TigerBelly - Episode 23: The Kentucky Four

Episode Date: January 6, 2016

Bobby is very insecure about a strapping young former UFC heavyweight fighter. Khalyla finds similarities between her lover and Sir Elton John. Gilbert defends his queen. FYI: Mr. Lee was gravely ill during the recording of this podcast and therefore exempts himself from anything disparaging comments he might have made about friends and colleagues while overloaded with NyQuil. FYI: Khalyla was not ill, has no excuses, but still asks for your forgiveness. FYI: Gilbert is still gay.   Recorded January 4, 2016 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly www.thetigerbelly.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Welcome to Tiger Belly. My name is Bobby Lee and we have Kalyla and Gilbert and I'm under the weather I'm deadly sick right now and Gilbert gave me the disease last time I did not and I think my brother got me sick or something But I'm really sick and um, but you know what the show must go on and I'm here and we're gonna fucking do it You know what I mean? I like to start off this podcast by saying that Earlier in a previous podcast that we had mentioned this girl

that Was leading on Gilbert, right? Oh God. We're talking about Gilbert episode one through five Gilbert was crushing on some girl Who was sort of giving him their run around and who wasn't you know giving him any play leading him on? Basically leading you, but you know, what was I being stupid? You know, it's both Gilbert was being a little bit, you know, Desperado desperate. No, she was putting you in the friend zone and I had to I just say some things on your behalf. You did and so I'm at the comedy store this weekend We'll recap. What are the things you said? I don't know what I don't remember See a picture of this girl. Oh

Bro, that's a seven. She's a seven. I'm sorry, and I'll say it again Let me reiterate if anybody calls me an LA seven that is a compliment Bobby called her an Ohio seven. Oh, he called her an Ohio It's not a compliment Regardless, I don't even really know what she looked like. I was just it's a podcast I joke around or whatever, right? And it's not like you said her full name. Nobody knows who she is Her name is Sarah. I know that I know but Sarah is the most common name. It's not here's who here's the problem Okay, look why okay, tell the story and I'll tell you why it's a problem

so I'm at the comedy store with I'm standing there with Nick Yusef and Ari Ari Shafir shit with Ari. No, we're just talking or whatever and then This girl comes up to me and I've never met her before but she has blonde hair, but she's got goo guys Okay, so she's you mixed. She's half Korean. She was also some other dude that maybe I've seen before I don't know and she goes hi. Do you know who I am? I Go no and she goes well I'm that girl that Gilbert was talking about on your podcast And then all I said was who's Gilbert because now, you know, whenever I'm confronted about I lie

I'm a liar. Yeah, we all know I lie when I survive. Mm-hmm. That's why that's how you win. That's how you win That's how I win so I go who's Gilbert and she goes go fuck yourself and then she walks away in front of my friends She said to go fuck myself in front of my two of my friends at the club that I work at yeah, right? I swore to fucking God Gilbert. I was gonna do a number of things. I was I was number one My first gut instinct was go to the manager No, I was just okay, can you please banner kick kick here out of the club? That's aggressive

It's not aggressive because it deserves it, but that will show you weakness. That's a show my weakness It shows my power that shows that a civilian beat a comic. It shows my rose Roasted it's easy to say go fuck yourself. That's true That's like that's the easiest thing, but it's like she shouldn't even ever claim. She's Asian because let me just say Wait, she'll so Sarah. Oh, she Kala told me that happened. I was laughing I was like that did not happen. And so she texted me the next morning and said that I love how she was so proud of it She text you This is what she says, right? Yeah, she's in the white. Yeah. Yeah, she goes me. Hi Bobby Lee. I'm Sarah

I'm the friend you told Gilbert to go go ghost on your podcast? Gilbert to ghost out on your You told me to ghost on her I don't know what that means and then this is what Bobby says smiling and laughing I didn't say that I didn't say that that wasn't me and then I said, oh fuck you. That's not what happened I love how she had to like send you a transcript. I was smiling of what happened I wasn't also smiling and giggling like a fucking I was saying previous to this Was that can she just not claim to be Korean at all because that is the most Un-Korean and un-Asian thing you could ever do is go to a comics home base and

Basically in a joking way and I could see where she's coming from if she thought she was in on the joke of she thinks that she has some Type of rapport with all of us. It's like at the end she should know She should have a little bit more nunchi than that. Yeah here half Korean girl learned that word It's called nunchi a little bit of common sense You don't go to a comedian's home base and go tell him the fucking well Because he called you a seven on a podcast. Why a bitch? Let me tell you a little fucking story. Hey, hey Look, I'm not in let me let me just give you a backstory This is why people's fucking panties get up in a bunch for no fucking reason when when I first started dating dating. Okay dating Bobby

He went on a podcast and not only said that I needed two dicks to come. Hey now. Hey But also that true Also aired out aired out the fact that I had an abortion After two months of dating him He also said this about me I mean he would say things on here there were literally David show because I had not met David show and Oscar who were the hosts of the podcast say what he was on and they would tell him like straight up dude This girl sounds awful on paper. Basically what we were doing to Sarah, right before they met you

Yeah, but when I listened to it I thought to myself you have to have a little bit of common sense to think like look this is a podcast I understand entertainment value and I also understand that Bobby is a comedian So it's like know the players Know what the environment really is that these things are being said, right? I could have totally taken offense by that and be like why did you say you know now? There's a trending hashtag called to needs two dicks to come and it's all You know and now it's all

And it's just with my picture on it, right? Yeah, and Bobby this is when I was still you know doing rotations at the hospital Yeah, and not only okay, not only that but my name isn't Sarah There are a million Sarah's in the world. My name is Kalila and he willingly Very liberally I threw under the bus man Through me. I mean under 55 buses, but guess what it was a tactic not only that Kalila right knows that it is a business comedy. Yeah, it's comedy and it's it's a show So anything we're saying right now isn't fucking that real. It's it's ingest and it's just it's a heightened version of Ourselves and it's like if we didn't do it this way

There would be almost if any comedian ever did it any other way. There would be no comedic value. Where does she work this girl? I want to say that. No. Tell me where does she work that you want me to give her the actual no No, just just tell me exact kind of what she does. She's a Uh, she's a freelance. She's a host host of one several YouTube channels. Oh What was that a roller coaster? No, it's excitement the grossest thing about it was that I have to defend her here Well, yeah, I'm not a snake. Well, let me hear your fucking thing in our garden. I'm an Anaconda. Go ahead She is

When she said go fuck yourself. Well, I don't know what she said, but that is kind of how she talks She likes Oh, she's New York. Is that what it is from the city is from New York. She says that's how she says goodbye Go fuck yourself. Yeah, it's like how you grab my penis. I'm like, ah, just you know, listen to me I know a lot of guys from New York. I know Norton. I know Voss and all of them Kelly all those guys Okay, they say hello and they say goodbye like normal human beings when I say when I say hi to Jim He gives me a hug and I say goodbye. He goes goodbye. He doesn't say go fuck yourself Are you hurt by this? It didn't enraged me. I know it enraged you. Yeah, here's my thing

I what I thought she doesn't know him so she can't she's right, right, right She doesn't know who but she doesn't have a friendship with either of us And it's okay if people do approach us because I do feel like we we are approachable people and you can have Conversations with us. I feel as though this is how I thought it was gonna go down We had talked about her on the podcast and eventually Bobby and I had talked about hey We should bring her on and have her defend herself because I thought that was the next Logical step to do because it was like, you know, it would have been fun You know a fun topic to go over right? It's like here's a girl that Gilbert like and here's hurt completely

Just you know denying him of any love and then blah blah blah whatever four months ago But now it's at a point. We're just like wow That's that's that's not even possible because like you don't even know how to conduct yourself in in in In in that setting like you don't even know how to if she would have walked up to me and said hey I'm Sarah. Listen. I get it. You're in a podcast. You don't know me. I get it. You know what I mean? And it's like I mean it'd be cool if I did your podcast. I could defend myself But absolutely would that would have been like yeah, we should have you on before what she did. No, it's war Okay, I don't know how she said I don't know if it was in humor because you don't say fuck yourself to me

Even if it's in humor Bobby says anyone else though, but even if it's like even if you say it in humor, it's like I Don't know. It's a little bit childish. She's probably still really young and again that word keeps you know Going over in my head a million times. She has no nunchi. She doesn't have that common I saw her in real life and she's a five Okay, well Not even a la five. She's a fuck. You know what she is. She's a Kentucky for a A beautiful Kentucky beautiful Kentucky. It's very intelligent. Let me say something

And you're defending you just so in case I get any hate. I say you're never gonna fuck him now It's a hurt. Yeah, and this yeah, it's not a guy. Whatever This will resolve itself this would resolve itself if Sarah you fuck Gilbert Yeah, yeah, if you fuck Gilbert on a freebie, he doesn't take you out on dinner, right? He doesn't have to call you just show up at his house You pull your pants down and you stick you ride them, right? Raw dog raw dog, right? Then we're even guess what what? I'm no longer interested Sarah. Who are you interested in? Rocky Barnes, she's married. Don't worry about it. He's he's in love with his like half Filipino model on Instagram named Rocky Barnes

Beautiful girl. It's never gonna happen. It's seriously what Bobby said still stands. So feel free to fuck me if you'd like to say Get this Kentucky for what do you think you're gonna Rocky Barnes? No way. Yeah, if you can't score with a Kentucky for Gilbert You need to start dating. I was going at a 40% Wasn't even the full Gilbert who you weren't giving well the full Gilbert's completely gay So you're giving him the straight side of you or you're giving her Well, thank you Sarah for being on the podcast look Sarah. Yeah, dude The I let's make a final message to to poor little Sarah it's

You could have had an opportunity to make a light out of the situation get on the podcast Yeah, man, and you know such a day probably make me Bobby look like fools because that's what we really are You had that opportunity that our doors were open to you now Lock shut baby now. It's war you out her Korean mother's a big fan of you. Oh Oh, that's cute. Okay, let's change Fighting words. What'd you say? Well, first of all, is your head? Yes, it is and secondly, what I said her mother is a huge Are you making that up or not? I swear to God. She said that she said that her mom is a fan of mine Yeah, because she was telling her mom about the story. I'm gonna have to give her another shot then I

Think so just because for her mom give her another mom. So fuck everything. I just said my final I just said yeah, because her mom's a fan of mine. She's Korean correct old Korean woman Old Korean woman. No, no, no better yet. Only her mom can come on the podcast Not Sarah. So you're listening your mom is invited to defend you on our podcast, but you no longer are Social media and an online and podcast. This is a this is all show business Okay, and like I'll give you an example of the funds the funsies that we can have on Twitter There's a little war between Joey Diaz and

John Caparillo and if you follow Twitter them on Twitter, you can see the funsies that are happening I mean, they're they're in a real fight right now. Kalilah. I feel like I don't understand it But I just like reading everything Joey Diaz Read some of Joey Diaz's tweets, please. It's so funny. Okay. Hang on. Hang on. You'll hang on. Yeah That's great. So this is what John Caparillo tweeted just one of them one of the hundred, okay The comedy store is a beautiful place at mad flavor, which is Joey Diaz Joey Diaz is a liar and a bully. So don't let him turn our artist colony into a prison yard again. Oh Oh for a shot and then he he tweeted again, he goes

Sorry, it took a minute to decipher because at Joey Diaz, right or mad at mad flavor Sorry, it took a minute to decipher your stupidity. Why go to flappers when I have a prime time spot at the store where I'm hated right, okay, what Me Joey Diaz, baby. Okay. I just Anything Joey Diaz writes is like just say it. Okay At John Caparillo, I called you a cunt a thousand times and said the truth on here And all you done is duck and say things about my comedy damn at John Caparillo You were on Chelsea a hundred times. You've done specials and all you have is 50k followers. I've done major films and worked

At John Caparillo Hang on and you you got you had help you dumb cunt I'm funny here when I'm sleeping you miserable piece of shit until you man up. Don't say another fucking word You're irrelevant. You fucking cunt. Are they friends in real life? No, so they're not saying comedy circles or not at all He is different comedy circles. I mean, I I mean I listen I'm I know both of them. I knew John Caparillo when he Started doing stand-up. In fact, he used to date my roommate Shama Tosh Who Shama now is carrot tops opener in Vegas. She's she turned she's going through it

I don't know that direction, but my point is it's top. Yeah. Yeah, so Shama's gone They she broke up with John John been another girl, but John I've known John forever I've known Joey Diaz since I've started. Okay, so I've known both of them. I Love Joey. I've never had a problem with Joey. In fact, I'm his friend. I've done his podcast I'm friends with Joe Rogan. I'm friends with all those guys. I love them, you know Diaz has only been respectful to me We're we're truly friends. I mean, we don't go out to dinner and stuff like that, but you know, I truly love him and John and I have that was I've had problems Which is what what which I feel like from a long time ago, I mean, we don't have problems now

I feel like that's what Joey Diaz alluded to on when he was on the Rogan podcast I think he said it like, you know, he had talked about having issues with Caparillo similar to You know, I think your problems and I think listen, I mean, I'm gonna say I'm gonna just kind of You know, I wasn't gonna even talk about it because I don't want to take sides and I don't want to but I can't help it I have to kind of talk about it a little bit and be truthful Is is that John was the nicest kid you could only you can imagine

But then as soon as he got a little bit of heat and things happening there was a little shift Okay, and it's not I mean I I will if you confronts me about it. I will even he knows he fucking knows right? I mean, he said to me one time. I mean, I don't want to get specific. What do you say? He said he's said some things and he's done things That were a little Disturbing, you know, and he was going through this part in his career where he thought he was

Great, which is a great comic. He really is a phenomenal comic you know, he he was self-serving and Egotistical and he thought that he was you know a comedy God and he He stepped over some people and he would say things to people and he he would give bad intros to people He would I know that Dom I rara at one point had a problem with them. I did Diaz did common theme for him

But I feel like he changed he he met this girl He he's now a dad, you know, and he I could see that he has changed over the years What has been the worst thing that he has give us an example of one thing he said to you that was not Well, you told me that you know that I'm not really a comic and you said that I was just a TV guy who does stand up Just to do it or whatever and and I don't know where yeah And then he told Tom because Tommy the guy that booked the comic store used to put John right after me on the lineups and then All of a sudden John's like I don't ever want to follow him again I need to be separated by him my three or four comics kind of made a stink

Like I don't want to be on the same lineup, but then Tommy didn't want to do that So he would have to put four guys between us, which is a headache, right? And it's like that that should have never happened that should have never even been a fucking issue Because I've never had a problem with him. I have a question. Yeah, okay, cuz I'm I don't know either men But I'm just saying shouldn't there be a grace period where we allow someone to fall out of their true selves While chasing their dreams what by that I mean look you have a guy like John Caparillo who you said when you first met him was a really likable sweet guy and Somewhere along the way as he was chasing his dreams and starting to feel or taste a little bit of success

Yeah, he you started to see like unlikable things about him, right? But wouldn't you say you've had a similar role hundred percent and that you've been disgusting to people 100% and I'm on the way So that's what I'm saying is is that maybe Joey Diaz has to you know I think that you lose yourself somewhere in the midst of this chaos of trying to reach your dreams, right? Yeah, and also it's like here's the the truth of the matter is this is that You when you have the power you unleash it sometimes, right? But when you don't have the power anymore, which I certainly don't Right you you find a different way

To approach people and your career You know, so it's like there was a time. Here's what happens. You're an open mic. You're struggling you have no money and Also Kala knows and you kind of do is is that the open mic scene is brutal It's so depressing and it's unforgiving. It really is and people stay at that level for many many years Sometimes people stay at that level for a decade. What happens is you you you you build frustration and resentment and Anchor sometimes you do you put it in a box in your heart And then what happens is you make it you get something and then you kind of go

Okay, I'm on fire and all of a sudden it just comes out your resentment all this pinned up frustration Toward people toward, you know, you you express your Anger and your frustration over the years. Some people don't do that. Some people are very positive about it, but I for certain Did that? I mean I was for a couple years very Intolerable really, you know, but I don't think I've ever lashed out toward stand-ups. I've only lashed out toward producers maybe and like writers on Matt TV or You know in that way, but stand-up was all completely as it's more of a It's

It's just one of my friends. That's where I started so I didn't really, you know, mean flaunt it there or But like sometimes it comes out and we were so I have always allowed John to have that period of you know, kind of being Like that, you know, I mean, but he's changed. I'm I love I I mean, I don't know if I love him But I like the guy, you know, I'm not really we don't hang out. We don't he never calls me. We don't have dinner but You know, he's all right by my book, but then I understand why Joey is like that Because John did I don't know specifics so I don't want to get into it but it has something to do with seven years ago and when John had the power and he

Basically drove Joey Diaz out of the store You know and all those guys went out Rogan and all those gonna be had to do with the men see a thing too. I mean, there's a lot a lot of things going on with Tommy the booker of the room and as soon as Adam Eget Became the town cleaner at the comedy store If things change he brought in Louis E. K. He brought in huge people David Spade Schneider But he also brought Joe Rogan Diaz and all those guys back, which is 100% the best decision the best decision you've ever made you can tell it because when I first met you

So Tommy was still the talent coordinator Yeah, and then between the mom between two years ago to now It's as if the comedy store has undergone a rent is going through a renaissance period where it's now like it's it's a cool place To be again It you can feel it in the air. It's all of a sudden like just you know, it's It's the place to be if you're if you're a comic. I mean you it's undeniable. It's like you have everybody from from Bill Burr to Rogan to Louis E. K. Like you said, it's just everybody's there now you're coming in and my spots have I've lost spots like when Tommy was there. I got up every night two times Friday two times Saturday

Mm-hmm, but now I get You know, I don't get as much, you know because Adam came in but I didn't complain because I looked at Adam and I told him I go listen You've changed the club you're bringing all these guys back. There's not as many spots So I'm willing to buy a couple of spots in order to fill, you know Which he has and it's great, you know, and I don't mind some people were completely cut out Which I don't want to get into right now, but um, which I find a little sad, but you know, I mean for the most part It's a completely different comedy club for the better for way better. Yeah, for a way And I love Joe O Diaz and Joe Rogan and all those guys

I love I'm back. I'm gonna do a show Wednesday with red band and Joe Joe Rogan at the comedy store and it's like I I enjoy being amongst all those guys and Also, like Chappelle came around a bunch of times last week like six nights in a row, whatever It's only good for the club. It's only good for comedy really in LA, you know But anyway, you know, I have no problems with John I'm just saying if you guys are into Stand-ups and stuff and you want to see a funny war between two comics just look at their Twitter's it's amazing

I think they I feel like they have equally good comebacks I feel like John Caparillo is taking the more like intellectual route and the intellectual like stings Versus Joey Diaz is old-school like Kant motherfucker this which is, you know equally as effective. I feel Yeah, I mean, you know what it is. It's I told John Caparillo I said to him because he was with his wife and he came up to me go that I don't know what to do I go I go I would what I would do is just leave it alone Yeah, don't tweet whatever he has to say don't respond show up Do your spots and go home because the thing is is that you're gonna you're fucking gonna fight against? That army

It's a big team. What's who it's his team? I mean, you're not only does he have his podcast, but he's friends and he does the road with Rogan Ari and all those guys, right and red band and all those guys So what I'm saying and Tony I'm talking about John's team. Like who does he have nobody? Oh, he doesn't have a squad like that No, he doesn't have a squad. I'm that's why I said to him. I go Let you're you're going against, you know, you know, yeah, yeah, you know, I mean, so just step back Because it's like you're not gonna win. Mm-hmm. You know, I I saw it with Carlos Mincia go through that

You know, yeah, and I stepped back. I took a step back and I said I this is I gotta get out of this That's how you took a step back You what I mean, you call that taking a step back what you did with Mincia and Rogan That was taking ten steps in baby. No, I took no, I know what do you mean because you you played Okay, okay, Kalyla. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. I'm now you want to fight with me. I'm I'm I'm sick But I will I will know I will direct. I'm gonna be as calm as I can and I'm gonna give you some actual facts I love you so much. Oh, I hate when you say I love you in a way. That's like I'm about to say right before I Rattle off a machine gun. I love

Just if anyone knows out there I Was in that video when Carlos Mincia gets called out about you know, I mean stealing or whatever and I said that he You know, because I didn't know the cameras on anyway I said on the thing and I'm friends with Carlos and that video went out there and then Carlos Mincia Made me do a rebuttal video you quartered you yet cornered me at at yeah the studio because Matt TV was right next to my mind of Mincia His his brother Albert and everybody pulled me aside did a rebuttal video when that went out I got death threats for comedians and people

So then what I made the decision was I got to get out of this So I took a step back that took me two years to get out of it, you know, yeah And that's how what I mean, you know, I mean, I know what you're saying. I did go in and try But as soon as that happened, you know, yeah, yeah, I got out and I know that I know that I feel like a fucking a Coward in many ways But you were Carlos was somebody who gave you a car when I know that's why how could you turn your back on him completely? I tried and then I just realized I'm gonna lose and I feel like a coward And I feel like not a good friend to Carlos

But you know, and my honest the honesty is this is is that there are times where I think to myself Wow, are you a good friend? Because you don't yeah, are you a bad person? You weren't there for him on this decline. Yeah, and Maybe I am because you know, it's like I didn't want to lose You know my career, but his decline is not because of anything Bobby Lee did his decline is because He stole all your other friends Material and I'm aware of that. Maybe you might have been a bad friend to him Because you sort of you didn't want, you know, that relationship or that association with him anymore

But you were a good friend to comedy and all your other Comedy friends whose jokes he was stealing I know I know you did it you were utilitarian about it Like it was for the better of the people rather for the better of like one man Yeah, but I mean I still to this day though I don't call him or I don't hang out with him and I don't like he was a huge part of my youth Carlos You know because he brought me up in the in the world and it's like, you know

I went, you know, his wedding and he took me to Honduras all this stuff and then and I've never even seen his baby And his son's like nine years old now, you know, and this is a guy that was like my brother, you know Mm-hmm, and it's you know, his son wasn't born when this happened or was right around that time and I I just abandoned him completely and I feel um There's a part to me that feel bad up. I feel bad about it, but I don't know what else I could have done And so that's basically what I'm told John Yeah, you know get out. Yeah, yeah, that's a back. Yeah, and it's not that Joe

Joe Rogan was right for him to do all that. Yeah, you know, I mean Carlos was a thief. It had to be stopped Mm-hmm. It's like those girls with Bill Cosby It's like you had to come out and say something and because that you know that predator needed to be He needs to be stopped or he needs there needs to be consequences, you know, and so all that stuff is right I just you know anyway You know, I don't want to go on a tangent about it, but I have a question Yeah, I have a question for you. Yeah to seg out of that topic. Well, um, why did you reposition our? Canary surveillance video

Camera, yeah, she mentioned this Be honest with all right. Well, so hold on so we have to explain what the canary is first I have a canary which is a something I got out of Verizon. It's a basically a camera that sits in my living room I can look at it on my phone Supposed to surveil his cat surveil my cat. He's seen Clara's sister naked before. Yes So what I did was I looked at Khalilah's phone and she had a text from somebody that was threatening to me Which is brandy shop Oh, we're saying the name Brendan shop. What's up? Is that his name right who show you were on as I don't care

Yeah, with Brian Callahan boy, I didn't read the text because it was you know I mean because you were near as I just looked Brendan shop and in my head. I thought she's fucking Brendan shop So I had so I took this the canary and I repositioned in living room So I could look at the doorway and because at the where it was you could only see the living room But I wanted to see the my my door my bedroom door and the front door So I repositioned it and then it turns out that Britain. What were you guys texting about making a murderer making a murderer? They were texting about like literally nothing. It was about making them I know Brendan has a girlfriend and a baby on the way too and a baby on the way and I'm not accusing him of anything

Which he didn't do anything wrong, but I just wanted to sit put this out there FYI Okay That if you do and you guys do do that, I'm gonna have to kill both of you Can I just say something Bobby? Yeah, listen, I'm FYI. I'm just Brendan shop He's threatened me to his eyes and I believe him so FYI don't fuck with Bobby Lee that's so insulting to me as your girlfriend because I Feel as though I've never given you any reason in this entire relationship to ever doubt me My phone is always you know open to you should you see it all my social media is there

Should you ask it? Like I've never I understand out of my way. I've never done anything He's also a former you like, okay, look at this. I have a text right here, right? Yeah, and it's you see my text messages Hold on one second Do you see my text messages the last person who texted me right now? Mm-hmm, right about making a murderer is Bane from Australia Well, that's crossing the line. Okay, so why do you not? Why do you care about certain people who? Australian Bane is somebody that she had fucked. Hey, why did you say why should give FYI to FYI? Australian Bane, okay, you fucking real hooker with my girl. You know me

I'm gonna have to fucking kill you as if I have no choice in this matter Can you just address me and not these other Men you fuck anybody behind my back. I'm gonna rip it out You know, I'll rip your pussy out in this In this relationship, you're somebody of concern not me I've never cheated on anyone in my fucking life. I love in the beginning of a relationship This is literally one of the texts texts. Maybe we had been dating six months. This is one of the text messages He sent somebody

He said that yes, I would absolutely fuck you without a condom And you know what I did wait wait was it wait wait? I know who you're talking about don't even say anybody's name I know it was what is she a comedian? No, she's not she's not in sketch or anything like that. Who is it? I'm not gonna say her name. Well, then I deny it. Why don't you just say it? I'll bleep it out No, I won't I won't say it and another time, too It's never did that but first of all anyone listening. I didn't do that because you're a message deleter I don't delete any my messages. You want to read it all year? That's that's that's your game plan Listen, all I did was reposition the canary and then another time. I just reposition the canary

I'll reposition I'll put it back on the living room thing. I where is it right now? I saw that on one on our time when we were on our way to San Diego I see that he has a text from his ex-girlfriend and I'm like, okay I look at it. I'm like nothing but I'm thinking to myself. Hmm. I wonder if he is going to delete delete all evidence of that Correspondence, right? Yeah, and so just just to prove a point to myself And I've never told you this before Bobby. I look at his phone and sure enough. He deleted all correspondents Do you know why but listen and then you know what I told him after that Do you know why we went we went to ramen after that after I found that out

And I looked and straight in the eye and I said Bobby, you're a really really good boyfriend And I really really appreciate your loyalty and you're doing all the things all all things right in this relationship And I never even brought it up kindness Because you know what I learned last year. I don't sweat the small stuff But I take little information like that and I put it in my little box in my heart I have a box in my head just to remember and shops in there and in Australian Bain. Okay, so we're both watching each other I don't need to watch. I don't need to watch you either bitch But you do I don't all right. You want to surveil me. I'm not gonna surveil nothing. All right. I fyi Brendan

I love your podcast. Congratulations always says and Brian Callan you you and I go way back, bro That's all I have to say Okay, any more fyi's any other comedians. There's no more fyi. Why an fyi to Sarah fucking Kentucky for hey, man Kentucky for never back now. That's the last thing. All right. I apologize. Let's be friends and Let's let's call it a truce. Okay. I want this is the new year and I don't know why we're getting into this My new year is not off to a good start you guys. She's not why I tell you why It's like everyone's health seems to be failing as when when when the calendar turned 2016 so my best friend's mother had a stroke my mom calls me and

And says she has she finds she found a lump in her breast my stepdad passes out on the toilet He's laughing at me. You're literally just like no, you're smoking. Why are you laughing right now? Yeah, I farted a little bit. It doesn't matter. Sorry. My stepdad passed out on the toilet While trying to pass a kidney stone. Is that funny to you Gilbert? Raj? Yeah. Yeah, damn And then my uncle my murderous uncle He's in critical care right now for He's bleeding somewhere like internal hemorrhaging from they can't figure out why people call it karma He's gonna hurt you dad. I think he's gonna give you an FYI. I think you need a scalp Bobby. Joe Carlo

Here's why it's not karma. Tell me, okay I want to clarify this once and for all and this is the last time I'll talk about my uncle. Okay Maybe I didn't I wasn't clear enough the last time my uncle did what he did because somebody had threatened No, not threatened removed Basically sold the house that he was living in with his five children left them out in the rain With pretty much homeless in the squatter area in the Philippines. I'm just telling you asking you guys right now Gilbert and Bobby I'm if somebody you're living. I know I don't even know what you're saying. All I'm saying is what would you do? I'm telling you right now. Okay

Okay, that if Steve my brother owned this house Okay, and he kicked me out and left you and I on the street five kids with five kids. Okay, I Would do in the middle of its iPhone fine. I would do a million things. Okay. I would probably either go call my parents I can be moving in your house. I would go to I don't know Any but here's not here's the thing I wouldn't do take a machete go to us how slice him in half So that my kids don't have a father. I Mean, there's so many different options Available to you then slicing his own brother in half with a machete with which what the fuck happened

Because you're how is that right? You're you're inundated with the American justice system No, they're settled right or wrong. I have nothing to do with the American justice system Gilbert lived would you slice a man in a half with a machete? No, okay, that's it Would you Kyla answer honestly? Gosh, I hope down the line that this isn't held against me When the fuck's you over if I'm living if I'm putting myself in what I know is like The conditions in the Philippines. It's not like here. It's not like where you can get food stamps It's not like where you can you know apply to get welfare

It isn't like over there. If you don't have a roof over your head, you have no recourse There's nowhere else. You can't get governmental aid you you can't you know ask for Any type of handouts from any charity? They don't have this is the time when there was no internet There was a time where basically This is a man who had his hands tied behind his back with five children and one of which had cerebral palsy Oh, well then that changes everything But listen here Bobby. I all I'm saying is that my answer to that question Gilbert is this maybe I Don't know how I would feel in that situation

but I'm guessing I would feel desperate and furious and I would probably want some type of true retaliation and I don't know myself well enough in that position because I've never been in that position I've been living a great American life. Okay, maybe the Philippines have different rules. I don't know. Okay, so I you know what? I don't I can't believe I'm saying this but Alright, and this is another It's like what it's like it's either Yeah, I defend him. I was thinking about this in the shower, right? Yeah, I was thinking about this in the shower. I Thought to myself here. We are so like

Outraged over this Stephen Avery case and making a murderer, right? And you're like God the injustices of our whatever whatever and it's because as Americans we always expect The best outcome right because America ultimately is a place where you know, we have a very solid like supposed like legal system Or just a system, right? But then I thought about how we cry about it. We're putting hashtags on the internet We're doing this in the meantime. My uncle who's in the Philippines, right? Is being denied so much as a blood transfusion because he cannot put 20,000 pesos as a down payment So this is a man who's and this is this is not just my uncle how much is 20,000 pesos divided by 43

So not much how much I Don't know like a few like $400. I'll pay for it. No, no, no, my sister already did Don't worry about it. But I'm saying I'm just saying that I'm trying to make a point here guys Okay, I'm trying to make a point here is that like we're so outraged by the little list of things because in truth We have it great in America I can walk into it doesn't matter if I'm just if I'm hopping off the boat from from wherever Country as a refugee if I walk into any emergency room, they're going to treat me 100% without any bias, right in the Philippines Even if Bobby is fucking waving his money at their faces as long as it's not as long as that money is not input as payment

Yet, I could be left there to bleed out and die Mm-hmm, and it's like if we just live in such a different now. We're talking about you mean Something come entirely different. No, what I'm saying is that the conditions in two countries are so different So we can't judge a man on how he would act in that in those circumstances history of time Okay, I'm pretty sure When you evict somebody out of a house that You don't deserve to be sliced in half with a machete

What are you talking about in in England in the 15th in the 1500s when King Henry King Henry the eighth killed You know why she's watching the twos. She's watching the twos and that's why I was very impressive. I was like, oh, good job Fact that's bad. It's true It's like even if you were not even proven that you were even if you were suspected of treason One one person in that in one person in court says, oh, yeah I think your wife is so and so fucking this person Even if you're suspected of treason and you don't admit to it They would torture you until you would admit to something you didn't did didn't do and then they would behead you just like in Star Wars

New Hope remember when Darth Vader and Obi-Wan remember they were through the lightsabers and like Darth Vader Killed Obi, right because he was a bad teacher and stuff. Yep and abandoned them, right? Be the reason why the Star Wars reference doesn't work Just like the fucking tutors is because they're fucking TV shows and movies. No, this is something historical and factual No, no, no, it's a fucking TV show King Henry did in fact kill most of his yeah But it's a fact. I don't know what's real in the show everybody and now guess what his daughter Mary Who is known as Queen Mary bloody Mary? Yeah, eventually killed like 300 Protestants just for being Protestants And that's why you can't go in the bathroom and turn the lights off and do the new bloody Mary. Is that why I don't know

Is that something that's real? I don't know why it's bloody Mary. Anyway, I have a question for Gilbert I Love how you agree that it was okay. This podcast going chaos. I'm live. I'm lost. This is fantastic I have a question for Gilbert. No, seriously. Am I lost right now? No, you're good. I'm sick I don't even know what's going on. Oh, no, fuck my question to Gilbert. I have a question for you Bobo. Oh We mix it up. Do you have a question for Kalilah? No, I never have questions we were watching TV about 10 minutes ago and Elton John came on the TV and Bobby's like, oh, I have a funny Elton John story. I didn't say that

I said, I hate that guy and I hate that show. Oh god. I was gonna put it more mildly than that But yes, but then he you know, he goes in I think Elton John should hate you you not him Is there some kind of beef or history with you guys? Elton John doesn't know who the fuck you know What the fuck I am. Are you sure? What if you watch Matt TV? You don't know. No, but I got I got I got What'd you do? I got pulled out of the show once by my hair dragged out by his hair By Elton John. No by security of Elton John of the Caesars Palace like security for For heckling Elton John. Yeah, you heckled Elton John. Sir Elton John was high on drugs I was on drunk. I was drinking and I was on drugs and I bought I spent $500 on second-world tickets

It was like even more than that. I think wait just to heckle him. No, I was drunk and I don't even remember it but I remember being pulled out and then One of my friends said Why did you yell that and then I was in a security room with that? I don't know the guy that like he's like the town coordinator of the Caesar's Palace and like security members Like you're not allowed, you know, you know in the Caesar's Palace again all this stuff And I'm like, what did I yell and they they said you yelled dance faggot. Oh My god, I'd like to retract old Bobby's statement

So you said dance faggot dance. Yeah, because um, he was just standing behind the piano He sits on the piano And there was like and there was like nothing going on after like three songs like he was standing sitting there playing the piano There's no dancing or nothing. So you wanted to be entertained. Yeah, well, I spent $300. I guess I don't remember saying it But I said it and I got pulled out of my hair. I remember That was well-deserved, sweetie. Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't get and then I the night the night after that I Was pulled through the Bellagio Right

Completely like with my pants. I was masturbating in the Bellagio What the fuck man and Ike Baron Holtz was dragging me through the casino with by my hair to get me into my room Because I was on drugs This is all the same weekend, you know, like 15 years ago This is why you know, I was saying earlier about Jen John Caparillo like everybody's you know and Everybody's allowed a certain grace period of like full-on destruction like destructive behavior because that's what Bobby did Yeah, and then I remember that same weekend

Oh my god, so many things. I can't talk about this next thing. You have to a little bit No, because no, but what I get I see wouldn't I guess it wouldn't mind because you know I brought this girl girl to Vegas who I liked in a friend of mine fucked her in the closet of My room you said well, no, I thought oh shit. I flew a girl out, right? Oh, no, I flew a girl out and then like she didn't she did the same thing with you and the Sarah She just one of my friends or whatever and It's not the same would not allow my friend to fuck a girl

I like and then I got and then I remember like at four in the morning. I woke up from a I don't know what I was on ecstasy and drinking and I opened up this closet And he was banging her about doggy style in my closet. What did you say? I go oops? I said oops, and I put the Closet back door up and that you close the door for them. Yeah, I feel embarrassed Oh, I'm so sad for you that was really sad and then really could you want to say an apology to sir Elton John right now? Oh, shit sir Elton John. I'm a big fan, and I'm sorry I've been sober for 14 years and you can tell him what you two have in common Bobby also sucks dick

Jesus Okay I mean, I'm sick and it's like I can't believe this is happening right now I'm sorry Elton, and I do suck dick too And I just wanted you to dance. It's all he wanted was a dance little dance. That's all What song could okay? What Elton John song could he have danced crocodile rock true? Oh, man Because it's a it's a it's a it's a chipper song. It is it is you know me It's a it's a groovy song. Yeah, and you sat there like a fucking fat zombie

I mean, it's like fucking I spent seven hundred dollars Fucking dance. I can't wait to tell you as a guest on this show. Do you know what I do you know that in Holland? Gilbert I was thinking do you know how you like that check check taxi cab porn or whatever. It's cool. Check check Taxi.com. Okay. Yes, so I guess in Holland now you can Um, you can't if you're like a You can trade Driving lessons for sex. What? Yeah, it's cool. Say one more time If you in Holland if you live in Holland because you know how prostitution is legal there, right?

But they had an issue with like how can you tax? Whatever whatever certain services blah blah blah. So this came into topic and and um anything that's a barter system is technically legal even though it's like undesirable in like so basically if you are a driving instructor You can go to a student and be like I will give you lessons for these sexual favors in return But she cannot ask you for them. So it has to come from you if you're I have to decide Yeah, I don't know what the reasoning is for that Like I don't know why it would have to like you would have to initiate it

But it's totally legal and they call it ride for a ride Cool. So what's the next show in Holland? We don't do that because bobby used to tell me that if we ever went to Holland together You don't do prostitutes. You told me. Yeah, you don't do prostitutes. It's difference in a taxi Not no Gilbert. You would have to be a working man in Holland and live there. You can't just rent a car That's what I was gonna randomly pick up chicks Uh enterprise. I'm going to have sex with a woman in my car Like I mean like there are a lot of I mean in Australia. It's legal. You know brothels all over the place

It's like the fights this past weekend. Bobby couldn't care less about Carlos connor to robby luller, but I was really excited Oh, no, let me ask you that question because I know you have thoughts. What were your thoughts? Well first, who do you think won? Um, I just technically wise score wise robby luller or I think luller won. You think luller won score wise I was really close for the first time watching it. Just first time I think that I I gave it to condit just on work rate. Yeah alone and just I mean, it was like a three to one difference in terms of how much he threw but you know You can't argue also that luller just you know landed more effective strikes and You know, I mean that fifth round when he was pummeling conduit. Oh god. It's not conduit. Whatever his name is

I mean, who is pummeling conduit? He's pummeling conduit to the you know, and then kind of was like Almost out You know, he was going. Oh, that was almost out. That was a good round for him Baby, you're awful. I would say round one three four Condit and then two I think like everyone's saying two five luller. Would you say? Yeah, that's how I had it But at the same time like I was actually going back and forth in my mind the only thing that I I do like

You know carlos condit to me is like an alexander gustafson always the bridesmaid You know and never quite, you know conduit always a conduit donald seroni kind of too that way Yeah, sort of but I especially you know, I've always really really like carlos condit And everyone you know, I've been getting tweets like whoa, why why aren't you for robby luller? He's filipino. I'm like, yo man like I don't like athletes just for being filipino Like what if you know, they have to have something likable about them That's not the only criterion for you know gaining my praise. That's so silly But um where are we at? Give us a question bill bird

Unhelpful advice with bobby lee and kalilah Hey guys, I'm a 32 year old korean male working as a lawyer in k-town Yes, as most korean boys do I succumbed to the parents pressure and went to law school and became an attorney two years ago However, I'm now realizing that it was a big mistake and I hate everything about being a lawyer I am making some decent money so the pay is all right But my soul has completely left me and I have become severely depressed as of late I'm also in a shit ton of debt and I'm left with no choice but to continue working as an attorney Should I quit and do something else that would require more money and time?

Or continue this job slash career that I have no passion for Whoa, that's a difficult question, but you know, you know my answer Follow your dream. Yeah, but also on top of it if he What I would do is Before you make any kind of decision Just figure out what you want to do That's specifically, you know, I have a lot of your passions people ask me like I just don't know what I want to do But like I hate what I'm doing now

It's like just figure out generally, you know, like you want to travel you want to get paid for that I mean those broad things are Are good, you know in the beginning and then it'll get specific as time goes on But it's like you gotta figure out what you want to do and and secondly, it's like I would keep doing You already put the time in to do it And then until you figure out exactly what you want to do and then you come you'll make you'll make the change You'll shift, but you can't spend the rest of your life going. I hate this job. I hate this job. I hate this job There's that's no way to live really. I feel like I can really relate to your email

What's his name? Let's call him DK DK Because that's I wasn't the exact same position. I was You know, I had just finished like nursing school. I thought that you know, I had already, you know been hired even before I finished nursing school and I The thought of doing it. I remember having a moment with myself and then thinking This is where I'm going to be 15 years from now So it's like I'm going to be 45 and this is exactly what I'm going to be doing And it was the most depressing thought in my head to where it would keep me up at night and I'm like, no, I don't

I I just couldn't I would feel like the surge of anxiety like overcome me at the thought that I knew exactly where I was what I was going to be doing In 15 years because that was the career path that I had chosen, you know And I was so locked in and I look at my sister who is a fantastic nurse and she likes her job now because she found a You know a place in nursing that she actually enjoys, right? But at the same time, it's like she started to acquire these things once you start making a little bit of money, right? You're like, okay. Now I have a job. I have a career You know, I can buy a b and c

But then you're stuck at that job forever because you don't want you now don't want to lose a b and c So it becomes like a fucking it's a it's it's a it's a trap It's an adult trap and you have one life to live. It's like you're gonna You you either Grab your own nutsack and make a change now. But like bobby said, you know have like you know Have take a moment to pause and really figure out what you're passionate about

And if you really aren't passionate about Anything I I have no answer to that Because I I what do you think sweetie? What if he has no the worst thing that I see? I can only speak for comedy is when somebody's in their 40s and they start and they go I wanted to do it in my 20s, but you know this and that happened or whatever. It's like I mean, I'll give you an example someone like Dean del Rey who's actually a very good comic, you know Dean del Rey for many years

Was a musician and he he was actually signed with a major label You know, he he pursued it and then in his 40s He decided, you know, I think I'm gonna do comedy right and he's really good And he's gonna make it, you know, but You can if you ask him it's harder Because he's 46 47 years old, you know, he looks older. He just you know, he has tattoo not that that tattoos matter He doesn't look like a comic, but he's very funny and he's and if he would have done this in his 20s

He would have been a huge star And it's still probably gonna happen for him, but it's harder, you know So it's like but most of the times when I see people in their 40s start It's just it's not gonna happen Especially, you know, you see these unless you're like if you're a woman You have to be lamp and belly funny. You have to be call a bell funny. You have to be You mean a killer, you know, other than that

good luck It's hard So whatever this guy wants to do, he should figure that out soon, you know But but it's not too late and that's just my advice. Who knows maybe I'm wrong. This is called unhelpful advice for oh, well, then do it Quit just quit buddy. Yeah, I did it quit it make make yourself happy Never I mean if he's you know, he's fucked if you have your parents support It's one thing but if you're on your own and or if you have a family

You start like acquiring things that you can't afford you can't like fathom or can you know, you can't lose anymore Then you're stuck. You're stuck in a fucking trap I got out right in time You did Gilbert. Yeah, you're so young you're 26 Gilbert. Shut the fuck up the fuck up. I I dropped out of college to do all this I know and you know what it's a struggle and you know, um, same thing with jenna jenna, you know, she She's in a place now where she's like, holy shit. I am this age and I've chosen to basically be broke But I Bobby and I keep telling her just keep pushing. Would you have it any other way? What are you gonna do be, you know, what degree did you get in college?

What it doesn't fucking matter. You're not gonna use it towards anything that's gonna make you happy I can't do anything else. So might as well take the fucking risk take the plunge and you know like Just work through it Work through the ugly days But it's hard for an Asian because we don't like to look poor Don't you think? Yeah, that's why we're Gay shoes like this like Asians are not people who like

I mean, I guess you can get food stamps, but Gilbert and I were just talking about this like we In our brokest moments. We refuse to get food stamps. Why is that? Why is that Gilbert do you think because we're Asian? I don't know. What is it about being Asian that like also we have a pride thing, right? It's like we can we can very few of us go into get welfare. It's like we can figure it out like I'd probably sell all my stuff before I get food stamp But you and I have friends that have food stamps. Yes, we do and they're very proud of it And they'll swipe that ebt card at a strip club at a Whole Foods at a Whole Foods. You're right

But you and I we always shake our heads and we're like why the fuck are you doing that? It's okay that they do it. I just can't no I I'm okay with it too. I'm okay with friends doing it I'm just like I don't know why I'm myself. I can't do it. It's super something. I keep telling you Let's go to that place in korea town super something I'm so sick guys. I'm so sorry. I'm out And also shout out to the people that also took photos with bobbing coliless photo at parks find or parks parks barbie Parks we were talking about that, right? Yeah, but people are actually going in and taking more pictures of it Which is really it's their most popular picture right now. Isn't that crazy? Is it really really is?

Anyway, thanks for listening guys. I'm really sick. Hopefully I'll feel better. I'm in Edmonton, Wisconsin. Where is it? Wisconsin? Alberta Canada go to Canada not Wisconsin. Where did Canada come see me perform at the rick bronson's comedy comic strip comic strip comic strip and albert in Edmonton, Alberta No, we're not. Yeah, no, we're not. January 7th through 9th. So that's a thursday through a sunday And then after that bobby and gilbert will be at the urvine improv January 15th through 17th The week after that bobby is in cleveland, ohio January 21 to the 23rd

Valentine's weekend bobby will be at the houston houston Okay, filipino continue at the houston improv And after that he will be at the chicago improv february 18 to the 21st Is gilbert going to host that one at the chicago improv? So gilbert will be there too Cool. I'll be in chicago then. What's up? And after that san jose march 4th through 6th make sure you follow us on instagram at um tigerbelly on twitter at the tigerbelly email us all your questions and or comments to

thetigerbellyatgmail.com subscribe on itunes and kindly leave us a review And if you've managed to listen to this whole podcast you've made it to the very end I'm gonna leave you with one word T-shirts are coming Are they? I don't know Also, gilbert, t-shirts are coming. I'm pretty sure are three words Gonna kill my spot kalayla

I'm sorry. We'll see you guys next week. Thanks for listening Hey prime members, you can listen to tigerbelly ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast before you go Tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey