TigerBelly - Episode 3: The Taken King

Episode Date: September 17, 2015

The birthday boy is upset because he's only on level 35. We talk about showering with siblings, The Visit, and PEDs. Khalyla is still a bitter melon over Mayweather.   Music by Bobby Lee Recorded September 15, 2015   Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Music playing. Welcome to Tiger Belly. Um and uh and uh this is going to be a uh uh what episode is this third episode and I'm just I feel it I'm feeling it right now I don't like no one knows you as Billy, whatever Bobby Lee I just threw it out there man I've said Billy before I like Bobby all right what Bobby Lee then Bobo Oh, Bobo. Bobo. Bobo Lee's here. And we've got Coloco and Gilbert. Yeah. Coloco. I'm Coloco. And that's Gilbert. No.

Poor skin. Whatever it is. I don't want to call him that anymore. I think that we should continue to call him that. I think we should continue to ask him about what happened with this girl. Uh huh. I'm not on the last night. I'm I did a show. Um I did a show at um it's called a god damn comedy god damn comedy jam and it's basically a stand up slash rock show where I started to sing a song and uh Sebastian Manoscalco was one of the other guys and Josh Wolfe and uh it was pretty fun and

um then afterwards we went out to eat and I discovered that Gilbert um is still hanging out with that girl that she friendzoned him and it really upsets me because I'll tell you why friend. I don't know if I said this the last episode. You're representing your people and when I say people, I mean not jungle Asia specifically. Asians in general. You can't look weak anymore. You have to look strong. Especially to white girls. My god. White girls especially. Come on, force

again. Strong white girls. This is my first time. Nah. Okay, but she looks white so she's white and also she's really white. Is that saying Keanu Reeves is Asian? He's he's not. Did he did she grow up in Korea? Yeah. Is she fully American and nice? Yeah. She's blonde hair. What's her name again? Don't that's not. I need to know. We're not I'm not talking bad about her. Sarah. That's fine. She's a comedian, right? She does sketches and stuff. She does YouTube videos. That's strong

for a comedy girl of seven. Yeah, but you literally said that unless she was on SNL, there's no way she could make it pass an eight. I didn't say that. I think you did. I think you just manufactured that. You know why? Because those are my sentiments and I'm trying to pass them off as Bobby's but that's really how I feel. Anyway, no, don't don't do that anymore because it's like it just makes us look bad and it's like, listen, dude, Kalila is a strong 9.5 out of 10. Why?

Because I'm I'm loony. I have loose screws in my head. Yeah. And also, honestly, my ass isn't quite what it used to be in high school and she cried all day today. I did. I'm sorry. I'm a little bit emotional. You know and then so but that makes that takes 5.05. What is it? 0.5? You know what? I I I'm a crier. I know but I'm only I'm only a crier. Actually, no, there's no there are I have no excuses. You know, I felt a little bit better about my crying when I watched the the

ultimate fighter with Ronda Rousey and Nisha Tate and realized that she cried every single episode and then I was like, oh, that's you get like so hyped up on emotions over everything and everything becomes like something personal that you can personalize and you know, I also and I fought today about we didn't fight. Well, we had an argument about um she was like, we're talking about how women need guys to check in as if she she's our parole officer.

That's what you said. Right. But the thing is is that now I also said that like guys don't want to check in. We only check in because of the fact that we don't want to get in trouble. We don't want to hurt their feelings but we don't really want to check in. You know what I mean? I want to see her once a day or talk to her, right? But I don't you know I mean, guys don't actually want to know the specific details about what they want to say but we listen because we

don't want to get in trouble, you know? Yeah, but you're I think that's pretty ignorant because you're speaking on behalf of what you think is all men when it's really just yourself and that's what upset me because it was like, look, I've been there. I've felt like someone treating me like their parole officer like I was supposed to check in with them every day and it be it felt like a chore only because I didn't love him or I didn't love them, right? So, it felt

like a chore but now I it's not about checking in. It's about feeling like you're a part of something bigger than yourself, a partnership and when I don't I don't want you to call me because I want to know what you're doing. I want to hear your voice. I miss you. I love you. Well, then can I just go high and then just hang up? If you want to hear my voice, I could just go, hello, do you hear it and then I'll just hang up. Hey, you you are entitled to do whatever you see fit. But now

when she says that, when she says that, now that comes with something that comes with like, well, I'll just find it, you know what I mean? Find somebody else or whatever, you know what I mean? It's like, I want her to be, I want Calila to be my girlfriend and she is. She's my number one, okay? She's my best friend. She is okay. I'm just I just told her a truth which is guys don't really want to listen to every single detail, specific detail about their day. We do it because

there's there's a fight and now listen and guys that want to the woman is their whole world, right? There are certain guys where where the I live, breathe for my girl, right? I live and breathe for Calila but I that's not you know what I mean? I have other shit I'm doing. Like playing 18 hours of video games. Then play 18 hours. First of all, I can't help it that the new The Taken King expansion pack for Destiny came out and sponsor us. Yeah. Bungie, please sponsor us and the

thing is is that and I have shit to do. I have to get the level 40. I have to get the new guns and the new armor and if I don't do it before everyone else, did you know what he said today for skin? He this is his defense as to why he he's been a little bit standoffish with me for the last two days. He said, well, you see Eric, Eric Griffin, another comedian who he plays with online. Eric and Steve. Yeah. The reason the reason he's upset is because he said Eric and Steve, they're

level 40. I'm still at level 35 and you know why because basically because of me. No, that's because instead of 10 because of instead of 14 hours of play, he's only getting eight because he's in a relationship and that's why you were because if you're not let's say we're in the house alone, the both of us and I'm doing my own thing, watching my Spanish telenovelas. You're pacing around the house upset and projecting all this negativity of me for no reason

