TigerBelly - Episode 55: This Doesn't Concern You, Man

Episode Date: August 24, 2016

Bobby is King Eggroll. Steeb is desperate for Ramona. Khaly prefers it under 10 minutes. Gilbo puts balls to controller. "Fantasy. Life is an illusion. It's how you perceive it. Wake up, open your eyes, and believe." -Admiral Bobo Lee.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. What? Fantasy. Life is an illusion. It's how you perceive it. Wake up, open your eyes and believe. Every day, every podcast we do, every day, I'm gonna create a passage like that.

Yeah, I don't know if you've created that. That sounded exactly like an act-cart-tole. No, that's my mantra. It's an original? I just made it up. I'm gonna say it again. Fantasy. That's not an English accent. What kind of accent is it? It's not supposed to be an English accent, okay? It's supposed to be a different accent from a different land in a different time period and a different dimension, okay? Oh my god. Fantasy. Would you guys? Okay, we're listening. You guys are assholes. Do it, do it, do it, do it. I'm being serious.

You read it. You read it the way I just said it. Fantasy. Yes. Life is an illusion. Yes, it's how you perceive. Wake up, open your eyes and believe. Yes. Welcome to another... Welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly. I'm Bobby and we got Calyla, we got Gilbert and we got George Pink, and then we got Bryce, I don't know, cousin, brother, whatever.

And we got my little brother Stevie Weeby in the house. Stevie Weeby. Welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly. Listen to me right now. Listen to me right now. I'm going through something. I'm going through a lot of rage in my life. Because today I was at the Gelsons and I put my dog into a little cart. What do you call it? Shopping cart? Shopping cart. Is that what you call it? I put in the shopping cart and I'm walking through Gelsons

and there's a new manager there, some white guy, thick. He's like a muscle... You know, white dudes are kind of fat but they're also buff. Husky. Husky. Excuse me, sir. He says, excuse me, sir. The dog cannot be in the cart. So I picked up the dog. I was going to carry him.

It's got to be on a dog at least. And then I went... You know what I said under me? Like I said it, you know what I mean? And he's like, I'm sorry, I didn't make up the rules. And then you know what I did? I went to every employee because I've been going to that Gelsons for 10 years. Oh yeah. And going, who's that guy?

And they're like, oh, he's our new manager. I go, he's a cocksucker. But I did... Wait, you said... Yeah, and I would go to every single... And then there's another manager, the Mexican guy that's training him. I walked in and we go, I've been coming here for 10 years. That guy's a cocksucker.

He's like, I don't know what you're saying. I go, yeah, he is. And then I went in my car and I felt guilty. I did all that for no reason. Why? Because he was just following the rules. Rules are rules. You're not above the law. Yeah, I am.

I'm Jean-Claude Van Damme. I'm above... No, that's Steven Segal. Above the law? Above the law. That's Steven Segal. Above the law. And what was the other thing?

I got raged for... There was another incident. Was it destiny related? Yeah. Why? The lag switch in and... No, Steve. My brother...

No, no, no, no. What are you talking about? Well, every... First of all... Every time we play, because Iron Banner's going on and Trials of Osiris, there's always one person, always one, that they're red barring. What does that mean? Red barring?

That means they're internet connections bad. Okay. And then they'll go green, red, and then they'll... You know, I already talked about it. So they disappear and they appear. Yeah. And my brother and the other... His neighbor, Craig, the nerd.

No, Craig's a good guy. You guys... You guys... He's a good dude. I like Craig. Yeah, we love Craig. Oh, sweet. Excuse me.

What do you mean to Craig? You need to fucking pipe down with Craig. I hear him. Frank and Craig on my fire team, they'll contact Bungie and do a... Yeah, you could report players. Report them. Gail, you could report players. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And like, how much of a nerd do you need to be... You could go to their gamer tag and then... And then click on it. And then you can report them to Bungie. What? You guys are literally talking simultaneously. Tell me what you said.

Well, I said you could click on their gamer tag and then... And then you could report them to Bungie. And does that make you feel good? I don't really do it that much. I did it last night, though. What did you say? What did you say? Because we're playing...

Remember, Iron Banner and this fucker was cheating. He's a cheater. How do you know that, though? What if they have bad internet? No? No, that's understandable. But when they're going from green to red, green... You know what I mean?

That's some... See, what happens is you're shooting at a guy, then he disappears. And then he comes back up to you, you know, and that's the problem. And that's not fair. But what I do in my heart, I go, you know what, this is the game. Let's just move on. I'm not going to narc. You know what I mean?

Because I'm not... I'm good in a mafia. You wouldn't be good in a mafia. What do you mean? You would narc. You would snitch. No, I don't do that. You did last night.

You know what, Steve is less likely to snitch than you. You have the biggest mouth. You know who does it more than Craig and Frank? What? They do it the most. What, snitch? Well, report players. That's what I'm saying.

So fuck Craig. No. I'm sorry. Come on. I know. He's a good guy. He's a very good guy. He's good.

He's Team McGregor. Yeah. So, yeah, I was speaking of Team McGregor. Oh, here we go. I'm sorry, Steve. Yeah, I'm sorry, Steve. I'm sorry for your loss. He's a fan of both of them.

But your boy, Nate Diaz, lost. It was a decision. And it was an incredible fight. Incredible. Oh, my God. Okay. Can I throw my two cents in? Go ahead.

Go ahead. Diaz could have knocked him out in the third. Yeah. If there was 20 more seconds left. If they had a couple more seconds left. Because Connor looked gassed. He looked gassed. Nothing in the tank.

And what I, he won, no excuses, but he did at times kind of stalled a little bit, turned his shoulder and walked away doing weird stuff. But that's also a strategy. Now, in pride, they would have yellow carded him in pride. Pride is explained to people with pride. Pride was a different fighting organization in Japan. You know, Sakuraba. That's how I discovered Sakuraba and Igor Volchanchin and all my favorites.

You know, Igor? Oh, wow. I know about Igor. Yeah. Yeah. We, excuse me. No, we used to buy him. Yeah.

It's not as if you're the one that educated me on MMA. I've never educated you. All right. For you, my brother and I, my brother and I have been affluent. All right. And I educated about that world long before you even got into it, my friend. Is that why you said all of two words when you did the fight companion? Now, here we go.

She's referring to the Joe Rogan fight. Yeah. Yeah. You might have known a lot about the early years, but let me tell you, you only recently started to educate yourself in the last three months. And that's because you felt the need to catch up with the rest of the world, including me. Okay. Let's be honest.

Let's be honest. The last four years, you've fallen off completely. But he's caught up now. He's caught up very well. He knows a lot. I know a lot now. Okay. Oh, shout out to Eric Koch, the Phoenix Koch.

He plays Destiny with us. So shout out to him. Which I just learned, which is crazy. He's a great fighter. Eric Koch is an MMA fighter. He's in the UFC. Yeah. He's from, lives in Wisconsin.

Wisconsin. Mm-hmm. 155 partner. And he plays with us. Me, Eric Griffin, my brother and Frank and Craig on, you know, crucible on Destiny. And he's extremely good. Very skilled. You know, I don't like his tone with me.

What does Eric Koch say to you? No, it's not that. It's just his tone is sometimes like, I'll crush your skull in. And last night I told him that I was not afraid of him. I know. And I was like, yeah. Yeah, Bobby stood up to him. I'm not physically afraid of you.

You can kill me all you want. But talk to me like I'm a fucking man. Oh, wow. He KO'd his last guy he fought. I know. But there's, I didn't know that. I actually didn't know that. Yeah.

One punch. Now we're a monster. Now we're regret what I said. Dude. So I want to shout out to Eric. Shout out to Eric Koch. I apologize for last night. You keep your mouth shut.

We're all good. Oh yeah. Is he white? Yeah. He's a white guy. You can never tell. Because Eric Griffin sounds like a white guy, but he's not. Yeah.

He's a fat, ugly black guy. And then also, so Connor, congratulations. Yeah. And I don't think they should have a third fight. I mean, they did it. It's fine. I'm confused about people thinking or saying that Nate won that fight. Extremely confused.

I'm not saying that. No, not you. But there are people who, I mean, even some experts just basically just looking at the metrics, you know, just looking at the numbers. It's like, you can never just judge a fight based on the metrics because you have a guy like Connor who probably didn't throw as much, but he had more power and precision and he knocked them down three times and the metrics don't account for that. The metrics strictly account for punches, thrown punches, landed significant strikes.

