TigerBelly - Episode 201: No One is Calling Papa

Episode Date: July 3, 2019

Bobby refuses to take a Wok on the Wild Side. Khalyla takes revenge for a bad phone call. Gilbert tries out a new unhelpful voice. We talk, the wrath of the internet, hammer kicks, China Nights, and the female Brendan Schaub. Support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Hey Slap King here. I'm gonna throw out some live dates coming up. What do you think? I think it's a great idea Didn't ask you okay Cleveland, Ohio at Hilarity is August 15th through the 17th Denver, Colorado August 22nd through the 24th, which is called the comedy works one of my favorite clubs of all time We have Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at the helium. I believe September 12th through the 14th Portland, Oregon September 26th through the 28th, which is also a helium Which is where the last time I to shit my pants when I got in trouble because shit all over the place

Oxnard, California August October 11th through the 13th San Antonio at the lol, Texas October 18th to the 20th Arlington, Virginia November 1st of the 2nd Omaha, Nebraska at the comic He's a comic strip November 8th through the 9th and the Brea, California. There's an improv there November 22nd through the 24th Bring your grandma bring your little baby. I'm gonna teach everyone about Um sexuality and how to be okay. Thank you, and let's go You You

Five four three welcome to another episode of Tiger belly the podcast live not really we added it so it's not live Welcome though. I'm your captain slept king. You're gonna say savior and your savior. I am a save They already know there it is in this episode. I am gonna try to do less which what I mean by that is I Find myself. We had Joe Coyon and some other people and I find myself trying to be funny And going what? Oh, I'm not being funny. You know me and that would and you know what? It's not about funny. It's about just you know staying calm Right doing last never not funny and less even in your silence You're funny whether you're trying or not trying you are just always for the rest of your life

Going to be the funniest person. I know oh man even at your house the interior designers I know that was the funniest shit I've ever seen I were you talk to the interior design Yeah, and I had to like leave cuz I you just kept I I don't know if it if your jokes landed with a with one of the guy I had it with us. Yeah, they landed with us and we kept giggling But like one of the guys was like real like a serious contractor. You mean the skinny Jewish guy No, no, no like the more like oh, yeah, I like our medium MMA fight Cuz I because the other day I was even funnier because when I walked in there to the office their little store

Yeah, yeah, I go to the guy that guy owns the whole company. Oh, he's the owner Yeah, the MMA and I kept going hey, man, don't get near me man. You're a fuck machine He's why what are you saying that I got I know Jewish Jews like you Like Mike young you have the same kind of fucking look where they just like power fuck and there's no gentle breezes down Yeah, you have to sometimes when you're having making love guys. Uh-huh. Yeah, you can't be all like I'm a power fucker But that's for because I'm me I get so excited and I just want to show everything I'm gonna show you times though when you get gentle and I get freaked out. I love being slow Slow forms, but do you do it like out of nowhere like you're going pop up up up

And I'll just go in it. Yeah, and I'll just go yeah, and sometimes I'll just stick it in and do a hula hoop I Pussy that big bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a cause I was like it's like an auditorium I don't even call it a pussy swabbing my outside auditorium and There's all kinds of things going on in the sweat. You can smell sweat because people work out in there, but and Thank you, I guess for that compliment guys I don't feel that way and less is more and that's what I'm gonna do this episode

Here's another thing. I'm gonna say something serious and that's been on my mind because I'm pissed off about it is That and I want any potential Guests from here on out on the Tiger Belly program Right, we're not yanking the fucking Podcast we're not gonna edit it. Well, here's the deal if I tell people all the time you come to the podcast and After you're done if you seriously don't want something in it, we will go back. Mm-hmm, right and edit it out But you get a 24-hour window Once is out. It's out. Okay, cuz we've gotten a lot of this and you have to admit it and this is from two or three guests

I didn't think three Just one. I thought two two two two two two. Yeah Hey, can you yank that, you know, just pull the podcast because I lost a couple of acting jobs because of it Let me tell you something right now This podcast is gonna help you not hurt you. I Have been working more than ever since I've done this podcast it's only beneficial if you come on to it and You didn't lose the jobs because of the podcast you lost it because you didn't get it

What about if they thought their response Was gonna be good and then it turned out that the wrath of the internet rained down on them That's not the internet rains down on everyone. Do I know this? We all know what I since the introduction of the internet. I've been skewed alive He's a gay. He does. He's not funny. He's got a big head the whole fucking thing, right? Yeah He should never be on TV again. He sucks all that stuff and here's the thing. You just keep going You don't stop. All right, so we're not doing that anymore. So we have some guests coming up Brittany furlons. Yep, we've got my little Mexican bean bean Johnny Johnny Sanchez a little bean bean there

It's coming. We got some big one. We moved in the house. We've got a couple of big ones. That's really gonna help shock everybody I think that we should also address the fact that we just knocked out 200 episodes. Yeah Oh, yeah, and our 200th episode was supposed to be The transition between this studio to the new studio But because we got behind on our moving timeline What we're gonna do now is we're gonna record the very last episode here Yeah, a bunch of fans that we're gonna personally. Oh cool. When so this house is gonna be empty We're gonna be packed with boxes and we're just gonna stack the whole house with fans. How many I don't ever you want

Let's not do more than just 10 need 20. Should we invite you are let's do 20 and we'll sit in here right in this room Yeah, yeah, we'll do oh, that's a good idea. I like it. I gotta get should we invite your friend next door Who's my friend next door the one that died? No dog poop. All right, listen listen people been asking about sweetie The one that died Can't come I don't know. Maybe we can like I don't know if you realize what death is Remember when you said that Lily Tomlin did a seance at the comedy store I could potentially do the same. Okay. I also want to say this I really the other day I was driving in my Prius down sunset going about 90 miles per hour

And I thought to myself and this thought came up. Yeah, there are no ghosts Why really? Yeah, that's what the thought in my head. You believe in ghosts. I was a believer I was driving down as fast as I could and just as I just had an epiphany. There are no ghosts What triggered that I just thought about it There's no ghosts just because you haven't because no that's not what it is You can't even see a coyote in front of you staring right back at you Yeah, because walking the other night and I was like Bobby. There's a fucking coyote right one foot away from you What he's like, where where I'm right? Yeah in front of your fucking babe. Where's a

Yeah, yeah that close fuck. Yeah, he's blind. Yeah, I don't believe in it because the thing is is that you know when I was younger You know, you know, you grew up in a little neighborhood and people go Hey, let's go down to you know, let's go to the old Jameson's place mr. McFeely Yeah, McFeely, right because it's always there's always one house that's like in the woods Right and then that like you never seen the owner or whatever and then over the years There's like people make up stories about them. Yeah, like he microwaves puppies or whatever I They're like, oh and so then you at three in the morning

You smoke some pot with your friends in high school and you giggle and you you know me and you walked it You know the McPherson's house wherever I said the names about the McFeely's house and then you know You your sensory is you you can convince yourself that you see some things or you you know, or you heard something But it's all in your mind. Okay. What about the company store stuff though? Yeah, like how do you explain like since we've been looking at homes and stuff? How do you explain the feeling we both get individually without even talking to one another? There have been some homes when we go in we walk or write the fuck back out and we're like there's something There's something up at home. I have a great. I have a great answer to that friend. What is my girlfriend?

