TigerBelly - Episode 195: Brendan Schaub is a Location Shamer

Episode Date: May 22, 2019

Bobby teaches advanced true-lie technique. Brendan wants to remake Twins. Khalyla is the PS4 of relationships. We talk fatherhood, funky smells, avante-garde dick, and have a heated disagreement about Adele. Weekly bonus content here: https://www.patreon.com/TigerBellySupport us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery plus I Just woke up. So I am you know, I'm in a foggy a foggy state of not being here But be like I'm I'm branding it right now. Oh, so you're working. I'm working right now. Yeah It's on you're on Stops go ahead five four three two Two I stop sign ain't nothing but an octagon an octagon ain't gonna tell me what to do He's thick and he's good listen, I'm not gonna sit you talk to you yet

All right, so I just woke up. Mm-hmm. I have to introduce and I have to do something Now over the years of being um The slept king and being a leader and being a hero to many and also being Not to some yeah, not a hero. Yeah I've developed certain things to survive in life and I've I've developed a thing called The trolley the trolley. Yes. The trolley is your truth and a lie at the same time and I'm gonna call it because I have to fucking do Eric Griffin's podcast

Yeah, you're gonna do it right now It's entry senator after this and I'm gonna get out of it. Why don't you want to do it? Because I'm gonna show you this new word called the trolley. Oh Can't do it you just want to show us no, I don't want to do it I don't want to do because I had two hours of sleep by the time so fucking tired All right, so we're Eric Griffin and then Wait also, I just turn up. Yeah, it's one You know you come in here no do you location you location shame me

You location shame me because I don't live in a fancy house like all your fancy friends like Joe Rogan and everybody right you come in here You I fuck my girl Come in here. You know, I mean, you know, you're putting your heat in and I don't want it. Don't put your heat Oh, he all right, so I'm gonna just I'm telling right now I gotta call Eric because he's really looking forward to it and then and if you laugh he's gonna know Right, so you pretend don't tell mom here. I'm not gonna. I don't want to be associated with this I okay, okay, okay? Hey, man. Um, is there any way to push today or not because something bad happened My favorite uncle died

I'm not being real. What are you talking about? No, but are you going out of town this weekend You wait, yeah, so you're in town this weekend. Yeah, let's do Thursday anytime Thursday, I'll even get up early I love you Oh, thank you, man, I just it's devastated Okay My uncle my favorite uncle did die a long time ago though, huh, but the way long time. So that's thank you Thank you. Triline. So you're trying you're right. Right. I'm not lying hold up in court

Thank you. It's actually a proof of this. Thank you. Thank you I'm gonna steal this dude. Don't it's not I'm not you don't steal it because I gave it to you for free You did I'm teaching it's your move You're dropping. It is my move. It is my move and I need credit. So now um, you've broken so many rules since you've been in here I'm sorry. I don't know the rules When I walked in I felt like it was racist. I went should I take my shoes off? And then as soon as I said that went fuck, that's racist. Yeah, that's racist Sorry, dude, and can I say this and I'll tell you why you're like this you're like this because

You know, you walk around in life, you know, you're a winner. Okay, like I said, yes, yeah You know, you're a good-looking guy. You're a bigger in stature. You're like the bane of comedy, you know thick muscle back muscles Right, he's like a clean brother He's he's successful in all these little arenas that he goes into Right. He did the UFC You know and then he goes when he woke up one day. I want to do comedy and do podcasting He did that killed it on that and this is the kind of trickster this fat fat Sorry

Fit thick thick thick thicky, you know, he's got a thick dick. Yeah thick head. Yeah, everything about him is thick. Okay? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's not bad. That's true But he's also a deceiver. How so I'll tell you how um You didn't do my podcast for a little when I started it and then one day you came up to me goes What am I going to do your podcast? You kind of gave me shit about it. Correct, right at the comedy store Great when I see you remember you remember. I remember this. So then I go, holy fuck. We got to get them on And how many times have I asked you to be on this since then? Here's the problem, Bob

No, how many times? I don't know. Let's answer the question first multiple times multiple times. Thank you thing Monday night Monday night. What the fuck man? Monday nights I got a three-year-old. What I got a three-year-old. I could be playing grab-ass with you on a Monday night You have children. Yeah, I got three-year-old, man Oh Kids If I'm not working, I'm at home with the kid. Oh man. I know but Monday night is dare you Monday night

What is it? And then when you left me my friend sat around it's SpongeBob on Monday nights. Is there's who works Monday nights? Just Monday night football. All right. All right. All right. So that's it. You have children Yeah, and then it's at night too. So it's a bit of a B. So I went if you can move it up. I'm here But you do stand up at night too. Not on Mondays Yeah, but you do it Sundays and Mondays my only two days. Oh, those are the two ones Oh, so you're you look at it as like a Monday through Wednesday five day a job. Correct. Oh That's a good way even Mondays now Monday days are packed because I record two podcasts two shows with uh

The rat king. Nope. I do below the belt, which is just me for show time. Then I do firing the kid with Brian Oh, so The rat king deceived you. No, I mean him do that on Tuesdays. Oh, you still do it Fifty shows I thought he had fucked you already. No, not yet. Yeah, not yet. I'm gonna say this though about him Prepare yourself. Yeah He's a little crazy Prepare yourself. I love the avant

But there's stuff going on beneath the eyes the dark arts is what he calls it. I call it the dark arts as well Okay Um, he's getting big he's getting famous. Yeah selling tickets on the road. I know he might do some things That are very dang cookish Although we have we've had dang cook on the show. We love them Before tang cook 15 years ago Oh fuck We're not gonna talk about the my space thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There we go, Brandon. There you go, right?

Uh, I want to say this too when I see you around How am I how am I toward you? You're the best and that's the reason why I came and I want to tell this and tell your friends this when when I was uh Doing stand-up and super self-conscious around other comics and you're one of the one guys who's always been in my corner Always always always so I love you for that But the reason why is this is because I know how um stand-up comedy Is cruel. Yeah, right and um And I just know how people can be and also I didn't say that just to say it. I did see I saw you

Yeah, I called a couple of times And um, I made an assessment in my mind, you know, like you know, like when you see certain people do stand-up that um That don't normally do it and they're doing it because they're they kind of were successful on some something else And they moved over a lot of times. It's fucking annoying I would say the worst. It is the worst. Yeah, um actors have done it I was gonna throw some piven That's fair. That's fair, right? That's fair piven, you know rapper board does it now But but you're more like rap. I'm not that I think you're I mean rapper board is starting

But you guys are kind of in the same category of just um To me it doesn't seem intrusive because um, you guys are already like funny and cool and um, you guys just seem like comics to me There's certain actors that do it And it's gonna go what? The audience can feel it too. Yeah. Yeah, you feel it if they're on the lineup. You can feel that the mood change. Yeah But um, you know, you're you're just an enigma man You you can do you do podcast you do this and it's so difficult. How does it how do you feel?

You know going from the ufc to this. I mean and you've become successful at this Much like theo was on a which people he doesn't want people to know but he was on road rules And one time I brought him up that way He did not like that. No, he didn't like it at all. I mean one time I roasted him for it, right? You know, because we have a show where it roasts each other. I got that up. I get to help hit a nerve I've never touched on it again. I was like, you know what too far That's the line All right, I'll back off from there. How is that too far? I don't it's his history

But yeah, I don't know. I'm sure he could bring up some stuff that I don't like growing. Come on, dude Yeah, I mean it's it's it's like, you know, I I brought him up like this like I've never seen a comic go from Like an mtv like, you know, he was a beach body kind of a guy on that Mm-hmm, right. He had like he tinted his the tips of his hair. He was boff good-looking. He's on road rules He was on road rules. Yeah, I never saw it, but I'm just assuming that's what it's it's the real world, but on it Okay, same shit. He still probably did all that stuff. Okay. Thank you. But he was also only like 19, wasn't he? He was pretty young. You're a kid. Or was he 30?