They don't account for the actual power behind those strikes. You know? Why do you guys like Connor so much? I have ideas too. Because he, he essentially, he's finally, he's allowed Nate to receive the money that Nate has deserved for the last decade. Nate has always deserved that much money, but it took a guy like Connor McGregor, unfortunately to, to really kind of, you know, be this lovable or villainous guy depending on, you know, whether

or not you hate or love him, to really catapult the sport to where it is today in such a marketable way. You know what? I, I, I grew to kind of like Connor more than I did because he's got so much respect for fighters. You know, like, like he gave Nate his, you know, respect. I hated him. I used to call him a leprechaun, remember?

Yeah. And I used to call him a troll. But he's a respectable dude, man. You know? You know? Like, wait, spent six figures. But what did it for me was when he fought Josie Aldo, knocked him out and he was so gracious at the end.

He felt, he gave him respect. Great champion. Right. And Josie Aldo, not so much. And then when Connor McGregor lost to Nate Diaz, he lost like a man. He did the fucking interview at the end, then he did a post conference when Rhonda Drowsy lost. What'd she do?

She bailed. Well, he said he was in, inefficient with his energy, which I broke it down. Yeah. But Connor is a thoughtful, thoughtful, intelligent. Yeah. You know? Good guy. He's a good guy.

He's just trying to sell a fight. I think that I believe now that without Connor, UFC wouldn't be as exciting. Yeah. Probably wouldn't have sold to WME. But you do like Nate too though, right? Yeah. Of course. I love Nate.

I love the Diaz brothers. There aren't any two brothers more exciting to watch. I can't wait till Nick, you know, is able to fight again. I'm happy Nate got paid. Yeah. Because at the end of the day. Two million, man. Yeah.

No. I think that apparently from the pay-per-view is over 10. Oh, for sure. I mean, I'm talking about just alone. Yeah. Almost more than Brock. I mean, imagine how upsetting it is to be a guy like Anderson Silva, who had been, who had defended his, his title so many times for so many years and probably never saw the

amount of money in all of his fights combined compared to one fight that Nate, you know, to amount that Nate made in one fight. You know, it's just that time now where people are starting to really rally behind the sport and they're seeing like, okay, like these fighters really deserve the money now. I also have a resentment toward Dana White. Why? Finally. Thank you for finally having me.

I finally have a resentment. What is it? My resentment is this. Okay. Years ago, I was a presenter at MMA award show in Vegas. I went with you. You went with me, right? You guys got the.

Yeah. Tito Ortiz sat next to me. Yeah. Tito Ortiz sat next to my brother. I was kind of in between his seat, like his, he was like right here and I got scared. You got scared. And I was whispering to my brother. I went like this.

Yeah. Yeah. He moved aside and I go, he's a good guy. My mind started spinning. Yeah. And my brother's in this situation. I was at the whisper. Yeah.

Yeah. Like I was scared. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to be here anymore. I was scared. Tito Ortiz. I have to do my thing.

Right. So I did it with, you know, there was a bunch of Steve Oh was that right? So then afterwards we're at dinner. John Jones was there. John Jones was there. We're at dinner. And they know why it goes to Steve Oh because Steve Oh was standing next to him, sitting next to me at a dinner and he doesn't, he just kind of briefly says hi to me and he's

just talking to Steve. I love, you know, Jack, you know, I mean, all that stuff, right? And then last, during the fight, I saw David Spade, right? I know that Jim Norton is now doing a podcast for UFC, right? Yeah. With Matt Spade. Yeah. And I'm a bigger fan than David Spade.

I'm a bigger fan than probably Jim Norton and they, they don't give me nothing. Oh shit. Shogun, Shogun was there too. What? You don't even listen to me right now, man. I know you said. No, no, no, no. Shut up.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm pouring my heart out. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, no, no. And then you go, Shogun was there.

They're aware. What was Shogun? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We've moved on from them. Okay. Okay.

This is what's got to stop with you and I, when I'm talking to my brother, he won't be looking at me and he'll be having a conversation with an invisible entity, Steve. I know. So I'll be like, Hey, Steve, what do you think of that movie? And my brother will have his head turned looking at something else going, Hey man, don't do that to me, man. Push me up. I'll be like.

Yeah. Yeah. And you'll have a conversation with somebody else. I see you talking to yourself, but I don't know if you're psyching yourself up or if you're actually hearing voices. No, he's putting himself in situations. Yeah. I come up with scenarios in his head and I live it out.

Unfortunately, it's during what I'm talking every time. Every time. And I know it's like he's not listening. He just did it too. Yeah. Shogun was there. I was just talking anyway. It's fine.

I'm sorry. It's okay. You're never going to. I'm listening. Can I get an example of one of these scenarios? Like, I don't know. I can't think of it off the top. He puts himself like, I know, I remember one when we were in the car, when we were talking

about what we would say to like people if like, you know how like we say, what would you have said to that guy if he did this to you? Oh, yeah. Right. And so you would put yourself in a rage. Yeah. You would come up with five different things you would say to him. I'd say it out in my head, but I wouldn't realize people are watching.

Yeah. Oh yeah. I gave you that Nashville story where I was at the barbecue place, right? Oh. And a white man came up from behind. He put his arm around me and he said, son, pull up your pants. And I acted like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Right.

And then I would be like, no, mind your business. Yeah. But see, I tell my brother a story like that and then he'll react. He'll like do a scenario in his head, but he lives it through his mouth and his body. So you're watching him do it. Yeah. I know. It's crazy.

It probably looks crazy when they do it. Yeah. Yeah. It is crazy. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. So who did you see at In-N-Out?

Oh. I want to talk about that. I saw Sophie Turner, Sansa Stark. Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones. And In-N-Out. Can I tell you the story? Yeah.

Tell it to the market. Okay. Okay. So I did my nightly grocery shopping. Where do you go for that? Well, if it's too late for Trader Joe's, I go to Ralph's on Sunset. The Rock and Roll? Yeah.

The Rock and Roll Ralph's. Okay. I had my backpack on me and I got my little groceries. I got some new, I discovered a new soda called Birch Beer. It's delicious. Is it a ginger beer? Yeah. But it tastes in between a ginger beer and root beer.

Birch beer. You love it? I love it. Okay. It's delicious. So I got some of that. I'm like, I'm on some- What else do you get?

What else do you get? I want to know what your shopping's like. Okay. For real? For a week. Yeah, for real. In a week. In a week.

Okay. At Ralph's, what'd you get that night? Well, I buy a thing of cheese. Cheddar cheese, a block of cheese. Okay. And Ritz crackers. Uh-huh. And pepperoni.

That's my meal. That's it? Yeah. So you get Ritz crackers. I get Ritz crackers. A stick of salami or something. No, no. Individual pepperoni.

Oh, individual. Yeah, yeah. And then a block of cheese. When you do this, a circle with your hands, I know what a pepperoni is shaped like. You know what I mean? Steve, a pepperoni is never like, you know what I mean? Like this. A pepperoni.

It's always like that. Okay, good. Teaching your brother about pepperoni. So you have birch beer, pepperoni, a gigantic block of cheese, and Ritz cow rackers in your back. And bottled water. And bottled water. Mm-hmm.

Then you went to, go ahead. But then sometimes, if I'm feeling in the mood, I buy a pint of mint chip ice cream. Interesting. From what brand? What brand? Just the Kroger's. Oh. What?

Yeah, because it's only like a buck 49. That's right. So you get the Tlenti. Yeah. So anyway, Tisso. All right. Got my groceries and I'm on Sunset. I'm skating back towards my, you know, my place and I go, you know what, I have a couple

extra bucks on me. I should, you know, I'm kind of hungry. I was either going to go to a subway or in and out and thank God I picked in and out. Wow. Why? So what happened? Do you walk in? No.

So. Take it. Take it slow. Every detail. You know, my usual double, double animal style, you know, I get my shit. It's crowded, by the way. I mean, this, it's unusually crowded this night is crowded. I don't know why.

Okay. So, um, I, I'm by the soda machine to the left, yeah, to the left. So I'm chilling. And then, well, it's a cat's, I noticed this very familiar face in line and I go, where have I seen her? It doesn't, it doesn't click right away. Register that. No, no.

Cause I'm in disbelief. But then I know, cause it's like, it's almost, you're trying to process this. Yeah. Cause you see it. I'm such a big fan of Game of Thrones and you don't forget that. But then it's unbelievable, like, no, it can't be, it can't be, no way. But then I mean, I, I, it was kind of a creeper stare. I didn't break my stare for about five minutes.

I was like, it was rapey, is it rapey? No, that's okay. But for five minutes, yeah, I didn't break it. I was just like, and did Sansa look back? She was just trying to just like look in the other way. What was she wearing? Oh, a Rams. They went to a Rams football game.

She had a Rams jersey on Rams football. It was blue and yellow. Los Angeles Rams. Yeah. Los Angeles. Is she not English? She's from England. Yeah.

She's from Northampton, I think. Could it have been somebody else? No. Yeah. Not to think about. Not Rams? Jersey? Like she's not.

The reason why let me get to the part. Let me get to the part. I gotta get to her Instagram now. Let me get to the part. Yeah, yeah. Cause she walked towards the soda machine and then I was, I walked behind like to the side and I heard this Asian couple talking and I noticed the vibe was everyone was staring at her.

Oh, you weren't the only one. No. And so, and so I overheard them and she goes, oh my God, that's blah, blah, you know what I mean? And then I overheard it and then she actually walked up and then they, she got a picture with her. Oh, she was at the Rams game. Holy shit.

Yeah. Yes. It was her. Yeah. It was her. Oh my God. I knew it. August 14th.

Yes. I was there. She was at my In-N-Out burger, man. Yeah. Oh my God. Let me ask you something. Oh. She walked up to you and says, hi, are you Steve?

I'm a huge friend. Oh, just listen to the scenario. I don't like this scenario. It would never happen. Go ahead. Go ahead. I'm a huge fan of Monty. Listen, listen, listen, look, listen.

Just follow me. I'm a huge fan of Monty. Listen, listen, listen, listen. Just follow me. Okay. Okay. What would you say? I would probably just say the way you would say it.

I'm her. I'm a huge fan of Monty. Hammer. Hammer. Really? Yeah. Wow. I have that album.

It's really good. You want to come to our show? How are you going to our show? No, I'd like to actually go to your house right now. No, it's never going to work. Just play it. Go, go, go. This is the scenario, Steve.

Go through it. Can I come to your house? What would you say? I don't know. Because this may be a trick question because, you know what I mean? You set traps in your house, don't you? Yeah. Duh.

You go to her and say duh. Duh. You say duh. She comes into your place. Just listen. Okay, okay. I'm trying to visualize it. I'm trying to get it in my head.

The whole ride home, you're texting us, obviously. Right, right. Like I'm taking someone's back. I would text you first. Yes. Thank you, Steve. Which is so offensive. No, the reason why?

Show that tattoo. Show that tattoo. No, because she's very knowledgeable about social situations and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would have been like impeccator. Fuck her now, Steve. Fuck her now. All right.

So you're in her place, right? Yeah. So I like her place. She would never say that. Okay, all right. You want to fuck? I would probably die of a heart attack. Yeah, but what would you do?

You want to fuck? I mean, I'd already be naked. I would be like. And no condom? You would just fuck her? Oh, cream pie all the way. Cream pie? I mean, come on.

No, would you? Oh, yeah. And then a couple of months later, I'm having the baby. I would move to, I'd have a ticket to Northampton. Wow. What a father. Is that where she lives? Northampton.

What's her name? Sophie Turner. Sophie Turner, my brother. Yeah. The best. Good genetics. Great genetics. I mean, she's stunning.

You'll have a baby that talks to itself. You know what I mean? The scenarios. She can offset your height, too, because she's really tall. She was extremely tall. He's 5'10", I think. Dude, she was super tall. Yeah.

You know what? That's amazing. Seriously, what crossed my mind at In-N-Out? What? Oh, did you already have your tattoo then? Yeah. You should have shown her. You should have shown her.

Come on, man. I mean, a little creepy. Really? If I'm just saying, if I'm at... Because that's where this is stark tattoo. If I'm at McDonald's. Yeah, it's creepy. If somebody pulls up a mad TV fucking thing, I'd be like...

Can you leave? That's really weird. Bye? Yeah, it's only a TV show? So, let me ask you guys something. Should I have tried to get a picture with her? No. Yes or no?

No. I want to go Gail and then Kali and Bobby. We said no already. I said yes. I didn't do it, but maybe... 50-50. I think because she's such a huge star. Huge.

She probably doesn't get much... The biggest. You don't get bigger than that. You know, she probably... My thing is, I always picture... I always imagine that she doesn't get a lot of just like normalcy when she goes out. Yeah. People are probably always just looking at her this way.

And I put myself in her shoes because I'm such an anxious person. If I were her, that would make me feel... You know, I am sure she's fine with it and I'm sure she's gracious, but I never like to bother people like ever, ever, ever, ever. She left with a milkshake. That's still my last memory. Do you know what kind? What flavor?

What flavor? No, but I just remember because I was half-and-half. I was like, should I eat it here or should I go home? And I chose to just eat there so I could just... Watch her. Just so I could just creep out on it. Amazing. So I was eating my burger just...

And then once in a while, I'd be like... Amazing. You did that? Yeah, the whole time. Yeah. Oh my God. What if she was looking out at you but you guys kept missing each other? Like a rom-com?

Yeah, yeah. So she kept staring at me. That was not happening. It could have. Different timing. That was not happening. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh my God. She hasn't heard of our little underground band. I don't even know. You never know. Because I'm going to tell you this right now. She did... Come on. What are the odds of that?

Come on, man. I was in Arlington, Virginia, two weeks ago. Last week, I was in Philadelphia. The same thing happened. You know what happened? What? Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had some Asian kid, both shows, two different Asian guys come up to me and go, hey, can

I get a photo with you because I have Stevie Weebies and it's like a bucket list situation. So I go, all right. And so now my brothers, people know him and they want photos just in different... They know they have a photo with the brothers and when that happens, it made me very happy. Oh. Yeah. Because we did our... We hit Philly, too, on our East Coast thing.

Yeah. Yeah. Philly and then DC. Right? DC and Philly? Yeah. And I want to say this, too, is that thank God that I met Dave. David.

Yeah. He's a bless. I mean, he's... I mean, because... No, because David Cho... He's a real good dude. He's the reason why... Real good dude.

I think I'm having a podcast now. All right. Because Kalayla and I were a guest on it and since he was stopped doing it, we're like, we should do our own. All right. Not only that, you got a job. Yeah. Right?

And then Monty... So we really have to thank... Thank Dave. David Cho. I mean, he really, really helped us. Oh, for sure. Yeah. And then also did our podcast a couple of times.

You know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. So it's like... I'm really grateful for... There's no doubt about it. I'm very grateful for Dave and his family. Yeah. His family.

Yeah. He's the best. He was here at the fight. He was just here... He was here at the fight. Two days ago, of course. We had 30 people in the house. I wouldn't...

Yeah. If you had walked into that, would have been too many people for you in your house? Is that the most people that have been in this house? I think so. Probably, yeah. I wouldn't... That wouldn't have happened if I was here. Yeah.

Get the fuck out. Dude, you got emotional. I never... I don't see you get like that. What am I emotional? You're like... The way your adrenaline was going... That's her every fight.

That's me every fight, Steve. Every fight. See? But it's... It's like really amp for it. Nah, this wasn't as bad as... The Pacquiao one? Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. She went out of her fucking mind. Oh, my God. I almost broke up with her. I'm like, what is this? You lost him. I gotta leave her. This is weird.

Yeah. Which I was animal. I don't know why it's the only sport that insights that type of, you know, emotion out of me. Yeah. You love fighting. Yeah, because if you think about it, you don't... Like soccer or football or any other sport where you have 90 minutes in soccer to figure

your shit out. Right. You can... Your night can be over in 13 seconds or less with MMA. So it's like as soon as that bell rings, it's like my whole body is just on guard. Tense. You know? Like I don't...

There's no comeback from a knockout. In soccer, there's an equalizer. You still have 90 minutes to figure your shit out. Right. Not in MMA. It's like, you know, good night is good night. You're out. You lost, you know?

Yeah. It's also evolved to a point where I can really now look at it as a real sporting event. In the early days, it was just... It was barbaric, dude. You could throw elbows. Yeah. Elbows. You know, no gloves.

Ball shots. Anything. Yeah. There's no weight divisions. Yeah. Just... Yeah. But now it's a...

It's... The elite athletes are involved. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just like Anthony Johnson... Oh, that was brutal. You saw that one. That was brutal.

Yeah. He did. He's from Georgia. Get the hell out of here. His grandparents. No. His grandparents raised him. Really?

Yeah. His grandfather was an old black farmer. What? He was very strict. What? Right? And he kept telling Anthony, you're going to be the best at something. Wow.

