TigerBelly - Episode 193: Andy Dick

Episode Date: May 8, 2019

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Cuz I'm so old now Man, you look fresh though. Yeah ready. No, I was just asking it Five don't say anything to like fucking Okay, sir, sir, five four, yeah Captain Bob's here. What's up? We've got licks. We got gills We got white nothing over there standing up. You're nothing white We get the mutant white guy with the lips. No lips. He's upper lip. There's like what the fuck like God said I'm lazy today. I'm not gonna give him upper lip. It's

But they put a lot on the nose You know they put a lot on the nose. So God was like maybe God was high And God and Moses like well, you forgot the lips on this one. He's like, I know but put on the nose Although extra flesh Right if he looks weird, I know but I'm gonna give him a big dick and that's what that by the way Yeah, yeah, this is it. This is it the Mountain Valley. That's his dick Wow So, um, I and we got licks here welcome, baby. Okay, and listen, um

You know, you know what I've been in LA for a very long time and but I still I'm not like, you know Born and raised here. So I feel like an outsider But one of the first people I met in Los Angeles famous people was a guy by the name of Andrew Dick Andy as they say and I knew Andy because I was a big fan of I saw him first time In probably the Ben Stiller show, right? You were you and Janine Graffler on that and then when Rogan I met Rogan. He had a show called. He was on a show called news radio and this guy Andy was also On the show. He literally is one of my favorites. He's so fucking funny

What? I don't know who did the me you did that? You could click if you want bro, yeah That was so Introduce you trying to make me cry Andy dick every clap for him, right? And you know, you know, yeah, but I usually when I invite a guest they don't bring boy toy No, he's my comedy partner. What does that mean? We do a whole show. What's your name again, Paris Dylan? Hey, what's that? That's his girlfriend. Hi girlfriend. How are you my girlfriend in the yeah, but I do live with both of them Yeah, but you know, you know walking around with him though, right now. What do you mean? You know, you think he's my boy toy

Cuz he's got that face. Oh, he's gorgeous. Oh Whoa, if I could make it happen, I would I'm still working on Are you really I'm working on oh my god. Are you aware of this or no? We put it on stage He does seem tight to me though, he's too tight Like I can't crack that oh Oh, you think it's so thick. No, I can't he's oh, yeah, I see So I have to bring her around just to convince everybody that Andy and I aren't I think yeah

Probably at time so when you're not there Papa dick. I sit there and think of you Mountain have you ever masturbated with them, you know with me no like in your mind in his mind Will you with the thought of them? Yeah, yeah, probably? Fuck same with you. I thought of you Let me tell you something friend right you were masturbating you thought of pop up Bobby Lee you got you heard me. Oh my god You're comfortable, but I love it. It's flattering as well. Yeah, so is this your girlfriend? Yeah, you've met her before You know, I'm not you know, I look like

You know just so if you're in Thailand you see like a dumpling a dumpling roll down the hill That's what I look like dude, but that dumpling though is pristine ingredients inside like fresh shrimp You chives. What else is in dumplings making me wet? Really? Yeah, yeah, so I so on you then you I you I come out into the living room and you're like I broke my hand. Oh, yeah, look at that thing. What the fuck happened? It is show up your oh my oh my god. Oh my god. Oh, yeah, it's broken show them the Straight-up broken like I don't need to hear. I believe you. I don't show them the x-ray. I don't need to see that It's gross. Yeah. Yeah. No, thank you. Well, you're gonna show me

Yeah, yeah, that's why I listen. I'm not kidding. So what happened though Andy? I got into a fight with my assistant Okay Assistant, okay Now I don't want to see the fucking ex. I'll see the x-ray give me that. Oh dear god. Oh dear god. That's beautiful That is a break break Split into oh my god

Okay No, I know what the inside of his body looks like and here's my here's the thing. Yeah, what I know Weird you've seen what I look like if I come to on you at night I saw my glasses on that would be the noise you would make Oh My wrist my wrist. Yes. So they won't give me anything. Okay, they said you can have 800 My doll that's like for cunt cramps I don't have cunt cramps. I know but dude, that's the next if I ever do another podcast

We're a former band a band. Yeah. Yeah Cunt cramps. Well, we we're gonna start one. All right. Thank you So I want to know about what happened though So no you had an assistant. What's his name? No, don't okay. You had an assistant male or female male. Okay Oh, they're they always are by the way. No, they're not No, and was that him? No, no, it wasn't and this guy wouldn't he just wouldn't leave me alone. I'm like, I don't need an assistant You don't have a car. There's nothing you can offer me. Let's just go away. I would say this every day

He was ever hired by you. He just came over. I'm your assistant now. Oh my god Yeah, he's slept over. I Act one night I slept at his house wall, but this isn't that was a trap magic. Yeah. Yeah Okay, anyhow, we got into a fight because on the way home No, no, I feel like Do you Look down the way home. I was feeding the homeless people Twizzlers because I

Had already eaten a couple bags I don't like something you're at an office that you see it in a bowl and you'll take one because no These are spats. I brought back. You have something in your pocket. Okay. So you're giving all those people special Yeah So he doesn't lie this story is true now listen, so hold on you you're feeding the homeless You might have in defa would have woken up and they'd be like I was homeless. I want a fucking sandwich You know me like if you woke me up. You're like here's a twist. I don't go fuck yourself

Well, that's basically I think how my assistant thought when you put it on there How did you put them on their head? Oh, how'd you do it? You put it in their hand while they're sleeping? Well, I mean, how do you give it to them? Just put it next to their head. I meant on a pillow like a hotel Classy Turn down service So but anyhow, yeah, I like it he grabbed me Assistant's like stay away from there. They're dangerous. Yeah I'm giving them twizzlers. They're gonna be so happy and he man-held me and

