TigerBelly - Episode 57: Rannazzisi and the Potatoes

Episode Date: September 7, 2016

Bobo and Steve take us through their lifelong friendship and fight about leftovers.   Recorded September 5, 2016 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly YouTube.com/tigerbelly Facebook: thetigerbelly www.thetigerbelly.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. You're listening on Wondery Plus. Welcome to the podcast. Bobby Lee, Kalyla, Gilbert, very special guest. Steve Renazuzzi. Renazuzzi. Renazuzzi. Round of applause.

I think he's our biggest guy we've had on this thing. Eric Griffin's pretty big. Yeah. He's on his way. Yeah, I'm on my way down. He's on his way up on my way down. We're high-fiving right now. You're at that level.

You're going to hover at that level for a bit. Yeah, hover. Yeah, it's fine. That's a high level. Everything's good. It's great. It's fucking great. Everything's great.

Yeah. I've known Steve Renazuzzi since he's been in LA probably, right? Yep. What year was that? 2011, I got here. 2002 in the spring is when you did those colleges. So, I ran into you at Damiano's Pizza Place on Fairfax, and you were with Tracy, your wife, and some other fucking doucheies.

No, I love Tracy, but you were with two douchebags. I'm kidding. I don't even know who we were. I don't remember who we were. Me either. But you go, hey, I'm Steve, and I just stand up this and that, and I went to Onianta. I know you're playing in Onianta. Onianta?

Onianta, yeah. That's a college in upstate New York, yeah. He goes, can I go open for you? I go, why not? Yep, right there. That's right there. Boom, the relationship started. And then you said, you were doing two other colleges, and he's like, do you want to come

with me to do the other two? Yeah. And I was like, I got to go on the road. Yeah. This is it. How come everybody that goes on the road with you eventually eclipses your career? Oh, wow. That's a real interesting thing.

I mean, it's not as fun, then. Is it Rose Battle? No, it's Root & Fact. Root & Fact. The delivery was a little blunt. I don't know, sweetie. Maybe we should contact somebody and discuss it. I'm flabbergasted that you wouldn't say something like that.

All I'm saying is that you probably have an eye for talent. Yeah. Whitney Cummings since she opened for you. Delia? I wouldn't say that. But yeah, we've done some road stuff. And Kevin Christie, something like that. I got Kevin Christie in the comedy.

Did I bring you to the store, though? Yes. And you brought me. Then after we did those gigs, you brought me to the store. I bought you to the comedy store. You're like, get a job. So in your early days, you know... What?

No, I mean, in the early days of your career, I... Oh, your sex? No. Thank you. Okay. No. Well, yeah, I guess you helped me out. Yeah.

Is that what this podcast is about? No, it isn't. I didn't realize it. It really isn't. It really isn't. We're bringing people in to go, oh, thanks, Bobby. No, that's what I was doing. All right.

Pay it backwards? It's not paying backwards. I would just... You know, I just came to a realization that I did do that. Okay. Well, and I've said many times how thankful I am. Yeah. Except for that one time.

On audio. Except for that one time on your podcast. Except for that one time where you let Ari Shafir beat the shit out of me. That was a different situation. Did you just watch Steve? Oh, my God. Define just watching. Yeah.

I... Okay. Did you go call for help or did you just... I was the help. Yeah. And I knew that I had to take care of the situation. I was going to be the first person there. Yeah.

So I was in the cover booth, in the booth, you know, at the comedy store, they have that little ticket booth. Yeah. And I'm inside of that booth. What is going on is outside of the booth. It's Bobby in front of me, Ari next to me. So the battle begins and they take it to the ground. It's not a battle when one side has the weapons.

The pummeling began. Yes. And when I was watching it happen, I could have really, I guess, thrown myself through the window. Stop. And gone through that way. Stop. But instead I just walked around the outside.

Three minutes. I had to see what was going on and make sure it was bad enough. It takes 20 seconds to get from where you are to where I was getting my ass kicked. You know what? Three minutes. I thought you were going to come back. You really did. I thought you were going to come back.

I thought you really did. I thought I saw you making a fist. I was knocked out. But when I revived maybe. But I will say like a true professional, you immediately, I'm talking within a breaking it up. Get off. Get the fuck off.

Get off. Fuck you, Ari. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Ladies and gentlemen, Bobby Lee. And Bobby, what? And he just goes running on stage.

Running on stage. And then with the energy and the, and I mean like, you know, a adrenaline going. Just literally. My ass kicked, like kicked in the face about 10 times. In the body. I'm half unconscious almost. And I'm on stage and I'm like doing crowd work. Like not acknowledging like, hold on, like, not like most people like, guys, hold it hard.

Let me just explain something. I know it's not funny, but here's what happened. Bobby was like, Hey, what's up? How you doing? Oh good. Yeah. And he's like talking to them. But his eyes bleeding.

Not up. I was bleeding. Yeah. Yeah. And then the third time he beat me up. Were you there too? That was the first time. That was the first.

He wasn't there for the second time. Second time you were at the second part. You were there for the third time. I'm going to tell you what happened. I just, just, just tell you what happened. I'm just going to let you know, the people listening right now, Steve and I are dear friends. I love them.

I love them. It doesn't come from, this part doesn't come from a place of love. It comes from a different place that I'm not even going to acknowledge. It's a dark place. It's a place where dreams die. It's a place where, you know, bad things happen. Vengeful. Yeah.

Vengeance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sandy hooks in that place. Oh. Well, it's that, it's that dark. Virginia Tech.

Virginia Tech is in that place. Oh yeah. It's a bad place. The Korean fairy sinking. Oh. And for behind, this fucking guy hits me from behind, Ari, with his fist. I get knocked to the ground immediately because somebody had told me, you should call the police when that happens.

So I go straight to the manager's office, I'm calling, right? And then Steve reacts to the fucking phone. What? Yeah. It happened on a Friday. Because we settle our own shit. That's why. I had to defend the comedy store.

It has no laws. It's almost like it's a way station. It wasn't like a customer went over and punched him in the back of the head. Right. It was in-house. It was one of the other misfits. Right. So it's like, he goes, if you call the police now, Ari's going to, I think it was a three

day weekend too. It was like this weekend. Like one of these things. Yeah. And he said that Ari will spend three days in prison. And I just said, all right. And then he was banned for a couple of months because of that. He came back and then I would, I avoided him for three years because every time I'd walk

by that guy, he would say the most fucking scandalous bullshit. You're retarded. You're not funny. You're a horrible actor. Like every line and every time I'd walk by that guy, it was the worst day. It would ruin my day. I would avoid him. You know, but then over the years, Steve, you know, and I'm, I just want to let you

know that I brought Steve at the comedy store. That's the moral of the story. The moral of the story is I brought Steve. And you did. And I think that, well, then I got married and I didn't invite you to the wedding and that's why I wasn't even going to bring that up. But since you did, it was 10 years ago this weekend, 10 year anniversary. So here's a guy that I discovered brought to the comedy store, but now it's in the

middle of all this. Give a fuck. I think I need this at my wedding. I can't control these two animals. You invite Ari. I did. And Ari came. But if I, see, here's the deal.

I invited Ari. Right. And I go, Bobby, it's in New York, by the way, the wedding is in New York. So you have to travel to New York, just specifically on the more Labor Day weekend to go to a wedding. Not even in the city. People know I'm not going to show up. Yes. People know.

So he's notorious for ours, you know, giving his RSVP and then not even showing up at all. He's a no show. So I told Elvis. Anyway, let's move on. Yeah. So, but then I said to him, once Ari said, yes, I know, I know Bobby will now do either. Like I didn't realize how bad how much pain and fear he had this hard at the time. But I'm thinking he was a man and wanted to settle something.

So I'm thinking he's going to settle it at my wedding. So he'll say yes and then come and then do it, make it like a thing and then fight Ari and throw him off the balcony. You know what happened? I don't know. What would happen was this. If you asked me, I would have said I respectfully declined. Yes.

Thanks for the invite. But I can't be around Ari. Yeah. And that's what your move should have been. I'm not mad at you. I'm just letting you know that the card that you played was wrong. And I want you to look me in the eyes right now and say this to me. I'm so fucking sorry.

Stop stop stop. Don't stop laughing. Stop fucking laughing. You fucking white motherfucker right now, dude. Oh my God. Yeah, it was. We did it. We did it.

I know. Look at what he's doing. That's the shit right there. Yeah. You know, I because I apologized to you for other things. So I just went to that place for a second. Oh, you did? Yeah.

Yeah. But you know what? That's what friendship's all about. You have, you know, falling out, things happen. And then you just mend and you move on. You know, it's life. It doesn't feel good though in the moment. I took a lot of shit out on Natasha.

