TigerBelly - Episode 202: Andrew Santino & The Big Bomb

Episode Date: July 10, 2019

Bobby bombs. Andrew bombs harder. Khalyla takes flight. We talk stuttering lovers, ginger heroes, and the ugliest person in Hollywood. Support us by supporting our sponsors!Weekly bonus content here: https://www.patreon.com/TigerBellySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad-free on Amazon music download the app today Hey Oh, yeah, you're a fit a hat that fits. Well, you see how big it is. What are you 14 and 2 8? That's big that's big. That is big. I can't wear baseball hat That's a standard Filipino head for you. That's Filipino head is always big and back and if you have big wide face She thinks she has a big head for a chick. I have a big-ass face and head. Let me tell you No, I've seen no you have a pretty normal fucking head. He's got a he's got a big head Dude, but a nice, but it's pretty it's well for oh

Yeah, if you meet somebody and they're missing a hand or a leg. Yeah, don't bring it up. Yeah, you do, right? This guy has a mutant fucked up head No, no did that to him and he's trying to live with it the consequences uh-huh of the God's actions He's doing the best he can so I know he's a freak show, but let's just look at him right now So you have a normal size head You have a freaky huge fucking Oh my god, that's true. I appreciate it. Yeah, this is what your head looks like to me. Yeah It's Asian face

Exactly what I'll do it again. Yeah, just so you see yeah Face at all. That's yeah It's Asian face When they were going down to the plains in Pearl Harbor. Yeah, that look Okay You get to kind of looks like we're starting off real strong. We're not we're not starting Oh, yeah, we're starting off this how real hot. We're first. Okay. I'm gonna say this is gonna be bad Why what we in Andrew fucking's experience just now should we talk about it? We'll talk about I'm gonna talk about it

Let's start it five four three two. You know since this is new Let's just start with a different five four three two with a different accent. Maybe oh my god You're asking that of him again. Yeah, I just need to I'm trying I just forced forcing him to do things Go ahead English English do it in English a four five four three two one Very good I know it is but just say listen Would you like another counter? I know a four like you're chewing on your job five four three You should see the voices gonna do for unhelpful advice. Oh cuz I can't do the old one

You can't do the old one tiny fart But oh so he farted me if any fart in the goddamn elevator on the way up and try to blame it on me But we know we definitely know that's a strong one He's because because sushi because what's in there what's in my stomach right now is sushi, but also failure Yes, and bombing. Yep, and what I experienced with Andrew today was fucking So sad easily the worst bomb I've ever had of mine. So I don't we wouldn't we don't want to say names, but

Andrew and I did a comedy central Test show a test show pilot pilot not not ours not for us right and it's a panel show Mm-hmm, which means Panel shows do this. Well at 11 a.m. Tomorrow. We'll send you the topics. Yep. You're at 1110. Okay So I show up and they give me like a three-page thing Yeah of all the topics and I'm and all the jokes and I'm skewing through it What jokes can I say on my voice? I couldn't find not none, right and it goes. What are you doing, man? You're you I'm me. Don't be nervous. Just let's do what we do kind of a vibe. I go. Yeah, I don't need to know anything

Right and he goes ah Right and like an idiot. I go So I put it aside. I ask grab fuck around make up this and that Uh-huh and as soon as my name was called on to the set right there's a live audience. I Realize I don't know anything Like zero, right? So I sit down David Somebody goes out the host goes up. Oh my god, Bobby

What I got it. Just say it at this point. No, it doesn't matter. It's not bad for us It's not we're being mean to us. We ate shit right. We love him. Yes. He did it I I love him. We feel bad that we didn't do good. That's what it is. Yeah, so it's Davey spade Davey spade David spade Davey spade who I want to say this on the record Probably my favorite from SNL that I'm friends with Well, that was two different things that you favor from SNL and that you're friends with no, no, he's my because I know us a Host of bunch of people from SNL and he's my favorite out of that chunk. Who's your least favorite?

Let's not get into that right. Come on. That's how we always get it. We get into something like that Who's your least favorite from SNL? She knows I if I can't say it because if I say it say it say it say it say it Say it. It's mine. Say it. I'll just do it. Say it It's not because he's not a nice guy You know what it is let's guess let's guess to do a game. Let's do it. Give me the give me the era. What give me the era pretty modern The last 12 years. Oh Someone you know you also something I know but I don't know anymore, okay? I'm gonna guess blindly. This is not saying that I would assume you would dislike that but I'm gonna guess blindly

Yeah, go ahead. This is just random names. Go ahead. This has by the way for the audience has no meaning It's not because I don't like them. I'm just guessing. Yeah, go ahead Mikey day. I've never even heard of that. Okay. I'm taking guesses, right? That's a good guess. I'm just yeah, I don't want to get I don't I don't want to say the name Taren kill him No, he was on the show. Yeah, Taren's done this gig doesn't matter. You still hate him just because he did the show No, no anyone that's done this. I hate you and I do the show all the time You know, I hate you. Let's do another let's do it. Let me do it. Let me do one more guess Let me give you one more. Yeah, if you can't get them then we'll stop that's right Yeah, you know, you'll never know if you don't guess it

When did he quit? I don't know go ahead But I want to see this though cuz I think that he's he did well Oh, he's done well since he's just his departure from SNL He's not one of those guys like that just didn't work He killed it after that the same padrod. No, oh It's a guy. How many is that? That was a girl. That didn't know give me number three Because his departure he's done very well. Yeah, and you know what I know exactly who it is Yeah, he's done very well

But since his departure who is it and life's been really good to him. Who's it right? Yeah, who's he's on what show? What show is he on now? Well, I don't know if it's still on but he was on a show. He was on a show that was on what box was on Fox, wasn't it? Yeah, what's it? What is it? I know you don't know it He knows who it is. I know who it is. He doesn't know I can't I just can't tell the edges really good I get answers. I'll just let you know Chelsea Peretti was on that show. I know. Oh, oh, that's good. That's enough Is that enough? I want to talk about this guy though, right? It's not the fact that I I don't like I think he's talented Yeah, I think he's super fucking funny

I know why you don't like him because I felt like he dissed me at the love at the lion hotel Yeah, so we want elevator. We went to the love you in Korea town In your own turf thank you for that Fucked up. It's so fucked up right in the lion hotel in Korea town. He shit it on you at home Yeah, I know dude. He showed up in a visitor's jersey and fucked with you and you might as well take it like give Did you can just pour it over my head? Oh, yeah, that's so fucked up. Mine was put it over. Tell me what happened So, um, have you told it on the show before? No, okay, so tell me what happened in an FYI I love him and I'm not saying anything bad about him because I want to work with it for him

Didn't you just say you didn't like him wasn't that the whole no that wasn't no he doesn't like me I don't think oh, he oh you think he doesn't enjoy you. He doesn't join me impossible by the way So I see Chelsea Paredi and Jordan Peele at this thing, right? But they got out of an elevator with this person. We're talking about mm-hmm Now this person that we're talking about is somebody that I've known from my past Way before SNL. I knew him. What do you mean your past? She's comedy pants friends. I knew him before he was on SNL. Let's just throw that out. Okay, okay In what capacity like where you in a great capacity in the capacity where when Ike Baron holds and and and

Josh Myers We're on mad all these Chicago sketch guys, right? You stay just hang out and he was just one of those guys super nice kid, right? and um, I Was a little crazy back then and I could have been nicer But anyway when I saw Chelsea and Jordan and I hugged them and I waved to the guy and he kind of wanted to do something But he didn't just went back to his phone and started so he went like he wave at me and I'll be him and you be you Okay. Oh, so am I who am I? I'm me. You're Bobby Lee. Okay. Hey That's exactly what that's what it was exactly what it was. Yeah, and so I don't know what he was thinking

We didn't recognize me. I know what I know what he was for a hot second. Yeah, I know what he was thinking Um, the elevators were closing when Bobby said hi. Oh Okay Cuz I've broken this scenario down with him. Okay. I think that he's seen him since okay. These are elevator doors Okay. Yeah, all right. So when she just said that it seemed like Hi, right? You could only see this That's not what happened. That's not what happened, right? It was you know, hi Yeah, right. So he had the yeah the time the window was there if you time how long an elevator closes

No, just the line hotel. We need to go to line up hotel see how long it takes from the elevator to close the stores, right? And that's that was his time limit to say hello. This was it. I'm gonna. So I'm gonna say hi. All right, right. Hey It opened up So that happens so anyway Um, so Andrew goes today, so we're on this show, right and Andy goes don't look at the notes All the writing staff wrote you all these jokes. Don't look at the time out time out. Give me a little bit of credit We did go through jokes with the staff But even they were like you guys just fuck around make it your own

Yeah, they were trying to make us feel like it's don't feel like you're supposed to get these things out That's what they kept saying. So we were like, all right And to be honest you were honest they read you a couple jokes and you didn't like them and you were like I don't know if I want to say that not in their bad jokes. Just like he doesn't he was like I don't know if I did one of them. You did one. I know what it ate it Yes, but I did one that they wrote down. I said it was not even a joke really wasn't a joke It was just kind of a like a an opinion or something. That's what I did. I ate an opinion I when we left. Yeah, the two producers were outside. Yeah, and I said it when the girls

I said, can I get a to-go box for all the shit? I just ate inside of there because I ate so much shit I'm full from bombing. Yeah, and I'd love to take some of that to go. Yeah, and I wanted to cry in the car See these panel shows so hard. It was like Chelsea. Yeah panel shows or I'm not that kind of comedian. I Just I can do podcasts all day long because everything I'm saying is grounded in some sort of Truth and also I'm not necessarily not everything coming on my mouth is a fucking punchline Sometimes I say real things sometimes it's awkward sometimes whatever it might be But I don't have the pressure of saying a punchline every fucking 15-20 seconds and there was a what live audience There was a live on it dynamically changes the mood right it dynamically makes you go

Well, I should say this quick enough so it gets a laugh and also Throw it to them a little bit. Okay, that of this we're doing this together. Yeah, it's so hard, dude Yeah, it's always been our so people that do it. Well props we today didn't do a well Esther actually landed a couple of jokes. He did better than all of us by far I did I did the war I did so bad here the first joke come out of my mouth Bobby and I sit in the chairs He's big puffy yellow chairs. Yeah, he's sitting right next to me. Oh, yeah Yeah, on purpose they put us right next to each other. Yeah, they know what we do Yeah, right away. I go look to the crowd. Look at the Bobby's feet don't even touch the ground

Crickets No one even smiled. It wasn't even a cricket It was almost as if you some you would kill the human being. Yeah, like I had a baby Baby, and I said it's throat. Yeah, the audience of everybody, right? Yeah, yeah ranked the blood Yeah, I almost when he did that joke. I almost said I don't know him Absolutely, they booked up. I don't know him like his little feet were swinging above the carpet It was hilarious. Bobby's feet don't even fucking touch the ground. Yeah, yeah, nothing and then he says I don't even remember that bomb though. You're your retort bomb was so bad. I forgot what it was a bomb on top of a bomb

Yeah, I said something like um, you know, I'm just my ethnicity is is what I said, uh, you said my shh shh God damn it John John John he's so high. Oh fuck John. Is this how we're gonna play today? What do you and your your drug using again? These drugs your drugs right now John are you drugs? Oh, no, honestly John, honestly be honest with me. Are you drugs? Did you smoke marijuana before this today? You swear to God

Oh, you're just Asian then He's just Asian guys. That's what I read. That's what I read But you know what Asians don't make mistakes like he just made little tipping over or something It's very un-Asian of you. Take off your mask John Here's a white piece of shit Here's another thing that I had a problem with in the beginning. I wouldn't hear the bomb on top of the bomb What was it? He said something about oh, that's my my my ethnicity makes me this way something along those Yeah, he just thought he was gonna get a laugh by shitting on my bad thing and it also didn't work

It not didn't work. It looks like I killed two people. Okay. Let's give our worst bomb Here's our worst bomb that should have been a good bomb. Okay. Okay before you go into that though I'm going to tell you how I know it was bad Is when they because what happened was they introduced us before the show started, right? They say so so well, I want you to say Welcome Andrew Santino Bobby everybody. I'm gonna tell you what the crowd did. Okay, ladies and gentlemen Please welcome ester provisky bobby lee andrew santino People's faces were like this

I mean who are these people what comic warmed up the group. It wasn't it wasn't that it goes up there It's not the comic. It's one of the famous comedians on earth Right and they show a reel of his And no one's laughing. It's like this guy. Are they just not comedy fans are just like here's what it is It's a it's a skewing of super super young people And people that kind of aren't you know, they don't know they don't know I don't I just don't think they I think they're like excited. I I did a hollywood today Right, they don't know they're not in they're not enjoying the moment

Right, you know that's stupid for enjoy the moment. They're in it, but they're not enjoying it I did a hollywood, but they don't I did a hollywood today. They didn't pay attention to any of us. They didn't they're not in it. They're just there You know what I mean? Yeah, they're also dressed like almost Like they were on a show like somebody dressed them like when you see an audience and they look great like From like they all went to h&m About a brand new outfit when I was in high school I was um audience member for the Sharon Osborn show because my friend was like a pa on the show

And I dressed through the nines that you're supposed to I was looking at the cameras like I was like 17 years old. I didn't give a shit vivica fox was on there. I didn't give a shit I just wanted to make sure that I'm guessing it was probably something like that these young people They want to they want to look sexy in case the camera catches them. Yeah They don't give a fuck about our stupid and then bobby and I Bob there's a okay. There was a there was a video of a japanese Uh drill where they you might have seen this on the internet where this jab stop john

John that's not funny. John. That's not funny. He did the japanese. He did the japanese cover. Yeah Okay, I'm gonna say you're on my last nerve You're on my fucking last nerve Okay, so here's what happened. Yeah, here's what happened. Don't do it until we see cells. Sorry. Yeah, they play a video Of a guy in a in japan in a in a lions costume Fluffy who escapes the zoo and they taze it as an instructional what happens when a lion escapes Oh, and they show it to people lions are watching sitting there watching it happen, right? They set up this video and then they say

What's the joke whatever whatever and then bobby says this is my so my joke was To set up a joke for wait. First of all, my first joke was to bobby. I said was it hot in that suit? Right? Right. Yeah, and then you said what did I say? Uh, no because That's not me that's something something and then you said I bet you if this got played in china If yeah, if this was in china, they would have ate them. They would have ate them Right. Nobody even laughed. No one laughed. Come on a little

It was like dude. It was like this What yeah, yeah, and I said And I said but No, no, he said if he's in china. I bet you would ate him. I said no because that's a lion not a dog Right Let me say something right. That's good. I know dude. We got nothing. It wasn't just nothing, right? It was like, um, my feelings got hurt. We did sandy hook I'm sorry, but it's a bad tragedy and I should be bad at the joke

But it was almost as if we're two incels and we went to a movie theater and went crazy Do the laugh we did when we both bombed together when we looked at you right here I'll do it. We'll do the joke and then we'll this exactly so we had to look at each other afterwards This is what I go. Um, yeah, if that uh, if that guy was in chat dressed like that in china, they would have ate him No, well, that's a lion Not a dog Oh my god, that's what happened. It got we got nervous laugh. Yeah

Oh bad It was so and then meanwhile I mean surround sound nothing You know those, you know the sensory deprivation tanks where you're supposed to hear that's what it felt like That's what it felt like. It felt like I was like in emptiness and blackness floating through space And I this is the first time ever we're gonna say this but I bombed hard But he bombed a little hard Only a little hard. I fucking did right so it was when I walked out. It was at least like at least I wasn't him

Right Because I was because what you told me Right when you're driving because we had sushi after that when you were driving the sushi thing. What were you thinking? I thought I was gonna crash my car. Yeah, me too. I thought about crashing my car Me too because I thought about if I crash this at least That'll be the headline not comic bombs on test. It'll be sad comic gets in tragic accident It won't be comic bombs the worst of three bombs Right, not only did everybody bomb. I was the worst bomb. Yeah, the ester's sword. You know what I am

You know what I am? I'm a kamikaze pilot and I miss the ship Right right into the ocean. I didn't even hit anything just killed yourself. Yeah, what ester did was She became calm. He was calm. Yeah, she cooled it off. She cooled it off. Yeah, she was very like when I'm talking on those shows I could feel I I can always feel a stopwatch in my head That I had to hurry up and get it out. Well, you know that those shows you have bobby. Sorry, baby Are you fucking Putin over there? Sorry don't put in here, dude They're small but why don't you put up with this stuff? I just do thank you. But why it's america I don't have a choice. Do you have a choice? I'm in love. Are you bought a love? Not you fucking are you bought?

Are you is this page? You know how much money that would cost from china? Yeah from china how much at least 80 bucks I was 80 bucks 80 bucks. Yeah, I'm Chinese made. I'm a replicant 80 bucks. Yeah, that sounds like a ripoff and then Yeah, it is and then tell them what I did When they were gonna pay me There was so much paperwork to fill out you have to fill out start paperwork when you do television You have to do an i9 a w9 a start form a consent form a jokes delivery form Bobby looked at all the sheets

And said Yeah, I don't want I don't want the money if I have to fill these out And the woman's like you don't get paid if you I don't want the money if I Have to fill them out. He didn't want to fill them out. So they were like, you don't get paid. Yeah But I mean it was like 15 fucking sheets of paper It was daunting for him. His eyes got I got watery. He got nervous. Yeah, push them away. I'd rather leave A car in the middle of a freeway because of a flat tire He would rather leave it there and buy a new car the next day then call AAA sure

Yeah, that for you understand that logic. I don't know. I am a human I would operate functionally and be like, hey, I need to get my car fixed. I wouldn't leave a fucking car in the middle You would do that. You just give it up and get it. I want to say this. I haven't done that in a while So most people have never done it. I know but when that happened the first time, baby, you one incident happened I had no money. I was eating BRC burritos from that's not true because on my birthday three years ago Here it is on my birthday. I remember this we broke down on kawanga boulevard Oh, no, and I had a AAA car and he said put that away. Let's just walk out of here Let's just take a cab home and I said, what the fuck are you saying?

I have a AAA car. He's like, I don't even know what that is. We'll just call clinton and we'll figure it out tomorrow Let's just go home. Why would you do that? Why is that your logic? By the way, that's three years ago How do you have a car that breaks down in the financial status that you have you're gonna own a piece of thing that could break down I'm gonna tell you a little story my friend. Let me strap in Um But before I go into the story, yeah I wrote a song for you the first time you came the second time you came on this podcast It has become a hit people love it. People write you say that shows. Sorry. Do you know the song?

Are you fucking is are you making a joke? No, do I know the song? I sent you a video of my little sister singing singing my little sister song in in in the Netherlands Me walking down the street. It's feeling so good to me. Yeah. Yeah Having fun with my friends Together at the end What a great song. What a great song. So go on. Bum bum bum me Walking down the street

Feeling so good to me Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a hit. It's a billboard hit. Thank you. Yeah, it's a hit That's all I wanted from it's a chart. It's a chart topping hit. Yeah, and I appreciate it. It was for me Yeah, you think David was mad at us I think he was really bummed at our performance like a parent. Oh, you felt it. Yeah Yeah, for the way you shook my hand made me sad. How did you shake it? Uh, give me your hand. No, no, not mine because mine are always sweaty but it doesn't matter Okay, do you think your sweaty hand is worse than old sushi fingers over here? We go. Okay here ready?

This is what he did. You're me. I got hey man. Thanks. Hey, thanks a lot. You did a good job, man Oh, I felt that. Yeah. Oh, it wasn't it wasn't even a you're out, bro. He was like, bye. Yeah, you're out Yeah, I know basically gave you a finger poke. He wanted put your hand out. He wanted to go like this. He wanted to go get He's not that guy, but I wanted to go get I'd like to say something about him though I I I on the shit not only that I find him to be and if you you mean like him and not like whatever I'm sure most people like him, but who doesn't fucking like that guy. I know but he is literally one of my favorites Yeah, he's fucking incredible. He's such a nice guy. He's so funny and that's why I did I have a question Could something like this jeopardize a friendship? Let's say you were doing a show and your friend just absolutely bombed doesn't matter

Oh, here. Well, here's the most important part of this. It's not a real it's not gonna air. This is just for insight It's for test. Oh, okay. Okay. So the good news is like Bobby and I if it was gonna air Oh, if it aired, we wouldn't be right. Yeah, double suicide double Double that aired him and I would have died died gone I would have super suicide. Well, first we would like try to steal the tape. Mm-hmm. Give me the tape. Give me the tape now Give me the tape. I'm burning it. I'm burning a good premise for a movie trying to steal it. I'm so bad Yeah, you just the whole thing is about you trying to steal the tape So that's it airs into in 48 hours at 48 hours, right? You got to get you have to get the tape

Yeah, that's really funny. That's really funny and they've shit that across town to this other place that you need to get to And all these obstacles get in your way. Yeah. Yeah, that's a pretty cool. That's a really good idea Yeah, no, actually, you know what it is. Sometimes they shoot stuff to new york and they have to wait to air it there You know, they like yeah, yeah, they shoot it and it holds it. Yeah, we have to go to new york to stop It's a road. It's a road movie. Yeah. It's a road movie. Yeah It was kind of like that's like similar like not similar But it's the idea of like airheads of like do you remember airheads one of the best movies of all time I love that movie. They have to get their tape on the air

Yeah, and then they've jeopardized their entire lives and now they're like gunpoint fighting with the cops It's like um, uh, the king of comedy with a rupert pumpkin as denaro Not as many people are familiar with that one. Have you seen that one? No, he made me watch it Is it good? It's a scorsese movie where robert dinner plays a stand-up Oh, I know the movie right. I know the movie. Yes, and he hijacks the johnny karson, which is richard louis and it Just so he can get a spot on a show That's so smart. So he said he was gonna kill him. Yeah, if you don't put me on so they aired his and he kills On his show. Yeah, and then later he becomes a big star

That's a good that's a good lesson. That's a good lesson for kids out there This is the complete opposite of that because you want to steal it so because it's a career ending Right, this could end your career. Yeah, but at the end though, they do air it in this movie and it becomes a hit Right, we want to see all of it. So all of it is maybe a moot I don't know. We'll talk about this. How about it's really funny How about you go you go there and they you don't get it in time and they end up airing it and it bombs even harder than you remember Yeah, right like you thought okay with this joke was at least okay Where would you see it like I'm racing on like right by maybe time square an electronic store where they have 15 tvs

Right. Yeah, yeah, and there's people hovering around right? Yeah watching you bomb and time square on that big screen And they just start boo the whole time square boost the screen And they turn around one guy spits against the window Fuck this all right, and they turn around and they see you and then they chase you to kill you You should have killed yourself. Yeah, they're gonna kill you that guy sucks And the mob just come kill him bad for comedy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it felt like. Yeah It was and let me clarify. Yeah, it was bad both Bobby and I extremely respect David Spade. I'm very appreciative We had a good time being with friends. We were sad. We didn't perform. Oh, that's what this is all that's what it is

Nobody's fault but ours. We didn't perform. Listen. They asked us to do it Shit they asked Dave asked us to do it because we I have good chemistry with Dave Mm-hmm. He knows that usually I'm funny and he said the thing with Andrew because we're trying to help him You know shape this shelf. Yeah, yeah, right and what we did today didn't help I did I did him. I think it was a disservice. Yeah, it sucks And I'm gonna blame you for it for not because I didn't read the thing. It's not my fault. Okay It's not my fault. It's not all with all the way my fault. It's some my fault

The other part is you did jokes on your own and they still didn't go over well You know, you know, you know, you know, you definitely did some of your own and of theirs and about didn't do well Yeah, I'm not just me I know I know I just don't like the way you're saying it and Esther and Esther had a few very cute jokes And they got an applause. She got an applause break. Oh Pivinski got a applause break. I think this is so funny. She is. No, it's just She she figured out the balance not only did she what she did she the way she was sitting on the chair She put her legs up when she put her legs up. She's kind of curled up in like a comfortable position

Yeah, and she just was like speaking freely where him and I sweat Where are and then when I did get a laugh, what did I do stood up? I stood up and screamed as long as I could Finally, yeah They liked it though, they did like it. Yeah, yeah, but I got a laugh I didn't think it was a legitimate laugh It was and I stood up and that was that your thing I said too was something I never even thought about Because he goes I wasn't even going to say something about that topic

But at the end he goes, what's your thing? And I had to make something up kind of but it worked in a world. No, it was the Eric Griffin story Oh, that's the airplane story. Oh There was an airplane story this cam newtons is a quarterback for the Carolina Panthers And he was seated on accident and coached instead of first class So he asked the guy in first class he'd said can I have that seat for $1,500 in the first class guy said no And then we talked about on this thing and they said do you have any airline stories and Bobby said well I poked it without it wouldn't do by in the air. Oh, yeah, I kind of got a laugh. I didn't want the middle seat

Yeah, it did get a laugh. I think I did. Yeah. Yeah, but um, but the problem was Not a strong enough laugh Just nothing was strong enough none of the laughter David got good laughs He got good laughs and then great laughs. Yep, and then we I just you know, I feel Adam E gets there too. I just feel like I dropped the ball and it disappointed everybody And I'm sorry if you have anything to do with that show I fucked up me and or are very sorry about it Usually we're on you know how funny this would be if this ended our career If they're like we didn't we're not going to air it, but we are going to make sure nobody works with you guys ever again

What did we do? Well, you know what you did you did so fucking bad that you first of all You ate two fig newtons out of the wardrobe and you didn't even ask they weren't they weren't yours You didn't come to hair and makeup on time. You showed up a little bit late and you bombed miserably you were late I wasn't here to wake him up. It's always a problem a little bit. So guess what what you're out of hollywood bud Say good night pack up your stuff And truth and this podcast has canceled and so is everything else you're ever going to do if that's the case You're done, you know, I've thought about what would happen in certain six situations where

I get in a car accident. I think my throat gets fucked up. I can't talk anymore Oh my god, you think about that shit. Well, I threaten him that that's his future if he doesn't get healthy Oh, well that makes I always say you're gonna stroke out and guess what you you think that you're just gonna die No, you're gonna live 20 miserable years unable to speak But you don't understand you're right and it's gonna be terrible That's how I it'll be terrible. Yeah, that would be terrible But I have my life already planned out in case that happened. Okay. What is it? It involves um it involves I have to it sounds like it's not planned out at all

It is I'm telling you. Okay. I just talk slow sometimes. Yeah, but I but you're thinking about what it is You would know you would know you you don't know your do you have um, what do you call it like an exit strategy? No advanced directives. Oh, like do you know like what someone Is gonna do do we do CPR? Is it a do not resuscitate? Do you know any of that? What do you mean when I kill myself? Advanced directives. No, what would we do if you get in a coma? Can she pull the plug? Yes over how what's the span? But who has the power of a day? Who has a power of attorney your brother? You will but I I didn't know that See, I'm giving you the no, no, no. It has to be on paper. You can have the power

Just on this part of it one day in a coma for one day and you're like pull it away No way. I got to see your you know your brain waves. See if it's still active. Listen if I can move my fingers Right if I lose you use my fingers. Yeah, and if I can do this Just put my hand on my face like this because this is where I this I need this so to drink the whiskey Right, I need this to smoke the marijuana. You don't do either those things. I don't do any of those. Go ahead But that's what I would do. Yeah, so I'm in a coma, right? Uh-huh And I just stroke and I can't move my body You have to put something here

You know me at heroin or something right and I do it and then with this hand if I can use I could play You know an rpg or something. That's true. If I live like that and I have enough money saved. I think I'll be fine Have you ever heard of locked in syndrome? What is it locked in syndrome locked in? Yeah, no, so I made him watch a movie called the diving bell and the butterfly and it's a true story about a guy Who was an editor-in-chief for like vogue. You have to watch a movie. It's great. Yeah Anyways, he gets into a car accident and then he gets um, he yeah, he has um traumatic brain injury So basically all his thoughts are intact, but his body no longer Um follows so he

He is perfectly sane and able, but his mouth eyes nothing follows But I don't want to ruin it for you. But something amazing happens. No, it's it's it This is how it's gonna make you feel worthless because this man unable to do anything was able to write a book Oh, jeez with his feet. No nothing moves with his eye one eye. Just one eye To communicate with one eye what to write an entire book. They created a whole language basically With a therapy. I don't want to do a racial joke. Yeah, not only can I I'll have no I will never be able to write a book I've never read a book

You know I'm glad you said I've never read a really good. I like every book I read I'm glad you said that because I never said this out loud before Me too And you know what I've never I've never read a complete book never I quit him every time he brags about being this like dostoyevsky expert Yeah, he has never read a book in his life. No, no, no, that's I've read. I never finished. I've read too I've read I've even gone to

The last chapter and just said Yep, because the movie's coming out or whatever I go. Why do I get I give up every time? Yeah, you know what it might be My fear of finishing the book is it I know I won't be as satisfied as I would want to be like I think that if I finish it It won't even it won't hang on one second. So what I just That's not the reason maybe what what book what's the last book that you read? I'm back up. I think attempt. What was the last book you attempted to read? um autobiography of a yogi I mean, I wouldn't finish that either, but I should have I did it. I got through three quarters of it

True there. I'm I read a lot of books and he knows this if I'm not hooked after the first chapter I'm out. I go to the next one. See I keep going and then I trudge and trudge and trudge and then month later I pick it up again, and then I get to a point when I go. I'm done with that book and I put it away people Red-headed brain. Yes, you're not any smarter than I am you can't you're not you're definitely not any smarter than I am You can't absorb any kind of information. I don't think give me something and I'll spit it right back out Go ahead. What do you mean? Give me any piece of information and I'll harbor it and give it right back to you What you because I told you just now go ahead and do it. Go ahead. Let's try the experiment. All right So what kind of information anything that's I don't know anything. So um, let's see. Okay, um

Worf's son in star trek his name was alexander perfect now ask me whatever you need to ask me What do you mean ask me anything pretending to that? Oh, you know about it? Yeah, go ahead. What happened to the mother? She got cancer Oh Oh my god, no No, because it's You don't get cancer start drinking this the the the medical area. Yes, they do Wait warf at a son. Uh, yeah

Yes, it was alexander's wife Yeah, see I I don't warped out a son named alexander alexander and what's sad about that is the kid that played alexander Was blind. Oh, that's right. You did tell me. Yeah. How how do you do it? I think he got tattoos on his face something happy did drugs and he died Oh, but he was on he played um warf's son in star trek next generation in season I think three through six or whatever four through six He was the cutest kid. He did a great job And then obviously, you know, I was rewatching star trek next generation and I go whatever happened to that kid

And he's dead That's sad. I've never seen one episode of star trek Of any of them. Nope And I heard you earlier. I've never seen game of thrones. You've never seen game of thrones What do you watch nothing? What do you read? So you don't read you don't watch Do you sing sometimes I sit I sometimes I sit and I stare at my couch And I go, I do I sit I stare at my couch and I go, what are you looking at?

I jump on it and I that's right. He he watches um blu-ray um Mixology tapes. I write my old my first second every every show that he's on he was what I do. I watch I watch I watch whatever I've done. I've only what I won't and I cut it. So it's my scenes I have an editor cut just my scenes. So I just watch me and then what I only read um Stuff from my journal when I was in junior high. I only read my journal over and over and over and over I could repeat it to you easily right now Mom and dad are assholes. Yeah, so what? So what so I am who I am. I'm gonna listen to pearl jam jeremy in the room as loud as I

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was me The reason why I like I just realize now Is because I I honestly believe That if I walked up to delia and go hey, how do you think my career is going? Delia was going. Yeah, you done a lot in your career. You know, and there's gonna be more that's gonna happen Yeah, if I said to eric, I think eric riffin. He would do something positive as well. I feel like you would warn me I would give you some heads up. Yeah, like dude if you keep doing those kind of movies or if you you know I would tell you the truth. You would absolutely. That's what I feel and that's why I like you so much

I would tell any any of my friends to say how was it? I go? Yeah, really not good if it wasn't good I know but let's say I was sensitive like super sensitive guy You would would you are you are that's the sort of role that I take in his life because I've had to be the bearer of Bad news reality and he it is hard to tell someone that thing you were in suck wasn't good It wasn't good some things you have to say you have to but it but but they say it out of love Okay, I want to have a question for you. Yeah, if we're gonna get I've never lied to you. All right. I've always given it to you So, you know, you know, okay, this is you know that show is spilling up together that was on right and then episode the valentine's episode

You saw it. Yes. I watched it. How was I in it? I thought that the overall episode was not very strong. I thought you were the strongest part about it. You were very cute I know you didn't like yourself in it No, but in front because you're just gonna be overly critical. No, that's not what it is I because by you saying that that overall because the whole thing was my storyline. So how the fuck is it? I just it's a storyline thing. You can't control Bobby But did did it garner like did it make me laugh? It did you made me laugh and all of your parts you always make me laugh Okay, but other things that you've done and we've thought about this where you're like, how was that seen?

And I was like not good and you you say no, I thought I was pretty good And I and I tell you no that wasn't good one time dude one time. I was on the road And we just boxed out when the first episode of love aired. Yeah She said to me because it because I hadn't been in anything for a while She saw it and she goes you asked you asked. I know I go. What do you think? She's like, maybe she's taking acting class Yes First that you said hey, that's not the first thing I said I said it you know No, no, fuck. No, I didn't see it

I did see it Also, can I say this did you take an act anything? Can I say this? Did you he'd heard at the end of the year paul rust Right the star of the show. I saw the show said to me right that scene with Gillian Gillian Gillian. That's what I said. Yeah Gillian was so real and it's at the town I don't know. He said some positive things about it. Look. I'm also not the Gatekeeper. He obviously is it's just my opinion

Asked me about splitting up together Oh splitting up together. I don't care what you say because I know what it is. What am I gonna say Something bullshit and negative like you guys did back when we were building railroads back in the day That's not true at all. Ask me about splitting up together. Go ahead. What do you think of speeding up splitting up together? Honestly, yeah It was really good I'm serious. How do you read that bobby? It was really good You know, I believe them

It was really good. It was it was fun and cute. It was fun and cute. There it was Ask me about something else you've done What have you seen me in? I don't remember Give me a resume. All right. Um, would you think of me in uh The uh keeping up with the jones's bad Dictator good good very good very good the first harrell and kumar Good very good. I crushed it. You crushed. You did very well. That was good. I know I crushed it. Okay. Go on. Okay What'd you think of about me in um mad tv?

What is what's mad tv? What is what is it? You oh the sketch show. Yeah. Oh boy. Yeah You were great fine All right, you know what you you were you were fine. Can I ask let's talk about you then? I'm kidding. It was Don't ask me about you All right, uh, you know that movie you did very they did the remake of the room where they did with uh We just talked about this at lunch. I know, you know, you were the best part of that movie, man

Thanks, really good acting. You know why why I was so good. They couldn't even use my words Right, they go. You're so fucking good. We can't even have you talk in this fucking movie. Right. Did they warn you? No Oh, you just find out when you hurt your whole family We talked about it last time here and it hurt it hurt and I'm gonna take that. I saw the movie once and I saw There was one scene in the very back. I just see this sticking out of a hedge Oh Very good stuff. I'm a pretty good actress You beat me out of mixology

I did are you good for the same part? I did read for his part and um, I was terrible. So it doesn't even matter I was happy for you actually, you know, so you know what they said verbatim They said you you got the part after I read they go you got the part and I go was there anybody in contention? They go, yes, I'm ching chong guy, but we didn't want him at all. Okay, and I said, seriously, they say, yeah, some uh I was about to give you a compliment. Okay, go go go go go And you go into that I don't want we talked about this at lunch. I don't want to talk about any stuff We're not gonna. No, we're not gonna talk about that. This is just let me say I want to give you a compliment fucker okay

When deli and I we have talked about this already. Yeah, we have On this. Yeah, we have okay. That's it, but I appreciate it. Yeah, what about audio books? I thought about that I've thought about doing audio books. Yeah, I don't I don't I don't know Do you go on long drives ever? Nope. Okay, so that wouldn't uh, I don't know what I would do to do you listen to like crime podcasts I'm trying to figure out what your hobbies are I know you go to baseball games. Yeah, okay. That's that's that's one golf. Okay. Oh, you're a golfer. Okay run I like to run. Yeah. Yeah, okay. That's enough swim. Okay. I like to um Honestly, can I tell you what I like to do? Uh, I like to sit alone in my house

and thumb through the internet Do you read articles? Yeah, those don't count Well, it's but I but they don't count because they're because and it's just like a nonsense amount of information of nothing It's too much nothing. Okay. I don't know what my hobbies are. I don't play video games uh I don't I him and I are the polar opposite when it comes to hobbies Why because I don't sleep all day. You don't I don't play video games. I like physical stuff Yeah, you like being physical. I like stuff. I like to go do stuff. I like taking walks. Okay, you hate walks

Okay, yeah, he doesn't because you're 35, right? Yes, you know, I'm 35. Okay. I'm 47, right? I am At 35 dude Yeah, 35. What yeah, were you taking you were doing the exact same thing you're doing now cherry. It's a fire, bro No, what really? Yeah Run champ. You were running champ. Yeah. Yeah, chariot's a fire. Yeah. I know what what is that about? He doesn't even know what that means What does that mean?

Also, what does that mean? I fucked up marathon Charity what wait when I said chariot's a fire you should have said and no you got that wrong as a producer But you know what you let it you let me say it and then you're gonna air it and make me look like a fool you fuck Did it sound athletic? Yeah, you're like whip in those horses. That's uh, that's what I mean You ride around in a car you ride around in a car That's what I meant. You don't have to do anything I wonder if you would ever in your entire lifetime like set a goal like I'm gonna do the new the boston marathon New york marathon. Oh him him. I wonder if that's like a tangible like something that

That can ever happen in this life. I try went to the boston marathon Right to do it, right? Okay. Be careful Tread lightly. Yeah boston marathon sensitive place sensitive new york switch to new york. Yeah, okay I wasn't what that wasn't in the new york one though. You weren't you weren't in the boston marathon I was gonna go sign up. No, you weren't come on. Oh, forget it then No You don't let me see my joke Go ahead and say it. No, I can't say it now because now I don't even know how it goes now. That's a problem

And it's not good. It's not good. What I was gonna say, right? Is it mean? No, it's just like, you know, I mean, uh, somebody else bought their backpacks Oh, it's just something like that. But you know, man, it don't work out. Oh, no, but I get it. It's funny It's mean, but it's bad. It's bad mean it's bad. It's like when I say tragedy every time I come back from new york Every time I say to somebody in lsa When was the last time you went to new york? I said not too long ago and I say you remember those two buildings They're gone They're like not even there anymore and I say it dead serious. Yeah. Yeah, what are you talking about? There's like a big one there now

Yeah Kind of strange man, they're really that city changes every time I go, you know They're really building up that and what do they say? What are people's responses? They don't know how to react Yeah, I don't know if I'm kidding or if I'm dead serious. I say it to like baristas. I'll say it to the guy at starbucks You know what? I'm in new york. Yeah, remember those fucking buildings Gone that city's changing man gentrification If I'm at a coffee shop or a starbucks and I hear like a popular song like michael jackson or the Beatles I always go to the counter. Who is this?

I think it's beat it by michael jackson. I'll write it down in your phone. Yeah, just because I like I don't know That's so I go. What's it michael? Am I? Be Jackson? How do is that do they know you're you're you're fucked? No, I convinced them that I don't know I'm gonna get that on Spotify You know man I love doing that, you know, you fuck with people all the time in public always I don't like um the people that I don't like generally are um people that think that they have authority over me Uh, who like who tsa? Well, they do kind of have authority over you

No, they don't I mean they could literally make you not take a flight. It's fine He'd love that so that is authority if they say you can't come through here. That's authority Yeah, I mean no there are no you're you're wrong about that because I'm saying it's like if they cross the line Something they cross the line. How do they cross the tsa b? What do they do? You know what they do. What do they do? Bob what do they do? Like when you give them your passport your license and then you're like ticket or that guy And then after that you put your shit away, right?

But sometimes you'll have a tsa guy come up to you and go where you going? What do you say? It's none of your business. Yeah Why wouldn't you just tell him because I already did that I know but I did that maybe he's just making conversation No, I know what he's doing. He went he he's he probably went to like a tsa like Seminar of some sort, right? Yeah, and they go it's really good to you know because sometimes, you know, they can get past that person So it's good to throw that out there to see you know put people off guard. Hmm, but I don't like it. It's intrusive He thinks you're a terrorist I've never terrorized anybody in my life. Well, there's has there been an asian terrorist here in the united states

I always get stopped. Listen, you do. Yeah, because of my name Yeah, yeah, so is my sister. Kelelele. Yeah, so like oh it comes to the side. So they go come here for a second Hey, yeah, come here. Don't challenge Asians Because we will pay break records Not like in sport or anything in sports as well. Yeah, which ones? Gymnastics sometimes ice skating Gymnastics sometimes skiing sometimes do you ice China? You ever see a chinese fucking olympic fucking

Do they do any what do they do they win, right? Oh the chinese and what well there's a billion In like ballerina ballerina, what's the thing that would be the gymnastics gymnastics figure skating Oh, yeah, they've killed everything. No, koreans. Koreans don't win anything. You know that don't they do the winter olympics They destroy everyone this guy at what at the the inline the skating competition. What do you call that with a polono? He's japanese and america. I'm talking. See setting yourself back. No korean The only redheaded guy that does anything is that's a fucking snowboard guy The greatest snowboarder of all time. Oh, what about are you saying? I haven't had a we haven't had achievements in redheaded culture Is that what you're trying to say achievements of redheaded car culture president of the united states

trump Best president of all time. That's true. He's ours. Yeah, ron howard. Oh Great national treasure national fucking treasure. Yeah, bob. Yeah, robert redford. Oh Oh, yeah, oh, he is handsome. Yeah, you want me to keep going lucille fucking ball lucille ball legend You're right. You're right. You want me to keep going because I can't I got a list of my people Yeah, the actors I thought what else do you want? What else do you want? I know the koreans are head and cloning tech tech technology Okay, oh and sports that's real shit in sports redheads in sports except other than shan white

Uh, uh, uh, the white mamba Play for the Celtics retired now. Oh scowl by bryan scowl brainy was larry bird Very bird was kind of a redhead. Yes, we'll take him. Yeah, he was cut. Oh, yeah, very bird. Definitely. Yeah, it's chloe kim canelo Oh, canelo Cinnamon the mexican buster looks exactly like me. Go on. No, I know him you do Just like canelo. Yeah, you're canelo every time I do joe rogan somebody goes cool to see canelo on Every time but there is a slew of redheads that couldn't get no respect But why do redheads go into comedy? There's a lot of you now

No, the most famous red the most famous redheads are koreans the most famous some of the most famous comedians are redheads I mean, yeah conan o'brien Lucy k red uh Level up bill burr bill burr level up Me well, I'm not even in that category, but still one day. I will be known as Lucille ball is unequivocally one of the greatest female comedians in the history of invention of comedy. Yeah. Yeah. She is the beginning Yeah, uh, who else is uh, agree. You was already had to Richard Pryor when he'd smoke the cracker Remember that you spoke the crack

Do you remember that he turned he turned into ghost rider for a second Right And burr two of the greatest comics of all time redheads. Yeah, you're right Redhead's getting a comedy redheads. I'll tell you why though. I think it's not so becker. There you go I think it has to do with becker. I think it has to do with a lot of like koreans And a lot of people that were like bullied or had traumatic childhoods and stuff A lot of us go into comedy. I think there is a correlation between Being a redheaded person and being funny. What's john's deal?

John on the dad. Yeah, he looks like a dad. No No, look, he's so fucking on drugs right now. Look at him But you look like he looks like a dad He didn't usually look like that. Yeah, probably why do you dress like elliot from et all of us? Like you're riding a bike and have a basket for every bike. I mean like why are you dressing like that? That's the dad look He looked like a chinese guy with progeria. I mean you look like like with that hat you look like You look silly, dude, but I know your heart though. It's a good heart and it's fucking pure dude Look at his calves though. Let me see. You got nice calves. They're like ox. Fuck. Whoa. Jesus. What do you do like five?

You just walk. He's like, no, he's just put stuff on his rice on his head. Yeah. Yeah You balance on your head and you walk up and down. Wow. I know how to do that. I was taught that were you really? Yeah, you could do that put rice on your head a rice bucket on your head and yeah It's about actually twirling a towel correctly to balance and then you put the thing the rice thing Does it make your neck stronger? No, I do. I have a thick Mac. No, I have a pretty thick Mac, don't I pull your hair back and let's see No, you have an extremely thin neck. Oh, that's because I have a big head. You see oh man. I there's no way out of this Painting me in a fucking corner. What are you saying? I'm a thick neck. No, I say your neck is beautiful It's thin. That's because my head is big isn't it?

So nowhere else to go. Andrew Santino Has a new TV show. Well, not yet. It's not out yet But you're shooting a TV show shooting a TV show with a rapper named little dickie. Do people you guys know who that is? Do you know who that is? No, no big Oh, I know I was I cut that out little dick is a rapper That's the rapper and we do it. We're doing a show. We're doing a little a show for fx fx bought by disney now That's awesome. Oh, but is it a comedy? Is it comedy? It's a murder mystery. Do you play as manager or something? Yeah, it's a comedy. I play as I play his best friend really

Well, congratulations. That's a big deal. Yeah, I mean, we'll see. Yeah, I hope it does well We haven't shot. We start shooting in august You have a go to go from I'm dying up here to that. That's why you didn't wait that long in between you work You were very busy between the two things. Yeah, a lot of stand-up stuff But like we talked about at lunch TV sometimes scares me because I don't know if you have no control You absolutely no stand up. I have all the control. I guess you have all the control. What else he showed me Bobby's phone went off by the way in the middle of the taping in the dead middle of the taping I couldn't fucking believe it. I couldn't believe it either

But Andrew showed me this thing I never knew it existed. This is so funny that he didn't know this everyone and this is so basically it's basically, um, The sag aftra Right. Yeah, and then you punch in your password, right? And what what it does is this dude like everyone in the business knows what this is no because here I know I don't know and you're talking to people who don't know who have no This means nothing to people that are listening sag after is a union for actors and this just tells you how much money You're making a residual, right? I'm gonna tell you why because I don't know how much money I ever make

Because all my checks go to Clinton my guy those don't go to your guy Those go to your home. No, they go to my guy your residual checks don't go to you. No bad bad bad bad bad Yeah, bad bad bad bad bad. Well that that that that that that why does a man get your residual check because he's my guy But anyway, um, and I don't just who is he? He's my accountant business manager. Yeah Does he send you a breakdown every month of what he gets in? No Because I told him not to but what it shows here

Are what checks they mail? Do you have one of these? Yeah And then like and then what's in process? And I thought I never looked listen. Look at this one. You'll still get shit from a long time ago. Yeah, look at this He got one from uh What what do we find on that? Not that one? There was mad tv on there. Whoa, there was wasn't there a mad tv? There was no mad tv on there Actually, to be honest with you. We're hailed and kumar was on there And hailed and kumar was on there, but I got to find this other one that was interesting to me

Um, sorry. Sorry guys. Well, don't you know, sorry? I'm trying to find uh, sorry I love you so much. Adam's saying he loves us so much. Sorry. I just said sorry. Who said that? Oh, fucking adam uh, eget Because I but I hear all the little good. I said this is text to adam eget and I said Hey, what a bomb. I'm so sorry and then he sent me just um an atomic bomb going off That's what he sent me. That can't be good. That's what I did. That can't be good. How did I perform? He sent me a bomb. That's all he sent back. So

I I didn't think I made any movie. I did harold and kumar 17 years ago. Yeah, and this month I made $32 Isn't that wild on something I did 17 years ago I started telling him I did two episodes of this is us and I still get very large checks once in a while because The show is so fucking popular. Yeah, it's beyond popular. Yeah to a degree that like I go places and then When I'm talked to about it from an industry standpoint, they're like, how amazing was that? And I was like, what it was just I mean, it was fun. I like it wasn't I'm not on the show. Yeah. Yeah, but they they're obsessed with the show So they're like, was it was it like that for you and I was like, well, no, I just I just acted on it

Yeah, I went home. How was that on set? Was it not do they know I what I think we thought I think I talked about it On it's fine. So I have one question though is that um when you walk into a set like that Do you believe that they know that they're on a good show the second season? Yes. The first season they didn't know right, I did the pilot episode of the I did the first episode of the second season and I did the second or third episode of the first season I knew I've said this multiple times on a billion different. I knew that show was going to be a hit I know that's like a cheat like how do you know I knew I was like, wow This is pulling on all the right heartstrings. The table read made me tear up. It was so good. Oh, wow

It was so good that I was like, wow, this is really smart and clever and different and unique And then when I did the episode they were all happy as fuck sweet. Milo's the shit Mandy's the shit They're all nice people. Yeah, and in the middle of it all they're kind of like Yeah, this is this is great, you know by the second season when I did the first episode They knew who they were but they didn't act different. They were just like I was like, dude, this is incredible And they were all like, yeah, man. We're fucking they were they were on high Yeah, by the way, because everybody on that show Everybody on that show is

A lot of accomplished actors, but like nobody had had a In a long time. Yeah, Milo had been on He feel more girls. No one. Yeah He did he did one of those things where it got big And then but that was a while ago and he did a bunch of other stuff Mandy Moore did a bunch But like never really So they were all cool and had a lot of humility It was wild man, but you figure I've been on sets where they act like they know what they're on that wasn't that show

Yeah, I've been on plenty of shows where I go around and they're like Thanks for coming by I did a pilot with Brooke Shields. She didn't say one word to me Yeah, but if I was Brooke Shields, I wouldn't say anything to you either Just afraid of sexual assault from you. She's heard what goes on She knows What did you do to Brooke Shields? Robert Oh boy

Robert real. Uh, yeah, it's getting real Why would you say something like that if I was hot hot girl Brooke Shields? Why would I not talk to you? Yeah, I mean The writing's on the wall That hurts me. I'm not as interesting. You know, I love talking to you. I'm Brooke Shields right now. No, thanks So good and that's why I played it the way I just did I know you did a good job You did a good job. You see what I did. You did a good job. That's called fucking mind twists man Who's the who is the who is the best-looking person in Hollywood? That's been nice to you Oh, shit, that's a good one like who like the best looking one male or male doesn't matter

I think guys are always more that guy joe Oh, manganello. Oh, he's handsome. He's gorgeous joe magnanello. I've had sushi a couple times with and um You know, he's a big guy big guy. Yeah, and he doesn't when I hug him. Yeah He doesn't do big guy shit like he doesn't squeeze you make you feel no like they'll pick me up on my neck or you know Me or whatever, right? Yeah, he holds me like a gentle little flower In fact, I know this for a fact that he's done projects and stuff and he's mentioned my name I hear that from other show runners and people that they say, you know, he says, you know, he should get his Bobby yeah, yeah, he's like he's that kind of guy and um

Whether or not I work with them. That's one thing. But um, I really like him. He's also very good looking Who's the ugliest person that you've been friends with? Ken jung No hesitation You think he's the ugliest man you've ever worked with? Isn't that he's ugly? It's just that um, he looks like he has a brittle bone disease Right when you because Yeah, because when he stands I love him so much by the way, okay, we might have to cut this out osteogenesis imperfect

You know, but yeah, he's Hey guys, uh, you know, and then he's like he always stands like this with his and his body is like there's no chest plates or anything It's just indented. He got no tragic car accident when he was young. You know that, right? That's not true. Yes, it is Look at me. Yes, it is So good, so good I love ken. I love him too. He's a wonderful little guy. You say he's the most no, he's not the ugliest. I was kidding Who's the ugly person? I'm trying to think that just came out of my head who do I think that's ugly? Let's talk about who's ugly

Oh, I've worked with a woman that was it was ugly back in the day. Yeah um God, I want the ugliest dude the ugliest dude. You've ever worked with when I think of it. I think the ugliest dude opener is um I mean haze's trio is not really You think he's like that haze's trio is like a barnum and barnum and bailey's kind of circus freak

What the fuck are you talking about? He's just when he opens his eyes. There's all these gums. He looks like a normal dude He are you kidding? Fucking me. He's Tim Burton. I'm gonna show you a photo. Let's see what the first photo of like I'm driving with with a top down and his hair just like flapping. What is this? He's a trio. No, I'm saying what is it? It's like a sketch or something. No, he just put up this video of him on instagram Making fun of his appearance Let me see let me see the video the first photo that comes up, right? Yeah I I think he's he's a very normal dude. He's so normal

He's a very normal looking dude Normal mexican kid I guess I don't know show the team show the kids. I don't know I am He's normal normal looking guy. Mexican guy. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right Okay, here's a better, but I think it's you don't like mexicans. No, here's a better. Here's a better He's just not into poor tooth to gum ratio Mm-hmm the gum thing bothers you. Yeah. Yeah, but it's not I want I don't want to when you open your mouth I don't want to know if you have gingivitis or not. That's all You know, like you know when you smile, I just want to see the teeth part

Yeah, if you you hold do the bug gums too. Yeah that right It's too much for me You know when you see someone with really bad teeth and they're talking to you and you can't stop looking at their teeth That that's hard for me to not look if you have bad teeth. I'll keep staring at your teeth Yeah, and I know they know I know they know in fact. I was watching a porn a couple of months ago. Oh, no and um A girl opened her mouth and she had two teeth missing on this side. I just turned it off I was I was So angry it was gross because she got everything else done. You're right except right

She got like, you know the tan right tan tits shape shape Makeup nice makeup hair the whole thing and then fucking you know, I mean jagged to yeah I'm sort of into that in men though with bad teeth Not bad teeth when they're missing teeth Like a lot of times MMA fighters like after the fight come on He has missing teeth. You know about my teeth not in the back My teeth missing all over my not in the front But even the front I'm all I have is front

That's all you need. They don't see the who sees the back. I have no back Have you seen it go? Yeah Go up up a little bit Like an 80 year old woman like a homeless woman, right? Yeah, like you broke your teeth on too many words. There's originals You just cracked them back and let them go. So you're hot you're hot with guys that do that Yeah, like I think I remember watching was it Dan Henderson and MMA fighter? Yeah, and he um, he took his uh, two front teeth out after his fight and I was like, whoo

And that turned you on, huh? I liked it. Why do you like that? I don't know it looks like he just went through some shit in life Yeah, like he didn't want his teeth to fall off But somehow like life dealt him like some cards and his you know, he just lived a little and he's okay with it Yeah, as long I'm just weird about breath, but I'm not I'm cool with you missing a few teeth breath is you got to have that You got to have good. I actually like people. I'm more attracted to people who have Not perfect teeth. I don't like perfect teeth creep me out when someone's got like perfect teeth. Yeah, there's something very American Psycho about that. Yes. Yeah, I don't like super bright

Speaking of which I have to get this fixed I have a chip in my front tooth and I can feel it with my fucking tongue every day. It drives me nuts I can feel it. It's getting worse And I'm gonna lose this tooth Yeah, I don't know I can't see a difference If I lose this front, I look at your mind. I don't see a chip That's not that's wrong. Oh, yeah, I see it now. I see it now When I first saw Kalilah naked

Oh lord, how'd we get there? I'm gonna say that's how you paint dead picture Yeah, we're in Long Beach. I saw her naked hotel. No in her house. No in my house Okay, and I literally looked up at the sky right Michael What's the first two words that you said? Imagine what she said when she saw my body. What did you say? Well, he was doing this weird thing first off. He was wearing leopard panties not men's brief panties And he was doing an air guitar in the corner of my room. Yeah

Honey shit turning you on big time. No, it really did though. Yeah. Really? Yeah And so I was more like my words were more like what is happening? And it was hot to you. Yeah, it was attractive. I was just sort of caught off guard What yeah, but then when it came down to the actual act He was a pure christian boy in the middle of coyotes. He stopped and then ran away went home You stopped fucking yeah, that was the first time we had sex. I didn't even come bro His thighs were burning because he didn't have enough Um, he didn't want to tell me that he couldn't reach my pussy on doing doggie style because he's a short man

I'm five eight. He's five Three five four. Yeah, so he didn't he didn't he didn't have it in him to say hey, can you go flat? So instead his thighs were burning and he just got up and left There's a song that plays in my head when I make love baby There's a song that plays in my head when I make love to you. That's it. I want to play you the song. Yeah, okay? All right, just bear with me. Okay. I don't even know if there's the right song. Hopefully it is I know it is 24

Ah, yeah, you like that That's that's really what goes on in your head my head. Yeah, oh Ah, that was a really weird experience though. I remember just like being so confused after like Where'd he go in my head? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I wanted to get. I mean I find the song that uh that plays when I'm when I'm really in the mode when I'm in this I'm being serious When I'm in the mood. I'm being serious too. I love that really does go in your head There has to be a song when you're just fucking casually and then you're fucking someone you love love That's the one you that goes in your head. This is the one when I'm fucking when I'm like really fucking

This is when I when I'm really getting it in Oh, oh, oh shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so good. That goes out. That's what a great song. I'm fucking that's what that's what a great one. Yep. Yeah. Yeah Do you think I'm a tough guy with the jaws intro, but no no no sensitive guy Baby shark Let me ask you I want to ask one last question before we get into the other stuff But I want to ask you one last question about Do you like every comic you run into? No

Are there are there ones that I'm not gonna say I don't want to ask people or stand-ups just in general Do there are there comics that just kind of when you see them They just kind of bother you. Mm-hmm. You don't know why no, I do know why oh you always know why I usually know exactly Why what is generally the reason why you don't like a comic? Um As a person when I run not as a stand-up not as their material shut up But the reason there's the comics that do bother me that that I don't like I know why I don't like them is because I feel like they're They they don't they're not genuine to me and they fake it with me

Yeah, I'd rather you not say hi than fake it to me Yeah, and I feel a lot of guys that fake it to me sometimes and I go I bet you they got talk shit about I can't name a name, but there's a guy that told another person Okay, he told Nikki Glaser I've known this guy for fucking 10 years And Nikki he says to Nikki Glaser. Do you know Andrew Santino? And she goes. Yeah, I love him. I know him super well And then this guy goes How is he? Is he funny? What's like what's going on out there?

And she's like what yeah, what's is he good? What's his deal? Is he like a Hollywood guy or some shit? And she was like what do you mean? Is he like one of these actor guys or is he fucking? She was like, no, yeah. No, he's good. I I know this motherfucker like I know Bitch we did tv together. Oh Wow Wow fake fake your fake. Did you ever confront him about it? Fuck. No, I don't want to see him Yeah, I don't want to see you fuck. You're fake. You tried to get you tried to dig something out of somebody else behind my back Yeah, fuck you and by the way, she was also like no, I love that dude. That's my guy. We're she's we're homies

Yeah, what are you trying to get some bullshit out? Right? He wanted her to talk shit with him because he wanted to say some shit Yeah, I don't play that game. So now when I see him once in a while, I don't see him Okay, that's all I'm saying. I don't see you anymore. If you're gonna be like that to me and fake I don't see that's I don't see you anymore. Yeah. Bye See you. Yeah, man There's people that do that a lot There's people that are phonies and they do that shit a lot and I don't want to do it anymore So there's a group of women there are comics that don't like me

A big group of women It's like facebook group. They're all friends like three or four comedians Female comics from new york. Oh new york. Okay, and they just don't they talk shit behind my back Wait, wait, wait. I'll tell you why though. Okay. It's because I played the schomburg improv many years ago Me too. And I had a mc who was a local comic. She's very funny name I can't not saying it got it because I want to I the war This war is kind of subsiding. I don't want to reignite it. Okay And what she she shows up one day and you know, it's like I'm not

When andrew and I I'm not bragging but when andrew and I play a club. It's not like It's like people are coming out like whatever. We don't care who it is. It's people that Are your fans, right? Yeah, your fans come. These are this is your odd like 99.9 percent I believe are just people that are fans of mine. Yep So this girl shows up who's hosting this just a local comic world's wearing this like cinderella ballroom gown Right like a prom dress like a prom dress, but she would I'll welcome saying she had nothing to do with the way she was dressed So she got off and I go hey, can you just do me a favor? I think you're very funny

Don't wear that She quiet can wear whatever I want to I know but it's my show and it's weird Yeah, because you go out there. You set a tone, right? Yeah, and we got and then she texted The manager and the sound guy and everybody that I was poisonous Oh, like I'm not hanging out there After this I had to bail out. She was a host the host the host of your feature though. I brought a feature was was It's this girl hates her too the my future. Who's the feature jade? Okay, right talked about it with jade. We have yeah, so

But one of her friends is now a regular at the store Right. I can't tell you afterwards. Yeah She's a regular at the store and I try go out of my way to say hi to her. Why? Because I don't I didn't harm her any kind of way It was her friend that I fucked over but they're so tight that she's committing to her You know dislike dislike for me, right? So I make it a point to go. Hey, how are you? And she's oh, she's oh, that's a true friend. Wow No, it's not a true friend because what she's doing though

Is that oh you want to make it uncomfortable for me at the store? Who's gonna win here? Right? Fake it. It just seems say hi Hey Hey, kid. See I don't say hi if I don't like you. I just don't I just don't see you Oh, so if I fucked you over in any kind of way, this is different you and I are friends I know it doesn't matter. Let's suppose I did something traumatic to you Okay, we're comics and we don't know each other that well and he did something fucked up Yeah, like I yeah, I farted on your girlfriend's face. Unbelievable. Go ahead your wife. I get right over it. Go ahead. Okay

You would get over it right away. Okay. I farted on her face. I feel like I can't I don't I feel like I can do whatever and you Wouldn't be mad at me probably you yeah, if we weren't friends and then you did something fucked up to me That's one thing. Yeah, and then I probably just wouldn't talk to you. I'd be like that guy sucks I feel that about you. You I've you've seen the most racist. Yep The craziest like I've never even had a white person ever. Yeah that that And it doesn't bother me. You look like Robert De Niro to me. Yeah And he does that what's crazy about it is I you know, I would think it was a big deal, but he does it On stage. Yes

Right. So yeah, if he was just doing that like in the car or behind, you know, if I did it in private It'd be scary. Yeah, but he does like I'll bring him up. Andrew Santini is a good friend I give you great intro. You do give the best the best intros, right? Yeah, and I'll go He's the best comic in the country. He was on these shows. His special is the best I've ever seen He's one of my best friends. He's one of the funniest guys in the country Andrew Santino and Andrew walks up like this Oh I go, how was a Bobby? Yeah. Yeah. Everybody like him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I will do it every time I go

Do you hear me cackling? Yeah from the back. Yeah. Yeah. He goes I go I go crap around a more time for the Bobby And I laugh so hard and that's the thing is is that you know, is that racism? It's not no if I it's guys It's us goofing around. It's tease. You also do when you give me intros. Yes. It's friendship You also friends real friends. He also does the thing where he's like this red-headed freak fire crotch loot you do You go on fun rants where you shouldn't? Yes, you fucking do. I've never done that. This is so shit. We call we could call someone right now of devaluation What do I say fire croc this firehead disgusting? Yeah fire croc

What do I say you shit on but I like it. Yeah, by the way, that's the that's the deal if you do it in private Yeah, I think you then you then it's real Well, hate and racism is real in private. Yeah, but if we joke to each other face to face It's interesting, you know, what do we say we ran into a we ran into someone we know at um Uh at this restaurant we ate at just today Yeah, and Bobby got weirded out because I said if well, well, well if it isn't the new negro and Bobby was like, oh my god And I was like, oh, but that's the name of a tv show that he's on called the new negroes and of course Bobby's like, dude Yeah, I did that. I didn't that's what the show's called the new negroes. Yes

Candice is on a show called the new negroes on comedy central Really, but Bobby's face got I got and I hugged him. Yeah, he hugged. I don't even know who he was He hugged him right away because he was afraid that I was being racist. I was going Oh my god, how foolish the show is called the new negro. I didn't know that So Candice is there at the shoot too to that. Candice is there. Candice is writing on spade show. Great. That's great. Listen, there's there is uh There's a bevy of that generation of comics That are popping through hard right now She's one of them

I'm saying, you know, I don't know if she's mine or not or whatever, but like there is a bevy of that class that's like Because we might be the same age. This here's the thing. I don't know This young group coming up. Yeah, right. Yeah I've had only great experiences with them. Yeah, no one has been uh, I think when I started doing comedy You know, there was no internet. It gives us the 60s Yeah, I guess No, man, right after the Great Depression is when you kind of pick up the money You really started getting full swing in the baby boomer era

Bro, bro, if I was doing stand-up in the mrs. Maisel days You would have crushed in no stage time. You would have gotten a lot of stage time. Really? Yeah, they're like Here comes the bus boy. He's gonna do a couple of minutes, but they're gonna do the accent Yeah, and you would do it and you'd kill and you would kill do the dance when you're By the way today on spade show. Yeah, he did hit a Japanese at he did the Japanese thing today. Did that play off? Okay, it was okay. There you go. It should have been should have gotten a better response But he goes can I can I do the the voice over for it? And you say yeah, and here's why it didn't work Here's why it didn't work, right? They weren't playing it back. Yeah, they didn't play the clip while you were doing

Yeah, they had to pay the clip what I was doing it But I had already committed to it. You were all the way So now I'm doing it. It's not getting any laughs. It wasn't not getting laughs, but it just it it didn't work It didn't work And this what's funny because I'm no no no no Bobby. No you're spiraling This what's funny because I want to do the Japanese kind of acts I like I thought that would be funny if I did it, but then I thought I'll let him do it and maybe if I'll go back and forth

And if it didn't work for him, I thought I'm gonna have to sit this one out coach You look a little scary like that. It's like scarecrow from uh Batman That was so embarrassing. It wasn't that embarrassing. Yeah, because I was like Because I just but here's why it's a big no Here's why Here's why it's embarrassing. Yeah, I'm gonna now take you through my mind. What my mind is doing. All right So now you look Russian. Thank you So during the first segment, right? I got no laughs

Okay, right But the reason why I didn't care because in the second I had that accent thing you had to do, right? Yeah, so the whole time I was like in my head. Don't worry because when you do that thing You're gonna get a big laugh Right. Do I go here it comes. Yeah, here it comes. Yeah, here it goes Dead nothing. Yeah, no, then I commit to more. Yeah, you did more. I get a little bit a lot more a little bit too much Yeah, a little too much Right, but it started dying

Right and my head was spinning like that's it Space never gonna talk to you again You mean like that goes on, you know what I mean? He did text me just not literally just now. What do you say? He said, where are you? I said with bobby and he goes, uh-oh not good I want to see if he texted me. No, he didn't text me. I'm kidding. He did text me. What do you say? I swear to god David spade audio message play it. Should I play the audio play it play it play it play it? Play it up. Play it close play it

Bobby do you hear these? Great to see you today. Let's have dinner, please It can be with the theo doesn't have to be You're fucking funny next coming on is very nice That's really nice. That's awesome, dude He was being real, huh? He was being honest right there. Do you be honest it was it? He said he was he was very appreciative that yeah, you know, you know, that's why I and even if I did do bad

He would left that text him right now and say who bombed the hardest. Yeah, this is gonna be fun Yeah, okay. I mean, we know it's I said it was me. Yeah who bombed harder. Oh, he'll go Santino for sure who bombed harder I'm see I'm with since I'm with Santino. I have to say that I don't know I don't care. He could say whatever if you know because I Because he won't if I'm with you if I say I'm with you Then I'll say you guys did fine. He'll be more honest. Oh, I see I think it'll be more honest if I know that he's with me You know or no, I think he's more honest if he doesn't know that you're with me. All right, so that

Oh, you guys different psychology. Yeah, I think that way because if I did it this way, it seems like I'm like fishing for fishing for something. Yeah, I don't want to do that. Say who bought the hardest Yeah, I was almost say I'm with Santino now I'm with Santino No, yeah, you went right back to where you were. I'm with Santino. Yeah who bombed harder Did you feed the cat hold on who bombed harder? Do you have to feed the cat you have to feed cats shut up man? Yeah, man What is Bobby's morning routine and I'm gonna say morning. I mean, what's his 230 routine when he gets up 230 445 early Um, what's the earliest he's ever gotten up? Uh red bull roll around in bed play games on his iPad

Not answer any of his calls from his manager or my agent. I've been talking to my agent since this building up together got cancelled Helms asks me to order him food. Yeah eats plays more games and goes to the company store Wow What's up, dude Because I'm gonna say this you live a dream life. It doesn't matter. I'd made it that way What I know I just said you live a dream life. You know what you're defensive people want to fucking shame me I didn't shame you people want to go. This is not how normal human beings react

Let me say something to everyone in the room right now. Okay, especially you fucking fuck fuck. Hey, all right Be nice. The gently fucking kick nut nut Listen, dude, the reason why I do comedy the reason why I do any of this stuff is so that I Can just relax. Yeah in life. Yeah, you're really doing it. Yeah, and I want to say this You know when I go on the road and my audience has come and they take photos with the captain Slip King I hugged them. Yeah, I look them right in their eyes. Yeah, and I say I really do I say thank you so fucking much For not just coming but listening to the podcast and being supportive. I like it. I agree. It's my family

it's um It really is What I do now one of the things I do to make a living I like I I think that's a good thing to I think that's a good way to be you live your life You're lucky to have the fans that you have so you're being appreciative. It's nice I had a fan asked me in San Diego to sign this poster. I sell these posters and he I said, what's your name, man? He goes Ty Ty Tyler Tyler Tyler

And then I wrote to Tyler yes, and he loved it. He lost he lost it. He was laughing so hard. Is he a stutter? Yeah, what do you think that was? No, because maybe he's just nervous. Yeah that he was No, no, no, no, no. He was I thought maybe he was nervous and maybe no, he's like why are you laughing at that? He could have been nervous. He said we use Right, look he's so nervous when you tell him You son of a bitch you did it again. He goes he goes Wow, that's funny Tyler and I wrote to t t t t t t t

Ilar yeah, I did a guy who stuttered really had hard times with teas too. Yeah That's the hard for some reason tea so endearing fucked like a champ. Did he yeah, he was a pumpkin, huh? Yeah, he was like real strong and like his his his sex didn't match his um his vocal ability, right? Yeah, that so he had what else tell me more about his strength He was really small. I call him little herk little herk So he could pick you up by your ass cheeks and fuck you in the sky like fuck you standing up Yeah, it was really really impressive. That's hot because he was so weak in all other aspects of life, right? But his fucking was unbelievable. His fucking was unbelievable, right?

Tell me more. I want to know about all the things that he could do. What was his favorite position? Um What was it? What was your favorite position with him with little herk? I I wouldn't call it a position. I would call it more of a um, I Probably what we call like the helicopter. Oh, right? Yeah. Yeah, where he's real strong So you sit on his penis and he can just spin you on his cock. No, I'm spinning My pussy's on his face and he's spinning. Oh my god. I didn't know that was the helicopter splits. Whoa

Oh, so his tongue is bouncing. You're clear. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that is Are you doing like a helicopter report from like live from the sky? It's exactly what I'm doing. Yeah, there's no traffic down there whatsoever, it's clear and I've had enough What do we have time 90 minutes? We're already at a 90 minute. No, we're a rom-com right now. It's a rom-com I've never done 90 minutes. I don't think like that free That fun that's pretty good Really good

Really really good. You know, you know why? I know you know why we would get chemistry because khalil and I do very well together I have to add one more piece of information. Is it about little hurt a little hurt? Do you know where I met him? I met him. You know how you used to take um, um, Bobby Oh, uh, what do you have with that class? You have to take speech 101. You have to take that in college, right? It's like that's where I met him. He was taking the speech class. He was like Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh And you were like, this guy's hard as fuck. Yeah, I was like I'm gonna fuck that one

What the fuck? This is a true story That's the one I want. Wow Yep. You want me to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to watch your pussy khalilah? I want i want i want to put my to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tongue in your asshole I Anyway shout out to that dude Tyler and I appreciate the shit out of all the fans, too I want to say that was very nice. I appreciate those humans so very very much. Can stutterers become actors probably not, huh? There has to have had been one or two that have existed, but they don't know how hard is that you can only play someone that stutters

I guess I used to have a buddy I had a buddy with a terrible stutter, but when he was on stage or when he was like yeah, he would stop It would go it would go away. Oh, wow off stage or off camera. Whatever he he would he He'd go through that the moment he was on stage. He was so fluid and clear. It's like ah it took away his anxiety Yeah, it was really weird. It was like Adderall how it does different things for different people Yeah, maybe like a rehearsed thing Yeah, he was faking it like a preparation. No, I'm saying like maybe if he knows his lines like oh, yeah Maybe if it's yeah, maybe nobody on stand up. He would do stand. Oh, he was doing stand. Yeah

He just could just kind of go through. It's it's like I saw Sometimes I like watching religious programs Years and years when I was in high school. I saw this Benny Hinn. You know who he is. Oh, yeah So Benny Hinn was doing his thing, you know big auditorium whatever he's like a mega preacher mega preacher, right? And he heals people So there was this old lady, right in a wheelchair and she had chronic arthritis like she hadn't stood up in 15 years not because she can't it just hurts so bad. Yeah, it's painful. It's so painful So she's bound to a wheelchair. So he's saying that he cured right and she gets up and she starts break-dancing

He literally starts break Really good, but you know, it's so painful what she's doing. She's in pain. She's going. Yeah, but she her belief in God It's strong. It's so much stronger than the plane, you know, be that she you know, she doesn't the worst is when Benny Hinn goes You have cancer And he goes, yeah, it's in my liver and he goes like this. He goes it threw it on the ground There it is on the ground and the guy looked at it and went Right, I probably died too much later Right, he died two months later. Yeah, what a that's that shit is the worst fucking

Scandalous bullshit. I've ever seen that well, you saw this guy. What was this guy this preacher that they had on the head all these private jets and they called him out on Inside edition or whatever. Oh my god. You've looked the clip is amazing She's like how come you're flying all over the country with private jets He's like it takes a lot to preach the word of God, baby. Don't you? Shit look it up. He's got these big devilish eyes. He's like this is it takes you've seen it. Have you seen this guy? What's his name? I want to know his name. It's not Joel. No, no, no, no Just a creepy preacher Is also a dick because remember when that whole Houston flooding happened

He didn't even and he had like six all this space to allow people in he didn't even actually the worst thing is Bobby I think I told you about this the worst one. I've seen in a long time Kenneth Copeland Kenneth Copeland Can he can count Ken Copeland three more? He did three more audio play him. This is from spade play him from spade now Play him. This is so he goes. He so you guys heard that Well, what that was the first one so that we're not how does it go should go in the order? You know, you already have to ask David. He's okay with this. No, it's not that fine. I would ask you have to ask Because this is private for it could be private. Should I act him first then? No, no do this now when we figure it out later Later, it's always a few people say they couldn't hear well where they were

And you know Esther's very quiet, but you know, these are things we're learning And the crowd they brought in was 20 to 25, I think they didn't even know who I was The bad news is Comedy Central is deciding to air it and they're gonna air it after the Super Bowl Very funny and if that's true, that's where we're done, of course, he's not gonna fucking I know but we're done in the then But if it is true, we're gonna start our movie. We can do our movie. It's not it's not a movie now It's a reality reality show about us getting the fucking tape. Yeah, I just want to say that he's the nicest guy in the world And I absolutely love him, you know, you know that generation of guys Schneider

Nieland yes Dana Carvey. Yes, they're all just fucking sweetheart. Yeah, man. They're in a class of their own. They really are. Yeah, and they Were gigantic stars big stars. Yeah, you know, and I really like them a lot Let's do the unhelpful device. Go ahead. We've got a quick rapid-fire patreon questions for Andrew Santino. Oh my god Here we go. This one is from Justin what is your favorite memory of Bobby my favorite memory of Bobby you guys have shared together My favorite memory of Bobby that we oh the well, that's hard to say if my my the most memorable thing for me with With Bobby is the very first time in the parking lot I had heard that people see Bobby's penis

For everyone here has ears that around the club, but I had the first time I actually saw his penis Was in the parking lot of the comedy store as that's I think where most people see it. It was so funny and off-putting and beautiful and confusing and He looked at me like dead in the eye, and he and he did his little Bobby laugh or he's like That little laugh and I crept closer to it and he goes no no no no no you can't touch you can't touch Yeah, touch you said you can't I couldn't touch it at Tokyo No, and and this is unbelievable people might not believe this, but so he's got a tuft of pubic hair and this cock is very fine

It's normal. It's fine. It's like a you know like a oh like a I look like a little tootsie roll like a little tiny tootsie roll Okay, no like a little normal a normal penis For you for you and it was a normal and it and it that his penis Retreated like a turtle into his bush. Yeah, and he blinked twice. He does that. Yeah disappeared. Yeah Disappeared into the dead of that was that was it and if you could speak the language of penis, you know, he's saying good night y'all Right take it easy fella Right, yeah, and then you hear the Benny Hill use it and he goes back

Yeah, thank you. What else is there Michael Murphy? What is your favorite Asian phrase to say in the accent? My favorite Asian phrase to say with an Asian accent A little more priest I like that a little more priest. Yeah, you know more priest. I say that all the time anywhere I go I Say for in restaurants in the morning for you know, I go I'm from Cleveland. I'm from Cleveland Evelyn in an Asian accent is one of the best Cleveland Cleveland. Yeah. Yeah, Ohio Cleveland Yeah, I like that. It's from Eric Chan. Who would be in your comedy Mount Rushmore alive right now a live comedy about Rushmore? Oh Bill Burr

Dave Chappelle and Oh, oh and to Louie And to and Louie and Louie watching over and Louie carving him carving himself. Yeah, no, it'd be Bill Burr Dave Chappelle and It's gonna be four right? No. Oh, yeah for my roger four. Yeah, Bill Burr Dave Chappelle Norm McDonald and Maybe a tell Maybe David tell cuz I just just just those are very unique voices. I don't know if they're like my ultimate all favorites

But I think those guys are all unique They're you just so unique. I think it tells one of the greatest line writer of all time Mine's Ellen DeGeneres Sarah Silverman and probably Rita Rutner Rita Rutner women That's three by the way, you're missing one and one more in Eliza ready Chelsea, right? Okay. All right good. I love you Jordan All right, he's not listening this we got an unhelpful advice question do the thing not that no voice no more no more low voice, right? How many times we have to rehearse it the other day here?

Oh Helpful advice with Bobby Kalilah and Andrew Santino. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's really good Let me do the one I want to show you. Well, do the one you want to do I'm helpful advice with Bobby. No, no, that's dad. Mmm. That's Andrew Santino. Yeah, you don't like that voice He's been doing it. I know three years. I know, right? Let's switch it up. Maybe the kids like it. They do okay Hey guys, do you have any tips for having sex in public places? This girl's parents don't want her to have a boy over because they know what eventually will happen We tried to fucking a nearby park and some random person walking on the trail spotted us

Eventually later that night we tried to fucking a parking lot and some police officer interrupted us in short How would you recommend fucking? Oh, but we're going to the W getting a room Yeah, but they don't they're young kids with no money. No fuck You got a fucking a car you got a fucking a car and keep it mobile keep it quick and keep it mobile Also going to an event a closed parking lot where there's no other cars around bad idea So people the biggest make kids make is they go to a place like a church parking lot where there are no cars They're you're the only car there go to a place where there are car motels. How much is the motel six forty bucks? Maybe no No, 80 bucks 90 bucks. That's not what it used to be the high school kids

High school kids don't have a lot of money. All right, and they make you do credit cards a lot of these kids You're right. Yeah, so what I would suggest genuinely fucking in your car. Don't fuck outside. It's not clean It's uncomfortable for the girl. You're being disrespectful to her needs Okay, try to get a bigger car if you don't have one borrow one from a friend So it's a nice big backseat make it comfy and fucking a parking lot. I always suggest this of a Massive strip mall where stores are kind of still open or on their way out. So there's cars strewn about Fit into one of those cars. Don't be the guy who goes to the fucking open parking lot and fucks there or a parking garage That's probably the best thing I can say parking garage

Okay, enough of your fucking stories Can I just show you have you guys ever pumped in public by the way we have okay, so look you're it's even you're Listen you every episode. There's a double standard with you You come on here and you talk about even the last one you talk about people women just eating your ass like a Fucking ariolas you do talk you do talk a lot about other girls fucking you and I laugh. What do I do? I say yeah, tell me more she wants to know yeah, honey because I don't give a shit's your past So you can't be so angry about a little hurt. Okay, you think I'm like a champ You think I'm actually fucking angry about it. I'm looking for the fucking it's for the pod

But also I don't see it. I'm alive a little bit What nothing okay, okay go ahead. Is that it? That's all we have that's it. You guys want more and help Oh, we two hours almost so what it's enough. You think the people don't like it. No, we just it's enough. I know we got to go No any road dates because it doesn't come until Monday, right or Tuesday a couple of weeks I'll never I don't know what it well. I'll be a nut Well, can we talk about what we said at lunch that you're gonna be at so I'm going to Montreal comedy festival in Quebec, Canada It's in it's it. Yeah, and Andrew's gonna be there. He's gonna do his podcast out there A ginger and

And two other separate shows and if you guys are coming I said you want to come to the show I would love to have you guys on the live show. Yeah, if you want to do it. I want to have you guys on We're definitely going. I don't know are you going George? We're all gonna. Yeah, okay, George George George cannot George can't come on the show Well, he's not gonna be on the I promise you won't I just want Asians if I'm gonna have anything else I don't need another white. He's not gonna be when you think in another pale white Can we be with us or no? I can wait outside. You can wait outside. Yeah. Yeah Um, but is that's a deal that you did with just for laughs or is that yeah It just relaxed me asked me to do the podcast live and they said do you want to do a show and a podcast or

Neither I do not want to do it But if I said if I'm gonna go up there, I can't just do just a podcast So I have to do a show at least one. You know what I mean? Like so you're gonna do an hour show You're doing a show with a bunch of people know one show with a bunch of people and one show by myself Mmm, and then they might we might add like whatever. I don't know that whole thing is strange There's so many things to see it's like who's gonna come see you. I don't know There's a fucking million shows a lot. Yeah, but anyway, it's fun. So whenever this comes out Go to Andrew Santino to come to look at dates Andrew Santino comm and then Bobby and Clyla and I might be do who knows

Maybe we'll do This I've never been there So I'm just excited because I've never been there and also I think I've been comedy for so long I think it's it's this time for me to go. You should go to just relax. I am and this is the only time I'll do it Montreal is a beautiful place. Have you guys been now? You've never in the city I've been to other ones. No Montreal is beautiful. That's what I hear. We're gonna have some crepes You got to have crepes and you got to get bignets and you got to go walk the hills up there and take a little high Never mind. You got to take a little hike if you have some you guys have some yeah

If you guys have some time take a hike yeah, you you Bob look at me Who's my boy? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, you're my little boy. You know my little baby boy John if you fuck this up, I'm trying to do something sweet and sexy here. Do you need money or something? Here give him this give him a give us a five here. He is a dad something man fuck put it in your pocket John John anyway, so I got Andrews anti.com for all my dates and listen Great job. Great work. Thanks, man. I'm the best. We're not done yet. Let me just say gonna wrap it up and that's it We're done. Thank you guys so much and so I want to thank Andrew

I think has now the record of the most appearances or no or is he tied with Eric Griffin. I Think Rosenbaum rose about the three. You're in the three person club. This is my third. Yeah We haven't had this is it like we've had a couple guys that done three. Well, you know, they're not me So I know and that's why you can do as many as you want. We love you I would come back as many times you guys want and we flow Well, I just want I just want one thing the next time I do come back I'm just gonna put it on record here. I really do think I know you guys have individual podcasts I do think that you guys should do one together me and this guy. Yeah would love

I think it's just I would I had sounds the most seamless. Yeah, and chemistry wise the best I would love it. I think we've chat. We've joked about it fans have said it I just I think that I want to do it too, but I'm Eric Griffin and my brother will be I don't I don't care And I and I and you know what about it, and I don't care for the record. Okay, I genuinely think it would explode I think so too. We'll see and and you know the one thing I will say the next time I come here I love everything about this room. I love everything about you people except for one person who I Know and you know what he doesn't do look at the floor. Don't look at me. You look at the goddamn fucking look at the fucking floor, man Fucking floor you fucking animal. Why is that so I so easy to be mean cuz he's so sweet

He's so sweet because he wouldn't do it. I'm saying right now, dude. He would hurt a fly. No He could fuck shit up. He looks like he could fuck some shit up if given the if you push him He will push back won't you if he lived in the This guy's so nice he would let people rape him Spread his cheeks wide to get more girthin John he just do right here go buy the lube for you Wallows and all that he's a nasty fuck. Well, he's right do your job, man John I'll be honest with you. Yeah, John John. I want to say something nice to you cuz I felt a little harsh You know when I was at maker studios all those years ago. I met George there. I also met you. Did I not yeah?

I honestly Sincerely love you This week break through What a long podcast So and guys, thank you for following us and listening to us make sure you follow us on Instagram at Tiger Belly on Twitter at That Tiger Belly email us any unhelpful advice at advice unhelpful at gmail.com and get all your Bobby Lee tour dates at Bobby Lee live Dot com have a good day Hey

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