Oh, my friend is here What you're gonna give me another break Why because I have to pee. All right, but I don't want to meet you come on I know but how we can what if it's a hot girl? We can't have so too many people up and Eric I know I know Eric's gone now look where's Eric Can you say how about this dandy? Can you cuz I'm here's what I'm afraid of I don't know who this guy is He's my friend. I don't he started bird the scooters. He really did like around. He did. He's like a millionaire

Oh, yeah, so the start okay, but scooter, but what I mean So obviously I just need cuz I love you obviously you're not sober I'd smoked some pot. I know so that's fine. Okay, but are you doing other things? I'm afraid that Eric has some other now for you and he doesn't do drugs. He doesn't probation. Yeah Oh, he's just my friend. I want he started bird As well. Yeah. Yeah, and he's here outside. Yes, okay, and you want to go get him I don't know how to go get him. Can you Stephanie? Yeah

Go get him. I want to go pee and then go pee and then we'll restart. Yeah. Yeah, okay. It's okay Like live editing no editing No, this isn't live. How do you choose what angle to use then we do it tomorrow? Yeah, it's not live. Yeah. Yeah, we edit it We edit things out. We add things Okay, just a few people use how many people is it four are you kidding me? No So they could just chill out in the four or five people coming in here we have animals though So my cat. Then tell him to hold off thin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'll call Georgia. I know I know I know I know I know I know I know Um Keep everything on you just keep can you just keep an eye on the on the cats for me I know

But we have animals. You know, I mean we have four six animals when I bring my cats into the other room then okay, okay I Oh, wait, yeah, I know but you you didn't say it was five other fucking people with him Yeah, that's what he said Yes, buddy. Yeah My god, oh, okay, so for yeah, yeah for total I know they're good guys. Oh my god I don't think we realized this was your house. I thought it was more of like this was like we were going to the studio thing No, I just do it in my house. Yeah, it's awesome. But you know what? Thank you. Yeah, this is but you know what?

The best keep everything on everything's on So can I just ask you that how did you meet Andy? I met Andy like seven years ago He was a celebrity guest speaker at my acting class and we did improv together on stage and it Gelled really well, but then you know, okay, goodbye But we happen to see each other like a week later on a music video set He's like, hey, you're the kid from the acting class. Hey, you're Andy dick. Oh my god Then he hooked me up with the casting director of this pilot. He was doing

Uh-huh got the part in this pilot. You saw me on there. Oh great. You got this that pilot didn't go anywhere because of reasons and From that he learned I played guitar and we developed this rapport and he had a cable talk show at this at the time Andy dick live on kilm. It's like one of those cable channels like 64 or something that you don't really got it really get to And then we've been doing our duo act for a long time on the stage Oh, so when he goes on the road, you're on with him Yeah, and we've done the improv and laugh factory in comedy. Right, right, right But like you guys like if he plays like we're going to New Orleans this weekend

You guys are playing in New Orleans and then Kansas City. It's Kansas City. Yeah. Yeah, we've done Hamptons and There they are. Which one's this one? What's his name? Are these the friends? Yeah, that's these Is the assistant here? Oh My god, let's get the assistant with the assistants here. I want to see this Andy is the assistant here? But he's coming. Oh No, so the assistants coming here. I this is good. Okay. Yeah, wait. Wait. It's it. Oh my god I mean nothing's gonna be thrown in the house. All right. No, they'll probably cry and hug each other. Oh, really?

Well, let them do it in here. Go get them. Don't have them. Don't have them do the reunion out there I'm being real George. Go go get him. He's not here. It's not here. What kind of what are you guys on man? It's like, you know, I mean he's on he's here. He's not here. I live with him Bobby. Oh my god You live with Andy. He lives with me. Yeah, he lives with you. Yeah, did he get evicted from his house? He has a place in Palm Springs and he his wife that he was living with is now moving to Oregon So he needed a place in LA. I have an extra bedroom. Oh, I see. Okay, you know, yeah, click clock. Come on in Okay, and we live together like seven years ago, too. So it was kind of like old times Oh, so you knew him way back then. Yeah. Yeah

Where is it, you know Sitting there, you gotta keep eyes on Andy. He's gonna. He loves saying he loves saying I'm gonna bolt What is the other Andy dick? Yeah, it's like it's like that every day So is this the first yeah, it's cool Yeah, he's not doing crazy things in there, is he? I mean probably but I just want to make sure that one of you is he okay? He's gonna be okay He's gonna be okay. He is always okay, cuz we're like

Super like a sober household, and I just want to make sure that can he live here. Can do you have an extra? We don't even like keep alcohol in here Excellent, he needs to take a seat on the couch. Well, you know, I think here's the thing I know him because you know, I've been sober for 17 years Come on Andy. Can you please tie my tie? You're what you have to tell them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Close the door. Close the door I can't tie it. I only have one hand. Don't close it. I don't just it's fine. It's keep it. Keep it open I just want to make sure my cats have access. Yeah. Um sorry to interrupt, but we have an amazing sponsor Oh

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Okay, show the arms. So you are no we saw the arms. So you attacked you let's go back to the story I know he attacked me. He attacked you. He attacked me you guys were separated He man-held you he grabbed you from behind I just went off and I started hitting him Wow, and then like a fifth hit he blocked it But I was going so hard that shattered my all night. Hmm. That's right. All know all know good job Do they baby because I'm not do they don't put a cast on it. They should tomorrow. Yeah, he has an appointment 8 a.m We say you you went to the hospital after the fight and they see three days later. Oh, I do I'm like just there's nothing they can do

There's nothing they can do he kept saying that I was like, what do you mean? Yes, they can't there's nothing Brain sometimes they're like, oh, that's a sprain every one of my friends. It's just a sprain you pussy. Yeah, no snapped in two I'm like, this is excruciating. So then you three days that you went to the hospital. Why didn't they just do it then? Orthopedic surgeon. Oh, you need I went to the sag the screen actors. Oh, yeah, I love those ones Because there's no one to Bob Hope one. Yeah, yeah, that's nice. You know that one's pretty nice. Yeah, 25 bucks Everything's so nice 25 bucks. Yeah, that's because I've been Yeah, I got a dance my faculty ass off benefits

I do you still are you still auditioning for things or just wait for offers both you do go read you'll read. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, do you get nervous or no, you're fine. Not really. Yeah. Yeah, you go crazy in there. Mm-hmm I show him what's up. I'm like, if you don't hire me you're Fox your movies Yeah, you see that out loud No Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, do you go with them to the auditions? I've been with him on many auditions. Well, he's booked. Wow. Jeffrey show Jim Jeffrey show. I had to audition Do we wait mostly? It's because people want to just see me show up, right? Not fucked up. Can he make an appointment? Oh

That's what it is. I think so he's not a question mark on the call sheet, right? That's what I think like I have that question mark. Yeah, Andy dick time in question mark has no one else I Like that Andy. Have you ever booked a like a pretty big movie and then not shown up? You have yeah, yeah, and then because let me say something if I I know just listen It's fine. I'm not saying anything bad, but let's suppose I was booked on like a Industrial film for Southwestern Airlines and and no one's gonna watch except for the people repeat that an industrial And then he's saying he doesn't show up No, I say industrial films are like every company has industrial films where they show the employees how to wash their hands

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, what you do? Yeah, like the corporate. Yeah, so corporate, right? Pays well, and if and if it only paid me a hundred bucks and if I didn't show up to that I would be paranoid Oh, it would be. Oh, yeah, I'd call my agent go to they hate me Southwest Right, so I'm just saying by not showing up to a movie. Yeah is crazy You're a dream client and do you when you wake up? I like what you said, I'm a dream client I don't know a single person that would not show up to show up to a film. He's the only one That's a good point. Why do you know a single person me?

Yeah, yeah, I know so whenever that question is ever asked me. I'm gonna go. I know the guy Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you were gonna say when I wake up. You're like, oh my god. Why did I do that? Yeah, I wake up every morning like that. Like what happened? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I was on Bobby Lee's thing What why the fuck did I do that? It doesn't hurt me. You're one of my favorite, you know I know we love each other. That's why you're here. I know we love each other. Yeah It's always been talking about I whenever I see him. He um, we did a scene on love and he called me by my real name Do you remember that? Oh? During one of the takes. Yeah. Yeah, it was really fun. You're not playing yourself. No, I am

I know I would I not assume you right, but he walked into this party. Go. What's up, Bobby Lee? And it's a part and then Paul said he's not that's no, he's not he's a character They were still acting. Oh Nobody ever straightened me out You know, it's a universe similar in many ways. I think yeah and um, I Think that if I wasn't sober that you and I would be like we would be hanging out Like every day. Yeah Like if I wasn't sober, I'd be hanging out with you every day and they would find us

Just our skeletons in some cave in North Africa No one knows how we got there. It's my faggotty wrist Yeah, I didn't get to why it happened. Yeah, I was like I was going out with this one girl For a year and then she moved to Brooklyn Then I met a guy because I said that was my last girlfriend and by last I mean like never again No more girlfriends. So I started dating this guy For nine months and then he broke up and ghosted me. Oh as millennials do because I only date one I

That hurt me so much I couldn't stop thinking about him. Yeah, and Then I made my faggotty Limpity gay faggotty wrist break to take the hurt away from my heart. Yeah, I put it on my faggotty wrist I was like a children's story. Good night, children. Good night. Sleep well Your faggotty uncle Andy Making you scramble eggs But you're you're but you're you're a faggotty. You're you're bisexual. I know right you have faggotty We ways is that yours I'd say but I always thought my wrists were limp and we

Yeah, yeah, I hope you go tomorrow and get that cast on I think that would help it Immensely, she's taking me. You promised that how faggotty is that? Well, she's taking him because he fired the assistant that broke his So we have no one else Thanks, it's so weird. I love tonight. It's so fucking crazy already. I Love it. It's like it. You know, it's you walk into a place and I'm ready. You want some You need No, I'm not gonna give you all of it. No, I'm gonna give you 20. Is that okay. All right. Yeah

Don't take this next chunk because I'm worried about that. He can't eat now Okay, I don't care. Do not take this next shot. That's 25 Okay, I won The Bobby league roulette game Let's spin again Wow, this is great, you know, all right, so here's the deal though I just wanted to say that I just hope because I want you to be healthy And these two my producers, yeah, we have a three-picture deal, by the way, okay

I can barely hold up three fingers These two came with me to the doctor when they I'm like, I'm telling you it's the fuck broken They're oh poor thing. Remember. Oh, it's spray. No, I've showed them I couldn't wait to see because I know when it's broken and But the what was I gonna say the doctor the producers I'm producing your movies That hopefully happen. Yeah, I just got to keep them on the But here's the thing though. Oh That the doctor the fuck came in. Okay, and it wasn't Ken Jong or whatever

Wasn't him It was an Indian Indian doctor. Yeah, he made me it's a to all of it. You know, yeah took my What's it called? Don't help him blood pressure. Perfect. You're like a 15 year old soccer pro My weight perfect for my age 165. Yeah, my height It's fine I just had a sharp pain I was doing

So I Was in Perfect health is my point and they were looking at each other like wait, isn't he dying? Isn't he dying? No Perfect health a perfect health. Wow Oh, well, that's the temperature. That's what the temperature and they did 98.6. They did it rectally. Yeah. Wow. No, I asked him to They're like, we don't do that here. Yeah, man. No, I wouldn't yeah, so There's a call back

You're a top. Yeah, you've never been a bottom never, right? So if you there was a guy right that you loved and he's like, let me do you know Maybe and there have been a couple of those that said it that way After I already fucked him. Oh, I've already fucked him right. You've already now. How can I fuck you? Let's give it a week Let's see how much I keep liking what I'm doing. Yeah, I I never have I feel weirdly guilty about that No, because you want to get your shit off and you don't like the pain of it in your ears thing

Don't even know what it would feel like. You've never had it done. No, is it painful? I would why were you asking me? I'm just Don't ask Okay So it is pain. Yeah So here's the deal. All right, so here we go. Wait, would you say that you were 50%? Bisexual like I'm 50% straight 50. You're like 80 20. No, you're not straight. You're not straight at all Wait, what Bobby?