And my answer is this Why am I not a criminal? You answered with a question What and I'm asking the room. Why am I not a criminal because you're a coward. No, oh, that's not why I was not gonna say that Oh, I'm sorry. You haven't because even if there's a point 001% Right that if I go to prison that I get raped. Yeah, right that thought alone that point 001% right, I'm not gonna risk that

right so for me If I have a feeling I don't think it's a ghost, but I don't want to risk the fact Right because I don't want to be like yes in your own head What I'm saying is what causes the feeling what causes the hair behind my neck to stand your mind No, but I go in there excited to look at a home. I could potentially live in your mind, baby Your mind I'm not looking for bad things Especially because they're homes that really look nice on in pictures I'm like fuck. Yeah, this is the home and you walk in and you're like whoa like this just doesn't feel

This feels like some things happened here. Do you want me to put the dogs in there? You're gonna have just fucking me up Okay, go ahead. Sorry. No, we have to stop to stop. I can't fucking me up. We'll be back guys. Hey guys the dogs Hey guys slept king here. I have some upcoming live dates coming up We've got Cleveland, Ohio August 15th through the 17th at the hilarity Denver, Colorado August 22nd through the 24th, which is called the What's it called Comedy work Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at the helium September 12th through the 14th, okay Portland, Oregon September 26th to 28th That's a helium as well. Yeah, Oxnard, California October 11th through the 13th. That's a

Improv what's it? They called levity live San Antonio, Texas October 18th to the 20th. That's a Lol, I was gonna say it Arlington, Virginia November 1st the 2nd I'll Omaha, Nebraska at the whatever November 8th to the 9th and Brea improv, California November 22nd through to the 24th And go to bobbylead.com and grab them before they're gone Welcome to in their episode. Oh, let's not start again. I just saw the cutest thing right now You know when you accidentally see someone's phone when they don't intend for you to see what's on their phone I Gilbert was laughing at Bobby reading his dates and I look over to my left and there's a video of two little hedgehogs

It's like staring up at the screen. What the fuck are you doing? They're just hamsters. I got Cindy to hamster Oh, no, really? Oh, they look like hedgehogs. Where was that? Oh, so cute Yeah, how big do they get these guys? They say that's small Can I ask you another question about hedgehogs? Yes, it doesn't hamsters, baby hedgehogs are this way whatever. I don't know different Whatever they are. Yeah Those are like bourgeois rats. That's all it really is. I have rats are fancy themselves Oh, they are they're not I think they're called fancy rats actually in the story hamsters No rats are called fancy rats. I really like the dumbo-eared rats. Have you seen those?

Well, those anyway, what were you looking at that for it was a Just looking at hamster. I think that we should go through our last our couple last searches in the internet We're gonna stop this at the top. I'm starting from the top The ghost why why why why why is that so good if people are already people already heard it Let me know it. Let me just see if I could start from the beginning and see if I can get close to what I already said actually that is That's right. Let's try it's gonna be funny. Okay. Go ahead. Okay. So anyway, welcome to another episode. Yep, right? And here's the deal, you know, I have new rules Very good. I it's not gonna work. You know that this is you already missed the first part

I know that is one of the biggest anxiety triggers for me. I cannot watch Groundhog day. I cannot watch Russian doll source code I cannot see watch things that start over and over and over again. Why it causes me to break down mentally It's like a there's a Star Trek. There's a Star Trek next generation that has that. Yeah, one episode. I need you to see it Well, it's really good. It's really good. He loves to watch me suffer. Please don't let that Oh, yeah, because I I swear to fucking God That my leg It's still fucking hurts. What have you mentioned this last night? So what happened six days ago? I you know, I like to

Russell, okay, we know and I was wrestling around with Kalyla and She got an angle on me and she did one of her Muay Thai heel Hammered down. They're fucking hard. No, it was a very standard classic American dead leg It wasn't no Muay Thai And it hit me right where all the nerves project into this one, you know, I mean area hi Also, what did you do that that warranted that kind of aggression nothing? Do you know what he did? I had been on the phone with spectrum and I hate. Oh, yeah, I

Hate calling any type of like phone company. She's been on for like 30 minutes spectrum. All right on live Okay, so I put on speaker I put on speaker put it right next to me because I'm like look I'm not gonna put it to my phone like this for 30 minutes And that's because we need Wi-Fi and all that stuff in the new house But he doesn't that's not part of his agenda apparently because for the next for 10 minutes He threatens that he's going to hang up and I was like, don't you fucking hang up? I'm already 20 minutes invested Yeah, and more and more he started creeping over to me creeping. I was like, I will fucking hurt you I will hurt you really bad. Were you kind of you kind of laughing or were you? No, I told him

I was like, I've been waiting this fucking long. I'm invested and He didn't you know take heed so he rushed me wrestled me and hung up the phone and So I had to retaliate. I was Nobody tells the slept king what to do Not right. My gut says do it. I do it and that's a new rule Mm-hmm, right. Don't fuck around Mm-hmm. Yeah, if Papa gonna say something Papa gonna do it

But then he then he threatened to cancel all his Ontario shows impromptu shows because he said he couldn't walk That's too. He tells his manager. He called his manager to complain about his leg Yes, and he's I don't think I can walk on stage. I did I did and he says it's Calila's fault. It's Calila's fault What did Abby say? She's I'm not doing that. There's no way I'm doing that. Yeah I go you have to I can't move you want me to not go up on stage You know and um, I Know but the thing is is that um, well, I did something else like that too. Oh

Yeah, so I had to do press for Ontario. Uh-huh, right? So I could it's it's one radio station Which is a good one. Mm-hmm. What's that called? Oh, honey Hamilton. Yeah, it's a great morning news show I've done it before But it's like five in the morning I'm like I have to go to Culver City and then go straight from Culver City to Ontario To do shows and they got me a hotel room so I could sleep all during the day So I'd like five in the morning. I called Abby. Abby was in New York my manager and I go I can't do it There's no way I can do it

So they're ready for you You know we said you would you said you would do it and I made a deal I go I'll go on the next three auditions no matter what it is I'll go in physically Fuck if you get me out of this so she got me out Damn, so sometimes when you talk to people you have to give them, you know You have to negotiate You get to tell them deals And I'm a deal maker

Like Trump and imagine trying to make deals with a deal maker So what I have to do is I have to play the game So if I want him like last deal for instance if I desperately want him to see a doctor Yeah, I will I will make sure that there's an audition that day that he he wants to get out of And he so that he'll be like, okay fine. I'd rather go to the doctor. Yes, but I will fabricate an audition So that yeah, he thinks I don't really know the doctor is a good deal. Yeah. Do you know this that she's fabricating? Yeah No, she doesn't. No, I don't. No, he doesn't. Here's the thing though. Oh, he does because

Because I still believe right that um It's auditions and I went on how many I went on some film ones this year Yeah, yeah, I tested for that Regency one. I went in there and I did that one other one. I hope you read for that one Yeah, DC one. Yeah, I've sent someone some it's just like Yeah, it's just not I'm not getting any close. I'm not getting close and um, you know, it disturbs me because um You know people see all the time

It's your time to me And I go, what do you mean? And they go, you know, because of crazy rich Asians and all these other things like being asian is hot right now But pop no one calling papa Right, and then when I talk to other ones like the other ones like jimmy yoyang or alec. Yeah. Oh, yeah We got 15 movies coming out Right. Yeah, we got like every you know, I mean we got everything

Yeah, right and then, you know, I look at someone like joe coy and I And margot show as a two. Yeah and I have to reiterate and stress how Important it was for someone like margaret to hit the scene When she hit it, you know, um, when I started Not only were there no auditions for Asians

We couldn't even get stage time Right in the 90s like there wasn't a lot And the ones that here's the thing asian comics before I started A lot of them got up on stage only because of the fact that they had an accent you mean or they you know It wasn't necessarily they wrote jokes to get laughs people would just laugh at them You're like john like the old johnny yoon thing. I said when he his applause break when he said hot all

right So it was much harder I'm not blowing steam up my ass. I'm just I just this is the reality Of it was fucking difficult. I don't think anyone would argue with the fact that but that's the thing It's like I know but the thing is is that like but now that it's easy. It's hard for me I see what you're saying. So now that it's easy for the younger asian generation. It's harder for the pioneers Yeah, but it's like I I don't look at myself as older I don't either. I honestly don't I look in the mirror and I go. Yeah

There we go. What's that keep that going? Right, and I do like sometimes I do double wings in the fucking out window to yourself Yeah, I'll go like that and the image will do it back because it's a mirror Right, that's what it does Right, so I like this at the same time the mirror image will do it. Yeah, and that's me like I'm double sexy right there, man Yeah, you know, but I feel young. I feel relevant Um, also when I go to these like china nights, who do you see there? What are china nights? Well, we're asian, you know, because you know the um

Like the laugh factory has on friday nights. They have laugh out loud or china night china I don't know what it's called, but it's they always have diversity. You know how like asian porn has the most racist titles Yeah, it's like, you know, I know the world has grown to be very sensitive about slurs And what would to call but no one gave the memo to the porn industry Oh, no, because it's like if you go and see asian porn it's like Gook fantasy fuck holes number six

Right ching chong, you know yellow pussy. Yeah Yeah, I'm telling you right now. That's a Bangkok stick nine cocks. That's true. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Yeah, that's the next special Yeah, or something It's always like some sort of you're gonna say that was my nickname That was my nickname This your opportunity missed opportunity. Have you read those things? I was like that those like asian they're aggressive Right, and then sometimes like when you say, you know, let me look some up. Yeah Um, singable slanite, you know

Gook pussy, but then when they do an interview in the video, they're like girls that grew up in riverside Like hi, um, my name is sammy Right, you're like, that's not no fucking gook gook from slanite from singapore This is false advertising. Oh, dude. There's one the top 25 best-selling asian porn movies of all time Let's go shout out to asa kira in sageable number one asa. Okay, uh walk on the wild side Okay. All right. Okay. All right. All right. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop there. Let's start. Let's address that. Okay thoughts captain My thoughts are this all right If you write we're in your shoes, you should wrote a movie called walk on the wild side

All right, and you're in a you're at fox and you're pitching it to whatever their film person is right? Yeah They'll walk you right out of the room friend. They'll walk you out. Yeah, they'll walk you okay walk you right out of the room Man, give me another one. Uh, this is pretty easy cock asian. That's easy. Go ahead. That's not that offensive Uh Me so horny. Yeah, there we go. That's what I'm saying. It's like that's fucking bullshit Persuasion one. Okay. That's the first one. What's the most racist one that you when you read that? Honestly, I think it was a walk on the wild side. It is because everything else is like Jay jugs. Oh japanese jugs. Okay. Uh-huh. Yeah. Jay jugs 40 little asians

40 little asians. What is that even? It's yeah, what's that? What's that thing? How do you say it when? When it's redundant. What's there's a term for that? Clila our webster Redundant redundant is the word I think yeah Why did you think because I looked over at my peripheral that was a good trick because you made us all go Thank you. Is it that's a trick me off me love you long time. Yeah, it's like all those ones, you know You couldn't you couldn't

You know name a rest chinese restaurant called me love you long time. I don't think Did you know I but I think that the fall places um they get away with in the early Them 2000s they try to get creative like the you know the You like what like what the fuck king like what the fuck fucking I saw a tie place called titanic Well, that's actually pretty good. That's clever That's clever if you had a restaurant. What would you name it? It had to be a pun. Well, I mean the honest truth would be um, I like restaurants where there's no sign Me too. Like I like restaurants where

You don't even know it's a restaurant Right. So if I were going to do a restaurant, there would be no sign probably a symbol That's sort of like like small A symbol You know, maybe an asian symbol. Oh, yeah or something And then um, it would just be reservation only Okay, and it would be so pure. I think you'd really enjoy my restaurant

I would get like Mashed potato popsicles Oh popsicles Yeah I've always wanted a popsicle that tasted like Thanksgiving food I'm down with that. All right, erase all that. This is dumb. No, I'm making it louder. Let's start from the top No, it's too. It's too redundant. We're starting from the top. I'm gonna have a full blown panic attack if I do the dates again If you do that again, Bobby, I'm telling you right now. Yeah

But I think about but it's rules of three. It is I have really have OCD. It's rules of three. I have OCD, babe. You want to touch my touch my hand? I know I always like that though. That's not No, no, no, it's I'm especially sweaty. Anyway guys, I have some dates coming Okay, leave all high Oh black dicks and asian chicks number three. All right. I'd stop reading those things Stop a rate get a different window. Go already. I'm already dissociating. I'm already really I'm not doing it again, baby I'm going into a fugue state. I'm not doing it again. Don't you get don't you go? I'm gonna exit my body

Please don't please don't don't you go out? um, so, uh Yeah, that's it. You know, I want to talk about Um, the episode of black mirror. I'm so I know but I'm so oh wait. Let's start over. No the black mirror So that let's I don't want to say I'm lost cut cut that little chunk out. Yeah mark it Even cut that part out about what I said before that about mashed potato popsicles. No, that's gonna be a clip People are gonna clip that mashed potato popsicle. I've always wanted Thanksgiving as a popsicle Yeah, but I don't even know I don't even mean what I said. It's a me. It's gonna be a meme. Trust me. This is viral. All right

Just as long as it's viral I'll do it. Um, so the other day we watched um the first episode of black mirror called striking vipers. Yep Yeah, you know what it was one of those things where um I grew up during Those platform games, you know where they had like street fighter and those kind of games you go to the arcade. It's a rage. Yeah, I um grew up with that shit I Watched that black mirror

Was so amazing to me Because the switch in there was I didn't see it coming. Nope. Did you did not see that? I don't want to give any spoilers, but um, I mean, it's been out for it's been out for I know but still but you know, it's basically You know about two guys or friends black guys. Best friends. Best friends and then um It's kind of in the future where um, they have these retro games coming out But then you can put these little um VR VR like they're not VR. These are future VR's temple where they're like two temple lights They stick on their thing and then they they get in they go into this world like the matrix Yeah, so it's these two black guys fighting this retro game

That's kind of like street fighter and they're fighting and it looks great. It looks so good in the game They're playing the actual characters. So one of them is a female. You are the avatar She looks like Chun Lee right and the other guy is like Ryu. Yeah, right? Yeah, and this they're fighting and at the end of the fight They start making out caught me off guard, right? It didn't catch me off guard. I was like something's gonna happen They're gonna fuck. I know it. All right. Fuck. Yeah so um, and I don't know It's a little confusing to me because Are they gay?

They're not what we discovered saying that so so they're not so what I'm saying is that if they're not gay And one of us a guy like one of us an avatar. That's a man and the other avatar is a woman How is he going to be gay when he is essentially? Um in in that world. He is a man fucking a woman because I'll tell you wait. There's a man but the reverse One of them is a girl fucking a man, right? Yeah, yeah, so that guy must be gay No, remember they kissed in real life and they're like, let's kiss and see if we even that was between though They fucked before that they hooked up before that what their first makeout was during the game. Yes

No, but here's what I think just because I am Fucking as a different character even though I feel all the sensations. It's just like For me when I'm in a dream state If I can say I compared to if I'm in a dream state and I'm fucking someone else Like my old swim coach and I'm like, oh fuck. This is horrible is horrible doesn't mean I'm actually attracted to my swim coach It just means that I'm in a different dimension and that happened in that dimension, but in my real life I don't feel that way, but here's the argument they He remember the guy came back was like I fucked a polar bear. I fucked all these things. It's not the same without you

Right, so that's where it's like I think that his friend has a certain draw and feelings towards him But I don't think the other guy was gay If George and I were in the same situation Right where we put the thing on who's the girl who's the guy? Let's say I'm The girl okay, and he's the guy. Yeah, right And now we're fighting and the girl is really hot. I'm really hot And he goes and he starts making out with me. I'm not gonna want to make out with him Oh, George, but if he was a woman woman also avatar

I might and that personality. I know it's George. Yeah, so you already don't like it But I would still do it Because it's a girl if it was he was playing a guy in the average. I wouldn't do it I think that you would do it with anyone We talked about this we've argued about this. I think that it's talking about Because I just compare it to my dream state. We're in my dream state. I fuck anything I know, but I don't I have no control over my dreams. That's my point in a video game situation. I have choices In a dream. I don't have any choice. I'm in it. I just think I've been kangaroos and stuff

In my dreams. I know I was a kangaroo once you lived the whole life. No, but I was in a dream I was a kangaroo. I was hopping up and down and like I didn't couldn't change it I have a question for you. What so of all the friends that you currently have delia santino, eric griffin your brother Um, all of these guys of if you were the the fighting character if you were ryu And they were the women of all of those people controlling that female character. Which one would you be most likely to fuck? Personality wise because if you know, oh, yeah, that's good. That's a good. That's a good setup. Did you put santino in there? I put santino in there. Can I throw in some guys that we know but that are on your list? Yeah Probably brennan schaub as a brennan schaub as a woman you'd fuck. Yeah, all right

Because I'll tell you why power play. That's a power. It's a power play because he is bigger in real life And and if I let's say I don't desire brennan at all in any kind of way, but um, Um, he would be somebody that he intimidates me physically So I would do it Just so that I can show Some sort of dominance and on top of that he would feel it too because remember the guy was like he was having female orgasms and a man's body Yeah, so brennan schaub would be having female orgasms

But if his ears are the same ears, I can't do it the cauliflower. Yeah, I can't do it No, he would be the female. Okay. Good. Yeah, then I would do brennan schaub motorboat Here's somebody that I wouldn't do no matter who was eric riffin I feel like and I'm gonna say something that is not racist Okay, well All right, and I think everyone hear that but for same reason if I'm an avatar Yeah, and he's a female avatar and we're in a game. I could probably still smell Food

Okay, the other day we got a fight. Uh-oh a big fight About with my brother about my brother. Oh, no And he is like because he my brother Uh, I'm gonna get into sensitive things, but I'm not gonna. Okay, but I'm just saying that we gotta fight. Yeah And but we were at the comedy store and we didn't want people to hear us fighting Because I remember fiheme and where I walked up to us while we were fighting like we were oh serious fight a red zone fight Oh, not joking. No. Hmm. And uh, and so we were getting closer and closer and his breath smelled um Um

Deep I'll just say that. Okay, and it was the smell that I don't want to smell again Maybe he just had a meal. Yeah, and didn't think he was getting Gonna get into a face-to-face fight with you. Sometimes that happens to me But like someone gets in my face and I'm like, oh my god, I haven't brushed my teeth yet But I now I'm committed now. I have they have to know what my breath is like Yeah I forgive that But yeah, he would not be somebody I would I don't find him sexual

That's a brandon shawb. You would I feel like brandon shawb would be game too Yeah, because when brandon did rogan after us he talked about he talked about on me He likes talking about you get hard. No, it didn't it didn't get hard But um, and also I want to defend myself when it comes to joe because I heard a little bit what joe said You saw the post that i'm afraid To go on it and something somewhere said he you run away. I run away. I don't run away. Here's the deal Is if joe called me it says, what are you doing thursday? I go, I don't nothing. Well, can you do the podcast at two? Yes

But I've never called anybody about being out any podcast You know, I did mark marins a long time ago the at wtf before it was that before Tiger belly, right? Yes, and he I went to eagle walk because he invited me and I went to his house and I did it You know, I've done that's how every all of them work since he's the johnny carson of all of the world now Yeah, he's the king I don't really feel like I should call the king You know, I want the king to call me You know, he really is people go joe rogan is

Does more for you Than being unfallen I believe which is 100 true. I believe that joe rogan is the He is the um johnny carson of our generation Because once you do it You'll automatically get a fan base Yeah Those people are ravenous and a lot of those fans are our fans as well crossover crossover. Um

So I would love to do joes And truth to be known It's not going to be um because you know when people say You know, we don't like um slap king because he tries to be alpha male, you know with you guys Right But the thing is is and I I try I try to be alpha me. I try to dominate But that's how you know, you're not an alpha the feeling the need to dominate is a very beta thing

I know alpha's good I know Just exists. I know I know but you don't have to say that out loud Let's avoid it that you know, you could have just said, you know, yeah, yeah Let me tell you something and you don't know this about yourself and you don't know this about me I am so done with A certain type of man you represent to me all that is good You don't have a toxic masculinity about you and I find that really attractive

I don't feel like you need to be this super straight edge, you know, um no homo guy I love that you've explored. I love that you've you know lived in You know the dark spaces of society. I love that you're a sick fuck I don't want you to be this cookie cutter guy, but I don't want you to be alpha either. I love that you're my bitch Okay, I'm just kidding I take it too far Just back up licks no bobo for you know, you know, you know, because when you talk like that I know it's not you. I know it's licks

Yeah, right. So licks sometimes pops out right and she gets aggressive, right? Yeah, she gets tough. She gets tough Yo dog my bad. That was a joke. I was being sincere. I know. I know. Here's the thing licks Licks, here's the deal I know that you have street credibility. I know that you have Urban tendencies and I know that you so many you grew up in the streets of pasadena and let me let me get this straight Yeah, let me actually make this clear to you. Pasadena has legitimate gangs. I know you don't want to believe that But the pasadena denver lanes is a real thing. Also the squiggly lanes are I know it sounds funny, but that's a real game

Yeah, it's a dance group. Have you ever heard of the latin kings? The latin kings existed in pasadena Well, yeah, you know the marshmallow puff boys are there too. Damn. Those are dangerous Have you ever heard of the marshmallow puff boys? Tell me the last thing they did what was the last thing they threw skittles at a school bus Fuck me Pasadena. Yeah, right About concrete softies the concrete softies. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck dude. I heard that like all throughout high school Yeah, yeah, yeah, pdl blood. Here's the deal the concrete softies, right? They don't the concrete softies. They don't yell. Fuck. They yell frick. Oh, that's george. That's george

Well, he's the leader of that bad guys. Yeah the group um So, yeah, I don't I'm not I don't I don't believe because I don't believe in it I haven't seen it Now if you're hard and you're from because you knew it was hard that guy that was at my show in lontario And I know and I'm I'm really upset that licks wasn't there What do licks would have what would licks do licks would have popped out her hoop earrings. No, you wouldn't Would you ask the lean seriously if you point at my face if you were in the green room

He was running up towards sandy. Would you know? I don't I wouldn't jump Blindly like that. But if it was bobby, I'm telling you right now if it was bobby Ask him now how it is even when people like approach him and I feel like uncomfortable about it I'll put my body in between. I believe bobby and somebody else easily. Do you think that makes me a coward? I just thought this During the fight when all that commotion was going on I could have went there and calmed it down. I think no, I don't think so. I think that what you did and because they were That's what the security is there for you're in the headliner. You're also a celebrity so that some shit would go down

Yeah, I think it would just um, maybe stir it up even more like they'll want to punch bobby lear But I want to say that I am the Kevin to your Whitney. I am the Kevin Costner to your Whitney Houston And I will always always protect you. Okay. Thank you bodyguard licks licks So, um, you don't think that if I like because I don't know I feel like if I went up there and I said Hey, dude, dude, and he saw it was me That he would calm down because he didn't buy a ticket randomly. He knows that I'm the headliner, right? Yeah And I'm not a celebrity guys. I don't know why you say that I think I think that you probably would have

Um, not been able to hold your tongue. You would have been you would have said something that Like you would probably like sit the fuck down. Yeah, and it wouldn't have calmed him and then he'd be all weird I still want to do this on my shows is have um, Like have some had just go I want to voice wanted to have a girl in the audience and say it was my daughter Right. Go into the audience. Oh my daughter's here. Yes. We tried to do right right So my daughter that thing my daughter's here in the place would go crazy I don't think they could do it now because most of the audience now is tiger belly fans Yeah, but what I wanted to do one time was go

Hey, my daughter's here and people clap and then stand up have her stand up and then just make out with her Don't you think how funny would that be so fun? I think you should try that I can't because and Montreal and Montreal maybe because when I go on stage and I go You know tiger belly fans. It's 90 percent. What about if you say niece? Oh, my niece from you know, yeah, that's why Kallala's niece because then people know the yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's my niece But we would have to find an actor. Yeah, not my actual niece show You know, all these kids, you know, here's that's another thing about I don't know about what

It's like I've been exposed to a lot of children in the last year. Yeah Yeah, you know kids from the ages of seven On teenage or even young in their late whatever playing up together. I love kids. Yeah being around kids and all that stuff and um I just don't know how There are people out there that harm them. I know. Oh, yeah, you know, I don't get it

It really is so startling to me. I mean If I was never exposed to children, I don't know, I never really thought about it But by being around children and you go even teenage Girls that other teenage boys might think is attractive I don't see anything. They're babies. They're kids. You know, they you know Hey, can I go get a lollipop? Go ahead? I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? But Even the way my niece still asks if she can have the cookies in the cupboard. Yeah, I think like can I open the

Yeah, I'm like, oh, she's a baby. Yeah, she's a baby But there's some dudes out there. It was a no, but you can have my dick. Oh my god. I missed right that exists out there Yeah, and they're like, I don't want dick. I want cookie Get it first shit. Yeah, I don't want dick. I want the cookie. Yeah They're both, you know desserts, I guess in certain certain areas in different regions. Yeah, um Anyway, um, that's that. Yeah, and uh, And we are back. Okay. You know, we're not cutting out the air a griffin and the breath thing All right, I'll tell you why licks try to defend because I don't know. We just pause for a second, right? Because um food

Because collida didn't we're eating and also collida didn't want um She wanted to take out the air griffin part where I said his breath stings And I'm not going to cut that out. If someone falsely claimed that I had bad breath, which I don't Yeah, you don't because I brush a lot and I've smelled Eric's breath and it smells just fine If someone falsely claimed I had bad breath for like 100 Tons of people to hear I'd be furious Is that the one that the one thing that would get you is breath? It would it would shatter me if someone said that on air that my breath was bad

Like I remember one time I was watching this vh1 show. I think it was like I love new york And then she she was like is there's like a little man Inside your mouth like wearing shit shoes And I remember that was like the worst roast that I had ever heard and it made me want to cry I'm like if someone said that about my breath I would be shattered. You've never had bad breath because I I have a oral fixation. Yeah, you never had that's my breath Surprisingly, okay It's surprisingly Jesus that answer was so forced

I think it's because it's all gums left back You don't have like tea to get to the food to get stuck in do floss Um, he he does we both have morning breath. Of course. That's natural. I you know what I've been doing is flossing I've never flossed before it's a bleed Yeah, but I've been stealing her floss from the um the shower. Do you know that I'll take a little bit? You know, I mean and I've been flossing it feels I can't believe I've never flossed before It's game changer, dude. Yeah, I mean I've had like fried chicken stuck between my teeth for three weeks before But do you smell when you floss? Do you smell when you floss? I'll be honest. I do it. Yeah, it's right here. It smells

Oh the back ones Like I like, you know used to just that's why I would get cavities between teeth Because I never floss, but it feels good to floss I wish my parents taught me things My parents never told me to floss We never had floss growing up. Yeah, because I they probably didn't learn it themselves. Like my mom didn't Yeah, but if that should be a thing when you come to America Right, and you're getting your green card or whatever. Pack it. Yeah, Ryan go. This is important. This is what we do here

Yeah, but can I just defend your parents for one hot second? How many teeth sets of teeth in the philippines am I fixing currently? A lot. Okay. What do you mean? I am fixing all of my family's mouths in the philippines I'm my own charity in that way where I'm like, you know what if there's one thing I'm gonna do for my family back home is to fix everyone's mouths Because I don't like bad breath on people So in order for me to have a proper relationship for everyone back home. I need everyone's mouths to be clean Man you go all out. Yeah, I do and I dump all my money Into like dental work implants anything you need. I got your mouth. It's so cheap out there like when I was in south Africa, I told you that's so cheap. So cheap. How much is it? Yeah, I remember in south Africa was not even that much

It was like a hundred bucks one dental implants here is probably four or five thousand dollars Over there to get a full cleaning extractions and everything. Do you know how much I paid like a hundred bucks? I can't believe it It's incredible It's incredible and they do a good job. Yeah, it's like, you know, when you get pills in tijuana You can't tell a difference. Yeah, that's why it's called. What is it called? Um medical vacation? Yeah, then medical holidays because people go down there for Vicodin and all the all kinds of all not Vicodin, um even like stuff like um Viagra or um cheaper hair. You're like, um, what's the hair one that they take?

Propesia. I'll say four hands, but they also do all the cosmetic surgeries there, too. Yeah I have friends who get dental work done in Mexico. Yeah a friend of ours Who I won't say but it's business. What is it our realtor? Michael yeah, remember he was my two my two thirds. I just came back from I just like yeah, oh michael But listen michael sold us our house, right? Yeah, did he make money off of that? Yeah, of course They get fucking regular for dentists Hey, michael go to a dentist. Yeah, I mean he made thousands and thousands of dollars on the deal

Dentists are the richest over in over here can put even more than doctors because well, they're doctors But I'm just saying because that's how much cosmetic dentistry costs. It's so expensive If you sell a house like michael did how much do you get? I think like three to six percent Yes, it's in the small but then he works for three to six three six percent of the whole what the cows cost Yeah, it depends shared with the firm. Yeah, but he has to give I think what's uh, I gotta look that up I had to look it up. Yeah. Yeah. Is he good front michael? No, no, he was great. He's a sweetie. We love you. I love that guy. Yeah a little too much almost He's a handsome fellow

I mean not in that way gilgis. No, but he's a handsome fellow So I have to do this david spade pilot tomorrow for comedy central and it's like It's a panel show I hate panel shows more than any other kind of show Was the last panel show you did chelsea And and chelsea's were so hard. I mean there are some episodes hard dude. There were some episodes where I would cry He would we would scramble

Me and nick yusef because bobby was already just over it after his like 600th appearance I didn't know you were dead. So me. No, I was yeah, I was dating him And so me and nick yusef would just sit here an hour before He would have to go um to the studio. We would just try and like Write jokes remember that? Yeah And then yeah, I remember one time. What's Gerard karmichael This is how dumb I am. So jar karm karmichael

Had his ravina done those guys were doing his show the jar gerard karmichael show And he was also I think an hbo special. I think he got into montreal too But I didn't know any of this stuff So in my head i'm like i'm just gonna ask that black guy to help me write Because I don't know who I I heard he hangs out with all the other funny guys Right and I heard he was a good writer after the hbo special. No, this is like he's about to do it or whatever But you know

He couldn't say no to me Right, so I ended up going to the like a coffee bean with him for hours And I could tell that he was like I was going what about this that you know, I mean I could tell that he was like Like he's gonna be here right now. You know, but what a good kid for doing that. Shout out to you jar I love you jar. We'd love jar karmichael too. You're on the on the podcast. He just His new show rami. Yeah, have you seen it? No, it's really good What's rami remember we got invited to the screening of it the hulu one. Yeah, it's about that kid Yeah, yeah, he's a comic from new york too

Um, we didn't go because you were out of town. Oh, but it's uh, it's a really good say we went we loved it But rami's great Um, do you have an unhelpful we do Unhelpful advice with bobby and you know, what do we try a different voice now from now on? Let's let's do something give me a little news. It's 200. We're in a new era here What kind do you want? I'll try that try to do a southern one like a real rednecky one It's gonna be a deep voice. I don't care Let's try it

Well Oh helpful vise with bobby in kalayla. That's the new one. I don't want to do that every week. I don't want to do that every week Can I go back? Yeah, no, no, it's so I got let's do three options. That's offensive to half the nation Okay, three options, right and we're gonna pick between the three So I like that one. Yeah, the next one try an asian one maybe All right, then forget that how about hispanic go hispanic on it then

Yeah, go hispanic Yeah, yeah Hey, bro on helpful advice What do you get kalayla? It's bad. It's bad. Yeah, it's horrible. I don't want to do all these on camera. That's real bad You can just say licks. It's a licks bro licks. A helpful advice licks. Yeah. Yeah, it's not good I'm gonna lose so many shows from this. All right. Try another one. Give me a third one How about nerd maybe a nerdy one or a nerdy one?

Oh a helpful advice with bobby at kalayla. I love that's the one. Yes. We have that. Let's try this What about this? We make a new rule every four weeks as cool as for the gas negatively. I'm an idiot. I don't care That's what I want to do. I want to do that four in a row Let's try that four in a row You're never you're gonna. I can do the deep until we go back unless unless You have about until tomorrow. Okay to figure out a really good one that you're comfortable with. Yeah But I don't want to run it right now. No deep. Okay. So we mix it up. Yeah. All right. I like the challenge In fact, you know what you can uh

How about this every week? It's got to be something different Until it lands right and we I don't want to know what it is. Okay. You just throw it out there And we don't even once you say it we won't acknowledge it acknowledges it the gas So he's gonna be like, oh, what if that's what happens every week, right? So um, go ahead There's a long one. No start do the unhelpful advice again I don't want to do that one. It's so all right. Go ahead. It's cringy go ahead Hi, I'm a 39 year old guy from Vancouver and I can use some advice Almost three years ago. I married my beautiful wife who might have been in a relationship with over 10 years

We met while working on cruise ships in our mid 20s And she is a european exotic creature that I hardly deserve Now that not that I'm a troll or anything just a smaller guy trying to get by in a big man's world Think younger david spade with a lot less talent Much like you guys sometimes people don't get the two of us are a couple. No offense bobby Stuff about him about him fast forward to the end a few months ago after she went to bed Uh, I checked my email only it wasn't mine. It was hers. She had left it open in our 10 plus years I've never looked through her phone or email or anything. We both know each other's passwords, but we still never felt the need

What I saw that night was that she had been having an affair behind my back for years With someone in her home country whom she never broke it off with all those trips. She would see uh She'd go home to see her family. She would see him as well that night I stayed up all night translating countless letters and messages. The most recent was only yesterday Things I hope no husband ever has to see and read And the needless to say I was crushed. I confronted her in the morning and we've talked about it To make a very long detailed story short. It's been a tough three months But we're trying to get past it. No, however has affected me a lot

I can't talk about it to anyone in order to protect my decision to stay with her I'm fluctuating between furious conversations with her in my mind and trying to rationally think it through and trying not to fall Into insecure self deprecating depression It's uh, it takes up far too much of my mental and emotional energy. I don't know how to deal with it The question is our anniversary and her birthday are coming up in july. No, they're only a few days apart Should I get two separate gifts or combine it to a larger gift? What's the right move here? That's the question. Love you guys in the show. I can't talk. That's a joke question because that's heartbreaking I was not expecting that question

That is so fucking funny Is he's being real? Let's assume let's assume the whole thing was real and that he no, I think the thing is real But the question is a joke to hide the pain hide the pain. I got it. I got it But also should he combine the good listen she spent how long Right, who knows how long she was like seeing this guy. He doesn't know it's and he he would have never known If he hadn't read the email because she's acting Yeah, right

Lying. Yeah, lying. Okay. She's dishonest You have to leave For me once I see one of those I don't care I'm out because it's dishonest I that's that's it Yes, I need forgiveness. No forgiveness That's tough to forget too. I put myself in a in a position of having been cheated on before. Have you been cheated on before? No Okay, that you've been lucky. You're lucky. You've never had to feel the pain of loving someone so deeply and

Feeling very betrayed by that person. You love so deeply. I've been there and I found out a very tricky way because my vagina started Not feeling good Oh, and I I'm one of those that's just very sensitive to like a new flora and I had I had noticed that I wasn't feeling good down there and my partner had just come back from being on the road because he was a tattoo artist and he was like, you know He would go on the road and tattoo certain people or whatever And I became suspicious and when I asked him I was like, I know my body

This shit just doesn't happen on its own And I was like, I'm gonna go to the doctor tomorrow. I can go to the doctor tomorrow And find out what it is or you can tell me right the fuck now And that's how I found out that I got cheated on and I was so fucking In love with him. He was much older than me too And he always threw the the the age card at me. Oh, you just don't understand life You're only 22 years old and he was already towards almost 40 And he would always throw that at my face like you're not mature. You're not this you're 22

You don't know like what real relationships are like and this motherfucker had the gall to cheat on me multiple times I later found out it was multiple times But it's not easy to leave when you've had history. Are you still with him invested? You're not with them anymore. I got I actually stayed despite the cheating. I left because he hit me Oh that guy I stayed despite the cheating. I was willing to work. Okay. I just I'm just not you know, but the backhanded it I was like nope. No, no, no, no. I'm see here. I'm just not made. I honestly like I don't I don't

I can leave You know once dishonesty is there. I just like fuck it. There's so many other people in the world. I don't I have such a little time You know come on guy You know, that's the fucking dishonest bullshit. Yeah, this one's a tough one because it sounds like the affair had been going on for a long time I don't like it for 10 years. Yeah. I have another interesting advice Unhelpful advice question that was a combined gift. I think combined. All right. Do do the voice again Do it again Hi guys a helpful fight with bobby a koala. Oh my god. It's so terrible. I love it. No, I hate it. Hey guys

Hey guys, I want to try and do one. Okay. Hi guys. Hi guys Hi guys, there it is falsetto everyone And an helpful advice with me and koala We're gonna save that one actually that's good. Hey, this one was written directly to me So I feel like I we owe him an answer. Go ahead Hey there, koala. I'm a huge tiger belly fan and I love bobby so much. I love you I am from teneza and we still

Hold on. Hold on. I don't love you Let me get to the let me get to teneza. Food's not that good. It's this is important the fact that he's from teneza Okay, cool. Okay, so I know that bobby sucked dicks before. All right. Okay. Who's this guy? Who's this? I think you should do the strip, please This is an important question. You can improvise second pass You could omit things. No, no, no, no, this is very irrelevant. This is and how do I say it? This is very pertinent information. Okay, so I know that bobby sucked dicks before Oh, it's repeated. Okay. I had to if you keep interrupting me. I will groundhog day this. All right. Go ahead

So I know bobby sucked dicks before don't say it again though If you say it again, we're not doing it. Okay. All right fine I am 22 years old And I and I never had any sexual experiences with any girl only making out But I have had sex with men before But I don't know I don't have any kind of emotions towards them. I am really confused about my sexuality I just want to know if bobby thought he was gay at some time in his life and what what

Made him stop having experiences with guys and how he was straight. Hold on. This is an important part Living in a muslim country. That's why teneza was important It's hard to hook up with girls Guys on the other hand are easy to have sex with in my previous gay experiences I never could have a full boner to penetrate my partner and I have always wondered if it's probably because I don't really like guys I really need bobby's advice. I'm really confused about my sexuality Your podcast has really helped me some hard times I or I've always known that I wasn't gay

I don't Care if I am or not. I honestly don't yeah Um, if I was a comic and I was gay I would be a gay comic. I would say it out loud. I wouldn't hide it like some other people do Yeah, I could name some names Right because we want to edit it out, but um I can put some initials out there. No, no, we don't like it. All right. Sorry my bad. Yeah My bad

But um, yeah, I mean dude, you know if you are or you're not and by being in a muslim country and if it's difficult Move to fucking wisconsin Because in wisconsin, right? In madison the girls out a number of the men six to one. Oh, that's a good ratio That's real. I think the college. Yeah is like that. I think a lot of places are yeah, right So where you know where you go is you go to like a war torn country like somewhere, you know

In your eastern europe where the dudes have been fighting wars and then they're all dead but the women are still there Widows widows do that go widow hunting Oh, that is you got to get out of it in that environment, but I love you. God bless you. Thank you for listening You that was the most insensitive answer you have ever ever said so good thing. It's called unhelpful advice For just in case that happens This is a man From a muslim country. I'm sorry. What do you think? I was so torn about his sexuality. All right. All right. All right. All right. You are his god Okay, okay. Here we go. You are his god and you just defended your sexuality

What's his name? I'm gonna get real. What's his name? I'm not gonna say his name. We'll just say, uh, teneza teneza bob here the honest truth um It could be one of two things it could be that you are gay and the guys that you're with you're just not attracted to That could be the case because you know being heterosexual There's probably 99 out of 10 women. I would never hook up with

Um, yes, that's just that's just it right so it could be that have you had have you not been able to get it up for some women? Yeah, yeah, so yes. Yes, for sure. Especially prostitutes Really? You have a hard time It's happening to me twice with prostitutes One time in toronto. No. Yeah, toronto and the other one was in um Vancouver Not Vancouver. That was in canada that toronto and the second one was in thailand

Yeah, yeah one day I was a ty in thailand and I um, I was shooting that movie with michelle yow I took moped to the place And I picked out a beautiful girl and went upstairs And there was something about her attitude That was like so negative and well done. I know obviously but you know, you know, it is a job Mm-hmm, right It like do your job right, but

She so I paid for it. But then I looked at her and I go, you know, I don't think I can do it She goes, why do we do that? I go, you just want to watch tv for half an hour? It goes, okay And she started crying because she was so happy. She didn't have to fuck me You know, which is another issue You know, you know, I've never had a girl except from that Cry and thanking god that she she didn't have to fuck me You just weren't her type

No, that's not what it is Anyway guy tanisha. Mm-hmm. That could be number one or number two. You're not gay And or number three you could be bisexual And I think that you're only 22 and sometimes sometimes it takes people longer to figure out what they really really like I know it took me a while I remember in high school telling my dad. I was like, I think I'm gay and he was like great And then after a while I was like, oh, I'm definitely not. I cannot eat. I cannot You cannot I cannot eat pussy. I cannot I have tried it. I cannot you can train yourself. I cannot I'm just not into it

Have you ever have you ever eaten jessica's pussy? What? Oh my god, why would you ask that's my sister interesting reaction? Yeah, eat her vagina. Are you kidding me? That is my sister. That's a yes, son. Of course not Have you ever eaten a vagina of someone that I know? No one time I was I was like three sums, right? And um, there was this one time where I thought I was just like, yeah, yeah, you know

I'm probably bisexual and I'm I was so proud of this fact and I thought I was so down for the experience and I just I just couldn't do it I did it and after well, I was like, what have I done? It felt so wrong. I'm not. I am definitely not You're looking very nervous right now. You're gripping your shirt. It's so tight. I'm telling you right now It was not a good experience for me. And that's how that's what solidified it for me. I was like, I am not Into pussy in this way. All right. Let's let's do a scenario then Who would you eat the vagina?

You have to pick one of these people condolisa, right? No, no, I gotta give you three I'm gonna give you the three. I'm gonna give you the three. Okay. Definitely not. Let's be I'm gonna give you the three. Okay. If you had to do it if I had to right if you had to right, jessica Oh, no already. No, I won't wait your sister. No. No. Give it. Give another hard one. It's your sister kawenda Or your mom. There it is. Oh My back to get it back. You had to pick one of the three or what or what? I'm just gonna fucking kill my no, no, no have to pick it. No, no, I cannot Here's the thing. You actually in this scenario, you can't die at groundhog's day

So you have to make a choice you have to make a choice. Of course. I choose the person not related to which say the name Jessica the one so you have That's your logic. Yeah, it's my logic. You have bitch nasty bitch right there black mirror Yeah, yeah Um, wow, we learned a lot. Ask me who I would blow. Oh, I know you'd blow anybody Between my brother and my dad. There's no way. I feel like you choose both. Oh, yeah, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait Yeah, you steve. Yeah, your father. Yeah, george kimmel He'd blow george. Oh, that's it. No, that's it. There you go. There you go. No, he'd blow his brother steve

Oh I'll tell you why Who's that that's you like as a woman that is so much hotter than I do really ugly I'll leave. Oh, come on. You know my fucking life. George. Oh my god I because I would have a conversation with steve that would make it okay. I think If you do dude, dude, if I don't do it humanity dies George is my other option. I know you. Hey, george. You wouldn't you want me you want me to give george pleasure? Yeah, my brother would like no, dude. That's the angle where I go. I'm gonna have to blow you

That's that's dad has a stroke. You want me to blow dad? He had a stroke. That's the angle That's the angle. Here's the thing. I would I would choose to blow your dad if I were you Because you know, he's already older So the he doesn't have to remember it for the rest of his life. Your brother Bobby has to live with it I know but no steve has to live with getting blown for like 40 more years Wow, there's a lot of I could I can only imagine Blowing my dad and having him say stuff in his stroke like Like, you know mindset off man him saying

What does that mean? What the fuck is this shit? Like if I was blowing my dad because I wouldn't be able to sit right and he's still alive and conscious Right, so I he would have to say he would say something no way No, that's not my dad's not gonna close out his life with that That's his closer. That's a bad way to go. I will never blow him I will never blow this guy My brother anyway, listen to Thank you so much for listening to another episode of tiger ballet. Wonderful. That was fun. Yeah, goodbye

If you want more tiger ballet in your life And if you're listening now, you obviously do get premium audio episodes every week only at patreon.com slash tiger ballet I'm sorry. I'm just I love that. Bobby would not suck your dick I'm still a family though. I think you're traumatized by that discussion. I'm both mad and traumatized Yeah, hey, thanks everyone who wrote a side to his review this week. You helped us get in the top not 30 But 20 and if you haven't yet, will you leave us a review and to everybody who has an interesting problem? You want some bad advice or good advice? We have a new email for unhelpful advice and that is adviceunhelpful at gmail.com Clala, where can we follow you even though? I know you're kind of like out of your body right now

Oof. Yeah, I gave him his shutters. You can find me on all social media platforms at Calamity K you get everything bobby lee at bobbyleelive.com Everyone have a wonderful night and play this game. We just played with your other family members. No, don't do that Do it on Christmas. Bye Oh Hey prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast

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