Or was this last year? You never know. You never know with him. We don't know. You don't know with him But um, and so I brought him up that way and he goes after the show Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, and he goes, can you just not bring that up ever again? Yeah, I'm like Why? he's like, I guess it but he should be proud of it because he did this road rules and then who reinvents himself

to become like now a comedy, um Yeah institution, but I but I relate to that with fear like if you brought me up and went, all right Everybody give it up for UFC fighter After I've been like, hey, can I talk to your saint? We dropped the UFC thing. You know how hard I've worked In this business. Yeah, I don't get labeled a UFC fighter. So for feel I think it's like dude real world That makes it seem like a gimmick. Yeah, I've worked my ass off. Don't refer to me as the MTV comic Like that doesn't help me man Right because that was only one season of his life, right three months versus

10 years of working on a craft and now you just revert back to him being a real world guy. I mean It makes sense When I'm doing this right now, I'm irritated But I bet there's things that Now let me say something if I brought I'm sure there's things that if I brought you up, you're like, dude, really? Like some old school shit or I could try try well, you've done some great stuff No, I want I want you to bring up something if I didn't That's gonna make me feel weird not feel weird

But if I only referred to an old mad TV, you know from just mad TV like dude, that was 20 right, right, right? Yeah, but to me though Um being You know on a sketch. It's the same ballpark in the same line of comedy. So yeah, you're not ashamed of it I don't know. I don't know. I don't think it's shame. It's just setting him up incorrectly It's shambles for me for the long because I was ashamed of my UFC career when someone brought up like dude Ditch that man. Quit quit asking about that. But so I just think it for Theo. It's like He doesn't want to be labeled as that same way. I don't be labeled as a meathead or a fighter

Yeah, but you don't put me in that box. Yeah, but okay, so I get it But if you're playing at the comedy store, I just fine. I get it You know, um, I get it and I never did it again, you know, and with you if I brought you up Um, I would never have mentioned you of seattle day. You don't you're you're great about it I'm so great started the podcast with a song that said octagon Stop sign octagon. Yeah, but that I know It was kind of catchy though. So I didn't mind it. It was a steven pearl song

Steven pearl was a comedian from san francisco back in this late 70s and he He started with um robin williams and everybody brian bradley on these guys And I saw him perform my first when I was in the doorman at the comedy store He used to play the comedy store in la joya back in the 90s like twice a year And he dressed like Elvis Costello. He had like brin glasses He wore like a teacher's like 70s coat sounds awesome. He pins on it And he would go up and sing songs and one of the songs he would sing is this one I stopped sign ain't nothing but octagon

An octagon ain't gonna tell me what to do and it used and then he goes And the audience would be dead silent Right and I would be in the back of the room as a kid, you know, I'm as with my comedy store How old are you cackling on 23 24 years old and I'd be like In the back laughing right and used to go. He'd go. Hey, you like that song. You know me Yeah, so why would you sing that? No one else likes it No one likes it and also you you he had no he would do it sing like that get out in between jokes that it was no

That's his transition. There was no transition. That's what made it like weird and quirky Like he was having a joke about like clinton. Yeah, right and they go. I stopped sign And then you're like, wow, that's crazy. But um That's why I say it had nothing to do with the thing. But now I see the um relation. I love that guy though um, and then you try to um Locations to shame me, huh? No, we walked in. I just said what was the question? Are you were you shocked at the condition at which we live? No, no, be honest. It was right in line. Be honest. Why do you keep laughing though?

Yeah, so are you laughing now when you no you're coming at me? I think it's I wish I could do my podcasts out of my house. I don't have to Yeah, what I'm saying is you No I'm not that awkward laugh. No, what I think is because this is a successful show and I think it's really cool Is that you guys do it out of here? Which usually I'm used to doing going to studios and stuff like that, which I think it's This is a studio. No, I'm saying it's cool that you built this here This is studio. I made a studio here. No, it's cool. All right. No, listen. It's just now

I didn't know no one gave me a heads up. I know because they're like Bobby's just waking up. So kind of piped down I was like, wait, he's he sleeps in the studio Did you think you were coming to a studio? Yeah, I had no idea. Oh, I'm like, oh, he slept He was working all night. So he slept in the studio. Wow. I like the work. I like the work Yeah, people sleep here at night. You know, yeah, my family from the Philippines sleep here at night. Yeah Really push the tables back. We vacuum and we put like It's like almost out in here. There's literally three beds here. Yeah. Yeah. Get the hell out of here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah You don't smell it. This is fantastic. Yeah

It does have a funky smell You son of a bitch, you did it again. No, what? No, I like it. No, I like the funk. I like the funk like funky cool Yeah, funky. Yeah, like, oh man, this is this is awesome. This is ethnic in here in a good way In a great way You fucking ask your deceiver man. In a good way. You know, you're a trickster, dude. So how many people live here totals? This is not some sort of fucking human trafficking business or anything like that. Yeah, I'm trying to figure things out, man I don't know. It's a week we live here with six animals And then when her like, you know, island gook relatives come

To visit the nine of them ten of them sitting here. That's cool. And they make stuff That's cool. Yeah, but um, I wanted to ask you to Um, because you do so much stand up You know, so you did fight in the ufc Um, it's so funny because when I didn't know like I have my kind of a big ufc fan And when I saw you perform before I even knew that you were in the ufc, I saw you to stand up So in my head and I knew that you were doing a podcast with callin um, so I went on to, um

Um, you have seen that my fight pass on my ipad night the first fight I got, oh, he fights and the you died almost died in that one That did I? Yeah, the first one. I forgot which one, but I remember like the first probably no gara one. I would assume It could have been now. Yeah. Yeah. There's some bad ones. He was probably who Roy Nelson Yeah, because I was probably the one because I knew who Roy Nelson was but I hate it when people bring this up Uh, not really. I mean, I listen I've gotten some Comedians podcast where it's supposed to be a country podcast and they just talk like real x's and o's about fighting Which I I hate. Yeah, I'm like, what are we doing? I'm not doing that. I'm not saying you are I'm not saying But now I'm so far removed from it. Yeah, I don't really care especially with bobby bobby

It's a free pass. What the hell he wants to do You opened with you and nearly died. Yeah, that's not great now Yeah, that's not the best, but no, I started bringing up theos real world shit again No, but we just been over this. No, but Hey, bring up the highlights of theos real world I was taking each episode Brandon

I wasn't doing that. I was just um being honest. Yeah, so you went to it. I went to the fight club You almost died. Okay, and I'm like, oh, that's why he's doing comedy. You know what I mean? But that's not the truth because then I saw other fights and you were good Yeah, I mean, yeah, definitely one more than I lost. Yeah, that's what I'm saying Yeah, okay, and that's something to do in the fucking question. I was gonna ask you the question I was gonna ask you is Um, because I was I know it's nothing compared to it But um, I was on a wrestling team in high school

Okay, and I used to go to these tournaments and I I remember being so nervous Because I had to cut weight and then I don't know there was asked my brother my brother What tell brandon what weight class you were in? 98 pounds This is high school high school high school and but I was a little guy. I'm genetically small Okay, you guys want to shame me the Thuron with that. Thank you so much biggie. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah

You know what? I like you man. You and I should do like a movie where the big guy little guy kind of a movie Yeah, like a buddy top. Yeah. Arnold and Danny DeVito. We should remake twins Twins You could be a quarter vision. Maybe yeah, yeah, you could be yeah, yeah, maybe whatever Yeah, but you know, so did you get nervous before you have c5? Fuck? Yes, terrified really terrified But is it different than the kind of nervous you would get when you did stand up? What's more nerve-wracking? Uh different because then when I was fighting the UFC it's like, uh

Uh It's a terrified feeling. I'm not terrified to do stand up. I'm scared about failing, but I'm not terrified Then also, let's say I have a set tonight at the company store. Let's say I bomb that I can jump over the improv and kind of redeem myself And fighting I'm terrified because a if I make a mistake, I'm gonna get really really hurt I'm get really hurt and I'm getting embarrassed in front of all my family and friends and I'm getting half my paycheck And it's gonna make it harder for me to get a title shot, you know, and I'm gonna end up in the hospital Right, and it's just that the stakes are so high. Wow, and it's like it's the pain business. So

When you go into a fight, you're gonna get hurt even if you win you're getting hurt. So it's a tough gig man Yeah, it's a really really tough gig and also people are really quick to jump ship I think when a comedian has a bad set that's generally forgivable But someone like you who's like I consider it to be like a fair weathered fan where you're like you wanna you wanna you Want and you want to lose this once and you're out But that that's how it is but in comedy now to that point in fighting They can be that way and then that fighter might fight six months later You're gonna tune in watch if bobby releases a special and it's a dog. Shit those people

Are gonna judge the shit out of them. It's gonna they're gonna jump off bobby ship. That's true Right, that's true. But I'm talking about just a regular comedy store set where you're like, oh, you're working out materially You have that like room to right but not when but he's also so I don't mean to erupt you but he's also so So cemented as it's so fucking good at comedy. He's like one of the funniest guys in the world And also no one wants to follow bobby. So bobby. This is all true. So I had to fall in the other night. I'm terrified So if bobby has a bad set he's so like he's almost like it's like anerson silva, right? Anerson silva looks like dog shit right now. Yeah, I don't care. I am anerson silva of comedy Like you you've put in so much work and there's so much history. Yeah, it doesn't matter