Percentage is change. Yeah, no, I'm saying I thought he was bisexual. That's all I'm asking It's based on the person. He's been with men and women. He's your queer Yeah, I don't like that word by the way, but it does it is the one that describes He always likes beauty the set the gender doesn't matter. It's like if you're good-looking guy or girl That's yeah Love that term you too. I love I have a lot of queer friends. We're here I know but that bothers you That chant he doesn't like the word. I don't like it. Yeah, you don't like the chant

It's like a song like it. Maybe it's like I don't like that song You don't like the chance to get down to it. Yeah, we're queer. We're here get used to it Can you change the melody a little bit? We're queer. We're here get used to it That's better. Yeah, email the guy whoever does that. We're in charge of that man guy. Yeah So, um, because I know you have cover your kids What are you fucking kidding me what they all died? No, you're going up to fucking River Raft in Kern Valley. Did you guys not what are you fucking serious with real? No, your kids died. Yeah, I didn't know that. We're gone. Oh my god. I'm so confused. I don't know who you're dealing with. Boom shock a lot. We're queer. We're here. Get used to it.

Get used to it. Wow, that was trickery, huh? That was shadow play, huh? You guys are going nuts. Fucking worm tongue over here, huh? I put it on them. You guys didn't do it. You're the producers. But here's the thing though, dude. You don't joke around. Like, here's the thing. It's like, you know, when I was... You don't have kids yet. Oh, that's how you do it. You're old joke around. Oh, I see. I don't know through experience, dude. My kids would love that bit. I've done it before. I've done it before, but never on a show. Only in real life. This is the best. I love it. This thing. Yeah, you guys do see them. But you're the one. I had to call it off because he's like, no, he's knocking going... No, I was pulling it off. I think you pulled it off. Yeah.

No, I thought he sold it actually for me. Yeah, he did. Because I looked at him and I'm like, there's no way he's that good. But also, I know your daughters and your son. So to me... It could have happened last week. It could have happened. And to me, it would be something that maybe no one ever said. Because I was on the road, so I don't know. I know exactly how to zero in on the worst thing. Right. That's still believable. Still believable. Yeah, yeah. Sorry about that. That's the hard part. The hard part is what's believable. And that's the dark one. Because it's believable. But they love it. Trust me. They love it. They're going to make jokes about me when I'm laying in my fucking coffin. I guarantee you. How are your kids though? I don't see. No, they're not. We were river rafting. Whitewater. We were going up to Kermit County.

And they died. That's the only survivor. Now they're going to be mad at you. Who is? My daughter. No, I love them. That's what I'm saying. Do you love Meg? I love Meg. And I like your son too. He's handsome. What's his name? Lucas. I like Lucas. We met Meg at the Love After Party. That's the rap party. Oh, yes. Have you been watching her little videos? Can you put one up? Yeah, sure. I'll do it on my phone. What's her videos are like? What are they like? It's like YouTube. Meg Dick. Is it Meg Dick? Meg Dick. I think it's just Slash Meg Dick. Meg Dick, Meg Dick, Meg Dick. Meg Dick. Just do the Coachella one. It's going to make you sad, baby, probably. Meg Dick Her Sad. Vlog? You'll see. This is another reason why I'm not. Why I'm top of my game. This one really took me through me for a little bit. There's your daughter, Meg Dick. I'm on her YouTube.

Doggy the Coachella one. And then put it up. It's a 10 minute. You'll get to the gist of it right in the beginning, then we'll turn it up. it off. Okay, thank you. Watching on your own time. I mean, I just, you know, I know I'm gonna do this. What? No, I, I fucking fucked up. Watch this. I want her, I need her opinion on this video. Hold on. I can't see it. Let her see it. Yeah, we've seen it. Put it next to the mic. I had an ovarian cyst. That's how she starts it. Oh, well edited. Cool. Yeah. All her. Wow, she does it all. So this is awkward. It's obviously very late after Coachella. Like stagecoach is done. It is the next

weekend after stagecoach, which means I am a YouTube failure. It's not even funny. This is my Coachella video. It's good. It's cute. It's well done. Yeah, I know. She does that all herself. She talks about her ovarian cyst. She said Coachella came into town, went up in me, and said Coachella's over for you. Oh, those hurt, those ovarian cysts. She was in, she was bedridden. Oh, really? Yeah, I was up there that whole time. Oh, poor girl. It's like when people get tanned and then they get sun sick. Oh, yeah, the, you got that in Hawaii. It's kind of not the same thing. I know, but that's what I, I just, I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Did you say Steve Byrne got sun sick? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'll tell you why they

connect to me because I've never heard of ovarian cysts and I had never heard of people getting sunburned and getting sick. That's the only thing that has hair of a line between both of them. But I see what you mean because I don't know what an ovarian cyst was. I had to like ask people, I was like crying all week, like she's dying. If she died, I would kill myself. All right. That's not a joke. I know you would, but I mean, you know, I would, you know, you just did the whole thing though, maybe, you know, she ain't going to die because she's not going to happen. Yeah. It's actually more common than. Did it happen to you? I guess that was my question. When I was in college, I had no ovarian cysts, but it ruptured and it was very

painful. They gave me demoral and I was out of there, but it is really painful. But some people get it chronically. Some people get it all the time. You had to take it south. I was just hanging on to a sliver of hope. You need demoral. Yes. That's a good one. So are you paying rent at his house? Mm hmm. You're charging a lot. I'm nine inches. You wish. No, 700 bucks. Pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm a lenient landlord. Yeah. On Sundays, you guys watch Game of Thrones together. Fuck no. Actually, we do have a review show up. Yeah. Can we do it for you? Yeah, but have you seen it? Looks like I do. Do the review show. Hi. This is Andy Dick and Paris Dylan's recap of Game of Thrones. So first of all, pretty sure in this episode,

there was tits. Definitely tits. I saw the, even though I didn't see it. I think they were sister tits because of the brothers. We forgot to tell you, we have never seen one episode. Oh yeah, by the way, we've never watched it. But there are flying, fire-breathing dragons. For sure, there are. That the millennials think really lived. Do you believe that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That happened. Oh, that, what a great show. To trick our youth. Yeah. We're mad about it. Okay. You've never seen an episode. Nope, no. There's a guy named Snow. John. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's winter, that's always winter. I'm pretty sure about that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know much about the show or anything. Nothing. We're telling you, that's all we know. There's tits.

Oh, and we know that a brother fucked a sister. Yeah, brother. Incest, dragons, winter. You refuse to watch a show. Not refuse. I've tried. I fall asleep within seconds. It's like my grandfather telling, reading the Hobbit to me. Nine seconds in. I'm, I'm out. Like, why do they really do that? Oh, yes. I try to watch it. Come here, Andy. Let me read you to sleep. He sits next to you. No, no. Yeah. Long time. No, you don't want to know I'm my grandfather. Okay. Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones. Why would you bring that up? So you watch it? Did your grandfather molest you? Here we go. Here she goes. No way. Let's go back to Game of Thrones. Okay. Do you watch it for real? We're not just, we don't just watch it. I watch it five or six

times each episode. Yeah. Cause my girlfriend hosts parties at the house. That's the only reason why we've seen clips of it. So we, as I'm walking from the bathroom to my back to my room. Yeah. We catch a tit or two. Yeah. Right. You're not. Yeah. We go back to your room. It looks so gay, which I'm fine with, but I don't think that's a good look for you. You're making me tie your drawstring on camera, man. Drawstring? That was pretty good. Yeah, but I want to say this. Go back to the grandfather thing. He didn't molest you, right? Why did you ask that question? I don't know. Cause he said that. He slammed the toilet lid on my dick. In a nightmare I had. See? I took it around a couple of corners there. It was like a long cart. That was a nice ride.

I love that ride. Oh yeah. Oh, we're not done yet either. Yeah. Yeah. Then. No, I'm just kidding. That was good. We got to use that one. You got to write everything down. Write everything down. We got it. We have this gig coming up. We got to get this. Oh, so what are you playing? The Howling Wolf. Howling Wolf. Where's that? New Orleans. Oh, that's right. The Howling Wolf in New Orleans. Have you played? No. We're doing it very soon this weekend. Wait, it's on May 10th. Okay, you're doing gig May 10th in New Orleans at the Howling Moon. Do you have a problem? No, I don't have a fucking problem. No, because I want people listening right now. If you live in the area, I can already, I already know they're trying to buy the tickets for it. So May 10th

at the Howling Moon. Wolf. Howling Wolf. I don't like that you haven't played there. Has it been a while? No, it's because I only do a comedy group. Excuse me. Excuse me. You know, I can't. Yeah. No, this is not comedy. I don't do comedy. Yeah, I know you know. So take me out of that equation and contest. All right. Sorry. Because you win already. Because I'm not a comedian. You win. Yeah. You really do. You're so fucking funny. This kid, tell them the story of Connie Chang. Was it? What? I've, they already know the story. Okay, well. Diarrhea Downes. I understand that, but on national TV. The end. We don't really need to know anything else about it. Diarrhea Downes dies on national TV as he's limping out and he and fired for the second time and final time.

No, it wasn't for the second. Well, I fired one time and they hired me back. And then they fired you. No, they didn't fire me again. After the Connie Chang thing, they fired me then. Yeah. And then I came. Yes. Okay, good. I really had it wrong. Yeah. Sorry to interrupt, but we have another sponsor. Okay, guys, I love hymns.com. I'll tell you why. Yeah. Because during my time as a young man, there was no place I could go. I couldn't afford to go see a doctor if I had penis problems and whatnot, right? Yeah. Or balding or whatever, right? There's nothing you could do back then. But now you have a website hymns and it's for hymns, professional, professional people working

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But I honestly, though, the most sincere thing I want to say. Then why are you laughing? Because you did that response. When I say I want to say something sincere, I've never heard another human go like that and laugh in my fucking face like that. Right. So and then when you laugh like they were did whatever you did, right? It just hit something inside of me that found it to be very funny and insane. Right. And we live in the world of like the crazy you and I, I would love to see if we could graph it up like a mathematician. Yeah, yeah, you and I have where we're at peak because there must be something going on. Yeah. Pardon my wrist because I hate you. I hate my back. It broke on me. But you want to go and break on me.

This is by far the best one we've ever done. It's amazing. This right here in terms of I guess you're a superstar. You fucking stop calling your wrist a faggot. I'm fucking offended now. Yeah, yeah. He's trying to talk. Oh, yeah. Wrist talk. See something wrist. No, no, for real. Yeah, yeah. But what it was, it's sincere. Yeah, bring it around. I had to lose. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the sincere most since I can't do it handy. I just can't, you know, I can't do it because I don't think this is the appropriate time to do it. Oh, you know, yeah, because I any if you're going to start an intervention,

I'm not starting to walk right. By the way, I'm not going to walk out the front door. I'm going to walk off the balcony. Yeah, yeah, we're not doing it. I would never do that. I would never do that. Well, because this is a podcast, I think that what you brought to the table today was pure zaniness. Are you wrapping up? No, we're not. You can be done. Go back in your closet. My room's bigger than yours. Let me ask you. What's your name, Stephanie? How what's Andy like as a roommate? Okay, can you switch places? Come here. Oh, let's go. All right. He brought it on. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you. Andy's pretty good. He's pretty good in the kitchen. What does he make? Well, the shots. Oh, he gets healthy. Yeah, he's extreme health when he's when he's healthy. Yeah, yeah. He's like

