TigerBelly - Episode 18: The Legend of Long Toe

Episode Date: December 2, 2015

Bobby violates a stranger (unacceptable.) Filipinos violate each other (acceptable.)  The sisters rehash the Menonite experience. Bobby turns radical in role play. Long Toe challenges you to draw "Bio Efron" for a chance to win a naked spa date with Bobby.   Recorded November 30, 2015 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly www.thetigerbelly.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today The moment of silence for the victims of all of it That's what's happened, you know of all of it. Welcome to Tiger Belly My name is Bob and we have Kalyla Gilbert and we have a special guest Kalyla's sister Kowanda, it's co-winda Kowanda, I call her long toe because that's all I call her because she has a really mutant long toe on her foot Just on her right foot. It's crazy. I don't believe it. I love it Well, look at it. Oh my god. Whoa

Her death glare is worse than Kalyla's. Holy shit. Don't they say we can edit that out We'll edit that part out. You know how they say and you know, Filipinos always like say that There's they say oh if you have a mole in your foot you you're a traveler if If well, they say that like having a long second toe It just means that you're supposed to be really successful and rich one day Mm-hmm. So Kowanda's holding out for that life's promise In Korea when you have a long toe, you just have a long toe and you don't get invited to parties and stuff Because it's weird to have one long toe. But anyway, do you want to tell everybody?

But before we begin, I'm sorry for interrupting and I don't want to interrupt you anymore This is the last time I'm gonna interrupt, but I have a song stuck in my head and it's this together. No, no, it's not that one Oh, it's thank you for being a friend And what's that from down the road and back? Yeah, yeah, you get it long toe I don't know what that word ever meant what is confident through what does confident mean? No, someone you you can relate to and you know, you know, why would you well if it's just say friend then because you already said friend And a confidant Bobby a pal my sister is saying that a pal is cash It's a casual. Oh, yeah, a buddy, but a confidant to somebody tell your deepest darkest secrets

That's what she's saying friend and a confidant. Is that what it is? Is a pal or a cotton-gun confidant or a friend and a confidant And a confidant so you how about this you're a friend? That's what they should have done. I have another song stuck in my head. Go ahead. Slot on Ibrahimovic Ibrahimovic, Zlatan Ibrahimovic. You know that is Gilbert? Nope. Zlatan Hebra, Mimovic Ibrahimovic Ibrahimovic Zlatan Ibrahimovic is a Swedish international soccer player. He used to play for Barcelona. He plays for PSG, okay, and he is older, but he's a deadly striker and

There's something that I've Question about his character. I know that he's married. I he's very gifted as a soccer player I explained something real quick. Okay, you know how I told you guys before that Bobby has these like he He gets stuck and he starts to focus on these very very specific things one one being like tragedies, right? Like he he has a fascination and an intrigue and an obsession with tragedies This slot sonny brahimovic is another one of his obsessions I obsess of it and I've been obsessive about it for a very long time and what it is is that when he was leaving Barcelona

He was caught. There's a photo online. It's not doctored. It's real. Okay of him and Gerard pk Who is Shakira's husband Shakira's husband? They're embraced in a way that is extremely homosexual. That's fine if you're a homosexual You can embrace you can suck each other's penis is I don't care what you want to do You know, I mean you can blast your butthole out all day long, you know, that's it's America. It's your right to do that Okay, it's Europe, but I understand that but when you say that I'm married You know when you say that I am heterosexual and then you do shady things on the side. I have a problem with that Okay, so do you ever why do you have a problem? Listen now? I'm gonna ask Gilbert. Have you seen the photo? No, okay?

So here just little before you Google it. I look at me right now, okay? When you when you look at the photo ask yourself this Would you do that with another dude? Okay, okay, so just go and if you're at home and you're listening to this on your car or whatever on your break Google the photo. There's a lot ton even move it. You're our pk gay Have a heart to spoil the other guy lot ton Pete Zl a tan. Uh-huh. It'll just say his last name. I think they're right Oh kissing I'm not kissing. That's the first thing that and pk and Gerard pk and pk and pk that picture

This is gotta be photoshop. That's not but it's not even it doesn't say anything other than two friends Just talking closely to one another That I already seen the photo a thousand times in the photo Bobby zooms in on that photo I zoom on I zoom on the fingers. I zoom on his eyes It's definitely the there's definitely that European or is that your opinion? It's like it's gay. It's very me a pound dogs very gay and that's it Wow, you know what so here's one thing that I found interesting about both those guys both those guys are in relationships with Considerably older women. I think that Shakira is ten years older than pk and Zlatan's wife is 11 years older than him

So are they getting with older women because older women tend to understand sexuality or a little bit more understanding or they're into wrinkly pussies sexuality? But honestly, there's nothing to be said about that photograph and who cares so what if they're getting it on? Maybe that's his side side boo I mean, I just you know what tell me deep down inside Bobby why it matters to you so much It doesn't matter at all. I just don't like deceivers. You know, I mean, I want my role model He's a role model of mine is openly gay in the Premier League. I don't know anybody. No Is it something that's looked down upon in the Premier League? I don't know. I'm not in the Premier League Can I just say something from my own experience you go ahead? So I used to date somebody who played in La Liga, right?

Here we go again, you know, he is like yeah, I know exactly is just stop Don't even say the name. I'm not gonna say it We're not what I'm saying is when I started dating him a lot of my friends who live both in Europe and actually one over here was like Hey, Kalilah, like, you know be careful because you know those guys are like low-key You know, they always low-key hook up with each other and I'm like, what the hell are you talking about? He goes. Yeah, it's not it's not You know, it's common knowledge that Dudes in the locker room, you know, have sexual relationships. That's fine with me. But who cares? What does it matter? It doesn't I'm saying it doesn't matter. I just don't like the fact that they're not upfront about it

It's a lot time gets on camera and goes listen, you know, I mean, we've done it. I'll be that's now we can move on Yeah, I think that you're like, what do you think Kuwinda? You've seen the photo. What do you think of it? Don't bring me into it. No, I'm asking you a question. It all depends on the timing of the photo. That's what I thought Jesus Christ You know how women are? Oh my god. It's the timing of the photo. What if they're just exiting the embrace? Hey, man, I love you I don't want you to leave. I don't know. That looks like it's being held But the fingers the way they're interlaced. I know very personal very very personal. That's fine And Bobby thinks the other hand's trying to get on the action too. Yeah. Yeah. And also look at that where they're like look at the Pelvis's. Yeah, they're touching dicks. The guy with the last name with the Z his right leg is in between the thighs

Exactly. That's not what you do. Like let me say something right now. Okay, Gilbert If you and I are on the same soccer team, all right, who we play for Barcelona like that. Okay. Yes, like the D D league the D league, right? Developed and for five six years. We played together And you said, hey, dude, I'm gonna go over to PSG And you said, hey, dude, I'm gonna go over to PSG. Right. You know what I'd say? All right later, dude That's it. Not these guys. No, you have my number. Yeah. Next. If I'm in Paris, I'll give you a call. We'll have a drink We'll go to a dinner, right?

