TigerBelly - Episode 38: This One is Broken

Episode Date: April 27, 2016

Bobby does life mathematics.   Khalyla defends her Prince.    Gilbert does not want to compete with his mentor.    We talk a Tom Hardy break in, Chinese crack babies and a pink sock.  �� Recorded March 22, 2016 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly YouTube: TigerBelly Facebook: thetigerbelly www.thetigerbelly.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today You One one two three four five five five four three Two one Tiger Belly Yeah Welcome to Tiger Belly and we're with a Gilberra and Colycol and

I'm sorry. We didn't post last week, but I almost died What did you act? I had a strep throat and pneumonia and he's still on and I had face aids Well, what's the face you get aids just from the face from the face? Yeah, no I didn't have face a neck up from the neck up and um, I was really bad and sick and But now we're back a collie. I went through some physical Problems she had some heart issues. We went to the hospital the other day my issues actually a lot worse than his but We've had a lot of issues I love how he's like I was sick. That's why we couldn't put a lot of the reason we actually couldn't record at all

Because I was in the hospital. What happened? I Tuesday I woke up in the middle of the night and the same thing I couldn't breathe my heart rate was over 200 I was sweating. I was diaphoretic and I had an episode so I ended up in the hospital yet again And it's a bummer, but I'm you know, I'm back on heart meds and it's making me Yeah, it's making me so apathetic to the world like it makes me not want to even record it makes me not want to text you guys back I'm like it makes you not want it gives you no like Vitality it makes you just want to curl into a ball and just

Like it's terrible. I hate heart meds. It's a terrible situation, but I'm alright No, we're getting through it and that's wonderful. And it's been a bad week all around because I'm Prince died and that's That's a tragedy. Is it to you Bobby? My thing is is that is it worth just say today? CNN yes News really Prince is a god. How fucking dare you?

You know yesterday I spent the whole day in morning, right? Yeah, because if anybody knows me They know that Prince is in the top tier of my favorite artists of all time like to me This is far more devastating than MJ's death. This is far more than we actually know what it is more Devastating to me than David Bowie's death and not because I think that Prince was a better artist or David But it has nothing to do with that It's what influenced my life and influenced my my childhood My sexuality it is very you know, it is very personal and it helped me

Understand my own his lyrics always helped me understand my own sexuality to feel unbound and free and emancipated from like the regular like idea of You know, what excuse me reverse. He was sexually fluid. He was ambiguous He was everything that I was a brown midget and you know what you're a fucking chink midget. Oh Oh, you called me a chink midget. Yeah, that's what you are if he's a brown midget. You were equally a midget What I'm sorry. I take a back then he didn't know fucks that Prince died I gave fucks. How many fucks out of ten five fucks out of ten It's just I just not worth. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna yell because I can't even deal right now with my heart But it's not worth two days of new cycle

Interesting because I'm just saying this, okay I'm a Bowie fan and when Bowie died. I'm warned for one day Okay, they probably did only one day of like barely any he didn't even get as much coverage as I want to interject Because you literally said David Bowie's life is worth more than a thousand little Somalian kids damn What what just happened? I never fucking said that at all. Maybe it was someone else. Yeah, I'm sorry little midget I would say that I'm sorry a little midget The reason why she said that is this okay, and I'm about to say something very

controversial And and I'm about to say something Let's take everyone take a deep breath. I'm gonna say we might lose this episode guys You might lose this episode this episode might get yanked. Okay, but I'm gonna say something. We're gonna get extorted again. Here we go Well, yeah, I have an argument. Okay. Good is I'm gonna ask is if Barack Obama died right and then some Crack baby died in Michigan for us. All right, are they the boat the same things to the world? Yes, and You know why you're not Barack Obama, and you know why you're not Prince or David Bowie. No, no

I'm asking a crack. No, I'm that you didn't that's not did you listen to my question? Yes If a crack baby dies and Barack Obama dies at the same time, what's worse? Are they both the same in terms of the effect of the world? Obviously not because a crack baby is only you know is not even alive for that much It hasn't had any impact on the world. So some lives are more important than other lives Yeah, but that's not what you said the argument was one Paul McCartney equals a million I didn't say that I didn't say that he says he says one Paul McCartney Equals a million Rwandan. No, that's not what I'm saying though that I'm gonna say this though one Paul McCartney

Right dying is maybe worth three Rwandan Okay, we'll say it so it's not an a racial thing three And we're all equal and as human beings. We're all equal in God's eyes. Yes, okay That's a fact fact, but in terms of the impact of your life. There's levels Yeah, okay, so it's like Paul McCartney dying. It was a fucking beetle and Two I'd say two Rwandan kids forget the three Let's use an Asian race

Asian extortion a Chinese baby a Chinese crack baby, which is impossible Because Chinese Asians don't do crack, but my point is is They do a lot of math though, a lot of math. Yeah, a North Korean baby. Let's say that North Korean crystal meth, baby Two of them right if two of them died and Paul McCartney die I don't think anyone get too fucks about those two little North Korean babies I would even know you wouldn't even know about it You know me but Paul McCartney died it would affect people people would cry It might even change other people people's lives the trajectory of their lives. Yeah, how they think about you know me

He he's he shaped cultures Sometimes musicians and actors they shape cultures and they you know I mean they they're just extremely important To the world some politicians are that like that some you know yet. You can't tell me that Gandhi Right is less important than a North Korean crystal Yeah, but see what I'm saying is the Rwandan kid at a North Korean crystal meth, baby We're never given a choice or even you know the ability to make it to a certain point But there are historically been people who have gone through adversities like that who have grown up to be Political leaders and people with a lot of influence. Yeah, you can't just discount

You know, you know, let's say for instance, Beethoven was number nine baby and he was born deaf in in per your theory his life ultimately doesn't fucking matter and and should just be you know Kind of every other matter fucking getting what I'm saying. It's a tragedy if anyone dies Okay, it really is It's just it's just it's sad it affects the people that is a revolved revolved around the death But I'm talking about in terms of the global effect Cultural effect, you know that I'm sorry, but Prince's death

