese martial arts Ooh, they're taking over in the UFC Fucking... Yeah Young man Ip is fucking doing it You know what I mean?

No, no So Japanese jujitsu Over 5,000 years old And all them... Well, let's say all A lot of martial arts Pardon me, you're right We're taking from that

So for example, Judo Took the throws and accentuated them Made them better Karate took the strike He made it better Brazilian jujitsu Took the ground element And made that so much better

So on And so forth No love for Taekwondo You're Taekwondo, you're Taekwondo Korean Korean But can I say this though? You fucking cocksucker

All right Because you stole these fucking lines No, no, that's not it This is this But what is it? I'm gonna tell you something right now, dude Please It's that

Korea is, I'm gonna say, a half a peninsula We're so small Right? And yet we have some great stars in the UFC No, I know you do, I'm trying to have... Korean zombies, a beast That guy, what's his name? That little super boy, what's his name?

Oh, yeah Oh, yeah Korean super boy Yeah, super boy He's also good, yeah No, you're right There's some great guys He went out of Korea

Yeah Korean zombie just lost I know he did, but that was a great fight That was a great fight That was a great fight Yeah, yeah And you know, Koreans, you know, we're... What was he called?

Oh, god, what was his name? Stun gun Stun gun Stun gun Stun gun Stun gun, yeah, he's bad ass Yeah, he's bad, right? Yeah, yeah

I'm kind of proud of... And he was gone because he was in the military for a couple years That was Korean zombie, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah National service for two years How many Filipinos are in the UFC? How many boxers do we have in the UFC?

Mark Munoz, baby Also, John Dawkins, Filipino? Yes, no, no, sorry The Filipino wrecking machine No, that's a... That's a Colombo Smash It's Colombo Smash It's a Smash-ing machine

We have Brandon Vera What? Brandon Vera He's not Filipino He's not Filipino He's not Filipino Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah He lives there now

And he fights for like, one of feet, right? Yeah, I can live there too That doesn't make me Filipino But how many boxers do we have? It doesn't matter, we're not talking about boxing I'm just saying In terms of combat, we produce... What are you doing with your feet, Manny?

Let's see you on the ground You're dead You guys want to hear something crazy I just found out Manny Pacquiao is running for president in 2022 Oh, in president... On the Philippines Oh, and he could win

He's been into politics for a long time Yeah, but I don't think he even went to elementary school Yeah Yeah, he was on Fox Sports the other day So obviously, did you see that? No Yeah, it wasn't good He just kept repeating one word

What was it? I went... I swear to God Oh, really? I swear to God He loves basketball No, he's got basketball Basketball

Basketball So the UFC was on FS1, Fox And then obviously it switched to ESPN now And they've got PBC, which is supposed to fill in that void for FS1, which is Premier boxing champions or something like that And there's a big fight this weekend That Adrian Braun are taking on Manny Pacquiao And they've got their boxing version of UFC tonight

So they've got a few boxing guys on there They've got a version of Karen Bryant And they had Manny Pacquiao on there And then I stumbled across it through the downs and watched it Oh, shit, because I used to work on that show So I want to see it and it's very, very similar to UFC tonight Same kind of feel, everything But it's just boxing, not UFC

Yeah And as I say, Manny Pacquiao was on there And he said basketball Three times in a row But like it was even relevant I was like, wow I think that Manny Pacquiao Poor guy, God bless him

But that's why like he was so beloved in the country Because everyone wants to hear We're a third-world country, the Philippines Yeah, we know Back home My next-door neighbors are Filipino Right, and so back home we love They are the great people

No, I'm telling you today That my next-door neighbors make me hate myself Because they're so good They're so nice I'm like, I'm a fucking asshole To these people Yeah, yeah They come over every time with gifts

And presents And you fucking name Anytime at a fight They bring things over Flowers and champagne and this At Christmas They come over with gift cards for the kids Thoughtful presents and stuff

And we have nothing I'm like, shit, again Clive Wood upstairs And I grab like the perfume I bought for my wife I'm like, oh, oh, oh Like when Raps is on Oh, here you go

Take this, you know Michael, this is open Basketball, Mike Basketball, Michael Basketball, Mike You want to play one-on-one, Mike So, yeah, no, they're awesome You're like that too

When we go to a party She's like, we gotta stop by And get wine crackers and all that stuff And I'm like, wine Filipinos are professional Our profession is hospitality That's what we're good at So if you ever come to the Philippines

The red carpet will be rolled out for you In a way that's different From any other country you'll ever step foot in It's just what we do We're hospitable When we landed That's nice Yeah, in Cebu, when we landed

You had a whole band and dance thing at the airport Remember? I remember there were Do-da-da-da-da-da-da-da The drums were playing Ba-da-da-da-da-da And people are dancing And then when we left

They just packed up and left When we left Hold on, that dance here was not for us, sweetie They're just always dancing there For anybody arrived That's what I'm saying I know that they were for me Bobby Lee's coming

And then they do the dance Yeah, yeah No, I know that they were Oh, shit Send the fucking band Bobby Lee's here The national band Yeah, I know that they packed that

But where do you see that ever? That's true But on that same note This is why Manny Pacquiao is sort of dangerous Because he is so beloved For being this sweet kind of simple guy Sure But you don't elect a man like that

Into office He has crazy ideas He has religion No, he's a good guy, sweetie He believes that gay What does he think of gay people? He's a good guy who's Be simple in that way

Probably not a good thing Yeah, he wants Because anyone that's heavily religious Right, right, right A fucking idiot Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm sorry Yeah

Every religious person in the world It's like Because my next door neighbors are very religious And they're not fucking idiots The Filipinos? Yeah Yeah, yeah They really calculate, yeah

In England I don't know a single person that goes to church Come on, that's where it comes from Listen to her I say this to everybody That's where it comes from I say this to everybody I say this to all Americans

And they go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no There's no fucking way, dude Oh, really? Yeah Are you fucking English? Right, trust me I'm from there I don't know a single fucking person

That goes to church You gotta be kidding me, though I swear to God, you know why? Why? Because it's all a made up load of nonsense And we've realized Yeah, I know that already We've realized it

I know that already I don't know a single person that goes to church Not a single person Right That's where to God I'm not exaggerating In England, though In England, we're a church of England

There's a lot of churches in guess what They're full of homeless people Completely empty Is that what you're saying? Yeah, falling apart I mean, there's not all of them Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm exaggerating a little bit

But in terms of Not knowing a single person that goes to church But do you know why that is? I know a single person It has Because America is still a young country Yeah I don't know if that's the reason

But I'm telling you Certainly religion is a much, much bigger deal here Like, look at countries, though That's been around for a way longer than America Their views on sex is completely different They're more open to it What? It depends if they're a first world country or not

Yeah, that's what I'm only talking about First world countries Oh, okay Sorry, we're out Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're out But... Sorry, your opinion isn't valid here No, no, no

You're from the Philippines You know what? Ew I want to say this I want to say something right now You know, I honestly, and I come across Like an elitist piece of shit Talking about other

You're an elitist piece of shit, babe I'm not I'm an open wound Not a book I'm an open wound And I want to say Sleepers And I'm being completely honest with you, okay?

Okay, a lot of times I could do my shows And I have all kinds of people come And I love everybody, okay? I don't... When I call Jungle, certain Asians Jungle Asians I don't mean it

Yeah, I don't mean it in a derogatory way I love you Okay And on that note Go fuck yourself That's... You know, I've learned so much from you Because in my head, I'm like

That's what everybody says They're like, wow Yeah, the English So insightful Yeah Not being real though Like the church thing, it was like Yeah, well, no

It doesn't play a big factor Honestly, everybody I know They go to church for two reasons When... For a christening And they don't believe in God Everyone just goes and gets hammered Culture, yeah

It's a party You know, everyone gets dressed up And they celebrate the birth of the child But it's not really a religious thing Or a wedding You know? And the same thing again And with our children

My wife, she didn't want to have a christening I'm like, come on Let's get the kids christened She's like, well, no, we're not religious I'm like, yeah, who gives a fuck? That's what we do I'm technically a Catholic Everybody has a christening and one

And she's like, no And I thought about it I thought, no, I actually... I respect what you're saying there You're right, we shouldn't do that We'd be hypocrites So we never did that But generally, that's all people do in England

But do you believe in God? No, I don't I wish I did I'm sure it's a lovely feeling I'm sure it makes you feel nice, warm and fuzzy inside And I would love to think That when I die I go up there to a nice beautiful little place

Called heaven And all my loved ones are there I would love that I would love that And it's weird that in times of loss Perhaps you do, obviously I share the exact same sentiment You go there and you think about these things

When I see religious people And I see them really like, you know They leave it up to somebody else I always... I can imagine what a great feeling that is But I just don't have that I wish I did And as I say

I talk a lot of shit and I bust balls But I respect them And I try and not be offensive with my views Because if I said what I really thought I'd be, I would offend them You know what I mean? I don't understand how you can honestly believe That there's a man up there

The worst thing is Fucking MMA fighters Okay, first of all, I just want to thank Jesus God, you're taking the words right out of my mouth Number one If there is a God You think he gives a fuck about this little petty MMA fight He's got bigger things to do

There's fucking earthquakes and tsunamis Happening all over the place But no, I'm going to take time out of my day To make sure a fucking dick weasel from Brazil Wins his fight Romero, he's what, right? Yeah, he's very religious Pintor, Ben Henderson

All those guys Remember Diego Sanchez? Oh, yeah Big time Big time Ben Henderson It's, it's, it's, it's sad Oh, you know what's, you know what's funny?

My least favorite words are first and foremost First and foremost Because it's like this But you know who... No, don't say it, please, I'll like you less You know who really believes in God Is that kid that we just saw What's he, he fought Max Holloway

What's his name? Oh, Ortega Brian Ortega is very religious And after every match he goes I want to thank Jesus Yeah, so what happened on the night he lost? God was like I know that night when his face looked like a fucking pumpkin

Get on your knees, bitch Right He hasn't been praying enough to me I wasn't there for you, bud Hold on Ooh, Max Holloway Get him, Max Get him

He didn't pray hard enough You know why? Because Max Holloway's name is blessed So God favored him that night The blessed one Ah, yeah The blessed era What a fighter, huh?

Oh, he's amazing He's fucking amazing I think that was one of the most responsible thing I ever heard of anybody is when you called out Max Holloway That's right He's sleepy We all were old, yeah Yeah, we talked about that

Because everyone in my family's and has a medical background Right And when they heard that, they told me they're like Look, he actually pointed it out when no one else would Yeah, it was weird because I mean I've had a lot of injuries throughout my fight career And if I was training for a fight And somebody called me out on live TV about one of my injuries

I'd be pissed, you know Because you train and you want to fight You want to get paid You've done all that hard work As I say, you want to get paid So we were doing UFC tonight And we have a production meeting And of course, you know, we go over the questions

What we're going to ask So we have cards there And we're doing the interview And he's slowing his words And he's all over the place And I'm like, fuck what he says on the cards I'm like, yo, Max, you good there, buddy? Yeah

And he's like, I'm like Because you sound like you're half asleep And anyway, I flew to Vegas that night to cover the fight And when I got to Vegas I started getting tweets and messages Fights off, Max been pulled from the card I'm like, oh, shit, I hope I wasn't the catalyst of that So I text him, I said, listen, Max

I'm sorry, man And he text me, I said, no, thank you Thank you, he said, I needed somebody to say that, you know And I was like, all right, all right, well, I appreciate that But what was it though, do you know? He just had a concussion You know, the hard thing is, you know In mixed martial arts, you got to train the way you fight

So, you know, you train hard, you spar hard You get hit, you know It's a shame, it is But he's good He's all good, he came back Yeah, because that night he showed it And you see how this is how you're a fair weathered fan too That night, before this, he was a Max Holloway fan

But he was so sure about Ortega, 100% And it was just Renzo and I Yeah We were so, who were super for Max, right? What's the deal with Renzo, man? Renzo freaks me out, I'm going to be honest I feel like he's going to shoot me Renzo, my brother-in-law, he's saying

Renzo's in the back, he's judging everything I'll say Leather jacket Michael, Michael, check it out He's like, this motherfucker here He comes in here talking to shit, man Renzo isn't our normal cameraman He asked to be here

He's never asked to be here He spent his whole life doing mixed martial arts Oh, really, Renzo? So much, right, that he's like I was only joking He wanted to be the cameraman So, um, what the fuck are you fucking talking about, man? Renzo's your biggest fucking fan fuck, man

No, so that's why he's looking at me He wants to suck your dick, dude He wants to suck your dick, Michael Finally, why is he licking his lips? He's the first one of 2019 Oh, he's a cop So he's an L.E.P.D. So, yeah, yeah

So don't fuck around, man I'm not fucking around It's always good to know cops Oh, shit No, but Renzo, I mean, because we, as a family We, this is a, this is cultural That's what we do Yeah

Yeah, I can see that Yeah, we love it, dude, you know With the cats and everything You don't like cats? I'm more of a dog person, but whatever We have three dogs We have three dogs as well Oh, you do, nice

They're barking their heads off in the other room Oh, they're what kind of dogs? They're all No, we don't, don't tell them It's none of your fucking business My dog was here, those cats will be dead Oh, really? What kind of dog do you want?

I'm joking You're a pit bull No, no I love pit bulls I love pit bulls I'm not saying that about them Nah, nah, nah But it's a very stereotypical cliched dog choice that you picked there for me

No, I'm a German Shepard man I love German Shepard Oh, they grew up with each other Yeah, they grew up with each other They're great How many dogs do you have, one dog? I've got two Yeah

Alfie and Harry Yeah Harry's a little, what is he? A Yorkie poo or a shitsuit or... He's a little fucker We have a Yorkie A multi-pooh A multi-pooh, yeah

And he does multiple poohs on the fucking road Yeah, yeah Okay You love them the same? No, of course I love the German Shepard more, I'm sorry He's got more personality Harry just went stroking

He just comes up and... He does nothing else Other than wanting to be stroked You know, it gets a little old Alfie's got personality But we got Alfie Because Dito, he was my other German Shepard He died

Prior to Harry being around We got my daughter Ellie A pug Charlie Sweetest little thing you've ever seen in your life You got it from my daughter And I was going to the Fox Studios one day And as I'm walking in

I get a phone call from my wife She's like, ah, a bagel, bagel, bagel I'm like, what? Charlie was eating Dito's food And the German Shepard got the pug and shook him He's not moving And his eyes hanging out of his head And all this

I'm like, what the fuck I said, take him to the vets Take him to the vets Her to the vets He says, yeah, we're on our way there So I walk into the Fox Studios And Brian Stan, you know what Brian Stan is He's there

And I'm freaking out I'm like, holy fuck This was literally as I was walking in And I walk and I'm like, fuck And everyone's like, what's wrong? I'm like, my fucking dog Charlie He might be dying She might be dying, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah

Tell the whole story And Brian Stan's like, are you fucking serious? I've got brothers dying in Afghanistan And you expect me to give a fuck about your dog I'm like, okay When you put it like that, I get it It's my daughter's fucking pug And she's cute as fuck

But it's also not Listen to me, dude I want to see this fucking bullshit he did that Who, my dog? No, Brian's Spangy He's an American Yeah, some people have worse things going on in their life But that doesn't mean what you're going through is less than

I know, I know, I know It's crazy, this guy, Brian Stanny Don't get to me, that guy No He's a good guy Was he ever alive too? Yeah, yeah, yeah I had never heard of him

I really have never heard of him Brian Stan, come on I never heard of him before And when he said his name, I go, yeah, I know him I don't know him You don't know Brian Stan? Are you serious, are you serious? Fuck that guy

You know him No, he's a good guy Google a photo, Google a photo Because he's going to be on my fucking death wish He's a good guy Not death wish, he's a good guy He's a good guy, he's a good guy, I mean If you know him, he's a very

He's a good guy He's a little strong Hold on, hold on He was too hard He's a father of three Yeah, yeah, he was way too hard I don't want that He's just crying

Sorry, Michael I got emotional You got three kids here that we're talking about Michael Stan, wait, what's his name? Brian Brian Stan, Stan I love you, sorry, my bad Right

Yeah Oh, I love, oh my god, he's so sick, yeah, he's sick, yeah, he's sick Oh, you're talking, you're talking Oh, yeah, we had to put her down Oh my god Was your daughter devastated? Well, she was really mature about it Because I got her on the phone, I said, you know

Because as Vett said, we need to put Charlie down That's okay, let me speak to my daughter first So I got her on the phone, I said, listen, Ellie You know, it's not looking good I explained the whole situation, I said So what they're going to do is they're going to give her an injection And she won't feel any pain And she'll actually feel kind of nice

You know, that's how it works And she'll fall asleep And she'll just never wake up, you know Is your daughter in college? No, no, she was 12 at the time Oh, 12 Or 11 even Oh my god

And she was trying not to cry I said, okay, okay And that was the word, that set me off I'm like, oh my god, because she was so mature about it, you know But she was trying not to cry It broke my heart So then we got Harry There's like a little replacer, you know

Which you shouldn't do, but whatever You know, Luke is one of the dog, that's my youngest Yeah Yeah, same thing happened to Harry But he survived, but he's only got one eye We're stuck Yeah, I fast forwarded a little bit Wait, wait, wait

So what happened was No, no, no So two dog balls Dito, Charlie, they were on the floor The little guy, the big guy, the big guy said, fuck you So we got this thing where the German chef's food is up high And the little dog's food is down low So they can't get at one another

And it was working a treat We obviously kept an eye on it for a while And then it was working, so we're all good But then there was a leak, okay And there was a leak in the house And we had to fucking take everything out the laundry And put it outside And when we put everything outside

We put it on the floor Because there was water going everywhere And as we were doing that Oh, shit So let me get this straight But he survived Michael, let me get this straight Harry, one eye

Let me get this straight Let me get this straight And he's happy What was the dog that died? What was her name? Charlie So Charlie, right We like to give him even names

Harry, bit Charlie, right? Dito, bit Charlie Vito, bit Charlie Charlie died, right? Then Vito, was that the name? Yeah You got another dog Yeah

By the name of what? Harry Harry Vito did the same thing to the new dog? Yeah You didn't learn from the first time, fuck nut What did I just say? I said

You didn't learn from the first time I learned How many dogs had to die before you fucking learned, fuck nut I said we got different things Yeah, but you should have done that You should have No No

The fucker has no eye now, right? He's happy There's no way to know that, by the way, okay If I was a dog and I communicated with him And I said, yo, what's up with your eyes? Like, I don't know, my fucking owners are fucking fuck up There was a guy that died earlier Let me see the photo

You're going to give me a photo of him? I'm going to show you a picture It's not going to help me Oh, you're saying these don't look fucking happy? Aww Yeah, but I was looking sideways, he's like, where's the camera? But other than that Okay, so that's the new dog?

That's the new one, that's Alfie, the big one Okay, right Okay The biter passed away Oh, the biter passed away Food possessive I was doing a movie in Thailand Where was the movie called?

Triple Threat Comes out next this year, March I thought I saw another karate movie that you were in What movies have you been in? Just rattled me up three or four I've done a few, but not too many martial art movies like that So? No fighting movies

Not too many, no Okay Not too many, no I did one back in the day, a long, long, long time ago Called Beat Down This one's called Triple Threat Who's in it? Tony Jarr

Eco Waze Tiger Chen Me, Michael Jarl White Scott Adkins It's the best martial arts cast you can get right now This movie's going to be sick, trust me Was there a lot of, like, coordination and all that? Of course, yeah, it's a fucking martial arts movie

What do you think? We just winged it? We just did it off the top of our head What do you reckon? I don't know, just go for it And maybe it'll look good Yes, there was coordination It was highly choreographed

We'll just stop there Yo, save your thing I just got to defend myself real quick, okay? Please All right I'm just saying that there's different kinds, right? There's like, you know, John... John Wick's pretty coordinated

But anyway, let's move on It's choreographed It's a choreographed tour Yeah, you're right It's a movie It's a fucking movie There's a lot of people there It's a fucking movie

It's like, millions and millions and millions of dollars They plot it out Okay I pin them them myself What are we doing today? I don't know All right, Michael Let's just wing it

All right, Michael No, so anyway, so when the dog died When my German Shepherd died My best friend in the whole world So it was the first... It was the last day on set But it was the first scene in the movie that you'll see me Right, and we go into this village in Thailand

Me and my two other bad guys And fucking shoot everyone, blow the village up Typical assholes Something like Adorambo or whatever Anyway, we're rescuing my brother And he's in like this makeshift cell If you will, in the ground And anyway, break, you know, whatever

Cut, and we have a little time You know, we're setting up the next shop So I get my phone out and I look at my phone And I've got a text message from my wife Call me ASAP, Dito, not good I'm like, fuck, so I call And say, yeah, he's in a really bad way We're at the vets right now

The vets says, you know, we've got to put him down I'm like, what the fuck? So I get on the phone to the vet And the vet tells me it explains all the problems So we had to put him down It was for his own... So anyway, so we were filming by the River Kwai In Thailand, right

And I start bawling my eyes out I'm crying my fucking eyes out, right And I'm like, I'm walking off more and more into the forest You know, like to be left alone And about half an hour passes And like the little one is like Oh, Mako, Mako, director, ready for you You know, I'm like, oh, fucking...

Crying and stuff And anyway, so... Your Asian accent is dead on It fucking sounded like it That's what he sounded like I was like, am I transported? Oh, Mako, I'm director, ready for you Yeah, Uncle Han, are you here?