Bobby's good. That's interesting that you say that silva's good. Yeah, DC is good. John Jones is good Connor's good. These guys certain guys Juana is good. Yeah, she's it's probably over for her. She's fine. Yeah But here's but the but can I just say about the Johanna thing? All right It's just that it's not the first it's the second time she lost The second second time she lost to there. There's something That happened with Johanna where I think that's fair that when she was living in Poland

She was winning before she had a stylist. She's wearing those bullshit polos. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah Then all of a sudden she becomes like champ or she loses that one then she has a stylist She's like makeup. I'm like, what the fuck is happening yet? And she's gonna start perking up her titties on instagram I see her on a boat with like we're taking photos of her feet. Yeah, like her tan. It's like I knew it was on Yeah, I I'm not a good way. I knew she was gonna lose Oh, right. I knew she was gonna lose. Did you really? Yeah Yeah, because not only because of that, but she didn't own it mentally remember She lost that fight and she blamed it on everyone but herself. Yeah blame on her trainer her nutritionist

Everybody but didn't own the loss of it. She's fucked that next one. Wow And then she's lost three now, right? in a row rose rose And then she fought somebody No, uh, uh, uh, Valentina Valentina and she lost. Yeah, she was gonna lose against Valentina. Yeah. Yeah. I think that was more She lost three. Yeah, three in a row. Yeah, that was a 125 that wasn't at Yeah, but I oh but he but the loss is a loss though to the fans. You know, thank you Brandon, you know, thank you so much To me though, the reason why I liked her so much is because

she was So it's much superior over her competition at a point. I like watching that. I like watching sometimes watching greatness When a god somebody is just so good. Me too, right that they're like untouchable like if I'll rewatch Yeah, me too. I'll rewatch like some older john jones fights or older anderson silva fights because I just like, you know That I like someone somebody's dominant. I like the idea that there's something like almost magical to it Yeah, like when connor was going on his run or when john's gone his run Style bender's doing that now like you can go back and watch these fights and it's almost like a higher being what they're doing

So it makes me believe there's something else out there. Yeah, but then when they lose you're like, ah, fuck. Nope Yeah, it's just regularly. Yeah, she regular dude. Just like everybody else. But um, but it's so funny that you were able to like now what happened now in terms of What made you quit ufc and then go into comedy? uh Fighting happened just because I had no other options. I'm not naturally a born fighter. I don't like to fight I'm not an aggressive person. I don't like to hurt people. Can I honestly tell you something? What? I was saying who I said this to like

Andrew Santino somebody like that And we're talking about you And I said to I I go I can't believe that dude even fought in the first place I can't either because he's such a soft nice kind of a gentle you really are like a gentle giant I've always been and I'm even in training my coaches like you gotta get meaner, man You gotta you gotta hit the guy. I'm like, I don't want to hit him like you have to Yeah, so to me the they kind of they were smart about they spun it with as like it's just an athletic competition, man Just beat that guy. Yeah, I heard him. Yeah, just beat him and that I didn't have that mean streak in me

It was never there and there was one fight I saw you do where you got knocked out or Did you watch all the losses all the losses and then you got up from the thing and I almost gonna cry because um You had this look like Yeah, yeah, yeah, you had to sit Look, I go this is my friend, you know, I mean, I'll watch back now if they replay a fight on tv or whatever Yeah, and I'll watch around. I don't I don't know that guy. I've no I can't believe I do you're different You know, it's I my hats off to you I really I'm being honest and I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm you know, I'm gonna say this right now and I'm getting emotional

um That tell me if this is real emotion or if he's not because he's a good actor No, I'm being real is is that um It's almost important when I see skies like you there's only a couple examples Christina Is this key is an example You're an example. Theo's an example. There's only a few examples of people who were doing something else Right, and then we're able to reinvent themselves. But here's the thing folks The reinventing part. It doesn't happen right away. You have to fail

For years in a row Which is what you did, right? Like I remember when Theo I started seeing him come around He wasn't the guy he is now. No way. He was just figuring it out But but to do that to be brave enough to make a choice like that and then to become Funny, dude. I'm telling you right now. You're You're like getting spots that are like prime spots at a rooms In la that's fucking difficult to do dude Like, you know, I took me years to be able to get at like Saturday night

I laughed after you know, I'm ashamed of it. I'm almost uh, I'm super self-conscious about it Because I feel like because they'll go hey when you post this I'm like, do I have to tell everyone? I got this spot. Like can you just put me up? Why I don't know I don't know because I didn't put in the same work you did No, no, no, no, no, you can't you can't think that way because here's the deal, bro Is is that if it was just you going from the ufc Straight to stand up if that was it maybe but no, yeah, because What you did also was

Brian Callan, okay Brian fucking Callan is one of the funniest and we have to agree on the one of the most intrinsically funny guys Great, you'd ever you ever meet in your life I honestly if I was on an island and I could pick four people to live forever He wouldn't be on it, but you wouldn't be on it because after a week you want to kill. Yeah, I want to kill him Yeah, you want to eat his face if there was like a thousand people I got to choose He's before you'd be one of the thousand, okay? That's fair. That's fair. Yeah, you don't have to see him. No. Yeah, you can still live on the other side of the island

Yes, but he's always been one of those guys who are like, oh my god, this guy's so he asked, you know, if you've met him You everyone knows He has so much talent. He has so much but he did a podcast before Fighter Than Kid. He had 19 listeners Yeah, which I did and I remember saying to myself You have to driving there. I was like you have to do it. He's a friend You didn't try to troll I know I didn't rely. No, I did try lie by saying I'm a fan You know what I mean? But I wasn't a fan of the podcast but I was a fan of as a company. I trollied there, right? And I remember doing it going, I know what's gonna listen to this

Right and then One day I hear I see a post or something about Fighter Than Kid Didn't know what it was and then realized oh, it's Callan's new thing with this guy. I think I've seen this guy around This big guy So when I'm and then it became it became a hit. Yeah And you I think you have the funniest moment on there And you I think you have the funniest moment on there. I think they post it You have the funniest moment on there. We're talking about getting molested. I'm telling you

It's the hardest I've ever laughed and I kept interrupting. So yet you could go back and make it worse molestation worse That was a funny moment podcast He designated a day of the year called the national molestation day where everyone is obligated to give him gifts on the day that he was molested We get fans all the time on that day. That's when I was in November 19 or something like that You watch Game of Thrones. Do I ever no favorite show of all time? Really? Oh, yeah Good because we want to talk about because we haven't talked about it. Not yet. Really the final worried about spoilers or some shit No, let's

Do it. Um, would you think just let's I'm gonna ask you this season eight in general. What do you think love? Absolutely love it. There's a lot of haters out there. And they're like all the story and all that. I'm like, shut the fuck up I think so goddamn good episodes three and five Ridiculous jaw dropping better than any movie. I've seen it along this time right episode eight The finale six wasn't a six wasn't a fan. Well, I I didn't like it. I didn't leave satisfied Right. I just I wanted more. You're right. I don't like the way it ended But the season in general and everything anytime someone's getting famous or a show's getting real popular The cool thing to do to get attention is to hate on it. So everyone's hating on it, right? Because that's gonna get you attention

I thought it was brilliant, man. Yeah, I rewatched the long night, which is the third one you just mentioned And I what what I did was I watched also the other day lord of the rings the um The two towers the last fight, you know Because I heard that there was comparative. They were comparing people were comparing the two wars and these and things and um God the long night outshine. I mean the game of the thrones was beautiful I mean the CGI is amazing But what I and people complained about the darkness of the third one. I like that I did too

I felt like I could I was experienced what they're going. That's very good that you said. Yeah, it felt Real in that way and have you heard the director? He goes, that's exactly what they wanted people like oh, I can't see He's like they can't see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah battling these fucking monsters. Yeah, it made it scarier. Yeah Yeah, I was scared. Yeah, and then there was one shot Where sam tarly is standing there, right? And this is when they're attacking, right? And he does a thing with his eyes and I think he's I think it was just an organic acting thing that he did Where it was like dot darting. He's looking at when the flames are going out Yeah, even after the flames are going out now and then now he hears the like running toward him and his eyes are darting

It's it's only a two second cut to him, right? I got the fucking chills, bro. Yeah, you know, it was great acting by him Yeah, everyone even like bran goes Hold your what? She goes, oh hold the line Oh, she didn't die. I have no idea. But yeah, why I thought she was gonna die episode three. Me too. Yeah. Yeah, but why? Oh, because she because she's in the front row. All right, right. They just knighted her so I'm like, oh, she's going Oh, that you know that we cared about that character so much. She's going. Yeah, the people complained that not enough characters died that episode

I want it so much when it ended. I was like, oh my god. Yeah standing applause. Just Me too. Yeah, me too. Me. So good. I think that everyone is so quick to Shit on it, but like I managed my expectations of the season. You have six episodes to wrap up So much and such a small like those parameters are very tight So for what that what they delivered to me was perfect but also any Any angle they go the reason why you love game of thrones is usually it's pretty unpredictable So that that unpredictability is what people like. So now in this season if it doesn't if the narrative's not going the way

These people want. Yeah, they get online and complain. Yeah, but yeah, the negativity on social media. That's just That's what people do. I mean, that's what they let me defend if I post if I post. Oh, man This is great. You're gonna get a thousand comments of people being negative Let me defend though the people that are complaining. Okay. I get it. All right, you invest It's more than eight years because they took a two-year hiatus. I started I didn't you know how you binge like four seasons like two three years ago. I started eight years ago Yeah, here's my theme. It doesn't matter I've invested 10 years like cool, man. Yeah, yeah, we saw the same shit. Yeah. Yeah, some people invested three weeks

They use that as a reason as to why they're more upset than the other Um for other people like you started two years right saying as someone who watched it eight years in Yeah, I was still perfectly happy with it. Yeah, but you could I understand that but I also understand why people are Sad about it because they a lot of people like, you know, um invested all this time You know, I think people get hooked on the show because of you know, when net star gets the head like these these moments Yeah, but the red wedding moments, right? Oh the red wedding you kidding me But also don't get that into a goddamn show where it affects your life. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah, it's great There's also dragons in it. So let's relax a little bit. Yeah

There's also dragons. I see what you're saying people get up so obsessed and they make it Like my brother got the tattoo of the star of the stars on sigil of the stark on his arm I know. Wow. Yeah, I know It's too much. It's too much. Yeah, and I'm the one good for him though. Yeah. Yeah, I forced him to watch it Yeah, and then oh two weeks later. Look I mean I love this guy. Yeah The other thing is if game of thrones it there's people have so much invested in this as fans

Yeah, there's not a scenario they could have done this last season where people would have been stoked No matter what they did whatever you however you want to end however you want to however I thought it should end doesn't matter they're gonna piss off this group of people They can't win in this it's kind of it's kind of like uh when they do comic book movies The nerds are so into it and they have an idea how they think it should go Even though they've never written a script in their life. Yeah, they have an idea how they think it should go Yeah, so there's so much hate. There's more hate than anything on comic book movies. You think about You know because I've been in shitty things. I've been in some good things, but I know generally

How things are shot. I've been on movies, you know, and I understand What people's jobs or what cameras the director what everyone does video village all these terms the jib camera, you know but like um But you realize even when you're on a shitty sitcom or a sketch show or something That there's still many many hours Of preparation right you have Props sets, you know, right rewrites, you know, they're just so much pressure Even on something like a late night show like mad tv that was like, you know people like running around

Like a chicken with their head cut off trying to figure this out. It's hard Right now imagine now with the whole world watching with millions of dollars at play, right? And um you're off script from the book So so that base that you started you got a branch out to there, right? So that's another pressure the different animal, right? So with all those things in play I that's why I give the showrunners and an HBO a pass Because it's like you guys did the best you can you could tell I mean

Even the last episode even though we didn't like the way it turned out, right? I didn't I didn't complain. Yeah, I didn't complain either But here's how I wanted at the end Remember podrick has brand he wheels him into the council meeting tier tierians everyone's there, right? brand's getting on my nerve Brand the broken people hate that. Yeah. Yeah, what he makes he gets on your nerves. Yeah, I don't like why it's getting cocky He but he's the king now. Yeah Through the snow as a cripple, but here's the thing. Yeah, here's the thing the entire seven and a half

Seasons they all everything he's like, you know, I just just have to be alive and you're exactly where you're supposed to be I don't want anything and then they roll him. I like do you want to be king? He goes, why do you think I got my ass here? Yeah, he yeah. Well now you want it. I'll get the fuck out Maybe you wanted the whole way. Here's a Should have salt come to play the game because I could assault hey, you this is something you don't even think about either I know what in the my face. I'm sorry my bad. Um Here's the thing dude and people don't talk about it in the show The guy can't use his dick

No, they told that can't fall in children They mentioned all them out Now imagine how he gets off. He has to work into a pigeon and he has to fuck whatever And the pigeons pigeons fucking and that's how he gets his shit off Kind of cool when you think about it. Yeah, but you but let me say something if he's if you're into pigeon pussy Are you into pigeon pussy? I don't know never been right now. You're not because they're pussies have feathers in it That's what makes the greatest ruler though because if his dick is useless then it's not going to drive his ego at all Yeah, you're right. No, but still he's still

Just you know, I'm just saying when he became king. I'm like, okay, at least give him that Think about it. Everybody who was a eunuch in the show. Yeah gray worm Asshole. No, no, no, but he was asshole. He got laid for his, you know, whole life What I'm saying that overkill a little bit overkill like, you know, you know All the fucking, um, you know the lannister army or the golden coming this they're tied up on their knees prisoners Right and John snow motherfucking John snow goes. Hey, man. You know, you know, just let them go or put him in prison or whatever He's like, no, they deserve any slices their neck off. That's a little too overkill for me. It's pretty intense Yeah, but here's how I wanted to John snow was driving me nuts too this season. Why especially the last few he did

Nothing And like I'm like you do speak up Except except his presidential speech before they burned all the bodies and whose voice was that That was not his voice. Was it not? That was a weird voice. Oh, oh, yeah, that was a weird voice. Yeah, it was weird I was like, you're right. Yeah, that wasn't it. That was an ADR. Yeah, I didn't notice Yeah, I didn't right away. I'm like, that's not my job. So far you said that because When I heard it, I'm like, that's not my mr snow. You're right about that But the way I wanted to end is this let me hear me out now guys. All right, the council's there, right?

All right, pod was it pod podrick brings brand the broken end. They have a couple of conversations and then Podrick turns the thing around and takes him out of the room And then brand turns around a little bit and you can see his eye and it's a blue Oh, you wanted him to be a white the night king. I thought he was and then further on the side and then they ended if they ended it that way We would have all been like Thank you. Thank you. Give it up. Right. We would have been like what we wouldn't have slept for a week You know, my theory was and that's that's fucking brilliant. That's a great. Thank you. That's great. My theory was was Brand he was showing john snow. It was all dream

We've been watching this dream because he didn't want to take the throne So he's shown him what happens if he doesn't man the fuck up and take the throne what should be his So I think maybe it's a dream. I like people can be pissed. How are they gonna tie all this together? Right. I thought maybe that was because that could be interesting character development. They cut early I'm like, maybe they're doing that because it's a dream gives them an out. Yeah How long is this dream though? Yeah, exactly people are gonna be pissed if it was seven years of a dream I would have been furious Yours is way better. That's fucking brilliant. That's not compare. That's great

Mine's pretty good. Mine's terrible My dream theory. Yeah, the whole game of thrones entire dream branding get the fuck out of here Yeah, but that's interesting because what you're saying about him being the night king all that stuff There there are some things in the show That they fail to explain right like like for instance the symbol of the you remember like when

A couple episodes ago. It was right before the long night when the wilding and that other guy from the night's watch They tell the boy and the boy was against the wall and that symbol they used with all the limbs. Yeah They show that symbol a bunch of times, you know, don't know what it means Yeah, I mean it's more, you know, it's and then when they throw something that out like that out that they're like Oh, this is so deep because we're gonna figure out what that all means never like a ever really pay you guys upset how Cersei's and how No, I like the way she died because of it was a very Very insignificant death and I think that's what Cersei deserves. See I want I wanted brutal

Yeah, but I that's what she wants an audience to tell her story about how she died There's still an ego in death and the fact that she a rock deep girl You know killed her you just took a deep with no audience deep cut. No, yeah, then it's like wow That's a that's a death you deserve with no audience and no story to tell no one even fucking find your body It was a cool love love story the way it ended very Romeo and Julie How do you think if you were right in the show, how would you have killed Cersei? Uh, uh, see, I don't know if you give the area stark that much Power was she I thought she was gonna kill her

But then what she killed the fucking night king and her that's too much too much too much About the hound. Yeah the fucking mountain that was a great position when he died by fire But it's also he was like he remember when he That one time when he was in the woods and he saw the flame. That's how he basically died. Yes. Yeah But they're brothers But he wasn't him the the mountain wasn't the mountain anymore And plus the mountain was a shit human when he was still not when before he was Frankenstein Yeah, they didn't like each other even before but

He did joust. Yeah, his face was that way. Yeah, I thought about what I would do the Cersei and what I would have done is I would have um tied her up Stuck a glass bottle in her vagina. Who's doing who's doing this though? They didn't have glass back yet then but carry on they they didn't have glass. When did you ever see glass in the entire series? Yeah, they had like goblets I would like to defend myself. Oh dragon glass. No, no, no dragon glass was a rock Was uh something you mind some sort of yeah rock. There was a couple of buildings. Don't be ridiculous I've seen I've seen stained glass windows on some of the buildings. I don't think so. There's no windows in castles, bro

I don't like your tone. I'm sorry. You know, let me see something fired up. Look it up. Look it up. Look it up back then Check the dates. There's no yeah. Was there any kind of glass plastic? There was water bottles But I would have taken a glass bottle stuck in her vagina, right and then taken a mallet and just shattered the glass Okay, that's gonna kill her. But okay That's definitely you know what I would have done. Remember how uh, did your brother died? Why are you like this? Oh with the melted head. That's how you would have done and melted her and then we just watched like yes Are you still looking up the glass? Yeah, there's glass. I would have liked for jamie. Thank you. He's on your team, bro

Would you search glass? Gamma thrones glass I I would have loved for jamie to kill her Yeah, that would have been sweet. I thought you never would he was such a down-ass bitch in my head because he was like Oh, I have to return and I was so convinced that he was he was returning to kill. Oh, no way. I knew he was going to stop No, he's so down I thought that was romantic. Get your woman, dude. Get get your fucking woman Can I ask you another question about it? I would last thing I want to say about it is you think brian and jamie

Do you think brian? I mean I found that I found that awkward and they're having sex like Buzz his girlfriend. Wolf. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Oh complete opposite as what was I doing? I was she was like Very excited about it. She finally got some dick. What is that because she finally got dick. No I just thought that they I like them together. I think I know what I honestly she's out kicking her coverage. He's a dime piece. It's not gonna work That's not gonna work. That's not gonna work in what world. I believe more in the dragons than her pulling him That's not working man. That's exactly what I'm saying. I'm so glad you said that because I was saying that

You know, but all week. I was like, come on. Yeah, I was saying. Oh, yeah Yeah, come on. You know what I'm into they've got a script here You know what I'm into the avant-garde look So I like when people show skill even though they're physically not, you know, necessarily like or they don't They're not typically good-looking see she I like skill and I think that's so attractive So if I was Jamie my dick would get so hard just watching Brienne wheel that sword. That's what I'm attracted to Well, that I'd be more attractive. She was hot wheeling that sword I know but she is dating me because of that fact because she said a long time ago like physically

Let's be honest physically Why do you laugh like that you fuck because you're admitting I don't see I disagree Well, just don't smile. I'm gonna tell you again. All right. Your skill outshines Don't we don't smile because as and and you Hold on. You let me justify this You've lucked you've lucked out because a and you know this I'm not hitting on your girl You're very pretty but this one last if you didn't have the personality

So you can also get you know a pretty girl, but you're you're lucky because she has the brain, right? And she has a personality So that's what you're attracted to at the end of the day is the same. You guys aren't attracted to the same thing Yeah, because looks goes out the window and Jay-Z sick of fucking Beyonce. You're right Find a pretty girl and I'll find you a hot guy who's sick of fucking her But what I'm saying is he's not wrong because I think that if I were Or a four I still truly believe you would date me and love me and be in love with me. Oh, I disagree. Yes. I disagree Was that the point I was making?

That was the point you were making. Oh, no, no, no the only reason It's because you're really hot But it but the reason why it's been the longevity is because your personality No, no, no, no me actually this now because you wouldn't have gotten the door if you're like if you look like a delt There we go. You know what I'm saying? But if you somehow shout out to delt, shout out to delt I love it. I think I think it does. I think she's so hot. I think she's hot too. Yeah. Thank you, babe You're so done with that. Adele is so Hey, hey you two if she couldn't sing you sure as fucking be saying that she's a cute coffee girl barista

She she looks like one of those baristas like in phoenix She looks like With a better face and she can sing he doesn't look like abe sumer. You're fucking mine, dude. No Oh And she has the winged eyeliner. She's so cute. All right. Yeah, when she's in concert then when she goes back Looks like chris farley No, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're gonna give a pound on that. What's your fist about? Yes, no, he agreed. No, yeah, he agreed. I'll tell you why I'm gonna you're the only cool one here

Brandon, I'm gonna defend Adele real quick. Okay is you can tell Adele right sweet person Not a sweet person that she structurally She has a beautiful face. She what you're seeing is that she's a little heavier. I like the chicks really, I don't I'm like fat. Yeah. Yeah Now with kalilah, I want to say this she hooked me in with her looks but if she was in a car accident And then she looked like harvey dent. Yeah, you're out. No, I'm in I didn't know where you're going

Okay, I don't know where we're going for sure out. I'm sure out. You know what though? You're not wrong You're not wrong. But what hooked you was originally the looks if she looked like If you were busted, you'd be like great personality would definitely be friends Yeah, but you know what? Um, he has been with really hot chicks in the past, but they don't have personality It's not that this is the first date. I spat inside his mouth and I backhanded him That's what here's the thing. If you were if you were hideous and spitting his mouth and backhanded him You'd be in prison Like he's not he's not inviting you over to the crib

He press charges So you think that I get away with backhanding him because I was on the first date on the first the only reason You got away with when people go looks don't matter. I get that I agree at the end of the day. It doesn't but looks matter Initially, initially the looks is everything because it's all we know about you. That's what bobby's attracted to I I my sister the other day She was on a plane and this really fat creepy guy kept hitting on her daughter Does she look like you and no, no, no My my knees is a very very pretty girl and she was getting hit on by this like really fat grotesque mad

Yeah, and then her mom was getting really upset like that's sick. Fuck that's sick. Fuck. Why would he when he she's like 16 years old And then I was like, well, honey, that's her name. I'm not kidding. I was like, honey Um, what if great name? What if he was like, what if he looked like rat pit? Oh, he'd be a lot this there And it's true like we have because that's all you know about them But that's all you know about them. This creepy fat guy and they're creepy when they don't, you know, live up to a certain I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't think there's anything wrong with that That's gonna fucked up. Why is it fucked up? But because we're you're it's in our dna to like pretty things babies When they see people they are attracted to the more pretty well-defined face. It's what that makes them happy

It's not it's not not my choice. I don't like fat girls to my dna. It's my taste Yeah, it's it's really interesting. Am I a bad person? Oh Tinder and I was swiped right that's exactly what I'm gonna. So I would I go ugly ugly Long beach. She seems a little Asian Right so initially you're right. She was I found her you know what I found her legs She had a couple of photos of her legs, too That I really liked her but it was our face originally her face

But yeah, but then her legs also was closed a whole package picture of my leg on there There was no there were pictures of me. No what no what no no what happened was your legs on I did some research Yeah, too. I went on to your like Facebook or what Instagram of course she did yeah Yeah, and founder of it physically attractive. Yes, and it just so happens that you have a ton of personality and your guys souls meshed together She was the first girl. I saw naked Right the first girl ever no Let's get weird It's the first naked body. I've seen since that down syndrome

Yeah, but what I saw naked I I've done this before but rarely where I where I look at the body and I look up at the heavens And you realize there's a guy and I go. Thank you. Me too. Thank you, baby. Yeah Yeah, it only happened like twice my me too. Yeah, but is that why you ran away midway through the first time we had sex Yeah, you ran. He ran. It was too much like he just got up. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, it's scary It's it was like literally like, you know, it's like it's like it's like getting No, I just I'm recalling it now. Yeah, I remember it being so good. Yeah, I imagine playing pong Okay, in the early 80s, right 70s, right and then all of a sudden some gives someone gives you red dead redemption right after that Oh, straight up. You're like a ps4. Like check this. Yeah. Yeah, and you're like

Yeah, I don't want to ruin it colors in the definitely, you know, that's what she was yes for I was doing pong Right and some weird like simple shit and then she came along. I'm like, this is fucking technical. Yeah, this is a very technical Yeah, yeah, yeah, she um, I love you guys want that kind of you guys want kids He does I think Bob would be a great. Why are you able to decide who's who's who's phone is this that'd be my manager? Why? Probably giving me the ratings of my special, which I don't want to find out Oh, really? Yeah, so you did a special this special nerve-wracking like to just sit and wait and then like I mean I don't want to know does it matter. I mean it was trending and doing really well on Friday

Which made me happy and I celebrated with my brother in New York, but I don't really want to know It's just gonna hurt my it's not gonna help anything like it is what it is a special. It is it's the best I could do Yeah, I thought it was really never We're gonna do you never live in the results correct you just do the best you can correct and You did it and can I say this to Brendan? That's not your last one. No, correct You're gonna do another one. All right. Um, I didn't realize you had one, but congratulations. Oh, thanks, brother It's on showtime. Yeah, what's it called debuted on Friday? It's called you'd be surprised you'd be surprised and get people like I don't have showtime. That's fine. If you do showtime.com promo code shop

You get 30 days free of showtime so you watch my special on demand. Oh, wow. Yeah, cool. So you get where'd you shoot it at? Spreckles theater in San Diego Spreckles I love that because I grew up there I remember like a marker chocolate sprinkles a couple times and that's a nice little theater It's my favorite place to economy San Diego first time at Spreckles, but La Jolla Comedy stores my favorite club in the world. Why really by far? I That's my home. I know I don't think I've and this I've been to economy for three weeks. So hear me I don't think a special should be shot in a theater

I don't think the mediums made to be shot and and felt inside that many people especially arenas I think it's made to be performed inside a club like La Jolla or like comedy works or the ice house or the comedy store The main room really I think so after the small experience. I've had of shooting a special I went I want to do a big theater again. I like the intimacy. Yeah. Yeah, um, that's interesting because I want to do one, too And I want to do one in the end of the year, but I um, are you gonna do one? Yeah, I'm gonna do one, but I want to I'm trying to think it to myself with fucking crush I know I'm gonna do one. I can't wait man. Yeah, but I When you said that just now, I think it just changed my whole

Thinking I'm telling you brother Would they shoot in the main was the main room too big you think no I think the main room is perfect, especially for someone like you the main room is amazing Yeah, it makes so much sense for you doing the main room with the problem with the main room. You can feel it Yeah, but it's not only that though. The problem is is is that In my head, I don't want other comics for some reason To be able to come in and out of the main room. I don't know when you're shooting a special They're not going to yeah, but it's Bobby Lee's fans and then you're gonna have some people there

But when they're shooting it's different. They're not be able to come in and out and everybody Everybody's just waiting for you to do this. So no one goes. I don't want Bobby shoots Everyone is praying that you shoot a special right. I would do two in one night and edit it together Yes, um, that you know, that's so funny that you I'm gonna I made me consider that the main room But here's another thing I would consider is La Jolla because I was that's where I started. Why do you like La Jolla? I like La Jolla There's certain clubs where I where I can I don't it's gonna sound crazy I can feel like the history I can like it means something when I go in there

It's like it's small and there's so much tradition and history there Yeah, and I don't know. I just I feel there's certain place. I'm a real sensitive person There's a certain place where I feel the love like when I'm at the commie store. I feel protected when I'm at the La Jolla I feel like I should be there. It's it's I don't know how to describe it There's certain place I go. I'm like I should not be here But when I go to the commie store, especially La Jolla, I'm like I should be here right now. This is how I should be doing you know when you You brought that up um

it gave me like a burst of Nostalgia, you know Because I started there and I remember you know when you when you don't know what you want to do with your life and you're confused you don't have a plan and You know, you're praying to God like what am I gonna do in my life? I have no education. I have no skills You know, I'm an okay waiter You know, I'm okay at making coffee, but you can't make any money doing those things at the end of the day

Like how am I gonna buy a house? And when I was 23, I got a job at the La Jolla commie store as a phone guy It was a bar back, but I also worked the phones and I remember being being there during the day and now imagine Not ever thinking you could do comedy or be in show business, right? And now you're answering phones at a comedy club and that's nobody you know that la Jolla club So in during the day, there's light that goes through those little you know And I would sit there by myself in that place

And answer phones and take reservations And I remember feeling like I was in a church Like I don't know what a feeling I don't know what being in church feels like right, but that's what I felt like I felt like I was on some sort of like holy ground And that who knows what's gonna happen in my life. There is a photo on my instagram of me working the door at La Jolla That's so cool. And um, but when you brought that up, though, I that triggered some of those. Yes I think too like when you're when you're doing La Jolla and you're staying on the

Uh in the condo that's on the beach. Wait you stay there. Yeah. Oh, wow Yeah, you know about the condo. Yeah, I do so that you know, they've redone it. So I've stayed in it Uh three times or twice. Yeah, but they've redone it So it's all it's all new now. So it looks amazing before then it was a bit of a Were you there when it was bad? I was there when it was bad blue when it was blue. It was terrible I'm gonna tell you what happened But but the horn before you get to that the reason why it could have been just a bed filled with roaches But to me, I've heard stories where Jim Carrey stayed there and he was my hero

So I just wanted to be like him I want to stay there because Jim Carrey was there and then do shows at night And then just walk around and eat fucking fish burritos like to me that felt like to me like that It's the first time I was like, I don't know. It's like it's almost like comedy heaven when you're doing that Like if they're sold out shows condo then he does I would never say there. He's just not on the wall No, not the better for me. There was a guy like to Jim Carrey not on this walk

There's this guy named Steve Moore who had HIV He was um a gay comic And when I first did a weekend in La Jolla back in probably the late 90s He was staying at the condo him and this other gay guy named Brian Bradley And I was at the condo with them hanging out and um They were going Bobby In their early 80s Me and so-and-so we did a weekend here and Brian came down to

And we were at a gay club and then 60 70 dudes showed up at this condo And we did a train Oh All the door yet, and we knotted all over the wall. That's why it's so blue in here We not on the ceiling So every time I would why you gotta ruin this That's why he was special to me man I can't go back there man

I was a guy just wants I would get on the walls. I'd rub my burrito on the walls And he also had HIV right so what so what every time I go in that condo after that I would now I'm not staying there But that actually happened I imagine all the things that happened there they ice the wall Part of history it's a part of the history man. I'll make that place great But um, it's so funny because when because I know where that condo is I know when you during the day when you wake up There's like a cool breakfast restaurant like we're there the beach is right there And there and I and when you said that

With the Jim Carrey and the history and then you staying there, you know overnight And being also from not from the comedy world, but from a different thing and now you're in this world and now you're doing it for real Wow, what congratulations, and that's that feels So cool man, and that's why I always told you, you know, there is something about right There is something I like what you're doing In your life. Oh, you're very funny guy. You're a talented guy. He does stand actor. Yeah, he does everything this guy He's from second city in Chicago He crushed his first time doing stand up and it was a knock. Yeah, he's he the first time he went up

He crushed he's very talented sense to what the fuck are we doing? What are we doing? I understand that Yeah, but you can do it. You don't want it right now. I just the grind. Oh, you don't want it better now. Yeah, okay I'm out. What are you saying? Yeah, that's exactly. Yeah. I don't have time. I don't have time to worry either But I just give me a second. Okay. What I'm saying though is is that I know you're reluctant on doing it Look at your face. You're already fucking your rebellious. You're always at rebellious already, right? I'm listening and I know that um, but being that because I go on the road And you know, you don't think that now I'm on the audience and people go licks Yeah, it's her tag her name from my school. Yeah, gill. Yeah, people know your names, right?

So what what that makes it makes me aware of that Sure, you might not be able to sell as many tickets as me, but you would sell some And that's still more than most That doesn't sound like a He doesn't want to stand up Because he can sell seven tickets on the road. No, that's not what I'm doing endorsement, babe No, what I'm but you you want to be an actor? No, I'm trying to pitch shows and stuff. Yeah Yeah, you better I would pick one. I'd pick one and ride ride with it

That's what he's doing. He picked one and it really went full force with it. That's exactly what you do Because comedy is too tough if you're not all in I know but before he's all in With comedy it doesn't sound like anyone's all in here besides bobby No, he's in tune. He went Oh, no, let's not get into this. No, I don't want to get it. I just need to say this So I want to create content Is that I'm pretty sure I've never heard of the Dunning Kruger effect No, it's when people are so certain that they are skilled at something

Delusional about Actually not having that skill. Sure. That's the Dunning Kruger effect. What skill does he think he has stand up? But you've never Do it do it. Do you know that stand up? He opened for me an Irvine and can I just say this it was like it was almost as if I went to Africa Right, and I just went into a kid and a kid who had the big belly Yeah starving starving dehydrated and just brought him on stage and got to stand up. That's how yeah, he would do better than him

I mean this guy right here, right? Oh my god, he came We went we knew that he was going to stand up. He drove all the way to Irvine And we we had our things out with our things out our phone's out, right? And and we were laughing at first because he was eating it so bad That's great. But then I remember what did I say to you? Light him. Oh you that was like five minutes in. I know five minutes. I said, but also I'm assuming the crowd knew who he is. No. Well, yes They have an idea. Yes. Now if you now try that at like the comic store where no one knows who you're out

