TigerBelly - Episode 33: Flower Shielding

Episode Date: March 16, 2016

  Bobby is scared of Canada.   Khalyla is a situational cannibal.    Gilbert puts on a cape and saves the day.    We talk sex with presidents, sex with corpses, sex with presidents who are almost corpses   Recorded March 14, 2016 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly YouTube: TigerBelly Facebook: thetigerbelly www.thetigerbelly.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on WONDERY PLUS You're listening ad-free on WONDERY PLUS You're listening ad-free on WONDERY PLUS Ddu do ddu, do-du-du-du-du-du-du-du. Ddu do-du ddu-du-du-du-du-du. Hey, welcome to Tiger Belly. My name is Bob, we got Coloco, and we got Gilbert,

and we got Georgetown in town. And Pintak. And welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly. I feel really good right now, man. Why do you feel good? I don't know, because I put you on that beanbag and I dry-hulked the fuck out of you and I took control of you man.

I let you have control. No, man, I fucking knotted almost on your belly, but well, that's on you. That's on both of us. No, that's on you Well, you were there too. You know I mean, yeah, I was fighting. I was right George. You saw it, right? Yeah, so thank you for that. Well, thank you for teaching me a lesson. Can I say that ask you a question? Yep, how strong am I? All right, I'm gonna put this out there on the record. I will say you are deceiving Because you thought I was a fat fuck. No, no, no, I just I thought I can manipulate you easier Nah, bro, you have this weird thing with your lower hip that it really kind of trace

He knows where to place his weight. Yeah, I just want to one wrestling 101 wrestling 101. Dude. It's called weight distribution. Yep And you go this way I go that way and I take all my fat. I put it on the one side. Yeah I mean, I know that I control my fat. Damn. Yeah, and then um Also, I've been It's really just tired and laxadaisical lately man because of what does that mean? I'm just in generally just kind of fatigued and tired man Just in general like live career just in general mentally Psychologically tired right now, man. That's a sign of depression. Yeah, you don't have depression. Yes, I do

Do you're smiling? You're smiling. I'm what it's called You know that that's the biggest sign of depression. No, that's called what fart flower shielding You said fart first flower shield called flower shielding. You know that I don't know what that means It's when you you're happy. I mean you're sad, but then you your face looks like it's happy Like a lit flower like a blooming flower. Oh, that's sad. It's very sad. I have been doing it all my life, man 20 as a baby as a baby like I was smiling stuff. I really want to cut myself with razor blades Coming on coming out of the womb. I was the first emo. I was the first emo dude. Wow. You know me established Yeah, I had like little mascara under my eyes. I listened to Susie in the banshee's

Back in 1971, you didn't think they were around them out of the womb. Yeah, they were kids too Susie in the banshee's Hate Susie in the banshee. There are I I eat. Yeah, I I was listening to a little GBV earlier You know what that is? Nope guided by voices, bro. You know them. No GBV is a band out of Dayton, Ohio and there are The kind of garage rocky. Yes, lo-fi. You know me is really good, bro You know, um Kurt Loder from MTV once called the lead singer Robert Pauler from GBV Mosart, bro Mosart, yeah, because he's so prolific, bro

I don't know. That's how I am when I'm lax the days ago and and tired and and desire Don't they play like pick up basketball at the particular park every saturday I heard my friend Jensen drove all the way over there to take his play back that b-ball with them. Do you ever play b-ball with them? I don't know how to play b-ball. Do you know how to play b-ball? You have to know. I've never I've never made a basket of my life Have you shot before? Oh, yeah, a thousand Do you have made one? Not in one. I don't know how can we play horse then or can we do like one-on-one? That's the one sport. I was not made to play. I always used to say I would never date a carpal tunnel syndrome You know what I mean?

Yeah, I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I always used to say I would never date a guy who didn't know how to shoot a basket Well, you said a lot of things like that. Yeah, and you're dating the one guy who's never made a shot Never say never children never say never. I've never done nothing. Um, bobby hit a milestone today An important milestone for a 40 year old. He registered to vote First time actually I registered him to vote. Oh, wow. That's even better. Yeah Hey, babe, I wanted to vote. Yeah, he and I registered him democrat. So but he's voting for trump He's Yeah, yeah, I want trump to win. You're gonna have to defend that statement with all that violence

Don't you want trump to win George as a resident white man. Let me ask you this. Who do you want to win beat in your heart in my heart? Yeah Uh, I'm still undecided. It's either bernie or hillary. Yeah. Yeah. How about you sweets? I'm bernie hill You're bernie. But I'm bernie. Actually, I'm gonna vote bernie. Not a chance. Have you seen his his? He's gonna die. Yeah, that's what that's what I was saying is is that bernie looks no, but he looks like he's gonna die He might not die might not he could be a highlander and live forever. True, right? Like shan connery, he looked like he was gonna die in the highlander, but he'd live forever. He's immortal, right? But the thing is is that he looks like he's gonna die and I don't want that

It's a risk. Yeah, I want my like president to be like obama like You know, like he goes to a different country and he you know, he's cool people look at him. That's what I'm saying I think hillary can be that a different version of cool. No No, there's nothing there's nothing her pussy's like sandpaper, bro. That's cool. Yeah, that's pretty cool Have you seen my pussy? It's sandpaper. Yeah, when do you think when do you think realistically the last time bill and hill Had sex off 20 years You don't think they had like a 20 years. There's no you don't think just some you know A wild hair grows up her ass and then you know, she texts this bill or she texts this bill like a titty shot

And then you know once or twice every year. They just you know have really rabid sex There's a better chance of me and george fucking than those two fucking and I'm gonna say that's a fact That's not even a Exaggeration or I'm not even making a joke out of it. I'm just gonna say on the record though You did say you would never in your life have george eat your butt exactly or have so that's why they'll never fucking have sex Oh, wow, that's that's how fucking crazy it is. Damn. Yeah, do you think that? bernie and his chick He has a chick. I don't even know he had a girl. I thought he was alone. It's a skeletora. Who is it?

I mean what like skeletal science, uh, you know, I mean I there's no way he has a girl lady No, he does no one uglier than that. His wife isn't a memorable person though Candy Carson. Damn that those teeth though that teeth the gum ratio. She has little cute kirsten dunce teeth Yeah, and we like ass cheeks for a face Other than that You know, she's very pretty and very intelligent. Very intelligent. Yeah, I'm sorry. My judge is that's fucking wrong No, can I say that as an american? You are a grown ass american who just registered to vote

Yeah, you can have an opinion about this now Because trump's woman. What's her name? Melania sexy. Let me ask you this. Yeah, would you fuck her? Yes George, would you fuck her? Yeah? Yeah I'm in a relationship. I'm in love. Okay. I'm in love. So no call it died yesterday. Would you fuck it? It would have to wait 10 years for me to get over her death. Oh, wow. What that's how I I I gotta I will say this. Give me kisses, baby. Great answer. We already did it earlier, but um Yeah, he's gonna wait 10 years He gave me those little side kisses. That's all you get only half my lip

But um, yeah, I would you know, I mean 10 years of mourning kalayla and then if she came over naked And she's I would do it just out of charity by myself. I want to say this though, but would you fuck? Um, Carson's wife Candy candy Carson. What does the guy say bang karson's wife? No, no, would you George? Neither I wouldn't fuck none of those motherfuckers. Maybe I would fuck bernie for sure. You'd fuck bill Of course, you'd fuck you'd fuck bill and hill together Really? Yeah, I would definitely bill and hill together dream a dream orgy

And because there's a lot of animosity. I feel like that would be the weirdest thing kalayla because they wouldn't want to touch each other I know basically this is like fucking your man handling you, but they're not like you're doing some sort of like clearly a fetish Well, clearly they would both be focused on me and not each other which would make it a dream orgy for me That's a lot of gray hair I I'm into it. I would fuck this shit out of bernie. I would not touch trump. He just okay all jokes aside You would fuck you would fuck bernie. I would. Oh, absolutely. That's fucking weird. That's That's not true. I would fuck george w just as a novelty. That's okay. It's george w. That's judge. George. I would senior senior Still precedent is like it is like what is he paralyzed? What has happened stroke?

The other day you look more like mccain like he literally was dead He like the apolly was that for the uh democrat of the republican debate Yeah, they rolled them out, right and they said run of applause Did you write and this creed this dead creature? No, I don't know. This is what he did president. He didn't say anything right or any words. This is what he went He went Like that that's our former president. Yeah, and that's our former president and I would probably have blown to completion anyways as a good Bye guys. Oh my god. Oh my god client. That's not true

I'm sorry. I I like strange looking things. Well, then I'd fuck barbara bush then next to I would probably fuck barbara Yeah, you blow george hdup. It's a night. It's dub dub. Was it he's george senior seniors I'll fucking uh eat um barbara bushes nasty as bush I mean imagine what her bush looks like I I mean just a mythical forest

From a long time ago. Oh, it's one of those a long time. Yeah, a long time ago for us, you know, you're not wrong about that Because when when we've had to put catheters inside older women's vaginas It is it is a task. You really have to really peel peel back many many many folds in years of It's true, but you know what it is our food down there too in the crevices A pearl do you find a pearl down there? Yeah at the end Yeah, mother pearl. What is it? What happens? You just peel you keep peeling back. Yeah, it's just how many layers Even even worse. Is that they're being real how many layers peeling back? It's a lot of layers, you know It's a lot of what so it grows back extra skin. What happens?

No, it's just you use you lose the elasticity of the turgor of the skin and the vagina as you would in your forearms It's broken. It's broken. It's not broken. It's just stretchy. It's elastic. Oh, so it works still Oh, yeah, the hole is definitely there if you can, you know, but but I would have I'd have to lube myself Yeah, especially if she was dead If Barbara Bush was not Barbara Bush, uh, whatever name is would you fuck? Okay? Let's say if it wasn't legal just out of curiosity if let's say if it wasn't illegal Would you to appease your own curiosity have sex with a corpse? It would depend just it would be probably only two girls in the world and they have to be freshly dead

Like how like Ali Portman would have to just get hit by a truck right then and there Right, and I had to run. I'd write the run take, you know the blood and stuff You know me, but I would have to take the clothes off Like three or four times, right? And then and then go I thought she was alive. You know, I would like claim that I thought she was alive. Yeah, I gotta call 911. I gotta call 911. Yeah. Yeah, because you don't want rigor mortis to set in Oh Rigor mortis sets in quickly You're more likely how long though within a day. Oh a day or even a few hours

I don't I don't remember when rigor mortis that even as early as a few hours. I think so you do I have 20 minutes Yes, you have 20 minutes for sure. That's all I need I'm done. Bobby sold Yeah, rigor mortis one tight pussy george, but you don't have any it might be very hard to get in Also, I don't even know when someone when someone dies They usually they usually defecate themselves and if you're not into that if you're not into scat sex You might want to wait until they're probably embalmed. What is it? There's a there's a movie called visitor queue. Yes Right. I told you that when in the in the greenhouse director or who are the actors?

Um, it's takashi mike directed it and he did audition and ichi the killer And but he did a really weird movie called visitor queue And there's a scene in the movie where this japanese dude is having sex with a dead girl And i'm going to tell you right now The funniest scene you've ever seen and it's purposely funny. It was it's not accidentally funny It really is funny because in japanese he says Um, oh my god, it's a miracle of life. She wets herself. You know me even though she's dead, right? As we see he keeps fucking her and then he realizes it's shit and he gets grossed out. It's really funny

But he does it all in it. Yeah in like a greenhouse. He does in the greenhouse. Yeah, yeah in the greenhouse So really weird the backdrop is pretty interesting. I'd love to work for takashi mike What if he made you do a scene like that? I don't care. It's not real. It wouldn't be a real dead girl Bobby, I'm a real girl. I don't care. I mean if it's it's if it's all like ilm. Let's do it Okay, green screen. Okay. I don't care about that if it's real. No, no. Yeah, because I don't fuck with dead people bro, bro Joe Joe bro. Yeah, Joe bro I don't I refuse. You know what what we're talking about right now is um,

What do you call it sacrilegious sacrilegious sacrilegious and wrong. It's wrong and anyone listening right now I don't know why we started that way. Yeah, but I apologize number one. Do not Ever fuck Barbara bush. Yeah, that's number that's number one number two or george senior number two Don't fuck dead people And you should turn your fucking phone off. That's number three number three number three turn your phone off and that don't ever Have that happen again, baby. I'm sorry. It's my sister from the philippines Which that's not your real sister by the way, uh, don't say that she's adopted. I know but she's not that's not real

My sister I grew up yeah, you can well then he's my brother gilbert's my brother and george is my brother You can throw around, you know, I mean words all day long, right? And why haven't you returned the rental car? Oh, that's what you're gonna come back at me with I like that. That's good. That's good. Oh because I don't give a fog Yeah, so we we rented a car for san jose and we were supposed to give it back the monday when you return Did you go to san jose like a while ago? Yeah This we're overdue like a week. It's probably reported stolen the last time we did this he he kept the rental for a month That's not true because a month he went to israel and they kept calling me. They're like, yeah, we reported the car stolen Can I just say something to you dear? Yes dear when I was the last

Half a year when I was using drugs and alcohol Because I've been sober for a but um I had an enterprise rental for like a year, right? I paid every fucking week So it was like you're just leasing a car. How much would you pay a thousand? I don't know Listen, but listen that shit's in the record books. So they know i'm legit Yeah, number one. He pays on time. I'm in the computer, right? Yeah, so they know i'm gonna pay it. Okay number two They know that i'm dumb You know what I mean? Number three, they know i'm irresponsible. Yeah, you know what I mean?

And we got it. I'm gonna return it tomorrow if I get up on time You know what I mean? I got a lot of things to do tomorrow, you know by george Yeah, he gets it, you know, but um and so on the ride over there, man, though Um to uh, I had to say sword and scale again because we're listening to a lot of sword and scale it's a podcast What's the most recent story and the one we listen to a man is about do a fucking you can't believe it First of all, canada's fucked up Not why no, I love listen. I love performing canada So if I remember in canada come see my shows, I love you guys, right?

But we saw a year ago. Dear zackery if you've never seen that documentary It's have you seen that documentary. Oh dear zackery. Yeah. Oh my god, gilbert You have to watch this documentary. It's so shocking Very sad. It's so sad. You'll cry if you don't cry during that documentary. Not a human. You're not a human right and then um So then we saw we were listening to the sword and scares about this Check this out george. There was a chinese dude, right? I call him china man. Vince league. Yes. His name is Vince. I call him china man. Yeah. Yeah

This china man, right Gets on a fucking bus a greyhound bus, right? Sees a white kid, you know sleeping because you know, it's a long trip You know, I'm in this kid is like leaned against the side of the bus with his headphones on just sleeping So this china man gets what he decides to do what eat them So he he takes out can't just eat someone. He takes out a rambo knife starts stabbing him in the throat Yeah

And the bus then stops other people run out. Everyone runs when you see that you run But apparently the the people that were there Witnessed him doing it so calmly and almost with zero rage in his eyes very almost in a very very Calculated way he beheads him beheads the guy Shows everyone because everyone at this point standing outside of the bus and they're looking at this thing Go down. I mean if you're gonna do it he beheads them do it, right? You know I'm in so in the chinese, you know work ethic. He starts to eat the hard work

Cannibalize and he starts to eat eat the guy. He smears blood on his face or whatever But check it out. Guess what? He's from canada or he's he's he's chinese This happened in Edmonton, I think or somewhere close to him. Check it out, bro. Guess what what the dude's out How's he out? He killed a person Well, he had mental, you know, I mean he has schizophrenia or whatever they said he So that's okay. He went to a mental like he went to a you know, I mean a hospital Right, and then they deemed him okay to go out and he went shopping Okay, that last party you do shopping the story is a little bit more complicated than that

He is actually like a he was like a computer software engineer from china He flew over didn't speak english. So he ended up working at walmart and he got a bunch of fucked up jobs Yeah, like like menial jobs, you know, and so apparently he was He was very um, he got into an altercation with an employee You know, I he was 40. So I think that he probably had like late manifestation of schizophrenia You're a fucked up person. What are you laughing? Because that's it. You guys are laughing at me because it's walmart. That's why he killed people Yes You're a computer

You're a computer scientist, right? Yeah, you come to the states. Yeah, you're this big shot there You can't and you have all these odd jobs. You work at walmart. Of course, you're gonna be depressed. Okay. That's fine. Yeah, but he wasn't That's the depression is obvious. The depression is one thing. Yeah He just randomly Decided that he was gonna quit his job went on a bus and it started eating somebody gilbert That's not the photo. Show the photo of the kid. I'm not going to how about we don't know not that not the eating photo Of him like normal. Let me judge him like 20 Look at the count

Oh, there's like an old guy. No, no, no the guy who killed him is in his 40s Okay, no, but the kid that he ate was 22. Tim McQueen. I think yeah. Yeah. I'm not laughing. You're laughing fuckface It's a fucking atrocity. It is. You know, and so um, and I'm gonna tell you this right now I'm not even fun kidding and now that you say you laugh You look like that Vince Lee guy a little bit like he could be your dad. Don't say that. Well, that's the kid. That's the kid Who got eaten? Oh, man. Look at that kid A human being that's crazy. He would even try to eat that guy. That guy looks like he's well. He was sleeping with hand phones Okay, the little curls in his hair. Yeah. Yeah. He took a little sweet. Sweet. Yeah

Yeah, and you know the The officer who was the officer who was the first responder on the scene committed suicide like two years ago from ptsd From that whole thing Because he I mean most people had never seen anything go down like that and the strangest thing is that Vince Lee He's given he's he lives independently now and he changed his name to like will baker A white name. Oh, he changed his name. Yeah, but I think you know, it's it's funny Schizophrenia is a funny thing You can be a completely normal person and if you're just non-compliant with your meds, you can go into acute psychosis

There you are Gilbert 20 years from now. It could be an old. Let me see. Let me see. Oh my god. We have the same eyes Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not a bad-looking guy. Yeah, not a bad-looking guy. There you are 20 years from now. You fuck I don't want to eat. No. So yeah, don't eat nobody. I don't want to eat nobody But if you had to eat somebody Let's say you had to if I had to eat someone I would eat Jessica's butt You would yeah like no, but you'd have to chew and swallow. Yeah, I've been making progress Yeah, yeah, I think you're actually you're regressing with her. I don't know I'm gonna call it right now. Jessica. You can send me snapchats of what of what though her dog?

We don't know. We don't know tell me it's all private She would never in her lifetime send you anything sexual. Usually she pulls up the camera and goes I'm never gonna kiss you But that's it. Yeah. Gilbo. Let me ask you a question. Yeah, go ahead. If you and I were dessert like we're on an island Not you're not in your butt. Just listen The scenario is done, bro. The scenario is over. No, not in a sexual way, bro. I don't want you to eat my butt. You're already going that way I don't want you to eat my ever my butt Ever? No, what I was gonna ask you was that if you were hungry and I had died. Yeah, would you eat me?

Yeah, you would what part? No, not your feet. I mean, I think you're your calves your calves You would eat my calf. I think that's like the most muscle Because you know, that's the most I wouldn't say you walk a lot. So right, right. So you would eat my calves and that's it Yeah, that's like the that's like the rib eye. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then you would leave the rest Would you bury my body after you get my calves? Absolutely. I would respect you and bury you I would have to bury my half my legs. I gotta survive But then why don't you eat all of me? I mean, I you know me you eat you're eating my calves

Just save you know to be honest. Yeah, I feel like your calves are the only like muscle that work I think you know, bitch. This motherfucker right here. What'd you say to me right now? Hey, you have a great top mount. You you really could control me on the ground. Yeah Babe for a fat guy, you have great calves. That's what I'm saying. Let me ask you something, man Let me ask you something right now What you're saying to me right now is that if we're on an island, right? And you I died and you had to eat me. That's the only redeeming meat that you would eat on my body You eat my calves. It's like a toro, man

Pork, what is belly? That's good. That's a toro. It's like a nice sense. No, that's not toro toro is fattier So you're telling me I so you would have to get the belly because that's actually what toro would be closer to Like he's a meat for sale. She's like a butcher. She's like right here I mean, it's the most obvious thing I would eat. That's just like that literally is prime pork belly right there Can't survive off that. You know what it tastes like? What? Rice crispy treats because that's what he eats. Yeah It's fat so crunchy. Yeah, yeah, I bet you that's that's perfect marbling of meat right there Question. Yeah, you and kalayla are deserted. I would never eat you guys. That's what I was gonna ask. Never

What? I hope you would eat me and survive No Yeah, he would eat the shit out. He would definitely eat you've eaten all the mangoes and coconuts on that one palm tree on the island I wouldn't fucking eat kalayla. I swear to god I would be so upset if you didn't be upset because I'm gonna eat you. Okay So my body would just rot and then not sustain you. I would rather be dead and my my remains sustain your life No, I'm not you. I'm gonna use your bones and your skin for other things for hide. Yeah Oh, I see you're gonna. So you're gonna fillet her bury the meat

Out of respect and then only keep the bones skin. Yeah, I'll make like little necklaces Out of my teeth. Yeah Yeah, I'll use your body parts. Yeah survival. Yeah, I don't want to eat you. Yeah. Yeah What about role reversed would you eat Bobby? Absolutely Out of risk, but I see that as having respect for him I don't want him to just for the flies and other animals and scavengers to get him. I want to get him I want to be I want to have his Nutrients inside me

If I'm gonna live I'm gonna forever be grateful for the fact that his you know His fat, you know rendered, you know, a lot of energy how many days goes by before you even make the decision though Oh, very quickly for me. Not for me. I planted a head in my head. I'm like, you're on an island You're on an island. I died all this food is still available. Yeah. No, no two days in no drill food two days in You know, you see you you chop me up. Yeah, you make a little fire You see a boat tugboat that discovers you and you have me in you know, I mean you can't wait a week, bitch No, because in a week your your meat's not gonna be very good. Why would I be so stupid because you might get saved within a week? Yeah, but you're still dead

geez The truth what I'm saying is you want to be a usable source of energy for me You're useless already. You're dead. You're useless to yourself. You might as well be useful for me to me You've been watching too much naked and afraid, babe Let me tell you something about naked and afraid. Could you guys do that? Because you know naked and afraid you can start a fire. You have to start a fire so people bring fireside as far as fires Or they can make their own little like wheel. I guarantee you if my hair actually accidentally caught on fire He wouldn't put it out. He wouldn't try to save my life. He would you would use

That's like you're just like talking a bunch of shit and blasphemy And you don't you don't even know what my skills are like. What are your skills? I'd have a lot of fucking survival skills. Tell me. I don't know. I don't know what the situation is Okay, naked and afraid you both are partners you get on the show. You can bring one item Yeah, the one item you can bring I would bring a fire mechanism. Yeah fire is smart and yours would be I would obviously bring Oh, um, um a pot I wouldn't bring a pot. I either buying water water is more important than food. No, what I didn't know because what I watched the show man They use um

bamboo It's so hard. No, they chop the bamboo Right, so it's hollowed right and then they just you know, they seal one side of it. Oh, then they yeah Yeah, and then now you gotta be beautiful or sometimes they use just like a concave stone to do it But it's it takes a lot of heat to actually get that boiling and the people who've used bamboo weren't very successful They still got sick. I think but when two people go on the island anyways, they never have the same two Um tools that they bring one always has a fire starter and one always has like the machete. I'm a shadow Yeah, they never go. I mean one guy was so dumb. He was like, what did you bring? He's like I brought goggles

It's like what the fuck are you thinking? Let's continue this adventure. So you okay pause. No, no, let me ask you this though Yeah, okay If you were paired up with some random girl because they pair you up with a girl And you're naked and you have to meet her for the first time. What's your first line? Can I eat your butt? No, no be real. No, uh, you're on the tv show. All right. Can you be the girl? Oh, hey, this is weird. We're naked and stuff. Oh my god. I'm so embarrassed. That's your first thing Yeah, this is what I'd say first. Okay. Oh my god. We're naked. I have a really small penis Look at it right now. I don't want to look at it. Look at it right now

So that we can just get it over with so that you don't have to look at it again You know what that I would confront that made me feel a lot better. Do that make you feel better. You did Yeah, I would just say my dick small. Don't look at it. Apologize for it. Just like I'm sorry My dick so you're telling me when a girl want I have to go for skin For skin down there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah for sure Just right off the bat. You know, yeah, because your shit probably looks so gross You know what I mean? It's very even. No, that foreskin shit is so gross looking. You don't know yet Yes, I do. No, I've seen porn. They have it. Like my mom says

What does your mom say about my foreskin? She's like does it look like Gogglebomb? What? Bubble gum. But she flips it. She flips her words a lot. She says couch potato. I mean potato couch. I mean yeah, let me say something right now. Yeah, if I give you the money will you get a snipped? No. Why? We already went through this. Also, it's it's part of me now and it's a great topic starter in auditions That's that that's how you I'm kidding. I'm kidding George, here's the clip right like a real American. Thank you. Like a real Like a real American. Actually most I'm not American And you're certainly not Filipino. Just creature. Anyway, Canada. You have some real weird fucked up laws

I'll tell you another weird thing in Canada. If you eat somebody, I'm gonna just throw this at them in any land in any situation Automatic prison. I have but see I have I have a counter to that There's no counter. He ate a person. Right, but this wasn't a premeditated murder It wasn't even like a second-degree murder. It wasn't even considered manslaughter. The guy is Psychologically, he's in an acute psychosis, right? So when when someone has a plan and has like murderous intent is very different than Not having insight into your disease and not knowing what you're doing because as soon as he was arrested

He this guy Vince Lee was saying, please kill me. Please kill me. He was tormented by his disease and I'd go, okay Yeah, so I'll kill you right now fucking China, man Stop saying China. No, he was Chinese and he's a fucking China man. All right That's it. Let me say something right now. If you fucking if I had a kid, right? George look at me right now. If I had a kid, right and I get a some fucked up call. Yeah, man This is a great young representative. Are you are you the father of Simon Lee? I'm like, yeah, it's my son You got eaten by China man

That's it. I mean, I kill that motherfucker. Okay, wouldn't you? Yeah, what would you do if you were one of the other passengers now? You're there 30 people and you're just watching this guy chop another man up Do you go in there as a group? Are you too shocked? Are you too afraid? You want to save your life? Like what do you have nightmares about not stepping in and helping out? Whatever you just said no all the way across. I will say this. I would say no, but I know on instinct I would try to stop the guy. You wouldn't I People tried in the fight. If you watch listen to this Sort of scale. There was three or four dudes that banded together and goes we got to stop this guy

And as they approach, you know, I mean the CM China man You like that abbreviation right? Yeah. Yeah, he had he put his knife out and like A body part. Yeah, and he had this crazy look on his face And you're gonna back up. Yeah You're gonna back up, dude At that point. Yeah, if the guy but while he was killing the guy, I'd probably try to stop it What's crazier than that? Just incidentally in China

There was seven guys that stabbed 138 people at a train station. How did you get to that many? I know exactly. What's up with the 138th guy? No warning He just I mean think you're the 138th guy you're watching all this happen. What's going on here? You know what I mean? Let me let me investigate. I'll go back to my Sudoku. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god, Eren getting stabbed Let me get a closer look. Let me get a closer look. You know what I mean? He walks right up to us. You know what I mean? A stab, you know what I mean?

A guy with a knife. What are you doing? You stabbing everybody? Yeah, you're dead. Yeah, that is a good point. He just watched the fuck is your fucking deal for sure run run First person out. Yeah. Let me tell you if I was there 137 people got stabbed Right because I'm me. I'm out. Bobby Lee survived. I survived. Yeah. Yeah. Unless like I have a like if my son Simon's there You would name your son Simon Not such a bad name, I guess. Well, have you guys ever in your life ever stopped like a mugging or stopped something bad from happening?

Like a robbery or no, no, never never interfered. That's your rule. I've been mugged And what happened in that situation? Oh, he has been mugged. I've been mugged South Africa. Oh, it's in South Africa. Oh, well, all of my Yeah, I'm not gonna fight anyone there. You know, I walked out of a hotel room Okay, I just let just I was there on a comedy tour like a festival Mm-hmm. So the comics were you know, Jeff Donham Trevor Noah public. Yeah, Trevor Noah public Francisco young guys like Mo Mandel Ryan The fuck his name And oh, what's his name? Um

The Canadian guy just ran into I love him. Um, oh the one you did Twitter back in back. Yeah So, um, I walk outside of my hotel room and I'm by myself and I know the eons across the street at a Ian back to the cross street at a store. I was gonna go get coffee with them, whatever And all of a sudden broad daylight. I'm on the cement And these two guys Have me down one guy takes my blackberry and the other guy takes a bunch of cash And there are people walking by Not helping me

Like it was a busy street. This is Cape Town. Yeah, right And then I got up and Ian you know, me sees it runs across the street. Oh my god. What I go He goes, what do we do? I go nothing Would you go to the cops? Who was it? two black guys We're in fucking Africa Yeah, also, didn't you say that Asians were treated like second-class citizens in South Africa third-class citizens third. Yeah

Why I I don't know why but this is what they told me even when I got there Don't be offended. But like, you know, you guys are kind of like third-class citizens, right? So every we did six shows a night out of the week Okay, we had one night off Every night when we did a show We had a meet and greet and I'm going to tell you right now. Okay You asked me to do 50 10 15 minutes in any show I will fucking destroy that motherfucker. Yeah, I'm not kidding you. I mean, I don't I know my flaws as a comic

But when it comes to you small time I know how to tighten up and just you know kill. Okay So every show I'm up there. Just you know, I mean doing what I do and we would do a meet and greet afterwards and every comic Everyone would say you're hilarious. You're there now. They wouldn't even look at me. Really? Yeah, I'm gonna tell you something else that happened so then they um

They asked me the the guys that put on the um the thing they go. Hey, can you judge a comedy competition? And I'd love to so I go to this coffee shop. It's packed All right, it's me and two other guys the mayor or some of other guys were judging right the mayor And there was this one black kid. He was so fucking funny. And so I gave him like 10 across the board He was original all that stuff. So then after the show I walked up to him. I tapped him on the shoulder And and he turns around and I go hey, man, I just want to let you know that You were fucking hilarious, dude. I was one of the judges

And you know what he did what he doesn't say. Thank you He turns right back around and she starts talking to the people who's talking to So you know what I did what I went and got my fucking judge sheet again And then and I started erasing numbers on it But then the promoter was like you can't do that. Yeah, I go the guy just dissed me I know but You know what I mean? So but you know what I did what my revenge So the winner of the call he won the winner of the competition gets to do our show

Which is we were playing for 2000 seats in these theaters So the night that he got the show I told Trevor Noah Who was like the biggest South African comic at the time, right? And everyone there in bag everyone say don't even look at him Make him feel uncomfortable. No if anyone in this any comic even says hello to him You're done with me Right and the and I you know, I get scary when I'm mad. Yeah, and he walks in. No one says hi all night Oh, yes, he goes up there. I also kind of I make him follow me

He used to go after you. Yeah. He doesn't even open. No I said, I'm not doing the show unless he goes up after me Right, so he hasn't he's okay. It's not great, right? And then afterwards he finds out Then you know, I mean like a baby Cry with like a child a toddler. Yeah, it's a toddler thing, you know, dude But um genius though. Yeah, and he comes up to me and he goes Hey, dude, uh, I don't know how to do the accent. So I'm just gonna do it that way. That was your South African

Holy shit. That was horrible It was a surfer guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, dude. I'm from South South Africa. Yeah. Or anyway, can I do a finish? Yeah, so he goes um You know, I thought Uh, I thought I knew who you were But I got nervous because you're such a big star Shut up. That's why that's what he says. Shut up. So I go

Really? So what have I done? That you know He goes just comedy You're you're a comedian I got yeah, but what specifically are you a fan of? That you would be nervous about yeah And he couldn't say anything got caught in his life. Yeah, kind of lie. He tried to lie and I I said something stupid like Like

If you ever make it to LA you'll see what happens So you said yeah In a threatening way in a threatening way and you're like just watch force cup once maybe no, but No, but like, you know, I don't I don't know why I behaved like that But the thing is is that it really was disrespectful what he did. Yeah And even if I wasn't a comedian even if I was just a judge of the thing I gave him a compliment. Like I said, you were really good. Do you think he did that because you were Asian? I think it was an Asian thing. That's a big thing out there. That's interesting. I think it's an Asian thing

Especially coming from a black guy that doesn't it doesn't seem very likely or no, let me say this about South Africa Beautiful country great food wonderful people. I'm not saying even though I got mugged during day during the daylight That can happen outside of our apartment. That's never I've been in LA For 17 years never have it been mugged not once no You know, you know that the way you described your mugging There are videos on the internet of people getting mugged in Rio in Brazil and it seems very similar people will Will pass by a full blown mugging and they'll just you know, they're so used to it So they just they don't even help they just keep walking because they don't want to

You know, they don't want to engage with the people who are, you know, with the mothers. Yeah, I just like fuck it I haven't talked to not even help it just just for my own safety, but in Chicago. I stopped the mugging You did that tells the story So it was on the Chicago brown line on the way home like late at night Some uh, it's like early 20s kid. He uh, as soon as the train stop opens He takes a lady's iPhone starts running and then she's like someone do something No one did anything. Oh, do you hear it? In my mind I was like

Come on thinking rumble in the Bronx Jackie Chan go dry drop my groceries. I just chased the kid He runs all the way around to the other side of the platform to try to catch the other train I catch up with him He gets trapped because there's a security guard with a taser who's just like get down get down, man So he spins around dodges the security guy runs towards me at this moment. It's like let him go Oh, you look cool as fuck. Yeah, so I did I just swear to god Yeah, I jumped did a jump flying knee to his stomach the kid goes down We rest on the platform. I almost fall off, but I get him on his back

Yeah, I tried to do rear naked took my at that time. All I did was watch UFC So I didn't know how to do it But I just held them down just kept screaming saying do what a fuck with me, bro. Do what a fuck with me, bro Do what a fuck with me, bro. I just kept doing that and just kept like were you were you fat bird? Oh, it's fat bird. Oh, he was That's why I know my weight distribution But how could you chase him down that fast if you were that fat? But then what happens? I got annoyed it was it was a black guy

Yeah, but then the two white ladies whose phone got stolen. They kept saying the n-word over and over While I hadn't pinned down and at that point I was kind of like, all right, you need to stop Before I let him go. No, what do they say? They were like what what now you Nick Yeah, I cannot say it. Come on, sweetie You see it because you're in the cut story. You have to say it. No Well, I was I was the fact because they got really raised. I could tell they're really racist white white lady

White lady, you know what? I would have almost wanted to smash your phone. Yeah, I kind of wanted to get up at that Point or got to get up and let the guy go. I would have thrown. I would have thrown that phone into the tracks like fuck you, bitch Yeah, I didn't like that. Yeah, but that's a cool that you're brave, dude. That's the one time I would not have done that. I would never thought I would ever do that Well, I'm you know what dude? You just went a notch in my heart. You know what? I mean, you know what? I will say this about Gilbert one time when we first started hanging out We went to a bar on Santa Monica and it was kind of a shady area and when we set out

You know how like people are really super drunk when you know, the the club shuts down the bar. Yeah, the Virgil and There was a guy who was really drunk I was wearing short shorts and he was you know Just being belligerent and like coming towards me and his natural instinct was to protect me without even telling me anything He just stands in front of the guy. I have a little sister. Yeah, but it was so natural for him to do it Very good. I almost just said it I I almost said it very good. You know his sister's name. Of course. I know his sister. You're gonna tell me

You're gonna tell me the name. You know his sister's name. I forgot it I forgot Wow, so you're a brave guy and you're silver us And I really like you right now, man. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like those eyes. No, it's good stuff I like it Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I haven't seen those eyes from that's amazing, dude. You so In a while, but I have he's been doing this whole like sneak attack on me lately. I saw the videos. That's so good I don't understand like that's all he knows. There's no such thing as like seduction with him. It's just full on sneak attack

I mean pro harbor. He does force spreads force spreads I'm being rapey lately. Yeah I apologize. It's okay. I just take it. I guess because I know you mean well Yeah, you just you know, you're just an angry little guy. I mean angry little I've been really just really depressed and angry lately I you know what? I'll be honest with you It's I haven't been going to a meetings at all like I don't talk to my sponsor anymore And I don't go to meetings and I'm really frazzled. I don't know if I'm on the precipice of relapse

But um, I'm just like not in a good space man. Why are you not? I'm okay because it's because what gets me to motivate me what motivates me is suffering And it's the only thing that motivates me motivates me to do anything If I if I don't feel spiritual pain I won't do anything about it. It's the same way as jokes Like I don't tell a right new jokes until I'm At a point where I have to kill myself And then I'll write a whole new tongue. You know what it's that's the only way I'm motivated through pain and suffering

I don't like I'll give you an example like I won't audition for things. You know what I mean? Because Just out of laziness. But then I'll see like A dr. Ken poster for dr. Ken. I see and I go I'm gonna audition. You know what I mean? I got it Right. So it's like I need it. You know what I mean some sort of inspiration or motivation to do it You don't find it inside yourself naturally. No, and I you know what? Maybe I'm a loser, but I don't have that and I I've always wanted that But I can't find the strength now. Do you still love what you do when you get up on stage?

Is it still something you enjoy? From the inside or is it something the only thing that I know how to do it. It's the only thing I know I don't know how to explain I mean I enjoy it because of the fact that I do it and I think the fact that I even just do it Is I must enjoy it because I wouldn't go to school I don't enjoy it If I liked studying and learning or teaching or whatever I'd be doing that I can tell which jokes you enjoy telling and which ones you don't

I can tell when you dread doing a set or when you dread after doing a set and it's always when you've told Your oldest jokes is when you dread it So even though you killed and even though you did really well because people have never heard those jokes before In your mind, you're so sick of telling those jokes that I can feel and I can see you You know kind of disgusted with yourself. Yeah, but I've been writing a lot lately, but um What is your turnover for jokes? Do you do it a couple years or what? What is the normal so lazy about it? I mean, I can't even explain to you. I mean I um They kill

Whatever I'll I'll take old stuff bring them back I'll try new stuff But it's a combination of like, you know, I mean evergreen stuff that kind of glue together But it's like sometimes I'll improvise but um Yeah, it's um So I have I have a question then for someone who is some like let's say for instance I see you in in in Irvine this year. I bought tickets to Irvine So next year in Irvine. Do I expect to see the same exact show? No

Oh, okay. So year will be different Because my openings are always different every year also um Yeah, I mean no, I mean I have I mean the jokes that you see now are still like new a lot of it's new right in the last year, right like You know, I mean, I'm not saying the jokes but like, you know, I mean, so it's like I know in my head What's really old and what's you know, I mean relatively new so I can live with you know, especially the 15 I do in LA You know, I mean, but I have a whole new chunk

That it's ready. I really do. I mean, I if you look at my It's a gigantic chunk. I just got to be able to try you know, man. Yeah, but it's there, you know, but um, I don't want to talk about my act but um No, but I'm just always been like that. I I'm motivated by suffering Interesting and I've always suffered as a kid. I suffered and I've always been just Not a miserable person But um, but see that's the thing it's like if I'm in AA and I'm really like going to meetings

because what that teaches you is it's it's it's you know Yeah, you can get sober without a 12 step group But you know, I mean you still have the the ism of the alcoholism because it's a mind disease Right, so it's like you're thinking and the way you perceive things and the way you absorb things You mean there's a difference between being in recovery and being a drunk And I I have drunk thinking

So is that is that what you call a dry drunk? Yeah, I have a I'm a dry drunk for sure You know, man, and so I'm white knuckling it You know, man, so I refuse to drink so you're powering through it. Yeah, but you know a lot of guys I mean, I don't want to name names, but I can name huge comics right now I'm not gonna name there are complete dry drunks. I can see it You know what I mean? I see them and we see each other You know the tree and we know, you know, I mean and we talk about like goddamn and we gotta go to meet You know, I mean, but we don't but it's like white knuckling it, but I can feel you know, I mean

It getting to the point where I'm gonna have to make a decision So a non dry drunk would be someone who gets through their day to day with ease With ease or without the fear of possibly or without the thought of relapsing. That's that's the opposite of a dry drunk Not even this at relapse really isn't even a thing. It's not even that it's the your level of anger your level of self-will Of constantly thinking about yourself. What the magic of 12 subgroups is If you don't know the history of it, but in the 30s a guy named bill w. He was a What do you call it? He stock market guy. Um, what do you call it? Um, wall street wall street wall street stalker

He was stalker rocker pretty much and he um Linked up with a guy another drunk who was actively drinking named dr. Bob and they found that by them I'm spending time together and also Going to institutions and telling their stories to people that have wet brain at an institute You know, I mean at a hospital that it took them out of themselves Right, you know, right because when you're out doing service work, it's not about you anymore Right that that was the key But also god and spiritual aspects were keys too, right? So they created this wonderful program that

Saved millions of people's lives, right and it works for me But I just haven't been doing it the last year. I have a question about a year full year. You haven't He's gone Intermittently, but definitely not enough. So you're saying the root of a a is actually service work So somebody who just goes shows up to meetings, but then doesn't actually put forth The the service worker put forth the effort to help others in recovery That's not somebody who's Doing it properly. Yeah, but most people that are in the middle of a 12-square-strap group

And is active Generally does that if not forced by their sponsor Okay, right. So it's like, you know, you know, there's a thing when you're at a 12-strap group where They get are there any new people they raise their hand as a somebody that's been in the program for 14 years I don't even know if I should be talking about this really to be honest with you. Well, I think that it's helpful for people out there Yeah, but I think it's against like some tradition. I know, but I think in terms of you're you're actually providing information About a I don't think yeah. Well, it was um You know, you see you have newcomers and it's just been I've been taught to

Walk up to as many and go. Hey, welcome. If you ever need anything and call me a ride, you know, man Really community and so over the years. I've done all that stuff. I've given people rides. I've you know, I've helped out You know, I mean, I've I've done spoke a lot. I've done a lot of service, you know, I mean, but um It's just with this business and that is so difficult, you know, and I know so many guys They're super successful either being rock stars or actors or whatever And it's a very difficult to juggle. I mean, you can't believe How some of the names are huge That are just dry

That's crazy. You know what I mean? And it's like I don't want to do that anymore You know what I mean? And the happiest times of my life has always been when show business was like fifth You know what I mean? Really? Yeah, and a a was first Is the happiest times of my life But right now show business is definitely number one, right? This podcast my relationship, you know what I mean with Kalyla Standup all that stuff is ahead of it For sure

And it's making me miserable as now as a partner. What is what's wrong? Why are you laughing? George George thought that was funny. That was a serious. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow George as a partner Am I doing things to? You know to to not Am I deterring you from living a healthy lifestyle? I mean, I don't drink I haven't drank in a fucking year. Yeah. I am I doing things. There's nothing that or is it because you don't Yeah, you

Yeah, there's nothing you can do because it is a little frustrating for me when you unload a lot of your she takes it You know, that's what that's another thing is is that I see myself Venting and taking out on her right, especially in the mornings It's just a fucking I unleash it, you know So the problem with that is that let's say because I'm sort of a depressive person too Is that I really try to jolt myself out of my funk or out of being you know I jolt myself out of my own depression and I force myself to get up and try to like, you know, not let my negativity consume me So I get up in the morning and I'm already fighting myself now

I have to carry his burdens Of of everything that he's telling me because I want to be there for him Well, that's codependency and that's a program. There's a program there for you to codependent. Yeah, right But at the same time, I don't see my want to be your I don't see that as Me not being a good partner. It's just me naturally always wanting to be there for people anyways I know but but partly it's because You have you don't because and I don't blame you but you don't know

What the consequences of of it is yet the consequences of of me You know, I mean relapsing. I've never seen you. I know. So what I'm saying that people that have you mean know That I you know, it's I just change into a different person. I believe it. I'm a I'm a I am a predator Of the worst kind, you know, I mean, I believe it show businesses out the window. I don't give a fuck about it I'll stab you in the back for a fucking, you know, man for a hit or whatever. You know, I mean, so it's like, you know, I mean Because I've been sober for so long

That the result, you know, I mean is you know, I mean me paying a mortgage and You mean still kind of, you know, putting together, you know, a life that seems, you know, I mean normal, right? But you know, that's this is a miracle Because my natural state is a street walker I mean like I'm my natural state of what if there was no such thing as 12 stop groups is I'm got tattoos on my face I'm in a hospital or I'm in a prison, right? And I'm smearing shit on my face Your fecal smearer. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I'm that guy and that's what I was supposed to be but

Because of divine intervention and because my parents cared And because we have opportunity because bill and bob started this wonderful program, whatever That I was able to save, you know, I mean to find it, you know, I mean a way out. Yeah, but Right now, right? I can see myself Slipping back You can't just make it priority number two at least or yeah, it's got to be number one. It has to be number one Yeah, interesting, you know, I mean and um I'm getting there because I feel I see myself crying for no reason

You know, I mean and also just getting really live angry for just a drop of just nothing I get angry And I'm still being able to I can still show up at a comedy club and do sets And go to a set and you memorize lines or whatever it might be, you know what I mean, but You know, it's like, yeah, I don't think you're in a great place. Yeah. Yeah. Um, what if you just went next week or does it It's not how it works. He has to go more than once a week. He has to it has to be a three four every day thing for him at this point Because I don't think that's how it works. I don't think that he's in you know, and this is it's gotten so bad to last week

He said I'm gonna go to Walgreens and I didn't trust him So I was like nope. I'm going with you and I was sick and I was tired and I was like no I'm going with you. He's like why and it got to the point where I'm not I don't know. Listen. I'm not there. Well, that's what you would seem that day that day I was like a little crazy, but I'm I guarantee you I'm not there because I have too much to lose. Yeah I have too much to lose and I'm not there

But I could see right If things I'm gonna just give you I want to be some more. I'm some more of it. I'm sorry this podcast No, it's good. It's really fucking, you know, I mean dark, but if this happened Just as a scenario, you know, I mean My dad died, you know, I mean Kalyla got sick Right

My brother's missing You know with any kind of elements like that really I can't there's I can't and there's I'm out I know I don't have the strength That's crazy how self aware you are though. Yeah. Well, you have to you have to know where you are What is that? What does Socrates say? Um, a life not self-examined is a life not worth living What about a lot of self-examination but no application towards getting better? Yeah, but like I said earlier Um, Kalyla. No, no, no, that's for me. I'm talking about me Like I find myself like

Self-examining a lot and like picking apart my character defects things I don't like that I can improve upon but then finding myself in the same habit of being too lazy to change or not taking appropriate measures to to better myself and I I'm it's You know, it can get a little frustrating where it's like, oh, yeah I'm so great at being like self-critical or self-analytical, you know self-analytical But then fuck that like my natural my core shines through and sometimes my core is not so good and I'm it's you know It's you know You know and people go like people go man, you have a great life. You know, man, you must be so lucky

And I do You know I mean, there's a part of me that says you don't know This what I did to get here. Yep. You know, I mean people don't know they just see the result Yeah, yeah, they just yeah, it's like the if I look back I would never do it again I'll be it was just 20 years I'll just rejection after rejection and you know, I mean just closed doors

And you know just figuring it out and wheezing your way into Things, you know, it's just crazy You know what you have to do I mean, I never sucked anyone's dick Or I never hoard myself in a physical way You know, I mean, but I I did in high school, but that's not before the show business. You know, I mean, yeah Yeah, yeah, well, you never suck dick for drugs. No Or not that you can recall right good because I'm I'm

I always am you can get alcohol Mm-hmm. I mean, so I'm kind of like Yeah, I'm like a um garbage head like I'll I don't give a fuck If it's like, you know, I mean snorting glue or You know, I mean heroin or whatever it might be. I'll do it You know what I mean? Like I don't have a A drug of choice really. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna start drugs Okay, no, you're not I am I'm gonna start micro dosing

I'm I'm I I've looked into it and I'm gonna start micro dosing um Either shrooms or micro dosing some type of like lsd and it's supposed to help with anxiety and depression And you're not even so you're if you feel high or you feel a little different You're taking too much micro dosing is a very very very minute amount of drugs to where it's supposed to just Help you overcome the anxiety. My anxiety is too much already. It's too much. Have you dropped asses? Mm-hmm. Have you been around many people though that George has for sure you've done um, um DMT too, right? Yeah. Yeah, he has wow

It's amazing What was DMT like? Uh, it's like just a really quick very intense acid drip. So it's a very quick acid. See that's what I would prefer But then I always hear the horror stories about like people doing DMT and then never quite coming back And um, I know that your brain releases DMT like right before you die, right? That just seems really euphoric and fun to me. That's something that I could I could you know get on board with But something that lasts like 10 hours. I don't think I could deal. I would end up stabbing myself in the neck I think let me ask you that DMT right before you die

So no matter what how you die I'm not sure. So it's like I get like hit by a train You're not going to feel euphoric before you die. It's just what your body releases I think as some type of like final compensatory thing, but I don't think it's supposed to Counter the effects of you getting stabbed or know what I'm saying is that if a train hits me Will I go ouch? Oh, you mean like what happens there? Is it like an immediate like? Oh, what the fuck? Ah, you know what I mean? What is it?

I'm curious I mean, what does that do? I just want to see a video you get hit by a train and bobby league gets hit by ouch But he seems happy. Yeah What happens there? What do you guys what do you guys think about this uh, mike ward um comedian situation in canada? That's another thing canada has wrong. I don't know the situation so So mike ward is a comedian and in his special he makes fun of

I guess a kid who was at this point only 13 years old There's a kid who sings who travels to the vatican and he sings for the pope except this kid has treacher collin syndrome treacher collin syndrome He looks like kind of like a bird. He has like bird-like features, right? and Right, so then so now this guy mike ward who made fun of this kid on the special and saying like oh I thought he was dying. So I like I initially liked him But now that I know he's not dying that he just is ugly, you know, that's basically how he phrased it. Good joke. Yeah

um, so He is now on trial For for violating this kid's human rights apparently now this kid's 19 and this mike ward is on trial for that What do you guys think about that? Let me ask you a question bullshit. Let me ask you a question Does he look like a bird? Yes Then that's it But he was called

Case he has clothes. Let me ask you a question. Is he ugly? In just like, you know, I mean a society standard of good-looking or whatever. I mean, is he ugly? I I personally think he looks really cute. She's trying to save her Give me a photo. No, give me a photo. I think he looks so I'll give you the judge. I'll be the judge Okay, give me the guy. I'll be the judge. George. Let's have you pull this picture up too on the video on youtube What's his name mike? Or his name is um, gabriel pweetie bird

You might go and try be careful retract that gabriel what Mike ward there's a comedian with musculoskeletal I mean, it's not even that I mean, he obviously has a physical abnormalities. Let me see. Let me see. I mean, first of all, mike ward looks interesting too, but I mean, sweetie. This is when he was made fun of him. That was your kid You know that you would be so upset if someone called him up. First of all, that does not look like a bird At all. He's gonna say a different animal. He's gonna say a different animal. No, it doesn't he looks normal to me

Oh I've seen that looks like bill gates as a kid. You know what it kind of does look like he's a smart nerd Yeah, he's a nerd nerd look. Yeah. No the number one. Okay Even if he did look like a bird Right, which he doesn't which I'm like now angry about. Yeah, you know what I mean? My alcoholism is kicking in Hey, I might relapse over it. You know what I mean? No, my point is is that even if he did have what's that sam the kid that had the um progeria progeria, right? He looks like a what an alien. Okay. So as I died but people with progeria, they look really old to me

They look like aliens, right? And if I said that I got sued over it You can't in America because freedom of speech and also it would be true I think I think people are way too fucking sensitive. Yeah, that's what this one comedian who came in defense of mike ward said He's like look like you this the whoever is parenting him Is delusional to think that the kid is not going to get teased at some point in their life And especially if you step into the public eye, I mean he sang for the pope You have to be a little bit more reasonable a little bit more realistic like manage your expectations of the world Manage your expectations of how people are going to react. You know your kid has abnormalities

You're putting you're obviously giving parental consent for him to be enough. Okay. Let me just say this. Okay What's that documentary about that girl that looks like a stick? Oh, yeah. Um, we all cry. We watch Lizzie Vasquez. She looks like a stick Well, she looks like wood Stick figure because she has a stick figure stick figure. No, she looks like a branch A branch of the face to humans. All right. I know I just sang we love her. I love her too. We all watched it. Yeah Yeah, I love it too. I cried And my point is this and she got famous because I'm not famous because but somebody put on youtube that was ugliest girls. They broke her heart, right?

And now she did a TED talk and now she has a documentary about her She makes a lot of money. She has a youtube channel and life worked out. Yeah, it works out Okay, because she got strong That's one of a point though is so this this kid right here, right? That looks like a bird, right? Doesn't look like a bird a whatever. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like Listen, I got made fun of I don't have any defects. You know, I mean people used to call me fucking all kinds You know, what are some of the things I don't even remember Other than jump like you know like dumpling. It's a dumpling or whatever

You're right because this kid could actually be like, you know what? I have a medical diagnosis called treacher Collins syndrome. You you'd be like, oh, which is boring. Yeah, I was just born like I'm a normal dude. Yeah, yeah But my point is is that we all have physical flaws and whatever and whatnot. Yeah, except for Tony Thornberg Except for Tony Thornberg. I mean, okay, but what if you were this kid's parent? How would you react to that comedian? And I would I would I would be like I would be like, you know, he's telling you know, I'm sorry Sweetie, what do you call your son? I'm him. I'm him. Yeah. Oh, yeah, what?

Yeah Daddy why didn't Hitler sign put that don't don't make the face. Okay, fine. Don't make the face. All right Don't you you're doing the oh, sorry. That's right. Okay. Yeah Hey, dad. Yeah That comedian might he really hurt my feelings. Call me a bird. Yeah. Yeah Wait, you saying yeah, like you agree. No, no, no, you don't look like a one. Okay. Thank god But what I want to say to you son Simon Is is that Simon? Um

That let me just say something. Yeah, is is that people say mean things, right? And Number one, it doesn't necessarily mean that's true. And number two It's like, you know, that's just life People get made fun of right and what we're going to do is we're going to make you Spiritually and emotionally stronger Because you're special and I love you so much and mom loves you so much And we're going to get through this and you don't look like a bird Okay, tweet tweet

You gotta keep them in check. Yeah. Yeah, a little tweet tweet at the end. A little tweet tweet. Yeah. Yeah, and you do this with your You gotta do this with your hands. That's that's that. You know, you're gonna do that. Yeah. Yeah You know what I mean? I thought that was actually a really good speech, baby. Yeah You know, I'm gonna say you're gonna be the spokesperson for twitter Oh my god Mom, why are you letting dad bully me, mom? Yeah. Yeah That's just him son. No, but I can't, no Sack up. Sack up. Use your ugliness towards something. You here's the thing about I don't know anything about raising kids

But the one thing I know for fact Is you got to look them in the eyes and go No matter what happens in life. I got your back. Yeah, and I love you so fucking much And you don't ever have to worry Because mom and dad Have you would love unconditionally. That's that's a perfect way to say it like don't do that To just tell your kids like you have your people. Yeah, like this is all you need anyways The world's a cruel place, but you have your people and we won't let you down

That's you guys gotta raise a kid You guys gotta wait. No, you got it. No, you got you have to we would have to have sex first Yeah, and not in a rape style because imagine the rape stuff so works Imagine it still it still works. It's still insertion and there's still juices that flow through your fallopian Into your fucking sack. You know what I mean and into the womb So my point is is this so um, what time is it now, man? You went over. I know you're calling. What is it? We're at 110. Wow 20 minutes over. Amazing. Time flew by. That's fantastic It's fantastic. So give me the question friend on helpful advice with barbie and kalilah

Hi tiger belly. My girlfriend my girlfriend tells me all the time. She'd love to lick a pussy She also jerks off to lesbian porn mostly scissoring. She never watches girls Mostly scissoring. She never watches a girl on guy. Should I be worried? I tell her all the time. She's gay I even asked her to roleplay the scenario where she tells her mom. She's gay like you did with Gilbert and she won't do it She says she's not gay. The sex we have is great and she says she only wants my dick, but I'm a little worried She's cool as shit, but what would uh, what do y'all think? I know Bobbo sito sucked a few dicks and he's gay Hey, but she has died to lick a pussy. Is she gay? This language is horrible. Which is horrible. This is from

Suckerfrock. Suckerfrock. Suckerfrock. Suckerfrock. Suckerfrock. I dated a girl who um is Was dating a girl before me And then dated a girl immediately after me, right? And um, I don't know if she's fully gay bisexual but um When I was dating her it wasn't really that much of a problem

Yeah, you know what I mean? Because I kind of already knew that's what she had She was into that right and this is like I just kind of went you know what I mean She's with me now, you know So it's like we're all human beings. We have tendencies and this and that but I don't wouldn't Make a huge deal of it. But I'm not also not a licensed therapist. Yeah, you know, I mean most girls. I like that anyways Yeah, I I mean, I don't watch male on female porn I only watch female on female because I don't like watching. I don't like looking at men's faces I have a thing

I I don't if I'm not physically attracted to you and I don't know you as a person I don't want to really I don't have I don't know. It's always it's always not been my thing. I watch I always watch lesbian porn 99% of the time I've definitely liked the few posties in my life. I've definitely been with women But I was that rewind but I definitely am not gay. I know for a fact that But then I'm neither fully straight and neither gay, but I'm not I don't try to categorize myself I have sex with men and that's what I prefer

But I watch gay porn and I've occasionally dabbled. I don't think anything of it though I don't think that I don't think that she's I don't think this girl's gay But I will say that bobby is my first real lesbian relationship Whoa, I will say there is a feminine energy about him. I do consider him Sort of a woman in some ways and I'd say that would like love and in a good way He has you know, I take sometimes Keep going collide don't stop used to sometimes I feel like I am definitely the man in the relationship

And he's sometimes my damsel in distress And I have to rescue him often And I have to you know register him to vote and I have to return the car rental You know That's all that's all my first real lesbian relationship and I'm really proud of it and it's been working out I'm playing the Ontario improv Saturday and sunday And um, I'm doing there's gonna be a guest star tell him who's gonna be. Oh, so the do you guys watch jane the virgin?

I have seen too. But he's also on Cis Miami. Oh and oh no, cis. Miami. I don't know csi. Yes. I whatever cis. Yeah Csi, miami. Yeah, and um, I just know him magic mind part two part two Yeah, I just know from being the teacher that jane hooks up with on jane the virgin But he is going to guest spot on saturday. Yeah, and I did it. I did a radio show today with uh, my friend Todd from Canada Shapiro Shapiro and um This guy adam was on it and I he's friends with callin

And I just thought I just liked him a lot. You know, I you know, you meet people And he's dabbling into stand up. I go you should do a show because you know, ontario Listen anyone living in the ontario area? Yeah, listen, I I play the Irvine. I kill it there. I pack it out. Brea was good last time, right? Show up motherfuckers Because I swear to fucking god, you know, I mean, I don't know how many times I have to play ontario and fucking draw I can't get anyone to go out there. Oh We do have to point out that if you bought tickets for friday night shows

They've been cancelled because bobby has to be on set all day So the shows are only going to be two shows on saturday night one show on sunday. Yeah, so keep that in mind I'm shooting love Yeah, and all my friends get on show except me Yeah, really? Hold on. I just want a bit parking. I want a bit part. I'll get you one once You know third season comes around your brother has a show um on friday Um, so manchi is going to be at Los globos on friday. So if you live in LA come to one show

What one show one show and I think they go to the east coast after this you have to go to my brother's show because um My brother's a dynamic performer. He is and I love him so So and then come to my show saturday, right get the lee package right there friday and saturday Very good podcast guys. Good job, sweetie. I liked it Uh, do you have the shows klila after ontario? Oh wait, I will be in ontario as well. Yeah, I'll do it's gonna be in ontario See hi, it's george. You're gonna be in ontario Whoa, what just happened Something blew something blew up. Sorry guys. We got cut off. Uh, what I was asking you good timing though

I'm glad that didn't happen midway when bobby was still here. I think it's he had something to do with moving the table Yeah, anyways, uh, yeah, so george. Will you be in ontario? Maybe maybe not You will for sure be there friday I think we're all going we're all going well there. You can all you can all see us Take pictures of george, but you have to come up to all of us and still say Oh, but you guys it's not our show Yeah, fine. It's still calm. It's cool. It's just we were there to support our tiger bellies. I think that's our secret Maybe maybe but most of the people I think we're going to be there aren't even going to know about our podcast

So it doesn't really matter. We're just there to support. We're there to be for mongchi um, and um, I think go to their website for and purchase tickets los globos is a pretty big um space too So echo park silver lake or silver lake. Yeah, it's on sunset. Yes, but if you are in ontario, just whisper george as a pink dick So we know where you are. Mm-hmm and um guys you can um Write your questions To the tiger belly at gmail.com anything that you want mentioned on unhelpful advice You can find us on twitter at the tiger belly on instagram at tiger belly

You can find me kalayla on instagram at calamity k And you can find bobby at gilbets at gilbets and Just a reminder guys if you're listening to this the second vlog is out and that is on our youtube page youtube.com slash tiger belly, or if you want to search it for right now. We're getting the name fix It's tiger be tiger be we're gonna get that fix Uh, but go check out the vlog those remember come out on monday and then the audio podcast come out on On itunes Stitcher and all things comment calm on wednesday and the video podcast comes out on youtube on friday

And um, thank you guys for writing in thank you for listening. Thank you for leaving comments good or bad We just appreciate the fact that your ears are open for us and we will see you next week. Bye Hi Hey prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today, or you can listen ad free with wondry plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com slash survey