But if you even came even remotely close like that, I'd break your wrists. Hey, Bobby, meet me by my car after practice No, no, no, I mean, no, dude. Why you have a gift for me in the trunk explain to me why So explain me this. Yeah, explain to me Saturday and why you shove that your fingers up some Random strangers asshole at the comedy store. Okay. Well, that was um, that was a mistake And what I'm gonna tell you what happened I was at the comedy store and we saw Delia there, right? Chris Delia if people don't know he's a comic And we talked for a bit And then he left I went up or whatever and then like maybe 45 minutes later an hour later

There was a dude Dressed like almost exactly like him with the same hair the same height But his back was turned it was walking away From the patio there and I walked up and I clenched his rectum not even his butt shake But I tried to get my finger in his butthole. You know, he did like the up in the pinch. He goes Yeah, I did a pinch. Yeah, I did a pinch the dude turns around. It wasn't Chris and I just kept walking like I do not know She walks away associated completely. Yeah, and I go, I'm so sorry. I go. I'm so sorry He turned into an Asian guy. I don't know. I when I get scared to turn Asia. I'm so sorry

And everyone at the store saw like the whole patio was like, what the fuck no one laughed either, right? No, no, no, and I looked at him right in the eyes. I said, dude, I'm I thought you were Christelia And he kind of gave me a smirk and he walked away But I could have died I was already like five blocks away from him. Like I ran the opposite direction. I don't know that who the Asian man is Yeah, what a Filipino thing to do. What a butthole What that's a Filipino thing. Well, you guys know Yeah, it's very okay in our culture to like fondle each other in like a playful way like for instance

Like my mom if she met Gilbert, she would be like ha ha ha gg boy, and then she would fondle or like cup his little ball sack I would have to accept that and he would have to take it as an elder. I swear to god. It's totally okay. Like we No, it I want to know more about it. Okay So what I'm saying is is that because when I went to the Philippines, no one cut my butt my nutsack Apparently that can happen in America at the comedy store. So why would you need to go to the Philippines? I Mean kawinda like your boyfriend. Can I say who your boyfriend is or no? He's a cop

Wow Yeah, he's a police officer. Yeah call him rey rey rey rey is a police officer. I happen to adore rey rey He's a good dude. He reminds me of um Somebody that like you can trust 100 but also could kill you. He can kill you. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, he's one of those guys like hey, man. Here's a million dollars. Can you hide this from me? He would do it And you'd say yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but let me ask you this if I cupped rey rey's

Nutsack in in the Philippines while we're there. What would he have done? Philippine soil. He would have to agree I should have done it then. Yes, you can try in Philippine soil because we had Remember when we had pizza that one night Bobby, you're a mess. I'm sorry. You had your first Filipino breakdown in the mall There was snot running into pizza. What was the story rey rey and I just oh, well, you don't know the story Um, my girlfriend Kalilah almost died. Oh that okay. No, no, no He's a shit that was from the pizza the Filipino pizza Gilbert the the whole time he's composed Bobby's being boyfriend, you know boyfriend extraordinaire

Until he goes with rey rey and I yeah to get pizza at the mall A couple photo ops people are like Bobby Lee and he's real nice. We sit down to have the pizza And everything breaks down tears snot on the peppers pepperoni And he talks about how much he hates Koreans next to us Yeah, I hated the Koreans over there and at that moment. I wanted to cup rey rey's fucking nutsack And I thought I couldn't do it. What you think it would because you were so you were so upset anything to make you happy Okay, well, I missed my opportunity Anyway, that's the Filipino thing if when you grew up with your aunties always being

Always chasing you around and trying to like cup your nuts, right? They don't do the like the hand juggling you guys do they do the they do they start from the base and they pull like this Well, it's different for you guys getting bigger Yeah, because you're rubbing it You're rubbing my dick of course is getting bigger Like what the fuck we have to accept it and they do the girls do it to the other like the uh, the women Yeah, my for instance, my best friend is a Korean girl and the first time she met Yeah, the ox the first time I she met my mom was my my mom was like hi

Jess and then immediately went for her pussy and did a little tickle and Jessica used to be like, whoa tita come on And then now it's not even a thing for her. She doesn't even notice that my mom like fondle says hello Do the people with the old the older the Filipinos and it can they do it to the younger's but can the younger kids do it You can't the younger kids can't do it to the older. You can go. Hey mom and then go like that Now it's only older to younger Oh, I see like his way his website older's for youngers. Yeah, well, let's not bring that back out. But anyway, um Let me ask you this though. Um, so

How do you what let's say it's there's two guys that like we don't know. We just met we're Filipino But we don't know who's older or who's younger Can you take a risk and go here? Strangers aren't supposed to do it to each other. It's supposed to be just like a family visitor Encounter. Well, I don't know the rules. For instance, if you go into art You go into enter my household in the Philippines for the very first time like my tita Can like is allowed to do that to you They'd be like, ah Bobby matching bb

Yeah, what does matching bb mean? I don't know. It's something like beside people say. Oh, what does it mean? Oh, is that my mama who just says that it's like my little baby Matching baby That's an interesting thing. So that's a that's a hidden Filipino custom. Hey, I have a question for you Why is Eric Griffin calling you 67 times a day? Like a bill collector What is going on between you guys So if you guys don't know I played this video game destiny for like a year over a year every day

and I haven't played it and When I played destiny, I played it with my brother and Eric Griffin Who's a comedian you all me may or may not he's very funny and As soon as I started playing Fallout 4 I just have no need for him online like, you know, so it's like when he wants to do a chat I ignore it because I don't want to talk to him because I have shit to do On destiny and you and your brother. Yeah, he says that he said that the Lee brothers are dead to me So what he does he'll he'll try to be friendly not befriended me but like do a um

A party chat right on my xbox and I won't respond So now what he does he'll call me at the same time like 50 times and then repeatedly, you know, I mean I mean request to party chat and it's non-stop and I don't know what to do. Yeah, it's like some form of torture Yeah, but it's it but you have to understand baby. It's like how the americans drove noriega out of You know panama. Let me ask you a question. Sweetie. He he he calls so much. It's literally like an oppressive bill collector I was like what though? It's like a bad breakup between you guys. Let me ask you a question, sweetie Okay, let's suppose you and Jenna. All right. Uh-huh Um, we're in a war

Okay, so you guys were in the same platoon like a band of sisters. Yeah, and you guys were fighting in like Iraq for a year straight same platoon And you every day you guys saw shit and as soon as you came home She just wouldn't return your phone calls. How would you feel? Um, except not not one of you 40 year olds has ever been to war. So don't ever put yourself on the pedestal that That's what it's military veterans. I understand that but what I'm just saying you're not giving me the point The point is is that I I'm not disregarding what you know, I mean the the military has done for me And thank you so much if you're in the military

God bless you and I really appreciate your efforts. Okay, but what I'm saying is is that Eric and I and my brother have been through some wars In destiny and we abandoned him You're a band of brothers and now you guys are going through a bad breakup, right? So what what what's so hard to understand, baby? Well, what's so hard to understand is that I have to sit there and listen to the phone ring 67 times because you're used to pick it up and you don't put it on silent So what am I supposed to do put headphones on? Because he's crazy your phone's vibrating and like highway mandel called me 10 times that I didn't pick up

Oh, damn. Okay, baby Well, we'll turn you put your shit on silent then if you don't plan on picking up phone calls I'm gonna call back tomorrow though. I think I'm in trouble you guys Wait, why are you talking to highway mandel so much? I think I'm in trouble. Pick up his fucking phone call. Jesus Christ. How he meant that? Oh It's the most random phone. Oh, you guys Gilbert. Good news. I'm in trouble. Good news Bobby does have his photograph Um at a particular asian wall of fame

In korea town. Holy shit. You got it on parks. No. Oh, sorry to bring that It's a spa the spa that he goes In fact, hey, you want to go tonight where parks? No the spa No, because you're smiling. What's he means? You're gonna see with me when I'm naked. No, are you tired? Yeah No, because you're gonna put your finger in my butt. You got to go to the spa with me No, you're gonna put your finger in my butt. No, okay. I go to this korean spa called hyundae spa It's on 6th street and ardmore It's in korea town. Do you want to see bobby naked ever and let me tell you something

I can see my sack all the time. Oh, it's not you forced me or you fire me Exactly. So what I'm saying is is that if you go into the hyundae, you mean lobby There's two photos. There's like There's a skate korean pitcher For like some big team dodgers. Is it I don't know. I've only ever played ping pong upstairs. No, no In the in the dodgers l.a. Dodgers in the baseball In Dodgers, baby. Was there a baby? Was there a korean pitcher?

Oh, yeah, the park. Yeah, so he's on there So park has a photo and I'm above his and that's the only two that's up there. Oh damn nice. Yeah I don't even know. Well, whatever the guy is and I'm sorry if you're a baseball fan. I don't know anything about I'm so sorry. I don't want to disregard the sport, but I'm sure it's great But um, you want to go to the spa with me tonight? No, why? I'm tired. Are you really tired? Yeah, I'm very tired. Okay. I feel like you're gonna put your finger on my butt No, you're gonna come this week though sometime. I will you promise. Yeah, why are you forcing him? That's really strange Like no, I want to go to the spa tonight. Is it like a bonding thing is like a ritualistic thing

I've brought I've brought I've brought Ahmed there Paulie you brought white friends there. Yeah, crystallia. I've got I brought this guy j davis. Steve burns been there with me I want to remedy. I want to remedy Something real quick. Oh Um, I because you mentioned Ahmed. I don't ever want you to play that game with me again I thought in retrospect that was so unfair of me to just like I don't know these people personally and you forced me you cornered me and you made me rate them And I have regret I have remorse. She's had regret and she wanted me to even take the fucking podcast off

And I was like, well, we need to take episode 15 down because that's how bad I felt about it So bad. Listen Paulie Ahmed if you're listening, you know, I love you like brothers and she we're just playing a stupid game And she doesn't know much. She's from Cebu. They've grabbed each other's They just grab each other's gentiles for no reason and they just don't know any better, right? They're animals Okay, speaking of animal. Can I can I tell you guys something that really really fucking pissed me off? What I just found out remember I told you that story of how I was molested as um as it Younger when I was eight years old by like an older cousin. No, no, no, no, remember that Yeah, I do but I don't you know what I mean?

You don't remember that story. I do baby. I just don't like thinking about it. It's it's fucking crazy. Okay. Well this particular cousin Is now a pastor you guys. I just found this out last week he is now A minister he is somebody who goes to church and he leads a pack of sheep to believe in the lord mind you he has been A molester he fucking he's probably raped other women. He has stolen from my family He's just been nothing but all of a sudden all of those things are absolved because now he in the last year He just turned to god Like that can't be right. That cannot be right Bobby. I know it's I'm very disappointed, but he's born again

So everything is forgiven. You've never heard of redemption. That's not fucking redemption. He never said sorry to me I mean, you never heard of turning over a leaf Have you never heard about turning over a new leaf? No, it's really fucked up, baby. I'm sorry. I don't want to make it a joke Are you angry? She's like I found a molester. No one believes me. I was molested. It's fine. I apparently in your culture. That's which is It's So what is he you're right apparently all do molest each other But isn't that scary to think of that?

You know, I'm I'm guessing there are kids that belong to this particular church And I'm guessing parents don't know his background and who knows like what he could be doing with them Mm-hmm. Like I wish someone in the Philippines would be like here. This is what this guy's done in his life I'm pretty sure no one knows about it. The scariest thing about that is that he is a Religious person and that I think that's the scariest thing That you can be right now. I mean what you know happened over the weekend with the Planned Parenthood thing and it's like it's like You know, they they drop these seeds, you know, these right-wing people and then it's like then the crazy fanatics You know, they they they snap and they they do these crazy things and it's I just think it's all wrong, you know

It's like that documentary we saw about you Ghana loves a gum. God loves Uganda. God loves Uganda. It's like Years ago Christians went over there and instilled, you know, our western, you know Religion philosophy and the and the idea that homosexuality is if you if you're homosexual, you're an abomination And that and so then all of a sudden they're witch hunted out there now And they're creating laws. They're actually being killed. They're being killed for being Gay and I just think that it's not It it drives me absolutely crazy and what happened this weekend

It's like the people that died too. It was one cop who number one was a figure skater Did you know that he was friends with Nancy Kerrigan? Yeah, it was friends with Nancy Kerrigan And he any dude that's heterosexual that figure skates. It's artsy And he's artsy and he's a good dude. He doesn't deserve to die. He doesn't deserve to die He had two kids. They're so cute and his wife I mean it was like though like it when I saw the photo of him and his family It broke my fucking heart and then number two a black guy and an asian girl, you know, right? Who were not even they were just accompanying friends. They weren't even getting a board to plan for it. No, but see that's that's a problem

It's like not everyone that walks into plan there just getting a baby. I'm not I'm not against you They give std checks. They give pelvic exams. I know I've been there. Men can go there There's so many other services that they provide and that's and then another thing they did is an asian lady died Do you know that gilbert did not yeah one of the ladies Asian and they had they had a photo of her I'm sorry. Why do I'm so sorry. I don't know why I just laughed. I had a kick up A kick up. I had a kick up. Okay, and they showed her photo on the tv in the news And she was holding an asian baby and they blurred the asian baby's face out. Why why I don't know why it's a minor They want to protect. He's asian. They all look kind of the same

I mean, let me ask you this 30 years from now if that asian baby was on tv Is somebody go hey man. Sorry about your mom 30 years ago. Hmm. There's no way you can't know No, there's no way to know. Oh, yeah, you know, you're right. I'm exactly right. Yeah, no one's gonna Next time news. Hey news Anyone that works for the news don't blur out the asian baby's face. Yeah, don lemon Yeah, don lemon. Hey don lemon is so great. I love him He's really aged a lot in the last year like ever since um the whole furgusson thing He went from being like a young like tight skin looking handsome black man

To now you can see that he's just gone through it like see and hen has like sucked his soul out of him Yeah, I like him. He's not my favorite. I like him. I like Anderson Anderson Cooper And my favorite is that one guy on msnbc. All right, babe. What's his name? Oh, rachel bad. Yeah, I love him. He's the best I have a girl crush on erin bernett. I hate her. I mean, I have a girl crush on her and then christian amon poor Not for no other reason other than well, erin bernett really like brought out her tits today And I was like, whoa cleavage super, but she's just so fucking smart same with christian amon. She's very smart erin bernett I like her Do you guys want to ask since my sister is here? Yeah, I want to ask any any um questions for her

She is after all our first guest because um the ox wasn't really our guest that she said all of like two words My sister isn't a very very interesting field. Can we bring that up because I don't even know what to bring up Well, she she can censor herself. She can talk about like parts of her job She just can't like identify people and stuff like that All right, so I can I try to explain what she does or no Yeah, you can try and she's a correctional nurse. She works in um in the end in the jail I was gonna say that but I wanted to say it. I wanted to say it. She's a correctional nurse Fire away guys and so all right. So quindum

Yes, because I know you and I I we have dinner and we you know, we we go out and I we talk and um A lot of the things you say is mind-boggling to me because it's a really stressful. It seems like a really stressful job What is the craziest thing that you've experienced in terms of danger? Maybe Danger-wise actually I actually felt My safety compromise into hospital than I do into jail. Why it's because into hospital the patient can just I mean, there's no one to protect me there So if someone was I learned to bob and weave into hospital Uh-huh, and I learned how to talk to people in jail. What are you talking about? They'd lunge at you? Yeah, I've been kicked

punched Lunged at I've had to call code grays because a psychotic man going through withdrawals Broke through his restraints and started lunging at me. Yeah Yeah, do you have scalpel? No Do you have a scalpel? Yes, I just roll around with us. No, but there's aren't there like instruments or laying around I can't do anything but are there? Yes, I mean I can grab one of those and take a little distance and then Sweetie nurses don't walk around with scalples in their pockets. But what happens to the doctors like nurse scalpel? Yeah

Oh, my god the operating room. Oh and the operator. They have those all right, but in jail Honestly, I've just come across scary situations medical wise because I have very few resources to work with Let me ask you this have you had anybody with poop on them all the time Okay, why? How does one get poop on them? Literally people shit their pants They shit their pants from fear and it's the first time I've seen it. They they look at me and they go. I'm sorry I'm like, why I I seriously just shit my pants and then the smell hits me. Okay. Let me ask you this. Okay, you would shit your pants

But I wouldn't yeah, you would no I would I would pull my pants on shit like on the ground Some people eat their shit just for funsies. Wait, wait, you've had people eat their shit Yeah No, be real. No, no, no. So there's one particular gentleman. I he didn't want to be messed with so I think in his head was like I'll fuck it. I'll just eat my shit And when he walked in he was pretending he was acorn. So he kept saying convict and when he was singing really loud Good one guy. Good one. High five to you

