TigerBelly - Episode 199: Eric Stonestreet is Eric Streetstone

Episode Date: June 19, 2019

Bobby is Tommy Lee. Eric gets the butthole pass. We talk overconfident fans, biggest fights, Gook-ish, puffy eyes, and a 900-pound cow.Support us by supporting our sponsors!Weekly bonus content here: https://www.patreon.com/TigerBellySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery plus But it's a real house. Yeah, your energy is good He's amazing. Your eyes are good. You have like puffy Chinese eyes, you know, I Can't believe you didn't get Asian food. I love puffy Chinese. I told him Let's do the whole podcast eating Korean barbecue. Oh, that'd be great And he wouldn't even fucking spring for it What's up a jeep fucking star man five four three two one Oh god, man, I fucking woke up like 10 15 minutes ago in such a bad mood

In such a bad I because I was in Canada puffy Chinese eyes This guy has the kind of Chinese eyes, right? Yeah, when they're like on a train in China You know how they're compacted and they get so stressed out that their eyes bulge out a little bit That's what he has right there You know that's what that I and they're everyone's close together like this and their eyes get puffy and for the audio That's what he's talking about a white guy. There's a white cookie I would just let you guys know that Eric Stone Street is in the fucking room. Yeah, but I Haven't introduced him yet. Yeah, which is making it very uncomfortable. I don't care

But that's how I do it. That's the way it's done in life. Well, technically the rule is once you say his name He's allowed to talk And he said my name. That's that's your rule. You said my name. I did. I'm sorry But I want to talk about your eyes. Um, Tyler has yeah, and he's got Andre Agassi's haircut. Oh, so pretty cool So the Chinese stress eyes Andre Agassi haircut, right? And you have a nice body You're welcome a baseball player Yeah, play baseball. He's a boarder baseball. I get it. But anyway, um, you're giving me a hard time. Yeah because um

Somebody was parked in a spot. I couldn't get my truck in in your garage your gate sucks Then I had to walk through some other people's patio to get up to your apartment that smelled like dog urine And I'm like all this can be handled if you just like had a normal place for like real podcasters. I know But that's why I purchased a little tiny townhouse. Oh, it's a townhouse. No, it's a house Oh, it's a nice house because you sold it as a house off air. And then if you were just about to tell me I was gonna go Oh, no, but compared to your house. It's a townhouse. Yeah. Well, you know, is this is it true that you bought? I mean, I this is because I've talked to somebody I just want to know You bought the house next to yours and combined at them. Mm-hmm. It combined. You don't really conjugate like that

What do you mean? Well, you don't say combined it. It's just combined you combined it did it. No You don't have to get it twice. You don't have to do the ED It's the Japanese it's the Japanese Japanese though. I'm not Japanese and I'm an American citizen I was okay. Sorry. All right. Who told you I bought the house next to me Who's told I don't remember who said that but I remember it saying it here say and then me saying it like out like Yeah, he can do where he wants or like did it wasn't presented in a way like you here with stone street. Yeah Yeah, oh that makes like he's buying all of the ten, you know the area in the connecting all the house Monopoly yeah, it goes like I'm not compound. That's what the Sultan of Brunei does in Vegas

He just takes a whole like block where like 15 homes and combines but I remember when you lived in a one-bedroom Apartment, you know in Studio City Burbank, okay, whatever, you know, right the Valley Yeah, and I want to say this and I'm a bucket. I'm gonna get emotional. Oh god That you're left no, that was George. Yeah, my dad puffy Don't do that again. Okay. I'm fucking tired of your shit Okay, your attitude. Yeah, your head is getting way too big He was really short with me in the garage I said is this your car and he said no and I was like, okay

You fuck I love you. You're always welcome. Yeah I don't even know what I was saying right now because I got so you were talking about getting emotional about my one-bedroom apartment Oh, here's what you've always You know, you know, I'll be I'll be honest. You've always been just the nicest guy. You're always do you haven't changed? I don't think I don't think you have either. I think that you're we've always stayed the same I mean, that's why you can come here to do this, you know, because I asked you to do this by the way because people Let me tell you let me tell you something and I didn't want to talk before we started Yeah, cuz I didn't I didn't want to do a redo

We won't you won't allow us to do a redo and tell stories that we told before because the reason I'm saying that is I was bent on Howard Stern a lot of people comment about my interview with Howard Stern but the Tiger Belly podcast is up there with fan love of my Podcast radio appearances truth. Yeah, yeah, and I believe thank you So you must have like more than mommy and dad listening like you must have real people listening No, we know are we I think we're a you know, it's reinvented Um, my career I think your career never needed to be reinvented There was the reversal that's waiting that why I like you

Very good to say my friend learned that in the class, right, right, you know, you get them Yeah, I'm like a kid in a game of thrones Yeah, remember he was pinned up against the wall with all the arms around. Oh, that's me Yeah, and you're you're like, you know, I mean, I'm behind you and I open my eyes and they use, you know I'm on fire, but no you're I Seriously, like I get a ton of comments. I just told you before I yeah, we started that somebody just literally said Hey, when are you going back on Tiger Belly? I'm like oddly next week. Yeah, it's um, you know, she did it My girlfriend did made me do this do the podcast. Yeah

Because she's awesome. He's awesome. And um I heard you sat up when I said you're awesome. I know you're like, okay, now I'm engaged But I had heard him on so many different other people's podcasts and I think he's audio gold. I'm like, why are you doing this yourself? It you are good. I mean, you're I've never listened to it other than my own appearance, but you are Really good, but the thing is dude, but um, you know what it is though. You're never you know, um, I thought that you know I got on a sitcom. I thought it was gonna be a good five-year run. Yeah, I didn't You know it died roughly yeah, but

Like it did it did for you what it needed to do probably. I mean you have to think like I I watched it. I thought you were awesome and the show was good. I actually liked the show. It was it was good Yeah, but you know when you what when you watch your show, you know, it's you know Intrinsically and obviously Really funny when you watch a modern family like you kill it But like probably the funniest guy on the show, but you can just tell that it's just a fun show To work on it's fun to watch You know, it's a it's a strong ensemble cast where there's different people with different styles of comedy and the way they

Delivered a lot. It's just a great show. Yeah, well, but it started, you know in the bones It was that way from the beginning and now we're gonna finish our eleventh year, which I can't believe that Wow, it's crazy. Can you believe that but my point went on your show? Is that I learned a long time ago my manager one time was represented He used to represent Jessica Alba and she had a show that was on like the CW where she played like an action-adventure Person, this would have been in the early dark angel. Yeah, was that the name? I think it was yeah, it was on and then it was gone and I remembered along. Oh, sorry Jessica's show got canceled. He goes no it did exactly for her what it needed to do. I mean, ah

I just like for ABC it reminded everybody that oh well when I had never had it I've never worked for ABC before. Yeah, but you will again. I know but now that I got in What did you create problems on the set or anything? No, no, no, I was great. No, it was great. I created relationships good. Yeah, it was strong and I like puffy. I have to look at them But it was you know, so I met new people and you know, they all want to do stuff with me again Yeah, because you're you're but that doesn't yeah, but here's the thing though when you when you tell people Yeah, my show got canceled and they're people's immediate responses. Oh, wait, you'll get another thing Right, and then you I've been told that before

But then you have to wait for seven years You're not gonna wait seven years and then something happens, you know I'm on like, you know, the new you know, no single. Hey, it would be called Gouk ish Maybe see it for sure. I just got canceled there went my career It would be Asian ish Yeah, I said it for us. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, you're not gonna trouble for that. No, that's a good first Listen to me. Listen to me. Yeah, go ahead. You're not gonna have to wait seven years And here's why because modern family ends next year and then somebody's gonna want me to do something

I'm gonna say yeah with Bobby can be in it. Yeah, why do you have this guy now Tyler? Yeah, I'd love how Really? You are by him. He's a fan. He's offensive. He's offensive, but I know he's a fan of you Yeah, he went to see you in a show He saw he went to a charity event that Bill Burr was supposed to be headlining and then Bill Burr didn't show up and then you Became the best thing at the show Where were you? The Ford theater is it outside? I know exactly what it is. I know what you're saying now

What you're saying is is that the comedy store Did a anniversary show? Yeah, the Henry Fonda and Bill was supposed to be on it, but then they replaced him with David Spade Yeah, a couple of other and then I even texted you and said hey my assistants there He'd love to meet you and you never got back to me That's so foolish. I'm just kidding. I didn't do that. I know you didn't because I don't have the text, but you know what dude Thanks for coming. I made him come his his work hours are nine to five and I said hey I'm doing Bobby at least podcast tonight. Do you want to go and he actually said yeah, and now you're torturing?

No, I love him stop calling him puffy eyes. All right, stop. I stop Chinese eyes. No, no more He works for me god damn it Hey, Puffy eyes would you go? You know what I'm saying though, right? There's like I it's like I haven't slept. I've never well. He hasn't he works for me. Oh, wow He's constantly doing stuff. Yeah same girlfriend. Yeah, same girlfriend Lindsay. You never met her. Have you know she would have come here Come here. She's she likes she likes it. I mean whoa She likes that I torment you or text you every once well. No, I dude. I love it

You know who does the same thing Ike. Oh bear and holds bear and holds will always text me just randomly You know things he's a good guy does it to but um you hold on. Can you pick that up? You just dropped that name? I love that you're gonna cut the page page. I don't know. Yeah, it's not even a joke. Yeah, it's not. Yeah. Yeah, cut it out Um, I love David, but um, I dropped it. So um pick it up He's a really nice guy when I met him at like the enemy party. I was blown away with how like Fun he is to talk to and just normally like nice actually So that's what I'm saying is that you because I you could say the same thing about Ike too, right? Bear holds. Yeah, just they you guys are all the same type of person

Whereas that I knew I knew Ike. I didn't know David, but I knew you and Ike When you weren't, you know, I mean killing the game like you are now. I mean, you're here and um, but you guys never changed Just super nice, you know, and David's like that too. Yeah, I always imagined that David It was always like that in Arizona where we grew up Yeah, you always worry when you're about to meet somebody that you admire that it's gonna go not good Oh, I've had some of those has it. Have you? Not people that I super admire because I can't say that that list is like huge of like oh my god

This person is gonna disappoint me if there anything less than great because I don't build people up that much like I met Harrison Ford For the first time yesterday. No at the Secret Life of Pets 2 premiere, which comes out Friday, June 7 If you're already if you're listening this Secret life with that's the movie you're in Secret Life of Pets with a real comedian Kevin Hart That's what I'm saying It is the I'm laughing at you and He deserves kind of laugh Yeah, I don't think I deserve that though. Yeah

You know I mean, I don't deserve that in my face in my own house. Yeah, all right apartment Just a house in apartment true it's a condo Donnie Hathaway didn't sing about as an apartment I jumped off the Essex house which the first hotel I ever stayed at in New York City and Probably where they had you stay in New York City when they had you go to the up front last year Okay Wow, you remember when you so Eric tested tech texted me. Are you here? Again, they don't you know fly out number nine on the you know For sure you would be here there. I know I thought too because I'm like I'm a minority

I'm fifth lead. Mm-hmm. Were you number five on the call sheet? I was actually four. Oh, that's great I'm five on our call sheet. So good for you. You have me beat there in that one area First of all, they probably did the call sheets before the show right aired Yeah, but they publish it based on what you've done before so the fact that you were four means that they made you the Kind of that the fourth most famous person Right, but they didn't know exactly what they had with you. No until the thing came on Yeah, but I would still be the fifth person on the call sheet I don't kneel is number one that would for sure and I wouldn't argue against that. No, you know, but then um

Is the little what's it Sarah Highland? Before you know because the kids I mean even though she's an adult and been an adult since the show started She was considered one of the kids. So she's jesse six then it goes from there. I don't I don't really go below six I don't read too much below that. Yeah Oh Yeah, yeah those kids though they have they changed much or yes, uh, it's because of science They grow up. They grow up. Yeah, they change Okay, you know what the thing is is this you know what I was saying. Oh, you mean their personalities

People yeah, no it doesn't with those kids because again, they're around a bunch of pretty normal adult actors So none of us are like going off and raging doing coke and all that kind of stuff So they're around a group of people that are fairly grounded and fairly normal and all found Very different degrees and multiple degrees of success in their career. You're talking about Ed O'Neill who's you know Famous for a long time. Julie Bowen been on lots of shows. Sofia Vergara been famous for a long time Ty Burrell has been on a lot of pilots. So none of us are crazy over there But the thing that's really funny is when we started season one I'm with Rico and Nolan and they're building forts and playing nerf gun on set. Yeah

Now they're driving Range Rovers and Tesla Oh my god. I mean they go from building forts with blankets. That's insane. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. It's fucking crazy If you think about it, you know, I even the father that was on my show Jeff, right? Jeff talked about um Ed O'Neill and he's known Ed O'Neill since like the 70s or 80s Wait, what's Jeff's last name? I forgot real quick here. I have proof that I sent you those text messages I was telling you about let me see. So this guy. Hold on. Let me tell you the story. So this guy This Jeff Pearson Jeff Pearson this guy in Kansas City. Who's the president and CEO of a big hospital in Kansas City named Bob Page he texts me and he's like my son's out in Los Angeles and he's a musician

But I told you this he's got and I'm talking about him right now. I have I think I I think I can say all this stuff. Yeah, he's got a very rare disorder where his joints Dislocate at any given time. Is it Eller Danlos? I mean, he's not here to answer that question right now. So I'm let's just say this I hope it is that we just talked about it last okay Well, if it's real you have to have him on and he is a huge fan of the show And so he said hey, will you give my son like a little boost? So I get on the phone with him I talked to him for while asking him what he's a fan of what he does

He's like he's a guitar player and then one thing leads to another and he texts me and said dude Your appearance on the Bobby Lee's podcast is one of my favorites of the show and I said you listen to the show Why don't you write something musically for the podcast and they'll do it as a little music drop or something? Like just to give him a boost. He does it. I send it to Bobby. He goes. I'll play it tomorrow The kid fucking watches and listens to your show You don't play it and then he passed away the next day Yeah No

He passed away the next day. Did you really die? Yeah No, don't tell me he didn't No, he's alive and he's listening right now and he's freaking out. What's his name? His name is Charles Payne. Should we call him? I don't think I have his number. I have Charles Payne. Yeah, but listen, he wrote Charlie. Can I call him Charlie? He still tickles my nuts. This podcast is here to help relax the listeners enough to put a twist in my life I love it a lot. You wrote that for you. How great is that? You wrote a second one too, but I'll send it to me so I can post it We'll post it. We'll tag him all that stuff with a story about George eating my butt. Your butt hole, yeah Oh, but did that happen? No, in a dream. In a dream and it happened in Disneyland. Oh

I've never actually physically eaten your butt hole. Have I um, maybe like by accident. Yeah, maybe But I'm not I'm not like um Oh my god. Look at her. Her niece is right here going. Oh, no. That's my auntie. No, she was just like, oh Yeah, yeah, we have that in common, auntie I think I was eating her butthole when she was bent over her vagina and her butthole You know how the vagina and the buttholes like Iran not Iran like Pakistan India. Yeah, right? That's right, right? Yeah, and then there's that border where the taint is right?

And I was in India India, right? It cashed me a right right right and then I was licking across the border and I went into Pakistan And you went not that I don't want to put Pakistan the asshole, right? So let's just make India the asshole Pakistan's delicious without a visa, but I think it's a How long have you been here in the United States? She's like what she's shy. Are you shy? Oh Yeah, I think that eating ass is a generational thing. I think that your generation Never ate ass and I think that Millennials

All they can talk about like they foam at the mouth wanting to talk about eating ass Phone at the mouth. You went on the same generation, right? Are you 47? I am yeah, me too. Wow. We're the same age. That's crazy Yeah, because yeah, I'll tell you what I'll tell you what it is because I was I was watching an IBM commercial You and I vote there. You know the bank one. Yeah, did we talk about this one again? Yeah, and I saw another one IBM I did with Joe Pitca That was actually play your commercial reel over and over and make her watch it. No issues. He was making the kids watch. Oh Watch this see Bobby's famous But I do stuff like that. I'll go to West Covina Mall walk around the mall, you know to get noticed

Yeah, that's food court. I love that. Yeah, I'll lean against the wall and but people recognize you're just High school with no some people go. Hey Some people think I'm from something else like what do you ever get recognized for somebody somebody else? No You've never had a are you No, people have seen movies that they thought I was in and then I inevitably want to go like Google that movie But people put me as I look now in a movie in the 80s and I'm like, how stupid are you like you have? Do you see what I'm saying? Yeah, they think hey were you in such-and-such and then you go look at that movie And it's like yeah, yeah, I would have been 13 then right. Yeah, but no, nobody. I mean nobody ever thinks I'm

You know what? I'm my my Tyler just witnessed it a few times and I can tell what I could I guess what it is It's about that that you're sure gay. No, it's my name people get my name really confidently wrong So they'll come up to me and be like hey. Oh my god, Eric Streetstone. I love Yeah, but the best one ever the the by far the best is I was in New York City It was what right when modern family started to become popular and this guy picks me up at the hotel And he goes what time's your flight? I said it's six o'clock or whatever it was. Yeah, I gotta make that flight Do I have permission to get you to JFK sir? I said of course and he goes so we take off We're bobbing and weaving through Queens. I mean it is an amazing ride

I'm in the back of a Mercedes Benz station wagon, you know car car and we're bobbing and weaving going through traffic Honk in the horn and he pulls up screeches the tires in front of jet blue and he turns around to me goes Mr. Streetstone you have arrived at JFK Like he's did you correct him? No I was pulling on the lot one time I was shooting something that I had to go you know I was going on the same lot every day dealing with the same security girl every day and Finally she stopped making me like give her my ID She recognized me when I pulled up in the this on this day. She goes it's Eric Backstreet, right?