And instilling that kind of like, you know what I mean? And then he grew up to be, you know... A champion. A beast. A champ. Yeah. But I think that, you know, when I saw that today, I told Kalila, I go, that really just like melted my heart because it's like, you really need that kind of upbringing foundation.

Yeah. Yeah. Parental guidance. Mm-hmm. Strict, you know? Like, you know, we talk about my parents. Our parents were strict. Mm-hmm.

Um, yeah, they were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we got beat a lot, you know? Yeah, dad. Yeah, dad. Not my mom so much bad. I would beat my mom. Would you get...

Would you guys get beat even if you didn't do anything wrong? Just because he was just having a bad day? Uh... He was a drunk. Yeah, well, my mom kind of enabled him. Yeah. Do you remember she'd buy beers and put them in the freezer with the Clamato? Yeah.

So she didn't realize she was enabling him, but she was. Yeah. But I remember one story where you were late for school, right? I don't know what to know. She drove you to school and this guy tried to jump out of the car. No, I did jump out of the car. Yeah, you jumped out of the car. Right.

Yeah, because I didn't want to go to school. I mean, he was a tough guy to raise. No, my mom was... I'm not even kidding you. Yeah. There was this street called Martin Coyt. Yeah, Martin Coyt. Yeah, it goes straight down.

It was the elementary school that I went to. Paint a rock. Paint a rock. She was going like 60 miles per hour down this fucking steep hill. And I opened the door and I rolled out. Why? Because I would rather die than go to school. Holy shit.

Yeah. I mean, I was a nightmare to raise. Oh, and then there was a moment where you fought Dean Oliver. Okay. All right. Remember on the hill? Yeah, yeah. I know.

I got my ass kicked, remember? Yeah. Oh, tell the story. It was just a... It was a great school fight. There was this kid named Dean Oliver. And I was friends with David. David's the kid that I played the cast with.

Oh, that's the same guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But his older brother. And him weren't cool. But I was best friends with David. Dean Oliver was like this white kid, right? And he was... People used to pick on him all the time.

Oh, they called him Dean the Bean. Yeah, Dean the Bean, right? That's his fight. And I would literally... On the bus, I would walk up to him. Hey, Dean, good morning. I had a spin in his face. He was a Jesus Bobby.

Yeah. Hey, Dean, good morning. He was a... He was like a marching band kid. Yeah, yeah. You know? You're a fucking bully. You're a bully.

Yeah. I would stick a booger on his face. Okay, you're a bully. Yeah. I would knock his ice cream out of his hand. You know what I mean? You're a movie boy. Yeah.

So the one day Dean Oliver goes, You know what, man? Meet me after school. At the dirt lot, right? On top of Martin Coyle. Like a movie. It was true. It was true.

And then it was promoted. I don't know who promoted it. But everyone in the neighborhood... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was on top of the hill. So it's not me and Dean Oliver, right? My brother's there and everybody, right? Yeah.

And Dean doesn't... You know, I was kind of trying to... I didn't think he was going to fight me. He fought you, dude. He fucking hits me in the face. He fucked you up, dude. And I bloody know. I get dizzy.

Yeah, I'm dizzy. And he beat the shit out of me. Yeah. He's just hitting my face a couple of times. Oh, my God. And I did some, like, arms in the pants. I fell on the ground. I fell on the ground.

And then I was winded, right? And scared, right? And I never picked up again. Yeah. I tell him the part where mom drives up. Oh, yeah, then mom drives up. Wait, what? Bobby!

Get in the car! Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm bloody. So my mom saved him. Yeah, saved me, yeah. I'm not the fucking... Dude, I'm so... You didn't try to help him out, Steve.

I was a kid. I was a kid. I mean, he was... Are you embarrassed? Did you cry? I kind of was. I kind of was. Yeah, I know.

It's embarrassing. I mean, you know, it's our older brother. I know. I couldn't do it. But that put me in a weird situation because I was best friends with his younger brother. So weird. David. Me and David were...

He was a kid with a casket. Yeah. I was best friends with David. I know. I'm so sorry that happened. That's cool. You fucking deserved all of that. I deserved that.

Spit in his face? Oh, yeah, I was a fucking meanie. But you know what? People bullied him. Who was the guy on the wrestling team that stuck your head in the toilet? I don't want to name his name, but... Art Kimball. Okay.

I don't want to name his name. Here's the full name. It's his address, Steve. And it's social security. I didn't want to name his name. You said Art Kimball. That's pretty crazy. Art Kimball was the heavyweight for Paulie's wrestling team.

He was on varsity, and he would pick on Bob. Bob was trying to make 105. He was cutting down from 120, trying to make 105, and he would stick my brother's head in the toilet. For what reason? In the locker room. He was a bully. That's funny, George.

He was just a bully. Yeah, he was a bully. Art Kimball. And I took that. And then I remember another guy, Mark Golden. He was cool. I know. Mark Golden.

Yeah, Mark Golden. He loved me. I know. But before I was friends with Mark Golden, I became good friends with Mark Golden. But before that, I remember being in the library in middle school with Art Kimball and Mark Golden. And they go, you're not going to survive in life. I go, why?

Because they just learned about survival of the fittest in science class. Because it's survival of the fittest. And you're weak. Right? And I remember going home crying. I'm weak. I'm going to die. You know what I mean?

But they were fucking mean. People don't know this. My brother was a damn good wrestler himself. I believe it. He had a role. He had his signature move on bottom. And it was a... Power bottom.

No, it was a roll, but they called it an egg roll. But he would be on bottom. And my brother had a unique way of clamping the guy's arm and really rotating on his hip. Every single time. And he would get the reversal or an escape every time. I would get the points. Yeah, so...

I wanted them to be on top of me so I could do that. Yeah, my brother has skills. Yeah. Oh, you put yourself in there. He knew how to... Because he has short... Yeah. His arms...

His wrist control. But okay. Yeah, because sometimes short limbs are very good for things like that. Yeah, but you don't see... I don't even know who the fucking Hayden Pentaria is. Well, just look her up. You have the same arms. I promise you.

She's a short blonde girl on CW or something. Yeah, she plays a cheerleader, I know. Yeah, you're laughing, Fatty. Hey! You're still a fat kid. I'm having weight problems right now. You're still a fat kid. I'm gaining a lot of weight.

So how do you feel about them now? Like... He's not friends with them. Of what they told you. If you saw them now, I would walk up to them and I would give them a hug. I don't give a fuck. What? Yeah, I don't have any...

Yeah, that's a little bit weird when people hang on to like resentments from like elementary school. Yeah. I feel like sometimes my sister was bullied severely when she was younger and when she sees the same girls now and they're like, hi, go in now. How are you? She gives them a side eye? Yeah.

Yeah, she really can't let go of it. And I guess I don't know what it feels like to have been bullied as bad as she did. So I'm kind of like, no, let it go, why are you holding such grudges? I don't hold grudges. You know why though? It's because, you know, all that stuff motivates you to break out and do something, you know, scary. And I really believe that everything led up to me doing standup and all that stuff, right?

Because I was picked on and then I was a bully and then being a bully, getting beat up by a nerd. And then going through rehab and I mean, all these little things that happened in my childhood led up to me at 23 signing up for open mic at a comedy club. So I wouldn't change any event for the world. And now I'm here in LA, I have a beautiful girlfriend, my brother is fucking killing it. I don't know about you, but I love you.

Hey, where was that place you worked at in La Jolla, the record place? This cafe. Oh yeah. You remember that? It was the best job. He used to work at this music store and me and my friends would like to go visit him. And one time we did acid and I was afraid to go, they're like, let's go see your brother because we're going to trip on the beach.

And I never told you this. Tell me now. Well, I was too afraid to go in because I didn't want to see me on acid. I want you to tell the story about when you were on acid or no, no, not acid. When you were dating that American Indian girl. Ramona. Yes. And what did you do?

What do you mean? Steve, what did you do? You were in Phoenix, right? You were seeing an American Indian girl named Ramona. Yeah. You went to her house at three, four in the morning when you were drunk. Didn't I already tell you guys? I don't know about Native American.

Okay. So this is when I was drinking a lot. Like your eyes. I was, you know, I was at the bar and, you know, drinking some beers and it might have been a week night. I don't know. But I was there with some skater dudes. I don't know how good of friends.

Whatever. Um, bar closes, um, and I'm like, this is a Ramona had moved into, uh, out of the dorm. She had her own apartment. She was living off again. Yeah. And I knew she was off university. So I'm like, dude, she like lives right there. Yeah.