He said convict. I want to you know every time he sang I smelled the shit breath Oh my god When you eat your own shit Do not collect 200 do not pass go you go straight to twin towers like That's just um county where actually Fun fact the twin towers here in los angeles is the largest mental institution It in in the united states a jail is one of the largest mental health wards In the united states. I didn't know that. Yeah, they serve such a large portion of mental health

But yes, let me ask you this as a as a medical professional If I ate my own shit, right? And then I had the next day had a shit what comes out Worship Perhaps I don't know really. I've never I've never stuck around if you repeated that process Maybe like in a couple of months something even just devastating can come out. Yeah, it's like like AIDS or something No, I mean Sweetie If you eat shit, you're gonna be gravely ill even when I was telling you guys about those poop pills

Those poop pills are prepared in a very very specific way People you can't just go out there and be like I have diarrhea I'm just gonna get a fucking blob of shit and like, you know start chowing down. That's not how it works Shit has a lot of really really gross things. That's why it's exiting your body. It's not supposed to be in you There are toxins. Yeah, I know that what are you looking at me for what I'm saying is if you eat shit The least of your concerns should be how the shit looks after that. It should be whether or not that person is alive Okay, you could you could have sepsis from it. It's it's not you know eating shit Is it is a dangerous number one? I've always even as a baby. I knew that shit wasn't good

I've never seen you wipe your ass efficiently like not once in my life. You don't even use a bubble Now we're getting personal that's an accusation. That's an accusation. That is not this this is a fact my friend He he probably I'd say the only time his ass gets cleaned like, you know how we we wash your ass You vigorously go up and down, right? You eat it out Yes, exactly. He just sits in a tub of water and he doesn't even like scrub He doesn't even go in there. He just lets the water sort of do it See how these little resentments in a relationship come out. It comes out in like little weird ways Wait, you're just naked in a tub not doing anything. He just sits there. She has no idea what she's talking about

I've walked in on you many a time. No, I do sit there for a long time, but I do wipe my butt too Right, do you stand to wipe your butt? I don't understand that. Why do people stand up to wipe their ass? No ding dongs listen to me what I do, okay? I sit there, right? I fill the bathtub halfway and I just sit there right just Gilbert. What are you laughing about straight out of the toilet? You fucking listen to what I'm saying All right What and then what I'll do is it all then I'll let it all drain out that I'll turn on the faucet again and I'll stick my Butt to the faucet water and I'll take soap and I'll wriggle this go like that

Like I put the soap into to my butthole sometimes and I stick my fingers in the butthole and I go like that And I will I wash it thoroughly But you don't see that process because I don't do it when you're in the fucking bathroom Gilbert, I think that you should go to the spa and act and watch him do this Actually, you don't go to the spa with him. You're fired. Yeah, come to the spa with me tonight Not tonight. I woke up. Why why why why can't you come tonight? I'm so tired He's gonna he's got to go home and put on his chastity. What time did what time did what time do you have to wake up tomorrow? Eight why for what I have to go to DMV. I lost my driver's license at the airport. Can you do that Wednesday? No

Why? Because I need to do it tomorrow so I don't get pulled over Don't apply so much pressure. It's gonna deter him. You got to like bait him in slowly, sweetie. Nicely. Yeah, give me gifts I'll about this if you go to the spa tonight with me, then I'll give you a hundred bucks Oh money is not a thing for me in cash. Oh, no 200 dollars You get me a guest spot for Joe Rogan at UFC 194 at the coffee eater FGF I'll do this. How about this right now? You'll emcee every single one of my shows at the Irvine Improv. You ready? I will take it away You know what? I signed a contract. I signed a contract

All right, forget it. No spa. I'm gonna go though. I'd like to go to spa this. I've never been to one before It's not even with those fancy spas, but it's literally like where people get raped. It's not where I want to go Right wife lights and my tile cold tile. You've never been in there because it's almonds. It's a beautiful facility I've been inside there and I've played ping-pong upstairs upstairs. Yeah, what's it called in high heels, right? Hyundai spa Hyundai spa Hey, I really really dislike our neighbor I I have to get that off my chest Bobby agree with me Why is he so mean to us? He's like an angry. He's really nice to me. No, he's not

Yeah, he says hi He's rude to my sister to Gilbert to me and I always hearing I always hear him Asian dude that lives down the hallway and he's Tall he's got a nice body. He's very like Kind of stereotypically gay in a way like the way he walks and and with the dog and stuff It's I'm not I don't know if I'm sounding But um, he's a little rude He's um abrupt and he's any treats my girlfriend and any of my guests like shit

And what he'll do is play the music super loud Like at three in the morning when he's getting butt rammed I can hear him. I can hear every four in the morning always you first you hear this Ta ta ta ta with the music though And you'll go you'll hear Man groans. Yeah, it's so no, but it's always after you hear um Techno or sometimes yeah play like um, is it um

Dead mouse and he really really really really loud and all of a sudden you hear the manmoans and it aggressively and it Harder and harder and louder and louder and I really want to just but my thing is Lately I've been maybe I'm living maybe it's because we live in Hollywood, but lately. I've been finding that a lot of gay guys are really Caddy and mean No, baby. You can't say that in this day and age. No, I'm just saying like do you want to retract that? I don't want to retract that because I'm not saying all I have My gay friends are super fucking nice And kind people what I'm saying is in this area of Hollywood where we live the gay guys tend to be

Sort of full of themselves and at sort of feet like it almost seems like they they have their right to act Router than others Like they're they're so mean No, no, no You can't say that here, babe Yes, I can't fucking say that Bobby. I'm gonna say everybody every gay guy just in our small little, you know Sweet sweetie, sweetie, sweetie, sweetie. Okay. This town is run by two groups of people. Okay Jews

and gays Okay, and then sometimes there's gay Jews. Those are the most powerful Okay, and what I'm saying is is that if you've ever heard of the gay mafia, okay, i.e K spacey i.e Ryan singer i.e Okay, here's what I'm saying is is that Rick Ross They have a lot of power and I just want to say this the gays in hollywood are number one 100% All okay with me

Okay, go ahead, babe. Amen You know the only reason that I even brought this up is because we were downstairs in the parking lot I told you hey, you know what that guy was really rude to Gilbert when when he tried to come over the other day and you said This is what I don't understand. You always agree with me 100% and this is what you said before Yeah, like he's actually a really mean guy and he's a dick, but once you once you sit in front of that mic It's as if you forgot that you even agreed with me and you want to make sure you disagree. I do agree with you I do but what i'm saying is is that I do

More but what you're trying to do is put me against a corner Okay, so yes, okay, not all gay guys are mean just don't say that Just this guy What do we do? Like how do we even retaliate? There's nothing you can do. I want to tell him so badly that he's a prick But you can't I feel like he has the right to bitch slap me and I feel like if I if I attacked him It would be a hate crime. Listen. He could even be listening. So what's his name? Do you even know his name? I don't care to know asian gay dude that lives next door to me?

Okay, I don't know his name get the fucking pull out your ass for two seconds to be nice to your neighbors, dude Quindo, what's better eating poo or pee? Pee Actually, um, you can't eat pee but pee sterile Oh, yeah, oh, it is it is sterile. Yeah, because some lady in australia. I saw was drinking like a cup of pee a day that's what um One manuel marquez did the boxer. Yeah, been he um a few years in his early in his career But have you have you met like people that are like kind of like the joker like really crazy like oh my god

This could be like a villain. Yeah, I was just um talking to ray ray the other day about a young kid Who came in and was like straight up columbine status? I mean charles manson status like why he gave me the chills he wasn't even acting any he was absolutely calm stoic even and He just gave me the chills just looking at him. Did he have makeup on? Yes. He did he did eyeliner. Oh my god That's always scary. Yeah, what did his hair look like? It was jet black To decide with a greasy. No He was quite manicured. Oh, so it's manicured and he has an eyeliner on eyeliner. How tall is he? No, about six. I'm about to do a police description right now six foot. Yeah

It's skinny Yeah, just you know very um, no, I have to know because I want somebody to draw Anyone that's listening right now. I want you to draw. Let's do a contest Let's see who can draw who this person is. So so what color skin white really pale or No, he had a porcelain Porcelain kind of that got porcelain jet black porcelain skin. Look what was it if you were going to say a celebrity What's the closest celebrity he would look like? Oh my um

Oh, no, I don't want to say it. Otherwise. I don't know if it's similar. Don't just go like in the mid-mid range Don't have to be exactly. I almost want to say um, who's um Um, you can see I thought but ephron but with really dark features That's scary and he's kind of bony. Is it no, he don't like he had a good physique good physique on him Yeah, clothing. What was it a very typical um rich kid rich kid clothing. Yeah, right for comedy And I can't tell you can't explain what he did, right? I can't explain what he did because I you told me what he did Yeah, can I tell you can tell people what he did? Um Um

Can I tell people what he did? You know what? It's still new. I don't know the rules of this. Yeah, we don't know his name So we don't know his name. We have the description. I don't even I'm just gonna just say I don't know if the news has even um You know reported it yet. So I'm not I'm not gonna get in the specifics. All right, but he Did something yes to an old person horrible. Yeah, and that's all we have to say Oh, wow. So just you you be the judge. Okay. So let's have a contest. Uh, um, how do we get how to get people to email a photo? It's the grandma. I don't know. Um bobby. Yeah, this is the most vague contest I have ever heard the winner gets a trip to the spa with bobby lee Oh my god, that is a good prize. Yeah, baby

Whoever wins this and if you live in los angeles and you're a winner bobby will take you If you if you actually draw the this script if you draw it you have to come with me That has to be the judge my sister has to be the judge and you get to um Yes, oh a midnight date at the spa because bobby only goes after midnight after midnight So midnight you come with me to spa fully nude fully nude. We'll get a beverage Because they have a little like they have a little bit like cute little asian drinks So we'll get it like, you know, I mean a couple of beverages if you smoke cigarettes We can smoke a cigarette outside. We'll go and spot out come out

You know, I mean we'll have some giggles take some pictures and take some pictures and then we'll post it But my point is is this this is a very exciting thing. So can we can we do it? Can we do it? You know what here? How about this? How about we not talk about that guy? But you can describe somebody else who's not in an active investigation right now Because she can get in trouble sweetie. Listen to me. She didn't say enough To to to to warrant to get her in trouble. She didn't say enough That's number one and number two. I have another question If he had a weapon, okay, which he didn't on him, what weapon do you think it would be?

Chemicals chemicals That's a good build a character guy and let's create a name for this villain. Let's go biological warfare This kid was just losing in it. Let's say Let's come up with a name bio Let's um, you know, if you was bio ephron dark. Oh bio ephron That's it. Bio ephron. What would bio ephron look like? What would bio ephron look like? That's it. That's the villain for a spa date with with a spa date for Bubbly, that's fantastic. What a great contest. What a great one. It's completely improvised

It did work out and you got all judgy with me, you know, sorry I know you just gotta be open-hearted, you know, I open my heart to bubble. Yeah you open can we talk also talk about just really briefly about um Um, the the turkish soccer game I think that you know what don't because I feel like every podcast has already talked about that and I think that um Can I just throw my two cents in? Well, explain do that story first. I'll just explain real quick. I'll put my two cents in and then and then we'll move on Okay, with this. This is what happened. Okay. So there was an international turkish the turkish

International soccer team was playing. I don't know who they were playing But they would they wanted to do a moment of silence for the victims of the paris tragedy and uh There was no moment of silence. It was this chaos and pandemonium in the audience Some people think that people were yelling out ala buck buck bar. What's that? What do you say? And some people think that they were saying other things, but it was chaotic and my two senses When there's a moment of silence shut the fuck up I don't care what I want to give a fuck what your opinion is about the situation when people are fucking dead All right, and people got murdered

And there's a moment of fucking one minute shut the fuck up But I as it turns out they I I was reading that they didn't say they weren't saying ala buck bar They were they were actually reciting a different whatever the fuck the chant is wasn't but that wasn't to It wasn't against um The victims of paris. It wasn't for ices. It was just saying baby. Well, even if it's positive stuff Like we're so sorry. Well, that's that's what they were yelling right the moment of silence The moment of silence the moment silence shut the fuck up. That's all I'm saying I think that a moment of silence is very universally understood and it should have it should have been

respected especially since like uf uh Put out a memo for for them to do it like all over europe right at that time and to wear like the black armbands as well Like to show like solidarity or whatever. So I mean, you know Last thing I want to say and I'm sorry. I have to get out of my chest I don't care if people believe it If you're a guy and you have an opinion about abortion keep it to yourself because it has nothing to do with you All right, that's a woman's problem It's a woman's issue

And as men it has nothing to do with us. Okay, just shut the fuck up. Thank you bobby about that I'm tired of people, you know, these white old christian men putting their two cents, but it's murder or whatever Whatever it is. You think it is You may or may be right, but you have no opinion because you're a dude. Shut the fuck up Gracias, um also a personal note PSA to the republican party This whole planned parenthood shooting wouldn't have happened if they didn't stir it apart the way they did in their debate

It became a forefront in their issues as if Fiorina was talking about that alleged dead baby with the beating heart Although she had no actual proof of it When you put something like this into forefront and you take a fanatical religious older white men You know, and we'll take you seriously like that. He's gonna go ahead and shoot some motherfuckers You know, so please candidates Come on now. These are very tense times I wanted them when I heard about the planned parenthood shooting. I was like, I knew it was gonna happen It was gonna happen. Yeah, but these candidates are like playing to their constituents. Is that a word?

Yeah to their the But when when approached by it, they said, oh, we had nothing to do with that Oh, no, we we we don't condone planned parenthood. We want to cut their funding But it doesn't mean that you know, millions of babies are killed So when one guy goes there and shoots three people, you know, you know, now people are upset about it That's a horrible thing to say Yeah, well, my sister is saying is that you shouldn't wipe your hands clean off of something that you stirred Something that you could have planted a seed towards likely you were saying Bobby these people like planted seeds and wanted to like

Wanted to get people riled up about this particular issue and guess what this guy got riled up over it You know, I I had a different theory about it and bobby made made fun of me. I did not but what was it? I I basically said I was like look like it wouldn't I wouldn't hold it past the government to stage something right here We go there. I remember this I remember this. Okay. Go ahead, baby. So I said like look like, you know, and I told bobby It's like maybe I watched too much Scant out too much scandal the show

I was like, maybe I watched too much Olivia Pope bullshit But I said after this whole thing I was like, I wouldn't be surprised if this is something that was staged The government to sway public opinion, you know, the government Why would the government is run by democrats, right? The president is a democrat. Okay. So when you say the government, who do you mean? Well, I'm just saying this could have possibly been staged by for people to or for opinion to sway left Oh, so what you're saying is is that Barack Obama and his I wouldn't hold it past anyone. They're not But baby 9 11 is one thing. Okay. It's huge. It's grand. It it it got us into an illegal war, right? And it got us

We created ISIS because of it. But my point is this is that but they're not gonna stage One old dude to kill two people in in in colorado to It's it's because it's gonna stay in the news for a week You know, it's not it's not big enough What if the old they meant for this guy to do a greater damage But he failed the staging went wrong. Look at the the coon sisters are like, I do kind of agree You know, I watch scandal too. I have to agree with scandal is a fucking TV show

I don't care. It makes sense. It's if you said if you said west wing maybe but the scandal Okay, before Edward Snowden When if someone were to have told you the government is watching your every move, you'd be like, ah bogus You're a fucking, you know a conspiracy conspiracy theorist. You're a paranoid blah blah blah But then after that people are like, yeah that Edward Snowden is one thing right the other thing is a Is a tv show that's a you know Fictional tv show. Yeah, shonda rimes is a genius. How I I'm not questioning her writing skills

All right, but it's uh, he wrote Grey's Anatomy. It's a fluffy tv show All right, but what I'm saying is that would it be so what is it's such a far-fetched thought To you know, consider the fact that the government would be in on something like that I mean think about all the way historically back to vietnam the gulfa tonkin resolution So they were behind sandy hook too, maybe I don't know I'd I wouldn't hold anything past them Um It's just I wouldn't I I'm sorry. I just don't have that much faith and in in in the news when I'm fed