And I'm like Yeah, so you when you but if you're at the airport some strangers ever correct people I use them now as a badge of I got Eric sandstorm in In London wow girlfriend was like did he just call you Eric? It's really fun. I get Tommy Lee. Are you Tommy Lee? Do I look like a fucking drummer from you know me? I have you metal bit and they and then I'll go. No They go. Are you sure? I go. No, I'm not him Tommy Lee

Yeah, and then when I go Bobby, that's my name Bobby Lee and they go. Oh, yeah, well whatever Like there you know, I mean they'll they'll have they'll take it anyway I thought you were gonna say people always confuse me and they say are you Bobby limb? You know because like that's another Asian sounding. Oh, yeah that yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Do I get the Lee portion, right? Yeah, wrong. I mean anyway, is there When you get recognized there's there's there think something things that like irritate you That's like it like you have borders. I have borders. I don't like to be touched and grabbed What about if you're in the middle of a meal? I'm in the middle of a meal depending on

What I'm talking about it's more about like the conversation that's happening because I feel it's my obligation to my friends and family To be present with them when I'm with them and having like meaningful conversations because I'm not I'm not always with them So that when a person that I don't know comes up and wants to have a moment of my time I don't have a problem with giving them a moment of my time But not necessarily if my best friend says his wife was just diagnosed with say cancer. Yeah, that moment I gotta like stay focused present. Yeah, my life In their life, so I will tell people I would be happy to like talk to him in just a minute and Usually people are like super cool about that and then on in other times they turn on you very quickly. Well, fuck you

I'm never watching your show again. Oh Yeah, really, of course. Yeah, and you know because I've always been cursed a little bit with my physicality That I can't really say things to people that don't come off as though I might be starting shit with them You know what I mean? Yeah, like I can't say You know, hey, yeah, I'd love to talk to you in just a minute, you know, and I'm trying to keep a smile That's just not how it comes off. Right. I've always gotten myself in trouble in situations with my face Because when I'm annoyed people know I'm annoyed and I can't necessarily Bury that yeah, but no, I don't ever I mean it's it's the physical stuff if people grab my elbow and like say hey come over

Here meet my so-and-so or whatever. I'm like, hmm. Don't don't grab me though. Do people pick me up From behind that's so cute No, people will just like white dudes like six foot eight and They'll do the accent to Asian accent. Oh, yeah, the army story Right, and they'll That heart yeah, I'm just like a marionette and you know me and I'm like Like this I don't know you, you know, you know, I'm gonna say I don't have a problem with it

Why? It's the same thing. Yeah, no, I know. Yeah, that's the same thing, but you know karate I'm a wipeout with a stripe. Yeah, not much, but you know, I also don't like what um when um They don't know that because I come you know how I come across mean but in a funny way Yeah, sarcastic, right? So I mean I made fun of your hair the Andre Agassi, but that's because I love you You're just puffy trying you don't really have puffy Chinese that I was just doing that, you know It's to have fun, but if they don't know that about me, right then they get offended quickly like So I'm gonna take a photo. What's up? Fuck boy. Yeah, and they'll go. Would you call me? Oh

That's how I talk. Yeah, I'm sorry That makes me sad for you because anybody that knows you knows that that's just who that's who you are Yeah, yeah, yeah, and they should be excited that you're giving them an authentic moment right of with you Yeah, that's what I would say about that and that's that's sort of how I am as far as I I really pride myself And you can ask Tyler because he's with me a lot of the times where it's like I give people exactly what they give me if They're super cool with me and super fun Then that's exactly what I am Yeah, if you're rude with me like and like boy

You're you're not as fat as you are on TV like people have said stuff like that. Oh, you're way more handsome in person She's like, how do you respond? Or people that like to come up to you and tell you that they don't watch your TV show Like people really enjoy doing that. Yeah, come up and be like my wife watches your show. I don't I'm like, okay. Oh You do for a living with me. Hey, she mentioned it on this podcast too. We're like, oh, yeah Because a guy can't admit to liking her comedy. So they they're always like, yeah, I don't know who you are But my girlfriend likes you so can I get a picture? Yeah

It's so rude. Yeah, when that happens with somebody says like, you know, I you know, my friend just took a photo I don't know who you are, but I might as well get one too. I always say no. Yeah. I mean, no Oh, you do you do say no. Yeah, I do say no. I like the word. It's like no because you what what what what why? I just want you're not a fan. Yeah, right and then you're gonna google me later And then they're gonna put like, um, here's the guy, you know, the fat guy from goonies. I don't know how they do it You know what I mean? Yeah, I had a guy one time. Uh, I forget who I was with but I also Have to yield to whoever I'm with because I don't ever mind really taking pictures

But if you're with somebody that doesn't want to then you're like Sorry, I mean Yeah, yeah, you're like whatever but I was with somebody and they they were like Can I take a picture and the guy was like, uh, no, can we can we catch one afterwards? He's like, well the picture already would have been done by now if you would have just said yes. Oh Well, this guy's really prepared. Oh my god But my 99.999 of my interactions are all good and cool and fun and stuff. I enjoy it because you have a great foundation Yeah, but I also like I I do believe what you said, which is that I haven't changed and I didn't like people grabbing my elbow

Before I was on tv and I don't like it now. It's no different. It doesn't have anything to do with I think that I'm Better than someone or a fan or something. It's just like don't touch me like I don't want to touch you. You don't touch me Yeah, I don't like people touching this area of me at all. Yeah, the face is that I know the face is a big no No, but a lot of people do that just randomly like nookie. Oh my god. Yeah, no, I have people like dudes grab my asshole from behind just like with their with their with their middles, right with their middle, right? They they don't fucking don't know they don't finger phone of you, but on just on the pants Let's say this is my butthole and and they'll just put this in my butthole like this through the jeans and in india and go, what's that? My shit's being squished like that

You know and my butthole, but are you conflicted at that time? Are you like wow? Yeah, I'm like what are you doing? I'll say it You know now. Are you doing comedy tonight? Why is it that? When I say funny things you don't ever laugh Because it was something negative to you. I didn't want to laugh at anything negative people did to you Why do you have it on your show if you have this much problem with her? That is something I love that is something to get outraged for Okay, why doesn't he have a mic?

He's a producer. Okay, but then stop talking to him You know, you know, I know I will not I will not it is your show. It is my show. It's our show. It's your it's our show. She created it. It's our show Yeah, um, but you know, I've always had that kind of relationship with this guy Okay, see him and I our foundation was our house was built on sand Which is maker studios. Oh, okay. Okay, and that's how I met him maker studios and then he Came on board and we're doing business this to get that's my bottle together, right? But um He just knocked every little

But you know, just watch it. I love you. Thanks for being here. Wait. Are you doing a show tonight? No, I'm now norm on days ever Are you still doing your live shows? No Why what happened? Nothing happened. I just It becomes like I don't want to travel to do that. I don't want to get on a plane It's like to go do that stuff. You know what he was doing, right? Yes. We talked about it. Oh, we did it last time Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that was a great thing. It's fun. I enjoy doing it and I wish Now that modern family is almost over like I wish I would have taken your advice

You gave me like a few years ago and started like working up material and trying to do you could always do that but because look at look at um You know, like we had Brendan Shaw here. He was a fighter at the UFC fighter and they became a comic See funny. He's a headliner now. He had he just had a showtime special. Yeah. Oh my god. I'll watch him Right, but he's a fighter, right? Dolph Ziggler. Do you know who Dolph Ziggler? Yes. See funny I have we don't know. We don't know personally. Okay. Wow. It seems really dark. We don't know personally But the thing is is that you could that sounded bad. Yeah, we should probably give him a more ringing Honestly, I don't know. I don't know who Dolph Ziggler is and I only said yes because she said

Who the fuck is Dolph Ziggler? He's a WWE wrestler superstar that does stand up comedy and apparently he's like he was a comedian Dolph Dolph Ziggler. Yeah, blonde hair. Yeah, you know Roddy Roddy Piper also did stand up at the comedy That's right. And then he left his um set Remember. Oh, yeah on on stage on stage. Did he keep it? You kept it. Yeah, and he was like what that's theft He left it on stage You know, and I love guys like Roddy Roddy Piper because no matter Where he's at like he treated me like I was a doorman Because he wasn't a fan of yours. Yeah, so he thought I was a doorman there

Before he died he would go to the comedy store. I'd be on right before him or two before him Right. He goes, hey Billy get me my car. I don't work here in that way Roddy I'm a comedian like I'm that's all I do here. Get me a coke What and I would do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah But last night something happened. I have to share the story real quick So in the in the 80s um Andre Agassi in the 80s um It's cute as fuck um in the 80s there was a comic

named finis finis Henderson And you know, if you talk to rosanne bar Or any of these kind of kind of acts you ask them Who was like the person that you could have swore was going to be the biggest star and they all said finis Henderson But I had never met him before until last night and I saw him in the hallway With his kids. He had two kids that were in their 20s. Yeah, and I go, are you what's your name finis anderson? And I go, you're a legend. Thank you. And when I said that to him It seemed like he was like taken aback because he hasn't been at that club for 20 30 years

I've never met him before right because he's still doing comedy though. Yeah, he does cruise ships Right and corporate stuff. But like, you know, it's just to me. It's such a shame when you see You know, when you see, you know, older guy comics that They had every something happened where they had opportunities. It didn't it didn't happen for them the way, you know, it happened for others Right, so then you say take this other course and I'm sure he had two beautiful kids And I'm sure he had a happy life But why is it? Why do I feel sad for them? Because you know, you know the struggle and you know what's at the end of the

What everyone's chasing. Yeah down deep. I mean, yes, they're people want to Happy life and that involves meeting someone great and having kids that there's definitely that portion of life But when you get into this business, that's not what you're thinking. It's like, oh, I hope I become a dad and Father someday. They're like, I want to be at my own sitcom. I want to be famous Yeah, so you know that no matter how great that whole other life of his is which is probably great and very fulfilled There's a part of him that you know, or those people then That didn't achieve that one little bit of success that Yeah, but it's it's more than that. I think I think because you know, if you look at something like Brett Butler

Or caroline reya, that's her name. Caroline reya. Yeah, caroline reya They've had shots, right? You know, you've seen bill boards back in the day with you know, there are some though That's never had a shot and they're good. Great. There are people that are great great. Yeah, that just never for some reason or another the way they present themselves Or they don't have the right kind of skills in terms of like because you're very just kind of a likable guy when you're even just because when you when I booked that What why'd you close your eyes? I was listening. I was taking it in now, but that was not blinking. That was I know

I didn't say it was this is what you did No, did he fall asleep? No I went like this. I went go on. Oh, that was oh, is that uh, go on. I was taking thank you Yeah, but you know what? It seemed also they were mocking me in a bit in a way. Uh, if I was mocking you, I wouldn't be Never mind I have to be so careful Because you have your sucking cameras. No, not on this Not on this podcast. If I was mocking you, I wouldn't have made my eyes go this direction

That's better. That's better. That's way better. I like right because he just does it naturally Get off of tyler. All right. That's a tyler. I didn't deserve this. He's from Iowa. I saw a tyler, Iowa He's nice big 10. Um, hey, um What was I gonna ask you? I want our vacation in the philippines. Oh, yeah, you went to the philippines those pictures. I even took to did I message you? You're like, where are you guys? Yeah, where are you guys? I was sliding into your girls dms I don't care because we love you. I love you so fucking much He actually honestly, I would love you so much, but you'd be one of those ones

One of the ones where if I walked into You know me in my bedroom from the road, right and you're eating her butthole Right, you're eating her butthole. Can you show me on the can? Yeah, I know. Yeah, I would be like He's really good at it. Yeah All right, dude, let's stop But stop and then we'd walk you on to the hallway. I got dude. I'm gonna let that pass, right? But just don't do it again. Yeah, no problem. No problem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have any, uh, do you have any, uh, Kleenex? All right. Wet wipes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. On your face. Yeah. Yeah, uh

Wait, have you ever been has anybody ever walked in on it? You ever in having sex? No We have a ton of animals. We have six. Yeah, so it gets a little weird. Yeah. I mean, um I'm not a I'm not a I don't showcase publicly. I'm not an exhibitionist. Yeah. No. No. No. No. I'm not saying on purpose I'm just saying when you were a kid or exploring your own dad. Oh my dad. Oh my dad. My dad. Um, because my Parents bathtub. I think I've said this before my parents bathtub in their bedroom had such a strong You know, what's the um faucet? Yeah, such a strong water pressure water pressure. I used to as a kid put my penis Oh, like go on my hands and knees like this, right? Yeah I go to my hands and knees like this, right? And then I would stick my penis in me on the faucet

I would turn it on and and and the way the water hit my penis. It would make me erect Right. Yeah And so and I would I would choke off a little bit like this. How close did you have to get real close all bad, huh? To what the faucet? Yeah, you know, that's it felt good because of the distance between the faucet and my penis Just that it was a perfect, you know, I think it was too close. It would the pressure would have been hurtful Yeah, right. He's talking about close to the wall. Yeah, because did the water just go between your penis and the wall? It's a small dick joke, but I know I was just trying to defend myself. No, thank you. I was just trying to defend

He really and then this is what I so one day I was doing it and this is what I hear Right and then I stopped jerking. Yeah, and I turned my head like this. Yeah, and my dad's going Laughing laughing at me and he just walked out of the bathtub and we've never talked about it It's not one of those things your dad's still with us. Yeah, he's still with us mom too. Yeah, okay And um, I've never brought it up again. Well, yeah, I don't yeah. Yeah, because he's only laughed like that twice That time can I just say you were holding up three fingers right then? When you said twice you said he's only done that he's only left like that twice. Yeah, I have carpal tunnel Okay, so no, I'm sorry. It's twice. That's still three. It doesn't fucking matter. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I'm trying

Right and the second time he did that is when I was in rehab And I told him in front of the whole rehab that I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome and he laughed like that too In front of everybody your whole family or my whole family laughed So this was a two and so people asked me how come you're so glum and moody That's why That's the origin. That's it. Hey. Yeah, um, did you send those to yourself? Uh, no, I just reminded bobby to send it to me. Okay. What is it the music? Oh, I was just I was telling you to text him to yourself so you had oh gotcha gotcha gotcha

So if in case you wanted to say, you know go out with it gotcha Anyway, um But if you ever eric if you ever think about doing a podcast Yeah, and uh, you ever want to need any kind of help, you know, we're here I would love to I mean, I've thought about it a lot honestly, but I don't know what I would talk about And I don't know what I would do Oliver Hudson and Kate Hudson have one now With they're doing a siblings one so my brother and I steve and I did one with Kate and Oliver

Oh, but that's great. It was really funny. I'll listen to it. Um, but so there that's what there are so so they're interviewing Others, you know celebrity if I tell you what my idea is Is it documented that then I have it and nobody can do it? Yeah, okay So I've always wanted to do a podcast where I wire my car up or I just buy a car and wire it up as my podcast studio And then we have a guest on we get in my car and decide where we're going for lunch And then we talk about what we're you know, the place we're going to what we're gonna have what we're gonna eat Then we take a break And then go in and eat it and then on the way home

We just talk about what we had and that's an interactions that happened, but it all takes place in the car Mmm Can it work? Not only could it work not only could it work? I think that people would love it and also secondly um You know you injured. I mean, I know You know, I go I go I still go to El Cholo because of you because of me Yeah, because you told me about their chicken chimichangos. Oh my god. Do you remember where you told me? I know But remember like my favorite mexican is over by you now where you're gonna be Tony's mexican grill magnolian cold water

What's Tony's you and I went there for lunch? No Tony's Tony's mexican grill Oh, I'll get your exact coordinates and I'll hook you up with good restaurants where you're gonna be Yeah, I know a thing or two because you know Dax does it right Dax shepard does a podcast podcast is great It's great. I heard it's Michael Ross Rosenbaum has one. There's no room for more podcasts always Oh my god, I think that it is um and the beauty about podcasting is that anyone can do it from anywhere But the good ones will always sort of rise at the top. Yeah, it's like it's like any like I You know when I go on the road now

90% of my audience is tiger belly fans So how many listeners do you guys have right now? How many people are potentially a good amount? And I think the difference There are different kind of fan base because they really latch on to the human part of you They don't want to see a big performance. They don't want to see broadcasting chops. They're going to be disappointed by this then They want to see Mistakes they like when people like you know fumble on their words. Yeah. Yeah, like how I'm being I'm trying See, that's the other thing with a podcast. It's like you have it

You have the dna and the past and track record. You can say whatever you want It's I edit myself so much in real life I can only say what I want to say around a few select people I understand what you're saying everything is so dangerous now, right? And um, I still have to deal with we still edit the fuck out of this thing Um, I'm not the fuck out of it, but I I have to even Did I say crazy shit? Well, because you have a conscience thing of people people don't know about you It's that you're you know, or maybe they do. I don't know dude. Is this fan? We have any conscience that you're a sweet guy

He is sweet. You're sweet, but he is uh, he's very reckless with some things that he says and he never means it He just talks out of his act because I didn't no one gave me the memo that retard was bad. Yeah, you shouldn't say that Yeah, okay This will be uh, this will be clipped Don't say it again. I won't but But but I've said it He's gonna flip the table Why is all flip? All right. All right. All right. All right. No, don't say that or um that or midget

Really, you can't say that. Yeah, you can see that one. You get that little person. Little person. Yeah, you have to say a little person Yeah, I met a little person comedian the other night at the laugh factory. I went to sad You know, you already know I met him No, but it's the only it's like saying No, this guy's gonna feel really bad because it wasn't Brad. It was some other. It was Nate Bregazzi's friend a little guy You know who Nate Bregazzi? Yeah. Yeah, I know Nate, but um, it's not Brad Williams. No, Brad Williams is like super famous, right? Like he's yeah, he's doing good. Yeah, this guy was not He's a midget

No, he was a little person But can I say something what I was watching Godzilla the Matthew Broderick Godzilla one I mean, is there anything more stereotype than that? It's one of my favorites. Okay, the Matthew Broderick Godzilla. Yeah, all the babies and um, what's his name? What was the cameraman's name? He played um, I love him. He's a good actor. Um, anyway He's chasing after Godzilla because he's a he's a film like he newscaster cameraman, right? I want to know who it is now his name is um He's

Very good. They gave him a sitcom a couple years ago. It didn't work But I like look it up. John Reno. No, it wasn't Hank Azaria. Yeah, Hank Azaria Hank you don't like him. Yeah, I love Hank Azaria, but he's he's more than had a sitcom a couple years ago that didn't work I mean, he's pretty pretty. He's great. He's he's he's huge. He's a big guy And he was on a sitcom a couple years ago Okay, okay. All right. That's facts. I'm not you know, I just said I was I like him a lot. Yeah Yeah, so he's running with the camera and his girlfriend goes where you going? You're retard Right, and I remember as a you know young man watching that movie not having a problem with it

1998 Yeah, but they changed the rules of what I'm saying is it's a it's a no No, it's not you who has a problem with of course you wouldn't but if you have a family member who has disabilities and things like that It would it would hit you differently. Yeah, it would hit you the wrong way And I've learned that by my beautiful girlfriend who works with and my sister who works with special needs kids And learning that and you know as someone who I remember I told was telling Tyler earlier That I remember a bit he used to do and if we talked about this in his last one just cut this out But that a bit he used to do where people thought you were a special needs person on the side of the road selling corn

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You still I still have a version of that joke. God. You got to let it go, bro Yeah, no, let that joke go. No, no, no, no, no. No is it do it though I'm gonna do it on my special juice. Just just just say corn the way you say corn because that's what he cracks up Oh, what? Yeah, have you seen corn that bitch? I go, corn! That's how I did Dude, it's killing Tyler right now You're a corn fan Those eyes are expanding

Yeah, but we know what if one day like, you know, um There's Chinaman like people say Chinaman right and that's wrong. Is it I don't know. Yeah, I don't say anything when it comes to stuff Because I don't know what's correct because it's not what The problem is is we've we've we've switched to not wondering like what's in the heart of a person There we go. We've just switched to words and like nobody wants to I mean not nobody But most people don't want to offend other people But it comes from not it just comes from not knowing which is ignorance like and ignorance is not a bad word when you when you It's in the right context. It's just that you don't know

It doesn't mean you're a racist person. It doesn't mean you're a bigoted person if you are clearly just making a mistake in semantics or words like yeah It's like when Andrew Santino was in Japan And he did that little thing with video and he'd go to every Japanese person and go Bobby Bobby Bobby, right? Now if I didn't know the guy, right? I'd be like fuck that guy, right? But you know, I know what his heart is and I make fun of his red hair And his heritage. Isn't that what true equality is when everybody can be made fun of? Yes Like no matter if you are in a wheelchair or if you're like nobody has a problem making fun of fat people still though

Well, I'll be real. Let's be real honest about that fat people are still a pretty simple easy target Yeah, you can't believe you know what one thing you would be surprised by Yeah, you're fat too motherfucker. Um, yeah, I know I am. I don't care. I know I know and I love that about you I don't have that. I care. I know I don't think you do Yes, I do But do you know do you want to know something that I think you'll be really surprised by? I don't think I don't know if you've seen it or not But how quickly because people just assume. Oh, you're on tv people recognize you and know who you are all the time

That's not true I can walk around and nobody at least to my knowledge knows what what I do or who I am or whatever Who I think I am or being on tv or whatnot. Yeah, you know what I mean But how quickly I can be in a von's parking lot and be like, hey, you're you're parked a little close to my car here Like what a normal person would do and how quickly that becomes. Well, yeah, why don't you lose some weight? You'd be able to get into it. Oh Oh in a Second drop of a dime. Yeah, have you ever been with me when? Oh, yeah. Yeah

Yeah, he you've you've been with him Yeah Very funny. No, we were we were a guy backed into my car a guy completely backed into my car He was in getting himself ice cream. It wasn't me. Yeah, he wasn't getting me ice cream. That's that's right. Eight. No, no Some place birthday cake remix I backed into my car and I just get out of my car and I walk up next to the car And I'm just like looking at him like Like this. Yeah, and he rolls down his window goes. What's your fucking problem? And I go, is that how you roll through life? You just back into other people's car and and don't

Do anything about it. So fuck you fat motherfucker. Just like goes off on me It's the reason why now I have cameras on the front and back of my car to document interactions Because that guy could have easily had just like apologized say. Oh, they said, oh shit, man I didn't mean because it's not like you want to like going to in those kind of circumstances I want to get recognized right then and there though. No, I don't I don't want any part of it because I go red like You know my situation, you know, I can go real serious real quick. Yeah And so I've I have to I've gone way I backed away away from it. Wow I can't get into those situations

So people just odd of just their immediate response is to make fun of someone's weight, of course but I'm no different than anyone else like in that in that aspect. I'm glad I'm able to like say like, yeah, I know it happens because It happens to me. So imagine just the I've seen it happen before with people Wow. But anyway, my point is there is like we we're putting making this whole list of what we can and can't say Let's let's start adding fat people to the list. We will. Yeah, but I think the big problem too is that we judge ourselves by our intentions But we judge others by mere words and actions like we always say, oh, I'm not a bigot

I'm not this because we know our personal intentions, right? But what we judge others by we never stop to think about what their intention is. We only just hear words Yeah, and we hear actions and that's it. We like react based on that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Wow, you know, I've learned so much. I'm being real And I'm gonna say something that's You know, not that groundbreaking. It's probably not that But I'm being vulnerable. I love that about you Bobby. Okay, so I want to be vulnerable and um, I want to say that because You know in my head, I think

Eric stone street and every second, right is just like just being going to a party after party I know but I'm just saying in your own mind when you're driving down the road and you see a modern family, you know billabar You got that guy's fucking killing him. I'm gradually like great. You know, I just mumbled to myself I remember that one time, you know, I mean your head, right? But deep down, right? You're like you just think that he's you're living this, you know life, but you you do have human moments Well, that's that's the craziest thing. I was just um, I forget I was home in Kansas City And somebody asked me something What was it that started the conversation but the point is um

And I told my mom this I said, did you hear how she asked that question? Like she oh, she said well, oh, she said how so-and-so doing how so-and-so doing and I don't have to ask about you I know you're doing great and we got in the car and we drove away Okay, and I said to my mom I said see that's a that's a interesting insight you just saw right there because Because of what her perception of me, which admittingly is is awesome. Thankful grateful For financial gain fame tv whatever all that but that nobody considers the personal side that life's complexity still happen You still deal with scary Things vulnerable things parents health things all that stuff still seeps in but because

I'm on tv and make money. It's like well. I know you're doing great. Yeah, yeah When it's like it's crazy and here's the thing though. It's like um The people say that Also, like you didn't do the work though, you know, like I I'm being real. Um Even when we were on mad back in the day, we wish to bring you on You know the audition because you brought heat. I mean I had every commercial that I had probably lost Was given to you back in that day, you know, I mean we were for years, you know doing it So when you when that happened for you, it wasn't like one of those things were like fuck that guy

Yeah, you're like, oh, yeah, that's a given That's you know, it's like there's a lot of guys out there like that that if I if they become a gigantic sitcom star, it would be like a no-brainer, right? But still it's like, you know, you worked your ass off to get there and um, and also I'm learning that We all go through this thing called life. We all have it But the the truth is is like I and I've told my you know people this before it's like I'm not getting a ton of incoming phone calls saying how you doing today. Like how are you? Yeah, you know what? I mean and the reason is because

And I kind of think nobody Not that they don't care But because I've got this visible thing that's clearly going well Yeah, I don't maybe have a tremendous amount of complaining to do or get to do. Wow. Don't you agree? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I get what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah It's like um And then so it all starts to make sense when you because I don't consider myself Like a robin williams or chris farley or guys like that or you know, like

People that have real can go real dark real quick. I'm not that personality um But you know, you've had your struggles and a lot of your friends have had their struggles and you can see how it can get real serious real quick when Nobody's Assuming you can be having a bad day because you're so funny on stage, you know, that's actually I have this you blow me away today I have this really deep fear of getting wealthy wealthy And it's because I do have a propensity for that type of darkness that I feel that if I were to ever have everything

I want financially and I still have that same darkness that I wouldn't have I wouldn't be able to explain the pains that I'm going through like right now You know bills and things and all of those things I could be like, okay I'm I'm feeling depressed or kind of blue and I have things to blame it on what I fear that if I were to have all of that financially And all I would have to blame it on is my actual darkness or demons You're you're so in the wheelhouse of real thing real life. That would that's terrifying I had a day I had a day similar to that yesterday this premiere for secret life of pets was yesterday

Not that I'm gonna get into this but I just have a lot of stressful things going on in my life And yesterday was a super happy awesome day and for that moment of sustained like excitement Like I'm at a movie premiere that of a movie that I'm in with Kevin Hart and Harrison Ford and this is awesome. Awesome. Awesome. But when that ends, where do you go back to you go back? Right back to that place that is Very normal everyday person, which is these concerns and stresses that you have in your life, right? Yeah So I think about that Uh all the time where

You know People's perception of how you're doing is you can be very much alone in that world where people aren't checking in with you a tremendous amount Somebody I was gonna. I wasn't gonna say this to you but somebody gave me a rock of cocaine In Edmonton this week. Are you serious? Yeah Knowing that you're sober. No, they didn't know that about me. They're like, hey man, welcome to Canada And I opened up my hand. I'm not a friend. No. No, and I was like, oh fuck, you know, what is it? You know, but he thinks, you know, like I just assumed that he thinks that I'm just Partying or something. Well, but he also he also just thinks you guys became instant friends, right?

But after the shows I ended up being in my hotel room and I was picking the dead skin off the bottom of my feet Yeah, it just drips of it, right? Uh-huh because I have a itchy left foot Yeah, and then I I I took one piece of skin so deep That I couldn't you know, it hurt when I walked. Yeah, so I was like in my underwear walking around But that's what I'm doing. I'm not doing cocaine with a bunch of process. What did you do with the cocaine? She just I gave it to another guy Like an open miker There's a lot of you just throw it away, bro

Because it's cocaine. It's fresh It's a prayer. It's pure you just throw away cocaine I could If somebody gave you cocaine like say like a baseball Cocaine rock throw it away. You wouldn't go. Hey, johnny come over. I would either I would want to two things. I would either throw it away or lace it with really bad poison and then give it to Just kill someone. No. No, of course. I would throw it away. You don't do drugs. Never did drugs I know you didn't either. Well, I've smoked pot and I did mushrooms once and it was the worst night of my life

I know I love mushrooms. Wait. What was it like? It was so awful I I love Calvary just like it has like amazing mushroom stories and no one ever tells me the bad stuff except one time I saw my sister Run naked through like a cornfield while on shrooms and then she thought her hands were bleeding But that it was like, okay, maybe that's just a bad trip Mine is so sad and terrible and awful that it's like anybody listening that thinks like I'm gonna do shrooms Okay, which is what happened version of who are you with? I was with my best friend paul And we were watching a bug's life

At my house Okay, of course. Oh my god. We're like, let's finally do these shrooms. Yeah. Yeah So we do the shrooms and we're sitting there and it's like are you feeling anything? He's like, uh, no Are you feeling anything? Yeah. No, and then eventually it was like Oh My stomach really hurts. He's like mine does too And it was back when um phones look like no kia like the little the ones you could play snake on

Oh, yeah. Oh, that was a great game. So we each had those kinds of phones. Yeah, and I go I mean, I gotta go lay down in my bed Yeah, I gotta lay down on this couch too So I go and I lay face down in my bed. This isn't my old house in valley village And I laid face down on the bed and I go Are you okay? And across the house and he goes, yeah I said, okay, um

I'm gonna get on my phone and on the timer And I want you to just estimate when 30 seconds go by And I'll start and he goes Okay And I go go And then all of a sudden I hear Stop I stopped it was three minutes. Oh, wow three minutes had passed. Wow So then he goes, okay now you go

Oh And so he starts his phone. Yeah, and I go go Stop Three seconds Like I was so over trying to get 30 seconds. Yeah, it was I and then we both threw up Wow And we lay we slept it off for like an hour and a half and then no it's so sad Yeah, it's so boring such an awful story. Some people get spiritual awakening

Oh, it was it was and you did that. It was terrible. Yeah awful And then I didn't do pot until I was like 26 and I moved out here And I was doing a play where I had to be stoned in it and I thought okay Well, I've lived enough of a life that I'm not gonna like get hooked on pot I'm gonna try it. So at least when I'm doing this play, I know what it feels like so I can portray being stoned accurately Yeah, and then I you know, I tried to get started on smoking weed, but it just never stuck Yeah, it's I video games are the same way. Don't never got into video games. The only thing that I you know have a clear issue with is You know, I like uh, I like taco taco

Yeah, but you know what I don't I don't honest. I'm gonna be honest with you May I be honest with you? You're For how many years have we known each other honest with each other? Yeah I don't if if I was to describe you to somebody. I don't think that That would be in there. Yeah, see and you know, let me tell you something about fat people fat people listening right now Or have you said people listening? When I look back at pictures of myself in your books, okay, eighth grade ninth grade

seventh grade When I was in the eighth grade, I was six foot 165 pounds Whoa, but I was the fat kid When I look back at pictures of myself as a freshman. I was six foot one 220 pounds But I was the fat kid When I look back at pictures of myself in the fourth grade. I was the chubby fat kid

But my point is is I grew out of that, but I was still the biggest kid in my class So I've never not thought of myself as the fat kid But you're not the first person to say like when I see you that's not what I think Do you know what I mean? But my I've never had any other opinion of myself. So People listening, you know, it's like they say when you have a pimple on your face You see it other people don't really notice it, but you you really get in like you have that thing on your nose right now That's a huge huge pimple. What is that? Is it a growth? You should have that looked up. What is that?

He gets a lot of nose Have you always had that? It's just a forever pimple. It's actually a scar now. I have a scar pimple face. Oh my god. No, but anyway, like I've never I've never Good lord. I can't look at anything else. Don't then. All right. I'm trying to look in your eye But I I look back at those pictures and I get sad for myself because I think like well I wasn't fat in seventh eighth ninth grade and then But the you know, but don't you think that the reason why

you're where you're at is because of those issues that you had growing up because you use People use humor as a defense mechanism, right? And you want to Become an actor to become somebody else or you like pretending to be I mean, I feel like some of my um self-esteem issues and problems I had as a young person Bleeds into my career has something to do with it. Like yeah some sort of cat like a launching pad or a catalyst. Yeah I want have you did you watch the chris farley documentary that was just on it's phenomenal You need to watch it. But what it reminded me if I was in Chicago and chris died

And I only saw him in person once but I know his brother kevin. I know his brother john And I know a lot. I know all those guys too. I love that knew them that knew chris. I know a lot of people that knew chris so I felt like I After his passing kind of got to know him a little bit But that documentary was great and one of the things that I was telling tyler that it really Solidified in my brain is that chris farley kind of taught me What I wanted my career to look like or help me define it Because I never

Wanted to be that version of an actor of where I'm taking my shirt off and dancing around Didn't mean I didn't love him for being able to do it Yeah and do that stuff But it meant like wow, I don't possess that and I don't want to pretend I possess that ability to do that right and what it taught me was like I have insecurities deep insecurities, but you know what my insecurities aren't as Deep as that to look into drugs and to look into alcohol and look into this like this notion of getting up on stage and

Go and berserk. Yeah, you know, I mean, I think that you would do it in as a role You could play that guy But the saddest line we were in that documentary is when he calls a friend of his and on saturday night When he's on saturday night live and he's talking to her in that second city and he says well They wrote a sketch again this week making fun of the fat guy And there's just something it just it broke my heart. Like yeah, yeah, I really broke my heart because he was willing to do it for not Necessarily the best healthy reasons. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, why you know, I you know a girl might

Do every dude in high school. She's looking for something. Why? Yeah. Yeah And I you know, I did one line in david spades hawaii movie One line. What's the movie? It's adam sandler produced. I don't know but um new Yeah, it hasn't come out yet. It's from netflix. Okay, but I was in hawaii and I was eating dinner with david and we talked about um far chris farley and He told me that when he when farley died, you know where he was And the way he was describing Number one, you could tell that chris farley that you and I like everyone in this room. We'd be his friend

Yeah, he was one of the nicest guys and number two um How heartbreaking that moment was for david, you know, I mean, I'm sure he didn't that's not I'm not saying anything that you know He totally told me. Yeah, he's there. He's still paid I mean, he's on the record that he still can't talk about it a tremendous amount because it's so pain You could tell that it was emotionally like still raw for him And uh, and he even hangs out with chris. I mean his brothers Was it kevin and john kevin and john? Yeah, um, and it's still hard for him because it reminds him of chris, but um

Yeah, it's what a sad, but what a talented guy man unbelievable legend um pat finn is in the documentary And he's a friend of mine and he he said one of the things that stuck with me Is that chris surrounded himself with such amazing funny people? And the worst thing about his funeral was all those amazing funny people crying God, why did you do it? Yeah, yeah, it's a yeah, but it's also like, you know We we have friends that you know that are in that that have been in that struggle before so it's like People chris was important to a lot of people, you know, and they said, why are we going to this guy's wedding? Why are we going to his funeral? Yeah, he couldn't get out of it. John Goodman. You gotta watch it, dude

It's no, I'm gonna watch it. What is it on? What is it on? A biography channel, I think a any any yeah, and it's a I'm gonna I'm gonna watch it tonight. Yes 100% Have you watched free solo? Yes. I met him. I met him. I met the dude that climbed El Capitan Met him at the upfronts this year Why the upfronts? Because it's our last season of modern family and they brought us in. Yeah, but what he's he doing there? Oh, he's doing something for netgeo. Oh, he is Now is he nice because we've talked about it extensively. We've talked about it a lot

Yeah, didn't have any recognition of any of us and what we do for a living like Sophia's there. We're all there has no recognition I don't have no problem with that. Yeah. Yeah, and then he um I said wow, dude, your fingers are like Unbelievable and he very matter-of-factly you look at me and said well Yeah, I work out a lot I was like, well, yeah, I know I know. I mean, yeah, I know that I saw the movie and saw what you do So, you know, I know I'm not really that ending when he was actually doing it. I mean, did you sweat like I did? Oh, I was on a plane

I watched it on a plane. Oh my god Watch that in the sky. Why I was higher than him Wow, so you're on a plane watching it. I could I do I was like this at some points. Yeah, yeah Over in my face. I could I how many times have I seen the ending a thousand times. I know every gap You know, I mean Oh, this is what he climbs down. I told him this is what I said to him. Yeah, I said, I feel like I'm meeting The real life breathing version of the Mona Lisa like you're one of one, bro You are one of one. Yeah, that is fucking because you can

You if someone says name me some funny people I could probably rattle off Hold on. I want to know if somebody randomly said name me some funny people. Would I even make your top 10 100%? You swear to god. Yeah, because I you'd have to also throw out people that people would know Oh, so that's why I would make it. No, but you know what? No, no, let me say something. Okay. Here's the thing dude. What is that? I've seen you do sketch. I've seen you do live sketch Okay, I've seen you do commercial work tv show What when we almost famous you were in that movie remember? Yeah

He's about to come Yeah, oh god, it's about that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So um, you I've seen you do all kinds of fucking things, you know I mean, so yeah, you would be in the top 15 because because you know how you have your insecurities and you've always wanted me to think you're like a good at You're a good actor You have always said Like just do you think I'm a good actor? Do you've always said that and I always tell you I think you're a good actor Like one can control. Do you remember? Yeah, I do. But we but but do you know what I've always?

Like because of modern family being like on abc and being like a conventional sitcom The idea that a comedian like comedians know know that I'm funny in addition to the words that I say on screen That's a desire of mine now that we're in the twilight of the show is because I feel like So the fact that you would if you were in a group of room with your comedians and they said well Who's funny and you said me that would make me feel that's like would make me feel really good I do dude. I'm going to tell you something right now every time that I've seen you at the comedy store Like when you come and visit me a couple times. Yeah Every time people like every time comics will go how the fuck do you know him?

Or how did you meet? You know, I mean, it's always like those kind of questions And I'm you already know bro. I'm going to say this Here's the thing because we're going to do the question. But here's the thing is is that As of late doing this podcast. I've struggled at the 10 minute mark Okay, we're at 10 minutes in I'm like Right This is gone so smoothly

It's been like two hours. It's so easy Right that I could do this for the next three or four hours. I'm not because we have a guest at nine coming We have Steve Byrne coming He's a comic. Yeah. No, you don't you don't need to know Um, but he's a nice guy and I can't wait Um, but this is gone so smoothly. What time is it? 20 till seven. Okay that um, you number one I'm convinced that if you did do one that it would be an immediate because you know, you know, you're gonna do what?

All right, and a Ferris does it everyone's doing on hers. I've done her still. Yeah, it's great. It's fun. It's fun Super fun. I love the long form. I love telling stories. Hey, did we tell the story last time and then I'll go I mean, I know no, we're doing the quote We do have a we have a we have time. We have a lot of time. We have a lot of time We have a lot of time. Okay, because I feel like we were ready to go Did we tell the story last time of when because I just told the story and it's one of my favorite stories Of when I went to see you at the san diego improv and david tell was performing No, I don't think we and and okay, so we were backstage and I'm not a comedian. I'm not on tv

I'm doing commercials and I went down to see you perform down in san diego And I don't know who david tell is at that time, you know, it's when I was doing the shows with a tell and mensia Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, and so we're out in the back and everybody's smoking their cigarettes and david tell gets ready to go up and go on and I just being an improv guy and Whatever I say, hey man, have a good show and he looks at me and he goes. Thanks old timer And it made me feel one inch tall in that moment. It was so fucking great. I was like That was awesome. Yeah, like I didn't mean it like that. Yeah. Yeah, you made it like that Yeah, such a great frickin hilarious spin. Yeah, are you still friends with him? I love him

Okay, david tell I never know you have falling out with me. No, I don't I don't in fact. I can tell you right now Um, I have no enemies No, I have I have one about yoshi and yeah, I have one and I can say just one tyler's probably on no tyler loves me I can tell you know why he sigh. I fuck me That's dope dude side. I fuck So he looks at me the side priff right and we're like he's coming But none is sexual way. I know that you're straight, right? Are you straight? Wait, what? Let's not high five that I'm not high-fiving. I just did one of these fucking freddy murky ideas

You know what I also just about freddy murky I was in Edmonton and there was a The skinny kid with a mustache you kind of look like freddy murky. So I go hey ladies and gentlemen. It's sick freddy murky Right. Yeah, and he got super sad He's like, I don't know. He goes I don't have aids And I'm like, yeah, it's just a joke. It's a comic book. Just let it go Oh, no, don't get fucking angry right now. What if he was really feeling himself? Yeah, I walked out the door and he was like If I'm in a fucking comic club and I fucking say shit like that, right? It's a part of anyway, we do unhelpful advice

I'm not gonna fuck it. What if he's anemic? Fuck it. Fuck it. What we do this thing where we we have an email question. You we answer it Oh, did somebody send the question in? Oh, that's what we're doing. So go ahead unhelpful advice with barbie kalyla and eric stonestree second city right there, chicago trained in You can go you can go low and I can go More more Yeah, okay

Hey gang, I found myself in a little moral moral predicament and wanted to get a little unhelpful advice I'm currently dating a wonderful woman whom I'm like very much Recently she went on a vacation and while she was gone something happened. I'm not sure if I need to tell her or not I ran to a woman I had hooked up with years prior and we just had a friendly chat and that seemed to be that The next day she messaged me and started the Down the road to reminiscing about our escapades I abruptly stopped her and said I was seeing someone and that it was was not appropriate for me to engage into that type of conversation My question is do I need to tell my girlfriend or should I just forget about it?

I'm not to have to do the right thing only to score points to my girlfriend So is there any need for me to tell her that he did nothing wrong? Condense it. Tell me what I'll tell you what it is. Tell me what it is a guy feels guilty that while his girlfriend was out of town He was reminiscing with an ex about their sex capades via text or phone call probably let's assume um, they met in person person Right, and they were reminiscing not on purpose. They met in person met in person not on purpose But then continued sex after yeah, okay, and he was they were talking about remember that one time we did it on the draft Right classic. Yeah, right the giraffe giraffe. Yeah, it's hard to get up there though. I'll tell you that right now

Um, uh, you need a ladder or a hot adder me to tell her No, I wouldn't say anything. I wouldn't I would not say anything I mean, what what first of all he's not doing unless he got a blowjob He feels guilty. So I don't know what the conversation but he also put his he put the brakes on he put the stop to it Did he create clear boundaries? He didn't he stopped the conversation. Yeah, he's like I'm seeing somebody we shouldn't We'll tell him at that We need another one Hold on one second

I want to know what you would really do in real life If you were to like reminisce with an ex would you like tell me about it like hey, I caught up No, first of all, what now now we're in dangerous zone. Yeah, it's so dangerous Listen if I okay if I first of all If I run into let's say let's throw out one Sarah Highland We I used to date a girl named Sarah Highland not your sir Highland. I know I know okay. All right And she seems like a really she's a nice girl and she's married and she's a lesbian Right. She's married to a woman and I'm very I'm a supported and I'm really into the LBLB

So here's the deal. All right. Oh, yeah Okay, I just want to drink up. I don't know why but I would say and she was like remember one time we did it in Vegas And I go, yeah, yeah, that was weird Well, what was weird about it? Well, you I was you carried me like a backpack River's back by like a koala and you're like a tree. Remember? Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah And then I can see her. I don't say nothing

Well, what she didn't know You always let me know when you catch up with someone and I do the same but I had this most recent I've had something similar happen to me where an ex was trying to like push to reminisce Yeah, and I felt the need to always just put ha ha ha because kind of like deflect because I was uncomfortable And I didn't want to say. Oh, yeah, I remember that but instead of putting like clear boundaries I just kept saying ha ha and then never responded after Yeah, I if you if you if your mouth is around another man's fleshy penis Yeah, you know then and then this kind of hurt me. Yeah, but don't you want a little warning before it gets to that?

Wow, that's interesting a little warning. Hey, I'm about to put my mouth around I know But if the relationship is already there, it's over Yeah, right, that's true if we're at a point where she's about to have um His mouth On her it's less. She's mouth on her or either way right her cashmere. Yeah But I do so sorry. Yeah, sorry, but the relationship is over. Yeah, you know But what I do though, even though I don't set clear boundaries with him is I share the text with him like look like

She does she shows me dick pics. Yeah Yeah, it's guy sends you dick pics. That's disrespectful. It's not even it's sending you that just stranger. They're oh fans Yeah, read the handles out right now. You want to hear something crazy? I got uh, I got a picture Through a friend, okay a friend of mine who is gay was exchanging messages with another gay man on a dating site and Not knowing he's friends with me He got a dick pic of a guy with modern family on in the background and cam on the screen

With a big giant dick and the guy's hand around his dick and I'm in the background Wow That's incredible. How great is that? I was like mom Mom I'm I made it Yeah, you really do. Yeah. Well, you're like muzak on an elevator, right? You're just like, yeah I have a question. What's the biggest fight you guys have ever gotten into like what did you have you? I mean, maybe I'm going into some really deep territory, but have you ever moved out? Have you guys ever broken up in that way? We had one moment

And I was sitting there and watching tv and I turned around to look in this room from the couch And imagine there's no tables or anything in here. She's in the middle of this thing staring into this mirror And I could tell she was on our way out I probably yeah, yeah, that's because in the beginning when we first started dating. He didn't know how to properly He didn't know how to not

Hurt my feelings like he would text women things like I want a raw dog And then lend me his phone right after and I'm like, wait a second. This hurts me He didn't know, you know, I had to be very clear with him. I'm like, look Whatever agreements you've had in your previous relationship. This shit won't fly here. This hurts me. Yeah, and so Oh and the other other other big fight we got into is because we have a neighbor Who's been inappropriate with me and the elevator what and bobby does a disney hello to him every time Okay, no stop stop stop stop stop and I my thing is don't say hi to that guy I fucking hate him. He groped me in an elevator and he does a hey come to my show tonight

And he okay. Okay. Stop. Stop. Stop. All right And I'm gonna just say this. All right. You're right. It's fucked up. Yeah, but my neighbor next door, right is um He's a fancy somebody. He's a fancy. He's a fancy He's a fancy musician. He's a fancy black guy, huh? You gotta the scrub to you. Yeah, and that's why he doesn't want to He's I'm not gonna say what band but he is The dj right of a gigantic band on planet earth. Yeah, you lost me at dj I know but he does like the sound and all that stuff, right? Yeah Um, here's the thing is is that so he did that to her, right?

I think he rubbed against her his hand against her whole body knowing very well that I that we're together for a long time and So whenever I see him, I don't know what to do. So he comes out like I'm a 12 year old boy. Yeah, so I go, hey What's up come to my show Why don't you and I wait outside your apartment with together for him? He would destroy us Really? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's not true. No, that's not true. He's a thick. I I have my money on on you guys Yeah, but I don't want to fight anybody right now. Can we have Tyler with us? Oh fuck. Yeah Hey, you know what? We got into a great conversation the other day. Uh, segue

Should I bring it up? It's too long of a conversation. No, no, no, bring it up. Bring it up. Bring it up. Huh? Yeah, he's he can't tell me what is now you have to tell me what okay. Can anyone In this room or anyone at all in the world Kill a 900 pound cow With their bare hands with no weapons. Hold on. So cows eat grass. I have to think about this very Well, what I can't use anything can't use anything just hands your bare hands If you have to think about the thickness of cow hide too boom So you cannot penetrate cow hide. Do we have do we have a time limit?

Uh, no, no time limit. Sure. Is it alive? It's alive. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Can you kill a dead? No, it was a trick. I'm gonna I'm gonna grope you after that Yeah We would just have to impale it. No, you have to kill. You have to make a knife cut that out Cut that out because now right now. She's a Cut that out. Cut that out. Cut that out. All right. Cut the whole podcast out. Yeah, cut it all out Cut that out Cut it all out

All right, cut it out. Okay. I definitely my answer um is no Cannot happen cannot cannot happen. Also 100 yes 100 yes, give me a way. It's a ton 900. That's a 900 pound cow a cow not a bull a cow doesn't matter a cow A bulls are different. They attack you. Yeah bulls. I have more tests. Yeah, cows make rays How do you do it then with your hands? Well, if you have all the time what you can use hold on you can't just bite into it with your teeth It's gonna react. No, I'm no what I'm gonna do is I'm going to well. I don't know

I I've never done it. So what I would do the first thing I would do Well, the first thing I do you can't use clothing. No, no the first thing I would do is I would climb on its back Sure, I would climb on its back. Okay, and just lay there. Yeah thinking Yeah, I mean and I would try different things like I would do psych Like, you know hit it in the neck a couple times right kick it in the chest Have you ever been next to a cow? Never seen one. Yeah. Yes. We have even the Philippines, but it was a skinny one Yeah, but those are Filipino. They're not the real one. Yeah Yeah, those are not real cows. Everything skinny there. It's just they just they just don't look like in the photos

In the Philippines weird weird. They're like they're like, um roosters, you know, have like I have good roosters Doesn't we have good roosters and they don't even do they don't do kaka-kaka-doodle-doo. They go. No, they go tuk-tuk-kaw. Oh Yeah, I don't know. I probably don't know why do you know about a Filipino restaurant in glendale called maxis. Is it good? Um, they have good, uh And they have good, uh, classics. It's classics. Just the classics basically, but if you need a really good Filipino restaurant I can give you a list. Okay. What about fry Filipinos and Asians in general are really good with fried chicken Um, we get fried pork is our thing in the Philippines. Okay. We have roasted chicken. That's really good But our pork's our thing. Hey, hey, Bobby. How good is Korea our Koreans with fried chicken wings?

Fucking great. Right. Do you ever go the one on 6th street? What's it called? Uh, kyo-chan? You go there. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I love. Yeah. Hold on. So what about the cow dilemma the the buckle The the the the answer is you cannot Tyler over their puffy eyes Andre Agassi thinks you can and I'm like no Okay Just quickly. How would just give me one way to do it. Yeah, yeah crouch though. You're on the cameras. I don't know like Yeah, yeah, eat it. Eat the mic. I'm just saying that you can't say that there is not

Okay, just bear if bear girls were to be in this pen or whatever we have set up for this cow Yeah, he he wouldn't he wouldn't get killed by the cow I'd be in a pen with the cow. I wouldn't be killed by it. So I have a week to kill this cow I think repeatedly kicking it. I know they have a tough skull You could break all their legs slowly one a day. Yeah a 900 pound countless legs. I'm not doing anything with 900 pounds I'm breaking one leg. Yeah, that's not 900 pounds. Yeah, break one leg. It supports 900 pounds So it's easy to break. No, it's got all that weight working against it. You jump kick two feet Right into the side of the knee happens to football all the time

Break one leg let it relax for a bit. It's how wolves kill. Here's how I don't yellowstone No, here's how I know you're wrong. I just thought of it There was a documentary called zoo Okay It was about a guy dying up in washington heard because a horse Fucked him in the butt. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, penetrated his stomach, right a horse. They've been impaled his organs and pale his organs And all his guts came out of his butthole. Yeah, that's what you could do to the cow too with your fist

No, no, but the reason why but think of it. But think of it right think of it though, dude It says why why fuck a horse when you can fuck a cow could there's something about them They don't have cows. It doesn't matter. That's why people don't fuck them. You've never heard anyone Fuck a cow. The guy didn't die because he fucked the horse. The horse fucked him. Yeah, yeah, either way the cows Not gonna fuck you. Why? They're girls. They're girls Unless it cowgirled you why Did you just like put yourself walk away walk away? Yeah. Anyway, no that doesn't make any sense. No that

What's wrong with you I know when I was saying it in my head. I'm like, this is nothing. This is nothing But your face believed it. I know. Thank you. Wow. Anyway, um, what a great podcast that was You know, but can I say this? I really want you to do one and if you ever Want to plug anything eric? Seriously, you know, I love I love you like a brother I really do love you. You're great and you're and you were so even back in the day My brother steve loves you so much, you know, you know, we love you the leaves love stone streets. Really? Yeah, we do Like almost um, you know family like matter. I really do. Um, and like your friend who looks like a tyler

assassin from All the assassins from born identity look like him. Yeah, you have a hoodie on right the whole thing I don't trust them And bobby, I love you too. I love you guys too. Thank you No, why don't no by what? No, I said a meal in the next month or something What's what get a meal or I asked for a meal tonight show the text on the screen I said get korean food and let's eat the whole podcast. Okay Wait, steve steve burn. Just fucking what's steve burn's problem. I don't know

See you at nine. Just curious. Does this go live or post tonight or a dare to what a rookie? Yeah, you know what a rookie. Okay says that eric. No, all right Um, I don't want beef with steve burn. No, I don't know. I mean, I don't know him, but I don't want beef with him Is Ariel text all right give him a round of applause eric is that how it ends? Yeah. Yeah, that's really shitty ending Wait, end on end on my friend's song that he wrote. I will I will put it in the end Yeah, we'll put that the end. Can you say his name one more time? Uh, charles page He knows your brother steve. Yeah, hold on

Well, I don't have it on text. I have it on. It's fine. I believe you. Yeah. What is that the sheet? Just the sponsors. Oh We'll do that later. Yeah, we'll do it later, right? Yeah, let's end on a good note. Yeah, it was great seeing you guys It's really Yeah Oh my god, you don't have to watch that anymore. Do you porn? No. Yeah, I never did me either. Oh, yeah, that's right. You never did That's true. Yeah Anyway, every night just no, no, no. Anyway, give him a round of applause No, I don't

I don't do took the last night every night. Come on. Give him a round of applause. Thanks Bobby. Thanks for being here Um, can you take a photo with our newt? No, no, no, no photos. Thank you. We'll be right back with some housekeeping What a fun podcast Jules Get into meet Eric stone street If you want to be part of our exclusive tiger belly select family patreon and get premium audio episodes every week Go to patreon.com slash tiger belly and I'm sure you already know it, but our new unhelpful device email is adviceunhelpful at gmail.com

Any quick shoutouts before we go None she has none so guys follow us on tiger belly on instagram on twitter at the tiger belly and emails any questions Of course that advice and help with gmail.com. Have a good night Oh Hey prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wendry plus in apple podcast before you go Tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wendry.com slash survey