Like I'm like, I mean, Ari, what Ari did to Natasha. I mean, if anyone doesn't know this thing, I'm sure you do. Well, the Comedy Central. Just go to Ari's thing. Yeah. We talked about the story on all things, not all things happening. This is not happening on Comedy Central. And essentially it was over Ari Shafir and Natasha Legerro's relationship.

At the time. At the time. It was really just a crazy time. And when when she left and all that stuff happened, I got beat up. One time she was in the, were you there when she was at the patio? No, no. And Ari walks by with a glass of fucking no ice and just throws it in her face. And like it's, you know, a glass of ice is there's shards in it.

I mean, you know, there is. Yes. Yes. Of course. I'm not saying that. It's a salt. It's a salt. Yes.

I'm saying that's that's the point. Not like how awful the ice is. Like throwing anything at anyone is a salt. Yeah. Yeah. You probably won't get shards of ice. A paper. Like if you rolled up a piece of paper and threw it, it'd be like, I get that.

But that you could hurt somebody with that. Yeah. It is a lot. And he knows it. Yeah. Yeah. It's taken him a long time. The other day he called me out of nowhere.

I mean, he asked me for your number. He did. Yep. And I remember I texted you to see if it was okay. Oh, that's right. That's right. You didn't use it for a long time, I guess. Because then you said, did you give him my number?

And I said, I gave him your number like, I don't know, six months ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it took him a while. That's how that's how ugly it was. Oh, yeah.

It was really ugly. Uglier than probably if you and Soto probably, right? You don't have to bring that up. Oh, I don't know. Well, the Soto war that I had with him. Which would have been over. It would have been over number one and number two. But his wife still hates you.

She does. Yeah. But it would have been over. But I honestly say, I will tell you right now, to this day, I don't know what it was about. And. Well, you can't now. I can't.

Because he passed. Yep. But he shifted. Anyway, I don't even want to talk about that. Maybe on a later date. Okay. But now it's getting really real. Okay.

Steve made it real. Nonetheless, we're good. We're good. We're good. Everyone's good. Everyone's good. And then Saturday night, I saw you at the store. Yep.

And you were a little tipsy. Yeah, yeah. And I got scared. Why? Why? You know why? Because I get aggressive with you. You get sexually aggressive with me.

I know. Wait, you're complaining? No, no, no. It's not even. It's not in a. I don't. Funzy way. Because he usually he like he prefers to do it to you.

He never wants to be the recipient. But very early on. Very early. I went to Catholic school. I knew how to. I knew how to combat that. I went back at him. Extra aggressive, extra hard and extra.

Like even more passionate than you wanted to come and make. Yeah. Passionate. So I outpass you. The only two people that have been able to combat me is Renna Zizzi and Dane Cook. I used to do the Dane Cook all the time. One time he tackled me. He put me in a leg lock and he literally dry up my stomach until he almost came.

Yeah. And I was like, I'm not fucking with this guy. This guy's for real. Yeah. And then with you. I was in Vegas. In Vegas. Yeah.

In Vegas. Tell him what you did. I just want some money and I drank a lot that night and I found Bobby in the middle of a casino and I just pinned him up against the slot machine. You went for it behind me. Yeah. Behind him. Like a.

Pinned is usually. So he put me in the kind of a rear naked toe cold. Yes. But he had cash in his hand. So the money. So the money is in my face. So the money is in my face. And then he squeezes and he proceeds to dry hump me.

Right. And like the cash in the middle of Caesar's like in the middle of Caesar's and he wouldn't let go and it went on for five, six minutes. Yeah. Not like stop. Stop. And it hit me in the face and it was just like and I just realized I should I. This is assault.

It's sexual assault. I should call the police and I knew I'd never to fuck with him again in that way. Yeah. That was a. Because you're only into light fondling. You're not into full humps. You're into just like the grazing of the nipple. Yeah.

I'm not into control like physical control and being dominated by another man in that way. I don't like because he was I don't know what it was, but the. Extra strong. Right. Was the alcohol. You get strong when you drink. Everyone gets stronger when they drink.

I think you know who you remind me when you get drunk. Steve Trevino. Interesting. You guys are the same way. Just you don't know what's going to happen. Wow. No, they're really like Saturday night when I saw you. Really?

I took a couple of steps back. I smelted on you. You had the fucking old crazy eyes. You were no longer the dad that you are now. Yeah. Back to the goon of beach for the night because I used to live above the comedy store. Literally above where if you went to my patio, you look down on the parking lot of the store. You could throw rocks at his place.

Yeah. I was up in the morning one night, I'm sleeping. This is what I hear. I'm not fucking gay. Lee. Lee. Get down here. I'm going to kick your fucking ass.

Yeah. And I'm like in bed, right? Right? I'm like half asleep and I knew who it was. He's been drinking. It's scary. Yeah. Well, you got me into that mess.

What do you mean? You got me into the comedy store. Yeah. Yeah. I just never, I could never, you know, we were there. I was there so much, you were there so much that I could never imagine being that close and not being there. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So even if you were that, because you were that close, I was like, you're still here. Yeah. Yeah. I was there. I was pretty much there.

I was pretty much there. It's Paulie's house. Yeah. It's attached to the store kind of in a weird way. Yeah. Yeah. You were always kind of there. I was always there.

Yeah. How was that though? Yeah. I was there back then. Back then, it wasn't a real business. No. Remember? No, it wasn't.

I mean, the nights of just hanging out with dyes and videotaping things and what you thought was just home movies and then we're just home movies. It was literally a place where you could just shoot heroin or like fuck anywhere and anywhere. And there was no boss. Yeah. I mean, what I told you, I worked at cover booths, sold tickets like half the time I would be out in outside, like in the parking lot, throwing the football around. Yeah.

And like people would, because we had no customers. So it would be the show would start at nine. So here we go. The guy's playing the piano and nine o'clock, open the doors and to no one. So you're out there. Sometimes. The door guys. So Friday night, you know, in the OR, you would have eight people and they're like,

should we start? Yeah. Was there ever a time that the comedy store was possibly on the verge of closing down? That time. That was the time. We're talking about it. Yeah. And I feel like that that was also the toughest time to be in comedy because the medium had

died. So if it wasn't the comedy store at that time was what club was the place to be? Was it Laugh Factory? Yeah. The one to play. Because Dane Cook was at the improv and Dublin's was the show that everyone wanted to do. Oh, that's right. Yeah.

That was the Tuesday night show that everyone wanted to do. That's the one that everyone wanted to be on. Like, I mean, you wanted to be passed at a place, but, you know, I don't know who I was telling. Maybe it was Jesus or something. But the amount of, you know, moving around from club to club there is now was never like that back then. Like you either were at the comedy store for the most part or the Laugh Factory or the

improv. Yeah. You were at the comedy store or comics because we started there and that's our, you know, and that's why it's still always going to be even if it's a hot club now. It's like the number one club in LA. The turnover was almost overnight. It's incredible how even when I first started dating him, it was still relatively kind of, you know, not as cool.

I attribute it to podcasts and the podcast boom of that started 10 years ago that now those people that were, you know, 15, 16, 17 that were listening to those podcasts are now 24, 25, 26. And now they don't necessarily have like weekend cash money, like 30, 40 bucks for a ticket, but they can spend 15 bucks on a Tuesday and say Joe Rogan's name at the door and get in for 15 bucks and you sell the room out two times a night because all those people are listening to all these podcast people that are there. But it's also the lineups.

Yeah. The lineups are great. But I'm saying between podcasts and Netflix, I think it's open the door up to all these people who are like, I can go see those people for 15 bucks. But our lineups used to be the worst lineups in America. Yeah. But the, you know, the lineups were so bad. They were in alphabetical order.

Yeah. And they were, and, you know, it's like, you know, I don't, I mean, Aaron Cater, Argus Hamilton, Aaron Cater, Ahmed Ahmed, Aaron Argus Hamilton, Betsy Salkind, like, like Argus, it goes down, you know, so Bobby Lee, you know, but you would have got a spot anyway, Bobby, but, you know, yeah, I, yeah, I survived all the regimes, which is like, it makes me feel good about that. But did you have to fight people, I mean, to keep your spot? I mean, especially these days, with the transition over from Tommy to Adam.

That's a good question, because I was going to ask you something like it's, it's, it's no, like, I don't know where you work out new stuff now, but I can't. It's very difficult to fit in three minutes of new stuff when you're going on after Bill or going on after you are going on. Like it's murderous row now for like the, you know, yeah, it was, I mean, the other night with Jesal Neck, Delia, Bill Burr, Rogan, and then you go up and you're like, I have to kill. Yeah.

It's a sold out rumor. I have to kill. Yes. Was before, I was saying this the other day to a doorman when there was no one at the club, you could go up there and just talk. Yes. That's what I was going to get. That's what I was getting to was like, you know, the older days, I say that now on Wednesday,

I'm like, if you put all the people on a Wednesday night, every Wednesday, the 52 Wednesdays in the year of 2004, put them all together, you would not be able to sell out one show that the way they do it every Wednesday now, every Wednesday, Tuesday sold out those rooms. Those nights were impossible. Yeah. We wouldn't start shows till 10, 30, 11 o'clock sometimes when it was supposed to start at 9. Yeah.

Because people didn't know. No one was in the room. We had to wait for drunk tourists to come out and be done with dinner. Yeah. It was run by homicidal comedians. It wasn't a welcoming. Eddie Griffin. It was before social media to be able to.

Mencia. Yeah. Dice. Those types. That's the other thing. It was like the lineups were hijacked a lot almost every night of the week. Mike Young tells a story. I was there actually.

I was there where he had a showcase for seven minutes. He brought, you know, because Mike knows a lot of people and he brought, he kind of papered the room. He invited everyone he knew and he's getting brought up on stage. He's, this is a showcase for like an agent and they go, Mike Young and then in the back he hears, I'm going up, motherfucker. And it was Eddie Griffin. He walks up there and did three hours.

Yeah. So he wasn't even able to showcase. And that kind of, well, it was really, it's sort of, we ran the asylum, but the bad that came with that was like, you couldn't say no to someone who was like Eddie Griffin. There was no one there bigger than Eddie Griffin. Now there's sort of, it's run more like a business where, you know, the, you know, we still have artistic freedom and all that stuff and we go on, but like there is a hierarchy business wise where, you know, you can't exactly just take over the room anymore.

You know, there was Mitzi before and it was like, Mitzi was there and she said that you could do it and to kind of pass on the tradition of being, bumping and having the younger comedians be like, oh, they have to wait, but they get to watch. But once she went away and wasn't there as much, the tradition stayed, but there was no cop to police it. So it was just sort of like we policed it ourselves and it sucked. Yeah. It was terrible.

I mean, why would you show up if you were a good comedian? Why would you show up at 10 o'clock when you knew three out of the five nights you're doing this? You're going to get fucking bumped. At least, at least 12, oh, you were going to spot nine, 30, 90, but show up. You knew, you knew we weren't going to go up. Yeah. You knew you weren't going to go up.

That's how bad it was. So it just became like other rooms became more popular to do just as a, as a younger comedian, just grit and bear. And do you build all these resentments? I work there. So I was like, I'm in, you know, yeah, but we survived all that. I mean, we, we didn't leave. We stuck to our guns.

We event eventually inevitably got more stage time than the regime changed. Then Tommy took over. And I think that was one shift in a positive way. Yeah. Well, once there was like one person that was like the town coordinator, you knew that there was like one Tommy was a guy, he, although he was a control freak and he thought that he ran, he was the center of the universe. Yeah.

You know, people put up better lineups and there was no more doing one hour. Like everyone did 15 to 30 minutes. Yeah. Yes. There was, it was, there was someone you had to talk to now of at least somebody. Yeah. Tommy wasn't the most logical person all the time, but there was at least someone you had to go through.

You tell a story on stage and whenever you tell it, I say to myself, I don't remember that. Okay. I can tell you. I'll just be quiet for a second. I'm going to say what. Yeah. I bring Stephen and Zizi on stage.

He'll go, that guy, we're driving to Palm Springs. Just listen. Okay. Because you're already trying to cut the length of the story. I'm not cutting the length. I'm not cutting it. I'm just saying that. You're going to give a quick sound by detail.

I don't give a fuck because you're, you're saying it in front of 250 people. Okay. A night. Yep. Strangers. Yep. That we did a gig in Palm Springs. He was driving.

Just let me finish. Wrong already. All right. Fine. I was in back of me and I was masturbating in the car. Yep. Nope. I feel like that's everybody's story of you.

Nope. Here's exactly what happened. I'll tell you, Bobby picked me up in his car. Okay. Pick me up in his car. We were going to go due to Sandy Shore had a room that she was running at the whatever Fantasy Springs casino. Do you want to come open for me?

Wonderful. I probably worked at the store for about two months at this time. Picks me up. We're driving because we had to stop at the bank first, unorganized Bobby goes reaching the back because I have a couple of checks on the floor. I reach in the back on the floor. I remember this or two checks from mad TV for like whatever, thousands of dollars with footprints on the top of them.

Footprints on the top of them. He collects those, puts them into the bank. Now we're dry. I have never been anywhere besides Los Angeles. We're driving and I start to see those spinning things. We're talking about he's smoking cigarettes, he's got the window open and I'm just zoning out out the window. I wasn't asleep, but I was zoning out and I look over, I come back and he's got a cigarette

and he's got his pants are open and his hands are in his pants and look, maybe he wasn't jerking off, but he was comfortable enough to unsheath himself, unrobe himself, pull out his penis, which I saw. It wasn't like he was masked and maybe not pleasure himself to the point of ejaculation, but moving around to make it much more comfortable and I will dare say pleasurable for you. Am I incorrect in any of that? Let me ask you a question then. Can I ask you a question, sir?

Sure, sure, sure. Whose car was it? Your car. Exactly. Yes. Whose gig was it? Your gig. Exactly.

I'm not saying there's any wrong. And what country do we live in? Your country. Not my country. We live in the United States of America. America, yeah. The land of the fucking free. Yes.

I could have been masturbating. I could have been itching my fucking sack. You don't fucking know, sir. Absolutely. You're right. It's no right for you to tell in front of 200 fucking 50 people that I was masturbating. And then you made a joke about it. What's the joke?

The punchline. Tell them the punchline. Put on some Kenny G or something. Yeah. Because you asked me, you go, you go say, you ask me, you go, what are you doing? This is how I relax. And then you say in that, in your onstage, no, I just put on some Kenny G or something. I believe you.

And the reason I believe you is because this motherfucker been on here. I mean, you can't say you can say with me one time to corroborate your story. Trivino. We have to do that. That he he dumped you in the middle of a desert freeway because you started jerking off in the back of his car. Right. You know, Steve Trivino.

So I mean, how can not, you know, go ahead. I mean, I mean, Houston, Texas, his brother's driving. They picked me up from the airport. You're like real Texans, man. I know he was living there. So his brother's driving Steve's and we're on the freeway. I don't really barely know Steve, you know, Trivino, but just to let him know what I'm about.

Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. It's like larking your territory really. Yes. Which is why I then knew that day I had to switch. I have to take a different approach with you. Exactly.

I'm going to over sexualize my and you win. That's why you won. I know. And that's why I can't. But you know what Trivino did? What do you do? He pulled over the side of the freeway and kicked me out of the fucking car and drove away.

What? Yeah. What did you do? I had to go to a phone booth and call and somebody to get me up. This is. I didn't know. No. I think it was pretty cell phone.

Whoa. And I jerked off in his car. He vomited. No, he pulled over and vomited. Did you come? He goes, April, get up. I didn't come. How hard were you?

Half. Half. You know, when you don't know somebody and you do that, and that's where I learned a valuable lesson. Yeah. Well, you know, you have to do that only with people that you kind of already know. Yes. And even so.

Right. Right. He was with his brother. Yeah. He had to. Because even if he was by himself, you might have got away with a little bit more, but he can't be like that in front of his brother. His brother will know.

If I did it now. If I did it now, he wouldn't have pulled over and he would laugh. Yeah. And he probably would have. But at the time, he didn't know me, you know? Yeah. Exactly. So anyway, you're allowed to.

So you prey on people when you don't know them as well, and that's, that's your ML. Sounds like the problem lies with you. I'm not a fucking coyote. I'm praying. I'm not an animal. Okay. I'm not a predator. I'm a good guy.

I'm just trying to live my life. These are all. And you have defense mechanisms. You do. Everyone has them. Okay. And I just also want to say just as a fact that Stephen Azizi, in my opinion, is a very good standup also.

But secondly, very good looking, very good actor, his fingers are like fucking somebody that was retarded. I don't know. You have down syndrome fingers. I will say this. Okay. Go ahead. Okay.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I'll get to you in a second. I'll get to you. Go ahead. Look me in the eyes. Look me in the eyes. Number one.

Yeah. Number one. Thank you very much for the compliments. I appreciate all those things you said about how. You're welcome. How good of an actor I am and the standup situation. I appreciate that. So yes, my fingers are not attractive.

I was not blessed with, you know, long and big beds of nails. I have tiny triangle nails and I bite my nails, which makes it even worse. Okay. This is all true. All they wanted out of you. This is all, all these things are true. All these things are true. Absolutely.

Okay. But yes, if we are building a finger and more specifically fingernail, Hall of Shame. Well, then right next to my buzzer will be your disgusting, can opener, like can opener. You fucking animal. Look at that. First of all, we even need to talk about the years, the years of glue that we have ever ruined. Whatever, whatever cuticle situation you had going on before has been ruined by years of

Elmer's glue. Okay. But why would you ever choose that to throw at me as a stone? I'll tell you why. With your disgusting fingers. I'll tell you why. Throw them with your disgusting. My selling point, right, isn't, Hey, I'm fucking good looking and I'm funny.

My selling point is this and this fucked up thing. What I'm saying to you is that good, good, good, shitty. Yes. Okay. My selling point is not selling my sexuality on stage. Okay. It's hardly what I'm doing up there. I'm sorry.

I don't know what I'm doing. I guess I brought it up. But you're right. I'm sorry. I'm more, what we did on the league, seven years of looking at people's fantasy scores. Yeah. Right? Yeah.

So I mean, they would never use your fingers because we discussed. I mean, it's like, I bite my nails and stuff like if it happens to be a good day, like today is not bad. It's pretty good. You'd be like, Oh, okay. That's not. You lost weight. You look great actually.

How do we go? What for nails to wait? When did I need to? I just realized. Thank you. Speaking of your mongoloid fingers. Do you know that slavery still exists in Korea and that if you were living there, you'd be like relegated to the salt mines because North Korea, no, in South Korea, they still

have slavery. Yeah. So they take mentally disabled people to work so far, Bobby, you got two checks, horrible thumbs and mentally disabled. They have them work with no pay in the salt mines. Perfect. Did they give them free cigarettes? That's working DC.

Plan B. Anyway, just fucking throw me out on the bus again. South Korea slavery. Yeah. Damn. It's a real thing. But it's like an open secret. So I don't want to talk about the 9-11 stuff.

Thank you. I really don't. Thank you. Yeah. But I do have my opinions about it, which I can express. Okay, all right, I have my opinions about it. You know what? Before he even states his opinions, we talked about it on the podcast in one of our earlier

episodes and he defended you. I took the, I played devil's advocate and I took the opposing end of the discussion. And he, I mean, we got into a huge fight afterwards because he defended you like I've never seen even Kathleen Zellner defend Stephen Overheel. I'm going to just say this before you don't have to talk about what I'm going to let you know. What is that? You want one of high two?

It's Korean. Yeah, sure. These ginger chews are better. You want these ginger chews? They're fucking amazing. I don't like ginger. I like ginger, but not too much. All right, it's too much.

The other one. Yeah. Don't get a banana though. Guess I'm in your gift bag. Your gift bag as well. Oh, cool. Thank you. Is this banana, babe?

I don't know. Before we dive into this 9-11 stuff. Brought to you by Haichu. Korean candy. Just to put it out there in this episode. I mean, in this podcast, our motto is lie to win. We think that it is appropriate in life to lie to win. That's one of his most famous quotes.

But no, here's the truth. Here's the truth. Yes. The truth of it is that I never took it seriously when you even said it. I thought it was a joke. And I remember Dice used to call you number two, right, T2, whatever. And I always thought it was some sort of embellished little story. I never, we never talked about it.

You're exactly right. I have never talked to you about it ever in the history of our relationship. Because that's how little, you know what I mean, I heard it. And also because I do believe you embellish the same thing. I mean, you guys are comedians. I say this. I say, you know, like, you know how a guy with Down syndrome molested me. I said it happened every day for three summers in a row.

It happened three times. But as a comedian on stage and you say things, you exaggerate things, embellish it to make it shiny, right? But I'm not running for office. I'm not a political figure. I, you know, I am a storyteller and a muse and I dance and I sing and I do things, whatever I can to get people to respond to it, you know? So that's essentially my job.

If I ever run for office, which will never happen because of my drug addiction and all that stuff, but my sexual things. But yeah, so I always thought that and then so then when the thing broke, I was kind of just shocked by it and then, um, but I think that you've done a really good job of mending the situation. Do you feel like it's done or I don't think, I don't know. I don't know what done is, um, but, uh, I mean, for me, well, you know what, let's go back to what you're saying before, uh, the fact that you have known me for one of the

people that I met first here and the way you talked about the fact that we never talked about it, that was what it was. I think I knew what I said was wrong right away. You tell a lie like, oh, what the fuck, you know, but in the context of the way I told it, you told it to us like four or five strangers to make yourself seem a little cooler. Never in your wildest mind are you going to think that everything that you ever say is going to be recorded and talked about and, you know, and so that is not something that even in 2001 was even something that was not around my mind.

So, and then you're like, okay, so I'll talk, I'll tell my friends later on the real situation. But then like you said, we never really talked about it. No one ever, I never leaned on that story and never really, you know, constantly talked about it. I thought it was just done with, but then, you know, everything came out and I, you know, I texted you to apologize to you, especially that, you know, I was like, what? But um, yeah, I just thought that it was crazy how kind of big it got a little bit, right? I mean, you must have been in a painful world when I think that's also the reason is because

all this hypervigilance of fact checking is a little excessive. It's like, think about everybody who lived before us, before the age of information, you know, like just, just as humans, that's what we do. We embellish stories. We make, you know, whatever book we want to write about our lives, it's never accurate. It's always got it. We're looking for an angle. How do we tell it best?

Or how do we make it? How do we make ourselves like see more important? I think that, you know, people are hypervigilant about bringing other people down and I can only imagine, you know, the vitriol that probably, I mean, yeah, I had to deal with like that day of, I also, I also know why people were wrong. They were angry. Oh, yeah. You're aware.

It's an obvious reason why, and I don't blame them for being angry. You know, it was people lost their lives during that tragedy, and it was the biggest, you know what I mean, event, I think in American history, that one event. So I understand, you know, I mean, why people were like, you know, with their fucking torches, but at the same time, it's like, it wasn't something that you, in my opinion, you know, somebody just bombarded me with was something that you said maybe once many, many years ago and might not even heard it from him. I heard it from dice or whoever I might have been.

So for me, just from just a guy that knew Steve, it just wasn't something that we talked about. So when it all became a big thing, I understood it. But at the same time, it's like, you know, and you know what pissed me off the most is some people would comment and say, well, you know, he got all this acting shit and all this because of that. And I'm like, no, I can't say anything about that. I'm not allowed to.

I guess I'm in the penalty box when it comes to that. I'm going to tell you, I'm going to tell you something. Okay. Okay. I've been on a show with Steve. We did an NBC show called True. What's it? No, it wasn't true romance.

No, not true. What was it called? Chicago one, right? Chicago one. What was it called? Romancing. State of romance. State of romance.

We were both series regular. I talked to Steve Howie today, by the way. Good. He's a good dude. He did a movie with Eddie Murphy. You know, he did a bunch of other things and on the league, obviously. And those are things that they vet you so hard to get on those motherfucking shows. It's not even, you can't even have, it's not, it's not about favors.

It's not about you have to go in and you have to audition and you have to beat people out. You have to be tested, right? There has to be deals that need to be made. They're not going to just give somebody something, you know, I mean, based on, you know, it has to be talent. So everything that this guy has done, everything is because he's gifted and he's super fucking talented. There are times in my life I didn't like him.

You know, like when that time when RB the show, I mean, stuff like that. But still, if somebody were to ask me, do you think Steve's funny? Yeah. He's a beast. I mean, in fact, me, Freddie Soto, even the guys that were a little above him, we all could see that he had, you know, a real ability. And his acting is, you know, how hard it is to be a stand-up comedian and then a break into the acting world.

People come to me all the time. How come you don't do movies? I want to. Yeah. I want to. All of them. Yeah. It's just they won't hire me because it's so fucking hard.

Not only does everyone to be in the fucking movie, right? You have to be vetted, man. It's like, it's really you got to. So it's like all that other stuff. So those comics. I say when I was in the story broke, I was calling people and talking to people and I was like, you know what? I got to call Jeannie McCarthy, who cast the league and I called her and her secretary

is like, hold on. And she's actually coming from she's coming off a flight right now. I was like, all right, cool. So I call her. Hey, Jeannie, what's up? And she wouldn't mind me telling this. And I was like, I just go into it. I was like, I'm so sorry.

And I'm like, I'm sure she's like, I have no idea what you're talking about. And I was like, what do you mean? She's like, I have no idea what you're talking about. And I'm like, OK. And then I'm like, we're she's like, I'm coming from Amsterdam. I have no idea what you're talking about. She will play. So I told her.

And she's like, I had I still have no idea what you're actually I didn't even know that you said that you were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even have. And this is the woman that cast the show. Yeah. You know, and put a lot of different, put me in a couple of different things. And absolutely no, she's never booked anything.

In fact, I mean, I'm to Jeannie McCarty. I've out of all the jobs I've ever had is never has come from her. I think I can't even be quite about I have to have a rant a little bit. I'm sorry. She hired you on the league. No, no, no. That'd be Jeff. That was Jeff.

You son of a bitch. You know what that was? Because you were. It was. I know you roll Jeff, the showrunner. Yeah. But I know from. Yeah.

From from curb and from. Yeah. I don't think that ever went to Jeannie McCarty's often. No. Right. She's never called me in. I've never gotten a job from her. I've tried to get into her rooms.

She won't see me. So I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about with this lady. You better start lying, sweetie. Yeah. I mean, I think that it would probably say that I was in Pearl Harbor. I think you should. With the movie or you were part of Pearl Harbor. Yeah.

I was there. I was there. I wasn't in that one. Or say you escaped the salt mines. I was I escaped the salt mines of South Korea. You're a North Korean. You're a South Korean. Yeah.

You did play. Yeah. All my jobs is from Allison Jones. And that's it. Webster T, right? Yeah. Everything. Every single job.

I've never got hired by her. I mean, I've gone in a couple of times. Yeah. Yeah. But at least you go in. Yeah. Yeah. I guess everyone has their person.

Yes. Is that what it is? But anyway. Yeah. Do you have resentments like that toward show business people? Yes. You do? Yeah.

I mean, I don't know. That's a resentment. I feel like I've read for Paul Feig a lot of times. Yeah. Yeah. I wish. He's a nice guy. Super nice guy.

Every time I see him. I've had dinner with him. And I've never been hired. Really? No. Yes, you have. I swear to God, I haven't. In fact, when Ghostbusters...

Didn't he do man TV? No. He had nothing to do with man TV? No. Didn't he direct man TV? No, Katie did pull. Katie did pull. Who was one of our riders at man TV.

Yeah. He wrote Ghostbusters. Oh, I thought he was... And Adam Ray is on man TV. But no, I've had dinner with Paul and I tried to get into Ghostbusters and I called... But again, I have no resentment towards him. I don't either. I love the guy.

He's very talented. Everybody, he's hot. And you want to work with him. Yes. You know, I was like with the judge for many years and then he put me on love. But my point is that I guess the timing... Yeah. Yeah, but that's not...

Eventually a rule is going to come up and he's going to use it. Hopefully, yeah. And same thing here. Are there any people though that... That you know that will never use you? Sure. There are. I'm sure there are.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There probably are. No one's ever come up to me on the streets and yelled at me. And as a matter of fact, I've had a couple of people come up and be like, you know, I've lost a family member or this or that, but to me, you know, what you did was, you know, it wasn't smart. It wasn't the brightest thing in the world, but you're a human being and nothing you did or said could ever bring my family member back of, you know, it just...

But you also went on stern and that was an amazing thing. I think that went a long way. Yeah. That was... And the second thing that you did was do the roast battle. Well, that was... It was still... Terrible idea.

But how did you do it? Terrible. It wasn't my thing. It was terrible. It was like, it's a different thing. It's a whole different... It wasn't terrible. It was terrible.

Well, I was there. I felt it. I mean, I know I really don't have a lot of legs to stand on, but I was there. You just... You just... Your line. Your first joke. It was too wordy.

That if once... If the... Why did you do that? We get a recap of the joke. Bobby. I mean, you could have had a smaller joke. Bobby. I mean, I don't...

Bobby, let me tell you something. I'm not... I'm not... You're not particularly good at roasting yourself. That's why I didn't fucking do it. Well, no, you didn't do it because I begged you not to do it. You asked me to do it too. You know that.

It's just not his thing. It's just not his thing. But I didn't tell my wife till after I said yes. I actually said yes because I was on mushrooms with Aria Bonnaroo. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like... Adam, I think it was a joke. It's your homecoming.

It's going to be your bar mitzvah. It's going to be your baptism. You get rid of all the old pasts, get it all behind you, and I'm like, you're right, Bobby. It's all the sacraments in one. I'll get it... So I said yes. Oh, yeah. And then they said the finals are going to be televised on Comedy Central.

I said, I'm not going to be in the finals. I got tickets to Radiohead. I've been got those tickets two months ago and I'm going... So you didn't think that your assignment was going to be on TV? I should... Whether or not it was on television or not, if I said yes, I should have been prepared. I said yes. And I was prepared.

This is what happened. My agents called me and they said, nope. Yeah. I go, why not? Steve's going to do it? Nope. You're not going to do the roast battle on television your very first time. But in your case, I thought...

No, but no, listen. I'll be real. I wasn't going there to try to show a new... I was just going to take some lumps. Yeah. And I think that that's probably... I told Bobby this, you know, like, I... You know, we're not...

I don't particularly know you very well. We always just said, I thought that was actually a really good move. I think that sometimes if, you know, the public sees you in one way to actually receive some type of like public lynching is sometimes good for you. Yeah. It makes you... It sort of makes it... Yeah.

It's... Look, I would have... I would have... Regardless of the lumps I took, I would have liked to have done better myself. And now that being said, I watched it and I never watched mine, but I've watched it like the next night and two nights and I was like, oh, I want to try it again. Like, I know what I would like. You know what I'm saying?

Like, that's all it is. It's a kind of figuring out. Yeah. Yeah. It's not the first time on television. You know, it's... But Bobby, think about it like this, think about it like this, right? You have to not only give the exposition because, look, everyone knows the exposition for me.

We know what's coming. Yeah. I have to set up exposition. What I should have done is just made an eyebrow joke right away. Boom. Something simple that just got that and then got it. But I tried to set up exposition, bing, bing, bing, a really funny thing and it would just... And then think about it.

How many times have you tripped over? A single word ever in an OR set. Imagine like the first 10 words you say are the most precious 10 words you're ever going to come out of your mouth because if you don't land them, you're going to have five people come on stage and fake being the Twin Towers and fall down on the ground and watch the entire audience go crazy. So it's a whole different ball of wax. It really is.

Yeah. What you just said right now, just put chills down like... That's exactly what happened. Who the fuck fell down? Jeremiah Watkins? No, I don't... Are you those fucking guys? Yes.

Of course. The wave. The whole Negro wave. Yeah. And look, I don't blame anyone for doing it. That's everyone doing their job. But it was fucking brave that you did it. It really was.

I would have loved to have performed better, but... It doesn't matter. You fucking did it. Yeah. And that's fucking the bravest thing you can do to... It is what it is. Thank you. Well, I mean...

Okay. Thank you. I appreciate it. But... Yeah. I think you should do it. No, God. No.

No. Why? I don't want me to do it. Just do it. Because I'm telling you, I think you'll do better than... Don't use me as a barometer. I'm telling you, Bobby, because you're more free. I had a bit of a...

I was too game-planned. I too, like, this is what I'm going to do. This is what I'm going to do. This is what I'm going to do. If I had a little bit of more loosey-goosey to me, which... It's not a loosey-goosey environment, but you're a loosey-goosey person more naturally than I am. And I think you would...

Yeah. I think I could take hits good. Yeah. Because I'm good at absorbing. Yeah. That's going to hurt me. You're going to laugh at yourself. Exactly.

Yeah. He's a bad actor. He's fat. I know. You know what I mean? Whatever it is. Yeah. He hasn't written a new joke in five years.

Okay? Yeah. What are you going to say? But Bobby, the hard part is looking at it, in my case, a stranger. Right. A stranger who I don't know at all, who I have no ill will towards whatever. And now I have to say horrible things about this person. That's why it's not fair.

And people that they love. You... How do you know? Here's a guy. You. A celebrity. You're a celebrity. Okay.

Okay. Fair. Just admit that you're a celebrity. No. I won't. Why would you walk me down that street of hubris? Look at me right now. Because you're trying to be like humble.

You know what I mean? I just... I... I think we're in the same boat. We're in the same boat. I'm not a celebrity. Oh, no, no. If you're not a celebrity, then I'm not a celebrity.

We get asked for pictures just as often as we show them. We're celebrities. Great. It feels weird. It does feel weird. It feels really weird. Do you see anyone else? Does anyone ask your brother for a picture at the airport? Oh, by the way, I'm glad you mentioned my brother.

Oh, no. Okay. And I just wanted... He's not going to listen to me. Is he being under the table the whole time? No, but my brother has a little resentment towards you. Why? Oh.

It's a little big resentment. It's a little big resentment. But I don't know... I know where it comes from. Oh, my God. Why? What do you expect? I know this one.

You beat him out of a commercial, right? No, no, no. No, no, no. That's not what it was. Oh. This is how he explains it. And this happened years ago, right? Oh, no, no.

And he's still... He's an awkward thing? Yes. He harbors a little fucking resentment. Well, just listen. Just listen, right? He says... I love him.

I know you do. And I keep telling him that. He's like, no, dude, he knows what he did. Which he doesn't. Which he doesn't. Which he doesn't. I honestly have no idea. I know exactly.

But you guys... I thought it was a 9-11 thing. He had auditioned. You guys auditioned for the same thing. A commercial? Yeah, a long time ago. Okay. That's how long it goes back, right?

And then when you walked out, you said something like, you know, try following that. No, no, no. That's not accurate. What? What did he say? He didn't do well. He walked out of the room kind of bummed that... Who, Steve, didn't know?

Oh, I didn't know. No, no, no. You were going to go after him. Okay. And he didn't do well. You go in and you got the job. And then you come out and you're like, that's how you book a commercial. Yeah, something like that.

That's what I was. Very humble, Steve. Very humble. Yeah. Does anyone ever book a commercial in the room where they're like, you have it and then go out there and like... No. No, never.

So you walk out just as confused, as shamed as everyone else. Yeah. I probably just faked it better. You know, I definitely got in the car and cried a little bit. I don't remember this. It's unfounded and I don't know why, but he has that. I don't know what it is. Wow.

I mean, he's mad at Barry Katz, too. I have a little... A little towards Barry Katz, too. Can we talk about it? I just always was like, why don't you look at me, but thank God. Who is Barry Katz? I don't know who that is. Barry Katz is...

He's a manager. A manager. And at one point in his career, he probably had the most power. Yeah. Because he had Chappelle. Everyone. Everyone. Cook.

Game cook. He doesn't have them anymore? No. Everyone loved him. I don't know who else is... I think Calliendo and Jay Moore are still with Barry. Yeah. And then Piot, the guy that's unmatched.

Impressionist? Yeah. He's with Barry. But he had... He was like a manager in New York, so he had everyone. All the... Atel... I'm sure Louis was...

Maybe Louis was always with Becky. But like Atel, Judah, Craig Robinson... Oh, wow. Oh, shit. Everybody, yeah. He signed Dave when Dave was a street performer, Chappelle, at 14 or something. Oh, wow. Yeah.

And he was... I had an eye, but because... I don't know. I love Barry, so I don't really know anything about his business conduct. You hear stories. That's fine. I don't want to elaborate them because I don't know what they are. But one time, I was with my brother at the comedy store and Barry walks up and Barry doesn't know my brother. Barry doesn't know that my brother is temperamental.

People don't know that. And he's insane. You know what I mean? In the outskirts, he's bubbly and nice, right? He's just an angry, yellow muscle of just anger, your intention, you know? So, Steve's sitting next to me and Barry goes, I can't do the impression. So, what was it like living under your brother's shadow? Wait, Barry Katz told that to your brother?

Yeah. Oh, man. And then you can see my brother's fiscals like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the fucking Hulk. He was like... Incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He put the backpack on just that slowly. And I grabbed his wrist like this. Barry didn't see. And I put his fist down. Oh, boy. And Barry just walked away. And I go, if you were to hit him... Oh, my God.

It would have been so bad for me. It would have been so fucking bad for me. He came this close to shit. Please let him know that I... Yeah, of course. I know. First of all, sorry if I didn't. You didn't.

But whether or not I... I mean, here's the thing with my brother. But you beat him. My brother, okay, is somebody that... It was a big wings commercial. No, it wasn't. That's what you do now. Sorry, my bad.

No, I used to. Before I became a national disgrace. Did they drop you? Yeah. Fuck big wings. Fuck them. Fuck big wings. Buffalo Wild Wings.

Buffalo Wild Wings. How many big wings did you do? Buffalo Wild Wings. And I'm gonna call it big wings. How many commercials? Yeah. We did seven for the March Madness and then seven for football. You did all of them.

Yeah, Neil Brennan directed the second parts. How much money? A lot of money, right? It was good. Yeah. Yeah. Very lucrative. So you got your money, right?

And you just move on now. I'm fine. You're totally fine. And another thing people don't know about Stevie's a father. You got two kids. Yeah. Jack and the other one. The other one.

What's the other one's name? Jonah. Jackson and Jonah. Yeah. Jackson and Jonah. Yep. Jackson's seven. Seven and four.

They're a handful. Yeah. I love Tracy, too. Your wife. She's great. I've known her forever. As long as you've known me. She was at that Damiano's dinner.

Wow. I remember that one night when you did Oprah for me at Oriental and I tried to hit on that girl so hard. I don't remember. And then you told them, yeah, there was this girl that you used to see. Okay. This blonde. Uh-huh.

And I was hitting on her so hard because she's like, get away. You can tell that she's like, that's it. But then you told them he was in long, he's long duck dong. Sixteen candle. And then she believed you. Yeah. You are. And then I looked at you and I'm like, what is that?

Did you fuck her? No. Uh-huh. Didn't work. Didn't work. I didn't get any real pussy until fame. Yeah, you did. You did back then.

No, I didn't. Not back then. No, I swear I got it in. It was right after then when it was good. Yeah. You had just done the Tonight Show. Yeah. That was good.

Yeah. That was good. Yeah. Bobby, you took care of us. Me and Ari used to call you when we were hungry to go to lunch because Bobby is infamous. I don't know. I'm sure you guys will. He's fed me.

For ordering hundreds of things that nobody really wants to eat. Of course. And then just picking at it all. Yeah. He doesn't even eat. He doesn't necessarily eat a lot in terms of- Would you say that I was generous? Absolutely.

He just- No, no, no, no. That's not what I- Generous. Absolutely. Check next to generous. Generous to the point of stupidity sometimes. That's fine.

That's fine. That's fine. But can I ask you a question? Yeah. And then to be really honest. Yes. Do you think I'm a good person? Absolutely.

As a comic. Wait, wait. Good person as a what? As a comic, you think I'm a good person? I think you're a good person overall as a normal human being. As a comedian. I want everyone to listen to that in this room. Well, you don't live with him, Steve.

Look, now you- Okay. But I also believe I'm a good person. You are. Yeah. I didn't mean- You are a very good person. I made terrible mistakes.

You made terrible mistakes. You're just a liar. Yeah. I'm not kidding. But, you know, again, you make terrible mistakes. Yeah. Yeah. We make mistakes.

But I think that- I think you're probably more pathological than him. Like the degree at which you lie is chronic. I have chronic. Yeah. He is chronic lying. So I think that's more problematic. We-

You know, me and Ari are right in that show. We're still in the middle. Are we- Am I still in it or no? It's- You're- Yes. You're alive in one half of it.

Anyway. I'm dead. They write me a show. I'm just a- It's a great character. I mean- I just said that I'm dead. Part of it.

Part of it, he's dead. Thanks. Thanks. You're alive half of it. But that's not the point. Okay. The point is, you are very generous. You've always been very generous.

But going back to the lying thing, my character trait is that we have a thing where it's like, I lied about this situation and Ari gets down to me. He's like, it's not that you lied about that. It's that you lie when you don't have to. That's what makes you- It's like- Right. You're in the lying hall thing.

Like you just do it for fun. Yeah. Like my character flaw. Yeah, it's- Aside from that- It's also just to make the story a little bit better, right? Yeah. But can I just say something in the show that I'm in?

Mm-hmm. Can people think that I did die but then later I'm alive? Don't worry about what it is, Bobby. You'll be there. You're going to be- If you're worried about work, it would be a character that would be on it forever. That's all he did. That's all he did.

That's all he did. I don't want to get away- Jack, that's all he did. Why you only see you half the time. Let me ask you another thing. What? Last week, we had- Mm-hmm.

And they- You know, Jade's like, yeah, Bobby takes me out to dinner and stuff. Mm-hmm. And I rap- I pay for dinner all the time. Sure. Then I wrap it up to take it home and I won't let them. Do you know why?

Why? It's mine. He doesn't let people- Oh, so wait. You won't let them take their own meals home? No. Leftovers. Oh, my God.

Hold on. Okay, ready? Yeah. Let's just pretend that instead of this podcast, we're out to dinner, right? Yeah, yeah. And you- The check comes and you generously pay. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, I pay. Here we go. Big tip. We all have our, like, I have my to-go thing. I got rigatoni with whatever meat sauce. Right, right. Here, your check, sir. Okay, great.

Thank you. Here you go. And I'm like, okay, Bobby, I'm going to validate. What's up? Stop. What is that? It's my hand. I'm going to shake your hand.

No, no, no. What's in the box? It's the rigatoni, the leftover that I- Right, right. They wrapped up for me. Leave it on the table. What? Yeah, did you pay for it?

No, you paid for it. Yeah, exactly. So it's mine. You want me to- Leave it on the table. Okay. There you go. And then-

That's one of the- What? That's one of the most monstrous things I've ever seen. That's one of the most terrible displays- This is how long you've been in Hollywood that you're fucking- What if- Your mind has been poisoned. Okay, here's what I-

What? If we talk shit, it talks toxic. Okay, here's what I would do. If you did that to me once, I would generous- You know what, Bobby? Yeah. And then the next time, I would say, I'm done with my food, right? Yeah.

And then I would take my food, and when you went to the bathroom, I'd mash it up with my hands. I'd mash it up, and I'd rub it in my balls and everything, and then I would have them wrap it up, and then I would generously again hand it to you, and I would want you to eat it. Yeah, but the thing- No, here's the thing. I want you to eat all of my balls.

I understand that. You're fucking it. So disgusting. But can I say this? I don't take the food home either. What do you do with the food? We leave it there. He just throws it away.

Why? So, you follow him? Not- See, what do you do with it? There's so many answers that were- Yeah. Like, give it to a homeless shelter. Nope.

Give it to my cats. Do you know why? Do you know why not the homeless out there? Because they didn't pay for it. They didn't pay for it, the homeless people. It's mine. It's yours to do whatever you want with it and throw it away. That's what life-

In society? For the beginning? Time? Like, in the Game of Thrones world, right? You're in a village. Can I buy a potato? Yeah. Yeah.

Did you fucking your potato dog? Yeah, but you're not buying one individual potato. You're buying a potato that everyone's- No, no, no, no, no. This is what- You're buying an excess of potatoes. Which you can share to people that don't have potatoes. I got two potatoes.

Okay? Let's say I buy two potatoes. We're in the Game of Thrones world. I would rather pay for my own dinner. Shit the fuck up. We see a dragon- Throw it at him. Would you see a dragon fly by?

Okay. There's, you know- Khaleesi. Khaleesi's up there with the dragons. Can I buy two potatoes? You want some- Yeah, please. Thank you.

Kick a bite. Okay. Can I have it back? Are you done? No. Are you done? You want more? I thought of it.

I might want more a little later. No, no, no. Give me the potato. Can I bring it home with me in case I'm hungry later on? No, no, no. Give me the potato. Wouldn't that be the- No, no, no.

You bought the potato for me, though. No, it was my potato. No. You shared it. I shared it. You gave it to me. No. Possession is nine-tenths of the potato.

And in that world, you'd be dead. You don't have an English accent. Here's your potato back. Here you go. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you're stabbing me. Yeah, stabbing me. I can't believe you didn't stab me.

I really thought that you would side with me on that one. Never. Bro, that's one of the most disgusting displays of humanity I've ever seen. Waste. So paying for somebody's meals is disgusting. That should be a cardinal fit. No, it's a power move. It's just so that you can make people leave their food.

Mm-hmm. It's a power move. Let it sit. Let it sit. Happy birthday, by the way. I remember all your birthday dinners we used to do at the spaghetti factory. Oh, God, yeah. Oh, you know that?

Oh, you knew that? Yeah. I vetoed the spaghetti factory. And then we went to the one at, you did the couple at Universal. What's that? Book of the Pebble. Book of the Pebble. Oh, my God, that was terrible.

But was my birthday parties great? They were great. They were fun. I think you've never celebrated a birthday party. What are the birthday parties? What happens? Dude, a couple of those dinners, I remember. Yeah, we went to, I would go and get a spaghetti factory and we'd get two gigantic long table.

But I remember, like, there would be like 30 people there. He would buy dinner for everyone. But I don't ever remember having to leave this, I don't remember Horder Bobby where he would make us, like, you know, spaghetti, no one ever finished spaghetti. I'm going to tell you this right now, nobody took a foot home at a checklist at my fucking birthday party. That's amazing. The food would have left on the table and then we just move on.

Can you answer me that question about you being a good person again? Do you think I'm a good person? I really do. I still do. A good thing. Thank you. But with horrible habits. It's not horrible.

That's really bad. One day, you and I will go out, we'll have a meal, and I will explain to you why. And then you will get it. I mean, what if I ordered a bottle of wine? Would you just take the wine and just pour it on the table? No, if you ordered a bottle of wine, yeah, here's when we did the scenario earlier, here's the one thing that you missed. What was it?

What? The very first scenario and I when we acted out with Gilbert, okay, you boxed it without even asking me. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What's the deal on? I have my meal in front of me. My meal, at this point, when I order my meal, it is my meal.

This is my area. If you want to come into it, you have to ask me, right? So if someone says to me, the waiter, would you like that wrapped up? Would you like your, you're asking me, would you like your possession wrapped up and to take home to your house? Oh, you're the waiter. And I would say, you're the waiter. Yes.

I would like this. You be the waiter. You tell that to Steve. Would you like me to wrap up your two potatoes? Stop, stop, stop, stop, sir. Okay. No, no, stop, stop, sir. All right.

I'm sorry. Ask me because I paid for it. Okay. But he was eating the potatoes. I know, but I paid for it and you, as you know, I gave you the credit card. Yes. And I gave you a $40 tip. Would you like me to wrap up?

A $60 tab. So I think you should ask me. You know what? I take it back. Because if you're going to be this weird. We're not done from this fucking scenario. Go ahead. Sir, I'm sorry.

Would you like me to wrap up his potato? Okay. No. I can't wrap your potato, sir. What do we have time? What do we have time? What do we have time? We're over an hour.

Great. Great. This is where we are. Yeah, this is where we are. No, this is what happens now. Okay. Look at his face. Are you guys living?

I want my potatoes. Don't understand why. Are you angry? It's not your potato to you. I don't. First of all. Can I say this? Hold on.

Yeah. Usually they ask you if you want it wrapped up before they bring the check. Yeah. So I wrap it up and now you don't own it yet. Now you're going to pay for it just to take my thing. Yeah. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. No, no, Bobby. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. We do an email question. We answer it. Go ahead.

Unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalaila and Steve Lee's arch nemesis. Hi, Tiger Belly. Hi, Tiger Belly. Fam. My main problem is I have a sex problem, specifically a hooker problem. Since breaking up with my first girlfriend I had in the first year of college four years ago, I've been visiting hookers pretty regularly and haven't dated since, spending massive amount of money on hookers, where I think I possibly could have spent close to 15,000 in four years.

At my craziest, I'd spent easily the thousand dollars on a hooker one night. I don't find a problem with hookers and the act of paying for sex, but I'm finding myself at a strange time in my life. I don't want to spend so much money on hookers and wanting to be in a relationship. How do I stop my urge to stop seeing hookers and motivate myself to want to actually go out and find a girl to date other than the money park? 24. And his name is Kay.

Okay. He's young. He can't see hookers at 24. How do you get out? How do you get out? I mean, let's say for instance, if you're living in Melbourne, where they're just brothels or legal, it becomes such a... It's like your coffee, your morning coffee at 7-eleven.

A convenience. It's a modcon. It's a modern convenience. If I were a guy, I would probably be really into that. Yeah, but with all addictions, it becomes an addiction. If you're wasting money and you're not happy with the money you're spending, yes, it's a problem. Also, if you know that you don't want to be doing it anymore and you can't stop, that

then is an addiction. If you're taking the time to write an email, you probably have done some self-evaluation. Right. That's a very good point. We're going to... He did have a follow-up and said, I think the reason is because I haven't clicked or had any chemistry with girls. You can't have chemistry with a girl if you're constantly draining your balls elsewhere.

Exactly. Part of that chemistry that you feel with a woman is because you have an endorphin rise because there's mystery between you and her. If your balls are drained, you don't even have the energy for your endorphin to go up or to even feel mystery with somebody else or any type of chemistry. Your balls are drained. You don't give a fuck about meeting a woman at all. Yeah.

I'm not K. Okay, I'm sorry. You got to work that pain for hookers. You know what I'm saying? Have you had experience with that? With what? Being a hooker or getting a hooker? No, but if somebody getting their balls drained and...

What do you mean? She drains your balls. Oh, yeah, she does. No, well, like, say, for instance, with you, you have an addiction to porn. Your balls are constantly drained. You don't want to... Get real weak. Get real weak.

Get real weak. You know what I mean? You're welcome for that. You're welcome for that little... All right. Yeah, I mean, find us... Okay, okay, okay. Answer K's question.

I just think that... He reminds me of me when I was that age. And a lot of the reasons why I had prostitutes and stuff like that is because I couldn't get regular girls. And so what I did was I stopped doing it and then just kind of started doing stand-up because I needed something to, you know, I just wasn't fuckable. Yeah. And so...

I mean, if it's like, does he like, like, when the girls are like, it's so easy. They talk to him. They compliment him. He's got to find a way to get that out without having to pay for it. My question is, what's his self-worth? Like, is he an insecure guy or is he somebody who's always, you know, had issues with, like, self-esteem? Because if he's a confident guy and he just likes the convenience of a hooker, then it

becomes a little bit more difficult, I think. In your 20s, pain and suffering is vital, I think. It's a really weird thing to say, but I believe that with all I was really depressed. I had no future and it was either shit or get off the pot. Like I had to really pursue doing stand-up. It's the... I've said this before on this podcast. It literally was my only path.

And so, and a part of it was getting prostitutes, not able to meet a regular girl and just seeing my future, like, what is this going to... You know, so I... I have a question for you, then. When you started to make money, did you continue to spend that money on hookers? Okay, to be honest, yes. Okay. I was like, I'd like to answer that one, please.

A little bit. Not as much. Not like when I might have named names, but there's a couple of huge names that I used to hang out with. And we used to do these things called... Hawaiian Garden, right? Yeah. Well, yeah, Hawaiian Theater.

Hawaiian Theater, yeah. Or you could do the Spearmint Rhino in Studio City and we get jerked off during the day. And then we would... And then... But TJ, the whole... You know, all those comics, like, I can say it now, Capurillo, Freddie Lockhart, Mike Black, when they all went down to Tijuana to go to Adelitas. That was...

I'm the one that did that. I showed them the path. You brokered the deal. I brokered the deal. Welcome back to Gratitude with Bobby Lake. I'm the one that showed him how to get hookers. Ari would go down there, too. People would go down there.

I'm the one that showed him which brothel to go to. You know what I mean? No, but I'm saying, though, is that... But I didn't go with them. That was when I was like, okay, I'm going to do something else. And then all those guys, except for Mike Black, got into relationships or whatever, right? So they moved out of that phase, but... But lucky to Bobby now, their wives now know that they went down to hookers in Tijuana.

I often wonder that for myself, like, if I've been, let's say, for instance, you and I stay married for 15 years, would it really hurt? It would hurt me so much less if you got with a hooker than got with another random girl. It would... I don't think I would care, I'm just saying, like, I'm wondering if I would care so much if you got, like, a happy ending or got it, because it's such a business transaction. There's not so much else involved other than just pure coitus, you know? So if I said, listen, Kailah, I just want to go down to Spearman-Rono and just get jerked

off. I don't think I'd be opposed to that. Probably now this early on, because we've only been... I've been married 10 years, yeah. My wife would not be psyched about it, because then there's a whole, you know, look, there's a whole sex worker's moral issue where you're like, do these people really want to be jerking me off? Yeah.

Do they really... That's what they're fucking woke up this morning to like... I don't think he goes... He never thinks about that. I don't... I don't think about that either, but my wife does, so... Oh, no, yes. It is an occupation that's been around since the dawn of my life.

Someone's got to jerk everyone... Someone's got to get milked. You've got to get milked every day. You've got to get milked. You've got to get that poison out. Because now they have happy endings for women now. Excuse me? Whoa.

And then it's... Somebody took my idea and made it a reality. What is it? What is it? Like a shop? Yeah, it's basically you get a massage and get fingered. Oh. Which is basically every...

Are they accepting applicants? Yeah. What's the... What's the... Yeah, but then, you know what I mean? You do it and then... No, no. It's Mitzi Shore.

Yeah. And then all of a sudden she has a quivering, like, decayed vagina. That's talking to you. Yeah. Yeah. I don't... Imagine what her vagina... It's my idea.

I'm not going there. Yeah. Yeah. No, I really... Somebody took my idea and made it a business and it's really upsetting. I hope that answered this guy's email. I think it did. I think it did.

Well, this segment's called Unhelpful Advice. Here's the deal. Also, you will never be able... Like, Hooker's is like, I mean, it's an addiction, but like, you're going to either run out of money, you just have... I would say you're going to run out of money. He's not going to fall off the face of the earth or he's just, you know, he's just going to run out of money.

He's not going to be able to do anymore. And then he's going to have to talk to real girls. But does he have to? I know a guy who's actually from Melbourne and he's probably in his 40s now. And for the last 15 years of his life, he goes through the brothels three, four times a week. He has three women that he goes to that he, you know, and he lives what he considers a very fulfilled life.

He doesn't want to deal with, you know, the throes of a relationship. And he just goes there strictly for sex. That might be a normal... Maybe he's had relationships and that's like, oh, I've sort of figured out what I like. He's also 24. This guy's 24 or probably, I don't even, he's a baby. I mean, I don't know. Like, do you have to?

You have to have to learn how to function with... Or at least give it a try. Yeah. Yeah. Are you and Tracy strong? Good. Good. Good.

I mean, it's not always easy. No, they were dating since college. Wow. Yeah, we've been together for, yeah. Forever. Wow. Yeah. I've known Tracy as long as I've known him.

Yeah. I love her. I really do. She's a great, great woman. She's a happy person. She's an unbelievable mom. She's an unbelievable person. But it's not, like you said before, it's not easy.

People got to get milked. Do kids... Why are you wicking at it? We get the most inopportune time. Yeah, let me ask you something. What are the most inappropriate times? Do you have any plugs? Yeah.

I'm going to be hitting the road in the middle, at the end of September, October. What are you playing? Austin. I'll be in San Francisco. I'll be in Dr. Grinsen, in where it's that city, Grand Rapids. Mr. McGooby's in Baltimore. How's that room? I haven't been there yet.

I'm doing that at the Thanksgiving. I want to play Mr. McGooby's. I'm going to Baltimore to my sister's laws for Thanksgiving. Tell them about me, Mr. McGooby's. Cool. Honestly. I'm just doing Friday and Saturday night. I will actually do it.

Dude, it's like, that's how I get into clubs is I'm asking my friends, talk to Mr. McGooby and say that I'm good. I'll talk to McGooby. I'll do the vice versa. I mean, I'm sure there's not a room. I play all the rooms, but if there's a room or a room that you can go. Chicago. I'm doing Zanies.

It's a good room. It's a good room. Yeah. The whole fall. I love just the Chomper thing. Yeah. Do you have any plugs made for me? You are going to be in Brea, September 16th through the 18th.

The weekend after that, you were doing Oddball, September 22, 24. Houston, Dallas, Austin. Nice. I'm going to go to Bobby Lee Live.com for more of his tour dates. Your website, Steve. Yeah. SteveRenniesEasy.com. Yeah.

Tickets and all that business. I'm just, I'm glad you, you did it. We're on a podcast. Thanks man. I have a really difficult time. Asking people? Yeah. I get it.

That's why I haven't. Me and Andrew Santino were talking about starting a podcast. We're discussing the different. I would love to be on it. Well, we. You're right. It hasn't even started. We were just going to say, we're not even sure if we want to do a guest driven because

guest driven is difficult and it becomes kind of a hassle because you constantly have to think about asking people to do it. Yes. And I think people don't want to ask me because maybe they don't think I want to talk about it. And I don't want to really, but I will with you. And I would love, I love doing podcasts with friends. Yeah.

For us, it's like, yeah, if it wasn't like, um, we had Eric Griffin, he's a very good friend of mine, your friend, very good friend. And then we had Jade, my, some of my openers and then also Kira. Yeah. After we had a very limited. So I think we probably had a total of in 50 something episodes, probably like five guests. By the way, I did a web series called Daddy Knows Best with Esther, Jade and Eric Griffin. Oh, wow.

So all of it. All of our. All of our people. Yeah. Yep. And, um, I'm just, just glad that you're on it. That was really strong. I really did.

It was fun. It was really fun. And, um, okay, that's it. Bye. Make sure you guys follow Tiger Belly on Instagram at Tiger Belly on Twitter at the Tiger Belly. And if you want to email a question about hookers or whatever, uh, you can do that at thetigerbellyatgmail.com. Kalaila. Uh, you can follow me on all forms of social media at kalimba.k.

And that's it. We'll see you guys next week. Uh, ciao. Bye. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad free on Amazon music. Download the Amazon music app today. Or you can listen ad free with Wondry plus in Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com slash survey.