Steve Oh, Steve Oh, when he got sober, he turned the opposite direction. So like me, I kind of smoked still. And you know, what is that babe? You smoke? Just it's just jewels, nicotine, nicotine. Yeah. You have your game, your game shows that you watch. Oh, what game shows? Just Eddie Dick what? The 1970s game shows match game 70. Oh, all the way up to match game 79. Do you like it? Because you found that nostalgia. So when you were growing up, nostalgia sells more than sex. I know. I know it's true. Tell me that's the same reason why I can't watch what I stopped watching those PBS masterpieces. Because of the intro song. It gives me this like weird 90s nostalgia. Yeah, exactly. That's how it is with these 70s game shows like match game PM. Yeah, match game 75

match game 72. So wow, that's interesting. I was watching them when I was like nine and 10 and 11 and 12. I have that monster thing, the brown thing. See, I was always trying to get my kids into this shit. Well, I was trying to turn him into Chinaman. No, no, back up, dude. Back up because he says it in a loving way. I want to learn more. So Chinaman was Chinaman. Yes, I knew that I was going to stir up the chow mein. I'm going to keep going. But honestly, I buy my kid all these things. Yeah, they don't like weird one. I don't want it. But they still have them. Oh, they do. Yeah. So when you when they were you in the house when they were growing up in it. Yeah. Yeah. And then what happened? He just got older. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My youngest one is 21.

You know, it's it's just weird when I talk to guys like this who who like I when I he's talks or the way he behaves, he forgets that I'm still here. I'm doing I just like relate to you guys are cut from the same cloth. Yeah, I can't cut from the kid. But you know, yeah. So that's why it's like, you know, sometimes I worry about you, but I'm not I would never give you an intervention or anything. I'm doing great. I know you're doing great. You feel look great. You look good drinking too many monsters smoked bunch of so the end of our podcast, we do this and do it. We are going to do it. And it's called unhelpful advice. And we have to give people advice and it doesn't have to be helpful, Andy.

I'm giving you know, we're all do it if you listen to it. If you don't mind, you don't mind even saying it. Yeah. Okay. Before we get to that, we actually have some patreon questions first. Okay. That are asking about you and Andy. Okay. Go ahead, Kalaila. Okay. What was it like meeting Bobby for the first time who said that by would chill our mercy. First time meeting Bobby. It must have been on the set of that TV. Yeah. Yeah. Must have been. Must have been. Yeah. Because I was there. I was a cast. I was remember I did that Daphne anything. Yeah. But that's not the first time. It wasn't. No, the first time is when you came to the comedy store when you were still on news radio

because Rogan was performing in the main room whenever. Yeah. Okay. And you were really drunk. Can we leave that part the fuck out? Because I'm going to tell you how to do with me. Okay. Okay. And I went to the bathroom right by the OR and you followed me in the bathroom. Didn't do anything. But you just followed me in there. Classic. Nothing happened. Right. You just kind of just probably looking for drugs. No, you're like, Hey, man, what's up or whatever. Right. And I go, Oh, what's up? And we kind of just talk briefly. And then I just left. And then you locked it and you did your business. Right. But then Eleanor Kerrigan. You know her. Nope. She's a comic. She was on like the other side of

and she thought that I blew you. So there was a rumor all over LA at comedy clubs that I blew Andy Dick. It's not true. Well, let's get it. Okay. Good. That's fine. That's not true. Not true. I promise you. And if it was true, I'd the fuck tell you. And I would admit to it. That's a good story. Did you fucking suck his dick? Never. Okay, good. Let's go. Oh, thank you. Very good. One more. This is from Christian Hernandez. Can you tell us the weirdest thing you've seen or heard Bobby do? It's the Connie Chung thing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We already. Yeah. Okay. So we have a on help. No, wait, there was this weird thing in the belly room. Not that long. Like six months ago. We did something you and I were just fucking whipping your butt out. Yeah. Yeah.

And I just somebody like popped a finger in it. Yeah. I popped my own. Yeah. I popped my own. That was I don't pop the people pop pop. Yeah. Come on, man. It was a weird show. Yeah. No, it was a weird show, but we laughed and we had a good time that night. By the way, you know what? My favorite thing I've seen of you late is on your Instagram, you have a thing with like a lemonade carton or orange juice. It was Florida orange juice. Right. And that is literally my favorite. Yeah. Favorite thing I've seen in years. It's the funniest thing. I showed my brother. Yeah. My brother and I teared up laughing. It's so pure. You know who shot that? My son Lucas. Oh, he's so talented. So wait, wait, he you woke up one morning and you're

like, Hey, come here and shoot this. Because it looked like he had just woken up. Probably not like that. Probably like it was maybe trying to go to bed. Right. And he just wanted to keep shooting shit. Like, Oh, it's so good. Florida. Florida. Instead of opening up normal. I rip it open with my teeth. It's a carton. It's really funny. It's really weird. So we do this on helpful advice. Go ahead. On helpful advice with Bobby Kalaila and Andy Dick. Hey there. I'm from Toronto, Canada, and I've been dating three different girls and none of them know, but they all know each other. I like one more than the rest, but I barely see her. Should I keep doing what I'm doing or should I choose one? Thanks. Love Tiger Belly. What should I do? This is Brandon. Well,