You know me it is sadder and more it affects the world more than a North Korean crystal bit math, baby Oh, okay. I thought you were gonna say something about friends. Yeah, I was going to you know, man. It does it does because you know I own Purple Rain Only album I know right nice. I like I like raspberry beret some of the other side songs case and stuff like that, right? But I'm not I know his talent. You know me. It's like Stevie Wonder, you know I know certain albums like intervisions. You mean or life in the key of life or whatever that was something of the key of life Mm-hmm, right and I bought I downloaded it because They were on some lists of like, you know important albums and I'm willing to like grow and learn and learn about these things

But you know my roots in terms of music has always been punk rock You mean I started with the level underground rock C music. I liked Bowie. I liked The clash the sex pistols joy division, you know, and and Prince is more R&B Right and pop. I think you're wrong. I think you're completely wrong I think Prince was somebody who was coming into this fucking podcast to attack me. No, I'm not I'm just saying you're wrong about Prince because if there was anybody If there was any No, no, go keep going

There was anybody to ever cover all the bases and all the genres of music and who would who could marry them in a way that was Musically nice to our ears. It was Prince. You saw how the way he played that guitar No fucking he he played it just as well as any other major Rock musician you can think of the motherfucker owned the guitar and the movie purple rain was a musical rock movie It was and if you ever listened to his Discography you would know that he literally covered every single genre of music and it was weird And it was experimental and most you know what his newer stuff really wasn't all that great

But it was experimental the same way that boy's last album was a little bit weird too But the guy never failed and spent every day of his life creating new stuff And that's why he should be he should he deserves two days of a new cycle He never stopped creating Okay And you know what and he wasn't a slave to the industry He wasn't even when the industry didn't want to give him his name Prince He decided that he was going to turn transform into the artist formerly known as Prince and every artist tries to fight for their own

You know, but he won but he said a precedence Just fucking baby, please respect Prince I Respect him. You have to say I respect but I don't I respect I need him to respect for a relationship to work I needed a respect I don't think that he deserves two days of fucking CNN 24-7 When I went to go see him at the at the forum in 2011 $20 tickets for him is all the way in Compton. Yeah, he could have hiked up the prices He was in LA for 21 days, but he didn't I had never ever felt more compelled Fugazi charge $5

Okay, but Fugazi also not Prince. I'm sorry really not Prince though Basically, you know what hold on one print I never said that they were I never said that they were I just gave a factual thing out one fact of that They charge five bucks ticket. That's all one print equal five Fugazi one print equal five You know what and I agree with you. Thank you. All right, but not six Fugazi Pushing it pushing it. Maybe let's be friends. I'm not friends with you. I love you. I'm friends with you We could disagree right friends. I'm gonna I'm gonna ask you a question what I said earlier about The crack babies on a crystal meth baby is that gonna get me in trouble?

You know what Prince would say don't be a slave Bobby. Don't be a slave and a fucking fuck that I'm asking you what people are gonna do to you You just do you you create and stop pulling shit off the internet Don't flip-flop be you and be true and don't fucking be a slave to all these motherfuckers that want to extort you Okay, that's what Prince would say. Don't be afraid. Check out love on Netflix. Also, don't talk Okay, I mean, yeah, all right, you know, I told the story once I told the story to her the other day I didn't know much about Prince, right? And I mean, I had I own Purple Rain I know the songs on that album and I wasn't even a huge Michael Jackson fan

but I owned off the wall and thriller because of the fact that There's iconic albums that I felt like I needed to learn, you know and know and I like them but I didn't know the true power of Prince until I was at a bar in The late no, it was like early 2000s and I was on mad TV and I had to do some Fox Party function thing, right? And I was there with I can some a couple of other people No, you know what? I know fuck. No, I fuck that. I think it was I Think it was somebody's birthday. Anyway, we were at a bar and Prince Walked through the bar because he wanted to go to the club that was on the same building

But it was in the part of the same establishment but he wanted to go the back way the only way to get go through the back way is to go through this one bar and Literally he walked in with like seven eight people and I've never seen a place shut down Like it seemed as though time had stopped The music had stopped people stopped talking and they just stared at a guy walking through a bar and People were in shock And I remember being there with like pretty big comics, you know, I think Sarah Silverman was there I mean there were people there, but people were just kind of like taking a back, and you know, and that's one in my head. I'm like

That's like he he's that powerful. He's that much of an iconic figure what he would stop like if Barack Obama We're just a walk into a restaurant. I think the restaurant would stop You know me and that's when I knew like wow this dude is like Iconic and he's a legend and he's like iconic in the sense that as like Bruce Lee or Bob Marley or You know me and these people are iconic, you know, I mean, you know like He's that like he he's on t-shirts. You know how you see like Poor kids and like You know when they get hand-me-down clothing and you see them like in Africa and you see photos and what every once

Well, they'll have like a like a shirt on You know like yeah, I'd get me like and they'll have like a print shirt like that's how Universal you're wearing like a print shirt. Yeah, he is you know, I mean like if you walked up to you mean any kid You know me in the tundra like a Mongolian kid You'll have it and you'll go. Hey, you know princes and they'll go kiss or whatever again I mean like they'll know and that's the kind of power You know me but and so that's why I think that princes life is a little bit more important than that Mongolian kid Oh

Apologize to the monks. Sorry mom. I love you. Sorry. I love your culture I went to um, I I went to go see him at the forum I told you like in 2011 and you know, you never Yeah, I've been to a lot of different shows But I've never felt the way I did that When he came out of the stage and I've never felt more compelled to like rip my own underwear from back to front And just fucking launch it like I've never had you actually did that desire to rip my own panty from back to front Well, if you had the desire then why don't you just do it? I did do it

You did do it. I did when it prints dude. Nothing. No, it landed in the back of the of some guy's head in front of me Wait, you think your panties had a stranger? I hell. Yeah, I did I was so excited when he came out and his little boots and he was dancing on the piano I fucking ripped it like a fucking maxi pad and I just threw it like I was that excited You're wild Yeah, I was you know, and that's my poor person story because I wasn't in a fancy bar where I could be like in the fucking presence of prince I was literally like a whole stadium away from him and I tried to shoot it to I tried to fucking slingshot my panty to a jumbotron and it hit the back of some guy's head

Take my stories and you use it against me. I wasn't in a fancy people party I wasn't a fancy fucking people party. I paid 20 dollars to be like a fucking football field away from prince Okay What are you eating sir? It's very good meat slices of fancy people meat. What is that? I got it at a fawns And if meat from fawns is fancy, then I'm going to go fuck myself. Okay. Let me say something. Let me say something. All right I I agree for prince It's a bad week, you know, you also lost bowie, right that affected me a little bit more, right? But I agree for him, right? and

You know, that's that wouldn't you say this is the worst year so far in artist death to have bowie and prince die in the same year I don't know when other artists died like when those two are just so largely MJ alone was pretty MJ alone was pretty huge That was forever on the news. Yeah, it was but then you could see that the guy was in a trajectory of like You know bad health, right? But prince was a vegan. He was always seen like cycling around his neighborhood I'm just saying though. It was sudden. It's sudden for a lot of people. Yeah, I don't know I'm gonna say that could I say something? He was so private Prince was so private, right?