I always like to come on bob. You're somebody who made me sit down and watch what zeitgeist zeitgeist is one thing Okay, because it has to be conspiracy theory central. I understand that but there was some interesting like, you know information about christianity and in the first half of it or whatever Or you know, it's it's that's one thing, but what you're saying right now is is crazy So you're saying that for somebody who was so fascinated and who was so like sincerely like whoa about zeitgeist like you are You're saying that this isn't the possibility at the end in okay. It could be a possibility. Yes Okay, thank you. I wanted to know George w bush and like one very brother believes that george w bush is a reptilian

And clean our reptilians. So that could be true too. That could be true. It could be yeah And I could be a replicant and I could be an android You know, I mean in a sleeper cell and gilbert could be gay, which is probably true Come on guys. We're talking. I watched a lot of glee Wait what Anyway, let's we guys we're getting we have a question if we do have a question. How much time have we done? 49 minutes and 34 seconds. Oh god. All right All right, what I'm helpful advice. That wasn't good enough for you

No, no, no, I I thought that we had been talking for longer. That's pretty long. Oh, it is long That's good. I had one more. I wanted bobby to say one more story But then I don't tell me the story no because we just started talking about crazy shit And then this one's more like a jovial happier story. I think I wanted you to tell a story about jewel and java joes Oh, man, is that a good one? It's no, it's embarrassing. It's not jewel. We do it It was jewel the oh man songs right jewel the singer Well, the reason why I brought it up in the first place was because I was watching looking at dad fans instagram and um, he had a um instagram photo of him

And a guy by the name of java joe java joe joe owns a coffee shop that's been in san diego for a very long time and I have to also shout out to him Because he gave me a lot of stage time When I was an open miker and I was starting out. He really did he was like I wouldn't he wouldn't I wouldn't have to wait in line. He would just put me on and he was like a really nice guy Anyway, one night he called me and this is when um in the 90s and jewel had already been on the cover of time magazine or whatever

And he calls me and he goes hey Bobby, uh, you know, I have a packed room And he goes jewel's coming to do a set But I want to get you on before to do some stand-up So I raced over there And jewel heard it was already there And she goes um, hey, I'm just gonna do um two songs And in my head I'm like because at that time I had no one knew who the fuck I was and I wasn't even that strong as a comic

So I was just basically like, yeah, no, but can I just go up and just do five minutes? He said no, I'm only gonna do two songs So like at that point I had no he shed all the power. So I'm like, all right, go do two songs So about 12 songs in right this is like an hour because every time she would end the audience would go No, like they would go crazy. Oh, I see right because they wouldn't let her off the stage Right and I and as at every song Every through every song I got angry and angry Like my rage like built to a point where I went to my like, you know, how my brother has a temper

Like I went to that level of temperament and so, um Jewel is now on stage the room is packed now at the back of the room is where the doorway is to come in And next to the doorway once you first enter to your left is a table and on the table is um A a fishbowl full of business cards So like, you know back then, you know, when you went to an established you put your business cards They would contact you for specials. Well, I don't know whatever or contests and um She was up there singing and I literally

Kick the table And then I saw the fucking fishbowl Wobble wobble wobble wobble wobble and it fell onto the ground and it's Shattered making a gigantic noise. Okay. She stops playing. What the whole room Turns at me, right and instead of a saying I'm So Instead of saying, I'm sorry like a normal human being would be like, oh, I'm so sorry, right? You know what I said what that's right

Are you fucking kidding me? You said that to jewel. Yeah, I go. That's right and I left And I'd left and I never went back You spoke back to jewel after smashing a fishbowl. Yeah So like my temperament had gotten so high That like I whenever I'm that in range. I don't see clearly. I'm blinded. Oh my god. Yeah, I know it was so embarrassing And then years later. I was where did you learn to act like that Bobby from my korean heritage? To throw like a hissy fit in front of jewel. That's hilarious. He's a goddess I understand that but you know, what can I just say this and I want to make this argument is that maybe

That is something that you do need To persevere in the business Yeah, I always say in order to make it in this business, even though you are a good person You have to know how to have a level of grime. You have to have a little layer of grime about you Like for me for me. It's like, here's the thing. I'm a nice guy I'm really nice. Like if people want a photo, I'll take a photo if people want to talk. I'll talk. I love people Okay, but here's the thing if you

get in the way Of my stand-up for instance, if you don't give me like when I was Younger, if you didn't give me stage time, you told a promoter bad things about me You know, I mean anything of that nature your public enemy number one and I will fucking take you down Right. So when it comes to anything, I'm fine except business. I'm not like that I'm a complete lunatic This is what I always tell We'll probably have him on the like a later episode of this show

But I'm Jesus Trejo who is probably one of the funniest Comics around and he opens for he opened for Bobby at Brea, right? And he is such a kind guy Like there's almost no Hollywood about him It's almost but here's the thing of you know, do you think that that's do you think that that's detrimental to somebody? Who is as talented as him where it's like, dude, you need to fucking play play ball You need to like if we're on the road and I am carrying a bag. He'll go I can carry that for you. Just the nicest guy ever. Hey, you want to drink?

Like I'm sitting there like I don't you don't you're not my slave. I mean you're a comedian, right? But you know who trained him to be like that who was the last guy you open for for years. He opened for paul Oh, you know, I mean and okay, and You know, maybe that I don't know But my thing is like my question to you is Well, you see a guy like Jesus who's got who's got endless endless amount of talent as a writer as a performer as a comedian But he doesn't have that dog eat dog mentality I'm saying do you think that that's detrimental to his career because he's on what he's almost 30, right?

So do you think he would have been further along had he been like you where it's like you can't fuck with my stage time And he actually gouges people's eyes out like he gets more angry versus yeah, okay Then my time will come like that's that's his approach. He's he meditates. He's like no my time will come my time will come like do you think that that that has Not allowed him to progress as fast as others who are a little bit more angry. Um, I don't know But I just I do know that like you do need a a level of strength You know

But I know plenty of really nice guys that have carved out carved out really great careers I'll give you an example. Sebastian Manoscalco Manoscalco isn't cutthroat Manoscalco is all about values values and a morality and and a way to conduct yourself, you know in a proper manner in every social situation and he takes failings like when he I'm sure he'll he'll be fine if I told him the story, but you know He had a deal at a network and when they said, um, no, right to his pilot He went for a jog

Right and then when he came back from the jog they had called back and says, you know what? We changed our mind in like a two hour period And then they and they did, you know, I mean green light it But my point is is that he has a zen way of okay, it's not gonna happen I'm gonna just you know move on and then you have guys like me who are maniacal You know, I mean, oh, you're you're showed it and get green lit. What? What happened? You know, I mean total meltdown meltdown like even when he when he has like a shitty audition

Like I can't talk to him for three days after that. Oh, yeah, I'll cry in the car Like I mean he is an absolute like he takes it so personally and then he starts to question his own character What you know where my place in the world is yeah, and how What how people perceive him like he becomes almost like like just disgustingly self-critical and like just Wallowing and just this self because ultimately I hate myself. I think I mean ultimately I think that's what it is. I fucking hate myself And I look in the mirror and I want to spit out myself, you know, really?

Yeah, I think I really ultimately hate myself because I must hate myself for treating myself so poorly You know instead of going hey, you did your best you did the best you can I torture myself And I go you're a fucking piece of shit. You know, you didn't do it, right? You know they saw through you. You're you're never gonna make it and you you deserve the suffering You know, I mean it's like this whole fucking thing. I don't but isn't that like an alcoholics mentality Thought process. I don't know maybe. I mean a lot of it has to do with I don't know, baby When you do those winkies at me and then you call yourself korean Elvis I don't know if you hate yourself in those moments, but that's the dilemma, right? You have you know comics are are

Super egotistical, but they also have low self-esteem, right? So they dip by it's like it's a bipolar thing like You know, I know comics. I'm gonna I don't want any names or one day. You're like, what's up? It's like great next day Uh, I'm not gonna make it like I'm gonna kill myself You know, and I I hopefully I'm not like that, but I think I am I think I am and I and I do things to like distract myself like Play the hours of video games or immerse myself in some, you know, gadgety kind of thing so that I don't have to deal with like life, but it's like I think ultimately I am like that, you know, and it's like, I don't know if that'll change and I want to you know, and I'm aware of it

But it's like, um You know, I don't know man, you know, I mean do you look in the mirror and you go, that's it. That's the guy Yeah, okay. Well, that's good. Yeah, Gilbert has I've cried many times after auditions Yeah, but you know, you have yeah recent past policies and I was so close like three times You have a test for something that's unmatched. Uh, I was asked to test. I was out of town all three times Wait, wait Wait a second Let me ask you something

You were asked to test for a tv show And you didn't fly in to do it No, why? uh money What do you mean ticket Wait, wait, so they're gonna a network is it wasn't it wasn't like they weren't like we're testing it was like They had asked they're like, can you be they couldn't say test at the time? They were just like Gilbert you need to be here I'm like, why we're doing callbacks for very few people, but they were kind of saying they couldn't say studio

I don't know why they didn't but they were that was kind of what it was. All right, so Your agent don't have an agent. He doesn't have any so who said that then Uh, the cast okay, I just want to say this okay casting. Okay. We'll just say this In this pilot season If you're everywhere anywhere in the world And they're saying that you're gonna test right I'll pay for your fucking ticket on me You have to be here. You fucking cocksucker. I know all right. You look at me in the eyes right now. All right

You're going to the spa with me Okay, and I'm gonna teach you some fucking things. Okay about life. All right, so ask the question now go to the thing I'm helpful advice with bobby lee kalilah and coinda Hello tiger belly. Uh, my name is as How do I tell my religious parents and brothers that I don't believe in god ps. I'm muslim How do you tell your religious parents that you go first, babe Well, my thing is is that if they're listen, I mean I have a couple of friends that are um

Muslim That are muslim and um They chose You know show business as a career path and their parents have been Very disappointed in them. Obviously, you know and they They ultimately go with their heart and they just do what their heart says and um You know You don't have to bring it up and go hey by the way. I don't believe in your god

Right, it could be just one of those things where you don't really talk about it. You know, I know that sounds like you're you know It doesn't sound healthy to do it that way, but it's like there are things that I believe that My parents don't believe that I don't bring up because of the fact that it'll cause An argument, you know, so I you know, I would just kind of like let it go. I mean, I'm sure they love you regardless and um, yeah, but what if he has to accompany them to like, you know Uh a religion, you know what I mean? He has to go

Do his muslim activities with his parents And he has to say no to them at some point like well No, no, no, he could you just look at it as a a family outing that you're doing like you know I mean like I know that the actual ritual of it that you don't believe in it But it's like if I was in those circumstances, I would just like yeah, I'll go to that thing. Okay. Like for instance, let's say, okay I I'm you're my kid

I'm the parent. You're okay. And I'm the kid. Yeah, okay Muhammad Yeah, mom. Jesus. We're going to mosque today. We're gonna spend five hours there. Okay, mom. Oh, you're gonna Yeah, you don't believe in god. I know but it's Okay, do it again then do it again. Muhammad. Yeah, mom We're going to mosque today Okay, mom, but listen just listen in my head. I'm thinking just

Because just fucking go because you're just spending time with your parents in a mosque You gotta talk louder because no one can hear that. You're just spending time, you know and just get through it That's it But let me let me be the mom now I'm the dad because I have a okay. Go ahead. This is turning into you guys weird rope. Yeah, I know You're gonna be Muhammad tonight. Yeah, Muhammad when I fist you Muhammad Muhammad

Yes, dad You're gonna go to mosque today with us. You know what dad what? I was having some questions and doubts about what Allah what? I was thinking that Maybe he doesn't exist and I was looking at all the bad things happening in the world Click You mean no, you know what the click is. What is that? It's a it's a it's a it's a bomb. Oh my god I'd like to I'd like to retract this whole segment. We just did

Um, very unhelpful advice God damn it. Bobby. What is wrong with you? Bobby's the only one laughing here just for safety. I was like, okay, maybe it's not you. I was like, you said a gun Okay, it's not a gun. No, it's like a fucking bomb. It's a little red button. Click like that Anyway, thanks for listening guys. We're not done. I was gonna give my portion of advice All right, do you try to get out of the bathroom? You want me to listen to it? Um, you don't have to. I want to listen to it. You say bye to everyone. Goodbye, but let me say something if I leave right now

Yeah, I'm not gonna talk to you behind your back. No, no, no, but you're gonna later go. Why don't you stay for it? When have I ever done that? You do this every episode. You leave exactly that's ritual. It's ritual, right? It is kind of ritual. It's kind of ritual. Hey, go take a shit. Hurry up. No, I'm not coming back Well, you're not coming back. I'll come back at the end. All right final words for the fans and jewel. Hey guys, um, jewel I love you and um, where am I playing baby? Where am I playing? Oh, oh, this is a big issue. Um, his uh, December 10th through 12th. Webster, New York has been cancelled It's been cancelled. Yes. Yes, because I'm going to go see my family. Yeah We have to take an emergency trip to Arizona and then the week after I'm going to be in Fort Lauderdale

And so December 17th or 19th Kaleila will be with me. Why do I have to go to Fort Lauderdale? Anyway, I love you guys so much. Thanks for listening. Here, Kawinja. Your your little forefoot is stuck Okay, so back to that whole question about telling your parents, um, that you don't believe in God Mm-hmm. When um, so my sister and I were raised like very very strictly Catholic, right? As every Filipino is Right, but then, you know, you sort of her and I started realized very early on in our lives that like, you know We would see the same people go to church every Sunday Like like my my my cousin who molested me my other cousin who was a drug dealer A lot of shitty people in our city who were like known criminals and they would always go take a lot

take the little um Communion. Yeah, that they would take the yeah, it's Calawad, right? How do you say that in English? Communion Eucharist Yeah, body of Christ body of Christ the blood of Christ as well So they would go and then all of a sudden every week it was as if like they would just be absolved of all their Sins or whatever. It was like every Sunday. They would wipe their slate clean Right. So what happens that when we came to the united states When we came to the united states, um, my dad

Um, basically my dad had befriended a church. We've told the story in a previous podcast But um, my dad befriended, um, men and knights men and knights, but they were like born again Christian types And basically that church they were all just like this. Um, they were all Nigerian, right? Yeah, they were all Nigerian They were very nice, you know what prior to this my father didn't subscribe to any religion But they were very helpful to him. I always thought my dad was like this agnostic dude my whole life Yeah, all growing up. He taught us buddhism. Um, he read the Quran. He you know, because my grandmother was muslim. Yeah, so My while my mother's side was very catholic. My father Taught us different types of religion, you know, always told he always told us look at the common theme

Everyone is a common theme But when we came here, I feel like he felt obligated to this men and knight church Because they had helped him financially buy our ticket to america So every sunday we had to go to church, which is so weird for my sister and I because it was like think about Just the loudest most obnoxious. I mean it was very loud praise It was you know, big head dresses Just speaking in tongues speaking in tongues Doing testimonies people collapsing on the ground that type of church. This is the philippines. No here already

Here, okay. Yeah with like the Nigerian men and knight church, right? So my sister and I were not going to have any of it One sunday Yeah once and so Kawin and I talked about it and we were like, dude, this is just too weird for us like I'm sorry. Like I feel we were I was 15. She was 16. Okay. And so at this point We were like, I know we don't want to disappoint my dad. My dad sort of feels like he has to Um, he has he has he's like a forced loyalty to them because they helped us come to america So my dad was like, oh, we have to keep going to this church as a sign of our appreciation, right? But like a few months had passed already and we kept going to the church and my sister and I just got

increasingly more and more uncomfortable around it because we were like Yeah, this we don't believe in God in that way and we don't it was just wasn't our thing, you know We always believed God in the way our father taught us when we were younger. So it was weird to see him like that Yeah, so we were like, wow, how do like and so Kawin and I wanted to disconnect And so one day we decided that we were like, look, we have to tell papa that we don't want to be a part of the church anymore And we did and it was horrible and we didn't talk for a few days and that's that pretty much the answer is You're gonna have to tell them at some point and It's gonna be uncomfortable. It's not gonna be pleasant