I mean, this is not the most helpful, but it seems like you're a good juggler. See the problem is spinner. Yeah. And those girls can't be that close because girls talk. They talk. They must not be that close to each other. Yeah. Keep fucking all of them and let them figure it out. Especially if it's just casual. Who gives a shit? It's casual. Yeah. Feelings aren't involved. Fuck them all. Yeah. Yeah. He does love that one. She could be testing him. What do you mean the real? So there's one that he loves. Right. Oh, keep fucking my friends. See. Let's see. Right. Right. Listen to that. That's a very good fucking thing. Thank you. You should get out. Oh, that's what I think. Give me another one. Dear Belly Familia, I am 30 year old farmer

who has had trouble finding females. What can the chicken cook? Is it George? George wrote it. You're right in. Shut up, Gilbert. Did you write it? Did you really write it? Did you write in? I'm a 30 year old farmer who has had trouble finding females who agree with parts of my lifestyle. Many days I'm reeking a manure while my sweat glands are bumping sticky. I always shower and make sure I smell fresh after work, but that initial smell when I come home to them turns them off completely. Don't need to find a fellow smelly partner whose profession dictates their smell like a mortician or should I just be my natural state? This is the easiest one. This is the easiest one. There's farmersonly.com. There is. Yeah.

It's literally a dating site. We've talked about it on this podcast. Yeah, but can I say this though? Yeah, what? If he's asking us. He tried farmers only. Oh, shit. He probably tried it already, right? And he got no matchups. So now he's at his last, you know, and I'm being real. And this is a plug to a company that has nothing to do with Tiger Belly, but you get Sauntel 33. Okay. It's a cologne. It's from La Labo. You get it from La Labo. Okay. Labs. Okay. Sauntel 33 is a very earthy smelling, oaky smell. There's no smell like it. It's very woodsy, right? And it's their number one scent. They, you know, that's their number one seller. Get a bottle of Sauntel 33. I'm telling you right now, because you're out sweating it,

right? And getting your. I want it right the fuck now. Do you have a bottle? Can we try it? You can't tease me like this and not give me. I don't know if I have any Sauntel right now. You know, let me try that. Or he could just find someone who has daddy issues and is nostalgic for the smell of manure. Wow. You know what I mean? A girl who had a farmer of a daddy who abandoned her, but now she just feels his loving feeling when she smells manure. So he just needs to find that girl. That's out there. That's one person out there. And she lived in 1862 baby. No, because I like the smell of dirty ports and fish. Like it reminds me because my dad was a sailor. He, he had, you know, ships. So we would go into a dirty harbor. I love that smell. Wow.

So, you know, maybe just find a, a, you know, an abandoned farmer girl. That's a weird one. Sauntel 33 is a great clone. No, we had a, we have a candle, right? That's a Sauntel. No, we, I burned it all. Oh, you burned it all? Yeah. Well, you'll find it on your own, Andy. I guess. Can we write that down? Yeah, Sauntel 30. It's the best smell in the world. She knows it. Do you know it? Sauntel 30. She's acting. Can you just memorize it? Memorize it, maybe. Santel, Sauntel 33, Lalabo. And the Lalabo store is on Beverly. There's one in Silver Lake. There's one in Silver Lake, not to, yeah. Where do you guys live? What area? Echo Park. Oh, yeah. So it's near there. I walk around that Echo Park Lake. And they live, and Paulie lives in Silver.

Do you ever run into them? No. Yeah. You probably wouldn't say hi, huh? Yeah, I would. I don't know. Anything to plug, Andy? Howling Wolf one more time. Howling Wolf. May 10th. May. What's the Kansas City show, babe? Shit. Because we have hundreds and thousands of people are listening. I don't want you to plug. June 13th and 14th and 15th were in Kansas City. And we're doing, we have a three-picture deal where we're writing the Division III football's finest sequel. Yeah, there's a lot of fans for that. So the sequel's coming, finally. Okay. And we don't know the other two pictures. Yeah, we can't really. You can go to ParisDillon.com. That's you? Paris like the city, Dylan like Bob Dylan. But don't google me because there's this,

can I swear on this? Yeah. We've been saying Faggity Rest the whole time. Sorry, she's just, she's been a thorn in my side for years because she has the same name, but she's this Playboy star that used to, you know her? Well, when I heard your name, I was like, oh, all right, a playmate's coming on. Well, she's got six million followers. Change your fucking name. No, you don't understand. I talked to her. It's his real name. It's not her real name. Listen, her name's Roxanne Dover. Okay, don't get emotional, but how many followers do you have? How many followers do you have? Not as many as her. You have 15,000 followers. She has six. My brother has more followers than you. Are you kicking her? I'm not, I'm not, I'm just saying

Paris is bigger. If there was a Bobby Lee out there that was a model, I'd be Jake Kwasawa. Oh, that sounds good. I talked to her when she had 2000 followers. And we were like, oh my god, same name. Funny, funny. I'm in Riverside. Oh, great. Okay. Talk to you. You were two guys that are the same age. Josh Myers and another guy by the name of Josh Adam Myers. You know Josh Adam. He does the rock and roll shows. God damn comedy jam. You ever do him? Okay. But one day, Josh Adam Myers goes, you know, I'm going by Josh Myers, but I know that Seth Myers, his brother, Josh Myers, who was on mad TV with you, is also Josh Myers. And I go, change your name. And he goes, I can't, I'm Josh Myers. And I go, we'll add something. So he added

the middle name in there. But you know, if you have to do that Dylan, what's your real last name then for SAR, it's very French and hard to spell. I like it. It's way better than I was like that. I guess I'd say it for SAR. Paris dealing for SAR. It's French. Yeah, that's he makes it even your parents. Oh my God, it sounds like my mouth when it's on your dick. Now she's married to Don McClain, American Pie. Oh yeah. Yeah. That song was important to my family. Change your fucking name. Don't fucking sing that song, but share it to the levy. And good old boys are drinking whiskey and wine. Shut the fuck up. Whoa dude. Hey kid, relax. Are you about to snap? Just fucking sucks. I sang with that mom. My mom was saying that to

me like when I went to bed and now it plays in my head. It's like a nightmare. Change your name. Right. Change the name. Don McClain. He married her. He's 74. He's just 21. She is. 22. He married her. Yeah. The guy with the song. Change your fucking name. That girl's doing real good. She's a porn star. So now when Disney looks me up, they're like, oh, we can't hire this girl. She's got a giant taste. Change the fucking name. I already fucking told you. Thank you, Bobby Lee. I appreciate you. All right. Everything's fine in here. Yeah, everything's good. Give that was fucking amazing. Unique. I like it. No, it's going to be so good. Yeah. Give Andy Dick a round of applause. I love you so much. Thank you. Sorry I'm a little off kilter. I wanted to

cancel it, but I knew that you would this is what I wanted. I knew it. I told him. I told you so. I'm like, watch what Bobby does with it. He'll make me like he'll make me feel better. And yeah, do you feel better? Yep. Yeah, we're in that I got to spend time with you. I love you. You know, I love you so much. He does love you so much. Every time I see you or whatever, see a photo of you, I get excited. That's nice. I mean, I you went out. You've never been malicious. You've only been like this kind of just nice weird guy, you know, and kind. I remember running into you at Trader Joe's and I said, Hey, I'm Bobby's girlfriend. And you were so excited that you heard Bobby's name that you gave me the best hug ever. Really? I didn't

say get rid of them and come with me. Because that sounds more like me. You're like, I love Bobby. But the last thing I want to say is I love you so much. And, you know, this is not an intervention. I would never do that. Okay. It's just I got my eyes are gonna pop. I know. But I love you. And I honestly, dude, it's like, you know, we need you on this earth, man, because there's no one like you. You are so fucking crazy weird. And and look at me. Okay, I love you. I said, okay, one more Andy. We'll be we'll be right back with some housekeeping. Andy. Okay. So Andy's gone. And he and the nine people that he was with, I, you know, I am a huge fan of Andy Dick. And I didn't want to give Andy an intervention because he didn't want that. I think we left. You know,

but you know, but I, you know, tried to let him know that I love him and I care about him. So funny though. So funny. You know, that was a somber, funny to me. I thought was very funny and fun, but also the sadness to it. There was a sadness to it. And then I kind of clamped up when I saw, you know, long hair, Eastern European gangsters, the Winter Soldier. Yeah. That one guy looked like the guy from Winter Soldier. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Bucky. Yeah, Bucky. Yeah. And it was like, get my friend from downstairs. I like walked down and was like, why are there four people outside? Wow. You just got jumped. We didn't know. I was like, like, are you all coming up? And they were like, yeah, Andy invited us. Yeah. And then Eric,

the guy that owns, what's it called? He started what bird bird started bird. He looked like just some wholesome older white dude, like a dad, like a dad. Yeah, yeah. Hey, man, I'm here. Right? Like, what are you going out with? You're hanging out with fucking Deadpool's enemies for the stunt performers, you know, like they, that's what they all look like. So it's like, there was no way we could have police the situation. We, it was, there's only one way it could happen. It was just to allow it. And from the beginning of Tiger Valley, I've said off and on, Andy Dick, Andy Dick, and I, you know, and I honestly believe that he was as entertaining as you could be. So weird and funny, but there is a level of sadness. I was so excited

for this one. Yeah. Yeah. I think this is one, this is, he was phenomenal as always. And he's so just intrinsically funny. And also I kind of like that, that all this weird shit was happening. I didn't. I know you didn't. And I didn't like it when it while it was happening. But since nothing was stolen and no one was in care, I don't care about things stolen because we have nothing to steal. Yeah. I care about my cats. I don't know how people are with animals. I don't know, like, once I had this like horror story of like my neighbor and the cat nearly died, remember the cat that I had to take care of while she was gone in, in a different country because her roommates were partying, left a bunch of drugs and a bunch of things out and the cats probably got into it

and went into like liver failure. You know, like I'm a mom in that way. I'm really sort of a square in that way. So when people that I don't know come through the house and if there's weird stuff happening, those are my kids, you know? Yeah. And yeah, I'm just, I know. And, but he brings that. He brings the, you know, the weather. It's like storm. Yeah. And, you know, it was cloudy in here, breezy and it was calm and then the lightning, some hail. I wish people could see what was actually happening in the whole house. You have to see the whole house experience. Yeah, we should have left cameras and GoPro going for everything else. Because all I kept seeing was people walking back and forth. Yeah. That, you know, here's the thing of how I know. It's a party house now.

How I know that will never happen again is because there's not a lot of people out there here like Andy. You know, Andy is one of those guys that he travels on so many different social escapes. Yeah. You know, he can clean up and he can hang out. That's what I liked about his character on love is that he did play himself and he played a very approachable sort of like LA character that everyone loves, everyone knows, everyone has a story about. Yeah. Thanks to everyone who wrote his iTunes review. George appreciates it. How many reviews did we get in? A lot, a lot. So, guys, if you haven't really, really, you're gonna leave us a review. And thanks to everyone who's been using our email at adviceunhelpful at gmail.com.

That's very rude. Shut the fuck up, man. George, where can we follow you? George. No, he doesn't deserve it. I didn't even know we do that. We do that here. You should leave. Usually you leave. I plug your show. Yeah, we're not plugging any hand. Plug your shows. We don't plug your handles on this, right? No, I never. I always plug yours. Go to bobbyleelive.com for Bobby's shows. Where are you going to be next? I don't remember. I'll be at Tempe improv. Not this week, but next week. And then who else? And then after that, you have two dates in June. I think you're going to Edmonton. Oh, yeah, I'm going to, yeah, Rick actually fucking, Rick Bronson texted me like, I need to talk to you.

Oh, what time is in Canada? I know I'll do it later. And that's our show. Bye, everyone. Thanks so much, guys. We'll see you next week. Love you guys. Did you get what to cut out? Did you? Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Barely ad free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon music app today, or you can listen ad free with Wondry plus in Apple podcast. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com slash survey.