Yeah, you're not gonna last five minutes. I know that wasn't the worst part. The worst part is him pulled out his dick or something No, the worst part That would have been a good close. It's like, you know what? Fuck it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They all married. It's been awesome He thought he did brilliantly He's one of those. That's a done in Krueger. Yeah, that's a bummer. You're not one of those. No That's how you know how you know how I can tell you're not You know how I can tell you're not one of them. What? Because you're um

You're self-conscious about Super self-conscious about you even I because when you start started going to the comedy clubs We even talking to you you could feel that you were kind of self-conscious like, you know, I mean, yeah, I'm doing it You know, I'm like a punter on the football. You're right. I'm on the team. You're sensitive, right? Yes So maybe you're more like an empath so you can sort of gauge I'd rather be a guy to go I bombed

Then I killed there's nothing I did. I have a trigger when people are like, dude, I just killed that something Well, let me talk to the audience I know, right easy bro. Yeah. Yeah, because I've seen but here's the other thing is it's Maybe maybe it's why I've gotten more. I've got I guess fast quote unquote But at the comedy star I'm watching the best of the it'd be like if you're like, I'm gonna try basketball Let me just go check out this all-star game. Holy fuck. These guys are good. Like that's the level That's another reason why my hats are off to you because you're now going to these places

I told us the rap before to Michael rap before because he was nervous one time. We're behind In the main room. He seemed a little nervous. I'm like, yeah, but dude, you're in this is the a This you're you know, I mean you're competing should be more nerve-wracking. I think it's way more nerve-wracking. His nerve should be worse Yeah, and yours should be too though 100 because you're you're playing. Yeah Yeah, I don't understand how you do that like because I was raised in that room I've been in that in the comedy store since 1997. Yeah, right. So I know every facet I know everyone that's played there. I know I've done the tonight show. Yeah, right. So I've

I don't brag but yeah I wasn't bragging. Okay, you know, I'm just giving you facts. No, I know this. All right. Yeah You fucking goon. I know you're a thick-faced goon. Uh, would you do the tonight show right now? A different time, right? Jimmy Fallon. No You know, you know who's bigger than all those shows? Joe Rogan. I know If you know what our Johnny Carson is Joe Rogan. Yeah, I know and he hasn't asked me I haven't done his show in five years. I bet you if you do a special you will No, you don't think you you don't think other comics are frustrated. You haven't done a special

Well, I think that's one of the reasons why he doesn't have me on that's what I'm saying because he's a frustrate He's frustrating. I'd frustrate him. That's what I'm saying. You frustrated everyone Why do I frustrate you? You don't frustrate me. I want I want greatness for you I think if you did a special it would absolutely crush. I think if you on netflix, it would blow people away You know what dude? It's so fucking dumb I'll tell you how dumb you guys are Can I tell you how dumb you are? Please do. Callan does the same fucking bullshit different animal But Callan does it Callan Callan that Brian Callan will walk up to me goes man. You have so much potential

Potential. Yeah. Yeah, and I look at my past potential. I know I know but I'm like because he's people try to motivate me I'm not trying to motivate you people try to motivate me. That's what I'm trying to do right You have a great set and I'm sorry. You don't have to do anything We're way past our time Brent. So we're gonna do the thing called unhelpful advice, but I'll lead you into it What do we do unhelpful advice? Sorry to read my text. I apologize. I love so your family some girl Charlotte just takes her needs money I'm gonna. I'm gonna invest you've done the podcast before would you do this again? Your guys? Yeah Well being a much better place No, we bought a house. You know that right?

Oh, love it. And there's a studio and we have a nice place. Oh, I love it But um, we would love to have you back when we're in the new place Literally whenever you want. I just can't believe this is the first time you're doing it. I mean, we've had A bunch of people on a bunch of times and um, you've had all my friends on And I've asked you just somebody it was a Monday. It was just a Monday night thing. The Monday night thing's not gonna change So it's either. Yeah, I'm gonna tell you We'll be here We'll be here for you for you. We'll wake up on a Tuesday early in the morning. You know, and keep on keeping up

Because I woke up early in the morning to wake to do your one o'clock. I'm a comic. That's morning. Me too. I got up at six a.m. Not a big deal Your kid though. What is that? I always get up at six. What is that? What is that like? It's the best thing in the world. It makes you realize that like But going into it before he was born. Did you I was so selfish. I was so selfish selfish because I'm in entertainment and as an athlete you like you got to be kind of Um, a narcissist. It's all about you the world revolves around you Then we have a kid and I'll be honest everyone goes dude, right when he's born

You have this connection. It's gonna be crazy. I'm like, I can't wait. He comes out more Not really there. It's just like a football with eyes. He needs He needs his mom so bad. I'm like the side piece that make sure that they don't die But like his his grandma's there and they're taking care of him sleeping on the couch when this shit sucks Yeah, and then probably like three months into it He starts to get you know, a little bigger like figure things out and it's the best thing in the world Like I've done cool stuff in my life man through football You know

Even sniffing the NFL and playing big big college football games fighting you have seen some biggest fights in the world Sold out arenas. I mean sold out theaters and stand up and shooting a stand-up special Uh, just bought a Ferrari like bought my dream house, right? I'm not bragging. I've done cool. Shit, man Nothing compares when I come home from this at four o'clock my son runs up and hugs me Goes daddy and runs up to me. No, so that's why I can't do podcast money tonight. That's why when people ask me to do stuff I can't do it. That's that that's why when bravo goes. Hey, we want you to do a show in new york We'll pay you this much money. I'm like not having it. Yeah, you could pay me Beyonce money. I'm not going out there My I'm telling you man. I've done cool. Shit. There's nothing better than having a kid

If you're a good dad, would you consider even before you had the kid? Did you know that you were going to be a good dad in terms of providing and making sure that the kid was safe? That's what we're concerned about. Oh, no way. Bobby. Bobby's a good person He's a good so he's gonna figure it out. He's going to offer time and fun And obviously a lot of those like emotional things, right? But will he leave his medication on the counter every day for the kid to open? Probably I'm telling you he won't because the kid's gonna be around and you realize how fragile they are And and the world becomes so scary. So when my kid at school today

And this is weird. I have the anxiety like I've never had before about my son I got worried about he's in a popular school. I'm like what a shooter go there. So I started looking at other schools Now I used to be I used to be and he's three I used to be that guy like by the sleep things out one thing everything Your your mind changes everything changes and so a guarantee though because if it doesn't change Guaranteed is guarantees because he's not a bad person. He's not you wouldn't be with him if Bobby right guarantee He will change and I'm saying it's not even a change. You don't even know what's happening like my financial The advisor goes

Remember when we tell him we're gonna have a kid. I go. Yeah, he goes. Let me show you the income you had before he's born Let me show you a year later. I Subconsciously didn't do anything. I just went into this dad mode. I'm like, oh shit. I got a kid on the way I need to get my shit together and I already had my shit together respect, you know, it's kind of yeah But you just naturally go in this dad mode and all these other revenue streams start coming in or this thing I was thinking about doing I fucking did it now. It's killing it for me this thing over here I'm thinking about touring this much. I I tore that much. So all these certain things start happening It's just subconscious a pop and now it happens. Wow

That's incredible. You're that was the best. That was the best pitch I've ever heard when it comes to kids and I don't say that to everyone. There's certain people go do you have kids? I go, I don't know man. You got figure it out because kids are so You know, I'm just like now you figure it out. That's me being like fuck. No, but there's certain people I meet I'm like, you gotta have kid. That was the here's my thing bobby and I don't know you that well But the time I spent with bobby the world's filled with shit sometimes shit people you owe it to the world And you have skills. Don't fucking do that. I'm serious. You owe it to people to have like a neo matrix. I'm not

No, no, no, no, hold on bobby because because you're a good person You've gone through expansions that you can pass down to a child That's where it gets a little hairy because him and I both have murderers in our families addiction Oh, come on eugenics. We're we're bound to make a serial killer. No, you're not get out of here. Yeah, we're not you've learned You know, we're not But also those serial killers and those shit people in your family start because they have shitty parents Serial killer kids that guy Look at him right now. I believe that 100% shirts. Yeah. Oh, yeah

I mean your kid is like fucking the new chill song. We are some you have you have kids No, no, that's kids. No, what he can't fuck Howard. How are you? You gotta get going. No, Howard gotta get going. How 29 I'm gonna get there next year. No, you're give it up Really that soon my dad had me when he was 60 gotta get it going Can we get a freeze-frame on that face and I make that the thumbnail. Yeah Like Theo's dad was 70. Yeah. Yeah, that's her. Her dad was the same. Do you have demons from it? Do I have what demons from it? What kind of demons you tell me? I do. Yeah, there you go. Yeah I think that um growing up with a really old dad was um really difficult because I saw him withering away and the weirdest part about it