There's gonna be consequences and there's gonna be backlash But you have to stand true to what you really feel inside because it's a perfect example. It's like look bobby believes in in god I don't particularly. I don't know what I believe in all I know is that it's very Like vastly different from what he believes, right? My mom is she she prays every night. She's still she's still very much You know tied to that whole like catholic like mentality, right praise every night. She you know, she I wore a shirt one time that said I love jesus and she forced me to take it out No, you're making fun of him. It was me. She goes Kawin, I take that out

You take that up right now. You're making fun of jesus. You're making fun of jesus. Wow. I said well, he loves me mom She's like, no, he doesn't you don't have a heart. You don't believe that, you know, and so she would just But we had to be said I tell my mom now It's just like look I respect all of the things that you believe in and that's so great that you feel a sense of peace within yourself That that's what that brings into your life But the idea of god in my head doesn't bring peace into my life So until that day comes. I'm just somebody who doesn't subscribe to anything, right? And that's something that I had to confront my father about when I was

15 and I told him this is what I this is what I believe in And this is what I can't believe in like I I cannot believe in what you believe I cannot stick with you know, I can't Share your same loyalties with these people like this is not where that my mind doesn't sit peacefully With that and then he was opposite reaction was oh he was immediate reaction first. Yeah, it was really upset He was very upset. He said we were ungrateful. He said that that basically, you know, but you know what as soon as

Some days passed and I think he had time to sit and think about the situation as a whole He dropped it and never brought it up again. We never went to church He never imposed it on us and guess who stopped going to church too. Papa. Yeah, he did because he realized That what brought him peace was his family and yes, the Mennonite church helped us Helped him bring his peace here, but now he had it. He didn't need anything. I think he came to the realization that they helped us Because they were good people, but we didn't have to You know pretend that we were apart and we believe that same, you know

That we were a part of that religion. It wasn't necessary. He just thought that uh, they helped us so much We really have to like pay him back and return in that way and we're like, no, we don't So for what's the name of the calm as So as It's not going to be easy But you're gonna have to do it. You're gonna have to and I know nothing about the muslim religion really And I can't imagine be easy, but you're gonna have to do it and you're gonna have to come clean because you're gonna be miserable And this is gonna sit and lament and fester inside and build such a large resentment

And it's gonna come on in a way. You don't intend for it to That's it really quick follow-up. What about mom's side? Catholic side a mom my mom was i'm too nervous having a nervous breakdown while all this happened So she was sowing in the background while we had that sit down with my father My mother will never impose catholicism on you guys always always but in the in the philippines where we're one of The most catholic nations in the world but outside the vatican. I think we're the highest percentage, right? Yeah, so it's a way of life. You don't really question it. You just do it and we had a devout grandmother And we loved our grandmother. We were to do and do anything for her

Yeah, she's blind as shit. That's rude. Okay, like my grandma was super blind. That's very rude She oh my god one time we I when I was when I was eight years old. I you know when we had play dough I made um play dough like Spaghetti and I fed it to her and she ate it That is so rude. I hope I said la la your sample and she goes and she goes un son die She goes, what is that and I was like spaghetti la And she goes, okay, and she was really happy and she took a big She ate play dough

But I really didn't think that she would eat it I thought that she would like I thought that she would see through my block I'm sorry. She didn't have the six fans And I watched I mean I watched it happen. I could have stopped her your fault too, ma'am My sister was a very dominant girl. There was you couldn't any evil schemes. I just had to watch I had to watch it go down Good job big sister. Do you know? I lost my tooth because she cussed at my maid I mean, oh my god. I can't say made helper at our helper Oh, yeah, they're called helpers. Yeah, and just as the helper was about to punch her in the face of my sister duck and pushed me in front

And I lost my first tooth prematurely. Hey alpha male. Take it easy I once um, I put um these black seeds in her ear while she was sleeping my nose Oh, no, your nose. Yeah, I put them in my aunt's ear in that year um And so I put them in her nose while she was sleeping and she had to get them like surgically removed and the whole time I was like, you know, it's gonna happen. Plants are gonna start to grow out And I was just that girl on the way to the doctor. She was taunting me So did she bully you a lot growing up?

My oh, but see I protected her against bullies. Yeah, no one fucked with me But my older sister and her with um gang up on me because I was an easy target. I cry middle child, right? Yeah, the middle one. So that's fucked up. All right guys. Um, what do we have for? So let's just recap really quick. There's now two contests happening. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah What is the first contest people say that we shouldn't have an mp4? On that site. It should be an mp3. I'm so tech retarded It doesn't well, we'll figure it out. But here's the here's contest number one is post on instagram or twitter with the hashtag tiger belly and

post a 15 second video using this song And you can do an animation you can do a self video. It can be it can be a view dancing to it I don't care. It can be as simple as just yeah singing it or dancing You don't have to come up with these crazy videos or you can so that's contest number one And that will probably go till the month of december And we'll choose a winner and it'll be a surprise what we mail you Uh contest number two was was created tonight chemical f ron chemical f ron bio f ron bio f ron

So you have to draw a picture post that on instagram as well and hashtag at tiger belly hashtag contest two And you need to sketch or draw a picture of uh kala hila's or not uh kawinda's I don't know what you call it arrestee arrestee. Yeah, the the buy They have to sketch bio f ron the new age charles man Yes, new draw that picture and then the winner of that if you're in the los angeles area You get to go to the spot with bobby and myself That's not gay at all Hold hands whatever it's a girl that wins

She get you get to go to us. No, no, hold on. It can't be she has to um Give up her voucher to a guy a guy friend like your spouse. Yeah, like let's say for instance No, what if a girl draws something good you should you should take her if she lives You should take her to a spa kala doesn't do spas. I know I pass out My blood pressure goes down one experience for this tiger belly of hands. I want to call lala pass out No, it has to be okay get to grapple with kala on the On a grappling sesh. I love how the guys get the cool like ooh bobby gets to pay for a trip to the spa And the girls get a colleague gets to beat us up. No, no, I can't beat anyone up. I'm a weakling

My sister punched me in the face. She's not a weakling. I know this if if a girl draws Oh, that's no, I'm making it. No if a girl with you and it can win have to take her out to get your nails done or something I don't okay, because that's what that's all girls do. Yeah, we get our fucking nails I haven't done my fucking nails and about I take that back. You woke up very aggressive with me I haven't I haven't been I haven't gone my nails done in like eight years Okay, so what happens if a girl we need to establish she gets to I I'm gonna bottle my schmag Okay, I don't think a girl wants that I'm gonna get my little like like lip cheese God

Put a little baby doll up a tip of her nose and she gets to wear that for a whole day No, honestly, this is this is a what what does the girl get because we have to deliberate? I have to think about it. So can I just put the coming from the guys that we would just do nails But that's a great gift to spend time with you and hear stories your war stories Okay, if it's a girl and you live in LA, maybe you can sit on a podcast recording That's cool. Yeah, that's a good idea. Now the guys are kind of left out So what I think that the spot is much more of an experience you get you got a spa with you had to see my scrotum and bobby's I think that's a gift. Yummy. What a magical experience

But yeah, I think that we'll put more um details on instagram when we um get around to it We'll get around to it. Damn it. It's just me and Gilbert and bobby operating this this whole pegger belly We literally have no help. So um, also if you want to um help us for free We're we can also we're I think we're also actively taking applications and by that like basically you're our slave Like you will not get paid. Yeah, you know, we were just doing this out of our second bedroom But um, yeah, we'll put up the details on instagram and we will see you next week. Bye And really quick just uh, check the instagram at tiger belly or at twitter at the tiger belly and our website We'll put the info for both contests and other things at www.thetigerbelly.com

Say bye quinda. Bye. Bye Hey prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey