TigerBelly - Episode 5: Head to Toe Assessment

Episode Date: September 30, 2015

Bobby talks about his favorite serial killers. Khalyla wants Benicio Del Toro to spit in her eye. Lizzie Velasquez is our hero of the week. "Let me eat you out, for free." -KK   Recorded September 28, 2015 Music by Bobby Lee   Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbellySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Welcome to Tiger Belly. My name is Bobby Lee. And I'm Halala. Ooh, and we're here with Gilbert, and we have a special guest that's sitting on my bean bag in the room, and she's not allowed to talk. And she's Kalaila's friend growing up,

and her name is... We already called her the Ox. I called her the Ox. So she's Korean, and we don't get along that good. You know, when I look at her, I just had this instinct of attack. So what's the game plan? Like, she just sits on the bean bag,

and you just verbally attack her this whole time? No, no. So the thing is this, okay, I told her that since there's not a mic, that she wants to sit and watch the podcast, then she's going to have to sit there and... She doesn't want to do any of that. I'm making her do that. Well, she can't respond, because there's no, you know...

And I'm not going to make fun of her. You just don't want to have to respond. They're not going to hear anything you're saying, Jessica. Yeah, exactly, Jessica. So that's why. Okay? And the thing is, is that... I apologize for a couple of weeks ago.

I said her face was so flat that looked like 9-12. You know what I mean? Yeah. September 12th, the day after. But that's how flat it is. And I like Korean people, but this Korean, holy shit. She's just a renegade Korean. She's a renegade Korean.

We've talked about her. She's been on the old podcast. She's very strong. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, this is our fifth one or fourth one? Fifth number five. Our fifth one, and I think it's going well. I mean, I look forward to them now, and I enjoy it.

Can you take your ugly fucking foot away from me, please? Did I tell you about this? What? And Jessica, I'm going to tell you. What? No. What? What?

I don't even know if this is going to be... Is there such a thing as too much information on Tiger Belly? No, go ahead. Tell me. No, there's not. This is a fucking problem, and this is a reoccurring problem, and I'm confronting you right now because I legitimately... You have...

Things have to change. Go ahead. So, the other day, you... How do you say finger blast, so that's sounding so crude? Finger blast. You finger blasted. I didn't stick it all the way inside. Yeah, but the top, you did, right?

That's fine, because that's what you like. But every time that he touches me with his filthy fucking paws... All right. This is ridiculous. All right. No, I didn't know. It's all right. Anyways, it's super itchy.

No, no, no. It's not. And we went to the doctor. No, no, no, no. What did the doctor say? He said, you don't have a yeast infection. Exactly. You don't have a bacterial infection.

Exactly. But I do see that you are swollen and very itchy. Yeah, and that's our new dog. And then he said, could there be... Could there be another source? Are you allergic to your soaps? Are you allergic to this? And I was like, no, but my boyfriend scratches a green foot every day and then touches me.

Did he say... Did he say it was athlete's foot? No, I was too embarrassed to theorize. I was too embarrassed to say, hey, doc, you think that... Hey, bitch. Hey, bitch. I'm sorry for calling you that, but I want to say... I'm just saying you gave me athlete's mouse.

Dude, that's a private thing. You gave me... It's a private thing. Look. All right. You gave me athlete's mouse. I'm seriously fucking itchy. Well, then, you know what?

Why don't you do this, then? Okay. Why don't you fucking wash your hands? Tough acting. After... Put some tough acting and tenacting on there. I was so depressed earlier. I put tea tree oil out of desperation.

It helped a little bit. All right. Hey, that's one of the consequences of dating me. Can you just wash your fucking hands after you start your green foot? Or can you just be stronger physically to fucking withstand my disease? That's the question to you, my friend. I can't believe... And you know what?

And I'll tell you another thing, my pal. All right. I will finger blast you again. And you're going to itch again. Right, Gilbert? Because that's... It's a man's world. It's beyond itch.

It hurts. Now, listen. It's starting to hurt me. Son of a bitch. Listen. All right. Next time, when you're going to bring up something private, all right, tell me beforehand so that I can tell you not to say it.

This is more embarrassing for me, not me. It's my left foot. It's itchy. It's my vagina. It's my left foot. It's itchy. And I really believe this, too. It's my muff.

Calyla. Let me... Calyla, I really mean... I think that it's psychological. It's psychological. You think it's itchy, but let me tell you something. Your vag probably itched since you were a baby. Well, I was molested.

So yeah, probably. Thanks for hitting a sore spot. And can I say this? Every time you and I make love, my fingers get itchy. What do you think of that? Maybe it's reverse. Have you thought about that? My vagina is so clean.

I remember thinking... I remember thinking to myself that what a risk it was to even sleep with you to begin with. Okay. Can I tell you a theory? And you insisted on raw dog even the first time. And I was like, wow, I think that my vagina might melt off at some point in this relationship. Can I tell you a theory?

What? They fuck 100 hookers in here and they're free? No, no, no, no, no. I'm gonna tell you a... I'm gonna tell you a theory. Okay? Launching that. I still believe that American Indians came from Asia because they think that Chinese

people walked over the Bering Strait to float into North America, right? But there's a few people that believe the reverse happened, that American Indians went the other way and that the Chinese are descendants from American Indians, right? So that's what I'm gonna say to you, my friend, okay? That maybe that your vag is giving me foot fungus. I think you should just apologize. I think you should just be a man and say, hey, sorry, I'll wash my hands. And check your vagina out.

I have. Okay. I have. And maybe you're... Maybe that guy from Spain, right? The football player, maybe he has itchy foot now because you're a vagina and maybe... Maybe Gardo has an itchy foot because of your guard... I don't give a fuck.

You know what I mean? Maybe Bane from fucking Australia, the guy that you were seeing, that other guy, or the London guy with the tattoos on his neck. What is the name? The fucking... Yeah, that guy, maybe he has an itchy foot. So when I'm saying to you, right, don't confront me with these things. I'm not confronting you.

I'm just asking you. Let's let it go now. Apologize. What? Apologize to me. You need to say sorry to my... You know what? We're out of standstill because until we get a medical test done, right?

So I'm going... I'm gonna ask a doctor to say, hey, I know it's not a typical yeast infection. I know it's not a typical bacterial infection. I took an STD test. I'm literally clean everywhere else. What can you just swab and find out exactly if this is fucking... What do you call it? Tinia Pettis.

I think that's what the fungus is called. Yeah. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go to a foot doctor. I'm gonna go, can you check my left foot to see if that's from Pee Pee? What's Pee Pee? Filipino pussy. Filipino pussy.

Fee Pee. Fee. What? It's Fee Pee. Whatever. Because Filipinos start with an F. Philippines pussy then. Okay.

If the Philippines with a Pee. If my hands sweating, feel my hands right now. I'm sorry. Look at my hands. Look at my hands. Look at my feet. I'm so sorry. But you started this.

I wanted to... Listen, I just... When you guys were trying to fix these mics and stuff, I was watching a documentary in the room. I was fucking crying. I really was. I was literally crying. And then now you come up with...

I was like, I was like one with the world because I was watching a great documentary. And now you got me all fucking jazzed out and crazy, all right? So tomorrow we'll get your pussy checked out. Now, move on. Let's go. What are we also going to talk about? I want to mention the fact, since we're still on this whole... You know how you told Foreskin not to reply to that girl?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he hasn't replied to her. Good. But I think that all your advice has not rubbed off on him the right way and he's taken it too far. Okay.

Go ahead. What's the problem? No, no, no. Not with this girl. Fuck this girl. She's out of the picture. But he's taking your advice to talking to white women a certain way a little bit too far.

Yeah. Because he literally... He posted up on Instagram today. There was his white... She's very, very pretty. I think her... Her name is like Carrie Branigan or something like that. Super hot chick.

Here, look. Let me see. Let me see. Yeah. And she's leaving comments on his page like, you're so funny. I'm stalking you. She's like 80,000 followers. He's a hot chick.

Hot white chick. Yeah. Except look, what was... Read the caption that he put there. So he takes a picture of all her comments. Can I get you some water or maybe an Arnold Palmer? Read it out loud. He says, hey, Ms. Kelly Branigan, could I get you some water or maybe an Arnold Palmer?

Because you're looking thirsty. Do you know what that means? No. Bobby's not in on the young term or the young lingo. What is the look? Tell me, tell me. When a girl is thirsty, she's just thirsty for the D. And then what she said.

And she was like, calm down. I was just saying you're funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hey Gilbert, your face looks like a T-Statue, okay? You're not a good looking dude. What? Are you from the club?

No, not even from, no. Dude. It's like, if I was on an island and I saw a wooden post with faces on it, every face would be yours and I would get off that island because I'd be like, oh my God, this is like a fucking flat face island, but my point is this, okay? You're okay for your, you know what I mean? Your type. For your race.

Just be it. For our race. For your race. But I also want to say this too. You're a funny guy. You know what I mean? And for a comedian, you're very, you're pretty good looking compared to me. Yes.

Okay. But you're not at that level to talk to people like that. You wait two, three years when you get, when you listen to me right now, fuckface, okay? When you get some credits, you know what I mean? You get your first CSI and you get your first, you know what I mean? You're starting on two broke rules or whatever. That's when you start doing it. Okay?

Cause you need a little money to do it. Okay. All right. So you're a tiki statue. Remember that? So going back to the other girl that he was talking to, he's basically been blowing her off for a week, right? So she finally gives him a final, she's been, look, she's been sending him text after text

after text with no reply. Yeah. Cause you told him not to reply to her. Exactly. Because he was representing Asians, right? Yes. The final text to him was last thing I'm ever going to say about the situation, but I'm, I'm very disappointed.

Just ghosting out on me like this. Wow. Good luck. And then what you do now is this. You know, okay. Give your advice and I'll give you my advice. Go ahead. You want to do yours first then.

Do yours first. I know mine. But go ahead. You first. This is what you do, dude. Dude. You call her tonight. Oh my God.

Are you serious dude? No, no, no. You text her tonight and you go, come out, you go, yo, come over. No. Come back. I take it to another set. No, no. Bro, baby.

This will work. I don't have any credits. No. This will work. That's where you lose your. You motherfuckers are so stupid. Okay. You're so fucking stupid.

This is what you do. You text her. And you say, this is all you're going to say. Hey, let me eat you out for free, for free. You don't want a blow job. You don't want sex. Just let me eat you out. Yeah.

Well, all right. That's better. You're right. Baby, you're right. Because not only is that a story, but it's an in. You're doing her a service. Hey, you fucking ugly fucking ox. Shut the fuck up.

I already told you. I told you, why is she going crazy? I told you not to have her on the fucking thing. Jessica, get back to the green pad. Get back to your corner. Get out of here. God. She's so gross.

Get back to your corner right now. Oh my. All right. Jesus Christ. Back in your corner. Jessica. Hey. I will put a muzzle on you and you saw you in the sky last night with the blood moon.

Your face was floating in the sky. It was amazing. Thank you so much for showing up in the sky, but sit down. How about this? How about you guys right now for me? You guys write the text together and send it. I'm okay with it. Yeah.

You send it. Yeah. This is what I'm going to say. Exactly what I wanted you to tell her. You guys have to agree on what you're saying. No, I'm going to say, Hey, let me eat you out for free. What's the for free part? I don't get that part because there's no return.

Yeah. Of course. Let me eat you out. You don't get a blow job. There's nothing sexual. I just want to eat you out 100% and go home. You then put that down because for free seems like there's like some sort of like those money exchange.

No, it doesn't have to be reciprocated. That's what I mean for free. Well then say that it doesn't need to be reciprocated. How do you say the word reciprocated? How do you say it reciprocity reciprocated? Say it. Send it. Okay.

Keep talking. And then also, hey, dude, as soon as she sends it, I'm going to keep the phone right here so you don't have to, you can't do anything like, you know what I mean? That was somebody else doing it and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. You have to do it. No.

No. No. She knows it exists. Shut the fuck up, Blood Moon. Oh my God. That's it? Yeah. Do you need me at least to add for free?

No, I just... Let me see. Let me see what he said. She sent, let me eat you out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm in for something else. No, no, no, no, no. You don't need to add frosting to what I just wrote.

What I just wrote was a strong statement to a woman saying, I'm going to pleasure you. You know when you get another call from my boss, big like, don't listen to those two. Well, look, I never said I gave helpful advice. I said, I just gave some type of advice. Yeah. My boss. Look, if a guy told me, look, if a whip boy told me he was going to eat me out and just leave afterwards, I'd be like, yeah, okay.

And Gilbert, what about this? What if she goes, okay. And then, you know what? You owe us everything. You owe us. You owe him a blow job and you owe me. You know what I mean? You know what?

You know what you owe me? You're going to take me to like Morton's or something. That's very expensive. I don't care. You're going to take me to Morton's if she says okay. Oh my God. I'm nervous. Don't be nervous.

Do your job. Okay. I hope she blocks you. I left so hard. I'm so sorry, Gilbert. It's probably not going to work what I'm saying. I don't want to bore with the for free part because it was like, oh, he's got swag for free.

I will. I'll text her back here. Yeah. You fucked it up, sweetie. That's too blunt. Me going is going. That's too blunt. Let me eat you.

That's too blunt. Let me just eat you out. Well, here, put your password and I'm going to add a second text. It just says for free. Wait. Now I thought about it. Yeah. You fuck.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now it's worse, baby. You can't do it now because now there's a two minute gap and then you can't do it now, babe. Do it. Yeah.

No. No. How about this, baby? Let me do the second one. Let me take the type of the second one. What? I already did for free. What?

I'm going to. Can I text something? All right. Great. She's going to go to work tomorrow. I'm so confused. I don't think she's going to be very confused. Oh, God.

Take a picture of your face. No. Let me see what you wrote her again. Just kidding. Are we children or what? No, I said, just kidding. No, I said, just kidding. I'd rather eat out a dog.

No, I said, just kidding. No, I said, just kidding. I'd rather eat out a dog. No, I said, just kidding. I'd rather eat out a dog. That's making me foreskin cry. It's really, it's not. There's no friendship.

There's no friendship. He's crying now. It's over. It's over. We just fucked it up for you. Oh, God. Good stuff, guys. Great.

I didn't send that. I didn't send that. Well, that's also a very late night text. 1230. 1230, yeah. Good luck. We're so sorry. I can't believe it there.

Yeah. I'm just beginning to feel guilty, Gilbert, because I just want, I wanted you to be with this woman, you know, and I just felt like, I feel like I, you know, that we're not doing the right thing by you and I messed it up. We messed it up, I think. We sabotaged it. Yeah, I'm so sorry. At this point, she probably thinks you're, you're either psychopathic or you have some

type of mental illness because you don't go without answering for a week and then say, like, hey, let me eat you out for free. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, two minutes apart. So just whenever you go with the women difficulty, just don't ask me because I'm not a genius. People know that. I have my, what?

I know she's a genius. I'm not. I'm, I'm a sloth. I'm a dumb sloth. The fact that I'm dating you makes me not a genius about that. Or it could make you even more of a genius. I think, you know, we were just having this discussion with, you know how we were talking in, I think a previous episode about like sexual fluidity and how like men can, whatever,

whatever. Yeah. The true sign of someone who is intelligent is somebody who doesn't have a lot of like sexual barriers. And we were talking to this other comic on, um, what was it, Saturday, and he was a gay guy, the gay guy from Toronto. Oh, Thomas. Yeah.

No, no, no. That, no, that guy is not gay. No, the other guy. But the other guy that's from Toronto was not gay. That guy's Graham. Yeah. You're talking about Thomas. Thomas is from New York and he is gay.

Yeah. But if you are gay, there's nothing wrong with it. No. I mean, basically, I was basically telling him like, look, if, even if Bobby were to have, you know, um, if he told me that he had had previous encounters with men like as an adult, not met out at 15 and like doing 69s with his cousin type shit. But I mean, like if he was like, Hey, six years ago or whatever, I was in a relationship with a man like that wouldn't turn me off.

I wouldn't turn me off. I, there's nothing about that statement that would even affect me. I don't think when I was younger, when I was 23, I was in a relationship with a really shitty guy and I still think he's a closet closeted, um, homosexual. And I remember telling him so many times, like just tell me if you're attracted to men because I felt it. I felt it in his energy. I felt it in the way like he fucked me and, um, you've asked me that before though.

Yeah. But I'm with you. I'm, it's, I don't ask you in a way that's like, I need to know because honestly, it doesn't matter. I'd still be with you either way. But when I was, you would still be with me if I was gay. No, if you were bisexual, I would. Oh, okay.

So if Gilbert and I, not that I would, but like, cause I don't, um, I don't make love to. You told me you wouldn't suck my dick by a cancer saving. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, you know, but if you were, if I was, I was having sex with this brownie, yeah, that wouldn't make you feel weird. If it was now, it would make me feel where you're cheating on me. I'm just saying if you had, if you tell me that you've had sexual, you know, encounters

with like men before I, it wouldn't affect me any, okay. And I think that now that we have that clear, I like to think I'm sexually involved in that way. Just please don't have sex with foreskin. I wouldn't. Let me just say something. He is, you know, just, just, just, just kind of just say something, okay. There are so many people.

I have a list of a thousand men before I would have sex with this guy. I can even, I, I mean, and I think a thousand men, so 999 would probably be, you know, someone crazy like Manson or something. Wait, you'd be thousand. Oh, Jesus, uh, men, well, I'm not gay, but the guys that I, I've looked at and I said, he's pretty good looking. So top five. Uh-huh.

Okay. So number one would be Tony Thornberg, Tony Thornberg, Tony Thornberg, Tony Thornberg. Number one would be Tony Thornberg. Yeah. The Swedish. Yeah. You don't even know what if his voice sounds like this. I don't care.

I just say, you don't talk so much. Tony. Okay. So I don't care. Right. So number one, Tony Thornberg. Number two would be David Tukovny. Okay.

Number three would be Patrick Stewart. Oh, whoa. Okay. Yeah. Oh, the reason being is because everyone knows. It's more of a novelty. I'm a next gen guy. I don't like old Star Trek.

I don't like the new stuff. I like next gen. I like LeForge. I like data and I like Picard. Okay. So, and because, you know, I've always had these kind of weird fantasies that I was like, I worked on the ship, not like in 10 forward or whatever with a guidance, which is would be Goldberg, you know, like a busboy because I'm a Ferengi in that world.

So I'm like a Ferengi busboy. Okay. In my fantasy. A Ferengi is like a lower class. Right? Yeah. Like they're not really anything. And then like, and then Picard goes, number one, you take over and then he wants to have

a drink at 10 forward. And so he talks with, you know what I mean? Be Goldberg's character, the guy in and then I go and I go, you want to refill the card? And he goes, oh, meet me back, you know, in the back and that'll give him a handy. That's three. That's the number three. I'll try it. You have two more.

Two more. Why? Well, no, that's just the thing that I think about sometimes. Number four would probably be like one of those like go to generic ones. What's a go to generic? Johnny Dapp. Oh yeah. I think that he's on every woman's list as well.

Yeah. And, and I'm with the fifth one is another generic one, but, but I'll tell you why it's, it's not the reason why people think Tom Hardy, not because of Max, not because of Bane. You don't even need to explain why you love him because of Nemesis. Oh, is that the one where he looks like a bald Natalie Portman? You know, he played Picard younger self. Yeah. So you get two for one there.

He looks like a bald Natalie Portman. I think this movie is called Nemesis. Look it up. He, he has such luscious lips in that movie, but when he played Picard younger Picard. Yeah. He almost looked like a woman. That's my top five. Um, and my list for women is a thousand more, more and, and, and, and the thousand all start

with K and end with a Kalayla, let me see. Yeah. Nemesis. Yeah. He doesn't, he looked like a bald Natalie Portman. He looks like Natalie Portman. He doesn't look like a bald Natalie Portman. I'll put them side by side.

I guarantee you. Yeah. You want to know my top five? What? Yeah. Women. Oh, um, only one girl. No, you have to do five.

No. I stretch. I stretch. I stretch and I exposed myself and I got vulnerable and I said, you know, all the top of my head. So there's this one, um, Italian actress that I love and it's not necessarily what she looks like. It's what she is. She's in this movie called, I think it's called The Last Mistress and her name is, um,

Aja Argento and she's just fucking weird. She's actually a daughter of like a horror filmmaker and she's just this like odd, super like artsy, dark woman. And um, yeah, I've had a crush on her since I was like, I don't know, like 24 or something like that. Um, other women, my taste in women is not the usual hot chick though. Doesn't matter. Keep going.

Five top five. That's number one. Can we come back to me? Because I can't think of anything else but Aja Argento. Wow. That's really weird. Out of all the people that you threw out your life, you know, there wasn't like a Filipino singer back in the day.

Leah Salonga. Yeah. Something like that. No. No, no, no. Um, no, I can't think of anybody right now. Um, go ahead. I don't, I don't, I think, um, but for men I do.

Can you, can I give my top five? Oh, I have a sixth man. Can I say my sixth? Oh God. Okay. That guy, that guy that's on MSNBC. What's his name? Rachel Meadow.

He's my sixth. Rachel Meadow is your number six guy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Um, in terms of guys, I like guys who look like basically like they don't shower ever. I think I've said this before.

Yeah. Benicio Diltoro, just somebody you want to just take in a shower and scrub. I heard a lot of us, some girl told me she hugged up with him in an elevator and he spit like on her. Oh, that's so hot. Not in her vagina. Just spit on her face. I would love that.

You could spit in my eye. Give me hepatitis, Benicio. Take it. Ooh. I don't care what that guy gives me. I will take it. Gladly. Okay.

There's some. Oh, and another one is Pablo Escobar. Who's that? I would do the real Pablo Escobar and, and the narcos. You know what, baby? Just watching the show. It's ridiculous. I know.

Pablo Escobar is like a fucking evil motherfucker. Even if you watch Narcos, the show on Netflix, he just, there's just, no matter how much you humanize him, that guy literally brought Columbia to its knees. Like he tore the country apart, right? But his, there's something. Oh, maybe I'm just really fucked up in the head, but there is something very highly fuckable about someone that evil. Just on a sexual basis.

I would never want to marry him. Baby, baby. But fuckable. It's the same reason why women. Well, since we're going there, let's just talk about our top three serial killers on. Okay. What are your serial killers? What do you fuck?

Me? Yeah. No. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. What? No, no, no, what happened?

No, I wouldn't have sex with any serial killers. That's where I don't know where your mind is going, baby, but I was just saying in general, like we, like, I know it's evil and I know that it's just really, but in just terms of interests, there are some serial killers out there that like peak your interest, you know, in a bad way. Like, oh, that's the guy was so awful. You know, yeah, like Richard, Richard Gluklinski like Ed Dean You don't know who Ed Dean is hey, hey, he's like one of the worst serial killers ever made

Okay, I'll tell you what is he was they created a movie based on his character, which is a silence of the lambs Yes, okay, and this is a guy I think was the 50s and he lived on in a farm like in Wisconsin You know and some women couple women were missing and when they went to his like farm cottage or whatever They found like he killed them and made like lampshades or their skin and stuff You know, so he was like the first person It's like, you know when people use all of the cow when they eat them, you know, I mean like you like it What do you mean when they utilize the whole animal? Yeah, when they utilize the whole animal like, you know I mean, they don't go have things go to waste the entire human, right?

So it's like, you know, it's like if you kill a cow use the bones does not make him crazier or just more resourceful He's more resourceful and not only did he look at like so like you can say as someone who just shoots somebody and then runs away You could be like wow, that's actually a waste of it's a waste of meat a waste of skin So you're saying you yeah somebody like this guy is it's actually a better human being because at least he used their toenails for necklace They use the toenails for necklace, you know, the actual toes for earplugs, you know, I mean for airplanes Do you want to run away now or later for a scare? You really are

And then my second could be I mean Dahmer's got to be up there, right? Yeah, wait, we're still not we're not gonna fuck them, right? We're just no baby. You don't fuck Serical that's evil and you can marry them and have conjugal visits. Oh Oh, baby, come on. I might be one of those good women that like writes letters, you know from the outside like hey No, baby. Okay. Anyways, go ahead. So Jeffery Dahmer every time was probably number two and number three, it's got to be the The Green River killer. Who's the Green River killer? He was black Look him up. I think he's black

What do you do? He killed little black boys, which is really sad But just because you know, I don't want to be racist. Yeah, see what I added a no, that's not him That that's Gary Ridgway. That's not the book. You look up. Look up who the black serial killer Just look it up black serial killer in me a little black boys No, that's not gonna be is he's like top number one There's a certain name to it There's this woman I think who used to run an orphanage or I don't I don't know what it's a see the guy with it Right there the glasses to the right

Not him See that could know the Afro right there yet that guy No one's gonna know what he looks like cuz no one's gonna see what we're talking about Williams. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Look him up That's him for sure. I'm sorry. I don't know his name. Sorry black guy that What do you do? No, that's not him then I'm being racist to adult man. That's not him. That's not him. That's not him My favorite serial killer is my uncle. Yeah, you're crazy. We're crazy family. He's gonna drive me crazy I gotta look it up myself. Don't look it up. There's this one woman. Can you search for it? Gilbert? She's

Don't search for him search for me Yeah, why why I'm sorry. Yeah, we're looking at pictures of none. Nobody can can can see sweetie It's a woman who killed a ton of little babies, I think she used to work at an orphanage I know Well serial killer killed tons of babies know your keywords on Google Porn hub oh using my computers why I'm so sorry, baby. That's like that's you should fucking erase that history what a race the history Oh, that don't use porn hub on my computer. So that's a lie. Use it on my phone

Who uses a computer to masturbate anymore? Oh? I'm sorry for skin you You put a huge laptop in front of you with headphones with headphones. Actually, you know what that's what his brother does Don't check taxi porn that's for skin loves sweetie. Have you seen taxi porn like Ukraine is it Ukrainian? Yeah, it's a check taxi porn. Yeah, I don't like any porn where it's outside or in an environment that I don't like Like if I ever see porn and they're by a swimming pool outside. I don't like the lighting Yeah, it also makes me feel like if I'm having sex with somebody Well, we all had sex outside. I'm just in your car in that car. Yeah when you were at your sister's

I remember that night and I give you a road, you know, yeah, you did once. Thank you. What a couple times a man Thank you so much Give me more credit than that. All right. We're done trying to search. Okay. Anyway, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I want to I want to touch on a sensitive subject that just crossed my mind the other day and I told you about it. Um Don't make fun of me. Okay, but I sincerely think that I was That's not sexual assault, but I was molested by my doctor without Knowing about it without being aware of it. Why did you just fucking giggle for skin? Yeah, why? But baby, I don't know. I mean, I don't go to explain to people what it is like you I

Think of this obviously I have my I didn't realize that I had been molested until I entered nursing school So what happens for what happened for skin is that when I first came from the United States? I was about 15 and I started seeing just a general practitioner, right? And I didn't know what American doctors like what their usual like head-to-toe assessment consisted of So I would enter his office for things like oh, I my eye is itchy or you know I have you know chronic shoulder pain and I would always just ask you know like basic basic questions But in his head-to-toe assessment of me

He always asked me to take my pants off and he would always stick his fingers Like in a way to supposedly inspect my vagina and once in a while one time when I said yeah I have neck pain. He stuck his finger up my ass and says does this hurt and Then I always I would always walk out of the appointment and tell my sister like hey did he do this to you? She was yeah, he did too, and I was like oh, then it has to be American doctors. They're just so thorough They're thorough like that. They do a full head-to-toe assessment and they check everything right it wasn't until It wasn't until Nursing school when when you would you know when you were taught how to do just basic assessments that you realize

Fuck like that was unnecessary Wayne Bertram Williams Bobby I'm talking about He just real quick and then we'll move on to that he did he he killed 24 children Okay, and that's it. That's it. That's okay. Anyway, sorry. That's number three. Anyway, go ahead babe. Yeah, and I How many kids children you kill like 24 or something all children. Yeah, yeah, he's bad luck children and The FBI profiling they're like it's got to be a white guy with like anger issues You know man, you know man and race and he's racist and it was just another black man Who's dressed up as a cop and lure kids and was really anyway, baby. I'm so sorry. You were molested. I

Love you so much. I'm so sorry Don't touch me with your little vile green foot one more fucking time But the thing is is that sweetie about this situation with the doctors don't like you fucking care I do care. I do care because the thing is is that you didn't say anything at the time because I Talked to my sister about it. I was like, hey, dude, is this like out of the ordinary? Is this abnormal? Is this not okay? She was like no because he did that to me too and I was like, okay Well, he's let it to both of us. So I guess it's fine. Yeah, but if you now know, I mean, would you do it over again? Do you regret it?

What do you mean of saying something to the police or whatever? I never said anything. I know but you regret not doing it No, I would have never seen him after the first time. I would have changed doctors immediately But you how many times you go back to him like every time why? Because I didn't know that it was not it wasn't part of the head-to-toe assessment I just thought that the Americans were were being thorough That's so he was like he was like an old an old like Egyptian guy He's a genius because you know, they're a freak. She's a foreign girl. She just moved here They don't know they're like, you know, I mean, so I would do all kinds of weird things like bend over

Yeah, yeah, but that to me isn't sexual I'm sorry, he gloved up and he literally stuck his fucking finger up my ass I know it wiggled it inside and I was like does this hurt Do you know why it's not sexual because he gloved up Like if I was a doctor and I if it was sexual, I wouldn't put the glove on I would go raw finger I glove up when I touch you And well, that's rude. She does but that's rude You know

I'm sorry that happened to you, baby. It's okay. I just wanted to to Mention it because it just crossed my mind the other day and but the thing is is that you know people Bad things happen and like we you know, we saw that Lizzie Vela squares documentary the last cast for the 50th Fucking time you guys if you haven't seen if you like documentaries you have to watch it just came out of iTunes It's called the Lizzie Vela squares story. It's a Lizzie Velasquez. Whatever. Okay. I'm not hispanica Yeah, but you live in LA for most of your life. I don't talk to them. Okay Muchos gracias Now listen and she was born with an undiagnosed thing where she looks like she has

What did Freddie Mercury have AIDS that? No, I'm kidding. That's me. She she looks she she has this weird rare disease Well, she can't gain weight. So she's real super skinny and I swear to God Kalyla and I were watching it today on the bed. I want to take a nap, but we watched it. I literally cried What are you you cried to I cried? Yeah. Yeah, it's such as touching blind in one eye. Yeah, and It's it's a positive story though because you you see just how much a good Good good parenting. Yeah, how far that can go like in her case She just had such a supportive family such a supportive like social group in school supportive teachers that Protected her that really, you know, just I

Guess like, you know set her up for the best Lizzie that she could be yeah Even though the world was so harsh eventually on YouTube like what what happened so in high school So what happens is she she's such a brave girl like even as a kid She would go up to the class and go my name is Lizzie Valesquez and I have this undiagnosed thing He would and she would like, you know make make friends. She joined the cheerleading squad when she was in high school and Then she had a big group of friends and her I love her parents so much. They're just so loving That's what made us cry made us cry and then all of a sudden some fucking douchebag on YouTube put up a video saying the

ugliest woman in the world And she's in high school, right and she looks at it and the fucking comments are like, you know You should kill yourself. Your parents should have boarded you should light a lighter on fire I mean crazy things and her mom saw it You know me and then Lizzie collapsed and she and then what the worst thing is is that she tried to get it removed Because I've tried to do this myself things removed on the video was flagged so many times to where it was removed And you know a lot enough complaints had been filed or whatever, but the guy wrote her back saying I will never give up I'm gonna post re-upload re-upload re-upload re-upload. I'm like for what?

Yeah, like this kid had to have been nine and just bored like that's my only I For you to go out of the way to hurt somebody like that is like really something psychologically fucked up with you You're really fucked up because it's like there are people that there are literally people ask Kalilah that like even other comics I fucking hate. I think they're just garbage, you know mean, but I don't go out of my way to say bad things about them because it's like It's hurtful. I can have my own opinions about things, right? But to go out of my way to write it on the internet to hurt somebody else, right is like, you know I mean I watch bad movies and I've thought maybe I'll write a bad review. I just don't why it's gonna hurt the producers and the director I mean like very sensitive in that way, you know

But for you to do that to a woman that struggled with this disease all her life where she's had a thousand surgeries and She's and she's also trying to live a big world, right? She's out walking through fear and and doing everything she can she's basically doing more than me exactly and Bobby It's combined right and then she you know what she did she Decided to create a her own YouTube channel to fight back and then she did this Ted talk that Almost blew her up like she got on the view. She got on yeah on a bunch of stuff and like like for me It's like, you know, I just love this I really do love this girl, you know, and I say a lot of fucked up things and

Edgy things to get a response of people and I've said racist things and hurtful things to retards and stuff like that But the thing is is that yes, I have you know, I mean, we're so loose with that word We're gonna have to learn how to mentally People mentally people Bobby. I don't know what it is whatever. Okay, but I don't mean what I say I do it just for shock but deep down inside Lizzie Velasquez I You know me and I'm fond of you and Keep doing what you're doing and I love you and I love your family too. I think that this podcast is not all so bad

Thank you for for for being that positive because I literally just said I'd have sex with Pablo Escobar I'm so glad you redeemed. Yeah, that's our you redeemed the both of us I did because nobody you know, you and I cry all the time about like things that we see that's like so wrong like you know, I went with those Refugees refugees in Syria or when the Korean boat sank remember the ferry and then like when that guy from Norway shot up You know, I mean, I like really I watch those things and it breaks my fucking heart But at some point, I mean we crying is not enough. We have to actually contribute socially I think you and I at some point have to open like a birthing center in Indonesia or something and give back to humanity

Well, we do what we can babe. We do what we can we we go on the podcast and we talk about how we cry about it and do Nothing, we when that fireman called you and said we have a little tiny baby kitten, right? What did we do? We got in the car. We went out picked it up We went and bought a bunch of shit at fucking Petco and stuff and we bought all the like, you know I mean supplements and things that we we looked up things in Europe at the internet We went to the vet which has spent a hundred bucks a couple hundred bucks doing a lot of hundred bucks Yeah, a lot of couple hundred bucks, right? And we did everything we could to make this kid We would get up every three hours

Yeah, like it was like feed it we and Bobby would help like stimulate the the belly So that he would poo and pee because they can't do it on their own Yeah, we did all that stuff for the little one, right? And you know, that doesn't make us evil Right, but I think that given given the platform that we have we could be more useful of ourselves and our resources We're not like this is this podcast is new so we don't have a huge following You know I mean and but if this grew for instance, then we would do that, but we don't have the power yet That would be my ultimate Goal in life

Go back to the Philippines and change the whole medical system Put a bunch of urgent cares because good Lord have they have it fucked up Do you know that if you're dying Gilbert? Let's say for instance, you're bleeding your ephemeral you're bleeding out of your femoral artery because you just got bit by a shark If you entered their emergency room there, they would say no pause stop Pay up front pay up front first before we can even so much as give you a drop of water to drink And then when she went to she because we went to the Philippines and Kalala had a heart attack, right? It's not a heart attack. Whatever it is. What was it? It was something like it. That's what I call it

People know what it means, okay? It wasn't a myocardial infarction. It's different. She had a an episode of deep proportions Okay, I Rhythm went into I need to go to the hospital now because I'm gonna die I was in ventricular. That's a heart attack ventricular tachycardia, which is a dangerous rhythm It's called VTAC, but anyway, we're there and then she's the doctor comes up to me and goes he gives me a book and Opened at the book and literally there's like like the first pages says normal room So she he goes what room do you want her in? They gave him a menu of different hospital rooms that they could admit me to

Yeah, so the first one was really cheap, but it was in a hallway. No bathroom. Here's the menu. Yeah, no hallway, right? The second room was like in a closet that no one else could be in there except for a doctor and a human being Right and I keep flipping the pages and then it gets to like VIP, right? And then and then luxury which is the ones that are normal the in America Yeah, right and they're really kind of pricey not you know for the Philippines it is right So obviously I do you know, I mean the second most expensive. Yeah No, because the most expensive what was so outrageous and also, you know, I mean they told me that only like, you know Presidents and like, you know, I mean like, you know, no, that's and it but the second one looked better to me

Which didn't even matter anyways because I got transferred to I see are you bummed that I didn't give you the most luxurious room No, but we didn't have Wi-Fi in the second room Yeah, that was a problem. So, you know mod cons, you know, yeah, that was a problem A mess a mess. It was like the most stressful time of my life. He was a mess Everyone was a mess. Everyone was because I mean everybody had gone to the Philippines to vacation as a family My sister was there. My mom a stepdad my sister's boyfriend. Everybody was really excited It was like this one huge reunion week and our first day there We had a blast just for 24 hours Bobby and I had a time of our lives like on Instagram

You I had I put up a couple of photos of me dancing and yeah I mean, yeah, and then I went to bed that night like literally feeling the happiest I'd ever been I was like Well, I'm here with my family. I'm gonna wake up in five hours We're gonna go to Oslo which is the other side of the island to go the whale sharks So I had been there before and I wanted to show Bobby that and I already rented a van and we were like, okay, sweetie set your alarm five hours. We're gonna wake up and go dive with the whale sharks and Two hours into my sleep. I I woke up I clutched my chest and I woke Bobby up and I said I I I can't breathe and then

Between the moment that happened to the time I got to the hospital like my lips were blue I was sweating like I I straight up thought I was on my way out and I even looked at Bobby I was like look no matter what happens I'm you know, just just know that like this was all worth it to me and he was crying he was it was really frightening and I think we downplayed a lot because you know, we're just we deal with it by being funny about it We we look back at that situation and we try to laugh at it laugh at the fact that Everything went wrong on that trip literally everything went wrong and by the time I was I was in the hospital for five days in the intensive care and

we had to Basically pay our way back to America because I wasn't medically cleared to fly but I needed I Needed to be back here to be true. I knew that they didn't have I didn't feel safe there I didn't feel safe in their hospitals. They didn't they weren't adequate enough for me So I said I need to get back to Los Angeles ASAP. So what we did was we got a doctor to Quote-unquote medically clear me. We lied to the airline The worst part about it was that on my flight From Hong Kong to LA

We I had an episode on the plane I had such a bad episode that my sister had to fill out paperwork and all they took out all their medical like their Stethoscope their blood pressure all like the the the flight attendants because we thought I was gonna have to reroute the plane Or they were gonna have to reroute it because I was I Was in a bad shape and in the plane I was on they had to from gate to gate I was on a wheelchair Bobby was I mean you can imagine you can imagine by the time we touched LA like terra firma

Everyone was joyous and celebratory. We're like fuck. We made it We made it. I was in the hospital. I went to the hospital the next the next day and you know got treated and eventually I had surgery and it was Seriously, it was it could have broken us up Because I always feel like Part of the reason Bobby is it was attracted to me was cuz you know, I'm athletic. I'm rough and tumble I'm just a bitch. You don't fuck with like I'm strong. I can do Push-ups. I'm just a physically strong person

So for him to see somebody somebody like me in that state I felt like I I had let I I felt like I had let him down almost no No, I mean that the incident made me feel stronger to her, you know, like it made me go You know what like I'm doing everything I can you know to make this You know to keep her alive and to make this work, you know, and it it gave me Listen like I'm not if I don't want to be in a relationship. I won't be in it, you know, but this made me go you know, I really do love her and

she's crazy and but She's a good person. She's extremely smart and she's loving and She's you know, she's a lot of things. She's she's got a great mind and she interests me on a daily basis and It's well worth it, you know, so I would it made me realize that, you know, I'm gonna I'll go to the end with this You know I mean so I think it was a very difficult thing I think it also made my family realize that Bobby was in it for real because my my family always liked Bobby but didn't know him this way so we were when we were all in the Philippines together and

They saw just how much he was willing to get me the fuck out of there and How much money he got me a fucking first-class ticket back to the United States just so I could lay down flat He asked his you know, he made sure that they there was a wheelchair that was gonna take me from gate to gate because I couldn't walk I couldn't physically walk three steps without feeling like I was gonna pass out or my heart was gonna fucking Like start, you know going 200 beats a minute so he all of those things made or it it confirmed to my sister and my mom like okay he's not just some fucking funny chump like he cares about this girl and you know, it's it was traumatic and I had to go through therapy for months after that but we got through it and I

No matter what happens between Bobby and I I Will always look I Will always look back at that situation with utmost gratitude Because you know, he was there for me literally every step of the way Maybe I got a little like but hurt one time when he didn't spend the night with me at the hospital But literally there was no space Number one limit, okay, just say there's no space to sleep. No, there's no space. There's no couch Yes, yeah, they had a wooden chair

But the kind of chair that like you would see in there would be blood like somebody had made it out of like, you know I mean just the tree outside, you know, man It was like spiky and you know, I mean and like and like one night I remember being Spending the night and I had to leave because I was so hungry And I don't know you the area and you go outside and there's chickens in the middle of the street Chickens, it's a city when I say chickens. I mean Filipinos and No, but I was at a 7-Eleven, which was right down the street, right? But it was like not a 7-Eleven that you've ever seen. It's like people are out there

Smoking and drinking, you know me and in the Philippines gas stations are the place. It's like after the After-party spot. It's where everyone hangs out and just stand by, you know People are parting their heads off Filipinos are just really like a two-legged dog roll by, you know, I mean and you're and I'm going I haven't slept Kalala might die You know, I mean I mean the middle, you know, I mean the middle of nowhere and it was just a real It was awful awful. It was awful situation, you know

There's been a couple of them that was the biggest one though, yeah a couple we had maybe one other test Well, I've said things that like on you know, I've made I've made some verbal mistakes You know when I do radio or you know and But I mean, you know, that's on me, too. My problem was that in the beginning of our nation I'll totally take blame for that early on. I just I I sweated the small stuff I did every little thing he did was just I I I wanted to like like Analyze and criticize and the moment I realized like look like he is who he is like he's been This way from the start. What are you crying about Kalala?

And I'm like, you know what? I'm not gonna sweat the small stuff anymore. Bobby is Bobby I am who I am and it's made our relationship so Easy almost easy to a fault Because I just don't cry about the shit I mean I cry about him giving me like boils on my neck or I cry about like his foot fungus But that's basically the extent of what I cry about I don't I don't whine and complain about the shit that I used to and I'm sort of ashamed of it because I used to talk about it on Podcasts and even on DVD ASA where I would be like, yeah, well, you know his he ties Texas ex-girlfriend

I'm like, I don't give a fuck things like that. I just when you when you've almost When when you've had something like what happened to me happen where I felt like I was gonna lose my life You just stop caring about the small stuff. You're like, you know what what the fuck was I ever crying about ever? You just start. Yeah, you know, I mean no, I mean I I have so many problems It's like I can't even believe that she has to Deal with the things that I have, you know, I just I'm a I'm a kid You know, I I play video games for 16 hours a day

You know, I'm gonna play tonight You know, I mean and I And I feel like I when I'm playing I do there's a sense of guilt, but I cannot stop You know, I mean, there's just too much to do I have to get I got to get my characters to the right level at which I am slowly starting to understand why Because like I said, it's just like I after a while you just get used to the routine I Mean not to say that my soul isn't dying like that though. It's like I just feel so bad about what I have hobbies

I go to the beach. Yeah, yeah, you know, I go hike. Yeah, I fuck around with Jenna. You know, we're good Yeah, yeah, I I do you want to talk about Louie Wayne? Oh Fuck I do I really do want to talk about that. You know who that is So she showed me just explain how she showed me it today So I showed him a video of this guy who was talking about the disease toxoplasmosis No, that is toxoplasmosis is actually a banana shaped protozoan and you can contract it humans can contract it from Having cats usually outdoor cats Let's say if like a cat eats a mouse and then and it enters a cat system and then somehow it enters our system

It enters our brain, but it can cause ADHD It can cause people to do to be more risky and worst of all it can cause schizophrenia Right and I was showing him this video about how this guy basically Was explaining Why all humans now love cats and then it all started with an artist named Louie Wayne So Louie Wayne was an artist from in the late 1800s. I think he died in like 1930s or something like that and after his wife died he took in a feral cat and he fell in love with this cat and Apparently he caught toxoplasmosis

Yeah, but what is obsession with he always painted cats So he started painting cat after cat after cat because he started obsessing about cats, right? But then once his illness or his toxoplasmosis caused him to to to become really really really schizophrenic He started drawing cats in a most whimsical Crazy colorful way, so it's like we were looking earlier at the cats that he drew before schizophrenia Yeah, and then after schizophrenia It's fucking amazing and like the ones later right especially the very last ones were like you don't you don't see a cat It's just like it's a cat. It's a cat

You can kind of maybe see a couple of eyes maybe but it's like just a kaleidoscope of colors Right and patterns, and it's really really beautiful, but basically Bobby is a Louie Wayne. I think I have it He I think that the reason he is so obsessed with Cats is because he has some form. I think he has toxoplasmosis I have schizophrenia then. No, I don't think you have schizophrenia like I'm gonna get schizophrenic I think that you should stop kissing like mouth kissing your cats. I love them so much though I know, but they lick each other's asses all day. I know, but I love them so much So no more mouth kisses how about that, but you just said that they weren't feral cats and they weren't outside

So it's like I'm not gonna get it The likelihood is you know It's it's it's lesser of a chance if they've never stepped outside because it's found I think from what I understand It's a microbiology is I think that they're found you get it from rats Okay, so let me ask you this we would you be able to tell if I'm getting schizophrenia. Yes, absolutely because what will I do? What's the signs schizophrenia is the the hallmark signs are always auditory or visual hallucinations So you start to hear voices What I'm playing video games now at late at night like at 3 4 in the morning

I feel like somebody is walking by me on the right hand side and then I look over and there's no one there But that happens though But that's just a perception because sometimes you know your eyes can play tricks on you like sometimes that happens to me like that Water bottle right there. If I'm looking all the way this way that might appear like a human okay, okay, give me the second thing and That's basically it you start auditory and visual hallucinations you start, you know That's that's the the main like those are the main hallmark signs of schizophrenia

But my obsession with cats Is it necessarily mean that I have schizophrenia, but you know you would tell like you start to lose touch with reality You start to say like hey, like, you know, the FBI is out to get me you become paranoid paranoid paranoia is a huge one, too So the men I see in the garage with the suits. That's not They're there are they there they're there I was taught when we did our psychrotation in nursing school that when when when someone with schizophrenia Approaches you and says like hey, there's like someone on my roof and you know Like he's threatening to like bomb this building that you're not supposed to be like now. No, there's no one on the roof

you have to actually Not validate what they're saying but say hey, I'm gonna go to the roof I'm gonna check it out for you, but to not just completely dismiss what they're saying, you know what I do I would go the opposite way too. I would even add more stuff and also they know your name Yeah, and they've been had a file on you for many many years and they're after your parents stuff like that You're so mean You just said to say no, no, you're not supposed to go. No, no, no, that's not real No, what you're supposed to do is number one not dismiss their fears because I wouldn't do that

That's a legitimate fear. You have to make them feel better, but your job is to reorient them back to reality Okay, all right, so after you say I've checked the roof. Nothing is there. You slowly reorient them back to reality Okay, so let's you're schizophrenia. So tell me I'm the guy You have schizophrenia. Just you tell me that I have you know, I see people on the okay So there's a there's a lady in my bathroom and she's whispering that she's saying I have to kill you Yeah, I know she's there and She's your grandmother She's a grandmother and she's come back right and so that's cool. That's real, right, but it's also not happening

Is that what you mean? Yeah, please like never work and like well, that's why I'm not I don't have that job That's scary Bobby, you just said to do it and I just did exactly what you told me to do and now you think that I'm fucking I'm bad person a few months ago on foreskin I I was telling Bobby this I sincerely thought I was on the verge of psychosis Yeah, because I was coming off my meds my beta blockers and beta blockers you are like off label use for like anti-anxiety So I didn't take that into consideration and I just after I had my surgery I just stopped taking my beta blockers all together and oh my god that I lose my fucking mind Did I lose my mind? I would have to ask but I would have I would beg Bobby to tell me who I was who he was

Can you tell me you're my boyfriend, right? I would I would call Jenna crying cuz I I was on aisle 7 at Gelson's at the supermarket and I couldn't move I was just fully panicked. I would draw in the room once and she woke up and she goes. Is that you Bobby? It's light like the rooms lit right and I'm thinking of myself It was weird, I thought I was losing my fucking mind. She's the one with schizophrenia with the cats no, and I you know what because I'm so aware of of What schizophrenia is what bipolar is what like the different? Like mental diagnosis like I started self-diagnosing and I told I straight up told my therapist like you need to make sure you

Need to rule out the fact that I could possibly be on my way to being to having schizophrenia because these these are the things What these are things I'm feeling I started seeing things that weren't there and it was all a result of Getting off beta blockers and my fucking no doctor will ever tell you that that's an actual thing But I had to I had to find that out the hard way and it was dangerous because I mean I've had a history I have bipolar. I am bipolar. No, I'm not I you know, you're not supposed to say that. I'm not bipolar I have bipolar bipolar to and I have a history Gilbert what is going on with you because for the last 10 minutes scared because we're talking about a scary like a scared face No, we're just this is we're just trying to be real and talk about our lives you man

If you don't if you're not into it, man Are you scared do we scare you you're young? That's why you don't know nothing Yeah, yeah, oh I I just wanted to be emphatic about it because I'm not ashamed of it and you know what? I go through severe bouts of depression and so the fuck what that's that's that's my chemical composition I I have a lack of serotonin. So the fuck you look like a neanderthal. I Don't think so his Angle look at his forehead and his face you look like you look like early man

That's what you look like Like you haven't evolved that your hair is cool. You can do Tokyo fucking pop took Tokyo pop all day long You're it's your face, bro Yeah, yeah, anyways, I wanted to to say that anybody who is willing to give Bobby a Louie Louie Wayne Art print it would be greatly appreciated because he spent two hours looking at all of Louie Wayne's cat. Yeah, artwork I'm a huge fan He's that he died like yeah, he was born in the 1800s and he's still alive Gilbert. Yeah, it's crazy Yeah

Yeah, anyways, do we have questions for from the fans From our three fans who just write us over and over again Unhelpful advice with Bobby and Kalilah All right, this comes from Chase Randall. It's not really a question. It's more of a just a generic question to you both What's your to call it first? What's your diet like? You're super fit and also for Bobby. What's your diet like? You're also super fit Go ahead baby

God, but he minds not fun. Who cares about a fucking slim girl sharing her fucking Look in the last year, I've had to seriously modify my lifestyle because of my heart condition So I haven't been able to work out the usual five times a week that I always had before so um, I Eat healthy. I always Wake up and I eat I always eat a protein packed breakfast because that jump starts your metabolism I eat often. So I always snack on small things I drink a lot of water and I don't eat a lot of carbs for dinner. So if I do eat carbs for dinner It's always like vegetables and not too high sugary fruits

I stay away from juices and I drink a lot of bi-ok. I drink a lot of probiotics Blah blah blah in terms of my workout regimen. That's I haven't been able to work out in a year almost So I just do a lot of like stretching and some type of like super mild yoga. So boring you go ahead Bobby. I Do exactly what I want to do Like I'm gonna I'm not even just not even joking if I want burrito covered with like cheese and guacamole and sour cream Filled, you know, I mean and then afterwards I want to ice cream sandwich and then afterwards. I want to donut That's exactly what I'm gonna eat in terms of my exercising. I don't move Ever like I sleep a lot and then the only way that I move is if I have to

For instance, I gotta go smoke a cigarette Should I go I have to go outside because he's hurt because of her like, you know, he's not allowed to smoke inside the house Yeah, I used to when she didn't live here, right? So I gotta go outside and smoke a cigarette if I have to go to the comedy store or a comedy club or the airport to do a Show I have to move because no one will carry me But other than that, I move my fingers when I play video games and I move my right hand if I'm jerking off But other than that, I do little movement and I eat whatever I want to yeah, and then during during sex. It's literally Just pure like 11 and a half kids

Power and then Say it again, babe Oh, right here, can you still hear me? Yeah, do it now? Okay. Um, but um, see what you just said. Yeah, when we have When we have sex, it's always just 11 and a half seconds of extreme. It's not 11 and a half seconds and I can literally count it a Solid minute sometimes but then after that, he'll just quit and then he'll just roll over to my back And I need to break you to just finish things off. Yeah Yeah, yeah, but I will I will fucking like a jackrabbit For like a minute

Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, and then after that he's just you know, he just lays on his back just completely just sweating out of breath I just I just eat whatever. I don't know. I I don't even eat like during lunch dinner. I just eat like like whenever it scares me Like what did you eat today? What are your meals? I made you get me Chipotle I didn't want to move so I go wait. I got I got Kalyla. I need to eat. She's like, what do you want? I go I want Chipotle. She goes call Gilbert. So we you we gave you the order while I played video games You came I ate a gigantic burrito with chips and guacamole Right, and then I haven't eaten anything since then

But that's a problem. That's the problem though This is the problem if you if you just have huge one huge meal a day You're basically shutting down your metabolism. That's what I do So sometimes I'll eat just one meal a day like I'm on the road I won't eat in the morning or all day long. I'll do a show, right? And then afterwards I'll tell the comics like if I'm in Denver or Portland I'll go where's the best place to eat and it's usually some shitty place and I'll you know me I will gorge I Will gorge my fucking it's scary. It's so scary. It's scary

And I honestly I'm which I'm probably wouldn't be too sad about but he probably will lose that greenfoot to diabetes And you know what? Maybe I'd rather have a stump I think that his lifestyle is it scares me out of there isn't a day. Can I just say say something right now? After mad TV was a done. I Waited more than I did now Okay, and then and also my career wasn't going well I wasn't dating anybody really and it was just a really bad time. All right, and so what I did was I Suffered a lot of spiritual and emotional pain

I really did and I looked him in the mirror and I went God You're so ugly, you know and and fat and sloth so I lost I got down to 150 Which is really good for me. I look like Steve when I'm at 150. You're five four You shouldn't be 150 a baby if I went to 150 right now I would look like fucking Steve you from walking down. I would look good. Yeah, not that good Yeah, but my point is is that and I'm getting there now I think the excess of video game playing and The also just the sloth like eating is giving me it's putting me in a situation where I'm feeling a little bit of spiritual pain

In emotional pain and I can tell that there's gonna be a phoenix situation where I turn into a phoenix that I rise right and then that will happen for two years and then things will Get good and then I'll go back to this. So it's just a cycle It's like a caterpillar to a butterfly back to caterpillar, but do you do realize that while you're living in this sloth? Moment that you're you're paying for it dearly your body is crying out Yeah, but my you don't understand that I'm evolved My sister just listen to what I have to say. Okay. I believe it to a point. Yeah, I my body has been through So much drug abuse

Over the years. I mean I have 13 years sober, but when I do rage. It's literally like 50 vikings a day Drinking 24 hours a day, right? I've been through just so many things physically, you know and emotionally that I'm just and my body just Is able to handle it, you know, well you were a drug addict in your 20s and 30s So yes, of course your body's gonna handle it. Yeah, and I'm just that's the that's where you you have the biggest misconception I have a resilience Yes, because you're a young guy your resilience doesn't last I'm gonna just say so that's a stroke I I don't want to fight because we've had such a great like peaceful a peaceful on podcast But I'm gonna say one last thing. Okay, and I could be wrong

Okay, but my both my grandfathers right on both sides lived to their hundred. They spoke smoked two packs a day I'm just saying they did a day, right and they lived until they're got to a hundred, right? I'm not saying that I'm gonna be like that because I didn't live I don't live in Korea and also people moved They were laborers. They worked hard every day Not my not my grandfather my grandfather my dad's side was a lazy fuck and he was he was an alcoholic not really I just made that up. He was a good man But my point is is this that I don't know what their like fitness regimen was but the thing is is that it was like From the 50 60 70, I don't think they had access to a 24-hour fitness or a equinox. So I don't think they exercised

You know, I mean, I think they were just you know, I mean genetically, you know Blessed blessed, but you know what I could be like Patrice and I'm the verge of death I don't know I could be right, you know, if I die next year because of you know, I mean of diabetes or whatever Then that's my bad. You're not going to die from diabetes diabetes will probably lead to you having like poor shitty Vascular health and then leading to a stroke and then you're gonna fucking throw a clot then have a stroke Well with that kind of negative attitude and poor thinking then maybe I will be like that But I tend to live in a positive way where I feel optimistic about my future

You can see that I'm gonna lose a leg Delusional it's like it hasn't happened yet kakai because it's insidious it happens It's gonna it you can be healthy today dead tomorrow, my friend That's just how strokes work, especially that it runs in your family. Good luck. Look, I want you to fucking live Bobby There's only reason I ride your ass about this shit. Anyways, let's move on to the MMA minutes you guys. We ready for that? Yeah all right, so this This this weekend is UFC 92 in Houston, correct foreskin in Houston, Texas

And the main card is Dan Cormier versus Alexander Gustafson for the tight for the light heavyweight title You want to pass the mic to foreskin because I want him to actually give me his input on this a little bit. Let's go Yeah, go ahead and pee. What do you think foreskin? Who's your pick for this fight? Oh, I'm gonna take Uh, Alexander the sweet and why because Daniel is getting annoying How because he's such a nice guy because he's suffered a whole bunch of like life tragedies and somehow Gone over a death of a daughter a murder of a father two missed Olympics and I don't like your frowning right now You're frowning your sarcastic guy like that annoying not only that but he's well-spoken and he's in he's a great like MMA analyst And so yeah, psych. I'm going for Daniel Cormier

catch a bitch look Cormier is a beast if he comes in with a mentality of a champion I don't think that anyone can touch him But the only problem he's gonna have is the same problem he had with John Jones, which is Can he or can he not get inside Gustafson? True? I agree before the UFC they won Alex They need another European superstar, right? I mean and for people who bet on this I would not bet on I don't know the lines. I haven't even looked at them today I wouldn't give I would only bet on Gustafson if he's a he's a plus 300 if Gustafson is a plus 300 or more

I'm putting money down on Gustafson, but for the for who I want to win. I want then Cormier to win Okay, what's the next one moving on to the welterweight division? We have Johnny Hendrix versus Tyrone Woodley. Oh Mr. Annoying guy verse other Mr. Annoying guy. Yeah, I don't think Tyrone Woodley is annoying. Well, he he likes to like I should get a towel shot Even though I beat Carlos Condit after he broke his own leg It's like no, you didn't beat the guy. So Carlos Condit is one of my favorite fighters. Um, I heard a rumor that Johnny Hendrix was actually there's like super I used to like him a lot, right? I didn't know in the beginning

I was so I liked him before he was champion. I liked him before he would take everybody down and do fucking nothing He's a great wrestler. We all fucking know that but I I was um, I heard that he was actually like a pretty whiny and Complaining type of guy and there's nothing that that that annoys me more than somebody who complains to the refs and whines a lot There's this guy. His name is um, Ben Ascrin. Oh Of course, I know who that is. Okay. Yeah, he's basically the best talent that is not in the UFC He now fights for one FC. Yes Asian promotion A great guy, but he's Tyrone Woodley's training partner, right? But Duke Rufus up in Wisconsin. Yes, and He was around

Hendrix and Woodley during the whole like college days and he had a mouthful to say about Johnny Hendrix I mean, maybe he's saying that to hype up the fight or because he's Woodley's training partner But apparently he is somebody who you know, he's just sort of like a whiny little boy and I don't like that So my money money wise I wouldn't I don't think that this is a a good one to bet on I think that Hendrix is gonna win. Although I want Woodley to win. Okay. Yeah, so I would agree on that. Yes, I would agree. I'll shake on that. Okay. Good. Another light heavyweight bout is Rashad Evans versus Ryan Bader Oh, and wait wait and I fell asleep. Yeah It might be a

snoozer Rashad hasn't fought in two years since I think November of 2013, but he shows up as a Rashad We all know he should destroy. Can you explain this to me? You've said this to me before Who is the Rashad that we all know? He's a strong guy. I think that he's a valid. He's a he's he's Okay, you're right. You keep saying the Rashad that we all know. Yeah, the guy that grind That rampage fight that rampage fight he probably knocked out an overweight 18 rampage. He wrestled the guy for five rounds Unnecessary what I'm saying is the Rashad we all know if it's the same Rashad we've seen I'm not saying he's the best

I'm not saying he's the worst But just you know, he's right in the middle that Rashad even if he shows up as a mediocre Rashad from two years ago I still think he's going to destroy Ryan Bader. That's all I'm saying I'm not saying that Rashad is the best fighter in the light heavyweight division. I certainly don't think so I like his style. I like the way he stands. I like the way he boxes, but that's about reaching so hard Like he's taught me that doesn't even have six abs. I don't know I like Rashad and I like listening to him speak So maybe I'm a little biased. I wouldn't even put money on that one I don't know what the what the lines are look at one either Ryan Bader's gonna win. Oh

So not gonna win against Rashad Then again, it's like he could have what do you call it? I just wanted to fight Kormier after his whole like thing where he like went in the press conference was like Kormier fight me I never want to see that. How about I seriously never want to fucking see that fight ever I don't I wouldn't care. I wouldn't pay money to even see that. Let's move on Okay, next fight next is a very good matchup. Well, you don't think so, but it's Joseph Benavidez versus Ali Bagotino. He just walked in with hummus. Did you just walk in with? Yeah, but that's like 12 a 12 pack of pita bread

I like that. Okay, I finished go. Okay. Let's finish this quickly Joseph Benavidez versus Ali Bagotinov. What do you think? Don't care for this fight. Don't like Ali. He used PD. So I don't care for him Joseph Benavidez is the man. He has a hot wife Megan O'Levy and he's gonna win Yeah, you think Ali Bagotinov is a joke, but honestly, he's only really lost to DJ Demetrius Johnson and like two other people in 2011 so I think that he you know, if if you're again, if you're gonna bet on this, I think that he might be a huge underdog and I would take the risk and actually put money in Bagotinov, although I don't think I don't I think Joseph Benavidez should run through him He will run through him. He's more handsome and Ali looks like a tiny janitor. Yeah, but remember everything. MMA if you look good You will win. Look at all the champions. They look beautiful

You don't want to enjoy that? Yes. Ronda Rousey. Beautiful. RDA. Because they're winners. You fucking bastard No, that's true. That actually might be true. There's not an ugly champion. We we only think they're beautiful because they're champions True. Daniel Cormier looks like a big poop. Can you say that one more time? No Okay, so let's move on. Daniel Cormier looks like big poop He's like a little like round meatball. He's pretty cute. Um Um, so yeah, last one if if like Final thing I have to say about that Um, actually, I don't want to get into it

But I wanted to talk about how DJ is just the most like unlikable fighter ever. I guess we could say that for another day Um, the last fight that I sort of care about is just guy versus Juliana penia And that's the women's light. Oh, no, I'm sorry women's bantam weight division Juliana penia is the venezuelan vixen. She won the ultimate fighter season would Misha Tate and ronda rousey She's a boss. Yeah, I think I think I don't know. I haven't read up on it, but I think she's coming off a knee injury Um, I still think that she should have this fight. I she's she's very oppressive very always pushes the pace She's always on top. She's a brown heavier page man sand right and she doesn't give you space ever But um, and just guy just lost to you. We should take right and she has so much hype behind her

She's not that good. Her striking looks horrible. I think she's decent I don't think she's the best, but I think that you know, she's I think this is this should be a good fight. I think Yeah, there's a lot of question marks after every word you say so it's not gonna be good fight Anyways guys, that's all I have for our MMA not that's not even a minute anymore. We always take five minutes on these things Bobby get back on the mic. Thank you so much guys for listening. This is like the good one. It's a good Oh, yeah, um, bobby is going to be at crackers comedy club in Indianapolis this weekend october 1st to 3rd san francisco the next weekend. Nope in two weeks You don't even know your own schedule stupid. Yes. Do you have a week off?

San Francisco at the san francisco punchline October 15th through the 17th and then the week after that you're in guam Yeah, so yeah guys go get your tickets. Oh, yeah, um, we were thinking about possible fan giveaways and Bobby has a huge collection of glue thumbs that he's made over the years that he's he's designed himself Have you seen them? You've never seen his glue thumbs. They're amazing I there's I put them away. There's a huge bag of them and um, you had another idea of collecting my toe sweat Yeah, I don't think I want to bother her toe sweat. No, no, dude. She has so much moisture from her feet in her hands. We should bottle that shit

Who would want that like who would actually it's not like I'm Hillary Clinton if somebody was like, yeah Like take a strand of Hillary Clinton's hair and sell it like that. We don't want my glue thumbs. That's ridiculous, too Because you're bobby lee you're colloquium Um, you're not supposed to ever say my last name Like ever I'm like a Madonna. You just go by my first name because I don't I don't want to be identified Okay, okay. All right. Bye guys. Bye guys Hey Prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music

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