Not weird I I regret it now, but I didn't understand it as a child But when my dad would come visit me in school I was ashamed because everyone was like, oh your grandpa's here and I'm like, I would try to like run away. That's what I was referring to I'm not being mean at all. I feel fucked up about it. Now. I'm like, why didn't I do that as a child? But I was embarrassed of my gray haired old father But when your kid you don't realize it like I had a friend whose dad was super old I remember he was super embarrassed about it. So that's why I asked you have demons because he has

I don't I don't call him demons. He has I'd say monsters Yeah, but Steve Martin was in the 60s, right when he had a kid You think his kid is embarrassed to Steve Martin? Not now, but as a child It's a child. It'd be tough. But if you're a kid and Steve Martin's your dad, you're like, yeah, that's my dad He's old, but you Steve Martin. Yeah, he's one of the biggest names in the world So I think it's a little different but in general like if you talk to Theo about I think you look at the world different when your dad's like You know, you're in your your 1415. He's dying man. You're like, what the fuck is going on here? And it's not like my dad was some like decrepit old man when I was younger either

He would come in he looked like a mafioso. He would always come in in a suit dark glasses Fucking attache case all the time like he was he was like James Bond. But even then father time was cool story Let me touch you on the Even then he was a gray-haired obviously older guy and I just didn't want my friends to know that that was my dad It's a bomber. It's so fucking sad I wish I met I met him. Yeah, he was dope. Yeah on the helpful advice You guys would be great parents though. I'm helpful advice with Bobby Kalila at brethren's shop

Hi, this is a girl. I'm 21 years old and lately I've had some trouble with alcohol I've been drinking since I was 15 and I drink heavily like every two weeks when going out with friends During the past six months. I've had a really hard time controlling myself when I drink on st Patrick's day. I made out with a 45 year old uber driver Who my friend said was not attractive kept saying many inappropriate things and gave my number to him Probably had a great personality another time I got a ride from strangers on the street when I ride at my location I puked in their in their washing machine But the worst thing was last night where I hooked up with my soon-to-be cousin who was also a girl

I consider myself straight and it was the first time with a girl after this time I feel like I really fucked up and I can't get over this amount of guilt. I see her at every family event I'm scared. She's gonna tell my family or something Should I quit drinking and am I being overdramatic or is it just typical 21 year old? I love that. It's just 21 No, it's not you got a problem. We'll call her sally Sally likes the party We know here's what I think I like about sally is a lot of alcoholics aren't aware. They're in such denial

That they're not self-aware in that way. So she what's the matter? No, we'll talk about it later, but she's Looking at her behavior, right? Those are the ones that can get sober. She already knows it's an issue right now that stuff With her going do you guys think have a problem? You know, you got a problem. You wrote all that shit Of course you have a problem, especially if you if that's way Like if it deviates so far from your normal behavior the things that you're doing while you're drinking deviates so far from who you Like I'd fuck a 45 year old when I was 21 and if he was an uber I'd fuck him anyways and that's doesn't deviate

So we haven't been drinking and I do that. That's not far from my baseline is what I'm saying But if that's so far fetched from your usual behavior. Yeah, you have a problem. You have a problem She's relying on her age. So let's let's make you let's say you were 31 And you just told everyone what you're doing people like you need to get your shit taken. Yeah, yeah at 21 I wasn't doing that shit Really? No god. No That's shit to do but even when I was you know got sober before I was 17 at 16. I remember being at my friend Brady's house and I'd we ditched school and I was off sophomore in high school and we're smoking pot

And Brady said something to me That stuck with me forever We're smoking pot And and he looks up at me and he goes what he's white as shit. Yeah. Yeah, he's like, dude You know, we're gonna be doing this forever Oh Thank god. He did that when he said that to me. Thank god. He did that. I want to hand me that thing No, right

Right now and then I blew out and I was like, holy fuck I had a sense of dread every party I would wake up in the next morning and be so aware of what I did And know that it wasn't normal, right? And these are the kind of things that got me Sober there's a lot like my ex roommate. I don't want to say his name So many times I would tell him I go I think you have a drinking problem that and he was like, no, I don't Even though he would wake up in a gutter

Right on Hollywood Boulevard. What do you do for work bartender? And he's still doing that, you know, so it's like, you know, and every time you would say something to him He would completely deny it And go that's normal, right? But this girl seems like she Has that awareness which is a good thing. I think and I think the biggest telltale is that she feels badly She knows what she's doing is fucked up. Yeah. Also. How do you think this ends? You keep doing that? What do you think you're gonna end up? No one's successful doing that shit. Yeah, that that post Drinking binge guilt is quite possibly something I could live without for the rest of my life

I hate that feeling. Oh, it's the worst thing you did drunk Yeah, you know, I'm not a big drinker. I'm more a drinker now I started doing stand-up comedy but I was always in sport. So I was calling drugs weren't really a thing for me You know, I also realized and I thought this just now is that you dress pretty good Yeah, I like fashion. I know but like even like how would you rate what he's wearing stand-up bobby? How would you rate his communist gear? I like the color palette, you know, I wouldn't want bobby anything else. That's bobby. That's bobby's flavor I couldn't like if I wore that people like you look ridiculous for bobby looks pretty cool

Like that is a style like you I've got this conversation with rogan. You think I don't like fucking fashion like hold on That's fine. What you're doing that is a style that shirt those tight-ass jeans your shoes That's a the fanny pack. That is a form of a style. You've made a conscious effort to dress like that Yeah, I made a conscious effort to dress like this. Yeah, I also like dressing like a fraggle or some like Otherworldly kind of like, you know, a rich adult kind of creature He goes to these like really obscure shops on vermont and he buys very specific Japanese farmer pants with a pocket in front for the seeds. Yes. See that's dope for harvest But people don't know

So when people don't know so when like I'm on a like something I was in phoenix and I had to take a shuttle from from the Car rental place to the airport nothing worse and I walked in and a woman took her kid and went And pulled the kid close to her because I was coming on board No, yeah, it happens all the time. Like I'm so sort of yeah, because you thought your pants were flipped the other way No, I just have crazy. No, I have no I have this thing where Um, I just look like I'm I don't belong I disagree. You look like an artist. You dress like an artist I also ten times in my life. I've been at a hotel and security have come out to me and goes you can't loiter here

That's and I and I always go. I'm sorry. I have a And they all excuse me, sir. I look like I can't even afford a hotel room It's true because we because we got the new house we go furniture shopping And they look at us like we're peasants. Yeah, can we help you? They should know better especially in Hollywood Of course, this guy does something with in the arts you moron or I could be like homeless Not really. Is there another one? Oh, that's it. Okay. Shout out to that. So do you want I want to plug your showtime thing Yes, sir. You wear your handles Uh at brandon shop for everything

Can I ask you this to one last thing and before we go? How come you can't stop? I'm in cleveland next week Oh, yeah, she you had hilarity hilarities cleveland thursday friday saturday that have you been at club before I have not I'm gonna tell you this right now and ask anyone but you're gonna say it after There's this guy named nick Who owns the place that you're playing? Okay? He is Seven in the 70s. Sure. He's he looks like his body is like A young man like an early 20s athlete. He's like brian callan. Yeah, he is

So fit So kind. Oh nice. So generous. Is there anything better than a good like manager? Yeah, no He you're you're gonna walk away from that. I'm about to cry. Me and him are gonna start podcasts together You may you might that dude right there. I'm I'm so jealous. You're doing that. Oh, wow. Now. I'm excited. That's one of my favorite rooms Oh, wow I'm super excited to do it time dude of all time. Oh, wow. I'm super excited to do it now. Wow. And when you shout out to nick Do you eat meat? Yeah, I eat meat. Um when you do press do I take a look at the guy that drives around at scott Ask him to take you to the most the best pastrami breakfast place on earth. All right

It's like a home the wall, but it's packed and I eat there every time You're gonna love that fucking club if you're in Cleveland guys go to hilarious to see brendon chop. It's a great room He's a great comic and um I want to say this dude. I really like you a lot man and um, I um, I I don't know why you guys kept stop asking me to do fire in the kids get out, but um, I'm not gonna take it personally You could call me every Monday like hey, I want to find kid on Wednesday. We'd have you every Wednesday No, no, no, you guys are um strong arming me. Not at all. Not at all. Yeah. Yeah, open door policy. It's not but um, Fuck you

All right, then. I thought we loved each other. Yeah, fuck you man. All right. I'll take that Um, give him a round of applause. I loved it. Come on. Give him a round of applause Thanks to everyone who wrote us at it was real last week The socials would buy it to you and to everyone else Uh, email us a question to advice on helpful at gmail.com. Have a good day Hey Prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the abazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wendry plus in apple podcast

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