We just don't know what he you're right. We don't know I don't know what he was into because you know what because I heard a story from somebody that lives in minnesota I'm not lying. I was spilled the beans know that he was in a bus and prince walked in and started doing gibberish At the top of his lungs and then ran off the bus. He's also epileptic. He might have just had a seizure like a brown pixie You know, I mean like came in and came out. Maybe he was seizing and then the guy Yeah, yeah, and he ran out and it would like fucked up the boss You know, I mean he told me that so we don't know what prince was like, sir. I don't believe you I don't believe your bullshit stories anymore. Why I don't believe you

I have why won't you believe my bullshit? What's bullshit? pussy story I refuse to believe that story The way I the way I received it in my head was prince had a seizure on a bus and that guy didn't help him That's how I received that story Okay, that's how you receive that story. Thank you. Okay. Well, you're welcome I mean, there's a lot of stories. You know, I mean that you hear I heard a story about freddy Okay

Mercury, okay. Good. I was gonna say he's dead. It's fine. Talk about him Yeah, he died that I don't believe But somebody told me the story that was so fucked up and shocking But I'm gonna tell the story and I'm gonna say this Say number one is I love queen. Mm-hmm number two one of my favorite bands of all time, right? And I just think that Freddie Mercury was one of the best performers on earth He's amazing, you know, if you don't believe me watch

Um live aid hit that 20 minutes set that queen did In the 80s it might be okay. So I was I'm gonna tell you where I ran into a guy, but I ran into an old English dude Okay He was used to be a bodyguard for like celebrities in in England, right? And he's retired this guy He told me a story where and I don't believe him. Okay, but he told me a story where He went to Thailand with Freddie Mercury. Oh god already Just end it there. We already know Oh, no, you don't

Oh, you don't know Okay, sure. We don't know. Yeah, you don't I tell you the story already. No, but you know Thailand So no, you don't even know You know what just tell it because I don't trust your sources anyway. So yeah, that's what I'm saying is I I I don't believe this guy. Yeah, I fucking said that already bitch You know what I mean? And so it's like you all right. I'm not repeating myself. I'm sorry pap. All right All right, so you Thailand so he went to Thailand and he used to go to these like, um I feel so bad. This is make-believe. So, um, I should say it's make-believe, right? He used to go to these like little boy

You know, I mean hooker like lady boys or just straight up boys like young boys. He was gay Yeah, I know they had just young boys and apparently just listen to me. Okay He was fucking this young boy in the butthole As you do And as he pulled out his dick out The little boy's butthole came out with him prolapse I call it the pink sock, but there's technical terms of it. I mean Pink sock, please don't hashtag that. No, you don't hashtag that and

So he pulls his dick out the butthole comes out with it. He leaves the room. He goes to the madame Right who owns this place and says, um Can I have another one? This one's broken He did not do that. Yeah. Yeah, I know you didn't do that, but But I did not say that if that was true I have a message for freddie mercury. You broke it You break you by you break you by all right Asian mentality You can't just break a little boy and then get another one like fix this one stick the butthole back in

You know what? It's like push it back in push it back with your fingers or something. I believe your source. I believe your source Yeah, but um that was told to me. Wow that story. I don't hold that pass. I feel like anybody could do that What do you mean? I feel like that's just that story is not very unbelievable But to say that to a person I broke this one. I need another one now. I'm just saying that story is believable I actually kind of trust your source. I know but the source. I don't I personally don't trust the source You know what I mean? Because it was in um In a weird situation

Yeah, but um, yeah, it's the weird situation the rehab. He kind of situation. Yeah but um Yeah, I was told that story but um pink sock it could be or could be not true And I want to lean toward not true. Okay, because I I don't want to he did die from the hiv And um, maybe that was God's revenge if that did happen Maybe he helped pay for medical expenses. We don't know that maybe he was you know, kind about it afterwards Maybe he wanted it, you know In in the in the moment will his his nut sack was still full of sperm

He was probably like fuck. I need to know when it's broken, but afterwards he was like, hey, let me pay your family Oh, yeah, that little boy could also be like 25 now With no and let no put hole, but like also like that's his story. Yeah, like I got fucked My bottle came out. Not a bad story. Yeah. Yeah, and maybe that's like uh, what jack nights when a jack nights joke See how he says that like would it be that bad to get herpes from Beyonce? Yeah, because Beyonce it's Beyonce. You fuck Beyonce. Yeah Because that little boy could have got fucked by some random like tie guy then and then that happened and then that That's it makes it worse an embarrassing story. Yeah, which makes it my point even more, you know, I mean that

You don't continue the point getting fucked by I mean You mean a celebrity is way better than being fucked by an old some random person Yeah, which goes back to my is celebrity or people Like if I would you get is that worse getting fucked by Gandhi or some right? I think it's worse getting fucked by some stranger Stranger, yeah, I'd rather get fucked by Gandhi as a kid a spiritual leader. Yeah. Yeah, that's all That's that's because you put prize in celebrity I don't put prize in celebrity if I can bill Cosby or if any dumb motherfucker I don't care who he was

Even if Tom Hardy honestly at the end of the day if he came if he came through surprise me and try to fuck me It would not be okay with me That's a lie. No, I honestly wouldn't Of course all day. I would joke about it and be like, yeah, you know, Tom Hardy raped me. Fuck. Yeah, but no dude Like I'm gonna tell you right now and I'm about to say the truisms of truth. Okay. All right If Tom harmony, I was just sitting here by myself Tom Hardy came into this room. Fuck you bitch and he fucked me in the ass. Yeah I think I'd be okay with it

I wouldn't I think I'd be okay with it if he just can't if he pink like if he pink socked you Yeah, what if he broke you would be broke pro-laps Uranus and you couldn't put it back in for hours And you'd cry call me bill. I don't know what that's like I don't know what that's like your buttholes out dude. I don't know I know I know I know And now you have to go do a set at the comedy store and you just have a hanging No, no, no, no, no, what I would do is what I would do is I would uh I would hold I would hold the tube in my hands

Like from behind like it's a tail on eBay You're colon. No, my colon's like it's like a tail now, right? Like you know what I mean? Like I'm some sort of marsupial or something. You have a tail. I have a tail I grab it right and I think at first I'd be like crying And also full of rage Oh, because Tom Hardy just fucked me. Yeah, you know me and my buttholes broke my asshole meat hole is broken And I wouldn't know what to do. I was like, call it. Should I call CAA? Should I call my agent?

Not a doctor not 911. Let me call my agent. I wouldn't know what the fuck No, I would have to commit. You know, I would ask to ask my agent what I would do Hey, what's my career today? What's my career today? What do I do? Like, you know, first of all, do you guys rep? Broken ass holes? No, do you guys rep Tom Hardy? Oh, do you? Yeah, if they go, yeah, we rep Tom Hardy Can I would have a crazy dilemma like Fuck, I can't. You can't sue them. Yeah, I can't sue them now because we're a part of the same kind of family

Right. Oh my god. So then I would go to the hospital The emergency room and I'd say somewhere and some guy just ran into my house to rape me No, but what he would say is actually you would take one for Tom Hardy and CAA and you would say you were butt fucking yourself That's what I'm saying. I would make up a lie. Yeah, like I was fisting my own self to protect him No, and I would I pulled out my fist My butthole came out with it And they'd be like, why would you do that your agent? That's Bobby The sitcom

Pitch the show Yeah, yeah, so I don't know. Wow. This is a crazy. This is a crazy pocket. It's a crazy way I'm so sorry guys This is more for Prince, you know, I mean that didn't happen to Freddie Mercury. That was just a guy that started a long time ago And let's not talk about prolapse buttholes anymore. Yeah, and let's talk about love On Netflix. No, not that one. Yeah, let's just talk about good feelings I mean that we're here alive. Are you you checked the mail a few days ago and what envelope did you find? That was addressed to you from the city of los angeles. I got it. Um

from juries Jerry duty. I got a jury duty letter. Are you gonna go? No and also this It's my fault guys. It's her fault. Why is it? Oh, because she registered you. I registered him to vote It's a 44 years of being alive I've never had one of those. Wow a jury duty letter, right because I don't I I want to live on the outskirts of society. You know I also have this thing where I feel like and this is a lot of alcoholics and I'm sure a lot of people with egos Have this feeling of like I feel like

normal society rules And laws don't apply to me Like it's a weird it's a weird Way of looking at my life But it's an honest thing to say where it's like if I get a ticket or if I get in trouble I just feel like yeah, that doesn't I'm not a regular kind of a guy I'm a little different. You know what I mean? So that doesn't you know what I mean? So by getting that thing, you know what I mean?

I kind of like that though Like he doesn't succumb to pressure that way like if let's say let's say for instance like a debt collector We're to harass and call every day his phone like to me that would get to me It does get to me and I always call him back And I'll always be like, oh, what do I owe you know with him? He'll let that shit ride for five years You know what I do. You know what I do pressure me that I I I'm not even kidding you I never answer the phone All my voicemails are completely full. You can't leave me a message. Yeah, right tactic though, and I just don't

I don't bother with it So like an old friend I have a friend from high school who lives in LA named Jensen. I love him. I love the guy I grew up with them We were in the same band together in the early 20s. The band laxin superb, you know what I mean laxin superb You saw on youtube have you seen that video of him with really long hair with the organ? Oh, man. Yeah, yeah And um, and he lives in LA and he calls me every once in a while. I don't call him back Not because I don't love him not because I don't care. He's just I just don't bother with anybody

Yeah, unless it's business. Yeah, unless it's business or unless it's me because unless it's her and that's it though So good about texting me back. Like if I he never lets it Let's my text wait for more than two minutes at a time and which is he just Texas two people he only cares about his two things his work and me It's my brother. Maybe. Oh, yeah, Steve for sure. Steve. I text back all my parents. Yeah, I mean other than that I don't do it. It's because of the fact that I don't Like the responsibility of being you know, I mean and I think that's childish on my part Because I don't go to birthday parties. I don't buy christmas gifts

I only buy christmas gifts on christmas because of her because she doesn't she cares about christmas And she has this like family affair thing. Yeah, so I've been participating Not because I want to I mean I want to I guess but more because I love Kalilah and I want her to be happy You mean but other than that I've never done it throughout the history of my life And I have to understand that like I can't sit here You know as as his partner and expect him to fill this role of average guy who participates in birthdays and christmas Like in the beginning I used to think oh fuck like What did I just sign up for like he doesn't write a card? He doesn't give you know

He just doesn't participate in any family affairs And I'm such a deeply like rooted family type person because I'm so I grew up in a really close knit large family And but I couldn't hold that against them in the beginning I was a little petty you know got to me here and there but now I've gotten to the point where I'm just like Wait, you have to I have to understand where he's coming from like he was never raised with christmas lights You know, he was never raised without feeling in that warmth of December 24th and that gathering that smell of food like none of that No, that's that's wrong. I thought you said you didn't now you have no fucking excuse

Outed by kalilah. No, no, no we did from from when I was two to probably 10 years old But something shifted with me whereas like I told my parents I got don't do this anymore like I hate it You know what I mean? So It's not because they they tried My parents tried to

Wrap shit and give it to me. You know what I mean? But I was always like Fuck it. Okay, then I don't understand you anymore. No because the thing is is that to me. It's like, you know, I mean, what's A gift. It's like You just say I love you to somebody and that's all that's enough if you want if you want to give me money give me money That's fine. But it's it's it's getting together. It's more than just telling someone That the getting together part and your parents You never really stopped to think maybe because you you were too young that maybe what they were doing Wasn't all for you. Maybe they were doing it for each other and that that idea that they wanted to

Bond with their children. Maybe they were doing it for themselves as well Like yeah, my dad would get drunk, right and pull my mom's hair Through the fucking living room while he knocked out her tooth Right and my brother and I running for our lives Because we're scared shitless You know what I mean? Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. And then it happened at Christmas. Yeah, I mean it happened Randomly on any other given night, right? So it's like And I love the man