and I'm minding my own business and it's because you're fighting yourself to not play because you think that I don't like it. In the meantime, I'm thinking I'd rather you play and stay out of my hair instead of pacing around the house like like just with all that pent up resentment towards me for no fucking reason. Can I just say something to but I'm level 35 just on my titan. I have a hunter too. That's a level 33 that I haven't even worked on because I don't have

the fucking time, you know, so that's just just to throw that fact out there. Okay. And also, thirdly, it's not like I'm a homeless bum, you know, Papa works. Papa does work. Papa and Kalyla are going to go to Portland this weekend to do shows. Papa's birthday at the helium comedy club and also Thursday is my birthday, right? So, I just feel like it's my birthday week. Let me play as much as I want and I have let you play as much as you want. I know but tonight you're not

going to be really mad. I'm not going to be mad. It's going to be like every other night. You know what he does? What? He tries to say things to me to to tempt me to get to bed early. Aren't you tired? Does your neck hurt? Yeah. Are you feeling well? Maybe you should rest. Yeah. You look really tired. Yeah. I think you need to be in a horizontal position. Say things like that. That's good. You want you want a head massage just to put me to sleep like in bed

immediately so then he can just like, you know, what's your name again? Gilbert? Sarah? What's your name again? Sarah. Okay. Sarah, we're not trying to like be mean. We think you're a cute girl. You know, we're just a little bit sensitive because you know, foreskins are boy and not only that, it's like we've already talked about this but the thing is is that when you're a girl, right and you don't have any feelings toward a guy but the guy has feelings towards you,

you should cut it off. Don't try to get become friends because you're just torturing the poor fellow. Alright? I think it's a it's I think it's a sin to do that but Gilbert has a brain. He can. Nah. He can say no. He's a grown ass man too. Fucking other girls. I know but the thing is is that but those are I know. Hey, foreskin. Um do you do you shower with your sibling or have you ever showered with your sibling? Yeah, when I was three. Yeah. So, I this is another

weird thing. Kalilah and her older sister Quinda, they take showers together. I find it to be a little still. They just did it yesterday or whatever. They're girls though. Yeah, what does that mean though? You taking a shower with me? Maybe when I was a baby, they go to sauna together but fucking naked with strangers. That's different. That's not different. That's weirder. That's not different. Can you explain this? What? Why are you naked in that sauna? Because it's a Korean spa and

no one else has clothes on as if that's a good enough reason for you as a Korean spa. Not a white spa. It's a cultural thing. Ding-dongs. Listen to me right now, okay? My father when he came to LA in the sixties, right? He went to this Korean spa. It's never changed, all right? You get naked with other old Asian men. You sit in a steam room, then you take a shower. My brother and I go there. It's fun. And you guys do you guys talk while you're in there? Yeah. How is that any

different from me? Because I can't see his dick because of the steam and then when we walk out of the steam room, I divert my eyes and I go, look at the textiles or look at the you know what I mean? I know for a fact, you've inspected your brother's dick very closely. Yeah, but that's all but that's for other reasons. Okay. Okay. I'll not get into that. We won't get into that. That's for other reasons but my but I don't think it's weird at all. She's my sister. We've

when we were younger, we had to we lived in a we had to share one bathroom. We had to get ready fairly quickly. We were both swimmers. We were always half naked anyways. Like there's no there's no malice there. There's no type of I don't there's no you're sexualizing it. I'm not because that's my sister. I'm not sexualizing it. It's just a little weird. How but why is it weird? I don't know because I just feel I don't know. I just because it's your bathroom. No, no, that's I

think that I think it's basically I think it's for girls. It's fine but I just in my head is like would I then I question would I do it with Steve in a small little you know unless we were like refugees and we had to do it like you know we're not refugees. Yeah, but my sister and I are best friends, right? So, we talk all day long. I know. We FaceTime even though we live 10 minutes away from each other and shower time is our time to gossip even more. I have no

problem with it. I think you know, I don't know. You are a little bit weird about it. I'm totally fine. You know, I just thought about it. I'm totally fine with it. Um one time, you know how we have Bobby set up a camera in the living room? Oh, no, you don't know this. Just careful what you do here because there's a camera in the living room, right? And it basically when he's out of town, I got it a Verizon. Yeah, so he when he's out of town, he can check up on the cats or me.

No, what I bought it for was to see if there's any random dudes walking around my living room when I'm out on the road and I I literally stare at that thing sometimes for four or five hours. But one time my sister was over and she didn't know that the canary was on and she just was going back and forth like looking for a towel like completely naked and I called Bobby. I was like, oh shit. I forgot to tell her there was a camera. Yeah. I was like, did you see her? He goes

yes. Yeah. Did you? I didn't see it that way. I go yes. Not yes. Jerk off to it. No, no, he didn't jerk off to it. But anyway, um but last night was fun. I um you know, I love Sebastian Manasako. I like Josh Wolfe a lot and that was a really fun show even though Tanaka and his wife left um because that place was so hot yesterday. Oh my god. It was like a furnace. Yeah. I lost 10 pounds just standing there not moving. Yeah. But that's a really fun show. They have it

um once a month at the Lyric Theater on La Brea. Yeah. Bill Burroughs done it. Delia's done it. Yeah. Um Brian Callan's done it. Callan's done it. Yeah. And it's it's it's really it's fun because everyone gets up and even if you can't sing, people are like supporting you anyways. Yeah. I want to talk about also the movie we saw, The Visit. You can't you can't give spoilers. I'm not gonna give spoilers up but I want to just say this right now. Okay. I there was I

loved Shyamalan. I loved Shyamalan back in his first three or four films. I'm a huge unbreakable fan. Huge signs fan and I and uh the other one. Signs uh so he had I even liked the village. The village is the fourth one. That was that was fine. That was awful. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It's a fucked movie. That's yeah. Alright. They're happening. Fucked. Alright. Happening is the worst. Oh yeah. Um the ass he should be in prison for the last airvender. There should be a law against

that. I don't know what the law might be but the thing is that fucked. Okay. And then he made a movie called Devil. It was okay but he produced it or something. Wait which one was devil? It was about the elevator one. Oh right. That was him. Yeah. He produced it. After Earth fucked. Okay. But this movie The Visit was okay. It wasn't just okay. It was good. It was good. We were scared and here let me tell you something. The lady that plays the grandmother, Deanna