I'm sorry, but that's what he sounded like Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Okay, where are you from, Clithero? So, so... So I go back and I'm like, shit I've got to be a badass in the scene I've just been bawling my eyes out, right So we do this scene and it was a bit shit, in my opinion

Because I've been crying Anyway, we sit down and I'm not in the next shot So we're sitting down and we've got this big fan going Because it's very humid in Thailand And Michael Jarl White's there You know where Michael Jarl White is? Of course And he's a great guy, great guy

This isn't throwing any shade But I assume he's more of a cat lover than a dog lover Because we're sitting there and I'm fucking... I'm heartbroken I'm devastated, right? And I'm like, fucking my dog, you know what I mean? So I want to talk to someone I'm like, yo, Mike

He's like, yo, what's up? I'm like, oh, fuck, man I had to put my dog down, man I said, yeah, just the best Just had to put my fucking dog down He goes, okay And that was it Sounds like him

What the fuck, right? So anyway About three hours later, we're in the same situation again Just me and him sitting there And it's still on my mind I'm fucking devastated And I'm thinking, I need to talk to someone Maybe because of my accent

He didn't quite understand me So I try it again I say, hey, Mike He's like, what? I'm like, oh, man, I said, let's put my fucking dog down He goes, yeah, you told me Okay, all right, all right Yeah, I'll shut the fuck up then

All right, my bad Great, you know who you should have told Is that Chinese guy that went to get you Which Chinese guy? The guy that you did the impression of Right? You should have told him about the guy Whatever he is

You should have told him You know what he would have said Can I eat him? No, that was my wife's No, that was my son's girlfriend's mother Baby, if I do a joke If I do a joke and it doesn't work Why do you do that face like that?

It's a dog eating one We'll cut it out We're cutting that joke up We're cutting it, it didn't work It's the same way like you don't like Do you eat? No, I don't love animals They have a dog eating trade in Korea

As they do in China and the Philippines Yeah, no, for sure, yeah, absolutely What I want to say to you, Michael It is disgusting Horrible Is just talking to you for this brief moment I've gotten a lot of feelings You do?

I'm trying to hide them Yeah, I'm hiding mine I know, I'm failing Me too, I'm drooling But what I want to say to you is that A year ago, I did a There was just this MMA awards show That Randy Couture hosted

Okay, I don't know why this is going You know, I'm going to tell you And he was fucking terrible I think that Randy Couture is a legend But why the fuck would you want people to choose him To post the show? He went up on stage like a fucking Frankenstein And he had no personality

But you, honestly, I feel that you could probably do Not that I want you to or you wouldn't But you could even do comedy, I think Yeah, a lot of people say that Yeah, I think you could do it And Brendan did it, and he's successful now I don't want to force you to do anything That you don't want to do

But you are charismatic You're confident And you're just a funny guy Well, thank you, that's very kind Very kind Yeah, you know, people do say that Do I seem strong to you? Pardon me?

Do I seem strong to you? Ah, jeez, Christ You know, it's surprising because Because, you know, when you look at you You think, no, he's not strong But you look past that Yeah You look past the exterior and see what's on the inside

Right And there's still nothing No, of course, you're strong, bro Yeah, yeah, no, I appreciate that I appreciate that Since I've been doing my podcast Believe You Me, check it out, people Yeah, yeah, you know, we get a lot of good feedback

What's it called? Believe You Me Believe You Me Hey, sleepers, listen to me You gotta check it out Check out Michael Bisbing's podcast Believe You Me And believe me to you

That it is gonna be You're gonna love it It's okay It's great It's all right I can already tell it's great It's okay Yeah

We have fun Have you done Rogan's podcast? I have Did it, wow, I don't know, about a month ago Yeah, I get intimidated by him Oh, really? A little bit Why?

Because Because he's an alpha male And he, you know, he Yeah, I mean, it's not just that Is that when I started doing comedy He was already a headliner Oh, of course So I just have this, you know

When I see guys like him Or, you know, older guys Like Kevin Nealon even Or something like that I just kind of have this Yeah, but that's like Yeah, I mean, I guess I mean, I think I understand what you're saying

You know, I mean, it's a respect thing, right? It's a respect thing Yeah, of course it is Yeah, I mean, I was like that When I first came into the UFC And there's guys that you watch Like a Ranikatora or something like that Wow, yeah

Like, fuck, you know, you're like, Whoa, shit, this guy's a legend Right Like, you know Yeah, people like that When I first came in, I was a kid You know, fresh face You've seen them on TV, you know

So there's a little bit of that, you know But I think that's healthy It's a healthy attitude to have And the sport, I mean, back in the day That sport was the Wild West But now it's a bona fide, legitimate sport That's like, it could be in the Olympics I like the way like you looked around the room

Telling everyone, like you were making a big announcement No, I really know I want to Yeah, we know I know, I'm just saying It's on ESPN It's a global, it's a global, legitimate sport That's just improving and growing

And it's elite athletes And it's just an amazing thing Yeah, we, I fly to Brooklyn on Thursday We got the first ever ESPN card ESPN plus card Yeah, ESPN plus this weekend What does that mean? It's a big deal

Do you know they moved, babe, from Fox? They left Fox From Fox to ESPN Officially They announced it on the last card Did you not see? Wait, wait UFC is no longer

With Fox With Fox ESPN Why? ESPN Money, predominantly Let's be honest But they don't, they weren't making money

I don't get it No, no, no, they were making money So, I mean, come on You're in the entertainment industry No, barely You know how it works You know, they pay for rights Fox pays UFC for rights

And they sell to the highest bidder ESPN came in with a massive offer I think it was $1.5 billion For five years' rights And Fox wasn't willing to match that This isn't, you know, anything new This is public information And yeah, they went to ESPN

Which is exciting for myself Exciting for everybody involved with the sport Certainly is the next logical progression For the sport No disrespect to Fox Sports They were an amazing platform They helped bring the sport to a whole other level Really did, you know

But yeah But ESPN is the top It's the fucking top Now, here's the one thing when Reebok took over Right Did you like that? No No

No, no Because you kind of lost You kind of lost people's What? Well, I have my back to him It's very, very What? He's just a guy

I'm just a guy He's like a fucking guy Yeah, but still, you know Yeah, yeah, I get it So, um, how were we at time? Michael Bisping over an hour I can't fucking believe it It's crazy

It's crazy We're not end down We're almost done, though But we'll do a thing at the end You dragged me all this way up here For a fucking hour Yeah Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ Took me long enough not to drive here Not to mention the three and a half hours sat out there Eating a fucking cold sandwich It's your fucking fault that you live in Orange County, bitch Did I tell you to move to Orange County, bitch? No, no But what you did was

You had your little, you know You're here with your little pussy fucking little gang Pussy gang, bitch Michael Bisping wouldn't give me a picture I'm not fucks sake, I'm gonna have to drive up there I'm sorry, I'm not calling you No, it's okay It's okay

No, no, no, no Honestly, dude, honestly No, no, no, no I want to see this Michael You're gonna embarrass yourself I'm not gonna Don't embarrass yourself Yeah

Don't embarrass yourself I love you You can roll with it I love you Thank you I do Thank you I deeply love you

Appreciate it Mike and Nip be forever Mike and Nip be forever I'm gonna see if we can get that show to happen Would you let him guess for you? Before a show? If you ever did stand up, Michael Oh yeah

Just hear me out I'm hearing you Because I play the Irvine improv in places February In February But he's Are you gonna be that? Yeah

Honestly, I'm not just saying this Because I'm here with you Me and my wife We came My wife and I We laughed Our fucking asses off I swear to God

It was so funny That night It was a fun night Yeah, I remember It was incredible It really was I laughed My face was hurting

It was We've been trying to see you ever since Well, I met the Irvine empire in February Right If you wanted to do time, you could do it Five minutes I don't know I've got a show coming up

In Toronto But it's not like Stand up But it's gonna be funny Yeah, yeah It's like It's a one-man show Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah But if you ever have the itch Have you ever wanted a time in front of a crowd? See, the thing is But I can be, you know, in my humble opinion I can be somewhat entertaining

In a platform like this Or in a setting like this You know Doing a set You gotta sit down You gotta write that I'm more off the top of my head You know what I'm saying?

No You gotta write Joe No You could be that though A stream of conscience kind of guy Yeah, yeah No, no, no Because those are just justifications

Because of the fear Yeah, no, no, no Yeah, you're right No, absolutely You're walking into an arena That you're uncomfortable with, you know Which does excite me, if I'm honest You know, I do like to test myself

And challenge myself I can't imagine what it would be like to Enter the Octagon Especially on a big night You know, it's a big card And that thrill that you get You know, I can't imagine that I'm sure it's something that I'll never experience

But, you know You know, I think stand up You would get a similar feeling I'm sure it is I'm sure there's no better feeling Than going out there In front of a packed house And making everyone piss the pants laughing

I'm sure it's amazing And it's probably very similar Because, you know, you as a comic That's your passion, that's your love That's what you aspire to do So when you're succeeding in that That brings you joy As a fighter, same thing

You know, we're trying to win We're trying to get ahead We're trying to succeed So, you know, in many ways they're very similar You know, that's what Gomez My, uh, Luis J. Gomez My podcast partner He says the same thing

There's a lot of similarities Between being a fighter and a comedian You know, if you break it down Okay, at the end here We do a thing called Unhelpful Advice We have emails Louis, is that Kim Congdon's boyfriend?

Yes, I love Kim Oh, you know Kim? Yeah, I love her Yeah, she's great She's hilarious as well She's very funny Yeah We have emails

And they have problems We give them advice And then we wrap it up A little Agnion session, yeah? Yeah All right, what have we got? Unhelpful Advice with Michael The champ, Bisbee

Hold on He's the clown Stop, stop, stop Was that your real voice? Yeah No, was that like some kind of modulation? I don't care, your dog died That's incredible

Is that not Michael? That's really good I like that I like that All right, this is entitled Losing Attraction to the Mother of My Kids Happens Hello, Tiger Bear

He was joking He was joking He was joking He was joking He was joking Hey Did you joke, okay? You're a bloody bitch

I'm kidding, she's the best I'm a 35-year-old Hispanic guy Born and raised in East LA I have been with my girl for over 10 years And we have three kids Our relationship is good We get along and have fights like a normal couple She was the first hip chick I ever dated

And I found her little quirkiness adorable But over the years, I find something she does Very unattractive She skips showers for days All soaps and lotions she uses are fragrance free So even when she does shower I never get that pretty girl smell Sometimes a girl walks by and I get a tiny whiff of strawberries

Or a pretty lotion I really miss that smell We recently went to a cousin's wedding And she looked amazing I know with three kids She doesn't have time to get dressed up every day She usually doesn't brush her hair It looks like Garth from the Wains world

I'm not a big fan of makeup But a little would help every now and then Lately, she won't wear anything that shows her figure Mostly baggy t-shirts, thick denim jeans Now, I'm a dude She's fucking going all in here Yeah What a loser

I know, right? Now I'm a dude who likes It's a mother of your kids, man Now I'm a dude who likes sex I still like No, with her I still like to do it as often I don't like the way you said that, Gilbert

Just the way he said it Get that line in a little different reading Shade in your other voice Now I'm a dude who likes sex That's actually very, very, very much better Much better Smile there, yeah Much better

I still like to do it as often as we can But because of the shower situation I usually never go down on her I mean, he's really going deep I'm just going to read it I enjoy going down I like the butt and all Oh, okay

All right Smelling Edit that stuff out Okay I used to love doing it I told her in nice ways That these things are unattractive to me But she really doesn't seem to bother her

I don't want to end a relationship with her But the thought of my life being like this forever Really buzzed me out Any advice you give me would be appreciated Thank you guys First off, your guys are called the sleepers My guys are called the believers Right

Oh They do not put in nearly as much effort into their emails Okay I'm just going out of their believers Step your fucking game up That was like I feel like you just read me a book There's a lot of detail

And fair play to this guy I mean, I really do sympathize with this situation Okay, advice I mean, you've got to talk to this lady Let's be honest At the end of the day You've got to pride in yourself Feels like she's let herself go

She's given up all pride She doesn't see herself as a sexual being I mean, fucking hygiene and cleanliness Come on There's no excuse for poor hygiene Which is what it sounds like He's just suffering from her She's suffering from her

So Get a fucking grip Sit down and have a word I wonder how much load she takes on though Around the house That's my question Because if she's doing everything And he's not helping her along

She really might not have time at all For her, you know Too much around the house She gets out of bed every day She does her makeup She fucking looks beautiful by 7am every morning You know Maybe she's anemic

We don't know this Maybe she fatigues easy I don't know her situation Yeah, get your blood work done You know, I mean She needs to get a grip You know, or he needs to get a grip He just needs to sit down and say

Listen, baby, love you Lord as a person But you know When I met you You were this and now you don't resemble that You know, but you've got to pick the words Carefully, of course You can't be insulting But I think it's a fair comment to say

Whatever her name is Yeah You've let yourself go a little bit You would think that he probably gave her hints though But hints is not enough I think that you have to have full transparency About that stuff Like happy birthday

And it's a whole kit of like perfumes And like lotions and stuff Yeah, but hold on You know What's he look like? What's he doing? It's true Do you know what I mean?

It's all well and good for him Probably sitting there scratching his balls In the same shirt he's had on for fucking days Hasn't had a shower himself He's got his work boots on You know, he's hammered drunk He's like, ah, this fucking bitch Doesn't fucking put a miniskirt on

What about him? What about him? What's he look like? Yeah You know Yeah, man You're right He has to say something

He's had that He has to have a talk and um Or done What about children? What they've got children If they want to make it work for the kids Then you've got to say Listen, this is an issue to me

Right If it really is an issue Which it sounds like it is Then you've got to address it You've got to at least have open dialogue And a mature adult discussion If you deliver it in the right way And say, listen

Babe Yeah I'd like it if you put a bit of fucking foundation Or maybe a shower I mean, that's what I tell him And not being stinky Before he gets into bed I mean, sometimes he comes at me a little bit too

Aggressive, weird And I'm like, wash your fucking feet Because he has foot fungus And brush your fucking teeth Because he has only two teeth left I really don't You've got to treasure them I have like nine teeth missing

But he doesn't take it to heart He's like, okay, I've got to wash my feet and do that Or else he doesn't get to be close to me Yeah It's just my rules I'm really, really weird about dental hygiene She is, she is, she is I got an electric to do across the whole thing

Well, I bought you that Yeah, I know, that's why Yeah But I do it Work in progress But you can't be writing us about it He has to be telling us Everything you're telling us

You have to tell her nicely Yeah, for sure, you can't say, hey You dirty smelly bitch Put some makeup on But I know a lot of girls though That won't work What? The way I said it

Yeah, it won't work That won't work No, no, no, no, no That doesn't work Don't do that What's his name? He didn't put a name But some girls go

I want to use natural creams Like some girls go I want to use natural creams I want, you know, they get into this bohemian kind of a thing Is that what she's going through? Oh, kind of like, what was she called? Alicia Keys She did the whole no makeup

Makeup Well, she's just beautiful It doesn't play well for everybody I thought so It's a little gross Yeah, yeah, yeah Like Michael likes his foundation I like a woman to be put together

Yeah You know what I mean Make an effort Yeah You know Yeah, I do like sweet smelling things And whatnot, yeah You bastard

Smell nice But why the fuck do we have to put it on every goddamn day for you bastards? I'll spray it onto you if you want me to Your wife would call you out probably But that's just the way it is All I ask is that you wash your feet But that's the way it is You know, oh my god

You've just hit the nail on the head This is going to be the next movement for women, isn't it? You know, women empowerment Now they don't wear makeup or fucking put dresses on or anything You know, because we can't do anything Men are inferior in these things But why do you equate wearing natural products to being unhygienic? No, no, no, no

I'm just saying sometimes natural products smell earthy Like the soil Like the soil And it's like, you know how like bohemian people like A woman that goes to Burning Man, she grows her Like your friend Shandy She smells great Harry Pitts

Yes, she does But she smells great She smells like coconut oil Like hippy oil Yeah I don't like hippy oil Not that fragrance You don't want someone to smell like wood

No, it's just like a woman I like if you if you put some Dracar on I don't give a fuck Dracar? Some warts? Yeah, Dracar Ooh, that one Do you have Dracar back in England?

I'm not familiar with it Yeah, yeah, yeah For cool water No, it's Dabidah Dabidah Or Curve, Curve, remember that? Yeah, Curve, yeah, yeah Farming Heights

No, what is it? What is it? What's the old, old, old something? Old spice? Old spice Old spice That's still a thing though, right? Yeah

Still a thing They reinvented their thing Yeah, they did Old spice, yeah They have good body wash Anyway, great body wash Love it But all right, so that's that

Talked to your wife Yeah, talked to your wife I told you why, I'm sorry Anything else? Is that it? You want another one? Yeah, let's go We do another one, let's do one more Uh, yesterday I got drunk with an only friend

and ended up fooling around I spoke beforehand a big game about my sex drive but when it came down to it I couldn't get it up I am 23 and I feel quite embarrassed What's the worst is that I, what's worse is I like the girl? I'm afraid she might see me as less of a man

How do you think I should go about this? How many, yeah, come on Bobby Speaking from experience You've been there a few times I think it's porn, erectile dysfunction Do you think a lot of kids are getting porn erectile? What do you mean? I read an article in Men's Journal

that there's a phenomenon called erectile, um, just porn For porn dysfunction Well, because they're so used to seeing Being inundated Professional, Michael Back in the, you and I They want to live up to that and then it makes them self-conscious Well, they just get inundated and oversaturated with it

When we were young in high school, right We didn't have the internet I don't know if you did, but I didn't, right? No So you and I, if we wanted to watch any kind of pornography It was a magazine You would trade magazines or there would be a field and you'd open up a, lift up a rock

and there'd be a hustler in there There were some weirdos Like there was one kid that I hung out with and I went around to his house Yeah Andrew Aslam And I walked into his house and I knock on the door Oh yeah, weirdo

And I walked in and his mother set me up to his room and I watched it open door Oh, Andrew, Michael's here And it was floor to ceiling Pornhole pictures Everywhere I'm like, are you not in Paris? It was like the most natural thing in the world

It was crazy So if I wanted my porn fix I just went around to Azzi's house But now kids, right, have everything Push of a button Yeah, it's crazy Right, high school kids can watch Any kind of pornography that they can watch

And they're so inundated with it That it fucks with them psychologically And then when they're with a real woman Sometimes they can't get a wreck Well, the experience is just not up to par anymore Like, you know, they present sex as like this super It, sex in real life, especially when you're a young kid is super awkward

It's clumsy You just don't really know how your body moves in that way And when you're watching, you know You can't live up to that expectation of what you see on it Right But if you like the girl enough I know If you like, it would take over that feeling of awkwardness

Yeah The little man takes over the big man But years ago, I was in Toronto way before you big I remember this story You told me all your sexual ex-companies Yeah, and there was a woman in my hotel room And she was beautiful, right? Beautiful

She completely naked laying on my bed And I take my clothes off But that month had been just jerking off To every kind of fucking porn You know what I mean? Old J, old, you know, young All kinds of stuff Right

Wrinkly, wrinkly, vaginas All that stuff, right? And so let me just do it, right? I can see your hand It's hitting yourself so hard I know, and I was doing this She was going to go to the bathroom Yeah

I was doing this for a whole month It might be a bit longer this time A whole month And when I finally, you know When this girl was in front of me in this hotel room I just couldn't get it up, you know And I just think that that has a lot to do with it Yeah, I mean, I mean

What kind of man are we talking about here? It's 23 23 Yeah, I didn't I know What kind of man are we talking about? We're talking about a proper man Are we talking about someone that might be, you know

You know, maybe Say it Say what you're... No, are we talking about an alpha male? I've never had a problem with anything like that in my life And I'm not trying to sound hard or tough Or fucking Mr. Topman Yeah

You know, but I want to say this But not everybody has the same amount of testosterone Running through the body, I would assume You know what I mean? That's why some people like myself fight in the UFC And challenge themselves and do things like that Because we're driven and we're built a certain way, you know

And this young man here, you know Maybe he's more What's the opposite of that? Liking to doing podcast with an alpha male And he's cat I'm gonna disprove that theory Because I... I don't know

There's this guy that I dated Remember before you, the guy from England Yeah And young boxer, right? Oh He could not get it up And not because it wasn't not... It was...

He just couldn't get it up I don't know why or how or maybe He was on supplements I don't know what No But he was an alpha male Yeah But what is alpha male?

Tell me what an alpha male is And he's like... I don't know the science if you... Yeah, yeah, yeah Because if I'm not an alpha male What am I? Beta You're gamma, baby

No, no, you're asking me Like, here's a dictionary Yeah, yeah, go ahead, go ahead The dominant male animal in a particular group Yeah Ah, there you go Yeah Yeah

So when you're coyotes, they have the head guy Sure The leader of the pack The leader of the pack That's the alpha male He likes to fuck Well, yeah, but because he's the alpha male He gets to fuck

He gets to fuck But the little guy... He wants to fuck too The little one, like... Don't do this when you do the little one Alpha male Yeah Like the alpha male is alpha

And this is Harry in the background Yeah, yeah, yeah Please, Harry in the background too You know, he's like, come on Give me a little go I don't think I'm an alpha male But I feel like in certain circles... No, you are

You are You are in your own way I'm not talking physicalities Because that's not important Thank you No, no, for sure He's chocolate, thank you No, no, you are the alpha male of this group 100%

You're the namesake of the podcast You're the fucking fancy comedian You're Mr. Spig Swinging Dick Oh, hold it back, hold it back You're all your buddies around here You're the alpha male Until a real alpha male walks in You know

And then you're not Right, right, right You know, freedom's good while it lasts me Are you the new leader? No, I'm not the new leader Fuck you I'm a lone wolf, motherfucker I know you are

I know you are Yeah, um... So maybe he's not an alpha male No, no, maybe... No, that's not what he's saying Or maybe he's just... Maybe he's not highly... Maybe he's not highly sexed

But that doesn't mean he's... We also don't know what he's like even That's what I'm saying What if he was using alpha male But he was molested brutally as a kid? Yeah, you don't know his history You don't know also how much sometimes Like...

I feel like he would have put that in the question Because it's anonymous He doesn't... No faces Yeah, yeah, yeah I was raped as a child But a lot of people don't say it A lot of people don't say it

Even if it's anonymous They've hidden it so deep Right that, you know... They don't even know... They can't cause... They're not aware of a memory But it happened At 23, were you able to talk about

Like your sexual molestations And all of that To help the people You were... So you were just out there with it I read it again Were you a victim of sexual assault? Stamps to reason

I knew it I knew it I was like... You just fucking little sexually abused motherfucker No, but I was... Oh my god, here we go again I'm looking to get out of this one alive I was weirdly sexual growing up

And... You know, I don't know... I, you know... I don't want to tell this to Mike But you know, I've even had, you know... Experiences with the opposite... The same sex Sure

Okay As a kid All right, all right Yeah Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Hey, Michael, Michael, Michael Strong eye contact

Strong eye contact Whatever you're into, buddy You're the one that lives in Hollywood You're the one that lives in Hollywood, you know Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah But, um... But yeah, I mean... But I, um...

My thing is porn, definitely So I'm just saying to this guy I know what my... When I have issues like that It has to do with porn And, um... Yeah, so... He's put too much...

Well, you're saying too much strain Do you watch porn? Yeah, I mean occasionally, you know... When you're on the road I've got a wife and three kids, you know That'll probably watch this I'm not gonna sit here and fucking break down my porn habit You know what I'm saying?

Hey, son, love you Here's a good one to check out Right, right, right Okay? I'm into step-sisters You know, I'm not gonna get into it Oh, dad, you're so creepy Yeah, Jesus, dad, you really have to go there

It shouldn't be the fuck So, Michael, say your pod gigs and want to plug stuff So you have a movie coming out called Triple Threat Triple Threat Yeah, I guess I'm not really one of those guys No, you have to No, I don't

I don't Oh, you don't have to You don't have to Believe in me, podcast Check it out Yeah, yeah You know Oh, wow

I like that I'm not gonna beg Yeah, we're not begging Yeah, no But hey, guys, I'll do it for you All right, check him out His podcast He's got a movie coming out

And if you don't... A lot of people that listen to our podcast Don't even know anything about the UFC If you ever carry us seriously Check his shit out Because he's not only... You heard him on this podcast He sounds like a comedian

He's a very funny guy You're an open book Thank you You're a good dude Thank you But you're also a beast in the fucking octagon And you're very good at what you do Well, thank you

I appreciate it You know, own up to that, my friend But I really had a very good time with you here Well, thank you I appreciate it I had a fantastic time Wasn't quite sure what I was walking into But you guys are awesome

Pleasure having me I mean, thank you for having me Pleasure having me So there you go I'm thinking... Just talk about fucking masturbation I'm like, it's a pleasure having me You know, it is every night

But yeah, I wasn't sure what I was walking into I've had a great time Thank you for having me All right Give him a round of applause Michael Bissman That was amazing All right

We'll be back with some housekeeping Cool Wow, what an episode Cool, man Our first MMA champ in this room That was pretty awesome That's cool Yeah

Were you nervous, George? I was a little nervous Like even like greeting him on the street I knew he was a nice guy He was like so warm But I was like... So this is how it works, you guys George has to walk downstairs and greet our guests

And then he has to be an elevator with them And warm them up And go through the awkward If they're not super friendly or warm Then you go through the awkward silence Of being in an elevator Trying to fill in the empty Or try to fill in the silence

Right? Yeah And they're like Stand-up comedians usually just want silence So you just like... You always have to offer a little conversation Just to be nice So you're not just like...

But no annoying small talk Yeah Well, that's the hard... Like when's the small talk done And it wins it annoying Yeah Remy Remy

But yeah This thing so... Yeah So casual, so nice Just warm as soon as he showed up Yeah, I usually can gauge it Because then I'm like Oh god, if Clala and Barbie on here

And George brings the guests Like hey, now I'm the next defensive Spreading it out So I usually go on Wikipedia and go Oh, that's a good story right now Talk about But you're really good You can warm a room very quickly, Gilb

You have a very warm... So you're a natural You're a natural Yeah, you are You're an array of sunshine I always say that That's why I always invite you To all my family gatherings

Because everyone's always like Where's Gilbert? If there's any awkwardness You're always the breaker of that ice Yeah, someone did tell me You should be a wedding DJ And I was like I was like

That is so perfect But my family member was so serious about it He was seriously on the side While you're trying to do acting You gotta be a wedding... Oh, he said that too I feel like you would actually be one of those Like hey, Remy

Remy By the way, Remy's in the room guys In case you're wondering He doesn't like the... He doesn't like Julio very much Because his leg... He has a bum leg Well, he's healing

And Julio likes to trample all over him So he sets his boundaries He has physical therapy tomorrow Yeah, update Update for the sleepers about Remy Remy had his Cruciate ligament fixed Because it was completely torn

And he has a two month recovery process He's still limping I'm taking him to physical therapy tomorrow He still seems pretty uncomfortable If I don't medicate him But I'm... All of my fingers crossed that he gets there He's such a small little tiny fragile dog

You know, I'm so used to like Gobi or Julio Where they're not toy breeds So they're so just hearty dogs Yeah Remy is a little fluffball He's small and you have to be gentle Yeah, they're like Campbell's chunky And he's just like Campbell's

Yeah, no, Gobi's like a legit mountain goat You throw it like when I... When I hike with her and we go off leash She just... She's a little mountain goat And she falls in tumbles And she's just fine But yeah, what were we saying?

Let's get back to that episode Crazy That was fun That was so fun And also, you guys are wondering Yeah, Renzo was in the room No big beat tonight Renzo

My brother-in-law Big fan of Bisbing Who's wonderful And I thought he did a great job Michael Bisbee even shouted him out In the middle of the podcast Renzo got so nervous Yeah, I walked in here and Renzo was like

What's up, B Cam? He's like, I don't know man Like I don't want to shake his hand wrong I'm like, bro, you literally tackle people and tase her then It was a respect, you know Yeah, yeah He watched someone their entire career like that That's crazy

He really is the best kind of champion though Yeah It's like later on in his career And when he's older, like he takes down someone young Like a young champion Oh, yeah, we didn't even bring up that Bobby was cheering for Oh, Luke Rockhold Not well, Bobby just has a fucking man crush on him

Like Rockhold Yep No, but wasn't he cheering for GSP? I don't remember I forget that one Because we vlogged the one where he's cheering for Rockhold There's footage of him being- There's footage of him being-

Us portable There's footage of Steve going like Bobby Yeah, Bisbing No, Bobby's like, he's going to break every bone in his body And he's just doing like the kicks And like he's going to break this bone He's like, he's going to walk through Bisbing

This is a joke There's footage online like that So I'm surprised Michael didn't find that I feel like- I didn't want to bring it up I didn't want to bring it up But I don't think he would have taken that to heart Because that's just like watching

Like you can respect them but be on an opposing That's just not your team Like if you're playing like- Yeah, if you- Yeah Like you can like a soccer player But if he's not on your team, you're going to hate him You know what I mean?

It's I feel like even though it's like an individual sport It's something like that You just have your favorites Also, Michael and he get that pay-per-view They get that pay-per-view money So he doesn't care who you choose What else, Gail? I just want to thank-

Shout out a couple of the sleepers out there I had a show in San Francisco And then I heard a couple people yell Nusultras Papaya out on the show And I got to meet- A lot of them all came back to me and said They wanted to scream George has a big dick

But they felt it would be inappropriate I was like, hey- Where for a Filipino AF? Filipino AF, yeah So we did- Oh wait, you guys were in San Francisco? San Francisco Oh yeah, you did tell me about that

San Francisco It was good I'm going back again this weekend But this time with Asian AFs So if you saw the show I'm still doing all the Filipino bits Just shout out George has a big dick It's cool

Just shout out George has a big dick After the show Please Yes, and I also want to shout out Someone on our Instagram We posted a video of Bobby singing with Nikki Glaser So shout out to Rich and Mary- Rich and Mary Music

He did a nice rendition of Me and My Friends And a lot of you guys have been putting these up So we'll start posting them and sharing it to the world They're really good That's a great song It's always different Yeah Yeah

There's the acoustic version I'm so disappointed he only posted it on Reddit And didn't do like- It's an unlisted YouTube Well, why don't you track him down And have him send it to us? Because his was really good Yeah, that's really good

Yeah, we'll probably listen to that one On another Patreon Oh, okay, cool That's the only thing I'm not saving that for Speaking of Patreon Oh, no need to listen to today's episode Let's just put that out there, guys There's a- you can skip an episode

Oh, I wonder Oh, come on, George If you're a pink dickest idiot Seventh-day pink dickest All the- no need I love how the plot goes Speaking of Patreon Skip an episode

Just skip an episode I was just trying to make Bryce feel better Even though it was the truth Deep dark secrets What is it? It might ruin the spam- Don't believe it No, I mean-

Oh, you'll laugh again? You're gonna laugh again Oh, my god George, oh, your face Oh, that was the best So, uh, find out what was beat down You know, we've got a lot of great episodes planned For like February, you know

Those are the best Clila coming in with the hot news You know, we've got some good episodes coming up It's a new year, you know If you're thinking about joining the Patreon Maybe February or March Good times to join Do it now, guys

It's a new year I'm willing to start some fires Woo! At patreon.com I'm not- I'm not a fire putter outer anymore I'm a fire starter She's a fire starter, guys

I'm done playing nice with you, George Works out seven days a week She a fire starter She should do- It's 2019 Oh, yeah, 2019 Every day, two days A workout every day

Two days And guys, thanks for keeping us at the top Of the iTunes comedy charts Top 50 So please, we should be at 17, right, George? 17 is my goal 17 for 2019 All day

Always at 17 Yeah Top 20 Basically, top 20, guys And if you want to mail us any packages You can send it to 1626 North Wilcox Avenue Number 161

Hollywood, California 90028 What do you want? I would like- They need these days You've ripped underwear What do you got? Okay

Okay, so let me explain exactly what I like I like loungewear I like really, really soft things Soft t-shirts I like really, really soft pants I like really, really soft panties Do you like soft- I like really high-waisted granny panties

If you need to- If you need help buying me granny panties Ask Dorothy Because Dorothy got me sew-in panties I do need- Because sew-in panties run really small and tight You have to get me like the quadruple XL Stop

No, I'm not kidding Because sew-in panties are made for like 4, 11, 75 pound Tumans Yeah, you're like six foot three No She's like No, okay

No, okay Basketball Basketball Basketball Oh my god, that was actually pretty funny So, uh, get Klyla that loungewear Um, yeah, and if you have sent us anything over, uh, while We've got a super cut of all the, uh, opening of everything

You've sent on the, uh, clips channel You know what, you can get Klyla You can get Klyla a Tiger Belly Slap Kingdom beanie Send that out I'd love one She'd love one Send them all to us That makes no sense

Gilbert doesn't want me to have them for free So someone has to purchase them for me Or she's not allowed to have any of these So, yeah, buy them for her But, guys, these will be out on Wednesday What was that promo? Hey, guys, if you like soft things, send this to Klyla To me

To her She loves Tiger Belly I think we want more than our own merch No, we want, we want our own merch That's how you sell merch, you buy your own merch Please help us, I'm just kidding, guys But, uh, these will be out on Wednesday, uh, as long, along with some other shirts that, uh, were out that we ran out of Uh, a couple of reprints

So, guys, check it out on Wednesday, follow social media for the exact time Any other shout-outs or anything? Yeah, I have a shout-out, but I just have to find it Shout it, shout it George, any shout-outs for you? Uh, shout-outs to... Well, I actually saw it I couldn't, I can't even...

We're getting too big I can't even go to Lassen's and Echo Park without seeing people But shout-out to Talien, very talented artist He actually did one of our stickers Let's go rock climbing soon, brother And, uh... You know, rock climb? Well, I'm going to now, he invited me, so...

Oh, indoor? Yeah Oh, God, my E... I cannot even imagine holding one of those with my sweaty hands You could give me all the powder in the world And I'm just making cake batter There is no way, like, that's not... When I went to...

When we were in Portland, you know, Sandy Danto? He likes doing that, he's actually really good at it Really? And even just watching him, like, my... I just, my hand started to profusely sweat It was really sad Chalk And then shout-out to PM or MP

I'm sorry, I can't go... I don't remember the exact order of your name, but, uh... Shout-out to you, too And I think we are getting too big I ordered a... Don't say that No, here's why, here's why I, uh...

I'm not... I'm paying attention, Cam, just scrolling Looking for the shout-out Yeah, I know, I know, I'm chilling time Okay, go ahead With my, uh, you know, the George Quarter That doesn't usually get, uh, shut up We're getting too big because I got a microphone on Craigslist

Yeah And I was planning to, like, offer, you know, $300 microphone Okay, let's say it's Craigslist Let's offer $2.60 I get to the parking lot behind stories The guy comes up to my car, he's like, hey, I gotta ask Are you George from Tiger Belly? The guy sending you the stuff?

No, the guy that I bought the mic from on Craigslist I was like, God damn it Here's the $2.60 I had in one pocket And here's the extra $40 from another pocket I'm not gonna rip off somebody who listens to Tiger Belly Or I can even offer, like, less price You're getting the full price I should've even given him extra, but yeah

You know what, that brings up another thing We... It is crazy how far the kingdom stretches Yeah Last week, I was at an audition The casting directors associate knew who I was Like, I'm, like, trying to prep for the role And as soon as I walk up, he goes, that's so just my pie

I'm like, what the fuck? What did that dude do? How did you react to that? You know, Ray of Sunshine Thanks, man, I'm like, and I'm not thinking about my lines Like, I'm just, you know, you're getting in the zone You're trying to get in the zone But shout out to Jason Thank you for bringing me in

And he also said, yeah, we always call him to bring Bobby But he doesn't come in for the role I was like, you listen to podcasts? He doesn't go in for it Yeah I'd like to send a shout out to James Turnley He's a friend of a friend And I think he's from New York

Or his friend's from New York But shout out to you anyways I sound like a perfume commercial He might be a friend from New York Or is he not a friend from New York? That's how I do it, Gil I sell perfume, you bastard She's killing it, guys

Everyone, thank you for listening I hope you enjoyed that episode And we'll see you next week Oh! Jesus I wanted to brag about my brushing with royalty Wait, what? Don't tell, don't say where I saw her

But I was shoulder to shoulder with Malia Obama And I was like, whoa, she's so tall And pretty, and I was seriously starstruck And I wanted to run out of there to, like, brag to my sister right away Was there, I'm curious, was there security with her? Yeah, she had Okay Yeah, but still, like, they still have to be discreet

They have to let her, like, live her life You can't just, like, surround her all the time Plus, it was, like, a safe place And I'm pretty sure it was fucking, you know, pre-sgrained and whatnot But there was also someone else there, too Who, Vanessa Hudgens? An eighth of our people

Oh! Yeah, she was But Malia Obama was the one I was like, ooh! Malia Obama was up So cool That's all, I just wanted to brag about that Guys, have a good one

Hey, Prime members You can listen to Tiger Barely Ad-Free on Amazon Music Download the Amazon Music app today Or you can listen to Ad-Free with Wondri Plus in Apple Podcasts Before you go, tell us about yourself By completing a short survey at wondri.com slash survey