I don't blame him. You know what I mean? He did the best he could You know what I mean? I'm not also one to go All my life, you know, these things happen. I was molested. You fuck it You know what I mean? I live in America I have all this, you know, I mean, I am free. I can do whatever I want And I don't you know, I just I'm just not made up that way. You know, I love I do love I love you so much

And I kind of love you and you you know what I mean, but You know, I'm not That's just not me material. Yeah, it's not me. Yeah, I'm not I'm I don't really I care I can't even explain it because now I'm Fuck All this time I thought that I was trying to understand you as a person because you just never grew up with Christmas And now you're telling me no, it was my choice. Fuck Christmas. Fuck my parents and

And now I'm I I'm sorry. Yeah, it was But you have to understand that like that's still the same thing You know, it's the same exact thing still, you know, I mean, it's like it's like You know Because they tried and stuff and because of my dad's alcoholism It's still tied in with you know, I mean that That like Maria. Yeah, I like yeah, like I don't Really like there was some Christmases where

You know, they would me and my brother would sleep by the tree Oh, Steve and I and then we'd wake up and there was a Christmas gifts And we would be like, oh my god Santa was here. I remember that, you know, I mean But then I also remember like, you know, I mean A golf club being thrown at my fucking ankle Jesus Christ, you know, I mean, so it's like it's all Mixed mixed, you know, it's a mixed bag and it's like but I also was a very bad kid Even since I was a little baby you mean like I

There was this pill like this is what's weird. It's like when I was a One or two years old My dad I took these Tidal not time a lot like these vitamin that it was time alone And I would I ate one just it was on the table or something And my dad or mom goes they go don't do that. It's bad for you. I ate the whole thing You know what I mean? Jesus because they said I shouldn't and then I had to be rushed to the hospital I had my stomach pumped and stopped. I just have always had like this thing or it's like you tell me not to do it

I'll do it. Anyway, don't cross the street. I'll cross So don't do that. I'll just do whatever I want. You know what I mean? Maybe I'm just like a bad person rebel. Now being your girlfriend is a very very uh delicate sport It's a very very delicate game of what should I say? What shouldn't I say? How do I persuade him? You think that the normal way to persuade someone is just to tell him the pros and cons or the pros of why he should do something With bobby, it's not that way If you want him to do something basically tell him you have to tell him that he shouldn't why he shouldn't do it

You shouldn't do it because of this. You shouldn't I'm gonna fucking do it That's the only reason you get him to do what what you need him to do. Tell him he should she Absolutely, he is not allowed to do it and then he'll do it It's it's a delicate sport. It's a very confusing sport I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you have to date me. I'm sorry that I have all these problems I'm sorry that I don't know where I am. You know what he's really proud of this week Do you know what he said to me while I was in the hospital? What um as I was like Having an episode and in the bathroom in those little pull-out shitters. Yeah, and he posted a picture of me

Very good picture. Yeah, I wasn't taking a shit by the way. I was only peeing but thanks On instagram and you know what he said to me He's like you know what he said to me what he goes sweetie. Do you know how I know? I'm not a narcissist Because he said that I posted a picture without my face in it In the meantime, it's of his girlfriend In the fucking shitter He goes I am I really really he's like sweetie and I'm having an episode. He's like sweetie I really do think I'm growing as a person

And here's proof that I'm not a narcissist. I'm posting a picture of you my girlfriend and I love you And did you saw the picture? It was hilarious Sucks for you, but so maybe he is growing as a person. No, maybe I am a narcissist And maybe I'm a bad person and even though he scrolled through his entire instagram to find a picture of Of one that without his face in it and he couldn't find one. So that was his first one. So congrats, baby. We're growing A bad person Do I have bad person? I don't think so

A little kind of person didn't think I am like a strong person Check out love on Netflix season two coming out next year. Fuck you man anyway You know prince died and this was a really weird podcast You hate it. Should we start over? No, I like it a lot I went into like my character defects a little bit and the way I was raised and I went into like I said some things that Many people might not agree with about like

Sort of you didn't say it. I said that you said it and honestly, I could have just been bullshitting I just pulled it out my ass. Everything's make believe here. So everything's make believe Everything's make believe and I'm sorry to the people that listen to this podcast about That one where we had to yank that thing and I you know, I know people think that I'm a coward for doing that It's not him, but it wasn't me though. It was my people. You know, I mean that rep me legal stuff legal. Yeah, but that's not They didn't even really they didn't listen to it. They didn't know the context of anything They were kind of just like and whatever that sounds like nothing but Pull it out. Anyways, they didn't listen to it and say, oh my god. They were just kind of just like

Whatever, let's make let's take the easiest route possible and in my mind. I don't think that's an easy route I think that this person is number one Definitely not a chick is posting as a black woman is not a black woman at all And I think for that that person needs to be fucking found. Oh, I want to find this person It was a very weird. It's been a crazy couple of months actually from me in our situation with her surgery and with Some of the other things that are happening, you know, I mean, it's just like it's been a really

the craziest year I think I've ever had really crazy bad or crazy good in a good and bad way. There's just been like these ups and downs and like right and That it just turns and it's been like I don't know what it is But it's been really interesting Did it feel weird to you Gilbert that that was this week was the first week that we didn't have a last week Was the first week we didn't have a podcast Uh, I think for us, I don't think we can tell because

It just we just do whatever and we put them on that day But I think for people listening No, but I think it was weird for me because we did take a break and that was the first Week ever that we didn't record in 36 weeks. Like we've never failed even right after surgery I mean three days after surgery. We were here with Eric Griffin. Yeah, you know, like I never ever failed No, it's not failing yet a medical leave. No, I know I understand of course like my body is limitations He had ambulatory pneumonia. He's still on antibiotics But it did it did feel a little strange. Like I felt like

Where is Gilbert? Where's George? Like I missed you guys Yeah, I did miss you guys. It felt it felt weird and also I want to say something to you Gilbert. Yes, sir And I'm really mean this from the bottom of my heart Okay, making me nervous. Don't ever Fuck Lila. Oh, that's not what I was gonna say, bitch. You say it to me all the time though passing it Why are the fuck getting nervous? You looked at me before we did the podcast and your bedroom said hey, man This is where the magic happens I thought you were gonna cut me. Yeah, no, no, okay. Just listen to fucking what I said. I'm gonna say

Don't ever become competitive with me Like you're gonna say something nice We will never compete. No, I'm just saying how can we ever compete? I could feel a little bit right that you might yeah From Gilbert that I get competitive You know that you might at one point, you know, you know, I mean that you'll get competitive with me And I want to tell you that I'm not competing with you. I want you to have success But just that never have that feeling and if I'm imagining okay, if I'm imagining it

Then I'm imagining it right, but I love you so much that I just want to throw out that don't ever because Whatever you need, I will help you. I think here's here's I'm gonna defend Gilbert for a second Yeah, if he ever asks you and he inquires about the roles that you auditioned for if he inquires about the process That's him just trying learning to learn from you in every way possible that he can he's not It sounds to me that it does. No, but it does sound to me that right so because I I'm doing this movie Yeah, and then I told them what it was they go. Oh, yeah. Well, I you know, yeah, I had an audition for it He didn't say it like that. I was there But I was too young I'm too young for it. That's not what I'm saying

That's not what he said at all or for that other one Literally all he said was we auditioned for the same thing, but hell. Yeah, they should go with you because you're bobby lee Like who am I that's exactly what he said It's interesting for me to see like how they for me. It's how they view Asians in the industry I'm like, yeah And he should be he should be asking you questions and he should be gaining as much knowledge as possible about your process Because you know what? I'm just saying I'm like Benedict Cumberbatch. You're like Tilda Swinton. No, I got you. I got it Throwing out. I'm just throwing out something that you know, I mean that I don't ever want to happen

It's not I'm just saying I might though How I'm just throwing it out there just just in the universe It might not it's probably just from if you are already going to the same auditions that bobby gets the part for That's what I'm saying. This is that we're we're now inevitable like there's such a closeness But the only reason I'm getting rid of them right now is the only things I can get because I'm asian But like they're never right for me because that's not my personality But I'm saying just that you're going to the same you're going for the same roles already So eventually you will Gilbert. You're extremely talented. You're gonna get up to where he is many years away from Offerland

Let's just put it that way. No, don't don't say that. Don't say that against each other. Yes. I believe it. You're so talented Gilbert I just don't want to ever you know, don't downplay your fucking And I was gonna say to me that like if you beat me on a roll I want to say to myself that we're not you know, I mean everyone's we're all friends. We're all friends, you know I mean, that's my you you're gonna be his new Obsession though if you do if you do beat him out in a roll, you know what I'm talking about like which role Like let's say you beat him out on a roll and you start hashtagging like crackle or Hashtagging well, that's just more to I know but you know that he will like secretly secretly like secretly hate

Like brood and like just hate you, right? The reason why but I feel the love for me Oh god, we just brought it. You brought him up. You brought him up Someone asked who a lot of the new listeners don't know what DP stands for. That's it. That's all I need to know Okay The reason why I'm affected sometimes by looking at DP's social media is because He humble brags and he also just straight up brags about things, right? It's not humble brags all brags Okay, all brags about things that

Why would you brag about that? This is what the question that I have in my head weird shit, too, right and stuff that I Have fear that I would ever even come close to doing he does Hmm. I mean and it bothers me in that sense. You know, I mean That like for instance, um What are you trying to I'm just gonna say it. No, we're not scratch the whole this whole conversation. Wait He might be he might be safe. No. No. Why don't you say that? Why'd you bring it up then? I didn't bring shit up. I was talking about Gilbert and you said crackle and when you said crackle I mean it went to DP and once it went to DP then it brought up something. I'm on medication. Let's just scratch this whole

All right, what do we have time wise? We're at 47. Nope. We're not there yet, baby. We're not doing well at all You have three minutes Uh-oh, uh-oh one two three. I have a question for you. What? Um, so last year actually for the past two years. We always fight every year We have this massive fight about how I don't think it's a good idea to leave bird food out in the balcony And just spread them all over like this. That's a thing Because he wants our cats to have entertainment So he he gets like a big bag of bird food and he just is that why they always sit right there by the window?

Yeah, that's kind of nice. Um, except that ming has literally hung off the balcony just to catch a fucking bird She's caught. She's brought dead birds in like so many fucking I'm gonna say something to you right now. Um, so my question sir to you my question to you sir is Why the fuck is there bird seeds all over the fucking balcony again when we've been fighting about this for three fucking years? It's something you fuck. Okay, that I'm I'm a man with ears eyes and I have I have opinions and I and I absorb information I'm a human being. Okay. Yeah, and I googled once right that Cats looking through the window to see birds is a good thing Right. It gives them entertainment

You know what I mean? It gives them that drive. You know what I mean? That like hunting drive, which makes them happy You know what I mean? Yeah, it's like when gooner goes and tries to search for food when I already have food out there It's a part of his You know what I mean? That's animal make up literally the complete opposite of what I've experienced with my cats When I used my two cats in the past Yeah, your two cats first of all karate and the other one marley. I don't know them and to me To me, they're not my cat. I'll give a fuck. Yeah, but what they were like It's a thing where if they can't get to the birds they end up

Um Putting their frustration. Yeah, because they're on healthy shitty cats. No, they end up fighting each other They've never done that Not yet. No, they won't because I always clean out the bird food. I am a They know I'm a nature man My cats look at me and they know I'm a nature man, right and I'm connected to the world But through my energy, right? I'm a cat. I'm connected to the trees to the planet earth To the universe and we're all brothers and sisters and we're all connected and they fucking get that shit

Right because I'm their father or their leader Okay, and so they know that what I'm doing, right is out of love and they get it, right? Your two other cats they didn't I wasn't in their lives as an influence Right, so they didn't get you know grade a fucking food and like sashimi and shit That is you have crazy food me toro belly. We know we're going through that. We're like, holy shit. There's some nice food He spends about $200 a week just on cats. Yeah, do they eat at all? No, I sometimes just throw it away It's like a fucking if they don't like it. I throw it away. It's throw it away Literally, there's like frozen like rabbit

Like you know rabbit paws in the fucking freezer. Can't you eat rabbit paws? I don't fucking know You gotta try it True, you know me every if you see their little cat tray outside. It's always just like a it's like it's like a vagus buffet Yeah, yeah, there's always just toys like for instance. There's this new cat food called rad cat. Oh, it's a raw raw cat food for cats obviously and um Are humans probably it's very difficult to find right so I had to go to north hollywood You found it and I went I found it about like eight things of it And you thought in the refrigerator how much is one

$20 or something. Wow, it's interesting. So I thought one I put it in the thing And my three cats stared at it and they just kind of walked away like Fuck you. So you have just eight cans of $20 cat food sitting here, you know, we could probably eat at you and it's probably that good Yeah, it's probably really fucking good the greatest reviews and every review They said our cats obsessed with this I give it to my cats and just kind of looking like fuck this because you you did that it's because my cats are Are evolved and they're no you did that. I did not do that. I don't treat my like cats like they're animals

I treat my cats like their extension of me and their extension of bobby lee and what I like And what I like is I like to go to nice restaurants and I like my food Okay, and my cats whatever the best thing on the market is they're gonna get it The best toy laser toy anything they're gonna get it everything great a because I love them Okay, and that's what it is and if you you have cats and you don't do that. You don't love them that much Okay, baby here. So today is Friday This is not going to get released until next week So I'm sure a lot of things between Friday today and next Wednesday a lot of things are going to transpire in the UFC

But I wanted to talk and touch On the press conference for UFC 200 today today. Yeah Um and so in the last This week Conor McGregor said that he was going to retire. There was some dispute We didn't know what was going on with um Dana White the UFC and why Conor You know had tweeted that he was going to retire as it turns out Dana White said that he didn't want to show up to the press conference

Which was today and Conor said nope. That's not it I just wanted a little bit of adjustment because I've generated 400 million dollars For the UFC in a span of eight months and all I needed was a little time to myself Seeing as how I just came off from a loss to train and focus on fighting. What are your thoughts, bobby? He talks about the rocky. He wanted to pull a rocky. Yeah, you know how you said that's what ronda He's doing exactly what ronda rouse what you you told you think ronda rouse. He needed to do listen, okay he He didn't prepare listen when you're fighting

100% of your energy and your focus should be about the fight And when you're stretched too thin, right? It just takes away from you know, I mean the moment Of you know when he's actually fighting so he loses in my in my if I was in his shoes, I'd be like That's devastating. You know that it's devastating to him because he was killing it And it's painful and the next thing is to get revenge and to like prove to yourself That you're gonna fucking, you know, I mean beat this guy, right?

And the only way to do that is to go go in 100% And for him to be in New Zealand into Iceland Portugal and of Portugal and fly all the way back to vegas or new york or wherever it is Do a press conference and then just go, you know, because I do obviously it's not even close to what he does But I've done I've been on the road and I have Done I have to do press when I'm on the road Wake up at five and do like four or five things tv or whatever

It's draining. I can't even imagine what it'd be like with him because he has a thousand times more to do Right. And so for once in his head, he's like, hey man, I've earned, you know, I mean the UFC all this money Give me a break. Let me, you know, I mean put on the show that I think I could put on And let me skip out on some things That's what the fucking thing is. Yeah, and you can tell what that's what it was It's exactly what it is from what it, you know, when it started happening and I think that they should You know Grant him that and I don't think that there's ever been anybody to ever make them that much money

So he is a special case and I know that the the UFC doesn't want to set a president That's what ever, you know, no fighter is special But guess what? When was the last time a fighter made you that much money in this small window of time? He is he is special. It goes back to my original point of like Is Paul McCartney's death? So one Conor McGregor is equal to five junior DeSanto. What I'm saying is is that I'm just throwing a point I'm putting a point that that's good. Some people right are just different. Yeah Yeah, I'm made different and they're special and they should get special privileges. I agree special people guess

I don't think that this is a special privilege in the sense of Conor I think it's just what's owed to him given that he has Worked his body and his he's he's stretched himself out more than anybody else in this entire Partly his fault, right? It is partly his fault, but at the same time he is coming off from a loss Now, I know what I'm saying though is is this okay? Is is that? It's not just that that he is you know me and I don't know if you guys listened to earlier podcasts, but I hated him Yeah, you don't like him at all. I fucking hated him. I wanted him to die She's just aggressive. I know, but that's how much I hated him

Not die, but like you okay go away Okay in hiding. Okay. That's like the mafia I don't want to die just wanted to go away. He won me over 100% He really did and I love him now and I get it and he's special You know what Nate Diaz said in the presser today

He said Right next he was sitting next to Dana White Ariel. I'll be Ariel. Yeah. So, uh, Nate Do you not want to fight at UFC 200? Oh, no, man, you know, I said I wanted to fight Conor so If he's not here then no, I might as well go start drinking Yeah, none. He doesn't want anybody but Conor good for Nate too. Also, and you know what that's fucking great for Nate Dana's just freaking out now and Dana was standing right next to him like god damn it I literally just said we were trying to find a fight for you. What Dana's doing

Is the dumbest thing I've ever heard powerplay. It's not powerplay. It's like That it's gotta be Nate. He thinks that Conor's, you know what I mean? Replaceable No, he's not the fight is Nate and Conor. That's it You can't you know, I mean It's replaceable. It's even bigger now with all this drama And I think that Conor has already done his share of promotion by causing this controversy So, you know, Dana White says I we put on 10 million dollars to like film ads and whatnot

Conor has generated more steam over UFC 200 by simply saying that he was gonna retire Like everyone went fucking crazy now. Everyone's like, okay more retweets than Kobe Bryant's retirement exactly He's he's generated more than 10 million dollars worth that Dana's put out for promotions Just with one fucking tweet the guys but we love you Dana and um, I can't say anything We love saying anything bad about it. We love tickets. So we'd like you know what I'll say it Fuck Dana White. Arielle Helwani. If you ever want to hire me, I am on your side. Well, me and Bobby love you, Dana. We love you Dana and um, we'd love to go one of your shows

No, he I mean, I I I did I did um, I was a presenter at the MMA awards show once Wait, you did the MMA awards? What the fuck were you doing there? When was that? I don't know. It was like when Randy Couture was the host. Holy. He was a what was your yeah, what was your bit? I got completely naked. I went up on stage Of course, this is go to with with steve. Oh And then and I gave like no I gave an award to somebody Wow No, I because and also like when I was on mad tv Jordan and I were kind of correspondence with the UFC

Jordan Peel the comedy guys. So we went to yeah, we went to houston to see the sarah St. Pierre fight once and when St. Pierre lost Yeah, two matt sarah. Yeah. So I there's I have a vague kind of thing like Dana if he would see me He knows who I am But okay, then I retract what I said. I don't know if he likes me But baby Joe Rogan didn't ask me a couple weeks ago go Whenever you want to go see a fight. He just out of I didn't ask him He just went dude, you know that I you know, whatever you want to see I can get you

I retract my statement. So like I shoot. I think we should be a little nicer to that's right. That's right You know what? Listen Dana white. He will never listen to this obviously But I'm just always going to side with the athlete because I I just always do I'm always going to feel like the athletes need to create this, you know union and protect themselves and no matter You know, I know it's hard being a president of such a large organization and trying to make sure that like nobody abuses their power You know and gets too egotistical and start making like strange demands I understand that part. Yeah, because it happens in boxing dude in boxing's a fucking rigged Unsanitized sport and I get that but I will always always always

Side with the athlete and in this case I side with Connor and I know it's not just Dana white So I retract my statement. Are you'll want if you still want to hire me at some point? I am also available Unhelpful Okay, go ahead. I can tell Bobby's eyes Unhelpful advice with Bobby and Kalilah. Hey guys, I've got a question for your unhelpful advice segment from your earlier podcast I know Kalilah suffers from depression anxiety and Bobby's recovering addict I myself suffer from severe depression and anxiety but can't take any meds benzo because I am recovering addict and alcoholic myself I have about two months over now. I was 10 months, but I recently relapsed. My question is how do you guys deal?

You guys are hilarious, but also inspiration. Thanks. Well, when it comes to recovery though, um, my The real answer is You got to be in the middle And if you're not gonna want to be in the middle, don't do it. What do you mean? What do you mean? There's an old 12 step term. You either be in the middle of the program or don't do it. It's like you You have to be fully involved Oh, so for this guy, yeah, you have to rose girl. Oh girl. Yeah, you have to Get have a home group have a commitment at that home group

Get a sponsor go to at least four or five meetings a week Do other commitments? Reach your hand. I mean, you gotta you gotta get you know, you gotta get involved. That is tricky though for her because she suffers from Anxiety, right? Is that what she said? Yeah, and she can't use any like benzodiazepines, which is basically like xanax or valium or what I Defer to when I'm having a giant panic attack is I do always carry valium surround I don't take them more. I make more than maybe like three times a year through my huge panic attacks But it is tougher in her case because she has nothing to defer to but she can do other things like, you know People get you can see a therapist go through like CBT like cognitive behavioral therapy. You can do you can meditate

There are a lot of like other there's there's there's recourse There's other things you could get into and it's just about a matter of finding What helps your anxiety or what helps your depression? Like for me, it's it's a very conscious choice that I don't want to be on meds anymore because I was on meds for A long long time of my life and I felt robotic and I felt out of body a lot I didn't feel like Calyla anymore. I felt functional, but I I lost all my fun little edges, you know And so I opted to get out of that but that was number one very well guided by my doctors and number two We did it very very slowly

so you know, it's What I do Is accept that I'm gonna have bad days and I'm gonna have good days and when I have bad days The only thing that keeps me going is saying There's a good chance tomorrow might not be exactly like today Like that keeps me hopeful, but when I am down in the dumps, I just accept that it's part of my condition and to just say this is

A part of it. I I suffer from depression. I suffer from anxiety I am just having a really shitty day and this is okay And I call it my mental health days and I text my sister and I text my mom and I text bobby I'm say and I say I am having an mhd mental health day and they'll say okay We're on deck. We're here. Whatever you need and sometimes you know, you just wake up the next morning. It's better Sometimes it's not better, but you just just let the people around you know It helps you feel safe within your little dark zones And you know, you just one day at a time

And who knows three days from now I might have the worst fucking Depressive slump and I might not come out of it, but today I'm okay So it's one day at a time just like live presently and just live moment to moment And survive it as much as best as you can I'm very helpful. Not unhelpful at all. I'll take that back. I'm almost too helpful. Slick your wrist, bitch. Shoot heroin. Bobby Showdates. Just kidding. Oh my god. Just kidding. Don't shoot heroin, please. Producers like no, don't say that. Bobby Showdates, we know there's no Dallas shows anymore or Oh, yeah. Well, it would have been today, but Bobby is still on antibiotics and as you can tell he's still

He can't we can't even sleep in the same room because he's like hacks out of lung every time Um Showdates the next one will be Gotham comedy club in new york may 6th and 7th. They'll serve you next ones. Yeah Right, baby. Yeah. Yeah, right, baby That's it, you know, oh, oh fuck dude these stickers came in they're fucking dope as fuck. Shout out to eskimo fucker That's eskimo fucker made those. Thank you eskimo fucker They're really nice. We get a ton of them. No, these are free, baby. Why would you sell stickers? Would you just give this away then? Yeah, give them away to anybody who wants if you want one come get it from Bobby find him

in the streets Uh, kalayla Anything they should follow via social media I don't know My brain shut down on me. I'm having an mhd. Let me text my family Make sure you follow us on twitter at the tiger belly. Follow us on instagram at tiger belly. Make sure you also follow us on youtube at The no at tiger belly. I'm looking at george

um And make sure you check out our vlogs which happen on monday and then our video podcasts which come out on friday And as some of you and newer listeners just you know where the uh when the audio podcasts come out They come out on wednesday and get that through itunes Uh stitcher or allthingscomedy.com via soundcloud Um anything else you want to say I just want to say to everybody who was really sweet and understanding about bobby and i being sick um last week You guys are the best for anybody who cried and bitched about us on follow us. We will not miss you. Thank you

And we will See you next week. Yeah. Oh one final question before we go. Say it really quick jones or osp Oh, of course jones, but i'm always wrong every time i say this shit on camera. Jones is gonna lose because It's always the opposite of whatever claus. I think obviously it's an easy one for jones But then i haven't seen him in a long time versus you know, he just got reinstated in the back into ufc But dude osp is an ox though. He's a very very very strong. He's just not as technically You know superior like john jones, but since i'm always wrong you should probably Put your money with the underdog and osp. All right. Don't follow claus pics. Don't follow my pic. Bye. See you guys

Hey Prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey