TigerBelly - Episode 200: Jo Koy, It's A Ridiculous

Episode Date: June 26, 2019

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Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Yeah, you think you know more I love it. I love because the fact turn it on now because he had a mouth operation you could still see You could only see that you could see his Okay, what's getting here? Just run the roll the camera to you hug a camera's rolling. All right. Yeah You ready captain? Yeah Ready go ahead five four three two The Flynn the Flynn stones me the Flynn stones. Yeah, but about two time for you and me

Flintstone they got Flintstone Yeah, but the but the but the but the but the but it's like even though if you're gonna have a car Mm-hmm, and you're your legs are the ones that are accelerating the car propelling it. Yeah, then just don't you don't need the car No, just it's like extra shit, right? Yeah, like that's more weight No, it's like a bicycle it is a bicycle. No, it's different than a bicycle. Yeah, you're right. You're right It's different because it sits five Yeah, it fits that's very good. Yeah, it fits five, right? And so if you do the all like no, I be only he does only he does so that's crazy

You know makes me mad is when you go to New York and that asshole on the bike goes Hey, you want me to take you downtown on that? Oh Why would I do that right and then they never tell you the price until they drop you all Oh, yeah, and they go to $90 $97 my thighs are burning Yeah, anyway, this ride. Okay, so you already broke the number one rule on this podcast I talked on top of the intro you talked when I didn't introduce you Okay, but I feel like we're part of the I know we're not no, that's I don't give a fuck. That's not how this works All right, I need I had an introduction. I was taking a nap and I was thinking about how to introduce you and I think I have the way

Okay, okay So let's start from the top. You got it. Go ahead five four three two Hey, um, so I'm gonna tell you guys something. Oh, let's introduce everyone in the room except for him They're gonna do that later. Um, we got um Gilbert, you know, which is you're a disgraceful, Filipino Oh, what happened? No, it's just that because you had that audition Right and then you don't know the language at all and then you have to call Yeah, she has to call her fucking Sister in the Philippines word for word. You're not gonna get it if you don't know it

Fuck that up Manolo not Manolo, manolo, Blonix. Yeah, that's what I was trying to say Manolo, okay, Manolo, okay Everyone knows that come on Fuckin got it. You got you got offered. I got offered the part already. I'm doing it. We got my girlfriend. Okay Kalyla aka, you know licks, you know, Pasadena gangs and then we've got um No, I feel about you. I do love you. I really do

Okay, oops, and then this fucker right here. I was like I come in here, right? Yeah, and I say a You know, you look like you should be made out of hay Hey, he looks like a scarecrow. Yeah, right? He's the Wizard of Oz, right? Then I said you look a marionette because he doesn't look like he just looks like he should be on string Yeah, a little little on his knees and his elbows where I have little, you know Yeah screws are and he's a young Jason. I had no lips or whatever, you know But but then he got fucking he defended himself those. Yeah, he's like, you know, what did you say? You just something no, man, you know, but you know, I think I look pretty good or something like that

Yeah, that's cool He's growing. You know to defend himself. He's grown. You don't look good Yeah, and I'm gonna say this you look like a male version of Annabelle. Yeah No, you know, dude, bro, look at him James Wan for looking if he was in Annabelle as a doll You'd be so fucking scared, dude. Can I say something? No, not yet You can't say anything now. I'm gonna go to you And then you get closer So, um, just don't say anything to say your name, but I'm gonna tell you a little story

Yeah, I'm just gonna do it. It's my show It's my fucking show. I'm full of Annabelle. I know you I know you are and you had your mouth done. I know But so this weekend I play The Ontario improv now listen That club and I told the management and the owners I go take the name. Do you don't call it that anymore? They go why I got you have to call it Joe Quay's comedy club And they go what I go. Yeah, cuz look you walk into this fucking comedy club

They took all the headshots. You know how like every improv has there's fucking, you know, Seinfeld You know large photos Seinfeld or David Spade when he had his long like blonde hair wearing that, you know, good looking. He's okay Yeah, he's a fucking dwarf And if you've seen David Spade who I I'm seeing him Wednesday because I'm doing his pilot You know, he's asked it's fine, but um He just goes can you do me a favor? I go for you Davey. I'll do anything Yeah, yeah, you and Sandler whatever your crew I'm there. I was in Hawaii with them a month ago to a couple of lines. It's fine but it's

What I'm saying to you is this so I go you should change to the Joe Quay club and they go why because when you walk in They took all the headshots down except for If you look at the right wall a whole wall is just Joe Quay's face and like, you know Congratulations or something and then like, you know, 10,000 shows sold out or whatever And then you go to the next wall another headshot and then all the headshots are gone Right and I go what why don't you just fucking? Why don't you just have him play there every night then? Right. Do you remember we went to Brea? I had to sell merch in front of Joe Coit. You're all again Bobby Lever Right. So when I'm telling the improv you're listening to me just call it the Joe Quay club

All right, because that's what it is and then um, there was a riot at my show, but we can talk about No, it's this real. Yeah, I'm gonna show you what happened in my show. So um, anyway, let's just say this He has a net new Netflix special out on the Netflix program. He I've known him since I was an Open-micro. I've known this guy since he I was an open-micro. I've known him since probably 96 97 it has to be then probably before maybe even before. Yeah, um, I Love him, you know, he's one of those guys when you look at him What if I look at him? I see him in the streets or if we're around each other my throat gets sore from anger. I Don't know what it is. He's one of those guys where I swallow it hurts a little bit right here

Oh Paula part of swallow But he just had a mouth operation you got his teeth done, you know, there's a surgery and I still came in I know you did so give teeth do you need? Yeah, I do it had a root canal because the last time you were here You were bragging about new teeth. Oh There we go, baby, you're the best It's just that's you know, when you have a I call it entertainment money Like my brush when you can just buy a couple of new canines I just want a couple two new canines. Yeah. Yeah. And then what happened is one of the roots the root canal

It started to decompose. No, so that they had to surgically remove it from my gum, right? So that's what's happening right now. It's all ripped up right here. So that's what I do for you. Yeah Maybe your mouth isn't supposed to have fancy things in it. Yeah, they are no, I don't think so Yeah, look at your girlfriend. That's true. Exactly. It's very true And you're very lucky, aren't you? And look how you dress for her a fucking cat hair infested beanie And you what you demand sex with that

I don't demand sex. Oh, you don't know. I don't like I don't have like a throne. I'm like, you know, bring me the pussy I don't do that. You don't do that. No, I don't demand it. It just happens. Oh, it just happens. Yeah, organically Organically life Well, these are life lessons friend. You teach me everything. I teach you. I've taught you everything You have yes, I you know, I go on the record on on on other pods and and and uh, If I'm getting interviewed I always brag about bobby Lee No, I'm not joking. You're you're your your words always come out of my mouth

I'm being very honest. I know you hate compliments because it's a shtick You're doing this because it's it's uh, it's good for ratings You know how to you really know how to really draw in the ratings You like to throw in controversial words every now and then and you don't like to you like to take a compliment But I'll give them to you and I'll continue to give them to you My success is has a lot to do with you From the day you told me leave Las Vegas to go to LA or you're never gonna make it and you said you were gonna leave san diego to go to

LA, uh, and I didn't take your advice that time that you yelled at me at the mtv parking lot when we were pitching that show Yeah, uh, you know when you when you walked away from me, man, my my stomach Turned you don't even know how badly it turned and I swear to god it triggered something There was another time you yelled at me at my I had like a you know, I bought my I buy my my x You know, wherever I live, I always make sure my ex lives behind me or near me So my son's near me and I had this office behind My house and then we were doing stuff together. Yeah, and you yelled at me that day too I forgot what it was, but you yell at me for some fucking thing and you go you don't get it

Yeah, and you storm on yeah, yeah, yeah But you know, but I act like but I want you to know your words mean a lot and it weighs heavy and And uh, you inspired me man. So that's why I feel like what I've done now is a big reason for you You're like a a fucking horrible motivational coach Like, you know, like it's it's game seven game on the line. They go bobby tell these kids And all the kids are like, are you sure you want bobby to do this speech? And he fucking pulls it off does he not inspire you guys if I um, let's let's do truth talk You like truth talks? Oh, come on. No, I just gave you I just gave you no, let's do another. I'm on pain medication

I got goddamn stitching. I know I know man. I can't really get into a physical fucking banter with you. I'm not doing physical But I'm doing truth pop. I can't believe you're here. Yeah, but that's because I love this guy No, I said you want to cancel and you're like, no, right No, if I had a deadly poison in my dick Okay, I'm in Uganda Right, I'm going. Hey guys. I'm gonna take a leak in the desert. Yeah, what do you do? You pull over right so I go into the desert right pull my little dick out, right? And all of a sudden you hear you know what I mean some stuff. I go, what is that right?

I turn around and it's like a mambo like a one of those black mambo Mambo whatever those are right And he goes what's up? He goes what's up? I go And he bites my dick right and I have a poison on my dick and you're the only one with me Would you suck the poison out of my dick? Yes? Yes, thank you. Just look up What do you mean like don't look at me when I'm doing That's the only way bobby does uh, that's doing oh

Oh, right, right, right look up right, but that's not what I would be doing Here's the things that I have to do you because I've had my dick Do you want eye to eye I've had my dick right bit by before and somebody sucked it out So what I need to do I need to grab the back of your head Yeah, right because I need you I need all the poison all the way out. Yeah. Yeah So I just need to control it a bit Right, I need to look down because a bite mark is kind of like a scratch mark Like when you ask someone to scratch it, they don't know exactly where they're just randomly

Scratch it so you have to guide the hand. There we go. You don't know where the poison They don't know where the poison is. That's exactly what I'm saying, right? And I also need to lock eyes with you You have to look up and I have to look down and I have to give you a wink I do I'll get the poison out. Oh, thank you. I know you would So I'm going to show you a video what happened last night at my um I think you'll quit. Wait, this was this really happened at Ontario Sunday, right Bobby? What Sunday? I'll have you. What happened last night? Oh, yeah

This is my opener sandy danto wait, what happened? Look at them. Look at how the dragon is guy out Wait, what happened? So last night I was taking that guy. I don't know So a gang member, right? Yeah a gang member. Why did you take a shirt off? That was before you can't fuck up your good shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, why clean up bro? We're about to squabble. So I'm in your club last night You know the joe quick club. I was taking a shit in your beautiful on green room bathroom. Thank you for having that By the way, we just renovated that. Thank you

Yeah, and um, I hear no laugh my thursday show paid for that Oh god, my second my second my second thursday I do two wednesday two thursday. I know you don't Two friday two saturday and then I repeat the same week the following. I know you do two weeks in our home Let's just set that let let let let let let that sink I'm gonna let that sink in for a second Which part just here's how many tickets he sells. Oh, right, right. Oh, wait. Are we talking about brea? Yeah, no, we're talking about just ontario. Oh, yeah. Oh, because brea is more. Yeah. Yeah. This is twice. Yeah, I know

So anyway, um, I'm taking a shit in your uh, the green room and um, I hear no laughs You know how that you can hear your openers get laughs Yeah, right. Yeah, but then I hear nothing. Oh, shit, but then I hear screaming You know, and I'm in yeah shit clinch I clinch it. You know, you can do that with your asshole. Yeah, you know No, I can me too. I can't be too. We do. We do. I have great control. I can cut it off I know do you do a good feeling to just cut it off? I do. I love it Why why do you cut it off for cutting it off? I just for some reason it said initial push cut

That's what I do. Hold on. So is it a control thing? Yeah, because I don't know what it is It's a power move on yourself. Give me a piece of paper and a pen real quick. It's like a hotdog factory Yeah, it's like I know how much it's coming out. I'm gonna show you I'm gonna show you what my shits look like Oh, no, it'll be great. Watch. I'm on payment. I know. Give me the pen right there. Give me the pen Oh, thank you. You want to break up the experience, right? So, um, yeah, yeah, because I think the pushing stops and then it cuts off and then I gotta start pushing again Why? Because pushing is intentional. I'm sorry. The the cutting is intentional. This is what my shits look like

Right, right. So I just comes out right and I just clinch this part All right, so basically at the thickest point. Yeah, basically that's still in my asshole And what do you do with it? Right, so I shit, right? It's out, right? It's just a little tiny one and then you cut it off at the stump And the stump comes out again when it comes out later. So I'll show you what my shit looks like later It comes out as a stump and back to a point. So my shits later

Oh, man. It looks like my shit later. It looks like a shits Because it looks like this is the old part. It looks like tilapia It looks like tilapia, right? Yeah, and so this end right this end becomes harder. Yeah, because it's been in the big It's been in the oven for longer, right? It's cooking, right? Yeah, so this is pretty look like fish my shit So now you're gonna go save with an opener with this inside of you, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right Yeah, the buttplug. It's a buttplug. It's a natural buttplug. Yeah, and that's how you do it when you're from asian So you're running out there with a natural buttplug. Yeah. Yeah, so you run out there

So I run out there and um, all I see is A sea of people in the center of the room Standing up and there's seven or eight door guys and waiters dragging a guy out, right? It's chaos It's absolute chaos, right and in my head. I'm like, I'm taping Yeah, right, but I'm like and I know that the guy's not going to get up on stage He's just there's too many guys holding him back But there was a point in my head. I'm like, wait, you're on stage. No Oh, I'm still up in back back like looking through those curtains taping, right? Yeah, the safe zone

Yeah, the safe zone, right? And I'm thinking to myself there was a split second where I'm like, should I cancel it? Should I what? Cancel the show You did it, right? No. Someone sent me a video though of you very eagerly just taking a video of it versus helping You want me to show it to you? No, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah No, don't yes. I have it too. Oh Yeah, I have me taping eagerly in the back Right with my hands up it shows it and I just said I said that before you even said that so I don't even know what you're trying to do

We'll call you out is what she's doing. Okay. I'm gonna say I'm a pussy You're in a safe zone. It's just fine. You're letting everyone in the room know that when it comes to my own survival Yeah, I do cowardly things dude. That's a smart thing. Thank you. That's Ontario. That's the inland empire Thank you. They don't give a fuck. They don't they don't care. No, that's Fred Durst country Someone said today the inland empire is where people drink monsters and punch holes through drywall Everyone's named Kyle there. Yeah That's where Kyle comes from. Yeah, there's a lot of Kyle stuff from there every time I'm in that room Something awful happens. Oh do shit like that. Does shit like that happen in your shows at the Ontario improv like a riot

It was uh, let me say Seven years ago. Uh-huh. It was a new year's eve show. Oh fuck. Those are the worst and uh, I stopped doing it I can't do it. I mean either I can't do them anymore. So you know how the whole right side Of the Ontario improv. They had that little section with glasses Right the the little yeah, yeah the other area where they can get glasses and shit for for the the staff. Yeah The crowd right by that That little area was

They they were they were fans, but they were annoying fans like yelling when you didn't need it like yeah tell on joe But it's in the middle of the act and it's just fucking everything up So basically they told him to stop And uh, and then they gave him one warning one more warning and you guys are out. Yeah, they were like that's a challenge Yeah, and it was a full on you think that's crazy Full on into that fucking room where all the glasses are just glass Oh shattering all you hear is just glasses Just fucking I'm just sitting on the stool. I couldn't do anything

Oh my god And just glass everywhere they shove them and then you know where the green room is right? So you got the whole staff shoving about four guys out that way Cops come Uh, the lady is one if the woman would just shut the fuck up right her husband would have been okay, but she's the one Amplifying the fucking situation sometimes they do uh, yeah just amplifying us Sometimes they do uh, and uh, so basically she's like, uh, you don't have the right you my husband Do it's the fucking staff that did this you need to be resting them

They blah blah blah blah blah all we were doing was laughing blah blah blah and then this what you're gonna love Is a show over at this point? No, we can hear everything in the fucking hallway Everything we're not no one's doing nothing. We're literally Looking at that curtain the line because it's you know how loud that yeah, yeah, yeah, and they're fucking you got down Yeah, it's your fault the fucking staff all he punched my husband blah blah Cop goes one more out of you And we're tasering them. Oh my god. No. Yeah Now the show is going on it was going on. No, it was on stage. I'm on stage

And then he goes and then I didn't hear the taser, but basically you hear no Oh, wow And then that was it They arrested him and her and it was new year's eve, which means she's not going to get out until january 2nd Because everything closes down You're in there all of january. That's the worst time to be in jail december 31st It's the worst time to be in jail. Yeah all the drunks are there and then you got to stay there january 1st The courts are closed

January 2nd night or even the third maybe even that even that yeah, yeah, yeah, depending on the judge Yeah, did you continue to show after that? Yeah Yeah, you know, that's that's the thing You know in my head when that was happening. I'm like Should I cancel it because it's uncomfortable. I know because tiger belly fans some most of them aren't that hard Tiger belly fans are softies. They're they have the nerdy glasses sometimes. They have these cheeks These cute little cheeks. Is this a tiger belly show or bobby lisha? No, but most of my audience now is all tiger belly. It's like 90 80 percent, you know

I don't think these cholos were tiger belly fans. I think they're mad. No, they're mad. They're mad tv fans. Yeah You know, the dude was years ago in prison Hey, bro, that's what's mad tv, you know And like hey, dude, you want to you know, I mean you want to watch snl instead, right? That's that's uh, yeah, you're right Right, right, right. Let's watch that. No. What's all this? Yeah, let's watch mad tv. Let's watch. Who's that? Who's that ching chong? That's all the Chinese the Chinese guy. He's a Chinese guy. He's just a fucking dictator, dude Yeah, Sasha bear, come on, bro He does a really good chinese version of Sasha bear. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, let's watch you

Like you bro. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Is your audience mostly Like you get a mix, right? That's what I heard. I've asked. It's crazy. I've asked. Yeah, it's it's not ask about you No, I love you. I go to places. I ask, you know, how's he doing? Well, I always I always made sure to go for the audiences that weren't my core So like I always did the uh, like Chelsea Chelsea gave me that other demo Corolla gave me the other demo and then yeah when I first started I was doing a lot of the black rooms I did comic view. Why? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was on the deaf comedy jam But you crossed over and you listened to me the way you did it and your success

Well, first of all, it was inevitable. I believe I believe in certain people. I can look at certain people and go Like jackknight, we have a guy, you know jackknight He's this little black kid that used to open for me And jackknight as soon as now he's in everything every comedy century. He's at deals. He's got HBO everything, right? He's amazing He's amazing, but when he was a kid Younger, he was like what 21 19 20 and he used to open for me. I was like Like this guy's and then it happened. I think you were the same thing. I saw you back in the day I'm like, yeah, there's no way that this isn't a guy's not gonna make it

But you know what if you put in the time and you don't leave That's the most important thing is not quitting. Yeah Do not quit. Yeah, man. That's so good that you said that because my niece is uh Fiancé he's scared to lead the marines and he's like I'm scared like I don't know if I'm gonna do it I'm like, bro. What are you scared of like you're a marine? Like you've you've already conquered your everyone's biggest fear Which is becoming a marine. Yeah, and now you're scared of the real world Bro, come on. Like he's really like genuinely nervous. Yeah, like don't be that. Yeah What kind of marine is he's a green beret or he's a fucking green? He's he's someone like a regular marine

Yeah, man. He's the one that they stick in. It's okay. Yeah What would you be what what marine would you be clerk? You'd be clerk. You'd be like that. He would draw like this This is where we're gonna push in And then all of us come through here. Yeah, and then we'll we'll make the attack here. No, and then we'll exit here No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Also, this is my shit I don't know Came out here

No, I'm like, you know like an um saving private ryan. I'm like, you know, elliott from et was in that Oh, that's right. He was right. Right. And he was like the guy that never really Shot a gun, but he's good at translating. You're like this. So they take you on a scary voyage. Yeah When you you know, like that's not what I do. I'm I you know, I'm a journalist. Yeah, and then we need you Yeah, right. So I'm that guy. You're a supply sergeant. You just fuck toilet paper. Did you just prick yourself? Yeah hurt so bad on what on this pencil. I went like this And I heard so I think I dude look at that. I almost punctured skin Bobby. I know hi Bobby at what point did your uh, your brain

Uh, stop maturing 14 what do you mean? What why the fuck? I know would you hear this everyone knows that this is the part that you go like this with the pencil Yeah, yeah, you chose the pencil part to push back down. Yeah. Yeah the lead you chose the lead I know that makes no sense Bob because I wasn't looking fucker I wasn't looking fucker and I know how to use right at it. Watch this watch this Now it's done then then Avengers and right there dude that right there dude is the shit. Where is it?

That was poisonous I'd be done now listen to I saw photo two of your son Oh He looks his hair Is so much like yours. Yeah Do you remember when you had that hair? Yeah, you had that hair you had hair, but it was more like receding. Yeah, it was bad It's kevin costner. Uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a pretty good look. Yeah until the wind blew back You're like, oh That's why your cool went forward. Did you so I like the way you're the whitest showing now. Yeah, you know, how old are you now?

I'm 48 Yeah, how does it feel? It feels good. I'm so more successful Yeah But you know what makes me mad. You know what makes me mad. They didn't do they didn't no one did our show That's not that's not true. It's gonna happen So everyone listened to me right now joe coy and I for the last Five years Six years have been pitching a show. Yeah, it's a live variety show

So that's pretty much what I want to do a live variety show with you. Yes, and it's just crazy like it stunts everything right there's Game it's a game show pranks sketches everything that you like. Yeah, we do we do right Um, there's payments and so we went to we went to comedy central remember we went to comedy central Then we went to yes, that's when you yelled. Yeah. Yeah, we went to other places and we had great people behind the two at the time We had we had some great people. Right. Yeah, there we are more important. Okay. All right. Why don't we wait? Why can't you say his name die? Robert Morton didn't die. No, he didn't. Yeah. I want to give him a shout out. What's up, Robert Martin? Hey, hey

Is that a thing? Do they say that hey? Hey, they do. Yeah. Okay. Good. You're a cartoon Hey, good luck with the variety. Yeah, but I'm I still think about you know It's since we it's gonna happen. I hope so. Oh, it's gonna happen But your son because I remember well back when we were pitching that thing I would come over to your house a lot Yeah, and um, I would see your son. I love your son. Did does he remember me? Yeah, he loves you Is it for real? No, I mean 100% he loves you. Yeah, I told him I was doing the show and he was like, oh sweet Yeah, I love that guy. He's a good kid, man

Really is a good kid. Yeah, and he's also um You you're like one of those guys like josh wolf You know josh wolf. Yes. Are you fucking kidding me right now, bobby? Is that really a question? Yeah, I know. Yeah, we did Chelsea together. Yeah seven fucking years We're on the same panel

You fucking douchebag, man Why do you act like you don't know me and then you act like you know me the best time I don't understand. You're the only guy that knows how to go. Hey. Yeah, I miss your son, man. Do you know josh? You know like You know, I'm new to this podcast game. I'm gonna say his memory is going a bit. Yeah, am I right? Yeah, I'm not a bit a lot a lot. It's probably that right here. That's what that is That's what that is Oh, that's what it is right there. See this you think vapes take you see that. Yeah, these are these are sucking your memory

Every time you you you suck Your memory goes in Oh, yeah, black mirror. Yeah, you know what you hear? Yeah, what you want to know what's in here? What? Not love love. Yeah. Yeah, that's what's in here. Yeah, your path. Let's shut the fuck up. You don't even know what the fuck Give me your give me the stick Give me the fucking stick. You're acting like a silly billy Give me the fucking stick silly billy No, no give me the

Oh, you fucking son. I speak korean now Because it's in here. Here's another when you just kimchi jjigae Sundubu You know sundubu. I love sundubu. You know sundubu chow pong I don't know chow pong You never had chow pong. Which one is that chow pong is the most delicious Fucking dish in the world back when I was a kid. There was no internet and there was no hipster culture

You had to be friends with a korean that knew someone that Like you knew a a chinese restaurant that was owned by koreans And it didn't have chum pong on the menu And you had to go to that restaurant and you had to like look at and go chum pong and they go Yeah, we got chum pong and they would secretly make you chum pong back. It's like the enchirita. It really is You know what the enchirita was what? At taco bell. There's been something on the eye on the menu. That's never on the menu, but they make it You have to know they make it

You know, it's no shit and they'll make it. So it's yeah, it's been around since the dead dawn of time I don't know why it's not on the menu, but you can say can you make me an enchirita and they'll make it I'm doing that tonight. I know but they kind of get angry. Do they they kind of go That's it By the way, but then they will make it because it is an item that you can make it just across between a burrito and enchiladas I think what it was is uh, I think chum pong was something that the chinese made for koreans Went right or were the it's something there's a reason why there's some kind of fusion there right But but it goes way back. It goes deeper than what anyone else could think

It's just like kimchi and noodles broth. It's so good. It's hot soup It's usually it's your it's what you drink when you when you're hung over what you eat when you're hung over But literally when I was a kid like in the 80s my best friend, William His mom owned a korean restaurant. Was he korean william? He was korean william They were the first ones to have a cosco membership and I used to get my mind would blow If you get a mad in 1986 and you see these these parents come up with these captain crunch boxes that were the size of fucking Fucking shelves. Yeah, you put a tv on top make it a nightstand Yeah, I'm not even joking and uh and because they were loading up their restaurant

And uh, and we would always go get chum pong together like every sunday. It was like a ritual. We would go get chum pong. Wow kimchi jjigae Like the fridgeroy would have a pot Big steel like stainless steel pot filled with kimchi everything that in the fucking fridge would taste like kimchi They would have fudge sickles And you would you would lick the fudge sickle and in the smell of the fudge sickle would smell like kimchi And then my friend would always go just keep sucking Just just suck the scent out and it would turn into fudge. Wow. That's clever

I that's a clever I'm being very I've done that too where it's like it smells like it but you have to keep eating it This korean house is right has my parents if you go to my parents house right now In korean um phoenix you walk in and you have to stop it. Yeah, because there's a smell because it's old school, right? It's so old. Yeah, because now they have like kimchi refrigerators and all these tipsers got cool. Shit that right back then You took out the middle tray of the refrigerator. Yeah the big kimchi pot could fit in the fridge. Yeah This is all real. Yeah, like if I open up a diet coke in my parents house And it's even open for like 45 minutes when you drink it. It's got a different vibe

Cheese man completely different vibe to it, right? You're not making it up. No, there's a different vibe There was also a thing going on one time. I said this like in our earlier episodes. Yeah, I talked about kimchi ice cubes Yeah, cuz my best friend's korean. Oh the ice cubes would taste like kimchi, right? Yeah, but I got people were so upset that I got that Why you can't say that all korean homes are like, I'm like, no old fricker man Do that. Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with people right now? What world do we fucking live in? This world of fucking make-believe shut the fuck up Shut the fuck up. You fake motherfuckers, man. I'm so sick of it. Bobby. I know I hate people that say shit

Like yeah, yeah, yeah, not all houses smell like that not all korean. No shit. We didn't say all korean But just sit here and act like you as a korean that's offended Don't know what you're talking about You're full of shit and those people don't exist in this world. Those people are fake fucking people. Yeah They're fake fucking fake. I want to say midget I want to say retard. I want to say midget retard Right and now we have to cut now we have to cut now we have to cut the whole we have to cut the whole We want to see what we want to say

We want to say what we want to say. He gave you a volley. It was such a good. It was such a good Is that what you're saying, man? It could have ended on something where we all shared it and then bam Yeah, bam. We have to edit it No, that's not what i'm saying. I'm not comparing kimchi ice to fucking You fucking what is wrong with you, dude? Fuck is wrong with you only use that word for you. I know I know I I'm so sorry, man. Why are people so sensitive about that though? I just don't get it. Yeah, Bobby I know you you play on the um

I'm the funny all all the time like you play on the funny But I it's gotta offend you when because you're you're a shock comic like you you do like to say what's on your mind You do don't fucking give me that look asshole. There's a bunch of words you said before this fucking show started edit yeah, yeah, we do don't we do we not Do we not have to edit a bunch of okay? Okay? I want to say this Okay, we not have to edit a bunch of words before you want to talk about you want to talk about shit That was said before we even started this thing. No, I will tell you something right now I don't want to I know I'm gonna tell you something right now, dude. All right. I say

Fucked up things like that so that I don't say it on the podcast so I can just get it out Okay, I'm purging it. All right. Got it. All right. God man Yeah, people are so is that my camera? Yeah, yeah Like you know like people are getting some like I I'll be on stage and I'll go um Hey, what are you like for a guy in front? They'll go. Yeah Yeah, I'm Filipino. I go. Yeah, you're Asian then. No, I'm Filipino I'm a Pacific island. We're different Yeah, so people want to like now change the rules right and the rules is this okay

If you have I don't know what the rules are actually I don't know the rules. It's very easy the philippines. It's the philippines sits two hours away from japan There we go. Japan's in the heart of Asia. Right, which means you're fucking asian You're in asia. It's a reason. It's called southeast asia Because it's asia. That's one of that's the information on what you did just because there's like cross culture stuff happening Doesn't mean that geographically we're not a part of asia because we are Right, and if I say other where the asians at and you're an Indian and you don't raise your hand or any or make a sound We'll fuck yourself because hey indians you're asia too. Yeah, you are

And you know what there's some russians that look asian hell. Yeah, fuck. Yeah, their country goes into china Yeah, I saw I saw a russian fighter and I sort of got at the end of the fight I was I didn't know who he was. I was even I was like this is a chinese fighter, right? He had a very pale skinny his eyes were very almond. I was like and then they were like he's from blah, blah, blah Glitchy clonk. Yeah Well, glitchy clonk. Yeah, I love that for a second there. I thought that was an asian man to me like when um borat came out I googled what people from kassastan looked like so asia. So asia. That's what it was. It was kazakhstan What is that a real thing? Why don't you say that earlier? No, is it? I think that's where the fire fighter was right?

Yeah, they all look right kind of Chinese. Yes It's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy, man Yeah, and they all look like you know, like if you look at people from the border of china and russia Like if people that live in those like little towns, they all look like bjork Oh, yeah, you're not wrong, but they kind of do. Oh, you're so right. I was actually gonna say that that's where bjork bjork's from Yeah, the eurasian, right? Yeah, or rob schneider. Like bjork rob schneider. Rob schneider does not look russian Rob or bjork, but even in the philippines, it's the same. How the fuck do you get? I'm sorry. Go ahead bjork, what an asshole. That was weird. Yeah, that was weird. Rob schneider's like half philippino. I'm kidding. I was just throwing it out

I don't know what you know, here's the thing guys Um, I say things that aren't necessarily funny or not necessarily um relevant or in my name and have anything to do with what we're talking about But um, I throw it out there. Hmm. It pops in my head. I don't have a filter. I just say it and I'll cut that part out Rob schneider not mark it Mark the mark rob schneider He's gonna do our podcast soon You know, I was gonna have you on our pot because we're moving you if you can tell I saw that. Yeah, so we I bought a house. Where did all the teddy bears go?

They're in boxes. They're in boxes. Yeah, they're in the new house What? Can I say something? Yeah What a what a wonderful investment you made on those those teddy bears Right, they're they're paying back in full, right? Did they help pay for the house the teddy bear investment? In some ways I guess it's uh, are they in boxes? They're in boxes and hopefully where are you gonna put them? Where are you gonna put them? I'm the one who did all the packing. So I put them all in storage for now They may never see the light of day again. Oh

They're not they're called designer toys Okay, and the toys and they go to a designer storage unit Honey, can I get the key to my storage unit? I want to look at my designer toys Okay, so anyway, they're designer toys and and sometimes artists. Yeah, we'll make You know limited edition. Yeah 100 100 of them. Oh like this one. Yeah That one's a good one. Yeah, it's a good one. Yeah, and um, you know, I like to collect them Yeah, well, that's beautiful. Okay. Yeah, so um, you know, you know where you guys should move

Into a container store Why it's there everything's ready to go you could just put everything in those plastic You could live on aisle 10 You know, it's funny that you say stuff like because I think you're trying to shame us a little bit. I'm not You know, I think you're ashamed. Can I tell you what I used to collect? What do you want me to tell you what I used to collect? Let me guess. Go ahead. Um, Like figurines of like Ron Howard and Andre Augustine because you have the same hair That type of see what now you're shaming me

Your hair is ridiculous the line. I'm bald Yeah, but there is no hair. I know it's ridiculous if you grew it out. It would look ridiculous Did you just say it's a ridiculous? Hey, I'm bobby lee and welcome to it's a ridiculous and that's That's our show Document that our show that it's a ridiculous. I'll mark it. That's fucking it right because what was our show called at the time? Fun fun, which is also a good Fun fun show. Let's do this. Let's make it's a ridiculous. Well, let me see this, you know, let's get housing

to produce it. Maybe not because of ridiculousness. It can't happen. Fun fun. That's Rob Dyrdek's show because Rob Dyrdek has a ridiculousness. Oh, that's right. It's fine, but, you know, I was on a show got canceled. You know, I was on a show for two years. What was the name of it? Splitting up together. Okay. And did you just gonna make me mad? Did you not see me post a picture of you congratulating you and telling everybody to watch that show on my instagram? I saw it and I thought I even said, Oh, Bobby, that's so nice. I liked it actually, you know what and who didn't like it? I'm gonna tell you or no right a comment. Could I tell you why? No, there's nothing you can tell me. I can tell you this. Oh, you can't tell me. You're gonna hear what I said. Because you scrolled past it. No, that's the difference between me and you I appreciate your success and I want nothing but the best for your success.

I was cruel and it is a ridiculous how you're treating me. I rolled it down. I was look rolling down instagram. I saw you were rolling down with my finger, right? I was rolling it down with my finger and I saw the post and it was my heart fluttered, but then there was another thought that I had. I don't know why I had this thought, but I thought it was a trick of some sort. What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you not read the caption? I didn't read it. Why? Was it good? Yeah, it said everybody go watch my good friend Bobby Lee. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I'm seeing it live now. Thank you. Is it too late? I'm doing it live. You're lame. I'm doing it for the people right now. You're lame. That's what people are doing. I'm doing it for the people right now. I'm doing it for the people right now. I'm doing it live now. Thank you. Is it too late? I'm doing it live. You're lame. I'm doing it for the people right now. You're lame. That's what people, that's what you're doing right there is the lame act and you're lame. That's my mom's favorite word. You're a lame. You're a lame. You're a lame. On our show, what we do, everything has to have an A in front of it. Yeah. Oh, nice. You know, my mom used to call me, you're a son of a shit. She used to say that. Yeah, yeah. And we would snicker so loud and laugh to ourselves, but she was really mad. Heated. But she would go, you're a son of a shit. Bobby is a son of a shit and you're a son of a shit. Together, both of you are sons of a shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Does Filipinos have phrases? And we're like, mom, just call yourself a shit. Yeah. Do you guys have phrases in your language where if you translate it to English, it's way more disturbing. You're a son of a whore. Like, yeah, my mom used to say, but that's not, no, you're a son of a shit, which means I'm going to kill you and throw you away. Whoa. Whoa. If you translate it, it's like, there's two things that are fucking bad. I mean, kill me is one thing. Throw you away. To throw me in a garbage dump? Yeah. It's crazy. And that's like an everyday thing people say. Yeah, yeah. That's like fighting words. That's like fighting words. Yeah. No, I mean, I don't know if it's fighting. Where's my pod? Like you wouldn't say that. God damn it. What? It's a train wreck. It's a train wreck. So how we do it? There it is. Yeah. Oh, don't get, don't get, don't get, don't get, don't get, don't get, don't get, don't get, don't get, don't get, don't get, don't get. That would be our show, dude. I know the opening sequence right there, bro. Yeah, we didn't have to sell shit.

If they, if they exact go, what is the show about? We go like this. Oh. Huh. Don't get off. Right? No. And they're like, and then I50 year old Gooks are dancing in our room. Fuck. We're not doing that. I'm not doing that at all. So, you know, I also saw your Filipino footages. It literally was 30, 40,000 people, just you in a circle and then they're just like, it wasn't just Filipino.

How does that feel? Huh? To go to the Philippines and sell, how many seats did you sell there? I sold six shows. But how many people? How much people? How many people is that you think?

It wasn't that many. Just throw it out. I'm allowing you to say humble brag a little bit. No, no, no. It wasn't that many in the Philippines. That was my first play. That was my first play ever. Okay, so how much?

Oh man, I think it was like, I don't know, 15. What's that many? 15,000? That was the Oracle Arena. What? I'm going to say this. Hawaii was 24, 25,000. Six months in advance.

Anyway. Oh, half a year. How does it feel? How does it feel? How does it feel to sell that? The Bray is 17 shows. Six hundred a pot. What did you do that month?

10,000? Yeah. When is it? November? It's sold out January. All six shoes sold out January. It's okay. I just wanted to ask you how it felt,

but I think it backfired on me. And now I'm literally, I'm honest with you, my face is sweating like a motherfucker. Okay, but can I say this real quick? How many times have I asked Bobby to just come to a show with me? Multiple times. Multiple.

Like I'm not going to put you on the card. I'm not going to put you on the poster. I'm not going to even promote you. Just come, like, like collaborate. Like that's how we collaborate and blow up together. Like I would love to share my audience with you. I even shared like a huge venue with you one time. I think it was Vegas.

That's really interesting that you say that. I swear to God, am I lying? No, you're not going to call me a fucking liar. Do you have a podcast? Was it at Treasure Island? Do you have a podcast? Yes. How many times have you done Tiger Belly now?

This is your second time, right? Yeah. How many times have I done yours? You used to do- Fuck you. Fuck you, you son of a bitch. Fuck you, man. How long have you had your podcast?

Where's my camera? Where's my camera? Hold on, don't, that's my camera. That's my camera. How many times have I asked you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many times have I asked you? I'm right here.

What do you say? What do you say? Yes, give me a name. No, you don't. Oh, you bitch, monkey. What did he, you wanna know? You're a Filipino bitch, monkey. You wanna know what he says?

You wanna know what he says? Yeah, what? You wanna know what he says? What? Can you start it at nine in the evening, and I'll be there. That's true, man. I go, cause my pot starts at 11.

He goes, I don't wake up. He doesn't. Who just, 11 a.m.? The world, Bobby. Yeah, but not comedians, fuck not. This one does. Yeah, it's like a vampire. I go, hey, we're having a party.

I go, where? You know, my house, what time? 2 p.m. When the sun's out! We're vampires! Do it again, sell it to the camera again. Do it again. Sell it to the camera again.

When the sun's out! We're vampires! Duh, duh, duh. Don't get, you know, you're, people get up at 11 when they're like, I'm hot, you know, people get up at 11 when like, I'm on that new show called, T-Bag. Yeah.

On HBO, it's great at high as they get up. They go to the gym at 10 in the morning. They go get like a brunch or whatever. Comics at 4, T-Bag, I don't know. Yeah, right? And then comics, 6 p.m., we kinda get up. We go to a little coffee, we go to do a show, that's what a real comic does.

Anyway, you can get up at 11 p.m. all, A.M. all you want, but Papa does not gonna do that. Papa's gonna remain a comedian. Do you sleep at reasonable hours? Yeah. What time? I go to bed at like 4 o'clock in the morning. Me too.

I feel like that's reasonable for a comic. Yeah, that's reasonable for a comic. I'm always, you know, writing. I would love, what do you think of this idea as a show? I'm gonna do routines. Cause I, you know, I pitched that show with me and David Cho.

Remember about, it's called cuffed art. And where you're handcuffed. So like basically two comics, right? For like a month, right? Is they have handcuffs tied to each other. So they have to go to each other's gigs. They have to sleep on the same bed. That's not how it goes.

Each week you take someone, each episode is someone who you're cuffed to someone else. No, and the first, no, the first pitch though, baby, I don't wanna fight with you. Oh, that's right, that's right. The first pitch was just me and David for like the whole season and just like living attached to each other, taking showers together.

No. You wouldn't be able to do it. You and I? No. How great would that be? It'd be amazing. Sleeping on the same bed together. You know, I'll do it.

Let's you a sizzle. Let's you one week. Yes. No, not a week. Three days. Oh my God. Three days attached. It would end in murder.

It would end in bloody murder. You'd just be dragging my corpse. You'd be a dead guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bobby's dead. Because he wakes up at reasonable hour and you don't wake up till 6 PM. But that's why the show would be funny

because there are just so many fights that would occur. Oh, so many. And things that I would have to do that. I don't want to like going to Joe Coy's son's like game, baseball game or I have to go to like, like Hello Kitty. Yeah, right. Like I have to go to like, yeah. I'm going to that fucking, you know,

the Hello Kitty store. Sanrio. Sanrio. Yeah. Oh my T-Thirt. You're trying to bypass what I tried to say earlier about offering. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Offering. This guy's the son of a bitch for lying. I offered him to come on my shows. I remember Vegas. I think it was Treasure Island or something like that. And I remember very specifically, this was like two years ago. So two weeks ago, he was playing Ontario

and he goes, hey, do Sunday. I go, okay. And then I never, two weeks ago, I was at the win. Two weeks, I was at the win. Whatever. The win theater. The win theater. Three sold out.

How many seats? How many people? That one was close to, that was 6,000 total seats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sold out. 6,000, 6,000. So what we've learned today is this, what we learned today is this.

We've learned a lot of things today, but we've learned that a relationship isn't a two-way street. Sometimes when you have two people, one's more generous than the other. And so I think by the facts of this trial and in this case, it shows that I'm the one that's being harmed.

I'm the one that gives and doesn't receive. What the fuck? I'm the one, listen. I don't think any of your listeners got that. None of your listeners got that from this show. Not one fucking person that's listening. Yeah, they did. Because they're sleepers, they're my people.

They're my fucking fans. They're my fucking fans too, okay? And they get me. You know, after, you know, I'll tell you this, my friend. I'll tell you this, my friend. What? Right? I can't do two weeks in Ontario,

but I can sell out a weekend. And those people that come to my shows, they love me too. They love you. And I'm giving them a message. It has nothing to do with you. What I'm saying to you people, right, is in a relationship, one person, right,

is more giving sometimes than the other person. And the other person, right, being an island, an island gook, right? Being an island gook, they suck up the energy sometimes. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I've been to Korea. I've been to Korea.

I've been to the Philippines too, friend. I've been to the, you wanna talk about, you wanna say, I've been to Korea. You wanna say, I've been to Korea. And I love the Philippines. And I love the Koreans. I love your mud rivers. And I love the fact.

Those are mud rivers. Those are mud rivers. My girlfriend. My bad, babe. How fucking damn good. Yeah, yeah, the shit rivers that you, well, go ahead, tell me about Korea. I love what you guys do.

I love you guys too so much. The 33% of the country that you can work with. I love the fact that you're, oh man, you're talking about that shit right now, man. I'm just. Would you go to the Philippines with Bobby? What you guys get to do, you get this much. Yeah.

And then this much goes to golf courses and air bases. And then this goes to a guy that looks just like you. Right. He owns a northern part of it. Interesting. So enjoy whatever that is that area down there in the south. I wanna see you guys travel together.

I wanna see you go to the Philippines with Joe and maybe he can go with you. He would be missing in the Philippines. I would see to it. You know what I love? Okay, you know, here's what, this is what'll help me. What?

And I'm being real. Let's hang up each other and go to Korea and the Philippines. That'd be great. That would be good. That would be so fucking good. That'd be so funny. But the next time you do, I'm gonna ask for a favor.

Because, you know, I've given you the tiger belly twice and you've given me none of your zero times. That I want a favor. And my favor is the next time you do a gigantic show like a theater show. One of your like stadiums. He has asked for it over the years. Bobby, I would love to do.

Where's my camera? I'd love to do 15.20. Where's my camera? Where is it? It's right here! There's this multi-camera. This multi, I have offered,

I have offered every show that I've had. I said, Bobby, just walk on stage. You don't have to ask. You don't have to tell anybody. Just walk on. And what do you say every time? Okay. No, you don't.

Does he say that? He doesn't reply to it. He never replies. You're a piece of shit. I know. Okay. Yeah. Is this my camera?

And that's the more- Which one's my camera? Is it the one behind me or the one directly in front of me? Look in the mirror. Wait, no, you look at that camera. I'll look at this one. Okay.

So. What? You tell me. You tell me, Bobby. I'm sorry. Tell me. All right, so. So what?

What I'm saying to you right now, people. Okay, listen to me right now, okay? Tell me. And you have the facts. You've listened to this podcast from beginning to end. And be honest. Be honest and know in your hearts. Know in your heart.

Now listen to the facts, okay? And don't do it for fun. Right? You know, going on his side. Going on his side would only be for fun. This Filipino. But you know he's a fucking liar. He's a liar.

This fucker goes around all over the world. Sells like gigantic theaters, right? I've asked for fucking some promotional help. Oh, I. About being on like your podcast. Why are you fucking kidding me? I promoted that. And you didn't give me nothing.

And then last week you're like, I have a Netflix special. Can you, can I do tiger bell? I go, yeah, I'll clear Monday for you. You fuck. Thank you. Because I love you. But you would not do the same. I sold four arenas out in Hawaii.

I know. And it was documented for Netflix. You don't deserve it sometimes. It's trending. You don't deserve it sometimes. It's trending. Anyway, anyway, what do we have time? Oh, that was an hour.

Now, can we get through this unhelpful advice? Yeah. Okay. We have actually a couple of Patreon questions. Let's get some Patreon questions. But I love you so much. I love you so much. That was so fun.

You really are my everything. No, I do. You and I are going to do something one day. You are my inspiration. You are my inspiration to life. And that's not coming. I'm not being funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude. I want you to know that. And I'm documenting it right now. Yeah, yeah. I tell everybody. You're the reason for my motivation. All my tweets about you. Go fuck yourself, man.

Your tweets about you, man. I have to go back into history, but lots. Like you. So give me the thing. This is from our Patreon, kentechkulala. He says, fuck Mary Kale. Joe, Dr. Ken, Steve Byrne, or the captain, Bobby Lee. Wait.

Fuck Mary Kale. And the reasons why. Oh my God. I would, okay. Who are the three options again? Dr. Ken. Okay. Steve Byrne.

I would marry him. Who? Steve? No, no, Dr. Ken. You would marry Dr. Ken. You would marry Dr. Ken. My whole point of this whole thing is I'm trying to get to killing you.

I understand that. You know what I mean? I was just trying to find my options. But I think married to Dr. Ken would kill you. So anyway, go ahead. What do you want, Bobby? You know what? How do you want me to marry you?

I want to marry you. I'll marry you. I'll marry you. I'll marry you. I want to marry you. We had so much fun together. It would break me if you married Ken over me. Let's get a tour bus and let's just go.

Oh, wow. You'd have to headline. No shit. Oh, I love that. I fucking... I fucking said that. You think we were going to flip a coin? Oh, man, I love it.

How the fuck are we going to pay for the tour bus? Holy shit. Oh, fuck. Go to the next one. No, okay. So Ken is married, right? Steve is fuck. Yeah.

Yeah. There you go. Okay. Is that cool? Can you ask me the question? Yes. Who would you fuck marry Kill? Between Joe's and their right.

Yeah. So Dr. Ken, Steve Byrne, Joe Coy. Steve Byrne, I would fuck. He's a Steve. Yeah, yeah. I would go Steve, come over, see the hard wooden floor, get completely naked, stick your stomach.

Your stomach has to be touching the hard wooden floor, right? If you sprout your butt up even a second, right? I ain't going to like it, right? So just completely flat, right? I would put your headphones on him, like earphones, like plugs. So you couldn't listen. Head bandana, right?

And I would fucking have a fucking fiesta of his butthole. I mean, I would spread it open, put fucking, what's that, that Asians, the Asian sauce that people love, the sriracha. Oh, sriracha? Sriracha, dude. The Asian sauce.

Sriracha, right? I want to see what this feels like with the sriracha and it burns a little, it'll be fun. Oh, yeah. No, probably not the sriracha. And so who would you marry? I would marry Joe. Thank you.

Give me the next wash. This is from Leon Zhou. Since Bobby and Colloker are thinking of having kids down the line, can Joe give some experience raising a kid in Hollywood? They've talked about this many times. Private school? Yeah, private school.

It's a different generation now. I got my son a car and he doesn't really care. He rides, he drives Uber. Yeah. It's all Uber, it's a different generation now. It's, it's so. But he would rather take Uber than drive. And so would his friends.

And I got him a nice car. He don't care. He doesn't care? He doesn't care. Wow, how old is he now? He's 16. How much? And he, he rather Uber.

How much access, like how much money do you like ration out to a teenager like that? You're gonna hate me as a parent, but he's got so much money. I know. But if he's a good kid, I can understand why. But I was gone a lot, a lot of his years, right? I was gone from one through six.

Yeah. And I feel like from six till now, I've just been like, I've been in the position where I can give him everything. And I feel bad cause I'm trying to make up for what I didn't have there. And I over, over spoil him. But you know what?

He's a great fucking kid. And he turned good, even though I think most kids probably would have turned bad in that situation. Yeah. I saw him do something that I like, I remember we were writing at his place. And you're someone to play basketball or something.

You're like, you have to fucking do that work. Yeah. Like he did a, holy fuck, he really is a parent. Like he was stern and his son was scared of it. Like, oh, dad's telling me, you know? I have a question for you. Well, how do you, well, we're gonna raise a teenager for the next two years that's gonna be living

with us, my niece. Oh, nice. So I'm kind of scared that you're just gonna do what you already do now, which is just hand her everything. You know what? Juliana is the same age as his son. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, about the same age. And so is he. Juliana's cute. Okay. Are we gonna do the whole Filipino matchmaking thing? I'm maybe. So Filipino. Let me ask you a, be honest.

I'm gonna ask you a question, be honest with me. Yeah. I'll buy you a Rolex. When you're 18, if you. I'll buy you a Rolex. If your son at 18 said, hey, dad is wife. Dad, I'm gay and I'm gonna see Bobby and Bobby and I are dating for 18.

What would you do? What scenario? I'd be happy about it. No, you wouldn't. Why? His choice sucks, Bobby. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Bobby Lee?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only thing that would suck. Right. But here's another thing. And this is what I'm tired about, about modern day comedy is, and I'm gonna say, we might have to cut this out. I'm just gonna say it. I can't edit, I can't filter.

I gotta try. Okay. You know, this is not like, you know, when people come to, when people came to mad TV, people were like, wow, this place is crazy. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Because you would have people running down the hallways naked, you know what I mean? There was like racial things, slurs. People are like having, we had fun. Yeah. Yeah. Ripping on each other, our race, our gender, everything, right?

We would do like, I saw Deborah Wilson's vagina, like the second that was there, right? And I'm like, oh yeah, this is comedy, right? But now the younger generation, you can't say shit. You can't do shit. Yeah. Back in our day, dude, we were wild. But amongst each other.

Yeah. Even among, I fuck around with my fucking openers. I'll use it. Don't do that to me, man. That's, dude, that's morally wrong. And you're like, what? Are you a comedian? Or a fucking, you know?

Jesuit Christian guy. Jesuit. Is that the right one? Yeah. Thank you. All right. No, because we did the Panda season. No, we did everything.

Yeah, we did the Panda season. I want to say this, okay. That was the second time I saw it. I want to say this, if I'm not on your podcast within the next month, we're going to have very big problems. I want you on now. Doesn't matter. It's got to be past three.

All right, so I have to reschedule for you. That's fine. All right, done. Are you going to be on it? I'm going to do it. Okay. Secondly, because spilling up together is gone and I have, I'm doing other things,

but I would love to try to find something for us to do. Let's go. Okay. And- We have unhelpful advice. Yeah, doing unhelpful. No, I just want to tell that before I even, I don't want to forget.

You know what I mean? So go ahead. Unhelpful advice with Bobby, Kalyla, and Joe Coyne. Hey guys, to keep it simple, I've been trying my darnest to fuck a milf, but I'm not having any luck. Dating apps have got to be close, but no luck. And the milf I met in real life

usually has a ring on her finger, so I leave her alone. What can I do to fulfill this fantasy? I've considered hiring an escort, but most older women I've found only one guys above the age of 35, and I'm 20. Another problem with the escort idea is I wanted to be a friends with benefits situation, but I guess beggars can't be choosers.

Thanks. What shall I do? Whoa. I mean, the criterion for a milf varies, right? Now in porn, she just has to be over a certain age and she's a milf, but what kind of milf does he want someone who's had a child? Dude, I saw a porn a couple of weeks ago where it said milf,

and the girl was obviously 19. Like, no, that girl's 19. No, it said milf. Yeah, like, what the fuck is a milf then? Dana. Dana DeArman? Yeah. She does milf porn, but she doesn't have kids.

She's insane. Milf is 40 above. 40 above kids. Has to have kids. Kids, right? Have kids. Yeah. I want to see a C-section scar.

I mean, I want to see a brain, half of a fallopian tube sticking out of the fucking vaginal canal, right? Just to say hello. But you had sex with a grandma in the back of her Toyota Sienna, right? First of all, a Toyota Sienna. Because she's like a soccer grandma. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How was it? Well, I didn't fuck her. I sucked on her titties. And we did really wet French kisses. Really wet, where it was like, you know how somebody kisses? Because I'm kind of, you know, I start slowly on the lips, right? Yeah, the small lips.

Little bit on the lips, right? Dab a tongue. And you get into it, right? But she did. Yeah, she went in. Oh, damn. Like a car wash, right? So you go in like, you know, I'm going to do my style,

but then you're always like, I guess, I guess that, right? It was like one of those kind of situations, right? So that was that. But her titties, right, were beautiful. They had freckles on top, right? And around the areola of the border. Here's, and I don't know if you know this about me, but I have a pet peeve about breasts, OK?

Yes, I need, I need a border. Oh, it can't be. Oh, it can't be. You can't be a blend kind of a situation. It can't look like you blew up the balloon and then the picture on the balloon. You don't like gradient. You don't like gradient.

Yeah. No gradient. No, no, no. He likes a real defined aerial. Right, with a different color palette, right? Yeah. No blending, right? She had a nice border.

It was a African-American woman's nipple. She wasn't even black. No, but the nipple was as if. And just imagine this. And I'm not cutting this out. Imagine, just listen to me. Can you hear my face out? All right, we'll cut it off.

Can you pixelate my face? I want to make my point, guys, is that it was a really white, right, big, freckly, right? Brust, but the nipples were like if Denzel's nipples. OK. She's got dark nipples. Great, wonderful. What size, though, the size of the sticker?

Silver dollar pancake? The size? Or smaller than that? If it's like that, it's too Andre the Giant. I can't do it. That's too big of a nipple. Areola, yeah. It's got to be just kind of.

You really have to have, like you're saying OK all the time. Like your tits go like this. OK, black nipples. Maybe that's what it is. So you like really dark nipples, because my nipples are not that dark. I don't like dark. I'm just saying what she had.

Because I could sharp that in. Why am I being pursued, persecuted, of telling a story? I tattooed my nipples, yeah. I got a fucking family story, man. She had grandkids the whole thing. I had to fucking work around her fucking, like the little red truck. I remember there was a red truck on that,

like a little toy truck of a grand kid. Yeah, it was in the back seat, stumbling around, and then put toy trucks on my back. Making a noise. Oh, what is that? Oh, it's a fucking brand new red toy truck. Like a fire truck. Right?

And she's like, come here, baby. And she goes, all right. I got to go to the fucking, you know, Oprah's nipple. It was great. I kind of want to be a slutty grandma like that. So anyway, you want to plug some things? I think this is it. No, plug something.

You want to plug? You have a show? What's your next show? Unhelpful advice. Unhelpful advice. That was it, baby. Fuck. So what does he do?

Yeah, what does he do? He wants to fuck a milf, bro, you can't just find it. Like it'll come to you, bro. That's when you send out that aura, that, that energy that you're only interested in old women with dark nipples. Yeah. They will come. Yeah.

I have. I know what to do and come. They will. What do you do? Yeah. What is it? I think that you should go to one of those like older, like, like the standard in downtown LA.

Like the older women there. Yeah. And then look like a deer in headlights. If you're a cute boy, look like you don't know what you're doing. I promise me, I promise you, you will get picked up. Yeah. Like innocent. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You're like, I'm only here for bottled water. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Also, we don't even know what this kid looks like. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. Older women, older women still want someone that looks human. No. No. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they do. Hey, buddy. This dude, me, shows up.

Oh, Jesus. Do the voice. Do the voice. Yeah. Hi. I'm, I'm bubble. I'm 19. Hi.

Hi. Hi. You want to fuck old lady? Um, know that this party is all locked up now. Exactly what I'm saying. Yeah. Cause I had. Very good role playing.

Yeah. And my friend Miguel, who is a really, really ugly Filipino guy. Geez. He got picked up by a very gorgeous milf at the standard. And this is how I know it can happen because I saw him just, I was in shock because he's a very meek dude. Yeah. Doesn't hit on anybody.

And she just ate him up. Yeah. Because mine wasn't, mine wasn't like, I looked at this old lady and went, I'm going to make out with it. She was waiting in line because I did this, you know, take photo line, whatever. So she came out to me and she goes, very, very good young man. Thank you lady.

She does wonderful, wonderful. And after that wonderful, were you picking up like something? No. I just, cause I, there was like hotter people behind her. So I'm like, hurry up. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

She was like, let me shake your hand buddy. Right. So she shook my hand and there was something in the hand. Her number. A number. Like if you want to have a good time, give me a call. Oh my God. So I went up to Kevin Christie, who opens for Whitney now.

And I go, Kevin, do you believe this shit? He's like, is she attractive? I see the whole lady. She's all right. And he goes, um, you have to do it. So I called and we had dinner. I took her to dinner. I took her to dinner.

Yeah. Yeah. I know what she got. I know what she got. What'd she get? She probably got like a, like a shepherd's pie. All right. Like shepherd's pie or fish and chips.

That's so funny what you just did that. Yeah. Right. Like a pot pie. Yeah. That's not that old people bought. Like that was hit back there. Like three calendars.

Yeah. Like three calendars. Steam cabbage, right? And some, like some of the steam meat or something. Yeah. Steam. Yeah. So anyway, we did that.

All right. I think we've passed the time limit. All right. I thought this podcast was so fun for me. It really was. It was like, no, but it was like, there's all this. It was, I thought it was 10 times better. You were great the last time.

Really great. But this one, I really loved. I love you, man. Uh-huh. What? Uh-huh. Bobby Lee, you're the, you're the shit. I love you.

I like to promote something while I'm doing it. I'm going to Montreal. Oh, you're going for just for laughs? You're going for just for laughs? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, nice, Bobby. And then I'm doing it.

When was the last time you did it? You didn't do it last year? I've never done it. You've never done it? Are you fucking with me right now? Is he fucking with me? He only started getting invited just last year, right? Yeah.

Bobby, that's fucking amazing. What are you playing? You're going to shame me. No, I'm not. I am so, I'm so happy for you right now. No, I don't know what you're doing right now, but I'm going to go down the throat. On my mom.

On my mom. I am 100% so happy for you. This is such a big fucking crowning moment in your career. It's not. You're playing just for laughs. Yeah, you are, bro. Because it's not, I'm not doing, I'm not doing new faces.

God damn it. I'm doing, I'm hoping. Of course you're not doing new faces, you fucking asshole. You think I'd be celebrating this moment if you were doing new faces? Hey, come see this old fucking guy. No, I'm happy that you've been invited. I'm hosting the dirty shows.

That's fucking amazing. And I'm doing a gala and some other couple of other... Yes! The galas. Who's going to be on your gala? I don't know. I hope it's Howie Mandel. So then I'm doing two weeks.

I'm doing Magnum PI for two weeks in Hawaii. Oh, that's so cool. And when's my next road day? Denver. I'm doing the comedy works. You have a Cleveland, Ohio. When? August 15th through 17th.

I love that. The Pickway? No, Hilarities. Hilarities. Yeah, yeah. You ever play Hilarities? Yeah, it's inside the Pickway. Yeah, the Pickway.

That's right, Pickway. How great is Nick? You mean the mob boss? Yeah. How nice is he, though? What do you mean mob boss? If you look at this guy, he looks like he can kill you and hide your body within five minutes.

Yeah, less. But he's the nicest guy. You know who he is? Mr. Wolf from Pulp Fiction. Yes. Yeah, right. If you need, if you need something like a body disposed or you want like at three in the morning,

let's say you want like, you know, like a light fixture that all the light fixture stores are closed, he'll get it for you. Oh, damn. Yeah, yeah. Like he's, he's. How many watts every day? That's his crush.

How many watts? Yeah. And you know what he did was the first time I ever played there, an old, because I used to, when I played there, I couldn't sell tickets there because no one knew me. This is years ago. And so, you know, they would comp the room. But, um, some man, um, wrote me a letter saying you should

quit doing comedy. Right. You should. You're, you're too dirty. You're not funny. You know, this old man made this world. And then put it in the comment box and some doorman who read it gave it to me.

Because I checked this letter out when you, you know, yeah, if you're employed, why would you give that? Yeah, why would you give that? Right. But then Nick found out the guy almost died. Oh, really? Yeah. Nick was furious, man.

But I love that room. That's a Pickwick restaurant that is also attached to what he owns. Great steakhouse. Great food. Great food. Hotels great. What a great club.

Great area. Yep. And I played one of the best clubs I've ever played in Wisconsin called, um, comedy on state. Comedy on state. Really? Have you played there? No, I'm playing a theater.

Hold on. Let me write that down. You know, I should have said that. What? Give me this. Give me this. This is mine. Oh, damn it.

Why was he trying to just sit back to you? Over there. Okay. So, um, no, no, it's okay. Congratulations on everything. What's the name of it again? Comedy on state. Comedy on state.

Yeah, you don't, you play theaters. It's fine. You know, when I was there, they're like, I go, this Theo player, they go, no, he plays a theater on the street. Does Delia play here? He plays a theater down the street. It's fine. Anyway, um, give, it's fine.

Give Joe Coy a round of applause. That's not how we're ending. I'm going to end that. No, we're not going to end that way. And no, we're not going to end that way. Say hi to everybody. No, we're not going to end that way. All right.

So turn everything off. No, you don't turn it off. I wanted to end like that. You do not. I'll tell you right now. I'll tell you right now. I'll tell you. I'll turn it off.

I got to turn it off for you. I'm going to turn it off for you. Turn it off. Where's my camera? Turn it off. Turn it off. We'll be right back with some housekeeping. Wow.

What a great episode. We're more and we're back to give you something great, which is real papayas of June. Yeah. We got real papayas of June, guys. And these people are extraordinary people. They've done heroic acts and they've done things that help the mankind. And when I say help, they pay a little extra for us and for our content. And I really appreciate it.

We've got Willie Will Bochler from the Bochler Clan. And those people, they're good with woodwork. They're good with their hands. Okay. We've got West Diggs, right? From Diggside Manor. Diggside Manor is a place that you can go to in Peoria, Illinois, where West Diggs and his family, they own a house and you go there and they have a shaving kit that you can use.

We've got Bon Johnson, right? Not confused for Dan Johnson. We've got Bon Johnson. Don Johnson, babe. Oh, Don Johnson. Yeah. Dan Johnson. Bon Johnson is better than Don Johnson.

Bon Johnson did. The autobahn. He did autobahn. Fuck you, man. Gilbert, fuck you. I'm sorry. I apologize. Don't ever laugh at Bon's name again.

He's great. He's great. I love him. We've got Raquel Wilkins. That's a woman. I think so. That's a beautiful woman. Yeah.

We met Raquel once. Right? In our dreams. Yeah. And she's got like the skin tone of an angel, which is white. We think. We think. We think.

We think. We've got Melvin Flores. Your speculation. Right? Melvin Flores. My favorite. I love Melvin. He's always here, huh?

On the list. He can read Melvin's name. He just gives me a really good feeling of my fucking joints. That's good. My joints get loose. You know, you don't need to put the fucking oil on. You fucking lipless. Fuck.

Sup, Jason. Jason. We got Hafiz from Singapore. Oh, and I don't know how Hafiz got from to Singapore because he's definitely not Asian. Hafiz. Hafiz. It is?

Yeah. Oh. Well, welcome. Welcome to Singapore. You deserve it. We've got Laszlo Tatay, right, which is also a cream for your, for your mind. For the mind. And I like that.

For your mind. Thank you so much, guys. Thank you, Patreon. What is this? Our papayas. Our papayas. Thank you so much for getting involved, and we love you so much, and without you, we're nothing.

Yeah. Thank you, guys. If you want more Tiger Belly in your life and you're listening now, you obviously do get premium audio episodes every week, only on Patreon.com slash Tiger Belly. And thanks to everyone who wrote us an iTunes review this week. You really helped us get into the top 30, and if you haven't yet, will you leave us a review? And to everybody who has an interesting problem or any kind of advice, or we have a new email

for unhelpful advice, and that is adviceunhelpful at gmail.com. Do you guys have any shoutouts? Claude, I know you're looking at food. Do you have a shoutout to your food that you want to eat? No. Are we supposed to eat together? Why are you eating ahead? I think he's hungry.

I was the one who was complaining about not having eaten 12 hours. Let's give a final shoutout to the Patreon, because didn't we talk about more about the fight that the Ontario people were? Oh, yes. If you guys were listening to this podcast, as you were, Bobby was talking about Sandy Danto and the whole thing that happened at the Ontario Improv. You can actually check out the whole story on our Patreon, so that's patreon.com slash Tiger Belly.

He's in the green room recording with his features and open opens. And Joe's Netflix special, have we promoted that enough? Promoted, George? Joe has Netflix special, guys, go watch it right now on Netflix.com. What's it called, George? Joe Koi, super special. Is it? No.

It's Joe Koi. Come on, George. What? No, no, no. What's it special called? It's called Joe Koi special, coming in hot, it's on Netflix, not Joe Koi's super special. All right. Close.

Yeah, close, those guys. So check out his special, guys, and we love you so much. You can follow us on Instagram at Tiger Belly, on Twitter at TheTigerBelly, email us any questions, obviously, at adviceonhealth.gmail.com, follow Colala on all social media. At CalamityK. And you can follow George at? George underscore Kimmel. You can follow Jason, noLipsat.

J-N-E-L-X. There it is. And also, guys, our mailing address, you can find somewhere. 1626, North Wilcox Avenue, number 161, Hollywood, California, 9-0-0-2-8. And that's why Calala's a champion, and guys, she's so hungry, so please send her some food. Have a good day. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad-free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts.

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