TigerBelly - Episode 204: Johnny Sanchez, Funny is Funny

Episode Date: July 25, 2019

Bobo sees what he sees and believes what he believes. Johnny has a big reveal. We talk raccoon eyes, Yoshinoya, Rice & Beans, epicanthic folds, and full hee haw.Support us by supporting our sponsors!Bonus content here: www.patreon.com/tigerbellySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Dude, should we just even push it? I mean really? Should we just do a different day? Tinto Pinto Different? Oh God Yeah I'm gonna, I start and then don't say anything until I see your name I know!

No you don't know! I've listened! Alright alright alright alright You prepared for this? We're gonna start without Kalei cause she's taking forever I'm not waiting for her So we'll just start without her and then we'll just see what happens Oh man

I thought this was a Heineken You know how mine, where my mine goes You fucking Mexicans man I always want a cold fucking I got news for you You gonna say it online? I'll tell you later You don't deserve it right now

Oh Good news for you? We'll see Nothing happened? No, I'll just explain Don't worry about it Alright alright alright Just remind me

Okay I'll remind you I'll forget Okay Just let me give you a second You got it captain No because the thing is is that he comes in right? Push it on Eon It's been on yeah

He comes in and you know I'm trying to be cool you know about it all You know Because I've always wanted How many times have I said? You do mention his name like once every other Once a week and I'll tell you why I do it Because I thought it was love But when he came up when I just picked him up

There was an anger in my throat And my side gets hurt Because I get so angry Polyps Anger polyps So let's start let's start go ahead Five four three two one Oh

Oh Little so-proper I saw it on some island in the Philippines What was that about? I don't know but there was like three dragons in it Maybe the Game of Thrones Oh the Philippine version It's the Galog version Yeah yeah yeah

Let's start from the top that was weird Yeah Five four Four, three, two, one, last five, Apollo 13, we're in trouble. Houston, Houston. OK. That wasn't, let's start from the top. OK.

It sucks. It sucks. Go ahead. Cinco, cuatro. Don't do that. That's racism. Oh, OK. I thought you wanted me to.

They're in detention centers right now on the border. All of them? A lot of them. I saw fucking a lot. I saw online a lot of these ones. Oh, you pointed to. These types in these really Godforsaken cages. I'm sorry.

I wasn't sensitive. Let me say this to people in America. That's not good. You're going to treat people better, right? Way better than that. Way better than that. Way better than that. Welcome to the another podcast of the podcast, Kingdom.

I am your leader, Bobby Lee. I am the ruler of this kingdom. Thank you. I am the king. We have thin list, no lips. Oh, there's no lips today. No lips. It's like God took a fucking felt head

and just did a line across the face, and that's the lips. Oh, man. And then they were like, hey, you forgot the lips on this one. And God goes, nah, sent you down. I'm good. What's wrong with it? You angry? Oh, look at that nose, too.

Annabelle. He has Moriarty's nose. Don't be a villain. Sherlock Holmes villain? Right there, man. Familiar with that reference. Don't even talk. Don't even talk.

Ask me a question. I have to bring you up first. But I have to start over. Don't look at me and say something, and then go. Shut everything down. Shut it down. Oh, yeah, listen, you know what? This is crap.

This is like, all right, no. Grove up. OK. So then we have, I love it, and then that, OK? And Clive is coming. So I have to, you know, because I've wanted this guy on the show for so long, and I don't know why you guys were like, you guys were like,

no, we need somebody. But this is the guy. So years ago, when I started doing stand-up comedy, as a doorman in La Jolla, you ask, who are the, this is in the 90s, who's the hottest guy, or who are the people to know, young, coming up in the business, or whatever, whatnot. And they would say Freddie Soto, because, you know,

it was the comedy star back in the day. And then they would say some others name. And the other name, I didn't know human beings look like a combination of three things. I didn't know that God could take a bean, right? Jesus. Just look here, take a bean, mix it with a raccoon, for the eye part.

And then God goes, I'm going to put a little tint, right? A little special thing, right? His face is going to look like a brown cricket. So imagine three things, pinto, cricket, raccoon, combo, throw it down. But then God goes, I want to make him, he can tell jokes too. Right, so threw him down the earth. And he threw him in a very particular place,

farmland, in Rysalia, that area, correct? Right, right, so anyway, I'm about to bring you up. So he's had specials on television. He's done a lot of television spots as a stand up. And literally like when I came up here, he was the hottest guy in LA at the time, at the Comedy Store especially. He was the number one.

I remember going by the OR when I first moved up there and being a doorman and watching this guy on stage going, one day, they'll give me spots here. And I will perform on a regular basis. Then later on, he was on Matt TV. But the one I was on, right? And we'll get into that story later. But how about a deep round of applause

for just this fucking ugly, but cute, ugly, cute, ugly, cute, yeah, of a guy. How about, don't say Johnny Sanchez, give him a round of applause. I can't stay quiet for all that. Go ahead, go ahead. Was that hard? Go ahead. That is like so frustrating and mad.

Why? Here you go. And I've got to sit here and can't say, and you know the reason why you do that is because everybody will interject and just like pounce on you. I'll have that crap you come up with. First of all, as their leader here, as the podcast leader, you said earlier, do you spell that with two E's?

What do you mean? L-E-E-D-E-O. Yeah. How did you spell that? I didn't do it with going to the house. Oh, you're doing impressions now? That's why you're doing impressions now? Wait, did everybody hear that he went?

No. Yeah, I did do that. First of all, thank you for finally having me. I'm going to thank you guys. I'm going to take the other three bros here because, and I wrote this down because I wanted to write this down. I had to write this down when he was like, haven't I told you guys?

I mean, how long have you been trying to get him? Oh yeah, your impression of me is spot on. Oh, you don't think you ever sound like that? I don't sound like that. No, not right now. What about, what about? Oh, what about right there? You son of a bitch.

OK, this dude, this dude has capped me. Wait, wait, wait, first of all, just close your eyes for a second. You were so creepy when Bobby looked at you. You have a real fucked up vibe right now. No, it's better. Hey, he got a way better description of himself than I did. So he should feel good right now. Wow.

All he got was thin lips. And what was it? He said, Moriarty knows. All right, I got, first of all, I love, do you always say raccoon? Have you always said raccoon? I thought it was raccoon. No, I say it the way it's spelled.

It's spelled with an A, but which A is it? Do we know? Raw. It is raccoon? Whatever. What do you guys say? What do you say? Raccoon, raccoon.

Raccoon in this room. Exactly. Johnny, it's raccoon. Yeah, exactly. You think you could change the game in this? He almost got me, though. He almost got me to turn on you. I would not.

You want him docked in pay? Don't do this to me, Johnny. Johnny, you want me to dock him on pay? Please, it's raccoon. Please. It sounds so weird. Even when you were saying it, I was like, is he adding on a Latin?

Are you trying to Latin it up or something? Raccoon. Let me ask you this, when you look in the eyes of that. When you look in the mirror, then this is what I'm gathering. You see handsome. No. Oh, shit, I've never seen that. What do you see?

What do you see? When I was young, not so bad. When I was in my high school days, and I was odd looking as young and grammar, and went through a good little transition high school to write about 28, 29, 30. And then this got darker. You know, your nose doesn't stop growing.

Like, extra for me. But Bobby used to, raccoon, it's funny, because Philippe used to, Philippe and Sparks were back in the day when we were sort of doing open mics and all that. And I'd walk in, he'd always be like, hey, what's up, raccoon? So good. Oh, really? Yeah, he used to call me raccoon.

But you, Bobby, was the one who started calling me cricket. At the table reads of Matt TV, I had just started. It's just such a jerk that this guy was. And by the way, a dude that got picked on for, what, five seasons before you were really like, they gave you respect. That's why when I ran into, what's the big dude that? Sasso. Will Sasso.

So when he saw that first video, by the way, let me ease back into this. I have not been to this hit, this place, his place since the very first time I ever came here was our very first episode of Rice and Beans. We were going to go on the road and they, and here's what's weird. I just feel like I went back in a time capsule because they're like, here, John, you're going to drive up, you're going to go

upstairs and knock on the door. Bobby's going to open the door. You got, we're going to, this is like six in the morning. Remember catching a flight at five or six in the morning. Yeah. So I come up, I knock on the door and then he doesn't answer. Now I don't know anything yet. I'm not, I haven't been on a TV show like this.

So I didn't realize that he was already six, seven seasons deep at this point. So this guy's kind of like in here doing whatever the fuck he wants, right? Causing havoc, just talking down to everybody. So I'm not aware of this, right? So I'm knocking and then I'm looking in the, in the director. He's like, so, you know, so I do it again and then he has a name.

It was Bruce Letty, but okay. Well, you want to be, yeah, shout out to Bruce, by the way. I love it. All right. So don't, oh, I do whisper outs, by the way, whisper out. You whisper out. Whisper out Bruce Letty. Very good.

I like that. Can we steal that here? I'm doing it on our pocket. Oh, really? You know, probably as long as you go like this, excuse me. How about if you do this, you can go whisper out so and so credit Johnny Sanchez. If you do that, yes.

Did Carlos did that for you when he stole your jokes? Uh, dude, I don't fucking steal. I borrow without fucking asking. Anyway, so I knock on the door. I'm sorry, Ned, just like, cause I think if you listen to it, it's going to break his heart. No, he knows we're, I love you. We love you.

We're just, we're just right now. We love you so fucking much. I'm not going to get that all started. He won't get all weird. I know, but he's, he, he's done some stuff to you. All right. You remember, you remember when? Yes.

Can I say it? I already know what you're talking about. Can I say it? Funny is funny. Yeah, we did funny is funny. Wait, I didn't finish the note it down. All right. Yeah, just note it down.

This is how this thing works. We go from one to another. I forget. I know you do. I jump all over the place. I know it's great because, you know, growing up on the farmland, you probably had like fertilizer poisoning or something. You know, well, I did grow up in that area.

I know you did. But I got some news for you about all that. OK, all right. You're going to have to change your jokes about me, by the way. Oh, I think I'll save that for a little later. Let me just rip, rip, rip and then save it. Yeah. OK.

So I was, I lost my train of thought. I thought so. Carlos. Oh yeah. So funny is funny. What did he do? So we were given our, this is crazy. We give our sets.

Yeah. We give our sets. And so everybody knows everybody's material. Yeah. But when you're listening, when you do a TV show, like The Tonight Show, whatever it might be, for months and months, you write down your set word for word. Because it has to be, you know, the network has to approve.

OK. Correct. So we all know everyone's bits. It's also on Teleprompter, which why would a comic forget, but they'd still put it on a Teleprompter. Bullet points. So put your bullet points, like each topic, like, you know, like, you know, his would be like pulling pants down,

grinding, things like that. Mine would be like in depth. But his would just be, that's what you basically have. Screams, Screams again, and then Humpstool. Listen, don't kick a man when he's down. All right, Humpstool. Don't kick a man when he's down, down. OK.

By the way, I never forget Pablo Francisco. What? I don't know how much, how much room do I have on this? I remember years ago, Pablo goes, he would be on stage. And anytime there was like a weird moment in his set. Yeah. He would, I would notice he would always, he would always go, I can take the, I can take the headphones off.

He would always go like this. He'd always go, oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. And then the audience would start cracking up or whatever. And then, and then later on, you know, we'd be working. I go, that's funny. He's all, he goes, he's, oh, yeah, buddy.

Whenever I hit a weird thing, it goes, everybody loves humping. Wow. Because this works every time. Quack, quack, ping-pong, pong-pong. Yeah. Quackity smack, you know what I mean? This is why we have them on, learn.

Take notes, take notes. Yeah. Just hump the stool or just hump the ear up and come in comics. So you were, we were doing funny folks. We're all doing funny. It's a TV show on Telemundo. CTV. CTV, my bad, my bad.

Just start it, yep. In my bad, yep. CTV, right, not C, but yes, S-I. I see, I like that. S-I, CTV. Right, so, and Carlos is hosting. Now, I want to say. I can't believe you want to, you want to talk about it.

It's just an insane story. We might cut it out. I don't know. I mean, if I feel uncomfortable. But we could cut some of this stuff out. Oh, I didn't know that. OK. Let's just, we just talk freely.

And then if you don't like something. Yeah. There's my girlfriend, Kalyla. Kalyla. Hi, Johnny. Say hi to Johnny. Hi. Come on, old man.

Oh, he just ran in here, didn't he? Dude. Oh, oh, that's rare. What do you do? How are you? What is that? What do you do? He, he, I put my hand down and then he went and just turned.

Yeah, I know, because he gets it. Yeah, from you. He gets it from you. That's how that should have ended. He works for eyes. So, he's been coming. He's been coming. There's a reveal, there's a reveal coming.

OK, so, so everybody, you know, they get all of our material. Sure. Not only the bullet points, but they know exactly what you're talking about for that seven-minute set. Yeah. Everybody's doing like seven. Yeah. And there's a little backstory.

Can I tell a little backstory, though? I think it helps. Oh, am I missing something? Yeah, I'm missing. You're missing something. But something that maybe I perceive that you haven't perceived is that for years, Ned had asked you to open for him. Correct.

Every time you say absolutely no. Correct. Oh. And I think all the years of you saying no, it hit him a little bit. Because, you know, I did it. Brad Williams. Freddie did it.

Jocoy. Yeah. Delia, I've done it the most, but we still did things. You said no every time. Every time. Right. But I actually said it early on before any type of reputation of his became.

It was something, when I used to watch him, and maybe I was just not thinking right because I was young. And I was, but I was like, that's his path is this way. And my path is this way. And I felt like his, his guys for like you and Jocoy and even Freddie a little bit. Freddie was definitely on the ethnic side of the Mexican material.

Right. OK. Right. You and Joe, you guys are, and guys like you aren't even in his lane. You guys aren't even in near his lane or anything like that anyway, right? Yeah.

Now I'm on the complete opposite end. I felt like his audience would not even care for my shit. Ah. It was more, now later on, of course, it was it was more of the reputation and hearing things and hearing the hell gigs on the, and for the guys that are opening for him is what I used to hear later. But at first it was just my, I just kind of went, I told him

that he's like, dude, come on the fucking road with me. I go, yeah, what are you fucking? Dude, all fucking help you. You know, and I was like, and I told him one time. Yeah. I said, dude, I go, I go, I just think we got different audiences, man. I mean, that's not, and not that I'm saying, I just wasn't.

It's not personal. Dude, I had, I had, what do you call it a horse? What are those? Blinders? Yeah, I had the blinders on, dude, at that point. Yeah. I knew exactly which direction. Like the horse.

When they race horse. The horse, or race horse. But what do you say, donkey? No, no, no. Very good. It's knocked that in. I got it in there, right? Yeah.

Pretty good, huh? Everyone laugh at it. I said, donkey. He didn't give you anything. I know he did. He's my enemy. He's my enemy for sure. So, so, so in a weird way, Bobby, I kind of had this vision

already, even though in hindsight, you know, other guys like Johnny Zap are telling me, you should go on the road. You're going to get a big, you're going to get a bigger audience. But I don't even think you went that long. Don't say Johnny Zap in this, maybe the podcast for the rest of it's distance. I mean, I know, I know, there's this guy named Johnny Zap.

OK. All right. Oh, now you're going to talk about it. Well, I have to now, right? They can be in. Do you know Johnny? No, I don't. No, no one knows Johnny Zap in here.

I fucking know. He still pops around the store. I know, right? So this guy named Johnny Zap, who, you know, if you go to a comic club, any comedy club, I've been all over, right? There's always somebody that's a regular, that's not a stand up.

But that's been going to this club. And hanging out. For hanging out for 30 years, right? That's what Johnny's happened. So he's this older guy. And in the audience, he used to just because he'd been there for so long, just I can say whatever I want. Yeah, yeah.

Well, you're on stage. I see. I mean, do the dance. Yeah. Right. And then you're on stage and you're like, what dance? Right. And sometimes we wouldn't know it was him.

Yeah. Because he'd try to change his voice a little bit. And we go, what? Who wants him to do what? And then we'd hear. Yeah, a stupid laugh. He would do the laugh so that. And then sometimes he would do the laugh

so that we knew that he approved of our joke or new joke. Yeah. He also looks like kind of the human version of Papa Smurf. Correct. Right, right. With a Brian Johnson hat. Yeah. He always wore the bra.

You know, Brian, is that too old of a reference? It was Brian Jettelman. The lead singer at ACDC. Yeah. But where's that? The paper boy. The paper boy hat. Oh, we're all Brian Johnson fans, man.

The paper boy hat. Yeah. No, no. Uh-uh. I know you love him. No, it's Bon Scott first. And then Brian Jettelman. OK.

Do not. We're not doing a poll right now, fucker. All right. Now listen. So now cut to, we're at Funny is Funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. In fact, we went.

It's fine. It's fine. I've got it. Right. And also I want to say is we've never talked negatively about Carlos. The reason why is because I do love him. Yeah, you had a great relationship with him.

He's done so many good things for me. Yeah. But also I've been thinking about where I can go and where I can't go. Do you think he would ever do this podcast? Or could you properly ask him all the things you want to ask him? That's why I can never have him. Because if I have him, I wouldn't be

able to ask him the questions that I really do want to ask. Because I don't want to hurt him. I feel like he's hurt enough. And I don't want to kick a man. You know, when he's down, he's making a living. He's doing stand-up. But we know where he was. John, right?

He was big. Yeah. You know what's interesting about that that you bring it up? You're getting surreal. What's going on? Yeah. No, because I'm working with these. There's this guy now who's kind of working with us

somewhat in our podcast and other stuff. And his name got brought up in our podcast. And then this dude's like, he goes, afterwards, he goes, hey, I got to tell you this story, man. Like he goes, I was always a big fan of Carlos, man. You know, I love this shit. And he saw him at a Chipotle or something not long ago. And here we go.

Interesting place. Go ahead, Bobby. I know. But just I don't want to think about that. That makes me laugh. Go ahead. OK. Were you going to make just because he was in Chipotle?

Or the fact that he's half German and Honduran and he's in a Chipotle because that's a Mexican food. Is that where you're going to go with that specific? No, it's just like if somebody was talking about me and they said, yeah, we saw him at a barbecue on Vermont. Panda Express. Panda. That was because I'll tell you why not.

Because you'll never see me at a Panda. I'll tell you why I'm not in a Panda Express. He's actually there three times a week. I am there. I know, baby. Well, the reveal happened. He loves Panda. I love Panda Express.

But I'm not trying to tell. I'm not Chinese. I'm not Chinese. Yeah. OK, so let's finish this story. So why is that OK? So that's OK that you go in the Panda Express? Forget it.

Let's Chipotle. But isn't every play. Wait a minute. Real quick. He ran into him at a Chipotle. Just go there. I won't forget. I will not forget.

Brad, you have a long list now. Hold on. I will not forget. OK. This is the first time I guess I'd note. No, I got to hold on. I got to do this. I won't remember anything.

OK. Wait a minute. I had this discussion with Ruben Paul, and he's like, I don't even know how you ever step into a Panda Express. So I go, Panda Express, we have Taco Bells, Dale Tacos, Chipotle. We got all these play.

Why can't there be Asian places that I mean, I've never gone into a Yosha Noia. I don't even know what they sell there. But what is it? Mystery meat. Mystery meat. They have this thing where it's like curled beef over rice. I used to eat it when I was drunk a lot because it was so cheap.

Yeah. And they're everywhere. They're everywhere, but I never see. I don't know if I see people really see. They're like, Yosha Noia is it? What is that? The jet? Is that Japanese?

Yeah. It's like the Japanese Arvies, right? Right. They're always there. That's really perfect. They're in there. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

Oh, whenever you drive by. Yeah, I never see anyone in there. Oh, I don't. Yeah. I don't see. But they're open all the time. I have never seen a Yosha Noia going out of business close. Because they're always open late.

That's what it is. Yeah. OK, speaking of me, don't worry. I'm I'm on track. OK. Bonnie's speaking of me. OK, I never really I never thought about this. OK, but don't look at my girlfriend and say speaking of me.

Me? OK. Don't ever do that. Don't ever don't ever fucking do that again. He was speaking. All right. His voice dropped. That's what he's going to do, man.

I didn't even realize how creepy that came. Yeah. Speaking of speaking. He went like speaking of me, right? Don't worry about it, baby. You know, go ahead. So so I met this dude. I did a show and after the show, this guy used to work at Taco Bell.

I never really thought about this. But he goes, hey, man, you know that that the meat, the beef, right? I don't go, yeah, what about it? He's like, you know, you know, you know what it is, right? And I go, I have no idea. Yeah. He goes, OK, so they got, you know, those heating pans, like a little heating.

OK, he goes, what they do is it's a package of white powder. And they pour it into the water and they start stirring it. And it becomes the meat. So it's a synthetic meat. Wow. That's fucking great. Really? Did you know this?

No, I didn't know that. So then I go, I keep going. You're blowing my mind. There's no way. He goes, hey, have you ever smelled cooked meat in there? Have you ever had a burnt taco where the meat's overcooked? All right. I go, oh, shit.

No, he's all. That's what that's what. And this was about five years ago. I don't know if they've. So it's just let me get you get a straight. Taco Bell. It's a synthetic. If you go up to like in the kitchen,

there's probably like a bucket, right? A barrel full of this white powder. It's a powder, right? It's just water and the powder and it becomes. It becomes meat, that brown stuff. Correct. Wow. That's what I said.

Wow. I'm going to go take care of the dogs. OK, go take care of the dogs, babe. OK. Stop for a second. Because I like, because I love, I don't want to ruin the flow of anything. Broken testicles.

That sounds like a Harry Potter movie. That classic Harry Potter. The Harry Potter movie is not Harry Potter. Harry Potter, the broken testicles. Oh, that's what I mean. Enjoy the rest of the show. Goodbye. Where are they?

Are they not in the living room? Just put them in the bedroom. Oh, is that the leader? Who's Coinda? Her sister. Oh, I thought that was the main dog. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know names. I thought we'd never say that again. I'm not. This is not going good, right? It's going great. Meat. This is going great.

Your sister's a dog. This podcast is going swimmingly great. Swimmingly? Is that another illegal immigrant reference over the Rio Grande? Maybe it was. Oh, you didn't even know you threw him in there. That was subconscious.

That was subconscious. That's how much Bobby just thinks about wetbacks and illegals and stuff. It's coming out subconsciously. I love you guys. You know that, too. And look at me in the eyes. You think that I'm racist toward Mexicans?

No. Because you know how Mexicans are. Have you ever felt that from me? But you know, no. But you know, it wouldn't bother me anyway, because you know how Mexicans are about chinos, eh? Jumbo. Come on, chinos, eh?

Everybody's like, isn't that funny? Asians will be like, no, dude. I'm Korean. It's still a chino. People think they mean Chinese. Yeah. They're just saying Asian. They are.

That's what chino means. Chino is just Asian for it. It doesn't matter that it's chino. The literal translation of chino is Asian, or is it Chinese people? What do you call Chinese people? Chino. Chino.

And they call it Vietnamese? Chino. Oh, wow. It's used across the, you know what I'm saying? Like, they don't get specific with Mexicans. I'm like that with Mexicans as well. And that's what? Like, if I see somebody from Costa Rica, or Cuba, no,

Beiner. Oh, that's good. That's great. Classic. That's what it's for me, too. So you have chino at Beiner, that's fine. Same thing? And then what's the?

What's that? What's the one? Is it Nip? Is that the one that you guys? Oh, my god. You know it's Nip. You know it's Nip? I don't know, because it never.

You just threw it out like it. Did you know? Did you see how innocent it is about it? I didn't know. No, you see Nip all the time, bro. No. Never leave. Every time you pass it, you'll shinoia.

Yeah, you call it a Nip. Yeah, right? No, you do it. We know you do it. No, it's Shinoia. OK, so that's one of them. Right. Is Nip.

Chino. OK, but Nip, is Nip specific to? Japanese, Japanese. Oh, it's Japanese. Yeah. Oh, interesting. Yeah, because, you know, I think Gooke is derived from starting in Korea,

but then it drifted into Vietnam. Into Vietnam. Yeah, Nip is definitely. And then Chinese, Chink is for Chinese. Right? It's a Sesame Street show. I've been called Chink, so yeah, but it's supposed to be for Chinese, yes.

I got it. OK. Anyway, what about the funny, funny? Yeah, let me tell you. Is it funny? When my dad was in Kurt Station, real quick, I'm going to have another side store. Yeah, I love. Hold on.

Keep let him go. Let him go. So when my dad was stationed in South Korea in 1958. Oh, shit. He was. Give him a round of applause for my dad. Oh, yeah, it's going to my dad. He's a veteran, man.

And by the way, he got along great with the South Korean soldiers, but there was a lot. I mean, that was a lot of racism back then, right? Especially from the white officers. And, you know, so there was a guy that one of the guys that my dad got along with great. He was one of the main dudes of, you know, he was above. I don't know what he was considered a lieutenant or whatever.

Right. But this one white guy kept calling him Zipperhead. So, you know, and he just went, what, what? And he's like, he's like. Do you see the way he said it? Nothing Zipperhead. Zipperhead. Nothing Zipperhead.

So finally, he came up. He asked my dad one time. He's Mr. John. He called Mr. John. Mr. John, why, why is so-and-so call me a Zipperhead? And I was like, oh, I don't know if you want to know. Yeah. He's like, no, I want to know.

I want to know why he called me every day Zipperhead. Such a good accent. And I go, and he goes, great. And I go, I mean, you're not going to like it, man. It's not good. No, tell me in this. So he said, well, because your eyes are small and it looked like a like a zipper closed.

And he said that the dude just looked at him. And then it's just like red as could be. And was like, what the fuck? Like went to go. I guess this was Bobby Lee back in the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I would have gone crazy. He went looking for the guy to beat the shit out of him.

No, really? Yeah, the fucking dude. Because the Zipperhead got mad. Of course he did. He was like a lieutenant. Like he was under. He was under. Yeah, you can't call no lieutenant a Zipperhead.

No, no, no. Dude. Even if he had the little thing, the handle's dangling from his eyes. Don't do it. Don't do it. You know those handles like that, you know? That would be a great if God did that.

Ashley made my ears, eyes, and ears, eyes zippers. Oh, wow. I'd go into deep sleep. Oh, you would sleep all the time. Like you would zip it. And I wouldn't even be able to open my eyes because it's zipped. And I would just go into a fucking slumber like that. I love that.

And you know, I always tell people when to be quiet, I'll say zip it. But to you, it's going to have a different meaning. Oh, OK. From now on, whenever we go back in time. Don't see what you're seeing, Bobby. I'm going to be like, we're in a horror movie. We're in a horror movie.

I'm scared. And you could just turn it and zip it. Zip it. And then you go like this. Wouldn't they go from the inside? I don't know. The logistic. You were making it go like they were from the outside.

We're going to have to find an engineer to do it. The mental kind of Asian they are, too. Yeah. That's where the zipper actually originates. It's the slant degree. OK. Oh, or it's the member. Oh, speaking of Carlos, remember when he would do,

he would throw out those big words in his set sometimes. Those actually made me laugh. Remember? Because the Asian guy, he would. I know. Can I say the word? He's epic. Epicenter.

Epicenter fold. Epicenter fold. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I've never heard that before. I haven't heard it either. But you know, he used to just go through like dictionary just to find words. Or he heard Paul Mooney said.

Oh, really? Maybe. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because that's not stealing. Remember that bit is like, hey, man, are you Chinese? No, no, no, no.

Are you Japanese? Yeah, yeah. Sorry, dude. I didn't realize you had a two centimeter epicenter fold. Fold. Which is funny, though. Which is very funny. Very fucking funny.

In fact, I. I love that bit, actually. Yeah, I, you know, have a HBO now. And the other day, I don't know why, but the other day, when she was sleeping and in my head, I was just like, I'm going to go through just a fucking stand up. Like I haven't watched stand up in so long. And so I went to all the HBO.

They have all the old ones. The old one, the half hour specials. So they have Mencia's one, Mark Maron's one, like all those guys. I rewatched the first Mencia one, right? And it's funny. It's funny. But I can see it's also not really exactly his voice.

There are these broad ideas that you could just, you know. Was this what he was still wearing a suit? No, it was kind of a suit. You would wear like an over shirt. When he used to dress up, man. The first time I ever saw him in the main room, I was going up to the bailar room because I was only an open mic.

He used to wear a suit? He had a suit on. And I'll never get the joke I heard him say. He was on stage in the main room. I was like, oh, there's a Latino guy on stage here at the comedy store. Wow. Yeah.

And he was in a suit. It was more like a blazer, slacks, and not a collar shirt, though. It's like a white t-shirt underneath. Kind of more like that kind of vibe, right? And I'm getting ready to go up. And I still remember the joke he said, dude. He's like, dude, fucking white people get fired.

They've got to fucking shoot up the place. Right. Fucking blacks and Mexicans get fired. It's about damn time, fucker. I fucking walked up and I remember I was like, that's hilarious. Wow. But of course, years later, years later, you hear that was done. You know what I mean?

That's kind of a bit that was done by Black Comics for years. Yeah. I saw him wear these. You know how European jeans look different? They have like embroidery on it in the back. You know, they have like. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, on the pockets.

On the pockets. Stage North cuts dad. Right, right. Those kind of pants. But Ned not only had dad, but on his jeans was, I guess they're embroidered of Disney characters, like in a clump. Like it was Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse. On the back?

No, in the front. They called it coming down. Got a patch. That's never look good, by the way. Don't fuck with blue jeans. Don't put shit on it, right? But he had that. Remember not being brave enough and having the kind of relationship where I can go to

him go, don't ever wear those again, right? You just because he's the headliner, so you just accept it. But wait a minute. Patches did work on jeans in the in the 70s and like 60s and early 70s. The right patches work or iron-ons, whatever, no patches, because those are sewn on. It never worked. It never worked. I don't know.

I don't know, man. I mean, you know what I found when I first moved in here? An affliction shirt from you. You had an affliction shirt? Uh-huh. What? And a couple von Dutch. What?

You're not one to speak, sir, about patches on jeans. Thank you. You're right. All right. Let's go back to Chipotle. We're going to get back to Chipotle. Can we go back to Funny Is Funny or do you ever not want to go back to that? Oh, wait.

Let's finish that story. About the guy that you're working with that who met Carlos at a Chipotle. Yeah. Right. And then we'll go back. All right, right, right, right, right. So he said he went up to him and was like, hey, dude, I just want to tell you, uh, you know, I've always, I always enjoyed you all those and whatever.

And he just got real defensive. It was like, yeah, okay. Yeah. Whatever. Do you want me to say I stole? I stole. Is that what you wanted? And he just got on the defensive.

No, man. I'm being like, no, dude. He's like, dude, whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe it's gotten to him all these years later. I don't know.

I mean, but in a weird way, I never got too associated with him. So I've always sort of been on the outside. You always had a thing though, like you're just to be safe. Yeah. I felt like I, I knew which I had just this instinct that I think I got from my dad where sometimes even with other comics, not just him, I could have made some money, but I was like, trust this dude, man. Or it's going to be bad.

Yeah. It's going to be bad. Something's going to, something's going to turn out, man, we're going to get into it or something. So. Well, it's a, it's also a power shift. You have to, when you. And hence why I was the hottest guy in 99 and then not now in 2019, because sometimes

those decisions, when you, when you take, make decisions where someone could get you in front of mass audiences and you don't, that could be, that could be a breaker right there. Like those could have been real interesting thing that you just said. Because, um, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Is it because you do have a pride about you and that can be, that can be a problem. Yeah.

Oh. Oh, answer it. Answer it. Yeah. So gross. Oh, hello. Bobby Lee.

Who is this? It's Glickman. Whoa. Glickman. What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm doing a podcast right now with Johnny Sanchez. Hey, tell Johnny Sanchez I love him.

Um, I'm right here, brother. Love you too, dude. Yeah. Glickman. I'm gonna invite for you for Monday. Do you want me to send you a text? What's going on Monday?

Floyd Mayweather is, is playing basketball. And, uh, and I got invited to this thing and they said, hey, you know, any other great comedians that want to come and hang out and watch Floyd Mayweather play basketball? Yeah. It's really funny. Are you, are you're fucking mine? You don't do that on a fucking Monday, Glickman. You don't do that on a fucking Monday, Glickman.

Who's he playing again? Who's he waiting? Who's me where they're playing against? It's got to be like Brad Williams and his buddies. Brad Williams. Who's, who's, who's he fighting or playing against? He's playing basketball against Gronk. Oh, Patriots.

What's a Gronk? Football player. Oh, I want to be there for sure. You just said Gronk up front. I love you. No, thank you. Can you send me the invite? I'll think about it.

So it's a no. I love you. I love you. I love you. Bye. Wow. Floyd Mayweather against Manny Pacquiao and basketball would get crushed. Manny Pacquiao's.

He would destroy him. Yeah. Why? Manny Pacquiao was a really good player. Is he really? In basketball? Yeah. He bought his own basketball team and he plays on his own team.

Yeah. Oh, I would, see, I would watch that. I bet that would be better than the fight. I bet it would. The fight was horrible. Yeah. Oh, but we were here, we had a party. It was crazy.

Okay. It was terrible. So now we're going to get. The funny story. The funny is funny. Okay. 40 minutes. I love it though, because this podcast is like Pulp Fiction.

Oh yeah. That's what's great about it. You know what we do here? Then we go to our side story. We go to here and here and it all comes back around. So I did. Whoa. Yeah.

More like reservoir. More like reservoir dogs. I think a little more. You're a little piece of shit on. You know, you know what? You're a little piece of shit on because it's like, let me tell you something. I was on mad and they were looking for a Latino guy. You did pull for me.

I seem to remember me pulling for you. Bobby pulled for me for about five years and they, they didn't want anything to do with me and they went through everybody else and they didn't like anybody else. Well, names are going to be left out on this one, but they went through everybody else audition. You remember that? Yeah. Everybody else audition. Yeah.

And then finally it comes to that year. And then Bobby's like, I told you about this guy five years ago. And then David's all right. Well, let's take a look at him. And then what does he say after that? Every time we had a table meeting or some table, he, uh, table read or meet, he'd go, well, I finally got my Latin guy. Yeah.

Yeah. I should have listened to Bobby five years ago. Yeah. And then they canceled the next season. I got two. I got, say it best, Bobby. What did you say? You got fucked.

I got fucked. I'll tell you why Johnny got fucked. Cause Johnny got onto mad TV at the last two years of it, which they cut funding. Right. They weren't, I mean, they were out. This was, remember, do you remember the last season they go, it was already bad enough, the budget, the budget and funding and all that was bad enough on, on the 13th season, 14.

Remember they would go, Hey, look, um, about the takes each take, they go, um, I mean, we'd like to have it in one. Right. But we have to have it in two. Oh my gosh, the pressure. And this, when he was on it early, how many takes did you guys used to do in front of the live? I mean, they just kept going and going and going.

And they were to the point where like we, we got to shoot once or so everybody. So now they added pressure of like, you can't, you don't want to flood your lines. You don't want. So now that takes you kind of out of the moment and whatever. But yeah, I came in if, if Salisman, Salisman had listened to you. Um, oh, by the way, Whisper out. David Salisman, Whisper out. Um, can we go back to funny is funny or no?

Anyway, I just worked with him. I'll tell you about that. David. Yeah. He's a great guy. I do love him. He's great. Me too.

He's a good boss. He's still great. So he was still great to work with. Uh, so funny is funny. They all know our sets. They know exactly what we're going to be doing. Uh, matter of fact, Freddie was one of the riders on it. So Freddie knew everybody sets on top of it.

So what basically they were doing was they don't want the host to step on anybody's material while, you know, uh, the shows are going. So they, they tell him, so I was talking about this. So, so Carlos was hosting and they knew that I was, I think I was last on that myself. You were late. You were really late on the show. Yeah.

Yeah. And I, at that time I had this, my closer, my, this killer closer bit called parking in my parking. One of the best jokes I've ever heard. It was, it was about a, it was literally five minutes long. It was about this Persian, Persian guy. Who was screaming at everybody cause someone was parked behind his car and he was just screaming out who's parking in my parking.

From a different person. He was calling the apartment intercom, you know, the intercom center. Yeah. And people, they don't even know who's calling. I mean, hello. He's like, is this your parking in my fucking parking? Who's parking in my parking? It was my closer bed.

I destroy. It would do destroy. Destroy the road. And this was early dude. This is gotta remember this is mid late nineties where this is pre nine and 11. This is, I mean, people, stuff like that was just fun and fun. Yeah.

It was great. So Carlos knows this. So in between the, the, the, the transition that I'm going to be on the next or there was two of us on the next show. So they're going to bring up this one guy or whatever. So he in between, they're going to bring up, did they bring up the first guy? And then I don't fucking remember dude. I don't remember where he did it, but basically I'm up, I'm up next.

And he decides to do this bit on Iraq. Yeah. The Iraq war. And he goes into this. And first of all, everybody's like, remember Pat buckles comes running and goes, what the fuck is he doing? Because that wasn't anything that he was supposed to do. So they already knew, but he does what three, four minutes on, you know,

you could hear my friend, no fuck you, my friend. So he's wearing this accent out. Now I know what the fuck he's doing. We all know what the fuck he's doing, but he played like he didn't know. Oh, that's right. Right. Fucking Johnny's got the fuck. Fuck.

Yeah. Yeah. I wasn't even going to go on. Fuck it. Oh, you were livid. That's how I was like, I'm just going to leave right now. I was like, I was just getting ready to walk out. I said, fuck it.

So they said, okay, here's what he's going to go up to the audience. And he's going to explain it to them. So this was, I don't even know if this made it better or worse. I think it made it worse. But in between, he goes, Hey, look, look, fuckers. So that bit that I just did, the dude coming up next has something similar to what I was doing similar to what you are doing. Are you kidding me?

Yeah. You know, I had that bit for years. Yeah. I made it worse. Wow. And he goes, so, so just laugh, you know, give it up. You know, don't think about fucking me and my fucking thing. Oh, right.

It's crazy. Anyway, I know it's crazy. That's the story. Yeah. And then, and then now you know why wouldn't have gone on the road after that anyway. Yeah. Because I got asked by him after that anyways. You know what I mean?

I still do believe that it might have helped you to go on the road with him. But probably would have did. But you, you know, have certain principles and ethics. But you're right, but, but you can't have too much pride though. Pride's bad. Pride's not good. You know, if I can, I can fuck things up for you, man. That's why I'm going to Montreal because for years, I've said on podcasts,

probably a thousand of them for years. Montreal doesn't like me. I've never been invited. They hate me this and that, right? But then what happened was the last three or four years they've been asking, but still on podcasts, I'd be like, fuck them. They hate me. Right.

When they're inviting me, right? So one day I was at the comedy store and one guy from Montreal was talking to me in the parking lot and I got not this year, man, or whatever. And he walks away and Howie Mandel was there. And he was like, what was that about? Cause I'm going to Montreal. I go and I told him that they haven't never invited me and now they are. And he said, you should never make decisions based on resentment, especially in this business.

You should do Montreal. That's, that's, that's actually really good advice. Right. And so I go the next time they asked, I said, yes, which was this year. So you're going in. When a couple of weeks. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh wow. Now which shows are you doing? I'm hosting the dirty shows and then I'm also doing a couple of like a gala and then televised thing, but I'm doing it. We're good for you. But it's, yeah, but that's the same thing. It's like, we have these as standups. Yeah.

These little resentments and like a list. I don't know if you, but I have a list in my pocket of, of guys that have fucked me. Yeah. Or guys that have said things, right? I know man. And then you try to lash out in your own way and it's not healthy. It never works out. You never feel better about it.

Right. Yeah. So I'm trying to let go. Now, you know, when you're there though, you got to try to enjoy it and don't get, you know, don't get Bobby while you're there. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like with your shows, you know how you get.

What do you mean? Like, you know, you're going to be doing these shows. Don't start going, you know, they're going to hate me. Don't start doing all that. Why is it when you did an impression of me, you used to do the smoking thing too. Like I used to smoke a lot. Yeah. Yeah.

He used to crouch down against a wall. I'm not standing. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. I really sound like that to you. Yeah.

You sound like that to everybody. Right. Is that pretty close? Yeah. That's pretty good. That's on point. Yeah. Yeah.

By the way, speaking of that one time, Paul, I was having a conversation with Paul Rodriguez senior. There's a fun time. Not junior. There's a fun time right there. Like the skateboarder. No, you know what I mean? Cause he became, you know, pretty big with the young people, but he said the same thing.

Once I, we were talking, I was like, yeah, man, if I hit big, I'm like, I'm not doing this club or that club because he treated me shitting. They wouldn't book. And then he's like, no. You know, he, and then he was like, do the opposite. He said he did the opposite. He goes, he goes, you know, when I got my break, I went in and I charged 50,000. Yeah.

Yeah. He said he always extra charged the clubs that were shitting him or didn't book him before. Now out of those legends, those Hispanic legends, you know, you would think that obviously Paul is one of them, right? Cheech Marin, George Lopez. I mean, Paul was like the, he was the first. He was the first.

He was the first. Stand-up one. Yeah. Yeah. That's why. Oh, well, wait. Well, Freddie, Freddie, um, Prince was a little before Paul that, you know what's so fun that you say that because you do remind me of Freddie Prince in the sense that I'll tell you

why in, when, when you see Freddie Prince perform, he does talk about race and his being Hispanic, but like he, he sounds, his cadence and everything is very American in terms of just like, you can tell that he has friends with all kinds of fucking races. He doesn't give a shit. Right. Right. Look at this kid. His kid, it doesn't even look Mexican.

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, man. But, um, yeah, but you remind me of him. You do look Mexican to me or Indian, whatever. But the thing is, is that, but in terms of the way when you talk, right? And when you explain yourself, you go, oh, he, you know, he's just an American guy. Yeah.

Right. Right. So, you know, he's just someone like Carlos Mancia, even George Lopez or Paul, they can, you, you, if somebody said, oh yeah, George grew up in Mexico for 12 years, you'd be like, oh yeah, I get that. There's like an influence in his span. Yeah. There's nothing wrong with it.

Yeah. But you seem like he's here, uh, Pacoima born and raised in. Yeah. Uh, uh, George. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you get, but you, I know what you mean.

You like it. Yeah, man. He's good to me. And the other thing I've never been in, he knows that I've never, ever been in his lane. That's the other thing. You know what I mean? Yeah. A lot of the guys were, were, were just kind of lifting dude and doing a lot of George

Esk material. You know what I mean? And that's what drove him drives, drives him crazy. So, um, but I take that as a comment because I actually really liked Freddie Prince's material, man. He had some really good shit. He was great. He was great man.

Wasn't he at a Chicago? Chicago guy, right? Yeah. Oh shit. Anyway. Chicago dude. I have a question. You go ahead.

You know your little box of resentments and your little box of hate that you keep very tightly. Yeah. Do you think that if you got to a point of absolute like stardom with a lot of money, do you think you'd hold those resentments or do you think it'd be easier to let them go? I wouldn't hurt because you, you said this to me one time. You said that that's how you know someone's made it.

They don't knock you down. They help you. Yeah. So what I would do is I do have a list. I could say it now, but I'm not going to. Yeah. Okay. But it's a definite real list.

Yeah. And I believe that, um, that I would not get revenge on the people that's on that list, but I would help people that helped me and you can't help anybody expecting them to help you back, which is something that I've learned over the years because there's been a bunch of dudes that I've helped that have betrayed me, right? Like deep betrayal. So my intentions can't be like, well, if I help, you just have to be a good dude and just let go at that, you know, and not expect.

But yeah, I mean, I would always help Johnny. I love him. And even though he never loved me the whole time, like when I first came to LA, I tried to get. Two completely opposite versions of when Bobby started at the store, because you're blind. You're blind to it. The raccoon. The raccoon.

How do you say that? Let me say something right now, dude. Thank you. I used to follow this guy's around. This guy around. Yeah. She goes, oh, did you say raccoon? It's raccoon.

He says raccoon and I had never heard that before. And I'm also not the correct person to ask because I say Nectar instead of Nectar. Yeah. I'm Filipino. I say all. Oh, that sounds like a cool, like like a planet on Star Trek. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I say Frigidaire. I don't say fridge or refrigerator. Yeah. We all say fridge. Fridge. I say Frigidaire. It's a brand.

Oh, the Frigidaire. Oh, that's funny. Frigidaire. Frigidaire. That's a brand. It's a brand. I didn't know that when I first came to America, I was like, yeah, it's in the Frigidaire. And people would be like, what the fuck are you talking about?

Or when we would say Johnson's Buds, I didn't know it was called a Q-tip. Yeah. My dad used to say, my dad would say, yeah, he goes, orange, right? And you just offer that, you have to know what he's saying or you get hit. Orange? Yeah. It's orange juice. I could have gotten that.

But he would go orange, right? And you would have to know. That's why I always thought, I said, being in a house with immigrants, you have to learn three languages. You have to learn English, Korean, and the thing, the made up words in between, right? So it's like, you know, Korean, you can talk, I understand. English probably not that much, you know, some of the things he says, but that third language is difficult.

They had to decode it. My mom has the same thing. But you know, it's even, even though we spoke English in the Philippines, certain words didn't have the same meanings. For instance, if you, people were like, oh, do you, do you want a napkin? I would wonder why people were offering me maxi pads, because in the Philippines, a napkin is a maxi pad. Like, oh, what do you want a napkin?

I'm like, I'm not in my fuck, don't offer me a maxi pad. And then tissue is toilet paper over there. Yeah. No one says toilet paper there. They're like, and it means toilet paper. Ah. So what do you call the stuff that you blow your nose with? Um, I don't know.

There's no work. They don't blow it. That's tissue too? I don't know. Oh, I forget. So if I asked, we didn't blow our nose, we would blow it in the hanky. Oh, really? Oh, remember those?

Yeah. We would fold them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Back in the day. Older man.

Had a freaking hanky. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it was, we're talking older man blowing. Right. Full on loops, dude. Yeah.

And then they would just fold it, and then later on, you'd see them open up to find the spot that they hadn't used. Right, right, right. And they always give it to crying ladies. Yeah. Like in car rooms, right? It's the same napkin. Yeah.

They're the same napkin. They're like fucking wiping their taint with, blowing their nose with, they give it to the crying lady. Oh, god. Imagine what's on that napkin. Oh, my god. Oh, wow. That's interesting.

Yeah. They're called handkerchiefs, right? Handkerchiefs. Handkerchiefs. Yeah. Handkerchiefs, right? Handkerchiefs. How does it, how is that one?

Handkerchiefs? Because I even, I always, because I could never tell if it was handkerchief. Is it spelled handkerchief? It should be handkerchief. But. Handkerchief. Because it's chief, right? Have we all been saying it wrong?

Handkerchief. I've never, I've never said that word. Hanky. And they would call it a hanky. I would probably say that. That's the handkerchief, right? That's correct. It's handkerchief.

Yeah. Handkerchief. Handkerchief. Handkerchief. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. By the way, I can, can I answer that question that you asked Bob?

Yeah. Yeah. About the box of resentment? Yes. Yes. Yeah. I, I would not go and, and I wouldn't make it obvious to any of the people that burned me or, or whatever, didn't help me or not.

That didn't help me. But you know, the people on that list. Yeah. I wouldn't make it a point to let them know if I hit huge. Yeah. I would just help the people that I've always said I would help or whatever. But I would always know. Now granted, I would probably, they would probably think I had become a stuck up prick because

I would not acknowledge them at that point. Ah. That's the only thing I would do. I would be like, no. You'd be distant. I would just be very distant. I would just be very distant. Would you do a power play like this where let's say you were at the helm of producing,

directing, writing a movie, bring him into an audition just to say no. Oh, no way, man. Damn. I don't think I would do that. I would do that. That's he. I know that's his. If I, to get revenge, I would set up, I would make a movie and I would audition my enemies.

Okay. And I'd be in the room. Right. So, check it out. So elaborate. And I'll be with a casting director, right? But let's suppose you're the guy coming in, right? And this is, just walk into the room.

I'm there with the casting director. Hey, Bobby. Thanks so much, man. Yeah. So you ready? Yeah. All right. Just, you're going to play it to me because I'm going to read with you.

All right. Good time. Go ahead. You have to start. Go ahead. Carol, what are you doing? Thank you. That's funny bit, Bobby.

All right. Thank you. That's enough. What's wrong? You did it. We got it. Go ahead. Damn.

You would do that too. And when they door closed, right? I would look up at the heavens and I'd have love tears coming down my face. And happiness. Thank you, Lord. Yeah. I think you got burned more than I did. I definitely got burned.

Yeah. Yeah. When I came up there, the only thing close I would get to that is probably if I had that. Why do I say so hated when I came up here? Oh, I can imagine. Oh, this all happened before you even got to. Yeah. When I, the transition from San Diego to LA was so rough for me because I felt like,

because remember when I first moved up here, Fetty started turning on me. I had no friends, dude. That didn't go too long, right? Yeah. The only thing I didn't want you to do, the only thing that irritated me about you when you started. Here we go. Yeah.

I just didn't like that you relied on hair for laughs that always got under my skin. And you know, I told you, I told you that many, many times when he, when he first started, it was the, it was real super high. He go, and I would go, oh, Bobby, you know, you're good enough without, you know what I mean? Yeah. But you sort of use, you don't do that anymore. That's how Ned, that's how Ned got me off of it.

It's so funny. That's the same advice that he gives all the younger comics is like, you cannot rely on anything about your physical appearance. And that's what I used to do. Yeah. Because everything I say, everything I say is from my own experience. You know, that's all. You know what else?

I'm so glad I never, I've always been a slow starter. You know that. I'm a slow starter. I'm a slow starter. I'm a slow starter. I'm a slow starter. No, no, no. I'm a slow starter.

Opposite of that. Why? You come right out of the chute. I struggle. No, you grab the mic. I struggle. I struggle. I struggle.

And then, and then everybody just goes crazy. No, no. But anyway, I've always been a little bit slower and then I get, I get my wheels going in or whatever. But you know what? I always wanted, I always wanted, I used to envy the comics who did have something that they'd go on stage and they would not so much like looks or stuff. Yeah.

You know those comics who have that one line, they'll walk up and they open with a line dude and it just crushes the room and then everybody loves them. But I'm so glad I didn't because some of those comics are still opening with that line 20 fucking years later. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it becomes this crutch, you know, right?

Sort of like that's why you tell young guys don't get too much into the physical thing. You know, I, right, and I'm going to say his name, but he relies so heavily on the Asian accent that he can't, he can't not do a set without it. And then even when he auditions for things, and it's not even in the description of the character, he'll just make a choice and do an Asian accent because he knows that that's his strength. Right.

Right. But it's a crutch. Yeah. Yeah. No, right. I used to have that. I used to wear a cowboy hat and like overalls and I just saw that I never saw that. I should bring that up right now.

It's your head shot with a cowboy hat. You wore a cowboy. Bobby, I never saw that. That though. Those I never saw. Yeah. I used to wear a cowboy hat and I used to go. He ha and the whole thing.

I don't know why. This was in San Diego. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I would do it. Can I go grab it? No, no, don't grab it because I believe you.

I believe you. And I remember what photo it is. Yeah. We want to see it. We want to see it today. Okay. Now, remember us dressing up in cowboy clothes, clothing on the Rice and Beans Tour, remember that?

All right, right, right. And that was the you were the funniest. That was the funniest look I think I've ever seen anybody in my entire life. You dressed up as full on cowboy. If you don't know what rice and beans is when Johnny got on the mat TV, I pitched a thing where Johnny and I go across the country, the Midwest, the Midwest and trying to find America and stuff. Still, that it would be a great, you know, let me tell you, dude, it was good.

But here was a problem for me. What he's and everybody will notice this. I hadn't even done an episode of Mad yet. OK, we shot this the summer before I started shooting the sketches. Yeah. So I didn't know this guy is seven seasons in at this point, eight seasons. What Johnny is saying is if you watch them now, because you can see him on YouTube, right, he had just gotten the show. So he was in his head.

He was so green and like editing everything in his head like what to do and what not to do. Totally. Right. So here we go. What? Whoa, that doesn't even look like you. You look really handsome. You look really different. Dude, I. Yeah, it was cute. That's a good look. You look like Montgomery Cliff there.

Who's that actor? But like he was in like, I think the Magnificent Seven. Once upon a time in the West. Yeah, look at this thing, man. Dude, let me see that. I mean, I really wasn't. You know what I was expecting to see him with it with a hat like barely sitting on his head because his hair is so big and he's making that.

Yeah, this is actually. But I used to walk into lumberyards because that's what that's the look I would have. Did you see that one? I used to work for a construction company and my job was to go and pick up materials. But I would dress like that. That's how I used to dress. So I was used to walk into like lumberyards and have everyone as soon as they see me, they just burst into laughter. Oh, so you they see it started early started early.

This is before stand up. That's before stand up. Right. So I used to come with a cowboy hat, but real. I put a little toothpick in my mouth, right? A little what? Toothpicker. Toothpicker. Toothpicker in my mouth.

I used to come have a little swagger. Hey, y'all. And they fucking. Yeah, because remember you and when we dressed, we were remember what that was that roll, Todd, man. Remember we were doing that because of Keegan. Oh, yeah. So we were dressed and then we were doing roll, Todd.

Dude, that let me ask you something. OK, I don't believe a ball because you were there. It was Keegan there when you were there. Yeah, man, I did. Jordan was gone. No, I did one season with Jordan and I did two seasons with Keegan. Oh, wow. Ike was gone, the Bernholz.

Ike, they replaced Ike with Matt Bronger, not Matt, the one before Matt. Oh, yeah, Eric Rice, the season before Dan Oster, because you were upset because you go, they let my, my, they let my boy go and you, Bobby, poor Dan. Bobby took it out on him, man, that season. Oh, no. Yeah, because I mean, what's Bobby's Bobby's like, they replaced. Yeah, I know. I don't want to.

I just got to love you, Dan. No, he's a great dude. You liked him by the way. Yeah, let me ask you this, then, I'm curious, when you were doing open mics, I have to, man, I don't love you. When you were doing open mics, did you go up your very first time? Did you think I'm going to do, I'm going to dress something funny or have my hair funny or did that come after?

Because that this is, this makes me wonder if you did it from the, from the get go. Well, you know, my, when I first started my biggest influence at the time, I was really into Andy Kaufman for some reason. Yeah, I was like trying to find any tape or like VHS tape of Andy, because there's no video on DTV, um, internet then. Yeah. So you had grab everything that I could, you know, and, um, so my thing was just to be more of an anti stand up.

But the thing is, is that I realized the first time I went up that I have to, I'm not, I can't do this. I want to be loved so much. You know, I have that. It's a weird neediness that I have. I want people to love me so much. And that's not going to do it. So I started writing bits.

Yeah. So your first time, did you go up and do something? I was weird. I stuck stuff in my asshole. I was like, you know, talking in different languages, being weird. That's another picture I just found. What? I unearthed.

Um, someone trying to stick, um, the chocolate bar into your butt. I found it. I found it. The original one? The original. I'm going to show you. I also found a couple of things, other things. Oh, yeah.

All right. Don't bring it on. Why is this all happening right now? Because we're moving. Oh, so you're. Fun facts. I thought you meant online. No, no, no.

I, so I have, I've, I've put together this, his chest of memories. Yeah. So I have all these amazing photographs. Some not so amazing. Some a little bit of him in a precarious situations. Yeah. I used to hang out in silver like with a bunch of skaters. Like Layden Phideas and these kind of guys.

Yeah. You were a skater boy. That's right. Yeah. I was a skater boy and they used to call me, um, they thought everyone thought I was bisexual. People still think I am, but back then they thought I was bisexual and I used to, because I used to do things like because of that era, I used to just be more jackassie about things, you know, sticking things in my asshole, lighting on fire, you know, that

kind of thing. And, but then stand up back then. Um, because the guys like this, you know, you, you have to compete. Yeah. So I'm like, I have to do bits like these guys. But you know what? You know, Mitzi would have loved all that. Yep.

You know what Mitzi saw beyond, you know what? That's the one thing about love about Mitzi is that when it comes to me, what was, okay. So. Is that a twix? Wait, what? Babe Ruth. This right here. Can I see that one for a time?

Wow. Your butt's nice. Really nice asshole, right? No hair. How is that possible? Oh, you didn't even clean. And that's why I just showcased that. Dude, that was a power move.

Really nice. Because I have a very clean butt hole. So clean. Who made these flyers that says Bobby both ways? That's what they're leaving in those guys, right? So they used to call me Bobby both ways. Right. These are fucking you, bro.

These are not Photoshopped. No. Can you please show Johnny? Yeah, yeah. That's Bobby both ways. Oh my God. That's why I thought you were bisexual. Yeah, Bobby.

Great poses though. Really? He does pose good. Let me see the really good pose like a penthouse. Like top penthouse pose. Oh, that's right. That's right. Yes.

God, look at how, I was kind of buff though, huh? Yeah. I just had a good body I think back then. Poses. Yeah, great poses. On point. How cute I am. Anyway, there's so many things I want to talk about with Johnny.

I'm not going to let you guys get lost in track. So we saw, no, let me, let me talk about this. This is a story that I say all the time. You and I go to the Bakersfield and I left my truck in my, in the parking lot of the comedy store. Oh yeah. And we look up and we see the ghost. Yes.

Thank you. That's all I wanted. Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all I want to know. The old lady. Yeah, yeah. Well, I thought it was a man, but you thought it was an old lady.

But you know, I saw that dude a few times that they call, that I didn't know at the time until. What did they call him? Gus. Yes. Yeah. So I just want to start it up because I say that story a lot about Gus and the ghost. And no one ever believes me.

Right. But that's my. And just so everybody understands when, when Bobby and I saw this and when I, and when I saw what I thought was Gus and some dude in a trench coat with that, with the derby hat in the belly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is what I wasn't even a regular yet.

I was doing, I was in a sketch group up in the belly room. That was when I was in Los Obstructos with Freddy Asparagus. Wow. He had a sketch show. He had a sketch group. Right. Freddy Asparagus. You knew Freddy Asparagus?

I worked with Freddy Asparagus. No. Okay. If you don't know who Freddy Asparagus, the only movie that you know. The real person? Yes. He's the real person.

He was in a movie called Three Amigos. Oh, I love Three Amigos. Okay. So he's the bartender. So he's the bartender. Right. I remember when something happens and he comes up and the people shoot. He has a famous line about what the line is.

But like that's Freddy Asparagus. But he did all kinds. He did all kinds. He was doing, he had already done a lot of films. Yeah. But so when I, when, when I saw who I ended up later finding out that that was Gus, at the time I didn't know. I just like, Hey man, I thought I saw some old dude,

some older man in a trench coat, whatever, cut to like literally 15, 16 years later, they bring those poltergeist people into the store. And then it ends up on A&E, right? Right. And I'm watching it because I heard about it. And I remember they were there. So they're talking about, and all of a sudden the lady is like,

yeah, there's a, the hit man for Bugsy carried a 45 snub or 38 snub nose. He was the hit man. He took care of everybody. He wore a trench coat and a hat. His name was Gus. I see this like 16, 17 years later and I'm sitting in my place went, I just went, Holy shit. I've seen Gus.

That's the dude I saw twice. I saw one time. And then I saw the, what I thought was a lady, but yeah, it was, it was Gus. What I saw was a top hat, faceless man. Top hat or a derby. Something. I don't know what I want. I thought you said you've never seen with a ghost.

Wouldn't I say that? The last two episodes. He said he stopped believing in ghosts. I believe. You believe in that. Believing, believing is seeing and believing is too different. So what do you, So seeing is not believing.

Cause your eyes can deceive you. Okay. So what do you think it was that we both, what do you think it was? We saw that night up in the top of the, that back room dude. When everybody, Right, right, right, right.

It was like 3 30. I know, I know, I know. I believe it. What's wrong? Her hair. My hair. What's wrong with your hair? Something's going on.

Gilbert is saying it's like no go. Yeah. I know. I see what I see. I believe what I believe. And that's end of the story. Okay. Can we get that as like one of the greatest quotes of all.

See what I see. Yeah. I believe what I believe. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's like every American right now. Yeah. Facts are not enough.

That's true. Yeah. I see the facts, But I'll believe what I believe. But we live or something we're seeing. Is it really what we're seeing? Yeah. Because people are putting shit together photos,

photo shopping. So you don't, this, this political guy is, is shaking hands with this political. You're like, really? And then you find out later. That doesn't look real. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, we have the reveal. Oh, yeah. How much time do we have left? What reveal? He said he has something in a reveal. Oh, yeah.

Yes. We're going over an hour. Yeah. We're over an hour. Yeah. That's all you need, right? Yeah. That's what we usually go to,

but we're gonna, we're done. Oh, I just want to be done. No, I just, I don't want to be done yet. I just wanted to double check. Let's go into it. Like I want to have a couple more questions about your life. And then we'll go into that reveal.

Okay. All right. If this reveal got to be good now. Is it good? Well, too much. So, um, also,

I just want to talk about Johnny has a beautiful daughter. Yeah. And when I met you, I never thought that you would ever have kids. I didn't want kids. I know. I never thought that it was, you would be the last person to have kids.

I was like, I'm not. And you were like a fuck machine back then. Oh, this is what you want to talk about. Well, I want to, you know,

I want to talk about how is that possible? If I look like a, um, a cricket, um, because at the time, in a raccoon, because how was that possible?

I'll tell you how it's possible. Back then though, there was, cause you were, you know, I was younger Bobby, not only that though, it's,

I know, but here's the thing. When I was young, all I wanted to see was a dude that was a minority. That's more like me. You reminded me of me in the sense of that. You know, I grew up,

you had a lot of white friends growing up. Yeah. Me too. Yeah. We were, we grew up in America. We have that sensibility. And when I watched you,

you know, I used to open for Mencia and I, you know, I knew George and Paul Rodriguez and all those guys, but I was a young guy, but you, to me, you weren't a Hispanic comic. Right.

You were like more of a, it's the comic. Yeah. Is Hispanic, but just, just a comic. Yeah. Who happens to be.

So you also had a way of dressing. You had leather jacket. Clever. You had the dark on your eyes. Clever. Back then it didn't seem ethnic. It just seemed like you were tired. Yeah.

He has what Gilbert has. Same thing. Oh, he does. Yeah. He has the same thing. I thought it was because of the lamp. No.

No. Okay. It's like a dog. Yeah. Racoon. Racoon. Cricket to cricket. Yeah.

Cricket to cricket. Cricket to cricket. And he was, he also, you have to admit this, you were the hottest guy at the store. Well, you know what's weird? I didn't feel that way when that was all happening.

Because Eleanor recently told me, she had told me, she goes, oh, I think you were one of the top dudes. And you were, you had some of the best sets that were happening at that time. You were like, you were like Dane Cook at that time.

That's so weird. Cause I didn't look at myself that way. You were. And maybe I should have. Also, I wanted to, but you brought her name up. How much did Eleanor hate me back then? Dispise you.

Crazy. Like how? I mean, like wanted me dead. Oh yeah. I mean, I had to talk to the two of them. Oh, you were the mediator.

Yeah. I'm friends with both of them. Oh no. And then I'd go talking to Bobby and then, and then she, you know, she'd be in the back. She'd walk by and just give a look, that Eleanor look,

that she'd go like that. You know what pissed me off the most. Or vice versa. She, I felt bad for Bobby because, you know, Eleanor was. I really, really like her.

Yeah. And I feel like it was probably warranted the way she treated you. And she seems like a really stand up woman. Straight. And she didn't take shit from anyone. Johnny, defend me. Defend me.

Well, you guys. Please defend me. No, because you guys hashed it out and you got to defend me. What was I, what am I like though? Good dude. Right.

I think she was misinformed. There we go. On the, what really happened. Here we go. That's exactly misinformed Eleanor. Because we had the, but we did the podcast together.

And you were explaining, you know, she was getting information from the friends. Yeah. And I didn't even really know the whole thing either. To be honest with you, to be honest with you, you sort of refreshed my mind.

I didn't, I thought it was about the dads. So here's what pissed me off the most. So you had gotten mad TV, right? And we were coming into the store, you and I. Okay. And there was a main room show going on.

And Freddie Soto's wife, Corey and Eleanor, and Eleanor and I were sitting there watching the show. And you, as we walked by them, Corey says to you, like, why the fuck are you doing that show with that piece of shit?

And you said to her, are you out of your mind? It's a fucking TV show. And probably it's my friend. You said that to her? Yeah. And I almost burst into tears. And that's when I knew

that you were an ally for life. Yeah. Now we're ready for this new reveal. Oh. You said you were going to get into the middle. Let's go into the reveal now. What is your need to reveal? All right.

This is going to be huge. No, because I just love you slinging. You've been slinging the Mexican jokes at me. Oh, yeah. For so many years. Here he is. You know, I've never said that.

Swimming. Swim. I've done that. All right. So I got my DNA test. Oh, 23 and me. Ancestry. Okay.

Well, let's get that out. 23 and me is better. Yeah. You say 23 and me. Why did you guys do 23 and me? There are sponsors. Oh, shit. We can cut that out.

No. No, here's a weird thing. I'll tell you what happened. Yeah. No, no, no. Because here's what I'm going to do. I am going to do 20. I am going to do,

I'm going to do, well, there is a cheaper version. Out of Tijuana called 23 and me. It's only $15. It's 23. Me's got. Oh my God. Don't tell me it's a real thing.

Oh, that's amazing. I've been, I told my family. I was going to do 20. So, um, here's a weird thing. Actually,

all of my family did 23 and me. Yeah. I ended up, I ended up doing ancestry for this reason. And I called 23 and me to ask them about this first. If you know that you have some Portuguese and you're, in your family and you, and you going to get your DNA,

you're going to get your DNA done. It's really good. They don't, 23 and me does not split up. They don't split up. You can take all this out. Yeah. They don't split up Spain and Portugal.

Spain and Portugal, they put as one and it's Iberian. So you're going to get that information back, but you're not going to quite know what percentage is what ancestry just about nine months ago figured it out. And they're now separating Spain and Portugal. And I found this out because you know how many Portuguese friends I have in the San Joaquin Valley.

There's a ton of them over there. Right. And they're like, Oh no, now we know. And then I got, Oh, well then I need to know because I knew my mom. One thing we knew about my mom is that she was half. She's half Mexican and half Portuguese. Right.

So, so my, all my family did they, they were like, Oh, well, we're, I'm 40% Iberian or I'm 38, but I was like, but what, what's your port, where are, where's your Portuguese and where's your Spanish or whatever. So I get my, you know, I've been telling everybody my whole life. I'm like, I'm pretty much Mexican. I'm like, I'm probably 80% Mexican.

I bet I have maybe 10, 15% Portuguese. So I'm 38% Portuguese, 33% Mexican. And 21% Spanish. So I'm more. You're Mexican. I'm more. They're all that. So you're fucking Mexican.

I'm, but, but if you add the Portuguese and the Spanish together, that's like 60% Iberian and 30% Mexican. That don't do shit for me, bro. Oh, okay. Why do you got to start acting like you're talking like a cholo or something? I'm not acting like that. You're like that.

From me, bro. Mexican bro. Okay. So anyway, look, I don't care. But here's what's weird for me. I told you grown up in the San Joaquin Valley. I, for some reason I, I gravitated to all these Portuguese friends in high school during grade school and all that other, it was whites, it was blacks.

And it was, you know, Mexicans, but in high school, I made a lot of these Portuguese friends because they were out in different schools because they have dairies and farms out there. Right. That's the majority of the people that you get your hog and dogs and your, and your cheese and all that shit. It's all these Portuguese dairy people, right? Yeah.

And all, they do all the produce and all that shit too. So I grew up with, I'm going to their festas growing up out there. I'm literally the only Mexican. They would give me shit. Something like, look, dude, what's this Mexican dude doing at our Portuguese Festa again, every single fucking year. And now I had no idea why you were the going. You just had a sense.

But I believe in that shit. Right. Like I believe I was gravitating towards the people that I, that I'm predominantly, you say that because when I do, I love sushi and I'm always in sushi. I am, but you didn't find out you're Japanese. Yeah. I'm 10% Japanese.

Oh, 10. Okay. Well, think about the surprise. It's the same thing. Thirty eight percent. That's like, oh, now we're dealing with like percentages and nets. Is that what you're doing? But listen, I am going to get just 9.9.

So I'm ahead. Well, I rounded up to 40. I'm going on 40 and then I'm 30. So what you're saying is you're Christiana Ronaldo. Is that what you're trying to say? Because you look, you don't look anything like him. You're like, let me say something right now, dude. Right.

I'm going to let you go. In Portugal, if they had fraggles or like little creatures living into the walls with little mystical caves, right? Then I'd be like, oh yeah, that's that. But let me say something right now, dude. Right. You're fucking weird looking, bro. Okay.

Right. You're fucked up eyes. But you're a good dude and you have a lot of talent. And that's why you're here. But don't be throwing that fucking heat in here. Okay. With your fucking facts. Okay.

Here's another thing. I love you so much though. Let me, I'm going to write that. Do it. That shit looking wave for a second with you. Yeah, go ahead. I'm with you. Okay.

So then I get this information and I start sitting back and I start getting pissed off, right? Yeah. Because I'm looking at Portuguese. I'm looking at the players, the Portuguese soccer players. Oh yeah. Like you're talking about the Spanish, the Spaniards. Oh shit.

Yeah. Dude. Puyol. Yeah. All those guys are good looking or. And I get. Not Puyol. Five nothing cricket.

Oh man. Dude. I'm serious. I was really, I was so mad about that. I could have had more of a European. Yeah. All right. Dude, I could have looked like a fucking Conquistador fucking

soccer player, dude. Yeah. It's like having vanilla ice cream. Right. Let's you, you're at a Baskin Robbins, right? But some of the other flavors got in. Right. So it ruins kinda.

Yeah. The pureness. The pureness of it. You're really shitting on Mexicans right now. I love them so much. I love the fiestas. Oh, now it's them. I love the guitar.

Now it's not me. The guitar playing is wicked. Yeah. It's tripping. I had an identity crisis when I first came from the Philippines and I was Mexican all throughout high school. Oh, well, yeah. Now wait, do you know?

Wait, wait, wait. Out of all of you here since that's the sponsor and I am getting it done because I'm going to have it double check. Yeah, it's fine. Because my family, no, seriously. Yeah. Keep talking about ancestry. No, listen.

Because we were cutting all of it out. Keep talking about it. No, no, but here's the honest. Before my family, since my parents and my three sisters, two sisters did the 23 me, I'm going to do it anyway. Also as backup just to make sure that the information I got is it's pretty accurate. So I'm doing it anyway, but I just wanted to know what my

Portuguese was and I called, I did call 23 me and ask him about it. OK, congratulations. And by the way, is that what you want to hear from me? By the way, you want to hear that from me? Congratulations. Let's give a whisper out to 23 me. 23 me.

23 CEO. OK. Is that it? No, we're not done. We're not done. We're not done. I mean, you see it this gigantic reveal and it was like, I just thought you would be, I thought you would be more like,

what? Like, I thought you were going to, you know? Yeah. You gave me nothing. No, no, no. You're that. I hated the fact you're like, you're max again. That was literally the last episode of Game of Thrones.

I was like, ah. I saw you post. I saw you post. You gave them a good, you gave them a good on your Twitter. You were like, hey, thanks for a great show. Because I tell you why. I watched one episode just so you know. Of what?

Game of Thrones. Early in the beginning. Yeah. You didn't like it. I just, I didn't get into it. The greatest show. Really? Yeah.

Now you told me that about the wire years ago. You told me there'll never be anything better than the wire and they don't, I should watch it because it'll take you. You see the wire? I didn't. Why? I watched Mad Men. I love Mad Men.

I love Mad Men too. Beginning. I love, you know what's weird, dude? I seem to gravitate towards shows and movies that I'll never be cast in. Yeah. You do have that thing. You have that thing. I have a weird thing with that.

Like you're a huge ACDC fan. Yeah. But if you were in the band, people are like, what the fuck is this? That's what, you know, it didn't happen. What the, what's wrong with me? I'm so mean. Angus, Angus Sanchez. Get that fucking down.

That's what happened with Journey with Arnold Panada. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. First it was Steve Perry, Steve Auge or whatever. Yeah, there was the other Steve. And then another guy and then there's Arnold Panada. I think that helped them though. But it was because he sounded so much like Steve.

And the other guys looked like Steve, that one looked just like him. The guy that was named Steve, I can't remember, but they, they couldn't. And with Pineda, they found this dude that sounded literally just like, and my friends have gone to those concerts. I can't personally go for, because Steve Perry is from, from the valley. He's right near my hometown. So he's been our, I just feel like I'd be cheating on Steve, man.

I can't do it. Can't do it. But, but props to Pineda, man. Cause he's done an amazing job, but I can't, I can't do it. You know, Steve is really Steve Pereira. He's Portuguese. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Another Portuguese. Let me give a shout out. Let me give a whisper out to the Portuguese. All right. So if you were in Portugal, let me just hear you man. You're walking the street down. What's the city in Portugal? Uh, Lisbon.

Lisbon. Lisbon. You're in Porto, right? And I feel like you would work at the docks. You would work at the docks. Right. So you have like things on your bag. You're carrying it, right?

Yeah. And then you go, you know what? Hey, I want to go get a sandwich. You go, right? You think that people seeing you in Portugal would look at you and go, that guy's Portuguese. They'll probably think I'm Brazilian. Yeah.

Uh, but I would fit in probably more on the Azorian, on the Azor islands. Azor. Because that's where there's more of a mix of everybody. You're a clever fucker on the Azor island. I know my Portuguese people, dude. Yeah. I was supposed to go to Porto this month, actually, but he forbade me. So what, what areas were you going to go?

You know why? Because of the man over there. Steve Axladout said no. Because of the Portuguese man. Is that why? Dude, I know several dudes in that region of the world that that. What? Portugal?

I've never been to Portugal. What about that Spanish dude? That's Spain. And only one. Right in the fucking Vag. Right. This fucking soccer player. I was just talking.

So what, where were you going to go? I'm kind of curious. I was just going to, I was just going to spend the whole time in Porto. I don't like jumping from city to city three days here. I don't, I like to actually like experience it for a while longer. Um, I don't just go for. Is that the city? Porto?

Oh, I actually never heard of that city. Yeah. It's really pretty. It's smaller. It's not as like a. Is it near Lisbon or any of the. How far is it George from Lisbon? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Port wine. Oh. Yeah. You got. I should let her go dude. Okay.

She can go. Are you going to go with somebody? Right? Like a friend? I was going to just give you a compliment. Who? You. Oh.

My compliment to you. In my head, you know, I've been asking for you on this thing. I've wanted you on it. Really? Yeah. I really have. And, um, I really honestly. You're a big part of.

My life. Now in terms of, we're not like, we don't hang out all the time. Right. But when we do see each other. It's always super fun and positive. Even when we were in, you went when we were doing rice and beans. And we were in Louisiana. And then at four in the morning, you and Steve Trevino in a blackout drunk.

Right. Pounding on my door, my hotel room door. Hey bro, let's party. Right. Right. And it's like, they know that I'm sober. Right. Just those little memories.

I just, I have so many memories with you. Right. Yeah. That are mostly positive. Yeah. Yeah. You know, they ended up, I ended up crashing out that night with my hotel room door open. Really?

Yeah. I was just in my underwear on my bed on the, on the top of the covers. Yeah. And then the next day, what, what's his name? Who unfortunately passed away. Who? From Ed. Took his life.

Who? Oh yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. Don't, don't do that. I now I just know. Yeah. Mona's husband.

Correct. Okay. And then the next day, I don't know, I feel bad that I'm blanking on his name, but he, he came to me the next day. Yeah. Yeah. He said to me, he goes, Hey man, you guys ran out on your bill. Like we walked out of the bar and it was like a $250, $300 bill.

And then what happened? And I was like, Oh, here's my credit card. And he was like, don't you never do today or whatever. I'll get you the money or whatever. But Steve, we all just walked out. We were taking shots. Wow. After shots.

Wow. And then we came into your room and that was, yeah. And also when he's drunk, FYI, if you ever see him drunk, walk the other way. Oh, stop it. Bobby physical. Do you get aggressive? No, I get a hug. No, that's not hugging dude.

When you hug, you don't do this lock. Oh, MMA. Right. So he hugs you, does a lock and then he starts pulling in. It's not fucking. Yeah. Only listen, not with people that I don't know that well. It's with friends that I've had for a long time.

By the way, Let me remind everybody, let me tell them about whatever. I warned you about Shreveport, Louisiana. Remember the funny bone? Oh, yeah. I go, Bobby, nobody does well here. And you're like, why? Are you sure?

Yeah. And I go, oh, Steve Trevino is working there this week. Yeah. He's probably crushing it. Yeah. And we go to do a taping there. Yeah. I don't.

We surprise. Yeah. I mean, yeah, we surprised. Yeah. We did perform. Remember? Yeah. And we asked him about his show.

And Steve's one of those dudes that heals. He's always, he freely tell you, I kill here, I kill there. You know, Steve is, he was like, dude, bro, I'm struggling. Tough hot room. Yeah. Shreveport, the funny bone in Shreveport, Louisiana. It's one of the worst rooms in America. Never been booked there.

I did it. I did a week there and never went. Never again. Never again. No, no way, man. So what are your handles? So John, what are you on? Johnny Sanchez.

Comic. Johnny Sanchez comic. Jesus. On Instagram and Twitter. Yeah. On Twitter. And yeah. Honestly, if you ever see, if you ever, we're not, we have to do it last, we're not done

yet, but I still want to forget that this guy is a very good dear friend of mine. And I think that you doing a podcast with Reuben is a great idea. Have you guys put some out yet? Yeah. What's the podcast called? The best of everything. The best of everything with Johnny Sanchez. That's a great name.

And Reuben Paul, yeah. And Reuben Paul, I love him too. He came up with the name. I wanted to do the pod couple. Oh, that's cute. That's cute too. That's cute too. Yeah.

You're good with a little wordplay, huh? I love wordplay and puns. You love puns. Yeah. Yeah. This is why you should be saying, I'm the leader. Like whenever you post things, you go, remember everybody. I'm the leader.

It should be L-E-E. Oh. It's your own. It's so funny because when you said that earlier in the show, I still didn't know what the fuck you were talking about. I just got it now. I just got it. How did you guys not get that?

I thought you were trying to do the Asian accent. I don't know what it was, but oh, I get it. Leader. Leader. You ease. I get it. Fuck you. But anyway, it's called the best of everything.

And what were we talking about a second ago though, before that? Oh, yeah, but I want to, but see a lot of people don't know either too. So this is how much you've been very kind. So I got to tell everybody about that situation that happened with, with mad TV. This is one of those things where Bobby went out of his way. Like you didn't have to. You could have just threw my name out. Bobby could have just thrown my name out like, yeah, I try to find, just call his eight,

call Johnny Sanchez and have them come in. This guy went to bed and a little did I know at the time that he had gone to bat for me for five seasons before that. And then he calls me, which I always think thought was funny because I was only being hip pocketed by my agent at that time. Right. Okay. Just hip pocketed.

They didn't want to bring me in, but there's, he's sending me out auditions. No, APA. APA. So, uh, Bobby goes, Hey man, they're really looking. They really want a Latino dude. They want to bring some Latin flavor and I go, okay, right. But remember, do you remember the instructions though? Bobby is like, but you have to bring in, I know you have characters.

You have to bring in some impressions and immediately again, that thing about me where I cut off, right? I go, Oh man, fuck that. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, listen to me. Come on. I go, Bobby, I don't do impressions. He's like, dude, you got to come up with somebody because they want a minimum of three characters

and a minimum of two impressions or three. It was like three in three or something and I'm like, fuck man. So he, Bobby planted the seed and he's like, I'm telling you, you can do, you can do it. Just think of somebody, think of people, think of whoever. And you had mentioned some of the Latino stars, like Paul, these guys are like, oh yeah, because I'm thinking I have to do the president or one rivers or something. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. Those broad ones. Yeah. So he planted that seed and I was like, and Bobby's like, you got to do this. I was already, I was already like, no, fuck this. And I had gone out for mad six seasons in a row and never even got a callback. So I hadn't been back to them for five, something like that. You were like, yeah, you were very skeptical.

I was super. I was like, they're not going to buy into me, Bobby, but this was, but this was different because Bobby's putting my name in there. I'm coming into producers. It is, you know what I mean? It was like straight into the producers. It wasn't, oh, no, it was what's her name first, the casting director at the time. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. She ended up being, becoming a manager. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Nicole. Nicole.

Yes. Garcia. So I started thinking about it. It's funny. The reason why is because of her T-shirt. So I think about, I come up with this bit. I already had the little Joker character. So I knew I was going to do a little Joker.

Right. The Joker's a character. And if you ever want to see it, it's on YouTube. It's on YouTube. It's so funny. And then I had my Middle Eastern Farheed guy. Right. Okay.

So I had a couple of those and I had some like white dudes at like surfer guy, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. But Bobby had planted that in my head. It was like, I've got to come on. And I don't even know where or how this came up with me, but I started, I remember the word star truck popped in my head. Right.

And then I was like, Oh yeah, they're on a taco truck converted into a spaceship. It's the star truck. It's the star truck enterprise. Right. And I spelled it T R U K no C. So it looked like. Yeah. Yeah.

That's funny. Right. Yeah. And I put Mencia, Paul Rodriguez, George Lopez and Cheech Marin in the. Wow. That's how you did it. That's literally like, um, David Salzman was like, you pretty much had me with little Joker.

Yeah. He goes, but then you broke out the star truck and you bounce back and forth with each impression. Yeah. And he's like, we were rocked. We were done. We were sold. Wow.

Even though they brought me back a second time. Yeah. I remember Nicole goes, they love you. Just go do what you did before. But I got to tell you that's so cause Bobby could have just said called Johnny Sanchez's rap and have him come in the cynical, but you, he really pushed, man. But you know, you know, it's, it's, you know, there's two ways to do favors or whatever. It's like one way is like, I got to help this guy that I don't know if he had the skill

of early ability, but he wants me to help or you know, it's, he belongs there and you know that he has all the skill sets to do a sketch show, which he had. So it's not one of those things where I'm going, I knew from the deep portions of my heart that this dude could deliver on every aspect of what they needed. You know, so, you know, it was a easy, it was a shoe one, but he, you know, if you're listening right now, he just look him up. I've always wanted to help this guy. This guy's so funny and talented.

He's the nicest guy. He's a good friend of mine. And we do this thing at the end. It's called unhelpful advice. Do you have one? Yeah, we have one. Can we go back to a Michael Clark Duncan? Michael Clark Duncan.

What? When did we talk? The voice that he does. No. Oh. Wait, you do Michael Clark Duncan? I actually didn't have my mad audition. That was the one thing that killed.

Oh, you auditioned for the new? Logged it. Yeah. Yeah, the new one. Oh, yeah. They should have just done that on Saturday night. It would have been, it would have been a shoe in, dude. What do you mean?

If they would have just done that at 11 o'clock on Saturday night, even if it was on a different on CW. Yeah. I know. There you go. Boom. I know. They should have done it as a Netflix show, though.

Or that. Or that. Or that. Because number one, they wouldn't be able to pull it off like production wise because of the amount of money. And then also secondly, you don't have, you can, you don't have to like abide by network like notes, you know, dude, it can be edgier. And I'm not.

I only did one guest start spot on, um, uh, Brian Regans stand up in a way. So we were there shooting. We're talking to him. And he says, he just like, they don't come around. He goes, we haven't seen anybody. Wow. From that. He'd already been shooting a few weeks.

Wow. It's like, they don't come around, man. No notes, no, no suits standing around. Incredible. Yeah. That's where you want to be. Yeah. You're right.

If he had done it, that would have been great, man. So let me hear Michael Clark. No, no, no. Make it. Now you have to know you have to do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. I have to know one.

And what did you hear the situation? No, no, no, no. Johnny, look, I want to hear. I'm going to tell you something. Oh, this dude, right? For the last two, three years. Three years. He's three years.

We've been doing this podcast. Oh, three years now. Yeah, he does a thing where he introduces the, this portion of the show and he does his deep Michael Clark Duncan voice, which is great and people love it. But I wanted him to do a different voice because I'm just tired of hearing it. Now he's done it twice and he doesn't want to do it the way I want to do it I love to go back. So which one you want to do? I'll start off with you Let's do one more year of Michael Clark Duncan. I guess one more year next year. You don't have to change it

Okay, so go ahead I'm helpful advice with Bobby Kalilah and Johnny the cricket sand chains Hey guys, love you all. I'm a 30 year old girl and I have a boyfriend and we have two kids I've been waiting to get a tattoo on my arm eventually a sleeve, but worried about what my parents will say I have five tattoos, but they are in places where it's not visible unless I'm wearing a bikini I don't know why I'm still worried or I feel like I'm going to get in trouble with them Even though I don't live with them anymore. My question is how do I get over not caring about what my parents think?

Tanisha I Don't know because I don't I've never had that Mm-hmm, like my parents. I don't my parents have never they've said if you get tattoo You no longer my son They've had those conversations if you gay, you know, don't ever call me Those kind of things those crazy broad, you know threads and I'd be like no You're gonna be my dad. Yeah, these are just words because you love me. Just do it. Just do it They're not gonna not love you. I love you for 30 years. They're not gonna back out now because of some ink on your skin

Yeah, but Johnny loves white chicks and his parents probably like You know, will you data, you know, dude? Have you seen that meme? Why Mexican dudes like white girls? No with the it's got a white girl's arm With freckles and right next to it is a huge burrito with the same spotting The tortilla the tortilla has the same spot. It's white with browns freckles Dude, it is what I died when I saw it. Yeah. Yeah. There's a meme like that. I had to see a meme Yeah, it's great. I gotta look it up. I'm with what how do I Google it? Why why Mexican guys like white girls or meme with meme

Um, white girls and burrito white girl white girls. Yeah, it's cuz it's the tortilla, but it is a burrito So it looks like her arm burrito Okay, see if I can find it That's so true You know how much I like Fred the more freckles the better Yeah, you have this weird thing with white chick and then the the red heads You've never dated a Latin girl, I've never seen you with one I had one my very first one in eighth grade for a year and what was it?

She was you know, she was hot but like I felt like there was a There was a little bit of a cultural break to just her family was a little more like her brothers and stuff I'm like, what are you gonna do? There was like a difference in the in the families and yeah, but she was very punchy You know what I'm saying? She get mad. She start hitting and punch And I was like, uh, and then I had a got a white girlfriend like my freshman. I was like, oh, this is all right Whoa, this is one heavy. Yeah, man freck. How about that Alex Morgan on the soccer team for what are you?

What do you mean? She's from here to like diamond bar, right? Oh, she's California. Yeah, she's California. Yeah, man Oh, so what you what you're telling me right now is if Alex Morgan Just called you out of the blue after winning the World Cup after winning the one close She's gonna call Johnny's Hey, I was listening to Tiger Belly. Yeah, and you said that maybe but what if she's like you're not gonna believe this I've had this weird fascination with insects for years. I'm totally on by crickets

Yeah, can you wear this top hat? Right. What's that? What's that? What's that? Jimmy? Jimmy Kricket with a little monocle. Did you or a monocle Jimmy? The cricket. I think he did. Yeah, damn. I always thought I just always called that the glass one glass. I I I never called it that I have never ever you go. Hey, that monopoly guy is wearing one glass Yeah, the monopoly guy with the one glass. What are you? Doesn't have a monocle. What do you call a magnifying glass? Yeah, didn't he? No, it's the planner, you know, it's what's so funny now What's it called Mandela Mandela effect?

Have you heard of the Mandela effect? I don't think after mass Nelson Mandela Nelson, but have you heard of that Mandela effect, huh? I mean, I've heard then ask him a couple. I'll tell you what a Mandela effect is He didn't have one. I know so it's a it's a it's a it's a theory It's a theory where Our realities that have shifted Right, so things that were true like 20 or 30 years later are not true now Like I'll give you an example. Give me example. How do you spell fruit loops?

Are you really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. F R U I T L O O PS. Yeah, that's you 100% believe that that's what it's spelled Yeah, it's not So basically what the theory is is that we knew it used to be fruit loops But there was a cosmic like a shift and now it's called it's different the way you spell fruit loops Yeah, it's F R O O T O T loops you guys just really want to complicate life shit. Wait a minute though explanation But wait a minute, but it might have it. It might have wait. They just changed it later Yeah

When you learn something when you commit something to memory like the correct spelling of fruit You're gonna self-correct it when you're it might have been spelled like that that whole time What it is F R O O T did the whole time the whole time, but you just self-correct. We self-corrected it It could that's a theory. There's no That's a problem with people I think even if there's a very simple answer in front of them Yeah, it's like they want their lives are so fucking meaningless that they would rather blame it on a cosmic shift and say hey You know what common sense fruit about this or that is so I didn't force come say Hey, life is like a box of chocolate

Or I hate this fucking shit. I don't know. Let me finish it. Well, we can edit it out Or is it life was like a box of chocolates Life is like a box of chocolates. Yeah, was it life was like a box of chocolates collective misremembering What is life was? Yes. Oh well, he's saying that his Uh, mom told him that right so what I hear and what I thought was him saying a lot like my mama always said Laugh is is yeah, like a box of chocolate right not was yeah Because you're you're seeing it from point of him quoting his mother rather than remembering it's something she said in the past But it's not that it's life was he never says is

Now can I go there's a little shifts? That's all can I go check this? Yeah, you can Google it. It's always he'll if you go for a scum it'll say life was like it's but on some boxes It still says it's intriguing how the human brain. Why don't you just not some weird fucking like thing that he's making it out to be Yeah, because I right now. I don't know if I'm talking to you or Sam Tripoli. This is great Right, yes, okay, so let me ask let me ask you this so Um, I love Sam. Oh, I love oh, we love how long have we that Sam's another one? Oh, yeah so Going like why don't you tweak that out to Tom Hanks and he'll tell you what he said

See, this is the other thing Yeah, but some people phonetically, you know those think what it was that thing. What do you hear? Yeah, do you hear this or that? Remember just recently. Yeah, that'll lower Laurel or something like Laurel Laurel Laura. No, no. No, it was Laurel and yeah, right? Right, I kept I heard Laurel all the time So you can't go off of watching the movie because some people are gonna hear was and something we're gonna hear is You tweet it out to Tom Hanks and you say what was in the script? How was it written and what did you say and that's the end there's no the earth's not gonna just move You know what if he collect he misremembers to we should all tweet have to our fans tweet Tom Hanks

Yes, and then hashtag. Did you say life is like a box or was that's it? It's that simple and then he'll go I actually have still you think he doesn't have the script this curious He still has the script this curious George have a tail or no tail. He has a tail. He has no tail He has a tail because he hangs from the tree. He has no tail No, well then here's what's happening, you know, they also change animated characters through the he's never had a tail He does never have a tail So I know baby I'm just saying I can so I go looking back You just look up Mandela fact and look at all the examples. It's a really interesting. Okay. No, I find this

Interesting they got all right. All right, so how long we at We're gonna cut out a record. It's a record. Well, I don't need to be I didn't need to do two. I wanted you to do two hours Okay, so give Johnny Sanchez a run up. Oh, he was fucking Thanks for having me by the way. Here's why I didn't want to do two hours because then I won't hear from you for two years It took me two years to get on here. We'll be right back with some housekeeping. What an episode boy Those are some crazy stories there I wrote that George wrote that for me to say before it even happened And if you want more Tiger belly in your life, and you want to hear our voices get premium audio episodes every week only at patreon.com

Slash Tiger Valley if you want a bad advice for we have a new email on health advice It's advice on helpful at gmail.com. It's advice on helpful at gmail.com. It's this Mike even on guys. Nope Yeah, it is but should you follow Bobby and all his tour dates at Bobby live calm or just follow him on Instagram for all his shenanigans at Bobby Lee live And you can follow Klai like clam decay also at Tiger belly on Instagram at the Tiger belly on Twitter and That's it have a good day everyone Prime members you can listen to Tiger belly ad-free on Amazon music download the Amazon music app today

Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry plus in Apple podcast before you go Tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry comm slash survey