So this is, you know, around two, I go there unannounced. I remember she lived on the second floor. So I just, you know, I knocked no answer. No answer. Okay. I do it again. No answer. Yeah.

But then this turns into my skateboard truck. Oh, you do it with your skateboard. With my skateboard truck. Okay. Murderer. I know. I know. I know.

I was drunk. I was so wasted. So what do you call on and out just craziness? Right. I didn't know this at the time, but Ramona had, she was living with her pregnant sister and the pregnant sister's husband, which I didn't know. He's probably in UFC right now. He knew some shit.

So I'm thinking, oh, Ramona is going to answer the door, but it was some big Japanese dude. I've never seen before. You know it. He had, he shucks me down and has me in a fucking body lock and I'm like this. And then what did you say? I go, this doesn't concern you man. I was like this. I was like this.

This doesn't concern you man. What did he say? I was like, I want to talk to Ramona. Yeah. Yeah. And I ended up going to jail. Yeah. He went to jail.

He went to jail. He went to jail. He went to jail. I don't know, but dude, the thing is, this is why I knew this dude had skills, because I wrestled for like seven years, dude. And I was like trying to peel and wrist control and the guy was such good like, he had me in a Kamora, I don't know, reverse Kamora law, so I was like this. I was like, he had my wrist control.

So I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, dude, did Pawee wrist, what the fuck, my Pawee wrist is not working, Pawee wrist is not working. And so we, you know, we're doing that on the ground. And then before you know it, there's two or three cops in the apartment. Did Ramona ever come out? No. Oh. You never saw Ramona again, huh?

Nope. Was it the right house? Nope. Okay. She didn't even leave her room. You know what leads me to this story? What? And I don't want to, at the time, watch it.

You watch it. Think about it before you. I will say. Take it through. Run it past me first, like, give me three keywords and I'll say it. I'm going to just say it. Take it through. Because I know the story.

Take it through. You got me laid. Oh, that's right. I remember that story. No, I don't know. Yeah, that's a good one. At the dorm, right? I don't know.

You don't go. What is he doing? Dude, tell the story. I don't want to be mean, though. I don't mean being mean to the woman. No, but really, really laid out the background. I don't know what. No, don't be mean.

Did you do it? Okay, so. You tell the story. Yeah. This is one. Bob was performing at the Tempe Improv. Yeah, but I was. I was attending Ace.

Yeah, but I was not headlining. I was opening for. I don't remember Carlos. Oh, he was opening for Carlos. So I go, you know, I'm like, cool. I mean, the, my dorm is literally right down the street from where he was performing. Right down the street. I lived at the little dorm, you know, I was seeing a girl.

God, who's the girl? Oh, Jean. Yeah, Jean. Yeah. Jean was like. Taylor White kind of, you know, and then Jean, I don't even know her friend's name, but she was like a fat Latina woman. Like pretty fat.

Yeah. Pretty fat. Really fat. Pretty fat. Yeah. Yeah. Acne. Yeah.

Really bad. And then my friend Brian from Chicago, remember my friend Brian? We'd rap together and stuff. So we went to see him and then I go set up like maybe an after party in my dorm room or something. Oh, no. Tell him we wanted to take you to lunch. Yeah.

So my brother, so my brother's like, yeah, man, we're going to go to a restaurant, one of my favorite restaurants in the whole world. Like he classed it up as if we were going to Morton's. Right. And he's, he's my, yeah, he goes, my tree. You know what I mean? Like we're going to this classy, classy place. Yeah.

My shit. You know what I mean? You're going to love it, dude. LA style. Right. And then we go to a Mongolian barbecue. No, Mongolian walk. Where they put your go in a line.

Yeah. Like the market. Put frozen beef in a bowl. Yeah. Right. They weigh it. But dude, I was a college student. I didn't know, you know what I mean?

Like I didn't know good places. I thought it wasn't gourmet though. It wasn't. It was high end to me because I ate Wendy's every day. Yeah. So thank you for that meal. Okay. And then.

Okay. It's kind of a foggy shit. Exactly what I ended up doing, okay? Well, I painted it a little bit. We're in the same room at night. We're in the same room. We're in Jean's dorm room. He's with.

We're in the girl's dorm room. He's with this girl, white girl Jean. And I'm with the other one. Okay. Okay. And yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And no condom. No, no, no, no. You do it. I did wear condom. Because you walked up to me. I was with Jean and he goes, hey dude. Do you have condoms here? He goes, hey dude, sorry, it's a condom.

Yeah, yeah. So I get up. I go, yeah, yeah. And I go to the desk and she had him in the desk. Oh, she did. Yeah, and I gave you one. And I wore it. Yeah.

Thank God. You don't remember that? I don't remember. I do. But here's what I do remember. Okay. And this is where I'm probably going to go to hell. He was in and out of there so fast.

Not only that. A year later. Well, hold up. You didn't even complete this story. You didn't complete the sexuality of it. Why not? Because if she's listening, I don't want her feeling to admit it. Oh, right.

I mean, it's not right. And it's probably inaccurate. It was so long ago. Yeah, it's a long time ago. But here's where I was the biggest asshole. A year later, I'm opening for Pauly at that same room. Yeah. And I'm on stage.

And I see her. She was in a front row. Oh, my gosh. In the front row. And she's looking at me with these sweet eyes. Yeah. She wants to see him. And where you walk up the stage, right, is where you literally walk by.

Her. So I crush. Good night. Right. And I get off stage. She grabs my arm and I go like this. Get off me. Bobby.

Bobby. She grabbed me like that. I go, get off me like that. And I went to the green room and I waited until everyone left the club after Pauly was done and then I went out. Why? Why was that your instinct? You don't touch me.

Just embarrassed? No, I killed. I just crushed. Get off me. Yeah, it's like, you know what I mean? Asshole. Asshole. Yeah, I feel bad about that.

So what was her? I don't even remember her name. I don't remember her name. I definitely not say her name now. I know. I don't know her name. Senorita. I'm sorry.

Was that mean? Was that mean, right? I mean, incredibly mean. Why? But he just crushed. But you're missing a major detail in the story. Oh, fuck. I go.

Say in the mic. Well, he goes. I go. How was it? And then, because he was talking about down there, and he goes, dude, it's milk like blood. Oh, she's on her period. Big deal. She's on her period.

Because. Dude, you don't look at me like that. I'm so sorry. George, we can edit that out. You want to edit it out? I'm sorry. Okay. But that information.

Oh, I'm sorry. You know, it's a little mean. Why? If she was on her period, what's the big deal? She wasn't. But you said something about blood. That's all I remember about blood. It smelled like hot blood, I said.

Yeah, you said something about blood. It wasn't bleeding, but it just tasted like. Oh, so you went down on her. You're very charitable. Yeah. That's actually pretty nice. You know what, dude? She wasn't that bad.

I have a question for you guys. She wasn't that bad. She was pretty attractive. Yeah, she was great. Yeah. You guys aren't really into eating pussy, both of you. I'm into it. Why is it?

You're not. No, I just, I'm not good at it, I don't think. I just go, you know. What was that? Yeah, that's how you do it? Right off the bat. Yeah, yeah. So fast, man.

I'm not good at it. But you do it? Because I think that the good guys know how to do the finger. They could do that. You know, they know the hotspot. I can't watch these faces. I don't know how to do any of that. You don't know how to do that?

It's just, you know. It's a mess. It's a mess. I don't mind doing it. I'm good at it. That's all. Yeah. Is that a lot of bullshit?

She doesn't do it? I do do it. He's okay at it. He doesn't do it as much because I probably don't let him. Do you, are you good at fucking though? I'm pretty good. What do you mean? I've gotten better over the years.

You have your technique? Well, I last longer now. Oh, you do. That doesn't make you a good lover though, lasting longer. If you last too long, it's really annoying. Oh, it is. Fuck yeah. It's like, get off a meal already.

Really? Yeah, like, it's not. She's like, I've been doing it five hours. Trust me. If you can stay, if you can last seven, eight minutes, that's adequate. Really? That's extremely adequate. Under 10.

Yeah. Would you last an hour? Yeah. Oh, God, that's just annoying. Two hours. Yeah, because it's just, I mean, if, yes. Two hours before coming once? Well, I wanted to go on and say that my pocket pussies over the years have desensitized my

dick. That's why. Interesting. Strengthened. Who gave you the first pocket pussie? I did. I'm so sorry about that. We would stick our fingers in the new ones to see which one the softest one was.

We would do the hot oil. That shit fucked up my life. I can't even use my hand anymore. At least your pocket pussies look like pocket pussies. His look like rocket ships. They're like protractions. Or like alien tentacle one that like open like that. Or one that has like a box.

It was like this big. Yeah. I love Avatar pussies. Avatar pussies. Yeah. Avatar pussies. Yeah, my mom and she cleans the house. She always finds like new.

Oh, there wasn't that one with the, I don't know where. No, there was one that looked like an iPod. What? With those buttons on it. No. What is it? Yeah. It looks like a tanning bed.

No. You flip it over like this. It's like a. And you stick it in and it goes, makes a noise. And you can hit different points. Different points on it. Because I try to use it on him. It's electronic?

Yeah. It's electronic? Yeah, I don't know where it is, but yeah. Why are you so excited? Why are you so excited? Oh, I just want to take a look at it. He wants to use it, but. No, I just want to look at it.

It's electronic? Okay, I have it somewhere. We'll find it. Okay. No, no, no, no, no, I just want to look at it. See what it looks like. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, you know what I do is I use, I mean, I haven't done it, you know what I mean, but I use that massager. Oh, yeah. We talked about that. See, that's weird. We talked about that. We've talked about that. That's pretty weird.

Why? Because it's for your back. For your back. That's the weird. That's kind of weird. That's the weird one? Yeah. That's weird?

Yeah. Well, I do some weird shit too. I know you do. What's one of your weird habits? When I come through a pocket pussy where just start breaking down and I cut it. Because I didn't have another one, so I cut it. So at least I had the material. So I, I fucked the other holes, the other side of this.

The other side of the pocket pussy. Like this much. Yeah. I just put Vaseline on it and I did that. So you, wow. I was that hard because I can't use my hand. I'm like, I don't know why. So if you were a hunter, you would use the bone.

Oh, man. You know what I mean? Like you don't go to any waste. No waste. No way. You know what? I will admit when I was younger and I couldn't afford a vibrator, I would use weird things too.

Like what? Like the back end, not the bristle end of the toothbrush. You would? Mm-hmm. How did it feel? Really good. Like, because I didn't have a vibrator. I was too young.

I mean, not too young. I just never really had the money to buy one. So I would find weird things to use. I've done that, not with a toothbrush, but I put my PS2 controller on my ball sack when I was at school. I used to get, I used to leave my character. It was COD4. Oh.

I was getting shots of like, I didn't like it though. You don't like it? No. You know, you're not the type of guy that gets used to stuff. No, just hand. Just your hand? But please don't introduce it to Gilbert because it'll ruin you. It'll destroy you.

It'll destroy your life. I'm already sensitive because I have foreskin. So it's like very, I don't even have to put pressure. Do you use lotion or Vaseline? Zero. You know what it's got you like, right? It's not, it's, it's the one with the turtle. Turtle neck.

Turtle neck. Turtle neck. Yeah, yeah, I understand that. He's like, come on, I've seen a foreskin. Pepperoni. This is a pepperoni. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. I want to also talk about, and I don't know what he did wrong, but can you explain to me, Ryan Lochte? What do you mean you don't know what he did wrong? Are you crazy? He's just a liar. He lied about getting robbed.

Okay. But can I just say this? Oh God. I just want to say this. Okay. All right, go ahead. I want to do the impossible task of siding with him. Okay.

Defend him. I want to defend him. All right. I want to know what he did wrong, and I'll tell you, I'm going to ask you what the fuck is the problem. Okay. I'll tell you the account of the story. Okay.

He's out with four friends. Okay. They enter a gas station, which they start peeing on like the side of the wall. Okay, but they are in. They vandalize it. They're in Brazil. They're in Brazil. They get held.

The owner is like, hey, are you going to pay for that? They're like, no, I'm not going to pay for it. They get held at gunpoint at that point because their, you know, their property is being vandalized and the guys don't want to pay. Okay. Can I ask you a question? Then after that, he fabricated the story and said, you know, a bunch of fake police officers held us at gunpoint and robbed us, stopped our taxi and robbed us, which is like such

an opposite. Can I ask you a question? My first question to you. If you owned a liquor store in LA and a black, just a random black guy pissed on your building, that's one thing. Yeah. I mean, if you saw LeBron James pissing on your building, oh God, no, I'm just asking a valid question.

Okay. But there's a difference. Let me just say right now. I'm not done with my argument. Okay. Don't yell at me. I'm, I'm, I'm telling you the opposite point of view. Okay.

For me. Oh, a random black guy is pissing on my building. Fuck. LeBron James. Ah, let me get a photo. I'll be real. It's fucking LeBron James. Okay.

Okay. I have an argument against that. All right. And also on top of it. I'm not done with it real quick. All right. On top of it. It's not even in America.

We're in a different third world situation. Which makes it even worse because you're disrespecting a completely different country. I don't agree with Ryan Lock. I'm just doing the, I know I'm doing the opposite point of view is to see if I can defend them. I don't believe in the things I'm saying right now. I'm defending him. Let me tell you. Okay.

Let I have something to say then. Yeah. Ryan Lochte is a sheltered white boy swimmer. He is not LeBron James. How many golds did he win? Okay. Let me tell you. How many golds did he win?

I don't fucking know. Look it up right now. Ryan locked up. How many golds did he win? This is why this is such bullshit. This fucking world things that immediately just because you've won a gold medal that equates to being a good person. Let me tell you something about swimmers.

And I was a swimmer for 15 years. Swimmers are fucking sheltered kids that don't ever leave the microcosm of their swimmer friends and family. This is what their schedule looks like. You swim in the morning. You go to class. You go to the gym. Swim again.

Go to sleep at night. They do this Monday through Saturday. They don't have a break until Sunday. They don't have friends other than other swimmers. You know what they call that? Sacrifice. That's not sacrifice. That's what they call it.

There's no sacrifice. I'm telling you this right now. And I was a swimmer. I feel like when I was living in the Philippines, I felt like I grew a lot faster. But when I became a swimmer in the United States, my actual character growth was stunted. And in my 20s, I felt, or late teens and early 20s, I felt really, really, like under-exposed. I was really stupid because all I was surrounded with was other dumb sheltered swimmers. All I did was school and swimming.

Nothing ever broke my little perfect little bubble of being a fucking athlete. I didn't experience life. I just swam, right? So to fucking, to revere him and put him in this pedestal is really quite wrong just because he won a gold medal. He's a fucking- Vietnam. Dumb douchebag.

Vietnam. Ryan Lochte. Kalala. Yeah. Vietnam. They won their very first gold medal. Do you guys know that? Yeah, we do.

Awesome. An air pistol. Okay. Cool. Cool. And the country is celebrating him. Hell yeah. He is a god.

Okay? Ryan Lochte. He won six golds. You won six golds? Ryan Lochte did. So you- I'm just saying, I'm saying that it's a liquor store or a gas station in Brazil. He fucked up.

He lied. He lied. He's a liar. He pissed on a building. Yeah. He torn to the side. But he also won six gold and that's all I'm saying. It has nothing to do.

And that's a fact. I think it does. No, absolutely not. I think it does. That makes him even a shittier person to be in the position where you know people are possibly idolizing you and to go into a different country and to completely vandalize poor people's like family businesses. Yeah.

You know what's worse than what he did? That's worse. Didn't he failed on his friends, right? Yeah. Didn't he fuck up his friends? And then he left the country. And then he went on Matt Lauer and started crying like I'm embarrassed. Right?

Like dude. No, right? Yeah, I saw the interview too. He lost a lot of sponsors. He lost Speedo. He lost Speedo. Yeah. He lost Speedo.

I can't defend him. I was just trying to and now you're getting- you're thinking that I have that point. The way you could have defended him is using my defense, which is look, he really just is a dumb swimmer kid. Did you expect much more? That was the only way to defend him. He had a reality TV show on E. Yeah, I mean, this guy is like infamous for being a fucking huge bag.

He's a fuck boy. Like he is just on the bottom rung of the- oh god. Thank you for representing our country, but yeah. So you don't like this guy at all? I don't because I really, I don't want to talk shit about the sport of swimming, but because I was so immersed in it, I know what these kids are like. And even Michael Phelps, I mean he, I think that he's one of the greatest athletes that will ever go down in history, but don't fucking try to convince me that he's one of the greatest

people that ever lived. I know, but I'm just- He's just good at swimming laps. I'm not defending my lock tee, but if Michael Phelps pissed on a building, he's allowed. I don't give a fuck, he won 23 fucking gold, gold, Steve, 23 people dedicate their lives just for one. For what? And they never get it.

Yeah. The dude got 23. Him and Usain Bolt can pee on any building they want for the rest of their lives. You're saying that, let's say for instance, an ICU nurse who spends 10 years of her life saving people's lives day in and day out, doesn't get a pass, but someone who swims laps for a living, gets a pass to fucking piss on a building, what the fuck have they done in their lives? I'm just trying to have fun.

Okay. I'm just doing the opposing point of view just to like get you all riled up. You don't take it personally, okay. You mentioned Usain Bolt. Did you hear what happened to him? I love Usain Bolt. That girl took pictures with him, and he cheated on his girlfriend of two years, and the snaps like everywhere now.

I mean, is anyone surprised? I'm not surprised. There's also one gold. He also wants six gold. Oh, shout out to Bubba Jenkins too. Oh yeah, Bubba Jenkins. Are we going to his fight? I wanted to, but I didn't know that he was affiliated with this or he listens to you

guys. Well, he tweeted us and said that he invited the whole Tiger belly crew to go to his fight. Tell us how you know him. Well, I still watch wrestling, and I went to Arizona State also, and he won the championship at ASU. He pinned David Taylor. Dropping knowledge, Steve, so that's how I know him. He upset David Taylor.

Who's David Taylor? David Taylor. He's one of the best wrestlers in the country I know. Ever, yeah, yeah. He's from Penn State. He's, you know, a Phenom kid from the East Coast of Pennsylvania. On the lighter note, have you guys seen, why don't you have the Malaysian diver? No.

What, the Splash Brothers? No, it's a different one. The Splash Brothers got beat. Oh no, you can't beat the Splash Brothers. The Splash Brothers are pretty bad. We got beat by Malaysia. And also, the reigning 2012 Olympic gold medal Russian diver also beat the Filipino divers. Yeah.

Belly flop? Belly flop. I mean, not only a medal. You've seen it? Yeah. The guy who won in London completely just had it. It didn't look as bad as the Splash Brothers, but let me say this. The Splash Brothers also wasn't at the Olympics.

Obviously. It was at the Olympics. If they did the Olympics that way, that would be hands down the greatest thing that's ever happened, right? I wish it was. But this Malaysian diver, if you look at it a certain angle, he needs to practice. He needs to go back and try it. You have to show me.

Yeah, we'll show it to you. I'll show you. After, after. You've got to check it out. I need to see it. I need to see it. I'm worse than the Splash Brothers. Yeah.

All right. Yeah, but... I just want to hear you laugh at it anyways on this podcast, so I'm going to find it. I find it. Because... I might not laugh, though, because the Splash Brothers, that's hard to beat. Yeah, and everyone kept tweeting at me like it happened in this Olympics. The amount of people are like, hey, did you see the Philippine diver?

I'm like, that's two years old. And also, if the, if the reigning 2012 gold medalist can belly flop, now I don't feel so bad for the Filipino divers in such a local event. There's just so much pressure, though. There's so much pressure. I know. You know about it. I haven't seen this.

When you first see it, it's not good. You got to watch the replay, though. The replay, it's just landing. All right. Now we're watching the Malaysian diver. Oh, my. No, no, watch. Look at the angle, though.

He turtled. Yeah, that was a turtle. And his coaches. You'll see there's coaches, too. Is he supposed to jump in an angle? Look at his coaches. Look at the angle. Look at the angle.

Why is he coming off the side? What? Oh, shit. And his coaches are taking the point. Why is it? Look at his coaches, though. Okay, now we just watch the coaches. The coaches.

Oh, my. That's pretty funny. That's pretty bad. That's pretty good. That's Olympic. Yeah. That's not like... What do you say to them?

Oh, shit. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. What do you say to them when they get off? Okay, you'll be the coaches. I'll be him. Sorry, coach.

Was that okay, though? I tried my best. No. That was the worst thing we ever seen. But you... No. I tried. No.

Sorry. Sorry. What happens now? You find your way home. What? Malaysia? Oh, yeah. I don't have money, coach.

Are we leaving now? But you don't know. Fuck you. Okay. You live in Brazil now. What time? Time for a question. All right.

I want to plug some stuff too. Yeah, I want to plug some stuff too. I want to plug some stuff too. Let's plug now and then let's do the question. Yeah, you got it. Steve, would you like to plug your... Yeah, I wanted to... Oh, first of all, we're doing...

We have our own Twitch thing going on now. What's your handle, Steve? My handle, steebyweeby. And I'm a part of Eric G. and Deuce Lee. We'll be playing this Friday. Trials of Osiris. Bob's going to be playing Eric. Yeah, what's yours, Bob?

Bobbily comedy. Bobbily live is your Twitch channel. So we'll be doing that this Friday. The Monchi tour is coming up. You could go to monchi.com slash tour and it has all of our dates. October 29th, Fresno. October 31st, we'll be at the San Francisco elbow room and so on and so on. November 2nd, Portland, Oregon, Mississippi studios.

November 3rd, Tacoma, Washington at Real Art Tacoma. November 4th, Seattle at Barboza. And then on the 5th of November, Vancouver at the Cobalt. November 8th, Salt Lake City at Kilby Court. We added a new one. November 10th, Denver, Colorado, Lost Lake Lounge. November 11th, Santa Fe, New Mexico at Meow Wolf. Ooh, Arizona.

November 13th, Phoenix, Arizona at Last Exit Live. November 14th, San Diego at Blonde Bar. And then we're going to end it at Los Globos on the 16th at LA. Oh, and we're doing more than half with a shout out to Kid Koala. Kid Koala's doing more than half of this with us. Oh, no, he's a DJ. Yeah, yeah. So what else?

Oh, then just check out monchibandcap.com, stebywebemusic.com, and then my Instagram's kuangu, q-u-a-n-g-o-u. And that's it. Did I miss something, George? I think we're good. Okay. Should I plug your dates? No, I don't know what they are, but I have them.

You do? Yeah, do it. Do it. You're going to do the odd. So the last few weeks, I said that you're going to be in Calgary. Yeah. September 20-something, and that's actually canceled because you're doing the Oddball Fest.

Yeah. And you're doing September 22, 23, 24, and that's in Houston, Dallas, and Austin. So 23, 24, 22, 23, 24. Yeah. Houston, Dallas, Austin, Oddball Fest. Yes. So this is on that lineup, you know? I think Gabriel Glacius.

I didn't actually check those particular dates. But it should be a big thing. It's a big thing, right? Mm-hmm. You know? So I'm checking it. I don't know if I can go fuck. For other tour dates, go to bobbyleelive.com.

Yeah. Or give me the question. On helpful advice with Bobby Kalaila and Stevie Webe. Dear Tiger Belly, my friend, greetings from London. My friend is 17, and ever since he came out of the closet, it's gone downhill. He meets weekly with random people on Grindr and takes too many drugs. He's already been addicted to Coke, speed, and has tried meth. I'm stuck on what to do.

I've tried getting him off, and I've tried to end this phase. I know that people can't beat addiction until they want help, but I just don't want him to end up having a really shitty life. What should I do? His name is ML. This is you guys' department. Well, I mean, yeah. You just got to...

Before I start, the meeting on Grindr weekly stuff is not a problem. He's just, he's coming out of the closet and having sex. Yeah, that's not the problem. Like, that's not the problem at all. The drug usage and what it's doing to him. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do. Yeah, there is nothing you can do. He's got to reach his own kind of realization on that.

Because for years, I tried to get my brother to show where it never worked. I mean, this guy was in my ear for years. So what was your realization? I had that moment of clarity where I didn't like where my life was, and I'm like, oh, I want to get sober. I don't like doing this. But does that overpower the physical desire to use? Like that moment of clarity is stronger than the physical addiction to use?

Probably not at that moment, but you have to make a decision. Yeah. At some time in life, and if you want to make a change. I always think like, what does bottom feel like, you know? Shitty. Very shitty. Yeah, it's not a good, it's a, you can see your death. Not like tomorrow, but inevitably you know that this is only going to end

in a really horrific, bad way. Or it's stagnation. You're just stagnated. You're just, you don't change. Yeah. It's like Groundhog Day. You're just in this fucked up place of Groundhog Day, nothing. You don't take any risks.

You're just, uh, and then what the people don't realize is when they do drugs now, alcohol, that's actually their solution. Yeah. It's not the root of the problem. It's not the root of the problem. The root of the problem is up here, you know? Yeah. I don't know.

I would just have to, I mean, there's nothing that guy could do his friend. I mean, he probably means well now, but there's really nothing he could do right now. You know what I mean? Yeah. It sucks, but unless they do a family intervention or some shit, but that doesn't even work. You know what I mean? Yeah, most of the time. Like the percentage of them staying sober, you know, I've, you know, you've seen the

show. Well, statistically, it's bad, you know? Like my brother and I are very lucky because statistically only 5% or something. So when your brother was still using and you were already sober, you would still buy him beer. Yeah. I remember you would buy me weed. All right.

No, I wouldn't get by him weed. What I would do is I would get weed. Like I would after shows, somebody will go, here's some weed and I don't know why I guess it enabled my brother, but this is a long time ago. I used to give him weed because you know that he was going to use whether you gave him. Yeah. Whether I would never give him my cocaine or no, like I'd be at the comedy store.

He's like, dude, you want a beer? Yeah. Yeah. He's like, yeah, I want a beer. Yeah. Yeah. It was like that. You were so lucky even drinking around him and even when we had the fights over in the

weekend, I asked you, like, do we bring, I've never brought alcohol in this house, like not once in my life. And that was the first time this past weekend because I was fine. I was so conscious. I'm always so conscious of just having it around him. You know, I get a handed cocaine after shows. They're not your partners. I know.

It's not, dude, it's, it's if I'm going to use, I'm going to use. Yeah. nothing that's gonna stop me. I will get there. Oh yeah, if I, you know, I, if I want to, I just don't have a desire to do that. I don't have a desire to do it. Exactly.

I don't have the, the obsession has been removed for me at least. Me too. Once in a while, once in a blue one, I'll think of a cold beer. Yeah. It passes. Do you ever feel weak on the road?

There was one time in our lives, I think it was when we were doing the, maybe the diet, we opened for them in Hawaii. It was the Tyler show. I forgot what show, but I was a little irritable. And then cause we weren't, we weren't allowed in the green room. So we had to go to this mall and they all met at a bar.

And that was the closest, the last time. Cause I'm like, I was like, fucking, yeah, I was like, dude, like cause there were drinking beers, my band mates, and it looked good at the time. I'm like, fuck, that would look, that would be great. If I could drink a beer right now. And what do you do in this situation?

Money Mark looked at me and he was like concerned. He was like, and I go, and I realized it. I'm like, whoa, I can't be doing that. So what do you do? Remove yourself completely from this? Yeah. Well, you know, I tried to, I was like, dude, I'm going to go to Starbucks.

You guys just be here. I want to just go to Starbucks right now. Yeah. But I, you know, I made it through that. When I was in Virginia with Jade one night, she had smoked pot and we were walking back and she's just laughing, you know? She's like, I'm going to sleep so good tonight, you know?

I have a hard time unwinding. You know, I just know that if I did, if I got a buzz and I spoke some pot and did a couple of shots that I would, in a volume that I could just pass out. Oh yeah. Yeah. But I can't. I have a prediction about like programs like AA and things like that down the road.

I really do think that they're not going to see pot as the same way that they see it now, which is, you know, addictive and destructive because in AA you guys are still allowed to smoke cigarettes, dip and do all these like things that are far more destructive than marijuana itself, right? No, I disagree. Why?

Because it's a life, it's a mind altering chemical, right? And we're, I'm not addicted to, I'm addicted to just not being here, right? Sober. You're addicted to the liftoff. Yeah, I need, I want to hide from the suffering and the pain, right? And marijuana would do that.

Oh yeah, for sure. For sure. For sure. I feel like sugar is far worse of a drug than. Yeah, I know, but sweetie, it's not about, I understand that cigarettes are killing me slowly and it's going to inevitably kill me. Bad food is going to kill me, right?

But also bad food and cigarettes doesn't prohibit me from showing up to life, right? I mean, I show up, if I did marijuana and I started drinking, I wouldn't show up to anything. I think that that is your argument in the sense that if that's what marijuana does to you, if you smoke an indica and yeah, you are kind of just a fucking wallflower,

but a lot of people can attest to the fact that marijuana has only increased their productivity. Exactly. Yeah, but I'm not that guy. That's his experience. You're not, you're smoking the wrong thing is what I'm saying. Like if you're, there are different strains

for different types of personalities and peoples and ailments, so, you know, and it doesn't even have to be a high THC amount. I almost want to smoke pot right now. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying like, Don't realize, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know what, I'm going to smoke pot just to tell her.

And then a year from now, she's like, he's a whole fucking dick on the side of the road. She didn't make a big smoke pot. Yeah, yeah, and then you're going to, you guys are going to do a search party. Oh, that'd be a full-on intervention. I mean, it's going to be awful. Stranger thing.

Yeah, but I think that there is such a long, long historical stigma with weed that I think that, you know, like. I am a gigantic supporter of legalized marijuana. I believe that it should exist freely. It's natural. Yeah. And I believe that when my friends smoke it, smoke it.

I would if I could. I know that I can't because I know that once I'm smoking weed, I'm going to drink a beer. And once I'm drinking a beer, I'm going to do cocaine and acid and heroin and opiates and everything, right? So I can't do any of it. Yeah. Right?

And cigarettes doesn't do that. Because it doesn't get me high. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's a physical addiction, right? Like, if I don't smoke cigarettes, I can just feel like I kind of want a cigarette. But I'm clear, right? This shit's all bad, too.

I know it is. You swallow it. That's the problem. Yeah, yeah. You swallow it, dude. Yeah, he doesn't spit it out anymore. So kids, if you're at home and you're watching, don't ever start this.

This is really bad. It's bad for you. All right, so are you hungry? Yeah, let's go get some. Come here, I love you guys. Yeah, I love you guys, too. Come here, I'm on this one Twitter question. Bogglylov answered this.

You can end of the world or you can only live with three food items. What are they? What are you talking about? Like, what do you mean? Like, you can only choose three foods. If it's at the end of the world and like some, like, again, I get to choose my last meal.

No, no, no. You can only live with three types of food for the rest of your life. Oh, three foods for the rest of your life. And then you have to eat it every day. That's it, so choose three carefully. Fresh brothers, that's a pre-me pizza. OK, the works, the works.

The works. Fresh brothers, the works. Deep dish, regular, then crust. Deep dish, OK. Two more. No. It's supposed to be a rapid fire, but. Jjajangmyeon.

No, I hate jjajangmyeon. Oh, wait, you don't like jjajangmyeon. I love jjajangmyeon. You like that other stuff that you always get at the Korean market. Oh, gochujang. Yes, gochujang. That wouldn't be it though.

That wouldn't be it. I would have to have a breakfast food, huh? It's your call, man. I don't set the rules. I'm just going to be safe. Denver omelet. So a Denver omelet. A Denver omelet.

The works, fresh brothers, fresh brothers. And then one more. Cobb salad. Really? Wow. You love Cobb salad. Cobb salad. Well, because you'd have to have something

kind of nutritious in there. Denver omelet, not bad. It's really good. What about you guys? No, I don't want to do it anymore. OK. Mine changes every day. Good night, everybody.

Thank you. Thanks, Dave. I'll make sure you guys follow us on Instagram at Tiger Belly on Twitter at Dead Tiger Belly. If you want to email us any questions, you can do that at thattigerbellyatgmail.com. Kalyla, anything? You can follow me on Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter

at calamityk. That's K-H-A-L-I-M-I-T-Y-K. Also, you can send us anything. Any gifts for Steve, George, Bobby, myself, Bryce, Gilbert, or anyone, our cats, dogs, to our PO box. I said some skateboards for me. Oh, yeah, Steve loves skateboards. If you could afford that.

To 1626, North Wilcox Avenue, number 161, Hollywood, California, 90028. Yep, and make sure if you haven't yet listened to our mix tape, I want to share it with any of your friends. You can go on Bandcamp and find that. George, anything else to let the people know? Nah, everything's rock and roll. Cool.

Yeah, ladies, George is single. Make it happen. We're going to videotape George getting laid. That's not real. Make sure you follow George at george. underscore Kimmel or at Vodibest tweets. Then you can follow me at Gilbert's. Good night.

Good night. See you guys next week. Hey, don't look mama. She'll go look mama, yeah. She'll go look him. Don't look, he's all I'm at. He'll be done. He'll be done.

I ain't my cabaloli. I'm a cabaloli. I'm a cabaloli. I'm a cabaloli. I'm a cabaloli. I'm a cabaloli. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Barely Ad Free on Amazon Music.

Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen to Ad Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com.