Dunnigan, I think her name is. Not sure. Look it up. Alright. This girl is my new favorite actress. White white old white people are scary as it is. Yeah. You know what I mean? I did a I did a college once where in at Ball State University and this is back when I had no money. It was before mad TV and I was a stand up and I had to stay in this like what do you call it when you have to stay at somebody's house? What do you call it? Yeah, it was an Airbnb. That was kind of like

that where I had to stay in these. Oh, it was like bed and breakfast. Yeah. This old parent people's house, right? And they had me on the attic and I had to stay there for two days. I didn't sleep for two days. I kept looking through the little keyhole to see if they were kind of coming to get me. I don't trust old white people and the house smelled like it smells like baseball mitts, apple pie and coffee. I hate it. What year is this? This is late nineties. Alright, so I was

scared but this white lady in it this in The Visit was so fucking good. Without giving the twist away or any spoilers, the reason I liked it was because it was pretty accurate in terms of just how you're going to give away that. No, no, no. Yeah, you are 100%. Absolutely not. I just said just you know how how older people degenerate or your brain becomes used to become a little bit more senile. Yeah. So, in that in that respect, when people when older people lose their minds

as they get a little bit older, not all but when senility starts to set in, they played into that idea or that theme really, really, really well. Yeah. And yeah, I scared the shit out of me. I was so glad I wore my heart monitor. We're fucking scared and I love I've seen every scary movie out there. Even the Japanese ones or whatever but this was pretty fucking scary. This was well done and we we was Jenna, Steve, Bobby and I. Yeah. Just like a loud little girl screaming.

I was screaming like a little girl in it. So, both of you, one through ten, you're rating. I would give it for a horror movie of all the horror movies that exist. I'd give it a very solid 8.5. I'd give it a 7.5. You like that number seven? I don't just 8.5. There's been a lot of scary movies. I think that the original Ringo was scary. I thought that I mean, obviously, the exorcist was very scary. I mean, it's probably that's a 10 to me. That's my 10. I never got I think I have

exorcist PTSD. Yeah. Like her walking backwards on that stairs. I'm not a big slasher guy. I'm not I'm not a big like Michael Myers, Jason kind of a guy. Me neither. It has to involve. It has to involve some sort of reality or some sort of like possession or demons. I want to watch the um good night mommy. That Austrian movie. Yeah, there's an Austrian do look at the trailer. It looks so fucking scary. It's about this woman who comes back home to her twin sons and she

has um bandages around her face because she just had reconstructive surgery and so the the premise just by looking at the trailer, I'm guessing is that is this our mom or is this not our mom? So, the the twins then devise tests to to prove or disprove that this lady who's just entered this house with with bandages around her head whether or not she is in fact their mother. Yeah. And it's just that's it's a great. It's a scary trailer and I also want to

ask you this question is it because when I was watching the visit, I thought to myself, there is no way you can have any other minority in a horror movie like that except white people. Because think about it. If it was a black kid, two kids, you don't believe it. Anything that weird happens one time, they would leave. They'd run in the forest and and and take a bus back to Cleveland or whatever. Yeah, that's why like horror movies are oh, you have to cast white people or

else it'd be two minutes long. It's just not realistic. Yeah, I don't want to be hacky about it because I know that African-American comics have talked about that but when I even Asians, you know what I mean? Like my dad, you know what I mean? If he heard a noise and I, bye. What are you going? That's all goes. Bye. And then that would be a two minute movie. That's not true because you guys lived in that house that you're you and your brother are traumatized. I

know we are okay. We're not we're growing up. We lived in a town. I grew up in a town called Poway, California and it her house is obviously haunted. I was possessed. My brother's possessed but my dad never went to our bedrooms because of the fact that he knew that there was ghosts there. So, like if and how long did you guys live in that house? So, my point is that my dad in a horror movie, if they had his archetype, would be like, I'm leaving. Like, I'm not fucking

with it. Whereas, you on order to like have a horror movie sustain itself, you have to have a white person go, I want to explore. You know what I mean? I need to confront, you know, whatever, you know, but I don't think any other ethnicity would do that. Am I being racist? No, it's true because if for me even it's like, look, there's an open road and even if there is there's a remote chance of a neighbor existing in the next seven miles, I'm just gonna fucking

book it on without shoes on. I'm just gonna in the dead of the middle of the night just start running in one direction for seven miles straight. Yeah. No questions asked and that's if you gave me even a tenth of what those kids were given in the the movie The Visit. Yeah. A tenth. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be just screaming running. I mean, there's one the very first incident in that movie. Goodbye. Goodbye. Yeah. No thank you. Yeah. Oh, they had they had every every movie you

see. That's a horror movie. They get a million chances and they stay and that's fine. I believe it. Even if the light in front of you right now were to flicker a little bit while we were talking about this, we would be like, okay, Bobby, after this podcast, we're packing our bags, call your real estate agent. We're out of here. I don't play games like that. You know Paul Mooney? Paul Mooney told me a story where him and Richard Pryor, okay, first of all, if you don't know who

Richard Pryor is, you're a rich retard, but the thing is that Richard Pryor is probably one of the top four best comics ever to live. He was he was a revolutionary guy. He was honest. He was on a lot of drugs, but you know, he is a legend, okay? And Paul Mooney, everyone knows and Paul Mooney wrote for Pryor and they were best friends and they Paul told me that he was at in the 70s. He was at a white party and they were stealing food from the buffet. You know what I mean? I don't

know why they were stealing food, but they said that he was stealing food from the thing and then these white people says, hey, we're doing it. We're going to a private movie screening of this new movie and Richard Pryor and Paul Mooney decided to go so they went. It was exorcist, right? And as soon as the movie as soon as the girl like you peed, you know what I mean? Where she pees. Oh yeah, she just before she even became fully possessed. Yeah, they were out in the back door

trying to escape through the fire thing. They were trying to open this door. They were so scared. You know what I mean? They escaped it. So that's my point is that the white people stayed. Paul Mooney and Richard Pryor escaped the movie theater because they were so scared. What would you do in a like a real life situation? Okay, like you had a daughter the age of Linda Blair who played the exorcist or the girl in the exorcist, right? Eight years old, right? And that's your daughter. You love her a lot. Yeah. And she does that. She walks. She

literally has green face and she's walking backwards on the stairs unlike in that position. The first thing I would do is not what they did was I'd go. I'd bring the fucking call the doctor. Like ambulance. That's what they did. So they called. They did all. Yeah, they did. They took her to the hospital. They only did that before. No, listen, I want to correct you. They did that when she was peeing and all that stuff. But when she was in full exorcist mode, which her head was spinning and the bed was levitating at that point, they

called the priest then at that point, I would call the doctor. So they can go, look at this shit like that. You know, before you were like, Oh, no, we don't know what it is. What the fuck is this shit? Right? And then I would go, you I'll give you all the money that I have. Take care of it. I would leave. But also here's what I don't understand is that white people like to keep things hush hush. I know Asians too, though. Yeah, I thought I thought Asians even more so, right? Yeah. So they would not be the type to be like, call the police. Let's make this a media sensation because, you know what I mean?

Asians would they would be like, you know, embarrassed. They'd be like, Oh my god, I that's my child. How weak. What a weak soul got possessed. They would probably call somebody from Koreatown and some sort of shaman and they would come with like ginseng root and some, right? And like Boba or whatever they might do, right? Like Boba like, you know what I mean? Or they would put incense and you know, to try to do something like that, right? You think? I don't know. My dad would have killed me. You think so? Yeah, he would have shot me and then just said, I don't know what happened.

Yeah, I am so. Yeah, I think that's I would want him to kill me. Yeah, but you actually think your father would kill you if you knew you were possessed by an actor? I think it's out of fear, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, he loses my, I don't know. And then he would have killed me. I don't know how I would act. I would call the ambulance and if not, I mean, you call media over. I'll call Anderson Cooper. Come on over. Check this shit out. Look at my cool kid. She's levitating. And at that point, then it would be a media sensation, right? You know what I mean? Bobby Lee's daughter is possessed.

Look at it. Bobby Lee's daughter is literally the devil. Yeah, it's like doing 360. Her head is the beds levitating. And then I would then they wouldn't because it was big CNN and it would be headline news. They would call the pope himself would come over and, you know, clean her. Would you kiss his ring? I don't know. You wouldn't kiss the pope's ring. Anyway, I'm done talking about this fucking. I don't know what I mean. I just I watched a movie the other day called The Age of Adeline that I literally lost like two hours of my life. But the premise of this movie is it's a love story.

But the premise is, you know, Benjamin Button, he goes backwards in time, right? But in the age of Adeline, she's basically crying for two hours because she's stuck. She doesn't she can't age or she doesn't age because she was struck by lightning and got into a car accident simultaneously struck by lightning. And like it it changed her like DNA composition. And her telomeres weren't shortening and now she can't get past the age of 28. Yeah. Stuck in the body of Blick Lively, beautiful Blick Lively. Yeah. What's she crying about? Exactly. I was like, what the fuck is the problem, bitch?

You look good. Yeah. You get to fuck two generations of men, both father, which is Harrison Ford and son. Yeah. She fucked them both. What are you crying about? I'd fuck the same family for a thousand years. Just like, yeah, yeah. Great. I fucked your great, great, great, great, great grandfather. The saddest scene in the whole movie. If I was a woman, I'm a man. Yeah. It's a grandmother. I'm sorry. Right. Yeah. I apologize. But I'd be like, yeah, I fucking stuck my fist in it and everything. The saddest scene in the whole movie for me was that she she went through like

eight different dogs that who all of whom had to like die in front of her. And I was like, well, that's a fucking worst thing in your life. Like a death of a cocker spaniel. In the meantime, she had no like other tragedies that happened in this life other than she can't age. I fuck you in the movie Highlander, though, when he had to bury his first wife, that was sad. And then, you know what? He lived for like thousand a year and every every year he would light a candle for her for a thousand years. Yeah. But it's not that she couldn't die. She just didn't age so she could still choose a death or a time of death.

Like her she had a daughter in it, right? And her daughter was like, whatever, like 60 something. And she would, you know, she got sentimental about that because her daughter was aging or whatever. It's like, look, if you wanted to die with your daughter, kill yourself. No, that's against God's will. That's you can't do that. Well, anyways, I was like, you're an attorney. Hell, I was in the Bible. It's in the Bible. The only way I wouldn't be okay with it if I was stuck at 28 years old and looked not as hot as Blake Lively. Like if I was who would I who's not a very attractive chick? I'd be like pissed to look for like 80 years of my life.

Just look one way. We know. No, don't do that. Why? Because I already know what you're going to say. Who am I going to say? Yeah, I want to say that. Please don't. I'm going to say it. Please don't. Why? Why can I say it? No, you don't know who she is. Why can I say it? Because she's gone through a really bad year. I don't give a fuck. I'll tell you something. Please don't. I'm not going to do it, but this is Tiger Bell. That's true. Okay. And secondly, this. Okay. Thank you for skin. You're supposed to have my back. I just want to say something. Filipino loyalty. One of her friends. Yeah, one of her friends. Okay. Fucking it was so rude to me, right? And ever since that she was dead to me. Okay. And I was being nice.

So basically, I'm not going to name her name. All right. It's a girl that she grew up with in Yellow Monkey Island. Right. The Philippines. Yeah. All right. So she grew up with this. The Philippines. This girl from Yellow Monkey Island. Okay. And we're not yellow. Whatever. That's what I call it. Purple Brown. That's what I call it. Okay. And so her childhood friend was at her sister, visiting her sister's house. Okay. So she came from the airport or whatever. Right. So she had her luggage, right? One piece of luggage outside. I don't even fucking know the bitch. Right. So I go outside, you know what I mean? And I grab her luggage to bring it inside. Okay. She doesn't say thank you. She didn't say hello to me. She didn't want to meet me. She looked at me. She looked

right through me as if I wasn't even there. And ever since then she's been dead to me. She's had a tough life ever since then. Right. Some bad shit has happened. Total. Total fob. Okay. No, don't do that. Okay. That doesn't, that's no excuse. I actually got to defend Bobby on this one because this is a girl that I guess we'll talk about it. I just didn't want to. She just lost a sibling and I just feel bad talking about it. I feel bad about it. It doesn't take away. Why are you laughing Gilbert? It doesn't take away the fact that she did do that to you. And this is a girl I know. I knew I've known since I was 13 and who I feel like I've always helped along the way even when she had hard times in the US like when she moved out here, you know. And so I was just hoping

that she would pay me a certain amount of respect or pay my boyfriend a certain amount of respect. Right. But the point of the, this is where I felt like, wow, perhaps she's not who I thought she was. And perhaps she's a lot more shallow than I think because she, because she didn't know who he was. She didn't know that he was a comedian. She didn't know anything about him. She just thought that I happened to stumble upon a short little bubbly Asian guy, fat guy, ugly, fat Asian guy. And then she looked at him and said in her mind decided that, oh, he doesn't deserve her because she was really, my ex was considerably good looking. Yeah. So basically this Mary. Don't say it. Australian. No, not Australian. The guy I was with for five years, which was so basically Mary Ann

had seen her other previous boyfriends. They were all like tall, pretty good looking guys, right? And so then she saw me and she's thought, oh, well, Kalaida's going through a phase. I don't know why the fuck she's dating. You know what I mean? That kind of vibe. So that's how she treated me. No, she treated him like dog shit. Like dog shit. She treated Bobby like absolute dog shit to the point where my sister, Kawinda, went up, like sat her down and she goes, who the fuck do you think you are? You don't come into my house disrespecting my friends or my sister's boyfriend like that. Where, where are your manners? Where the, who are you? Who are you? This is not the person that I know. My sister. And she looked, you know what she looks like too? Just come on. Don't, don't go there.

Well, did you ever see the dark crystal? No. Anybody that's seen the dark crystal, she looks like a creature from that anyway. If you put. Yeah, yeah. The, the, okay, the late, okay, look up dark crystal, the lady that pulls out her eye, the creature that pulls out her eye. But she has since apologized. And so I just let it go. But there is a, there is a part of me that I feel like will always hold a particular grudge because I'm just like, whoa, like coming from some, somebody who, who's a two, like you're, you're. Where? That thing? Yeah. Well, let me see, let me see. Yeah, that's her. Yeah, that's her. She looks like a creature from a Jim Henson fantasy movie, right? And yet I'm not good enough. So anyway, I feel bad about it, but it's like, listen,

you know what I mean? Cause she started it. Let me tell you this right now, Kalyla, look at me right now. Okay. If somebody I grew up with treated you with any kind of disrespect, I would, it would be, it would be so ugly. I'll rip them apart. It was ugly. I, I, you, you heard me when I spoke to her. Yeah. I said unacceptable. Yeah. Where the same thing my sister told her. It's like, this is not who I want to keep. You are not the type of person that I want to keep in my life to just right off the bat, judge somebody because he's not six foot tall and your idea of good looking like, bitch, like you're not. Baby, you don't think that I look at you sometimes and go, I don't know what the fuck, why does she is dating? Why is she dating me? But that's,

I'm a creature too. That's for people who are superficial, Bobby. Yeah. But the thing is, yeah, I test well. So that's good. I, I look at you and I'm very cute. I feel lucky. I feel lucky that I get to have this life with you with someone who entertains me and who loves me as well as you do. I'm, trust me, I feel equally as lucky. So it's like, you know, we're going to have her on the program. We're going to have her on Taco Bell. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I want to also, um, I invited my ex, the guy I was with for five years, Steve, um, to, because I, I went on DVD ASA on my first episode, Bobby like brought, you don't know who David, what DVD ASA is. David show. The artist had a podcast where, you know, anyway, we were regulars on that show. Right. And I went on to

describe a relationship I had with two men. So I was living with two men simultaneously. And we had, we carried on that type of relationship for three years. So I had, um, two boyfriends, right? And, um, but on the podcast, I didn't, I, I didn't say anything mean about him. I just, I basically gave reasons as to why the relationship fizzled. And I remember, like, um, I, I, I look back now and now I'm thinking, Oh, maybe I, I wasn't as nice as I could have in terms of describing him because he really is a fantastic human being. Like he really is a good, good, solid human being. But then he agreed to come on the podcast, right? This podcast. But then we got caught, we got pussy blocked by his girlfriend, his girlfriend. So what I think,

because he wasn't aware that I was even on the show or that I had even said that about him, my suspicion is that she, because she's sort of a little bit stalker-ish on me. And she's one of those young girls that's like super insecure, hasn't passed that youth insecurity to where it's like she, she's one of those girls that will always be insecure about her dude's ex. And, um, that's the sense that I got from her, no matter how nice I was to her when I met her and how like, I reinforce the idea, like, look, like you're with him now. He loves you. I was really polite with her, but she just can't get past it. And she's just young and stupid. What's her name? I don't want to call her out.

People going to investigate. I mean, it's like all these people, you want to see their names, they're going to investigate. But because you know why? Because I can guarantee you that she's so stalker-ish that she's going to listen to this. Okay. And I don't want to, I don't want to hurt another girl. I don't want to hurt her little, you know, feelings because as it turns out, the soul, the fact that I even invited her boyfriend to defend himself on this podcast and to maybe trash me a little bit, because guess what? I probably deserve it because I went on air and I talked about him. So I wanted him to come here and be like, look, bitch, you weren't all that great either. You know? So I was giving him an

opportunity to rebuttal a lot of the things that I was saying and I was going to take it willingly. I was going to take whatever abuse he had willingly because we were, we are on good terms or we were on good terms up until the girl got in the way. And it's sad because I thought that I was always going to have a friendship with him my whole life and I always wanted Bobby to meet him. And you will. No, not anymore. They're not as long as they're together. Not everything's forever. She's too insecure. Okay. We live in the moment. Here's a universal truth, my friend. Okay. That that if everything changes to universal truth, change will come. Anything can happen. I hope that she can grow past it. Yeah. Because it's look, bitch. It's like I was with him for fit for five

years. If we wanted to be together, we would be together. Yeah. But we're not because we just don't we're not in that space anymore. But in any case, we can't have him on now, which is a pity, but we can have wife number two on. Yeah. So we'll get him on on this podcast. He's the other guy that I lived with. And he's also he's somebody who's still my best friend. And he I had said some things about him on that podcast that weren't so choice and weren't so nice. You want to talk about DP? Double penetration? No. I've not what? No, DP. What's DP? Instagram. Not yet. Not today. Not today. No, no, no. We have to wait. I'm the voice of the audience. I want to know. You will later. You will. Because I think it might actually take up a whole episode. Yeah. Yeah. But it's a serious

matter. It's a serious matter. And guess what? I'm the Olivia Pope. I feel like I you know, do you watch scandal? Oh, good. So I feel like I can be this guy's Olivia Pope and I can basically reinvent his career if he will let me. But we'll save that for it's a comedian that everyone, not everyone knows, but it's a comedian and she wants to do an intervention. I want to because his Instagram drives me crazy. Hey, he that's all we need to know. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Gilbert. No more teasing. No more teasing because it's going to be a great topic. Because I I try to twist it in a positive way. Okay. Because I've known this guy for a very long time. I've known him for a very long time and he means well and he has a good heart. No way. That's

what DP that's the print. Oh, initials are DP. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So my point is that he means well. He tries his best and that's good enough for me. But it drives Kalilah crazy. It also drives a couple of other comedians. I know crazy. But it's like we'll talk about it some other time really. Yeah. Yeah. So stay tuned. Maybe we'll we'll dedicate a whole episode to it because I really feel like I can systematically improve his chances of making a comeback. Yeah. I think that I can and I think that my services will be free for him. And I think that even on the basis of changing a few aspects of his social media, I can change his life. You can't. Yes. I'll tell you why you can't. Okay. Okay. I'm going to just let I'm going to just say one last thing. Abort mission.

Abort mission. I just want to say one last thing about my final thing about it is that you I'll tell you why you can't. The reason why you can't is because he doesn't have the thing. Nunchi. Nunchi. No. Nunchi. Nunchi is a Korean word. Right. I think it means I don't know what the exact common sense. It's yeah. It's common sense. It's a gut feeling about things. Like for instance, when I post something on Instagram, right, I'll write a thing and it'll sound like I'll read it back. I'll go, you know what? That doesn't that sounds, you know, like I'm bragging. I don't want to do it. You know what I mean? Or you know what I mean? It's like an editing process that people need. Right? He doesn't have that. Especially if you are a comedian and if you are working in the

industry, I feel like he's also a little delusional and not a little. Uh that's very a little bit. A tad. Bobby is very nice about it because this is his friend and we get into arguments because Bobby always say he's a friend even. I don't I don't really I've never talked to him really and I'm gonna call them. He's just you know, somebody that I know from afar and somebody that if I ran into him, it would be pleasant. You know what I mean? I don't want to come off as a hater but good Lord, it's an obsession of mine to check him. I don't follow him but I I actually search for his search on his Instagram. I search on his Instagram every day and I I read the caption to myself out loud and to Bobby every day and I I I have a sickness. I have a sickness because in my head

I'm like why I've also a sick why I have a sickness about somebody that she hangs out with. I'm gonna name her name. I don't know what I'm gonna name her but I was just shut up for a second. There's somebody that she I know too. I took her on a date before I met Kalilah. She's my friend now. She's a friend. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. Abort mission. Oh here since you were hounding me about what and you were telling me last episode that I needed to get over the whole Mayweather beating Pacquiao. Yeah. I came up. You see this list right here. Yeah. Yeah. Abort. I came up because new surface because you know how you fought Berto. Did you watch that fight? Highlights. What highlights? There are no highlights

in the Mayweather fight. They're fucking boring. So as it turns out there's a report by the US anti-doping agency that found evidence of Mayweather using an IV after I saw on May 2nd after his weigh-ins before he actually fought Pacquiao. Now if you don't understand what that means an IV means you're sticking a needle in you to rehydrate you right which is which sounds it doesn't sound like a big deal and I actually had this discussion with a friend because I actually sided with Mayweather. I was like look I don't think that IV rehydration is bad if you're cutting weight so severely and you need to rehydrate but there's a ban on it right right okay don't I'm not done yet so he says he needed to rehydrate what tell me tell me your

rebuttal again keep going tell me your rebuttal again I'm just gonna groan while you keep talking go ahead but are you gonna actually listen I'm gonna I'm listening to everything you're saying but I'm gonna groan because since when did you become a Mayweather humper I'm not a Mayweather humper but just keep going and okay okay so if in fact he needed to rehydrate I think that he's lying because per his words weeks before the fight even he was all he already weighed 149 pounds which means he only needed to drop two pounds in a couple of weeks so he didn't need he didn't have to cut weight to begin with why are you groaning I'm not all right and this guy his name is Memo Heredia yeah he's an admitted performance enhancing drug designer for several

different athletes he was working with Floyd before that fight oh okay and Mayweather and his camp their choice of drug testing in is the is USA da which and they don't use like carbon isotope ratio oh my god I think my brain is shrinking why keep going no all I'm saying is like look for as much as Floyd talks shit about being the cleanest fighter in the game and then accusing Manny Pacquiao of of using all these supposed PEDs he's looking a little suspect Pacquie lost but that's not lost I'm gonna tell you something right now friend okay I brought I invited people at my house I had Charlie over your foreskin was over I had a bunch of people in my house okay I paid what $100 for that fucking fight all right we we bought barbecue remember we bought pregnant from the Filipino

barbecue place all right we brought it over I had an event at my house right and let me say something it's a fucking moment where Pacquiao should have seized it he didn't he lost and I'm gonna just tell you right now okay what you just said it's like hear me out right now it's like if I said this wow Franklin McGinnis Franklin McGinnis and that horseshoe competition man he lost it you know and and Toby mongo beat him now you think yourself who cares about horseshoes exactly that's not true who gives a shit about boxing that's listen to me right now okay don't do what do you just did a high Hitler to me don't ever do that okay here's my it's a dead sport you have seized the future right and I no longer want to talk about boxing because boxing's an old-timey

sport that's irrelevant we're not talking about boxing anymore because you're right boxing is so unsanitized that it's made me the most apathetic I'm apathetic to it I don't honestly care what happens in boxing anymore what I'm saying is for as much shit as this guy has talked about being a clean fighter he deserves this heat he deserves the suspicion he deserves people getting on his ass and being and accusing him of possibly cheating because he is the number one accuser of many pack out all of all other athletes for using PEDs so at the very least fuck boxing as a sport him as an athlete he needs to be grilled hard look at me my eyes right now okay look at me my eyes he is Floyd Mayweather Jr oh gross he's gonna say it isn't he is the undisputed oh gross

undefeated champion of the world that's a fact it's a fact I'm telling you that okay and if you can't accept that in your little Filipino yellow monkey heart right then you know I mean who's the one that loses you and you and Pacquiao and everyone else okay I was on Pacquiao's side and he didn't deliver for me no one is saying that he delivered he was in he was not only was he injured but honestly it's like it was a fucking all that drama and all that a hype for the most lukewarm bout in the history of the fucking Floyd Mayweather Jr you're the undisputed undefeated champ now fuck you Floyd one in the world fuck you Floyd okay that's another thing too I have another issue with me not with you but just in general here is the guy who has gone who's been

jailed who has had countless of you know alleged um what do you call who's who's beat up women no he's just beat up security guards he's practicing how dare you Bobby but here's a guy that we pay that's just like saying hey Bobby tells jokes to the security guard and his girlfriend yeah because that's what he does anyway go on so this is a guy that we pay over well over 150 million dollars for a lukewarm bout right we're the fools we are the fools we're the suckers we are the suckers and in the meantime the Nevada athletic commission I don't want to talk about this you don't want to well you're gonna do it just do it anyway but go ahead no this is gonna cause a fight why is it gonna cause a fight I'm gonna tell you what she's gonna say okay Nick Diaz okay is banned

from doing mixed martial arts in Vegas for five years because he caught caught three times in a row with marijuana in his DNA DNA how do you say it known as blood marijuana metabolites metallobacca yet marijuana metallobacca in his DNA and what happened is that he's been banned for five years listen he's had three strikes against them after the second strike right I would think you know what I'm not gonna smoke dope until I retire that's that you're an idiot I'm I know because you don't understand that they only gave Anderson Silva for legitimate not marijuana isn't a performance enhancing drug as a matter of fact some people would call that a disadvantage I mean yeah you could you could argue that you know it it dampens your sensory whatever whatever and it

makes you feel less pain but this is a guy who's been who has a medical marijuana card who's in his interview what was it yesterday he talked about having like a really really tough upbringing having a girlfriend who committed suicide who you know this was a guy who had trouble in school who I don't know like maybe he was maybe he smokes to deal with anxiety life difficulties whatever it is it's still not a performance enhancing drug right and to give Anderson Silva because he's UFC's golden boy basically an equivalent of a slap on the wrist because he was only given a year's suspension starting from January so he's eligible to fight in a few months in the meantime you've basically rendered Nick Diaz retired that's bullshit Bobby get with a fucking times

you get with the times no get with the times because these people the athletic commission literally are abusive yeah arrogant and they're stuck in the fucking stone ages because guess what the law evolves sentiments regarding drugs evolve you can't sit in a in a in a in a position of power and continue to life to get listen you can't continue to give judgments on like on young fighters in a young sport fair it's not life isn't fair okay my little Filipino princess okay and that's how it goes okay let me tell you this boohoo all right because I could complain about there's like guys I started with that were Korean who are comedians they're way more famous and more successful than me right and I can look in the mirror and go oh boohoo why did you know

I mean but that's life okay that's a very crappy parallel it's not a crappy parallel yeah it is because it just didn't happen for me life isn't fair okay and they deserve it I think that honestly those commissioners or whoever makes those decisions in the NAC oh one of them which one of them used to own 71% of an actual marijuana dispensary can I ask you this question politics and bullshit and because Nick Diaz isn't there can I ask you this question can I ask you this no let me just let me ask you one question and then I you can talk yeah all right did that happen to Uriah favor no let me ask you this did it happen to Uriah favor no do you know why because he didn't smoke pot three times in a row and got caught did it happen to Ronda Rousey

no it happened to Nick Diaz do you know why because he fucking smoked pot but it's pot I don't care it's I didn't make up the rules but what I'm saying the rules are fucking archaic and your eyebrows look fantastic by the way those people are I love you John Jones okay UFC's oh shit that's what you made me do you just broke glass that's how I know I guess how pissed off I am right now because you don't know nothing about life listen to me you don't do a Gilbert careful you're gonna get yeah you're gonna just leave it there look listen John Jones UFC's golden boy literally ran over a woman who was pregnant and got caught with cocaine but he's so gifted but guess what he really is he's so fun to watch I don't know who Nick Diaz is but John

Jones a huge fan that Gustafson fight oh my god probably one of the best fights ever right and that's what you get when you're a champion oh my god you are looking right now listen to me right now you're such a fucking idiot Bobby you're a fucking idiot I'm an idiot for somebody who claims to enjoy the sport of MMA you should be adamantly against this decision because guess what it's you say life is unfair but there we do have we can have control of certain things to make it not unfair especially in the in the world of sports we can try to make it an even playing field we can try to keep it sanitized but but as long as those fucking dinosaurs sit at the top it's never going to be that way so what I was saying about John Jones is this he ran over a pregnant woman

he got caught with cocaine which is in the tier four according to to the whatever like it's it's like the biggest it because tier one is marijuana angiolidics and like the the lesser of like the drug offenses right but methamphetamines cocaine's and uppers or it's a larger offense and this guy is probably gonna be reinstated in the UFC I'm willing to bet you some sometime early next year after um DC Cormier fights um Gustafson I'm that's just a prediction of mine I don't know that for real but because court cases tend to drag out and John Jones is young he's he's viable he's a money maker and he's a golden boy I guarantee you he's gonna be reinstated in the meantime my friend Nick is out for five years which basically is an equivalent to a lifetime ban because he's getting

older rules applied to Hollywood and in for actors okay and it was illegal to do all those things okay and Dustin Diamond right smoked only pot but Tom Hardy right did a little cocaine and ran over a pregnant woman right and then Dustin Diamond got kicked out of you know I mean sag right and Tom Hardy didn't get because it would go like oh yeah because it's Tom Hardy yeah but Nick Diaz is one of the most entertaining fighters oh my god you're really like you're making me I'm totally kidding my face I like I like Nick Diaz yeah no way Nick is very talented I love him not only is he talented he's fun to watch I agree with you you're right he's not a dud in the octagon every single fight is entertaining to the nth degree so for me it's like look I I will forever

want to watch Nick Diaz fight him and his brother and the worst part about that is that you know he he's not allowed to corner any he's not allowed to corner his brother he's not allowed to corner any of his teammates that's part of their decision because you have to apparently have to have a license to do that and they took that away too pretty heated I'm sorry I'm sorry I digress let's let's let's get back to being friends okay we're friends I love you you know the thing look at my hands and feet I'm sweating I know I know I know Nick is a good guy he's a great guy I love him I like him he's my buddy he's a good guy I love him and Nick if you're listening you probably aren't but if you are I'm just doing it just to create tension right I really believe in you and

I believe that the FAA commission of the FAA commission of the Nevada Police Society said and I don't agree with that what they said and I want you to get your license back and to be champion once again that feel better you know here's what you're gonna do you're going to sign a petition no no yes you are okay I will you're gonna redeem your your your idiotic opinion all right so what do we learn today what we learned today was this okay that the visit is a great movie you should watch it that's number one number two Nick Diaz and the FAA commission should resolve their situation Mayweather is a cheat the way Mayweather is the undefeated undisputed champion of the world who is it and he deserves every gold chain that he

owns Bobby Lee's number three the last one is this is that Gilbert if you ever if you ever talk to this woman again I'm telling you right now text or hang out or see her visually okay oh you and I are gonna have a very serious problem and I'm not shut the fuck up okay you too I'm not I'm done fucking around okay because I'm looking at the big picture and how we're being viewed through wide eyes through the media through the world and you have shut the fuck up and you have a fucking responsibility okay be spider-man I want you to be spider-man you have a response here all heroes what is the line in what was the line in that about the responsibility and heroes and stuff in the anyway that's it okay then do it that's the only situation that would be the only way

okay okay but you can't even so much as like cuddle her afterwards yeah yeah wait I have to fucking leave you have to not on her back not on her back not in her little baby hairs in the back of her neck because those get like really painful when they try when you try to like clean it out where we are time wise yeah every time you do that it makes you mad yeah why because it it oh it makes it feel like you're struggling to hit an hour I'm not because I feel like you already picked up your sunflower seeds yeah and you're ready to retire no we're not done so here this is the end part okay well it's your birthday on my birthday week Thursday and I'll be 36 years old I guess you know whatever you'll be 36 years old and um I feel great okay I don't want any

cards I don't want any presents from anybody all right I just want to be able to like go to Portland and have a good time I'm going to be at the Portland comedy is this airing yeah helium today not tomorrow yeah I'm going to be at the helium comedy club Thursday Friday Saturday Thursday Friday Saturday and then um next week you're in Ventura I'm at the Ventura comedy festival next week yeah I think it's like next Wednesday or something like that next one day these are all on the website right yeah bobby lee live bobby lee live.com and um in the next episode we'll talk about DP we'll talk about um everything else look at my feet hold on Gilby look look how sweaty they are look I'm gonna go clean this glass up okay I'm not gonna step on the

floor I can't believe we broke glass do you see how sweaty that is the sweaty toes are from me being upset at bobby did you say I get hyped up for tiger belly the handle um on twitter it's at tiger belly on instagram our handle is just no on on twitter it's the tiger belly yeah the tiger belly and on instagram it's just tiger belly watch out for the glass you're more worried about the cat's feet than than my feet bleeding yeah we can just um vacuum vacuum it up say bye everybody thank you hey prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey